


Son of Darkness

by blueenvelopes935



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ahch-To, Allies?, Coup d’etat, Darkness rises, Emperor Kylo Ren, Exile, F/M, Just Friends, Knights of Ren - Freeform, Mistakes, Mommy Issues, Not for snowflakes, RIP Resistance, Rey is a hot mess, Reylo - Freeform, Rose Tico - Freeform, SJW Empress Rey making no apologies, Sad prince, Sad scavenger, Secret Marriage, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Vader choke, Young Love, alternative universe, exiled, finn - Freeform, grit - Freeform, lovers separated by war, secrets and lies, trying something different this time, young marriage, ”I am a jedi like my grandfather before me”
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-03-31 22:30:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 63
Words: 326,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13984671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueenvelopes935/pseuds/blueenvelopes935
Summary: Snoke is dead.The saber splits.The Raddus jumps to lightspeed through the First Order fleet.And in the ruined and burning throne room,  Kylo Ren wakes first.





	1. Chapter 1

Rey wakes groggy and slow as if she has been drugged.  As her eyes struggle to focus in the bright white light of the small infirmary room, her suspicions are confirmed.   All around her medical equipment whirs and beeps away as it monitors for things she fears to find out. 

 

She must be hurt. 

 

Rey closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.  How bad is it?   She now becomes aware that her head aches terribly and one arm feels a bit numb.   It takes two attempts, but she sits up gingerly to assess the damage.  And that’s when her attention is instantly diverted from her inventory of hurts. 

 

He’s here. 

 

Kylo Ren is seated silently watching her in a chair at the foot of her bed.   It’s creepy how much this moment reminds her of waking up on Starkiller Base, strapped down for torture.  Rey chokes on her breath.  “You!” 

 

Her pulse quickens and her adrenaline starts pumping. Just the presence of this dangerous, unpredictable man feels threatening.  And to think, she had been foolish enough to trust him.  To want to help him.  First, Luke Skywalker had turned out not to be the hero she and the Resistance needed.  Then, Kylo Ren had turned out not to be the victim she could save.

 

Her mind reboots and it all comes rushing back.  She remembers confronting Snoke and surviving her own execution.  Then the battle and the abrupt offer to join forces that followed.   The Resistance ships were being picked off fast as Rey made a desperate grab for her saber.  She and Ben were locked in a contest of power until the sword split without warning.  The last thing Rey remembers is a flash of light before everything went black.

 

And now, she wakes up here with him.  With Kylo Ren, the unabashedly unredeemed Dark prince of the First Order. 

 

He stands now and walks a few steps to loom over her.  He doesn’t speak. He just looks down with that intense, enigmatic expression of his.  And now Rey is having flashbacks to landing on Snoke’s ship in the _Falcon_ ’s escape capsule.  Sitting here naked beneath her blouson medical gown, everything about this man makes her feel vulnerable.   This is very uncomfortable.

 

“How do you feel?” he asks softly.  She looks at him in confusion and he fills her in.  “You got out of a bacta tank an hour ago. The cut on your arm is basically healed. So are the rest of your superficial injuries.  You will still have lingering effects from the concussion.  The concussion was severe.”

 

She nods blankly, still lost in all of this. “Is it from the saber splitting?” she asks. 

 

“There was an energy release from breaking the crystal.  But most likely it was from the war crime that followed.”

 

“War crime?” she blinks.  Rey is befuddled and her head really hurts.  It’s hard to think.  

 

“A Resistance cruiser jumped to lightspeed straight through our fleet.   It sheared off a third of Snoke’s ship and caused catastrophic damage that spread through the hull.  It crippled the ship.” 

 

“Oh.”

 

He reaches his gloved hand towards her face now.   It reminds Rey of him invading her mind on Takodano and then on Starkiller Base.  It’s yet another unsettling posture that sets off alarm bells in her mind.  Rey instinctively shies away and rolls to scramble off the other side of the bed.  She backs away as far as she can in the small room. 

 

“Don’t!” Rey hollers in her best gruff scavenger tone even as she sways and struggles to stay on her feet. Standing up was not a wise move she discovers a little too late. 

 

He pulls his hand back as if stung.   His face is a frown as he continues, “You lost consciousness for hours and you have been kept sedated for two days.  It was the best way to heal you.  You will make a complete recovery in time.”

 

Yes, she clearly needs more time to heal because Rey is seeing spots and it feels like her head is on fire.  She senses herself sliding down the wall.  She’s powerless to stop it.  It’s like she has no sense of balance or strength left.

 

He skirts the bed fast and steps forward with arms outstretched to intercept her. 

 

But even in her foggy state, Rey knows to resist.  “Don’t touch me!” she growls as she bats him away.  She’s panicky now to be so weak and injured before this man.  Just because he declined to kill her and killed his Master instead does not mean that she is safe.   There is nothing she would put past Kylo Ren. He is capable of anything she now knows. 

 

As she slips down, he sinks too. Now he is in a crouch before her sprawled and fuzzy on the floor.  “Don’t be afraid.  I won’t hurt you,” he tells her almost angrily.  Like he is offended at her reaction. 

 

“Don’t touch me!” Rey snarls back.   And now other hands are reaching for her as the medical equipment on the wall starts beeping very loudly.  But all Rey sees is him. She is not at her best to face this man right now, but still she rallies.  “Get away from me, Kylo Ren!”

 

“You used to call me Ben.”  His face has an indignant, troubled cast.

 

“Not anymore,” she pants.  This comes out as a whisper that is full of vehement regret.  Rey had seen Ben Solo in the man the entire galaxy sees as Kylo Ren.  Like an idealistic fool, she had thought that one small spark of humanity in him meant that all he needed was compassion to be redeemed.  She had been wrong.  Skywalker had warned her, but she hadn’t listened.  Even Kylo Ren had admitted he was a monster.   But still . . . she had felt so certain.  In the aftermath, Rey feels a fool.  And terribly disappointed too.  Are things better or worse now that Snoke is dead?   Rey isn’t sure.  She fears that she has done more harm than good.

 

“Sir, let us help her,” an unfamiliar voice politely insists.   “Head injury patients often wake disoriented and confused.  We will sedate her some more.  It is for the best.”

 

“N-No,” Rey groans as a hand with a needle comes at her.  “No drugs!”   In desperation, she summons the Force to resist.  But it is too little, too late.  “You are the worst!” she rasps at Kylo Ren.  Then, everything goes blank. 

 

The last thing Rey sees are his dark eyes looking as disappointed as she feels. 


	2. Chapter 2

Kylo makes a point of being there when Rey wakes again two days later. He's hoping things go better between them this time. That's probably a remote hope since he's about to tell her what happened at Crait. But at least now Rey is fully healed. That should make her more rational. It had alarmed him to see Rey so disoriented last time. She has always struck him as a very level-headed girl, very much grounded in the practical realities of life. Except, of course, for when she had marched into Snoke's throne room fully determined to save his soul.

Some part of him fell in love with Rey as she stood tall before Snoke and warned not to underestimate Ben Solo. Rey had demanded he be taken seriously in a way his demeaning Master never would have done. Her bold, brave, utterly foolish move landed her on her knees before him served up for execution. Rey's eyes told him she expected the worst, but he was never going to do it. This time, his Master had gone too far. When it was all over, Kylo had slain Snoke. Kylo Ren was but the latest in a long line of Dark Apprentices who rose up to grab for power and glory. There he stood triumphant, the first Skywalker to truly rule the galaxy.

All he needed to make it perfect was the girl. But teary eyed, astounded Rey had turned him down. Rey had been lost once the confrontation went off script from a reprisal of his uncle's throne room scene with Sidious and Vader. Rey clearly wasn't ready to confront her destiny. It was too much, too fast. His offer had come too soon. That was his inexperience showing. Probably some excitement too. His dead Master always cautioned that Darkness is a choice that should not be rushed. But Kylo rushed it and blew it.

Crushed as he was, frustrated Kylo told himself to be patient. Rey's refusal is not her final answer. It can't be because the Force does not lie. Kylo saw it all clearly when they touched hands in the Force. Rey will stand with him. She will be the one to turn. Just not yet.

In the days since Crait, he has thought this through. He has a plan. Kylo Ren was not Snoke's Apprentice for over a decade for nothing. For years, he watched his crafty master scheme. Constantly reassessing the situation to adapt to changing circumstances and to elude adversaries. Raising up and then discarding allies along the way in an epic chess match that spanned the galaxy and spanned years. Always manipulating others to achieve his aims. Snoke got what he wanted and he got it on his own terms. Now that Kylo Ren has ascended to the rank of Master, he plans to do the same.

And so, after Kylo had unceremoniously launched what was left of Snoke out the airlock into space, he had swept up still unconscious Rey into his arms and begun to plot how to keep her on his way to the infirmary. Then the final stand of the Resistance occurred and presented Kylo with a new problem. He has a solution now to address both concerns. He just needs Rey to play along. And that means he can't scare her away. So, ignoring all the bowing and scraping as he walks into the infirmary, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren marches straight to Rey's bedside to present himself once again.

She looks up as the door slides open. "Oh! It's you."

This is good, Kylo thinks. Rey is sitting up. And she definitely looks and sounds more alert. She also seems less afraid. More like her usual fierce self. He can work with this.

"Were you expecting someone else?" Kylo responds with a twist to his lips that is not quite a smile. He wants to put her at ease.

"Since I woke up there have been a lot of droids and medics in and out of here, but no one will answer my questions. It's a conspiracy of silence." Rey shoots him a resentful look. "Well . . . where am I? And why is everyone calling me 'my lady'?"

"Don't be afraid. You are safe. You look better," Kylo judges as he takes a long look. "A lot better. How do you feel?"

"Where am I?" she counters again. Rey's suspicious look tells him she thinks he is stalling.

"You're on my flagship the star destroyer _Finalizer_. Snoke's ship was destroyed. I told you that before. Do you remember that conversation?"

"Kind of. I think. It's a bit hazy," she confesses, biting her lip. Rey looks down and then she raises uncertain eyes to his. "So I am your prisoner now? Is that it?" Rey says this with heat but her expression is forlorn. Maybe a little resigned. But deeply disappointed. It's uncomfortably like her expression as she had awaited her execution.

He doesn't like her like this. Kylo himself has been dominated, so he knows what it is to be browbeaten. Initially on the Starkiller he sought to intimidate Rey. But no more. The excitement and allure of this girl is how challenging she is. What an equal she could be. How unprecedented that is. Plus, there are her pouty lips and intelligent eyes. It's not just her Force and her conviction that have turned his head. All those factors together make this scavenger girl one of a kind. It has him lusting to seduce this enemy to his side.

Seeing how downcast she is, Kylo softens his approach. "Rey," he answers quietly, "you are not my prisoner. You are my guest."

She is not reassured. Rey shoots him a glare. "I've heard that line before," she reminds him. "I didn't believe it then and I don't believe it now."

"Suit yourself. But it's true." He sidesteps the argument. "How do you feel?" he persists. Rey still looks a little glassy eyed. Plus, a faint yellow bruise still shows on her forehead. "Are you recovered?"

She doesn't answer. "If I'm a guest, then I want to leave. Now." Rey nods vehemently as she adds, "I want my sword back too. I'm taking that sword," she blusters.

"That lightsaber belongs to me," Kylo counters firmly.

"The Force gave it to me."

That's Vader's lightsaber and Kylo is not giving it back. If the Force gave it to Rey, it was so that their paths would cross and the sword would return to its proper owner in the process, Kylo reasons. "That lightsaber belongs to me," he repeats.

She backs down. "Fine! Keep it. Just let me out of here. I want to leave now. Right now." She throws back the bed covers to reveal long, tanned, skinny legs. She makes to climb down.

And here comes the hard part, he thinks. Kylo has never been a man for flowery words or elaborate preamble. That's Hux's job. So today, as usual, he bluntly tells it like it is. "There's nowhere for you to go."

Rey freezes. Her eyes flash up to his. "What do you mean?"

"The war is over. We won."

"What?"

"We cornered the Resistance in an abandoned mine on the mineral planet Crait. They made a last stand. They are gone now."

"A-All of them?" Rey stammers as she processes the bad news.

Kylo nods yes. "One survived. All the rest are dead."

"All of them?" She is disbelieving. So disturbed, so distraught, so appalled, so . . . her. And that is fitting, since she is the Light. "All of them?" she breathes out yet again.

He nods solemnly. "It's over, Rey. The First Order won. I am Supreme Leader now." Thanks in large part to this young woman's misguided belief in him, Kylo Ren now rules the galaxy. In the end, all those years of plotting and planning had come to fruition very quickly. It was barely a week from the Starkiller until Crait. In the process, his Master was destroyed and this amazing girl was awakened. Old Snoke had long warned that when Dark and Light come together, change is the result. In this case, the change had been shockingly decisive and quick. Kylo himself is still coming to terms with it.

"So Luke never came back . . . " Rey seems crushed by this realization. Evidently, she and everyone else thought all the Resistance needed was a Jedi hero in order to win. As if the legendary Luke Skywalker himself could stop the juggernaut of the First Order's march across the galaxy. "He said he wasn't coming back . . . but I didn't believe him . . ." Rey truly looks stricken.

At least in this, Kylo can soften the blow. "In a way, Luke did come back. He's dead now too. Skywalker projected himself in the Force too far and too long to appear at Crait. It was an effort to fool us into stalling while the others escaped. It didn't work. They were cornered in the mine. There was no escape."

"So Luke is dead and there were no prisoners?"

She looks so upset that he feels the need to explain himself. "It was time to let the past die." He says this as gently as he can. "The galaxy needs to move on." The cycle of civil war needs to end. Too many people on both sides have died in the decades since the Old Republic fell. It is time to restore peace and order and Emperor Kylo Ren will be the man to do it. He will make the hard choices and accept the responsibility and in the end everyone will be better for it.

"To end the war, I gave no quarter . . . with one exception."

"Me?" she guesses.

"No. I spared one Resistance fighter at Crait."

"So Finn is dead?"

"The traitor? Yes."

"Chewbacca too?"

"Yes." The wookiee had died at his mother's side, his decades old life debt somewhat incongruously transferred to Han Solo's ex-wife.

"And General Organa?"

Kylo sighs and looks down, and Rey instantly assumes the worst. "No quarter," she whispers miserably. He sees her visibly swallow and now Rey says again, "I want to leave now. Where are my clothes?" She is breathing hard and brushing back tears. "You said I could go . . . I want to go . . . "

Kylo just comes out with it now. "Rey, I want you to stay." She shoots him an indignant look and he reflexively adds, "Please."

Yet again, it doesn't work. "No." She is firm. "I'm not joining you to rule the galaxy. Or whatever else it is that you want."

"Rey—"

"I told you before-I will not be complicit with you!" she hisses.

Her judgement stings. He makes a face.

She scowls back. Her voice keeps rising in pitch and volume. "No quarter?" she rages. "You slaughtered all of my friends and now you want me to hang around here at the First Order? I'm no fool, Kylo Ren!" she snaps. "You are every bit the monster you claim to be!"

"It was war!" he defends. "Those Resistance zealots never would have given up. They don't compromise! They don't surrender! You know that."

"First, you kill your father. Then, this? You are better than this!" Rey accuses. "Except you don't know that, do you?" Her face is ugly as she demands, "I want to leave now."

Kylo forces himself to speak calmly and quietly even though Rey is very worked up. Her emotion is infectious and he can feel his own temper starting to rise. Resolutely, he swallows the temptation to join her in a shouting match. "I want you to stay."

"No! I told you I'm not joining you!"

"I want you to stay," he repeats calmly. Well, it's calmly for him. "I want you to stay for me and for someone else."

That gets her attention. "Who?"

"The other Resistance survivor. Come. Can you walk?" Kylo offers her his hand to climb down from the medical gurney she perches on.

Irritated, Rey bats him away. Then, she hops down off the bed. Rey takes one tentative step and then half collapses onto his chest. It's not quite an embrace but it is close. Rey looks up, he looks down, and instantly she springs away. Gathering herself and smoothing her hands down her oversized medical gown, Rey announces, "I'm fine. Just a little off balance. Lead the way."

She's not fine, he sees. Rey is shaky on her feet from spending five days immobile in bed. But Kylo resists the urge to comment or offer assistance again. She's prickly enough as is.

Rey follows him into the room next door, past the pair of stormtroopers who flank the entrance as guards. Inside lying unconscious on a bed is his mother.

"Oh." Rey looks to him with wide eyes. "O-Oh . . . " And is she pleased? Is she angry? Kylo can't tell.

"She is the sole survivor of Crait," Kylo announces, not really wanting to say more. This is hard for him in ways he doesn't care to explain. "Leia Organa fought to the bitter end, like I knew she would. She and you are the last of the Resistance."

"What's wrong with her?" Rey asks as she eyes the medical equipment and life support apparatus that surround his mother's bed. "This looks serious."

It is. Kylo doesn't mince words. "She is dying."

"Dying?"

"Yes. Somewhere along the way, she got exposed in space." Kylo omits his suspicions about the bridge of the _Raddus_ being hit by his wingman during the chase from D'qar. None of that matters now. "She survived but she was exposed to solar radiation. It's fatal in large doses. There are other problems too. Her body was exposed too long to the vacuum and cold of space."

"She survived in space? No one can do that." Rey looks to him for an explanation. "How did she do that?"

"The Force. A normal person would have died right away but she hung on a bit longer." It's hard to kill a Skywalker, Kylo knows from personal experience. But not impossible. "She was already failing at Crait when she was captured." His mother was cornered with a blaster in one hand and a cane in the other. Kylo inhales a ragged breath and looks away. "It's not clear how long she will linger, but the end is certain. The medics all agree."

"Oh." Rey looks very troubled as she tells him, "I'm sorry . . . I think. Uh . . . right?" She's uncertain if expressions of sympathy are in order and, quite frankly, so is he.

"Did you know her?" Kylo asks hopefully.

"A little," Rey answers. "We met on D'qar. General Organa sent me to Luke."

He is relieved to hear this. "So she will know you when she wakes?" he wants to know.

"Yes. She should."

"Good." Very good. It is as he hoped. Looking Rey in the eye, Kylo requests, "Please stay with her. I don't want her to be alone at the end."

"You want me to stay here to be with your dying mother?" Rey wants to confirm she understands.

He nods. "She will hate being here." Awkwardly, he tells Rey, "I cannot change what has happened between my mother and I. And I cannot change her fate. All I can do it make it easier. If you will help, that is . . . "

Rey is considering. "Does she know about Luke?"

"I don't know. I assume so."

"Because she would have felt it in the Force," Rey guesses.

"Yes."

He watches as Rey approaches his mother, gently taking her hand. A wave of emotions passes over Rey's face. Sadness, compassion, anger, regret, and then something that looks like purpose. Yes, Kylo sees, Rey will do this. She will not stay for him, but she will stay for his mother. And that's good enough for now.

Watching this moment, it occurs to Kylo that this is the Light Side version of his own 'kill and replace' Dark ascension. For here are the dying, stalwart matriarch of the Light and her young, newly awakened successor. The Light will soon be dead, but long live the Light. For the Light, like the Dark, is eternal. Its defenders rise and fall, but the Light remains and its stubborn hope springs eternal. The Rebellion's princess will soon be gone, but this unlikely desert scavenger will assume her place. It all feels fitting somehow. For now that leadership of the Dark Side has changed hands, it's time for the Light Side to pass the torch.

Kylo feels his eyes well up. Now, he is blinking fast. Damn, this is hard and he doesn't quite know why. But this is the way of things. This is the way of the Force, he reminds himself as he stares at the enemy general he once hugged and called Mommy. It's been many long years since he saw Leia Organa in person instead of on the holonet. Now, Snoke is dead, his uncle is dead, and his mother will soon be dead. And with them, hopefully the past will die too. Soon there will be no one left to hurt him, no one to reject him, no one to limit him, no one to punish him, and no one to disappoint him. Finally, at long last, Kylo Ren will be his own man.

He feels Rey's measuring eyes upon him. Kylo flushes. He looks away and starts talking fast. "She wakes lucid from time to time. Occasionally, she will speak for a few minutes. When that happens, I want to her to see a familiar face. I want her . . . " Kylo's voice trails off.

It's hard to put into words what he wants. And it's futile too. Because his mother will never be who he wants her to be. She will never be proud of him. She will never love him like he needs. She will never accept him for who he is. She will never at least try to understand why he is who he is. There was a time when that all might have been possible, but it has long since passed. Leia Organa is the conquered leader of the Resistance, the sworn enemy of the cause that he now leads. And she is the widow of Han Solo and the sister of Luke Skywalker, whose deaths he caused. It's too late to forgive and it's far too late to forget and, besides, Kylo Ren isn't planning to change anyway. But Leia Organa will always be his mother who gave him life and the Force. And so, in return, he will give her dignity and peace in death. As far as he's concerned, this makes them even.

If the roles were reversed, Kylo knows his mother would be talking his ear off with tearful lectures at his bedside. But he doesn't want that deathbed drama for himself or for her. More conflict will accomplish nothing now. And besides, Kylo doesn't have time for that when he is trying to get his fledgling Empire up and running. Rey is the obvious solution. For so many reason, Rey is perfect for this.

"It could be days, it could be weeks. The medics don't know how long she will hang on." Kylo is miserable as he exhales loudly. He needs to get out of here fast. Speaking about this with Rey is far more difficult than he thought it would be.

Rey nods to him. "Okay. I'll do it." Kylo opens his mouth to speak but she beats him to it with her conditions. "I'll stay, but only for her. Not for you. And I refuse to be a prisoner. When she dies, I'm leaving and you will not stop me," Rey warns.

He nods. Kylo now exhales the breath he didn't realize he was holding in. Then he gets to the details, "No one here knows who she is to me. That is a secret I would like you to keep for both our sakes."

"Okay," Rey nods. "I guess everyone here knows who she is."

"Yes. I worry that someone is going to sneak in here and put a blaster to her head. There are a lot of people on my ship who lost friends and family on Starkiller Base." Kylo gestures towards the door where the stormtroopers stand outside. "That's why the guards are here. She isn't strong enough to escape."

Rey understands. "You're keeping people out, not keeping her in."

"Yes."

"So who am I supposed to be in all of this?" Rey demands. She cocks her head at him. "Let me guess, I'm the Resistance girl who killed Snoke."

"No. Snoke died when the _Supremacy_ was hit. He was a casualty of war." That's his story and so far everyone—even Hux—has fallen for it. "While you are here, you will pose as my sister. You are a civilian but no one will second guess you and people will keep their distance."

"Your sister?" Rey blinks at this boldfaced lie.

Kylo shoots her an impatient look. "I can't announce that you are Resistance or you too might get a blaster to your head. Calling you my sister gives you some protection and some status," he points out.

"Alright," she reluctantly agrees. "But that feels weird."

Yeah, he agrees. He will never think of this girl as his sister. Or even a friend, for that matter. Rey is in a completely different category.

"Tell me straight, Kylo Ren, is that where this is going in the end?" Rey asks. "Am I alive just so you can feel better about things until your mother is dead? Once she dies, do I die too?" Rey demands.

She's serious, he sees. Kylo looks her in the eye when he answers. "If I wanted you dead, I would have killed you when you were knocked out. Rey, I don't want to harm you. I hope you believe that."

He can tell she does not. Rey looks again at his mother and changes the subject. "She will sense that you are near. What if she asks for you?"

"She won't." Kylo is positive of this. "She won't ask for me. Not after Crait."


	3. Chapter 3

Evidently this ‘Kylo Ren’s sister’ disguise idea has been in the works for days.  Rey can’t help but feel a little maneuvered about that.  For not ten minutes after Kylo departs, a female officer presents herself.   She is a no-nonsense woman who is clearly uncomfortable with her task but gamely trying her best.  She speaks in efficient, clipped spurts like the rest of the First Order officer corps.

 

“My lady Ren?” the woman asks politely once the trooper guards grill her before letting her through.

 

Rey is a bit befuddled at this form of address.  She hesitates a moment before she nods, “Yes.”

 

The woman introduces herself and looks Rey over in her medical gown and bare feet.  She gets right to the point.  “I’m here about your clothes.  Ren’s instructions were that you not wear a uniform.  You should know that fashion is not my area of expertise,” the woman starts the first of many apologies and excuses, “but I hope I selected something suitable.  I asked one of the junior lieutenants what young girls are wearing now.  She helped me pick a few things out.  Here,” the woman hands Rey a big robe that covers her skimpy medical gown.  “Let me show you to your quarters so you can freshen up.”   Seeing Rey’s woebegone expression, the woman’s formal demeanor softens a bit. “After a shower and some clothes, you’ll feel much better.  You’ll see.”

 

Rey dutifully follows the woman through the ship.  It is a short walk and a long elevator ride before they arrive at their destination.  The officer accompanying Rey spouts information the entire time. 

 

“We are the new flagship now that the _Supremacy_ and its usual fleet are crippled.  That means we are chock full of senior officers currently.  But don’t worry--we moved some around to make room for you.  You will be living on the command level officers’ deck, right down the hall from the Leader’s own quarters.  It is a maximum security area.  Your handprint gets you on and off the corridor.”

 

“How did you get my handprint?” surprised Rey wants to know.

 

“We took it while you were asleep.  We did it when we scanned you for your clothing measurements.”

 

“Oh, yes.  Of course.”

 

Thinking civilian Rey is offended by this, the woman hastens to add, “It’s just a precaution. No one thinks you are a security risk.   The guards on your level have been alerted to your presence.  No one will give you any trouble, my lady.”

 

“Please, call me Rey.” 

 

“Of course, Lady Rey.”   And that’s not exactly what Rey had in mind, but this woman seems to thinks it appropriate so Rey lets the matter drop.  No doubt this woman is wary of offending Kylo Ren’s sister.  The woman is slowing warming to the situation and to Rey.  She is very nervous, Rey sees. 

 

“The briefing we received said that you were present when the old Leader died.  You are lucky to have survived.   The damage to the _Supremacy_ is considerable, especially near the impact zone.  General Hux said that the Leader’s audience chamber burned.  Snoke died on his throne and his guards behind him died too.”

 

Rey plays along. “Is that what happened?  I remember Kylo presenting me to the Leader.  Then everything went black and I woke up here.”

 

“It might be best that you don’t recall,” the woman tells her matter of fact. “Rumor has it that the Leader died gruesomely.”

 

“Oh.  How horrible,” Rey pretends again.  “Kylo didn’t tell me that.”

 

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but no one knew Kylo Ren had a sister.  I guess that was a secret for security purposes, right?  To keep you safe from the Republic and the Resistance?”

 

Again, Rey pretends.  “Yes, that’s it.”

 

“You’re very young,” the woman appraises.

 

“I’m nineteen.”  She’s nineteen, but she might as well be a hundred, Rey thinks.  For she has outlived everyone she ever really knew and cared about.  Rey is very glum about that.

 

“Were you still at school when the war heated up?”

 

“Er . . . yes,” Rey lies again.  And, actually Rey has never set foot in a school.  But no doubt this woman thinks she has been off studying at a fancy university or something genteel like that.

 

“You know, you don’t sound like Ren does.  You sound very Coruscant.  He sounds kind of Mid Rim.  But er . . .  in the best way,” the woman adds quickly.  She colors pink beneath her officers’ cap at the thought of having inadvertently dissed the Supreme Leader himself.

 

“I suppose,” Rey offers up with a little shrug.   She had never given much thought to her accent until she left Jakku.  It was a bit of a surprise to learn that the vocabulary and inflection Rey had copied off the holonet had turned out to be what passes for uppercrust in the galaxy.  Rey might be from Jakku in the Western Reaches, but she sounds like she is Core born and bred.    She is a nobody from nowhere who sounds as if she’s someone from somewhere.  That’s an irony Rey sort of enjoys, to tell the truth.

 

“We have a lot of officers here from Exile families who sound just like you.  Never fear,” the woman assures Rey in her own slightly nasal and crisp Core accented Basic, “you’ll fit right in.  Well, here we are.”  Rey is ushered into a set of rooms that look eerily like the officers’ quarters in the old wrecks back home.  Not much has changed in star destroyer interior design in thirty years, Rey sees. 

 

Lying on a large table are a number of packages that are apparently for Rey.  “Why don’t you hop in the shower while I boot up the grooming droid,” the woman suggests.  “Let me handle getting all this unpacked.”

 

“Grooming droid?”  Rey blinks.  What is she--some kind of holonet celebrity?  Now, Rey’s sense of trepidation ratchets up a notch.   Just what has she gotten herself into with this sister charade?

 

“Oh, er . . . yes,” the anxious-to-please woman explains.  “Unless you would prefer to do your own hair and makeup?  I wasn’t certain your preference, so I went ahead and got the droid.  But we can dispense with it, if you wish.” 

 

Rey just keeps playing along. “Oh, er . . . no.  The droid is fine.  I’m impressed you thought of it,” Rey improvises.  She figures that the less she looks like her scavenger Starkiller-sabotaging self, the better.  There were troopers on the _Supremacy_ who saw her arrive in the _Falcon_ ’s escape capsule.  And there were troopers at Takodano and on the Starkiller who saw her in custody too.  Although, whether any of those men survived is a little iffy now given recent events.  “Just nothing too fancy, please,” Rey requests.  “I don’t know what Kylo told you, but I’m not a very fancy girl.  I prefer simple things.”

 

“Oh.  Uh . . . right.  Well, my orders were to choose something appropriate for a young woman civilian.  And we thought that as the Leader’s sister, you should have something especially nice.”

 

‘Especially nice’ turns out to mean expensive long formal day dresses.  Five of them in an array of bold colors and chic designs.   Rey of Jakku doesn’t quite know what to make of this.  She has never worn a dress in her life.  Rey stands there fingering the fine fabrics, uncertain where to start.  Now, it is her turn to feel intimidated.

 

“You don't like them,” the woman whispers with dread.  She looks crestfallen and then terrified.  Like Kylo Ren will burst in at any moment to light his sword and execute her for bad taste. “It will take a few days, but we can always order something else—“

 

“I love them,” Rey overrides softly.  “They are beautiful.” Rey dutifully keeps praising her options even as she looks dubious.  She holds each dress up one by one.  All of this finery reminds her of elegant Leia Organa lying unconscious downstairs.  These are clothes for a princess.  Not for a scavenger.

 

“Which one do you think?” Rey solicits some advice.  The woman suggests a green dress with long sleeves and a high neck.  It’s demure, not too flowy, and surprisingly comfortable when Rey has it on.  Yes, it will do.  Half an hour later, Rey is wearing her first ever cosmetics.  The yellowing bruise on her forehead is mostly covered and she has lip gloss on.  Her hair is loosely tied back in something the droid calls a chignon but Rey thinks of as one bun instead of her usual three.  This hairstyle requires a lot more pins and it is far less severe.  But it’s basically the same from a functional perspective, so Rey is mollified.   Looking at the elegant young woman staring back at her in the mirror, Rey has to concede that this is the perfect disguise.  Rey would never recognize herself in this getup.  The girl in the mirror looks like a complete stranger.  Softy, pretty, and young.

 

It’s disconcerting.  A little threatening too.

 

“That dress has a matching cape,” the woman suggests hopefully as she holds it up.  “Space is cold, you know.”

 

Rey accepts the cape, stooping a bit for the shorter woman to drape it over her shoulders.  Yes, now she looks like Kylo Ren’s sister.  The cape gives the dress some much needed authority, Rey judges.  She looks less demure and decorative, and more aristocratically badass.  It’s very Leia Organa, and that seems fitting and sort of empowering too.

 

It also reminds Rey of why she is here.  Normally, Rey would object to being dressed up like a doll to prance around the First Order, but she can’t muster any outrage just now.  She is heartsick over the news of the demise of the Resistance.   Mostly, she just wants to be done with this clothes business so she can be alone with her sorrows.  Rey feels certain that before the day is out, she will ruin all of this carefully applied eye makeup. 

 

“You look beautiful.  Like a princess of the First Order,” the oblivious woman officer gushes the absolutely wrong thing to say.  But sensing Rey’s lack of enthusiasm, the woman becomes concerned, “Do you like it?   Because if you would prefer the pink dress—“

 

“No, this will do.  It’s lovely.  Thank you.” 

 

“You don’t smile much, do you?” the woman remarks softly.  “He doesn’t smile either.  I don’t think anyone has ever seen him smile.”

 

“He doesn’t have anything to smile about,” Rey responds.  “Especially now.”

 

The woman misunderstands Rey to refer to the demise of Snoke.  “Oh yes, of course.  We are all devastated by the loss of our glorious Leader.”

 

Thinking back now on what little she knows of Ben Solo’s past, Rey amends her prior statement.  “Kylo Ren has never had anything to smile about.”  At least, that’s what she suspects.  Rey doesn’t really know the whole story of how Ben Solo became the monster he is now.  Maybe had she known that, she would better understand why he refused to return to the Light when he had the chance.  And maybe she also would understand why Kylo wants someone to sit by his dying mother’s bedside, but he doesn’t want it to be himself. 

 

“Oh,” is all the officer woman can think to say in response. 

 

With a deep breath, Rey turns away from the mirror.  “Can you show me the way back to the Infirmary now?   I would like to sit with the Princess some more.”

 

“Princess?  Do you mean the prisoner?”  The woman is confused.

 

Rey corrects her sharply, “I mean the captured Princess, General Leia Organa.”

 

“Yes, of course, my lady.”  The woman officer shoots Rey some skeptical side eye but dutifully delivers her back to Leia Organa’s bedside.  She leaves Rey with a comlink and tells her three times to contact her if Rey needs help with anything. Then, finally, she leaves.

 

Rey exhales a huge sigh of relief to be alone again at last.  Holding Leia Organa’s unresponsive hand, Rey sits and broods.

 

All things considered, Rey is glad to be here for the general.  No one should die alone.  Solitary castoff Rey has long thought this because on Jakku, people often die alone.  They are scavengers who fall prey to the dangers in the wrecks, unlucky travelers who die of dehydration, or locals on the outs with Unkar Plutt who die of starvation.  They die miserably and slow in the harshest of conditions.  Far better to be one of the thousands of mummified thirty-year-old casualties of war in the Jakku ships graveyard, Rey thinks.  At least those men and women died in a common cause in solidarity with their comrades in arms.  The end might be the same, but at least they met it with a sense of purpose and community.  And that thought makes Rey wonder whether Leia Organa wishes she had perished along with everyone else on Crait.

 

When you struggle as long and as hard as Rey has to survive, you have a healthy respect for the value of life.  Both for yourself and for others.  War cheapens life, she knows.  Whether it is the hard to imagine horror of the Starkiller vaporizing billions on Hosnia or the adrenaline rush Rey had felt pumping off blaster shots at pursing stormtroopers, war is a kill-or-be-killed business.  And that makes you at once reckless and cautious.   You don’t stop to consider your enemy’s point of view once the shooting starts.  But now, the shooting has stopped.   Rey is on the losing side.  She doesn’t really understand what that means except that when Leia Organa dies, Rey will be the sole survivor of the Resistance and the last of the Light.

 

It is a very strange twist of fate, for Rey never formally signed up for any of this.  She was a bystander who got caught up in events thanks to a lost droid in the desert.  And then, before she knew it, Rey was handing Luke Skywalker a lightsaber. The truth is that, other than a vague sense of self-identification with the underdog Resistance, Rey’s motivations have never been political.  They have been personal.  Her life on Jakku was far removed from the epicenter of the long brewing galactic conflict.  Rey’s primary concerns were food and water, not the pros and cons of the democratic process.  Rey had wanted to belong and she had wanted to feel special, and she found those things at the Resistance.  The accidental meeting with Finn that had led to Han Solo and Chewbacca and then the Resistance had broadened Rey’s lonely, boring life in ways Kylo Ren will never understand.  And in discovering the Force and meeting a legendary Jedi Master, the scorned orphan scavenger finally found a reason to feel good about herself. 

 

And so, the Battle of Crait is a very personal loss for Rey.  She mourns her newfound friends and mentors far more than she regrets the military defeat.   Rey had known Finn and the others such a brief time.  And that doesn’t make it better, that makes it worse.  Because Rey had a small taste of belonging before it was cruelly taken away.  And that is the crux of the matter.  For grief is selfish.  It’s about you, not about the person who is gone.  It’s about how much you will miss them, about all the things you will never do together, about the people you will never become to each other.  Death reshuffles life’s possibilities in a way that is very finite.

 

There is one man to blame for all of this, Rey knows.  It’s Kylo Ren, her supposed brother.

 

Right now, Rey really hates Kylo Ren.

 

“No admittance.  Ren’s orders, Sir.”   The amplified voice of a stormtrooper guard jolts her back to reality. 

 

“Ren might be Supreme Leader, but this is still my ship.  There is nowhere on this vessel that I cannot go. And if we have the enemy general here in sickbay, then I want to know.”  The voice is insistent, short tempered, and disdainful.  And also, vaguely familiar.

 

Rey stands and whirls as the door to the small room slides open.

 

“Who are you?”  The newcomer stares. 

 

Rey stares back.  She knows this man.  The entire galaxy knows this man.  Depending on which side you are on, this is either the despised First Order blowhard or the eloquent patriot General Armitage Hux.  And wow, is he handsome.  Like really handsome. Way more handsome in person than when he is shouting hateful ‘call to arms’ speeches on the holonet.   

 

Rey blinks and swallows as she gathers her wits.  Instantly, she is on edge.  But she is not a Resistance fugitive, Rey reminds herself.   She is the Supreme Leader’s little sister who has been away at finishing school or someplace else equally impressive and intimidating.  This man might be the darling of the First Order rank and file, but he is nothing to her.   With a deep breath, Rey thinks this might just be the ultimate test of her new disguise.  But here goes . . .

 

The general looks her over and now softens both his voice and his stance.  “I wasn’t informed that we had civilians aboard.  Or are you out of uniform, soldier?”  His eyes sweep over Rey’s exquisite costume again.  “Very out of uniform,” he adds.

 

Rey now draws upon years of watching holonet telenovelas to say in her most ladylike and smooth voice, “General, I am not yours to command.”  Then, she deliberately turns back to Leia Organa.  All the while, hoping for the best.  And was that haughty and bitchy enough?  Rey thinks Kylo Ren’s fancy little sister would be frosty and maybe a little elitist too.  Very pampered, very entitled, and super sure of herself.

 

Rey is anticipating she’s going to get a gun to her head for that remark.  But instead, one of the troopers by the open door speaks up in response to the General Hux’s openly stunned look.  “That is Lady Ren, Sir.  She is the Leader’s sister.”

 

“You are Ren’s little sister?”  The general is at her side now.  Looking shocked and frankly curious.  

 

Without glancing his way, Rey nods coolly. “Yes.”  She hopes she is getting this right.  She’s got her Jakku poker face plastered on and her chin lifted high.  The demeanor she’s going for is cold.  And that’s easy given her visceral dislike of General Hux and all he represents.

 

“Well, that’s two women I wasn’t expecting to find on my ship,” he drawls.  The famous general looks sourly at his unconscious antagonist lying on the bed.  “The rumors are true then.  Ren did bring her aboard.  How long until she dies?” he gets right to the point.

 

“The medics are not certain,” Rey relates what Kylo has told her.  “It could be days. It could be weeks.”

 

General Hux makes a face.  “That’s not soon enough.  I want all of the loathsome Resistance eradicated.  Especially its precious princess.  And why are you here?” he now demands of Rey.

 

She sticks to the script. “I was onboard Snoke’s ship when the Resistance ship went to hyperspace.   I was injured and my brother took me here with him.”

 

“Why were you onboard the _Supremacy_ during time of war?  This isn’t a garden party.  We are conquering the galaxy.”  Hux looks at Rey as if what she is suggesting is absurd.

 

Rey’s response is curt.  “I had an audience with Leader Snoke.”

 

“And why is that?” the general continues his line of questioning.   This guy doesn’t give up.

 

In desperation, Rey tells a version of the truth.  “I was summoned.”  For good measure, she adds an inwardly cringe inducing, “I do as I am told, General.”

 

“Oh, I very much doubt that,” he observes archly.  “For what purpose were you summoned?” he probes some more.  And, geez, this guy is aggressive.

 

Thinking it will put him in his place, Rey responds tartly. “Because I have the Force.”

 

Yes, this news has the desired quelling effect.  The general digests this development with a frown.  “Like your brother.”  He eyes her expectantly.

 

Rey gives what she hopes is a regal nod.  “Yes.”  She wishes this guy would go away.  She’s predisposed to hate him.  

 

“And why are you here now with this prisoner?” he persists.

 

“I am here at my brother’s request,” Rey punts.  “You will have to speak with him.”

 

“I’m speaking with you now,” Hux presses.  “Why are you here?   This woman should have been executed already.  Why are we nursing her back to health with our new Leader’s sister sitting vigil at her bedside?”

 

Rey stands to her full height which feels a little paltry next to Hux.  This man is as towering as Kylo Ren, although he is whippet slim and paler too.  With as much gravitas as Rey can muster, she answers, choosing her words carefully. “She is dying, General.   Nothing can stop that now.   Can we not be merciful?   Her cause is beaten.  Her time has passed.  Surely, we can be magnanimous in victory?”

 

Hux is standing close to her now.  A little in her space.  Rey takes a half step back.  “You are nothing like Ren.”

 

Should she take that as criticism or a compliment?  Rey isn’t sure. 

 

“You look nothing like him either,” the general observes thoughtfully.  Then his attention is back on Leia Organa.  “The Republic is dead.  The Resistance is dead.  This old gal needs to hurry up and die too.  This had better not drag out too long.”

 

Hux looks Rey over once more before he departs.  “Carry on,” he orders to have the last word. 

 

Behind his back, Rey rolls her eyes.   She mentally adds Armitage Hux to her list of First Order commanders she hates.  He’s right behind Kylo Ren. 

 

Stressed and dejected Rey settles heavily back down into her chair.  She’s studying her newly manicured pink fingernails when a voice speaks up.  “Rey, is he gone?”

 

The voice is gravelly but strong.  Very much Leia Organa’s old self.  Rey instantly looks up.  “You’re awake!”  Rey is elated, but her excitement fades fast.  For the princess does not open her eyes.   She is lying back still as usual, and only her lips move.

 

 “I thought that was you.  I’m glad that you survived.”

 

“Yes.”  And now, a tumult of emotion wells up and starts spilling out Rey’s mouth.  “Oh, General, I’m so sorry—“

 

“It’s alright.”

 

“I’m sorry about all of it.  I failed in my mission to bring back Luke, I failed with Kylo Ren and Snoke, I wasn’t there to help at the end.   And now everyone is dead and you are. . . uh . . . sick . . . “

 

“Rey,” the older woman’s voice is calm.  Far calmer than her own.  Rey should be comforting this dying woman, but instead it’s the other way around.  “I’m dying.  It’s okay to say it.  I can handle it.”

 

“Oh, G-General—“  Rey moves to take her hand again and squeezes it in silent sympathy.

 

“I knew before Crait.  Luke knew it too. I am at peace with it.  You should be also.”

 

“But General—“

 

“Call me Leia.”   The Rebel princess and the Republic’s matriarch now licks her lips and hesitates. For the first time, her voice is less than certain.  “Ben is here, isn't he?  On this ship?”

 

Rey nods. “Yes.”

 

“I thought so.  I can feel his presence.  Still . . . after all these years.”  Her voice falls silent a moment.  “Someday when you are a mother, you will understand that no matter who they are and how old they grow, they will always be your little boy.”

 

Rey doesn’t know what to say to this.  She is angry on this woman’s behalf.  Lonely orphan Rey had longed for years for her lost parents.  That Kylo would treat his family so horrifically is something she cannot understand.  No war, no politics, no Force is worth this.  

 

“How did you get here?” Leia Organa asks, interrupting Rey’s thoughts.  She sounds concerned.  

 

“Kylo brought me here when I was injured. I woke up in the room next door a few hours ago.”

 

“You’re hurt?”

 

Rey is quick to disavow this.  “I’m fine now.”

 

“How did you get injured?

 

“I was on Snoke’s ship.”

 

“Are you a prisoner?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“That usually means yes,” Leia Organa responds dryly.  While the general speaks like her usual forthright but caring self, she still hasn’t opened her eyes.  Rey finds this increasingly troubling as the conversation wears on.

 

“I found Luke.  I tried to get him to come back, I really did.   But he refused to help the Resistance and he refused to train me.”  Rey is babbling now.  She feels terribly guilty to have survived and she needs to unburden herself.  “It was my fault mostly.  Luke said I was too powerful and too drawn to the Dark.  Then I lost my temper and ran off . . .   I’m sorry, General.  I failed . . . “   Rey’s voice is full of regret. 

 

“None of that matters now,” Leia Organa soothes.  “It was a long shot anyway.  I’m sure you tried your best.”  She takes a deep breath.  “Rey, this is a very complicated situation.  There is a lot you don’t know.”

 

Yes, Rey understands that now.  “Luke wasn’t who I thought he would be,” she sighs aloud. 

 

There is a long pause before the princess speaks again. “My brother made a lot of mistakes.  So did I.  But we made our mistakes trying to do the right thing.  Our hearts were in the right place.  But that wasn’t enough to make us right.   Rey, even good people can do the wrong thing.”

 

And bad people can do the right thing, Rey thinks.  In Kylo Ren’s case, for their own gain.  “Snoke is dead.  Your son killed him,” she reports.

 

“I know.  I felt it.  Luke is d-dead now too.”

 

“I know.  Kylo told me.  I’m so sorry, Leia.”  Then a thought occurs to Rey.  “Is this tiring you?  Is this too much?”

 

“No, this is good.  It’s nice to hear a comforting voice.  Soon . . . you will be all that is left of the Light.”

 

This too has been weighing on Rey’s mind.  “I don’t know what to say.  Because I can’t do it—I have a power I don’t understand and there is no one left to guide me.  General—“

 

“Leia.”

 

“I’m lost,” Rey half wails.  “I’m so confused.”

 

“You will find a way,” the older woman encourages. “In time, you will find a way.  The Force always finds a way.  Have faith, Rey.”

 

“How can I when everything is so bad?” Rey sputters out. 

 

“Times like now are when you need faith the most,” the older woman gently chides.    “I have lived to see everything I worked for and everyone I cared about destroyed by my own son.  But I still have faith.”

 

“Kylo Ren had his chance,” Rey growls.  This is a sore point.  

 

His mother does not disagree.  “There is Light left in him, but it isn’t enough.  I held out hope for so long, but after Crait I know my son is gone.  Luke knew it too.”

 

“Kylo Ren is a lost cause,” Rey passes certain judgment.  

 

“Be careful of him.  Be careful of my son,” Leia Organa warns.

 

“I will,” Rey promises.  She’s very glad Snoke is dead and that weird Force bond thing is apparently gone. 

 

“And Rey—”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Don’t give into hate.  That leads to the Dark Side.”

 

Rey is silent.  Truth be told, she’s feeling pretty hateful right now.

 

“It’s true.  I’ve seen it for myself.  Fear and hate are the path to the Dark Side. Rey,” Leia Organa’s eyelids flutter open briefly as if to underscore her point.  “Safeguard your Light.”


	4. Chapter 4

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is a very busy man.  He spends his days in a series of meetings and briefings, turning his attention from one pressing issue to the next.  This frenetic pace is his new normal until his fledgling empire is launched.

 

The remaining undeclared major systems—the most prosperous and developed worlds of the Inner Core—are all in a rush to surrender in the face of the Resistance defeat at Crait.  With the Republic fleet vaporized with Hosnia and his mother’s ragtag band of revolutionaries dead, all systems now bow down to the First Order.   They send teams of emissaries to negotiate peace terms with his politico types.  But first, they must grovel as supplicants before him, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. 

 

It is gratifying to rule the galaxy at long last.  It is a momentous achievement, especially for a man so young.  But it is only the beginning, Kylo plots.  For he plans to bring efficient order where democracy let chaos long bloom.  He will clean up the incessant crime and persistent poverty in the Rim.  He will weed out the rampant corruption and public complacency of the Core.  He will bind the galaxy together with new trade routes, more hyperspace lanes, and system-spanning economic development projects.  No longer will local sectors create fiefdoms and monopolies to corner markets and raise prices.  Slavery, in all its various legal guises, will finally be abolished on all worlds.  In time, the Rim outposts will enjoy the same gleaming, cosmopolitan prosperity as the Core worlds.   Opportunity will no longer depend on who you are, where you are from, and what species you are. 

 

Most of these goals are not new ideas, and quite a few of them originated in the Republic. But like most of the good ideas that arose after the Empire fell, they languished.  Stalled in the tortuous series of legislative hurdles that the New Republic constitution required.  It was all designed to protect the sovereignty of individual systems.  But in practice, it meant galactic level government was woefully inadequate and slow.  Entrenched business and crime interests knew the best techniques to bury legislation in years of committee meetings.  The few meaningful laws that were enacted quickly became the target of legal challenges to delay their implementation.  Everything got bogged down under endless due process.  It was all a lot of talk and too little action. 

 

The rhetoric of democracy is great, Kylo knows.  It’s the real-world experience of democracy that is disappointing.   Because the unfortunate truth is that the will of the people often results in bad choices.   And even when good choices are made, they take far too long to implement.  Democracy works on a system level, but it doesn’t work for the galaxy as a whole, Kylo long ago concluded.  There are too many competing interests and too many difficult problems to solve.  And there is too much lack of consensus on the issues between the Rim and the Core.  Decentralized power and a ridiculously large New Republic Senate meant nothing ever got done. 

 

And that was fine if you lived in the well-run, fully developed Core.  But if you lived in the Mid Rim or the Outer Rim, chances are you suffered.  It’s true that power abhors a vacuum.  And so, in these far-flung areas, crime syndicates and business interests assumed the mantle of leadership.  It had predictable results, for no one was looking out for the public interest.  That meant the common man struggled.  As the years wore on, these citizens grew more and more disenchanted with the empty promises of the New Republic.  Some joined the First Order to take up arms for their cause, but most remained on the sidelines a silent majority of sympathizers who watched and waited for the war to be over.  Kylo knows that these people largely disagree with his methods but they agree with his big picture goals.  The First Order needs to win these people over if he is to govern peacefully long term.  And that means he needs to show results.

 

Things are going to change.  Fast.  The radical reformer Kylo Ren is in charge now.  He is the strongman leader whose time has come.   His new Empire will bring peace, freedom, justice, and security to the galaxy, and it will be built to last.  This won’t be a repeat of Darth Sidious’ twenty-year reign.  The First Order will not be another flash in the pan to mark the time between civil wars.  The peace he has achieved will endure.  His armies will make sure of that.  The last remnants of the Republic have been swept away and the Jedi are gone.  There will be no one to stop him now. 

 

The future is limitless.  Kylo ought to feel energized and confident.  Except, he doesn’t.   He is anxious as his thoughts keep wandering back to Rey.  He worries that he has really screwed things up with Rey.  And maybe that’s not the yardstick he should measure his success by, but Rey is the first thing in a long time that has Kylo truly intrigued.   

 

Perhaps it’s fitting that he has blown his chance with her.  Because Kylo Ren might rule the galaxy but inside he is still the same screw-up kid who disappointed his parents, his uncle, his teachers, and his Master time and again.   It’s funny how years later as an adult all those feelings of inadequacy remain.  The voice in his head long ago internalized all those criticisms even if he grew to chafe at them over time.  Because there’s something about being fourteen that always stays with you deep inside.  Even when you are the undisputed Master of the known universe, you are always that lost kid who no one understood.   And maybe that’s why the abused often grow up to be abusers and why the bullied sometimes grow up to be bullies.   For the pain you are shown becomes the best way you know to show pain to others.  And for the unlucky ones like himself, that pain becomes something of an identity. 

 

It’s the chip on your shoulder that becomes your reason to live.  It’s the stubborn hurt that fuels your drive.  It’s why a funny looking kid and failed Padawan rebelled spectacularly to prove to the entire galaxy his self-worth and his power.  Slaying his Master, killing his family, and trampling the Republic in the process.  But the joke’s on him, for even Supreme Leader Kylo Ren gets rejected.  He offered Rey the chance to rule with him and she turned him down.  He should have started small, Kylo realizes, and simply offered her his heart.

 

And he shouldn’t have bothered to ask Rey, Kylo now thinks in retrospect.  He should have just gathered her into his arms in that burning throne room for a passionate kiss.  He should have sealed the deal based on their intense connection.   She felt it enough to surrender to Snoke, he felt it enough to slay his Master to save her.  The chemistry between them is an attraction that has spurred them both to throw caution to the wind.  That’s why it was a mistake to make his offer a straightforward rational decision.  He should have swept Rey up in the emotion of it all.  He should have made it about him and not about his will to power.

 

So how did it go so wrong?  In a turn of events that would only occur in his family, he is now a rejected suitor now claiming the object of his affections is his sister.  She’s sitting vigil floors below him in the sickbay holding his dying mother’s hand.  That his mother also happens to be the enemy general is just the icing on the cake.  This sort of dysfunction only happens in his family, he thinks glumly. 

 

And here he is, himself poised to continue the craziness.  For after years a celibate Jedi and then an overworked Apprentice, Kylo finally finds a girl he likes.  He doesn’t meet her in the usual sense.  He hunts her down and she shoots at him.  And, damn, if she didn’t shoot first.  She’s on the wrong side of his war and the opposite side of the Force.  Oh, and she’s an under-educated desert scavenger from the worst hellhole of the Rim, a world remembered only as the place where his grandfather’s old Empire died.  She is completely the wrong girl to choose as the consort to the Supreme Leader of the First Order.  But he doesn’t care.

 

Yep . . . Rey is perfect for him.  And she has destiny written all over her.  From the droid in the desert that led her to an old wizard in exile, to her humble anonymous upbringing as a diamond-in-the-rough Force user, here is Skywalker history repeating itself.  Hell, Rey even showed up waving his grandfather’s long-lost sword.  If this isn’t the Force at work, then he’s Jabba the Hutt.

 

Kylo wants to see her again.  The intervening hours have been too long.  So when his last scheduled briefing ends, he orders a flunky to summon Rey.  He will have dinner with Rey tonight in his quarters alone.

 

He can’t resist a smirk when she presents herself as requested.  Because damn, she’s beautiful.  Who knew the sandy scavenger would clean up so well?   Rey looks even better than he had hoped.  “I like you in that green dress.  You look very nice,” he approves.   He had no idea that Rey was this conventionally beautiful.  Her attraction had been only mildly about her physical person . . . until now. 

 

Rey blushes pink and stammers back, “Don’t look at me like that.”  Clearly, his desert vagabond is not used to compliments.  He makes a mental note to deliver plenty of them from here on out. 

 

“I like looking at you all pretty like this.”

 

“This is a disguise,” she bristles some more.  It’s adorable, he thinks. Has Rey never received any positive male attention?  Probably not. 

 

“What is this about?” she demands.   He sees her gaze flit behind him to where dinner for two is laid out on the table.    She looks a little alarmed.

 

“Come, sit, and have dinner with me,” Kylo invites. T hen, he uses his best Crown Prince of Alderaan manners to pull out her chair.  He turns to her and waits expectantly.

 

“Uh . . . ”  Rey hesitates before she finds her voice.  “I was under the impression that I was here to be with General Organa.  You never said anything about this.”  She eyes the food like it’s poison.

 

Kylo raises an eyebrow in response.  “Are you on hunger strike now?   Rey, you are skinny enough as is.”

 

It’s the wrong thing to say.  She stiffens. “There is no cause to insult me.”

 

Whoops.  He backtracks.  “Most women would take that as a compliment.”

 

“Most women are not from Jakku.” Rey glances again at the tabletop laden with enough silverware and glasses to make his princess mother proud.  Rey isn’t impressed at all.  Instead, she looks scared.  Intimidated.  She quickly declines him with a frosty nod. “Thank you, but I prefer to eat alone in my quarters tonight.”

 

Maybe this fancy dinner date was not such a good idea, he thinks.  Kylo had wanted to impress Rey by treating her like a guest and not like the prisoner she clearly fears she is.  But in doing so, he has stumbled on a whole new set of issues.  Namely, Jakku.  Kylo belatedly remembers how meager her life was on Jakku.  Well, too late.  This is like exchanging her desert rags for dresses.  That is the past and this is her new life. 

 

“Haven’t you been lonely long enough?” Kylo gently suggests.  This girl’s loneliness is her weak spot, he knows. 

 

But tonight, poking at Rey’s hurt provokes a vehement response.  “I don’t know—you tell me,” she jeers.  “You just killed everyone I cared about at Crait.”

 

“You knew those people barely a week.”

 

“It was long enough.”

 

This is not off to a good start.  Rey is hostile and standoffish just like this morning.  Well . . . whatever.  He embraces it.  Kylo gestures to the chair he still holds.  “Sit down.  You can yell at me over dinner.  I’m all ears, Rey.”

 

“No, thanks.”  Rey crosses her arms and sticks out her hip and its very Leia Organa of her.  Are all women this difficult, he wonders.   Or is it just the ones in his life?

 

“Suit yourself.”  Kylo gives up and walks around the table to seat himself.  He pours a glass of wine.  Then, he fills the glass at Rey’s place.

 

“Is that wine?  Because I don’t drink wine,” she announces as she watches from across the room.

 

He nods.  “Neither do I.  But Snoke did and I have stolen his entire wine cellar from his ship. I figured I should at least try it before I hand it over to the officers’ lounge.”  Kylo takes up his glass and lifts it high in a toast she will want to cheer.  “Death to Snoke,” he declares triumphantly before he takes a sip.

 

It works.  This is a sentiment Rey will join him in.  She steps forward to slip into her empty chair.  She lifts her glass and heartily concurs, “Death to Snoke.” 

 

“You’re supposed to drink it now,” Kylo prompts Rey when she puts her glass back down. 

 

Rey looks dubious but takes a drink.  A big drink.  Instantly, she’s coughing and sputtering. 

 

“Not much of a drinker, are you?” Kylo snorts.  So much for the plan of loosening her up with wine.  He’ll never get Rey drunk at this rate.

 

“Water was precious in the desert.  You didn’t drink anything that dehydrated you,” she manages between chokes.  Rey resolutely puts down her glass. “That’s enough of that,” she decrees.  “Well, good night.”   She stands.

 

“Sit down,” he complains.  “Eat.”

 

Rey cocks her head.  “Do you ever stop ordering people around?”

 

“That was an invitation, not an order.  What’s your hurry, Rey?” 

 

“I’d like to be alone now.” 

 

“That’s a lie,” he counters.  “You’re so lonely.  I remember that.”  She opens her mouth to object but he overrides her.  “You don’t have to be lonely anymore.”  It is softly said and it disarms her for a moment.  “Please sit down,” he requests again and this time she complies.  Seeing that he is making headway, Kylo repeats again, “You don’t have to be alone anymore.”

 

Rey makes a face and looks away.  She picks up her fork and starts pushing her food around her plate. She’s frowning.  “Is this your lead up to telling me I will find plenty of new fascist friends in the First Order?”

 

“Well, I know you like stormtroopers. I have plenty of those.  FN-2187 was nothing special you cannot replace.” Kylo sits back in his chair and twirls his knife absently through his fingers as he considers Rey’s profile.   She is quite deliberately averting her face.  She won’t even look at him.  It makes Kylo want to bait her some more.  “I can call down and summon FN-2186, if you like—“

 

“Finn!  His name was Finn!”  Rey slams her fist down on the table and the dishes jump.   “He was a person, not a number, and his name was Finn!”

 

She needs to get over Crait.  Her Resistance war buddies were doomed from the start.  Didn’t Rey see see that?   Kylo leans forward in his chair and tries to get her talking so she doesn’t storm out.  “Tell me, what was so special about Finn?” He’s genuinely curious.

 

“Finn came back for me.  No one else has ever done that.”

 

“So he was loyal?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Loyalty impresses you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Kylo nods.  “I could see that. What else?”

 

“He fought for what he believed in.  Against all odds and in defiance of what he had been brought up to believe. He was brave enough to see through the lies he had been taught as a child.”

 

“You mean like me?” Kylo smirks. 

 

She shoots him a look.

 

“What else?” he asks.  Kylo takes another bite and chews as she gives him the silent treatment. “Come on.  Tell me.  Or should I guess?”

 

Rey looks wistful now as she recalls her dead friend.  “He was thoughtful.  A little gallant even. That was Finn. He was always ready to help me.”

 

“You don’t strike me as the damsel in distress type.”  Kylo raises an eyebrow.  “Are you? Shall I sweep you off your feet and rescue you?”  He did that once at Takodano but Rey didn’t quite see it as being saved from the Resistance at the time. 

 

“That’s not what I mean.  It’s just that Finn was quick to offer me his help.  He even gave me his jacket on the Starkiller.  Finn was like that.  Finn was . . . “ Rey struggles to explain.  She settles on, “He was my first real friend.”

 

Friend. The traitor had been relegated to the friend zone.  Kylo inwardly heaves a sigh of relief.  He doesn’t need her pining after a dead man he killed.  That Rey had felt so invested in her traitor so quickly speaks more to Rey’s loneliness than it does to the depth of that relationship, Kylo decides.  Rey had been looking for someone—for anyone—to relate to.  With the Resistance gone, hopefully she will relate to him now. 

 

“I gave you that green dress.  I can give you all the dresses and jackets you want.”   Kylo can give this woman anything and everything if she will let him.

 

“No, thanks.”  Rey looks down at her pretty dress and shrugs dismissively.  “This is just a disguise.  This isn't me.”

 

“How do you know?  You’ve never tried to be anything other than a scavenger.”   Kylo looks her in the eye.  “Now is your chance.  I will help you, Rey.”

 

She looks uncomfortable and he can relate.  It takes time and courage to take charge of your life and reinvent yourself.  The green dress was just a first step.  A little nudge.

 

Snoke was a master at the transforming people.  He took in a runaway teenaged Padawan and a Jedi hot on his heels.  In days, he gave that kid a uniform, a sword, and a new name.  Snoke set him and the galaxy on a new course.  Kylo is soft pedaling that same strategy with Rey.  He’s got her away from the Resistance and out of her desert rags.  That’s a start.

 

Kylo leans forward in his chair.  “You think you are nobody from nowhere, but we both know that’s not true.  It’s not where you are from that matters, Rey, it’s where you are going.”  Darth Vader had started as a slave, after all. In Kylo Ren’s mind, there is no shame in being lowly born.

 

“Can we talk about something else?”

 

Sure.  Fine.  “As you wish, my lady.”

 

Rey shoots him a look.  Then, she changes the topic. “What happened to the _Millennium Falcon_?”

 

“It’s in deep storage in the cargo hold.”

 

“Here?  On this ship?”

 

“Yes. I thought perhaps I could let the troops use it for target practice.”

 

Rey takes the bait.  “Is nothing about your family important to you?  Is nothing sacred at all?”

 

“That ship isn’t sacred,” he gripes.  “But Han Solo thought it was.  He loved the ship more than anything else.  Most of my memories of Han Solo were of him flying away in that piece of trash.”  Kylo looks thoughtfully at Rey. “I wouldn’t have guessed you were the sentimental type.”  He got that wrong.

 

“Is power the only thing you care about?” Rey retorts.

 

“Once, I cared about my family.  They didn’t care about me.”

 

“That’s not true!”

 

“Yes, it is.   When it mattered, they didn’t care.  It was only afterwards when they realized the consequences that they gave a damn.”  Kylo’s long face hardens at these uncomfortable memories.  He’s certain his family has a different version of this history, but that doesn’t make it true.

 

She must sense his sincerity in the Force because Rey looks taken aback. Then, remembering her normal combative posture, she lashes out.  “Well, don’t expect pity from me!  I had nothing!  I had no one!  And I didn’t turn into a monster like you.”

 

“You and I are far more alike than you will admit,” Kylo observes softly.  It’s time to knock this gorgeous girl off her moral high horse, he decides.

 

She is indignant. “I’m nothing like you.”

 

Kylo looks her over carefully, enjoying a bit how she starts to squirm.  Rey looks so soft in her pretty dress and makeup, but her expression is hard.  Jakku and the war have given this girl a very hard, protective shell.  “You’ve got that look in your eye again. From the forest.  So righteous.  So sure.  So . . . wrong,” he goads.   And just to provoke and confuse her some more, Kylo chides, “Jedi, let go of your hate.”  

 

He wants to see her compassion again.  Beneath Rey’s aggressive, tough exterior there lurks a vulnerable, needy girl.  A girl lost and looking for answers who was shockingly open to her enemy in a way that had impressed him.  Because when Rey had stopped all the knee jerk, righteous condemnation, she had listened with an open mind.   It had only been a brief interaction, but it had been incredibly genuine.  Very raw, very real.   Kylo wants that girl back.   But first, he has to cut through all her blustering bullshit about the Resistance.

 

Troubled Rey reverts back to their conversation about the ship.  “I want the _Falcon_.  If you won’t give me back my sword, then I want the _Falcon_ in exchange.”

 

“Going to do the Kessel Run?” he asks.

 

“Maybe.”

 

He takes another sip of wine and offers, “Why smuggle drugs when you could rule the galaxy with me?”

 

“No, thanks.”

 

“It’s an open offer,” he persists.

 

She presses her case too.  “So about the _Falcon_ . . . ”  Rey is very interested in the _Falcon_.  Maybe he shouldn’t be surprised.  She’s a junk trader and mechanic by trade.  But is there more to this?  Kylo worries her request is prompted by her misguided affinity for Han Solo.  If that is the case, then that hunk of junk is part of the past and should be forever left behind.

 

But she looks so intent that Kylo impulsively concedes, “I’ll think about it.”

 

“Fine.  Are we done here?”  Rey is anxious to get away.

 

“You haven’t eaten a thing,” he points out.  All she has done is push her food around her plate and pick a little at her bread. 

 

“I’m not hungry,” she brushes him off.  Rey is testy as she complains, “Why are we even doing this?  We’re not friends who have dinner together . . . Kylo, this isn’t some sort of date . . . “

 

“You used to call me Ben.”

 

That remark earns him a resentful glare.  “Yeah, well, I was wrong about that.  I was wrong about everything about you.”

 

“No, you weren’t.  We had a connection,” Kylo maintains. “I know you felt it too.”

 

Rey looks away.  “That was fake.  You heard Snoke.  He made the bond.  He was manipulating us both. And I took the bait.”  Rey looks crestfallen as she recalls the confrontation with Snoke.  “I was a fool and I took the bait.”

 

“I was never going to kill you.” 

 

“I know,” she glares at him. “Your goal was to kill Snoke all along.  I was just the instigator.”

 

It's true, he doesn't deny it.  “I had two goals that day.  To kill Snoke and to save you.”

 

“Your only goal was you!” Rey accuses.   “You wanted to remove all your obstacles to power on both sides!  That was why you massacred the Resistance afterwards.”

 

“I was trying to end the war,” he growls back.  But remembering his goal of winning her over, Kylo quickly soothes, “That is behind us now.  I want to put that behind us.  Let the past die, Rey.  Let’s move on.”

 

“The past is dying in the infirmary right now!” she snaps back.  “Are you such a coward that you cannot face your own mother?  Aren’t you going to ask me about your mother?” she demands.

 

No, he’s not.  Now it’s Kylo’s turn to look away in bitter frustration and discomfort.

 

“She spoke a bit this afternoon,” Rey informs him angrily.  “She didn’t open her eyes, but she was lucid and she knew it was me.”

 

Kylo says nothing.  He really has no desire to know any of this.

 

“She’s not in any pain.   The medics are making sure of that.”

 

Yes, he knows.  He gets twice daily updates from the medics on his mother’s condition.   He doesn’t actually read them.  It’s more like skimming, he tells himself.

 

“Why did you even bother saving her if you don’t care?” Rey wants to know.

 

 She is looking at him expectantly, so he grinds out a question just to mollify her.  “Did she ask about me?”

 

“No.”

 

No surprise there.  His mother doesn’t want to see him.  And he doesn’t want to see her. 

 

This topic more than anything seems to set Rey off.  She is fuming as she glares at him with disappointment in her eyes.  “Are we done here?  I’m done,” Rey announces.  She plucks her napkin from her lap to fling it down on the table.  “Thank you for dinner,” she spits out.  Then, she is up on her feet and moving fast for the door.

 

“Stop!” Kylo says this in his voice of command.  Surprisingly, it works.  Rey hesitates at the door and turns.

 

“Yes?” she demands angrily.

 

Kylo knows he needs to salvage something from this miserable evening.  He doesn’t want it to end with them both surly and no progress made on his plan.  So, he deploys a new tactic.  “There’s something I want to try before you go.” He’s been wanting to try this since Luke caught them talking in the Force.  Kylo was going to wait until Rey was a little more receptive to him, but right now he has nothing to lose.  He approaches Rey and holds his palm up to her with fingers splayed.  “Show me the future again,” he requests.

 

Clearly, this was not what she was expecting.  Rey raises wary eyes to his.  Then, she shakes her head and takes a step back.   “I don’t think so—“

 

“Do it,” he commands again.  He looms over her. “What are you afraid of?  Go ahead,” he presses.  “Reveal your destiny.”

 

Again, she shakes her head.  “This won’t work.  Those visions were from the bond and the bond died with Snoke.”

 

“It might work.  Let’s see what happens,” he cajoles.  “Go on.  Concentrate.  Drift in the Force and give it a shot.” 

 

Rey gives him a skeptical look but curiosity must get the better of her.  She holds up her hand and complies.  Her eyes are closed and he is so close.  This is like that moment in the Starkiller woods when Rey had summoned the Force, closed her eyes, and then proceeded to kick his ass and rock his world.  Look at her. So serene.  So calm.  So strong.  So Light.  Yes . . . the Force is with Rey tonight.

 

Kylo summons the shadow Force, feeling its jolt of power kick in.  Yes . . .  this is what he lives for.   For this feeling of bold mastery and utter freedom, for this safe space where there is no self-consciousness or shame, for this all-consuming lust to dominate and to possess.   Darkness emboldens you even as it floods you with resiliency.  You are at once invincible and impervious to pain.  Here, no one judges and everything is okay.  No excuses are necessary.  For on the Dark Side, you can take whatever you want. 

 

Their hands are almost touching, but not quite.  Kylo now hesitates a moment before he connects their palms.  Because suddenly, it feels dangerous and daring to do this.  The Jedi would have forbidden this moment and so would the Sith.  But those traditions are all gone now.  There is no one left to punish him for this or anything else.  And there is no one left to keep he and Rey apart except for themselves.  And so, with a deep breath, Kylo touches Rey’s hand. 

 

The Force starts swirling around them as powerful Darkness connects with powerful Light.  It’s not a moment filled with peace and truth, instead it’s more like a strange equilibrium of dissonance.  If this is balance, it sure isn’t what he thought it was. The natural eddies and flows of the universe feel frenetic.  The air around them is charged with tantalizing possibilities yet to be revealed.   This energy is amazing, Kylo thinks.  But what will it portend?

 

Nothing.  At least, there is nothing for him.

 

Kylo concentrates again and still sees nothing.  He is disappointed.  And a bit alarmed.   Because what about Rey? 

 

“What do you see?” he rasps, his fingers closing tightly over her hand.  Filled as he is with Dark power, Kylo can’t quite resist the urge to claim her, even if it’s only a hand clasp. 

 

Rey’s eyes are shut and she is so close.  Kissably close. Oh, this is killing him, Kylo thinks.  For all night he has been admiring her beauty from afar.  The chemistry between them is the Force but it is so much more.  It draws him in like the moth to the flame.  This woman has no idea what a powerful hold she has over him.  Even her tart mouth and a chilly demeanor haven’t dimmed her allure.

 

And now, he has to know if this is working for Rey but not for him.  “What do you see?” he demands again.

 

Rey shakes her head and opens her eyes. “Nothing.”   She sounds as disappointed as he is.  “I don’t see anything.   Do you see something?”

 

Here is his opening, Kylo realizes.   He is the reigning Dark priest of the Force, the latest in a long line of Masters of the Dark Side.  Determined to bend destiny to suit his aims, ruthless in the pursuit of his desires, and merciless to those who stand in his way.  The ends always justify his means, whether it is the Starkiller or Crait.  And so, it will be with Rey.  Kylo looks her squarely in the eye and lies.

 

“Yessss . . . ”  It comes out as a hiss.  “Yes.  I see something.”

 

“What?   What?”  Her voice is staccato.  Agitated.  “Tell me!”

 

Rey looks afraid and excited as she stares back at him.  Kylo could drown in her eyes.  It’s not hard for him to playact wonder for effect.  “Are you sure you want to know?”

 

“Is it bad?  It’s bad isn’t it?” she yelps.

 

“No.”  Kylo shakes his head and draws out his syllables.  “It’s wonderful.”

 

“Oh.”

 

He closes his eyes and fully commits to the lie.  “You are beautiful . . . just beautiful, at my side.”

 

“With you?” she squeaks

 

“Yes.”  He keeps going. “When the time comes you will stand with me.  It’s just like I saw before.  Only better.”

 

“I’m not joining you.”  Rey tries to snatch her hand away, but he holds tight.

 

“It’s clearer now.  More distinct.”  Kylo throws up his other palm.  “Show me more,” he groans. 

 

“I don’t think so—“

 

“Try again,” he urges for effect.  “I want you to see this too.  Do it, Rey, and see for yourself.”

 

“I’m not sure—“

 

“Trust in the Force,” he urges.  “Try again.”

 

Skeptical Rey offers up her other hand but to no avail.  Because, of course, there is nothing to see.  But she doesn’t know that. 

 

This is perfect.  Just perfect.  Kylo leans hard into her and she stumbles back another step.  Her back is to the door now.  Both her hands are upraised with his clamping over them.  One more nudge and yes . . . she is pinned against the door. 

 

“Do you see it?” he demands in a whisper.  He is close, so close.  Smelling her perfume as his cheek brushes hers. 

 

“See what?” she cries, still confused. 

 

He croons right into her ear.  “I rule the galaxy.  But you rule me.”

 

Now is the moment for the big kiss.  Now, when she is already captive in his arms with nowhere to flee.  But Kylo isn’t going to make the same mistake twice.  He isn’t going to rush things.  So, abruptly he steps back to release her.  Darkness is a choice, he reminds himself.  Kylo wants Rey to choose him of her free will.  Because in the long tradition of Darkness, you don’t get corrupted by the Dark Side.  You corrupt yourself.

 

Rey is confused and befuddled in the aftermath. “I didn’t see anything,” she contends.

 

Yes.  She believes him.  He can see it in her eyes.

 

“It is unavoidable.  It is your destiny,” he tells her sagely with an encouraging nod.  “Don’t be afraid.  The Force never lies.” 

 

She looks afraid, very afraid.  This is exactly what he wants.  And now, he dismisses her so she can obsess some on his lie.  “Thank you for dinner,” he says.  Then he waves a hand at the door behind her that is kept locked with the Force at all times.  He dismisses her softly with a twist of his lips that is the closest Kylo Ren gets to a smile.  “Come back tomorrow night.”


	5. Chapter 5

Leia Organa doesn’t speak much, but when she does, she is blunt.  Maybe it’s the forthright nature of advanced age, or maybe it’s that she is dying and won’t mince words, or maybe the princess has never been one to prevaricate much.  But she gets right to the point, Rey soon learns. 

 

“Why are you still here?” unconscious Leia Organa demands suddenly without preamble.  Rey jumps in surprise. 

 

Again, the princess speaks sharply.  “Why are you still here?”  Like yesterday, she is speaking without opening her eyes.  It’s a little disconcerting.

 

“I'm not leaving you.” Rey says this firmly.  She can be direct too.

 

And now, it’s a quasi-argument. “You should. You should get to the hangar bay and steal a ship and get out of here.  This is very dangerous for you,” the princess warns.  Then her voice softens.  “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

 

“I'm not leaving you.”

 

“That's an order, Rey.”

 

“You wouldn't leave if our roles were reversed,” Rey points out.  She’s certain of this.

 

“That's different.  I'm an old woman who has lived her life already—“

 

“I'm not in any danger,” Rey overrides the princess.  “He's not going to kill me.”

 

“How are you so sure?  He's killed everyone else.”

 

“Except you,” Rey points out.   This is the one saving grace left in Kylo Ren, she thinks.  He might be a monster but he has some limits.  Well, one limit.  He let his mother live.  That’s something, at least. 

 

Leia Organa quickly dispels this notion. “Ben fired on the bridge of the _Raddus_ as we fled D'qar.   I felt his presence.  I know he was there as the lead pilot.  Ben is the reason I got launched into space.”

 

“Oh.” Rey deflates.

 

“You sound surprised.”

 

“It’s more like disappointed,” Rey admits.  She was so, so wrong about that man.  Here again is more proof of her folly.

 

“He also fired those proton torpedoes that destroyed the aft hangar bay.  Ben is an excellent pilot.  Only he and Poe could have made that shot.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Please do not stay here for me.”  Yet again, this dying woman is thinking of Rey’s welfare and not of her own. 

 

But Rey can be stubborn.  “I want to stay.”   It’s the truth.  She and Leia Organa don’t know each other well, but this princess is the closest thing Rey has to a mother figure.  Rey refuses to desert her at the end.  She will not leave the lead general of the Resistance to die alone among her enemies with her uncaring son nowhere to be found. 

 

“For the record, I object,” Leia Organa drops the point but has the last word. Then, in a total non-sequitur, she asks, “Are you wearing pink?”

 

“Yeah.  I look ridiculous dressed up like this.”  Rey is wearing a pale pink flowy long dress that is decidedly not her.  But it was the simplest, most casual style of all her new dresses so Rey had grit her teeth and put it on.  She has long been indifferent to her appearance.  There are no mirrors on Jakku and no one to impress.  In the desert, clothing was functional rather than fashionable.   Rey’s fancy new wardrobe is a novelty she could do without.

 

“You look very nice,” Leia Organa approves.  She must be seeing this in the Force because her eyes remain closed.  “Very nice and very pink.” 

 

Rey shrugs.  She actually kind of likes this dress. Except for the color, that is.  “I didn’t pick it out.  That officer lady did and she went full-on girly for all of it.   You should see the looks I get in the hallway here.”  In the sea of mostly black and white uniforms of the First Order, Rey is very conspicuous.  Everyone else is suitably dressed for their job except Rey who marches through the _Finalizer_ looking like a holonet celebrity on her way to a photoshoot.  She holds her head high and tries to ignore the blatant stares of the crew, but it’s embarrassing to be so on display.

 

“You get used to being stared at,” Leia Organa advises.  “My mother was the queen of Alderaan. I grew up camera ready at all times.  It was a good preparation for public life.”   The princess shifts gears now. “Have you seen Ben?”

 

Rey nods.  “He made me have dinner with him last night.”

 

“So does this mean you’re not a prisoner?”  Leia Organa’s voice sounds hopeful.

 

“No, I guess not.”  Not in the usual sense, that is.

 

“How was dinner?”

 

Rey makes a face as she recalls the awkward, stilted evening.   “Awful.  All we did was argue.”

 

“Ben probably thinks that’s normal.  When Han was around, we argued a lot.”  It’s the first time the princess has mentioned her dead ex-husband.  But she soon warms to that theme.  “I met Han on the Death Star of all places. He was spice smuggler with a bounty on his head back then.  He and Chewie were one step ahead of the law and two steps ahead of Jabba the Hutt in those days.”   A smile tugs at the corners of Leia Organa’s lips as she reminisces. “I fell hard and fast for that scoundrel.  Han was completely unsuitable but I was so lost after my parents died on Alderaan that I went a little crazy.  Falling in love with Han was nuts.  But love doesn’t always come at the time or with the person you expect.”

 

“I have never been in love,” Rey says softly.

 

“Love is wonderful.  Don’t miss out on it.  Rey, get out of here and go find someone to love.  It’s an experience everyone should have at least once.  There’s nothing quite like being young and in love with your whole life ahead of you,” the princess says wistfully. 

 

It’s nice to see General Organa sort of happy, so Rey stays on the topic.   “Was it love at first sight for you and Han?” she asks.

 

“Hardly.  We bickered from the beginning.”  Rey listens closely as the dying woman keeps talking of the past.  “Han and I were . . . complicated.  Well, it was good at the beginning.  But it wasn’t long after Ben was born that things got rough.  Han wasn’t the family man type who wanted to settle down and I wasn’t the accepting, stand by your man kind of girl.  When the Rebellion ended, we discovered that we wanted different things out of life.  We started moving in different directions.  Neither of us was big on compromise.”

 

“I really liked Han Solo,” Rey whispers aloud.  She feels her eyes suddenly brim with hot tears.  Han, Finn, Chewie, even Luke.    These losses are still very fresh and they feel very sudden.  Rey of Jakku has lots of experience with death, but those experiences have never involved someone she cared about.

 

“All women liked Han Solo,” Leia Organa says softly as she keeps remembering yesteryear.  “Han had swagger to spare and a big heart.  I never stopped loving him even if I couldn’t live with him.  Ben was three when we separated the first time . . . we tried again and again, but we could never make it work.”  The princess gives a small smile now.  “I’m looking forward to seeing Han again when I am one with the Force.  It will be like old times.  Han, Chewie, Luke, and I.   We’ll be watching over you in the Force, Rey.  Know that we will be looking out for you.”

 

Rey doesn’t know what to say to this.  It makes her uncomfortable to hear how casually Leia Organa speaks of her own death.  Is she trying to prepare herself or Rey?  Or maybe both of them?  Perhaps it is normal and healthy for a woman on her deathbed to give voice to these feelings, but it’s unsettling to hear.  Rey doesn’t know what to do, so she just reaches for General Organa’s hand to give it a comforting squeeze.

 

“Ben comes here most nights,” the princess reveals.  “He thinks I don’t know.  Or maybe he doesn’t care if I know.”

 

Really?  “What does he do?” Rey asks.

 

“He just stands there.   He never says anything.”

 

“He might think you are asleep,” Rey posits.  “Do you say anything to him?”

 

“No.  There’s nothing to say.  I don’t want to fight him anymore.  I’m done fighting for Ben and about Ben,” the older woman sighs.  “My son is gone.  I know that.  Luke knew it too.”

 

“Do you hate him?”  Rey asks in a small voice even though she already knows the answer.  “General, how is it that you don’t hate him after all he’s done?” 

 

“He is my son,” the older woman responds.

 

And that’s not an answer, Rey thinks.  “I know, but he’s also Kylo Ren,” she protests.

 

“He is my son.  One day when you are a mother, you will understand.  You can hate the choices your children make. You can hate what they do.  But you can’t hate them.”

 

Hate the sin, not the sinner sounds like something the Church of the Force people would say back on Jakku.  But it doesn’t resonate well with Rey.  She still pretty much hates Kylo Ren.   And that is why the prospect of a repeat of last night is so unappealing.   “Kylo wants me to have dinner with him again night,” she reveals.  “I don’t really want to.”

 

Leia Organa thinks this is a bad idea too.  “Get away from him, Rey.  Escape and go live your life.  Be free and be happy.”

 

“I’m not leaving you,” Rey maintains.

 

“Have you always been this loyal?” the princess asks.

 

“Yes.”   Rey waited years in the desert in vain hope of her parents’ return.  She is the loyal type.  No one ever came back for her, and so Rey comes back.  No one ever stood by her, and so Rey hangs around.  No one ever loved her, and so Rey is desperate to care for someone.   And that’s why Rey will stay here with a dying princess until the end.  Listening to her stories and advice on the one or two occasions a day when Leia Organa rouses to speak.  Maybe another person would be reluctant to sit vigil in a death watch, but Rey of Jakku knows all about waiting.  She knows that sometimes there is value and meaning in waiting.

 

Hours later, Rey is Kylo Ren’s reluctant dinner guest yet again.

 

“Pink,” he smirks as she walks in to present herself.  

 

Rey ignores this reaction, deciding to take the high road.

 

Kylo, of course, takes the low.  His snarky sarcasm is thick. “Welcome, Jedi fairy princess.  Twirl for me?” he asks cheekily

 

Rey’s response is a tight smile.  “I didn’t choose the dress.”

 

“Remind me to give that major a promotion.” Kylo’s face is as slack and impassive as usual, but his dark eyes are laughing at her. 

 

Rey’s plastered fake smile is even tighter now.

 

Seeing this, he lets up.  “It’s actually very pretty.  You are very pretty, Rey.”

 

She feels the heat rise in her cheeks.  Rey is more accustomed to scorn than to compliments.  Compliments fluster her.   “Let’s get this over with,” she grumbles as she slides into her chair.  Tonight, she notices that the table looks far less elaborate.  Too bad, since this time she had been prepared to wield three forks and an assortment of knives.  Rey spent a few hours reading up on fine dining etiquette on the holonet today while sitting with the princess.  She is ready for Kylo to bring on the fish knife and the finger bowl, but it looks like that is not happening tonight.   Things appear far more casual this time around.

 

“Your turn for the toast,” Kylo offers, holding up the wine he has just poured them both.  Rey accepts her glass and thinks a moment.

 

“Death to Snoke again?” Kylo suggests.

 

Rey has a better idea.  “Death to pink.”

 

They both drink to that.  Then, he starts eating while she pushes food around her plate.  As usual, there is no small talk between them.  Kylo goes straight to asking about Luke Skywalker. 

 

“Did he send you to me?” Kylo wants to know.

 

“No.  I left on my own.  I was angry.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Lots of reasons.”

 

“Tell me.”

 

Rey sighs.  “Luke was not who I thought he would be.  I wanted him to come back to be a hero for the Resistance and to teach me.  But he refused on both points.”  Rey is still plenty ticked about his refusals.  “I always envisioned a Jedi Master would be kind and patient.  But Luke was a grumpy old man.  I handed him back his lightsaber and he threw it down and practically yelled at me to get off his lawn.  He seemed very annoyed that I had interrupted whatever he was doing,” Rey recalls.

 

“What else?  Why were you mad at him?”

 

“I was angry about what he did to you,” Rey confesses.   “Murdering someone in their sleep didn’t seem very Jedi.”

 

“It wasn’t.”

 

“I was angry that he played a role in your fall to the Dark Side but he didn’t seem to want to do anything about it.   I thought Luke should have owned up to his responsibility.  Even if he was content to let you be Snoke’s Apprentice, he should at least helped the Resistance fight the First Order.  That seemed only fitting,” Rey reasons.

 

Kylo now states the case for his uncle.  “Luke was in a no-win situation and he knew it.  That was no accident either.  Snoke chose me as his Apprentice for my bloodline.  But it was more than just that I am a Skywalker strong with the Force.  It was also because Snoke knew Luke Skywalker would never kill me.  Snoke chose an Apprentice his enemy would not kill.  It was a very strategic move.”

 

Rey nods because yes, that sounds right.  Luke refused to kill his father Darth Vader, so it stands to reason that he wouldn’t kill his nephew who he helped to create.

 

“So why did you do it?” Kylo asks her directly now.   “Why did you surrender to me so I could take you to Snoke?”

 

This is a sore subject for obvious reasons.  Looking back, Rey sees now why she had been so foolish. Because first the legendary Luke Skywalker hadn’t been the hero she thought he should be.  And then in their conversations over the Force bond, Kylo Ren wasn’t quite the villain he was supposed to be either.  Neither man had met her expectations.  That had confused Rey.  Luke had seemed the villain and Kylo had seemed the victim and that just left Rey to play the hero role.   So, she did.  Or, rather, she tried.  It didn’t quite work out. 

 

“Tell me,” Kylo presses. “I want to know.”

 

“I was a fool.  That’s why.”   Rey shakes her head at her own stupidity.  “I watched you murder your own father.  I should have known better.  I was a fool,” she says with vehement regret.

 

“Why?   Tell me why you think you were a fool.”

 

She wishes he would get off this topic.  “It doesn’t matter.”

 

“It does to me.”  Kylo gives her a strange look, then he starts telling his own version of events.  “I found you in the woods and you were shooting at me—”

 

“You had your sword lit and you were hunting me!”  Rey is defensive.

 

“Then you escaped and you were calling me names and swinging a lightsaber at me—”

 

“You threw me into a tree and you hurt Finn!”

 

“The Force bond opened the first time and you tried to shoot me again—”

 

“I thought you were real and you had come for revenge!”

 

“You were so hostile until you weren’t—”

 

“I was confused!  The more time I spent around Luke, the more confused I became . . . ”

 

“Then suddenly you were coming for me.  My own Jedi uncle never confronted Snoke for me but you did.  You . . . a scavenger.   An untrained scavenger who was my enemy who had repeatedly tried to kill me--"

 

“I thought I could help . . . I thought you needed help . . . “  Rey’s objections fade as Kylo’s voice now takes on the tone of urgency. 

 

“You showed up so brave, so confident, so trusting.  The valiant Light Side warrior maiden come to save me from myself.  You stared down Snoke and dared to pull a sword on him.”   Kylo is staring at her with undisguised fascination.  Searching her eyes, he rasps, “You were so compelling.”

 

Not compelling enough, apparently. Rey looks away.  She grumbles, “I thought you were someone else.” 

 

“Where is that girl now?” Kylo demands.  “I liked that girl.  She was amazing.”  He leans forward in his chair.  “Snoke is gone now.  There’s no one to stop you.  Go ahead, Rey, redeem me,” he goads her with that lopsided smirk of his that passes for a smile. 

 

Is he making fun of her now?   Is he flirting?  Rey can’t be sure.  She shoots him a look.  “You’re a lost cause.”  After first the throne room and then Crait, this man is beyond saving. 

 

“Do you think so?”  Rey still can’t tell if he is goading her or being serious.  “Have you lost all hope in me?”  This man is very provoking.

 

She is the Light.  She’s supposed to have hope for everyone and everything. Er . . . right?  Chastised, Rey mumbles, “No.  Well, I don't know.”  She’s not sure about anything these days.

 

“You saw the conflict in me and you thought you could coax my call to the Light into a turn to the Light.  That was it, right?”

 

Obviously.  “Luke warned me. I should have listened.  Do we have to talk about this?”  Rey wants to get off this topic.  “The throne room wasn’t my best moment,” she grouses, feeling her face flame.

 

“Oh, but it was,” he disagrees.  Kylo looks very sincere.  “Rey, you were right.  You were right about me.”

 

What?  She looks up.

 

“I am drawn to the Light.  More and more, I am drawn to the Light.  Just like you are drawn to Darkness.”

 

“How did you—“

 

“We are a lot alike.” 

 

Kylo had told her this same thing last night.  Rey’s eyes narrow.  She wants to object but somehow, she can feel the truth of his words. 

 

Remembering those few frustrating, disappointing days on Ahch-to, miserable Rey now admits, “I am drawn to Darkness.  That’s why Luke wouldn’t teach me.   Because on the island, I went straight to Darkness.”   She shoots Kylo a hurt look.  She is ashamed to have been judged unworthy of training by the legendary Jedi Master.  “I think Luke feared that I would become another you.”

 

Kylo nods.  He looks now like he did that night when they spoke through the bond in her hut.  His dark eyes are soft and so full of understanding.  All the smirking, snarky sarcasm is gone.  Rey only sees empathy and acceptance in his face.  Kylo Ren looks like he knows just how she feels because he has been there himself.

 

“Skywalker was terrified of Darkness.  Especially the Darkness in himself.   You saw it, didn’t you?  Yes . . . you did,” Kylo decides when Rey remains silent.  “My uncle tried to hide it, to deny it, but he couldn’t.  And the more Luke repressed it, the stronger it asserted itself.  Until one day, he was pulling his sword to murder me in my sleep.”

 

“He was deeply ashamed of that,” Rey is quick to respond. 

 

“But he did it all the same,” Kylo contends.  “The Darkness he saw in me was the same Darkness that tempted him to murder me.  He sought to condemn me for his own failing,” Kylo growls.  “Luke Skywalker was a righteous hypocrite.”

 

“He knew that the Jedi religion was a failure.  He even said that to me—”

 

“It wasn’t entirely Luke’s fault.  I see that now,” Kylo concedes.  His tone is bitter. “The Jedi religion taught Luke to reject Darkness and to repress it in himself.  The Jedi mostly accomplished that by denying themselves emotions.  They could not love, so they could not hate.  They could not form attachments, so they could not be possessive.  They strived to be selfless, so they would not be obsessive.  Most of the tenets of their religion were designed to keep their followers firmly in the Light.”

 

“What’s so wrong with that?” Rey demands.

 

“It was futile, for starters,” Kylo answers.  “And it was a form of self-loathing.”

 

Rey doesn't want to hear the Kylo Ren diss the Light.  So Luke Skywalker made some mistakes.  Alright, big mistakes.  But that doesn’t mean he was wrong about everything.  And it certainly doesn’t justify Kylo Ren’s galaxy-wide murder spree.  “You could use a little more Light,” Rey contends, shooting him a sideways look.

 

Kylo agrees. “I know.”

 

And now, Rey is really confused.

 

Kylo must see this because he starts explaining, “None of us it all Dark or all Light.  We are each a mix to some degree.  To deny that is to deny who you are.”  Kylo gives her a long, measuring look.   “I know there is Darkness in you.  Someday, you will show it to me.”

 

Rey is offended.  “I am not a monster!”

 

“You could be.  Anyone could be.  That is the point.  What separates me from you is a lot less than you and Luke Skywalker like to think.”

 

Rey is unconvinced.  She eyes Kylo warily, but he takes it in stride.  And, actually, this is the Kylo she had liked.  The reflective, thoughtful man who was surprisingly perceptive and disarmingly self-aware.   He had been pensive and maybe a little vulnerable.  But not threatening.   The man she met daily over the Force bond had been such a contrast to the snarling patricidal monster she had fought on the Starkiller.   The man beneath the mask buried deep under the posturing and the hate had seemed so human.  So shockingly relatable.  And that is why Rey had surrendered to Snoke to help him.  Because this private man Rey thought of as Ben Solo—not the Dark Side warrior Kylo Ren—had been worth saving.  Ben Solo had been worth fighting for.

 

“The Force defaults to balance,” Kylo goes on.  “In the universe and in ourselves.  When I am at my Darkest, that’s when I feel the call to the Light.  It brings me back towards the center.   You are the Light but you are very powerful, Rey.  That is why you are drawn to Darkness.  You can’t help it and you should not be faulted for it.”  

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“Force users like us disrupt the status quo of balance, tipping it to one side or the other.  It is no accident that the most powerful Force users are often the most conflicted.  Balance is why historically the strongest Jedi were tempted by the Dark Side and why the fiercest Sith were known to have stunning moments of compassion.  Rey, that is the Force self-correcting itself.  Those of us with the strongest, most sensitive connection to the Force are pulled in both directions.  And that is fitting because the Force itself is both Light and Dark.”

 

“I don’t know what that means,” Rey confesses.  What Kylo is saying makes logical sense but none of it comports with the old fairytale stories of the Jedi and Sith that Rey knows.  Kylo’s version of the Force is a lot more ambiguous and morally neutral than she would like.  But perhaps it’s just a way to justify his own actions, she thinks.  “What does that mean for me to be both Light and Dark?”

 

“It means that you too are in conflict.   You too are torn between Dark and Light.”   Kylo looks a bit miserable now as he shamefully admits.  “You know my greatest weakness now.   And I know yours.”

 

“You are weak for the Light,” she nods.

 

“And you are drawn to Darkness,” he finishes the corollary thought.

 

Recalling Leia Organa’s admonition to safeguard her Light, Rey is suddenly uncomfortably aware of her darker impulses of late.  Could Kylo be right?

 

He continues now. “The Force cycles throughout history.  There are Dark times and then the Light reigns.  The fortunes of the universe shift with the Force.  Force users like us can influence things one way or another but we are limited in our effect.  There is a natural ebb and flow to the Force beyond what a single individual can control.”

 

“These are Snoke’s theories?”  Rey interrupts him.  She is wary of being manipulated.  “Snoke spoke of Darkness rising and Light to meet it,” she recalls aloud.

 

Kylo nods yes. “Some of them.  Snoke was wise to the ways of the Force.  Do not discount his knowledge just because it stems from Darkness.  Sometimes the most important truths come from perspectives that are not your own.” 

 

And there Kylo goes again, sounding profound.  That this power mad despot can seem so insightful at times is sort of galling.  Because in the old stories, the Dark Side Sith were always obsessive and compulsively violent madmen.  Not rational like Kylo Ren now sounds.  Evil, Rey decides, doesn’t always look like you expect it to look. Especially when it has such shiny, fluffy hair and sad eyes.  And lips.  This man has very pouty lips.

 

“So what does all this mean for us?” Rey looks away, embarrassed to be caught staring.

 

“It means that there is Light in me.  There will always be Light in me.”  Kylo catches her eyes as he softly tells her, “Few people can see that.  But you did.  You saw it and you acted on it.”

 

Rey tears her eyes away again.  She needs to look somewhere—anywhere—but this man’s angular, oddly handsome face.  “I’m not sure there is Light in you at all,” she grumbles.  “Not after Crait.”

 

“Do you think only the Dark Side kills?” Kylo asks this without heat.  Like this is a normal topic of dinner conversation.  And maybe in his family it is. 

 

Rey thinks a moment.  “The Dark Side kills without provocation.  Without justice.”

 

He doesn’t disagree. But he counters. “My mother was integral in taking out two Death Stars and the Starkiller.  Her Rebellion and later her Resistance chalked up a considerable body count.”

 

“All in response to the aggression of the Dark Side,” Rey contends, adding, “It was war.”

 

“It was war at Crait too.”

 

“That was different.”

 

Kylo digs in.  “Crait ended a war that was tearing the galaxy apart.  The loss of a few lives at Crait ended the slaughter.    Had the war dragged on, more would have died but the end result would have still been the same.  There was no way for the Resistance to win.”  Kylo gives her an encouraging, if patronizing, look.  “In time, you will see beyond your own personal loss to understand the greater good.”

 

All this talk of the Force has Rey realizing anew how wrong she was to confront Snoke.  She may have seen Kylo Ren’s weakness to the Light but she had missed the obvious point that his default setting is to  the Dark Side.  His call to the Light is a symptom of his Darkness, not the cure for it.  “You weren’t even tempted were you?”  Rey can’t keep the resentment and disappointment out of her voice.  “I read the whole situation wrongly. You never had any desire to be redeemed, did you?”

 

“I knew what you were going to do when you showed up.  And I knew that Snoke would force me to choose.  He liked to construct tests for me.”

 

“Like killing your father?”

 

“Yes.  I gave everything to Snoke for years and it was never enough.  I saw that.  I knew that I needed to be rid of him.  I was waiting for my chance.”

 

Darkness rose up to kill Darkness to claim power.   Rey had triggered an old-style Sith Master slaying quite by accident.  She sighs and looks down, humbled by her failure.  Kylo hadn’t been tempted to the Light.  In the end, he had been tempted deeper into Darkness.  And her friends in the Resistance had died as a result.

 

Kylo freely admits it now.  “I wasn’t tempted by the Light.  I was tempted by you.   You won, Rey, just not in the way you expected.”

 

There he goes again with his ambiguous declarations.  He did this before in the throne room.  Rey is never sure when Kylo Ren is talking about power and the Force or talking about them together personally.  His bold claims last night that she will turn and stand with him had Rey wondering whether Kylo was talking about them aligned as allies on the Dark Side or together as a couple.  But that’s not exactly something she wants to ask.  ‘What does Kylo Ren want?’ is a mystery Rey isn’t sure she wants to clarify.

 

He must see how troubled she is.  For just like last night, he assures her, “Rey, I was never going to kill you.  I want you to know that.”  And there again, she is confused about his motivation.   Because when a handsome Dark Sider stares into your eyes this intently and tells you they won’t kill you, it sort of feels like a bizarre promise of love.   Like you are now supposed to fall at their feet in gratitude for their magnanimous forbearance.  For as ridiculous as it sounds, this man has killed everyone else but her and that seems like it might mean something.  Plus, last night as he held her hands, Rey had been almost certain that Kylo was going to kiss her.  When he didn’t, some small part of her was disappointed.  Later on, she had felt guilty about that.

 

Kylo does it again and this time his voice is like a caress.  “I don’t want to hurt you.  I want you to know that.”

 

“I don’t know that,” Rey bristles.  “I’m not sure I believe you.  You’ve killed everyone else in the Resistance and in your family.”

 

“Rey—"

 

She overrides him.  “Your mother knows you were the one who shot the bridge of her ship.  She knows you essentially killed her!”

 

Kylo rears back to shift in his seat.  He is defensive.  “My wingman took that shot.”

 

“She says you did.”

 

“I had the shot.  But I didn’t take it.”  Kylo looks upset.  “I thought about taking it, but I didn’t.  I did not kill my mother,” he says in no uncertain terms.

 

Rey can’t hold back her retort.  “Why not?  You’ve killed everyone else.”

 

“She’s my mother. I didn’t kill her on the _Raddus_ and I didn’t kill her at Crait.”

 

Kylo stares at her indignantly.  In the moment he seems oddly hurt.  Whether that is by Rey’s words or by his mother’s belief isn’t clear.  But naked hurt shows on his long, angular features all the same.  Kylo looks disappointed and offended that anyone would think that he would kill his own mother.  Killing his father?  Well, apparently, that’s a different issue.

 

“I believe you,” Rey backs down.   There really is Light in this man.  It’s kind of a shock.

 

He lashes out now.  “That doesn’t fit your narrative, does it?” he sneers.   “The one in which I am always the bad guy.  The one in which my mother is the victim.”  He is angry now.  She can almost see his temper rising as his shoulders come up and suddenly he shoots to his feet.  “The Force is not as simple as you think it is!” he roars.   “Neither are people!  Life is not Light and Dark, black and white, good and evil.  This isn’t like in the fairytales and legends where everything is simple and clear cut.   The real world is complicated.  It’s messy . . . ”  He whirls to stalk across the room, pacing as he rages, “My uncle refused to believe that for years until he saw it in himself.  This is why the Jedi and the Sith needed to end.  Because the Jedi dealt in moral absolutes that didn’t comport with the real word.  Because the Sith focused only on power to the exclusion of all else.   To focus on one extreme of the Force is not sustainable in the long term.  You set yourself up for failure and just beg the Force to strike back at you.” 

 

Rey completes the thought now, recalling his earlier words.  “Because the Force defaults to balance.” 

 

He looks up and stops pacing.  “Yes.”  He looks almost surprised that she listened.  Pleased, too.

 

“Balance is why you couldn't bring yourself to kill your mother.  Because the Force called you to the Light.”

 

He nods.  “She is the Light.  She’ll be dead soon.  And then there will only be you.”  He looks at Rey pointedly now.

 

“Are you saying we are the balance to each other?”

 

“We might be.”

 

She keeps reasoning.  “This is why you didn’t kill me in the throne room?  This is why you say you won’t hurt me now?  Because I am the Light you need for balance?”

 

“No.  That’s not it.”

 

“Then why?” she demands.

 

“I told you.  We are a lot alike.”

 

“So you want us to be friends?” she asks, floundering around for understanding.

 

“No.”  He is emphatic.

 

She instantly agrees.  “You’re right.  That’s not possible.  We are enemies.”

 

“We’re not enemies.”  He is emphatic about this too.  And now Rey wonders if Kylo is being deliberately obtuse.

 

“Yes, we are,” she maintains.   This man leads the First Order that has slaughtered her friends, destroyed an entire Core system, and violently subjugated the galaxy.  “We are enemies.   Complicated enemies,” she amends, borrowing his word from earlier.   And it sort of fits.  Because they are enemies who don’t want to kill one another.  Enemies who might agree on a few things.  Enemies who might on occasion understand and appreciate one another.  But they are people who fundamentally want different things.  He is Dark with a touch of Light.  She is Light with some Darker leanings.  It’s complicated and so are they, she thinks.  He doesn’t want to be friends and that was probably a bad idea anyway, Rey reconsiders.  So she will settle on them being frenemies in the Force.   Until his mother dies and Rey leaves, that is.

 

And now, yet again, Kylo looks sort of hurt.   Whatever it is that this man wants from her, she’s clearly not giving it to him.  What does Kylo Ren want?  Yet again, Rey declines to ask.

 

Instead, she tells him what to do.  “You should tell you mother you didn’t fire on the bridge.  I think she should know that.” 

 

“I don’t want to talk to her.”

 

“You should talk to her.  If you think about it too long, you may lose your chance.”

 

“I don’t want to talk to her.  You tell her.”

 

Rey looks at Kylo sharply.  “Are you serious?”

 

“Yes.  Will you tell her?”

 

And there it is again.  That open, vulnerable, slightly haunted face of the man Rey thinks of as Ben.  The man who had told her she was not alone and had touched her hand in the Force.  “Okay,” Rey answers almost reflexively.  She can feel herself blushing and she doesn’t quite know why.  Flustered, she gestures to their plates and asks, “Are you done?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Dinner is through.


	6. Chapter 6

He cannot deny the truth that is his family.  And that is why Kylo Ren finds himself back in the infirmary.  Brooding. 

 

Normally, he meditates with his grandfather’s mask on nights like these when he can’t sleep.  But lately, he finds himself here.   Every night, Kylo wanders in very late and stands here staring.   He has nothing to say and everything to say.  There are accusations ready on his tongue and apologies stuck in his throat.  He is angry, but mostly he is sad.  This isn’t like with Han Solo or Luke Skywalker.  This is his mother.  Even after years of seeing Leia Organa on the holonet from an objective, safe distance, Kylo has never been able to think of her as the enemy general.  Those words might come out his mouth but, in his mind, she has always remained Mom.  For all their political disagreements and philosophical differences, the only disputes with this woman that matter are the personal ones.   Chiefly, her repeated rejections, her emotional abandonment, and her outright lies.

 

In the days since Crait, his mother has aged ten years.  She looks sick.  Like she is dying.  He knows that intellectually of course, but now he is seeing it before his eyes.  Every day she gets a little paler, a little more frail, slightly less alive looking.  In his youth, his mother was always a very vibrant person.  His childhood memories mostly involve her striding fast through a room with a trail of assistants following in her wake.  Sometimes she was dictating, sometimes she was issuing instructions, but always she was in charge.  Young Ben Solo would see her breeze through once a day to smile and nod at him and then carry on with her work.  Your mother is a very important woman, the nannies and assistants would tell him after she had left.  Your mother is a very important woman doing very important work.    It was all very important.  The unintended message was clear:  his mother and her work were far more important than him.

 

They were right.  Leia Organa was a princess, she was a hero, she was the founding mother of the New Republic, a member of the Imperial Senate and then the Republic Senate, later a Senate Chancellor too.   She was the most famous woman of her day even if over time, she became a very polarizing figure.   His princess mother cast a long shadow of achievement and fame.  It eclipsed his shyster father’s ignominy and equaled his Jedi Master uncle’s renown.   When the juicy news broke that Leia Organa was the natural daughter of Darth Vader, quite a few pundits had nodded and commented that the father-daughter politics didn't fit but the rest did.  Because in her own way, Leia Organa was as strong as Darth Vader.  And that’s why it’s hard to see his mother lying here deathly still.  

 

It’s like she’s already gone, except she’s not.  Not yet.

 

At first, Kylo had wanted this to be over quickly.   He did not want to drag out her suffering or his emotions.  But as the days tick by, Kylo more and more fears he is not ready for this.  He opens the twice daily medical reports on her condition with a sense of dread.  The reports read just as predicted.  His mother’s decline shows steady signs of progression.  Some patients slowly deteriorate until the end while others deteriorate to a random level and then slip away.  It could be any day or it could be a few weeks, he is advised.  The medics have carefully worded caveats and disclaimers that he ignores. 

 

It’s not the uncertainty of the timing that upsets him.  It is the certainty of the end. 

 

If any woman in the galaxy is a fighter against all odds, it is Leia Organa. But even the mightiest, most determined among us is mortal.  And so, the day will come soon when he truly will be alone.  That scares Kylo in a way he did not anticipate.  It is one thing to be lonely because you are estranged, it is another thing to be lonely because there is no one left.  This is loneliness like Rey’s loneliness on Jakku.  Having seen that isolation in Rey’s memories, it scares him.  Kylo never set out to be the remnant of a bygone age, but that is how things have turned out.

 

He is the last prince of a lost world that died before he was born.  In a strange irony, Alderaan’s heir is Hosnia’s destroyer.

 

He is the last trained Force user, the lone practitioner for two proud traditions that finally met their end. Neither Jedi nor Sith, he is adrift.

 

He is the last Skywalker, the sole heir to a dying breed gifted with the Force but torn apart by ambition and war.   One by one, his family fell victim to one another.

 

It feels strange to be in this position so young.  Orphaned and rootless, by his own choice.   Kylo Ren has all the power he could ever want, but none of the love that he has craved for so long.

 

Rey helps.  She helps just by being here.  But once his mother dies, Rey will be gone too.   Kylo worries that if he doesn’t make progress quickly, he will lose his chance with her.   Rey will leave him and take with her his best chance at happiness.  It makes him anxious.  A little desperate.  And that’s why five minutes later, Kylo is standing silent and still outside Rey’s door.  Brooding like he broods at his mother’s bedside. 

 

His handprint will open the door.  This ship is his, after all.  There are no areas off limits to Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.  He could open the door, walk into her quarters, slip into bed beside Rey, and seduce her.   He is the reigning Dark Master and he can take whatever he wants.  But he doesn’t want to take anything from Rey.  And besides, she might resist.  Maybe.  Kylo isn’t certain what she would do. 

 

Rey called him her enemy tonight. That moment felt telling, but he’s not sure exactly how.  It’s hard to gauge where he stands with Rey.  Kylo keeps telling Rey again and again that he wants a future with her.  She turned him down flat in the throne room and now she mostly seems to ignore his overtures.  Is she avoiding a direct confrontation?  Sometimes he wonders if Rey even understands how interested he is.  She seemed sort of clueless tonight.  Is Rey disinterested or could she be playing hard to get?   He doesn’t know.

 

Rey is so young.  Maybe too young for him.  Too inexperienced in life.  Jakku was harsh and Rey grew up fast.  But she also grew up nearly feral.  Whole aspects of her life—mostly social interactions—are missing. Kylo is pretty sure that Rey has never been kissed.  He’s willing to bet his Empire that she’s an untouched virgin too.  Kylo himself has barely any experience with girls, but that’s not the point. What worries him is that Rey is so needy and lonely, and yet she can’t seem to see him standing before her offering the perfect solution. 

 

What is she waiting for?   He is offering her everything.  Most women would jump at the opportunity he’s proposing.

 

Yes, their current situation with its quasi-prisoner overtones just eggs on her hostility.  But can’t Rey see past their differences to recognize all the ways that they are alike?   Doesn’t she want to be happy?   Or is it that Rey is still mourning the loss of the dream of her parents returning?  She’s not a child any more.  She doesn’t need parents.  All Rey needs is him. 

 

He doesn’t need parents either.  That’s what Kylo tells himself again and again.  So what if he killed his own father?  Truly, his mother dying is no big deal.  Her death will end a chapter of his life and he and Rey together will start a new era.  Out with the old and in with the new.  It’s time to move on.  Except more and more, Kylo isn’t so sure it will be that easy to lose his mother or to convince Rey.  Suddenly subduing the galaxy seems a whole lot easier than managing the women in his life.  And killing his father?  Well, Kylo knows not to go there . . .

 

Does he need to be more aggressive with Rey?   Kylo had been trying to soft pedal his suit given her fears that she is a prisoner.  But maybe he needs to be more direct.   He is aggressive by nature.  It’s strange for him to be this patient. 

 

Kylo considers it seriously now.  He could march in and declare his attentions with actions instead of words.  Rousing his sleeping Jedi beauty from her from slumber with a kiss. He will claim her lush lips for his own. He will bury his face in her hair that is the same color as his mother’s hair in her youth.  Then he will thrust his body into hers and make Rey his forever.   It’s a tempting thought, but Kylo suppresses his baser instincts.  This is too important to screw up.  He can’t scare Rey away.  So, now thoroughly hot and bothered, he trudges down the hall to his quarters to take a cold shower.

 

Many hours and many meetings later, Rey is back in his quarters for their nightly dinner.  It’s the best part of his day.  Finally, Kylo gets to talk to someone who doesn’t bow and scrape.  That it’s pretty Rey in her finery is just the icing on the cake.

 

As usual, they dispense with the pleasantries.  Neither he nor Rey is much for small talk.  And tonight, he skips the wine toast.  Kylo picks up his fork and leads with the question foremost in his mind.  “Did you tell her?”

 

Rey nods as she seats herself.  “Yes.”

 

“Did she believe you?”  He has worried over this. 

 

Again, Rey nods.  “Yes. I think so.”

 

And now, he has to ask.  “What did she say?”  He’s dying to know this.

 

“Just that she was glad.”

 

That’s it? 

 

That’s it?? 

 

His frustration and disappointment must show in his face.  Because now Rey looks to him encouragingly and repeats herself.   “I think she was glad to know you didn’t fire that shot.  She seemed relieved,“ Rey adds as an afterthought.

 

“Yeah, okay,” he mumbles.  Then, he quickly shifts gears.  Enough of that.  “Tell me about Jakku.”

 

Now Rey is the one on the defensive who looks uncomfortable.  “There’s nothing to tell.  You saw it all in my mind, remember?”  She glares at him.   The Starkiller interrogation is evidently still a sore point.

 

Kylo had been looking for information about the droid and the map back then.  Jakku was just incidental background stuff.  But Rey’s unusual story had been so unexpected and stark that it had caught his attention.   Kylo might have grown up the privileged child of a famous clan, but Rey’s abandonment and loneliness had resonated strongly with him.  Their experiences had been different but they felt the same in some respects.  Kylo wants to show her this.  Rey needs to know that they are alike in more ways than just the Force. 

 

So, he presses, “I want to hear it from you.  Tell me in your own words.”

 

“Jakku is hot and life is hard,” she summarizes succinctly.  Rey looks away.  “Scavenging is dangerous and it doesn’t pay well.  Desert living is harsh.”

 

Maybe this wasn’t the best topic, Kylo belatedly thinks.  But he tries to pivot and salvage something of the conversation.  “I hate that you lived on Jakku.  I hate how you lived on Jakku.”  He remembers her daily struggle for portions and her calendar of marks on the wall.  “You deserved better than that,” he contends.  And now he makes Rey a promise, “I want to make Jakku up to you.  I will give you a much better life than Jakku.”

 

Rey just raises an eyebrow.  She’s unimpressed.  Or maybe she’s posturing for a bargain like she’s back with Unkar Plutt?  “More fancy dresses?”

 

“Sure,” he confirms.  “Anything you want.  Dresses are just a start.”  He’s fully prepared to give this woman anything and everything she wants if she will stay with him.

 

“And what do you get in exchange?”  Rey eyes him. “We aren’t friends, but you say we aren’t enemies either.  So what are we to each other then?”

 

Yes, it’s as he thought.  Rey is unclear about his intentions. So Kylo lays it on the line. “I want you for my ally.  I want us to be together as allies.”

 

And, there.  He said it.  It can be hard to say what you want in life.  To put words to your desires and state them without justification or explanation.  Kylo knows his speech tends to be blunt, verging on harsh.  Well, everything about his demeanor can be that way.  But in this instance, it belies his very real misgivings and fears.  So, he waits with bated breath.

 

“You want us to be together as allies,” Rey slowly repeats his words, processing them.

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Together together?”  Her brow furrows.  This concept seems new to her.  Unwelcome too.  “Like together with each other?” her voice squeaks.  It betrays her nervous panic.

 

That’s not the reaction he was hoping for.  “Yes.”

 

“Oh.” 

 

He is silent for a long moment.

 

“Oh,” she says again. 

 

He presents his suit as carte blanche.  He can be magnanimous when he wants. “Rey, I will not limit you.  I will treat you well,” he assures her.  And, shit, this is the least romantic proposal ever, he worries.  It feels more like they are negotiating an arms deal.  This is all wrong.  Too arm’s length, too rational, too cold.  It reveals nothing about all the promise he sees in their pairing.  But he’s not one for fancy words.  That’s Hux’s job.  Kylo settles on, “I can give you whatever you want.”

 

“No, you can’t,” she shakes her head.  She gives him a look that begins as a glare but quickly dissolves into sadness and hurt.  Rey ends up looking down at her hands in her lap.  “All I have ever wanted is my family and a normal life.  You can’t give me that.”  She looks away and half-whispers, “No one can.”

 

“Force users don’t get normal lives,” he tells her gently.  Awkward as this is, Kylo is encouraged that they are talking about things openly at last.  Perhaps this conversation is long overdue.  “We are agents of change.  Rey, you matter whether you like it or not. You cannot escape your destiny,” he warns.  “Don’t try.  It will only lead to heartache. Trust me, I know.”

 

He keeps speaking in response to her questioning look.  “Growing up I didn’t want to be a Jedi. I wanted to be a normal kid with normal parents.  But you get what you get in life.  I was born a Skywalker with the Force.  I can’t change that and I stopped trying to run from it years ago.”

 

Rey is stubborn.  “I’m not giving up on my dreams just because I have the Force.”

 

“Your parents are dead.”  Rey needs to face facts.

 

“I can still have a normal life.”

 

“No, you can’t.  You need to let that go too.” 

 

“I can’t,” she hisses back.

 

Kylo gives her a long, measuring look.  “You mean you don’t want to.”

 

“No,” Rey concedes softly.  “I guess not.  Not yet.”

 

She’s in denial and she needs to move on.  “Let the past die--“

 

“I can’t!”  Rey wails miserably.  “I’m not ready.  I have to heal the past before I can let it go.  Don’t you see?”  Rey has tears in her eyes now.  “You can walk away from pain . . . maybe even pretend it’s not there . . .  but it follows you everywhere.”   She puts down her fork and shifts in her seat.  “Jakku is in me,” she confesses unhappily.  “Whether I like it or not.”

 

Kylo knows exactly what Rey means.  Here is his opening.  Kylo reaches across the table with his palm up.  It’s a silent request to take her hand.  “I will help you heal your past,” he offers solemnly.  Together, they can heal each other, he plans.

 

It’s an overture she rebuffs.  “You can’t even heal your own past!”  Rey glares at him. “You need to go talk to your mother.   Go confront your own past, Kylo Ren, before you tell me you can heal mine!”

 

His eyes narrow at her response.  Is Rey meddling or did Leia Organa send her tonight as a go-between?  Kylo needs to know.  “Did she put you up to this?” 

 

“No!  But your mother is weakening by the day.  You are going to regret it when she is gone and you never made peace with her.”

 

“No, I won’t.”

 

“Yes, you will,” Rey counters firmly.  “My parents are dead and I regret that I can’t remember them. That I can’t understand them.  That I don’t know why they did what they did.”

 

What does this matter?  “They were filthy junk traders—“

 

“They were still my parents!  Bad decisions, addictions, poverty, and all.”  Rey has tears shining in her eyes.  “Han Solo was still your father even if he wasn’t perfect.  And that dying woman in the sickbay is your mother, whether you like it or not.”

 

Rey is his mother’s apologist now, he sees.  Or maybe her self-appointed champion.  That shouldn’t be a surprise.  His mother has always had a certain personal charisma that helped her cause.  It was one secret of her longevity as a leader, Kylo knows.   People tend to project their hopes and dreams on Leia Organa.  They want her to succeed and they want to be on her winning team.  For decades, she mentored one young leader after another, giving her a broad, deep and lasting influence over the New Republic hierarchy.   It’s a little like Hux’s cult of personality among the First Order officer corps.  And now, it seems Rey too has fallen under his mother’s spell.   Rey is just the latest in a long line of defenders who will argue and fight for his mother’s cause.

 

Kylo knows he has none of his mother’s people skills.  His leadership comes from a common cause and a healthy dose of fear.  Supreme Leader Kylo Ren doesn’t inspire his followers, mostly he compels them.   Loyalty to Leader Ren comes from duty and not a sense of personal regard.   It’s one more way in which his damned mother outclasses him still.

 

With a sigh, Kylo reminds himself that the goal here is Rey.  He’s trying to impress and convince Rey.  So, Kylo forces himself to ask, “What do you want me to do?”

 

“Just go talk to her.”

 

Not a chance.  “She doesn’t want to talk to me anymore than I want to talk to her.”   Kylo gives Rey a cajoling look.  “I don’t need her.  Just like you don’t need your worthless parents. You will never get over their betrayal if you can’t stop needing them,” he warns.

 

Rey looks him in the eye.  “Kylo Ren, the more you deny your past, the more it defines who you are.”

 

Well, shit.  That might just be true.  Rey’s insight makes Kylo uncomfortably aware of Snoke telling him killing Han Solo split his spirit.  And Luke’s parting gibe that his father will always be with him now rings in Kylo ears.   Will his mother always be with him?   Maybe Rey is right.  Kylo makes a face and looks away.  That old woman just needs to die.

 

“Will you at least think about it?” Rey asks quietly.

 

“Yes.”  He says this mostly to get Rey off his back.  And now, Kylo gets back to the topic at hand:  he and Rey.  Their future together is the future of the Force and the future of the galaxy.  Can’t she see that?  He’s screwing this up again, Kylo knows.  He’s talking Rey to death.  Making his pitch about reasons when it should be about feelings.  This might be an alliance, but it is so much more than that.  He could put words around those emotions but he’s afraid to.  It’s a lot easier to talk about balancing the Force and leaving their hurtful pasts behind than it is to confess that he’s crazy about this girl.  The rejection is easier when the issues are more abstract and less about himself.

 

“So,” he gingerly broaches the topic.  “About us . . . I want you to join me, Rey.”  Again, he holds out his hand across the tabletop.

 

“No.” She doesn’t mince words.  She even makes an ugly face to cap off her refusal.  Then, she blushes to the roots of her hair.

 

Ouch.  That kind of hurt.  Kylo is not surprised, but he is disappointed.  Still, he takes it in stride.  “I’m not giving up.”

 

“I will be leaving here after . . .”  Rey is searching for the right words.  “Well, you know . . . ”

 

“After she’s dead?” Kylo finishes for her brutally. 

 

Rey shoots him a look and snaps, “Yes.”

 

They are back to talking about his mother again.  It’s a sore subject and so is Rey leaving him.  Frustrated Kylo springs to his feet and now looms over Rey and charges, “You keep hanging on!  First to your dead parents and now to my dying mother!  You’re looking for family in everyone you meet—Han Solo, Luke, my mother.  Who’s next, Rey?  You are desperate for someone to care for and to care for you back.”  He’s shouting now as he vents his temper.  “Well, stop looking because I can be that person for you!”

 

Rey now jumps to her feet too.  “We’re done here,” she announces as she heads for the door.

 

And no, they are not done yet.  Kylo starts after Rey fast.  “Do you want someone to rescue you from your miserable life on Jakku?  I am that person!”  He grabs for her hand and yanks her back.    “Stop pushing me away!” he hollers in her face.  Then, his hands reach for her and his lips dive for her mouth.

 

It’s an impulse, more than a decision.  It plays out embarrassingly tentative too.  For his hands are rough at first but then Kylo hesitates.  When their lips finally brush, his trembling mouth is soft.  Kylo Ren is less than his usual commanding self in this moment. He might rule the galaxy but this is a guy standing in front of a girl desperate to make a connection any way he can.  Words have failed him, so actions are all he has left to try.  But he’s no player—and that’s the point.  This means something.  She means something.  Can she see that?  He wants her to see that. 

 

Their lips touch and instantly he releases her.  Rey pulls back to blink at him and gasp.  She raises a hand to her lips in shock.  Yes, that had definitely been her first kiss.  Knowing this makes him feel better.  At least, he has the upper hand . . . well, sort of.   

 

Is she going to run away now?  Is she going to slap him?  She doesn’t.  Rey just stands there looking as uncertain as he himself feels.  Her momentary quandary emboldens him to go in for another try. 

 

This next kiss is more confident, maybe a little insistent.  Is he doing this right?  He’s not sure.  But it’s pretty amazing so he’s going with it.  Yes, he could do this all night.  All this and more.  She’s not fighting him, she’s just sort of standing there.  But that’s encouragement enough.  Kylo’s hands are in her hair now, making a mess of her fancy loose updo.  He drags her head back, her jaw opens, and she fully surrenders her lips to his. 

 

He feels her furtive hands find his waist as she slowly starts to respond.  Yes, put your hands on me, he thinks.  Open your mouth for me, open your mind to me, open your heart to me, respond to me, give me everything like you once gave to Snoke.  Can she feel this energy between them?   The Force crackles and pops around them.  It’s like fireworks in his mind. This is everything Luke Skywalker would have forbidden and all that old Snoke would have sneered at.  Light meets Dark, boy meets girl, and a not-quite Jedi is held fast in the arms of a proto-Sith.   It’s so wrong . . . so deliciously wrong.  This is the past dying right here, right now, as several millennia worth of Force orthodoxy fall away and they break every rule.

 

Rey tastes like dinner and destiny.  Her lips feel soft like the compassion and understanding he craves.  Her hands on him feel steady, like the anchoring support he needs.  They would be so good together, if she will only give them a chance.  She’s a little damaged, he’s a little damaged, but together they can be whole.  Alternately leaning on one another and propping each other up.

 

Kylo knows he needs to stop this now.  To break the kiss and leave her wanting more.  If this goes on too long Rey will get cold feet and toss him across the room with the Force.   This girl would do that.  She kicked his ass once and she might do it again and some part of him would love it all the same.  But not tonight.  Tonight, Kylo wrenches free and steps back.  Twice.  He wants to put some distance between them to physically ratchet down any implied threat.  He’s still got his sword at his waist, after all.

 

That was the grand gesture, now is the moment for the flowery speech.  But the words will not come.  Kylo Ren is an emotional man for whom passion is his path to power.  But that doesn’t mean he can talk about it.  He’s a guy and he doesn’t discuss his feelings.  He just feels them and acts.  Like this.

 

She is panting, he is panting, as he tells her again, “I want you to join me.”  Rey opens her mouth to reflexively object and he forestalls her.  His palm flashes up and he beats her to speak.  “Just think about it.”

 

Wide eyed, flushed cheek Rey nods slowly.  She looks wary and ready to be gone.  “O-Okay.” 

 

Kylo waves his hand at the door behind her.  It opens.  She takes the hint and flees.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Rey is sitting with the princess again.  Leia Organa has not roused yet and so Rey is alone with her thoughts.  All she can think of is last night. 

Her first kiss was from Kylo Ren.  Rey isn’t sure what to make of that.  The bigger issue is probably that Kylo wants for them to be together—whatever that means—but Rey is fixated on the kiss.  Because that kiss . . .   She keeps reliving that kiss.   The dire danger of being on the run from Kylo Ren had awakened the Force in Rey.   Now she worries that the dire danger of being in the arms of Kylo Ren has awakened something far different but equally as potent.  It is unsettling.

Kylo Ren has swung a sword at her, kidnapped her, and invaded her mind.  He’s also saved her from Snoke, asked her to sit with his dying mother, and now kissed her.  In return, she’s helped to blow up the Starkiller, shot at him, and scarred his face.  Oh, and she also showed up full of zeal in a misguided attempt to save his Dark soul that utterly backfired. 

This isn’t how people usually find romance.  Normal couples get fixed up by friends or maybe they meet as colleagues at work.  Or their eyes meet across a crowded university commons or a street corner or someplace else utterly random but completely charming.   If it works out and they stay together, the couple tells the story years later with smiles in their eyes as they reminisce about the magic moment when their life together began.  No one ever tells the story of how they first saw their beloved in a scary Force vision.  He was killing someone with his sword, naturally.   And then, he appears in the flesh to arrest you and you wake up strapped to a torture device.  No one ever tells the story like that because that story is not how healthy, lasting relationships begin.  Even unsophisticated Rey of Jakku knows that.

Once or twice a guy high on spice had tried to grab Rey at the Niima Outpost.  And that hadn’t been for a kiss.  That had been for rape.  Each time, Rey had made good use of her staff for self-defense.  By the second time Rey had pummeled an attacker, the locals concluded not to bother attempting to victimize her.  After that, Rey was mostly left alone.  Other than those brief, scary encounters and some scornful catcalls, Rey has never had any male attention.  She didn’t go seeking it either.  

Jakku had plenty of locals who might have traded portions or water for sex, but thankfully Rey never had to resort to that.  And the smugglers and other criminal types who passed through Jakku might have traded sex for a flight off-world, but Rey had been determined to stay to wait for her parents.  And so, lonely both by circumstance and by choice, Rey has very limited experience with romance.  Like zero experience. 

And that was perfectly fine by her.  Rey had longed for her family with a childlike zeal.  She had never longed for a boyfriend.   Romantic relationships were always in the category of ‘sometime in the future’ after her parents returned.  But now that her family is never coming back and Kylo Ren has presented himself as suitor, Rey is taken aback.  Luke Skywalker was right.  This is not going the way she thought it would.  It hadn’t turned out like Rey had hoped in the throne room and it isn’t going the way she expects now.  Nothing about Kylo Ren has been predictable.  The man is always off script and her instincts with him are inevitably wrong. 

Still, hindsight is illuminating.  For looking back now, Rey feels foolish for not having figured this out sooner.  All Kylo’s vague statements make sense in the context of them being some sort of Force power couple.  Had he been trying to be subtle?  Rey of Jakku doesn’t do subtle.  She speaks plainly and she acts deliberately.  She expects others to do the same.  Except they don’t, especially Masters of the Dark Side whose stealth machinations and sly manipulations are the stuff of legend. 

First, Kylo tells her that she is nothing.  She’s nobody, but not to him.  He alone values the throwaway girl from the Rim wasteland world.  Is he right?  He might be now that all Rey’s new friends in the Resistance are dead.  But so what?   Rey got along on her own for years and she can do it again.  Maybe that is the lesson of Jakku—that she needs other people far less than she thinks she does.

Certainly, she doesn't need Kylo Ren.  Rey sees through his ploy.  This is about power, not romance.  Kylo doesn’t want to rule the galaxy with her.  He’s a Dark Sider who wants all the power for himself.  He is straightforward about it too.  For his version of the future is that he rules the galaxy and she gets the consolation prize of ruling him.  Rey isn’t sure what that means in practice, but she strongly suspects it means her Resistance ideals and Light Side goals won’t matter at all to his new fascist government. 

That kiss and his offer are just a way to marginalize her.  To make Rey content to go along with him.  Kylo’s scenario neatly takes her out of the role of enemy and makes her somewhat complicit and at the same time reluctant to oppose him.   This is like Snoke’s move to choose Kylo for his apprentice because guilty Luke wouldn’t kill his nephew and former student.  It neatly removes the endgame to the conflict by complicating things with sentiment. 

It’s a good strategy, Rey has to admit.  Kylo has seen her memories, so he knows how lonely Rey has been.  He knows how meager and harsh her life was.  Kylo conveniently offers himself as the remedy to all that.  He can give her anything and everything, including himself.  Better still, Kylo presents it as destiny that he has foreseen in the Force, giving it a gauzy veneer of inevitability.  He tells her she shouldn’t bother to resist because it’s unavoidable.  Yes, it is a very well thought out emotional trap. 

This man is dangerous.  Far more insidious than Rey had realized at the start.  Kylo Ren’s kiss might just be more threatening than his sword, she realizes.  

The threat is real, too.  Because while Rey isn’t tempted at all by power, she could be tempted by Kylo himself.   But just a little.  And it’s more like curious than tempted.  Because Kylo has those sad, soulful eyes that look decades older than his actual age.  Kylo looks alternatively childlike and wise with those expressive dark eyes.  They are the perfect match for his angular face.  This prince is more goofy looking than handsome, and Rey actually prefers it that way.  Kylo Ren looks as distinctive as he truly is.  And he looks very male.  There is nothing pretty about him.

That’s not counting all those hard muscles hidden under his uniform that Rey saw during their awkward Force bond interaction.  Rey hadn’t been looking but she had definitely been looking.  Yes, his person is very attractive even if his politics and his violence are not.  And when you add in Kylo’s forbidden Darkness, it is a very potent draw.  This man’s sex appeal might catch her eye, but his sad soul invokes her compassion and that just might be Rey’s greatest weakness of all.   It’s already spurred her once already to throw caution to the wind.  That’s how Rey ended up on her knees awaiting her execution.

And now, that kiss . . .    Rey really needs to stop thinking about that kiss. 

Now is the time Rey needs a big sister or a mother for advice.  Someone with more experience to advise her on how to handle things.  Because Kylo is not going to give up.  He even said so.  So what should she do the next time he makes his move?  Should she sidestep his overtures or turn him down flat?  Maybe throw him across the room with the Force?  Rey isn’t sure how far she can push back without provoking Kylo’s violence.  This won’t be like fending off a guy high on spice at the Niima Outpost.  Violence is a very real threat with Kylo Ren and Rey no longer has her sword.  She is far from defenseless, but Jakku taught her long ago to choose her battles carefully.  Rey knows that she needs to tread carefully here. 

“My lady?” 

A woman’s voice jars Rey out of her thoughts.  Rey whirls to find the female officer who had helped her when she woke from being injured.  “Oh, hello.”  Rey stands to her feet.  “Please come in.”

The major is only slightly more relaxed this time.  She stands at attention and speaks efficiently.  “Leader Ren sent me.  I am requested to inform you that you will not be dining with the Leader tonight.”

Rey nods her relief.  After what happened last night, a break from their evening dinners is a good thing.  Plus, it will give Rey some time to formulate a strategy for how to deal with Kylo going forward. 

“The Leader instead requests your presence at the ceremony.  We are convening at nineteen hundred hours.   The shuttle down to Coruscant departs an hour beforehand.  I will meet you at your quarters to escort you to the hangar bay.”

“Ceremony?”  Rey looks at the woman blankly.

“Yes.  Did he not tell you?   Leader Ren will preside over tonight’s victory celebration.”  Finally, the woman becomes somewhat animated.  She still stands at rigid attention but her eyes twinkle with excitement as she tells Rey, “General Hux will give a speech to eulogize Leader Snoke.  It’s going to be great.  Someday, I will tell my grandchildren that I was there.”

“Oh.”  Rey nods dutifully.  “Kylo didn’t tell me anything about that.”  She knows nothing of Kylo’s work at the First Order.  It’s one more way in which Kylo’s offer to rule with him seems completely illusory.  Yes, clearly, he is stringing her along.

“The celebration has been in the works since Crait.  The Leader thought it important for the First Order to publicly declare his leadership and to announce the end of the war.”

“Oh.  Yes, of course.”  Kylo wants a victory lap apparently.

“The ceremony will be broadcast live on the holonet.  There will be cameras everywhere. My lady, you might want to keep that in mind.  Perhaps a more formal dress?”  The major’s eyes sweep critically over the pink dress Rey currently wears.  It’s now Rey’s favorite dress because it is the most casual and comfortable option in her new wardrobe.  “Perhaps the green with the matching cape?  You are very elegant in that.  Leader Ren’s sister will catch everyone’s eye, you can be sure.”

“So I need to look extra fancy?” Rey surmises.

“Yes.”

“Alright,” Rey concedes without enthusiasm.  “Thank you for warning me.”

“I will see you at your quarters later, my lady.”  The uptight major snaps to attention and salutes before she departs. 

When the door slides shut behind her, Leia Organa, who has apparently been listening, speaks up.  “Don’t go.”

Rey whirls to face the princess.  “General, you’re awake!”  The princess wakes a few times a day and speaks for a few minutes before she slips into unconsciousness again. 

“Don’t go,” Leia Organa repeats sternly.  “Ben is only going to use you as a prop.  You’ll be there to soften his image as his pretend sister. Or you’ll be the Jedi Resistance girl he recruited to his cause.  Either way, he will be using you for a PR stunt.”

Yes, that’s probably right, Rey thinks.  It definitely fits Kylo’s modus operandi to turn everything to his advantage.

“Politics is very visual.  Who is seen doing what with whom matters.  If you are anywhere near a camera, Rey, it’s because the First Order thinks it is to their benefit.  Don’t let Ben use you for political gain.”

Those words make Rey very uneasy.  “Do you think I can say no?” she wonders aloud.   

“Of course, you can.  Just tell him no.”

“Er . . . “  Rey ponders this risk.  Saying no to powerful people is a lot easier said than done.  You didn’t say no to Unkar Plutt back on Jakku if you wanted to eat.  Rey worries that it will be similarly hard to tell Supreme Leader Ren no.  For this or for anything.  She’s a Resistance fighter on the flagship of the First Order with fifty thousand crew members.  Rey doesn’t like those odds if she were to be exposed.  Plus, angering Kylo might get her thrown into a cell . . . or worse.    Survivor Rey does the quick calculus on the issue and decides that there are worse things than being used as a political pawn. 

But that doesn’t mean that Rey has to be completely cooperative.  “Maybe I should show up looking inappropriate,” Rey speaks her thoughts aloud.  If she can find her old clothes somehow, maybe that will get her off the hook.  No one will want to put her on camera looking like she’s fresh from Ahch-To.  She can fix her old trio of hair buns, too. Yes, Rey decides, “I will dress as my old self.”  She’ll be the Jakku scavenger in her arm wraps and Resistance uniform jacket with the sleeves torn off.   “I’ll show up looking grungy and Kylo won’t want to use me as a prop.”  And maybe he won’t want to kiss her again either.  Yes, this plan could solve multiple problems while Rey still ostensibly complies with Kylo’s request to appear. 

Leia Organa speaks up again.  “So, you’re going along with this?”  Her tone drips with disapproval.

“Sort of,” Rey hedges.

“Well, if you are going to go along with this, then you need to look good, Rey.”  The princess thinks a moment before she asks, “Do you have a white dress?”

Rey nods.  “I have one that’s ivory.  It’s sort of off-white.” 

“Close enough.  I have an idea,” the princess says.  “Have you got a datapad with you?   I want you to look up a picture to show to your grooming droid.”   Leia Organa starts concocting a plan and Rey plays along. 

 Partway through all the conspiratorial girl talk of hair and makeup, Rey abruptly blurts out, “He kissed me.” The princess’ eyes flutter open briefly at this surprise news. “What?” she croaks.   Pp“Kylo kissed me.”  Kylo kissed her and Rey loved it.  She absolutely loved it and she is terribly ashamed and confused about that.   And she has no one to talk to about it but Kylo’s mother of all people.  To say that this is awkward is an understatement.

“Forget this plan.”  Leia Organa’s voice is alarmed and clipped.  “Rey, you need to get out of here.  Leave me and get to safety.  You need to nip this in the bud with Ben.” “It was just once,” Rey says softly. “Well, maybe twice.”  It depends how you look at it.

“Rey!” the princess’ rebuke is sharp.  Suddenly, Rey is reminded of Luke Skywalker blowing up a hut when he caught her and Kylo touching hands in the Force.  What would the grumpy old Jedi have done if he had caught them actually kissing? 

Leia Organa is stern and firm.  “Listen to me.  Don’t fall for that bad boy schtick.  Look, I remember the appeal.  I married a bad boy.  But Ben is something different altogether.  Do not be his willing victim.”

Well, therein lies the dilemma.  It is slightly humiliating for the unwanted child Rey to admit to herself how good it had felt to be wanted by Kylo Ren.  And that’s putting aside the pleasure of his physical touch.  Rey grew up without anyone to hold her and to hug her.  The comfort of Kylo’s arms around her had been visceral.  But also very unlike a hug from Finn. 

“Uhmmm . . . ” 

As Rey stalls, Leia Organa continues her lecture.  “You could do so much better than Ben.  I know you have the Force, but it’s not your job to rehabilitate my son.”

“I know.”

“Find a man who is worthy of you.  My son will only tear you down to build himself up.”

“I know.”  

“You don’t need a man to be happy and successful.  You know that, right?  You can be both of those things on your own.”

“I know.”

“Don’t throw your life away trying to save Ben.  He’s had plenty of opportunity to change.  He will only change if he wants to change.”

“I know.”   

“He is violent and abusive.   It will be worse now that Snoke is dead and he has no one to answer to.  Rey, these Sith types are vindictive.  And they can turn on you at any time.”

“I know.”

“Rey, watch yourself or you’ll end up dead like my mother.  Dead like Han.  Dead like Luke.”

Yes, Rey knows.  But she can’t help but protest, “I don’t think Kylo wants me dead.”

“Yes, he might want you Dark.”  Leia Organa seems to think this is a fate worse than death.  “Careful or Ben will drag you down into his Darkness.  You’ll end up his new Apprentice.”

“I’ll never do that!” Rey automatically protests.  The Dark Side holds no allure for her.  She’s no power mad Sith.  But still, Rey can’t help but protest, “Kylo says that we are all a mix of Light and Dark.”

Leia Organa is old school Light Side.  She sniffs, “Don’t let him minimize his accountability with those rationalizations.  There are no happy endings on the Dark Side, Rey.  Those men are highly unstable and controlling.  I’m sure Ben is manipulative too.   And obsessive.  He was obsessive as a child.  He would latch onto things and to people.”

“Kylo never talks about the past.” Well, other than about the night Luke tried to kill him.   Mostly, Kylo keeps stressing how he wants to leave the past behind.

“Ben was so needy.  Far too needy to be my son.  I didn’t give him the attention he needed.  I couldn’t.  I had a Republic to run.  I won’t apologize for that, Rey.  I wanted to do more with my life than just mother my son.  But I could have made Ben more of a priority. I see that now.”  The princess’ voice trails off with her self-recrimination.  “Still, I’m not sure it would have made any difference in the end.”

“Because of Snoke?” Rey guesses.

“Yes.  Ben got my father’s Force and his megalomania.  His anger and his possessiveness, too.  On top of all that, Han and I made mistakes.  Snoke was waiting in the wings to pounce.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey whispers. 

“I never should have sent Ben to Luke for training.  And I should have told him the truth about Darth Vader when he was old enough to handle it.  At the time, I thought we were making the right decisions.  We were wrong,” the princess whispers. 

She sounds as if she is tiring fast, but Rey wants to know more of Kylo’s past.  Rey knows that she won’t hear it from Kylo, so she presses, “He didn't know about Vader?”

“No.  We told him that his grandfather was the Jedi Anakin Skywalker. We told him that Darth Vader betrayed and murdered his grandfather.  It was true . . . from a certain point of view.  But it was a lie all the same.  Luke was told the very same lie when he was growing up.  That was how we got comfortable lying to Ben.  Because we knew from Luke’s experience that it would work out fine.”

“Oh.”  Really?  Really??  Rey can’t believe anyone thought that was a good idea.

But it gets worse.  “It didn’t help that Ben learned the news of his grandfather on the holonet.  That was . . . well, that was regrettable.”

Regrettable seems a rather mild word for that sort of revelation, Rey thinks.  But she resists the urge to pile on to this woman’s very obvious regret and guilt.

“The irony of it all is that Ben never wanted to be a Jedi.  His father and I dragged him to Luke’s temple.  Growing up, Ben never had any interest in the Force.”

“That surprises me.”  Actually, it shocks Rey.

“It’s true.  Growing up, Ben wanted to be a normal kid.  But, of course, he couldn’t be normal.  He wouldn’t have fit in even without the Force.   He was too high strung and moody.  Too sensitive.  Too introverted.  As he got older, he acted out more and more.  That was dangerous because Ben had the Force.  When his temper flared, bad things happened.”  The older woman sounds so defeated now.  “I thought sending him to Luke was the right thing to do.  Ben had gotten kicked out of a few schools already by then.  I thought some Jedi self-discipline and a less structured learning environment would help.  It didn’t.”  Leia Organa leaves the rest of the story unsaid.  They both know how it ended at the temple.

“How old was he then?”

“Ten.  Maybe eleven. I’m not sure. All those years run together because I was so busy back then.”  The older woman now sighs and whispers.  “It’s all kind of a blur now.” 

“This is tiring you.  You should stop talking,” Rey suggests gently. 

The princess rejects the advice.  “My mistakes were honest and well intentioned, but they had terrible consequences for Ben, for my family, and for the galaxy.”  A lone tear trickles out from beneath Leia Organa’s closed eyes.  And now Rey feels awful for upsetting her.  “Rey, I do not want you to get added to the list of victims of my family.”   The princess’ eyes flutter open briefly as she again instructs, “Steal a ship and get out of here.  That’s an order.”

“I’m not leaving you.  So, don’t start,” Rey answers back firmly.  This is a well-rehearsed argument between them.  Barring any further kissing drama with Kylo, Rey still plans to be here until the bitter end for the princess.   This is a commitment she wants to keep.  Only once the princess dies will Rey sneak away to the _Falcon_ to retrieve the stolen Jedi books and escape Kylo Ren.  “Now, please rest,” Rey urges.  “Save your strength.”

 But the dying general has other ideas.  Her mind is still fixed on the past.   “I was so excited to set up the New Republic,” Leia Organa recalls wistfully.  “I had been working behind the scenes in the Rebellion since I was a teen.  When we finally defeated the Empire, it felt like a dream come true.  It helped to make the loss of Alderaan more bearable.  Because we knew that nothing like that would ever happen again . . . or so we thought.”  The bleak look on the dying woman’s face tells Rey that she is remembering all her New Republic friends and colleagues lost on Hosnia.

“Please, General, you need to rest—"

“Luke and I were going to do our best to right the wrongs that Darth Vader had done to the galaxy.  We would atone for our father’s sins.” 

“We can talk more later—"

“It was a time of hope and excitement.  A time when all things felt possible.  Suddenly, the future was ours.”  The princess makes a face.  “I think that woman who was in here earlier must feel the very same way now for the First Order.  The First Order’s plans have come to fruition and their time has come.  I suppose Ben must feel very vindicated now.”

“I don’t know,” Rey confesses.  “I’m not sure how he feels.”

“Is he happy?”  Leia Organa asks in a quiet voice.

“No.”  Rey is sure of this.

“I didn’t think so,” the older woman sounds resigned.  

“Now, rest.  Please, General—"

“So . . . are you going to do it?  Are you going to wear the white dress and do the hair?”

Rey nods.  “Yeah, I think so,” she decides.  And why not?  She needs to show Kylo Ren that his stolen kisses have not turned her meekly to his side.

“Good.  Ben sure won’t be wanting to kiss you then.”  Leia Organa smirks.  It’s weirdly like her son, Rey thinks.  


	8. Chapter 8

Later that afternoon, the major appears at Rey’s quarters as prearranged.   When Rey steps out, the woman’s jaw drops.  So does her facade of detached formal military courtesy.   “Uhmmmm . . .  Uhmmmmmm . . . are you sure you don’t want to choose something different?”  The major is at a loss for words.   She fumbles for a way to disapprove politely.  “My lady, you should consider choosing something different.”

 

“I don’t think there’s time,” Rey smiles blithely. “Lead the way.  Let’s go.”

 

“There’s time!” the major yelps.  She seizes on a new tactic.  “Perhaps you could wear the green cape and keep the hood up.  All the way up,” she fervently suggests.  “Yes, that would do it,” the woman improvises.  She’s nodding her head furiously at Rey to get her to agree.

 

“You don’t like the dress?”  Rey is coy as she smooths her hands down over the flowy beige silk.  If there ever was a princess dress, this is it.   It’s not an exact copy of Leia Organa’s high necked, long sleeved white gown from her Death Star mug shot, but it’s close.   The original dress has long since become a classic style copied in different colors again and again during the succeeding years.   The retro dress itself isn’t that noteworthy, but pairing it with the Rebel princess’ trademark hair buns makes the whole look a clear political statement.   Even the First Order major recognizes it straightaway.

 

The hair buns are key.  Leia Organa, like many fashionable female Rebellion sympathizers back in the day, had revived the Old Republic hairstyle as a cheeky sign of defiance.  It had spread like wildfire during the Rebellion years once someone had leaked pictures to the holonet of the beautiful and defiant Rebel princess wearing the distinctive hairstyle.   There she was in handcuffs looking petite and vulnerable but with a dangerous gleam in her eye, the very picture of the determined underdog Rebel Alliance.  The hairstyle is enough a part of the fashion lexicon these days that Rey recalls some of the women in the Resistance sporting the side buns too. 

 

Now, it’s Rey’s turn.  The buns are pretty and surprisingly becoming, she thinks.  But most of all, they are a very visible symbol of Rey’s allegiance to the Republic and the Resistance and her commitment to its dying princess in the infirmary.   If the major’s reaction is any sign, Kylo Ren won’t dare trot her out for the cameras dressed like this.  And, no doubt, he won’t be panting to kiss her either.  Yes, this is perfect, Rey thinks.  She starts striding forward down the hall as the major hurries to keep up.

 

“My lady, you have so many more suitable options,” the miserable major wails. 

 

“Didn’t you pick this dress out?” Rey raises an eyebrow.  “Did you not intend for me to wear it?”

 

That shuts the panicking major up.  The poor woman is stone faced and tightlipped as they march through the _Finalizer_ ’s halls.  Rey can’t help but notice that she is getting a lot of looks.  Yes, this is just the reaction Leia Organa had predicted.  Feeling rather pleased, Rey lifts her chin and keeps striding forward fast.

 

They are the last to arrive at Kylo’s command shuttle.  A small group of senior staff awaits with Kylo beside the ramp.  As Rey and the major walk up, Kylo must sense her approach in the Force.  He turns.  Then, he does something he never does.  Not with her or anyone else based on the reaction of the stunned faces of the officers surrounding him. 

 

He laughs. 

 

It’s not a smirk or his twisted half smile that reminds Rey strongly of Han Solo.  It’s a full throated, hearty laugh. 

 

It makes Rey grin.  Kylo Ren is a man of quicksilver moods.  But this reaction is something of a novelty.

 

“Well, hello Mommy,” Kylo smirks.  No one seems to understand that reference but her.  “Rey,” he drawls, “You look like you are celebrating the end of the wrong war.”

 

The major beside Rey starts sputtering now.  “Sir, I did suggest that she make an alternative choice—“

 

Kylo ignores this.  He ignores their audience too. “She put you up to this, didn’t she?”

 

Rey drops the grin and regains her Jakku poker face.  She lifts her chin.  “It was my decision.”

 

“She’s punking me still even when she’s in a coma.”  Kylo walks forward and circles Rey for a better look.  He’s not laughing anymore but he’s still smiling.  It is very attractive, Rey decides.  “Now I know I’m a proper Emperor since I have my very own Rebel princess heckler at my side.  If I had a Death Star, you’d probably blow it up.” 

 

She sort of already did that, Rey thinks.  “Hey wait—you’re an Emperor now?” 

 

“Yes, we’re announcing it tonight. The title of Supreme Leader will be retired with Snoke.”  Kylo leans forward slightly as he informs her, “There can only be one Supreme Leader.”

 

“Yes, of course,” Rey quickly agrees.  The less said about Snoke, the better.

 

“Long live the Supreme Leader,” some suck up subordinate offers to a chorus of obligatory nods.   “Long live Emperor Ren,” an even bigger suck up chimes in after this.

 

Kylo catches her eye and it’s yet another secret they alone share in this conversation.  “Rey, you are the only person who could pull this stunt and not get put to the sword,” Kylo says quite happily.

 

“One of the perks of being your little sister?” she inquires with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Naturally.  You get a little more latitude.”  Kylo shoots her a look.  “But not much.  Don’t press your luck.”

 

She isn’t cowed.  “So . . . you are an Emperor and not the Supreme Leader.”  Rey considers this.  “I guess that explains why you aren’t wearing a sparkly golden bathrobe for tonight.”

 

“I wouldn’t want to upstage you, little sister,” Kylo shoots back.  “Plus, I only wear black.”  He’s still looking her over.  He looks oddly pleased. 

 

The officers around them look flummoxed and uncomfortable.  No one knows what to make of a smiling, laughing Kylo Ren.  But at least this bickering and her disrespectful attitude give credence to the claim that they are brother and sister, Rey thinks.  Because aren’t siblings supposed to fight?

 

“Well, I wouldn’t want to embarrass you.  Or take the focus off your message.  So, how about I stay behind?” Rey suggests.  All the officers around them listening in look very much like they hope Kylo agrees.

 

But he thinks otherwise.  “No.  This is perfect.  Unexpected, but perfect.  And very, very you.”

 

Er . . . what?   That’s not the reaction Rey had in mind.  “You go on ahead, Kylo.  You’re the guest of honor and I don’t want you to be late.”

 

“Don’t think you’re getting out of this so easily.  Besides, you’re not making us late.  He is.”

 

Rey follows the direction of Kylo’s gaze to see General Hux striding up. 

 

“Your Excellency.”  Hux manages to make this obligatory honorific into a near sneer.  But he snaps to attention and salutes all the same.  Then he looks Rey over critically.   Hux blinks in shock but he recovers fast.  As usual, Hux is smooth with his disdain.  “Ah, Lady Ren.  Dressed for the occasion, I see.  Perhaps you have been spending too much time in the infirmary of late.”  

 

“She left behind her lightsaber.  It’s broken,” Kylo covertly winks at her.   Everyone thinks he is joking, but he’s not.

 

“I want that back,” Rey informs Kylo.

 

“Not a chance.”

 

“Perhaps we should put handcuffs on Lady Ren.  That seems the more appropriate accessory for her attire tonight,” General Hux observes coolly.

 

“Don’t you dare!” Rey hisses.

 

Kylo smirks and looks from one to the other.  “I didn’t know you two had met.”

 

“Regrettably, yes,” she sniffs.

 

“Lady Ren, it’s always a pleasure,” Hux smiles benignly over at her.  His condescension is thick.

 

“Watch it, Hux,” Kylo warns.  He’s clearly enjoying this.  “My little sister has the Force.  It’s best not to anger her.” 

 

“Indeed, your Excellency,” Hux intones.  “Especially since tonight it does not appear that she is on our side.”  The general gives Rey a skeptical look.  “Apparently, Lady Ren has come to bury Snoke, not to praise him.”

 

“What’s his new title?”  Rey gestures to General Hux.  “Does he have a new title too?”

 

“He’s still a general,” Kylo answers.

 

“Even though the war is over?”

 

“He’s my enforcer now.”

 

“He’s your Vader?”

 

Kylo recoils from this description.  “I wouldn’t go that far.”

 

Rey looks over at the handsome patrician redhead and judges, “He might be a little pretty for a mask.”

 

“And I’m not?” Kylo goads. He has his own mask tucked up under his arm.  Then, he catches himself.  He scowls Rey.  “Wait—you think Hux is pretty?”

 

The general smirks.

 

Someone in their audience of onlookers smothers a laugh.

 

Rey shrugs.  “All the nurses in sickbay think he is.  Apparently, there are entire holonet pages devoted to how attractive he is.  To . . . uh . . . some women, that is . . . ”

 

Kylo glares indignantly at her.  Then he advances on Hux.  “Stay away from my—“

 

“Sister,” Rey helpfully supplies. 

 

“Right.  Sister,” Kylo repeats.

 

“That won’t be a problem, Excellency,” Hux’s expression for her is cold.

 

Something tells Rey that the evening is all downhill from here.  She sighs heavily and squares her shoulders.  “Well, if I am going, then let’s go.  We’re late.”  Rey heads for the shuttle ramp.  Time to get this over with.

 

“I can’t be late to my own celebration,” Kylo gripes from behind her.  “That’s not how this works, Rey.”

 

When the shuttle lands, Kylo, Hux and the rest of the top brass disappear to take their places at the event.  Tonight’s festivities are being held in a giant podracing arena on the outskirts of the main city levels of Coruscant.  It is a gigantic space, filled to the brim with tens of thousands of First Order troops and dignitaries.  Everywhere Rey looks, there are people milling about, camera droids zooming around, and patriotic slogans and symbols being flashed up on the arena’s big screens.  It has the atmosphere of a sporting event mixed with a military parade.

 

The still flustered major deposits Rey in a large, crowded hospitality suite high above the regular crowd.  Rey has a perfect view of the dais with the rostrum and throne.  The major offers to stay but Rey shoos her away.  It’s obvious that the major wants to be down in her place of honor with the other higher-ranking commanders in the crowd.  So Rey commits to stay behind in the suite full of strangers who are mostly financial backers of the First Order and senior members of its diplomatic corps.

 

Everyone in the suite gives Rey a wide berth.  It’s like no one wants to be remotely associated with Rey and all that she visibly represents.  That’s fine with her.  From Jakku, Rey is used to hostile strangers.   And from the _Finalizer_ , she is used to being on display.  Take a good look, Rey thinks.  Because there are many people out there in the galaxy who don’t share your beliefs.  Go ahead and shun me, but tonight I represent half of the galaxy.  And it’s the affluent, cosmopolitan Core half too.    You’re going to have to govern people like me in addition to your followers, Rey thinks.  If you can’t manage that, then we’ll all be at this civil war thing again in a decade or so.

 

It’s true.  Recurrent war is the scourge of the galaxy.  Every generation lately, leadership has changed hands.  And in the aftermath, billions are dead and entire systems destroyed.  If Emperor Ren can end the cycle of war, then perhaps all of this will be worth it in the end.  Stability would go a long way to improving things, but Rey hopes it doesn’t come at the expense of basic freedoms and civil rights.  Rey, like the rest of the galaxy who supported the Republic, worries what everyday life will be like under the First Order’s new regime.  Will Emperor Ren tolerate an opposition?  Or will he crack down like the old Empire did?  It’s all food for thought.  Rey leans against the suite railing and stares out over the packed arena.  Standing silent and stone faced in her Old Republic hair buns and white dress, Rey represents all the beaten New Republic supporters watching at home.  They, like her, are fearful of what is to come. 

 

She is a sober onlooker standing alone.  Separate in so many ways from the rest of the crowd.  And this is sort of typical of her.  For when it comes to most social interactions, Rey is a watcher and not a participant.  She hangs on the periphery to observe.  During her short time at the Resistance, it was also like this.  Because even when Rey is welcome, she still doesn’t quite belong.   Something about her will always be a little detached.  It is a legacy of lonely Jakku.

 

The First Order is excellent at stagecraft, and tonight’s spectacle has all the hallmarks the holonet audience has come to expect: a massive assembly of officers and troops, a pale and stern-looking group of senior officers standing before the red and black standard of the Order, and a rousing speech by General Hux.   This time, the newly announced Emperor Ren himself is in attendance.  Caped and masked with his iconic sword visible at his waist, the triumphant Kylo Ren silently presides over it all from his high throne at the back of the dais.  The program is part eulogy for Snoke and the First Order troops lost during the war, and part victory rally for the newly declared Second Empire.

 

Rey looks out on the cheering throng of spectators.  They are jubilant in victory.  Righteous too.  The scene looks disconcertingly like the old newsfeed footage of the Rebellion celebrations after the death of the old Emperor and Darth Vader on Endor.    Well, except that tonight is very planned.  There is nothing spontaneous about the First Order.  From their slick uniforms, to their color coordinated balloons and confetti, to their practiced salutes and military discipline, the First Order is very intentional.   These people are rational, orderly, and neat.  Even their brutality is systematic in its approach.  It makes Kylo Ren is an unusual man to lead their cause.   With his shifting moods, his wild hair, and his ragged bladed sword, Kylo Ren doesn’t seem to fit his followers, Rey thinks.  Uptight General Hux strikes her as a more natural choice.  Well, except that Hux doesn’t have the Force. 

 

Rey thinks back to Leia Organa telling her about how Ben Solo didn’t want to be a Jedi when he was growing up.  He had wanted to be a normal kid.  So much for that plan, Rey thinks.  Because that boy grew up and here he is leading the galaxy as the reigning Master of the Dark Side.  How did he get here?  Rey wonders more and more about Kylo’s past.  About Luke’s temple and Snoke’s influence, about Han Solo’s role and Leia Organa’s failed nurturing.  For beneath all the politics and the Force, this is still a family.  An extraordinary family for whom the personal is political.  Their arguments result in lightsaber battles and their rifts ripen into civil wars.   All for power and the Force.  Rey is beginning to understand what a crushing burden it must have been for Kylo to be born a Skywalker.   He ended up ruling the galaxy, whether he liked it or not.

 

Is Kylo enjoying tonight?  Rey wonders.  Kylo has his mask on for the celebration. It is a blank, scary metal visage he presents to the galaxy at large.  But when he takes off the helmet, his face is shockingly expressive.  It mirrors all of his emotions clearly.   Maybe that’s because Kylo has never bothered to develop a poker face.  He never needed one thanks to the mask.  What is going through Kylo’s mind right now?  How does it feel to be victorious tonight?  Rey’s thoughts keep meandering back to Kylo.  Is he enjoying this vindication?   Rey isn’t sure.  She always gets it wrong with that man.

 

Kylo is as intriguing as he is confounding.  He surprises her and disappoints her, too.  And despite how illuminating their conversation last night had been, Rey still isn’t certain what Kylo Ren wants.  But maybe he doesn’t know himself.  When you are thirty years old and you rule the known universe, where do you go from here? 

 

Hux keeps droning on as Rey resolutely tunes him out. His shouting oratory turns her off.  But the crowd is loving it.  They clearly relish this stuff.  All these blanket statements of purpose and unequivocal opinions demarcate clear limits.  This will be an Empire with lots of rules.  There is probably some value to that approach.  It’s predictable and understandable, even if it’s rigid. 

 

Still, this approach to governing seems like a strange contradiction for Emperor Ren.  After all, this is a man who has thrown out all the old rules of the Force.  He disdained the dogma of the Jedi and he rejected the purposeful orthodoxy of the Sith.  He sees the Light in himself and the Darkness in her.  Openly embracing the murky muddiness of those old allegiances, rather than adhering to bright line rules.  Where does that leave the practice of the Force?  Rey isn’t sure.  She wonders whether Kylo himself knows.  It’s all well and good to leave the past behind, but then you have to decide what comes next. 

 

And yet again, Rey thinks that Kylo Ren is a strange fit to be the man he is.  He doesn’t belong here anymore than Rey does, but for different reasons.  Because when it comes to the Force, Kylo Ren is more of a revolutionary than a traditionalist.  And when it comes to his Second Empire, it’s almost like he’s going through the motions of leadership.  He’s supposed to be a zealot, and yet Kylo has not once tried to proselytize the First Order to her.  It makes Rey think that there is far more to Kylo than she understands.    

 

Hux is winding up to his big finish now.  Good.  Rey has heard enough.  She’s ready for this to be over.  Like most of the conquered people in the galaxy, Rey is ready to move forward now.  Enough with the victory lap.  Hux is just barking slogans at this point.  He makes no pretense of persuasion so Rey refuses to feel badly about ignoring him. 

 

Wars do not represent a failure to listen.  Whoever said that was flat out wrong.  It’s not listening that is the problem, it’s action.  Wars represent a failure to compromise, Rey thinks.  Because when everyone stands on principle for every issue, then the other side’s point of view becomes an existential threat to your own.  That’s when shouting becomes shoving and then shooting.  And suddenly, your opposition becomes first your enemy and then your target. The objective becomes winning for you and not winning for everyone.  The language becomes ‘us’ versus ‘them.’  That is how wars start.  And this, Rey thinks as she watches the confetti and the balloons drop, is how democracy dies.  To thunderous applause after a very high body count. 

 

In the deafening, ecstatic pandemonium that follows the conclusion of Hux’s speech, no one notices when Emperor Ren slips off his throne.  Least of all Rey.  She’s bent over the railing, glumly watching the cheering.  Too absorbed in her own thoughts to notice when the entire suite behind her drops to one knee in the new protocol for civilians in the presence of the Emperor.  Rey is in such a reverie that she jumps when she feels the black gloved hand at her back. 

 

Her head jerks and she half-turns.  Kylo still has his mask on.  “Oh, it’s you,” she exhales.

 

Kylo drags off the helmet and tucks it under his arm.  There are audible gasps from the onlookers kneeling behind them.   It’s mostly the senior command and the _Finalizer_ and _Supremacy_ crews who have seen Kylo without his helmet.  Never the general public as a rule.  No doubt these financial backers and diplomats are shocked to see that he is so young.  Kylo and Rey are the youngest in the suite by a good twenty years. 

 

Rey is very conscious of all the eyes on them.  Conscious too of how close Kylo stands with his hand casually draped at her back.  It’s an intimate posture.  Last night’s kiss clearly has emboldened him.  Glancing over at their audience, Rey’s eyes narrow and she takes a stand.  “I’m not kneeling to you.  You’re not my Emperor, Kylo.”

 

He takes this in stride.  “Good.  I don’t need more subjects.  I want you for an equal, Rey.”  Turning back to the crowd on their knees, Kylo waves regally at them to get up.  Then his attention is back focused on her.  “Have you seen enough?” he asks.

 

She nods.

 

“Good.  I’m done. Let’s get out of here.”

 

Rey gestures back out at the still cheering arena.  “This is your party.  Can you bail on your own party?  Aren’t you supposed to be here for this?”

 

Kylo shrugs and answers, “I’m the Emperor.”

 

That answers her question from earlier about whether Kylo is enjoying this.  Her brow furrows.  “Are you sure you want to go?” Rey questions to be sure. 

 

“Yes,” Kylo nods impatiently.  “Come on.”  He grabs for her hand and starts leading her towards the door as the rapt audience parts.  Everyone clearly had been expecting Emperor Ren would light his sword and execute the Republic sympathizer girl in white.  No one had ever expected him to come greet her, cozy up to her, and then lead her away. 

 

“I want out of here,” he tells Rey under his breath as they exit.  “This doesn’t feel like I had hoped.” 

 

The crowd on Coruscant is still cheering when they arrive back at the _Finalizer_ twenty minutes later.  The hangar bay is quiet and the great flagship seems deserted as they disembark.   “It’s really empty tonight,” Rey remarks as they walk down the shuttle ramp and she pauses to look around. 

 

“Everyone is at the celebration or drinking in the officers’ lounge.   There’s probably some ensign manning the bridge right now,” Kylo smirks.   “We’ll be lucky if we don’t fall out of orbit soon.”

 

Together, they head for the elevator.  “Does the First Order permit officer drinking parties?” Rey wonders aloud.

 

“Emperor Ren does now,” Kylo answers.  “I sent them the rest of Snoke’s wine cellar and ordered all hands above a lieutenant to go raise a toast to our dead Leader tonight.”

 

That makes her chuckle as Rey remembers her and Kylo’s private toast for Snoke.  “Are you going to join them?” she asks.

 

“No.”

 

They are in the elevator alone when Kylo glances over and tells her offhand, “You look hot like that.  It’s weird, but it’s hot.”

 

Rey chuckles in spite of herself.  It turns out that the Rebel princess getup might have been a poor choice all the way around.  “You have way too many mommy issues,” she observes wryly.

 

“I have daddy issues too.  Big ones.” 

 

Is he bragging?  Kylo sounds almost proud. It gets Rey’s hackles up.  Killing Han Solo is nothing to be proud of.  Rey shoots him a look of reproach.  “Yes, I was there.  Remember?”   She can never forget.

 

“You and I are even,” Kylo decides as they exit the elevator.  “I have issues, you have issues.”  He thinks a moment before adding, “We have issues together, too.   It’s one more way we are a match.”

 

“Because we’re both so messed up?” she sighs.  “Because if that’s what you are thinking, speak for yourself.”

 

He is unrepentant.  “It’s true.”

 

“Do you always have to speak so harshly?” she complains.  This man does not mince words.  Rey doubts that Kylo has sugarcoated anything he’s said in his whole life.

 

“It’s not harsh if it’s the truth.  I like truth.” 

 

Rey doesn’t debate the point further.  And since she wants to avoid another ‘Join me’ conversation, Rey quickly changes she topic.  “Why did you decide to be an Emperor instead of Supreme Leader?”

 

“I’m old school.”

 

“No, you’re not.”  Not really.  Put aside the Vader references with the helmet and the cape and Kylo Ren is his own man through and through, Rey thinks.

 

“You’re right,” he admits. “But people understand old school.  It’s familiar so it invokes a set of expectations.  People know what it means to be Emperor Palpatine.  Calling myself Emperor Ren conveys all of that.  The title is a useful tool to shorthand a lot of concepts.”

 

She nods.  That makes sense.  But it’s not very Kylo.  Rey arches an eyebrow at him as they round yet another empty corridor. “I thought you wanted to leave the past behind.”

 

“Just my past,” he replies. “Not all of the past.  Some of the past is good.”

 

“So you really are recreating the Empire,” Rey surmises.  “Like everyone has thought all along.”

 

“It will be better this time,” he promises.

 

“No Rebellion?” she goads.  She means it to be teasing but he takes it seriously. 

 

“There will be no need for a Rebellion this time.  We’re going to do better,” Kylo vows. 

 

“Speaking of the Rebellion, your mother was talking today—“

 

“I don’t want to talk about her.“

 

“She said they lied to you.”  Rey glances over at Kylo to gauge his reaction.

 

His face looks bleak. “I don’t want to talk about her.  Not tonight.”

 

“She said they sent you away at ten.”  That had seemed so young to Rey.  But weren’t the Old Republic Jedi sent away as toddlers to be trained?  They might think age ten was late.  “Your mother said that you never wanted to be a Jedi.  That you didn’t care about the Force--”

 

“Drop it,” Kylo orders gruffly.  He gives her a sharp look.  “You don't want to talk about Jakku, right?   I don’t want to talk about my past.”

 

Chastised, Rey relents.  “Okay.  I understand.”  There are some things best left unsaid.  Plus, they are at her quarters now.  Rey halts. 

 

He stops and turns to her.  “Rey—“

 

“Goodnight,” Rey bids him as she opens the door.

 

“No.  Wait,” he stalls her, waving a hand to shut the door with the Force.  “Come to my rooms,” he invites.  “Keep me company.  We missed our dinner tonight.”

 

Rey shakes her head.  “I don’t think so . . .”

 

“Please.”  He holds out his hand.  And, suddenly, it is very hard to resist him.  Not when he is alone on his own big night.  Kylo Ren is the first to leave his own celebration and unwilling to join the others in the officers’ lounge.   He’s a loner, Rey realizes, just like herself.  Maybe they do have more in common than just the Force.  

 

But, well . . . there is all that genocide and patricide and no quarter at Crait . . .

 

Rey has a lot more resolve to resist Kylo when he’s not standing so close, looking so intent.  Still, resolute Rey shakes her head and turns him down.  “Thanks, but I’ve heard enough speeches for one night.”

 

Kylo now flashes that half-smirk, half-smile she likes.  “What if I promise not to talk?” 

 

She looks up, he looks down, and now he steps closer.  He’s not going to . . .  He is.  No, he isn’t.  They are just standing close.  Blinking and staring at each other with inhaled breath.  Each waiting for the other to make a move.

 

Rey breaks the moment.  “Goodnight.”  Then, she flushes red.  Because what is she doing here loitering like she’s angling for a goodnight kiss?  This is absolutely the wrong message to send. “Goodnight,” she repeats with more conviction as she reopens her door to step in.

 

She never makes it past the threshold.  Kylo’s gloved hands clamp down on her upper arms and his lips find hers.  Rey gasps and now he takes full advantage of her open mouth.  This is the hungry, needy kiss she has been reliving in daydreams ever since last night.  Rey knows she should be pushing Kylo Ren away, but she’s not.  Her hands are tugging him closer instead. 

 

That is the encouragement Kylo needs. “Don’t make me be alone tonight,” he whispers as his lips travel down her jaw. Her head lolls back and now he’s nuzzling her neck.

 

“Kylo, we can’t,” she pants.  Absolutely not.  But oh, it would be glorious, she thinks.  Just glorious. 

 

He dismisses her objection immediately.  “We can do whatever we want.  There are no limits for us.”  And, oh Gods, are those his hands reaching around to palm at her breasts?  He is much bolder now than last night.  “Come and be mine.”  He’s feeling her up and Rey instinctively arches against him.  And this is wrong, so wrong.  But she’s not stopping him.  Well . . . not yet, at least.

 

What the Hell is she doing?  Rey knows better than this.  But all of her convictions not to be manipulated by this man fall away fast.  He steps forward and she steps back.  Now she’s against the wall as Kylo presses into her and grinds.  And now, it’s clear that Rey does not have the true spirit of a Jedi because--Gods help her--she moans.   Her arms are entwined around his neck and he has long since dropped his helmet to the floor.  She’s kissing him with equal fervor and neither of them shows any willingness to stop.

 

His lips, his hips, his hands, his tongue.  It’s sensory overload of the very best kind.  But the most enrapturing part of it is all is in Rey’s mind.  Kylo’s Dark power swirls around them both.  It is at once menacing and inviting, revolting and alluring.  For that is the trickery of the Dark priests of the Shadow Force.  You fear them, but they draw you in all the same.   There is a heady romance to their bold ambitions, a sexy lure to their need for control, and a breathless thrill from surviving their threat.  Rey would never surrender to this man in combat, but she is ready to capitulate in his arms now.

 

She’s panting and worked up and this is fast getting out of control until . . . footsteps.  Footsteps in a fast, clicking cadence that echo slightly off the walls.

 

“Fuck!” Kylo swears under his breath.  He rears back and they split apart to look up in time to see General Hux in his shiny dress boots march around the corner fast.  Thankfully, he’s alone.  And while Hux didn’t see them in an embrace, he most certainly can figure out what was going on.  It’s very clear from how quickly the general stops in his tracks.  Hux gapes at moment and then looks revulsed before he regains his usual haughty countenance. 

 

Rey instantly shoots Kylo a questioning look.  He answers with a wave of his hand that opens the door to her quarters with the Force. 

 

“Go inside,” he orders.  “I will deal with this.”  She hastens to comply so her back is turned as he calls after her, “Dinner as usual tomorrow night.”


	9. Chapter 9

It turns out that Kylo doesn’t need to choke Hux.  He doesn’t need to explain anything to Hux.  The general just acknowledges his Emperor and continues on his way to his own quarters.  His deliberately bland face tells Kylo that Hux knows better than to make an issue out of what he saw with Rey.  Army Hux didn’t get to the rank of general without understanding how power works.  And he probably knew enough about creepy old Snoke’s eccentricities to realize that Kylo kissing his supposed sister is comparatively mild.   It turns out to be a total non-event.

 

The moment also reinforces the clear shift in their relative positions since Crait.  For years, Hux fancied himself something of an equal to Kylo.  That was done with Snoke’s encouragement, no doubt.  His old Master loved to stoke conflict among the First Order elite and then sit back to enjoy watching how it all played out.  Devious Snoke would intervene now and then to stir the pot if things weren’t exciting enough for him.  From witnessing others’ downfalls, Kylo learned not to take the bait himself.  And so while he and Hux engaged in a war of words for years, it never went any further.  Hux knew he couldn’t win against a Dark Apprentice and Kylo didn’t want to elevate snippy Hux to the level of rival.  All that ended once Snoke died.  With the new hierarchy firmly established, Hux has too much to lose by being oppositional and everything to gain by sitting tight as second in command.   That’s why astute Army Hux will see no evil and hear no evil when it comes to stolen kisses outside Lady Rey’s quarters.

 

Truthfully, Kylo is relieved.  Kissing his sister might actually be an easier explanation for Hux to swallow than the truth that Kylo was kissing the Resistance Jedi girl who is dressed as his mother.  Uptight Hux might have a stroke over that one.  And annoying as that guy is, Kylo needs him.  Hux is smart and hardworking.  He is a popular and very recognizable face of the First Order.   Plus, Kylo wants to show a smooth transition of power in the aftermath of the demise of Snoke.   If faces like Hux start to disappear, the media will know that there is infighting at the top and the conspiracy theories will bloom on the holonet.  So far, everyone seems to believe the lie that Snoke died from the Resistance ship’s jump to lightspeed through the _Supremacy._   Kylo wants to keep it that way. 

 

After Hux wisely opts for discretion, Kylo toys with the idea of resuming things with Rey.  But the moment is lost.  And besides, Kylo’s bad mood from earlier has returned.  So he stomps down the hall to sit with his grandfather’s mask and search for insight in the Force.  It’s been many months since he has received a vision but perhaps tonight will change that. 

 

Grandfather, Kylo begins, I have finished what you started.  The Jedi Purge you began is complete.  The Sith are destroyed, never to emerge again.  Like you, I learned both traditions before I slew both of my disapproving Masters.  The old religions are gone now.  The Force will be what Rey and I make of it and pass on.  Once I make her an ally, we will find a way to bring balance to the Force.   I will fulfill the prophesy of the Chosen One in its entirety, Kylo vows.

 

There is more.  The Second Empire is founded, he tells the mangled mask he sits before.  Things have come full circle now and history has rebooted itself.  This time, we are going to get it right.  Kylo plans to learn from the missteps of his predecessors and to implement those aspects of his grandfather’s Empire that worked well.  But first and foremost, Kylo promises to bring order to the galaxy.  He will end the vicious cycle of civil war once and for all. 

 

I will make you proud, Grandfather.  Kylo says these words aloud.  He is desperate, as always, for someone to approve of him.  To accept him.   To understand him.   Were you watching tonight in the Force?   Did you hear the speeches and see the crowds?   Kylo has the holonet playing in the adjacent room so he can see that the celebration down on Coruscant is still going strong.   No doubt the officer corps is falling down drunk by now in their lounge.  Everyone is jubilant tonight.  Well, everyone except him.  And he’s the one who ought to be the most jubilant of all.

 

When it’s clear that there will be no vision tonight, Kylo retreats from the Force and locks the Vader mask safely away.  Then he grabs for his datapad.  He might as well do some work.  The photographs he requested are sitting in his inbox waiting for his review.

 

Kylo now clicks through a series of photographs showing Rey at the victory celebration tonight.  Kylo takes his time slowly sifting through and chooses three.  The first shows Rey standing alone, looking almost shunned by those around her.  She’s glumly watching, leaning against a railing with her chin in her hand.  She looks dejected and bored.  The next is a close shot of Rey reacting to him.  Kylo has his gloved hand on her lower back and his mask still on.  The body language is everything in that one.  In the last picture, he and Rey hold hands as they sneak out of the celebration.   She’s half running with her dress whipping around and her smiling face turned towards him.  He looks loose and he has his helmet trailing from his hand.  

 

These are perfect, Kylo decides.  Far better than he had hoped.  The holonet is going to love this.  Young Emperor Ren caught unmasked with a girl will be the ultimate viral clickbait.  Everyone is going to look at these photographs.  Rey’s beautiful face will be very public and the questions will soon be coming fast and furious.

 

Kylo sends the three photographs with orders that they be leaked anonymously and immediately to the holonet.  There are to be no explanations and no comments in response to press inquiries.  He’s going to let these pictures speak for themselves.   The First Order PR group will decline to confirm the veracity of the photographs.  They will disdain them as fake news and potentially altered and misleading pictures.   Then, Kylo will sit back and watch what develops.  These pictures were not the reason Rey was in attendance tonight.  He wanted her there because Rey will be very important to the future, both for himself and his Empire.  But Kylo also wants to move Rey further along on the path to her new life with him.  This is the beginning of Rey becoming a public figure.  Plus, her Rebel princess outfit makes these  shots politically useful.  Once Kylo gets around to reaching out to the New Republic sympathizers in his new Empire, these pictures will give him some credibility. 

 

Rey is going to hate this, Kylo knows, as he pushes ‘send’ on the message with his instructions.  But she’ll get over it.

 

So . . . now what?  Kylo stares sullenly at the holonet newsfeed coverage of tonight’s still ongoing celebration.  He listens to the pundits bicker and hears a critique of Hux’s speech that had bought down the house.  There are lots of media comparisons to the old Empire, of course.  Lots of opinions on what will and won’t work this time around.  Some of it is hopeful in tone, but most of it is not.  The galaxy is a very jaded place these days.  Peoples’ expectations are low and their patience is short. 

 

After a few minutes, Kylo turns it off.  He’s seen enough.  And now, he’s back in that restless, frustrated mood from earlier.  It’s the reason he left the celebration in a hurry and it’s the reason he is pensive now.  The truth is that tonight felt a lot less satisfying than it should have. 

 

There he sat, the master of all he surveys, the Emperor of a new glorious Second Empire, the man who tens of thousands cheer in unison at the top of their lungs.  It felt good.  Well, it felt more like fine.  But it should have felt better.  Analyzing it now, Kylo decides that tonight wasn’t anticlimactic so much as empty. 

 

Where was the rush of glory, the swell of pride, and the distinction of accomplishment?  Tonight was the fruition of plans put in place decades ago.  It was the culmination of years of grueling military and Force training.  It was the reward for sacrifices he expected and a few, like Han Solo, that he did not.  The occasion was suitably grand, the adulation extraordinary, and the victory complete.  So what was missing?   Kylo still isn’t sure.  But as soon as it was over, he wanted to flee.   

 

He holds all the power.  But he holds it alone.   And maybe that is the problem.  He’s no Sith.  Kylo knows that power is a priority but it’s not the ultimate answer.  So he had grabbed Rey and run off with her, wondering if maybe she was what was missing.   It had been the prelude to a torrid kiss in the hallway that was rather unfortunately interrupted.  And, quite frankly, that abrupt end just adds to Kylo’s frustration.  He didn’t get the satisfying victory lap he wanted and he didn’t get the sexy night with Rey that was almost his.  Instead, on his big night, he’s sitting alone in his quarters like usual.  It makes him feel like nothing has changed.

 

An hour later, Kylo ends up where he always ends up lately when he can’t sleep.  Back in the infirmary.  He needs someone to blame for his dissatisfaction, so he decides that he will blame Leia Organa.  Maybe his disappointment is because she still hangs on.  It’s like his mother is determined to live another day just to spite him.  For as long as Leia Organa is alive, the memory of all she represents is alive too.  She casts a long shadow as the galaxy’s past and his past.  A reminder of the Rebellion and the New Republic and a relic of a childhood he longs to forget.  More and more, Kylo wonders whether his mother needs to die before he can truly declare victory.  Because with her lingering comatose down here, it’s like things are still a bit half done. 

 

He doesn’t hate his mother any more than he hated his father.  It’s just that in their own way, each of his parents deeply disappointed him.  His father he held to a lower standard since Han Solo was little better than an opportunistic criminal.  A street kid who lived by his wits who had no real principles.  His mother is different.  She is a Skywalker with the Force, a woman with boundless energy and driving ambition.  But none of that ever seemed to focus on her son.  It wasn’t because she was too busy.  It was because she lacked the interest.  Leia Organa has always mentored and mothered everyone around her, whether that meant New Republic Senate staffers or cocky Resistance pilots.  Hell, she’s doing it on her deathbed now for Rey.  His mother was fully capable of being everything Kylo ever needed growing up.  She has demonstrated this time and again with others.  Just not with her own son.  It’s why she shipped him off to Luke.  And, well, the rest is history now.

 

Fuck, he thinks, why is he doing this to himself again?  And tonight, of all nights.  It’s years too late to reconcile with this woman.  She will never be what he wants her to be.  And even if by some miracle she acknowledged the hurt she caused and said that she was sorry, it wouldn’t take away the pain of her rejection. 

 

He’s done here, Kylo decides.  He turns to walk away.

 

And that’s when when his mother suddenly speaks.  “So who talks first?  You talk first?  I talk first?”

 

He whirls.  Kylo stares at the women who lies still with her eyes closed.  Had he imagined her voice?  Had she spoken to him through the Force?  No, he thinks, he heard that voice with his own ears. 

 

“Well?”  He watches her lips move.  Yes, his mother is actually talking to him.   She speaks without opening her eyes.  It’s disconcerting. 

 

“You’re awake.”  This comes out a bit like an accusation.

 

“And still alive,” his mother responds dryly.  Her voice is low but strong as she observes, “It’s hard to kill a Skywalker.  But you’ve managed to do it.” 

 

“You’re awake,” he repeats without enthusiasm.  He’s not happy about this.  Kylo has been avoiding this conversation since Crait, but it looks like his mother will force it anyway.   He’s tempted to walk away but she will see it as running away.  And, well, she might be right.  Fuck!  Why does this have to happen tonight of all nights??  Kylo reminds himself that he is the Emperor of the known universe and he doesn’t have to answer to anyone, least of all this enemy general.   He has nothing to fear from her and nothing to explain.  He is who he is, and he will not make excuses for it.  He is proud of it, even if there is no one to be proud of him.

 

“I can understand Luke.  But I don’t understand your father.”

 

Yep, she goes there.  She goes directly there.  It’s just like Kylo had feared.  Well, he’s determined not to get dragged into that topic.  This discussion will be on his terms.  Kylo leads with his best angle, the news of his total victory over the New Republic.  Time to insert the knife and twist, he thinks.  “I rule it all now.  All the major systems are mine,” he crows.

 

His mother is having none of his obfuscation.  “I can’t believe you killed your own father!” she hisses in response.

 

But he persists in his line of thought.  “I’m the Emperor.  We’re setting up our government now.  We’re going to do it right this time.”

 

“I told Han to bring you home if he saw you.  I thought you might refuse.  But I never thought you would kill him.”  His mother pauses before delivering her denouncement.  “I never thought a child of mine would ever sink so low.”

 

“We’re putting the capital on Coruscant. That way, we can keep a close eye on things in the Core.  But we will establish a secondary capital in the Rim.”  Why is he telling her this?  She doesn’t care.  And, fuck!  Does he sound insecure?   He’s babbling now.  He needs to shut up.

 

“You have no remorse, do you?  Your own father!”

 

 This time, Kylo makes no reply.  He just shifts his weight slightly. 

 

“He loved you.  Did you know that?  He loved you but he wasn’t the family man type.  Your father was a wanderer who needed adventure.  He belonged in a ship with Chewie crossing the galaxy.  He was never going to be happy at home being Mister Mom.”

 

Kylo clamps his jaw shut.  He refuses to engage on this topic.

 

“Your father wasn’t good with little kids.  Lots of men aren’t.  But that didn’t mean he didn’t care.  In time, he could have taught you a lot of useful things man-to-man.  Your father had a lot of talents you never tried to appreciate.”

 

Kylo fumes.  He mostly remembers his mother screaming at his father behind closed doors.  She sure wasn’t Han Solo’s cheerleader back then.

 

“Well?  What do you have to say for yourself?”

 

Irritated and goaded, Kylo tells her what he told Snoke.  It comes out in exactly the same defensive tone. “I killed Han Solo.  When the moment came, I didn’t hesitate!”  He’d do it again, too.  Well, maybe.  Killing Han Solo hadn’t felt as satisfying as he had hoped.  It was a little like the celebration tonight.  It ought to feel good, but mostly it feels like checking a box.  Like it is one more thing to cross off his list.

 

His mother falls silent now.  Has the effort tired her out?  Or did his response shut her up?  He senses the subtle shift in dynamics of the conversation, so Kylo presses his advantage.  Time to put her on the defensive.  “Now’s your chance for a deathbed apology,” he drawls.

 

It gets his mother talking again.  “I’m not apologizing to you.” 

 

That’s not the answer he was anticipating.  Kylo doesn’t know what to say to this.  She’s supposed to be at least a little guilty.  Right?   Even Luke had admitted that he failed his nephew and was partly at fault.

 

“Ten years ago, I would have apologized to you.  You were a boy then.  But you’re a man now.  Responsible for yourself and for your actions.  You’re way past blaming mommy now.”

 

That’s the righteous tone Kylo remembers from her Senate speeches.  It rubs him the wrong way and now this terse, snippy discussion becomes as a full-on confrontation.  “You lied!” he roars.  “All of you did!”

 

“We lied to protect you.  We wanted to save you from your Darker impulses even as a child,” she maintains.

 

“You shipped me off to Luke and forced me to become something you knew I couldn’t be!” He’s a Chosen One, just like she is.  Just like Luke was.  Kylo doesn’t exist permanently in the Light or the Dark.  He is cursed to live in between, alternatively pulled each way and torn apart.  All the natural tendencies toward balance that exist in all Force users are magnified in the Skywalker clan.  His mother knew that.  Her own anger issues and Dark proclivities were why Leia Organa never developed her talent in the Force.  Luke knew it too, whether he would admit it or not. 

 

“You set me up to fail!” Kylo accuses.

 

“That’s Snoke talking,” Leia Organa dismisses.  “He told you that you had too much Darkness to be a Jedi to serve his own aims.  You didn’t even try,” she complains.  “You always had a bad attitude—”

 

“I was ten!”  He was ten years old with a Dark Master whispering in his head, telling him to doubt the adult authority figures around him.

 

“You were with Luke for years after that,” she shoots back.  “You were too indulged and spoiled.  That was my fault, I guess.  It primed you to choose the quick and easy path to power on the Dark Side . . . “

 

What the fuck?   There was nothing quick and easy about being Snoke’s whipping boy Apprentice.  If this is her apology, it’s woefully inadequate.

 

It gets worse.  “You have always been unstable.   I blamed it on the Force back then.  That’s why I thought that Luke could help you.  But I think you were just mentally ill all along.  The Force just magnifies the problem.”

 

Great, so now he’s crazy??  He was crazy all along, so that gets her off the hook?  Kylo seethes.   This woman has a blindspot for her own failings a sector wide.

 

“You pushed away people who were trying to help you, even back then.”  His mother sounds resigned and sad.  “You have killed everyone who ever invested in you, Ben.  Even Snoke in the end.”

 

“Snoke had it coming.”

 

“If he did, you do too,” she snaps. 

 

“Where’s all that Light Side forgiveness?” he jeers.  “Where’s all the compassion and forgiveness, Mother?  If this is your pitch to save my soul, it’s not a good one.”

 

“I held out hope for so long.  Truly, I did.  I know there is still Light in you, Ben.  It’s just not enough.”  She sighs heavily.  “Even Luke agreed at Crait that you were gone.  He told me he couldn’t save you.  No one can save you.  Ben, you have to save yourself.”

 

He is saving himself.   And, with Rey’s help, he plans to save the galaxy along with him.  But Kylo doesn’t bother explaining this.  He stands stone faced as he listens to her Jedi reasoning about the good and the bad side of the Force.  His understanding has evolved beyond this simplistic moral view.  But he’s not going to debate it with his mother now.  None of this matters.  That mindset, like his mother, is the past.

 

“Did Snoke make you a predator like himself?” she now demands.  “Is that why you are after Rey?”

 

“Leave her out of this.”

 

“I know the Dark Side.  I know its violence, its manipulation, its control.   You will ruin that girl by the time you’re done with her,” his mother warns.

 

“Leave her out of this!” Kylo roars.  Rey is a sensitive topic.  Things are progressing with Rey.  Not quite like he had planned, but progressing all the same. 

 

His mother sniffs, “She deserves better than you.” 

 

“I’m the Emperor of the galaxy,” he grinds out.  His intentions are honorable and by all objective standards, he’s a catch.  And this is coming from his mother who married a guy with a bounty on his head from Jabba the Hutt.  Where the Hell does she get off making value judgements about he and Rey?

 

Fuck!  He should have walked away and never engaged in this conversation.  But it’s too late now.  He needs to end this before it goes downhill from here.  But, being himself, he can’t.  Kylo is an emotional guy and, in the end, it always comes down to the same thing.  “You never loved me, did you?” he groans out.  Well, it might have been more of a whine.  

 

The question seems to stump his mother a moment.  Finally, she speaks, “I still love you.  You’re my son and some part of me will always love you.  But that doesn’t mean I like you or I forgive you or I want to acknowledge you.  You are my shame, Ben.”

 

He is dismayed.  Fuck!  This woman makes him feel like he is ten again and being hauled to the principal’s office.  “What does that mean?” he demands.  He’s confused.  Does she love him or not?  It doesn’t matter, but it matters . . . kind of . . . sort of . . .

 

“It means I made mistakes.  Your father made mistakes.  Luke made mistakes.  But they are nothing compared to the mistakes you made and keep making.”  His mother’s voice sounds a bit hoarse now.  Is she tiring or is this emotion in her tone?  He’s not sure.  But she keeps going.  “You’re the victim who victimizes others.  You’re the predator who preys on Rey.  You’re the manipulator who uses others for your own gain.  You know how this ends, right?   You’ll be alone.  Alone like my father was for decades.  He was a violent, bitter man who stewed in his own hate and then inflicted it on all of us--”

 

“No!  You’re wrong!”  Normally, he would appreciate the comparison to Vader, but not coming from his mother like this.

 

“It’s the same as when you were a kid, just on a larger scale.  You’d get frustrated and upset and then you would break your toys or hit your classmate.  Always acting out to hurt others when you were hurt. Taking your Darkness and spreading it.  Everyone around you had to suffer because you suffered.”  His mother pauses to catch her breath.  Yes, this is definitely tiring her.  And maybe that means this will end soon.  “What are you going to do when everyone near you is gone and there is no one left to kill?  What then?” Leia Organa demands.   “Where does all that rage go?   Are you going to burn down the galaxy?”

 

Far from it.  He’s going to build up all that his mother and her New Republic tore down.  “I will bring peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new Empire,” he growls.

 

“No, you won’t.  You’re going to self-destruct. That’s been your trajectory all along.  Everyone can see that about you.” 

 

This is like having some all-caps conversation with a dissident hater on the holonet, Kylo thinks.  It’s not a conversation.  It’s just a statement of position, like Jedi talking points.  That this is his own mother just makes it worse.  She doesn’t understand him.  She’s never understood him.  Kylo shakes his head and says through gritted teeth, “You don’t even know me.”

 

“I know enough. I’ve seen enough. You helped to destroy Hosnia.  You killed Han.  You are a monster!” 

 

“Yes, I am,” Kylo admits.  He knows that in his mother’s narrow understanding of the Force, anyone tipped more towards the Dark than the Light is worthy of her contempt.  And, it’s not the first time someone has called him a monster.  But this time, it stings deeply.  He’s so tired of being condemned and underestimated by this woman.  Reflexively, his sword leaps into his hand and lights.  Its blade springs to life with a double snap and a hiss. 

 

It is very gratifying to see his mother flinch.

 

The crossguard lightsaber that won the galaxy crackles.  It’s the only sound in the room as Kylo stands there poised to strike.  Deciding.   

 

“Go ahead,” his mother says quietly.  “Prove me right.”

 

Fuck!  That ruins the moment.  Kylo instantly deactivates his sword.  But now he is hollering at the top of his lungs, “I hate you!  I hate you!  I didn’t hate Dad, but I hate you!”  Everyone in the large _Finalizer_ infirmary can surely hear him now.  But this is raw emotion bottled up for years that suddenly explodes.  He is Dark, so Dark and yet torn all the same.  Frustrated that this woman will not die of her injuries and yet horrified at the thought of killing her himself.  He just wants to be free of this pain and to move on. 

 

To salvage something and have the last word, Kylo hisses, “I refuse to put you out of your misery!  And killing you will only upset Rey.  So you get to live.” 

 

Kylo stalks out to go destroy something.    This night has turned out far worse than he first thought.


	10. Chapter 10

The first thing Rey sees when she walks into Kylo’s quarters for dinner are the slash marks and hardened streaks of melted durasteel that crisscross two interior walls.  Those weren’t there two days ago, she knows.  It looks like Kylo took his sword to the walls.  Repeatedly.  “What happened?” she asks.

 

He looks away.  “I got angry.   That happens sometimes.”  He shrugs and brushes off her concern.  “This is normal.  Don’t let it bother you.”

 

“Riiiiight.”  She walks over to inspect the damage.  Yes, this is definitely the aftermath of a sword.  Lightsabers are powerful weapons.  She remembers hers cutting right through a large rock on Ahch-To.  Rey turns back to Kylo.  “Was this about Hux?”

 

“No.  He won’t bother you and he won’t talk.  Hux knows how this works.”

 

“Riiiiight,” she nods again.  That’s two answers from Kylo that she doesn’t quite believe. 

 

“Come.  Sit,” he invites.

 

Their nightly routine resumes.  Rey seats herself and mostly watches as Kylo eats.  Tonight, he looks preoccupied.  Very rattled.  And tired.  Like he didn’t sleep at all last night.  Kylo’s first day as Emperor looks like it was rough, she decides. 

 

“How is she?” Kylo asks abruptly.  The ‘she’ is always his mother in their private conversations. 

 

Rey doesn’t sugarcoat the truth.  “She’s worse.  I was there all day today and she didn't speak once.  Usually she rouses a few times a day.”  It had been a very bad sign.  This is very upsetting to Rey.  Kylo is right that she latches onto people because Rey has become very invested in Leia Organa in a short time.  Now that the end is coming fast, she is dismayed.

 

Kylo apparently is not.  He says nothing.

 

“I spoke to the medics at length about her condition.  Kylo, they t-think this is the e-end.”

 

He doesn’t react.  He just looks away.

 

“You should go to her.  Before it’s t-too late.”  Rey stammers again because it is hard to say this out loud.

 

Kylo still refuses to engage.

 

Maybe this is none of her business, but Rey feels as though Kylo and his mother ought to at least attempt to speak, if only to provide some closure for one another.  Death is a very final thing.  Motherless Rey can’t imagine not at least trying to reconcile somewhat.  So, she persists.  “I’m going back later tonight to sit with her.  You could come with me,” she suggests.  “You don’t have to say anything.  Just be there.”

 

That provokes a response.  “No.  You go.”

 

“Kylo, she’s your mother.  She might be the enemy but she’s your mother.  And the war is over now.  You’ve won.”

 

He sighs, puts down his fork, and sits back.  “She was a lousy mother, Rey.”

 

“Yes, I think I’m learning that,” she agrees.  Leia Organa had a lot more priorities than her son.  “But still—"

 

“She was a much better leader than she was a mother.  She was a failure as a mother.”   Bitter Kylo now warms to this theme.  “They were all failures.  Luke was a much better Jedi than he was a teacher.  He utterly failed as a teacher.  Han Solo was better at everything than he was at being a husband and a father.“  Kylo looks away again.  His expression is bleak.  The man looks years older than his true age in this moment.  Like the weight of the galaxy rests on his shoulders.  Which it does, she realizes.

 

“I understand,” Rey offers softly.  “People let you down in life.  My parents let me down.”  Her loser parents cruelly betrayed a four-year-old.  “I’m facing that now.  I lied to myself for years about my parents to cope.  I’ll probably never know the truth of why they did what they did.  But I like to think that they were good intentioned . . .” she offers weakly.  Rey knows she is grasping at straws, but it helps.  Even now, she can feel tears spring to her eyes as she speaks of her abandonment.  It is still very fresh.

 

“Good intentions don’t always make good decisions,” Kylo gripes.  “That’s pretty much the lesson of the New Republic right there.  And of my family, too.”  He shakes his head and growls, “I suffered for their failures.”

 

Rey nods.  “So did I.”  Life on Jakku was mostly suffering.  “I’m trying to accept that and maybe even learn from it.  You can learn from others’ failings just like you can learn from your own.”

 

“Failure might be enlightening sometimes, but it’s still failure!” he rails.  “And there are consequences to failure.”  Kylo is bitter as he gives vent to his emotions.  Rey reflexively glances over at the damaged walls.  The heat of his anger is spent.  Now, he’s wallowing in the dejected aftermath.  “It’s not just about me,” he complains.  “Look at the state of the galaxy!  A lot of people have died for my family’s failures.  The Skywalkers have a lot of collateral damage,” he grumbles.  

 

“They did their best.” Rey firmly believes this.  Leia Organa and Luke Skywalker both turned out to have very human failings.  But that doesn’t make them less than the heroes Rey had imagined them to be.  Heroes are not perfect.  And, looking across at the miserable young man who now rules the galaxy, Rey realizes that villains are not always evil.  Life is complicated.  Far less black and white than she expected.  Far less black and white than she wants.

 

This is how her conversations with Kylo always are—raw and unfiltered.  Something about their strange relationship feels very honest.  It’s been like this from their beginning conversations over the Force bond.  They speak to one another bluntly.  Unapologetically.  And the topics are always important.  There is no small talk with this man.

 

“Luke admitted that he had failed.  By the time I found him, he had lost faith in his religion,” Rey recalls.  “But he didn’t know where to go from there . . . “

 

“I’m trying to find a path forward.”  Kylo looks so earnest now as he meets her eyes.   “But I worry . . . I worry . . . ” His voice trails off and he doesn’t finish his thought.

 

“Tell me,” she prompts. 

 

Kylo makes a face and works his jaw.  “My mother and my uncle once had the same opportunity I do now.  A blank slate and a chance to reinvent everything.  To reform and renew the past in a way that made sense for the future.”

 

 “They tried to rebuild the Republic and create a New Jedi Order.”

 

“Yes.  But it didn't work out.   I know she wants to blame me and Snoke, but the truth is that the fall of the Republic is about more than just us.  The Republic failed for a lot of reasons.”

 

“And you worry that you will fail too,” Rey surmises.

 

He nods.  “Yes.  My family is full of people who dream big things but can’t quite pull them off.  They have so much potential.  They get close.  But, in the end, they all fail.  The Skywalkers are one missed opportunity and tragic hero after another,” he grouses.  “It’s why I need your help.”

 

He meets her eyes and here it comes, she thinks.  Another ‘join me’ speech.  Rey preempts it this time.  “I can’t be what you want me to be.  Kylo, I listened to that speech last night and I can’t be a part of your Empire.”  This is what she has plans to tell Kylo tonight.  That she has considered his offer and will turn it down.

 

“Hux isn’t in charge.  I’m in charge,” he reminds her.  “Nothing he says matters.”

 

“Then why did you let him grandstand like that?” Last night was a huge missed opportunity, Rey thinks.  But it was typical of the First Order.  These people do what they want with no thought to others’ views.  Because if you’re not with them, you’re against them.  “Hux did everything but shake his fist and pound his chest.  Where was the message of healing and unity?  Where was the gesture to all of us who lost the war and now have to live in your Empire?” she demands hotly.

 

Kylo takes this in stride.  “Change is coming.  Give me time.  I may be the Emperor but I still have constituencies to appease.  And I have to show a smooth transition of power from Snoke.  If I move too fast, it could jeopardize my support.  Last night, I needed to give the hardliners a victory lap.”

 

“That sounds like an excuse to me.” Rey shoots him a look.

 

“There’s only so much I can do so fast.  It hasn’t even been a month.  Change is coming.  Be patient.”

 

“What sort of change?”  Rey’s eyes narrow.

 

“We will take the best ideas of the Empire and the best ideas of the Republic and marry them.  I’m not going to repeat Palpatine’s mistakes or my mother’s.  This time, we will get it right.”  Kylo says this with a confidence she knows he does not feel.  His face looks like he is trying to convince himself as much as he’s trying to convince her.   Still, it says something that this fearsome man allows himself to be vulnerable before her.  Beneath the mask and behind closed doors, Kylo Ren is shockingly human.  It keeps drawing her in.

 

“You alone will be in charge, right?”  Rey gives Kylo a knowing look.  “As sort of a benevolent dictator?”

 

“Yes.  The local systems can keep their democratic governments, but the galaxy at large will be ruled by me.”  He is unapologetic about it, too.

 

That’s very Sith of him, she thinks.  Rey guesses, “This was your plan all along.  To kill Skywalker and kill Snoke and take it all for yourself?” 

 

“This became my plan over time.  I knew the Republic and the Jedi weren’t the answer.  I came to see that Snoke’s plans would only fail in time for the same reasons the old Empire fell.  I learned what I could from both my Masters before I moved on.”  Kylo looks her in the eye and tells her, “I have been waiting for this moment for a long time.  I will remake the galaxy and remake the Force.  That is my destiny.”

 

“I guess you’ve killed everyone who stood in your way,” skeptical Rey observes dryly.

 

“Yes.”  Again, he is unapologetic.  “The only way to do this is if the things holding me back fall away.”

 

“Does that include me?” Rey asks pointedly.

 

“I hope not.  I need your help.  I need you as the influence of the Light.” 

 

Rey isn’t buying this and she calls Kylo on it.  This is just his ploy to neutralize her influence by confusing her loyalties.  “You don’t need me for the Light.  Just listen to the call to the Light within yourself and heed it,” Rey urges.  This was the whole point of why Rey had surrendered to Snoke in the first place.  To be the motivation for Kylo’s return to the Light.  “I’ll help you,” she reups her offer from the elevator on the _Supremacy_.  That’s basically the only way Rey will agree to stay after General Organa dies. 

 

“No.”  Again, he shoots her down.  “The answer isn't Dark or Light.  The answer is the balance in between.  The tension.  The push-pull competition for dominance.  The conflict is the balance.  Skywalker never understood that.  Neither did Snoke.”

 

Rey counters, “Luke understood balance.  Balance is how he explained the Force to me.” 

 

“No.  Luke didn’t get it.  His version of balance was the Light unopposed.  Luke thought he achieved balance after Endor.  Until I came along.”

 

“Yeah, that is how he described it,” Rey recalls.

 

“He was wrong.  I didn’t upset the balance, I was the balance.  There was a powerful Skywalker in the Light, so a powerful Skywalker arose on the Dark Side,” Kylo contends. 

 

That idea makes some sense, she thinks.  “So the Light rises, and the Dark meets it?”  She paraphrases Snoke from the throne room.  “And vice versa?”

 

“Yes.  Once my uncle retreated into exile and withdrew from the Force, the Light found another champion.  You, Rey.  Neither Snoke nor I counted on you.”  Kylo gives her a very approving look.   “You shocked me on the Starkiller.  Completely.”  He says this a little breathlessly, with a gleam in his eye.  It’s very attractive, she thinks.  Suddenly, Rey has to blink away a mental flashback to last night’s torrid kiss.

 

“I think I shocked myself,” Rey admits, looking down.  “It all happened so fast.”

 

“That was the Force at work.  When the Force intervenes, change happens fast.  It sweeps you along with it.”

 

“It did feel sort of like that,” Rey admits.  “I was making decisions but it all felt a bit out of control.”  Before she knew it, she was handing a lightsaber to a Jedi Master and shipping herself to Kylo in the _Falcon_ ’s escape capsule. 

 

Kylo is still looking at her with that strange look on his face.  “It wasn’t until afterwards that I realized that you were the equal I need.  That with your help, the old ways could fall behind without throwing everything out of balance.   Because your Light matches my Darkness.   Rey,” Kylo tells her solemnly, with great reverence, “the Force sent you to me so that together, we could rule it all and rule it well.”

 

That sort grandiose destiny talk is scary because Kylo completely believes it, Rey knows.  This man isn’t the First Order zealot she expected.  He’s a Force zealot.  “Are these Snoke’s theories?  Because Luke would not have agreed to this.”   Rey is very suspicious that she is being manipulated.  And, ruling the galaxy looks pretty awful actually.

 

“They are my ideas based on what I learned from Snoke and from Luke.  Snoke wanted to push Darkness to the brink,” Kylo explains.  “He sought to toe the line and stop short just before the Force pushed back with the Light.    Snoke was a wise man who had seen a lot through the years and learned from it.  He knew that Darkness couldn’t win.  Not in any permanent way.  But Snoke was too much a Sith in the end.  He wanted to trample the Light by killing its strongest supporters.  The Light would persist but it would be a diffuse influence without a champion.   That’s why he wanted me to kill you.  It’s why he wanted to kill Skywalker.”

 

“Kylo, I don’t want to rule the galaxy.”  Rey wants to make this clear.  Besides, she’s not sure she could rule the galaxy, even if she tried.  She’s just a scavenger.   “I’ve considered your offer and I’m turning it down.”

 

Kylo is undeterred.   “The Light needs a leader, and you are the logical choice.  Rey, I need you.  The galaxy needs you.  Join me and we will all succeed and avoid more war.” 

 

“All I have ever seen you do is fight a war,” she observes pointedly.   “What makes you think that your plan will work?  What do you know about peace?”  Last night’s speech sounded more like the First Order was planning to occupy the galaxy, rather than bring peace.

 

“The Sith believed that peace is a lie.  That war is inevitable and useful.  But I don’t believe that.” 

 

“Yeah?  And what about your methods?  What about the Starkiller?” she demands.

 

“That was Snoke’s pet project.  He gave the order to fire, I didn’t.”

 

“What about no quarter at Crait?  I hate what you did to the Resistance,” she glares.

 

“I killed a handful of fighters to end the war.  Their sacrifice achieved a greater good.  And there was no compromise in those people.  You know that.”

 

“Those were my very first friends!” Rey objects.

 

“It was war.”  Kylo says this as if it excuses everything.  And it probably does in his view.  Kylo Ren’s ends always justify his means, she knows.

 

“And Han Solo?  You never gave me a straight answer about why you killed him.”

 

He levels with her now.  “Rey, I will always be more Dark than Light.  I’m asking you to accept that and step up to be my counterbalance.”  He leans forward in his seat as he invites her, “Call my bluff.  Tell me no.  Push back to me.”

 

Who is he kidding?  This man doesn’t take no for an answer.  With Snoke gone, no one seems to influence him.  Rey cocks her head at Kylo and now accuses, “You’re asking me to condone your excesses, aren’t you?”

 

“You will temper them.” 

 

“The First Order will never accept a Resistance girl leading with you.” 

 

“They don’t need to know your past.”

 

“They think I’m your little sister.” 

 

“They will think whatever I tell them to think.” 

 

“Did you see the holonet today?”  Rey had been shocked to see pictures of her and Kylo splashed across the holonet when she logged on this morning.

 

Kylo is nonplussed.  “You mean the pictures of us?”

 

“Yes.  Those pictures don’t make us look like brother and sister.”  Those pictures make them look like a couple.  Especially the one with them running hand in hand from Kylo’s big shindig like a pair of star-crossed First Order-Resistance lovers in a cheesy perfume ad.

 

He dismisses her concern with a blithe wave of his hand.  “Pay them no heed.”

 

“Easy for you to say!  There is some very ugly speculation about us.”  A lot of nasty innuendo too.  And now, it occurs to Rey that no one should ever have taken those pictures in the first place.  “How did someone get pictures like that?” she wonders aloud.  “There was security everywhere last night.”

 

Kylo smirks.  “There was security everywhere on the Starkiller too.  You still escaped and helped to blow it up.”

 

“Oh. Yeah.”  Good point.

 

“The holonet is full of haters.  Anonymity emboldens people to say stupid shit.  They will move on to something else in a few days.  Ignore them.”

 

That’s easier said than done.  Rey had panicked when she saw her face splashed over the holonet this morning.  Luckily, they didn’t have her name.  “You’re awfully cool about this,” Rey observes. 

 

“You’re right.  Here it is, my big night to be declared Emperor and all anyone can focus on is paparazzi photographs of my pretty girlfriend who’s dressed up like mother.  Are you always going to upstage me like this?” he smirks.  “It’s fine.  I can get used to it.”

 

“I’m not your girlfriend!” she retorts, putting down her fork.  “Are you even listening to me?” Rey demands.  “I’m turning you down, Kylo.  Can you get that through your head?”  She’s feeling increasingly frustrated now.

 

He digests this a moment before he informs her quietly, “Destiny makes offers you can’t refuse.  We can do this the easy way and you join me now, or we can do this the hard way and let destiny intervene to force you to my side.”

 

“The Force does not control my destiny!” Rey answers hotly.  “I decide!”

 

Kylo looks across the table at her with true understanding now.  “That’s what I thought when I was your age.  I was wrong.  Powerful Force users like us are instruments of the cosmic Force.  Our lives are larger than our own.  It’s not fair, but it’s true.  It’s our lot in life.”

 

“But I don’t want this!” Rey explodes.  “I don’t want any of this!”  She leaps up from her seat and crosses fast to the windows across the room.  The _Finalizer_ is still in orbit over Coruscant.  The famed world that is the bright center of the universe fills the windows with its red-orange glow.  It just serves to remind Rey that she is a long, long way from Jakku. 

 

Rey is stressed, so her words spill out in a torrent of woe.  She has her arms crossed to hug herself.  These days, she needs comforting.  “I found a droid in the desert and met your father and then I found the sword and met you and then your mother and your uncle.  It’s like everywhere I turn, I run into your family!  I’m just a scavenger.  I’m a nobody from nowhere—”  She never signed up for this heroine role.

 

“Not to me.”  Kylo stands and crosses the room to head for her.

 

“And now my parents are dead and all my friends are dead and the last person I know other than you is dying downstairs in sickbay.  Maybe even tonight.”

 

Kylo comes up behind her and stops a step or two short.  “You are not alone, Rey.”

 

“Not yet, you mean!”

 

He steps forward now and Rey can feel his hands on her upper arms.  “Join me—” he croons.

 

“Will you shut up about ruling the galaxy?” Rey snarls.  She’s still presenting her back to him.  “I don’t want to rule the galaxy!  I care about people, not power!  That’s the difference between you and I.  I would never let my mother die alone surrounded by strangers while I outsourced the pain of her passing to someone else.  You are so damned casual about death that you delegate it to others!”

 

“Rey—"

 

But her tirade continues.  “Why would I join you when you treat everyone in your family so awfully?  I’m no fool, Kylo Ren!  I’m a survivor and I don’t take stupid risks and you are most certainly a stupid risk!  I’m not ending up dead like your parents and your uncle and your Master--”

 

“I’m not going to hurt you.”  He squeezes her shoulders as if to emphasize this.

 

“I don’t even trust you!  I’m not even sure that I like you.  It’s more that I feel sorry for you . . .”   She moves to step away, but his hands clamp down.

 

“It’s more than that.  We have a connection.”  Kylo whispers this over her shoulder directly into her ear.  And then his lips find her neck.  It feels heavenly.  She and Kylo might bicker constantly, but they have an electric physical chemistry.  Kylo voice is husky as he tells her, “I know you feel it too.”

 

“Kylo, no.”  Rey breaks away and turns around.  “No more of that.  It’s . . .”  She fumbles for the words.  “It’s got to stop.  We can’t be together.”

 

“We can do whatever we want.”

 

“We can’t be together,” she firmly repeats.

 

“You mean you don’t want us to be together.” 

 

“Correct!  Have you heard nothing I’ve said??”  This guy won’t take no for an answer.  It’s like he won’t even acknowledge her choice.

 

“Is this my mother’s influence talking?”

 

“You asked me to think about your offer.  And I have.”  Rey was up all last night obsessing over how turned off she had been by Kylo’s big event and how turned on she had been by Kylo the man.  Rey had always assumed that her lure to Darkness was a form of compassion.  But now, she’s not so sure it isn’t simple lust.  And that’s not a good reason to join this Force strong murdering megalomaniac.  Sex isn’t that hard for a woman to find.  Rey can get that without all the Dark Side strings attached, if she wants.  She can find another tall, commanding, quirkily handsome man with soulful eyes and a chip on his shoulder.  Right?

 

Kylo starts bargaining now.  “It doesn’t have to be a package deal.  Forget ruling with me for now.  We can just be together.”

 

Oh, geez, he’s standing close again.  Looking so sincere with his wild hair falling across his face.  Rey remembers the feel of that hair in her hands. 

 

“Just you and me, Rey.  No Empire, no politics . . . no Force, if you want.  Just you and me.  Let’s see where this connection leads,” he offers. 

 

Focus, Rey, she chastises herself.  Don’t get distracted.  She starts doubling down on her refusal now.  “You’re not hearing what I’m saying.  Look, I lost my head last night.  It was a mistake and I’m sorry if I led you on.  But this isn’t happening, Kylo. When your mother dies in the next day or so, I’m gone.”

 

“You don’t mean that,” Kylo cajoles.

 

Rey holds firm.  “I do.  I’m telling you now.”

 

“You’re lying to both of us then.  Don’t tell me you don’t feel our connection.”  Kylo tries a second time to take her in his arms, but again she resists. 

 

“It doesn’t matter!” she wails.  Rey is determined to think with her head and not feel with her heart.  And then, as if to belie her words, Rey bursts into tears. 

 

What is it about this man that provokes such strong emotion from her?  She’s not a girl who cries.  There was no point in crying on Jakku.  Rey long ago learned a fierce stoicism to safeguard her psyche.  Bad things happen, you deal with them, you move on.  But all that mental toughness seems to desert her around Kylo Ren.  Here she is again with tears running down her face.  Just like when they had talked through the Force on Ahch-To.  Just like in the aftermath of Snoke and the praetorian guards.  Something about this man makes all those easily repressed feelings bubble up and spill over.

 

It's sort of humiliating.  She’s tougher than this.  It’s just that today she feels very overwhelmed and alone.  She’s dreading Leia Organa dying.

 

“Cry it out,” Kylo soothes.   “Vent your emotions.   Don’t bottle them up.”

 

She is in his arms now, soaking his uniform with her tears.  Rey isn’t even sure why she is crying.  Is she crying for dying Leia Organa?  Is she crying for Finn, for Han Solo, for Chewbacca, for Luke Skywalker?  Maybe for the rest of the brave Resistance fighters who gave all?  Or is she crying for her faithless parents who were so misguided or so selfish or so addicted that they threw her life away along with their own?  Perhaps she is crying for Kylo Ren?  For the monster who presents himself as Prince Charming.  He’s willing to give her everything, but Rey mistrusts what he will demand in return. 

 

“Don’t fight it.  This is destiny.  I have foreseen it in the Force.”

 

“But I don’t want this!” she mumbles into his shoulder.

 

“Just think about it some more,” he urges. 

 

“Alright.  Fine,” she agrees, mostly to put him off.  Rey steps back and starts regaining her composure.  “I should get back down.  I don’t want your mother to be alone.”

 

“Okay,” he agrees.  Dinner is over now. 

 

“You should go see you mother,” Rey tries again one last time.  When Kylo doesn’t answer, she departs. 

 

Rey is still wiping away tears by the time she wanders into the infirmary.  Everyone knows her here by now.  Rey is normally polite, but tonight she breezes by the respectful nods and murmurs of ‘milady.’   Rey just wants to be alone with her thoughts.  But when she marches past the stormtrooper guards into General Organa’s small private room, Rey finds that she is not the only visitor tonight.

 

“Oh!” Rey reacts in surprise.  She wasn’t expecting this. “General,” she nods to the First Order’s famed orator.  Who knew he would be here?

 

Hux favors her with a tight, smug smile.  “Lady Ren.   Just who I was hoping to find.”  Hux looks on as Rey moves past him to check the levels on the medical equipment that monitors the princess.  Rey has learned during her vigil which measures matter.  Hux watches with careful eyes as she assesses the patient’s condition.

 

“I’m told you are here all the time.  That you are a constant presence for the enemy’s precious princess.”

 

“Yes.”   All of the princess’ vital signs and indicators have deteriorated in the hour since Rey was last here.  She inhales a deep breath.  The medics are right, Rey realizes.  The end is near. 

 

Ignoring the looming general, Rey takes a seat in the empty chair and reaches for Leia Organa’s hand.  “I’m here,” Rey says aloud to the princess.  “I will be here.”

 

“I know why you are here,” General Hux speaks softly.  “I know who she is.”

 

Rey refuses to be baited.  “Then you know why we wish to give Darth Vader’s daughter a dignified death.”

 

“She’s more than just Lord Vader’s daughter,” Hux dismisses this information that has been common knowledge for years.  “I know why Ren spared her at Crait.  I know why you sit vigil at her deathbed.”

 

Rey ignores him.  “Princess, don’t try to talk.  Save your strength,” she soothes.  “The General is leaving soon.”

 

Hux declines to take the hint.  He is nothing if not persistent.  Hux walks closer to lean over Rey’s shoulder.  “Tell me, Lady Rey,” he says in a stage whisper, “Does mother know you kiss your brother?”

 

Rey puts on her Jakku poker face and makes no comment.

 

“A lot of things become clear now that I know the truth.  The only thing that isn’t clear is where you have been all this time and whose side you are on.  With your family, it can be difficult to tell,” Hux sniffs.

 

Rey keeps her silence. She doesn’t answer to this man. 

 

“You were there when Snoke died.  Tell me, why did Ren bring you to Snoke?”

 

“Leave us, General,” Rey commands in her best cold and haughty Lady Ren voice.

 

“You don’t command me,” Hux answers calmly.  “What were you and Ren up to with Snoke when he died?”

 

Rey, overwrought from her ugly scene with Kylo, deeply saddened by the nearness of Leia Organa’s passing, and remembering Hux’s hate filled rant last night, loses it a little.  “General,” she whirls and hisses.  Her face is an ugly scowl.  “Leave us!  You don’t belong here.”  Starkiller Hux shouldn’t be anywhere near Alderaan’s most famous survivor.   “Only family is allowed,” Rey smirks.

 

Hux laughs.  It’s an ugly chuckle.  “You Skywalkers think you can command all of us.  That because you have the magic Force you are worthy to rule.  You and Ren should remember that there are far more of us than there are of you.”

 

Rey of Jakku knows a threat when she hears one.  And she long ago learned to shoot first.  Standing here by Leia Organa’s bedside, Rey has no weapon.  But she has the Force. 

 

“Careful, General,” she warns as she summons the Force.  Rey raises a hand and decides to give obnoxious Hux a lesson Vader-style.  To scare him a little, Rey clenches her fist. 

 

Hux starts to choke. 

 

She’s trying to chase Hux away and to get him to back off.  But Kylo doesn’t know this as he abruptly strides in.  Emperor Ren looks from gasping Hux to Rey and back again.  He is impressed.

 

“Don’t kill him.  Hux is useful,” Kylo instructs.  “It’s tempting, I know.  But release him.”

 

“As you wish,” Rey murmurs.  She drops her hand and sputtering Hux struggles to stay upright.  “The general was just leaving anyway,” she adds with a glare.

 

“Good,” Kylo approves. 

 

Once the door slides shut behind red faced and wheezing Hux, Kylo moves to look over the patient.  “How is she?” he asks.  He looks concerned by what he sees.

 

“Not good,” Rey answers.  “I’m staying here tonight.”

 

“I’ll stay too,” Kylo decides.  He reaches for Rey’s hand as they both face Leia Organa’s deathbed.  Kylo gives Rey’s hand a silent squeeze of encouragement.  Then his eyes dart to her questioningly.  “Hux got you riled up.” 

 

“He knows that she is your mother.   Hux made some ugly cracks.”

 

Kylo is not troubled.  “Hux was bound to figure it out.  I’m surprised it stayed a secret this long.  The war is over.  The truth won’t matter once she’s gone.”

 

Rey nods and sighs.  “No, I guess not.”

 

Kylo looks over at Rey with concern.  “Are you okay?   Force choking is not like you.”

 

Embarrassed, she flushes.  Rey knows she shouldn’t have done that.  It’s like when she took her staff to Luke Skywalker in anger.   Leia Organa would have been horrified if she had been conscious to know of it.  “Well, you say we are all a mix of Light and Dark . . .”

 

“I’m not judging you.”  Kylo looks plaintively over at his comatose mother and sighs.  “She might judge you, but I won’t.  I know this is hard for you.  This is going to be a long night.”

 

It’s true.  “I’m glad you’re here,” Rey whispers. 

 

“I’m here for you.  Not for her.”

 

“I’m still glad you’re here.”


	11. Chapter 11

Kylo senses the subtle shift in the Force that presages momentous change.  Usually loss.  He felt this premonition in the immediate aftermath of Snoke’s demise and then again at his uncle’s passing at Crait.  Kylo knows what this means.  A great disturbance is coming.  The Force is expecting to herald his mother’s passing. 

 

Rey senses it too for she rouses from her slumped and drowsy pose.  She instantly looks to him. “Is she?”

 

“Not yet.  But soon.”  Very soon.

 

Rey leaps to her feet and reaches for his mother’s hand.  Kylo stands closely beside Rey with a comforting arm around her.   They both look down at the comatose older women in silent dread.

 

This is Leia Organa.  Rightfully, she should have been named a Skywalker, and she was for a time a Solo.  She was a princess, a Senator, a general, and a hero.  She helped take out two Death Stars and the Starkiller.  She felled an Empire and raised a Republic.  She had an improbable life and a long and storied career.  All of that ends here.  Now.

 

Kylo knows that he should say something.  Anything.  His parting words to his mother last night had been so bitter.  Kylo wants to tell her that he forgives her, that he wishes things had gone differently for them, that he has made many mistakes but he is trying to right them in his own way.   It took all those experiences to get to the place he is now.  Ready to reform the Force and clean up the galaxy.  But the words stick in his throat.  His mother wouldn't want to hear them anyway.

 

So Kylo stands there hearing the call to the Light ringing in his mind.  Beckoning him back to the center after years spent in the Dark.  But he is paralyzed and unable to respond.  Thoroughly demoralized after the confrontation last night.   His emotions are boiling inside and many years of Snoke’s training have him automatically channeling that grief into Dark power.  As usual, he is torn apart between the two opposing ends of the spectrum of the Force.

 

At his side, Rey seems similarly lost.  Uncertain what to do.  She stands still and stoic but her mind is radiating panic to him.  It doesn’t help. 

 

With a deep breath, Kylo rallies and says something non-personal and appropriate.  “May the Force be with you,” he bids his mother goodbye with the Old Republic Jedi blessing she loved.   Rey softly echoes the sentiment.

 

They don’t have long to wait.  Not a minute later, his mother shudders once and then slips away. 

 

For a moment, the universe skews hard to the Dark Side.  The loss of a Light Side Skywalker Chosen One leaves its mark.  It’s like an earthquake to the mind.  Rey feels it too for she clamps down hard on his hand to steady herself.  This is the momentary wound in the Force as the essence of Leia Organa returns to the universe from which she came.   This Skywalker might never have explored her power in the traditional sense, but she had amazing sensitivity and perceptiveness all the same.   And like so many powerful ones gone before her, Leia Organa’s body simply dissolves into the Force.  Her form becomes increasingly transparent and shimmers briefly before it is gone.  On the bed before them lies her empty white hospital gown.  Where her hand had rested now lies the distinctive blue and gold ring that was all that remained of the Alderaan crown jewels. 

 

It is a peaceful passing.  Calm and quiet.  Without physical pain.  His mother had never again roused after their acrimonious argument last night.  It makes Kylo wonder if that confrontation had caused his stalwart mother to lose her will to live.  Probably not.  Leia Organa was the toughest person he knew.  Even Lord Vader’s torture techniques couldn’t shake her resolve. 

 

The medics now rush in en masse and start to react.  What happened?  Where did she go?  One even asks if Kylo has vaporized her.  Rey objects loudly on his behalf.   She’s offended and it shows.   Kylo answers the medics solemnly with a reverence he was raised on since childhood.  For once a Padawan and then an Apprentice, the only constant in his life has been the Force.  “She is gone,” Emperor Ren intones quietly.  “Darth Vader’s daughter is one with the Force.”  

 

The scientifically minded medical staff doesn’t know what to make of this.  As they stand there stunned, Kylo decides to rob Hux of his juicy secret.  He tells everyone in attendance what they might already suspect after his shouting tirade last night.  “My mother Leia Organa is dead.  Another Skywalker has returned to the Force.  Long live the Skywalkers,” he adds as an awkward afterthought.  They are, after all, the first family of the Force.  Dark or Light, they are born to rule.   Their colliding ambitions have shaped galactic history for almost a century now. 

 

No one knows what to say.  Are congratulations in order?   Or condolences?   No one is sure, including himself. 

 

Kylo now steps forward to claim the blue and gold ring.  He pockets it and turns to Rey.  “Come,” he bids her as he holds out a gloved hand.  When Rey hesitates, he urges, “Look to the Force and you will always find her.  No one is ever truly gone.   Rey, she will always be with you.”

 

And with him too, Kylo fears as he takes one last long look. 

 

Rey nods gravely.  Silent tears now run down her cheeks.  Kylo can tell from Rey’s expression that she is disappointed to see that he is taking this in stride.  Good, he thinks.  Because if he’s fooling her, then he’s fooling everybody else. 

 

As he and Rey slowly walk to their respective quarters, Kylo asks, “Do you want to—“

 

He never gets the full question out.  Rey overrides him.  “I want to be alone.”   He understands.  He’s a loner too.  Sometimes, it’s best to be by yourself to lick your wounds.

 

Rey looks to him now.  “Are you sure that you’re okay?”

 

He shrugs. “Yes, I’m fine.”  Can she hear the lie in his voice?  Apparently not, because Rey is too preoccupied with her own grief.  She frowns at him and wipes away more tears.

 

“Get some sleep,” he tells Rey when they stop at her door.  It’s already long after midnight and into the wee hours before first shift begins. 

 

“Yeah.  You too.”   Rey shoots him a dirty look.  Then, she slips into her quarters and is gone. 

 

Kylo trudges down the hall to enter his own quarters.  Normally when he is upset, he reaches straight for Vader’s mask.  But not tonight.  Kylo is not at all sure how is grandfather would feel about what just happened.   So he sits down heavily and peels off his gloves to brood.

 

His mother is gone.  He knew all along that this would have to happen.  Kylo is glad that it wasn’t by his own hand.  That makes it better, but not much.   Maybe he ought to be glad that Leia Organa is dead.  Well, more like relieved.  But he’s not.   He’s just as angry as he always was, but now he’s sad too.  For there is no glory in this. 

 

His mother’s passing hits him hard.  Very hard.  He feared this would happen.

 

This is what it means to leave the past behind, Kylo knows.  To come to grips with the people who let you down and disappoint you, to face up to their shortcomings and your own, to know that there are rifts that do not heal and words that cannot be unsaid and people, including yourself, who will not change.  At some point, you have to own it all, for better or for worse.  You stand before the person you confront to say ‘this is who I am whether you accept me or not.’  Yes, I am shaped by this broken relationship, but I shape myself too.  I act as much as I am acted upon.  The fault lies with me and with you, but this is how it is so we move on.  

 

Tonight, both he and the galaxy are moving on.  But it’s off to a shaky start.  Because his mother’s death triggers a sudden spiral of self-doubt.  Kylo has lived his life first with parents and teachers, then with a Jedi Master, and lately with Snoke.  One by one, he destroyed them all.  There are no authority figures left.  There is no one to answer to but history now.  But history can be a harsh judge.

 

The screwup kid now rules it all, but it comes with a lot of responsibilities and strings attached.  Because when you burn it all down in a fit of nihilistic rage, when the ancient regime with all its storied orthodoxies is dead, when the wise men are all gone, and when there is no one with experience left to consult, your blank slate is intimidating.  Since Crait, Kylo has worried that he will fail to achieve his goals.  But tonight, that insecurity fades in the face of a far more debilitating and personal concern:  his mother’s warning that he will end up forever alone. 

 

Loneliness has been a longtime private foe of his.  Emotion is both the source of his power and his weakness, too.  Even more than Snoke’s influence, emotion was the primary reason why Kylo failed as a Jedi Padawan.  He simply needed people too much.  People who, unfortunately, were never there.  As a child, Kylo knew he could never live a life without attachments.  But even without the Jedi Code to adhere to, that may be how things end up.  Because power is isolating and so is rank.  And even before those barriers existed, people habitually pushed him away.  All except Rey, who after a few chats across the Force bond had stormed into Snoke’s throne room to claim him for her own.

 

But even brash Rey says she is leaving him.   That has Kylo panicking inside tonight.  He feels like he is watching happiness slip away.  Like the past is gone but the future is too.

 

Rey seems like the answer to all his problems.  Here is the Light Side consort he needs, here is the friend and confidante he wants, here is the lover who is long overdue.  They would be perfect together except she doesn’t see it that way.   Kylo can offer her everything, but it might as well be nothing.  For Rey doesn’t want what he lays at her feet.  She would rather be the Light Side Jedi heroine in her mind than Kylo Ren’s murky grey Empress co-conspirator.

 

He’s doing it wrong, he knows.  But he has no experience with women.   Kylo Ren doesn’t know how to love, he mostly knows how to hate.  He is not accustomed to giving, for he has been trained to take.  Plus, all the relationships in his life have been either toxic or arm’s length.   People have hurt him and in response he hurt back.    And yet, his own hurt still remains.  This was his unhappy realization after killing Han Solo.   With his mother, it is the same.

 

The aftermath of his mother’s death might be even worse because Kylo still needs to lash out but there is no one left to punish, no foe to dominate.  It’s all so unsatisfying in the end.   This is how he had felt at his own public coronation.  It’s why Kylo couldn’t wait to get out of there.  For victory is sour and not sweet, he has discovered.  And, truthfully, he secretly suspected this all along.  This is the paradox of the Dark Side, for it gives you power and glory that do not sate.  In the end, you only want more to compensate.  It’s a trap, Kylo knows.   It’s why he rejected being Snoke’s neo-Sith.  It’s why he wants to moderate his Empire and balance the Force.

 

It's why he needs Rey and her Light so much.  

 

He is Dark, so Dark in his grief and self-doubt.  And that makes Kylo Ren hear the siren call of the Light very loudly.  Weakened by his mother’s death, tonight he willingly succumbs.  Kylo leaps to his feet and heads for the door.  He knows just where to find compassion and understanding.

 

He bursts into Rey’s quarters uninvited, having waved a hand to open the door with the Force.  The lights are out and the rooms are lit only by starlight from the windows, giving everything a shadowy haze.  Still, the layout is the same as his own living quarters, so Kylo knows his way around.   He heads for the bedroom.  Sure enough, it’s as he suspected.  Rey is asleep. 

 

He’s disappointed.  He was hoping for company.  But still . . . look at her.  This is worth seeing.  Bathed in the reddish glow of Coruscant from the large window across the room, Rey looks lovely turned on her side to sleep.  Her hair is loose and strewn across the pillow.  Her features are relaxed and shown to him in profile.  This is his Jedi sleeping beauty he has fantasized about for so many nights. 

 

He won’t wake her up.  Even with her asleep, there is something magical and calming about Rey’s presence.  It helps just being near someone who sort of understands.  So quietly Kylo settles himself into the chair in the corner of the room.  Unfortunately, the respite of his relocation turns out to be brief.  For all the bleak fear and confused emotions of his mother’s death have followed him here.  Despondent Kylo now covers his face with his hands.  He can’t help himself.  He starts to sob. 

 

He’s an emotional guy and usually he vents his anger with his sword.  He lashes out at others, he doesn’t self-destruct like this.  But when you live your life in Darkness, when your world is organized into enemies and allies, when all your goals and objectives require violence, conflict is all you know.  With his last surviving opponent, his mother the enemy general, now dead, Kylo feels lost.  He is a mess.  Brought low tonight by his own success.

 

He got what he wanted.  Now he has to live with it.  And with himself. 

 

Kylo is so consumed by emotion that he isn’t really aware when Rey awakes.  He’s only aware of Rey when he looks up to see her standing before him.  She looks like an angel in her pale nightgown and corona of messy hair.  Rey doesn’t say a word.  She just steps forward to envelope him in a hug.  He’s still seated so his face presses into her waist as she clasps him firmly to her. 

 

Kylo proceeds to soak her nightdress with hot tears.  Soon words too stream out just as uncontrollably.

 

“I knew this day would come . . . I just didn’t know it would be so hard.  This is way worse than my father . . .”

 

Rey says nothing.  She just strokes his hair and pulls him close.  And, yes, that feels good.  Kylo can’t remember the last time someone gave him a hug. 

 

“The last thing I told her was that I hated her . . . I didn’t hate her--I hated how we were together.  I wanted things to be different . . . but they were never going to be different . . . we both knew that . . .”

 

“You spoke with your mother?” Rey sounds surprised. 

 

“Yes, last night after the ceremony.  It was a mistake.”

 

“This is why you took your sword to your walls?” Rey guesses.

 

“Yes.”   Normally, he would have taken his sword to an instrument panel or a prisoner.  But as Emperor now, Kylo had felt like he should hide his tantrum.  Dignified Emperors don’t melt down in public.  His mother’s crack about him being unstable had gotten under his skin. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Rey soothes.  She realizes aloud now, “She never spoke again after she spoke to you.”

 

Yes.  He’s painfully aware of that.  “I should have just walked away when she started speaking . . . there was nothing we could tell each other that would help . . . it just made things worse . . . ”

 

Rey accepts the blame.  “I’m sorry.  I urged you to do that.”

 

He gives voice to his fears now.  “I’m all alone.  Everyone is gone.  She was the last.”

 

“You’re not alone.”

 

“Yes, I am.  You’re leaving me too.”

 

This is her chance to deny it, but she doesn’t.  While that’s not a surprise, it is disappointing all the same.  “She said this would happen . . . that I would be alone like Vader was . . . she was right . . . ”

 

“You’re not alone,” Rey repeats.

 

“She was trapped in a worldview she had learned from Bail Organa that the Jedi were the ideal.  She even named me after the Jedi Master who died saving her on the Death Star.   She didn’t know what to do with a son like me.  None of them did . . . ” 

 

Kylo is bitter, very bitter about this.  First, his family had tried to use him to recreate their idyllic Jedi Order and then Snoke had sought to use him as his young, vigorous enforcer.  His whole life, people have had an agenda for him.  What he himself wanted never seemed to matter much.  There were two life scripts to follow and young Ben Solo had to choose his path.  Part of defeating the Resistance and killing Snoke was Kylo’s way of saying to Hell with all that.  He is taking control of his life now.  The only rules left are the ones he makes.

 

It’s been a long strange journey from his mother’s assistant dropping him off at his uncle’s temple until this moment now.  Does Rey see that?  “I’m not the bad guy . . . I never wanted to be the bad guy.  I went to Snoke looking for answers.  Snoke had some answers.  But not all the answers.  It took being the Apprentice to learn that . . .”

 

It was only in his dissatisfaction with the traditions of both Light and Dark that Kylo began to formulate his own views.  He built on Snoke’s insight to form opinions of his own.  But it’s one thing to switch sides in a war or in the Force.  It’s quite another thing to reject them both.  Kylo is not even sure he’s right.  All he’s sure is that everyone else is wrong.   

 

“I never thought I would do this alone but there was no compromise in Luke or in Snoke.  They each feared what the other represented.   I did what I had to do . . . but I never set out wanting things to end up this way . . . I never dreamed my uncle would decide to execute me . . . at least Snoke was what he purported to be . . . ”

 

Change is hard.  Very, very hard, Kylo now knows.  And sometimes it takes destruction to create something new.  Force-users have long been described as agents of change.  But to rage against the status quo can make you a lone voice in the wilderness.  A rogue iconoclast who threatens the conventional wisdom.  It’s going to get worse, he knows.  First, he took on the Republic and the Resistance.  Now, he needs to take on the hardliners of the First Order.   In the end, his approach to governing his Empire will make everyone unhappy.  Just like his approach to the Force.  Both sides will hate him soon.

 

“You won.  Even if you were the bad guy, it doesn’t matter now.”  Rey sighs as she tells him, “You got what you wanted in the end.”

 

No, he didn’t.  Not really.  He got some nice consolation prizes.  Because still, Kylo lacks the understanding and acceptance he craves.  He had hoped this woman would be the one to give it to him.  But alas, not. 

 

“Do you believe in me?”  He lifts his head to ask this.  “I know you don’t believe in the First Order, but do you believe in bringing balance to the Force?”

 

She answers him honestly.  “I don’t know.  I don’t actually know much about the Force even if I can use it.”

 

This is his opening.  Kylo tries again to get her to stay.  “You need a teacher.  Stay and I will teach you the ways of the Force.”  He is trained in both the Dark and the Light.  He can teach her everything.

 

Rey shakes her head as she smooths his hair back from his forehead and wipes at his cheek.  It’s a motherly gesture that soothes.  This fierce girl can be tender when she wants.  “Kylo, you have enough going on right now.  You don’t need a student too.”  It’s a soft refusal.

 

But he persists.  “I just want you to stay.   Stay with me.  If you won’t be my ally or my student, then be my friend.”  Is he whining now?  Probably.  But he might as well.  He’s pretty much humiliated himself completely tonight. 

 

Rey again shakes her head.  “We’re not friends.”

 

“Don’t tell me we are enemies,” he scowls.  And now Kylo stands to his feet and gives her a hard look.   “Don’t set us up as enemies, Rey!” he warns, shaking a finger under her nose.  “Nothing good will come of that.” He doesn’t want to have to kill her too.   Please, he thinks, don’t let it come to that.

 

“You’re not my enemy,” Rey concedes, “but we are not friends.”   She looks sideways at him.  “You know that.”

 

He inhales a ragged breath and reclaims his composure.  Kylo looks Rey over a long moment before he agrees.  “You’re so right.”  Feeling desperate, he grabs Rey and jerks her to him.  Then he dives for her mouth.  He’ll show her they are not friends.

 

She pushes back hard before he can land a kiss.  “Stop!  I told you no more of that.  Kylo, your mother just died.  This is—this is . . .”

 

“This is what?” he demands.

 

“This is inappropriate.” Her mouth sets into a hard line and she looks very prim.  “Please . . . just don’t.”  She turns away and frowns.  “You really shouldn’t be here now. . . “

 

He digests this rebuff and tries another tactic.  He wasn’t Snoke’s Apprentice for years for nothing.  His old Master achieved many things indirectly through persistence.  “Okay,” Kylo readily agrees.  “I understand.”  He wants her to think that he has backed down.  “Thank you for all that you did for my mother.  Thank you for staying to look after her.”

 

Relieved looking Rey turns back to him and nods.  “I’m glad I did it.”  She looks at him with true pity now.  “I’m sorry that this is so hard.  I think I understand your family better now.  You too,” she says with a small smile.

 

“I know you won’t stay,” he answers as he steps forward.  “But give me a goodbye kiss?” he outright begs.

 

She hesitates.

 

“We’re not enemies, remember?  I won’t make you kneel to your Emperor, but give me your kiss of peace.”

 

She considers and then relents.  She steps forward to peck at his cheek.  “May the Force be with you,” Rey murmurs.  She pulls back and look up at him.  “Kylo, if things were different . . . ”  She falters a moment and then takes a deep breath and begins again.  Rey looks uncomfortable as she avoids his eyes and shifts her weight.  “If we were different people . . . if there wasn’t a war . . . if you weren’t you—“

 

“You mean if I were Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren.”

 

“Yes . . . but you’re not.”  Rey sounds disappointed and resigned.  Apparently, she’s still getting over what happened in the throne room.

 

It frustrates Kylo that he can’t get through to her.  “You don’t understand what I’m trying to do.  You don’t comprehend who I want to be.”

 

“No, not really,” she confesses softly.  “Nights like tonight, I don’t think I understand you at all.   You’re never who I want you to be and yet you’re not who I think you are either.”

 

Kylo is lost in her vagueness.  “What does that mean?”

 

She looks uncomfortable again as she admits, “We have a connection.  Even though Snoke is dead, I see it.  But you and I . . . we . . . ”

 

He waits.  Silence is a great negotiating tool.

 

“You’re too big a risk,” survivor Rey whispers hoarsely. 

 

He looks at her.  Rey squirms some more.

 

“You’re so dangerous and unpredictable.”  She must think those are bad things.  Rey is babbling now as she stares up at him. 

 

Is there more?   There is. 

 

“You’re . . . you’re . . . ”  Stumped Rey has run out of words. 

 

He’s done listening to her excuses.  “Stop talking,” he orders.  “Stop thinking and feel.”  He’s not making the same mistake he made in the throne room.  He wants her to act on instinct now.  Kylo pulls her close again.  This time he lands a kiss.

 

The Force is swirling around them.  It’s like the air has an electric charge.  This time Rey is not resisting him. Kylo takes that as a hint to make the most of things.  Any moment she’s going to toss him across the room with the Force, so he’s going to make this count.  

 

Kissing this woman is everything.  But he still wants more.  That torrid encounter up against the wall outside her quarters last night has him primed for lust.  Rey too, apparently.  She might have pushed him away minutes ago but not now.    Now, she is a very willing participant.  It's a mixed message for sure, but she's not telling him to stop.  And since they are in private, there's no Hux to interrupt. 

 

Suddenly it dawns on Kylo that he has the upper hand.  That despite all her protestations to the contrary, Rey might be as weak for him as he is for her.  She admitted being drawn to Darkness, after all. 

 

Kylo gives his hands free rein to roam.  Is she going to stop him now?   No.  She reaches up to encircle his neck.  Rey arches against him and moans.   It is the sexiest thing he's ever heard.  The feel of her rubbing up against him is getting him rock hard.  He’s got zero experience with women, but how difficult can seduction be?  Kylo decides to give it a shot.   The worst that can happen is she turns him down. 

 

Her simple nightgown is thin and loose.  Kylo gathers it up in one hand as the other hand holds her close.  And, oh Gods, she has nothing on underneath.  Excellent.  His hands slip under now, kneading at her bare bottom as he pulls her hips close and grinds into her.   Gods, how he wishes both their clothes were off. 

 

“O-Oh,” she gasps and twists in his arms.  She has not been expecting this.  Rey makes to pull back. 

 

He stills his hands but doesn’t let her go.  Time to distract her with words.   Rey gets pissed every time he speaks of destiny, so he tries a more traditional approach.  “You’re so beautiful.”  It’s true.  He suspects that this woman has no idea how pretty she is.  For all he knows, there are no mirrors on Jakku.   Kylo suspects that, unlike most women, very little of Rey’s identity lies in her appearance.  But that doesn’t mean she won’t appreciate a compliment.  “You and your Light are so beautiful,” he whispers. “I can’t resist.”

 

She relaxes a little.  Good.  Now his hands start stroking and squeezing again.  He decides that kissing is not enough.  His hands travel up and around and her nightgown lifts up too.  Now his hands are at her petite breasts.  His thumbs find her nipples pebbled and hard. 

 

Now, he’s gone too far.  Rey jerks back.  “We shouldn’t be doing this,” she pants.

 

“I know,” Kylo smirks.  “But I can’t resist.  Kiss me again.” 

 

Confused and uncertain looking Rey reaches up for him.  She is tentative and Kylo takes that opportunity to whip her loose nightgown fast over her head and upraised arms.  She's naked now and staring fearfully up at him.  Rey looks surprised and alarmed.  Even in the dim room, he can see that she is blushing furiously.

 

“O-oh, wait!” she yelps.   Rey has her hands across her chest to cover herself.

 

"Don't be afraid," he tells her.  She looks terrified. 

 

“Uh . . . “   Rey looks very unlike her normally determined self.  This lonely teenage scavenger is way out of her league and it shows.  Sex might be the only situation in which this girl lacks confidence, Kylo realizes.  That emboldens him more.  This seduction is one big bluff, but he’s getting away with it so he keeps up the aggressive moves.

 

Feeling every bit the bold Dark Master, Kylo gently reaches for her arms to pull them done.  “Let me see.  You’re beautiful.”   He tries the line that worked last time.  Then he doubles down.  “Absolutely beautiful to me.”

 

She visibly swallows and then loses her nerve. Rey bends down to retrieve her nightgown that she awkwardly holds up to herself.   “You should leave,” she stammers. 

 

“No.”  Kylo says this quietly and without heat.  “You don’t want me to leave.”

 

She opens her mouth to respond. 

 

He beats her to it.   “Don’t lie to yourself.  Don’t lie to me.”   He reaches a hand up to cup her cheek.  “You’re afraid, that’s all.  That’s okay,” he tells her, feigning a worldliness he himself doesn’t have.  But isn’t she curious?   He is.

 

"I don't know what to do," Rey wails.

 

He doesn't know what to do either, but he's damned sure not letting on.  She won't know any better, he determines.  He reaches for her again, seducing away her fears with his kiss while one hand works furiously at his clothes.  He unhooks his belt and it and his sword unceremoniously drop to the floor.  The tunic is a more complicated matter.  Worried she will change her mind and the moment will be lost, he just lifts it up and unzips.  The bed looks to be the right height, he judges.  So he walks her back and sits her down.  Then he lays her back and bends over her to start trailing kisses down her chest.   Is she as worked up as he is?  

 

No.   She's nervous.  "I've never--"

 

"I know.  Relax," he tells both her and himself.  "Relax."

 

He himself is anything but relaxed.  He's ready to go.  Literally aching for relief and single minded in his focus.  He needs this.  He needs her.  Everything he needs to heal his tortured soul will be found within this woman's arms and between her legs.  This is the comfort he needs and the pleasure long denied.

 

“Forget the Force, forget the war, forget my family.  Tonight there is only us,” he speaks into her skin.  He drowns her in kisses as he reaches down to nudge at her thighs.  “Give me everything,” he commands as his persistent hands coax her trembling knees apart.  Yes, this is happening, he realizes with a mixture of relief and anticipation.  This is happening now.  Kylo nestles himself between her parted legs and pulls her flush to him.  Her eyes are as big as saucers, desperately looking for reassurance, as he positions himself and thrusts in. 

 

He feels her flinch even if his ears don't register her small cry.  He himself gasps at the feel of being inside.  Why has he waited so long to do this?   She is warm and tight and slick.  The sensation is intense and it threatens to end things before they begin.  As he regains his equilibrium, so does she.

 

“Are you okay?” he demands. Is this as good for her as it is for him?  He isn’t sure. 

 

“I think so,” Rey pants and he’s only half convinced. 

 

But that’s good enough for him.  Because he’s ready to move.  Kylo can’t wait to add friction to this.  And, oh yeah, this is just as good as he expected.  This is way better than his hand.  He is heaving and straining, moving fast and furiously.  He's too excited to slow down.  Experienced lovers take their time to savor the experience and to please their partners.  Thirty-year-old virgins just want to get to the finish line.

 

Kylo has his head thrown back and his eyes closed as he concentrates on the feeling of her body.  He plows repeatedly into Rey, sheathing himself again and again.  She’s grunting softly with each thrust but Kylo can’t hear it above the explosion of pleasure in his mind.  He can’t get enough.  This feeling is amazing.  It’s even better than the Force.    

 

There is a certain violence to sex that feeds a deep primal need in Dark Kylo Ren.  He thrills to the raw physical intensity of the act.   Kylo revels in his dominance over his Jedi princess.  Rey might steal his saber with the Force but she’s submitting to him now.  Can Luke Skywalker see this in the Force?  Does he know that his prodigal nephew is fucking his would be Padawan right now?   Pleasure and power combine for the ultimate high.  That it is forbidden makes it all the more daring.  Yes . . . together he and Rey will break all the rules.  Who cares if they ever balance the Force because they can do this instead.

 

It ends not long after it began as Kylo pushes in deep, groans, and spends himself.  Sated, he sighs and slumps, crashing down on her.  “Thank you,” he pants.  He loves that this was new for Rey too.  They will be each other’s one and only, he decides.  Soulmates in the Force, in his Empire, and in life too.  “Thank you,” he nuzzles into her neck.  “Thank you.” 

 

Rey makes no reply. 

 

Concern dawns on him.  “Did I hurt you?” Oh, damn, he hopes he didn’t hurt her. That might have been a little rough.  Suddenly, he is horrified by how inadvertently selfish that was.   That had been all about him.   When Rey doesn’t answer, Kylo demands again, “Did I hurt you?”

 

“No.”  She’s lying.  Fuck. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out.  He’s still sucking in air to regain his breath.  “I got carried away.” 

 

“It’s okay,” she gulps.  “I’m fine now.”

 

Fuck.  He straightens up and then reaches for her, gathering Rey into his arms.  He feels awful.   Is she going to cry?  No, he is relieved to discover.  But she looks more dazed than pleased.  Quickly, he tucks Rey into bed, finishes undressing himself, and slips in too.  Kylo nestles up close behind with his arms around her.  It’s bare skin pressed up against bare skin.  He buries his face in her soft hair, inhaling her scent.  The sex was amazing but this is good too.  He likes this.

 

But does she?  “Do you want me to leave?” he whispers into her ear.

 

“No.  I like this.  This is nice.”

 

“I’ll do better next time,” he promises.  He’s never meant anything more in his life.   Practice will make perfect, he decides.  This is one training exercise he will enjoy.  It is a point of pride now to make it good for Rey next time.

 

Kylo pulls her closer because this feels very right.  He feels incredibly empowered in this moment.  Tonight he had been so low, so Dark.  Until Rey.  This woman is his salvation, just like she had planned.  Just not in the way she had expected.  Rey is the emotional crutch and the physical release he needs.   For years, he has vented his Darkness with violent tantrums.  Going forward, he decides, he will vent it with an orgy of sex.  This woman is a gift sent to him by the Force to spur him to kill Snoke and to become his own man in all things, even this. 

 

A lot has happened today.  Emotionally and physically spent, Kylo drifts off holding Rey.  He sleeps soundly all night.  But he wakes in the morning with a start.  Instantly aware that he is alone in the bed.  Where is she? 

 

“Rey?” he calls as he stands to his feet and starts roaming around.  “Rey?”  He turns on the lights and starts searching.  “Rey?” 

 

She’s gone.  He can’t sense her presence near.  In fact, he can’t sense her presence anywhere on the ship. 

 

“Fuck!” he swears out loud.  He dashes back to the bedroom to drag on his pants and his boots.  He doesn’t waste time with the rest of his clothes.  He just calls his sword to his hand.  He always takes his sword.  Then he makes for the door.  As Kylo waves a hand to open it with the Force, his eyes settle on a set of scratches above the release mechanism.  These aren’t from wear and tear, these are a deliberate set of tally marks in a short, neat line.  They arrest him, for Kylo recalls seeing another, much larger set of tally marks in Rey’s mind.  It was her calendar of days on Jakku.  She had started another such calendar here.  “Fuck!” he swears again.  Then, he races through the door.

 

Kylo knows exactly where to head as he runs through his ship at top speed.  The corridors are crowded during first shift, but as always people part to let him through.  They stare agape at the sight of their Emperor unmasked and bare chested, running at top speed with his sword in his hand.   He’s not heading to the bridge or to the hangar bay.  He runs to the lower cargo hold.  It’s busy with forklifts, personnel, and droids who manage the foodstuffs and other supplies for his great ship.  It’s all neatly organized and coordinated.  Everything is in order here except for one glaring omission.  For in the far corner by the exit is an empty space where the _Millennium Falcon_ had been parked. 

 

Kylo stands and stares as he digests what this means.  Rey has fled and taken his father’s ship with her.  She had said she wanted the _Falcon_ all along.  And she never said that she would stay.  They had made no promises to one another last night.  Not with words, that is. 

 

Kylo’s chest heaves as he feels his anger rise.  For the past, like that old scratch and dent freighter, keeps refusing to die.   Nothing ever changes, he laments.  Everyone washes their hands of him in the end.  Even Rey.  She had fallen asleep in his arms and then fled in the night.   

 

This rejection stings deeply.  It is very personal.

 

Reflexively, his sword leaps to his hand to ignite.  Kylo doesn’t even bother to fight the urge to destroy. Instead, he embraces it completely.  He is a snarling, scowling animal as he vents his disappointment and despair on the nearest supply pallet.  This is what the young Emperor of the galaxy has been reduced to.  He is a runaway Padawan, a failed Apprentice, a secret, politically embarrassing son.  And now, a jilted lover too.  Good riddance to that scavenger bitch, Kylo tells himself.  He hacks away as he blinks back a mix of sweat and tears.  He will do it all without her help.  He doesn’t need Rey or anyone else. 

 

END PART ONE

 

More to come after a break to go dream it up.


	12. Chapter 12--Story Notes to Part 1

Hello and thanks for reading.  Here’s a little context for this story for those who are interested. 

 

My stories are only superficially about Star Wars.   They are mostly about me.  About things going on in my life.  About people in my life.  About challenges and conflicts in my life.  It’s all a bit twisted and filtered, but it’s there all the same.  My life is a version of Rey’s life in hiding as the incognito wife of an executive in _The Chosen One_.  Whole aspects of my personality appear as the character of Shan Damask in _Fifth Wife_.   Rey’s detached observer sense of otherness that appears in many stories, as well as the social and political observations that filter through many fics, all come from real life. 

 

In this story, I am Kylo Ren.  In real life, I am stubbornly resisting making a visit to my parents who live out of state, even though my mother’s disease has progressed considerably and my father’s heart issues have not recovered as we had hoped.   They are both declining now.  I don’t really want to see them or deal with the situation.  No one has killed anyone—we aren’t the Skywalkers—but we are very arm’s length.  I’m fine with that although I feel guilty at times for not being a better daughter and I feel jealous of other adult women who have good relationships with their parents, especially their mothers.  I see grandparents cheering at kids’ games and coming to school events and realize that my own kids will never get that from my parents. 

 

I am old enough now to understand my parents’ perspectives even if I don’t agree with them.  I realize that my cold, asshole father has redeeming qualities.  I see that my mother has been depressed for years and has a lot of internalized misogyny that makes her hypercritical of women, including herself.  My parents worked hard and did their best for four kids.  They weren’t bad parents.  But as an adult, we have little in common.  I’m at the point when I am happy to let my siblings deal with them.  I’m pretty checked out now. 

 

Be grateful if you do not have estranged or broken relationships in your life.  Say a blessing if you have a happy, loving family.  Because that’s not easy to find.  And even if you find it, it might not last.  Behind gauzy Christmas card photos and beneath carefully curated Instagram accounts are real people with real problems.  That’s true of my family and many other families.  Star Wars is about many things, but it’s partly about the masks we show to the world that hide our true selves.  In real life, most of us have a public face.  Usually it’s better than who we really are.  (Canto Bight, anyone?)  That’s the hook of Kylo Ren, who shows us a mask that is worse than he is. 

 

I’ve done the whole deathbed thing in real life. This past fall first my father-in-law and then my mother-in-law each spent a month in the ICU.  From September through November, one or both of them was in the hospital.  At one point, we were expecting to lose them both.  I went as far as buying new dress clothes for the kids for the funerals.  Thankfully, they both recovered, even if my mother-in-law spent four weeks on a feeding tube and a ventilator.  Trust me, you never feel so adult as when you are in hospital meetings and the first person you are introduced to is not the attending physician but the medical ethicist.   The decisions were many and they were hard and there was not always consensus in the family.  The experience was emotionally grueling for everyone, but especially my husband.  It hit at a bad time.  Our house in town was scraped to the slab in two rooms courtesy of Hurricane Harvey flooding and there were contractors coming and going daily.  I was writing _The Chosen One_ at the time and that fic has some gigantic chapters mostly because I write for stress relief and diversion.  8,000+ word chapters are never a good sign for me.

 

If you have read my other stories, you know that I always write Star Wars in the context of family relationships.  This story is no different.  That’s why this fic is entitled Son of Darkness, borrowing one of Snoke’s better lines from TLJ.  Kylo in Part 1 is mostly understood in his role as son.  His Skywalker family legacy—from Vader, to Luke, to Leia—exerts an enormous influence over his life.  From who he is, to what he does.  You really can’t understand Kylo Ren without considering him in context of his clan.   I don’t want to dismiss Han Solo, but I have come to see Leia Organa as Kylo’s true trolling parent figure.  This came out in _Tied on a String_ , and we revisit it here.  When Kylo finally speaks to his mother, the conversation is as ugly as they both expect.  And as unsatisfying too.

 

There is a lot of talk about failure in this fic.  About the consequences of failure, the difficulties of confronting failure, and the fear of failure.  We live in such a culture of success.  Failure is a bitter pill to swallow.   And, when you are a Skywalker, it has huge consequences.  This too comes from real life.  My husband is a very successful man and he works very hard.  But he’s had his share of setbacks professionally.  If you’re in the game long enough at a high enough level, it happens.  Mr. Blue is being talked about for the top spot at the company when the current big boss retires in a year.  He’s maybe five years too young for the position, but he’s definitely a contender.  Corporate succession planning is a big thing, and my husband is not the only one in the running for the job.  And that makes it a horserace of corporate backstabbing and positioning played out in executive committee meetings and company retreats and private dinners to plot an unofficial campaign.  My husband is a competitive man and he wants to win.  Still, we have conversations about the pros and cons of the job if he gets it.  What it will mean to our family and to my husband.  What a hard job it will be.  We have long conversations about leadership styles and what works and doesn’t work.  He and I have had more than one pillow talk conversation that ends with concerns over ‘be careful what you wish for.’

 

I have rubbed shoulders with a fair number of powerful men (and some women).  And that gives me a window into what power looks like in practice.  Power doesn’t look like it looks in the movies.  Powerful men are rarely young and handsome Christian Grey figures.  They are mostly middle aged and older men who have completed the corporate or political cursus honorum to get where they are.   Think Captain Canady and not General Hux.  And though someone might be powerful in one aspect of their life, that does not mean that they are well rounded as a person or that they are confident in all things.  Rarely is someone the total package and power is very often situational.  People are real, with self-doubts and shortcomings and failings.  Supreme Leader/Emperor Kylo Ren is, of course, an exaggeration.  But he’s more real than we like to think.

 

This version of Kylo is by far the most “grey” that I have written.   I shelve books in the school library and recently I listened to a young boy tell me his theory that Kylo is a double agent and he’s secretly working for the good side.  His boyish need to believe that the bad guy is really the good guy drew me in.  And it got me thinking.  What if Kylo is right about the past dying?  What if Kylo is truly the hero and not the anti-hero villain?   In our own history, huge shifts of mindset of religion have resulted in clashes of ideas and violence (the Reformation anyone??)  Why should it be any different in Star Wars?  I like the idea of Kylo thinking he’s the good guy (it appears in lots of my fics, especially _Ghosts of the Past_ ).  I think Anakin Skywalker thought he was the good guy at the end of Episode 3.  There is a huge romantic streak of altruism in the Skywalker clan on both the Light and Dark Sides, it just expresses itself in different ways.  Plus, I like a purposeful villain _—_ they are the most complex and interesting characters.  They are also the most real life.   Hitler had a purpose.  So did Stalin.  So did Bin Laden.

 

Luke’s reaction to Rey (“you went straight to the Dark . . . you didn’t even try to fight it . . .”) is very telling for me.  I just can’t see how Luke Skywalker would ever accept a truly grey concept of the Force.  Having seen the Dark Side in his father and Palpatine and now his nephew, I don’t think Luke could ever accept it as okay.  That’s a big part of Luke’s depression and frustration in TLJ—he sees that the Jedi have failed but he’s not sure how to fix it.  He is trapped in the mindset of the past.

 

Snoke is just as unwilling to accept the Light Side.  You know he’s been ridiculing and torturing poor Kylo for his repeated calls to the Light, seeing them as personal failings.  Snoke is not going to accept the threat of the Light any more than Luke will turn a blind eye to the Dark.  Both of these men are dug into their respective positions, even if Luke has begun to question his.  These guys need to fall by the wayside in order for Kylo’s grey ideas to take hold.   The more I have thought about it, the more I think Kylo is right and the past does need to die for things to move forward. 

 

I like the idea of Kylo being right about a lot of things.  He might be right for the wrong reasons (some of ‘let the past die’ is convenient retribution), but he’s still right.   A lot of fans, including myself, want to see Kylo be the hero of the sequel trilogy—he’s the Skywalker, after all.  Many people seem to think that requires Kylo to be redeemed to the Light.  I think it would be more interesting if Kylo ends up in the middle.  If he is the Chosen One messiah of the Force his grandfather was meant to be.  If immature, troubled, unstable Kylo is the one who figures it all out.  He’s underestimated and written off by everyone.  We see that literally from Luke and Leia (“I’ve come to face him . . . I can’t save him . . . I know my son is gone”) and Snoke (“Now, I fear I was mistaken . . . you’re just a child in a mask”) in TLJ.  But what if the joke’s on everyone because in the end Kylo is right?   Certainly, as a trained Jedi and neo-Sith, Kylo has the perspective to understand what works and doesn’t work about both sides of the Force.  The only other Force user I can think of with that experience has been Anakin, Mr. Chosen One himself. 

 

Rey is open to the Dark Side for answers, going to the Dark cave on Ahch-To and ‘Force-timing’ with Kylo.  Rey doesn’t have the reflexive, knee jerk reaction that Luke and Leia have to Darkness.  But that doesn’t mean she’s on board with Kylo.  Rey still clings to the fairytale idea of the Jedi that dogs Luke.  At least in Part 1, Rey isn’t ready to embrace the grey.  She is very new to the Force and completely untrained and understandably very skeptical of Kylo and his motives.  Given the context of what has happened, I think that’s very plausible.   Sometimes, you can tell someone a truth but that’s not enough; they have to discover it for themselves in life. 

 

Part 1 ends when our lovers have finally gotten together and, like much of the rest of their interactions, it’s a muddled mess.  This sex is not sexy.  Inexperienced sex never is.  So there’s no way this was going to be mind blowing.  Their night together turns out to be a let down for both Kylo and Rey for different reasons.  All along, Kylo and Rey keep circling one another with expectations for the other.  The throne room scene is the canon example—what happens is some but not all of what Rey wants.  That same miscommunication/wrong assumptions/unmet expectations pattern continues in this fic and even in bed with our lovers.  Our lovers might be able to talk through the Force, but they talk past each other quite a lot.  There is no real meeting of the minds about anything between Kylo and Rey in Part 1. 

 

Rey flees because she’s confused about the Force and about Kylo.  Never fear, there is no Skywalker baby on the way.  I’ve written that ‘secret kid’ plot too many times as is.  Rey will be heading out to discover some things for herself.

 

Kylo is going to slog forward through his Empire building.  Alternatively pissed and pining for the girl that got away.

 

I am not a big fan of the Force bond plot device, but I am coming around to the idea.  As I’ve thought about it more, it’s less of a shortcut to intimacy and more of a shortcut to conflict.  I don’t like the idea of the bond being a way to read each other’s minds and emotions.  The whole ‘you’re in my head so of course you understand lonely me and now I love you’ is kind of lazy.  But now that I have TLJ dvd on permanent repeat in my car for the kids, I see how that TLJ’s Force bond depiction is not so bad.  So, look for that coming in Part 2.  Our lovers might be apart but they are by no means separate.

 

Thanks for reading.  More to come.


	13. Chapter 13

The trip to Ahch-To in the Unknown Regions takes almost three days from the _Finalizer_ ’s position above Coruscant.  That’s a lot of time alone for Rey with her thoughts.

 

She decides that her night with Kylo was a moment of weakness for them both.  Rey had just watched Leia Organa die and felt like all hope for the future of the galaxy had died with her.  It was the latest in a string of recent deaths for Rey and it hit hard.  She felt alone and in need comfort.  And she was adrift.  Uncertain what was next for her personally now that she has no hope of her parents returning and the cause she fought for is lost.  Rey has nothing to go back to and nothing to look forward to.  Except, of course, if she accepts Kylo’s offer to join him.  She didn’t go that far.  Rey just went to bed with him.  Even as she was doing it, Rey had known it was a mistake.  She can be impulsive sometimes.  No more so, it seems, than when it comes to Kylo Ren. 

 

That Kylo had just stood there unmoved watching his mother die didn’t surprise her.  Still, Rey was disappointed all the same.  It pretty much confirmed everything she thought about him.  But then she had awoken to Kylo sobbing like a child in her bedroom.  He was as scared as she was at the prospect of being alone.  But mostly, he was trembling under the weight of being himself.  For this is the natural consequence of the violent, bitter life of Kylo Ren.   Couldn’t he see that?   Kylo did see that.  That’s why he was so upset.  He was drowning in self-pity, self-recrimination, and regrets.   Seeing his despair had touched a chord in Rey.  She knows what is to be alone and sad.  She knows what it is to be orphaned.  Kylo is no victim of circumstance like she is.  He is a victim of himself.  But she had compassion for him nonetheless. 

 

All along, Rey keeps wanting to judge Kylo harshly, for there is much to fault about the man.  But Kylo is so human and needy beneath his mask that it draws her in.  Plus, she now knows enough about the Skywalker clan to understand how difficult his background has been.  After what happened in the throne room, Rey knows better than to trust or pity Emperor Ren.  But there she was, a humble desert scavenger, feeling sorry for the galaxy’s most powerful, most privileged, and most famous man. 

 

That he has dark soulful eyes that mirror his every emotion and a broad muscled chest probably didn’t hurt.  For the more time Rey spends around Kylo, the more physically attractive he becomes.  And when he kisses her, he is very hard to resist.  Was this Light drawn to Darkness?   Was this empathy for a kindred spirit?   Were they two enemies finding common ground?  Or were they just two young people acting on a mutual attraction behind closed doors?  Because somehow comfort to a grieving son had segued to kisses and then to sex. 

 

Rey is still not sure what, if anything, it meant.

 

Maybe that’s because it happened fast.  It felt less like a decision and more like a progression of events.  Because suddenly, Rey was on her back and Kylo was inside of her.  For such a big thing as losing her virginity, it seemed like it should have had more buildup.  Moreover, sex wasn’t the experience Rey thought it would be.  It was exciting at first but then a little uncomfortable.  Sweaty and messy too.  It turned out to be a grand build up to nothing for there was no physical epiphany at the end.  At least not for her.  Kylo, on the other hand, had seemed content.

 

Rey is no sheltered innocent.  Jakku is a world that is populated mostly with transient smuggler types and men on the run.  She had plenty of opportunity to trade sex for water and portions.  But Rey had always declined.  She saw what became of the hookers on Jakku so she had steered clear of all that.   Plus, in her childish mind someday her parents would return and then her life would truly begin.  That’s when Rey would find a cute boyfriend to kiss.  But that never happened.  Instead, she went to bed with Kylo Ren.

 

Rey really wishes she knew what that meant.  Probably nothing.  Right??

 

Kylo had fallen asleep holding her.  Rey had lain awake a long time afterwards thinking through things.  She knew immediately that she had made a mistake.  That Kylo would construe their night together to mean that she would stay.  She worried that he might even renege on their deal and prevent her from leaving in the morning.  So, with all of Leia Organa’s repeated warnings echoing through her head, Rey crept out of bed and fled.  It was abrupt and cold, she realizes.  Rey is not proud of how things ended.  But she has been a survivor long enough to know to choose flight over fight whenever she can. 

 

The problem is that sex intensifies and accelerates everything about a relationship, from the attraction, to the drama, to the hurt.  Now, Rey is in the uncomfortable position of knowing that she is in the wrong.  Because kissing someone who ghosts on you is no big deal but sleeping with someone who ghosts on you is.  Because whether we will admit it to ourselves or not, sex is supposed to mean something.  And when it doesn’t, it feels empty and inevitably someone gets hurt.  Plus, with all his threatening talk of destiny, Rey is pretty sure there is no such thing as a one-night stand with Kylo Ren. 

 

In a panic to get away, Rey had jumped the _Falcon_ back to Ahch-To using the hyperspace coordinates already preprogrammed.  It is a long jump that will burn a lot of fuel, but it buys her some time to formulate a plan.  Currently, Rey is penniless with nowhere to go.  She has a stolen, rundown ship, some Jedi books, and a few personal possessions left.  That’s it.  It’s not much to start over with.  But as long as it’s not Jakku, she can handle it.  She always does.

 

And so, after several days, lots of regrets, and much soul searching, Rey sets the _Falcon_ down at Ahch-To.  On Luke Skywalker’s hideaway island, she finds everything basically looks the same, although everything has changed in important ways. 

 

The giant gnarled tree husk that housed the sacred Jedi texts has burned to the ground from a lightning strike.   Rey wanders through the charred remains of the sacred space.  She’s very glad that she stole those old books.  They would have burned too had they been here.  And then all the knowledge of the Light that remains would be forever lost. 

 

Master Skywalker is gone as well, like Kylo had said.  But unlike the remains of the tree, there is no body for Luke.  Having witnessed Leia Organa’s passing, Rey knows why.  She suspects that, like his twin sister, Luke Skywalker had returned to the Force from which he had come.  As Rey walks the windswept, craggy island terrain, she whispers the ancient blessing that Kylo had bestowed on his dying mother for Luke.  “May the Force be with you, Master Skywalker.”   Though they had parted badly, Rey feels respect for the ideals the last Jedi had embodied in his long-ago youth. 

 

Back then, Luke Skywalker had been a farm boy radicalized by tragedy to join the Rebellion.   He saved his sister from the clutches of their Sith father while completely unaware of the family connections.  At Yavin, Skywalker made the suicide run on the Death Star, becoming the hero pilot who made the one in a million shot.  A few years later, his reputation would be made as the steadfast young Jedi who faced down Darth Vader and his Emperor and refused to turn.  He alone believed that there was Light left in his father.  That stubborn belief in the goodness buried deep within the galaxy’s most hated man toppled an Empire.  It made Luke Skywalker a legend in his own time.

 

But that was not the man who Rey had met here on Ahch-To.   She had met a depressed curmudgeon who had lost all hope.  The last Jedi had abandoned his religion and cut himself off from the Force.  Skywalker’s failures in life had led him to question all that he had done and the ideals he revered.  He fled into exile to this unfindable place to die alone.  And with him, the proud tradition of the Jedi Knights would pass into history too. 

 

The brashness of youth made Rey reject this out of hand.  Luke Skywalker didn’t get to decide if it was time for the Jedi to end.  He was one man, not the institution itself.  And besides, Luke had a responsibility to her and to everyone else.  It was time for him to step up to be the hero again.  But he refused.  Luke would neither fight himself nor properly train her to fight.  So frustrated Rey stole his ancient books and decided to be the hero herself. 

 

It didn’t work out like she planned.   Because when she approached Snoke’s Dark Apprentice with compassion and Light, Kylo Ren saved her life but he did not turn. 

 

Kylo says that her assumptions are wrong.  That there are more choices than just the Light and the Dark, there is something in between.  But Rey worries that this elusive balance is not a truth yet to be discovered, but a ploy to manipulate her.  Rey would put very little past Kylo Ren.  He has everything to gain by marginalizing her.

 

The wind whips again.   Rey catches on it the acrid scent of the burned-out tree.  It causes her to stop and turn.  She looks from afar at what remains of the Jedi reliquary.  Is it a coincidence that Luke Skywalker is gone and the tree that housed his books is gone too?  In Snoke’s throne room, Kylo had urged her to let old things die.  Rey had refused.  But perhaps it was not her choice to make.  For looking around, Rey can’t shake the feeling that Ahch-To has fundamentally changed since she was last here.  The island was first established as a Jedi temple over a thousand generations ago.   It is a place where time moves slowly.  And yet, recent events have left their mark.

 

Rey puzzles over this.  Is the Jedi Order dead?  Skywalker himself was the last gasp of a dying breed.  He adhered to a religion that had been largely destroyed before he was even born.  Skywalker sought to reestablish and reform the past, but he failed.  That makes Rey doubt whether she should attempt the same goal.   Because what does it mean for Kylo to agree with Luke and even with Snoke that the Jedi Order should die?  Why is Rey the stubborn holdout?

 

She knows why.  It is for Finn and Han Solo and Leia Organa and all the rest who died believing in the triumph of the Light in the end.  Lonely, destitute Rey has long been a sucker for hope.  She was self-delusional enough to create a mysterious lie about her parents and cling to it for years.  Trapping herself as a desert scavenger in vain hope that they would return.  It was a coping mechanism for a child, she knows.  But Kylo Ren’s brutal truth tore that fairytale of reunion to shreds.  And now, Rey fears, Kylo is tearing apart her fairytale about the Jedi Knights too.   She resents that.

 

The bright spot of Rey’s return to Ahch-To is that the lizard caretaker ladies are a little less hostile.  They recognize her immediately because Rey is back in her old clothes from Jakku that were on the _Falcon_.   Rey is good with languages but the caretakers are particularly hard to communicate with.  Through a series of pantomime and pidgin Basic the local nuns must have picked up from Luke, Rey learns that the Jedi Master disappeared while sitting on his rock.  The island natives seem to believe that Luke committed suicide.  Rey questions this and the caretakers insist.   That’s what he was doing when you arrived, Rey is told.  He tried many times over the years asking the Force to take his life.   Finally, he got his wish.  And now, you have returned to take his place.  Welcome back.

 

Rey blinks at this.  She is noncommittal because she has no plans to stay.

 

Luke’s stone hut yields little in the way of personal effects.  Rey finds something that looks like a compass, some old clothes, a small set of specialized tools, and a war medal.   It’s interesting but none of it is what she’s looking for.  So Rey keeps poking around.  A few minutes later, one of the caretakers walks in.  She silently presents Luke Skywalker’s famous green bladed lightsaber. 

 

It’s the weapon Luke threw down rather than fight his own father.   And it’s the weapon Luke used when he tried to execute his nephew in his sleep.  Turning it over in her hands, Rey realizes that this sword bore witness to the best and the worst of Luke Skywalker.  It’s a little like the blue sword Rey had discovered on Takodano.  Anakin Skywalker had used that sword to defend the Old Republic but he also used it to kick off the Jedi Purge by slaughtering children.  Like father, like son, Rey muses.  Then she frowns as she remembers Kylo’s claim that all of us are a mix of Light and Dark.  That within each of us lies the potential for extremes.

 

From a practical perspective, the lightsaber is just what Rey needs to defend herself.  Her staff and blaster stashed back on the _Falcon_ are no good against Kylo Ren’s sword.  For if she and Kylo weren’t enemies before she left, they probably are now.  Luke’s sword is a far better size hilt and the blade is a better length than the blue saber that split.  It feels good in her hand too.  The caretaker lady nods approvingly and says something Rey understands to be a formal invitation to remain on the island.   Rey nods politely but again demurs.  Then she stashes the sword into her leather knapsack at her hip.

 

Next, she wanders up to the rock where Luke had instructed her in the Force.  Rey sits there, cross-legged in concentration.  Feeling the Force that is so strong in this place.  Feeling too the cave at the base of the island that is calling to her.  Powerful Light balances powerful Darkness.  And so, Rey ventures unafraid into that Dark place yet again.  She had come there seeking answers about her parents before.  All Rey saw were many versions of herself.  The vision had stumped her at the time.  She dismissed the whole experience as an example of how the Dark Side lies and confuses things.  There are no answers in Darkness, Rey had concluded later on.

 

She was wrong.

 

Rey understands that vision anew.  The Force had been trying to tell her that the answers were already in her grasp by showing repeated images of herself.  Rey only needed to look within to know the truth.  But still, Rey had not understood.  It took Kylo to cause her to confront the awful betrayal by her parents.  In the end, the Dark Side, and not the Light, had revealed what Rey had hidden from herself.  In doing so, the Dark Side had banished her hope of a reunion.  But that was not an act of repression.  Instead, it was a revelation of truth.  For in this case, her hope had been misguided self-delusion. 

 

What truth will the Dark Side show her today?   “Show me,” Rey whispers as she stands wet and trembling.  “Show me where to go, what to do next.  I want to learn the ways of the Force.”  The Jedi are dead but the Light lives on.  It must.  “Show me my place in all of this.  Please,” Rey begs. 

 

Again, she sees herself replicated many times.  Again, she approaches the strange window and a shadowy figure coalesces into focus.  This time, it’s Kylo Ren.

 

Rey gasps.  Then she hears his voice call her name: “Rey.”  It’s coming from behind.  She whirls.  And is the window really a mirror?  Because now Kylo Ren is standing before her.

 

“You’re not real!” she shouts.  This is the vision at work.

 

He ignores her outburst and wonders aloud, “Is the Force doing this again?  Yes . . . it is,” he decides. “Snoke is dead and this still works.” His face looks smug before he crows, “Destiny wins again.”

 

“Wait—this is the bond?   You’re not in my vision?” she stammers.  Rey looks from side to side and realizes that the Force vision has faded and she’s standing dripping wet in the cave across from Kylo Ren.  Only, he’s not wet.  Kylo is in his uniform with fluffy, shiny hair and his mask off. 

 

And, oh, gosh he looks so handsome and she’s a half-drowned mess.  Suddenly, Rey is very self-conscious.  This isn’t how she wanted to see Kylo again.  She was hoping never to see him again.  But this is happening right here, right now and she feels completely at a disadvantage.   She’s not prepared for this.  A thousand thoughts rise to the surface of her mind and stymie her.  For she has everything and nothing to say all at once.  Her heart is beating rapidly and she blinks fast.  Uncertain what to do next.

 

“Did I interrupt something?” Kylo drawls.  His face is a sneer.  Yes, he’s mad, she sees.

 

Rey shakes her head as she gathers her wits and rallies her courage.  “Yeah.  Sort of.” 

 

“So did you.  There’s a room full of people watching me talk to the air.  Can you see my surroundings this time?”

 

“No.  Can you?”

 

“No.  I only see you.”  Kylo looks her over now and his long face hardens into a scowl.  “I see you’re back to being a filthy junk trader again.   I liked you better in a dress.  That makes you look like a vagrant.  And I hate that goofy hair.” 

 

Rey’s hand lifts self-consciously to pat at her trio of hair buns.  Are they really that bad?   She feels her face flame with embarrassment.  She had never paid any attention to her appearance before she lived on the _Finalizer_.  There was no one to impress or attract back home.

 

His lip now curls with cold contempt.  “Where are you?  Jakku?”

 

“No.”

 

“You’re on Skywalker’s island then.”

 

“Yes, how did you—“

 

“The Resistance is gone so there was nowhere left to go,” he explains testily.  Kylo looks livid now as he announces, “You can stay there in exile.  I’ll let you live so long as you stay there.”

 

How very magnanimous of him.  “Thanks,” Rey glares.  She’s feeling pretty hostile herself.

 

“If you show your face elsewhere,” he warns, “you’ll get arrested.  You’ll get arrested and then I will kill you myself.”

 

Yeah, this is going downhill fast.  This is exactly how she feared Kylo would react.  Rey crosses her arms and pops out her hip and demands, “Kill me for what?”

 

“You’re an enemy of the state!” he hisses back.  “The last surviving member of the Resistance.”

 

“This isn’t about the Resistance!  This is because I left you, isn’t it?”   Rey understands completely what’s going on.  Kylo is pissed she left and he wants to make her pay for it.  It’s typical Dark Side revenge.

 

Kylo hides behind a different justification that is no less Dark. “You’re a Force user.  That means if you’re not with me, you’re my enemy.  You don’t get to be neutral unless you’re in exile.  Then you get a pass.”

 

“This is why I left you!” Rey snaps back.  “This controlling attitude is why I left you!”  Along with about a hundred other reasons too.

 

“You brought this on yourself!  I gave you an opportunity to be part of my Empire and you threw it away.  I am not known for my forgiveness.  I don’t give second chances.”

 

Kylo looks so commanding and self-righteous that now it’s Rey’s turn to feel contempt.  It’s mostly for herself.  Because what was she thinking??  “I can’t believe I ever slept with you,” she laments.

 

The moment the words leave her lips, Rey knows they are a mistake.  She should not have gone there.  Because now, despite his audience, Kylo goes there too.  As only ugly, hurt Kylo can.  “You were a lousy lay,” he complains.   “I’ve had better.  Much better than you.”

 

Rey is dismayed but this crude retort.  A little crushed too.  What the Hell had she been thinking giving her virginity to this man?  He’s like a petulant child when he doesn’t get his way.  Like the enfant terrible of the First Order.  Clearly, that night had been the stupidest decision of her life. 

 

Seething Rey now hollers back, “Oh, you’re the one complaining?  You’re the one complaining???” she jeers.   But then, something catches her attention out of the side of her eye and she turns.  “Who are those guys?”  Suddenly, Rey looks out on ten uniformed First Order officers sitting around a conference table.  They are all staring at her.  “Wait—how can I see them?” she wonders aloud as she realizes she is standing in the middle of some meeting. 

 

“You can see my surroundings?” Kylo stalks forward a few steps.  Then he too looks over at their audience and his eyes widen appreciably.  “Yes . . .  they see you.  Are you actually here?  You are,” he decides.  “How are you doing this?   Luke did this.”

 

Rey scans the faces of the First Order men and her eyes come to rest on General Hux seated at the far end of the table.  He recognizes her, she’s sure of it.  “Uh . . . I should go . . . ”

 

Kylo is enjoying her discomfort.  “What’s your hurry, Rey?   I knew you would miss me.   Couldn’t stay away, could you?”

 

“Uh . . .”  Rey can’t take her eyes off General Hux who now stands to his feet.  He approaches to scrutinize Rey and she backs up.

 

“The scavenger girl?  Could it be?”  Hux turns to Kylo to ask, “Your sister is the scavenger?”  Hux pulls his sidearm now and looks to Kylo for confirmation as he puts it all together real time.  “She had the map to Skywalker.  She was the Resistance girl with the droid.”  

 

“I’m not his sister.”  Rey leads off with a denial that is at least the truth.

 

Hux takes aim now and Rey watches his finger slide over the safety lock.  Reflexively, she lifts her hands up. 

 

“Ren, you never told Snoke that the girl was your sister.  You just said that she was strong with the Force but untrained—“

 

“I’m not his sister!”

 

“You’re the reason we lost the Starkiller!”  Hux accuses.

 

One glance over at Kylo tells Rey that he is still enjoying himself.  He’s totally nonplussed by the general’s loaded blaster aimed at her chest.  “Actually, that was my mother,” Kylo corrects.  “Leia Organa was responsible for the Starkiller.”

 

“And your father,” Rey interjects.  “Your father and Chewie planted all those bombs on the oscillator.”

 

“Of course,” General Hux has his eureka moment. “Your sister had the map to your Jedi uncle and was bringing it to your mother!”  When neither Rey nor Kylo immediately responds to this, Hux adds, “Your sister was the one who bested you in the woods.”

 

Bested is too mild a verb.  “I kicked his ass!” Rey crows with a triumphant look for Kylo.  She’s feeling a bit petty now herself.

 

“I wasn’t trying to kill you,” Kylo counters coolly.  “But I will now.  The whole galaxy is on alert for you to show your face.  No quarter, Rey.  There’s a shoot-to-kill order on both you and the _Falcon_ now.  There is no place that is safe other than that island you’re on.”

 

This keeps getting worse.  “Exile was never the deal!  You said I could leave when your mother died!” 

 

“I am altering the bargain.  Pray I don’t alter any further,” he smirks.

 

Dismayed and sputtering Rey turns back to Hux to insist again, “I-I’m not his sister.”  Maybe that doesn’t matter to Kylo, but to Rey it does.  And judging by their somewhat repulsed looking onlookers, it matters to them too.

 

Hux is focused on Kylo.  “Are there any more of you Skywalkers out there?”  He is curious.

 

Emperor Ren shrugs.  “For all I know, I have a hidden secret twin.  That happens in my family.  Well, go ahead.”  Kylo waves impatiently at Hux’s blaster.  “Shoot her.”

 

“What?!”

 

“With pleasure,” Hux grins.  Then, he pulls the trigger.  It’s a well-aimed shot from two meters away.  It hits Rey squarely in the chest. 

 

She shrieks. 

 

The plasma bolt goes right through her and slams into the wall behind.  Rey looks down in reflexive panic to discover that she is completely unharmed.  Uh . . . what?

 

“Oh, don’t complain,” Kylo sniffs.  “You did the very same thing to me the first time this happened.”

 

“Did you know that wouldn’t hurt me?” Rey demands hotly.

 

Kylo just shrugs.

 

“W-what happened?” Hux is confused.  “Is this Force sorcery?”

 

Kylo nods.  “You hit her.  But she’s not there.  She’s projecting in the Force.  Like Skywalker did at Crait.”  He turns back to Rey.  “How are you doing this?”

 

“I don’t know!”  Rey could swear that shot was going to kill her.  She’s breathless now with the adrenaline rush of danger.  “I don’t know!” she wails again.

 

That gets under Kylo’s skin.  “I hate that you are the idiot savant of the Force,” he gripes.  His resentment is clear.  “You know, people train years to learn the ways of the Force and you were just awakened to it all.  Like some mimicking copycat--”

 

“Kylo, make it stop!” Rey overrides him.  She pleads, “Tell me how to make it stop!”  She wants to stop whatever it is that she’s doing that killed Luke.

 

Kylo shoots her a smirk.  “Guess you wish you had some training now.  You need a teacher.  How many times have I told you that?”

 

“Oh, you are the worst!” Rey explodes.  “Kylo, you are the worst!”

 

“Temper, temper,” he chides.  “Reign in all that reckless emotion.  Remember your Jedi Code.”  Kylo starts to recite with great sanctity and much sarcasm, “There is no emotion, there is only peace—”

 

“I don’t know the Jedi Code!” Rey moans.  “Luke never taught it to me.  He didn’t teach me anything useful!”

 

“Like I said, you need a teacher.”  Kylo is really smirking now.  Now, he is back to reciting with mocking irony, “There is no ignorance, there is only knowledge—”

 

“I think I hate you!” Rey growls.  She despises being made fun of.

 

Kylo continues hissing with glee.  “There is no passion, there is serenity.  Show me more serenity, Rey.  There is no chaos, there is harmony—"

 

Rey’s eyes narrow.  “I should have killed you on the Starkiller when I had the chance.”

                             

And that’s an ill-time remark because Kylo concludes with, “There is no death, there is only the Force.  Consider that your first lesson, my Padawan.”

 

“I’m not your Padawan!”

 

“Oh, but you are.  Haven’t you figured out that I am the last Jedi, Rey?”  Kylo looks supremely smug as he predicts, “In time, you will call me Master.  You don’t have a choice.  There’s no one else to learn from,” he points out.

 

“Go to Hell!” Rey snarls.

 

He dismisses her.  “That will be all for now.  We need to get back to work.  Go move some rocks, Rey.  Use the Force.”

 

“I hate you!” she repeats.

 

Her vehemence makes Kylo grunt.  “Keep talking like that and I’ll make you my Apprentice instead.”  He crosses his arms over his chest and looks down his long nose at her.  “Darth Rey sort of has a ring to it,” he muses with that half smile-half smirk that is so quintessentially him.

 

Fuming Rey stares daggers at Kylo in silence until the bond closes. 

 

Afterwards, upset and demoralized Rey slowly climbs out of the cave.  She heads for the _Falcon_ to scrounge for supplies.  Then she makes the long climb back up to Luke’s hut, swearing the whole time at Kylo Ren under her breath.

 

It looks like she’s stuck here for now.  Exiled.  That is such a foreboding word.  Rey had wanted to learn from Luke Skywalker, not become him.   But here she is.  Alone on a freezing, damp island in the middle of nowhere stuck guarding old Jedi books and hiding from Kylo Ren.    Great . . . just great, Rey thinks.  This really can’t get any worse.


	14. Chapter 14

The First Order was a political movement and then a military insurgency thirty years in the making.  Ever confident Snoke had decades to plot and re-plot his reign.   He and his economic and political advisors long ago drew up plans for the first hundred days of the Second Empire.  Emperor Ren has pulled out those plans, dusted them off, and set them in motion.

 

Work is already underway to organize his new dual capital worlds on Coruscant and Tatooine.  Kylo is determined that his Empire will be equally balanced between the Core and the Rim.  But he is astute enough to realize that the problems that exist on urban, highly populated worlds are not the same problems that are found on settlement outposts.  Also, the solutions people will accept and tolerate in the Core are different from what will fly in the Rim.  The galaxy is a diverse set of beings with differing goals and values.  Emperor Ren is prepared to tolerate a lot of different approaches and cultures on a local level to accommodate this.  But there must be an overlaying influence too.  For that’s where the old Empire failed.  In the immediate aftermath of the bloody Clone Wars, Palpatine had resorted to military force to hold his Empire together.  Maybe that made some sense for the former Separatist worlds, but on the whole the old Empire lacked any common unifying factor other than war. 

 

Kylo is determined to change that.  He needs systems to want to be a part of his Empire.  To do that, he will make the Core dependent on the Rim and vice versa.  His strategy is to foster trade routes to intermingle the business affairs of the galaxy.  Each world will have a meaningful stake in the stability and success of its customers and suppliers off-world.  Hopefully, that will ratchet down the tension and rivalries between the local systems and sectors of the galaxy.

 

But refashioning the galactic economy means radical change to the status quo.  Kylo now has whole legions of stormtroopers being deployed to fight crime rather than fight the enemy.  He is determined to stamp out the rampant hyperspace piracy and organized crime that persists in the Rim.   The corruption that long plagued the New Republic has no place in his Empire, he vows.  He’s given orders to crackdown hard.  But that’s not all.  There are conference rooms full of economic advisors who are preparing to roll out groundbreaking changes to trade treaties and tax laws.   Business as usual is about to end because Emperor Ren will stamp out cartels and break up monopolies to make the galactic economy more transparent and inclusive.  The smug tycoon types in the Core who have manipulated currency and commodities markets to their benefit are about to get a huge wake up call.  The Second Empire will soon sweep away all the privileges that wealthy, entrenched interests have wheedled from the New Republic with their slick lobbyists.  Anyone who objects will be shown into a prison cell.

 

Emperor Ren is the strongman reformist whose time has come and he’s positioning himself as a populist.  But Kylo knows that he needs to show progress for everyone—Rim and Core, rich and poor, human and alien.  It’s a tall order and it will take time, but Kylo is determined.  In the short term, there will be a lot of losers, but in the long term he is betting that everyone will win.   And, he thinks, just ending the cycle of civil war that has persisted for the last century will go a long way to achieving success.  Unlike the New Republic that was all talk, the First Order will deliver results.

 

Kylo is keeping almost all of Snoke’s original plan in place.   It is well thought out and practical, like everything Snoke did.   Plus, it enables Kylo to tell the First Order hardliners that he is following through on dearly departed Snoke’s wishes.  And so, there will be a secret police and Kylo will keep a curfew in place for now in the troublesome Core.  But it’s not all repression.  There will be progress too.  And that’s where his plans deviate from Snoke’s vision quite a bit.   The First Order will do everything it said it would do . . . and more.  Because he’s a Skywalker and his clan always dreams big.  And because Kylo Ren is not Leia Organa’s son for nothing.  

 

Kylo cut his teeth on poll numbers and policy papers, he grew up hearing tales of Senate intrigue and backstabbing, and his earliest memories involve election nights.  He’s no democrat, but Emperor Ren will convene a Council with representatives from all worlds.  It’s not a Senate.  Kylo says this over and over again to anyone who will listen.  He will kill anyone who calls his Council a Senate.  Its members will be selected and not elected.  The Council will have no true authority or jurisdiction.   Kylo plans to use it as a sounding board.  But to keep the reactionary First Order hardliners from grumbling, he has put their favorite son General Hux in charge.  That ought to dispel any concerns he is creating a democracy.

 

Kylo is also selecting a cabinet that will not include any military members.  He wants to hear opinions, even opposing opinions, that have not been filtered up the chain of command.   That too will get the hardliners alarmed.  There are quite a few First Order loyalists who envision the Second Empire as a military junta.  But the time for war is over, and the military influence needs to wane.  Kylo wants to foster unity and order, and he suspects that in the long run those goals will depend mostly on shared prosperity.  And that requires fewer trigger happy generals drunk on old Tarkin Doctrine ideas who want to convince him to build a fourth Death Star.  Kylo wants to move the conversation away from the ‘us’ versus ‘them’ bunker mentality of wartime.  That’s all over now, he complains at a senior staff meeting.  Enough with the angry rhetoric.  We’ve won.  Move on. 

 

But to placate his First Order base of support, Emperor Ren will be giving the military lots of parades and victory lap rallies in local systems.   The glory is focused mostly on the lower level fighting men and women, and not on the senior officer corps.  His new Empire will give generous benefits to First Order veterans, even allowing conscripted stormtroopers to eventually resign from the army to start their own lives.  Kylo is betting that helping the rank and file of his army thrive in the private sector will be a strategic move in the long term.  For who better to foster patriotism among the common people than successful veterans themselves.

 

Much of the galaxy would be surprised to learn the truth that Kylo Ren is not a First Order diehard.  His loyalties are more pragmatic than that, for he tends to disdain institutions and orthodoxies of all kinds.  Really, he’s in it for himself.  It didn’t start out that way, of course.  Young Ben Solo wanted nothing to do with his parents’ New Republic and his Jedi uncle’s Force.  He fled all the way to Snoke.  Before he knew it, Kyko was on one knee pledging allegiance to Dark power in a training regime that can only be described as ‘Sith-lite.’  The First Order politics that came along with the title Apprentice were fine.  Kylo was happy to use Snoke’s militant fascist political movement as a path to power.  His alliance with his late Master was for their mutual benefit:   Snoke used him, and he used Snoke. 

 

Free of his Master at last, Emperor Ren now clings to very few principles.  He is flexible enough to recognize that there are multiple solutions to many problems and that most of life has tradeoffs.  Democracy has its strengths and weaknesses, and so does the autocracy he is currently working hard to create. Mostly, Kylo wants things to work.  His management style is motivated primarily by expediency:  he weighs the costs and benefits, makes a decision, and moves on.  Kylo Ren famously sizes up things with an unsentimental, ruthlessly strategic eye.  Nothing is sacrosanct.  Well, there is one thing in the universe that Emperor Ren is unabashedly optimistic and dreamy about:  like all Skywalkers, he’s a fool for the Force. 

 

He never set out to be an Emperor, but he has ended up one all the same.  Destiny is bitch like that. But if he is going to rule the galaxy, Kylo plans to do it well.  He will be a very visible presence in his Empire.  He refuses to be holed up in his palace like old Palpatine had been.  Growing ever more out of touch and beholden to Vader and others to relay the true state of things.  No, this is a new era and a new Emperor who is overseeing matters in person on a regular basis.   Just like during the war, vigorous, young Kylo Ren will be a leader who is on the ground and in the midst of it all.  He just wishes there were two of him, for there is more than enough work for one man.  He can’t spend his days crisscrossing the galaxy in hyperspace heading to ceremonies.  Kylo had hoped to have Rey at his side as his de facto First Lady to share the burden of appearances.  But unfortunately, that is not to be.

 

Rey would have been perfect in that role, he thinks.  As an impoverished war orphan, she has credibility to speak to the downtrodden.  She knows firsthand the plight of the Rim.  Hell, he would probably be fine if her Resistance past became publicly known.  Because if the people knew that Kylo Ren’s consort was a former enemy who got onboard with his plans for the future, maybe his opposition might think about doing the same.  Just having Rey at his side would be a powerful symbol of unity that might speak louder than words.  That’s why Kylo had leaked those photos of Rey in her white dress and Rebellion hair buns.  He wanted to start the holonet talking about building coalitions and healing the wounds of war.  Getting snapped unmasked holding the hand of a woman dressed as the antithesis to everything the First Order represents was a not-so-subtle stab at that.  Kylo had planned to have his mystery woman eventually show up at his side for a formal introduction to the galaxy.  But, unfortunately, that won’t happen because the reluctant First Lady of the Second Empire is in exile now. 

 

Kylo feels heartsick about that situation until he remembers waking up the morning after to find Rey had fled.  And then he feels justified.  He is still very, very mad.

 

When the bond next opens, he’s alone and so is Rey.  She has her back to him and she is scratching at something with her hand.  He can’t see what, of course.  “Are you marking the wall?” he guesses.

Rey whirls and shoots him a cold look.  “Yeah.  So what?   Got a problem with it?”

 

Yep, she’s just as hostile as before.  Well, so he is.  This is the bitch who fucked him and left him after she turned down everything a woman could ever want.  The more Kylo thinks about it, the more Rey’s rejection stings.   But he doesn’t want it to show so he just shrugs off Rey’s open invitation for a fight.  “What do I care if you deface some Jedi temple.  The Jedi are gone now.  Their history dies with me unless I teach you.” 

 

“No, it doesn’t.  I have everything I need to continue the Jedi,” she informs him.

 

“A bunch of stone huts?” he scoffs.  “That won’t get you far.”  Rey might be a prodigy but even prodigies need instruction.  Kylo knows because he is one himself.

 

“I have Luke’s books.”

 

Books?  What books?  Kylo’s eyes narrow.  Wait a minute.  “He wrote books?”

 

“Luke safeguarded the sacred Jedi texts kept here at the temple.   The seed of the Jedi Order remains even if Skywalker is gone.”  Rey has that same look in her eye as in the Starkiller forest now.  That judgy, righteous look.  “You and your First Order will not dim the Light.   You may have won the battle at Crait but you’ve lost in the long run.”

 

And there Rey goes again, fighting the last war.  Kylo can’t seem to get through to this woman.  “Dimming the Light was Snoke’s goal, not mine.  I want the Light to flourish but without all the Jedi dogma.  Don’t believe what you read in those books,” he warns.  “You don’t need any of those rules and limitations to understand the Force.”

 

“How exactly is the Light going to flourish while I’m in exile?” she challenges.

 

Ah, such hubris already, Kylo thinks.  Rey really is on the way to becoming a Jedi.  “The Light is more than you,” he cuts her down to size.  “Force-users matter but there are far more ordinary people in the universe than there are us.  They matter too and plenty of them are oriented to the Light.  Find any prison or slum and you will find agents of the Light ministering there.  Social workers, teachers, the religious, the do-gooders among us.  They are compelled to try to help, to forgive others’ failings, to save souls and to soothe hurts.”  He shrugs.  “It's a fool's errand but hope springs eternal for those in the Light.  And,” he adds, “the Light is about to get a boost because the First Order will be doing a lot of good works.”   His Empire will be far from cuddly, but it will not be cruel.  Kylo wants it to be fair and transparent, too.

 

Rey is unimpressed by this speech.  As always, she’s determined to believe the worst in him.  “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

 

Fine.  “Then sit back and watch.  I think you’ll be impressed.”  He hopes so. He needs to impress Rey and other skeptics like her if he is to succeed.

 

“I can’t watch.  I don’t get the holonet here.  Not without tech to boost the signal reception,” she gripes.

 

“So you’re in the Unknown Regions?” he surmises.  Kylo still doesn’t know where his uncle hid himself.  He should have downloaded the _Falcon_ ’s navicomputer for the hyperspace jump coordinates, but he neglected to do so.  As a result, Kylo doesn’t know where exactly he has exiled Rey to.

 

She doesn’t answer, of course.  Rey knows that the secrecy of her location gives her an advantage. 

 

“Rey, learn all you want about the Force but don’t fall for all that Jedi doctrine,” he feels compelled to warn her again about this for both their sakes. 

 

She ignores him, of course.  “Where are the other students?   Luke said you left the temple with a handful of his students.”

 

Kylo nods.  “The knights are on Mustafar training.”  He has kept his knights out of the limelight intentionally in the aftermath of Snoke’s death.  Kylo doesn’t want anyone speculating about the circumstances of his battlefield promotion to Supreme Leader and creating conspiracy theories involving the Ren.  The military is spooked enough about the Force as is and his shadowy, extra-military Knights are not popular as a general matter.

 

“The Knights of Ren are Luke’s students?”  Rey looks surprised.

 

“Some of them,” Kylo answers.  “Five students left the temple with me.  Two are dead now.  Snoke killed one for questionable loyalty. I killed the other in a duel to the death.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I am the Master of the Knights of Ren.   Any knight can challenge me for leadership but the penalty for failure to supplant me is death.”  Those were Snoke’s rules, not his own.  Designed, of course, to keep the Apprentice on his toes. 

 

Rey’s brow furrows.  “Kill and replace?  That sounds very Sith.  Are the knights all Force users?”

 

“Most of them, yes.  To some degree. But none so powerful as us.”  Kylo considers a moment and a thought occurs to him.  “If you won’t train with me, would you train with my knights?  Three of them studied with Luke years ago.”  He’s worried that Rey has untrained raw power that she cannot control.  That projecting thing she did yesterday was impressive but it also has him spooked.  Rey could accidentally kill herself pulling stunts like that.  

 

“No.”  She shoots him down, like he knew she would.  “I’m no Dark Sider,” she declares.

 

“You can be as Light as you want, Rey, but do not call yourself a Jedi.  And do not attempt to rekindle their Order,” Kylo warns.  “Because if you set yourself up in opposition to me, then we will truly be enemies.”

 

“We’ve always been enemies.  Don’t kid yourself.  Don’t purport to exile me and tell me we’re friends,” Rey shoots back.

 

Are they having this conversation yet again?  “We’re not friends!” he snaps.  “You wouldn’t be in exile if we could be friends, Rey.”  Friends don’t go to bed with each other.  Friends don’t walk out on each other when they are needed most.

 

“I’m done with this Force bond,” Rey abruptly decides.  “I don’t need you trolling me.   If Snoke created this, then it can be undone.”

 

Again, her arrogance is showing.  This girl has no appreciation for how the Force works and what it means.  It irks him.  “Force bonds are notoriously persistent,” he relishes telling Rey.  “Historically, they occurred between family members, between masters and students, and between lovers.  Usually, only death severs the bond.” 

 

“I’ll find a way.”  And damn, does she have to be so supremely confident?  It was impressive in Snoke’s throne room but it’s tiresome now.  Mostly because it’s more rejection of him.   Truthfully, Kylo finds Rey’s power to be a little intimidating.  For if Rey she can project in the Force at will without any guidance, what will she be capable of in time with training?  It’s one more reason he needs her to be an ally and not an enemy.

 

And so, Kylo Ren sucks up his pride and forces himself to say the words, “Your exile is your choice, Rey.  You are welcome to come back to me at any time.  But those are your choices:  exile or me.”

 

Rey refuses to engage in further conversation.  She just turns her back.  Kylo gives up after a few minutes.  Soon, the bond shuts off.  And, whatever.  He goes back to work.   He doubles down on his orders to build schools and hospitals as economic development projects in the Rim.  He’ll show Rey he means what he says.  He doesn’t need her to foster the Light.  He will do it himself.

 

The bond reopens the next day.  Again, hostile Rey refuses to acknowledge him.  She just looks away.  He looks away too.  Quickly, the bond shuts. 

 

And now, the Force connections that began as a once daily occurrence when Rey was first on Luke’s island now occur sporadically over the next week.  Each time the bond reopens, Rey closes her eyes and concentrates hard.  The bond quickly shuts.  Is that a coincidence or is that her efforts at work?  Kylo can’t tell.  But after a few more fruitless openings, the bond shuts once and for all.  The last thing Kylo tells Rey is that whatever she’s doing is working.  He hopes she is happy to get her wish.  Because now she is alone by her own choice.  Enjoy exile, he sneers. 

 

Good riddance to the scavenger bitch Kylo howls as five minutes later he destroys a chair in his quarters with his sword.  He’s trying to convince himself to be happy about this development, but he’s not.  Not at all.  Fuck, he has really screwed this up. 

 

How did he get himself in this position?  This is never how he wanted things to be.  But skittish Rey got scared the morning after and now he’s hurt.  It didn’t help matters that their first conversation when the bond resumed took place in front of witnesses.  Kylo wasn’t about to beg her to come back then.  They never even talked about what happened that night and why she left.  Instead, he gave vent to his anger and hauled off and exiled Rey under threat of death.  And, truthfully, that’s a move he regrets.  Especially now that she has Luke’s Jedi books and she’s learning Force knows what.  Without the Force bond, there is now no way to make amends.   

 

And even if he were prepared to grovel and apologize, it’s too late.  Rey will neither tolerate him in person or in the Force.  That’s how little she thinks of him.  The night they shared together means nothing to her.   It makes Kylo feel like a fool.  He had stupidly been dreaming of their future together while she had lain in his arms and plotted her escape.   That it had all been precipitated by his humbling grief over his mother just makes it worse.   

 

This is always how it is with him, Kylo knows.  All the meaningful relationships in his life are intense before they end in rejection, usually over the Force.  The Force fucks up everything for him.  Should he go to Rey and try to talk?  Kylo is not sure he’s up for more rejection.  He might lose his cool and kill her then.  Snoke always warned that when Dark and Light come together, the result is either death or change, sometimes both.  Fuck!  This is not how he wanted things to be.  Why is it that he can conquer the galaxy but he is a loser at everything else in life?

 

While he mulls over his options, Kylo has to solve one preliminary problem first:  where is Rey?  There’s no one left alive from the Resistance to ask.  Well . . . maybe not, it occurs to him.

 

Later that day, Kylo marches into a conference room where two Intel officers await with a droid technician.  With them are the only two relics of Kylo’s personal past that still persist.  He looks over the ancient golden protocol droid and his blue R2 unit counterpart that should have been sold for scrap a generation ago.  His mother probably kept the droids around for sentimental reasons.  Kylo had ended up doing the same thing.  When the droids had been captured with the rest of the Resistance at Crait, they received the mercy he denied the sentient beings.  For these scratch and dent antiques have witnessed his family’s history going back to the Clone Wars. It’s too bad their minds were wiped by Bail Organa back at the start of the Empire.  Kylo would love to know the droids’ version of his grandparents’ forbidden secret marriage.

 

Will they recognize him?   He’s about to find out.  “Hello Threepio.”

 

“Do I know you?  Oh, well yes, I suppose I do. You’re Kylo Ren.  Er . . . Your Excellency.”  The ever-proper protocol droid quickly reverts to the correct address for the Emperor as he executes a stiff bow.

 

His companion is not so polite.  Artoo beeps derisively.  Whatever he said, it clearly wasn’t positive.  Then, the droid continues with a long stream of electronic chirps and whistles that Kylo doesn’t understand but the droid tech must based on his wide eyes and alarmed look. 

 

That sets off an argument.  Threepio responds, “No, it can’t be. Young Master Benny died tragically in the attack on Master Luke’s temple many years ago.   Mistress Leia was so sad about that.”

 

Artoo beeps some more, using droidspeak sounds that can only be described as rude.

 

“Oh dear, oh dear.”  Threepio ventures tentatively, “I’m almost afraid to ask, but is it true, your Excellency?”

 

“You call me Benny again and I’ll deactivate you myself,” Kylo growls.

 

“So it is true.  You are Ben Solo.”

 

Kylo nods.  “Yes.  But you can call me Emperor Ren now.”

 

Threepio acts flustered as he waves his arms a moment.  “Well, in that case, I suppose we are at your service, Emperor Ren.”  He looks and sounds very resigned about that.

 

Fiesty little Artoo objects.  He lets off a series of electronic static that must be curses and insults.  The droid tech looks terrified lest Kylo ask him to translate.    

 

Threepio now starts bickering with Artoo.   Some things never change, Kylo sees.  “It is correct protocol.  We have served this family for generations now. And Master Benny is all that remains of the family.  He’s killed all the rest.”   Threepio rests a comforting metal arm on Artoo’s dome.  “We have served two Queens, three Senators, two Jedi, two Republics, the Rebellion, and the Resistance.  Now, we shall serve an Emperor too.”

 

Artoo makes some more disrespectful loud noises and Kylo cuts him off.  “I don’t need you to serve me.  I want the map to Skywalker. Which one of you has it or saw it?” 

 

“R2D2 and BB8 both had portions of the map,” Threepio dutifully reports.  “BB8 is gone now alas.”

 

Kylo nods at the ancient astromech. “Artoo, show me what you’ve got.”

 

The squat droid now starts projecting a decades old hologram of his princess mother requesting help from his grandfather’s Jedi nemesis.   At ‘Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi’ annoyed Kylo slams the cheeky R2 unit against the nearest wall with the Force. 

 

“That’s enough,” Kylo warns.  “Unless you want a mind wipe, show me the map.”

 

Artoo produces yet another hologram recording.  This time, it’s some Rebel victory ceremony as his mother presents his smirking father with a medal while Luke Skywalker grins.  The trio of heroes all look ridiculously young, happy, and carefree.  It’s exactly what the young, overworked, overstressed and lonely Emperor of the galaxy does not want to see.

 

“Oh dear, oh dear,” Threepio frets.  “Just answer him!  He’s not known for his patience—“

 

“I want to know where Luke hid.  He’s dead now.  You’re not betraying anything,” Kylo growls at the R2 unit.  “But if you prefer for us to disassemble you to get the answer, that’s fine.  Afterwards, we’ll melt you down.”

 

“He is rather strong willed, Sir,” the uncomfortable looking droid tech volunteers.  He gestures awkwardly to the not one but two restraining bolts Artoo has been fitted with.  “I’ve never seen such devotion in a droid before.  He is exceeding loyal to the Resistance cause.”

 

“Well, Artoo?”  Kylo is losing patience fast.

 

The droid now yields the star map, including the portion the First Order long ago located from the archives of the Empire.  Kylo looks it over thoughtfully.  “Ahch-To,” he says aloud.  “Never heard of it.”  As he is giving instructions to the tech to download the complete map for his personal files, Artoo changes the image he projects.  Now, the droid is showing a grainy hologram recording of a small child playing with a spaceship toy.  As the boy zooms around with a tiny X-wing in his hand, it is unmistakably Kylo’s much younger self.   When his high pitched, lisping little boy voice starts boasting that he’s going to be the best starpilot in the galaxy, Kylo has heard enough.  He concentrates a moment in the Force and the droid loses power and goes dark.

 

“Oh, my!”  Threepio reacts dramatically, as usual.

 

“What shall we do with them, Sir?” the senior Intel officer present asks.

 

“Deactivate the protocol droid too,” Kylo decides.  “Send them both to Mustafar for storage at the castle.”  Threepio was his grandfather’s creation, after all, and Artoo had fought by Anakin Skywalker’s side during the Clone Wars.  It seems fitting to stash the droids at the castle with the rest of the relics of the past.  It’s time to let old things die, especially old droids who probably have years’ worth of Benny Solo babysitting recordings in them.  No one needs to see that.

 

Still, all in all, Kylo is satisfied.  Now he knows where Rey hides.  Should he go to her?  Kylo isn’t sure.  She’s so stubborn, he knows.  Childishly clinging to Jedi heroes from old fairytales.  And he gets it—really, he does.  Everyone wants to be the hero others admire.  But sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.  Breaking with the past takes courage.  Rey just hasn’t found that courage for herself yet.  He hopes she will come around to see things the way he does in time.  But will showing up at her island be rushing things?  Will another confrontation make matters worse?

 

After much thought, Kylo decides that he will submit to the will of the Force in this decision.  He will wait for a sign.   And that very night, he dreams of a windswept, craggy island where waves crash over a long-ago submerged X-wing.  Standing on the clifftop high above the ship, Rey stares out bleakly at twin suns setting on the horizon across the waves.  She is alone, terribly alone again.  It is an unsettling dream, full of undefined yearning and regret.  Rey’s emotions are boiling even if her expression is blank.  For long ago, this lonely orphan learned to repress things to cope.   It’s the very opposite of his own tantrums and tendency to lash out. 

 

This is the sign he needs, except when Kylo wakes he doesn’t remember a thing.  Just that he had a bad dream.  He gets up and drags himself to another eighteen-hour day of meetings.  The galaxy won’t run itself. 


	15. Chapter 15

Bored and discouraged Rey passes the time during Ahch-To’s daily rains by reading the Jedi books.  They are very fragile, with fading ink and crumbling pages.  Two of the books are written in some old version of Aurebesh that Rey has difficulty deciphering.  She quickly gives up on those.  Thankfully, the rest of the books are in Basic.  Still, they are slow going for Rey.  These are scholarly works, written with sophisticated sentence structure to convey complex ideas.  They are intended for a learned audience, and not the self-taught, unschooled Rey of Jakku.  The Jedi book are nothing like the mechanics’ manuals and holonet newsfeed articles she typically reads.

 

Paging haphazardly through the old tomes, Rey learns that the Force has always been a great mystery.  The early Jedi practitioners puzzled over what little they understood.  The big questions of the day related to the nature of the Force.  Is the Force just the Force?  Or is there a Light Side and a Dark Side to the Force?   If the Force is just the Force, then is the Force inherently good?  Or is it neither good nor bad, but indifferent to conventional morality instead?   If so, what does it mean for the Force to be neutral to conflicts and values?  These are the first of many existential questions with no clear answers.   Rey soon realizes that the Jedi texts are not a set of how-to manuals for the Force.  They are a master class in the philosophical underpinnings of the Jedi Order.

 

Where does the Force come from?  Everyone seems to agree that the Force is an energy field created by all living things that binds the universe together.  This living Force has a tension that builds and recedes as beings interact.   This is very much like how Rey remembers Luke Skywalker’s teaching.  And she recognizes the truth of this wisdom as she herself practices feeling the Force between her and the surrounding island that is teaming with life. This sense of the Force in proximity to other things helps to explain the relationships of beings to one another and to their surroundings, Rey reads.  A Jedi can feel and control the living Force with practice.  Mastering it is the key to sensing others’ thoughts and emotions.  It is also the pathway to influencing others and reading minds.  It is how you move rocks and pull lightsabers from the snow. 

 

The Jedi took it a step further and posited that there was a collective push-pull ebb and flow to the Force that manifests itself in a collective sense.  This is the cosmic will of the Force that drives history and unravels with time.  It is the rough justice of the universe that rights wrongs as events unfold.  This version of the Force cannot be controlled.  Instead, it controls you.  This is the Force as fate.   This is the essence of destiny.  For the cosmic Force acts through persons and through events to achieve its aims.  Rey learns that Force visions are a peek into the cosmic Force.   But beware, she is warned, for the future is always in motion and visions are easily misunderstood.  The cosmic Force is fickle and rarely betrays its full secrets to anyone who might seek to impede its aims.  Some Jedi, Rey reads, firmly believed that the purpose of the cosmic Force is to keep the Light and the Dark Side in balance. 

 

Balance.  Over and over in the Jedi texts, Rey reads about balance.  The crux of the matter seems to be that Force users are an aberration of nature who if left unchecked could cause other anomalies to occur.   This is because by their nature Force users have the ability to alter the natural balance of things.  Therein lies the justification for self-imposed limitations on a Jedi’s power, Rey learns.  For too much power wielded by any one person can throw things out of balance.   And when the universe is out of balance, disorder and conflict are the usual results.  Everyone loses, Rey reads, when chaos reigns.  This bit is weirdly First Order in its mindset, she thinks.

 

Rey learns that the early Jedi were inordinately concerned with when it is appropriate to use the Force.  When is it permissible to read someone’s thoughts or influence their decisions?   Should the Force be used for attack, or only for defense?  Can you attack in defense of others?   A lot of the determinations seem to focus on intent.  Did you have good intentions?  Or were you selfishly motivated?  That can be harder to discern than it looks.  The Jedi were big on second guessing themselves, Rey quickly discovers. 

 

The Jedi also worried a great deal about Force users’ potential to dominate others with their powers.  They feared hereditary dynasties in the Force and conflicting loyalties of their knights.  Therefore, the prohibition on personal attachments was conceived.  The price of a Jedi’s power was the loss of their individual pursuit of happiness, Rey reads.  For knights were not to seek glory or accomplishment for themselves.  They did not amass wealth or possessions.  They could not marry or raise a family.  A Jedi’s life and talents were supposed to serve the universal greater good, and knights were taught to be selfless in pursuit of this goal.   Over and over, Rey reads the early Jedi knights described as ‘servant leaders’ who led more by example as role models than by intervention.  That is a big step from the ‘keepers of the peace’ decisionmaker role Rey is more familiar with.   And it is a very far cry from the Jedi generals of the Clone Wars who used the Force to fight their enemy.

 

Overall, the early Jedi seemed far less concerned with fighting than they were with harmony and understanding.  The Jedi tried to avoid taking sides in a dispute.  As a rule, they did not adjudicate or pontificate.  If they did intervene in a conflict, it was only with the consent of both sides.  And even then, the Jedi did not choose a winner but tried to facilitate both sides reaching their own settlement.  If no agreement was reached, the Jedi waited on the sidelines while the two sides fought it out and a winner emerged.  This part seems antithetical to the Jedi fairytales Rey learned as a child.  Where are the Jedi heroes speaking up for the downtrodden and liberating the oppressed?   These ancient Jedi knights were more monks than warriors, she realizes.  They did not right the wrongs of the galaxy.  They mostly watched from the sidelines to observe.

 

That was because the Jedi of old accepted that conflict was a constant in life.  Peace is a lie, Rey reads with a raised eyebrow.  Individuals and sometimes entire cultures have competing desires, values, and objectives.   The original Jedi opted to wait for the cosmic Force to decide the outcome of those fights.  They declined to employ their talents with the living Force to intercede.  It is not the role of Jedi knights to shape history, Rey reads repeatedly.  Their role is to increase understanding and harmony among different peoples and to promote respect for the Force.

 

Not everyone agreed, of course.

 

Rey reads that a small but persistent faction within the early Jedi rejected limitations on their power.  In fact, they argued that the purpose of a Force user is to gain and use power.  These Jedi viewed themselves as fortune’s favorites, as persons blessed with Force sensitivity as a talent just like another person might be blessed with musicality or intelligence.  The Force, like any talent, should be developed and shared to maximize its potential for the greater good.  Rey keeps reading and reading until she realizes the significance of these renegade Jedi.  For they are the breakaway sect that in time become the Sith cult.   Rey had no idea that the two great traditions of the Force were related.  Who knew that these ancient enemies were an outgrowth of the same institution?  In truth, everything Rey is reading about the ancient Jedi surprises her.  In the thousand generations between the conception of the Jedi Order and the death of Luke Skywalker, clearly a lot had changed.  Some for the better, some for the worse.

 

The sacred Jedi texts are slow, dense reading.  There is much here to think about.  It occurs to Rey that Kylo would love this stuff.  But, truthfully, she does not.  Rey is a practical girl and she wants useful advice, not esoteric gibberish.  Where is the outline of basic Jedi skills?  Where is the statement of the Jedi Code that sneering Kylo had rattled off?  Maybe she hasn’t gotten to that part yet . . . Rey hopes.   Because somewhere in these books she hopes someone wrote that stuff down.  And if not, then what?  She needs a teacher.  Kylo said it.  Luke said it.  Rey is now willing to admit it to herself.  Because if the rest of the sacred Jedi texts are as abstract and cerebral as the ones she has perused already, then they are not that helpful in the end.

 

Rey is also a little spooked by Luke’s comment about her raw power scaring him.  Truthfully, it frightens Rey too.  That weird projecting thing she did with Kylo was completely unintentional.  And it worries her a lot.  She has a power she does not understand and cannot control.  Survivor Rey is starting to fret that she could become a danger to herself.

 

More demoralized than ever, Rey puts down the Jedi books and considers going back down to the Dark Side cave at the bottom of the island for answers.  She decides against it.  Rey fears it might rekindle the Force bond she worked so hard to suppress.  For the last time she went down to the cave, it showed her Kylo and then she turned around and he was there in the bond.

 

Why does the Force keep connecting her with Kylo?  Before Rey had ever met the man, she saw him in a vision on Takodano.  Not long after their duel on the Starkiller, the Force bond had opened on an almost daily basis.  It had stopped while she had been with Kylo on the _Finalizer_ , but not long after she came here, it started again.  What does it mean for her to seek guidance only to be directed to Kylo Ren?  It feels like Rey can’t get away from Kylo no matter what she does.  And as if he doesn’t have enough power over her, now the Force is on his side too?  This destiny business is getting old, Rey thinks. 

 

Moreover, she’s not buying it.  For if she and Kylo are the will of the Force, then shouldn’t the heavens have opened up and choirs of angels sung when the Force got its way and they went to bed?   Because that is not how Rey remembers things.  It was exciting and hot until it was awkward and a little uncomfortable.   When it was over, she had been scared and fled.  Sleeping with Kylo wasn’t the will of the Force, Rey decides, it had been a stupid decision by an otherwise smart and independent young woman. 

 

Frustrated and down, Rey pokes at the leftover fish she cooked this morning for breakfast.  It’s soggy and tasteless and gross.  She washes it down with some mossy smelling rainwater from the small cistern on the island.  She didn’t think it was possible, but Ahch-To has worse food than Jakku.  But, thankfully, it is plentiful.  She’s a long way from her nightly gourmet dinners with Kylo on his flagship, Rey thinks as she makes a face.  It’s still raining outside and it’s already getting dark.  With nothing better to do, Rey decides to go to sleep.  Maybe tomorrow she’ll experiment some with the Force to see if she can raise Luke’s downed X-wing from beneath the waves.  Maybe there might be something useful to salvage on it.  Or, perhaps, if it’s not too corroded, she could restore the ship.  At the very least, it will give her something to do other than brood over Kylo Ren. 

 

It turns out to be a bad idea to go to sleep with Kylo on her mind, because Rey now dreams of Kylo too.

 

“Rey?”

 

She raises her head slowly and squints at Kylo through sleepy eyes. “Oh, it’s you.  How did you get here?” she asks before she yawns.  “Is this the bond again?”

 

“No, this is a dream.  I’m asleep.  I’m dreaming of you.”

 

“You woke me up,” she grumbles.  “I guess I must be dreaming of you too,” she decides a bit incongruously.   She’s still befuddled from sleep.  “Well, whatever . . . come closer.”  Rey lifts her arm and with it she lifts Luke Skywalker’s old oilskin poncho that she has used to cover herself.  Kylo hesitates briefly before he obligingly ducks underneath to join her on the cot.  And, oh, that’s nice. He is bare chested in sleep pants and his body heat radiates to warm her.

 

“I’m cold,” Rey complains as she snuggles up against him.  “It’s cold and damp here.  I miss the desert. My clothes are for the desert.”

 

“I miss you,” he confesses softly before he gets right to the point.  “Why did you leave me?” 

 

She ignores the question. “I’m still cold.  Have you got any blankets in your dream?”

 

“Come back to me.  I’ll let you hog the covers every night if you return,” he promises.

 

That’s not an option for several reasons, including a very practical one.  “I don’t have enough fuel to return.  The _Falcon_ was low on fuel before I stole it.”  He must notice that she is shivering.   Kylo now wraps his arms around her.  Maybe she ought to resist but instead Rey melts into him and sighs. “Next time, could you exile me to someplace warm?”

 

“Sure,” Dream Kylo is surprisingly agreeable.  Not at all like his real-life self.  “Next time, I’ll stash you on Mustafar.  Here--does this help?”  He tucks her up into his body with her head right under his chin.  Then he starts rubbing her back to warm her up.

 

“Yeah,” she sighs. “That’s better.  This is nice.  I like this.”   It reminds Rey of Kylo holding her in bed on his ship.  She had loved that.  Simply loved that.  Cuddling afterwards had been better than the actual sex.

 

“Why did you leave me?” he asks again.  He sounds so solemn and hurt.  Not at all his usual angry self.

 

“I told you that I can’t be who you want me to be.  I don’t want to rule an Empire.”  Rey keeps telling him this but Kylo never seems to hear it.  Or if he does hear it, he refuses to accept it.

 

“You don’t have to rule my Empire.  You can rule me instead,” he suggests. 

 

She can’t help it.  Rey chuckles into his chest at this stupid line.

 

“Hey—what are you laughing at?”

 

“At you, the henpecked Emperor Ren.”

 

“I might like you nagging me,” he muses.

 

Rey snorts at this. “I can just picture you stomping down from your shuttle—“

 

“I don’t stomp.”

 

“Yes, you do.  There you are stomping down from your shuttle with clenched fists when you haul off your helmet and call out ‘Honey, I’m home from the First Order.’”

 

“Hey, a guy’s gotta make a living.  Then what happens?” he plays along.

 

“And then I saunter up in some awful pink dress.    With ruffles,” Rey adds as a gleefully snarky afterthought.  “Girlfriend Rey looks completely girly.  Nothing like the real me.”

 

“I like you in pink,” he says softly.

 

“Pink is so not me.”

 

“And you’d be my Empress, not my girlfriend,” he persists.

 

“Me as a First Order wifey?  Not a chance.”

 

Kylo doesn’t argue.  He resumes the playful fantasy.  “So I stomp down from my shuttle and then what happens?”

 

“Then I give you a big smacking kiss.  You start telling me about your day.  You know—about all the executions and imprisonments.”

 

“I do more than kill people.”

 

“Not that I’ve seen.”

 

“Where are the kids?   There have to be a couple of kids.  Happily-ever-after with Emperor Ren has a few little Skywalkers.”

 

Huh?  Who knew Kylo Ren was so conventional?  “So, you’re a family man now?” Rey snorts.

 

“Sure.  Why not?”

 

“Why not??  Oh, the irony.”  Rey rolls her eyes.  “Let me guess—twins?”

 

“Sure.  Twins would be fine.  Double the dynasty.  So . . . I come home, you’re there in a pink dress, and the kids come running up--” 

 

“Little Luke and Leia wearing black capes with matching helmets?” she teases. 

 

He groans.  “How about Little Anakin and Padme instead?”  He is serious again now.  “Why did you leave me?  Give me an answer.  Because we could have this pretend life for real, Rey.” 

 

Yikes, she blinks.  Because he’s not joking now.  And, suddenly, this silly conversation feels threatening even though it’s only a dream.  “I told you—I can’t be who you want me to be.  Kylo, I never said I would stay.  Maybe it was mean to leave like I did, but I worried that in the morning you wouldn’t let me go.”

 

“You didn’t even say goodbye,” he complains.

 

“I hurt you, I know.  I’m sorry.  But I was scared—“

 

“I told you I wouldn’t hurt you.  Didn’t you believe me?”

 

“No . . . well, I don’t know . . .”

 

“So now what?”

 

“I’m going to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi like I wanted to all along.”   That’s still the plan at least for now, Rey thinks.  Until she comes up with a better idea, that is.

 

“I’ll help you,” he offers.

 

“No, thanks.”

 

“Just think about it.”

 

“I already have.  You’ve made that ‘you need a teacher’ pitch a couple of times now,” she reminds him.

 

Kylo falls silent a moment.  “This is such a strange dream.  It feels very real.  Like this is a conversation we might have if we were awake.”

 

“I know what you mean.”  She reaches up to brush a lock of hair from his eyes.  Kylo always seems to have hair falling in his face.  It’s boyishly endearing.  Sexy too.  “I like your hair.  You have great hair.  I wish I had your hair,” she blurts out.

 

“I like everything about you, Rey.”

 

“Even though I scarred your face?  I feel badly about that. I mean—you still deserved it, but I feel sorry.  I don’t think I ever told you that.  I guess I’ll never get a chance to tell you that now.”  There is so much she and Kylo have never spoken about.  On the _Finalizer_ , all they ever seemed to do was bicker over Leia Organa and talk about the Force.

 

“The scar makes me look dashing,” he claims.

 

“In your dreams, Sith.”

 

“This is a dream,” he points out.  “And, hey—at least I didn’t lose a hand.”  He frowns down at her as he notices, “You have goosebumps.”

 

“I’m cold.  I hate this island.  Exile sucks.”

 

“Then, come home.  It’s an open offer--”

 

“My home is an AT-AT on Jakku.”

 

“Trade up to my star destroyer,” he whispers huskily.  Without the helmet, this man has a great voice.  “My flagship has me and all the blankets you could ever want.”

 

“You’re not giving up, are you?   You sure weren’t this welcoming over the bond.  You were a jerk over the bond.”  It’s true.

 

He doesn’t deny it.  “I didn't mean it.  And besides, we had an audience.  That changes things. I have an image to uphold.”

 

“You were more than a jerk.  You had Hux shoot me.  Seriously, you were a total asshole,” Rey accuses.

 

Again, he accepts the criticism.  “I can be like that.  But I didn’t mean any of it.  I say crap I don’t mean when I’m angry.  I have a temper,” he admits like it’s something the whole galaxy doesn’t know.

 

And why are they bickering over this?  Just now Rey’s stomach growls.  Loudly.  It’s embarrassing.  Thank goodness this isn’t real life.  Still, she can feel herself blushing.  Dream Kylo says nothing, but Rey feels like she should explain.   “I’m so hungry.  I hate fish and I refuse to drink that gross green milk,” Rey complains.  She reminisces aloud, “I’d give anything for a portion muffin right now.  I never thought I would miss Jakku so much . . . ”

 

Kylo is still angling for a re-do.  “That first conversation went all wrong.  The second one did too.  Can we start over?” he asks.  It’s sort of a pseudo-apology mixed with a plea.

 

Rey raises her head and arches an eyebrow at him.  “Will you let me out of exile?”

 

“Sure, if you come back.”

 

“I can’t come back. I told you I’m low on fuel.”

 

“Then meet me somewhere and I’ll pick you up.”  He pulls her closer and suggests, “Rendezvous with me, babe.”

 

“I don’t want to rule the galaxy.” Rey settles back down and yawns into his neck.  Dream Kylo smells great.  Faintly like aftershave and faintly like musky sweat.  It’s very male.  Kind of hot too.  It’s a good thing this is a dream, or she might end up back in bed with this guy, Rey thinks.  She’s pretty much laying on top of him now but Kylo doesn’t seem to mind.   Rey smiles into his chest at the thought of them doing this in Luke Skywalker’s old bed.  The last Jedi would blow up this hut for sure if he knew.

 

Kylo is still pressing his case.  “You don’t have to rule.  You only have to be with me.”   He drops a kiss on her forehead.  “Come home,” he outright begs.

 

“You’re the asshole who exiled me, remember?   I don’t trust you.”

 

“I’ll make it up to you.”

 

“No, you won’t.”  Something tells her that Kylo is the kind of guy who will take and take and take.  Because it’s really all about what he wants.

 

“You were the one who ran out on me, remember?” he gripes.

 

Er . . . yeah.  She’s not proud of that.  Rey squirms a little.  “Can we stop talking now?  Let’s just do this.   Hold me and let’s sleep.”  This feels so comforting.  “I miss you.  I didn’t think I would, but it’s true.  And since you exiled me, that’s a little fucked up too.” 

 

“You’re not coming back,” he realizes.

 

“No, I’m not.  Not after how you treated me.  I have more self-respect than that.”

 

“Then, I’ll come to you.  Do I need to grovel?  Is that it?”

 

Rey smirks.  “Good luck with that.  You never found Luke.  How are you going to find me?”

 

“There’s a droid with a map, remember?”

 

“How can I forget,” she groans.  “But the droid is gone.”  Leia Organa had told Rey that even BB-8 hadn’t survived Crait.  No quarter apparently also applied to droids.   “I wish you were this nice in person,” Rey speaks her thoughts aloud.  “I like you when it’s just us.  Without the politics and the war to get in the way.”

 

“I wish you were more flexible and trusting,” he bemoans.  “You’re stubborn about everything.  And prone to extremes.”

 

“You, too.  You’ve got a lot of issues, too,” Rey points out.

 

“Yeah.  You’re right.”  Kylo sounds as demoralized now as she feels.  “I don’t want to argue.  My parents argued all the time.  I hated it.”

 

“Then let’s sleep,” she suggests.  “Maybe we’ll both dream about something else.”

 

Not long later, Rey wakes up.  Her hazy half-remembered dream of Kylo has her unsettled and pensive.  That man is never far from her thoughts.  And now, even when she’s asleep, his influence is felt.  It’s like the Force bond is trying to come back through her subconsciousness.  Well, she’s not about to let that happen, she vows.

Enough time has passed by now to resolve Rey’s one lingering fear from her night spent in Kylo’s arms:  she’s not pregnant.  Thank the Force about that.  Her angst over a possible accidental pregnancy just served to underscore the point of how reckless Rey had been.  What the Hell had she been thinking going to bed with Kylo Ren??  Rey knew better than to do that.  But she had done it all the same.  As a general rule, she is cautious when it comes to danger.  Life on Jakku had taught that lesson the hard way.  But Kylo Ren is a different sort of danger than Rey has ever encountered before.  He’s no slaver looking for victims, no rival scavenger attempting to steal her find, no random guy high on spice looking for a woman to rape.  He’s something altogether different, and it’s very hard to define.  For there is nothing predictable about Kylo Ren.  In fact, the more Rey tries to understand him, the more she gets him wrong.

And that’s befuddling because there are scripts life is supposed to follow and roles people are supposed to play.  Society’s norms create expectations within ourselves.  Even for the near feral scavenger Rey who has seen normal life depicted on holonet shows.  There are some variations, but they all are some version of this:  You grow up and you get a job and you meet someone special before you commit to one another and start your own family.   And then, in time, your own child takes your place growing up as the next generation.  It’s a cycle of people caring for one another and trying to do the right thing as they as they confront life’s obstacles and challenges.  Maybe there is divorce or death or some other personal or financial struggle to contend with.  But it all works out in the end.  At least, that’s how it works on the holonet.  Good always prevails, hardworking, honest people eventually get the lucky breaks they need, and love conquers all.  Just like it is supposed to.  Life might not be fair in every case, but overall it rewards goodness. 

 

Except, of course, if you are Rey of Jakku.  Her life has been off script from the beginning.  And then, just when things were getting better, the ‘happily ever after’ Cinderella script presented itself but it was all wrong.  Rey got offered a job and a handsome prince in a burning throne room.  Here was the belonging, the purpose, and the stability she has long craved.  Here was a man who would elevate her from her scorned scavenger status and teach her the Force.  He would give her his heart and the galaxy too.  Except it didn’t look at all like Rey expected.  And it was scary and sudden and for a moment, Rey didn’t know what to do.  Because it wasn't supposed to be like this at all.  And that made her angry and resentful and Rey had reflexively grabbed for the sword before everything went dark.  A few kisses, one night in bed with Kylo, and lots of dead Resistance friends later, Rey now finds herself in exile. 

 

Ruefully, she must acknowledge that Master Luke was right. Things definitely did not go the way she thought they would.  The villain she thought was a hero had been a villain all along.  Well . . . sort of . . .   But exile?   Exile??   Rey decides that she is having none of it.  She’s wasted too much of her life waiting around alone already.  She’ll be damned if she will do it again here on Ahch-To.   As far as she’s concerned, there is nothing special to tie her to this place.  She can read Luke’s Jedi books anywhere she wants.  And like Hell is she going back to Kylo Ren. 

 

There’s one place Rey knows there is no First Order presence where she can hide.  And she can ditch the _Falcon_ there by returning it to its most recent owner.  It’s not pretty and life is hard, but at least it’s not cold and there is more to eat than just fish.  It’s not too far either.  Rey calculates that if she takes the slowest lightspeed setting she should have just enough fuel.  So she hikes down the island cliffside and warms the _Falcon_ up.   Rey takes off and sets course for Jakku. 

 

Home, sweet home, Jakku.  Once Rey had dreamt of leaving that barren wasteland world, and now all she wants is to return.  Life is like that, she’s learning.  A few changes and suddenly everything looks different than before.  What you thought you knew was wrong.  Perspective matters much more than she had ever realized. It makes Rey wonder what other things she thought were wrong are really true.  Because ever since she met the man beneath the mask of Kylo Ren, Rey has been confused and questioning everything.  First Luke Skywalker and then his Jedi books were a letdown, then the Resistance cause was lost and Leia Organa died.  In the aftermath of all that crisis and conflict, Rey just wants to go home.  Back to a place where her struggles are food and water, not the Force.  Back to a time when Rey knew she was winning if she got to scratch another tally mark on the wall.  Suddenly, Rey craves the comfort of the familiar and the anonymity of Jakku.  She’s soured on all this heroine business.  It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, Rey thinks.   And so, she is will defiantly reject Kylo’s exile but also meekly crawl home to hide.  And since Kylo doesn’t know where she is, he will never be the wiser, Rey decides.


	16. Chapter 16

Kylo wakes abruptly from his dream of Rey and immediately reaches for his comlink to order his command shuttle prepped.  This is the sign from the Force that he has been waiting for.  And if not, then it is the excuse he needs.  An hour later, Kylo is headed for Ahch-To just inside in the Unknown Regions. 

 

He keeps up his blistering pace of work all the way to Rey.  Kylo simply takes his personal staff along with him.  By the second day of transit, someone finally has the temerity to ask where they are going.  “I need to fetch someone,” Kylo answers.  “It’s not a task I can delegate,” he explains to his frowning subordinates who know that Emperor Ren does not fetch his own caf let alone fetch a person.  People are summoned to him, Kylo Ren doesn’t go to them.  An underling who thinks he’s out of earshot guesses aloud, “This must be the sister in exile?”   “Yes,” Kylo answers gruffly with a glare.  “If I sent any of you instead, she would probably shoot you.”  She would too.  Rey always shoots first.  And, actually, Kylo kind of likes that about her. 

                                                                                                    

How will Rey react when he shows up?   All bets are off.  This surprise appearance is like a strange real-life version of ‘fuck, marry, kill’ where Kylo is the only option and Rey is as likely to choose any outcome.  Well, ‘kill’ is probably the heavy favorite right now, he admits.  But still, he’s optimistic that he can turn this around.   That cuddly dream of Rey has him thinking they are ready to make amends.  He and Rey have had an argument to clear the air.  Now, it’s time to move on. 

 

Kylo decides that he will begin by pardoning Rey for her Resistance involvement.  He will take that issue off the table straightaway.   It’s a huge give on leverage, but he thinks compulsion is a bad strategy with Rey.  That’s what she will expect from him.  He’s pretty well known for his ultimatums.   But Kylo is feeling magnanimous.  If Rey is open to it, they can talk about what happened and why, but he’s okay to skip all that too.  Kylo doesn’t need Rey to apologize.  He just wants her back.  He’s fine to ignore a few things to accomplish that.

 

Next, Kylo plans to offer Rey a blank check.  She can decide what she wants her role in his life to be: student, consort, advisor, pretend sister, roommate, friend, girlfriend . . . whatever.  He doesn’t care what the stated purpose and the optics are.   She can meddle in his Empire if she wants.  He will teach her if she will let him.  He’ll gladly settle for nightly dinners and some stolen kisses again if that’s all she’ll give.   He can work with that. 

 

Mostly, Kylo wants Rey with him where he can keep an eye on her and learn whatever she’s reading in those Jedi books.  Because all romance aside, he really can’t have a powerful Force user running amok in his Empire if she’s in opposition to him.  This solution will keep Rey close whether she calls herself his friend or his enemy, his ally or his adversary.  They don’t need labels, he decides.  It’s complicated, and he’s fine with that. 

 

And if she says no?   Well, then it’s time for aggressive negotiations.  He will stun her with the Force and carry her off like he did once before.  Only this time, she won’t wake up in a torture rig.  Rey will wake up in his bed, he plots.  Then, they can pick up where they left off.  Yes, he’s got this all worked out.  This exile thing was just a lovers’ tiff.  All couples fight, right?  And that can be healthy, Kylo counsels himself.  Not all couples are his mismatched miserable parents, he decides.

 

One thing is for sure, this time he and Rey need to keep their conversations behind closed doors.  It’s so much less tense with less posturing when there are no witnesses listening in.  In private on the _Finalizer_ , he and Rey managed to connect again and again.  She might start out distant and frosty, but she would eventually open up if he was persistent.   That’s what Kylo wants to happen again.   They need to start talking and since Rey shut the Force bond down, now they need to be in proximity to do so.   Really, he rationalizes, Rey has brought this on herself.  She has basically forced him to kidnap her again.

 

The long travel route makes the anticipation unbearable.  Because whether he’s kissing Rey, fucking Rey, or fighting with Rey, Rey is exciting.  Way more exciting than the politics of the new court system that Kylo spends hours talking about enroute.  Finally, the shuttle drops out of hyperspace at remote, uncharted Ahch-To.  As they begin the landing cycle, Kylo sees that Luke’s island looks exactly like he remembers from Rey’s dreams.   Green and grey and windswept.  With craggy rocks and crashing waves.  It’s uncanny how vividly Rey saw her own future.   

 

This place is very strong with the Force, Kylo senses immediately.  It’s like a palate cleanser for the mind.  All at once mood lifting and mind freeing.  He can see why his Chosen One uncle picked this spot for his exile.  This place feels like nostalgia and happiness and de ja vu all at once.  It’s a distinctive, kind of elusive mental comfort that Kylo cannot place.  But it is freeing.  Liberating.  Strangely invigorating too.  For he no longer feels torn apart.  Kylo pauses at the top of the shuttle ramp to search his feelings and reach out with his mind.  And then suddenly he understands what he senses.  Of course, he realizes, of course!  He even says it out loud.  “This is the balance of the Force.”  His words come out hushed and halting.  With all due reverence and respect.

 

For this is the first Jedi temple, timeworn and ethereal.  Its meaning is not in the stone structures and the natural beauty of the environment.  Its meaning is in the Force.  In the shimmering, placid, and oh so tremulous balance this place embodies.  It’s like the still surface of a lake that belies the fast current running underneath.  Dip your finger into the water and watch the ripples flow out as the Force is interrupted and consequences occur.  But wait long enough, and the lake will be still once more.  For the universe rights itself.  And then the lake waits again with its veneer of fragile calm for another Force user to appear and disturb the equilibrium.  For Jedi or Sith, Dark or Light, that’s what Force users do.  They bring change.  Conflict usually, too.

 

How many powerful Force users have come before him on pilgrimage to this place?  Devout Kylo is now chagrined to have come here seeking a woman.  That personal quest seems so mundane and inappropriate somehow.  He should have come to Ahch-To seeking enlightenment and truth.  For this is a place meant not for his own cares, but for universal concerns.  This is a holy place, like Korriban, where the weight of history dwarfs any one individual. 

 

It is beautiful.  So very beautiful.  In ways the eye cannot see.  Kylo stands there spellbound for a long moment as he soaks it in.

 

“Sir?”  The guards on board who follow him look for direction. 

 

“Stay behind.  All of you,” Kylo orders curtly.  He doesn’t want them to ruin it.   Those Force blind idiots can’t begin to realize what a magical place this is. 

 

It would be perfect, absolutely perfect.  Except there’s one big problem: Rey is gone.  Kylo knows that fact instinctively.  A scan will later confirm that there is no sign of the _Falcon_ anywhere.  But the technology is unnecessary.  Because the Force reveals Rey’s absence and the Force never lies.

 

It is terribly disappointing.  Instantly enraging too.

 

“Sir?” the lead guard tries again.  He’s concerned by the flock of short lizard looking creatures approaching who wear vaguely Jedi-like robes.  The guards have pulled their weapons and are taking aim now.

 

“Stand down,” Kylo orders firmly.  “Lower your weapons.  I will handle this.”

 

Kylo now disembarks with all the dignity of the young Emperor that he is.  He awaits at the bottom of the shuttle ramp as the wind whips his cape.  Angry as he is, he will not take it out on these island natives.  They mean him no harm.  In fact, their minds and their demeanors suggest nothing but the utmost respect.  An old, wizened looking leader steps forward through the crowd.  She greets Kylo in awkward but determined Basic.  “Welcome,” comes her croaking voice.  “We are the caretakers.  You are the new priest we have been waiting for.  The Chosen One who will save us all.”

 

Kylo freezes at her choice of words.  His heart skips a beat.

 

“You have the red blade, yes?” the old matriarch confirms.  “You are the Jedi in black with the red blade sword?  You are the Skywalker?”

 

Somewhat bewildered, Kylo nods.  As the old woman looks on expectantly, Kylo dutifully pulls his sword and ignites it to prove his identity.  Rather than react in fear, the flock of lizard nuns erupts in applause. 

 

Their leader nods. “Our mothers’ mothers going a thousand generations back have waited for the next prophet.   You,” she decrees with much gravitas, “are the son of suns who will balance the Force.”

 

Kylo is lost in all of this but vastly intrigued.  He did not expect this reception.

 

“Come,” she beckons him.  “I will take you to your temple.”  Kylo follows the little lizard matriarch into a small stone alcove.  There, she gestures to an intricate mosaic on the floor that serves as a shallow catch basin for moisture dripping from above.  Kylo stares and blinks as she intones in her odd voice, “Here is the old Prime Jedi.  You are the new Prime.  The old priest chose you before he died.  May the Force be with the Prime and with us all.”   Then, the alien woman bows low and repeats, “Welcome, Jedi,” before she departs.

 

“Wait!” Kylo stops her. “Where is the girl Rey?   Is she here?” Kylo already knows the answer but he wants to ask nonetheless.  He wants to know what this strange woman will say.  “Is she gone?”

 

“She is gone.  The angry girl came for the sad man’s sword.  Then she left.”

 

“The sad man,” Kylo repeats.  That must be his uncle.

 

The lizard woman struggles to get the words out in her broken Basic.  Kylo waits respectfully as she speaks.  He can be patient for important things like this.  “The sad man was a Skywalker,” she reveals, “but he was not the Chosen One.  He did not have a red sword.  Only a Jedi who carries a red sword can balance the Force.”

 

Kylo nods at this.  Tradition has long held that only a man trained in the Light and the Dark can balance the Force.  Because only someone who embraces the great mystery of life in its entirety can wield its whole nature.

 

The lizard woman bows low again before she leaves.  Kylo remains behind.  He stares down at the ancient mosaic at his feet. 

 

It is unmistakably Snoke. 

 

Insight floods his brain with certainty that the resemblance is more than coincidence.  For there are no coincidences, there is no luck, there are no accidents, in the Force.  Burning questions flash through Kylo’s mind:  What does this mean?   Why didn’t Rey tell him about this?   For that matter, why didn’t Snoke? 

 

Kylo tears his eyes away from the mosaic and looks around.  The stone alcove is rather small for a proper temple.  It has a stark, ascetic simplicity though that feels very Jedi.  The only ornament is the stone design on the floor.  Clearly, the meaning behind that mosaic is the message which is intended to be conveyed.  All in all, this small, unassuming place looks nothing like the palatial Coruscant Jedi temple that Kylo has seen in history books. 

 

He wonders about the Jedi of old who must have stood here summoning the Force.  At the times and the conflicts they witnessed.  Were their challenges anything like his own?   It is moments like these that Kylo Ren feels especially alone. 

 

His grandfather had lived at a time when the Jedi knights were at the height of their power and prestige.  When there were ten thousand knights of all ages, species, and ranks.  Back then, there was an institutional organization of rules and training.  There was even a hierarchy and career path for Force users.  Most importantly, there were others to learn from, to consult with, and to emulate.  Kylo envies that experience.  For he has never enjoyed a collegial environment of peers.  He was born too late for that.  For while his uncle’s temple had other Padawans, there was only one master.  His early training had been mostly Luke winging it with some input from visions and Force ghosts.  It was haphazard at best.

 

Snoke had past apprentices, so his training regimen was more systematic and organized.  But with Snoke too, Kylo always understood that he was getting one person’s individual understanding of the Force.  That’s how things are done on the Dark Side.  A Master teaches the Apprentice who ultimately kills him.  Only the secrets passed on survive.  The rest die with the Master and must be discovered anew.  It is a shortsighted, limiting tradition.  And judging by that mosaic on the floor, Snoke had omitted quite a few topics from his instruction, Kylo thinks.

 

But whether a Padawan or an Apprentice, Kylo has always held his own private views.  Over time as he learned from each Master, his skepticism of both Force traditions grew.  It’s what led Kylo to evolve his own ideas about balance.  Kylo has long wished to finish what his Chosen One grandfather had started.  That means bringing order to the galaxy by building a lasting Empire.  It also means bringing order to the Force by finding balance.  With Snoke gone, Kylo thinks he might actually accomplish this.

 

He has tried to tell Rey all of this.  Rey hadn’t really understood because she didn’t bat an eye.  Untrained prodigy Rey has no idea how revolutionary his goal of balance truly is.  She has no context to put his ideas in.  All she knows are fairytales of good and evil handed out in pro-Republic, pro-Jedi pamphlets at the Niima Outpost by the Church of the Force. 

 

Still, Rey is his only peer.  That is a large part of why Kylo longs to teach her.  It’s more than simply wanting to influence Rey to his share his goals and views.  It’s also so that he will have someone with whom he can share the Force.  Emperor Ren’s responsibilities are many, but his largest, most important duty is the Force.  For the first imperative of any Force user—whether Jedi or Sith—is to pass on what you have learned.   The Force is not to be hoarded, it is to be shared. 

 

Kylo sighs heavily.  Rey has fled again and without the bond there’s no telling where she went.   He knew that exile punishment was a bad idea.  But he didn’t believe she would actually defy him.  He should have known better.  Rey can be very bold.  This is the girl who showed up at his coronation dressed like his mother, after all.  Still, Kylo can’t help but feel disappointed, rejected, and angry all at once.   Standing in the Jedi temple, he feels very, very Dark.

 

Kylo’s eyes keep glancing back involuntarily at that mosaic on the floor.  The artwork depicts his old Master in meditation with a lit sword.  The picture is shown in opposing mirror images, with one side composed of light stones and the other side composed of dark stones.  The Dark and the Light complement one another and they each achieve the same image, only their means are different.  But the two sides of the image are necessary to achieve the overall picture.    

 

The meaning of the mosaic is the same as the meaning of the island temple, Kylo realizes.  Balance.   

 

And so, of course, as Kylo stands there in spiraling Darkness, he feels the call to the Light.  It is strong, so strong.  Like a siren’s call to his mind.  Beckoning him insistently.  Dejected by Rey’s disappearance and feeling emboldened now that there is no Dark Master around to fault him for his weakness, Kylo gives in.  He takes a few tentative steps through the small stone alcove towards the outside.  Towards the literal Light.   He closes his eyes as its bright warmth washes over his body and his mind.  It is so comforting, like a balm for his tortured soul.   He needs this, truly needs this.  It has been far too long.

 

As Kylo emerges from the alcove, he finds a meditation spot on a flat rock.  Its surface is worn smooth from wind and weather and use.  Kylo is too much a Force nerd not to appreciate this opportunity.  For this is where the original Jedi Masters would have sat to focus in the Force.  It seems fitting that he, the last trained Jedi, should take his rightful place here as well.  So on a whim, Kylo jumps onto the rock.  But he’s no Jedi.  So when Kylo stretches out his feelings to find the Force, out of habit he reaches out to Darkness, not the Light.

 

And, oh, it is intense.  Such a rush of power.  Something about this mysterious island seems to intensify the Force.  The Light might be powerful here, but so is the counterbalancing Dark.  When Kylo taps into it, it is like a lightning strike to his mind. 

 

And that’s when he hears a familiar voice.  “Ah, my worthy Apprentice, the mighty Kylo Ren.”

 

Kylo’s eyes snap open.  He blinks at Snoke in ghostly form, golden robes and all, floating as an apparition in front of him.  Fuck, Kylo thinks, he’s busted at a Jedi temple moping over a girl.  And by his dead Master’s Dark Side Force ghost no less.  He feels heat rise in his cheeks.

 

But Snoke is dead now, so Kylo leads off on attack.  “What are you doing haunting a Jedi temple?”

 

Snoke grins.  “This is my temple. They even put my face on it—didn’t you see?   Let me guess, you stepped on me,” his old Master chuckles.  He looks sort of . . . happy?  Kylo can’t tell.  You can never tell with Snoke.   He’ll laugh one moment and shoot you with Force lightning the next.

 

“You were a Jedi,” Kylo states.  It comes out like an accusation.  “I always wondered if you had been a Jedi.”  Truthfully, Kylo has long suspected this.  There was too much in Snoke’s version of Darkness that was measured and cautious in approach.  His dead Master warned at length about the dangers of unfettered Darkness, about its all-consuming risks.  It was the furthest sentiment from a true Sith.  Old Bane, Malgus, Kuun, and the rest of the legendary Sith Masters ran headlong into the madness of Dark sorcery.  But not old Snoke.  And that temperance had been very telling.  When Kylo had been called to account for his loss to Rey, the first thing Snoke had accused him of was being unbalanced at the time. 

 

“I was the Prime Jedi,” Snoke reveals with a note of pride.  “I was the original priest of the Force.   But things were different back then.  By recent standards, I was a terrible Jedi.  No doubt Luke Skywalker was aghast.”  His dead Master smiles at the thought. 

 

“How old are--were you?” Kylo asks.

 

“I stopped counting birthdays.  But I was thousands of years old by the time I let you kill me,” Snoke reveals.  He doesn’t even seem angry about his murder.  “It was time.  I had done all there was for me to do.  And you were ready to assume leadership of the Force.”  Ghostly Snoke smirks his approval at Kylo.  “I waited a long time for you.  I knew you would turn out well.  When you offered to teach the girl even as you were swinging a saber at her, I knew you were ready to complete your training.  So conflicted were you.  So torn.  So Light and yet so Dark.”

 

It’s true.  Again, Kylo can feel a flush rise in his cheeks.  He’s expecting a reprimand.

 

But Snoke looks very satisfied. “I knew that young Rey would be the tool to goad you into killing me.”

 

“You wanted me to kill you?”  Is he understanding this right?

 

Snoke nods.  “Surprised?  Surely not.  It is a time-honored tradition for the Apprentice to kill his Master.  To rise up and supplant him.  It was time for you to become your own man.  You have outgrown me, Apprentice.  Well done, well done,” he commends.

 

Kylo doesn’t know what to make of this.  Or of the proud look on old Snoke’s ruined face.  “Skywalker is dead.”  Does his Master know this?

 

He does.  “Suicide,” Snoke sniffs.  “Skywalker was a selfless Jedi hero to the end.  He might have lost his faith but he never left it.  That was a shame. He had so much promise in his youth.”  Snoke looks annoyed now.  “Skywalker was a victim in the end.  Brainwashed into Jedi dogma by one of its strongest proponents Kenobi.  Skywalker embraced it all completely.  He was an unwitting tool for others’ revenge.  By the time your uncle realized he had been conned, it was too late.  He had spent his life adhering to values that were lies.”  The indifferent Prime Jedi shrugs.  “At least he got the noble death he desired.”

 

“He was here.”

 

“Yes, I know. Skywalker came here seeking answers. Instead, he found a picture of me on the floor.”  Devious old Snoke lays his sarcasm on thick.  “I was the answer he didn’t want to hear.   Luke Skywalker discovered that the religion he revered was not what he thought.  At least, not in its original iteration.”  The Force ghost raises a clawed hand to underscore his next words.  In death, Snoke is still teaching.  “Kylo Ren, heed my words.  No lie ever conceived is as devastating as an unwelcome truth.  Your uncle was lost as a result.  He decided to quit.  He refused to teach the girl and determined that the Jedi should end.”

 

“Luke knew he couldn’t beat you,” Kylo guesses. 

 

“Yes.  Your uncle knew why I wanted you as Apprentice.   Why I found you young and stalked you for years.  He knew I was teaching you Darkness for a reason.  Skywalker saw what lay ahead for you.   But he didn’t see it all.  The Force does not reveal all of its secrets.”

 

“He thought he had failed.”

 

“Skywalker was a necessary part of your training, but he was not sufficient.  My boy, I refused to let you stagnate in the Light like Skywalker himself did.  It takes a man schooled in both the Dark and the Light to balance the Force.  Skywalker never understood that.  He refused to recognize that learning the entire Force is the path to balance.  That you need to experience each extreme before you can understand the need for a middle ground.” 

 

Snoke looks and sounds frustrated now.  “Skywalker was afraid of Darkness.  In himself, in his father, in you.  It was foolish.  You must study the great mystery from all its angles.  Not just the narrow, dogmatic view of the Jedi.”  His dead Master now looks Kylo over with approval.  “I gave you proper training in Darkness.  You’re not quite a Sith.  A Chosen One will never be a Sith.  But you’re close.” 

 

“If you knew Skywalker was here, then why did I search for him?” Kylo complains.  He wasted years crisscrossing the galaxy questing for clues to his uncle’s whereabouts.

 

Snoke admits to his limitations.  “I didn’t know Skywalker was here until I saw it in the girl’s mind.   But it all makes sense now.  Why we could not find him.  Why he refused to return to the Resistance until the end.  Why he let you go without a fight.”  Snoke shakes his head in derision.  “Skywalker cut himself off from the Force, did you know?  Such was his disillusionment. And to think,” Snoke sneers, “I once thought your uncle might balance the Force.”

 

“Lord Vader might have done it, were his injuries not so severe.  Vader drained too much of his power managing his pain.  On the whole, it kept him very Dark.”  Snoke reminisces now.  As usual, he omits an explanation for how he knows all the pertinent details of the past. “Your grandfather was an admirable man.  He saw through the lies of the Jedi.  Do not discount how difficult it can be to rise above the religion and ideals you have been raised on.  It was the Jedi who saved your grandfather from slavery.  Anakin Skywalker owed them everything.  That made it hard for him to see their failings at first.  But over time, he did.”

 

“Anakin was softly rebellious as he matured.  He saw the ridiculousness of the prohibition on attachments so he took a wife. He saw the Republic’s indifference to slavery in how they manufactured an expendable clone army to fight their war.  So Anakin stubbornly treated his underlings as full persons.  He heard all the Jedi teachings on peaceful means of resolving conflicts and watched as they made him a General.  He chafed against the restrictions they put on his command so he occasionally bent the rules.  In the end, your grandfather saw all the contradictions and inconsistencies of the Jedi dogma. He saw firsthand how the Jedi Order had lost its way, subverting and weakening the democracy it pretended to protect.  Meddling in everything from trade disputes to taxation matters.   He was there when the Jedi attempted to murder the duly elected Senate Chancellor.”

 

Kylo plays Devil’s advocate now.  “Palpatine was a Sith lord. He was too dangerous to live.”

 

“Oh, I agree.  But still, murder was not the Jedi way.  At least, not the way they purported to live.  The Jedi were well intentioned hypocrites, concerned less with the Force and more with their own institution.  When a religion serves itself first, that is a sign of corruption.  The Force has needed a reformation for centuries now, Kylo Ren.” 

 

Kylo nods because it is expected, and Snoke keeps speaking of the past.  Kylo is greedy for the secrets that tumble out.  He knows so little of his grandfather’s early life.  “When the Jedi bought your grandfather, his first master was a good man.  Things might have turned out differently, had he lived.” 

 

Kylo is confused.  “I thought Kenobi was Vader’s master.”

 

“Not his original master,” Snoke corrects.  “Kenobi’s own master tutored young Anakin at first.  Qui-Gon Jinn was his name.  Jinn was a Jedi of the old school.  A man more interested in power than politics.  He bucked the system and broke the rules he saw as superfluous.  He ignored the Jedi High Council.  It made him very unpopular.  But I admired him.”

 

Fascinated, Kylo asks, “What happened to Jinn?”

 

Snoke is matter of fact.  “Darth Maul impaled him on Naboo.  After that, your grandfather’s teaching fell to Kenobi.  That was when things started to go wrong.”

 

“What were you doing during all of this?” Kylo demands.  Because shouldn’t Prime Jedi Snoke have been intervening to fix things?

 

“I was watching and waiting on the sidelines.  I knew my time would come again.  It takes time for people to understand truth, even when they hear it spoken to their face.  And some truths must be lived to be accepted.  Experience is mostly where empathy and compromise come from,” Snoke sagely relates.

 

Kylo finds this answer unsatisfactory.  “When did you cease being the Prime Jedi?  Did they kick you out?”

 

“No,” Snoke scoffs.  “I retreated to study the Force on my own and simply left.   Over the years, I studied the Force from different perspectives.  I went by many names in many places.  I pledged different allegiances to different creeds.  I started out a Jedi.  I spent some time as a Sith.  But mostly, I bided my time for countless generations waiting for the prophecy to be fulfilled.”

 

“The prophecy of the Chosen One?” Kylo guesses, remembering the caretaker lady’s earlier words.

 

“Yes.”

 

Snoke explains, “I want to regain the balance of the Force that was lost long ago.  To return to the original principles of my church.  For that, the Jedi Order and the Sith cult both had to end.”

 

“Let the past die,” Kylo reasons aloud.

 

“Yes.  Kill it if you have to,” Snoke supplies the grim punchline.

 

“But is the prophecy even real?” Kylo has worried about this.  “Because Yoda and others thought it was misunderstood.”

 

His dead Master scowls at this blasphemy.  “Of course, it is real.  The prophecy came from me.   Hundreds of generations ago, I foresaw your family in the Force.  Your bloodline is descended from the Force itself.  I knew the birth of Anakin Skywalker was a sign that the end of days would soon come.  Finally, the great schism between the Light and the Dark would be healed . . . or so I hoped.”

 

Schism?  Kylo finds this terminology perplexing.  But Snoke keeps talking.  “Over the years, the prophecy was twisted and corrupted.  The Chosen One was never supposed to lead a last battle between Light and Dark.  It was never meant to be an armageddon, like the Jedi Order came to believe.  What I saw was an apocalypse in the best sense.  A complete and final destruction of the old traditions of the Force so that new truth could be learned.  I saw revelation through destruction. I saw change that would move us all forward.  One day, the age of the Jedi and the Sith will be understood to be the Dark Ages they were.  Enlightenment is coming,” Snoke promises.  “We do not repeat mistakes and fight wars over and over again for no reason.  It all culminates in progress, slow though it is.  You,” Snoke wags a clawed finger at him, “are the one we have all been waiting for.  You are the messiah come to take my place.”

 

“Oh.”  Kylo swallows hard at this.  For it’s one thing to have some peasant caretaker lady anoint him the Chosen One.  It’s another thing for Snoke to say it.  Kylo Ren is the failed Padawan and second-rate neo-Sith.   He’s the screw up kid who accidentally ended up ruling the galaxy.   Is he really up for this?  Because yeah, he does want to balance the Force.  But that’s more a long-term aspiration than anything else.  First, Kylo has an Empire to get up and running.   And that’s a big task.

 

Snoke still hasn’t even mentioned the Second Empire.  It’s an afterthought at best.  As always, his Master’s focus is on the Force.  “What Vader and Sidious started through the fall of the Republic and the Jedi Purge, Luke Skywalker continued on the Second Death Star when he slew two Sith.  But then, rather than create something new in the aftermath, Skywalker and your mother ran straight to the safety of the past.  They were fools to believe that history would not repeat itself.  Trust me,” intones the ancient Master, “it always does.”

 

“This is why you wanted me to be a new Vader.  You wanted a new Chosen One.”  Kylo is irked to feel a bit misled and lied to again.  Because Snoke’s training never revealed these motivations.  Snoke had focused on rebuilding the glory of the Empire and stamping out the Jedi Order.  Balancing the Force was not even a stated goal.  But, apparently, it was the main objective all along. 

 

Because Snoke wants to return to the original Jedi Order . . . to the first Jedi Order . . . to the First Order.  His Master hadn’t cared much about the loss of the Starkiller because the weapon had taken out the Republic first.  The Light Side allied Republic that fostered admiration for the Jedi had to go along with the Jedi themselves.  Yes . . . Snoke’s cause has long been overtly political but privately it was also intensely religious all along.  For Snoke had been as obsessed and fearful of Luke Skywalker as Kylo himself had been.  And now, Kylo fully understands why.  His uncle had been an existential threat not because he was Light Side Jedi adverse to a former Sith Dark Master.  It was because his Jedi uncle had sought to further a set of ideas about the Force that Prime Jedi Snoke wished to eradicate.  His uncle’s sins were compounded by the fact that Luke Skywalker might have been the Chosen One change agent Snoke had waited so long for.  Except Skywalker had declined. 

 

Snoke is very serious now.  “You have the opportunity to be all that your grandfather might have been.  To lead the galaxy and to lead the Force.  That is what you have been angling for, is it not?” 

 

Kylo nods.  There is no point in lying.  “Why didn’t you tell me this all along?”  Kylo seethes as he thinks back on all the Force lightning he endured as punishment for his weakness to the Light.  It was a weakness, he now knows, that Snoke considers to be a strength.  “You wanted me to snuff out hope in the galaxy,” resentful Kylo gripes.

 

“False hope,” Snoke corrects.  “The modern Jedi were false hope.  Even Skywalker came to know that.  Let us be done with worshipping at false idols.  All those Jedi hero fairytales need to end.  You, Kylo Ren, are the new hope for the galaxy.”

 

“I don’t understand.”  Why did this have to be such a mystery all these years?  Why didn’t Snoke just tell him this role?  It would have been so much easier to deal with his natural call to the Light if Kylo had this context.    

 

Snoke is unapologetic, as usual.  But he does explain, “I would have told you but you were too young.  Not ready for the burden were you.  You chafed under your family legacy enough as it were.”

 

Kylo is not mollified.  In fact, he feels a bit used.

 

His old Master must see this for he keeps talking.  “I wanted you to grow into the role of the Chosen One.  To appreciate the need for balance within yourself and within the larger universe.  Telling you this is not the same as you discovering it for yourself.  Some truths need to be lived to be learned.”

 

That last bit resonates some at least.  “I told Rey I wanted to balance the Force.  She didn’t understand it at all,” Kylo recalls.  “It’s like she wants life to be simple even though she knows it is not.”

 

Snoke grunts.  “Careful, Apprentice, that the Jedi Order not revive.  Kill that girl, if you have to.  It will be the kinder act for the greater good in the long run.”

 

“I can’t kill Rey,” Kylo plainly admits.  He couldn’t do it on the Starkiller, he wouldn’t let Snoke do it on the _Supremacy_ , and he won’t do it now.  He refuses to do it.  Kylo glares up at ghostly Snoke.

 

His Master is displeased.  “You are an instrument of the cosmic Force, not a selfish Sith.  It’s not just about what you want.   That girl has the spirit of a true latter-day Jedi and plenty of power, so watch yourself.”

 

“I don’t even know where she is,” dejected Kylo sighs.  “She broke the bond.”

 

“She broke the bond?”  Snoke is impressed and then alarmed.  “Indeed, she is powerful.  Be careful.  Do not let your compassion for her be your undoing.”

 

Miserable Kylo just looks away.  He can feel his Master’s disdain but he refuses to acknowledge it.

 

“There used to be books here,” Snoke says now.  “Find the books.  Read the books.  Learn the truth of the past.  Understand how things began before they went astray.”

 

“Rey has the books,” Kylo grumbles.   “She stole them from Skywalker.”

 

“Good.  Then find the girl and find the books.”  Snoke again warns, “Kill that girl if you cannot make her an ally.    Do not be a fool for a woman like your grandfather was.  The galaxy has endured too much to let your own personal feelings impede this opportunity.  Mark my words, Apprentice.  If you fail, it will be civil war without end.”

 

Yes, he knows.   Kylo is walking a fine line with all his new reforms as is.  Too much, too fast and he will alienate his base of support within the First Order.  Too little, too slow and he will never win over the hearts and minds of reasonable supporters of the Republic.   Plus, who knows what discontent within the ranks Hux is quietly fostering behind his back. 

 

Snoke’s version of a pep talk must be over.  His stalwart old Master dissolves back into the Force.  Leaving Kylo, the not quite Jedi, not quite Sith, but all Skywalker, Emperor to trudge back to his ship. 

 

He journeyed here seeking Rey.  He didn’t find her.  Instead, he found Snoke.   Maybe Kylo ought to feel glad that his Master has implicitly confirmed much of Kylo’s own reasoning about the Force.  But he doesn’t.  Mostly, Kylo feels alone and beset by responsibilities.  It makes him resentful.  Where in this life of duty and glory is there any happiness?  First, Kylo was an unwilling pawn of his family, then he was an unwitting pawn of Snoke, and now he’s a pawn of the Force?   Destiny is a bitch, he decides.  Better to be born the lowest of the low than be born a Skywalker with the Force.  Kylo has power over everything but his own life, it seems.

 

He is frustrated.  In many ways, there is nothing new here.  Just new context to understand his existing desire to find balance.  But still, having his entire apprenticeship retconned leaves a sour taste in his mouth.  He wishes Rey were here to talk this over.  Rey is the only person who could possibly understand the meaning of the conversation he just had.  But . . . she’s gone. 

 

And so, Kylo focuses his dissatisfaction on Rey.  Because why is he the one stuck doing this all alone?  Rey too needs to step up for the good of the galaxy.  But instead, she runs from him.  He needs her help but she refuses him.  He wants her love but she rejects him.  He’s ready to forgive her but she has fled . . . again.  Maybe Snoke is right and he should just kill her.  But Kylo doesn’t want to kill her.   He is miserable at the thought of killing her.  Because Rey represents his only real hope for happiness, longshot though it may be.  And even though it ended badly, Kylo lives for memories of his night with the Resistance girl who got away.

 

The beautiful balance of Ahch-To is ruined for him now because Kylo himself is so unbalanced.  Disappointed, frustrated, confused, and upset.  He stomps up his shuttle ramp and barks at the pilot to depart.


	17. Chapter 17

It’s a long ride to Jakku on the slowest setting of hyperspace.  To get her mind off fretting over how Unkar Plutt will react to her return with the _Falcon_ and to distract herself from her growling stomach, Rey takes a long hot shower.  She wraps herself in a towel so big it must have been Chewie’s and crashes in one of the sleeping bunks.  There are many travel hours to go and the reversion alarm will wake her on the odd chance that the _Falcon_ is interdicted out of hyperspace.  It will be best to arrive on Jakku as rested as possible, Rey reasons.  She needs to be ready for anything now that she is on her own and on the run.

 

She dreams of the island she has just left.  It’s a dream Rey has had many times before through the years.  Back during long nights on Jakku, her hot, thirsty self saw visions of a cool, verdant paradise surrounded by water.  It was just her mind imagining an escape from the harsh realities of her desert existence, Rey always figured.  It wasn’t until the _Falcon_ landed on Ahch-To that Rey realized those dreams were more than fantasies of her subconscious.  They were visions.   The island is real and Rey had foreseen her future.

 

Through a chance meeting with a droid in the desert, the Force led her to the legendary Jedi Master who inhabited the mysterious remote island.  Surely, meeting Luke Skywalker was the purpose of those recurring dreams.  The dreams had foretold Rey’s destiny to be something more than just a humble scavenger.  She might be a nobody from nowhere, but she is fated to be a champion for the Light, in the tradition of the Jedi heroes of old.  Or so, Rey hopes.   Lately, she’s not so sure.

 

Because even before Rey hiked up the island to hand a lightsaber to the reluctant Jedi Master, things started to go off track.  First, Rey had been drawn to a saber locked away under Maz’s tavern.   The sword was yet another connection between Rey and her new Jedi teacher, right?  Well, maybe.  The sword had been Luke’s, but it was his father’s before it was his.  It had long ago been the weapon of the Jedi Anakin Skywalker and then the weapon of the young Darth Vader before it was given to Luke.  The sword had stood first the Light and then the Dark and then for the Light again.  Switching sides with the changing fortunes of the Skywalker clan.

 

The sword came along with a terrifying vision of a conflicted masked man in black.  Kylo Ren was menacing and determined in Rey’s vision, just like he is in real life.  But in the vision, Kylo had not harmed her.  Instead, he had saved her.  And that made no sense.  Because Kylo Ren is the Dark Side villain and Rey is the Light Side heroine.  His decisions in the throne room proved that.  Right?   

 

That moment standing there fresh from the fight alongside Kylo is quite possibly the most soul crushing moment of Rey’s young life.  More crushing than the long-repressed news of her parents.  More crushing than the shocking murder of Han Solo.  Because when Luke Skywalker had refused to teach her and declined to save the Resistance, Rey had decided to be Luke Skywalker herself.  She would be the young, idealistic Jedi hero on the fool’s crusade for the Light.  It had worked . . . until it failed.  Kylo had saved her and slain Snoke.  But still . . . he stubbornly refused to return to the Light.  And that reality has thrown Rey for a loop.  She’s having a hard time reconciling what she thinks she knows about good and evil with the man behind the mask of Kylo Ren.  All she knows for certain is that her strange odyssey—whatever it means--began years ago with dreams of the island Rey just left.

 

This time, Rey’s dream of the island begins the same as always.  She wanders up the craggy terrain past the gnarled Force tree that in real life has burned down.  Rey enters the temple proper and walks towards the mediation rock.  It is peaceful and serene, as always.  Everything is in balance until Rey is jarred by a shocking sight.  Seated where Rey had been instructed by Luke is a familiar figure dressed in black.  This is no Jedi.  It’s Kylo Ren himself. 

 

Or is it Ben Solo?  Rey’s heart skips a beat.  Has Kylo returned to the Light after all?

 

Kylo has his back to her and his wild hair whips in the breeze.  He is deep in concentration when Rey disturbs him as she walks up.  He turns in surprise and then offers her his glove hand.  “Join me,” the phantom vision of Kylo tells her.  “Together, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.”  It’s the same pitch as before.  When Rey hesitates, Kylo’s outstretched hand clenches into a fist as he insists, “Please.”  He is frustrated and beseeching all at once.   This replay of their throne room conversation feels like a test, Rey thinks.  

 

Once again, she flunks.  But this time, Kylo is the one to grab for his sword, not Rey.  It ignites as he jumps down from the rock and advances on her.  Kylo swallows hard and so does she.  “Don’t make me destroy you,” he warns.  Kylo looks miserable, not triumphant as he says this. 

 

Rey seizes on his inner conflict to cry out, “You’re a good person.  Don’t do this!”  As always, Rey wants to appeal to the Ben Solo in Kylo Ren.

 

It doesn’t work.  He shakes his head.  Kylo’s answer is something she doesn’t understand.  “I will do what I must.  I have to.  I am the Chosen One now.”  And whatever that means, it clearly has him very upset.  As Kylo lifts his sword in his right hand to strike, he outstretches the left hand in silent offer to her.  Those are her choices, Rey thinks, as she looks from one hand to the other.  It’s violent martyrdom or complicit peace.

 

“You must choose!” Kylo hisses.  But somehow, none of this feels like a choice.

 

Lost in her dream, Rey is paralyzed with indecision when she wakes abruptly to the sound of the _Falcon_ ’s hyperspace reversion alarm.  She lurches awake.  Panting and frantic for a moment as the dream fades.  She must have slept for hours, Rey realizes.  There is only half an hour left until she exits into normal space close to Jakku.  Unsettled and still a bit panicky from the dream, Rey hauls on her clothes.  Then she heads for the cockpit.   The Force and Kylo Ren can wait, Rey decides.  She has more pressing problems right now. 

 

Half an hour later, Rey marches down the _Falcon_ ’s ramp at the Niima Outpost with her staff in her hand and her knapsack stuffed full of Jedi books.   She’s got her game face on as she summons the Force and prepares for a fight.  Rey knows she needs to be ready for anything now that she’s back on Jakku to face Unkar Plutt.  She makes it a few paces off the ramp when she hears her name shouted in surprise.

“Rey!”  She knows that voice.  Rey whirls in the direction of the sound.  “Finn?”

 

“Rey!  It is you!”  Running up to her now is a man she never thought to see alive again.  Rey can’t quite believe it.  “Rey, oh Rey!” Finn has her in his arms immediately for a giant bear hug that is completely him. 

 

When finally they each pull back from the embrace, Rey is smiling so broadly it hurts.  “Finn!   You’re alive!”  She looks him over in joyful disbelief.  For this is the happy news Rey has needed after so much death.  All she can think now is that she’s not alone after all.  She’s not alone.  Right now, that means everything. 

 

“I saw the _Falcon_ land and I was hoping it was you.  Where’s Chewie?” Finn looks over her shoulder at the freighter’s ramp expectantly.

 

Rey frowns.  There is no good way to deliver this news.  So, she just comes out with it.  “Finn, Chewbacca is gone.”

 

“Gone.”  Her friend meets her eyes with instant understanding.  “Crait?”

 

“Yes.  Everyone is gone now.” 

 

There is a short, awful moment of silence between them before Finn takes a deep breath and nods.  “Right.  I should have known that.”    It’s almost like he’s apologizing for bringing the topic up. 

 

“How are you alive?” Rey wants to know.  “And are you fully recovered now?”  The last time she saw Finn, he was in bad shape.

 

“Rose and I . . . oh, yeah,” Finn pauses as suddenly he remembers the young woman in dusty mechanic’s coveralls standing off to the side watching their reunion.  Finn beckons her over for an introduction. “Rey, this is Rose Tico.  She’s one of us.  Rose and I were on a mission when the First Order caught everyone.” 

 

“Hello,” Rey nods.

 

“Hello,” Rose answers back.  She looks Rey over critically.   Rose looks far less enthused to see Rey than Finn is.  But perhaps that’s because suspicion is a healthy thing in her dangerous line of work.  Rey knows very few formal members of the Resistance.  After the Starkiller, Rey had spent less than a day on D‘qar while the Resistance was preparing for a mass evacuation.  Most of that day had been spent at Finn’s bedside or with Leia Organa. 

 

Finn now continues his tale.  “By the time we stole a shuttle to get off Snoke’s ship and made contact our guys, General Organa ordered us not to join the rest.  The General knew Crait was a lost cause.  She told us to assemble her allies in the Rim so that the Resistance would live on.”  

 

“That sounds like her.”   Rey nods as she remembers the comatose woman who would rouse from her deathbed several times a day to order Rey to leave her behind.  General Organa was as brave as could be with her own life, but she did not relish risking others’ lives.  Although, every man and woman in the Resistance would gladly have laid down their life for Leia Organa.  Such was the devotion of her closest admirers.  “General Organa is dead now too,” Rey whispers as her voice cracks.  “No one ever answered her distress call.”

 

“Some people did answer.”  Rose speaks up now.  Her tone is low so as not to be overheard.  “There are allies and sympathizers out there.  They couldn’t get to Crait in time to help, but they want to help now.  It’s not over.  Not yet.”

 

Finn nods at this determination, but his focus is still on Rey.  “Are you okay?  What happened with you?   I know Master Skywalker is dead.  The First Order made a big deal about that.” 

 

Rey looks down and swallows hard.  “Yeah.  He is dead.”  Rey omits any discussion about her relationship with Luke and now tells a truncated version of her own role in the battle.  It’s not a lie so much as a half-truth.  “I was on Snoke’s ship when the _Raddus_ hit.  I was injured.  I never made it to Crait for the battle either.   I woke up a First Order prisoner instead.”

 

“Kylo Ren?” Finn guesses.

 

“Yes.”

 

“I hate that guy,” her friend hisses.  His face is very concerned at Rey’s news.  “I’m surprised you’re alive.  Ren is the type to want revenge,” Finn assesses grimly.  “Are you okay?  Did he hurt you?”

 

No, Rey thinks uncomfortably, she had hurt him.  But she glosses over that point.  “I escaped him and stole back the _Falcon_.  I was coming here to return it to Unkar Plutt.”  Rey looks from Finn to Rose and suddenly realizes that this meeting is more than mere coincidence.  No one accidently comes to Jakku.  “Wait--what are you doing here?” she asks.

 

“We use Jakku as a hideout between missions to make contact with sympathizers,” Finn answers.   “We were hoping to run into you here if you survived.  We’ve been on and off Jakku for weeks now.  Actually, we were about to leave again when you showed up.”

 

Rose explains, “The entire Rim is crawling with First Order patrols.  It’s best to lay low.  Nowhere in space is safe now that they have hyperspace tracking.”

 

Rey blinks at this unexpected and very unwelcome news.  “The First Order has hyperspace tracking?”

 

“Yes,” Finn confirms.  “Evading those guys just got a lot harder.”  He’s looking her over now with a strange look in his eyes.  Impulsively, Finn grabs her again for a quick hug.  “Rey, I’m so glad that you’re alive,” he whispers into her ear. 

 

“Are we all that’s left?” Rey is almost afraid to ask.

 

Rose is matter of fact with the disheartening news.  “We three are all that’s left of the original Resistance.  But we are organizing a new group to fight.”

 

Finn looks hopefully to Rey.  “Are you in?   We need your help.”

 

Before Rey can answer, she sees trouble approaching in the form of four local thugs.  She and the _Falcon_ have been spotted.  “Here come Plutt’s men,” she tells Finn under her breath.  “Hold on while I deal with them.”

 

Finn turns around to look in the direction she is facing.  He moves his right hand a little closer to the blaster strapped to his hip.  Both he and Rose are visibly armed, like everyone on Jakku.  “Yeah, I guess he’ll want his ship back.”

 

“He can have it,” Rey replies tersely.  Her sense of danger is pricked and she can feel her senses sharpen as the adrenaline kicks in.  “The _Falcon_ is really hot right now.  Have you got a transport?”

 

“Yes.  That’s our shuttle over there.  We . . . uh . . . borrowed it from old Snoke.”

 

Rey glances over at the standard model First Order officer shuttle that is parked thirty meters away.  “Good.  Let me take care of this.”  She shoots Finn a hard look.  “I can handle myself.  Don’t get mixed up in this.”

 

Finn nods but adds, “Alright, but we’ll be watching.   We’ve got your back if you need help.”  This man is loyal to the end and innately protective, and Rey loves that about Finn.

 

Still, Rey shoos him away again.  “Stand down.”

 

Plutt’s men turn out to be a precursor for the man himself.  As the Crolute junk boss lumbers over slowly, his four thugs stare Rey down.  They look menacing with weapons displayed but not drawn.  It’s classic Jakku posturing Rey has seen her whole life.  She returns it in kind, for Rey can play at this game too.  She plants her feet, readies her staff, and lifts her chin. 

 

Every eye in the Niima Outpost is pretending not to watch but all surrounding conversations appear to have stopped.  There is a sense of anticipation from the small crowd of scavengers, traders, and outlaws who mill about.  

 

Plutt walks up and gets right to the point in his deep, rumbling voice.  “You’re back.  With my ship you stole.”   He crosses his meaty arms and assesses her coldly. 

 

Rey simply answers, “Yes.”   No one apologizes or explains on Jakku.  It’s a waste of effort, especially with Unkar Plutt.

 

Rey is not afraid of Plutt, but she has a healthy respect for him.   She knows the power he wields and how fragile his ego is.  This man is vindictive and largely indifferent to the travails of those who depend on him.   The years Rey spent as a child as his near slave have not endeared her to him.  She keeps her distance from this man as much as she can. 

 

“We thought you were dead,” Plutt announces.  “I figured my ship was lost too.”

 

“This ship is garbage.  You can have it back,” Rey shrugs.  “It barely flies,” she lies.  “You know that.”

 

“Do you know what that ship is?” Plutt asks.  He clearly does. 

 

Rey feigns ignorance.  “It’s just some smuggler’s old freighter.  I saw the hidden compartments in the back.   She’s all yours again, Plutt.”  Rey gestures dismissively behind her to the _Millennium Falcon_ , which actually does look ready to be scrapped. 

 

The junk boss of Jakku grunts.  Then he nods to his thugs and beckons them back to the trading kiosk with him.  “You touch my ship again and you’re dead,” Plutt threatens as his parting shot. 

 

That’s it.  The confrontation ends.  Rey scans the faces of their onlookers and reads disappointment.  Everyone had been hoping for a fight, she sees.  Fights are what pass for entertainment on cruel Jakku.  But while Rey is relieved that the matter is settled, it felt a little too easy.  If anything, she senses more danger now than before.

 

Finn comes up beside her as Plutt lumbers away with his crew.  “I don’t like that guy.”

 

“No one does.  But if you live here, you have to deal with him.”  Unkar Plutt controls everything directly or indirectly on Jakku.

 

Rose too looks troubled.  “You should come with us and get out of here.  If that ship is hot, then that Crolute will know it soon enough.  He might come after you when he realizes you brought the First Order down on him.”

 

More than likely, Plutt already knows the _Falcon_ is hot and he knows why, Rey surmises.  That might explain why he was so agreeable.  It’s possible that the First Order has put a bounty on her just like they once put a bounty on BB-8.  And that means Plutt may already have tipped off Kylo’s men to her location when he saw her land just now.  That will endanger not just Rey, but Finn and Rose as well.

 

Rey swallows hard.  Maybe this trip back to Jakku wasn’t such a good idea after all.

 

“Rose is right.  Rey, you’re coming with us.” Finn’s posture and tone betray that he’s not taking ‘no’ for an answer.   “You’re still one of us, right?”

 

Rey nods, but cautions, “I’m on the run.  I could endanger you both.”   Looking at Plutt’s ruffians who eye them from across the Outpost, Rey adds, “I may already have done that.”

 

“We’re all on the run,” Finn flashes his bright white smile.  “You’re not any different from us,” he assures her.

 

Rey begs to differ.  “I might be. I have the Force.”   

 

Finn brushes aside this concern.  “They knew that after the Starkiller.  And Ren hates me as much as he hates you.  I fought him too, remember?  You’re just a Resistance fighter.  But I’m a Resistance fighter and a traitor too,” Finn brags with an easy smile.  “So don’t think you’re special, Rey,” he teases.

 

She’s not smiling back.  It’s time to level with her friends.  “I saw Kylo Ren kill Snoke.  Snoke wasn’t killed in the battle.  Kylo murdered him on his throne.” Again, Rey omits the necessary details to reveal the whole truth.  It’s all just too complicated to explain quickly, she tells herself.  And right now standing in the Niima Outpost isn’t the time or the place.

 

“Ren killed Snoke?” Finn is stunned at this news. 

 

Rose is not.  She gives a knowing, cynical look.  “That sounds about right.  The bad guys always turn on each other in the end.”

 

“Was it a power grab?” Finn thinks aloud.

 

“Yes.  Look, there is a kill order on me specifically now,” Rey states the unhappy facts.  She feels the need to level with her friends.  She summarizes the gist while she omits a lot: “I have the Force and I know too much.”

 

“There is a kill order on all of us,” Finn shrugs.  “There’s no quarter for anyone in the Resistance after Crait.”

 

“They might not know that you two are alive,” Rey points out.  “It’s different with me.  They know I survived.  They will be looking for me.”

 

Petite Rose looks up at Rey with a steely, hard gaze.  Something about that expression tells Rey that this girl has seen a lot.  Rose has a directness about danger that verges on fatalism and a commitment to her cause that verges on fanaticism.  You only get that way when you have nothing left to lose.  “We need to stick together now,” Rose tells her firmly as Finn nods along.  “We’re the last hope for freedom in the galaxy.”  And when she puts it that way, how can Rey refuse? 

 

“Come be our Jedi.   We need you,” Finn adds.  “I don’t want you staying here with that Plutt guy.  It’s not safe.”

 

With another covert glance across the Outpost to the trading kiosk, Rey agrees.  “Yeah . . . yeah, okay.”

 

Two minutes later, the trio of Rey, Rose, and Finn are onboard the stolen shuttle as it warms up.  Finn isn’t a pilot, so he hangs back in the cockpit.  Rose is at the controls as Rey mans the co-pilot’s seat.  She busies herself surveying the craft with an expert mechanic’s eye.  “This shuttle is only moderately shielded.  Where are the weapons system controls?” she asks.

 

“There are none,” Rose answers.  “This is a personnel transport ship.  The shielding is only rated for hyperspace debris collisions, not mag pulses or laser canons.”

 

“Oh.  Great,” Rey sighs.  This ship is basically defenseless in a fight.  And if the First Order has hyperspace tracking, they can’t jump to lightspeed to get away. 

 

Finn chimes in with some First Order knowledge from his stormtrooper days.  “These shuttles always fly with fighter escorts in a war zone.  They rely on other ships for defense.”

 

“So, you’re saying that we are going to attract attention because we are flying solo?” Rey asks.

 

“Yes,” Rose responds.

 

“Great,” Rey sighs again.  “Is it a fast ship at least?”

 

“No.” 

 

“Is there any good news you’re not telling me?” Rey wonders aloud.

 

“No.”  Rose is unflinching in her response.

 

It’s time to stop asking questions, Rey thinks.  But first, she needs to know, “Where are we going?”

 

They are heading to rendezvous with a contact who responded to the Resistance distress call.  Rey learns that in the weeks since Crait, Finn and Rose have singlehandedly been attempting to recruit and organize a new Resistance.  It’s all been done on a wing and prayer with this stolen ill-equipped shuttle and what few credits were left in Rose’s personal off-world bank account.  The war might officially be over, but Finn and Rose are not ready to give up yet.

 

“How do we know that the First Order didn’t intercept the General’s distress signal?   How do we know that this isn’t a trap?” Rey asks bluntly.

 

Rose is equally direct.  “We don’t.  But so far, the First Order doesn’t know what we’re doing.  Or if they know, they don’t care.  Maybe they don’t think two people and a ship can matter much.”

 

“Maybe not,” Rey concedes.  She’s sort of skeptical herself, to tell the truth.

 

Finn sees her troubled look and speaks up. “These people we’re meeting had General Organa’s personal code frequency.  She trusted them with her contact information, so we can trust them too.  We do these meetings in person to minimize transmissions that can be intercepted, but we also do them to build trust.  Rey, trust is big in this.  For the contacts as much as us.”

 

Yeah, that sounds about right.  Both parties are taking a big risk in this rendezvous, Rey thinks.  “How many contacts are there?”

 

“There were about twenty initial responders to the SOS.  A few more have trickled in.  So far, Rose and I have met with about half.  Some chickened out after they saw what happened at Crait,” Finn admits.  “Right now, we’ve got commitments for a couple of hundred volunteers max.  And not all of them want combat roles,” he concedes.  It’s clear that Finn is trying to put a good spin on a disappointing response. 

 

“What do you know about these guys who we’re meeting today?” Rey asks.  She wants to know how this recruitment process works.

 

“Maz Kanata sent these guys our way.  They’re low risk.  Maz has been very helpful spreading the word on how to find us.”  Finn shoots Rey a serious look.  “There’s no love lost between Maz and the First Order after what they did to her place.  Lucky for us, she has lots of friends and business contacts across the galaxy.  Maz is our best asset.”

 

Well, that’s something at least, Rey thinks.   “You said we have volunteers.  Any ships and equipment?” 

 

“Yes.  Not much, but some.  Most of it is old and broken down.  But you and Rose can help with that.  Rose is a mechanic too.” 

 

“We have located a new base to use to regroup,” Rose finally reveals some good news as she punches coordinates into the navicomputer.  “We need to get organized before we call everyone to join us there.  Then, we will plot a strategy and decide when to strike.”  Rose nods over at Rey.  “Punch it.”  On that cue, Rey reaches to pull the lever to activate the shuttle’s hyperdrive.  The pitch black of space streaks by to become a bright blue.  They are safely away undetected at lightspeed.

 

Everyone exhales a small sigh of relief.

 

Rey resumes her questions now.  “Who’s our leader?”

 

Finn and Rose exchange glances with one another and shrug.  Neither seems to have an answer.  “I guess we’re still figuring that part out,” Rose admits.  “We’ll see how many actually show up at Dantooine when we put the word out to assemble.  Once we get organized, I guess we’ll elect someone.”

 

“Dantooine?” Rey echoes.  She’s never heard of it.  “Is that in the Rim?”

 

“Yes,” Finn starts punching up a star chart to show the system location.  “There’s a Rebel base there we plan to use.  It’s a mess of thirty-year-old abandoned junk mostly.” Finn shoots Rey a smile.  “You’ll like it.  It will feel like home, sweet home, Jakku.”

 

Something about the relentlessly upbeat way Finn says this makes Rey’s heart melt.  “I’m really glad I found you guys,” she says softly as she looks from Finn to Rose.  “Really glad.  I thought . . . well, I thought I was alone,” she confesses her ultimate fear.  And now, to Rey’s dismay, a tear works its way out of one eye.

 

She wipes it fast, but she’s not fooling anyone.  “Hey, now,” Finn looks concerned.  “None of that.  Because if you start, we’ll all start and we can’t have that.”

 

“Yeah, I know.  I’m sorry,” Rey sniffs as she wipes at her face.  She’s needs to stop before she dissolves into sobs.  Because that’s how fragile she suddenly feels.  For fierce survivor Rey of Jakku, this sense of internal weakness is far scarier than any external threat.  For Rey depends on herself.  Her life has no safety net.  Especially not now.

 

“We don’t have time for our sorrows,” Rose says this resolutely, even if she sounds as though she is convincing herself.  “We can mourn the dead when we win.  When the galaxy is free again, their sacrifices will be worthwhile.”  Rose pauses after these lofty words.  She adds under her breath, “Even my sister.”  And now Rose too looks close to tears.  This girl is not as tough as she pretends, Rey sees.

 

Finn reaches to give Rose’s arm a quick squeeze.  It is a telltale gesture of close friends who have been through a lot.  “If we stick together, it will be fine.  We’ve made it this far, right?” Finn reasons.  “And now that we’ve got Rey, we’ve got a Jedi with the Force on our side.  Things are looking up.”

 

“Luke Skywalker refused to train me,” Rey is ashamed to reveal.  She feels her face flood with heat.  And now, she might cry again.  “Master Skywalker sent me away.  Finn, I didn’t really learn anything from him.  Luke was not who I thought he would be,” she finishes awkwardly.

 

Finn and Rose are visibly disappointed.  “So, you’re not a Jedi then?” Rose confirms.

 

“No, I’m not,” Rey admits.  All she has is a bunch of books and Master Luke’s lightsaber.  That’s it.

 

“Well, you kicked Ren’s ass on the Starkiller, so you can do it again,” Finn decides.  Rey declines to remind him that Kylo had just been hit in the side by a shot from Chewie’s powerful bowcaster at the time.  Rey doesn’t want to shoot down Finn’s pep talk.  She needs it right now.  “You weren’t a Jedi then and you still won,” her loyal friend maintains. 

 

“Finn and I think our strategy should be to take out the First Order leadership,” Rose tells her.  “That means killing General Hux and Kylo Ren.”

 

“Oh,” Rey blinks.  She shouldn’t be surprised at this goal, but somehow she still is.   

 

Finn must see her misgivings because he explains, “Look, things have changed now that the Republic and the Resistance are gone.  Rey, we need to be aggressive and show real strength to encourage others to rally to our cause.  There are people everywhere who hate the First Order but they won’t help us because they don’t think we can win.  So, we need to do something big.  Like killing Ren and Hux.”

 

Rose nods and adds, “We aren’t large enough or well equipped enough to engage the First Order in traditional warfare.  Not yet, at least.  So we are going to have to fight them like the Rebellion fought the original Empire.”

 

“You mean we are going to become terrorists,” Rey concludes.  For one man’s freedom fighter is another man’s terrorist.  It all depends on your point of view.

 

Rose and Finn both nod. 

 

“It will be a guerilla war,” Finn uses his preferred terminology.  “After Yavin was when the Rebellion really caught fire.  It was only after the Rebels blew up the Death Star that people began to think they had a real chance.” 

 

“And since the Starkiller is gone, killing the Emperor is the splashiest thing we can think of,” Rose finishes the thought.

 

This isn’t sitting well with Rey for lots of reasons.  But she leads with her most practical concern.  “Do you really think killing people and blowing things up will persuade people to our point of view?” Rey is skeptical.  “Aren’t you afraid we will lose our moral credibility?”

 

“Those guys blew up Hosnia,” Rose counters firmly. “They gave no quarter at Crait and they’ll do it again until we’re all dead.”

 

Finn agrees.  He is equally unapologetic.  “The First Order is ruthless.  You know that.  Look, we can’t beat them if we take the high road.  We have to fight them like they fight us.  In the end, it will be worth it.  We’ll be saving the galaxy, Rey.”

 

“With assassinations?” she objects.

 

“Yes.”

 

Stalwart Rose again softens a little.  “I used to think that this war was about saving the ideals of the Republic we love, not killing the First Order we hate.  But that was before Crait.  Crait changed everything.”

 

“I saw the footage they released,” Rey nods softly.  She and the rest of the galaxy have seen the grainy holovids the First Order made public showing its mass execution of Resistance prisoners at Crait.  The message was clear:  oppose us and this will be your fate.

 

Finn sums it up:  “We can’t afford scruples right now.”

 

Rey nods.  But she is troubled all the same.  She understands ruthlessness.  She’s from Jakku where as a rule the inhabitants are indifferent and sometimes casually cruel.  She long ago learned to shoot first and to shoot to kill.  But still, this plan doesn’t sit well with her.  And now, her decision to flee Jakku with Finn and Rose takes on a new significance.  Just what has she gotten herself into?    These are her friends who she trusts.  She shares their politics and their cause.  But does she share their means, too?   Rey isn’t sure.  Assassination doesn’t strike her as very Jedi.  But Rey knows firsthand that Kylo Ren will not be redeemed.  He’s already rejected the path back to the Light once.  So where does that leave things?  What is the nonviolent solution when both sides reach an impasse and dig in?  Rey isn’t sure.  The only thing she is sure of right now is that she’s very uncomfortable at the thought of being asked to kill Kylo Ren.

 

Thankfully, the issue doesn’t seem to be ripe.  Rose and Finn are still very much in the planning stages for rebuilding the Resistance.  They have a handful of contacts, a list of unfulfilled promises, and a tentative location for a base.  Things are a long way from planning an assassination attempt on Emperor Ren.  There will be more opportunities to discuss this issue later, Rey tells herself.   Maybe this is all talk from fresh hurt in the wake of Crait.  In time, Finn and Rey and the others who eventually join up might see things differently, she hopes.

 

But now, Rey is glad she didn’t come clean with Finn and Rose about the extent of her relationship with Kylo.  Because if they knew the truth, they might ask Rey to start manipulating him.  Or, they might outright disown her for questionable loyalty.  Rey doesn’t like the idea of holding information back from friends who trust her, but in this case, she feels justified.  Well, perhaps it is a bit of self-preservation, too.  For where better for on-the-run exiled Rey to hide than with the Resistance?  Right now, she could use a temporary home with Finn and Rose.  It means she won’t be alone.

 

Mollified by having convinced herself, Rey’s thoughts turn to more ordinary, solvable issues.  She glances over at Finn and asks, “Have you got anything to eat?”


	18. Chapter 18

“Here it is.  Our new home.” Finn takes Rey and Rose into the remains of the command center of the abandoned Rebel base on Dantooine. 

 

Rey looks around without enthusiasm.  She runs a finger over the thick layer of dirt that cakes the decades old equipment.  This command center reminds Rey very strongly of the wrecks back home. “It’s like a time warp in here,” she muses aloud.  “Like Jakku without the sand.”   This base, like the downed wrecks in the Jakku ships graveyard, are ghostly remnants of a war that ended before Rey was born.  But here she is, over thirty years later, preparing to fight that same war again. 

 

As Rey pokes around, beetles skitter out of her path.  And is that a rat she sees darting away?   Rey makes a face, wondering what else lives here in the dim, moldering buildings. 

 

Rose sees her distaste and tries to reassure. “It’s a mess, but I think we can salvage a lot,” Rose says hopefully.  “Plus, the location is good.  Very isolated.  We’re on the far side of the planet out of view of the usual starship approach, so that should cloak our comings and goings somewhat.  The landing platforms outside are all fine and so is the hangar.  It’s just the barracks, this command post, and the meeting rooms that are in bad shape.”

 

“Think you can get any of this up and running?” Finn gestures to the old communications and scanning equipment and looks to Rey. 

 

“I can try.”  She makes no promises.  Rey knows the damage that time and neglect can do to mechanical equipment.  But at least here there is no sand.  Sand is lethal to electronics.  “I’ll do my best,” Rey promises weakly.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll help.  I’m good with a wrench.”  Rose again tries to reassure Rey.  “There are a lot of tools out back in the hangar that we can use.  The Rebels left behind a lot of stuff.  It’s looks like they were in a hurry.” 

 

“I don’t see any signs of a battle,” Rey assesses.  She’s still looking around.  “I guess they were a step ahead of the Empire.”

 

“You girls focus on the equipment,” Finn instructs, “and I’ll handle the facilities.  I’ve got a contact on who will loan us some cleaning droids for a few days.  I’ll get this place looking good in no time,” Finn promises.  “Sanitation is my thing, remember?” He grins. 

 

“Have we got power?” Rey asks, still frowning at what she sees. 

 

“Yes,” Rose answers. “We scored a portable power generator just last week.  It’s not enough to power the whole base, but it’s a start.”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Rey nods.  “I guess it will have to do.”

 

“We’ll get this place pulled together.”  Like Finn, Rose is ever the determined optimist.  “Once we get this place livable, we can start accepting volunteers.  Then, we can get down to business.”

 

Rey stoops now to pick up an ancient looking comlink someone must have dropped.  She hands it to Rose, who turns the artifact over in her hand.  Rose is suddenly reflective as she softly muses, “They all must have been here at one point.  Dodonna, Ackbar, Raddus, Mon Mothma, Leia Organa.  Maybe even Luke Skywalker.”

 

Finn nods solemnly at her words as he surveys the scene.  “All our heroes would have been here.  We’re following in their footsteps now as the next generation to fight for freedom.  The responsibility falls to us now.”

 

A long silent moment follows before Rey suddenly blurts out, “I was there when Leia Organa died.” It’s a complete non-sequitur, but Rey is feeling very guilty about not coming clean to Rose and Finn about all that has happened.   Rey has only told them that she went to confront Snoke and Kylo Ren and she failed.  So, Rey makes a new stab at telling the truth.   Just not the whole truth.  “General Organa wasn’t executed.  She died a prisoner from wounds from exposure to space.”

 

“Ren didn't kill his own mother?  I guess that’s something,” Finn grumbles.   “But we watched him kill his father in cold blood.  That guy is a monster.”

 

“Why were you there when she died?” Rose turns to Rey.  “I thought you said you were a prisoner.”

 

“I was in the infirmary in the room next door to the General,” Rey explains.  It’s technically the truth.  “I was there when she died.  It was peaceful.  Leia was unconscious and not in any pain.”  The woman whose storied life held so much conflict had died quietly in the end.  With her estranged son at her bedside. 

 

“Kylo Ren might not have killed her himself, but his war killed her,” Finn maintains.  “General Organa was on the bridge of our flagship when First Order fighters took it out.  She was the only survivor on the bridge that day.”

 

Rose agrees, “Ren was responsible, all right.  With Snoke gone, there’s no one for him to hide behind.  Finn is right.  Ren is a ruthless monster.”

 

Rey had once thought the same thing.   She even said it to Kylo’s face a couple of times.  But now, she’s not so sure. “Kylo Ren says we all have the capacity to be like him,” Rey volunteers in his defense.  She’s not sure why.

 

Her comment earns a sharp look from Finn.  “I’m not a monster.  Neither are you.”

 

“Does anyone ever think they are the bad guy?” Rey wonders aloud.  Kylo Ren certainly doesn’t think he’s the villain.  He thinks everything he does is justified.  He and his First Order just see things far differently than the Republic does.

 

“We’re not the bad guys, Rey.  Don’t even think that.  Don’t let him get inside your head,” Finn reprimands her sharply again.  He gives her a funny look before he urges, “Come on.  Let’s get started.”

 

Rose and Rey get to work on the command center equipment while Finn starts making a procurement list.  Their goal is to get the base functional within two weeks, if possible.  Luckily, Finn and Rose have plenty of donated credits.  Quite a few sympathizers to the Republic’s cause are willing to contribute untraceable cash in lieu of risking their own lives.  It turns out that manpower is in short supply, but credits are not.

 

Rey quickly decides that most of the command center equipment should be scrapped.  They need current technology for communications encryption and scanning, she argues.  This old stuff is not worth the effort to salvage, Rey convinces Rose and Finn.  Instead, she focuses on rehabbing an old shield generator that looks to be Clone Wars era tech.  Clearly, this portable defense shield had been secondhand Republic military surplus before the Rebellion had gotten their hands on it.  But if Rey can get it up and running, there will be some basic level of protection for the base itself.

 

Looking at the old shield generator, Rey sighs.  It gets her thinking about the decades long cycle of war that has plagued the galaxy.  Your side blows the other side up today, and they blow you up tomorrow.  The Old Republic fights the Separatists.  A generation later, the Empire fights the Rebellion.   A generation later, the New Republic fights the First Order.  And now, the Resistance is reborn again to fight a new Empire.  Through the years, the names have changed, but the politics and the conflicts are eerily similar.  The Separatist Confederacy looks a lot like the First Order power base of industrial systems and developing Rim worlds.  The First Order looks a lot like the Empire it slavishly admires.  The Rebellion looks a lot like the Resistance it became.  And, of course, the New Republic had been modeled on the Old Republic.  It’s been one long continuous war—sometimes hot, sometimes cold—for almost a century.  Rey worries over the futility of it all.  Does this fight ever end?   Is this war even winnable?

 

And what does it mean to sacrifice for your cause if there can be no lasting victory?  Rey thinks again of dying Leia Organa and wonders how she felt about her life.  Did Leia Organa feel committed until the very end?   Had she ever had doubts?   Her brother Luke Skywalker certainly had doubts.   Rey has doubts too.  Nagging persistent doubts fueled by the ideas of Kylo Ren. 

 

She’s gotten herself in an awful mess now.  Rey is telling half-truths to Finn and Rose while she half-heartedly joins their conspiracy to rekindle a war that just ended.  Kylo would be livid if he knew what she is doing.  For that matter, Finn and Rey would be livid if they knew what had transpired between her and Kylo.  Suddenly, Rey feels very conflicted and unsure of herself.  Where do her loyalties lie?

 

Loyalty is a complicated thing, she’s learning.  Sometimes it is situational.  You are loyal to the employer who pays you.  You root for the home team so long as it’s your home.  You are loyal because it is the thing to do at the time and it works to your advantage and helps you belong.  Sometimes loyalty is a conditional two-way street.  You are faithful to the lover who has promised to be faithful to you.  But if they betray you, you feel released from that commitment.  That sort of loyalty is an implicit quid pro quo.  And sometimes loyalty is an identity.  It defines who you are and it is unconditional and non-negotiable.  Rose and Finn have this sort of loyalty to their cause.  They are Rebels.  They will be Rebels until the end.  Even though the war is lost, they refuse to give up and move on. 

 

Survivor Rey has lived her life by her wits adapting to changing situations.  She can’t help but view Finn and Rose’s goals with some skepticism.  Has she made the wrong choice by agreeing to help?  It’s not that she has abandoned her ideals exactly.  It’s more that Rey is a realist in all things.  She is far more flexible, she suspects, than her friends.  And, quite frankly, she’s in no hurry to become a martyr.  On Jakku, Rey learned to pick her battles.  That meant abandoning conflicts that she could not win and getting along with people like Unkar Plutt who she did not like.  Life is neither fair nor perfect, but you deal with it as it comes.  Unless you are people like Finn and Rose, who decide to change life for the better.  It is both optimistic and foolhardy at the same time, Rey thinks.

 

“You okay?”  It’s Finn’s voice jostling Rey out of her private reverie. 

 

“Yeah, I guess.” Rey watches as Rose now heads out to the hangar to get some more tools.   “This place gives me the creeps,” Rey confesses.  It’s too much like Jakku.  Is she back where she started from?  Rey wonders this as she looks around again at her decaying surroundings.  It bothers Rey that the cycle of galactic civil war keeps going.  And yet here she is, working to perpetuate it anew.  Maybe someday, years from now, a band of determined rebels will be rehabilitating the abandoned Resistance base at D’qar.  It’s a depressing thought. 

 

“I know it’s not much, but it’s the best we can do,” Finn says apologetically. 

 

He thinks she’s reacting to the mess, but Rey’s mind is focused on the meaning of this place.  “I guess history repeats itself,” she whispers her concerns aloud. 

 

“Let’s hope history repeats itself,” Finn decides firmly.  “Because the Rebellion won in the end.”

 

“No, they didn’t,” Rey corrects him.  “If they had, we wouldn’t be here now.”

 

And, really, that’s the problem.  It all comes back to the never-ending war.  Finn has no rejoinder to this. 

 

“Well, here’s some good news.”  Rey changes the topic to focus on the shield generator she crouches beside.  “I think I can get this up and running if I replace the resistors.  They are too corroded to clean.  Put five standard size resistors on your supply list for me, will you?”

 

Finn nods.  But he doesn’t want to talk about resistors.  It’s the first time he and Rey have been alone together since they reunited.  At lot has happened to both of them, Rey suspects.  And much of it is left unsaid.  They’ve never even talked about the trauma of what happened on Starkiller Base, let alone what they have endured separately.  Finn doesn’t press for information and neither does Rey.  Finn just tells her, “I’m really glad that you’re here.  I thought for sure you were dead.”

 

Rey can feel the sincerity and great relief behind his words.  It gives her pause.  Rey puts down her wrench and stands to her feet.  She’s serious now too. “I’m really glad I found you on Jakku,” Rey nods.   “I was worried about being alone again,” she admits sheepishly.  “It’s not good for me to be alone . . . “

 

“You’re not alone.  Rey—” Finn begins.

 

She overrides him.  Rey wants to get this out.  “That’s twice now that you have come back for me.  First on the Starkiller and then on Jakku.”   The abandoned child Rey is more touched by this constancy than Finn will ever know.  “Thank you,” she whispers, her voice suddenly heavy with emotion.

 

Finn brushes off her gratitude.  “You would have done the same.”  He suddenly seems a bit shy. 

 

“Thank you,” Rey tells him again.  And now Finn looks like he’s blushing beneath his dark skin.  But he’s smiling broadly too.  And that’s when Rey senses what she has sensed a few times before.  A woman always knows when a man finds her attractive.  It’s something in the way he meets your eyes and how he smiles with approval.  Maybe how he stands or where he looks.   Attraction is rarely a secret for long.   Finn finds her attractive.  Not that he has ever acted on it.  But maybe that’s because they haven’t been alone together much when they were not in danger. 

 

Sensing his nervousness and feeling a bit awkward herself, Rey quickly reverts to talking about business again.  “Once I get this generator up and running, I want to work on that shuttle some, okay?  Maybe mount some weaponry on it?   At the very least, we should shield it better.  It’s not safe to fly as is.”

 

“I’ve got a better idea.  How about we go buy a used ship?” Finn suggests.  “We have the credits.  There’s a lot to do and we will need more than one ship.”

 

“Okay,” Rey easily agrees.  “But I still want to retrofit this one.”  Back on Jakku, Rey did a lot of custom retrofitting for smuggler ships passing through.   Smugglers typically fly light freighters that at first glance appear to be average civilian transport craft.  But the ships are deceptive because their ordinary exteriors often hide recessed gun turrets and laser canons.   That’s what Rey has in mind for Rose and Finn’s stolen ship.

 

“Rey.” Finn steps closer now.  A lot closer.  He holds her gaze as he repeats his earlier statement.  “I’m really glad I found you.”  There is a lot of unspoken emotion behind those few words, she senses.

 

“Yeah.”  Rey nods solemnly in acknowledgement.  “Me too.” 

 

And now, Finn betrays how well he knows her loner habits.  “Listen, if you want to talk about Ren and Snoke, I’m here.  But if you don’t, that’s alright too.”

 

She nods and visibly swallows. 

 

“You just seem a little spooked, that’s all.  But it’s fine.  Really . . . it’s fine.  We’ve all been through a lot.”  And is he going to hug her?  It seems like Finn wants to hug her.  But Rose comes back and the private moment is broken.  

 

Finn takes off on his supply run.  And now it’s just Rose and Rey. 

 

Rose is pretty good with a wrench, Rey soon realizes.   They work side by side.  Rey dismantles and cleans the shield generator as Rose works on a small speeder bike she found.   Rey is not much of a talker, but she tries to be friendly and chat on and off as they work.  She, Rose, and Finn will be spending a lot of time together, so they might as well get to know one another.   Rose tells Rey the history of her involvement with the Resistance and about her bomber pilot sister Paige who died at D’qar.  Rey talks a little about Jakku and some about Luke Skywalker.  But mostly, they talk about all the work to be done.

 

All in all, Rose seems quite likable and very committed to her cause.  And she is saying all the right words.  But she is a little standoffish, too.  Rey isn’t quite sure why, but for some reason she threatens Rose.  Maybe it’s the Jedi stuff, she theorizes.  The Force can intimidate people.  And maybe, Rey fears, some of her innate Jakku habits are intimidating too.  Rey has spent so many years pushing people away in an aggressive defense that perhaps she just isn’t that likable in an ordinary setting.  Social skills are not her thing. 

 

“So, you and Finn met on Jakku?”  Rose’s question comes out deceptively casual, but her covert sideways glance betrays the importance of the topic.

 

“We did,” Rey confirms.  “It was right after he defected from the First Order.”  And actually, it wasn’t that long ago.  But it seems like forever because so much has changed since then.  It has been a very intense couple of months.

 

“He went back to the First Order to rescue you.”  

 

Rose seems to know the full story already.  But Rey sketches out the basics of the Starkiller tale.  “Finn is loyal and brave,” Rey concludes at the end.  Finn is a hero through and through, she thinks.  He saw the error of his ways in the First Order and he made the bold step to change.  Rey wishes Kylo Ren would do the same.   But given the chance in Snoke’s throne room, Kylo had declined to return to the Light.

 

“Finn is loyal and brave,” Rose wholeheartedly agrees.  It’s obvious that she admires her former stormtrooper co-conspirator a great deal.  “Do you know that when I met him, Finn was running away from the fleet?  I caught him trying to sneak into an escape pod.”

 

“Really?  That doesn’t sound like him.”  Suddenly, Rey remembers Finn’s one attempt to run away scared at Takodano.  Had that happened again?

 

“He was doing it for you,” Rose hurries to explain.  “He worried that you would follow that beacon back to the fleet and be killed too.  Finn wasn’t betraying the Resistance, he was trying not to betray you.  You mattered that much to him, Rey.”

 

“That’s Finn,” Rey nods with a smile.  “He’s a good guy.” 

 

“Yeah.  He is.”  They get back to talking about the war now.  “Finn thinks we should cripple the First Order from within.  He wants to foster a revolt by the stormtroopers.  He says there are others who think like he does, but they are afraid to act.” 

 

“I like that idea.”  In fact, Rey much prefers that idea to killing Kylo Ren.  And to hear Finn tell it, most stormtroopers are one small step removed from the Old Republic clone soldiers.  Veritable slaves to war, programmed from birth to fight for the First Order.  It would seem fitting for the troopers to rise up to claim their own freedom, for that is perfectly in line with the Republic’s ideals. 

 

“Whether Finn realizes it or not, he’s going to lead us,” Rose reveals.  “He’s the hero with the First Order military experience and inside knowledge we need.  He’s someone who saw firsthand that what the enemy is doing is wrong, and Finn was brave enough to do something about it.  That’s a story that might inspire others to do the same.  Finn doesn’t have the Force and yet he still fought Kylo Ren.  Finn is . . . he is . . . “ Rose’s voice trails off.  She’s run out of praises, it seems.

 

And now, Rey realizes why she threatens Rose.  It’s because Rose likes Finn. And not in the same way that Rey likes Finn.  “Finn is my friend,” Rey discloses gently.  “You should know that we’re friends . . . just friends.” 

 

“Yeah?”  Rose glances over at Rey.  “Does he see it that way?”

 

“I assume so.” 

 

“Okay.”  Rose brightens a little.  She thaws some after that, too. 


	19. Chapter 19

He is the Chosen One.   That responsibility is beginning to sink in for Kylo.  Balancing the Force is no longer an optional, amorphous maybe someday goal.  It is his entire reason for being.  It is a sea change in mindset.  For there he had been, thirty years old and the Emperor of the known universe.  All the major stuff had been achieved, or so Kylo had thought.  The Resistance and the Republic were gone, his uncle was dead along with the rest of his clan, and his new Empire had been declared.  All that remains is to govern well and to build a lasting peace.  But now, it turns out that governing his Empire is just his side hustle to governing the Force.   

 

Dammit, Kylo complains as he hacks away at a chair with his sword behind closed doors, it sucks to be a Skywalker.  His family legacy is overbearing and overwhelming even now.  Snoke was right to hide the truth all these years.  His twenty-year-old self might have melted down under the pressure.  Ten years later, he is still struggling to absorb it.

 

But truthfully, the more Kylo thinks about this task, the more correct it seems.  In retrospect, a lot of things make sense now.  Snoke had started early as the voice in his head driving a wedge between Kylo and his family.  Sowing seeds of doubt about his uncle’s teaching and presenting a counterpoint alternative.  The Darkness growing in his young self had matured along with the growing Light.  For even within an individual, when Darkness rises, the Light meets it.  That experience of surging and conflicting power in the Force had torn young Ben Solo apart.  He was ashamed to be the only Skywalker Padawan and yet be the worst Jedi student of all.  It fed his feelings of inadequacy.  It discouraged him from believing in his own talent.  But, in reality, his dual nature of Light and Dark is the defining characteristic of being a Skywalker.  And it is what makes him uniquely positioned to balance the Force.

 

He is who he was born to be.  Except no one had told him that. 

 

So concerned were his parents and his uncle with hiding the truth of the past.   They were fearful of him following in his grandfather’s footsteps.  Which, of course, he did thanks to the intervening influence of Snoke.  For years, Kylo has resented the awful lie he was told about his grandfather Anakin Skywalker.  But now, as a mature adult, Kylo resents the lies he was told about the Force even more.  All those lectures from Uncle Luke about repressing Dark urges turned out to be a form of self-loathing.  The Jedi career his mother insisted on was a recipe for unhappiness.  Maybe his stalwart uncle could suppress his Darkness, but from a tender age Kylo was an emotional guy with a temper.  He was never cut out for the rigid denials and discipline of Jedi life.  He saw that.  Why couldn’t everyone else?  Because they refused to accept it, that’s why.  Doggedly, his family wanted him to be someone else. 

 

Being himself just wasn’t good enough.  So when Kylo awoke to his uncle’s sword at his neck, he rebelled all the way to Snoke.  Because fuck this Jedi shit.

 

Crafty old Snoke had long disdained the religion of the Sith and now Kylo knows why. His Master had a completely different goal in mind unbeknownst to him.  Should Kylo be angry with his late Master or grateful to him?   He feels a bit of both.  And what is he now exactly?   Neither Jedi nor Sith.  Neither fully Dark nor pristinely Light.  He’s somewhere in the middle.  Is he a Dark Jedi?   Perhaps a Grey Sith?  Maybe those references no longer have meaning, he thinks.  But try as he might to kill the past, Kylo is learning that it never completely dies.  Because the past is the framework against which we understand the present.  That makes the past impossible to ignore.

 

In the wake of his visit to Ahch-To, Kylo is deep in an existential crisis brought about by ghostly Snoke.  More and more, Kylo feels like he needs to figure out his vision of the Force.  He has to be able to explain it in a way that will persuade Rey.  Because no matter what Snoke wants, Kylo hasn’t given up on Rey.  Yes, he’s the Chosen One Emperor of the galaxy but his public service has limits.  Kylo still wants something for himself, and he wants Rey.   Dead Snoke can rage all he wants in the Force, but Kylo has no master now.  There is no one to tell him no, for he is his own man at long last.  He only answers to history at this point. 

 

But how to persuade Rey?  He’s missing Rey more than ever.  Kylo alternates between rage and despair.   Because how dare Rey defy him?  But is she okay?  Kylo needs to know that she is safe.  And, yes, he knows that Rey can take care of herself, but where is she?   Few people know this, but Kylo Ren is a worrier.  He frets.  He obsesses over things that bother him and he won’t let go.  And these days, he obsesses over Rey. 

 

He sits for hours late at night in meditation with Vader’s mask trying to reach Rey in the Force.  But, unfortunately, she seems to have effectively shut down their bond.  If Rey hears him, she ignores him.  Maybe that’s understandable, but it still hurts.  All of Rey’s repeated rejections hurt.  The saber grab in the throne room when he had just offered her everything had hurt.  Her flight in the night from his arms to Luke’s island had hurt.   Her disregard of his exile order just as he was coming to bring her home had hurt. 

 

The galaxy might be surprised to learn this, but Kylo Ren is far less tough than he appears.  The weakness is not in his body, it’s in his soul.  Kylo might be able to take a bowcaster shot to his side and keep fighting, but a well-placed blow to his fragile ego will take him down.  Still, after a week or so of wallowing, Kylo decides he’s done chasing Rey.  He has an Empire to run.  He will have to trust in the Force to lead Rey back to him.  Let go, Old Master Snoke would say.  Let go and surrender to the will of the Force.  Destiny will find a way.  It always does. 

 

In the meantime, Kylo focuses on problems that have solutions.  He immerses himself in the efforts to organize his Empire.  From the Core to the Rim, his PR group is in overdrive publicizing his vision of prosperity and unity for the galaxy.  Kylo needs positive talk to counterbalance the gritty realities of the recent war.  There are a lot of ugly images of the First Order killing people that he needs to put in context.  He will not apologize for the many ruthless actions taken, but he will acknowledge the resulting sacrifices with regret.  To give meaning to those tragic losses, the galaxy needs to move forward, he maintains.   The war is the past, peace is the future.  Be loyal, cooperate with the First Order, and friend and foe alike will prosper in the end.  If everyone behaves, his spokesman says pointedly, then things like Hosnia won’t happen again. 

 

Moments like these typify the new Emperor’s style.  During wartime, mysterious Kylo Ren was known to be brash and brutal.  Given to violent rages and fits of temper.  A driven young man who was disorganized and slightly ragged.  But as the conquering war hero Emperor, Kylo cultivates a more dignified and calculating persona.  Emperor Ren is far more measured and composed, even if he is as sarcastic and impatient as ever behind closed doors.  He’s not exactly warm and fuzzy, but he now rules with his steel fist slipped inside a velvet glove.  And since his prior reputation precedes him, Emperor Ren rarely has to ask twice to get anything done. 

 

Still, there remain disgruntled elements who wish to oppose him.  There will always be naysayers and haters, Kylo knows.  Mostly, they are harmless professional agitators and losers in the economic and political upheavals he has unleashed.  Kylo pays them no heed.  He is prepared to tolerate a certain degree of dissent in the wake of a bitter, hard fought war. 

 

Hux and others among his military top brass keep nagging at him to crackdown.  They warn that if these revolutionary types coalesce together, a new Rebellion will be born.  Kylo disagrees.  The solution to blunting his opposition is to show progress, not to suppress.  That was the mistake the old Empire made, Kylo argues back.  And he should know, as the scion of some of the Rebellion’s greatest heroes.  I grew up on this stuff, Emperor Ren complains.  I know how these crazies think.  And no one has a good rebuttal to that argument.  For who Kylo Ren truly is has become common knowledge among the senior ranks.  Shocking as it was initially, the Emperor’s family background is now yesterday’s news.

 

Kylo even decides to go public with his heritage, despite being vehemently counseled against it.  Let the holonet conspiracy theorists go wild.  He doesn’t care because transparency has value unto itself.  And, in this case, Kylo thinks transparency might win him some goodwill.  He is the First Order Emperor who fought his own kin because that’s how strongly he felt about his cause.  But he also has many ties to the losing side, and he hopes that will put a slightly different spin on things.  So, without fanfare during an ordinary morning press briefing, the PR guys plant the question with a friendly reporter who is quietly on the First Order payroll.

 

“We’ve heard rumors that Emperor Ren has family ties to the leadership of the Resistance.  Can you confirm or deny this?”

 

One word sparks an instant firestorm of controversy:  “Yes.”

 

The details trickle out, carefully managed for maximum effect.  Emperor Ren is the former Ben Skywalker Organa Solo.  The only child of Senator Leia Organa and her ex-husband the Rebellion general, sometime smuggler, and space racer Han Solo.  Ben Solo was a young Jedi student at Luke Skywalker’s training temple when he was presumed dead along with the rest of the murdered and missing students.  But Ben Solo wasn’t the victim, he was the perpetrator.  And that’s where the two media-friendly versions of Kylo’s life story start to diverge.

 

For the reactionary, Rim-loving, more fascist leaning types, it goes like this:  At a young age, Kylo Ren saw through the lies of the Jedi.  He recognized the limitations of the New Republic.  He, like so many other reform minded people, refused to be a part of all that.  He fled to Supreme Leader Snoke, his foster father, mentor, and teacher in the Force.  As the Apprentice, Kylo Ren learned directly from the original bold visionary leader of the First Order.  Snoke taught his Apprentice to make the hard choices to ensure the war was won as swiftly as possible.  No one wanted another Clone Wars, after all.  Years later, the runaway Jedi student is the victorious founder of the Second Empire.  It is fitting, the Emperor’s spokesman says solemnly.  For Kylo Ren is the grandson of the First Empire’s fearsome Dark Lord Darth Vader.  Everything old is new again.  That’s the version the hardcore Palpatine-loving First Order loyalists eat up.

 

For the more moderate, Republic-leaning types, there is a different spin.  Kylo Ren is the prince of Alderaan born in the Core, a young man raised in the tradition of the Republic and schooled first as a Jedi.  Emperor Ren knows both sides of the recent conflict because he has lived them.  He is, the media spin masters maintain, far more accommodating than he is given credit for.  The subtext of this pitch is to blame much of the war’s excesses on dead Snoke.  Leader Snoke was a madman autocrat whose zealotry got out of hand.  He went for the super weapon Starkiller Base that all reasonable people abhor.  But Kylo Ren at the time was not in a position to object.  With the Leader’s untimely passing, came an opportunity to chart a new course. Things will be different now under the leadership of Emperor Kylo ‘not Snoke’ Ren.

 

This version is a bit of a fanciful sob story, too.  For it emphasizes that the rift between the prodigal Skywalker son and his family was a wound that would not heal.  Kylo Ren tried repeatedly, the story goes, but he could not reconcile with his longtime terrorist warmonger mother.  Contrary to public thought, it is revealed that Leia Organa was not executed at Crait.  She died in custody weeks later of injuries previously sustained.  Because, of course, Kylo Ren couldn’t bring himself to execute his beloved, if estranged mother. 

 

The First Order even releases a picture of Kylo standing at his dying mother’s bedside.  The picture is taken from security tapes.  Kylo is shown unmasked from the back, standing side by side holding hands with an unspecified young woman.  The woman is Rey, but no one can tell.  The holonet goes wild speculating.  It revives interest in the old pictures of he and Rey at the Coruscant victory celebration.  But on this subject, the First Order spokesman plays dumb.  It’s a red herring distraction from everything else.  But Kylo is not above fucking with the media some.  And also, fucking with Rey who is out there somewhere watching . . . he hopes.

 

Kylo’s Jedi temple massacre and the death of Luke Skywalker are easy to explain.  The killing spree is described as self-defense.  For the legendary Jedi Master had turned on his young student Kylo Ren and attempted to assassinate him in his sleep.  Luke Skywalker had seen in the Force his nephew’s glorious future and been jealous of his power.  The resulting battle between Master and student ended up claiming the lives of many at the temple.  Kylo and several of his classmates ultimately fled from the crazed rampage of Force drunk Luke Skywalker.

 

But the First Order doesn’t stop there with its recriminations.  It reminds everyone of the excesses and hypocrisies of the old Jedi Order.   How when the Jedi were at the height of their power, they meddled ceaselessly in everything.  In the military, in commerce, and in government. They called themselves 'Keepers of the Peace,' but all the Jedi really did was intervene to choose their preferred winner for every conflict.  Because the Jedi viewed themselves as superior beings above the restraints of the democracy they imposed on everyone else.   That’s why a group of Jedi vigilantes one day attempted to murder the duly elected Senate Chancellor in a blatant coup attempt.  There was no investigation or public trial.  The Jedi just took matters into their own hands.  Like they always did.

 

It’s true, the First Order media types maintain.  Go read the history.  The Jedi disdained the courts and bypassed judicial solutions at every turn.  The Jedi held the Senate in contempt and viewed politics as inefficient and corrupt.  And that was a problem.  Because over the years, the actions of the Jedi Order served to weaken the checks and balances of the Old Republic.  And so, at the crucial moment when the galaxy needed strong, unified leadership, its institutions failed to resolve the Separatist Crisis.  The ensuing war destroyed much of the galaxy for years. 

 

And then, to twist the knife a bit further, the First Order takes every opportunity to remind everyone that Luke Skywalker had fled into exile for years.  He abandoned those who believed in him, only returning at the eleventh hour to be martyred along with all the rest.  Don’t believe the New Republic hype, the First Order maintains, for Luke Skywalker was no hero.  Skywalker, like his sister Leia Organa, was an idealistic fool who tore down the Old Empire and then walked away from the resulting mess.  Their only solutions—recreating the Old Republic and the Jedi cult that ruled it—were stale ideas that had already failed once.  Was it any surprise that they failed again?  Luckily, we now have a new leader who will combine the best of the Old Empire and the best of the Old Republic to bring peace and security to the galaxy.  All hail, Emperor Ren!

 

Is all this media rebranding working?  Has Kylo Ren earned himself any goodwill?  It’s hard to tell.  The details of his personal background are a carefully crafted mix of concrete facts and deliberate vagueness.  Both sides can twist the information to see what they want to see. In the end, no one knows what to believe.  It’s a mixed bag.  The only consistent takeaway is that—love him or hate him—Emperor Ren is not what he seems. 

 

During this weeks long PR blitz, General Hux keeps persisting in private about the risk of the remnants of the Resistance regrouping.  The man is either paranoid or looking to justify a continued prominent role for the military in the new Imperial government.  Kylo puts him off repeatedly until finally Hux takes matters into his own hands.  Kylo walks in late to a meeting to find General Hux briefing everyone on a small group of Resistance survivors who are traversing the Rim looking for sympathizers.  And this is nothing new or important, Kylo thinks.  The First Order had, of course, intercepted the distress signal at Crait and stealthily monitored its responders.  In the several months since then, First Order agents have been watching and waiting as the would-be conspirators made the case for their own execution.  Once things get far enough along, his agents will intervene to make arrests.  But they are in no hurry.  So far, none of this is very organized or threatening.  It’s certainly not anything that should rise to the level of his notice.     

 

Or so, he had thought.  Because the only thing Kylo hasn’t anticipated is that Rey is playing a starring role in the conspiracy. 

 

He silently works his jaw as Hux flashes up the intel files on the three emerging leaders. The traitor stormtrooper FN-2187 appears to have easily survived getting a lightsaber up the back.  Kylo is unenthused about that news.  He is unfamiliar with the young ground crew worker the traitor pals around with.  She’s totally forgettable, distinguished only by annoying perkiness and her accidental survival.  But the last ringleader has Kylo alarmed.  It’s Rey.  Rey is photographed on several occasions meeting with Republic sympathizers, some of whom are undercover First Order agents. 

 

Hux starts in on the information about Rey when Kylo cuts him off.   “I know who she is.”

 

Hux keeps his poker face on, playacting utmost discretion.  Kylo sees right through him.  Hux wants to embarrass him with more inconvenient relatives.  It’s all done under the guise of being a reluctant patriot bringing a delicate matter to light in a closed meeting of senior military commanders. 

 

Great, Kylo sighs.  Just great.  Now, thanks to his own big mouth, the incest rumors will be swirling again.  It’s on the tip of his tongue to object that Rey isn’t his sister, but Kylo stops himself.  Her ruse as the Emperor’s pretend exiled sister gives Rey some modicum of protection.  Plus, now that his real family connections to the Resistance are publicly known, the lie about Rey is suddenly believable.  So, he lets it stand.

 

With all eyes on him, Kylo’s solution is to make the matter off limits to all.  “My sister is my concern and my concern alone,” he growls at Hux.  “Be sure everyone involved in the operation knows that.   She is not to be harmed.”

 

“Your Excellency, with all due respect, your sister is attempting to rekindle the spark of the Resistance.  This cannot be tolerated.”  Hux is his usual verbally bombastic self.  “We should obliterate them once and for all.  Wipe their filth from the galaxy.”

 

Kylo is nonplussed.  He takes pains these days to appear unflappable even as he grits his teeth and clenches his gloved fists under the table.   Emperors do not get easily riled up, he reminds himself.  Emperors are not so easily baited.  Although, Kylo would cheerfully love to Vader-choke Hux right now.

 

“The Resistance is dead.  The war is over,” Kylo announces.  He wants to project calm confidence in the face of Hux’s vengeful zeal.  “Let them organize.” Kylo shrugs dismissively.  “Let all their sympathizers and money launderers crawl out from the woodwork to coalesce.  It will make it easier for us to arrest them all at once.”

 

Hux raises an eyebrow.  “Exile does not appear to be the appropriate solution for Lady Rey.   She is—shall we say—headstrong?”

 

Kylo smirks at this thoroughly inadequate description of Rey.  And, somewhat incongruously, he rallies to her defense.  “Recall your history, General.  It was a Skywalker who with Palpatine collapsed the Old Republic, two Skywalkers who took down the Old Empire, and yours truly who raised a new Empire with Snoke.   Do not underestimate the family!” Kylo hisses sharply.  “Some of us rule the galaxy, the rest attempt to tear it apart.”   He now decrees once more, “I alone will deal with Rey.  She is not to be harmed.”

 

“But your Excellency,“ Hux tries again.  “You are making my point exactly.  She is a Skywalker with the Force and she is dangerous.”

 

Kylo brushes off this concern. “Her head is confused with the lies of the Republic and the Jedi.  She is no different than many others in the Empire.  And that is the reason I want her as an ally and not as an enemy.”  

 

“It appears to be too late for that,” Hux says what everyone in the room is thinking. 

 

More tempted than ever to choke the life out of his redheaded nemesis, Kylo instead plays it cool.  He settles back in his chair and nods sagely.  “She will come around.  I have foreseen it,” he bluffs.  It’s a way out of this conversation that has the benefit of reminding everyone of his Force powers.  He’s taking a page from old Master Snoke’s playbook.  When in doubt, intimidate your underlings with the magical Force.  “The time for war is over,” Kylo orders flatly.  “Our job now is to persuade.  You will persuade the galaxy at large and I will persuade Rey.”

 

Kylo abruptly ends the meeting.  He is incensed but he doesn't want it to show.  He stomps back to his quarters before he gives full vent to his anger in private.   Kylo lights his sword and starts hacking away.  He needs physical release to vent his burgeoning rage and despair.   Because he and Rey are back to where they began:  as enemies.

 

First, Rey turned down his offer to rule.  Then she fucked him and fled in the night only to flee him again on Ahch-To.  But this . . . this is taking rejection to the next level.  Now, Rey is going so far as to organize his militant opposition.  Is this his fault?  Did he force her into this with his rash impulse to exile?   Probably.  But the traitor stormtrooper??  Has he pushed Rey right into his enemy’s arms? That guy had better still be in the friend zone.  FN-2187 is a dead man either way, but he will die a lot slower if he’s had his hands on Rey, Kylo decides.   In the end, Rey got her wish.  They are enemies now, Kylo bitterly concedes. 

 

No.  No, they are not enemies.  Kylo refuses to accept this.  He’s not ready to give up on his hope for Rey.  And, well, he’s also unwilling to kill her . . . even for this.  So, after raging a bit with his sword, Kylo puts aside his anger to plot.  He will never convince Rey by pushing her farther away.  First things first, he decides.   He needs to get them face to face.  So, he orders up a BB-9E droid to record a message for him.  It takes a few tries before he gets it right. 

 

The first time starts out badly and devolves from there.  He’s stressed out with too much emotion still brewing in him.  “Rey, what the Hell do you think are you doing?   Rebuilding the Resistance with the traitor?  Do you want me to kill you?   I mean . . .   What the fuck, Rey??   You get two choices now—you get your ass back to exile or you get your ass back in my bed.  Do you understand?  Those are your only options.  I have a galaxy to run and the Force to balance and I do not have time for your shit!”  

 

Kylo abandons that take pretty quickly.  Even he knows better than to send that one.  He seethes a bit before he erases it.  Then, he takes a fortifying breath and tries again. 

 

For the second attempt, Kylo is more composed.  But this effort also degenerates quickly.  This time into whining, not anger.  “Rey, we need to talk.  Meet me at the coordinates in this datafile.  I want to hear you tell me to my face why you won’t be with me.   You don’t get to walk out on me!  Why did you leave me?   I have so much to tell you and I need your help.  Come back, Rey, come back . . . please . . . ”

 

Yikes.  Kylo cringes as he watches that take and then immediately deletes it.  He’s been angry and whiney, so now he opts for detached.  Kylo does his best Emperor Ren schtick of terse and only slightly pissed.

 

Calm and sullen faced Kylo begins by staring into the droid’s camera a long moment before he growls, “I know who you are with.  I know what you are doing.  I am putting a set of hyperspace coordinates in this datachip along with a date.  Come alone and bring the Jedi books.  We need to talk.  Same rules as my ship—you are safe and free to leave at any time.”

 

Should he add the threat that this is her one opportunity to receive his mercy? That if she stands him up, she will die with the rest of her traitor friends?  No.  Kylo judges that to be unnecessary.  Rey will know that he knows where to find her when the intel guys slip her this datachip.  That should be implicit threat enough. 

 

So instead, he closes with, “I don’t want us to be enemies. I just want to talk.  Come to me and let’s talk.  I was wrong to exile you and I miss you.  So, let’s talk.  Please,” Kylo adds reflexively.  For something about this elusive girl always seems to have him begging. 

 

Satisfied that the third time is indeed the charm, Kylo now starts punching in the coordinates for an uninhabited backwater planet that fell off all the standard star charts decades before he himself was born.  Like Ahch-To, this world is not so much a secret as it is forgotten.  For it represents the past more than the present.  Still, Kylo Ren considers it home.  It is the furthest place from the serenely balanced Jedi temple on Ahch-To.  And, truthfully, that’s part of why Kylo chooses it for their meeting.  He’s curious to see how Rey will react to Mustafar.  


	20. Chapter 20

It’s late afternoon on Takodano in the ramshackle half rebuilt stone castle in which Maz Kanata runs her cantina.  Maz nods at Rose and Rey as they walk in and sit down.  Then, under her guise as tavernkeeper, Maz saunters over to take their drink orders.  

 

This is how information gets passed at Maz’s.  You buy a drink while she hooks you up with the smuggler, gun runner, spice dealer, code breaker, or mercenary you are seeking.  People come to Maz’s from all over for all sorts of reasons, including actual food and drink, so everyone watching is none the wiser about what may or may not be transpiring.   It’s all off the record, of course.   The finder’s fee commission credits that change hands for the favor appear from afar to be a legitimate business transaction.  Lucky for Rey and Rose, business transactions involving the Resistance are ‘on the house,’ thanks to Maz’s longtime Republic political sympathies.  

 

The Dantooine base is up and running.  It took four weeks instead of two, but the Resistance now has adequate living facilities, shielding, and power for the dozen or so recruits who have shown up thus far.  Another twenty people are expected later this week.  As they feared, only about half of the promised recruits are actually following through on their commitment.   Those images of mass firing squads at Crait had the chilling effect the First Order intended.

 

With the base operational, the procurement focus has shifted away from basic supplies to amassing munitions, ships, and weaponry.  That’s why Rey and Rose are here today pursuing a lead on some crates of thermal detonators and blasters.  This contact also supposedly has some stolen droids to sell as well.  If the price is right, they will strike a deal.

 

“Over there on the right by the window.”  Maz nods discretely in the direction of the corner.  “The Corellian spacer in blue next to the Twi’lek guy.  They are your contacts.  The Twi’lek is the boss so deal with him.”

 

“Got it.  Thanks, Maz,” Rose says as she and Rey start to get up.

 

Maz stays Rey’s efforts with a gentle hand and a firm look.  “Just Rose.  You and I need to have a talk.”  When Rose shoots Maz a questioning look, the wily tavernkeeper puts her at ease.  “Just some Force stuff.  You’d be bored,” Maz assures her.  “Now, go strike a deal.  Those guys have been waiting two hours now.”  Mollified, Rose makes her way over to strike up a conversation with the men.

 

Maz now sits down with Rey.  Everyone knows not to bother Maz if she sits down with a customer for a private chat.  It earns them a few curious looks, Rey senses.  It also pricks Rey’s sense of danger.   Whatever is coming next, it isn’t good.

 

As usual, Maz is blunt and to the point.  “I wasn’t sure I’d see you alive again.  When Finn and Rose were last in, they were looking for you.  They said you escaped the Starkiller and went to Skywalker with the sword.”

 

“Yes,” Rey confirms.

 

“Luke is dead.”

 

“Yes,” Rey confirms this too.

 

“Were you there when he died?  At Crait?” Maz asks.

 

“No.”

 

“I didn’t think so.”   Maz pulls out a datapad and adjusts her thick glasses before she pokes at it.   Then she passes the datapad across the table to Rey.  “Care to explain this?”

 

The datapad is open to the picture of Rey and unmasked Kylo Ren hand in hand fleeing his Coruscant victory celebration a couple of months ago.  Rey is fully made up in her Old Republic hair buns wearing her ivory dress.   Her head is partially turned, but her face is mostly visible.  She’s smiling.  Kylo is looking back at her with that half-smirk of his that passes for a smile.  Seeing the picture now, the expression reminds Rey very strongly of Han Solo.  Kylo might have his Skywalker mother’s Force and ambition, but he has his father’s mannerisms and cool-guy smirk. 

 

Rey stares at the picture the whole holonet has seen.  Putting aside the context of who they are and where they are and how they both are dressed, this could be any young couple happy and in love.  Except . . . it’s not.  Rey passes the datapad back to Maz and says nothing.

 

“I have seen your eyes.  I know your eyes.  I don’t forget eyes,” Maz announces quietly.  “I also don’t forget faces. I know that’s you.”

 

Rey meets Maz’s steady gaze and tells the truth.  “It is me.”

 

“Is this you too?”  Maz pokes at the datapad again and hands it back.  The device now shows a picture of Kylo Ren standing before dying Leia Organa’s bedside.  The picture is taken from behind.  Kylo is standing hand in hand with an unidentified dark-haired woman wearing a dress. 

 

“Yes.  That’s me,” Rey admits.

 

“Do Finn and Rose know about this?  Have they seen these pictures?”

 

Rey looks away.  “I assume so.  Hasn’t everyone?”

 

“They don’t know that the girl is you, do they?”

 

“No.  They don’t,” Rey confirms.  Finn probably wouldn’t believe it.  Maz’s suspicions would never even occur to Finn.  That’s how trusting and loyal Finn is.   It’s why Rey feels so guilty over her deception. 

 

Maz sits back in the booth now.  She has one hand under the table.  Thanks to the Force, Rey can see in her mind’s eye the old woman reach to put that covert hand on the small blaster she keeps strapped to her thigh.   She’s easing the safety off.  Once again, Rey’s sense of danger is pricked.   But she keeps her own hands in plain sight.  Rey of Jakku knows when not to escalate the situation.  She also knows that Maz is preparing to defend herself, not attack.

 

Maz gives Rey a long measuring look before she asks, “How did Skywalker really die?”

 

Again, Rey tells the truth.  “He projected himself too far and too long in the Force in an attempt to delay the First Order at Crait.  He was hoping reinforcements would come or the Resistance would have time to escape.  It didn’t work.  And it killed him.”

 

“Hmmm.”  Maz grunts noncommittally.  Everything about her expression projects suspicion.  “And where were you during all of this?”

 

“I was an injured prisoner of the First Order.  Lying unconscious in the infirmary.”

 

“I see.”  Maz doesn’t call her a liar.  She just raises an eyebrow at Rey.

 

“I didn’t betray Luke,” Rey says defensively.  “When Luke sent me away, I confronted Snoke and Kylo Ren.   Snoke ended up dead but Kylo wouldn’t turn.  In the end, given the chance to return to the Light, Kylo still chose Darkness. It was . . .”  Rey looks down, suddenly at a loss for words as she recalls that bitter disappointment.  “It was not what I expected,” she finishes awkwardly.  Everything had gone like she had hoped until the moment Kylo veered wildly off-script at the end.  Rey sighs with resignation and completes the tale.  “Then Snoke’s ship was hit by the Resistance cruiser and I was hurt.  I woke up a prisoner.  I was at the First Order a few weeks before I escaped.”

 

“You don’t look like a prisoner in the pictures,” Maz challenges quietly.

 

“I was a prisoner.”  Rey firmly believes this.  For had she been free to leave, then Kylo would never have responded to her departure with a sentence of exile.   Despite the fancy dresses, the nightly dinners, and her own private quarters, Rey had been a prisoner all along.   She sees that clearly now.  All the soft trappings of her confinement were just a means to manipulate her.  It had worked.   Naïve, lonely Rey had unwittingly gotten far along in her Stockholm Syndrome romance before she wised up.  And yet, still . . . Rey really wants to believe that some of that romance was true.  That it wasn’t all made up.

 

Rey starts blinking fast.  This topic always brings tears to her eyes.  Seeing this, Maz switches gears.  “I know who Snoke was.  Do you?” she asks.  “Did Luke tell you?”

 

“No.  Luke didn’t talk about Snoke.  But I met Snoke.  He was a Master of the Dark Side.”

 

“He was more than that.  Snoke was the First Jedi,” Maz reveals.

 

“Snoke was a Jedi?” Rey blinks.  Has she heard right?

 

“Yes.   He called himself the Prime Jedi.  He claimed to be the original founder of the Jedi Order thousands of generations ago.”

 

“How can that be?”  Rey is confused.

 

“He fell from grace as the Order grew and changed over the years.  He refused to change with it.  Snoke clung fast to his ancient views.  In the end, he was willing to kill others with opposing ideas to keep control of the Jedi religion.  The story goes that they threw him out.   Banished him forever.  He had a vendetta ever since.”

 

“Snoke was an ancient Jedi?”  Rey is astounded at this news.  “How do you know this?” she demands.  And does Kylo know it too?

 

Maz shrugs.  “I’m over a thousand years old myself.  I’ve seen Snoke surface now and then.  Over the years, I’ve seen a lot, kid.   Including the rise of the Skywalkers.”  Rey’s eyes find hers and Maz nods knowingly.  “Yes . . . I knew Kylo Ren was Han and Leia’s son.  I knew long before it was common knowledge.  And I knew whose grandson he is, too.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I’m impressed that Kylo Ren was able to kill his Master.  I would not have expected that of him.” Maz clearly thinks quite lowly of Emperor Ren.  “Whatever game you are playing, Rey, be careful,” Maz now warns.  “I’m onto you and if you bring the Resistance down, I will hold you to account.”

 

“Finn and Rose are my friends,” Rey counters staunchly. 

 

“Is Ren your friend too?”  Maz gestures at her datapad that still shows the picture of Rey and Kylo holding hands.  “Did Leia know about you and Ren?”

 

“She did.”

 

“Did she approve?”

 

“No.”

 

“Neither do I,” Maz says curtly.   The tone of judgement is thick in her voice.  “Beware the Dark Side.   There are no happy endings on the Dark Side regardless of what Ren promises you.”

 

“Kylo says he wants to find balance,” Rey offers up.

 

Maz dismisses this.  “I’ll believe it when I see it.   He murdered Han.  His own father,” Maz hisses out her contempt.   “I guess it was progress when he let his mother live.”  The old tavern keeper shakes her head.  “Han Solo had his faults, but he didn’t deserve that death.   The whole family is gone now, I guess.  Luke, Leia, Chewbacca, too.  I miss that wookiee,” Maz bemoans.  “Chewbacca and I went way back.”

 

“You don’t think people can change, do you?” Rey asks point blank.  “You think Kylo is forever lost.”

 

“People only change if they want to change.  And even then, change is hard.  And why should Ren change?  He has everything he wants.  Power . . . ” Maz waves a nagging finger at Rey.  “The Sith love power.  Never forget that.”

 

“He’s not a Sith,” Rey objects.

 

Maz raises an eyebrow at this.  “If it looks like a bantha, walks like a bantha, and talks like a bantha—“

 

“He’s not a Sith,” Rey overrides her.  The Kylo she knows doesn’t crave power.  He is a lonely man who wants company.  A needy man who had begged her to stay with him.  If anything, Kylo had craved love, not power.   It’s part of what made him so effective in his pitch.  For lonely Rey of Jakku knows what it is to crave love.  Yeah, sure, Kylo had other motivations too.  But Rey thinks the loneliness she saw from Kylo was very real.

 

“Rey, beware the Dark Side,” Maz warns again, this time more emphatically than the last.  “It is seductive.   Many a good person fell from grace believing the lies of the Sith.”

 

“There is Darkness in all of us,” Rey maintains.  “And Light too.”

 

Maz fixes her with a stern look.  “That’s outdated thinking from several millennia ago.    From the time of Snoke.  That sort of thinking is precarious.  Walking the line between Light and Dark is harder than you think.  Once you start down the Dark path, it usually consumes you in the end.  Choose the Light and stick to it, Rey.  For your sake and for the sake of the rest of us.”

 

It’s on the tip of Rey’s tongue to ask Maz where she learned about the Force, but the tavernkeeper jumps up now to greet a newcomer.  The moment is lost.   Rey is left behind in her wake, uncertain what to make of that conversation.  So she stares bleakly over at Rose who is deep in discussion with their contacts.  Things must be going well, Rey judges, based on the body language of the group.  Not wanting to interrupt a good thing, Rey just hangs back where she is.  Five minutes later, Rose gets up to leave and starts shaking hands.  And that’s when a man walks by and jostles brooding Rey.

 

Rey looks up to glare at this clumsy treatment.  The man meets her eyes and pauses briefly.  “From your brother,” he announces under his breath.  Then he drops a datachip marked with the insignia of the First Order on Rey’s table and quickly departs. 

 

Wide eyed Rey pockets the datachip fast before Rose can notice.  She’s uncomfortably aware that it’s yet another small deception.  Rey’s heart is pounding and her blood racing as she quickly processes what this datachip means:  Kylo knows that she has fled her exile.  Moreover, he knows where to find her.  And if he can trace her here, then he can trace her back to Dantooine . . . to the Resistance. 

 

Rey gulps.  She, Finn, and Rose have been discovered. 

 

From long habit, Rey dons her blank poker face that she used for confrontations on Jakku and bargaining with Unkar Plutt.  She doesn’t dare let her dismay show as Rose walks up.  “Good news?” Rey asks.   She makes an effort to sound nonchalant.

 

“Very good news,” Rose confirms.  “I’ll fill you in on the way home.  Let’s go.” Rey is only too happy to agree with this plan.

 

It turns out that the contact was good for the munitions he advertised and the price is right.  The stolen droids are a sweetener for the deal that Rose wants to confer with Finn about.  That’s really the only open point before the transaction will be closed at a deep space rendezvous point to be agreed upon.  All in all, today’s mission is a success.   Rose is feeling good about herself and about their overall prospects.  She chats on and off all the way home while Rey tries to chime in with the appropriate enthusiastic responses.

 

It’s hard because Rey is very spooked about the datachip.  It feels like it is burning a hole in her pocket the whole ride back to Dantooine.  It fills her with dread.  Rey is dying to know what the message contains, worried that she should be watching the message right away, but scared to open it where Rose might overhear.   As a result, a full six hours passes before Rey opens the message.  She’s alone and locked in a storage closet back at the base to ensure privacy. 

 

After a brief moment of static, a hologram message begins to play.  It’s Kylo.  He’s unmasked and sitting in his private quarters on his couch.  Rey’s first impression is that Kylo looks terrible.  Just terrible.  Like he hasn’t slept in a week.  His hair is its usual wild mess but his face looks especially pale and his eyes are heavily shadowed.   He looks very downtrodden and there is a sheen of sweat on his face.  It makes Rey wonder whether he has just hacked his wall again.

 

The message opens without fanfare.  Kylo stares bleakly into the camera for a long moment.  When he speaks, his words are terse and to the point.  “I know who you are with.  I know what you are doing.  I am putting a set of hyperspace coordinates in this datachip along with a date.  Come alone and bring the Jedi books.  We need to talk.  Same rules as my ship—you are safe and free to leave at any time.”

 

Kylo hesitates a moment and now his cadence is less command and more casual.  More like the man who Rey remembers in private.  “I don’t want us to be enemies. I just want to talk.  Come to me and let’s talk.  I was wrong to exile you and I miss you.  So, let’s talk . . . please.”  Then, the hologram fuzzes out.

 

Oh.  Rey had not anticipated this overture.   For a moment, all she can do is revel in the news that Kylo misses her . . . that he has admitted to a mistake . . . that even after their bitter exchange over the Force bond, he still wants to talk.  This message is probably the closest Kylo Ren gets to an apology, Rey thinks.  It’s as unexpected as it is oddly touching.  If it is sincere, that is.  She’s not quite sure.  As usual, when it comes to Kylo, Rey doesn’t know what to think.  On the important stuff, she always gets him wrong.

 

After that quick moment of ego boost, reality descends.  All her worst fears are now confirmed.  Kylo knows where she is and who she is with.  He must know all about the plans to rekindle the Resistance.  That news has Rey and everyone else at the base in terrible jeopardy.   They are all traitors to the Empire.   Wanted criminals who face a firing squad if they are caught. 

 

Kylo’s request to meet is a no-win situation, Rey judges.   If she goes, she is trusting Kylo to honor his word that she is safe and free to leave at any time.   If she doesn’t go, she risks an angry Kylo swooping in to arrest her and everyone else as payback.   Suddenly, this message feels like an offer she can’t refuse.  It also feels like a trap.  Like she might be voluntarily presenting herself for duplicitous Kylo take his revenge.  After all, she left him, flouted his exile order, and ran off to join the Resistance. 

 

She didn’t trust this man enough to stay with him, and that was before their bitter argument and her exile.  Why should she trust Kylo now?   But does she even have a choice?   Rey feels manipulated and that strikes her as very Kylo.   Once again, she is being maneuvered to do what he asks.

 

Well, she reasons, if he can find her then she might as well go to him.  For either way, she’s in basically the same position.  And if she goes, Rey reasons, at least it will give her an opportunity to try and talk Kylo out of cracking down hard on the Resistance.  Maybe there is a deal to be made here?  Rey is not about to rat out her friends, but she might earn some goodwill with Kylo just by showing up.  Two can play at this manipulation game, Rey reasons.  And who knows?  Maybe she will have more bargaining power than she thinks.  Kylo has shown forbearance so far . . .   

 

Rey watches the message another time before she starts hatching an excuse for why she needs to take the shuttle on a mission by herself.  The Resistance now has a fleet of four small starships—one commercial grade shuttle, two small smugglers’ freighters bought on the cheap, and the original First Order shuttle ‘borrowed’ from Snoke’s ship.   It’s not unusual for someone to take one of the ships for a quick mission on their own.  So, there is precedent for this trip that won’t raise suspicions.  Rey thinks it through overnight and then pitches her idea to Rose in the morning.  Clueless Rose agrees on the spot, no questions asked, for Rey to make a supply run four days from now.

 

Those four days pass ever so slowly.  Rey is antsy and nervous and filled with a mixture of excitement and dread.  For she knows anything can happen when she meets Kylo Ren.  Once, she woke up in a torture chair with the Dark prince looming over her.  Once, they crossed swords in the woods.  The next time, she ended up on her knees for execution.  After that, they had ended up in her bed.  How will this meeting go?  Rey is afraid to hazard a guess.  She makes a conscious effort not to script it out in her head, for the man never meets her expectations.  She’ll have to play it by ear this time and hope for the best.

 

In an effort to get her mind off of it, Rey keeps busy with her hands.  She does a lot of maintenance work around the base and on the small fleet.  Some of it is probably a little premature, but mechanical work is very soothing to Rey.  Tasks like this are concrete and doable.  It feels like she has accomplished something when she’s through. 

 

She’s doing some work on the repulsolifts for the stolen shuttle when Finn wanders over to see what she’s fixing.  “Hey, there,” Finn smiles easily.  “How come I always see you with a wrench in your hand these days?”

 

“I’m a mechanic,” Rey answers.  And it comes out wrong.  Sort of gruff and churlish.  She hadn’t meant to take out her frustrations on poor Finn who is just trying to help.

 

“You okay?” her friend asks.  He sounds concerned as he peers down at her.

 

“Yeah, sure.  Just a little tired, that’s all.”  Does Finn know that she has been avoiding him?  Ever since the conversation with Maz and the message from Kylo, Rey has felt especially guilty about telling half-truths to Finn.  Her solution has been to keep to herself.

 

“I thought you would come by when I got back.”  Finn pulls up a nearby supply crate and takes a seat to watch her work.  “My meeting went well. That mogul guy in the Mid Rim really came through this time.   We should be getting another big fund transfer from him next week.  Plus, Incom-FreiTek is going to give us the squadron of T-85 X-wings the Republic ordered and paid for before Hosnia.  Apparently, General Organa had already contacted them about delivering those ships to the Resistance before Crait.  They are still willing to honor the deal for us.”

 

“Incom has an interest in keeping the war going,” cynical Rey gripes as she tightens a bolt.  “Those arms dealers and ship manufacturers make a lot of credits off war.”

 

“We need the ships.”

 

“I know,” Rey concedes.   Then, she accidentally drops the wrench and swears vehemently under her breath.  Her reaction is a little out of character and it provokes a frown from Finn. 

 

“You sure you’re okay?” he asks again.

 

“Yeah,” Rey answers a little too quickly.  She’s jumpy of late.  “I’m fine.”  She’s always fine.  Rey has stoicism down, no matter what happens.   It’s the legacy of Jakku.

 

“Tell you what,” Finn flashes his friendly smile. “How about Rose and I go tear up Canto Bight again to get back at those war profiteers once we get the X-wings?”

 

Finn is trying to be upbeat.  It’s not a serious offer, but Rey takes it at face value.  She gripes again, “That’s Rose’s solution to everything, isn’t it?   Fighting and violence?”  Rose is very angry at the First Order, like Finn and so many of the others who have joined them at the Dantooine base.  All are here to fight for freedom and justice, but there’s a twinge of vengeance to their zeal too.   “You didn’t stop war profiteering by rampaging through Canto Bight.  You just cost their insurance companies credits,” Rey complains.   “All anyone saw was two uniformed Resistance fighters creating indiscriminate mayhem. You didn’t change anyone’s mind about us by doing that.”

 

Her words come out a bit harsh.  Finn frowns again.  “Rey, what’s gotten into you?   What’s wrong?  Talk to me.”

 

Rey is finished with the shuttle’s repulsolifts now.  She stands from her crouch and strips off her work gloves.  Then, she vents her concerns on Finn.  It’s misplaced stress and frustration intended for Kylo Ren.  But Finn gets the brunt of it now.  “What exactly are we trying to accomplish here?   What is our goal?”

 

“We’re liberating the galaxy.  We’re going to restore the Republic.”  Finn thinks the answer is self-evident. 

 

“How exactly?” Rey presses. “What’s our short-term plan once we get enough volunteers and supplies?  What are we going to do with all those X-wings once we take delivery?”

 

Finn has an answer for this.  “I want to strike the First Order stormtrooper camps in the Rim.    I want to liberate those poor kids.”  Finn speaks from personal experience in this.  “The First Order depends on troopers for free labor, so I want to disrupt their farm system.” 

 

It’s a laudable goal.  But it’s easier said than done.  “Yeah, okay,” Rey agrees before pointing out, “But what do we do with the kids we liberate?  We can barely feed and house our own fighters.  We don’t have the resources to return those kids to their parents.”

 

“Yeah, we’ll have to figure that out,” Finn concedes.  “I haven’t worked through all the details.  But if we don’t dream big and act boldly, we won’t accomplish anything.   We are building a movement here.  We need to inspire others with our success.”

 

Rey nods.  She agrees with this strategy, even if she has misgivings about whether it is achievable in the end. 

 

“What we really need to do is take out Hux and Ren,” Finn decides.

 

He’s back to assassination plots again.  Rey makes a face.  She’s on the record already for being reticent about this.  “Let’s say you succeed,” Rey posits.  “Then what?  There are plenty of other First Order guys ready to take their place,” she points out.  

 

“It won’t end the war,” Finn agrees.  But he thinks this is beside the point.  “Look, we need a splashy win.  Killing those guys would do it.  It would really get peoples’ attention.”

 

“How are you going to get to them?” Rey asks this question even as she is uncomfortably aware that in her pocket are the coordinates to locate Kylo Ren.

 

“You got to Ren and Snoke before,” Finn counters.  “Could you do it again?”

 

Rey now lies outright.  “I don’t think Kylo Ren would fall for that again.  You only get one chance at that surrender ploy,” she shoots him down.  Then, she feels obliged to remind Finn, “I went there to try to turn Kylo Ren back to the good side.  Not to kill him, you know.”

 

“Yeah, I know you went to do your Jedi thing.  But that strategy failed.  Ren had his chance and he turned you down.   You said yourself that he won’t be redeemed.  That makes him worse than Darth Vader.  And that leaves us only one other option left.”

 

Rey doesn’t like the sound of this.  “So, if you’re not with us, you’re our enemy?  Is that it?  Join us or die?”

 

“This is war.  And, yes, Kylo Ren is the enemy.”   Finn is troubled that she is even debating this point.  “Rey, I realize that you prefer to do things differently.  So would I.  But after Crait, everything has changed.” 

 

Rey says nothing.  She simply busies herself picking up her tools.  She doesn’t want to argue with Finn.

 

But still, he persists.  “Could you get to Ren some other way?  Would you do it?”

 

“I told you—he saved my life from Snoke.”  Rey has told Finn and Rose that Kylo was ordered to kill her but instead he killed Snoke.  Rey omitted the offer to join the First Order that came afterwards.  “There is good in him. I’ve seen it.”

 

“Yeah?   Well, it’s not enough.”

 

“No, it’s not.  But maybe in time—“ she begins.

 

Finn overrides her.  “You don’t want to kill him.  That’s it, right?  Just say it, Rey.  Say it.”

 

Rey takes a fortifying breath and states the truth.  “No, I don’t want to kill him.”

 

Finn lets this news sink in.  He doesn’t look surprised.  “Fine. You just get us to him, and we’ll have someone else do it—“

 

“No.  I don’t like these tactics.  Assassination is cowardly.  And it’s not very Jedi either.” Rey rebukes Finn with a sideways, disapproving look.

 

“You got a better idea?” Finn argues back.  He’s getting frustrated with her intransigence.  “Because we can’t just vote Emperor Ren out of office.  And he’s not about to resign.  There is no mechanism for a regime change without destroying his regime, Rey.”

 

“I know,” she concedes.  “But I guess I’m not sure I’m ready to give up on him.  Not yet, at least.” Rey averts her face, for she can feel a blush rising fast.   There is far more to her reluctance than just ideology, she knows.  But she’s not ready to admit that to herself, let alone to Finn. 

 

Her friend is indignant now.  “Seriously, Rey?  Because we both watched him kill his father in cold blood.  And we saw the killing spree at Crait.  Ren might have spared his mother and spared you, but that doesn’t make him a good guy.  Don’t be fooled!” 

 

“Yeah, you’re right.”  Rey backs down for now.  There’s no point in continuing this conversation.  Plus, Rey worries this topic will only lead her to tell more lies.  She’s already dancing around the truth of her relationship with Kylo as is. 

 

But this argument gets to the heart of the issue:  when do you give up?   When do you cut someone loose?  When Kylo rejected the Light, did that condemn him forever to the Dark Side?   Rey had faulted Luke Skywalker for believing that Kylo’s choice was made forever, that Kylo could not change.   Is she making the same mistake if she gives up on Kylo now?  There is Light in him.  A lot of Light.  Rey knows, for she has seen the conflict.   And that makes her reticent to give up on him just yet.   Plus, Rey is the loyal type.  She was loyal to her dead parents for years on Jakku.  But how weird is it to feel loyal to someone who exiles you?

 

None of this makes sense.  Not in a universe in which there are two choices, Light and Dark.  But Kylo is seeking a different path, or so he says.  It could all be a ploy.  Is it even reasonable to believe that Kylo might find the balance he seeks?   Maz Kanata didn’t seem to think so.  But part of Rey wants to believe it’s possible.  That there might be a way to bring harmony to the two opposing sides of the Force.

 

Should she have taken Kylo up on his offer?   Rey worries over that.  Fantasizes over that, too.  That stupid hologram message has her daydreaming again about what might have been . . .   Should she give Kylo’s way a try?  If it fails, is that when she gives up?

 

Finn and Rose didn’t give up after Crait.  They refused to admit that their cause was lost.  They still have hope and they cling to it and nurture it and spread that hope to others too.  Hope is infectious like that.  It makes Rey want to have hope too.  But more and more, Rey wonders whether she has been hoping for the wrong thing.  Maybe she should hope for Kylo to find balance and govern well instead of hoping that the Resistance is reborn and the war begins again.  War only brings death and suffering.  Sure, Rey wants things to change for the better, but she worries war isn’t the best way to accomplish that.  It’s not that she’s afraid to fight for things she believes in—it’s that she worries fighting isn’t the answer this time.   If history is any judge, these recurrent civil wars don’t solve anything for long.

 

It’s all so confusing and fraught with risk.  Where are the Luke Skywalkers and the Leia Organas now when Rey needs them the most?   And when did she, Finn, and Rose—or Kylo, for that matter—get old enough to be responsible for things?  Where are the wise men and women to provide leadership?  Where are the veteran voices of experience?  Well . . . they’re dead.  Kylo Ren killed them all.  And that fact, plus a long list of other reasons, are what keep holding Rey back from embracing his ideas.

 

“So, I hear you’re doing the next big supply run?” Finn’s question breaks Rey’s reverie. 

 

She’s startled.  “W-What?” 

 

“I hear you volunteered to do the next supply run,” Finn repeats.

 

“Yeah, that’s right.  I leave in a few days’ time.  It’s why I’m finishing up this maintenance now,” Rey explains.

 

“You want some company on that trip?” Finn asks hopefully.

 

She shoots him down.  “You’re needed here for when the new recruits arrive.  Let me go do the run and fetch trip.  You should be here to welcome everyone in person.  You have such a great story.  It’s very powerful when you tell it in your own words.”  Truly, the former FN-2187 is an inspirational figure.  He’s a natural leader, too.

 

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” Finn teases.

 

“What makes you think that?” Rey counters stiffly.

 

“Easy,” Finn reacts to her touchiness.  “We’re on the same side.  Remember?”  He smiles cajolingly at her. 

 

Rey dutifully smiles back.  “Yeah, I’m sorry.  I’m just out of sorts, that’s all.”


	21. Chapter 21

Rey’s supply run with the secret side trip to meet Kylo goes badly from the start.  The procurement orders have been misplaced and nothing is ready when Rey arrives for the warehouse pickup.  She wastes half a day waiting for the order to be assembled and loaded.  Then, there are issues with the credit transfer.  When that gets horribly mangled, Rey resorts to a Jedi mindtrick to sort it out.  All she wants to do is pick up her stuff and pay for it, but suddenly that has become needlessly hard.  The only silver lining is that she can truthfully contact Rose and Finn to tell them she will be late getting back and not to worry.

 

To add to Rey’s frustrations, the hyperspace lanes through the Mid Rim are especially congested and heavy space traffic slows things down.  All in all, the series of snafus puts Rey a full day behind.  Unfortunately, the pokey shuttle is too slow to make up the travel time.   As a result, Rey misses her arrival to Kylo on the appointed date.  And since she has no way to contact him, Kylo probably figures she has stood him up. 

 

Great . . . just great.  As if this trip wasn’t risky enough, now she has pissed off Kylo in advance of her arrival.  That’s if he’s even still there when she shows up at the rendezvous coordinates. 

 

Rey’s trepidation mounts.  She considers blowing Kylo off entirely by returning to Dantooine with her supplies.  But she thinks better of it, judging that move too risky since Kylo likely already knows where the base is located.   Then, the insidious thought occurs that she could blow off both Kylo and the Resistance and simply disappear with the shuttle and the supplies.  She could run away from her problems and hide from the political and Force conflicts she feels so uncertain about.  It’s a tempting thought.  But Rey remembers that Finn braved Starkiller Base to rescue her.  She will not repay that brave loyalty with a cold, cowardly betrayal.  And so, resigned Rey punches the coordinates Kylo sent her into the shuttle’s navicomputer.  She hopes for the best.

 

When hours later the shuttle drops out of hyperspace, Rey finds herself staring at a small red-orange planet surrounded by a giant security shield.  Rey has heard of planetary shields but she’s never seen the tech in person.  It’s amazing.

 

“Wow.”  The word involuntarily escapes as Rey pilots the shuttle to approach the mammoth shieldgate.  This is the only entrance on and off the planet.  It is guarded by not one, but two, star destroyers.  That’s a lot of firepower, Rey thinks.  But maybe that’s the sort of security involved when Emperor Ren is in residence.   She’s hoping that show of force means Kylo is still here.

 

Flying a stolen First Order shuttle to meet Kylo Ren turns out to be a good ruse.  The security guys assume that Rey is a legitimate military pilot flying an ordinary personnel transport.  In the confusion of what happened on Snoke’s ship, no one apparently reported this ship stolen.  Or maybe, it was assumed destroyed.   But for whatever reason, the security officers on the shieldgate recognize the shuttle and hail the ship with its official First Order operating number and call sign.  After some preliminary colloquy in which Rey says as little as possible, she is granted admittance. 

 

“Shuttle Tydirium, you are cleared for entry.  Proceed through the gate and follow the fighter escorts to the landing platform.”  

 

Sure enough, just inside the shieldgate await two standard TIEs that immediately assume sentry positions on either side her shuttle.

 

“You’re late,” the lead TIE pilot tells Rey over the open com channel.  “We were expecting you yesterday.”

 

“I was delayed,” Rey is deliberately vague.

 

“Have you got the cargo?”

 

“Cargo?” Rey is confused. 

 

“The girl.  The sister.”

 

Oh.  Right.  Rey plays along.  “Affirmative.”  Then she can’t help but ask, “What is this place?”

 

“Mustafar.  We’re a restricted system going back to the days of the old Empire.”  The lead pilot says this somewhat proudly.

 

Rey peers out her window at the boiling red surface below.  “That looks like lava.” 

 

“It is.  That lava is why you are flying with us.  Overshoot this landing platform and you don’t crash, you melt.   There was a Separatist mining colony here years ago.  But that’s long gone.   It’s just the castle now.”

 

Castle?  “Why all the security?” Rey is curious.

 

“He’s here with his posse.  Normally, it’s just a cruiser and the shieldgate when he’s gone.  We’re pretty much forgotten here.  We don’t get any tourists.  No one comes to Mustafar accidentally.”

 

Another voice chimes in now.  It must be the other sentry TIE pilot. “If I’m ever Emperor of the galaxy, you can bet I’m living someplace better than this fiery shithole.”

 

“He lives here?” Rey asks.  She’s intrigued.

 

“Affirmative.  Can’t imagine why.  Look sharp as we descend.  We need to skirt that yellow cloud at 2 o’clock.  It’s superheated poisonous gas that will fry your shields and cook your lungs.”

 

Yikes. “Okay.  Got it.”

 

“Follow our lead and do not deviate from your current course.”

 

“Roger that.”  As the shuttle skims the lava fields, up ahead looms a large, black building with twin towers jutting up high from the surface.  It is a dramatic sight perched atop a dammed river of molten rock.  “Wow,” Rey breathes out.  The impressive building resembles a giant dark bird of prey come home to roost.  If Hell has a headquarters, this must be it, she thinks.  Rey can’t tear her eyes away.  “Is that the castle?”

 

“That’s it.  Home sweet home for Kylo Ren.  Normally, I’d let you buzz by for another good look but we have maximum security protocols in effect when he’s here.  You get through the gate and you land.  Sorry, no exceptions.”

 

“It has a lava waterfall.  That’s so cool,” Rey marvels.

 

“Not cool.  Hot.  Everything here is hot.  The landing pad is behind in the back.  Watch yourself because it’s full right now.   Bump one of his guys’ ships and you’ll be lucky if you just get demoted.   They don’t have rules like us, Pilot.  They answer only to him.”

 

“Got it.  Thanks.”

 

“Stay with the ship.  No one in the castle but staff and invited guests.  Those guys in red don’t mess around.”

 

“Understood.”

 

Rey settles the shuttle down in the midst of a group of slick looking TIE Silencers that probably make point nine past lightspeed.  The mechanic in Rey wishes she could get a better look at those ships, but now is not the time.   She inhales a shaky breath and summons all the Jakku bravado she can muster.  Then nervous Rey strides with false confidence down the shuttle ramp. 

 

Exiting the shuttle feels like walking into a blast furnace.  The castle and adjacent landing pad are surrounded by lava fields that make a strange hissing and popping noise as the molten rock undulates by in various states of cooling.  The air is thick with an acrid, sulfurous stench that makes her eyes water.  Mustafar looks, feels, smells, and sounds like no other place.  It is sensory overload for her body. 

 

But as jarring as her arrival is, nothing can compare to the feel of Mustafar in the Force.  For this place feels Dark, oh so Dark.  Not pulsating, angry, lusting, violent Dark.  This Darkness is more layered and complex, full of nuances and settled-in maturity.  Mostly, it feels resigned.   Like things have gone wrong but it’s too late to change them.   Like this was the culmination of a series of conscious decisions, but it still feels like an accident.  Because this path was never chosen. Not really.  Not in the way everyone thinks.  And so, this Darkness is determined but somehow hopeless too.  There is a weary sense of futility here.   Of going through the motions because what else can you do?  And there is sadness.  Much sadness.  All in all, it feels like a veil of regret descends upon Rey’s mind as she slowly walks down the shuttle ramp.  

 

Is Kylo even here?   Rey concentrates.  She thinks she recognizes Kylo’s Force imprint, but she can’t be certain.  For the depression of this place is overwhelming.  It clouds her mental vision.  Dulls it.  She tries hard to concentrate but this place makes her mind languid and soft.  Whatever this place is, whatever it means to Kylo, the danger here is not from without, it is from within.  From self-doubt.  From self-loathing.  From persistent, soul-crushing misery.

 

The cave that is strong with the Dark Side at the bottom of Luke’s island feels nothing like this world.   The cave coexists with the rest of the island.  It feels violent, competitive, determined, and indifferent to suffering, like nature itself can be.  That Darkness might be unfair, but it is impersonal, too.  Mustafar is something altogether different.   It is very personal.  Filled with blame and shame.  And, unlike the cave, this place does not call to her.  There is no lure in this Darkness.   All Rey feels is a sense of defeat.  It awakes pity in her, not fear.  Instinctively, Rey knows that whatever happened here to leave such a wound in the Force, it was tragic for all involved.

 

Opening her mind so fully to this place might have been a mistake.  For now, Rey must fight to keep her equilibrium.  The pain of this place is just so pervasive.  Is this what it means to be consumed by Darkness?  That after all the foes are vanquished and the power is won, then the Darkness turns on its host?   That once the destruction of others is complete, it’s time to destroy yourself?   Hate leads to suffering, as the old Jedi maxim goes.  On the Dark Side, that suffering is not just for others, it is also ultimately for yourself.

 

Mustafar is the opposite of Ahch-To, Rey understands immediately.  There is no balance in the Force here.  This is a place of extremes.  Where lines are drawn and sides are chosen and consequences delivered.  If there ever was a place devoid of Light, this is it.  And so, as Rey rallies her focus, she feels very much an interloper.  It heightens her nervousness. 

 

She is met by a wizened and stooped man wearing flowing black robes that remind Rey of the old Emperor.  The man is very old with strong, almost leonine features and bright, sharp eyes.  He definitely looks like he belongs here, Rey thinks to herself. 

 

“Welcome to Mustafar Castle,” the man greets her in a somewhat hoarse tone.  “You are Lady Rey, I presume?”

 

“Yes.  I’m Rey.”

 

The old man’s eyes sweep over her secondhand culottes, boots, and tunic.  They are neutral in color, deliberately chosen to be nondescript so as to be forgettable.  In her current line of work recruiting rebels, Rey wants to avoid attracting attention.  Rey wears her hair down.  These days, it’s useful to obscure her face.  But it is also a messy, casual look.  Altogether, Rey’s current appearance is a far cry from her few weeks spent masquerading as Kylo Ren’s fancy, uptight sister.  No doubt, she does not appear as advertised.  It makes Rey uncharacteristically self-conscious.

 

But if the man is taken aback, he does not show it.  Instead, he smiles a bit.  “Very good.  I am called Vanee.  I am the castle caretaker.  May I take your bag?” he offers.

 

Rey now shifts her grip on her knapsack that is brimming with Luke Skywalker’s stolen Jedi books.  Rey drapes the bag across her body to bounce on her left hip.  She places a protective hand over the book spines that peep out.  Some are conspicuously marked with the Old Republic Jedi insignia.  “Thank you.  I can carry it myself,” she declines.  Rey strives to sound as polite as possible.  But there’s no way she’s relinquishing the books to anyone.

 

Vanee does not object.  His sharp eyes leave the books to linger thoughtfully on Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber that Rey firmly grips in her right hand.  He clearly recognizes what it is.  This time, the old man raises an objection.  “It is not customary for guests to greet the Master while armed,” Vanee tells her diplomatically.  “It could give the wrong impression.”  He reaches out a gnarled old hand palm up in a silent request.

 

Rey meets his eyes steadily.  “If he has a sword, then I get a sword,” she replies testily.  She’s taking an awful risk coming here as it is.  She refuses to arrive defenseless.   Plus, everything about this strange world makes her feel jumpy and on edge.  Just having the weapon in her hand is a bit comforting.

 

Rey and the caretaker stare down one another in silence a long moment.  Then, the old man backs down.  “Very well, my lady.  This way, please.”  Vanee beckons her to accompany him inside.  The old caretaker moves slowly with a cane.  Rey falls into step beside him.

 

“The Master was expecting you yesterday,” Vanee says in his gravelly voice that is as unhurried as his stately pace.

 

“I was delayed.”

 

“He will be surprised and pleased to see you.  He is in with the others now.”

 

Looking around the landing platform as they make slow progress towards the castle entrance, Rey catches sight of a number of stormtroopers standing guard.  If she has to make a run for it, it will be hard.  As finally they approach the entrance, Rey sees two red armored guards flanking the door.  She can’t help but feel uneasy as she remembers the desperate fight in Snoke’s throne room against their brethren.  “Praetorians,” Rey groans under her breath.  With them here, making a run for it could be near impossible.

 

She is overheard.  The caretaker nods.  “Those men are the modern-day equivalent of the Imperial guards we once had here.  They are fierce, my lady.  Although, the Master tells me they are no deterrent to you.”  Vanee glances her way and Rey could swear the wizened old crone winks at her.  But Vanee says nothing as he gestures her genially through the threshold. 

 

Once they are out of earshot of the guards, old Vanee speaks again.  “This castle is a place of refuge.  It has long been a place of healing and retreat.  No one will harm you here.  The Master will not allow it.”

 

Nervous Rey nods at this reassurance, but she’s unconvinced.  Because she knows that the real risk is not the dozen or so stormtroopers outside and the pair of praetorians at the door.  The real risk is Kylo Ren himself.  Kylo killed his father who sought reconciliation and cried his eyes out at the death of his enemy general mother.  He killed his Master to steal his Empire and offered to share that power with her.  Kylo Ren is a conflicted man given to wide ranging impulses.  He is dangerously unpredictable. 

 

“The Master will want to be interrupted to greet you,” Vanee decides.  “Follow me.”

 

Rey dutifully complies.  Again, their slow pace gives her plenty of time to look her fill as they process through a series of hallways and rooms.  Everywhere there are floor to ceiling windows that make the castle's dramatic exterior the focal point.  By contrast, the interior furnishings are unremarkable and soothing in color, shape, and texture.  The living areas Rey sees are all intimate.  Nothing is grand in scale or in decor.  Everywhere is the monochromatic look of quiet, lived-in luxury. 

 

“It’s beautiful here.”  Beautiful and serene, Rey realizes.   The elegant castle interior feels safe and detached from the violent natural danger that surrounds it.   This is an oddly peaceful place, Rey perceives as they plod along.   Rey is starting to appreciate why Vanee describes it as a refuge.  Because for a castle in the middle of a volcanic Hell, it’s strangely homey. 

 

The caretaker fairly glows at Rey’s praise of the castle. “Very little has changed through the years.  The Master made only slight modifications to Lord Vader’s home.”

 

“This was Darth Vader’s home?” Rey reacts with surprise.

 

“Yes.  Did you not know?” Vanee gives her another patient smile.

 

“This is his grandfather’s castle,” Rey surmises aloud.  “That makes sense.  That makes a lot of sense . . . Of course, he lives here.“

 

“My old Master would be very proud of his grandson,” Vanee nods.  “We are all so proud of the Master.”

 

Finally, they reach a closed set of double doors.  Vanee keys in a code and the doors recede as they slide open to reveal a large room.  The room is dominated by a rectangular conference table in high gloss black.  Around the table are seated a group of six men.  Their heads turn in unison to consider the newcomer Rey. 

 

But she ignores them.  Her attention is solely for Kylo Ren who sits at the far end of the room at the head of the table.  He’s staring at her with an intense, but inscrutable face.   What is he thinking?  Rey can’t tell.  But he’s not welcoming in the least. 

 

“Go on in, my dear,” Vanee murmurs softly from beside her.  “They are waiting for you.”

 

With a deep breath and her thumb poised to activate her sword, Rey steps forward into the room and the doors immediately slide shut.  This is the cue to plant her feet and stand her ground for a classic Jakku stare down.  The prelude to the confrontation can sometimes avert the confrontation, Rey knows.  But, at the very least, it sets the ‘don’t fuck with me’ tone that her scavenger self cultivates.  Rey of Jakku does not go looking for a fight, but she can hold her own with Unkar Plutt, with Kylo Ren, and with these guys too, if necessary.

 

But all of that usual bluster deserts her in the moment.  She shifts her weight from side to side.  “B-Ben?”  The wrong name stutters and slips off her lips.  Rey is flustered and that’s unlike her.  She colors at the eyebrows that raise around the table at her use of Kylo’s given name.  It’s a big reveal about their relationship.  It’s also a huge power bleed in the moment.

 

“Rey,” Kylo answers as he jumps to his feet at the far end of the room.  “You came.  I didn’t think you would—"

 

“I got delayed,” she interrupts.  “I’m sorry.  Please don’t be angry.”   Rey cringes at how fast and nervous these words come out.  How placating she sounds.  Kylo’s eyes are boring into her but Rey keeps glancing around the table at his assembled men.  She is very aware of their audience.

 

The men appraise Rey silently as she does the same.  Even seated, they are an intimidating bunch.  Some look to be around Kylo’s age, but others are clearly older.  All look intelligent and conspicuously dangerous.  While they wear the same high necked black vicar’s robe uniform Kylo favors, these men do not look like regular First Order military officers.  None of the officers she saw on the _Finalizer_ sported a tattoo down the side of their neck or an earring.  None of General Hux’s male subordinates had long hair worn half tied back in a bun.  And none of the First Order men she has seen wear crystals around their necks like she remembers Luke Skywalker wearing.  Whoever these men are, they--like Kylo--appear far too individual for the fascist conformity of the First Order. 

 

Gazing around, Rey realizes that she has seen these six men before.  Not in person and not dressed like this.  She saw them helmeted and armed standing in the rain at Kylo’s side amidst a field of bodies.  It had been perhaps the most terrifying part of her vision at Maz’s tavern.  The blue Skywalker saber that had called to her had shown her these men.  They must be important.  And right now, they seem threatening. 

 

Rey takes a step back. 

 

“It’s alright,” Kylo says softly.   “I’m not angry.”

 

Does Kylo think she’s reacting to him?  She’s not.  It’s on the tip of her tongue to ask Kylo if they can speak alone when the beefy, thick-necked, square-jawed man at Kylo’s right speaks up.  “That’s Skywalker’s sword.”

 

Rey has forgotten that she’s still holding a lightsaber in her hand.  Reflexively, she shifts her grip on the hilt. 

 

“Where did you get the sword?” the man on Kylo’s right demands in a quiet voice as he too stands to his feet.  The atmosphere in the room shifts perceptively.  Her audience’s curiosity gives way to wariness.  It pricks Rey’s sense of danger further. 

 

Kylo inserts himself.  “That lightsaber belongs to me.  Rey is bringing it to me.”

 

The Hell she is.  It irks Rey how Kylo feels entitled to take whatever he wants, whether it’s the galaxy or her sword.  She lifts her chin and postures, “It’s my sword now.”  The island caretakers gave it to her.  That has to count for something.

 

“That sword took down the Empire!” Another man stands to his feet.  “That sword killed Lord Vader!” he accuses gruffly.  “It almost killed some of us too.”  The chorus of nods that follows unnerves Rey further.

 

“Where did you get the sword?” the man on Kylo’s right demands again.

 

“She stole it,” Kylo smirks.  “She’s always stealing my family heirlooms.  She steals my family too.”

 

“I didn’t steal it,“ Rey retorts.  “I’m a scavenger.  I pick useful things from dead people and old places.  I scavenged the sword from Skywalker’s hiding place.  It’s mine now.” 

 

Kylo begs to differ.  “All the relics of the Force belong to me.  You will surrender the sword and the books to me, Rey,” he commands.

 

Rey puts her left hand protectively on her knapsack as she shakes her head no.  “I shouldn’t have come.  I knew not to come,” she speaks her regret aloud. 

 

And now, Kylo outstretches his right hand.   Rey feels him tug at the sword with the Force.  Annoyed, she grimaces and clamps down hard.  Because are they doing this sword tug-of-war thing again?   That didn’t end well last time.  “It’s mine, Kylo.”  Rey flashes a defiant look as her thumb twitches to activate the lightsaber to underscore her words.  “You’ll have to come and get it.”

 

At the snap-hiss that heralds the green blade, the remaining men in the room now shoot to their feet.  Kylo instantly takes over, raising a hand to forestall his men.  “Turn it off,” he orders to Rey.  When she hesitates, Kylo again repeats his command.  It comes out a roar this time.  “Turn it off!”  He glares across the room at her.  “You’re not here to fight.  I called you here to talk.”

 

Uneasy Rey keeps the blade lit.  “Then talk.”

 

“Turn it off!” he repeats again.  “If I wanted a fight, I would have come to you and the rest of your terrorist rebel friends.  I will not fight you,” he spits out his words.   “This holy place is neutral ground.  You will respect that!” he orders.  “Now, turn it off!”

 

“Afraid I’ll kick your ass again?” Rey jeers.  She has found her swagger now.  Maybe that’s foolhardy in the circumstances, but it feels good.  “Go ahead, Kylo.  Talk.  I’m listening.”

 

“No, you’re not.  No one ever listens once there’s a lit sword in their hands.”  Kylo holds her gaze steadily and calmly repeats, “I called you here to talk.  I will not fight you.  Back down.”

 

_I will not fight you . . . I will not fight you . . ._

Kylo’s words echo through her mind.  Rey deactivates her sword and drops it reflexively.  She doesn’t know why.  She peers down at the saber on the floor and then across at Kylo.  Did he do that?  For it felt less like she threw the sword down and more like it was pulled from her hand.  Scared now to feel defenseless, Rey reaches to reclaim the weapon with the Force, but it stubbornly resists her call.  Rey flexes her grip and tries unsuccessfully again.  Then she looks to Kylo in dismay.  Is he doing this? 

 

If he is, he doesn’t show it.  Kylo approves of her throw down move.  He nods at her.  “Fighting is not the solution.  Destroying each other should not be the goal.”  His words come out like a promise now.  “I will not fight you.   Rey, I will not fight you of all people.”

 

_I will not fight you . . . I will not fight you . . ._

 

Again, Kylo’s words echo in her head.  His voice sounds higher and husky like Luke Skywalker’s voice.  Like the owner of the green sword who had rejected Rey on Ahch-To like his sword rejects her now.  It’s this place, Rey realizes as she begins to panic.  It’s this strange, evocative place that is messing with her head.   Kylo’s Dark ancestral castle is fucking with her mind.  “Are you doing this?” Rey manages to squeak the words out before the Force overcomes her consciousness like on Takodano. “You promised I was safe!” she accuses in a slurred wail.

 

“REY!”  Vaguely, Rey hears Kylo call her name from a distance before she succumbs to the mysterious netherworld of the Force. 

 

This vision is just like on Takodano.  Just like when she touched hands with Kylo through the Force bond.  It is at once solid and clear, but vague and fuzzy, too.  It befuddles as it reveals, for mysterious are the ways of the Force.  The images come fast and disjointed, and so too the intense feelings they provoke.  The only constant is the loud cycling wheeze of artificial respiration.  It’s like a mechanical pant. 

 

What Rey sees is not a single place or a set time. For in the cosmic Force, history bends over on itself, wrapping the present in the past, all as prologue to the future.   For progress is slow because we tend to repeat our mistakes.  But after a while, the Force gets impatient and intervenes.  We have free will but only to a point.  The Force might obey your commands but it also controls your actions.  Like when it tears a lightsaber from your grip to prevent a fight that will end up killing you and delaying things yet another generation.

 

“ _I have the high ground!”  A man’s voice shouts this both as a physical warning and a moral declaration.  “Don’t do it!  Don’t try it!”_

_Rey can’t see the man.  She only sees a mask slowly descending over her face as the hiss of air rushing out becomes a high-pitched whine in her ears.  Suddenly, she feels claustrophobic and cut off from the physical world. This is a creature in a mask who is not the monster he is widely believed to be.  He will get used to the mask and the suit.  In time, he will grow to see them as an advantage for they hide his aching humanity.  He was never more machine than man, despite what everyone said._

_“You were the Chosen One!”  A man’s voice shouts this loud and clear.  He is indignant at the turn of events.  Chagrined too by his responsibility for them._

_The scene shifts and Rey stands here on Mustafar on a landing platform as angry words are exchanged by a man and woman she cannot see.  “Don’t you see?  Together, you and I can rule the galaxy. We can make things the way we want them to be!”   This man has spent long fruitless years at war and he is looking to take control.   “I don’t believe what I’m hearing!”  The woman is dismayed and uncooperative.  He knows that tone.  It sets him off. “Don’t you turn against me!” The man is frustrated that she doesn’t understand the opportunity he presents.  Once she rejects him, it goes downhill fast.  He deeply regrets how it ends, but it might be for the best.  Had she lived, she might have become his most intractable foe._

_“You were the Chosen One!”   It’s a plea now to return to the happy camaraderie of the past.   Because it’s not too late to turn back.   The Light will always welcome a sinner home._

_And now Rey hears the sound of a lightsaber igniting.  She whirls around and sees a black gloved hand outstretched at her.  “Join me.”  Is this Kylo?   It could be, but Rey doesn’t think so.  Because someone shouts back no and opts for suicide as the only way out.  The gloved hand clenches into an angry fist and then drops in disappointment and disgust.  That boy had been his last hope.  But the boy was afraid.  Until his dying day, that boy would rather be dead than be Dark.  It’s why years later that boy would justify lighting a sword over his nephew’s head._

_“You were the Chosen One!” The man’s words are an accusation now.  Because how could you let us all down like this?_

_But the Chosen One played his role, destroying the Sith in the end.  And then the son of the Chosen One played his part too.  Ultimately concluding that it was time for the Jedi to end.  That’s why the last Jedi refused the powerful Force user who sought out his teaching.  And that set things in motion again.  For always in flux the future is.  The Jedi are extinct, the Sith are gone. That just leaves the hard task for the grandson of the Chosen One.   But he cannot do it alone.  He must persuade, not conquer, to win._

_“You were the Chosen One!”  This time, the words are spoken in a different voice, in a reverent tone.   “Grandfather, show me again the power of Darkness.  Because I feel it again . . . the call to the Light.   Help me find the balance.”_

_Balance.  This is the passion of our Lord Darth Vader, who suffered and died for us all.  He is the prophet whose choices and suffering were meant as an example.  He is the instrument of the Force to teach that the Light is not always right, and that Dark means have their place and purpose too.  For Vader was Light, then he was Dark, then he was Light again.  The message of his sacrifice was always there in plain sight, but everyone drew the wrong conclusion.  Light didn’t conquer Darkness on the second Death Star.  It took another civil war and another Dark Skywalker to convince the galaxy of that.  When we will ever learn?_

_And now, Rey is back in the first Jedi temple.   She is in the stone alcove looking down at the strange mosaic on the floor that oddly reminds her of Snoke.  All around her, there are whispers in the air.  They are promises and punishments, lessons and lamentations. Spoken in voices she knows and voices she doesn’t._

_“I won’t fail you.  I’m not afraid.”_

_“I have failed you, Anakin.”_

_“I failed you, Ben.”_

_“The legacy of the Jedi is failure.”_

_“You were unbalanced.  You failed!”_

_“You didn't fail Kylo.  Kylo failed you.”_

_“Failure, the greatest teacher is.”_

_Failure is the crux of the matter, for no one is learning failure’s lesson.  The galaxy keeps doubling down on its mistakes with old thinking that leads to the same conflicts.  And so, the Force keeps rehashing it again and again, generation after generation.  That means more wars, more death, more suffering until someone finally gets it right._

“REY!” 

 

It’s Kylo voice shouting in her face as he shakes her awake.  Rey opens her eyes.    She’s on the ground with her head cradled in Kylo’s lap while his knights look on in a semi-circle around them. 

 

Rey recoils fast and skitters away, climbing shakily to her feet.   Kylo has Luke Skywalker’s sword in his hands, she sees.

 

“Careful, you hit your head when you fell.  Rey, it wasn’t too long ago that you had a major concussion—“

 

If Rey feels woozy now, it is from the aftermath of the vision.  Her blood is pumping and her heart pounding still.   She’s blinking rapidly.

 

Kylo keeps talking.  “I know you dreamt of the island.  Do you have these visions often?  That was . . . that was . . . ” Kylo is impressed.  He doesn’t finish his sentence. Instead, he looks around at his knights.  “We all felt that.”

 

Rey ignores him.  “Who is the Chosen One?”  she demands.  “What does that mean?”  When Kylo doesn’t answer immediately, Rey hollers out, “Who is the Chosen One?”  She’s a little crazed, but this is important. 

 

Kylo seems to think so too.  He climbs to his feet and looks her in eye.  “The Chosen One is the savior of the Force.  The one who will bring balance.”

 

She nods and demands again, “Who is the Chosen One?  Who is it?  Who was that man?”

 

Kylo answers quietly.  “It was supposed to be my grandfather.  Then it was supposed to be my uncle.”

 

“And now, it’s you,” Rey completes the thought.  “Oh, Gods, it’s you!”  She sucks in a quick breath, recalling now that this is the man who destroyed a Jedi temple in his youth and then grew up to slay Snoke.  He kills the Light and the Dark in an effort to let the past die.  “It was always you,” she whispers her thoughts aloud. 

 

“Yes.”  Kylo nods solemnly.  He hands her back Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber. “I am the Chosen One, Rey.  You didn’t dream of the island for Luke.  You dreamt of it for me.” 


	22. Chapter 22

This is not how he planned his reunion with Rey to happen.  But nothing ever goes as planned with Rey.  The whole galaxy now bends to his will except, of course, Rey.

 

Old Vanee is the only one who knows what’s up.  The first moment Kylo and the old caretaker are alone together after he arrives, Vanee produces a datapad with the pictures of he and Rey from the holonet.  “Who’s the girl?” the old man asks with a gleam in his eye. “She reminds me of your grandmother.”   That had been Kylo’s cue to come clean about who Rey is and her role in the death of Snoke.  Kylo omits the personal details but the old guy is savvy enough to read between the lines.   Vanee is very perceptive.  And, well, you don’t have to be a genius to know that when you disobey your Dark Master to save the girl, something is up.

 

Before he knew it, Kylo had taken out his datapad to show Vanee some pictures of Rey that never hit the holonet and he’s telling the old guy about their time together on the _Finalizer_.  The whole story tumbles out, from finding Rey on Takodano to the punchline of how Rey ultimately left him and he got mad and exiled her.  She is the enemy he made a friend and then an enemy again, Kylo vents.  And now, Rey is all over the First Order’s Intel files as a key conspirator in the efforts to rekindle the Resistance.  Oh, and his top military aides think she’s his sister. 

 

Discreet Vanee listens intently, asking a few questions here and there.  Then, the resourceful old retainer takes matters into his own hands.  Someone burns up the hyperdrive of a shuttle to ferry Rey’s _Finalizer_ wardrobe to Mustafar before she arrives.  And somewhere, Vanee scores beautiful white flowers that he uses to festoon about an extra bedroom. 

 

Kylo views these preparations with a skeptical eye.  “Is this necessary?” he asks.   But what he really means is ‘do you think this will actually work?’  Because now, he’s getting sort of excited.

 

“Think of it as a grand gesture in lieu of actually groveling.  It won’t do to have an Emperor grovel,” the old guy judges.  “But we want Lady Rey to feel welcomed and comfortable so she will decide to stay a while, yes?”  Vanee winks at him conspiratorially.  “There is an Imperial succession to secure, is there not?” the caretaker says blithely.  “Long live the Skywalkers,” Vanee clucks happily, and damned if Kylo doesn’t feel his cheeks flush hot and red.  But, yeah . . . that’s the general idea. 

 

He counts the hours until Rey will arrive to the privacy of Mustafar.  She’ll be prickly at first, Kylo reminds himself.  But they will talk it out and make amends about the war, the Force, and their future.  She will drop this Resistance nonsense.  He will rescind the exile business.  Then, he will whisk her into the bedroom full of Vanee’s flowers and make mad passionate love to her all night long.  It will be just what they need as a couple and just what he needs to release some pent-up stress and frustration.  And when the Ren arrive the next morning, they will find him at breakfast sitting with princess-clad Rey looking lovely.  She’s young, beautiful, and full of the Force.   She’s good in a fight and she can rebuild a hyperdrive from scratch.  This girl slays in every way.  What more could a man want?  “Meet your new Empress,” Kylo will introduce Rey to his knights.   This time, happily-ever-after will begin on Mustafar, not end.  This time, the Skywalker will get both the galaxy and the girl.

 

But that never happened.  Instead, Rey is a no-show.  Kylo spends the day of her scheduled arrival working.  He spends the night brooding.  Well, he did some seething too.  But truthfully, he is more disappointed than angry.  Correctly sensing his mood, Vanee informs him which rooms of the castle are most in need of refurbishment.  Do not, the old man instructs, destroy any of the other rooms.  This is the family castle, not your castle.  You are a steward like I am, so you only get to hack away where I say.   Then, old Vanee bowed especially low over his cane, called him Master, and withdrew with great dignity.  Kylo had proceeded to destroy some stuff to take the edge off his emotions.  But, as usual, violence is only a temporary fix, not a cure.

 

The next morning when the Knights of Ren troop in, it is just Kylo alone as usual.  He sits downing cups of caf hunched over his datapad.  The knights all disappear to stash away their duffle bags when Kylo hears the sounds of loud male laughter.  He investigates and finds Second Knight Nestor Ren in the bedroom prepared for Rey.  Nestor is sprinkling white rose petals over his head as he declares himself a virgin bride on his wedding night to the hearty guffaws of his audience of other knights.  Third Knight Hassan Ren is holding Rey’s pink dress up to his muscled frame to the catcalls of the others.     

 

Sullen Kylo plays dumb about it all.  What else could he do?  Explaining about Rey would mean explaining that she had stood him up.  And that would make him look like a loser in front of his men.

 

Thankfully, Vanee arrives to end the fun with one stern glare.  “Sir Nestor!” the caretaker’s reprimand is quiet but instantly effective, “You forget yourself and your dignity.”   The old caretaker snatched back the pink dress from Hassan and orders everyone out.  “I am expecting a special guest.  This will be her room, not yours.” 

 

It sort of devolves from there.  One of his men lets out a low whistle.  “Vanee, we didn’t know you still had it in you.”

 

“Of course, I do,” ancient Vanee hisses.   “My lady friends are not your concern,” he decrees frostily.

 

The knights’ comments become a bit more ribald after that, as men can tend to be when not in mixed company.  Vanee refuses to disclose any information as he stoically endures the atta boy backslapping and lewd words of advice from the knights.  Trust it to Vader’s faithful old steward to take one for team Skywalker yet again.

 

“Enough!” Kylo inserts himself gruffly.  “Let’s get to work.”

 

Hours later, Kylo is deep in discussion with his knights about his plans to divide his territories among them for oversight when suddenly the doors open and Rey reappears. 

 

She came.  She’s here.  In the flesh.  Right now. 

 

Instantly, Kylo feels the subtle charge in the energy field of the Force that heralds Rey’s arrival.  Somehow, this girl changes things just by her very presence.  Kylo’s heart skips a beat as he stares and Rey stares back.  Then, he leaps to his feet in his best Crown Prince of Alderaan manners.  In the back of his mind, he hears his mother’s voice telling him to stand when a lady enters the room.  So he stands there . . . staring.

 

The knights stare too.  His men are far from stupid.  Now, they know whose pink dress that was. 

 

Rey stands opposite him with a sword in one hand and the temple books clutched in the other.  She looks like a Jedi adventuress and she calls him Ben and starts apologizing. 

 

Now, the knights are really staring.

 

It’s kind of gratifying to see Rey caught off guard and acting less than her normal macho self.  But that ends quickly when Nestor opens his big mouth, Rey lights her sword, and his knights ready themselves to fulfill their oaths to die to protect him.  And, yeah, in retrospect he probably could have been a bit more conciliatory about the sword.  But just seeing his uncle’s green blade after all these years was off putting. 

 

Thankfully, the Force intervened. 

 

Rey had swooned into the vision as if on cue. It would have been perfect in its dramatic effect but for the cringe inducing thud when her head hit the floor.  Kylo was there first to pick her up, worried initially that her catatonic look was from injury and not from the Force.  But then he felt the pressure on his eardrums and the dull ache behind his eyes that signals the intercession of a tremendous amount of Force.  Kylo shivers at the feel of all that raw power.  His knights all exchange glances. 

 

“Who is she?” Nestor Ren speaks up first as usual.  And, truthfully, the Second Knight might be reacting more to Kylo gathering the swooned newcomer into his arms than to Rey’s impressive power.  His men know that he’s not much for women.

 

“She’s mine,” Kylo snaps back as he worriedly strokes at Rey’s hair.   Whatever this vision is, it’s a doozy he can tell.  The Force in this girl is simply amazing, he marvels.

 

“Who is she?”  This time, it’s the Fourth Knight Quentin Ren asking.  “She’s beautiful.”  It’s true.  With her chestnut hair splayed around her and her face relaxed in repose, Rey looks like the sleeping beauty of the Force.  Like some mystical oracle princess waiting to be claimed with a kiss.

 

When Rey regains her wits, she starts asking about the prophecy of the Chosen One.  She doesn’t understand, of course.  Rey wasn’t raised on the lore of the Force.  Skywalker taught her nothing and the little information that is publicly available is mostly false. 

 

It all boils down to this:  “Yes.”  Kylo nods solemnly at the now standing Rey.  He hands her back Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber in a moment of magnanimity. “I am the Chosen One, Rey.  You didn’t dream of the island for Luke.  You dreamt of it for me.”

 

She stares at him for a long moment, as if with fresh eyes.  “Oh,” she says in a small voice.

 

Kylo can’t tell if she is happy or sad about that news, but he can tell that he’s making headway.  “It’s why Luke turned you away.  He was never supposed to teach you.  Even he knew it was time for the Jedi to end.”

 

Rey looks troubled at the mention of Luke.  “But why would the Force let Darkness win if it wants there to be balance?” she asks.

 

It’s a fair question.  Kylo starts explaining the history now.  “The Force tried first with Vader on the Dark Side, but he died saving his son.  Then it gave my uncle the chance to bring balance coming from the Light, but Luke misunderstood.  You can’t balance the Force by defeating Darkness.  That’s why balance didn’t come from Luke defeating the Sith.”

 

“Luke didn’t defeat the Sith,” Rey eyes him and the knights bit resentfully.  “Because the Sith are still around in one form or another today.”

 

He’s not a Sith, but Kylo lets the matter slide.  He simply nods.  She’s making his point.  “Darkness endures, like the Light.”

 

“So when the Light prevailed at Endor—”

 

“Darkness arose to meet it,” Kylo finishes the corollary thought.  “Snoke.  But he’s gone and so is Luke.”

 

“So it falls to you to balance the Force,” Rey concludes.  She thinks a moment before she asks, “What part do the rest of us play?” Rey surveys his silent but curious men warily.  “Who are these guys?” 

 

“We are the Knights of Ren. Ren,” Kylo collectively addresses his men, “This is Rey.  She found Skywalker in exile but he refused to teach her.  He said her power scared him,” Kylo adds proudly.  Rey’s raw power matches his own but it’s not threatening to him.  Kylo likes it, actually.  It’s one more reason she is worthy of him. 

 

Kylo turns back to Rey. “The Ren are all the trained Force users left in the galaxy.  We alone keep the faith of the Force.”

 

Rey’s eyes narrow. “What faith?  Jedi or Sith?”

 

“We are the new Jedi,” Kylo says solemnly.  His reverence is quickly followed by a smirk. “But really, we are the old Jedi.  We follow the ancient Jedi faith as taught by Snoke.  It is not,” Kylo sternly points out, “the Old Republic Jedi religion as practiced by my heretic uncle.”

 

“I don’t understand.”  Rey is lost in all of this.  She looks a little taken aback.  Maybe a little indignant, too.

 

Nestor Ren just befuddles her more when he not-so-helpfully announces, “We’re on a mission from God.”

 

“What??” Rey gapes.

 

Kylo now calmly explains what every Jedi knows, “We are on a mission from the creator or whatever you wish to call it.  In the end, it’s always the Force.  All gods are the Force.  All religions are the Force.”  

 

“As was in the beginning, it is now, and ever shall be, the Force without end,” Percival Ren, his most annoyingly pious knight, now intones.

 

“Amen,” the rest dutifully acknowledge the prayer in unison. 

 

Rey blinks at this.  Then, she sort of looks like she might laugh out loud but she’s suppressing the urge.  And that’s a good thing, because his knights don’t take kindly to irreverence.  Even irreverence motivated by ignorance.  The Force is more than cool tricks and swords.  It is a sacred calling.  This power comes with duties and discipline.  But untutored Rey doesn’t know that yet.  She doesn’t know anything.  She desperately needs a teacher to refine and develop her talent.

 

And so, Kylo ignores her skeptic’s tendencies.  “The Ren are the warrior priests of the Force,” Kylo tells her proudly.   He takes the Force, his knights, and his position seriously.  He didn’t kill his family, slay his Master, and subdue the galaxy to laugh it off.   “You know the First Order as an anti-Republic military and political movement.   We are a religious movement as well.  Not many people know that.”  Kylo amends that statement after a moment.  “Well, only the people who need to know actually know that.”

 

“Like Luke Skywalker who you hunted for years?” Rey jeers.  “You are Snoke’s henchmen,” she scoffs.   “You are the Dark Side!” she accuses.

 

“We follow the will of the Force.”  It’s Nestor Ren speaking up again and sounding smug.  “Some of us followed Luke Skywalker first.  And then we followed Snoke.  Now, we serve and protect his anointed successor.”

 

Rey looks unimpressed.  She cocks her head at Kylo and puts one hand on her hip.  “Let me guess—that’s you.”

 

“Yes,” Kylo nods.  “I am Master of the Knights of Ren.”

 

“So you are the Emperor of the galaxy, the Master of these guys, and some Chosen One savior too?  That’s very grandiose of you,” she observes.

 

“The Skywalkers always go big.  You know that.”

 

Rey raises an eyebrow in response.  “Are you about to give me another recruitment speech?  You know, the whole ‘join me’ pitch?”

 

“No.  The Force just did that when it knocked you on your ass,” Kylo asserts.

 

Flummoxed Rey has no rejoinder to that.

 

“The Force is with me in this.  Don’t threaten the Chosen One, Rey.  Next time, you’ll probably get struck by lightning,” Kylo smirks.  “The Force can be a wrathful god sometimes, so watch out.  And if you go too far, the Force will strike back at you.”

 

“You really believe all this, don’t you?”  She sounds incredulous.

 

“Yes.  When are you going to connect the dots and draw the right conclusion?” he complains.  “That vision on Takodano was mostly of me.   Don’t deny it.  I saw it in your mind.” 

 

“I’ve seen you again recently,” Rey admits softly.  “Only in dreams.” 

 

“Tell me.” 

 

“You were sitting on the rock at Luke’s temple.” 

 

“It’s my temple now.”

 

“You were sitting on the Jedi rock at the Jedi temple.”  Emphasis on ‘Jedi’ both times.   Rey frowns at him some more.  “Actually, come to think of it, it was probably blasphemy for the Jedi-killer Kylo Ren to be there.”

 

“It was truth,” Kylo corrects her.  “I meant what I said when I told you that I am a Jedi.  I can accept that label now.  We’re not Jedi in the modern sense, but in the original, true sense.  The Knights of Ren tap into the Dark and the Light Side.”  Rey silently digests this as he explains, “The knights all have different talents and separate strengths in the Force.  Some of us are stronger with the Dark or the Light.  But we are all a mix.”  Kylo gives her a pointed look now.  “Just like you, Rey.”

 

She looks over his knights, considering them carefully now.  Kylo watches as her eyes linger on the swords each wears at his waist.  “So your men are all conflicted . . . just like you?”

 

“To varying degrees, yes.  And unlike Skywalker’s version of the Force, we accept that about ourselves.  Snoke accepted it too, for the most part.  He even tolerated Percival here who’s almost as Light as you.”  Kylo gestures to the youngest, most earnest of his knights. 

 

“Maz Kanata said that Snoke was once a Jedi,“ Rey whispers aloud.  “I didn’t really believe her, but it must be true.”

 

“Maz Kanata the old pirate lady with the glasses on Takodano?” Kylo asks.   “Where we met?”

 

Rey nods.  “She has the Force.  She had Luke’s blue lightsaber in her basement.”

 

Did she really?  Kylo files that information away.  “Good to know.”  Then, he gets back to the topic at hand.  “The Ren are not like the Jedi heroes in the fairytales you know.   We use both Dark and the Light to achieve our goals.  Forget the idea that the Dark is evil and the Light is good.  The universe isn’t that simple.  Life is more complicated than that.  More morally vague.  You can be well intentioned and be wrong.  And you can use Dark means to do good.”  

 

Unexpectedly, that point hits home.  Rey looks down and away.  Her shoulders sort of slump.  “I wish things were less vague . . . “

 

“Disappointed?” he goads.

 

“That you will be the one to save us all?” Rey retorts.  “Yeah.  Yeah, I am disappointed.  I thought it would be your uncle.”

 

“Everyone thought it would be Luke.”  Kylo’s voice softens now.  “When I was your age, I thought so too.  But Luke wasn’t the hero the galaxy needs now.” 

 

“No. He wasn't,” Rey concedes.  “That’s why I left him and came to you and Snoke.”  She glances up now, looking a bit crushed as she whispers aloud, “Ben, I thought I could save you.  But now you’re saying that you will be the one to save me?”

 

“I hope so,” he answers honestly.  “If you will let me, I will.  Come,” he beckons her towards the door.  “We should talk alone.  Nestor,” he turns to the First Knight, his second-in-command, “Carry on.”  Then, he ushers Rey into a nearby room where they can speak privately.

 

“I can’t stay long,” Rey tells him as the door slides shut.  “I need to get back.”

 

He ignores this, of course.  Because finally, they are alone.  Kylo has so much to say to this woman.  But he starts with the most immediate point:  “Forget the Force for a minute--what do you think you are doing, Rey?” he demands.

 

“You mean at the Resistance?”

 

Obviously.  “The Resistance is dead.  The war is over,” he tells her vehemently.  “Why are you trying to start it again?”   He punctuates his reprimand by pressing on her good girl Light Side guilt.  “Do you want more people to die?  Is that it?”

 

Rey looks a bit sheepish.  She is defensive as she explains, “I refuse to live in exile, so I left the island.”  And now her eyes trail down and away as she admits, “But then I ran into the others by accident.  And the Resistance seemed as good a place as any to hide out from you--”

 

“You’re not that stupid,“ he interrupts her rationalizing.

 

It provokes her to lash out with the truth.  “Look, I didn’t want to be alone, okay?  I didn’t want to be alone again.”   Rey looks away and damn if her bottom lip isn’t trembling.  She’s on the verge of tears suddenly. 

 

Fuck.   It's as he feared.  He drove her back to the rebels.   Kylo sighs heavily and relents, “You don’t have to live in exile.  There’s no reason to stay with the Resistance.  If you won’t stay with me, then you are free to start a new life someplace else.”  That’s a big concession on his part.  Does she see that?

 

No, she doesn’t.  “I’m not leaving the Resistance.  Those are my friends,” she says loyally as she wipes at one eye. 

 

“Are they?” he questions.  “Because they are going to get you killed.”

 

“They are my friends.” 

 

“Aren’t you my friend?”  Kylo searches her eyes for understanding now.  Because didn’t their time together mean anything to Rey?   Didn’t their night count for something with her? 

 

She glares at him.  “Friends don't exile friends.  Look, I'm here because the Resistance wants me to kill you.  I don't want to do that.  I want to find a different path.  But you make it sort of hard to refuse with these tactics,” she grumbles.  

 

His brow furrows in response.  Now, he’s the indignant one.  “I haven’t threatened you.” 

 

“You didn't have to—you’re the Emperor.  I’m with the Resistance.  We’re enemies, remember?”

 

“No, we’re not.”  She’s back to that same old refrain and it annoys him.  “You were the aggressor who pulled a sword on me just now,” he reminds her.  Kylo raises an eyebrow in disdain.  “That was a dumb move. You’re smarter than that.  You almost got yourself killed next door.”

 

Rey shoots him a look.  “Now, you’re really tempting me to kill you.”

 

“Yeah?  Are you going to do it?” he challenges.

 

She eyes him, but says nothing.  And, that’s a ‘no.’  It’s some progress, at least.

 

Kylo steps closer now and his voice is low as he reminds her, “You were on your knees held fast in the Force presented for execution when I refused to kill you.  I defied my Master and killed him so that you would live.”

 

Rey visibly swallows.  She’s clearly uncomfortable at the memory. 

 

Kylo steps closer still and continues.  “I’ve seen Snoke in the Force as a ghost.  He still thinks I should kill you.   But I won’t.”   Kylo frowns down at Rey now. “You tried to kill me when we first met in the woods.  Then you swung a sword at me on Starkiller Base.  Do you still want to kill me?” he softly demands. 

 

They are close, so close to one another.  Her nearness sets his blood racing fast.

 

Abruptly, Rey steps away and marches across the room to the window to ostensibly look out. “Nothing ever changes, does it?” she complains.  “The Dark and the Light are in conflict, the galaxy is at war.   The faces change but it’s all the same.  I’m starting to see that now.”

 

“Yes . . . yes!”  Kylo seizes on her line of thought.  “Rey, you’ve just taken your first steps into a larger world. We have to look beyond these tired old tropes to build something new.  We have to stop doing the same things that lead to the same outcomes.   Let the past die,” he exhorts her.  “Don’t keep reliving it by rebuilding the Resistance.”

 

She turns to face him and throws up her hands.  “How else do we influence things?” she demands, clearly frustrated. 

 

“My offer still stands.”

 

Rey makes a face and crosses her arms.  “I’m not joining you.”

 

“Why not?  Give me a real answer this time.”

 

“Because I can’t be who you want me to be,” she wails.  And that’s a non-answer as far as he is concerned.   This girl can be anything she wants to be.  Can’t she see that?

 

“They are using you,” Kylo accuses.  “The Resistance is just using you for your power.”

 

“No, they’re not.”  Rey is indignant.

 

But he tells it like it is.  “They want a Jedi to be their mascot.  They want a new Luke Skywalker.  I know because years ago I was supposed to play that role.  Well, you already did your part.  You tried to be the Light Side hero on the _Supremacy_.  It didn’t work with me because I know the Light is not the answer.”  He wishes she could realize that.  But maybe in time, she will.

 

“No one wants me to turn you.  They want me to kill you,” Rey doesn’t mince words.

 

“Assassination is not very Jedi.”

 

“I know,” she complains. “I’ve told them that.  But they believe they have no other choice.  They think that killing you and General Hux is the only way to improve things and get others to rally to their cause.”

 

Kylo shrugs. “They can kill Hux.”  Good riddance to that guy.  Hux has been living on borrowed time since the Starkiller Base debacle.  Plus, he’ll make an excellent First Order martyr. “But they don’t get to kill me.  They can try, but without your help they are unlikely to succeed.”  Kylo is not being cocky, he’s just stating facts.

 

He looks Rey over now, taking in her troubled expression and defensive posture.  Nothing about Rey’s words or actions has been very encouraging.   The best he has gotten out of her so far is a statement that she doesn’t want to kill him.  That’s a far cry from the romantic reunion he had daydreamed about.   

 

“So why are you here?   Why did you come?   You don’t want to kill me but you don't want to join me.  What do you want?”  He’s curious. 

 

“I want to make things better but I want to avoid a war.   Isn’t there any way of doing that?” she asks.

 

Of course, there is.  “Join me—“

 

She cuts him off.  “Even if I did join you, Finn and Rose and the rest aren’t going away.  In fact, they might want to kill you more than ever then.”   Rey looks away as she confesses, “The Resistance is very angry about Crait.  They are radicalized in a way they weren’t before.  Maybe a little vindictive, too.  Look, they are good people with worthy goals, but they are poised to go down a path I cannot follow.”  She bites her lip.  “It’s not just about killing you.  It’s their whole goal of restarting the war that I don’t like.”

 

Kylo nods slowly.  Because this is progress.  Rey keeps talking of the Resistance as ‘they’ and ‘them’ and not ‘we’ and ‘us.’  She’s already distancing herself from them, even if she doesn’t realize it.  “What are you proposing?” he asks.

 

“Things are just getting off the ground now at the Resistance.  But I have influence there.  Maybe I can persuade them to become something different than your mother’s version of the Resistance.   Maybe the Resistance could be more political and less military.  Less like the old Rebellion and more like an organized opposition party.”

 

Organized opposition party??  "Just what do you envision the Empire looking like in the end?  And don’t say a democracy.  Because that’s not going to happen.”

 

“I’m not really sure,” Rey readily admits.  “But however it looks, it can’t have children stolen from their parents to be raised as stormtroopers. And it can’t have live munitions tested on innocent civilians.  Or people imprisoned indefinitely without a trial or a sentence.  Or superweapons that destroy entire planets.”  Rey looks him in the eye.  “All the First Order institutional indifference to life has to stop.  Human or alien—all sentient beings have value.  They are all part of the Force.”

 

It’s hard to argue with that sentiment phrased that way.  Plus, he loves it when Rey is in her element as the champion of the Light.  She would be so good by his side as his consort.  As his conscience in all things.  Kylo nods slowly.  “Okay.  I can work with that.”  He’s not surprised that survivor Rey values life. 

 

Rey turns his question around on him now.  “What do you envision the Empire looking like?  Are you really going to follow through on the First Order’s plans?” she asks.

 

“I’m going to tackle most of them in some form or another,” he responds.  “Look, I want to make the galaxy great again.  More efficient and law abiding, with a stable economy and a well-run government.  I also want the Empire to be fair and transparent.  I don’t need everyone to like me or to like what I do.  But I want people to understand my reasons.”   Logic is the foundation of an orderly and secure society, after all. 

 

Maybe Rey’s idea to make the Resistance a political opposition has merit, he considers now.  At the very least, it will drive a wedge between her and her more radical terrorist friends, he reasons.  And if that’s the only benefit, it is still to his advantage.  So, he accepts.  “I would prefer a political opposition to a military foe.  Like you, I want to avoid restarting the war.”  He doesn’t want the Rebellion version 2.0 on his hands.  “What’s your plan?” he asks.

 

She blinks.  “I don’t have a plan.”

 

“Then get one.  You said you have influence with the Resistance.”

 

“Give me time.  I’m making this up as I go,” she retorts.

 

“So I’m supposed to allow you to ostensibly organize your revolution while you work from within to convince them of the need for non-violent action?”  Kylo wants to confirm they are on the same page. 

 

Rey nods. “Yeah . . . basically.  Peaceful change is the goal.”  She warns him now, “But you would have to make some concessions.  This has to be a two-way street, Kylo, or it will never work.”

 

“I’m open to anything but a Senate.  That’s a non-starter.”  He draws a line in the sand on that issue just to be clear. 

 

“Okay.” 

 

“Don’t expect me to roll over.  The First Order won the war.  Wars don’t end with compromise. They end with a winner.  I am the winner,” he reminds her.

 

“I understand.  But you need to be reasonable and you can’t hide behind all the usual First Order double-speak.  I will only do this if you will listen to the truth and speak the truth.” 

 

Her words portray her political naivete.  “Truth?” he scoffs.  “What’s that?  Truth is a point of view, Rey.  Our experiences shape our perceptions.  My truth might not be the same as your truth.  But I might believe mine equally as much.”

 

“What are you saying?”

 

“I saying that there are a lot of First Order supporters out there. They have legitimate grievances against the Republic.  I have to govern them too.  That means not all the compromises will come from my end.  Are you prepared for that?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Are your friends prepared for that?  What makes you think those crazies will compromise?”

 

Rey takes issues with his words.  “Supporting democracy and civil rights does not make you a crazy person.”

 

“FN-2187 is a crazy person.”

 

“Finn.  His name is Finn,” she scowls.  “Look, all I can do is try.  What’s the worst that will happen?” she posits.

 

Again, Rey is being naïve.  “They’ll brand you a traitor to the cause and shoot you.  Extremists do things like that,” Kylo warns without a trace of irony.

 

“Finn is not going to shoot me.”

 

“Are you sure?” Kylo goads.  “Because before the traitor was even out of his stormtrooper uniform, he was indiscriminately firing on First Order troops who five minutes previous were supposedly his buddies.”

 

“He wanted to get away from the First Order.  Finn was scared.”

 

“That was an awfully fast shift in loyalties.   One day, he could turn on you just like that,” Kylo warns.

 

“He won’t. He’s not like that.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“I know him!” she objects.  “I trust him,”

 

“You’ve known him a few months.  That’s not long.”

 

“I’ve known him longer than you.”  That comment pretty much puts him in his place.  It also makes Kylo think better of this arrangement.  “Rey, I don’t like this—“  He’s setting her up as a traitor to the Resistance and to his Empire.   It’s a precarious position that might be misconstrued to horrible consequences.  “You don’t have to do this.  I’ll get you an apartment somewhere and you can find a job and build a regular life as a normal citizen.”

 

She shakes her head.  “I can’t run out on Finn.  Let me at least try to work within the Resistance to make a path for peace.”

 

“This might fail spectacularly.” He states the worst-case scenario again: “You might end up dead.”

 

Rey acknowledges the truth of his words.  “That’s always been a risk.  But if we can avert a war, then I will save my own life, Finn’s life, and other lives too.”

 

He nods, and can’t help but remark, “This is very Jedi of you.”

 

“Yeah?” she raises an eyebrow hopefully.

 

“Yeah,” he nods.  “Yeah, it is.”  He declines to mention that all this deception also makes it a bit Sith.  All in all, this plan is sort of balanced, he muses.  But he won’t tell Rey that just yet.

 

“I should go,” she abruptly announces.  “I’m late getting back as it is.”

 

And, wait—she’s leaving?  “You’ve only been here an hour.”  She’s still prickly and they are still talking business.  There hasn’t been any time to talk about them personally yet.   And that’s the most important part.    

 

But Rey has already hoisted her knapsack over her shoulder as she heads for the door.  “How do I get out of here?” she calls to him.

 

“Wait!  We’re not done yet,” he maintains as he runs to catch up.  “What about the books?”

 

“Not now, Kylo,” she shuts him down.  And, damn, this girl is fast.  All that desert living must have given her an innate sense of direction because she’s heading the right way as she strides through his castle. 

 

“When will I see you again?” he asks when he catches up.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Soon.  I have to see you again soon,” he insists as they skirt the corner into the main corridor that leads to the outside.  Kylo reaches into his pocket for his comlink and offers it to her.  “Take it.  I’ll contact you.”

 

Rey refuses to accept.  “No. I can’t have that.  It’s too risky someone will find it.  They’ll think I’m your agent then.  Besides, they monitor all coms in and out of the base.”

 

“Then open the bond again.”

 

“I don't know how,” she complains.  “I don’t know how to do anything in the Force.  And the stuff I can do, I can’t explain.”  Kylo opens his mouth to suggest his usual solution and she shuts him down.  “Don’t say it!  I know, I need a teacher.  Luke’s books are useless to me.  They are no substitute for a teacher. I need a teacher.”

 

“I will—“

 

“I don’t trust you,” she cuts him off again.  “I want to learn but I’m afraid you will deceive me.   There is no one to teach me now.” Rey sighs and looks forlorn.  “I have a power I don’t understand and cannot control.” 

 

He grabs for her hand and jerks her to a halt just as they exit the castle’s main door.  Because what the fuck?  “You don’t trust me to teach you but you trust me enough to conspire with me about the Resistance?”

 

“I’m not conspiring!  I’m trying to prevent war from breaking out again by getting both sides to moderate their positions.”  Rey makes to walk away but he nabs her hand again and holds fast.  He doesn’t want to chase Rey again.  It seems like he has been chasing this girl off and on since he was hunting the droid with the map.

 

“You don’t trust me??”  He is hurt by this news.  Maybe he shouldn’t be, but he is.

 

Rey looks him in the eye.  “If I trusted you, I would be joining you.”  She looks away and makes a rueful face.  “If I trusted you, I would have stayed with you on the _Finalizer_.” 

 

Finally, Kylo thinks, they are talking about them and not just politics and the Force.  It’s not ideal out here where there are two praetorians a few feet away and a dozen troopers out of earshot but looking on.   But here goes.   “Rey—”

 

“I’m not a fool!  I told you then and I’ll tell you now, you are too big a risk, Kylo Ren!  I don’t take foolish risks.”

 

“This is why you left me!” he hisses.  “Not because you can’t be who I want you to be, but because you are afraid!”

 

“Look, I’m here because I want to do the right thing.  The war is lost—I see that even if Finn and the others don’t.  I want to salvage what I can of the ideals of the Resistance in light of that.  I’m doing this for myself, for Han Solo, for Leia Organa, and for all the others who died in your war.  I don’t want their deaths to be in vain.  I want the galaxy to be a better place because they fought and died for the Light.”

 

“Rey—”

 

She overrides him.  “You want me to be complicit!  That’s never going to happen, Kylo.  At best, I’m going to be your loyal opposition.”

 

“You can play that role at my side,” he grinds out his offer again.

 

“No, I can’t.  I can’t be true to myself and stand at your side.  Here,” she unshoulders her knapsack with the Jedi books and hands them over.  “Take them.  I think you’ll like them.  They were way too advanced for me.”

 

Kylo accepts the bag and sets it down on the ground.  He looks Rey in the eye.  “I don’t want the books.  I want you.”  The Force is crackling and popping all around them now.  Charged with their ongoing conflict and electric with undeniable attraction.  Can she feel it too?  They have a connection that will not be suppressed.  It was strong through the bond in the Force, but in person it feels almost magnetic right now.  “Don’t go.  Stay with me.  Just for a day or so,” he outright begs.

“I can’t,” she shoots him down.  “Not without creating problems for myself.  If this approach has any chance of working, the Resistance has to trust me.”    She looks across the landing platform to where her ship is parked.  She’s clearly anxious to be gone.

 

“Stay, and we’ll plot a strategy together for the Resistance.  It will be more effective this way.”

 

“I need to go.”

 

“You’re afraid that I won’t let you leave—is that it?” 

 

“I need to go.”

 

“Just spend a few hours with me.  That’s all,” Kylo cajoles as he steps closer.

 

She steps back.  “You’re not asking me to stay for the Resistance, are you?” she asks. 

 

No, he’s not.  Damn, he wishes they were alone, but it’s clear he’s not getting her back inside now.  So, Kylo sucks up his pride.  “I’m not good at this,” he confesses awkwardly as he backs down.  “I’m not good at . . . at . . .”

 

“At?” she prompts, wrinkling her face.

 

“At any of this.  I’m not good at us.  I’m not good at peace.”  He’s both exasperated and unsure of himself.  Something about this girl and all the possibilities she represents knocks him off his stride.   How can he explain it?   He tries.  “All I know is war and fighting.  Peace is . . . new.  It’s hard.  You—you are hard too.”  And, wait, that came out wrong.  “Exiling you was stupid and I didn’t think it through . . . I should never have left you alone . . . I know how that scares you but I was mad.”  He runs a hand through his wild hair now.  “I don’t have friends,” he says plainly. “I have subordinates, I have knights, I have subjects, I have allies, and I have enemies.”   He used to have an exacting, derisive Master too.  But not anymore.  “I guess I have Vanee and he’s like a friend,” Kylo finishes lamely, “but you are nothing like Vanee.   He’s easy. You never do what I say.”  And, fuck, that came out wrong too.

 

“I’m not your servant,” Rey informs him.  “I’m not about to join you and call you Master so you can boss me around—“

 

“It wouldn’t be like that.”

 

“How would it be then?” 

 

“We would be a team.  Equals in the Force.  The Empire would get the best of both of us.”   Kylo swallows hard and makes the whole pitch again now.  He might as well.  “We would be together.  You and I.”

 

“Together,” she echoes softly.  “Like—“

 

“Yes,” he says a little too quickly.  And fuck, he sounds so desperate.  Probably because he is.  She’s walking out on him again now and it makes him anxious.   It doesn’t help that he has an audience.  But at least he has destiny on his side, he encourages himself. 

 

Rey looks down and shifts her weight.  And, now things get even more cringeworthy fast.  “Kylo, that night was a mistake.”

 

“No, it wasn’t!”  That comes out wrong, too.  Angry and vehement.  He tries again, “We could be so good together.   Rey—“  He reaches for her now.  “Don’t say no.  Just think about it some more.   Think about all that I am offering you.”

 

She is loosely in his arms now, staring up at him, and shaking her head no.  Rey is still so hesitant about him.  She might want to find a way to avert a war and moderate his reign, but she isn’t buying the balance part.  She isn’t buying the together part either, he sees. 

 

He is mostly Dark and she is mostly Light.  The weight of history, the circumstances of a war, and the expectations of everyone in the galaxy, make them enemies . . . but they could be so much more.   Rey could be his balance in the Force, in politics, and in life.  She could be the Light he craves.  Can’t she see that? 

 

She doesn’t. Rey is about to tell him ‘no’ when he beats her to it.  “Don’t!”  It’s a plea and a warning.  “Don't say no.   I will give your idea with the Resistance a chance if you will give us a chance too.”

 

“Kylo—“

 

“That’s the only way this can work.   You will try to trust me.  I will trust you.   And we will both be open to where destiny leads.”

 

“But—”

 

“Trust in the Force.  Be open to the will of the Force in all things,” he quotes Snoke.

 

She’s so close now as she blinks up at him, undecided.  But she’s not pulling away.  Her proximity is a silent invitation for a kiss that he accepts.  And now his lips find hers.  He is kissing Rey senseless on the Mustafar landing pad with his hands buried in her loose hair.  They are in full view of the guards and half the windows of his castle.  But what the Hell?   Something about Rey’s lure makes him especially impulsive.   It’s like destiny is goading him to take a risk.   Besides, he’s the Emperor of the galaxy.  He can take whatever he wants.  Even a kiss from a desert scavenger turned Resistance conspirator.

 

In his enraptured state, it feels like the kiss goes on and on as he wears Rey down and she tentatively responds to him.  In reality, it’s probably only a few seconds.   But it’s enough to get him going fast.  He’s ready to toss her over his shoulder and carry her off to the bed decorated in Vanee’s flowers when Rey abruptly jerks back. 

 

“I have to go,” she pants.

 

“Is that a yes?” he demands.  “Will you give us another chance?”  Kylo holds his breath.

 

Rey is very agitated now.  Furiously tossing her hair as she looks away towards her ship.  “Fine.  Yes,” she accepts. 

 

Maybe she’s placating him so she can get away, but it’s progress still.  “Listen, this castle is a safe place for you,” he impulsively tells Rey.  “If you need help, you can always come here.  The war, politics--none of that exists here.  This place is a refuge for Force-users, both Dark or Light.  It stands for balance, so everyone is welcome here.”

 

“Yeah, okay.”

 

“I mean it,” he tells her.  “If things go badly for whatever reason, come here.  Come to me.”

 

“I’ve got to go.”

 

He nods and Rey takes off at a fast clip for her ship.  “May the Force be with you,” he calls after her.

 

Kylo lingers to watch her shuttle lift off.  She’s leaving him again.  This isn’t what he wants, but he tells himself that he can handle this.  For now, at least.  It’s against his better judgment, but he will give Rey the time and space she wants.  He will trust her to work to meet him in the middle eventually.  With enough time, Rey will surely see the fallacy of the Resistance and the positive effects of his reforms.  And then, hopefully, she will join him and work from within his Empire to improve things.  If she truly is his destiny, then in the end it will work out. 

 

Does she know how difficult this forbearance is for him?   Can Rey appreciate what it means for a driven, ambitious man like himself to let her go?   Kylo’s every inclination moments ago was to stun Rey with the Force and carry her off.  There is only one way on and off Mustafar, so he could keep her here at his castle against her will.  But he has never wanted Rey for a prisoner.  You cannot compel loyalty or dictate love. 

 

Kylo bends now to retrieve the sack of Jedi texts, but he lingers longer still.  He stands alone on the landing pad watching her shuttle become a smaller and smaller dot in the sky.   Hoping he has made the right choice and not a foolish mistake.  He’s risking his heart and his Empire in this.  But he’s a Skywalker, so by his very nature he is bold.  Daring is a hallmark of his clan.   Optimism is too.  For Light or Dark, his family has a strong streak of altruism to improve things.   They just disagree on how to go about it. 

 

That’s something his mother and his uncle never understood about him.  They were always so concerned with being good, while his primary objective was to be right.  It wasn't so much that Kylo desired to be Dark, but that he believed it was the only alternative at the time.  For the Light had failed with him personally and with the galaxy as well.  Still, Kylo had never latched onto Darkness as a sacrosanct ideal, the way Rey has fully accepted the Jedi way.  In many respects, Kylo thinks this makes him far more malleable than Rey.

 

As frustrating as her stubbornness is, she’s not alone in her views.  There are many people who think the way she does in his Empire, Kylo knows.  He also knows that you can tell someone how it is.  You can present explanations and state your best case.  But even then, some intelligent, thoughtful people will still doubt.  Some truths in life have to be discovered for yourself before they can be learned.   And many truths are a matter of priorities and values, which are slow to change.

 

All in all, as he watches Rey’s shuttle recede from view, Kylo feels hopeful in a way he hasn’t in a long time.  Because maybe Rey’s idea is just crazy enough to work.  He will rule a fascist Empire and coax it to more moderation over time.  She will help lead the insurgent rebellion and steer it to reason and compromise.  If she gives an inch here and he gives an inch there, slowly but surely they will bridge the lightyears of distance between their causes.  And hopefully, between them personally as well.   

 

It was too much to hope for that they could pick up where things left off on his flagship.  He keeps rushing things, Kylo knows.  He rushed Rey in Snoke’s throne room and she balked, he rushed her on the _Finalizer_ and she ran.  He needs to stop rushing things with her.  But it’s hard.  He’s not a patient guy.

 

Still, today Rey surprised him by volunteering to work with him for a common goal, even if she’s still in the guise of enemy for now.  Rey will help to shape his Empire, just not in the way he wants.  The Force works in mysterious ways, wise old Snoke would say.  He would be right, of course.  But Kylo thinks the far more important point is that the Force is with he and Rey.  If nothing else, today had established that fact.  It means everything, he knows.


	23. Chapter 23 Story Notes to Part Two

Thanks for reading. Some of you have read a lot of my stuff already, I know. I often worry that I am the Taylor Swift of Reylo fan fic because it all basically sounds the same. I hope that’s not the case. But I have a lot of recurring themes and plots in my stories, and while I shuffle the characters each time, there are definite commonalities to my main characters. Does anyone need another blueenvelopes fic? It’s not like there isn’t a ton of this genre out there. So why should I be adding to it? I don’t want to write a story just to write a story—I need to have something to say. After this fic, I probably need to go quiet on Reylo for a bit. Plus, I still have grand plans for DARKER that I need to revisit. 

My stories are never about Star Wars, but they are always about Star Wars. It’s all set in a galaxy far, far away even if the inspiration is very real world and often very adult. This story emerged from a number of current topics in the news. Case in point—here is the beginning of a Ross Douthatt New York Times Op Ed from last week that caught my eye in light of my Part 2 ending:

“One lesson to be drawn from recent Western history might be this: Sometimes the extremists and radicals and weirdos see the world more clearly than the respectable and moderate and sane. All kinds of phenomena, starting as far back as the Iraq War and the crisis of the euro but accelerating in the age of populism, have made more sense in the light of analysis by reactionaries and radicals than as portrayed in the organs of establishment opinion.”

Stated differently, sometimes the crazies are less crazy than we think. Sometimes extremists have more to teach us than we care to acknowledge. Sometime the outsiders among us see truths about the collective group that others cannot. 

In this case, the crazy extremist outsider was Snoke. With his death, it falls to his Apprentice Kylo Ren to continue his cause. The cause is ostensibly the First Order, but as any hardcore Star Wars fan knows, it’s always about the Force. But here’s the twist of this story—the question isn’t Dark versus Light. It’s that elusive balance concept everyone talks about but no one understands. Snoke turns out to have been wily enough to have encouraged Kylo to believe that he discovered a few Force truths for himself, when in fact Snoke’s teaching led him in that direction all along. Ghostly Snoke gets to show up to gloat and explain it all to Kylo, of course. Will Kylo find balance? Will Rey come to accept the concept? Stay tuned.

The Force as a religion has been an idea around since A New Hope. Tarkin tells Vader “you, my friend are all that’s left of their [the Jedi] religion.” Obi- Wan speaks of Jedi knights on a “crusade.” And Han Solo makes cracks about “hokey religions.” There are references to Jedi temples and other religious imagery elsewhere in the later movies. Luke wears a rather obvious priest collar in ROTJ. But on the whole, the impression the prequel era Jedi Order gives is more like a civic/military/political organization than a religious institution. Snoke would see this as evidence that the latter-day Jedi have lost their way, of course.

The Last Jedi brings back the Jedi religious overtones big time. There are sacred books in a tree like the torah scrolls in a Jewish temple. There is a meditation rock that looks like an altar (it’s where Luke sacrifices himself). Luke calls himself the last of the Jedi religion. And then, there’s that Byzantine mosaic on the floor of the Jedi temple that looks kind of like a religious icon of Snoke to my eye. 

Even before The Last Jedi was released, there were internet rumors about Snoke being a zealot and some sort of space pope. People seem to read creepy sexual predator overtones to Snoke that I don’t see at all in the movie (although I have written them myself in fan fiction). In the movie, I see a man on a high throne dressed in fancy robes in an elaborate red chamber. It reads more like a bishop of the Dark Side than Hugh Hefner or some sex pervert to me. (As an aside, a lot of fans see strong abuser/victim overtones to the Snoke/Kylo relationship. Personally, I think that’s an overly simplistic understanding of the Master/Apprentice relationship. Abuse is only one prism of viewing it.) 

Religion is a big deal. Not just through the ages, but in our current world now. There are conflicts between religions and there are conflicts between the religious and the secular elements of our societies. It’s not just in the Middle East, it’s everywhere. I write this as a practicing Roman Catholic living in the religious American South. For years I wore a small crucifix the way Luke Skywalker and Jyn Erso’s mom wear kyber crystals around their necks. (I have only one quibble with the shirtless Kylo scene and that’s where was his kyber necklace? Well, two quibbles because I love chest hair on a man and I can’t handle a Kylo Ren who waxes his chest). Anyhow, I live in a world where people commonly identify themselves in conversation as being “a Christian,” and where most everyone belongs to some church, be it evangelical, megachurch, or a mainstream religion. They might not show up every week, but they are there more often than not. Case in point: we were on the coast on Easter weekend and didn’t attend mass at our parish in town. We had to go to two different churches Easter morning because the first one was full and standing room only. That happens where I live. The churches are literally too full at times. But in many other places in America, religion is much less popular. It’s sort of an optional thing. I have the impression that a lot of Western culture is very secular now. Every time I’ve been in Europe outside of Rome, the churches have been empty. More like museums than places of worship. It’s weird to me because where I live religion is a vibrant part of communal life for many people. And even if you yourself are not a believer, it’s hard to ignore it all around you.

Religion can be a touchy and divisive topic. It’s something everyone has an opinion about. It has inspired incredible acts of violence and cruelty. It has spawned many, many wars through the centuries. So why should it be any different in the Star Wars universe? Organized religion is not all bad. Some cynical people tend to overlook the good it does. In my area, religious groups provide services to an enormous population of undocumented impoverished people who do not qualify for government social services. Find any social service need like foster care, adoption, care for senior citizens, assistance with basic needs, disaster recovery—you name it—there is a church group helping. And then there is the sense of community that comes from church sports leagues, youth groups, schools, mission trips, singles groups, and all the rest of the fellowship stuff that goes on at churches. Some churches around here are kind of like lifestyles, to be honest. Anyhow, religion is a mixed bag, like everything else in life. Religious institutions are made up of people and people are inherently fallible. Sometimes, spectacularly so and with devastating results. 

The veneer of religiosity to the Dark/Light Force conflict appears in my other stories. I call my Dark Side men priests, there are rituals in temples, there is the concept of a Force war, and there are cracks about Jedi dogma and the Jedi cult. But this is the first story to jump right into the idea of the Force as religion and the Jedi as a religious institution in need of reform. My Snoke has a ‘back to basics’ reformation in mind. His version of burning heretics involves hunting down Luke Skywalker and executing Rey who has the ‘spirit of a true Jedi’ (read that line as sarcasm from Snoke, not as praise). Snoke fears that the “new Jedi will rise” because he thinks of himself as the old, original, true version of the Jedi. Snoke’s actions follow Vader’s Jedi Purge, a Sith crusade or maybe the Star Wars version of the Friday the 13th massacre of the Templar knights. They also follow young Kylo’s killing spree at Luke’s temple, an inquisition of sorts that puts followers of the heretic Luke to the sword. Why does Kylo casually murder all the Church of the Force villagers on Jakku? In this story, it would be because they too are heretics. 

The Kylo Ren of this fic is something of a Force fanatic. That he shows repeated forbearance to Rey is an act of mercy by Kylo Ren. Rey doesn't know any better and needs to be taught the true faith by Kylo—his offers to teach her the ways of the Force are his version of evangelizing. Every time Kylo declines to kill Rey, it is evidence of his Light. 

This Kylo is very pragmatic when it comes to politics. He is more expedient than anything, with few core principles other than a vague sense of appeasing the First Order loyalists whose support brought him to power. Kylo is malleable with a bias toward efficiency. The ends basically justify the means for him in war and in politics. He has no qualms about doing or saying anything to achieve his goals. He’s more interested in getting a “win” than how or why he wins. A few of his goals are probably New Republic goals, too. Basically, Kylo has very little in the way of political ideology. This characterization comes straight from current US politics. 

This time around the knights of Ren are the knights Templar of the First Order. They are the Force trained elite group of warrior monks who defend the faith. I guess that makes the praetorians the Swiss guards who protect the high priest Emperor Kylo Ren, if you want to fully extend the metaphor. 

None of this is a prediction for how the sequel trilogy will play out. Disney won’t be touching this stuff with a ten-foot pole, I’m sure. But I will. Blueenvelopes always goes for it. Not because I want to shock people, but because I like my Star Wars adult. Not adult as in sex and violence, but adult in the complexity of the universe, its players, its themes, and its conflicts. Life is complicated in my Star Wars, just like in real life. People have various, sometimes conflicting motivations. There are multiple actors all with differing agendas. Their individual decisions can culminate in ways they do not expect and cannot foresee. That’s how I write every story, and this will be more of the same.

Upon repeated viewings, I have decided that I like The Last Jedi a lot. There is a lot to admire about the film, even if there are lots of aspects (big and small) that I wish were done differently. The plot holes, overall lack of continuity, and dropped story lines from Force Awakens truly do annoy me. I also find the complete lack of political context for the galactic civil war to be befuddling (that’s why I make it up in my alternative universe). The bad guys’ motivations matter a lot. Making them a big mystery is kind of lazy writing in my opinion. There is too much focus on the styling of the bad guys and not enough on their substance (case in point—Captain Phasma who is a waste of a female villain). Also, I find the Star Wars fan base’s obsession with twists and turns to be wearying. You can have an exciting story that is moving without any shocking reveals. Overall, I also find the cast too large. It’s hard to feel for all the characters because there are just too many of them to develop properly. But, having written fan fic for a few years now, I can appreciate how hard it is to please people. Especially serious, longtime fans like myself. I assume that the untimely death of Carrie Fisher has really put the writers in a hard spot now, for she is clearly the one set up to reconcile with Kylo in The Last Jedi, in my opinion. So, who knows where Episode 9 will go? I guess in the meantime, we can all noodle over it in fan fic.

Part Two of this fic ends with Rey leaving Kylo, just like the conclusion of Part One. The circumstances are far different, however. Part Three will have Rey taking a leadership role in the Resistance amid a web of deceit to Finn, Rose, and the rest. It will also show Kylo’s own struggles with leadership. Compromise and moderation are far more difficult than they sound, especially coming on the heels of a bitter war. Balance is hard, you see . . .


	24. Chapter 24

“You’re the Jedi, right?”

Rey gets this question a lot now that the Resistance base has swelled with new recruits.  At first, Rey would launch into an explanation about how she has the Force but she is untrained.  Now, she just responds, “Yes.”  It’s easier this way, and it inspires more confidence in others.  Rey is starting to understand that just her presence here matters to people.  She and the sword that hangs at her belt represent ideals that these people have come to fight for.  Maybe to die for.  She doesn’t want to fail to meet their expectations.

“Is it true you met Luke Skywalker?”  This next question is the typical follow-up.

“Yes,” Rey answers.  Then she adds, “He was a great man,” and leaves it at that.  The less said about her time with Master Skywalker, the better as far as Rey is concerned.  Only Rose and Finn know that the legendary Jedi Master turned her away, and they don’t know the full set of reasons why.

“And is it true that you and General Finn fought Kylo Ren?”

“Yes,” Rey answers.  She never tells the story of the duel in the woods unless specifically asked.  And then, she tends to downplay her part.  Maybe she should be more forthright about taking credit for her bravery on Starkiller Base.  But truthfully, Rey wants to avoid discussing Kylo Ren. 

It feels weird for Rey to have status.  It’s strange to see people nudge one another and surreptitiously point in her direction as she walks by.  When she hears herself referred to in whispers as Rey the Jedi, she doesn’t quite know what to make of it.   Her desert scavenger self isn’t used to garnering respect.  Plus, she feels shy about claiming the title of Jedi Knight when she is completely untrained.  It feels like a lie.  Well, like one more lie.  Because Rey has told a lot of lies to Rose and Finn.  Most of them are lies of omission and not outright falsehoods, but she is deceiving her friends who trust her all the same.

Being the resident Jedi has its advantages, though.  Her perceived otherness intimidates many, just as it had on the _Finalizer_ when she masqueraded as Kylo Ren’s sister.  It keeps people at a distance and that’s fine by her.  Rey has been a loner for so long that she isn't entirely comfortable with the many extroverted, friendly personalities that now surround her in close quarters.  Keeping to herself is probably for the best anyway.  Making close friendships would just lead to lies Rey would rather not tell.  So, she keeps things deliberately vague and she takes advantage of her Jedi status to say very little.  Besides, telling war stories late into the night is not her thing.

But there are plenty of people around asking for war stories as week by week the ranks of the fledgling Resistance grows.  Suddenly, it feels like the revised goal of a two hundred person group might actually be doable.  Some days, only a few people tickle in.  Other days, a ship arrives to offload twenty newcomers.  But slowly, but surely, the Dantooine base is filling up.

You have to be a little foolhardy to pick a fight with the First Order.  That must be why the new recruits are mostly zealous dreamers.  They are starry eyed young people full of idealism who are looking to throw themselves into a cause.  They are academics and intellectuals who stand on principle and have decided to take the leap out of their ivory towers.  They are grey haired veterans of the old Rebellion who have come out of retirement to take up arms and take a stand once again.  These are sincere, committed men and women of all ages from all walks of life and all parts of the galaxy.  Varied though they may be, they share a deep admiration for the ideals of the two bygone Republics.

The rest of the recruits are damaged people who are here because they have nothing left to lose.  These are men and women who have survived the First Order.  Former captives, refugees from conquered worlds, and bereft husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, fathers, and mothers who are here to settle a score.   These recruits join for a specific reason, and usually that reason is sad.   Horror stories of the First Order are what passes for small talk with these types around base.  You break the ice with 'So, why did you join?' and then you swap expressions of sympathy.  It's not a competition for who has suffered more, but sometimes it feels like that.  The shared misery is a bonding moment, too.  And on a grand scale, it fuels the collective zeal of the group. 

You can’t assess who is a dreamer and who is a survivor among the newcomers on sight, but Rey quickly learns to pick up the conversational cues.  She naturally relates to the survivor types more.  They also tend to be the quieter ones.  They hang back on the corners of the room or silently eat their food in the mess hall while others get into wide ranging, longwinded political debates.  Debates seem to be a favorite pastime with the Resistance.  There is much to discuss and as many opinions as there are volunteers, Rey soon discovers.

As their numbers swell to fifty and then to one hundred, a basic organizational structure forms.  The combatants are organized by skill set and by rank under Finn as the lead general.  The noncombatant support personnel who maintain the base are organized to report to Rose.  In addition, there is to be a ruling council comprised of Rose, Finn and five others.  Rey quickly deduces that she needs to be on that council if her plan to moderate the Resistance and broker peace is to have any chance.  But no sooner does Rey begin angling with Finn for a seat, when she learns that she is already a member.  Instead of her convincing Finn, it’s the other way around.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to take on this responsibility, but it would be really great if you would do it,” Finn begins.  “You have experience fighting for our cause and you’re our Jedi, Rey.  People look up to you.”

When she immediately accepts, Finn is visibly relieved.  He tells her that he and Rose were worried that she had been thinking of leaving them. 

“Why is that?” Rey asks.  She’s a little alarmed that her misgivings were so obvious.

“You just seem a little distant lately.  And you talk as though we can’t win.”  Finn looks her in the eye to level with her.  “We were wondering if you were having second thoughts.”

“We can win,” Rey maintains.  “But how we win matters.  You know that I don’t agree with assassinations.  I haven’t changed my mind about that,” she warns.

“I figured as much.”

“There are other ways to get public opinion on our side,” Rey argues.  And then, she starts making her case for why violence should be the least preferred route.  That first, the Resistance should attempt to engage the First Order in a public debate on the issues.  Before anyone starts firing shots, Rey argues the Resistance should draw up a list of demands.

“Let’s put the death or resignation of Emperor Ren first on the list,” Finn jokes.

“These have to be reasonable demands,” Rey complains.  “And this is serious.  Because we ought to decide what the Resistance stands for and what goals we are working towards before we start risking lives. There are too few of us left not to be strategic about where and when we fight.”

This is the first of several conversations Rey has with Finn about wanting to create a positive message for the Resistance that is concrete and achievable.  Advocating the violent overthrow of the current regime isn’t going to win a positive response from a galaxy weary of war, she argues.  Plus, after Hosnia and Crait, most systems are terrified of the ruthlessness of the First Order.  Open rebellion just isn’t a viable option for even friendly systems these days. 

Their conversations quickly come to include Rose and the others on the council.  Most of the council members are sympathetic to Rey’s position, and several think it’s a good idea to create both a military and political strategy.  But a few just want to fight.  They want revolution, not incremental reform.  You can’t reason with genocidal monsters, her naysayers point out.  The only thing the First Order understands is violence.  Plus, there is no political forum in which an opposition movement can participate.  We don’t need a political forum, Rey counters, when we have the holonet.  We simply create a list of demands for the First Order and release them to the media outlets and the general public.  There are still Core Worlds with mostly free press who we can use to get our message out.  If we sound positive and reasonable, we might coalesce support for change, Rey argues.  But, ultimately, the discussion gets tabled in lieu of more pressing issues.  The council requires unanimity to act, and so any lack of consensus stalls everything.

But Rey keeps doggedly bringing it up.  For the Resistance seems a vague cause to her.  Everyone seems to be fighting against something rather than for something.  Their unifying theme is hatred of the First Order, its strong arm rough justice, and its indiscriminate violence.  But no one seems to have a clear sense of what the alternative should be.   For everyone at least privately agrees that there were shortcomings to the New Republic.   Mostly, there is a yearning for freedom and justice mixed with some nostalgia for the Old Republic.  But no real sense of how to get there. 

And that’s frustrating because what the Hell has the galaxy been doing for the past thirty years since the old Empire fell?  First, the old Rebellion leadership and then their successors in the New Republic tried and failed to achieve the dream.  They were mired in esoteric debates over mostly symbolic issues.  Plagued too by infighting and rivalries.  Also, habitually disorganized and hampered by a dogged commitment to consensus decision-making.  The Republic’s lofty goals were so appealing, Rey thinks, but their process and their results were a mess.  

And maybe, Rey thinks, this is why the message of the First Order resonates so strongly with so many regular people in the galaxy.   The Order articulates its message in simple, short ideas hammered home time and again.   The First Order is very effective at tapping into peoples’ anger.  Filling the vacuum of leadership with promises of law and order and vows to clean up crime and make the galaxy great again.  Years ago, the Old Republic had broken in two and the Empire was the solution.  Generations later, the New Republic has failed and now the First Order with its Second Empire is the solution.   We won the war and now our time has come, the First Order’s proponents argue their populist pitch.  Join us in building a safe and secure society, and together we will have peace and prosperity for all.  It’s relentlessly positive and welcoming.  It sounds so appealing if you can get past the genocide, Rey thinks cynically.  

There is a missed opportunity here, she sees.  If the Resistance could just get their shit together and hone their message, they might have a decent chance at winning some hearts and minds in the galaxy on a few key issues.  Maybe our goal ought not to be collapsing the Empire, but reforming the Empire, she argues to the council.  But no one wants to start small with doable short-term goals.   And no one wants to appear to be working with the First Order as opposed to against the First Order.  Rey soon gives up convincing anyone to abandon plans for a military insurgency in favor of her reform strategy.

She does convince the council to change its decision-making process.  The unanimity requirement gives way to a super-majority of five votes of the seven-member council.   This will make things more efficient, Rey tells herself.  Although, she is uncomfortably aware that the procedural change was implemented mostly to avoid having to get her vote on matters she opposes.   She just gave up her veto vote on assassinations, Rey knows. 

She is fast getting a reputation as the Jedi who is reluctant to fight and who maybe has a few too many scruples.  It weirdly makes her wonder if she is becoming Luke Skywalker who sat on his rock and did nothing.  What would Luke be doing now had he survived Crait, she wonders.  Rey wishes she had asked Luke why he refused to fight instead of arguing with him.  She regrets that she didn’t listen more to what he said rather than rejecting his repeated refusals out of hand.  There is a lesson there, Rey realizes.  Less shouting and more listening might have been a better strategy to persuade.

Afterward the latest council meeting, Finn and Rose take her aside.  “People want action, not talk,” Rose tells her.  “Your ideas are good but no one wants to hear them right now.   They feel like spending time on a reform agenda is premature until we hurt the Empire enough to get their attention and make them listen.”

“So war before change?  Is that it?” Rey complains.

Finn loyally sides with her.  He tells Rose, “Look, Rey is right that we need a coherent message to accompany our actions.  Remember that the First Order and the galaxy all believe that the Resistance died at Crait.  When we publicly re-emerge, it will make headlines.  That’s our one chance to make a first impression.” Finn nods to Rey.  “Go convene a team and write out your goals.  Draw up something that we can release to the press immediately after our first strike.  If you can put together a statement of our positions and our demands, I’ll support you before the council.” 

With those marching orders, Rey gathers together all the professors, journalists, and university student types in a room and sets to work drawing up a manifesto.  To kick things off, Rey passes around a datapad with a list of the three items she thinks are most important.  First on Rey’s wish list for reforming the Empire are: a democratically elected legislature with representatives from all systems, a written constitution with a bill of rights for all sentient beings, and a prohibition on superweapons of mass destruction.

The discussion her list provokes lasts four hours.  Everyone wants to supplement and revise it.  Rey quickly learns that before you get to negotiate with the other side, you first have to negotiate with among yourselves.  This isn’t like striking a deal for junk on Jakku.  But gamely, Rey perseveres.  She might be entirely self-educated and wholly ignorant of many of the concepts and historical allusions she hears discussed, but Rey muddles through.  She meant what she told Kylo.  She wants to avert another war.  She’ll do what it takes to attempt peaceful change. 

Finn finds her afterwards.  “How did it go?”

“Well, I think.  We all seem to want the same things.  We just need to find a way to express those goals in a way that everyone can agree upon.  And we need to narrow our list some.”

“Why?” Finn asks.  “Shouldn’t we put it all out there?  It’s not like the Empire is going to listen to us anyway.”

“You never know,” Rey posits.  “And making too many demands might make it easier for the Empire to ignore all of our demands.”

That comment provokes a frown from Finn.  “Rey, you and I both know that a lot of these people are going to die before it’s all over.  Maybe all of us.  That document ought to make the case for why we are fighting.  Put it all in there so we can show the galaxy what matters to us.”   Finn looks determined now. “This idea of yours is growing on me.  If nothing else, it will leave a record of our values after we are gone.”   On that morbid thought, Finn tromps off to go inspect the new X-wings that are being delivered today. 

It takes a full week of meetings, but Rey’s list gets completed. In the end, it balloons from three items to three pages. Each item on the list has conditions and explanations to accompany it.  There is a new mission statement at the beginning that one of the business school types insisted upon.  But it was a good addition, Rey thinks.   Once the list is agreed, there is a long discussion about what to call the list.  Rey wants to name it a call for reform. Others prefer to think of it as a call to action or a call to arms.  Ultimately, they settle on titling it a declaration of principles, whatever that means.

Finn reads it over.  “I like it.  I like it a lot,” he commends her. 

Rose is on board with it, too.  “Should someone sign this?” Rose suggests.  “You know—to make it official?”

“Good idea,” Finn agrees.  “When the council approves this, all the members should sign it.  We’re all marked for death anyway. We might as well,” he shrugs.

After a short discussion, the council unanimously approves the declaration as proud Rey beams.   Then all six council members pass around a datapad to sign.  Finn adds ‘the traitor formerly known as FN-2187’ after his signature.  Not to be outdone, Rose signs ‘Rose Tico’ very largely.  That’s so Kylo Ren can read it with his mask on, she quips.  When the datapad is passed to her, Rey simply signs ‘Rey of Jakku.’  Has she just signed her own death warrant?  Maybe, she thinks.  But she is undeterred.  Better to die for the principles of the Light than to starve on Jakku, she figures.

Looking down at the list of signatures gives Rey an idea.  Emboldened by her experience drawing up the declaration independently to present it to the council, Rey once again takes matters into her own hands.  She commandeers a droid and finds Finn later that night.  “Remember how you said you wanted to foster a revolt among the First Order stormtroopers?” Rey asks.  “Well, that revolt starts here with this recording.  Tell your story again in your own words.”  In Finn, the Resistance has a charismatic leader with an inspiring personal history to tell.  Finn’s past of being kidnapped to be raised a stormtrooper has been told many times here at the Resistance base.  Rey decides it is time for the galaxy at large to hear the story too.  Thanks to the editing prowess of a former journalist recruit, Finn’s quick off-the-cuff recording becomes a slick, moving testimonial to freedom and conscience. 

The finished holovid prompts Rose to make a recording too.  Rose speaks of her homeworld stripped of its resources to fuel the First Order war machine.  The munitions produced on her world were tested on her people, leaving Rose and her sister orphans at a young age.   Rose’s story is different from Finn’s, but it’s just as dramatic and compelling in its own way.  Rose comes off as determined, but far from extreme, Rey thinks.  Rose is an ordinary person called to extraordinary courage through a series of injustices.  The subtext is clear:  but for an accident of fate, Rose’s homeworld could be your world and her story could be your story.

That’s a theme that resonates with Rey.  She suspects it will resonate with the public, too.  It spurs on Rey to make other recordings.  Tell me who you are and why you fight, Rey asks her subjects one by one.  Within a week, she amasses a small library of five-minute personal histories.   She plans to leak them to the holonet to introduce the reborn Resistance to the galaxy.  Rey wants to preempt criticism that the rebels are a bunch of fanatical extremists.  The First Order might hide its anonymous troops under blank white helmets, but the Resistance reveals the faces of their followers.   And those faces are the faces of thoughtful, reasonable, likable people.   The freedom loving heroes of the Resistance are the Everyman and Everywoman of the galaxy.

And now, quite unexpectedly, Rey finds herself the unofficial media strategist of the Resistance.  The role is new to Rey and it’s new to the Resistance generally.  Leia Organa ran the Resistance in the shadow of the New Republic, ostensibly kept at arms’ length to maintain plausible deniability.  The Republic provided the credits and gave General Organa wide military latitude.  But the Republic controlled the messaging and the politics.  Now, there is no New Republic media machine to get the story out.  There are just Rey and a handful of other savvy rebels who quickly become the self-appointed political wing of the Resistance.  

They have a formidable opponent, for the First Order has its media juggernaut honed to a science. Rey and her team watch hour after hour of holonet broadcasts on the Empire’s state sponsored channels.  Rey makes note of the slick messaging in easy to remember soundbites.  She digests the polished pundits with excellent hair and pleasant faces.  They sound so reasonable when they smile and speak of the regrettable but necessary evil of Starkiller Base.  General Hux might sneer and spit when he addresses the troops at a rally, but the everyday holonet faces of the First Order speak euphemistically in measured, polite tones.  These people are friendly when they present themselves.  It’s such a contrast to the truth of the war, Rey thinks. 

Well, two can play at this game, she decides.  Declarations and recorded testimonials can only do so much.  The Resistance needs to beat the First Order at their communications game on their own turf.  “We need someone to do that,” Rey observes aloud as she points to the screen.  “Someone to go live on the holonet as our spokesperson.”

“Who’d be crazy enough to do that?” the guy sitting next to Rey scoffs.  “They would get arrested on air for treason.”

“Maybe,” Rey muses aloud.  “But maybe not.”  Maybe not if it were her, that is.

“Not maybe.   Definitely,” her colleague asserts.  “You’d be lucky to get arrested.  They might execute you for treasonous sedition right then and there.  We should stick to recordings for now.  It’s safer that way.”  The man turns to Rey.  “Have you made yours yet?”

“Not yet,” she answers.  “I’m doing it tonight.”

But after dinner when Rey is alone and she sets the droid on record, she stumbles over her words.  “My name is Rey.  I’m from Jakku and I’m a rebel,” she begins with the formula all the other testimonies use.  “I fight because . . . ”  Rey falters.  She doesn’t want to fight.  She doesn’t want to kill. She wants to avoid all that.  “I fight because . . . ”  She’s stuck there, uncertain how to continue.  

The truth is that Rey has never been a very political person.  The long simmering galactic conflicts were all such a long way from Jakku.  Her homeworld was ignored by the Republic and the First Order alike.  None of the big issues of the day ever mattered much to the scavenger girl who struggled to survive.  Until recently, Rey mostly skipped the holonet news to watch the escapist scripted programs instead.  But for a chance meeting with a lost droid in the desert, Rey would be sitting alone in her AT-AT now watching whatever is currently on the holonet.  And, had she not run into Rose and Finn at the Niima Outpost after leaving Ahch-To, she might be back on Jakku doing that same old thing again.  So why does she fight?   Maybe BB-8, Finn, and Rose are the real answer, Rey thinks.  

She tries again to make a recording.  “I fight for my friends who fought for me.” For Han Solo and Chewbacca who helped her.  For Finn and Rose who came back for her.  For Leia Organa who died thinking all was lost. “I fight for . . . ” 

Yet again, Rey’s voice trails off.  Because her motivation is more than loyalty to friends.  Rey has some of her own rebel idealism buried deep underneath the pragmatism, the cynicism, and the stoicism that seeped into her soul on Jakku.  That idealism is why she stormed into Snoke’s throne room to attempt to coax the erstwhile Ben Solo back to the Light.  And that same idealism is why she recently snuck away to Mustafar to plot a path to peace with Kylo Ren.  Because Rey wants change and she knows their cause is lost if the war resumes again.  The First Order will crush the Resistance with one swift stroke.  It’s inevitable, even if Finn and the others don’t see it.  Across the galaxy, the cause of Light will dim.  And then perhaps, it will be impossible for Kylo to balance the Force.  She will lose, her friends will lose, the galaxy at large will lose, and Kylo will lose too.  Everyone loses if the war heats up again. 

So why does she fight?  She’s only ostensibly fighting.  She’s here to moderate the Resistance so there will be common ground for acceptable compromise by the Empire.  But that’s not something that Rey can put in a recording.  So she reaches to switch off the droid.

“Am I interrupting something?”  A hushed voice startles Rey and she whips her head in the direction of the open door.  It’s Finn come to check on her. “Are you recording?” he whispers, pointing to the droid. 

“No, I’m done,” Rey tells a fib. “Come on in.”

Finn frowns. “I don’t like it when I find you alone like this.”

“I was recording,” Rey reminds him. “I didn’t need an audience.  Besides, there are one hundred and sixty people on base now.  I am rarely alone.”

“Every time I find you and you’re not in a meeting, you’re alone.”  Finn gives her a pointed look.  “Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

“When am I not in a meeting these days?” Rey laughs it off.  She pats the empty spot beside her on the supply crate she’s sitting on.  Finn obliges and plops down.

“How’s my favorite Jedi holding up?” he asks brightly with that broad smile of his.  It’s really impossible not to like Finn.  They have become very good friends in the time she has been back with the Resistance.  And so Rey feels comfortable letting her guard down with Finn in a way she would never do with anyone else.

“I’m stumped,” she admits.  “I didn’t know what to say in my testimonial. I couldn’t find the words to explain how I feel.”  Rey has spent a lifetime living alone burying her feelings deep. Even if she did understand what she thinks about the Resistance, spouting those thoughts off to a droid just feels wrong. “I guess I’m not good at speaking,” she sighs. 

“Wrong,” Finn corrects her.  “You are passionate and articulate when you talk about our cause.  You just don’t like talking about yourself, that’s all.”

“Is that it?” she wonders aloud. 

“Blow it off,” Finn shrugs.  He drapes a comforting arm over Rey’s shoulders now. “You don't have to do one if you don’t want to.  It’s enough that you are here with us working so hard.  That speaks far more than any recording ever could.  Trust me, Kylo Ren isn’t about to forget you after you kicked his ass,” Finn teases.  Then, he is serious again.  “Your leadership matters, Rey.  You’re our Jedi.”

“Okay, then I’ll take a pass if you don’t think it will look weird.”  Rey is the only member of the council who hasn’t made a recording yet.  

“It’s fine,” he assures her again.

Rey sighs and lolls her head onto Finn’s shoulder.  She is relieved to have his support.   “Your recording was amazing.  I watched it again today,” she confides.  “I hope it goes viral from millions of hits from stormtroopers everywhere who watch it.”

Finn responds by gathering her closer to him.  “I hope you’re right and it makes a difference.”  And now, it turns out that Rey isn’t the only one with misgivings.  “You know, I have my doubts about doing this sometimes,” Finn confesses.  “You and Rose know what we are up against.  The rest don't.  Not really.  They think they do, but they don’t.   And even with all that’s happened, you and Rose still don’t know the First Order like I do.  Sometimes I wonder if what I am doing is suicide.  But then, I think that this is the most important thing I could ever do with my life.”

Rey says nothing.  She just sighs and nods because she understands.  

Finn pulls her closer still into their chummy side hug.  “I’m glad that we are doing this together. I was really worried that I had scared you off with the assassination stuff.”

“How we choose to fight matters,” Rey speaks up now.  She and Finn still don’t see eye to eye on that issue.  But they are good friends who can disagree with one another.  “There are alternatives to fighting,” she suggests again. 

“If the First Order wants to talk, we’ll talk,” Finn allows.  “But I’m worried you’ve got your hopes up with all this reform business, Rey.”

She lifts her head and smiles.  “Getting our hopes up is what we crazy rebels do, right?  What was it General Organa said after Starkiller Base?  Hope is like the sun.  If you only believe in it when you see it—“

“You’ll never make it through the night,” Finn finishes for her, and they exchange smiles.  “I didn’t actually hear her say that, remember?  I was in sickbay then.  But Poe used that line on me once.”

“I miss her,” Rey blurts out.  “I wish I would have known General Organa better.”

“I miss them all,” Finn says simply. 

Rey is glad when he doesn’t start listing names.  It’s hard to know that most of the people she has known in her short life are all dead.  But she’s still here.  Through it all, despite it all, Rey of Jakku improbably survives and endures.  Kylo would say it is the Force at work, but Rey thinks it might just be random luck.  A lot of war seems very random, she thinks. 

A long moment of comfortable silence falls after that.  Rey is the one to finally break it.  “You know, if someone had told me a year ago all that would happen leading up to this point, I would never have believed it,” she muses.

Finn chuckles.  “Oh, you think you would be surprised?” he teases.  “Just think about me.”

“What were you doing a year ago now?” Rey prods.  “Tell me.”

Finn sits back and turns to her.  “Mopping floors and supervising sanitation droids on Starkiller Base,” he answers with a sheepish grin.  Then, he leans in to kiss her squarely on the mouth.  

It’s a soft kiss that takes Rey utterly by surprise.  She silently blinks at her friend. 

Finn is earnest when he speaks.  “Rey, I’m really glad you are here and that we are in this together.  I care about you.”

Rey nods as she processes this unexpected development.  Things just got a lot more complicated for her with Finn.  She swallows hard.

“I really care about you,” he repeats as he grabs for both of her hands.  “You mean a lot to me.”

Yes, she knows. This is the man who braved the Starkiller to rescue her.  This is the man who was prepared to desert his beloved cause to save her from coming back to a doomed ship.  He lit a lightsaber against Kylo Ren while standing over her unconscious body in the woods.  He loitered around Jakku on the off chance that she was still alive.  Suddenly, Rey realizes that Finn cares for her . . . a lot.  And not as friends. 

“When this is over . . . if we live, Rey, I want us—“

“There you are.”  It’s Rose calling out as she wanders in the open door.  

Rey and Finn whip their heads around in unison to face her.  Then, they release their hands.  It’s obvious that Rose has interrupted a private moment from their close posture and body language of guilty surprise.  

Now, things are even more complicated, Rey knows.   She has a sinking feeling about this.

Sure enough, Rose is taken aback.  “Oh . . . ooooh . . . ” Red faced Rose stammers and looks down.  “I’ll come back.  I’m sorry . . . ”

“No—wait!” Rey stops her. “Rose, come back.   What’s up?”

Rose is blushing and tucking stray hair nervously back into her ponytail as she reports.  “Maz has a new contact for us.  More munitions.  The guy can only meet tomorrow, so we would have to leave tonight.  Do you want to come?  Maz suggested you should come.”  Rose’s tone suggests her complete lack of enthusiasm for Rey coming.  “It’s not necessary for you to come.  But Maz seemed to think you should come.”

Clueless Finn is completely missing the subtext.  Evidently, he has no idea of Rose’s personal regard for him.  He nods at Rey.  “You should do it.   We need those munitions.”

Is this about munitions?   Rey isn’t so sure as she thinks back on her prior conversation with Maz.  She’s not anxious for a repeat of that interaction.  “Are you sure?   Maybe I should stay to work on all this media strategy stuff instead.”

“Go on,” Finn urges.  Then he whispers under his breath, “We can talk more when you get back.”


	25. Chapter 25

The overnight flight to Takodano is uneventful but it stresses Rey out all the same.  Rose is acting very passive aggressive about what she saw with Finn.  Rose is clearly hurt and disappointed.  Maybe a little angry too.  But Rey doesn’t know if that emotion is directed at her, at Finn, or at both of them.  Befuddled by it all, Rey doesn’t know what to do.  It makes her anxious.  Rose and Finn are the people she feels closest to.  They are all Rey has left and she doesn’t want to screw that up.  But what to do? 

 

She is new to this friendship thing.  Rey has no experience having an argument or a misunderstanding or whatever this is called with a friend.  Rey doesn’t know how to handle it.  All the arguments she had on Jakku were with strangers, enemies, or rival scavengers.  And that was nothing like this.  She’s not about to resolve this conflict by beating Rose with a stick.  And her arguments with Kylo?  Well, she and Kylo are in a class by themselves, Rey decides.  Neither friend nor foe, neither enemy nor ally.  But whatever they are to each other, it’s not like she’s going to look to Kylo for an example for how to manage relationships.

 

Rey feels like she owes Rose an explanation but Rose isn’t making it easy on her.  Rose is all business until they jump to hyperspace.  Then, she abruptly leaps up from the co-pilot seat and announces that she’s going to sleep in one of the back bunks.  Goodnight, she tells Rey in a clipped tone that means ‘don’t come bother me’ in no uncertain terms.  And that leaves Rey to stew for hours alone with her thoughts.

 

Why did Finn kiss her?  What was he thinking doing that?  Rey hadn’t seen the kiss coming at all.  And, well, it’s not like she has a lot of experience with kisses.  But somehow, she always knows when Kylo is about to kiss her.  She can even think of a few times when she wanted Kylo to kiss her, but he didn’t.  She has never wanted Finn to kiss her.  The thought has never crossed her mind.  Rey has never thought of Finn as anything other than a friend . . . until now.

 

Has she been making a giant mistake?  Has she been so preoccupied with Kylo that she missed the gem of a guy who’s right before her eyes?  Rey had told Rose that she and Finn were just friends.  But should they be more?

 

Finn is a great guy.  Loyal, trustworthy, with a big heart and an easy, infectious smile.  He is smart and brave and committed to his cause.  He’s plenty handsome too.   But most importantly, she and Finn understand one another.  Finn is effectively an orphan, like herself.  And while his First Order upbringing was less harsh than hers, it was far from normal.  If each in their own way is sort of damaged, the other knows why.  For they know each other’s ugly past.  Finn has been to Jakku.  She has tangled with the First Order.  The only thing she and Finn don’t share is the Force.  But who cares about that?  Lately, Rey is starting to wish she didn’t have the Force. 

 

Maybe she should consider Finn in this new light, Rey thinks.  After all, not every guy can be as frustratingly beguiling as Kylo Ren.  It might be sort of unfair to hold a normal guy up against him.  Kylo had kissed her again on the landing pad of his castle before she left.  She knew he was going to do that. To be honest, she would have been disappointed if he hadn’t at least tried.  Kylo is the aggressive guy who thinks he can take whatever he wants, so she sort of expects that kind of thing from him.  Rey had ignored it for a moment, enjoyed it for a moment, and then resolutely pushed him away.  Enough of that.  Any more of that and Rey would end up in bed with him again.  But she’d be lying if she said she didn’t obsess over that kiss the whole way back to base.  Kylo is far more of a temptation to her than Rey feels she can let on.  Because she doesn’t trust Kylo about anything, least of all with her heart.

 

But Finn?  Finn she would trust with her life.   Finn is the kind of guy who holds your hand as you escape because he’s not leaving without you.  Finn asks if you’re okay even though he’s the one picking himself off the ground.  He gives you his jacket on Starkiller Base because he knows you’re from the desert and you’re cold.    He wakes up from a horrendous injury and the first thing he does is ask about you.  That’s Finn.  He’s the good guy.  The dependable guy.  The kind of guy you settle down with because you can see yourself building a life and a future together with him.  Finn is the furthest thing from Kylo Ren.

 

Kylo is the kind of guy who manipulates you and controls you.  He says he wants you for an equal but you know it’s a self-serving lie.  In the end, Kylo will betray you.  Like he betrayed his fellow Jedi students at the temple.  Like he betrayed his father with a lightsaber through his heart.  Like he betrayed his Dark Master on his throne.  Kylo is only ever in it for himself.  And when he gets angry, you’re lucky if you get off with just an argument that ends in exile. Count yourself blessed that he didn’t give you a Force choke instead.  Because that’s the kind of dangerously toxic guy Kylo Ren is. 

 

The problem is that Rey can know all of this but still be attracted to him.   For the head can lecture the heart, but the heart doesn’t always listen.  Kylo says they are destiny, but Rey fears it is just plain old lust.    It’s a pair of bedroom eyes combined with wild, sexy hair and a face that mirrors his every emotion.  It’s a physique of a demigod combined with an innate air of command and a childlike neediness.  And when he begged her to stay on the _Finalizer_ and then again on Mustafar, something deep within her thrilled to hear it.  For Rey is the castoff, unwanted child scorned by even the lowly on Jakku.  And she is lonely, oh so lonely in her soul.   He knows it, too.

 

Finn . . . she should be thinking about Finn, Rey reminds herself.  But as she droops in the pilot seat and drifts off to sleep, as usual it is to thoughts of Kylo.  She’s fantasizing about a redo of their night together, only this time she likes it better.  Kylo treats her right, she can’t get enough, and in the cuddly afterglow she agrees to rule the galaxy together.  And, yeah sure.  He can teach her the Force.  The next morning, they wake up and live happily ever after as the Skywalker Emperor and his Jakku junk peddler Empress.

 

Hours later, the reversion alarm wakes Rey.  A few minutes afterwards, Rose wanders in yawning.  It’s mid-afternoon local time when the shuttle touches down on Takodano.   When they arrive, Maz’s half re-built cantina is pretty full but Rey spots a table in the far back.  Maz promptly appears to glare suspiciously at Rey and to identify their contact.  Then, thankfully, Maz disappears right afterwards.  Rey is relieved to have avoided another tense conversation with her.

 

“You stay here,” Rose takes the lead like she prefers.  Rey lets Rose do the talking even though a scavenger girl who traded scrap in a barter economy would probably cut a better deal for the Resistance.  But Rey takes pride in these meetings.  She seems to think that shady arms deals are her thing.  And given Rey has already accidentally stepped on Rose’s turf by kissing Finn, Rey is not about to raise any objections to her negotiating.  “Okay, I’m here if you need me,” Rey reassures her friend.   Then, she sits back to people watch and sip on her drink.

 

Not a minute later, Rey looks up as a shadow crosses her table.   A muscle-bound hulk of a man hovers over her.  He has short cropped reddish blonde hair and a belligerent looking square jaw.  Like every other man in Maz’s cantina, he has a rough, dangerous look about him.  But this man is far more dangerous than the rest, Rey knows.  For he has the Force. 

 

“Remember me?” he asks.

 

“Yeah.  I do.”  Rey looks over his nondescript attire, thinking it a stupid ruse.  For this knight is very distinctive.  From his physique to the unusual tattoo that runs in a line of Aurebesh characters from one ear to the base of his neck, this man is not easy to forget.  “You’re out of uniform,” Rey observes dryly.  She refuses to be intimidated.  She’s seen plenty of tough guys back home.  She instantly reverts to her Jakku posturing mode.  “Remind me again.  Which one are you?”

 

“The second,” the man says as he slides uninvited into the chair opposite her.  “Name’s Nestor.”

 

“Did he send you?”

 

“Yes.  He’s worried about you.  He doesn’t trust that ex-stormtrooper leader of yours.”  Nestor lets that thought sink in a moment before he speaks again.  “He also wanted me to give you this.”  The knight slides a credit card across the table.  Rey flips it over to see the amount and does a double take.  She could live on that for a year in the Rim.  “It’s just to have,” Nestor instructs.  “Just in case.  Don’t contribute it to the cause, alright?   That’s for you as a backup plan in case you get in trouble and you can’t make it to him.” 

 

Rey glances down at the amount again and raises an eyebrow.  “That’s quite a lot.”

 

“Apparently, you’re worth it to him.”  Nestor flashes her a good-natured smile that Rey doesn’t return. 

 

“He’s the Emperor.  He’s got credits to spare,” she points out.  But Rey’s no fool.  She pockets the card.

 

Satisfied, the knight settles back in his seat and gives Rey his own appraising look.  Nestor Ren’s demeanor isn’t hostile, it’s more curious and direct.  Rey’s the hostile one.  She’s in a bad mood from the issue with Rose and Finn, and she is not enthused to unexpectedly encounter one of Kylo’s knights.

 

“So you found the map to Luke, eh?   You’re lucky you’re alive,” Nestor tells her and his mouth twists in a grimace.

 

“Yeah, well, Kylo tried to kill me on Starkiller Base,” Rey gripes.  “That’s why he’s got that scar across his face,” she brags a little just to remind this guy who he’s dealing with.

 

Nestor Ren is not impressed.  “He didn’t try to kill you.  If he had, you’d be dead.”  The knight continues his slow perusal.  His eyes linger on the blaster strapped to the outside of her leg.  “Got Luke’s sword on you somewhere?” he asks casually, like this is normal small talk between strangers in a dive bar.

 

“Maybe,” Rey is vague in her response.  Then, she flashes a tight smile.  “It’s my sword now.”

 

That provokes a grunt and another smile from the knight.  “I can see why he likes you,” Nestor observes and Rey doesn’t know what to make of that comment.  Mostly, she feels condescended to.  If this guy next tells her she’s cute, she might just pull her sword.

 

But Nestor Ren doesn’t go that far.  “He told me he offered to train you.  That you were the one to light your sword first.  He said you were the aggressor each time you met.”

 

That characterization irritates Rey.  “He was hunting me.  That sort of makes him the aggressor, does it not?”

 

Nestor shrugs.  “Ben was trying to keep you from Luke.” 

 

Obviously.  “I had the map and he knew it.  He was afraid I would find Luke and Luke would come back to the Resistance.” 

 

“No, that’s not it.  Not entirely, that is.”  Nestor Ren leans forward across the table now to underscore his words.  “Ben was trying to keep you from Luke.  He was hunting you to save you.”

 

“Save me?” Rey echoes.  She’s not following his meaning.

 

The knight curls his lip.  “Master Skywalker was never going to show his face at the Resistance or the Republic again.  Not after what happened that night.  Did Kylo tell you what happened that night?” the knight demands. 

 

Ah, they’re back to this.   Back to Luke’s temptation to kill his nephew in his sleep.   Rey has to admit that wasn’t Skywalker’s best move.  And the galaxy has paid for his misstep ever since.  Rey sighs and looks away.  “Luke told me that he made a mistake.”

 

“That’s putting it mildly,” Nestor hisses.

 

His sudden vehemence gets Rey’s attention.  “Luke said he regretted the temptation to kill his nephew the instant Ben woke up.  He was ashamed of that.   Very ashamed of that,” Rey reports.  “He saw how Dark Ben had become and it scared him . . . “

 

Nestor Ren’s face is indignant and righteous.  “Yeah?  How did Luke explain the others he killed first?”

 

“What?” She blinks.

 

“Yeah,” the knight judges as he studies her confused expression.  “I figured no one told you when you made that crack about Ben being the Jedi Killer.   I knew you didn’t know the truth.  Luke sure wasn’t going to tell you.  And Ben never talks about it.”

 

“What truth?”

 

“Ben wasn’t Luke’s first victim that night.  But Ben was the only one who woke up.  The Force intervened to save him.  I guess we all know why now.  We all should have seen that Ben is the Chosen One even back then.”

 

“What are you saying?” Rey demands. 

 

Nestor Ren’s features grow hard and his voice is gruff as he tells the tale.  “Luke started in the women’s dorm that night.  There were seven of them ranging from teenagers to grown women.  He killed them all quietly in their sleep.  Then he came next door for us.  His mistake was in starting with Ben.  The Force is with that guy.  Ben woke up in time and put up a fight.”

 

“Luke was the one to kill everyone that night?” Rey is incredulous.  Has she understood right?

 

“They went at big time and it woke us up.  Two Skywalkers in a duel is something to see, especially when they’re both Dark as Sith at the time.  Ben was trying to hold Luke off so we could get to safety, but Luke was powerful.  He froze the rest of us in the Force while he fought it out with Ben.  If Ben died, we were going to die too.”

 

“What happened?”  Rey is a bit shocked at this reveal.  She doesn’t know what to believe now.

 

“It was a close thing.  Ben was desperate and losing.   He reached deep for Darkness and it came through for him.  He destroyed the entire temple complex with a single Force shockwave.”  Nestor Ren looks away, clearly reliving the crucial moment in memories.  “I had never seen power like that before.  It was unbelievable.  Especially since it came from Ben.”

 

Rey wrinkles her face with the unspoken question and Nestor Ren explains, “Ben was a terrible Padawan with a bad attitude.  Back then, he hated the Force.  He could barely move rocks and he mostly slept through morning saber practice.  His uncle was hard on him and it pushed him away.  His whole family was hard on him.  They never understood Ben.”  Nestor sighs.  “Few people do.”

 

“Then what happened?” Rey thinks she knows the rest.

 

“We ran from the rubble and fled to Snoke.  We feared Luke would come after us.  We needed a protector.  Especially Ben.”  Nestor meets her eyes.  “You have to understand that Ben and the rest of us were taught to fear Darkness above all else.  So when screw-up Ben Solo turned out to have impressive Sith moves, no one knew what to make of it.  Least of all him.   He had no idea of the pent-up Darkness he had unleashed.”

 

Rey cocks her head, she’s skeptical of what she’s heard.  She fears she’s being manipulated by this guy as Kylo’s apologist.  “How do I know what you’re saying is true?  And why would Luke do such a thing?”  The hero Luke Skywalker famously threw down his sword rather than fight his own father on the Death Star.  “Luke wasn’t a murderer!” she objects. 

 

“He was that night.  He kept saying that it was time for the Jedi to end.  I think he intended it to be some murder-suicide thing.”

 

That information gives Rey pause.  “He told me it was time for the Jedi to end when he refused to train me.”

 

Sir Nestor nods and shoots her a knowing look.  “You got lucky.  You lived.  The other girls didn’t.”

 

“Luke wasn’t capable of murder.”  Was he?  She barely knew the guy.  Rey mostly knew him by reputation, and that turned out to be very misleading.  But still . . .   “Luke wasn’t capable of murder,” she maintains.

 

“Not on a good day,” the knight agrees.  “But when he would get in one of those Dark moods he refused to acknowledge, Luke was capable of anything.  We all knew when he was struggling with Darkness.  He would start acting erratically.  Talking to people long dead in the Force.  Mostly, he was arguing with his dead father and Master Kenobi.  It was like all that repressed Darkness would surge every now and then to make itself known.  That was when Luke would retreat for a few days to meditate on his own.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“We all knew he was trying to control it.   He would reappear after a few days and act like nothing had happened.  But we all knew.  No one said anything.  We knew Luke was ashamed.  We believed his teaching, so we were ashamed for him too.”

 

“Oh.”  Rey is starting to understand where the origins of Kylo’s ideas about balance had come from.

 

“Luke lectured over and over again about the risk of Darkness.  How fear led to anger, anger led to hate, and hate led to suffering.   How once you start down the Dark path forever it will dominate your destiny.  He had a lot of fear about the Dark Side.  In hindsight, I think that fear just made the problem worse.   That guy was very, very powerful.   But he was a Skywalker, descended from the Force and born with equal capacity for Dark and for Light.”

 

“Luke was the Chosen One,” Rey whispers aloud.

 

“Supposedly, yes.  But he blew it.”   Nestor curls his lip.  “To think that Lord Vader gave his life for that guy.  Luke Skywalker was a mess.”

 

“Yeah, that sounds like the man I met.”  And this story better explains why Luke cut himself off from the Force, Rey thinks.  “He was so defeated.  Not at all who I expected.”

 

Nestor meets her eyes and holds them steadily.  “The Darkness in himself was the greatest opponent Luke Skywalker ever faced.  Not the Empire.  Not Darth Vader.  Not Darth Sidious.  Not Snoke.  And here’s the thing--Darkness was the enemy Luke couldn't kill without killing himself.  In the end, I’m sort of surprised he didn’t commit suicide earlier.   That guy was miserable because he was so repressed.  Snoke would say that Luke was unbalanced, that he was unstable from self-hatred.  From guilt.” 

 

“Wait--why does the whole galaxy think Kylo did the killing at the temple?” Rey asks.  Even Han Solo blamed what happened at the temple on his son. 

 

Nestor shrugs.  “We left.  None of us ever spoke to anyone about it other than Snoke.   There was only one other survivor that night to tell the tale.”

 

“You’re saying Luke lied?”

 

“Is there another explanation?   Snoke said we should just let the lie stand because Luke knew what he had done.  And it was a convenient way to increase the fear factor for the newly minted Kylo Ren.  Ben used the lie to his advantage.” 

 

“His own family believed it.”   Rey is aghast at this.

 

“I’m not surprised.  They always believed the worst of Ben.  His mother and his uncle were terrified of him.  They treated him like a bad seed who was ready to self-destruct at any moment.  The irony is that sanctimonious old Luke was the one to do that.”

 

“And Han Solo?” she asks.

 

“Ben’s dad was never around.  I don’t think he had been in Ben’s life for years before his mother dumped him at the temple and washed her hands of him.  Han Solo was some space racer back then.   He was busy with his own stuff, I guess.”

 

“I was there when Ben killed his father,” Rey reveals softly.  “Han Solo wasn’t a bad guy.”

 

“He was a bad father,” Nestor answers back.  “Everyone in Ben’s family failed him.  They lied to him, they neglected him, they ignored him, they discounted him.  No one gave him the least bit of encouragement until Snoke.”

 

Nestor Ren evidently has thought about this a lot, Rey sees.  For he keeps unloading information.  “You know, on the Force stuff, I could give Luke a pass.  He believed the lies told to him and he passed them on.  But on Darth Vader?  Well, that was just a mean lie that was bound to come out.  Did you know that Ben learned about Vader over the holonet?  He couldn’t even talk to Luke about it because Master Skywalker was in one of his moods.  When Ben finally did talk to him, Luke had some elaborate construct of Vader being two different people.  He was Vader in the Dark and Anakin Skywalker in the Light.  Luke claimed that no one had lied because Darth Vader wasn't really Ben’s grandfather because he had been Anakin Skywalker at the time.  It was a load of crap.  But it fit Luke’s narrative about people being either all Light or all Dark.”

 

“Oh.”  Again, Rey sees the origins of Kylo’s ideas about the Force.  And she sees why balance is so important to him.  No doubt Kylo fears over time becoming some version of Luke Skywalker himself.

 

“As far as I know, Ben’s mother felt the same way.  I don’t know.  I never met her.  Not coincidentally, it was very politically advantageous for her.   It’s a little awkward for a Senator of the New Republic to be Darth Vader’s secret daughter all those years.”

 

“What did Ben do when he learned the news?” Rey wants to know.

 

“He did what Ben usually did when things got bad—he ran away.  He was quiet and angry back then like he is now.  Nerdy too.  He always had his nose in his datapad reading something.  Mostly, he liked history.  He was crazy for the Clone Wars back then.  He complained over and over again that he wanted to go to a regular school and then to a university to study.  That kid hated being a Jedi.”

 

Rey says nothing.  This is a lot to digest.

 

“Look, I know you met all the players involved--Han Solo, Leia Organa, and Luke.  None of them were going to tell you this.   To do so, they would have to admit to their own mistakes.  And I’m not sure they would see it this same way anyhow.  But I’m telling you now so you know the truth.”  Nestor levels with her now.  “The point is that Ben never wanted any of this.  Very few people know that.  The power hungry, Jedi Killer Kylo Ren is a lie the whole galaxy believes.” 

 

“So he’s the accidental Emperor?”  Is that what Nestor Ren is telling her?

 

“Something like that . . . yeah.  Look, you already know that Luke Skywalker wasn't the hero you wanted him to be.   You should know that Kylo Ren isn’t the villain many people believe he is.   It’s . . . complicated.”

 

Yes, she sees.  Very complicated.  Very unexpected too.

 

“So five of you survived Luke?” Rey asks.  She wants to know more now.

 

The knight nods.  “There are three of us left.  Oren challenged Ben and lost in a duel to the death.  Tully tried to betray us to the Republic.  Snoke fried him with Force lightning while we all watched.”

 

Rey makes a face at this.  “That sounds like him.”

 

“Snoke made an example out of Tully,” Nestor states flatly.  “The Leader had only one rule for us knights—loyalty.  We were to be loyal to the Leader and to Kylo above all else.  If you breached that loyalty, it was kill or be killed.  Otherwise, Snoke was far more relaxed than Luke.  Snoke was very live and let live about most things, actually.  He was a lot more lenient with us than with Ben as the Apprentice.”

 

“And the rest of the knights?” Rey asks.  “Who are they?”

 

“They are Force sensitives who the First Order identified from among their ranks.”

 

Rey is still trying to wrap her head around what she has heard.  “So you went from following Luke to following Snoke just like that?”  That seems a radical shift to her.

 

“Pretty much,” Nestor admits.  “We didn’t have much of a choice so we took the risk.  We thought Snoke was some Sith no one knew existed.  None of us had ever met him before we showed up seeking sanctuary.    Snoke was very cagey about his past other than denying being a Jedi or a Sith.  Kylo says it turns out he was both at one time or another.”  Nestor shrugs.  He doesn’t seem to care.  But maybe that’s because Snoke is dead.

 

“Did Kylo tell you he killed Snoke?”

 

Nestor takes this in stride too.  “We were all expecting that at some point.  That’s how it works on the Dark Side. You learn all you can and then you kill the guy who taught you.  Those are the rules.  Ben’s a Skywalker.  We knew one way or another he would end up on top.  Snoke seemed to know it, too.  He had to know what he was taking on when Ben showed up to be the Apprentice.”

 

Rey frowns at the former Padawan sitting across from her.  “So you’re okay with what the First Order does?  You’re okay with stuff like Starkiller Base?  Like no quarter at Crait?”

 

Nestor nods.  “It’s a war.  People die.  Look, the Old Republic Jedi fought for their side back then.  Now, we fight for our side.  But unlike the Jedi, we don’t lead military troops.   Snoke didn’t like the idea of Force-users in the military.  He faulted the Jedi Order for mixing too much church and state.” 

 

“Oh.”  Er . . . what?  That seems incongruous with the Supreme Leader being some ancient Jedi himself.  But Rey doesn’t pursue the point.  “It just seems like you switched sides awfully fast . . . “

 

“It was fast.  But it was the right thing to do.”  Nestor must see her confusion because he leans forward to intone gravely, “Look not on our sins but on our faith in the Force.  Honor our intentions, Rey, for they are noble even if our ways are sometimes harsh.  Like Emperor Ren, we do what must be done.” 

 

She nods like she understands, but she doesn’t.  Not really.

 

“We seek to do the will of the Force.  As Force-users, the knights are all agents of change, and we act as instruments of the Force.   The Force is not good.  It’s not evil either.  It is awesome and it’s reach and meaning are beyond our full comprehension.  Mysterious are its ways.”

 

Rey feels lost in these words and it shows. 

 

“In time and with training, you will understand,” Nestor Ren says gently. “The Force is more than lightsabers and tricks.” Now, he reaches into a pocket and produces a small disc.  “Here.  Take it.”

 

Rey picks it up.  It looks like a small transmitter of some kind.  “What is this?” she asks suspiciously.

 

“It’s a tracker.  It’s undetectable on a com scan.  No one will know you have it.  Keep it on you at all times.”

 

“So you can find me and the Resistance?” Rey plunks the disc back down on the tabletop and balks.

 

Nestor levels with her.  “We don’t need to find the Resistance.  We know where they are.” 

 

“Then you know where I am,” Rey retorts.   

 

The knight gives Rey a patient but annoyed look he might give a troublesome little sister.  “Just wear it and don’t make a fuss.  Give Ben one less thing to worry about these days, alright?   He wants to know where you are so he can extract you if necessary.”

 

Rey raises an eyebrow and challenges, “You mean before he attacks the Resistance?”

 

“Maybe.  A tracker was the only way Ben got off Starkiller Base.  He wears one, the knights all wear one, and you’re going to wear one too.  Quit pushing away people who want to help you,” the knight instructs pointedly.  “Ben has been very lenient with you.  Snoke would not have done the same.  Now,” he switches gears, “You got anything for him?  Anything I can pass along? Progress to report?”

 

“No.”   Not really, Rey thinks.

 

The knight is displeased.  “You need to make headway.  He’s not a patient guy,” Nestor Ren warns.  “As it stands, Ben has you and your friends organizing a revolution from the outside and a skeptical military harassing him from within.  To be in the middle is to be hit from both sides.  He won’t sustain this position for long unless you start to show results.”   

 

“I’m working on it,” Rey shoots him a quelling look.  She’s not a fan of this preachy knight.

 

Nestor gets up to leave.  “Which one of the little bartenders is Maz Kanata?” he asks as he scans the room.

 

“The woman with the glasses in the jumpsuit,” Rey answers.  “The one who keeps glancing over here suspiciously.”  Rey’s eyes narrow.  “Why do you ask?”

 

“I have business with her.   May the Force be with you,” Nestor nods curtly to Rey before he departs.

 

“What was that all about?” Rose asks as she walks up.  “You were having quite a conversation with that guy,” she frowns as her eyes follow huge Nestor Ren tromp across the crowded bar to intercept Maz.

 

“He’s another friend of Maz,” Rey lies.  “I was chatting him up some.  He might be a lead for us.”

 

Rose looks intrigued.  “Should we go talk to Maz about him?”

 

“Nah, let’s get out of here.  I feel a little like we’re being watched,” Rey makes up an excuse that’s probably true.  “Did your contact pan out?”

 

“He insisted on a down payment.  I talked him down as much as I could.  I hope he’s good for those grenade launchers he’s selling us, or we’re out quite a bit.  We’ll know in two days’ time at the rendezvous point.  Did you pay your tab?” Rose asks. 

 

“Yeah.  We’re good to go.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Rey and Rose walk out of the cantina to the large grassy clearing that serves as a landing pad.  Rey set the shuttle down in the far back by the woods away from the rest of the ships.  It’s not convenient for a mad dash out of the bar, but it is the best placement overall for an emergency takeoff.  As they head that direction, Rey tries again to clear the air with Rose.  She doesn’t want for there to be conflict among them on the flight home.

 

“So, when we get back, how about we grab dinner together with Finn for a quick debriefing?”  It’s an awkward suggestion but it’s the best Rey can do if Rose won’t speak to her alone. 

 

It’s the wrong thing to say.  Rose shoots her down. “No, thanks.  You two can go alone.”

 

So much for playing it smooth, Rey thinks.  Social skills have never been her thing.  She’s far too direct for true social grace.  And so, frustrated Rey digs in and just comes out with it now.  “Are we going to talk about Finn and the kiss?  Look, I know you like him.”

 

Rose plays dumb.  “Of course, we all like Finn.  He’s a natural leader.”

 

“No, that’s not it.”

 

Rose doesn’t answer, she just looks away.  They’re coming up on the ship now, so Rey uses her remote to activate the shuttle ramp.  After it deploys, Rose starts marching very determinedly into the ship.  She’s back to being all business as she ignores Rey’s efforts engage on Finn.  “You get us into hyperspace, okay?” she calls to Rey over her shoulder.  “I’ll be in the back.  I’ve got some stuff to catch up on with my datapad.  I’ll send the others the details of today’s transaction.”

 

Rey sighs and hesitates a moment at the bottom of the ramp.  It’s going to be a long flight home with chilly Rose, she thinks to herself.   The whole situation with Finn now kind of annoys Rey.  She’s feeling unfairly blamed.  So she too marches into the shuttle, calling out to Rose, “Look, I’m sorry that you’re upset, Rose.  But this is not my fault.”  Is Rose listening finally?  She’s stopped at the top of the ramp facing inside.  That encourages Rey to keep talking as she walks up.  “I had no idea that Finn was going to do that, okay?  I did not lead him on.”

 

As Rey approaches Rose standing at the top of the ramp, something looks off.  Is Rose waiting for something?  She’s not.  She’s frozen in the Force.  Eyes wide and mouth open in a silent scream.  Her hand is stopped reaching halfway for the blaster at her hip.  Rey knows what Force paralysis feels like.  How terrifying and uncomfortable it is.  She also knows who uses that trick. 

 

Sure enough, standing a little off to the right just inside the ship is the uniformed but unmasked Kylo Ren.

 

“Hello, Rey,” he smirks.  “Did you miss me?  I missed you.”


	26. Chapter 26

Kylo marches without enthusiasm into the room full of generals who are assembled and waiting for him.  Today, Emperor Ren is in-flight on his way back to Coruscant from his Rim capital world Tatooine.  It’s time for his weekly in-depth military briefing on the state of the galaxy.  Kylo nods to General Hux to begin.

 

Hux starts by flashing up surveillance photographs of the brand-new Republic X-wings that the Resistance recently received.   They are state-of-the-art ships far faster than the First Order’s garden variety TIE, Hux points out.  That information sets the theme for the discussion that follows.  General Hux basically demands to know what Kylo is waiting for and why he hasn't already given the order to destroy the hidden rebel base.  Wait too long and the Empire might have a formidable enemy on its hands, Hux argues vehemently to a chorus of nods around the room. 

 

“Until this Dantooine base is taken out, we are vulnerable. This new Rebel Alliance is too well equipped.   They are more dangerous than you realize,” the general warns.

 

As usual, Kylo downplays the risk.  “Dangerous to your starfleet, General, but not to the Empire as a whole.”

 

“If this rebellion gains popular support—“

 

“They won’t,” Kylo cuts off Hux.   “Once they start killing people, they will sully their cause.   No one wants another war.”

 

“You are astute as always, Excellency,” Hux makes a show of sucking up.  They both know Armitage Hux believes exactly the contrary to his words but neither lets on.   “That’s why the time to act is now. Give the order to fire on the base.   We can take them out with the auto-cannon with one swift stroke.  The last remnants of the New Republic will be swept away.”

 

“No.”  Kylo is unequivocal.

 

“Don’t let your personal feelings get in the way, Excellency,” Hux grinds out.  Everyone in the roomful of military brass knows that Hux is referring to Rey.  His supposed sister is now a rather notorious rebel leader.  She stars in all the weekly intelligence and security briefings, much to everyone’s chagrin.  Scanning the expressions on the faces of the other men, Kylo judges they are all on Team Hux in this. 

 

Still, he shrugs.  “It is a delicate matter. I have a plan.”

 

“I have a plan too.  Extract the exiled sister and fire on the base,” Hux bluntly suggests.  It comes out as more of a command.  “We have come too far to risk dragging this out.  Whatever the issue is, we need to resolve it, eradicate the Resistance, and move on.”

 

“Rey is working for us,” Kylo reveals.  That provokes quite a few whispers and looks of surprise, he notes.  And now, he’s got an idea.  Kylo turns to an aide beside him.  “Where are we in our jump?” 

 

Someone across the room calls out the nearest system. 

 

“Fine,” Kylo decides in a fit of impulse.  It’s time to deal with the awkward politics of Lady Rey head on.  He can only antagonize his military men so far and still expect their support.  And none of them is going to like his new plan to impose his knights above them as oversight.  So, today Kylo will make a show of hearing his military advisors’ concerns.  He needs to earn some goodwill with this crowd because they are not going to like a lot of what’s coming soon.  “Tell the bridge to recalibrate the jump. We’re headed to Takodano first before Coruscant.”

 

“What’s on Takodano?” Hux asks. 

 

“Nestor Ren is there today meeting with Rey.  You can meet with her too, General.  Perhaps then, you will be satisfied with our strategy.”  Kylo now looks pointedly around the room.  “If Plan A with Rey fails, then we revert to Plan B and destroy the base.  I will not tolerate a serious rebellion in our midst no matter who leads it,” he staunchly declares.

 

“What is Plan A, if I may ask?” Hux demands.

 

“Plan A is we attempt to moderate the Resistance from within and make them irrelevant over time by adopting a few of their ideas.  When we compromise, we look reasonable.  If they persist, they look reactionary.  Over time, if they refuse to back down they will be exposed for the fringe revolutionaries they are.  Then, we will have popular support to destroy them without backlash.  You’ll get your wish in the end,” Kylo smirks at Hux.

 

Talk of moderation doesn’t go over well with this crowd.  Hux is skeptical as he speaks up.  “How do you plan to do this?”

 

“Rey is on the Rebel council and she’s in charge of their political activities.”

 

“What political activities?” Hux asks.  “We don’t have a Senate with an opposition party.”

 

“We will tolerate some public grumbling as a sign of our overall tolerance,” Kylo decrees breezily.  “We will not crackdown on dissent like the old Empire did to play into our enemy’s hands.  I will not,” Kylo growls, “permit another Rebellion to topple an Empire.”  History will not repeat itself this time, he vows.  And is that enough grandstanding to appease these general types?   He hopes so.

 

“I thought you exiled the sister,” Hux points out.

 

“I did.  But I gave her a reprieve in exchange for her cooperation to undermine the Resistance.”

 

“So, she’s on our side now?”  Again, Hux is skeptical.

 

“She wants peace.”

 

The diversion to Takodano takes two hours but luckily Rey’s stolen First Order shuttle is still there when they arrive.  Kylo sets down an equally pokey transport on the surface not too far from Maz Kanata’s castle cantina.  Then he doffs his mask and motions to General Hux to accompany him alone.

 

“Aren’t we taking any troopers?” Hux looks so alarmed by the thought of doing anything without his usual entourage that Kylo is tempted to laugh.   This man never does his own dirty work.  Even his underlings have underlings. 

 

“We don’t need troopers to meet with our own spy.  Plus, we are trying to avoid attracting attention.   Just take your sidearm and you’ll be fine.  You do know how to shoot it, right?” Kylo can’t resist asking. 

 

“Of course,” Hux sniffs. “But this is highly irregular, your Excellency.”

 

“Think of it as doubling your combat experience,” Kylo can’t resist some more snark.  Army Hux rarely makes a personal appearance at a battle.   He prefers to bark orders from the safety of the bridge.   Only the prospect of being there at the final battle tempted the general to join the troops at Crait. 

 

“I still say this is highly irregular.  We have people to delegate tasks like this to,” Hux complains as he dutifully tags along.

 

“Where’s the fun in that?” Kylo smirks.  “Follow my lead.  And don’t make her mad.  That’s my job.”

 

It’s a few minutes’ walk to Rey’s parked ship.  The entire time Hux keeps looking around for snipers but thankfully they encounter no one. “You are very conspicuously you,” the general points out, “even without the mask.”

 

Kylo shrugs.  “I rule the galaxy, General.  There is no place I am not welcome.  Least of all this den of thieves.”   Kylo lowers the ramp to Rey’s shuttle with the Force and then they board to lay in wait inside. 

 

“Where did they steal this?” Hux wonders aloud at the First Order personnel transport the Resistance has commandeered.

 

“Whoever stole it made a lousy pick.  These things are slow and minimally shielded.”  Really, Kylo thinks, this is a lousy ride to go about overthrowing his regime in.  At least the _Falcon_ had it where it counts.  This ship has neither looks nor ability.  It couldn’t do the Kessel run in 20 parsecs even if someone melted its hyperdrive during the attempt.

 

“How long will this take?” Hux complains some more.

 

Kylo ignores him. “Stay back and let me do the talking,” he commands.   

 

It turns out that they don’t have to wait long. Ten minutes later, Rey and another woman approach the ship.  Their body language looks like they are arguing.  The other woman is the first up the ramp.  Kylo immediately freezes her in the Force.  Then, Rey walks up to discover her trapped friend.  She also discovers him.

 

Rey gapes for a moment.

 

Kylo stares back.  Rey looks the same as she did at Mustafar.  But like the desert rags he first saw her in, these nondescript clothes do nothing to dim her allure.  Lovely as she was dressed as a princess on his ship, Rey looks like her authentic self dressed like this.

 

He’s been dreaming of this woman. Torrid dreams of passion that he cannot remember in detail when he wakes.  All he remembers is the rapture and the release.   That night on the _Finalizer_ and the kiss at Mustafar have him wanting more.  Rey is sent to him by the Force to be his destiny.  They have been circling one another ever since they met.  This woman has become a dangerous obsession and in time, she could become a very great threat.  She is mostly Light, he is mostly Dark, but they are equally matched in power.  In discontent and loneliness, too.  Rey is either everything he could ever need or his downfall.  Kylo isn’t quite sure.  In fact, she might be both.  But just seeing her again in the flesh now makes his pulse quicken.   Does Rey know that she does this to him?   Does she feel it too?  He wonders.  He’s not sure.  Kylo is not sure about anything where this girl is concerned.

 

But he covers it well.  Emperor Ren lifts his chin and calmly drawls, “Hello Rey,” as he enjoys her look of shock.  “Did you miss me? I missed you.”

 

“You!” she screeches back.  Kylo was expecting her to be surprised, but that’s not quite the reaction he was hoping for.  Then, Hux steps into view and Rey does one better.  She pulls her sword.  It lights with an ominous snap-hiss. 

 

Beside him, Hux flinches   That’s sort of gratifying.  Rey is a worthy adversary, there can be no doubt.  But Kylo wants Rey fighting at his side like she did in Snoke’s throne room.  He refused to engage with her on Mustafar and he refuses to engage with her now.  Still, he can’t help but jeer, “I see you come in peace, as usual.”  Because, damn, this girl is quick to draw her saber.  “Put it away,” he orders.  “I will not fight you.  You know that.”

 

He has only ever wanted Rey as an ally.  Not as an enemy.  From the very beginning, even as they swung swords at one another, Kylo was offering her to teach her.  Giving her a way out.   Trying to avoid Rey getting sucked into the conflicts that have defined his own life.  But to no avail.  As savvy and hardened as this girl is, a big part of her is far too trusting and gullible for her own good.  If only she had trusted in him.  But instead, she had trusted the legendary Luke Skywalker and then the determined Leia Organa.  In the aftermath of their aegis, Rey must unlearn what she knows.  The problem is that she keeps stubbornly refusing to do so.

 

Kylo knows from experience that it is alarming to discover that everything is relative.  That nothing is unequivocal and unqualified.  That right and wrong are a nuanced determination, highly dependent on facts and circumstances.  In some ways, this realization is the death of childhood.  Life is complicated.  Far less Dark and Light, and far more grey than we care to admit.  But mature, serious people are sophisticated enough to embrace it as such.   And here is the corollary insight of Kylo Ren:  if life is complicated, then so is the Force.  For the Force is no different than life itself.  Indeed, the Force is life. 

 

Life is complicated.  Kylo learned that lesson abruptly one night when he awoke to his uncle’s sword poised over his head.  A week later, he and his refugee knights were kneeling to pledge loyalty to Snoke and hoping for the best.   At the time, it felt like the only real option they had.  Kylo had hoped that Rey too had learned that life lesson in the events that culminated in Snoke’s throne room.  But she had not.  Kylo’s offer was too much, too soon for a young, inexperienced girl who clings tightly to her preconceived romanticized notions of Dark and Light. 

 

And here again today, she is ready to fight for her cause.  It’s annoying.  “Put it away!” Kylo orders again.  He hates that green blade.  “Turn it off!”

 

“What are you doing here?” Rey demands.

 

“This is where we first met.  Do you remember?  You tried to kill me back then too.”  Kylo gestures to her lit sword and raises an eyebrow.  “If you keep this up, you’re going to get predictable.  I might get bored of your violence,” he smirks. 

 

“I doubt that,” Rey shoots back.  “What is he doing here?” she nods warily over at Hux.

 

“We were in the neighborhood so I thought we would drop by.  Hux here keeps arguing for me to attack your rebel friends.  So he’s tagging along to meet my best mole in the Resistance.”

 

“Best mole?”  Rey’s eyes narrow.

 

Kylo nods yes.  “We have others.  When you accept all volunteers you inevitably accept a few spies, Rey.”  Truly, this latest attempt at organizing the Resistance is amateur hour in every way.  “Turn it off,” he orders again.  “I mean you no harm.”

 

“And Rose?” Rey asks, glancing at her terrified rebel companion who is frozen in the Force.

 

“Your friend is safe too,” he announces, feeling quite magnanimous. 

 

Satisfied but suspicious still, Rey takes her time about deactivating her sword.  She glares at him but she glares twice as hard over at Hux, Kylo sees.  And that is sort of heartening.  He thinks.  But much as he would love to flirt with Rey some, they have an audience so he gets down to business.  “I hear you are on the rebel council.  Well, what else have you got for me?  Give me a full report.”

 

Rey hesitates, glancing over at her frozen friend.  She’s clearly unsure if she can speak freely but Rey must figure that she’s already been revealed so she might as well.  So, she begins, “There’s not much to tell.  We put together a mission statement and a list of principles for the Resistance movement.  We also drew up a list of demands for reforms.  It’s a basis to start negotiations.”

 

“Let me guess, you’ll be releasing this list publicly when you claim credit for your first terrorist attack?  As your splashy reintroduction to the galaxy?” Kylo posits.

 

“Yeah.  That’s the idea,” she confirms.

 

“Does there have to be an attack?” The quicker things escalate, the less room for compromise there will be. 

 

Rey makes a face.  “I can’t convince them otherwise.  Kylo, I tried.  I really tried.” 

 

“Where and when?” he sighs. 

 

“It’s not decided yet.  Some want a military target.  Some want a rescue mission of some kind.”

 

“A prison break?”

 

“Something like that.  They want it to be a liberation of sorts as a symbolic start to the new phase of the war.”

 

How typical, he thinks.  These terrorists are really into symbolism, as if anyone cares.   “Okay, we’ll keep our ears open and learn of it soon enough.”

 

Hux speaks up now to gloat. “Our spies always come through,” he sneers.

 

Rey shoots Hux a glare that would freeze water on hot Jakku.  “Your overconfidence is your weakness,” she chides.

 

Not to be outdone, Hux accuses back, “Your faith in your rebel friends is yours.”

 

“She is on our side,” Kylo corrects him sternly.  “She’s our friend now.”

 

But Rey ruins it, of course.  “I’m not on your side!” she objects and declares, “I’m on the side of peace.”

 

Whatever.  “Same thing, Rey.  Now, when do I get my advance copy of this Resistance manifesto you have drawn up?”

 

“You don’t get one.  I don’t have one with me.”

 

Not an electronic copy, maybe.  But yes, she’s got it.  Kylo raises his hand and summons the Force.  “Of course, you do.  And now you’re going to give it to me.” 

 

Before he can even nudge at the barrier of her mind, Rey lights her sword and raises it to his eye level.  She hisses, “Don’t you dare!”

 

“I won’t hurt you.”  Kylo is sort of offended she thinks that he would hurt her.  “Just let me see it.   It only hurts if you resist.  Besides, you should learn this.  It’s a useful skill.  Especially for a person in your situation.”

 

“Don’t you dare!” Rey brandishes her buzzing sword beneath his nose.  “This whole trip was a setup, wasn’t it?” she demands.

 

“The setup was to meet Nestor.  But I couldn’t resist dropping by when we were close.  Nestor doesn't even know I'm here.”

 

“Why does Nestor want to meet Maz?” Rey now asks.

 

“She needs to explain where she got Vader’s sword.  Nestor is here to pay her a visit.  Two birds, one stone,” he shrugs.

 

“Is he going to kill her?”

 

“Not unless it becomes necessary.  Maz Kanata and her watering hole are useful on occasion to us, even if she doesn’t know it.”  Kylo shrugs again.  “That old pirate heathen can live for now.”

 

Rey looks mollified some.  She gives him a measuring look.  She loses some of her swagger now as once again she deactivates her sword.  “Your knight says I have my heroes and villains mixed up.”

 

Kylo raises an eyebrow at this quiet, cryptic statement.  Where is she going with this?

 

Rey searches his eyes intently as she continues, “He told me the rest of the story of what happened that night at Luke’s temple.”

 

Oh, great.  Nestor shot off that big mouth of his?  That’s unfortunate.  But not a surprise.  That guy always talks too much. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”  Rey looks stricken.

 

Kylo dismisses the topic.  Now is not the time or place for this discussion.  “It doesn’t matter.”

 

“That’s not what your knight thinks,” Rey persists.  “He thinks you’re the hero in all of this.”

 

Ah, they’re back to the blame game.  Picking good guys and bad guys is Rey’s favorite pastime.  Maybe it’s a natural tendency, but it seems so childish to him.  “The whole First Order thinks I’m the hero,” Kylo drawls.  “The rest of the galaxy thinks I am the villain.  It all depends on your point of view.  Choose a side and pick your hero.  That’s how it works.”

 

“Is it true?” she whispers.  “Were you the hero that night?”

 

The earnest, hopeful look in her eyes makes him look away.  Rey is so impressionable, still.  Kylo sighs.  Then, he gripes, “I only believe in one hero and he died before I was born.  I have his Force, I have his mask, and I have his castle.  But I also have his burdens, too.”  He waves a gloved finger before Rey as he warns, “Stop looking for real life to be fairy tales.  Grow up, Rey.”

 

“Are you going to answer me?” she half-complains, half-begs.  “Is it true?”

 

“It doesn't matter,” he brushes her off.  He doesn’t like to talk about this.  Kylo Ren is a man who knows who he was and who he is.  He knows exactly how he got to where he is today.  But he isn’t much for explaining the tangled tale to Rey or to anyone else.  Least of all Hux listening in.   His past has plenty of drama, but like most life stories it only appears like a series of major turning points in hindsight.  In reality as it was lived, it was a series of small, incremental decisions that made sense at the time but culminated in great change.   That’s why Kylo Ren feels like an accidental Emperor.  Because no matter how hard he tried to avoid ruling the galaxy, one way or another the Force kept leading him back there from different paths.   He made choices along the way.  Others made choices too.  But the result still feels remarkably inevitable.  Maybe because that’s how destiny works.  This is what it means to be an instrument of the cosmic Force, for your life is not your own to live.

 

Rey is having none of it.  “It does matter,” she persists.   “The truth matters.  The past matters.”

 

She annoys him again.  “You’re still holding on!” he explodes.  “How many times do I have to tell you to let the past die?” he complains bitterly.  “Let it die!  All of it, Rey!  Your lousy parents who abandoned you.  My lousy family who lied to me and betrayed me.  All of their failed ideologies and their bright lines about who is good and who is evil.  Let it go and see the universe with fresh eyes!”   He wishes he could get through to Rey on this fundamental point.  “We are Dark and Light.  Not Dark or Light.  The Jedi and the Sith both got it wrong.”

 

“So it’s true?  Luke killed the Jedi students?”   Rey looks a bit crushed to say this out loud.  Crushed like she had looked in Snoke’s throne room when he refused to order his fleet to stop firing.  “Luke was the one who did it, not you?”

 

Even Hux looks intrigued to know.

 

“Yes, it’s true,” Kylo reluctantly confirms.  “The Jedi Killer wasn’t a Dark Apprentice, it was a Jedi Master all along.”   As Rey visibly swallows and digests this news, Kylo belligerently maintains, “It’s like I told you.  What separates me from you is a lot less than you think.  So get off your smug moral high horse, Rey.  All those old distinctions you think you know are false comfort.  They will mislead you in the end like they did Luke Skywalker.  Because if I am a monster, so was he,” Kylo vents.

 

“Luke stayed away in exile out of guilt,” Rey surmises.  “It was more than just guilt for you.”

 

“Whatever mistakes I make,” Kylo contends vehemently.  “I make them honestly.  I am no hypocrite!  I have never pretended to be anything other than what I am.” He holds Rey’s gaze steadily as he admits, “I may not be good.  But I am right.”  His hands might be dirty, but his cause is true.  And even if Rey and others can’t see that, the Force does.  It’s why the Force has been with him all along.

 

And how the Hell did they get on this topic?  Kylo makes a face.  Enough with the past, he gets back to the business of the future now.  “Look, you need to make progress on this peaceful reform idea of yours.  I’m not going to tolerate this little scheme for very long.  Once your rebel friends start terrorizing the Empire, all bets are off,” he warns.  “I will be pressured by the general here and others to end the Resistance once and for all.”

 

“Then slow things down!  Stop making it so easy to amass credits and weapons.  I need time,” Rey pleads.

 

“Show some me some progress.”

 

“I’m trying,” she whines back.  “But these people aren’t easy to convince.”

 

“That’s because they are crazy extremist zealots,” Hux observes without a trace of irony. “Especially FN-2187.”

 

Rey ignores Hux.  Her focus is on him.  “Kylo, you agreed to let me try this.  You have to at least give me a chance.”

 

“I’ll give peace a chance, but it’s only this one chance, do you understand?” Kylo wants to be clear.

 

“Finn is more reasonable than you think.  He will listen to me in a way the others won’t.”

 

That’s good, he guesses.  But it’s not what Kylo wants to hear.  He cocks his head at Rey now.  “Is the traitor why you want to do this so badly?”

 

Rey lifts her chin and looks righteous.  “I told you, I’m doing this for myself.  For peace.”

 

“Tell me the truth—is it the traitor?  Is it Finn?” Kylo spits out the hated name.   

 

“No.”

 

Something about that answer doesn’t ring completely true in the Force.  “Is this Finn character bothering you?” Kylo demands suspiciously.  “What were you telling your terrorist friend about him when you walked up?”

 

“Nothing.  It was nothing,” comes Rey’s clipped lie. 

 

“It was not nothing,” Kylo grinds out.  “Is he bothering you?   I’ll kill him if he’s bothering you,” he offers.

 

Hux interjects, “We should kill him now.  We have reason enough.”

 

“No!” Rey shouts back.  She’s got her thumb twitching on her sword again, Kylo sees.  “No, you won’t.  I can handle myself.”

 

Fine, Kylo decides.  He lets the issue drop.  “Alright, let’s erase these memories from your sidekick here.  If she remembers any of this, you’re a dead woman.”

 

“Don’t hurt her,” Rey looks concerned as she watches Kylo raise his arm.  “Be gentle, please!”

 

“I told you—it only hurts if you resist.  Watch and learn, Rey.  You might need to do this if you get exposed as being on our side.   Ready?”  He glances over to Rey as he summons the Force.  “Lesson one, my Padawan, on how to fuck with peoples’ minds.”

 

Rey gulps.  She is looking from Rose to him and back again. “Okay.  I guess this is the best solution,” she sounds unconvinced but she’s going along with it.

 

Kylo starts teaching.  “The Jedi called it a mind trick and deemed it Light.  The Sith considered it a mental wipe and called it Dark.  It’s essentially the same thing.  The Jedi and the Sith were similar in almost every way.  They worshiped the same Force, just from different perspectives.  They emphasized different values, but in the end, they were far more alike than they were different.  They couldn’t see that, though.”  Small differences between religions have always provoked the bitterest feuds, he thinks.

 

“It’s simple, really.  Concentrate to breach her mental barrier.  When you have her under your control, you make the suggestion in the Force to her subconscious mind.”  Kylo demonstrates, “Forget that you saw Kylo Ren and General Hux today.  Remember that you came back to the ship and nothing was amiss before you took off.”

 

Rey is watching closely, he sees.  She bites her lip and shifts her weight now as she asks tentatively, “So, can we edit her other memories while we’re doing this now?”

 

“Sure, give it a try,” he offers.  He leaves Rose frozen in the Force and watches as Rey invades her mind.  “Good,” Kylo approves.   “Now tell her what you want her to do.”

 

“Forget what you saw last night,” Rey mumbles red faced.

 

Kylo snorts.  “You’ll going need to be more specific than that.  Otherwise, you’re going to make her an amnesiac.  This is her mind you’re messing with.   Be discrete and make the smallest changes necessary to fix your issue.  Don’t overplay your hand.”

 

Rey frowns and tries again.  “Remember all of last night except when you walked in on me and Finn.”  She says this last part very quickly as nervousness kicks in.

 

Now, Kylo’s suspicions are definitely raised.  “You’ll need to be more specific,” he complains again.  And that request is as much for himself as it is for Rose.  “Tell her exactly what to forget.  What did this woman walk in on?” he demands.

 

“Forget the kiss.  Forget you saw Finn kiss me,” Rey wails miserably.  She’s losing her concentration fast. 

 

“I’m going to kill that guy,” Kylo growls.  “I am going to kill that guy slowly.”  Because what the fuck was Rey doing kissing the stormtrooper?

 

Hux just sighs.

 

Rey drops her hand and starts to argue with Kylo.   “It was a misunderstanding, that’s all,” she bristles.  “I told you I can handle myself.”   

 

“Like you handle yourself with me?” he goads, stepping closer.  Because he’ll be damned if he lets that traitor FN-2187 steal his girl.   

 

“That’s different.  You’re different.  And Finn . . . well . . . he’s no you,” Rey finishes awkwardly.  She’s really red faced now. 

 

“Damn right he’s not!”  If Rey fucks that traitor, all bets are off.  Kylo wants peace, but he’s not willing to sacrifice Rey to achieve it. 

 

“Just go!” flustered Rey orders.   “Release Rose.  Then get out of here and take your fascist friend with you.”

 

“He’s not my friend.  He’s my best general.  Did you take the tracker and the credit card?”

 

“Yes!  Now release her and go!  Get out of here, Kylo, before I light my sword and use it this time!”

 

“Stay away from the traitor!” he bellows back.  He’s in Rey’s face shouting now.  “You fuck that guy and he will die slowly.  Very slowly,” Kylo vows.  He’s getting angrier the more he thinks about this news.  “The only reason I’m okay with letting you handle him is because we are destiny,” Kylo declares as he forces himself to regain composure.  He takes a deep breath and steps back.  “I will trust in the Force to protect you but that guy is a dead man if he touches you.”

 

“He’s a dead man either way,” Hux chimes in.  And did the general just roll his eyes?   If he rolled his eyes, Hux might be next on the list to meet his sword after the traitor dies, Kylo thinks.

 

Rey has her hands on her hips as she informs him, “I will choose my own destiny!  I will shape my future!   Not the Force and not you, Kylo Ren!” 

 

There Rey goes again with her independent woman bit.  She’s missing the point.   “No.  You don’t get to choose your destiny.  You can choose your path but the Force chooses the end result.  All your choice affects are the winners and losers along the way,” he warns.  Kylo speaks from experience in this.  “Stay away from the traitor!”  With that parting shot, he releases Rose and marches away with Hux trailing in his wake. 

 

That had not gone well.  But it could have gone worse, Kylo consoles himself afterwards.  Is Rey indifferent to him?  Kylo worries that she may be.   That she is his one-sided obsession.  Does she care?   Can a near feral orphan care about anyone?  Is she just not that into him?  Or is it this traitor Finn the one who is messing things up?   Kylo knows how lonely Rey is.  But that doesn’t mean she is lonely for him.  Suddenly, Kylo is blindingly jealous of the traitor Finn who stole a kiss.  Has he stolen Rey’s heart too?

 

And this is so typical for him.  Nothing is ever easy in his life.  There’s one woman in the entire galaxy he’s ever been interested in and his family screws it up.  Now, they’re dead but she’s still on the opposite side of a war from him.  And there is this charismatic, freedom loving stormtrooper defector to contend with, too.   Things keep getting more complicated between he and Rey, not less. 

 

And that’s a problem because this is no ordinary girl he can move on from and forget.  Rey has the potential to be a powerful renegade Force user on the loose in the galaxy.  Snoke’s solution was to kill her, but that’s not an acceptable solution for him.  Kylo decides instead to redouble his resolve to win over Rey.  For himself and for the future, he judges this the better call.  And he might just win lasting peace in the process, too. 

 

So screw scowling Hux who keeps giving him disapproving looks as they walk back.  The arrogant general has his uses but he can’t begin to fathom what’s really at stake with Rey.  Hux is a small minded non-believer, wholly ignorant of the Force, whose concerns are temporal.  The general, like so many secular achievers, is full of hubris.  The man can’t even conceive of the larger currents at work.   He, of course, always credits his successes to himself alone. 

 

In time, Hux and his brethren will see that the balance of the Force is far more important than any First Order ideology.   Once the remnants of the Resistance are finally dealt with, these planet killing fascist types will need to step aside as well.   And if they won’t, Kylo thinks grimly, then they too can meet his sword.  Kylo promises himself now what he has promised his grandfather’s memory:  that he will let nothing stand in his way.  He will do what he must to keep this fragile peace he has won.  For in his own short life, Kylo has traveled too far and seen too much to ignore the despair in the galaxy.  Some of that despair is his fault, some of it is not.  But the remedy is not more extremism, he knows.  The remedy is balance.  For if the galaxy is to avoid another cycle of civil war, they need to do things differently this time.

 

The sound of ion engines warming up gets his attention.  Kylo halts and turns to watch Rey’s stolen shuttle lift off.  He watches it disappear as Hux watches him.  “May the Force be with you,” Kylo blesses Rey from afar.

 

“You really are some kind of Jedi, aren’t you?” Hux observes now.

 

“Yes,” Kylo admits.  “Snoke was a Jedi too.  Just not in the way you normally think of the Jedi.”

 

“Never fear, your Excellency.  No one thinks you’re a guardian of peace and justice for the galaxy,” Hux says dryly.

 

Kylo turns to regard his best general steadily.  “Then, they’re wrong.”  He resumes walking now.


	27. Chapter 27

Rose is still very distant during the flight home, which doesn’t make a lot of sense unless that mind trick failed.  But Rey welcomes the mood anyway.   She needs time alone to think.

 

Kylo had confirmed the shocking tale his knight had told her about Luke killing the Jedi students.  Kylo had been reluctant to do so, which makes Rey less suspicious that she is being misled.  Does this news change everything?  Maybe, she thinks.  It certainly magnifies the betrayal of Luke Skywalker and it explains why Kylo would run headlong into Darkness with Snoke.  It recasts Ben Solo’s fall to the Dark Side as self-preservation, which survivor Rey can relate to.  It probably also reflects a deep disenchantment with his family, too.  Coming on the heels of their lies about Darth Vader, Luke’s murder spree must have been the last straw.   And, well, in the wake of the revelations about Rey’s own disappointing parents, she can relate to feeling let down. 

 

Kylo has been telling her all along that she and he are far more alike than Rey realizes.  Perhaps Kylo is right. 

 

Everyone, including Kylo’s own family, has thought the worst of him for years.  Were they wrong?  Or, at least, unfair to condemn him so harshly?  Would Rey have gone to the Dark Side under the same circumstances?    Maybe so, she begrudgingly admits.  Her natural empathy now makes her squirm.  For Kylo is correct, and under the right scenario she might have ended up a monster too. 

 

She wants to ask Kylo more about that night at the temple. She wants to ask him more about that vision on Mustafar as well.  Actually, she has a ton of questions for Kylo.  But he had surprised her on Takodano and brought that genocidal General Hux along with him.  Seeing Hux had reminded Rey of the worst of Emperor Ren and his First Order.  That had quieted her curiosity and killed her empathy right then and there.  Rey had instinctively reverted to the aggressive defensive posturing that kept her alive all those years on Jakku.  Twice, she even lit her sword. 

 

But hours later in hyperspace en route to Dantooine, Rey realizes that really wants to believe in Kylo.  She wants to believe in his vision of balancing the Force.  That Light and Dark can coexist in mutual respect and not conflict. It’s such a lovely, inviting thought.   But still . . . Rey is wary she is being misled.  Unfortunately, there is no one left alive for her to consult to confirm Kylo’s views.  She’ll just have to search her feelings and rely on her instincts.  Maybe even trust in the Force. 

 

And that’s hard because Rey is not a trusting person.  You don’t grow up on Jakku and learn to give people the benefit of the doubt.  Plus, she knows better than to trust Kylo Ren because she’s seen his violence first hand.  That knight’s story about Kylo trying to save her from Luke might put a new spin on Kylo’s actions towards her, but it does nothing to excuse his murder of Han Solo.   She and Finn had watched that in helpless horror, she recalls.

 

Finn . . . Finn . . . what to say to Finn?   When she gets back to Dantooine, she’s going to have to deal with Finn.  As if she doesn’t have enough on her mind right now, Rey sighs.  She wants less drama in her life, not more.  In fact, Rey wishes she could confide everything in her friend.  Finn would give her good advice, she knows.  But there is no way he could be objective about Kylo Ren.  And Rey is not about to reveal her full relationship with Finn’s arch foe.  That would cause any number of problems, she knows.

 

It all gets Rey very down.  More than anything, she wants to do the right thing.  That path had seemed so clear until one day on Ahch-To when the Force had opened the bond with Kylo.  Little by little ever since, her understanding of him has shifted.  It hasn’t changed, so much as it has been fleshed out.  Rey is starting to suspect that everything she thinks she knows about the Dark prince of the First Order is true, both the good and the bad.  What does that mean when you stand back and consider him as a whole?  Rey isn’t sure.  But she continues to believe that she and Kylo are in a unique position to avert another civil war. 

 

Finn is there to meet the shuttle when they arrive. Rey is first down the ramp.  Finn immediately steps forward to envelope her in a bear hug that briefly lifts Rey off her feet.  It feels good.   Rey has had too few hugs in her life.  Finn likewise, she suspects.  But Finn is far more comfortable demonstrating affection than she is.  It’s part of the reason Rey the Jedi has a standoffish reputation around the base.  She’s socially awkward, and her reticence and unease often show.

 

As they pull back from their embrace, Rose marches past quickly with her head down.  She doesn’t look up as Finn calls hello.  It’s very unlike normally bubbly Rose.  Now, Rey is certain that mind trick attempt didn’t work.  That’s the first time untrained Rey has tried to use the Force and failed.  It’s as unexpected as it is humbling.  She really does need a teacher, Rey knows.

 

“What’s that about?” Finn asks, looking to Rey. 

 

“I think she’s just tired, that’s all,” Rey improvises.  “We’re all a little stressed lately.  It’s been a long day.”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Finn says softly as he stands watching the direction Rose heads.  He looks concerned.  A little hurt.  “I was going to suggest we all go grab dinner, but maybe we should give her some space.”

 

“Good idea,” Rey nods. 

 

“Well, come on.  Tell me about the trip.” Finn tugs Rey away to the commissary.  It’s still fairly crowded even this late, but she and Finn find two seats alone in the back. 

 

“So . . . how did it go?” he asks as they both start to eat.

 

Rey reports between bites, “Rose took the lead.  She struck the deal. I was there mostly to cover her and to consult.”

 

“I saw Rose’s message with the terms.”  Finn lets out a low whistle.  “Those torpedoes didn’t come cheap, but we need all the munitions we can get.  We have all these X-wings but no ordnance for them to fire.”

 

“Rose did her best,” Rey says loyally.  “Look, we should hold off on any strike until we have a stockpile of supplies,” she judges.  “It will get a lot harder to buy weapons once the First Order knows we’re here.  A lot more expensive too.”

 

“About that,” Finn begins, “we had a council meeting while you and Rose were gone.”

 

Rey shoots him a look and raises her eyebrows.  “Oh?”

 

“There was a quorum and we had enough members for a vote.”  Finn says this a little defensively and now Rey can’t help but be a little suspicious.

 

“A vote on what?” she asks casually.

 

“We voted to plan an attack on a First Order detention camp.  It’s not a stormtrooper training facility, but it’s the next best thing.  It will be a ground assault, so we won’t be revealing we have the X-wings yet.  But we will be revealing ourselves.  The whole galaxy will know that the Resistance is back.”

 

“Oh,” Rey digests this development.  “Who’s leading the attack?”

 

“I am,” Finn announces staunchly and by his tone Rey can tell there was debate on this point.  “I will lead this first one personally, Rey.  I came here to fight like everyone else.  This general will have his boots on the ground,” he vows.  “I refuse to be holed up in the command center for everything.”

 

Rey nods at this bravado.  She understands.  It’s personal between Finn and the First Order, and not just a political cause.  “What’s my role?” she asks. 

 

“The holonet.”

 

“What?”

 

“This will be our big reveal to the galaxy.  We don’t need you fighting, Rey.  We need your media skills.  I want us to release all that stuff you’ve been working on for the past few weeks.  The mission statement and our demands.  The testimonials, too.  All of it will be hitting the holonet as soon as the mission is complete.   We will claim credit and reintroduce ourselves to everyone.”

 

Rey shrugs.  “We can preset all of that information to release it afterwards,” she suggests.  “We’ve already got feelers out to friendly press on Chandrila and Coruscant.”

 

“It will be more than just the pre-recorded stuff,” Finn explains.  “Remember how you said that we need a face to the public?  Someone to speak live on the holonet for our cause?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Well, the council members all agree that it should be you.  We don’t want you to fight in the raid.  We want you to appear afterwards on the holonet.  Live.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“It will be remotely.  We can establish the connection from a ship in space and keep it jumping so you don’t get caught.  Rey, no one wants to endanger you.  But we want you to state our cause.  No one does that better than you.”

 

Rey has been sort of expecting this, so she readily agrees, “Okay, I’ll do it.”

 

“Good.”  Finn smiles across the table at her.  “You’re our Leia Organa now,” he teases.

 

Rey smiles back as she objects, “Oh, no.  You’re the general, remember?  Tell me more about the raid.”

 

Finn fills her in on the details.  “We’re still refining the plan some.  But that’s basically it,” he concludes.

 

Rey raises an eyebrow.  “Sounds risky.  Very risky.  Are you sure you don’t need more men?”

 

“It’s not riskier than breaking you out of Starkiller Base,” Finn points out.

 

“I still can’t believe that you did that,” Rey speaks her thoughts aloud as she remembers that awful day.  Finn is many things.  But most of all, he is brave.  She had never in a million years expected him to come back for her.   But he did.  Finn is a person who commits to things and to people like that.

 

“Believe it, Rey,” he tells her.   “I will always come back for you,” Finn promises.  “No matter what.”

 

He holds her gaze steadily and suddenly Rey realizes the depth of meaning behind his words.  Does this signal that they are going to talk about the kiss?  Here?  In the middle of the crowded commissary?  Rey tries to preempt that discussion as she begins, “Finn—“

 

“I mean it,” he cuts her off.   Then, her friend lowers his chin and lowers his voice.  It’s a telltale sign that Finn is speaking from the heart.  “Look, until a few months ago, I was a stormtrooper brainwashed to fight and die for the First Order.  I’m free of all that now and it’s got me thinking about the future for the first time ever.    I never had a future before—not one that I could choose anyway.  And now I’m thinking about what I want for myself, not just want I want for the galaxy.”

 

Rey nods, a little afraid of where this is heading. 

 

“This is what freedom does.  It gets you wanting more.  It gets you dreaming big.   That’s why the First Order hates freedom.  Because then they lose control.”   Finn now asks a little too nonchalantly, “Have you thought about what you want your future to be?”  

 

Rey answers honestly.  “I haven’t thought much beyond the war.  But if we make it through the war, I want to learn the ways of the Force.  I think I still want to become a Jedi.  If I can, that is.”  She’s not sure how she will become a Jedi without a teacher.  Rey had hoped that Luke’s books would help, but they weren’t the solution unfortunately. 

 

“You mean like a real Jedi?” Finn asks.  He looks wary.

 

“Yes.  It’s why General Organa sent me to her brother in the first place.  I was there to bring Luke back to the Resistance to fight.  But he was also supposed to train me to use the Force.”

 

“Does that mean . . . ?”  Finn frowns and doesn’t finish. 

 

“Mean what?”  Rey isn’t following.

 

“Does that mean that you’re going to be a Force nun?  You know . . . uh . . . celibate?”  Finn’s face is bright red beneath his dark skin.

 

Rey can feel the heat flame in her cheeks too.  “I don’t know,” she answers awkwardly.  “I’m not even sure why the old Jedi required that.  I mean, I guess I never thought about it.  I just kind of assumed . . . er . . . no . . .  I guess . . .“  Rey thinks back on that night with Kylo Ren and now her cheeks are really red. 

 

“Good,” Finn approves.  He exhales loudly now and looks relieved.  “Because if we make it through this war, however it works out in the end, whether we win or lose, I want us to start normal lives . . . together.”  He looks up to silently hold her gaze now.

 

“Together,” Rey repeats softly.  “Together together?”

 

He nods.  “You and me.  The scavenger and the stormtrooper making it good in the galaxy.”  Finn cracks a smile.  “We’ll get a small place somewhere and get real jobs.  Buy a beat-up speeder and a couple of secondhand household droids.  Maybe in time, a couple of kids?”

 

“Kids?”  Rey repeats as she blinks.  Finn has this all planned out.  “You’re serious,” she accuses.

 

“Yeah, I am.  I’ve been thinking about this for a while.  Ever since Rose and I found you on Jakku.  What do you say, Rey?”  He grins at her sheepishly.

 

She reaches for his hands now and grips them tightly across the table.  Finn is her closest friend.  And it’s not hard to imagine him being more than that now that they have kissed.  That kiss has Rey considering Finn anew.  “That sounds nice,” she answers.  “Really nice.  Like a daydream.” 

 

“It would be a fresh start for both of us.  I can forget the First Order and you can forget Jakku.  We can move on together.”

 

He’s looking at her expectantly now.   Hopefully.  Rey swallows hard and half-whispers, “Finn, we are never going to be normal people.  You know that.  Too much has happened to us.”

 

“We can.  I know we can.”  Finn is relentlessly positive as usual.

 

All that optimism brings out the stubborn realist in Rey. “We’re not going to live through this anyhow,” she whispers, afraid that she will be overheard.  This is an awfully public place for this frank discussion.  But Rey keeps going. “You know better than anyone what we’re up against.   Once we start fighting, they will crush us.  We’re going to die before this is over.” 

 

Finn is planning a future that he will never see, Rey fears.  For he doesn’t know what she knows:  that the First Order is already aware of where they are, what they plan to do, and how they are equipped.  Plus, they have spies everywhere.   The tracker and credit card that Nestor Ren gave her are burning a hole in Rey’s pocket now as she sits guilty unbeknownst to Finn.

 

“No one ever thought the Rebellion could win,” Finn points out.  He is undeterred.  He cajoles her now with a teasing smile.  “So, are you telling me that a general isn’t good enough for you?”

 

Rey looks her friend in the eye.  “You’re too good for me.  Don’t think I don’t know that.”

 

“But on the off-chance we live, will you do it?   I’ll make an honest woman of you,” he offers.  “You can choose a surname for us since we’re both lacking in that department.  Anything you want so long as it’s not 2187,” he jokes.

 

“You’re really serious about this.” 

 

“Yeah.  Yeah, I am.  I want to know why I am fighting this war.  I know what I want for the rest of the galaxy.   I want something to look forward to for myself too.”  Finn is so earnest, so sincere in the moment.  So Finn.

 

Maybe this conversation ought to feel sudden, but after that unexpected kiss Rey was half expecting this from Finn.  She knew that he hadn’t made that move lightly.  And, truthfully, this conversation is not unwelcome.  The future Finn envisions could easily happen if it weren’t for Kylo Ren.  Rey could definitely see herself living happily ever after with Finn.  Looking across at his handsome features and sensuous full lips, it’s not hard to picture herself in his arms.  Plus, Finn would be the very best dad.

 

And, of course, Finn wants a commitment.  It isn’t a control thing like Kylo and his grandiose talk of destiny.  This is a guy who like herself comes from sad circumstances.  Finn wants the kind of boringly normal life that other people disdain because they don’t truly appreciate what they have.  One of the great ironies of life is that ordinary people sometimes go to great lengths to distinguish themselves from the crowd.  But those who don't fit in know it keenly.  And they expend a lot of energy trying to be perceived as normal.  As belonging.  When, in fact, they never will.  Because if only in their minds, they will never find the acceptance they crave.  No matter what the future holds, Rey instinctively knows that she and Finn will always be some version of the scavenger and the stormtrooper deep inside. 

 

Rey levels with him as best as she can.  “I get it.  I lived on a dream of the future for years.  That someday my parents would return to claim me.  It was a lie.”  Just speaking of that bitter disappointment brings tears to Rey’s eyes.   Suddenly, she’s fighting for her composure as she chokes out, “I don’t want to hope in vain for something like that again.”

 

Finn is instantly out of his chair and at her side with a comforting arm.  “Hey, now.  Don’t cry—”

 

“I never had a future either,” she stammers out.  This is why Rey seems to cope with the uncertainty of life in the Resistance better than most.  Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone, least of all a scavenger on Jakku.  So the prospect that one day it could all end violently isn’t new to Rey.  It’s more like her status quo.  But living like that day to day, kills something deep inside.  For that fundamental lack of security gives an urgency to things.  A desperation to the here and now.   It makes you want to focus on today rather than tomorrow.  “I never had a future before and I’m not sure if I have a future now,” miserable Rey admits.

 

Finn just looks at her patiently as the words tumble out.    

 

“Look, I can’t do this.  Not now.  Not yet.  I don’t want to hope for another future that will never be.” Rey looks down as she wipes at hot tears.  “And if I don’t make it through and you do, I want you to be able to move on.  I don’t want you to get your heart set on something that can never be.”  Rey doesn’t want Finn to feel about her like Rey feels about her parents.    Like they were a promise that went unfulfilled.

 

“So . . . ??”

 

“Finn, you are a terrific guy.  I would be lucky to build a life with you.  But can we postpone this a bit?” 

 

“You’re not saying no, you’re saying not yet?”  Finn asks hopefully

 

She nods.  “Yeah.  That’s it.” She looks around and realizes that their obviously personal conversation is getting looks.  “Are you done?  Let’s get out of here.”

 

“Yeah, okay.  Want to go watch something in my room?” Finn suggests.

 

“Sure.  Anything as long as it’s not the newsfeeds.  I watch too much of that stuff.”

 

“It’s a deal.   Come on.”

 

They go back to Finn’s small room.  His rank affords him one of the small cubicle bedrooms instead of a bunk in the men’s communal dorm room.  He and Rey spend a few hours watching the holonet and talking about nothing.  Finn wants her to teach him to fly and Rey readily agrees.  That could be fun, she thinks.   Finn laughs and tells her he has nothing to teach her in return.  I was in sanitation, he reminds her.  All I know how to do is clean.  Actually, Rey could stand to learn that skill.  No one ever cleaned anything back on Jakku, she admits.  They keep talking about nothing late into the night.  It’s easy to be with Finn.  He’s comfortable to be around.   The night isn’t the least bit romantic.  It’s just two friends hanging out like they always do.

 

In the morning, Rey wakes on Finn’s cot.  Finn is asleep on the small couch across the room. As she watches him dozing a moment, Rey realizes how different Finn is from Kylo Ren.  Finn is a gentleman who would never pressure her for anything.  He’s not that kind of guy.   It’s no wonder that the First Order couldn’t keep Finn in line.  His intrinsic goodness was bound to come out.  He’s so full of Light, Rey realizes.  And even Kylo will admit that the Light can dim but it never dies. 

 

The Resistance spends the next week planning and re-planning the upcoming attack.  Rey is hard at work with her small team preparing the media blitz to follow the mission.  She worries that the First Order will quash the coverage of the attack and effectively silence their media strategy.  Hopefully, her conversation with Kylo on Takodano has paved the way for things to unfold as planned.  But who knows what will happen?  Will Finn and the others be walking into a trap?  The anxiety of the situation nags at her.  Plus, since Kylo found out about that kiss with Finn, Finn is not just the enemy general and a traitor to the First Order.  He is a personal enemy too.  Kylo had been very threatened by that kiss, Rey knows. 

 

As the day for the raid approaches, Rey’s trepidation rises.  She has never actually planned to fight in a war before.  She had been swept up in the original conflict thanks to a chance meeting first with a droid and then with Finn.  Soon, she and Finn were on the run together from the First Order. There hadn’t been time to think about what was happening.  There had only been time to react. Before Rey knew it, she was on the _Falcon_ delivering a sword to a Jedi hero in exile.   That went badly so she left in a huff to confront Snoke and Kylo.  Her throne room appearance hadn’t been well thought out either.  Again, Rey had been caught up in the moment, this time careening to extremes in her disillusionment.

 

And so this premeditated attack feels entirely new.  It fills her with dread and excitement for herself and for Finn.  Others around the base feel it too.  But none of them know the secret that the First Order is privy to everything that’s going on.   Rey has never felt more the traitor.  She keeps reminding herself that she is doing this to promote peace.  But she worries what Kylo’s response to the raid will be.  And she worries that this whole ruse for peace has been one elaborate deception and she too has been deceived.  Has she been a fool for Kylo to exploit?

 

Finally, the day arrives.  Rey and the rest of the council members all stand at the forefront of the crowd to send off the strike team for the raid.  Finn gives a rousing speech. Then, he nods to Rey.  She steps forward as the resident Jedi and solemnly blesses the assembly: “May the Force be with you all.”

 

Things are better now with Rose.  She, Rose, and Finn had a private talk that morning about what happens to the Resistance leadership if Finn or Rey doesn’t come back.  They each said their heartfelt goodbyes.  Now, Finn will fly away to combat in one ship and Rey will take another ship to a prearranged rendezvous point with a media contact.  In a short time, the galaxy will know that the Resistance is alive and Rey will be the face of the movement.  It’s a bit daunting all in all.  Watching Finn check his blaster one last time, Rey thinks that she might prefer actual combat to going head to head in a verbal brawl with the educated professional media types.  But Finn has his role and she has hers.  She will respect the will of the council and do her best. 

 

Finn must feel her eyes on him from across the room because he looks up and grimly nods.  She flashes a nervous smile back.  That prompts General Finn to cross the meters between them in swift strides.  “We can do this,” he tells her firmly as she nods.  “You’ll be great.”   Then with his back to the onlookers but fooling no one, Finn plants a hard, passionate kiss on her lips.  It’s over in a few seconds and then Finn marches over to rejoin the strike team. “Let’s do this!” he cries, looking very pumped. 

 

Rey too boards her ship, but not before she catches sight of Rose in the crowd.  Rose’s expression is resigned and sad.  Even if that Force trick to erase the memory of Finn’s first kiss had worked, the cat is now out of the bag.  There is no saving Rose from this hurt now.  And that’s one more thing for Rey to worry about.


	28. Chapter 28

“Are they away?” Hux asks, his disapproval evident in both his sneering tone and his especially stiff demeanor.

 

The junior officer standing at attention reports that three ships have just lifted off from the rebel base on Dantooine.  Two ships diverged and jumped to lightspeed heading for the target, as expected.  The third ship is heading on a trajectory for deep space outside Coruscant. The officer hands over a datapad to Hux.  “The latest onsite intel, Sir.”

 

“Keep tracking them,” Hux orders and the lieutenant is dismissed.  The general now turns to Emperor Ren who lounges in his seat looking bored.  “We’re taking an awful risk.  This had better work.”

 

Kylo dismisses this concern. “The risk is minimal.  Don’t overstate it.  It’s thirty men total.  Most of them untrained.”

 

“It’s not the prison break that I’m afraid of.  It’s the fake news that they are about to unleash on the galaxy.   Why must we tolerate this?” Hux complains. 

 

“She’s on our side,” Kylo responds with a quelling look. 

 

Hux starts swiping through the datapad with the new intel.  He scowls as he breezes through.  Then he crosses the room to drop the datapad on the table before his Emperor.  “Does that look like she’s on your side?” the general coyly asks, gesturing to the datapad.  “Because that’s not how I would assess the situation at first glance.” 

 

Kylo stares hard at the surreptitious photograph of Rey kissing the traitor stormtrooper goodbye.  It’s not a kiss you give a friend.  It’s a kiss you give a lover.   That traitor is open mouthed and wanting as he paws at Rey.  Just looking at the picture feels like a punch to the gut.

 

Kylo pushes the datapad aside and looks away.  He can feel his temper rising, but he resolutely pushes it down.  Now is not the time or the place.  His commanders all judge him to be irrational about his supposed sister Rey as is. Kylo does his best to put the picture out of his mind, but compartmentalizing has never been his strong suit. 

 

“Are we ready for this raid?” he barks especially sharply across the table to the officer who heads the operation. “Have we got everything in place?”

 

“Affirmative, Sir.  We swapped out the prisoners.  The guards are all set to stun. We’ll let them get in and get out unscathed.  Then, we will expose what they have done.”

 

“Fine.   Let me know when it’s complete,” Kylo orders as he abruptly takes his leave.  He’s heard and seen enough. 

 

He stalks back to his quarters.  He ought to work tonight.  Kylo has file after file of analyses and reports cluttering up the inbox of his datapad.  But he can’t focus on governing his Empire right now.  He’s too rattled about Rey.  Should he vent his anger with his sword?  It’s tempting, but Kylo decides instead to sit in meditation with his grandfather’s mask.  That always calms him.  Kylo takes a deep breath as he reaches for the Force with his mind and reaches for the broken kyber crystal with his hands.  On and off for weeks now, Kylo has been working to heal the crystal from his grandfather’s sword.

 

Kyber crystals are living crystals attuned to the Force.  The mystical stones have an enormous ability to channel and focus energy, making them very useful for large scale weaponry applications.  But historically, their primary use has been in lightsabers.  The crystals, like the sabers they powered, were highly personal to their owners.   Jedi lore had all sorts of rituals and superstitions surrounding the selection and protection of these precious gems.  Kylo only half-believes some of it.  But he’s far too much of a Force nerd not to recognize the magic of these sacred stones.  Especially the magic of the broken heirloom he now holds. 

 

The crystal Kylo cradles in his bare hands is imperfectly fused back together.  It had broken roughly in half, pulled apart in the power struggle with Rey on the _Supremacy_.  Its rupture had released an enormous amount of energy, akin to a shockwave in the Force.  Kylo had known that this might happen and he had prepared himself for the risk.  Cluelessness newbie Rey had not.  As a result, Rey spent nearly a week sedated from massive head trauma and other wounds.  Does Rey know that she was lucky to survive?  Probably not.  That girl has much to learn. 

 

Kylo turns the crystal over in his hands, tracing a finger down the mark where the two halves meet.  No matter how thoroughly the crystal regrows together across this faultline, it will always bear evidence of the damage done.  These crystals are living things that bear scars from their wounds.  They can heal but they are never perfect again.

 

His own crystal is similarly cracked.  The Old Republic Jedi would have rejected it as deeply flawed.  But Kylo likes it as is.  It isn’t perfect and he doesn’t care.  Perfection is not the goal.  He feels the same way about the crystal from his grandfather’s sword.  While Kylo is determined to heal the damage, he does not mind the crack.  He had helped to make it, after all.  How did Anakin Skywalker choose this crystal?  Was it found in the caves of Illum or was it handed down through the Jedi Order as often occurred?   That mystery is lost to time, like so much of his grandfather’s story.  The history books relate Vader’s military career in detail but all the personal aspects of the Dark lord are a mystery.  What little Kylo knows comes from old Vanee.  Most of it is sad. 

 

To honor his enigma Sith grandfather, Kylo has painstakingly reconstructed the broken saber hilt.  When the crystal is better fused, he plans to rebuild the sword.  Kylo has decided that he will wield it along with his own.  A red blade in his right hand and a blue blade in his left hand.  A talisman to the past at one hip and the sword that shapes the future at the other.  His weapons will be both Dark and Light, Jedi and Sith.  They will illustrate the balance he hopes to achieve.

 

In preparation for this, Kylo has begun practicing with two swords.  Dual sabers are an old Jedi technique his uncle did not teach.   But there is plenty of information on the fighting style in one of Rey’s Jedi books Kylo had translated from old Aurebesh.   Those books are amazing in their breadth and depth.  He wishes he had more time to study them.  He can’t help but wish too that Rey were learning along with him.  Kylo can’t study the books and not think of Rey.  Just like Kylo can’t concentrate on re-fusing the crystal without thinking of the girl who broke it with him. 

 

Everything, it seems, leads back to Rey. 

 

How did he get himself into a love triangle with the traitorous Resistance general?  Kylo has studied the file on FN-2187 far too many times in vain looking for answers.  He knew there was something important about that guy back when the traitor first refused to kill the villagers on Jakku.   Kylo remembers seeing the otherwise anonymous stormtrooper and feeling an odd flicker of premonition in the Force.  He hadn’t known what to make of it at the time.  But hours later, that same stormtrooper would break a Resistance pilot out of custody.  The escape attempt would lead the traitor to Rey and ultimately to the snowy woods on Starkiller Base.   Looking back, Kylo should have known then that he had a rival in the making.  He should have made sure that the traitor was dead and not just wounded.

 

He can’t kill the traitor now even though he has the perfect opportunity.  For if he kills the traitor, Rey will never trust him.  But once he wins back Rey and uses her Resistance movement as political cover for his reforms, FN-2187 is a dead man, Kylo vows. 

 

With that comforting thought, Kylo sucks up his anger and channels it into Dark power.  He ruminates on his hatred and focuses it on the crystal.  Fixing the crystal takes enormous concentration.  But little by little, Kylo is making progress. An hour later he can see the tangible results of his mental efforts.  The crystal is now solidly fused.  A few more sessions and Kylo will try remaking anew his grandfather’s weapon. 

 

He is interrupted by his buzzing com.  It’s Hux informing him that the operation is complete as planned. Then, the sour general tells him to turn on the holonet. 

 

It’s Rey, of course.  Kylo has been expecting this.

 

He watches as the camera zooms in on her young face.  Rey is serious and subdued as she speaks in her vaguely Coruscant accent:  “Today, we liberated political prisoners unjustly detained by the First Order without a formal charge and legal proceedings.  These prisoners are mostly journalists and academics who sided with the New Republic.  Their crime was independent thinking, nothing more.” 

 

In the twenty-minute interview that follows, Rey amplifies this basic theme.  She speaks clearly and concisely in what must be practiced talking points.  Rey hits the highlights of all the demands for reform that the Resistance has released.  She appears polished and well-spoken as she stays on message at all times.  She’s wearing an elegant, business-like outfit that Kylo knows she bought with the credit card Nestor Ren passed to her.  The outfit is fine, but he scowls at her coronet of hair braids reminiscent of Leia Organa.

 

This role is a surprisingly good fit for Rey, Kylo judges objectively.  She’s not a people person by any stretch of the imagination, so she’s not a born politician.  She’s also not particularly charismatic.  But she is very strategic thanks to her background on Jakku.  And she doesn’t talk too much.  She responds and then stops.  Someone must have told her to smile because watching Rey now on the holonet Kylo has seen her smile far more often than he has ever seen in person.  Rey looks young and pretty.  Idealistic and sincere.  If most people’s image of the Resistance is his cantankerous warmonger mother, Rey is a breath of fresh air.  Never once does she raise her voice, he notes.  She sounds quite reasonable, all in all.  And, honestly, recalling some of Rey’s more dramatic moments, Kylo is quite shocked.  Normally, this girl is prone to extremes.

 

The pair of journalists conducting the interview are subtlety sympathetic to her cause.  But they raise the obvious counterpoints asking Rey if she will condemn violence and disavow starting a war.  Rey’s answer is carefully worded.  The Resistance seeks a peaceful means for change, she contends.  Give us a Senate where we can freely debate policy and procedure for the Empire, and there will be no cause for further events like today.  We feel forced to take these actions because there is no alternative means for us advance our reforms, Rey contends.   In other words, the Resistance is blaming the First Order for its terrorism.  ‘You asked for it’ seems to be the underlying theme.

 

Aren’t you afraid to appear publicly today, Rey is asked.  It’s a risk, she admits, but I am hoping that Emperor Ren will be tolerant.  I believe the First Order will see that there is a benefit to having a respectful, serious public discussion like this in lieu of additional violence.   There needs to be a peaceful means for dissent.   Then, Rey launches into high rhetoric on freedom of speech.  Hux might be jealous of all her three syllable words, Kylo thinks to himself.   They roll naturally off her tongue so Kylo is probably one of a handful of people who know that this vocabulary is very uncharacteristic.  The scavenger from Jakku is really trying hard, he sees.

 

So, are you seeking to overthrow the Empire or to reform it?  Rey refuses those two options in lieu of a third.  We seek to reshape the Empire into a government that is more responsive to the people.  We want a democratically elected Senate with clear constitutional limits on the Emperor’s powers.  Rey keeps harkening back to the early days of the Old Empire before Palpatine dissolved the Imperial Senate.  There is precedent for this arrangement, she maintains.  We can have the best of the Old Republic and best of the Old Empire combined.  Everyone will benefit, she proclaims with an engaging smile.

 

Staring at that smile, Kylo impulsively buzzes the bridge to order the on-duty officer to interdict Rey’s shuttle and jump the _Finalizer_ there.  It’s time he had another chat with Rey, Kylo decides.  Hopefully, things will go better this time.

 

He’s on the bridge an hour later to hail Rey personally once she is unceremoniously dumped out of hyperspace. “Shuttle Tydirium, you have been interdicted by the First Order.  Do not attempt to evade our tractor beam or you will melt your engines.  Lower the ramp and wait inside to be boarded.”

 

“Kylo, is that you?” Rey’s voice sounds over the crackling subspace com channel.  “That sounds like your mumbling and that’s your ship,” she observes tartly.

 

“Don’t act so surprised, Rey.  Several transmissions were beamed from your ship to be broadcast on the holonet.  We all saw your little stunt tonight.  Cooperate and perhaps I will be merciful.”

 

“Go to Hell, Kylo.”  Rey does not mince words.  Kylo suppresses a smile as the officers at the control panel beside him exchange wary looks in response. 

 

“Do not attempt to escape or we will fire on you,” Kylo warns.  Then he barks at the communications officer, “Kill the com.”   That’s enough colloquy with Rey.  It was suitably hostile sounding, he hopes.  For Rey’s protection, Kylo needs to treat her like the enemy.  Because if she looks like his conspirator, her precarious position will get even more risky.  Both the rank and file of the First Order and her Resistance buddies need to perceive he and Rey as enemies if they are to pull off their plans.

 

Does Rey know that this posturing is just for show?   Surely, she does.  Right?  Right??

 

It turns out that Rey’s pokey run-of-the-mill First Order shuttle is a strategic advantage today.  The _Finalizer_ hauls it in and no one is the wiser that anything is out of the ordinary.  To a casual observer who isn't on the bridge and doesn't notice Kylo Ren himself approach the shuttle, there is nothing to see. 

 

“Hello Rey,” Kylo drawls as he walks up the shuttle ramp. Instantly, he feels the subtle charge in the Force from her presence.  Just being around her is intoxicating.  Rey and her Light cast a spell.

 

Rey is standing at the top just inside the ship.  Luke Skywalker’s green lightsaber is buzzing in her right hand.  Kylo ignores the threat.  What’s he going to have to do to earn this girl’s trust?  Can’t she see that they are on the same team? 

 

Apparently, not.  “Did you come to arrest me?” Rey demands.  She’s serious.

 

“No.”

 

“Then why am I here?”

 

“To plot peace with me.”  He looks her over now.  Rey’s lure is so much more than beauty so he tends to forget how pretty she is.   Tonight, she is very pretty all made up from her appearance on the holonet.  “Go on, turn it off,” Kylo sighs and gestures to her sword.  This sword thing is getting old. 

 

“Stop doing stuff like this,” Rey complains as she complies.  “It’s creepy to be stalked.”

 

Stalked?  Kylo raises an eyebrow. “You would prefer that I march into the base on Dantooine instead?”   Kylo scowls at her naïveté.  “This is a very dangerous game we’re playing.”

 

“I know,” she agrees.  Something about the way she says these words lets him know she truly does perceive the risks. 

 

“You shouldn’t have killed the bond,” he gripes. “It was much safer than meeting like this.”

 

“I know.”

 

Enough ‘I told you so.’  Kylo moves on. “I was surprised at your move of going so public so soon, but I like it.  You’re giving me a very visible opportunity to be tolerant every time you show up on the holonet and I decline to arrest you.  That alone evidences my openness to free speech.”

 

Rey shoots him a frosty look.  “Emperor Ren, you are so magnanimous,” she lays her sarcasm on thick. 

 

Why does she blow hot and cold like this?  It’s confusing and unnecessary, he thinks.  So juvenile.  But Kylo ignores it.  He’s not looking for another fight.  “Lay off the Senate talk.   I told you, I am not giving you a Senate.”

 

“I know that.  It’s just something to say. I have to explain the violence somehow,” she says weakly.

 

“You’re coming off as a calm hardliner,” Kylo commends.  “Sincere but firm.  You did your homework.  You have an answer for everything so far.”

 

“I’m trying,” Rey grumbles.  “This is far harder than it looks.”

 

Yes, he knows.  Especially for a barely literate hayseed scavenger type.  But Rey is nothing if not savvy.  This girl can probably do anything she puts her mind to, he judges.  “You impressed me.  You do a good job of staying on message and refusing to get dragged into petty side debates.”

 

“I can’t win any side debates,” she woefully admits.  “I don’t have the education or the experience that these journalists have.  I’m winging this like I wing the Force.”

 

Yes, he knows.  And that might make it more impressive, actually.  “Well, good job,” he repeats with sincerity.

 

Rey flushes at the clearly unexpected praise.  And now he has to ask, “How come when you and I talk about things it turns into a screaming match, but you can calmly discuss those same topics with strangers on the holonet?”

 

Rey shrugs.  “The holonet is not real.  I’m playing a role.  It’s sort of like playacting.”

 

Kylo snorts.  “You must be a born politician then if you don’t mean anything you say in public.”

 

“At least I don’t wear a mask in public,” Rey shoots back.  “If you won’t give us a Senate, what will you give on?  Tell me what I should be harping on next time I do this.”

 

“Legal due process,” he answers.  One of the benefits of knowing the details of the Resistance attack in advance is that Kylo has had time to think through things.  “I want my Empire to be fair.”

 

“So no more indefinite detainments?”

 

“During peace time, everyone can get a charge and a day in court.  Warrants for searches and seizures, too,” he decides.

 

“What else?   How about freedom of speech?”

 

“I’ll allow some of that, but there will be limits.  No sedition or inciting violence, Rey.”

 

“How about banning superweapons?”

 

“No.”  She’s pressing her luck now.  “About once a week, Hux sends a new general to me to pitch Death Star 4.  If I agree to a weapons ban, it will alienate the military.  They love those things.”

 

“The Starkiller was an abomination.   And you’re the Prince of Alderaan,” Rey tartly reminds him.  “Surely you can see our point of view—”

 

“I said no.”

 

“But—"

 

“The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force,” he informs her.   “If I balance the Force, that will do far more good than prohibiting more Death Stars.”

 

She raises an eyebrow at him.  “Seriously, Kylo, your family has a very bad track record on Death Stars.”

 

“Agreed.  They are a waste of resources.  Too much risk for too little return.  But, no.  I said no.”

 

Rey makes a face but backs down.  “Alright, I’ll keep focused on the legal reforms and freedom of speech.”  She frowns.  “But I’m not a lawyer.  I don’t really understand that due process stuff.”

 

“You’re doing fine.  Keep your arguments simple and consistent.  Stay away from the specifics to give me wiggle room.  Some of my hardline fascist types don’t even understand what due process is.  They won’t identify this for the huge concession it is.”  This will appear like a small give on his part but the Republic supporters rightfully will see it as a huge win.  That makes these legal reforms the perfect topic to start with, Kylo thinks.  But first he has to lay the predicate for it.  That means lots of public discourse to come from Rey and others.  All of the change he has in mind will need to roll out slowly.  Much of it will be incremental, too.  “Talk up those issues over and over again, Rey.  We need to create momentum with public pressure.”

 

“You mean you need political cover in order to compromise?” she guesses.

 

“Yes.”  And now that they are making some headway, Kylo insists, “The next time you do this, I want you to appear on the official First Order holonet new channel.  Live in the studio from Coruscant.  No more of this remote interview setup.”

 

“Is that so you can make a big show of not arresting me?”

 

“Yes, and so I can control the security and the questions you will be asked.”

 

“Are you afraid of a free press?” Rey goads him. 

 

“No, but you should be.  Because there are far too many people who think you are my sister and the whole galaxy has seen you in pictures with me.  You’re about to become very famous and people are going to be curious about you.  Trust me, someone will dig up those pictures and that’s the last thing you want.  Then you will be explaining me to General Finn and Commander Tico,” Kylo warns.

 

Rey’s face turns pale.  She looks stricken.  “I forgot about that.”

 

“And lose the hair,” he gripes.  “I hate that hair.”

 

Rey raises as hand self-consciously to her coronet of braids.  “You never like my hair,” she says defensively.

 

“Lose the hair.  It’s too much like my mother.”  Kylo shoots her a look.  “It’s weird how you keep trying to look like my mother.”

 

“That’s the point,” Rey argues back.  “Leia Organa was a great statesman of the Republic.”

 

“Just don’t wear those old Republic hair buns she wore.   You are wearing those same hair buns in the pictures with me.  Don’t wear white either.  You need to look nothing like you did in those pictures,” he instructs.

 

“Yeah, okay,” she readily agrees.  Rey looks a bit scared now. 

 

Kylo isn’t too happy either.  “I wish I had never leaked those pictures,” he laments.  “If I had known you were going to do this, I would never have leaked—“

 

“You did that?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“This is why I don’t trust you!” Rey hisses.

 

And that gets under his skin.  “You should trust me,” he informs Rey.  “I am the only person on your side right now.”

 

“I’m on the side of peace!” she proclaims.  And now, Rey really does look and sound like his late mother.

 

“I am on the side of peace, too,” Kylo reminds her.  He refuses to be baited into another argument.  Sure, he’s here for their peace effort, but he’s here mostly for Rey herself.  He keeps looking for an opening to talk about them personally and not just about politics.  But skittish, jumpy Rey doesn’t seem very receptive.  So he keeps his focus on practical things. 

 

“Wear your sword around the base at all times.  Keep alert.  If you sense danger, then there is danger.   The Force does not lie.  So, trust your instincts.  When in doubt, run.”

 

“Run where?”

 

“Come to me on Coruscant or head for the castle on Mustafar.  Here.”  Kylo produces a small snub blaster from a pocket.  “Take it.  You never know when someone will find you out and you will need a weapon.  I don’t want that traitor putting a blaster to your head.”

 

“Finn would never—“

 

“You don’t know that,” Kylo overrides her objection.  “We are all capable of anything.  Especially in war.  When are you going to learn that?” he complains.

 

She gets the point.  “You’re talking about Luke Skywalker.”

 

“Yes.  But my uncle was hardly the first person to lose his cool and do something he would later regret.” 

 

“Okay, I understand,” Rey says quietly.

 

“Good.  Now, listen up.  Lesson two, my Padawan, on how to freeze blaster bolts.”  He gestures to the snub blaster she’s holding.  “Shoot me so you can watch how it’s done.”

 

“Uh . . . what?”  Rey blinks.

 

“Shoot me,” he orders again.

 

“Aren’t you a little too close?  Will there even be time for you to react?” Rey worries.

 

Kylo raises an eyebrow.  “I don’t know.  Let’s see what happens.  Shoot me.”

 

Rey takes a large step back as she raises her gun.   Then she takes two more large steps back before she aims.  “Uh . . . “ she stalls. 

 

“Such caution,” he smirks.  “I knew you cared.”

 

Rey glares at him.  “I don’t like shooting an unarmed man.  It feels wrong.”

 

“Such scruples.  Never fear, I am armed with the Force,” Kylo tells her smugly.  “Shoot away, rebel.”

 

Rey still looks troubled.  “Can I set it to stun?” she whines.

 

“Where’s the fun in that?  Go ahead.  Shoot me.”

 

Rey hesitates again.

 

Now, Kylo can’t resist smirking at her.  This is actually a very good sign.  “You know, when I met you, you shot first.  You wanted to kill me.  But look at you now all flustered at the thought of harming me.  Look how far we have come,” he proclaims.  Then he forgets himself and leers a bit.  “You look hot with a gun in your hand.  Like the femme fatale of the Light.”

 

“Now, I am definitely going to shoot you,” Rey hotly retorts.

 

“Yes.  That’s the point.  I’m waiting.  Any day now, Rey.”

 

“Oh, shut up!”

 

“How about I shoot you?” Kylo offers.

 

“Don’t you dare!”

 

“Then shoot the ship,” he suggests.  “It’s shielded.  You won’t do any real damage.”

 

This Rey will agree to.  She fires off a round at the wall that he instantly freezes.  Rey blinks and looks to him.  She’s impressed.  “Wow.  That was fast.”

 

“Freezing blaster bolts is easier than freezing people,” Kylo begins teaching.  “Just act on instinct.  Your reflexes are sharper than you realize.  Your mind will perceive the shot faster than your eye does.  Just think to stop it.”

 

“O-Okay.”  Rey looks very unconvinced. 

 

He grabs the blaster from her with the Force and shoots the wall.  The blaster bolt gets past Rey and slams in a loud impact.  “Try again,” he encourages patiently.

 

She does.  This time, Rey freezes the bolt just as it hits the wall.  “Better.  Is there a firing range on your base?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good.  The next time one of your rebel friends goes for target practice, you go with them.  You must practice this skill to master it.  Not everything is perfect in the Force the first time.  Beginners’ luck wears off even for someone as powerful as you.”  Rey bristles at his implicit criticism but Kylo is firm.  “Practice this, Padawan.  It could save your life or someone else’s.  This is a skill worth learning.”

 

“I’m not your Padawan.” Rey eyes him resentfully. 

 

That comment is annoying.  This girl desperately needs a teacher.  She will never develop to her full potential if she doesn’t devote time to learning the Force.  “Consider yourself lucky that I am willing to instruct you on rudimentary skills,” Kylo snaps back.  “That’s more than you got from your childhood hero Luke Skywalker.”  Kylo looks Rey over with reproach.  “I had to learn from Snoke.  You are lucky to get me instead.”  Snoke would have hit Rey with lightning every time she talked back like this.

 

“I’m not your—"

 

He cuts her off.  “What’s with the attitude?” Kylo demands.  “Why do you want peace for the galaxy but not peace with me?”  He doesn’t really understand all her aggressive posturing.  Is this what life at the Resistance has done to Rey?   Is this the traitor’s influence?  Kylo thought their night together had meant something.  He thought that kiss on Mustafar had meant something too.  This girl is very confusing to him.  Before, he worried that she was indifferent.  Now, she seems downright hostile and rude. 

 

“It was your idea that we work together.  So, what’s with the attitude?” Kylo complains again.

 

Rey has no answer to that question.

 

“Is it that you want to be chased?” he asks.  “Does the throwaway girl need to feel wanted?   Do you need me to feed your ego?”  Kylo steps closer now and lowers his voice.  “What do you need that I’m not giving you?”  It’s an honest question.   He is the Emperor of the galaxy with power and credits to burn and yet none of that holds any appeal for this girl.  He wants to make peace and he will teach her the ways of the Force.  What can the traitor possibly give Rey that he can’t? 

 

“I . . .  I  . . . ”  She falters.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I . . . I . . .” 

 

“You don't know, do you?” Kylo observes.  Insight rushes up and it’s not pretty.  “You’re so damaged!  It’s more than just being immature.  It’s—“

 

“Shut the fuck up!” Rey roars.  As usual, she reverts to offense.  But her lower lip is trembling now, he notes.

 

“You’re—“

 

“Shut the fuck up!  I am who I am and I will not be mocked for it!” Rey declares.  Any second now, she’s going to light her sword again, he knows.  Whenever this girl is threatened in any way—physically or emotionally—she reaches for violence.  There is a strong steak of Dark in her Light, he is learning.  And oh, Rey, he thinks, I understand.  Oh, how I understand.

 

He tries to talk her down.  “Stop pushing me away,” he urges.  “You push people away.  You know that about yourself, right?”

 

“I don’t push people away.  I push you away.  That’s different,” she hisses back. 

 

Kylo blinks.  Damn, Rey can be cold.  But he wasn’t Snoke’s Apprentice for years.  He’s used to cutting remarks.  “Why?” he demands.  “And don’t give me a catalog of my sins.  Give me a reason.”

 

“I . . .  I  . . . ”  Again, she has no answer.

 

“You don’t know that either, do you?” he observes.  All her stunted emotion gets under his skin.  “You would have made a great Republic Jedi.  You’re so principled and righteous.  So hard and repressed.  No attachments,” he sneers back. 

 

Rey doesn’t respond with words, but with body language.  She crosses her arms over her chest and silently lifts her chin.  She still looks moments from tears though, he notes.

 

And, fuck, now they are back to arguing again.  Kylo sighs and lays his cards on the table.  He didn’t want to talk about the traitor stormtrooper, but here goes.   “What do you want, Rey?” he asks plainly.

 

“I want peace.”

 

That’s a non-answer as far as he is concerned.  “I’m not asking about politics.  I’m asking what you want for yourself.  What do you want?” he repeats again.

 

“I don’t know,” Rey replies in a small voice. 

 

The Force tells him that’s not the truth.  He calls her on it.  “Could you tell Finn—is that it??”

 

“I . . . I . . .” she stammers yet again.

 

He steps forward to look her squarely in the eye.  “Are you fucking that guy?”

 

“No!”

 

“Are you going to fuck that guy?”  He asks the question a different way now. 

 

This time, he gets something closer to the truth.  “No!  I don’t know . . . “

 

And, damn, that hurt.  It takes every ounce of self-control Kylo has not to explode right now.  He thought that the traitor was the one in the friend zone, but it turns out to be himself.  “What are you doing, Rey?” he rasps.  “You are never going to have a future with him.  You and I are dest—”

 

“I feel like I owe him,” Rey suddenly blurts out the truth.  Her face flushes bright red.

 

“Owe him?  For what?”

 

“For coming back for me on the Starkiller and on Jakku . . . for fighting you after you threw me into a tree and knocked me out . . . for being prepared to desert the Resistance so I wouldn’t come back to a doomed ship . . . for believing in me and for being my first friend . . . for being . . . Finn . . .” 

 

Huh?  Kylo doesn’t know what to say to this knight in shining armor paragon of Resistance virtues.

 

But Rey keeps rambling.  It’s the very antithesis of the polished concise statements she made on the holonet earlier tonight.  Now, Rey is anxious and unsure of herself.  “He says he wants us to be together after the war . . . he says we’ll get jobs and get married and make a life together . . . that we’ll be normal and average just like everyone else.”

 

“Force users don’t get to be normal.”  Everyone knows that.  And what’s so great about normal anyway?

 

“Maybe someday we’ll have a family together to replace the families we both lost.”  Rey says this with

 almost cringeworthy hopefulness.  “Then, I’ll never be alone again.  Don’t you see?  I will always have someone who I care for and who cares about me.”

 

She’s been lonely.  And she’s afraid of being alone again.  Is that what this is about?   “You’re not alone, Rey,” Kylo promises.  “But sure, we can have a baby, if you want.” Why not?  They can have two or three for all he cares.  Given his family history, they are practically guaranteed a set of twins at some point.

 

“Finn’s future all sounds so nice,” she gushes, looking up at him.  She’s trying to make him understand.  “Like on the holonet shows.  Mom, Dad, and the kids living in the Mid Rim with good, steady jobs.  A speeder.  Some household droids.  Some credits in the bank and a vacation each summer if we save enough.”

 

Is that what his scavenger dreamed of back on Jakku?  A humdrum middle-class existence on a Mid Rim world?  Well, he can top that.  Kylo steps closer and stares deep into Rey’s eyes.  His voice is husky now as he makes his own promises to her.  “I can give you the galaxy.  I can make you an Empress.  I can teach you the Force.”  What more could a woman want?

 

But Rey has the answer and it’s a good one.  “Kylo, he loves me,” she drops a bomb.  That fucking traitor has trumped the Emperor of the galaxy with the L-word.   Because love is what everyone, including he, wants.  But is afraid to say it.  “Finn loves me.  I know he does.  He hasn’t said it, but I know.  And no one has ever loved me before . . . “  Rey looks rather desperate now.  So vulnerable.  “I feel like I ought to try to love him back.  I feel like I owe Finn that,” she finishes sheepishly.  She’s looking down now and wiping at tears.  And, fuck.  It hurts to see her crying over another man.

 

How did he miss this?  It was so obvious that Rey needed love above all things.  Thoroughly flustered Kylo now belatedly takes the cue.  “I will lo—”

 

“No, you won’t!”  Rey looks up sharply. “I don’t think you can love.  All you care about is power.  You kill and manipulate people and call it the Force!”

 

“That’s not true!”

 

“I’ve seen what you do to people who care about you.  Remember?  I watched you kill your own father!  I was the one delegated the task of looking after your dying mother!”  And now Rey whispers aloud what she has told him before.  “You’re too big a risk, Kylo.  I wish things were different, but they’re not.  Plus I don’t want to be with someone because it’s destiny.  I want to be with someone because they love me and I love them back.”

 

“Our love is destiny!” he yelps, sounding like some bad romance.  He reaches for Rey but she bats his hands away and sidesteps him. 

 

She’s having none of it.  “Look, I believe that you want peace.  I believe that you want balance.  I want those things too and I will continue to work with you.  But you need to find another girl.  Kylo, you’re not the guy for me.”

 

“And Finn is?” he sneers.  He is bitterly disappointed and very chagrined.

 

“He might be.”

 

“He isn’t!  You and I are destiny!  I saw it in the Force!  Stop leading that guy on.”  Why did his romantic rival also have to be his political and military nemesis as well?  Why is the Force fucking with him like this?  “It will never work out.”  Kylo intends to make sure of this, if it means he has to take destiny into his own hands. 

 

“If you’re right, then time will tell,” Rey answers simply.  “Kylo, I’m sorry.  I never meant to hurt you, but I think we want different things.”

 

He seethes.  Can she see how angry he is?  Rey had promised him on Mustafar that she would give him another chance.  He feels misled.  “I want peace and I want to balance the Force.  And you want that too!” he snarls. 

 

“Look, this is all in the future,” Rey awkwardly tries to soften the blow.  “I told Finn that it was too soon to talk about this.  We agreed to be friends for now.  Look, I just want to make peace.  Peace comes first.”

 

Kylo recalls the picture of the stormtrooper kissing Rey before he went off to war.  It sure didn’t look like the traitor had agreed to be friends for now.  “What does that mean exactly?” Kylo growls.

 

“It means avoiding a war is more important to me right now than any relationship.”

 

And this might just be Rey’s most perplexing statement of all.  She’s his ally now like he wanted, but it’s all politics.  Nothing personal.  Foolishly, he had assumed that the Force, his Empire, and his love life would intertwine.  Because that’s how it always is with the Skywalkers—the personal is always political.  The drama of his family is a microcosm of the drama of the universe, for the Chosen Ones are the first family of the Force.  But Kylo takes the hint and gets back to business now.  He needs to end this meeting before he does or says something he will regret. 

 

His voice is clipped and short.  “Tomorrow our PR rebuttal to your raid will drop.  Every single one of those prisoners you rescued today were incarcerated for violent crimes and convicted by a jury.  Not a one was a political prisoner.  By breaking them out, the Resistance has just endangered the citizens of the Empire rather than furthered the cause of freedom.”

 

“I don’t understand.”   Rey looks dismayed.

 

“We knew you were coming and we switched the prisoners.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Your trigger-happy men killed fifteen prison guards in the raid.  Our guys shot stun bolts and your guys shot to kill.  You just martyred a bunch of average men and women who were just doing their job.  Who looks ruthless now, Rey?”

 

“Is this all true?”

 

“I told you, truth is a point of view.”

 

“Is this all true?” she demands again.

 

He shrugs.  “It will stand up to scrutiny.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“We’ll let the public decide who the extremists are now,” Kylo says grimly.  “Make contact with me next time before you go on the holonet.  Come alone again and hail the _Finalizer_ in orbit over Coruscant.  I meant what I said.  I want you where I can control the questions and the security.  It’s the only way you are not going to expose yourself.”

 

Rey says nothing.  She just nods, looking very subdued.

 

Satisfied, he continues his instructions.  “In the meantime, keep harping on legal reforms.  Release of detainees, due process, searches and seizures, free assembly, that sort of thing.  I want you on the holonet regularly.  I need the Resistance to create enough noise of those issues for me to justify concessions.  Be relentless.  Get shrill if need be.”

 

“Why didn’t you just let the raid go ahead as planned for the political prisoners?” she complains.  “You sure aren’t making this easy on me.”

 

“I didn’t want to cede the moral high ground,” he snaps.  “I don’t like my Empire to be on the defensive.  It makes the hardliners dig in their heels.”

 

“Why do you even care about any of this if you hold all the power as Emperor?” Rey grumbles.  “Why all the subterfuge with me if you can do this unilaterally on your own?”

 

“I am trying to create a consensus for moderation.  I want less conflict and more agreement.  I don’t want to make people do things if I can convince them to want to do those same things on their own.”  Is she getting this?  He wants less stick, more carrot.  Kylo has the power to make these reforms happen on his own, but he thinks this way is more effective in the long run. 

 

“I want to unify the galaxy around a shared set of values.  There’s only so much unity I can accomplish with trade.  Rey, I want what you want—the best of the Old Empire and the best of the Old Republic.  But you have to realize that we just fought a war.  Most people see the Empire and the Republic as incompatible.  We have to convince them to see the benefits of the opposing approach.  That takes time.”

 

He gives her a stern look.  “Try and convince your rebel friends to lay off killing people.  The more militant you become, the less room for compromise there will be.  We need to talk it out, not fight it out.  The war is over, Rey.”

 

“Yeah . . . I see that.  I’ll do my best,” she sighs.  “They didn’t listen to me last time.”

 

“Then do better the next time,” he snaps.  “Go mind trick some of your stubborn rebel friends.  And be sure to practice freezing blaster bolts.  It could save your life.”

 

“Yeah, alright,” she sniffs, looking away.  It’s clear she’s very rattled by the news that the raid was not the success she thought.  And, well, he’s rattled too but for different reasons.

 

Is there anything left to say?  Kylo lingers another awkward moment hoping there will be something conciliatory from Rey.  She doesn’t really seem to notice him.  Frustrated, he stomps off.

 

Kylo can’t sleep later that night.  He pulls out the crystal to meditate some more.  He drifts in the Force, letting the invisible undercurrents of the universe wash over his mind.  He thinks of Rey.  Of the girl who rejects him for his enemy.  Rey thinks she can break up with him, but she can’t break up with destiny.  That’s not how the Force works.  Kylo looks down at his grandfather’s melted mask and wonders if Vader’s beloved Padme had ever rejected him.  Kylo knows it ended badly and that’s about it.  He knows nothing of his grandparents’ forbidden marriage.  Had they had their share of conflict? 

 

Kylo’s hates surges as he lusts to kill FN-2187.  Kylo indulges himself in Dark fantasies of revenge for a few minutes.  But that’s enough, he decides as he places the crystal aside.  Too much Darkness and he will corrupt the crystal rather than repair it.  And then his grandfather’s blue crystal might crack once more, maybe even change color to red like Kylo’s own blue padawan crystal had done years ago.  Kylo had been chagrined at the time but old Snoke had been pleased, he recalls.  Give yourself to the Dark Side, his wily old Master had counseled, and fulfill your destiny.

 

He's been trying to fulfill his destiny for years now, but that goal keeps changing on him.  First, he was to be a new generation of Jedi knight.  Then, he was to conquer the galaxy with Snoke and lead the Knights of Ren.  And now, he is the victorious Emperor groping blindly towards political stability as he conspires with Rey.  What a long, strange journey it has been from the day his crystal turned red up until this point.  Let it all not be in vain, Kylo prays to the Force.  Let him be the one to fulfill the prophecy and bring balance to the universe.  And please, he beseeches the Force, give him Rey like it promised.  Kylo doesn’t want to do this alone, and Rey isn’t the only one who fears isolation. 


	29. Chapter 29

Rey dutifully appears at the Coruscant broadcast studio of the official First Order news channel for all of her subsequent media appearances.  The process is always the same.  She jumps to Coruscant in the stolen First Order shuttle and hails the _Finalizer_ in orbit.  Then she descends to the surface with an escort of TIEs.  She is met on the landing pad by a squad of stormtroopers commanded by the Second Knight of Ren, the big guy from Maz Kanata’s tavern, Nestor Ren.  In his vicar’s robes identical to Emperor Ren’s uniform, the knight appears very much the authority figure.  Once inside the studio, Kylo’s knight personally stands sentry off camera at all times.  Is he guarding a prisoner or protecting a VIP?  It’s ambiguous, and very intentionally so.  This is not exactly friendly turf for a rebel fighter.  Rey gets a lot of disdainful, even hateful looks.  Using her best Jakku posturing, Rey blithely ignores the hostile stares just like she ignores Nestor Ren and the rest of his show of force.  She plays it cool and tries to keep her focus on the task at hand. 

 

Being the face of the Resistance is far more difficult than she realized.  Her first task is to deal with the aftermath of the botched prisoner rescue.  The meticulously planned raid that was to reintroduce the Resistance to the galaxy has become a debacle.  Rey gets grilled over the violent convicts the rebels mistakenly liberated.   She watches stone faced as pictures of the dead prison guards smiling with their families are flashed up on screen.  Rey does her best to acknowledge the mistake, express deep sympathy for the loss of life, and then get right back on message.  But from the outset, the revived Resistance makes a bad first impression.  Winning over the hearts and minds of the public just got a lot harder.  Even after the media cycle runs its course, that initial raid keeps coming up again and again to discredit Rey and her cause.  

 

Luckily, the Resistance media blitz is more than just Rey.  She enlists the small group of academics and journalist volunteers back at the base to inundate the holonet with essays and articles in support of the Resistance cause.   These people write with a historical context and scholarly bent that Rey cannot hope to imitate.  She is the young, perhaps a little superficial holonet pundit who speaks from the heart in everyday language, and they are the learned thinkers who churn out an ongoing counterpoint to the constant propaganda barrage from the First Order.  Rarely is the Resistance response consistent in tone or in theme, much of it is overblown reactionary rhetoric, and some of it is petty.  But it is loud and incessant.  Kylo said he wanted her to create media pressure, after all.  Rey delivers.

 

Is it working?  Rey can’t tell.  She is far too close to it all.  Plus, she barely has time to sleep as she feeds the constant holonet media beast.  The pace is exhausting. 

 

When the next raid goes awry with the same embarrassing results, it’s obvious that the First Order has a spy among the Resistance.  Recalling Kylo’s comment, Rey suggests to the council that they start to vet all new volunteers.  Accepting all comers gives the First Order ample opportunity to embed spies with us, Rey contends. The council agrees.  Everyone on base is especially vigilant from then on.  Sure enough, a week later two rebels are identified as possible spies. 

 

Finn approaches Rey for help.  “Is it true that you can tell if someone is lying by using the Force?”

 

“Sometimes,” she admits.  And that’s how she gets enlisted in the interrogation efforts. Rey watches as the first suspect is repeatedly questioned.  The man is lying outright, Rey senses.  He is a First Order spy, she’s certain. When Rey reveals her assessment, things happen very quickly.  The man is hauled to account before the rebel council.   He denies he is a spy and refuses to inform on others.  The questioning gets rough and still yields no information.  Once it becomes clear that there is no point in continuing, someone puts a blaster to the man’s head and fires.  Horrified Rey looks on in stunned silence. 

 

Then, it’s time for her to watch the second interrogation.  This man too is lying.  He is also a First Order spy.  But when her opinion is asked, Rey equivocates.  I’m not sure, she answers. The other evidence against the man is shaky at best, so the council concludes to throw him out in lieu of execution.  In the few seconds that Rey is left alone with the accused, the man turns to her and is grateful.  They said you were one of us, he tells Rey.  Thank you for covering for me.  I understand why you needed to give the other guy up to keep your credibility.  Don’t worry, the man assures Rey, there are five more of us.  We are here to collect intelligence, but we are also here to help you get away, if necessary.   We will fight and die for the Emperor’s secret sister.

 

Flustered Rey is uncertain what to do with that knowledge.  Plus, she is terribly guilty about the fate of the first suspect.  She decides to keep quiet for the sake of the five others and for her own self-preservation.  Does that make her complicit?  Yes.  Rey is uncomfortably aware that the worst spy of all is herself.  And now, in a bizarre irony, she has inadvertently become the de facto arbitrator of guilt in these matters. 

 

Rey takes issue with this among the rebel council.  She thinks that there should be some sort of trial to determine the truth and not an effective thumb’s up or thumb’s down from her as the resident Jedi.  But no one sees the point in this.  And now Rey, who has been all over the holonet arguing for a guarantee of basic civil rights in the Empire’s judicial system, points out the obvious:  shouldn’t we be giving the accused the same right to a trial that we seek from the enemy?  That’s different, she is told.  In time of war, we don’t have the time or resources for all that.  Plus, swift capital punishment sends a message.  It acts as a deterrent.  Rey vociferously disagrees but she is far outnumbered.  

 

Afterwards, Rose takes her aside to encourage her to let the matter go.  Spies will only get us all killed.  They must be dealt with harshly to protect us.  And we are the good guys, Rose reminds her with a reassuring smile.  Remember?  But in this instance, Rey is not so certain. 

 

This is the first real disagreement Rey has had with the rebel council, but she fears it will be just the beginning.  Rey’s frequent holonet appearances keep her away from the base a lot.  It’s almost two days’ travel time one-way from Dantooine to Coruscant.  As a result, Rey is often left out of the daily decision making.   Rey has the impression that several on the council like it that way.  They would rather her voice of moderation be absent.   Go do your political stuff, her more militant opponents on the council tell her, why we plan the real fighting.  It comes off as patronizing. Rey feels marginalized and complains to Finn.

 

Finn is a patient listening ear, as always.  But he doesn’t wholly share her views.  There is a lot of frustration about the two bungled raids and a growing consensus that the Resistance needs to act bigger and bolder to redeem itself and change the narrative.   Talk of assassination arises again.  Rey maintains her staunch opposition.  But she is uncomfortably aware that she is one vote of dissent among many supporters. 

 

More and more, Rey feels like a lone voice shouting in the wilderness, whether she is live on-air on the holonet arguing for reforms to the First Order or in-person arguing for restraint to the rebel council.  It’s frustrating and demoralizing.  Neither side is listening to her.   Rey feels caught in the middle and trapped in an increasingly complex web of deceit. 

 

“Tough day?”  It’s Nestor Ren who is correctly reading Rey’s woebegone expression as she marches out of the broadcast studio into the adjacent green room.  Rey slumps unceremoniously into a vacant chair. 

 

“They’re all tough days,” she sighs.  Then she scowls over at the knight.  “Why are you even here?”   She’s never asked him this.  Mostly she ignores Nestor Ren when he attempts to engage her in conversation.  Rey is not a talker by nature.  And when she finishes these media appearances, she is all talked out.  Stressed out, too.

 

“I’m here because he wants you to be protected,” the knight answers calmly.  “You are a rebel fugitive.  Some aggrieved war veteran could storm in and put a blaster to your head.  We have our own share of extremists on our side, my lady.”

 

Yeah, she knows.  “Call me Rey.  I’m not a lady.  I’m just a scavenger,” Rey grumbles. 

 

“You’re his lady,” Nestor Ren counters quietly.

 

Rey makes a face but declines to debate the point.  It doesn’t really matter what this guy thinks.  So instead, she asks, “What is it you guys actually do?”

 

“The knights?   We are the defenders of the faith.  We serve the Master as warriors for the Force.”

 

That seems a bit grandiose for babysitting her once a week on Coruscant.  Rey slants the knight a sideways glance.  “You seem more like my prison guard.”

 

Nestor Ren lets the comment roll off his back.  Despite his imposing appearance of muscles, tattoos, and lightsaber, he seems rather affable.  He now starts cataloging a Knight of Ren’s job description.  “We study and practice the Force.  We quest for knowledge by seeking out relics and temples.  We quash blasphemy and we punish heretics.  And once a week,” he smiles genially, “I hang out with the Master’s girl when she’s in town.”

 

Rey ignores this last bit.  “Heretics?  Are there Force heretics?” she asks.

 

He nods.  “The Jedi and Sith are the two most prominent religions of the Force, but other smaller sects persist.  The most well-known are the Dagoyan Masters, the Dathomir Nightsisters, and the laymen of the Church of the Force.   There are others scattered here and there.   We are tolerant where we can be,” he allows.  “We leave alone those sects that foster respect and greater understanding of the Force if they roughly comport with our views.”

 

“Oh?  And where do I fit into this pantheon?”  Where does an untrained, sometime enemy Force-user rejected by Luke Skywalker fit into this mix?

 

Nestor Ren takes on a serious tone as he explains, “We defend the faith.  That means we defend the Master as the reigning high priest and we defend each other as brothers in the Force. You are a Force-user under the Master’s protection, so we defend you as well.”

 

Rey digests this statement a moment.  She’s still unclear on where Nestor Ren fits into the First Order hierarchy.  “So I know that Hux is his best general.  And that old bald guy is his chief administrator.  But what are you exactly?”  Rey had never heard of the Knights of Ren before recently.  She had no idea that Ren was Kylo’s title and not an assumed surname.  There is nothing about these guys publicly available on the holonet—she’s checked.  As far as Rey can tell, the knights are something akin to a secret religious police. 

 

Nestor tries again to explain.  “The Master rules the galaxy in all things sacred and profane.  He has a military to enforce order.  He has policy advisors and bureaucrats for his civilian government.  And he has the knights to keep the faith.”

 

Rey is still pretty fuzzy on this.  Nestor is not trying to be obtuse, but that’s the effect nonetheless.  “Is this how Snoke was going to run things too?” she asks.

 

“Yes.  My old Master was to be the ultimate authority in all things.  He was to be the head of the state and the head of the church, if you will.  That’s why Snoke called himself the Supreme Leader.  Ben is Snoke now, only he chose the Emperor title instead.”

 

“So . . . do you report on me to him every week?” Rey asks with a raised eyebrow.  It’s been a couple of months now since she last saw Emperor Ren in person.  She has no idea what Kylo is up to these days.  She has wondered about him a lot.  Far more than she expected, actually.

 

“The Master always asks about you,” Nestor admits.  “Ben wants to know how you are doing.”  The knight fixes her with a questioning look.  “How are you doing, my lady?”

 

“I’m floundering,” Rey candidly admits.  “This isn’t working.  I show up on these shows and talk and nothing changes.  The Resistance seems to be veering more extreme, not less.   Most of the Empire thinks I am a misguided idealist or a terrorist bitch.” She’s venting now and maybe she shouldn’t be.  The scavenger from Jakku is used to scorn but the anonymous haters on the holonet take it to a whole new level.   Rey can let the comments on her appearance roll off her back but the cutting remarks about her intellect get under her skin.  Rey is very self-conscious about her lack of education. 

 

“My lady,” Nestor tells her gently, “Ben wants to know how you are doing personally.  I don’t give him an assessment of your performance.”  The knight gives her an encouraging smile.  “It is hard to be in the middle.  You get hit by both sides.  Peace is hard.  The Sith knew that.  It’s why they believed peace was a lie and sought to exploit conflict.”

 

“And the Jedi?” Rey asks.

 

“Historically, their well-intentioned meddling created larger, deeper conflicts over time.”  The knight shrugs as he tells Rey, “Snoke would have ruled very differently.  He would have been Darth Sidious all over again.  But Ben is doing this his own way.  I guess you can’t grow up with Leia Organa as a mother and not have some democratic principles wear off.   Ben is not the despot autocrat Snoke would have been.  In time, once things get up and running, the Master will be a far more benevolent leader.”  Nestor Ren now loyally adds, “Do not underestimate Ben Solo.  People have been doing that for years and they learn their lesson the hard way.  Ask Luke Skywalker and ask Snoke,” the knight says pointedly.

 

“Do you think Ben can actually do this?”  Rey asks plainly.  She’s looking to be reassured.  “Do you think he can actually pull off a lasting peace?”

 

Nestor nods.  “He’s a Skywalker and the grandson to Lord Vader.  Ben was born to do this.  It’s our job to help him.  If he fails, we all lose and there will be another civil war.  You think your job is hard?  It is.  But his is far harder.”

 

“So, I should keep showing up here each week to do my part, is that it?”  If this is a pep talk, it’s not a very good one, Rey thinks glumly.

 

“These things take time.  It’s only been a few months.   You will learn patience.”   Nestor now appraises her steadily.  “I sense much fear in you.  No--do not attempt to hide it.  Embrace it.  Understand it.   My lady, we are all a mix of Light and Dark.  Do not repress the Darkness within.  Do not be Skywalker.”

 

Remembering the depressed, grumpy Jedi Master on Ahch-To, Rey nods.  She definitely doesn’t want to be that guy. 

 

As requested, Rey keeps slogging through holonet appearances.  To the extent Kylo needs to relay information, it comes through Nestor Ren.  Otherwise, Kylo is nowhere to be found.  Is he busy organizing his new Empire?  Or is he respecting Rey’s request to let her focus on peace?  Rey didn’t really expect him to do that.  It tells Rey that she hurt him.  She isn’t proud of that.  But what else can you do with an overbearing guy like Kylo Ren?   Still . . . Rey didn’t expect that Kylo would disappear completely.  Now, bizarrely, Rey feels a bit rejected too.

 

Her world is very complicated right now.   Her heart is conflicted over the goals of the Resistance.  More and more, she is confused about where her loyalties lie.  Layering a romance with Kylo atop all that seems foolish.  And then there is Finn, with his rosy future that Rey fears he will never live to see.    Rey knows that pursuing a future with Finn just puts an even bigger target on his back.  It also will disturb the fragile friendship Rey is working hard to maintain with Rose.  For now, the best course seems to be to focus on her job and to avoid getting closer to either man.

 

And is it too much to ask for a young woman to be left alone to find her own way?   To want to focus on other important things in lieu of a relationship?  Where is it written that she needs to have a man around at all times?   Rey isn’t used to being close to people and so the concept of having not one but two suitors is sort of a shock.  Her choices are stark and have serious strings attached.  To hear Kylo tell it, the galaxy hangs in the balance.  No pressure.  No pressure at all.  Well, no thanks, Rey decides.  She will stay single for now and refuse to choose either man.  She’s choosing peace instead.  And, well, it looks like she may have scared Kylo off for good anyhow.

 

It’s been a long day and Rey has finished yet another holonet appearance.  All that pointless verbal sparring is exhausting and she is glad to be done.  Rey is distracted as she climbs up the ramp into her stolen shuttle to head home.  It means she is taken by surprise when she discovers the visitor waiting inside.

 

It’s Kylo Ren. 

 

“Hello Rey.”

 

“Kylo!” she yelps and starts.  The young Emperor of the galaxy stands just inside her shuttle.  He is unmasked and wearing his habitual dark robes.  Kylo looks pale and serious as usual.  And also subdued.  Even his wild hair looks carefully combed and that is not at all like him.  Rey looks him over, trying to place what else has changed in the almost three months since they have met.  The scar she gave him is barely visible now, but otherwise he is the same.  Kylo is handsome in that quirky, intense way she remembers.  Is it their attraction that sets her heart pounding?  Maybe the danger and power this man exudes?   Or is it the Force?  Rey can’t be sure. 

 

Kylo bristles under her silent gaze for she sees him shift his weight.  Is he nervous?  She suddenly is. 

 

“That’s my sword,” Rey blurts out.  Hanging at Kylo’s waist on the left-hand side is the hilt of the lightsaber that had called to her on Takodano.

 

“It’s Vader’s sword,” he answers back. 

 

Her eyes fly to his.  “You fixed it?   Can you do that?  I thought it blew up.”

 

“It did.  The crystal ruptured but it’s fused back together now.  I healed it with the Force.”

 

“Let me see.”  Kylo hands the saber over and she inspects it.  “Is this an all new casing?”

 

“I replaced the external piece,” he explains.  “All the wiring inside is new, too.  It fried when the crystal blew.”

 

Rey nods as she traces her hands over the workmanship.  He must have labored over this sword for hours, she thinks.  It looks just like new, with not even a scratch.

 

“Go ahead.  Light it up.  That’s what you usually do when you see me.”  Kylo smirks a little as he says this.  It’s what passes for a smile from this enigmatic man.  And is he flirting?  Rey does a double take and then depresses the sword’s ignition switch.  The blade leaps to life. 

 

She blinks at what she sees.  The clean blue blade now hisses and spits and intermittently gives off sparks.  It is a bit ragged looking now, too.  Not the solid, opaque blue it once was.  “Oh,” Rey says with disappointment.  “It looks like yours now.”  Kylo works his jaw and she can tell he is displeased with her reaction as she shuts off the weapon and hands it back.  It’s just like Kylo to feel dissed on behalf of his grandfather’s sword.  “Here.  This was never meant to be mine.  It belongs to you,” she concedes. 

 

He accepts the saber silently and replaces it at his waist.  Watching him, Rey realizes that she has forgotten how tall Kylo is.  She is not exactly short but he towers over her.  His form is lanky, but plenty muscled too.  Rey remembers vividly his broad, strong chest.

 

Flushing at the memory and looking for something to say, Rey wonders aloud, “Did Maz ever say how she got it?”

 

“Yes.  It was a lie.”  Kylo does not elaborate.  He moves on to business now.  “You’ve been busy.  Sometimes you’re on the holonet twice a week now.”

 

Rey shakes her head and looks away.  “I don’t think it’s working.”

 

“I’ll be the judge of that,” he counters.   “Here.”  Kylo reaches into a pocket and produces a datafile that he hands to her.

 

“What’s this?”

 

“It’s a code of civil rights for all sentient species of the Empire.  It will be formally announced tomorrow.  We’re leaking it in advance to the holonet tonight.  And I am leaking it now to you.”

 

Rey looks up in surprise.  “Civil rights?  Really?”

 

“Yes.  It covers all your favorite topics for the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.   It contains a list of specific guarantees for personal freedoms.   There are even a few limits on Imperial authority in judicial proceedings.”

 

Of course, due process, she thinks.  “Is this an exclusive list?”

 

He shrugs.  “I suppose it could be supplemented, if necessary.  But all rights not specifically granted to the people are reserved for the Empire.  Plus, we trump any local system authority, naturally.  The laws of the Empire are supreme in all things.”

 

“How does this compare to the Republic constitution?” Rey asks.  That is the gold standard of civil rights as far as the Resistance is concerned.

 

“Some of it is verbatim.  Most is not.  It can’t look too similar.  That’s bad politics for me.”

 

“I understand.”  Rey turns the small datafile over in her hand.  “This is . . . sudden.”  She hadn’t been expecting this.  If anything, she had judged her efforts to be a failure on the whole.

 

“I’m testing the waters.  Seeing how far I can push things,” Kylo answers.  “With the Resistance floundering, it seemed like a good time to act.  Hopefully, this won’t be perceived as a concession.  That’s important for my side.  I cannot appear to be negotiating with terrorists.”

 

“Does this mean we are going to get a constitution eventually?” Rey asks hopefully.

 

“There is no need for a constitution without a Senate,” he quells that line of thought.

 

“Yeah, I guess not.   This is huge,” she muses aloud.  “This is huge, Kylo.  You didn’t start small.”

 

He nods his acknowledgement.  “I want peace too.  You’re not the only one taking risks.”  He gives her a pointed look.  “You need to react to this news by demanding more.  It has to appear that you haven’t gotten anywhere near what you want.  I need you on the holonet howling about how this being too little, too late.  Make it work for me, too.  Make it look like this is a meaningless gesture even though it’s not.”

 

“I can do that,” Rey easily agrees.  “I want this to work.  Is there more where this comes from?”

 

He shrugs.  “Maybe.  We’ll see.”

 

“I hope so.  And soon.  This needs to work because too many people have died.  Kylo, I have deceived too many people who I care about.  People who trust me . . . “

 

He raises an eyebrow at this.  “The traitor?”

 

“Yes.”  She shoots him a glare.  She hates when Kylo calls Finn that.  “Look, I thought I would be fighting for the Resistance at Luke Skywalker’s side.  Instead, I am dancing around lies and deceiving everyone.  And I am everywhere on the holonet talking about things I barely understand.  I feel like a fraud,” she vents. “This isn’t me, this isn’t who I am.”  Kylo opens his mouth to speak but she beats him to it.  “And don’t tell me that truth is a point of view because I know a lie when I hear one . . . or when I tell one . . .   I tell a lot of lies these days,“ she sighs.

 

Kylo looks disarmingly understanding at her outburst.  “Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like in order to make change,” he says gently.  “People like us do what must be done.”  Kylo now admits, “I’ve done plenty of things I’m not proud of to get this far.  But the Force is with me and it will all be worth it in the end.”

 

Rey looks away.  He sounds so confident of his words.  But the ends don’t justify the means for Rey quite the same way they do for Kylo Ren.  “I’m worried it’s all going to blow up in my face,” she half-whispers.  She has nightmares about all the ways in which she could expose herself and things could get ugly fast.

 

He takes her meaning.  “I hear the rebels are killing spies.”

 

“I’m the one killing spies,” she confesses miserably.

 

“Yes, I heard that.  Rey,” Kylo steps forward to hover over her.  When she doesn’t immediately look over, he tugs at her arm to get her attention. “Rey, if you get in trouble, get out of there.  Leave your precious Finn behind—he’s not worth dying over.” 

 

Looking up into Kylo’s dark eyes beneath slashing black brows, Rey is moved to confess her worst fear.  “Someday it’s all going to blow up in my face.  And then both sides will turn on me.”  She is in a very precarious position, Rey knows.  She continually worries that she is playing the fool.  But she’s doing it for peace.

 

“I will not abandon you,” he promises.  “I will not turn on you.  You can trust me if things go badly.  I have men embedded with the Resistance.  They are all praetorians and they are good in a fight.  Their job is to get you away—"

 

“Why?” she interrupts.  She’s not convinced.  Rey challenges him now. “Why not let the Resistance deal with me instead?  It would solve a problem for you, right?  Because how are you going to explain the terrorist mouthpiece who was your agent all along?  Who might be your estranged sister?” 

 

“I don’t have to explain anything,” he boasts.

 

She calls him on it.  “Of course, you do!  That’s why we’re going through this whole strawman charade of reform, right?   Because explaining that the mighty Kylo Ren who conquered the galaxy is adopting some of the Republic’s values is a little awkward to your base of support.”

 

Kylo has no rejoinder to this argument.  He knows she’s right. 

 

And now, Rey completes the line of thought.  “You turned on your family . . . you turned on Snoke . . . you’re going to turn on me eventually, aren’t you?” she accuses miserably. “You’re just using me to get what you want and you’ll crush me in the end.  You’ll get your peaceful reforms and then you can exterminate the Resistance and me too.  Problem solved.”   

 

“No.  I won’t,” he grinds out.

 

“I wish I could believe that.”  Rey shakes her head.

 

“I wish you could too,” he snaps back indignantly.  Then his voice and his stance soften.  “I wish I had known that you were out there on Jakku.  I would have come to rescue you.  I would have come back for you.”  Kylo Ren is no mere brute.  He is uncannily perceptive at times and this is one of them.  He reaches to cup her cheek in a soft caress.  Even with his gloved hand, it’s the sort of intimate gesture that betrays a lot.  “Maybe then you would be able to trust me.”  Rey flushes and cringes a little as he adds, “Maybe then you wouldn’t fear being abandoned once more.”

 

Rey jerks her head away.  “Don’t you dare call me damaged again!” she hisses.  That comment had stayed with her a long time after their last meeting.  Because the truth hurts, especially when you hear someone else say it.  She scowls over at Kylo and takes some pleasure in reminding him, “No one has ever come back for me except Finn.”

 

Kylo raises an eyebrow.  “He wouldn’t now if he knew what you are doing.”

 

And there Kylo goes again, spouting off uncomfortable truths.  Rey squirms.  “I know.  That’s the worst part,” she lashes out.    “I am surrounded by people now, but I am very much alone.”  Isolated by her lies and her betrayals and by her growing sense of distance from her Resistance brethren.

 

Kylo doesn’t argue with her.  Instead, he backs down and steps back.  “You are not alone.  You have me.  You will always have me.  That’s how this works.”

 

She raises a dismissive hand to forestall him.  This guy’s sense of entitlement to her is annoying.  “Don’t start on that destiny crap—”

 

It sets him off.  “Do not,” he orders sternly, “disrespect the Force!”  He waves a gloved hand in front of her face as he gives her a petulant look.  “I will have faith even if you do not.  In time, you will understand.  We’re a good team, Rey.  That’s no accident or coincidence.  That’s not luck.  That’s the Force!”

 

The Force, the Force.  It’s always the Force.  Well, whatever, she thinks.  Rey is irritated by how raw their conversations always seem to get.  She doesn’t see this guy for almost three months and they pick up right where they left off.  Bickering as he lectures her on the Force and rambles about destiny.  Sure, she believes in the Force.  But where was destiny when she was starving on Jakku?   Where was destiny during all those years spent alone out of self-preservation and happenstance?   Where was destiny before she found a droid in the desert and crossed paths with the deadly Skywalker clan?  As far as Rey is concerned, destiny before Kylo showed up was simply Rey helping herself.  Call it survival skills, call it a string of random luck, call it her dogged determination to survive.  But whatever you call it, it was her.  Rey’s independence is what kept her alive and she’s not about to cede her free will to the Force or to Kylo Ren’s manipulations.  Destiny be damned because Rey is in charge of her own life.  She only hopes she is making good choices still. 

 

Remembering now the datafile in her hand, Rey tries to end the meeting.  She takes a deep breath and makes an effort to speak in normal tones.  “Thank you for the concession on civil rights.  This is a big give.  Anyone who gives this more than cursory thought will see that.”

 

He nods.   “My Empire needs more Light and more freedom.  This is just the beginning,” he promises. 

 

“Yeah, okay,” Rey mumbles.  Kylo is standing close again now, in her space.  It’s distracting.  Rey forces herself to look away from his lips.  A man shouldn’t have such full, pouty lips.   They are far too inviting.

 

“Rey, trust me,” he rasps from overhead.

 

Rey glances up.  She stares and he stares back.  Is he going to?  He’s not.  But for a brief moment, Rey could swear that he was going in for a kiss.  She is left there hanging in perplexed disappointment.  She’s oddly craving his comfort today.

 

For Rey remembers Kylo Ren’s kisses.  One in particular when he had her smashed up against the wall with his hot mouth on hers and his hands wandering everywhere until General Hux walked by.  Kissing Kylo is like kissing a volcano.  Rey knows from experience that once all that pent-up passion is released she quickly gets swept up in the moment.  For everything about this man is intense.  He’s as exhausting as he is magnetic.  Watching him now, all Rey can think is that this man is nothing like Finn.   He is dangerous, not dependable.  Erratic, never predictable.  Demanding, and not easygoing.  He’s more pragmatist than idealist.  He has no scruples, for nothing is sacred to him but the Force and the Force justifies all things.   

 

He’s not who the hero should look like.  Heroes look like Finn.  Heroes are the downtrodden who shake off their chains and find the courage to fight for what they believe in.  Their motivation is the greater good, not their own aims.  They are selfless role models, like the Jedi of old, who commit to a concrete set of values.  And that’s nothing like Kylo Ren.  He’s not loyal to anything, not even his own side.  His creed seems to be mostly creating peace to cement his own power.  This young Emperor doesn’t bother trying to inspire others.  His leadership is by fiat and his goal is to be a sort of benevolent dictator.    He is arrogant, maybe foolish, in his insistence to leave the past behind all for his indeterminate glorious future.  For he is a princely Chosen One, a demigod of the Force, sent to save all us little people.  It smacks of hubris.  Kylo Ren’s will to power might be laughably hokey except he takes it very seriously.   And if there is one thing this complicated, oddly compelling man believes, it’s that the Force is with him.

 

He blesses her now with that same power.  “May the Force be with you.”  Then as Rey stands mute and frozen on the spot, he cups her face and leaves her with a kiss.  This is not seduction.  It is a lingering, soft peck on her forehead.  A kiss of peace.  He drops his hands and steps back as he repeats the benediction.  “Fear not, for the Force will be with you always.”  He gives her one long, last searching look.  Then, he walks away down the ramp.

 

Rey watches him go.  What the Hell was that, she wonders.  She will never understand Kylo Ren. 

 

Finn is there as usual on the landing pad when Rey returns to base.  He welcomes her with a hug. “I’m glad you’re back.  You’re just in time.”

 

“Did you see the announcement about civil rights?” Rey asks with excitement.  “That is huge!  It’s real progress.”  She can’t wait to discuss it with her team. 

 

“Not really.”  Finn clearly doesn’t view it as positively as Rey does.  “Not if you think that the Empire has only partially given us back the same rights we had under the Republic.  Why should we grateful for that?” He’s genuinely confused. 

 

“Because it is progress,” Rey staunchly contends.  Maybe it’s incremental progress, but it’s something.  It’s not everything she wants either, but that’s how compromise works.  You have to give something up to get something.

 

“Come on.”  Finn tugs her forward.   “The council is convening right now.  Rose is already there.  You need to be present for this one.”

 

“Another spy?” Rey sighs as her heart sinks.  Her hopeful mood is fading fast. 

 

“No spies.  We’re voting to approve the next few missions.”

 

“Oh?  Is it that supply depot on Ord Mantel?” Rey asks.

 

“Yes and no.   We’re going forward with those raids to pick off equipment and supplies.  But the meeting is mostly to vote on the assassinations.  First Hux.  Then Ren.  No more of this liberating prisoners stuff.  We’re going to liberate the galaxy next.”

 

Rey stops in her tracks.  “Now?  We’re going to assassinate the Empire’s leaders now??”

 

Finn blinks.  “Yes, now.  We’ve been kicking this idea around for a while now.   Rey, that’s how the old Empire fell.  Luke Skywalker took out the Emperor and Vader at Endor.  You start at the top.”

 

“Do you think this is a good idea?” Rey demands of her friend.  “We’re finally making progress and getting concessions on things like civil rights and so we decide to destabilize the Empire?”

 

Finn nods. “I wouldn’t put it that way, but yes.  I think we should aim high.  We’ve got them on the defensive now.  Let’s depose those guys and demand back all of our civil rights.”

 

Rey frowns and opens her mouth to speak. 

 

Finn preempts her.  He puts a friendly arm around her and ushers her forward.  “Come on.  Let’s have this debate in the council where it belongs.  You can tell me off there.”


	30. Chapter 30

Emperor Ren stands on the floating platform that overlooks the giant demolition site.  This is Coruscant, the galaxy’s capital world for thousands of generations.  It was the capital of the Old Republic, the capital of the Old Empire, and for a time the capital of the New Republic.  Here was the convocation hall for three Senates and the palace of a Sith Emperor.  All that is gone now.  The glory of those years has faded into history and now the handsome edifices that housed those institutions are gone too.  Torn down unceremoniously by a young upstart who wants change.   The past is dead and Kylo Ren and his Empire are moving on. 

 

He has never been much for symbolism, yet looking at the mounds of dirt and rubble, Kylo sees the obvious metaphor.  This is ideological creative destruction in real time, as the old relentlessly morphs anew.  But it is easier to erect buildings than it is to create a secure society with sufficient freedoms to invigorate creativity and foster progress.  Unlike his palace, his Empire doesn’t get to start over with a clean slate.   It arrives on the scene burdened with the baggage of the Starkiller and other brutalities.  It is hampered by a general sense of cynicism.  Many worlds are justifiably bitter.  And so, much to Kylo Ren’s consternation, the weight of history looms large over his Empire.    For try as he might to kill the past, it stubbornly refuses to die. 

 

The wind whips at his robes and at the robes of the knight who stands next to him.  Nestor Ren is the shorter, broader man.  The Second Knight has buzzcut blond hair and generically handsome features.  But at a distance from below, it can be hard to tell which man is the unmasked Emperor and which is his top lieutenant.   The construction crew who supervise the heavy equipment droids keep sneaking glances up at the high viewing platform.  They, like most of the Empire’s citizens, have never seen a Knight of Ren other than Kylo Ren himself.  The two men cut striking figures standing side by side in their solemn black surcoats.   Without their weapons drawn and without the Emperor’s iconic mask, they appear more priests than warriors.

 

Up on the platform far removed from listening ears, Nestor finishes his weekly report.  They have moved on from official business to informal business, which basically means Rey. 

 

“She’s young.  Very young.   She has much to learn.”

 

Kylo nods.  That’s Rey.  She’s mature far beyond her years in many ways and hopelessly childish in others.   Still, Kylo responds loyally, “She is very capable.”  

 

“I don’t doubt that.  From what you said, she probably taught herself to read.”

 

“She did.  She is very capable.”  No one should underestimate Rey.  Her background might be unusual but it will not hold her back.  That has become clear from her increasingly adept holonet appearances. 

 

“Capable might be your problem,” Nestor assesses.  “Rey is very independent. She’s done everything on her own up until now.   Things seem to come very easily to her.  She’s not used to accepting help, whether it’s formal instruction or casual guidance.”

 

As usual, Nestor is insightful.  But Kylo sees it a little differently.  “Her biggest issue is trust.”

 

“Trusting you?”

 

“Trusting anyone.”

 

“Yeah, I could see that,” the Second Knight decides. “That girl has come a long way fast. She’s definitely from the school of hard knocks. Isn’t Jakku mostly a junkyard and a criminal hangout?”

 

“Yes.”  Jakku is a shithole world if there ever was one.  Remote and nearly uninhabitable and too far from any hyperspace lanes to merit any real commerce.  Kylo would say it was a miracle that Rey survived there on her own all those years, but he knows better.  It was the Force.

 

Nestor, as usual, is free with his advice.  “You need to get her away from those terrorists.  They are a bad influence.”

 

“That’s not an option.”  Kylo wishes it were.

 

“Then maybe you should find another g—“

 

“No.”  That response comes out a bit forceful, and Nestor takes the hint. 

 

The Second Knight shifts gears now.  “You know, I like her.  She doesn’t seem to like me but I like her.”

 

“Yeah?  Why?” Kylo asks.

 

The big man shrugs.  “I like her earnestness.  She’s sort of grimly determined.  Intense.  It’s not hard to see how you two are alike.”

 

Kylo nods.  He has thought the same thing.

 

“What she’s doing is very brave, you know.”

 

“Especially since she doesn’t trust me.”

 

“What did Snoke think of her?” Nestor wants to know.  “I’ll bet he was surprised when she showed up.”

 

“He was.”   Kylo thinks a moment before he judges, “Snoke liked her.”  Rey would be chagrined to know it, but it’s true.  His old asshole Master had been impressed by Rey’s power and annoyed by her attitude.  Creepy old Snoke had pawed at Rey a bit, Kylo recalls.  Snoke was always weird about women.   Especially women with the Force.

 

Nestor raises an eyebrow.  “Snoke liked her but he was going to kill her?”

 

Kylo makes a face, remembering the moment.  “Actually, I was going to get that honor,” he divulges.

 

Nestor grunts.  “That sounds like him.  Remind me never to come between you and a girl, Ben.”  

 

There is a loud crash now as a large stone wall comes tumbling down at the construction site below.  It gets both men’s attention.  Focusing on the ongoing work a moment, Nestor warns, “When this demolition is done and you actually start to build, people are bound to guess what’s going on.”

 

Kylo brushes off this concern.  “We’ll tell everyone it’s my big palace.”

 

“It’s your big palace with a big Senate building directly adjacent to it.  When are you going to announce the Senate?”   

 

“It’s not a Senate.  It’s a legislature.  And it’s too soon.  Maybe in a year.   Everyone is still choking on that bill of rights from a few weeks ago.”

 

“So what’s next then, if it’s not the new legislature?”

 

“I’m abolishing slavery,” Kylo answers.

 

“I like it.  Who could be against that?   It’s mostly gone, anyway.  Right?”

 

“It’s legal on a handful of worlds in the Eastern Reaches of the Rim,” Kylo explains.   Then, he adds the punchline, “But I’m extending the ban to our stormtrooper program.  That’s being abolished as well.”

 

“Really?”  Nestor reacts the way Kylo is expecting everyone to react.  The Second Knight is shocked.  The stormtrooper program provides skilled human labor for everything from combat to low level administrative support positions.   The stormtrooper corps are an enormous asset to the First Order and a great source of pride.

 

“The First Order will not have slaves either,” Kylo decrees.  “We will abide by the same rules as everyone else.  Adult troopers will be offered the opportunity to voluntarily enlist.  If they decline, they can transition to civilian life.  The kids will have to complete the program.  There’s no other good solution for them.  It’s not practical to return them to their families at this point.”

 

Nestor looks askance at this plan. “Hux is going to lose his mind over this.  That program is his father’s contribution to the First Order.  Hux brags about it all the time.”

 

Kylo could care less.  “We’re moving on.  Hux can deal with it.”

 

“So, does this mean you are switching to clone troopers?” Nestor asks.  He’s serious.

 

“No.  We are going to have a volunteer army at all levels, not just the officers.”

 

“Even the Republic didn’t do that,” Nestor points out.

 

“The Empire did.  We are following in their tradition,” Kylo contends. 

 

That makes Nestor chuckle a bit.  “Hux can’t complain about that.”

 

“He will.  He always does.”   Hux is habitually grumpy and whiney.  And Nestor is right that Hux will be livid about abolishing the trooper program that his Imperial officer father created years ago.  The general will bear watching especially closely these days, Kylo thinks to himself.   

 

“Isn’t the Resistance general a former stormtrooper?” Nestor wonders aloud.  “General Finus or something like that?”

 

“General Finn.  His real name is FN-2187.”

 

“Was he a Death trooper?”

 

“He was a sanitation worker on the Starkiller who did a short stint in a regular combat unit on the _Finalizer_.”

 

“Really?  I’m impressed.”

 

Kylo would never admit to it, but he is too.  He is impressed and very, very envious of the traitor who Rey holds in such high esteem.  “FN-2187 wants to foster discontent among the troopers.  He fancies himself the leader of their revolution.”

 

Nestor slants a sly look Kylo’s direction as understanding dawns.  “So you’re going to beat him to the punch and liberate them all yourself?”

 

Kylo answers with his official explanation. “I’m giving them freedom to choose their own path.  They can serve the Empire as troopers or they can serve the Empire as civilian citizens.”

 

The Second Knight isn’t fooled.  “You’re betting the vast majority of them will stay.”

 

“Yes.  I have faith in the training model.  Hux Sr. knew what he was doing.”

 

Nestor laughs a little.  “Be sure to tell that to Hux Jr.”

 

“I intend to.  The troopers are programmed to follow orders.  Most are going to be relieved to stay.  I’m not sure that most troopers have the skills to thrive in civilian life.”

 

“So the Resistance won’t be the only ones to bring freedom to the galaxy,” Nestor summarizes.  “You’re not even planning to fight them, are you?  We could wipe the Resistance out in an afternoon but you’re not going to do it.”

 

“Not if I can make them irrelevant,” Kylo answers.  “The problem with fighting them is that more take up their cause.  So, this time I’m going to fight their cause and not their army.  I will defend against them, but not attack.”  Kylo shrugs.  “They are not a credible threat in any event.”

 

“So why did FN-2187 defect in the first place?” Nestor wants to know.  “Did he want to be free himself?”

 

“He didn’t want to participate in a raid on a Church of the Force village that was conspiring with the Resistance.”

 

“So instead, he decided to lead the Resistance and kill his fellow troopers?   Such scruples,” Nestor rolls his eyes.

 

Kylo smirks.  “There is very little consistency in war in the end.”

 

“You don’t want to martyr this FN-2187, is that it?” the Second Knight judges. 

 

“It’s worse than that.”   Kylo sighs and reveals the ugly truth.   “The traitor is in love with Rey.”

 

That earns a low whistle from Nestor Ren.  “Does the lovesick general know about you?”

 

“No.  But Rey’s already tried to dump me for him once already.”

 

“You’re kidding me.”  Nestor’s eyes narrow. “Ben, this is--“

 

“Ridiculous.  I know.”  He is Kylo Ren and he can take whatever he wants.  Except Rey.  He doesn’t want to take Rey.  He wants her to come willingly.  But that’s not happening yet. 

 

“So Snoke and the praetorians get between you and Rey and they get the sword.  But this enemy stormtrooper gets to live?”   Disapproval is written all over Nestor Ren’s face. 

 

“For now.   He’s what she thinks she wants,” Kylo awkwardly explains. 

 

“Fuck,” the Second Knight swears.  “This is a mess.  It puts a whole new gloss on what Rey is doing.”

 

“I know.”  Kylo reverts to official business now.  He doesn’t want to discuss his personal life further.  “What’s the latest on Takodano?”

 

Nestor takes the hint to shift topics.  “I gave that gig to Percy.  He hangs out there three days a week as our eyes and ears.”

 

“He’s cloaking his imprint, right?”

 

“Yes.  He’s as good as a Sith at hiding in the Force.  That Kanata lady has no idea who he is.”

 

“Good.  What else?”

 

“We have a new recruit.  From the trooper academy on Lothal.  A slave boy who was sold to us.”

 

“Slave boy?  How young?”

 

“Ten.  His midichlorian count is okay, not great.”

 

Kylo dismisses this.  “Train him and see what he can learn.  Midichlorians are only a measure of potential, they are not determinative,” he reminds Nestor. 

 

“Yes, Master.   But I don’t think he’s your new Apprentice.  He’ll end up a praetorian most likely.”

 

“I don’t want an Apprentice.”  Until a few months ago, he was the Apprentice himself.  And besides, Kylo has no idea what he would teach an Apprentice.  Dark or Light or something new?  Kylo has to figure out his new philosophy of the Force before he can teach it. 

 

Nestor frowns.  “Master, you must pass on what you have learned.  We don’t want to end up like the Sith.”

 

“We won’t.  But if anything happens to me, you’re in charge.”

 

“I’m older than you are,” the Second Knight points out.  “The Apprentice is supposed to be the next generation.”

 

“When the time is right, the Force will send me an Apprentice,” Kylo answers breezily. 

 

Nestor is mollified.  “We will trust in the Force then.  What’s going in over there?” the knight asks, pointing to a large pit where an old building has already been razed. 

 

“A new temple.”

 

“Good.”  Nestor nods approvingly.  “It’s long overdue.”  The knight looks around at the heart of beautiful, busy, status-driven Upper Level Coruscant.  “This has been a God-less world too long.  The only thing anyone here reveres is credits.”

 

It’s true.  Once Kylo gets his Empire up and running, he will return the Force to the public consciousness.  His Empire is too secular.  The Republic half of his galaxy views the Force as a hokey religion that is superfluous to modern life. They think they can decide for themselves what is truth.   They look to laws for their moral code.  Their faith is in the individual and they champion the ability to make choices.  These people would deny the cosmic Force entirely for it flies in the face of self-determination.   Respect for authority and a sense of purpose larger than the self are not big in the Republic. 

 

By contrast, the First Order half of his galaxy is deeply suspicious of the Force thanks to the Empire-toppling Jedi Luke Skywalker.  These people prefer to look to their leaders as examples to emulate.  For there’s nothing the First Order rank and file love more than pageantry and hero worship.  Truth is something they are told and do not question.  These people prize conformity and a shared sense of purpose.  They would deny the mysticism of the living Force that connects us all together, for ‘us versus them’ is how they confront life’s challenges.  Tolerance and empathy are not big in the First Order. 

 

In time, that will all end.  The galaxy may have lost its religion but its Emperor has not.  Kylo Ren fully intends to bring it back.  For God is not dead, despite all attempts to kill him.  The Force persists and endures through it all.  And one day, it will be revered and understood again. The Force is with him, Kylo knows.  And one day, it will be with his Empire too. 

 

Nestor’s comlink buzzes loudly.  He checks for the message.  “That’s her.  She’s here.  She just dropped into orbit.  Rey’s shuttle will be on the landing pad in ten. You coming?” the Second Knight asks as he heads for the waiting speeder. 

 

“No.  Drop me at my shuttle.  I have a meeting back at the ship.”

 

“You sure that can’t wait a few minutes?” Nestor prods.

 

“She doesn’t want to see me.” 

 

It’s true.  Arguing with Rey just gets him down.  Kylo realizes now what a huge mistake he made on the _Supremacy_.  His offer to Rey had been way too soon.  Even now that they are tentative arm’s length allies, she is not ready to accept.  In his excitement in the throne room, Kylo had missed entirely how hard it is for the abandoned orphan to commit.  He had underestimated her loner’s fear to trust.  That’s why his new tactic is patience.  The Force will bring Rey to his side in time . . . he hopes. 

 

Two hours later Kylo gets an urgent message from Nestor.  _She’s done and she’s asking for you.  What should I tell her?_

 

_I’ll be right there_.  Surprised Kylo abruptly exits his meeting and heads to present himself discretely just inside Rey’s shuttle.   He watches eagerly as she climbs up the ramp.

 

Rey is fresh from the holonet with her hair ironed shiny and straight.  Maybe it’s because she fears being identified with those holonet pictures, but Rey is very corporate-y looking these days.  The style is composed and deliberate.  Maybe a little severe.  Less pretty and more polished looking.  The overall effect of the heavy makeup and buttoned up boxy clothing puts years on Rey. That is probably intentional too.  Seeing her now, it’s easy to forget that Rey is only nineteen.  She looks his own age dressed like this.

 

Has she ever been girlish, he wonders.  Probably not.  Nothing about this girl’s life has ever been frivolous or carefree. She’s a lot like him in that respect.   Being a favorite of the Force means your life takes on outsize, extreme proportions.  But it is no guarantee of happiness.  Far from it, he thinks. 

 

Gathering his wits and hoping for the best, Kylo drawls, “Hello Rey.”

 

“You came.”   She sounds a little surprised and she looks greatly relieved.  Did she think he would not come?

 

“You asked to see me.”

 

“The Resistance wants to kill you,” Rey blurts out.  “And General Hux,” she adds as an afterthought. 

 

Yes, he knows.  She told him that before on Mustafar.  “We haven’t heard anything concrete.  Just talk.”

 

“The details are still evolving. They will be kept secret to the council.  Everyone else is on a need-to-know basis.  Finn and the others are very worried about spies,” she explains.

 

“When is this happening?”

 

“Soon.”   Rey’s words keep coming out in a nervous rush.  Clearly, this topic is stressing her out.  “They want to start with Hux.  He’s easier to get to and they think he is a softer target. And if they go for you first and fail, they worry security will tighten around the general.”

 

“They’re right.”

 

“They plan to ambush his shuttle.  Hux only flies with a small fighter escort.  We will emerge from hyperspace and pick off the TIEs while a few of us chase the shuttle and block his escape.”

 

“Us?”  Kylo raises an eyebrow.

 

Rey nods.  “They want me in an X-wing.  I’m one of the better pilots we have.”

 

Of course, she is.   She has the Force.  “Are you going to do it?”

 

“I don’t know.”  Rey runs a hand through her hair, messing up her camera-ready coif.  “I’m on the record opposing this assassination strategy.  Kylo, it could work.  Those new X-wings are faster than standard TIEs.  They are more than a match for a command shuttle like yours.”

 

He nods.  “It’s a good plan if you can find him. It all depends on intercepting Hux’s shuttle when it is too far from a capital ship that can fight back.”  Kyloe thinks a moment.  “I’ll get my guys to pass along his schedule and his flight plans.  You can choose the time and place.”

 

“Wait—what?  You’re helping us?” Rey nearly chokes. 

 

He nods.  “Killing Hux solves a problem for me.  It’s a win-win for us both.”

 

“But he’s your best general!”   Rey gives him a reproachful, indignant look.   And suddenly, she is a Hux apologist.  “You’re betraying your own guy!” Rey accuses hotly. 

 

“He was Snoke’s guy.  He would never have been my pick.  Hux has talents, but the war is over and he is less useful now.  Mostly, he is a liability these days.  He is a favorite of the hardliners.”  Kylo shrugs.  “Being martyred by the Resistance is probably how Hux would prefer to go out.   It saves him the indignity of being publicly fired and it saves me the political fallout.”  Army Hux dies a hero and Kylo gets to keep his hands clean. 

 

“This is why I don’t trust you!” Rey hisses back.  She is genuinely outraged on Hux’s behalf.  “You turn on everyone in the end!”

 

“My First Order is not Snoke’s First Order,” Kylo counters coolly.  “Save your sympathy for Starkiller Hux.  That guy has it coming. There are always winners and losers when you make peace.  Getting rid of Hux will help move things towards the middle.”

 

“No, it won’t,” Rey objects.  “It will only antagonize your extremists more!  You know that.   This assassination strategy is both cowardly and ineffective,” Rey rants and glares. 

 

“I will handle the fallout,” Kylo decides.  He might be able to cover this up and make it look like an accident as far as the general public is concerned.  “You should do the raid.  It will bolster your credibility among the rebels.  You are known to be a bit soft on us.”

 

“That’s the point!  I am trying to moderate things.  I thought you wanted that too.  I thought that was the whole point of why I am taking this risk.”   Rey shakes her head.  “Now, I’m not so sure.   I’m starting to think this is all a big mistake.”

 

“Moderation is still the goal,” Kylo confirms.  “But I can work with this.”   He wasn’t Snoke’s Apprentice for all those years without learning how to turn things to his advantage.

 

“And what about when they come for you after Hux?” Rey looks to Kylo.  Her face is troubled.  “What then?  Am I supposed to do that raid too?”

 

Seeing her confused and stricken expression, it occurs to Kylo that he is playing this all wrong.  Rey is worried for him and that’s a good sign.  But still, he can’t resist a little bravado.  He’s a guy, after all.  And so, he announces, “Bring it on. I’m a hard guy to kill.”

 

“Kylo, no!”   Rey moves towards him and then suddenly thinks better of it and halts.  She starts venting her reasons now.  “You’re the one who is supposed to find a way out of this cycle of civil war.  If you’re dead, the galaxy will fracture again!  There will be infighting in the Empire and with the Resistance.”

 

She’s right, of course.   This girl might not be educated but she is very strategic. Still, Kylo downplays her concern.  “Nestor Ren can hold it together,” he muses blithely.  “He’s a pretty moderate guy.”

 

“But you’re the one who is supposed to find balance! You are the Chosen One!”

 

That’s true too, and it's very gratifying to hear Rey say it out loud.  But Kylo brushes off this consequence as well.  “You could do it.  Or maybe the knights could do it.  I doubt there is anything special about me finding balance.  I think you just need the will to do it.  No one has ever set their mind to it before.”

 

“But Kylo—“  Rey takes another step forward. 

 

“Yes?” he prompts, smothering a smirk at her obvious distress.   He’s going to milk this for all he can.

 

Rey looks exasperated now.  Clearly, she thinks he is not taking the risk seriously enough.  “You are critical to all of this and do not pretend otherwise!” Rey contends.  “Don’t be flippant!  We need you.”

 

“We need?” Kylo plays coy. 

 

“Yes.”

 

“Well, what about you need?” he challenges. 

 

“I need?”  Rey blinks.  Now, she’s a little uncomfortable. She stiffens and retreats.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she huffs. 

 

He smirks. “You probably don’t.”

 

“And what precisely am I supposed to know?” Rey demands. 

 

“Come on,” he cajoles. “Have you heard nothing I have said?  We’re destiny, remember?   Are you afraid I’m going to die on you?”  Kylo raises an eyebrow.  “Rethinking that boring normal life with General Finn, are you?”

 

“Leave Finn out of this!”

 

“That’s kind of hard since he is the one plotting to kill me.”   Kylo smirks.  “Would you miss me, Rey?”

 

She bristles. “It’s not that.  I need a teacher.”

 

“Agreed.   What else do you need?”

 

“Peace.  You can bring peace.   You are the only person who can do that.  I see it now.  We can’t defeat the First Order but you have the power to transform it from within.”

 

He nods.  This is good.  Very good. Now, it’s time to close the deal.  Kylo looks Rey in the eye and asks quietly, “Does this mean you are ready to join me?”

 

She blinks at him.    Almost like she’s surprised he has asked. 

 

Kylo presses his case as he outstretches his hand.  “We want the same things.  You’re here now betraying the Resistance to me.  You know where your loyalties lie.  Stop pretending otherwise.”  

 

Rey frowns at him. “I’m here for peace.   Not for you.”

 

“It’s a package deal.   You said it yourself.  No me, no peace.”

 

“I’m not loyal to you.”  Rey shakes her head.

 

“You will learn to trust me,” he rasps, trying but failing to keep the frustration from his voice.  Because what the Hell else does this girl need to know to join his cause?  Rey frustrates him.  Kylo doesn’t understand someone who doesn’t know what they want.  He’s never had trouble committing to things or to people, even though they always let him down.  That’s his problem, really.  He is a bit of a glutton for emotional punishment.  Rey is just the latest in a long line that started with his family and led to Snoke and now to her.  One and all, they would not or could not be the people he wanted them to be.  He worries that will be the case with Rey too.

 

Rey swallows and purses her lips. “Look, I said that I didn’t want you dead.   That’s not the same as wanting to join your cause.”

 

“This is about Finn, isn't it?” he accuses.

 

Rey lifts her chin.  “This is about me.”

 

Bullshit.  She’s still holding on to a mix of guilt and gratitude to her traitor.  “He’s going to ask you to be the one to kill me.  You know that, right?”

 

“He won’t.  He knows how I feel about assassinations,” Rey contends.

 

She’s deluding herself.  “Search your feelings.  You know it to be true.”  It’s the obvious play. “General Finn knows you fought me on the Starkiller and won.   Who better to kill me than you?”

 

Rey looks very uncomfortable now. 

 

“One of these days, you are going to have to choose.  Maybe sooner than you think.”

 

Rey nods slowly. “I know.”  She looks miserable now. 

 

This is the point when he should take Rey in his arms and kiss her senseless as he demands she choose him.  He should convince her to abandon the Resistance and return with him now to his ship.  But those tactics backfired on Kylo once before.  He was the one who ended up hurt.  He’s a little gun shy now as a result.  And so, Kylo resolutely maintains his low-pressure strategy to wait.  He will trust in the Force.  In time, Rey will sour on the traitor and his cause.   She’s already done so, she’s just not willing to admit it to herself. 

 

In fits and starts, Rey is coming to embrace his vision of the future, just not her role in it yet.  So far, it’s two steps forward, one step back with this girl.  She’s so hesitant, so tentative.  It tells Kylo how truly lost she is.   Rey did not survive Jakku by being this indecisive.  Far from it, actually.  In her memories of Jakku, scavenger Rey was fierce.

 

Kylo holds out his hand again.  “My offer still stands.  It’s an open offer and it’s negotiable.  You can join me and dictate your terms.”

 

Rey understands his meaning perfectly.  She looks away and complains, “I told you that I’m not interested in a relationship right now.”

 

“I remember,” he gripes.  He forces himself to say the words:  “We can keep things strictly professional, if you like.”

 

Her eyes fly to his and Rey colors to the roots of her hair.  Is she remembering that night on the _Finalizer_ too?  “I should be leaving . . .”  She’s antsy now and ready to go. 

 

“Not yet.  First, you must learn something.” Kylo neglected to teach Rey anything the last time they met.  It’s an oversight he plans to correct.  This girl is playing a dangerous game and she needs a few Force tricks handy in case things get ugly back on Dantooine. 

 

“Lesson three, freezing people in the Force.  Did you practice freezing blaster bolts?  It’s basically the same concept.  Arrest your subject with your mind, my Padawan.”

 

“I’m not your—“

 

Kylo freezes her in place and Rey never completes the thought.

 

“There, you see?   It’s quite easy.  And it is harmless.  It’s a convenient defensive measure for when you want to avoid deadly force.  But once your subject is frozen they are very easy to kill.” 

 

Kylo steps forward to look Rey over a moment, enjoying the temporary power he has over her.  Rey is beautiful frozen in the Force with her head slightly upturned as if for a kiss.  In reality, she had been about to tell him off, but a guy can pretend.  Her lips are slightly parted and her body trembles as she resists his trick.   Kylo can’t help it.  He stares, memorizing her.  Later tonight he will remember this pose.  He will fantasize over all the possibilities it presents.   Over all the liberties he could take right now but won’t.  He needs her to trust him, after all. 

 

Rey is the ghost in the sheets with him each night.  The phantom lover Kylo had for one night and can’t forget.  He has replayed that evening again and again in his mind.   Sorry, not sorry even as he regrets rushing her.  Rey’s morning after disappearance had set them on a path to more conflict, not less.  Then his tantrum to humiliate her before his men had erased all the goodwill he had built up to that point.  He had been unbalanced and unthinking at the time.  Consumed in Darkness and hurt.  It was a mistake.  Their detente on Mustafar has improved things.   And now, Kylo is resolved that he will no longer rush destiny and risk ruining it all.  Rey’s overture today tells him this new strategy is working.   It’s just slower than he would like.

 

Wide-eyed, frozen Rey now starts to growl in the back of her throat from her efforts.  She’s resisting hard.  But she’s doing it all wrong.

 

“Shhhh.  Don’t fight it with your body.  Fight it with your mind,” he counsels.  “Yes.   Good.  And there, look—you are free.”

 

“I hate that feeling!” she lashes out as she shakes her arms and legs.  Rey is testing to be sure they are back under her control.

 

“Of course, you do,” he nods.  “Everyone wants to be free.”  Especially this scavenger who roamed the desert alone.  “Practice this skill too.  Use it on General Finn when you get back to the base.  He won’t mind.”

 

“You—”

 

“May the Force be with you,” Kylo overrides her.  He’s still standing close, so he steps forward to reach for her face.  He drops a peck on her brow.  He can’t resist the urge to touch Rey, but he keeps it chaste.  “Trust in the Force,” he whispers as he pulls back.  “If you cannot trust me, then trust in the Force.”  Then, he takes his leave.  He’ll quit while he’s ahead today.


	31. Chapter 31

“No!”

 

Finn scowls and leans across the table to hiss, “Will you keep your voice down?  This mission is need-to-know, remember?”

 

Finn is right.  Her voice had carried.  Rey glances around the room and cringes.  Everyone is looking at them.  But it’s more than just curious glances.  Suddenly, she feels like she’s being watched.  Rey’s Force heightened senses are now on alert. 

 

She lowers her voice but she doesn’t back down.  “I told you no.  I told the council no.  The answer is no.”

 

Rey had this conversation already in the council meeting in stilted sentences and terse, pointed language.  She had been confronted before the group, who all knew Rey opposed the Hux mission on principle.  They acknowledged that fact before reminding her that the council had already approved the mission by sufficient majority.  Then, they had the gall to ask her to lead it.   There Rey was on the hot seat, ganged up on, as they all looked at her expectantly.  She balked.  Rey made all the same arguments she had before, but the truth is that the biggest reason she didn’t go for it is because this mission just doesn’t feel right.  And long before she had the Force, Rey learned to trust her gut. 

 

Her refusal had not gone over well.  That must be why Finn is reopening the issue now.   But having her friend approach her on behalf of the council makes Rey feel ganged up on in a whole new way.   She glares across the table at Finn, resenting his insistence.

 

General Finn abruptly stands.  “Let’s have this discussion someplace other than the mess hall.   Come on.”

 

“I’m still eating,” Rey protests.  She deliberately takes another bite and chews, looking up at Finn looming over her from across the table.  “You were the one who brought it up.  Besides,” she adds, “there’s nothing to discuss.”

 

Finn is annoyed.  He makes a face and presses his case as he retakes his seat.  “We need you!  No one flies like you do.  The rest of our pilots flew taxicab speeders and shipping transports.  Evading traffic on Coruscant and hauling cargo are not the same as dogfighting TIEs.   You know that.“

 

Rey is firm.  “My focus is on negotiating reforms we can live with.  Not combat.”

 

“Since when?” he challenges. “That political stuff on the holonet is nice but it’s not why we’re here.”

 

It’s the wrong thing to say.  Rey isn’t keen on hearing all her hard work dissed.  She levels her friend an indignant look.  “I’m making far more progress than you are.”

 

“That’s my point.  You matter!  We need you for combat. This is our chance to do something big.  Real big.   Rey, you in one of those new X-wings would be lethal.   There’s no way he will escape.”

 

“How do you know that intel is even legit?” Rey complains, knowing full well that the intel on Hux is very legit.  “This could be a trap to take out an entire squadron,” she posits. 

 

“This source is reliable,” Finn counters. “She’s the same contact who passed us intel on that supply convoy we intercepted last week.”

 

“Which could have been a ploy to gain our confidence,” Rey points out.

 

“If that were true, the Empire could have taken out a squadron right then, if they wanted.  Why would they wait to lay a second trap?”  Finn shakes his head at Rey and chides, “That logic doesn’t hold together and you know it.”

 

Rey now repeats what she told her friend earlier.  “The Jedi are not assassins.  I’m not doing this mission.”

 

“But this is Hux!”  Finn’s consternation is visible.   Though his voice is hushed, his demeanor is intense.  Anyone watching their body language from afar surely can see that they are having an argument.  Rey glances around again.  Out of the corner of her eye, she sees two men edging closer to take seats nearby.   Rey tends to keep to herself on base, so there are many volunteers here she does not know, these two included.   Maybe it’s a premonition in the Force, but Rey can’t help but wonder if these are First Order spies who are here in part to protect her.  One ostensibly carries a tray of food but the other has his hand very close to his holstered blaster. 

 

“Hux is a war criminal.  He killed billions on Hosnia,” Finn reminds her.

 

“Yes, and killing him won’t bring any of those people back,” she retorts.  “This won’t help anything, can’t you see?  And it might make things worse.   How we choose to fight matters as much as why we fight,” Rey says hotly. 

 

“Keep your voice down!” Finn hisses again.  Then, he gives her a skeptical look.  “Since when does the girl from Jakku who worked for smugglers have so many scruples?  Because I know that you have gotten your hands dirty a time or two.  You understand things like this.  Don’t pretend otherwise.”

 

It’s a fair point.  Rey takes a deep breath and tells the truth.  She has thought a lot about this issue and she’s not backing down.  “I’m not that girl any more.  I have choices now.”  She didn’t have the luxury of principles before on Jakku, but she does now.  “I am choosing to sit this mission out.”  Rey has done plenty of soul searching and she’s a bit indignant about everyone’s reaction to her decision.  It’s not like it should come as a surprise.   She has been consistent in her opposition all along.

 

And this isn’t about the merits of General Hux.  Rey has met Hux on several occasions.  She is not a fan.  But Rey resents being guilted by the rebels and manipulated by Kylo.   Killing the general just seems like the wrong solution.  Rey wants to get to a place where violence is not the default means for change.  If the galaxy is ever going to crawl its way out of the cycle of civil war, there needs to be a way to lose a political argument or lose a high-profile job or exit the public sphere without dying as a result.  There needs to be a mechanism to transfer power and administer change that doesn’t come from war.  Rey grew up on a lawless, violent world where she settled more scores with her staff than she cares to admit.  It worries her that the galaxy at large seems to be becoming a version of Jakku.   That’s not progress in her mind. 

 

Rey has been a fighter her whole life.  She knows that some things are worth fighting for, that some fights are unavoidable, and that sometimes you have to pick a fight in order to deter other fights.  But fighting needs a reason and a strategy, not a hope and a prayer.  Ironically, it is Rey’s background of violence that has taught her to strive for other solutions where possible.   Fighting can solve some problems but it inevitably creates others.  It’s rarely the preferred solution.  Rey might have bought into the romantic ideals of the Jedi but the girl who grew up scavenging in thirty-year-old battle wreckage has a healthy skepticism for war.  She suspects the galaxy at large agrees with her.  The people of Kylo’s new Empire might be disgruntled but they have little appetite for more war. 

 

Hux deserves a trial for Hosnia, not an assassination, Rey had argued to the rebel council.  Hux ought to get the benefit of the same civil rights as the rest of us.  No one had listened and quite a few had rolled their eyes.  But they had let her speak her mind, to their credit.  And then, they had dispatched Finn to reopen the issue in private with her. 

 

“Look, Finn, you want to know something I learned on Jakku?  I learned to pick my battles.   This is the wrong one for us to pick for strategic reasons.  And it’s the wrong one for me to pick for personal reasons.   The Jedi fought for peace.  They were not assassins.”

 

“You’re being stubborn!” he accuses.  “Hux is a legitimate military target.   We can’t go head to head with the First Order on the battlefield. You know that.  These are the only tactics we have left.”

 

“Then maybe we should accept that we have lost the war.”

 

Finn blinks at this plain speaking.  “No.  It’s not over.  The war has just begun,” he vows.  “I have hope.  Others have hope.  Only you seem to doubt.  And you’re our Jedi, Rey.”  He’s genuinely confused by her views.

 

Rey’s lips harden into a firm line.  Her Force power does not make her a Resistance political prop in her view.  “Careful, Finn, or we will lose our ideals to achieve our objectives--like the Old Republic did fighting the Separatists years ago.”

 

“What does it matter how we fight if we win in the end?” he counters.

 

“That’s the same sort of reasoning that the First Order used to justify blowing up Hosnia.  It’s a slippery slope!  When our ends justify our means, how are we any different than the First Order?”

 

General Finn resents the comparison.  “We are different!” he growls.  He’s indignant.  “We are doing this for the right reasons—“

 

“The First Order thinks the same thing, you know.”

 

“We are outnumbered and outgunned and we are fighting a ruthless enemy.  We need to be ruthless too.  Once we win, things will change,” he promises.  And while Rey understands his sentiment, she is wary of it too. For the road to Hell has long been paved with good intentions. 

 

“Yeah?  What if Kylo Ren thinks the same way?” she challenges.  “What if he’s not planning to rule as ruthlessly as he fought the war?   What if it’s true that Kylo Ren’s Empire is not the same as Snoke’s First Order?”

 

“What??”  Finn makes a face and condescends.  “Rey, you have to stop falling for that First Order propaganda.  Don't be so gullible. They announce things they will never follow through on.  Those civil rights they promise will only be respected if their judges permit it.  I’ll believe that when I see it.  And shutting down the trooper program is just cost saving.  They think the war is over and they need fewer troops.  I noticed that they are still keeping all the trooper kids currently in the pipeline.  That’s pretty telling, don’t you think?”

 

“You are determined to believe the worst of them, aren’t you?” Rey complains.  And that’s perhaps not a fair comment since Rey herself mistrusts Kylo.  But she says it anyway.  These days, her life is full of doublespeak. 

 

“These are the guys who killed everyone we know.  Never forget that!” Finn hollers.  His voice has risen again with his fervency. “Ren is a monster who will stop at nothing.   So, yeah, we need to fight any way we can.  This is war!”  Finn literally pounds the table with his fist as he says this.

 

“No.” Rey’s rebuttal is calm and composed.  “This is pointless revenge at best.  But mostly this looks like terrorism to me.  You and the rest do what you feel is right.  I respect that we have a difference of opinion.  But count me out.”

 

“But we need you—“

 

“Not enough to listen to what I have to say,” she retorts.  “You have become the very thing you swore to destroy!  You don’t see it.  But I do.  And it scares me, Finn.” Rey’s voice cracks a little as she says this.  Truthfully, her commitment to the Resistance is a very emotional topic for Rey.  Full of as much guilt and confusion as it is conviction.  Plus, it’s hard to say no to someone you care about, especially when you know it will hurt them.  Rey doesn’t want to let anyone down.  But she has to be true to herself.  This would all make a lot more sense to Finn if Rey could explain Kylo’s view of the Force and his plans for the future.  But she doesn’t dare risk it. 

 

“Hey, don’t be like that—“  Finn sees her eyes fill with tears as Rey abruptly stands.  She’s not hungry any longer. 

 

“It scares me!  I’m not sure I belong here anymore,” Rey confesses, looking away. 

 

“Don’t talk like that—“

 

“It’s true!   It’s more than just this mission.”  Rey is miserable as she lays bare the conflict that has been brewing since she first met Rose and Finn on Jakku. 

 

“Look, I want to make things better.  And I am willing to go along with the First Order if necessary to do so.  For me, some change is better than no change at all.  But I don’t think you or the rest of the council believe that.  You want to stand on principle and to fight until the end, but I want to compromise and to stop fighting.  You talk about revolution and I want reform.”  Rey shakes her head with true regret.  “Finn, I think we have different goals.  I think we want different things in life.”  

 

He is nonplussed. “The Rebellion had its share of dissenting opinions too, but in the end they came together and look what they accomplished.”

 

“Finn, these days, you're more Saul Guerrera than Mon Mothma,” Rey vents.  And though it is sincerely said, it comes out a bit harsh.  Finn blinks.

 

“Would you do the mission for Ren?” he challenges, clueless of what he is really asking of her.

 

“What?” Rey stalls, pretending to misunderstand.

 

“If this target were Ren instead of Hux, would you do it?” Finn persists.

 

Her eyes widen.  Instantly, Rey thinks of Kylo’s warning that the rebels will next be asking her to kill him.  Is that where this is heading?

 

“If this were Ren, would you do it?” Finn demands.

 

“No!” Rey replies reflexively.  Then, she hastens to add, “It’s the same issue.”

 

“But you watched Ren kill Han Solo!  You fought him yourself after he captured and interrogated you.”

 

“It’s the same issue,” Rey digs in. “Killing the Emperor will set back our cause, not further it.  Finn, the next guy who takes his place might be far worse.  And besides, it’s still an assassination.   Get that through your head,” she snarls.  “I don’t do assassinations!”

 

She starts to walk away.

 

“Wait—”  Finn chases her down to grab at her arm.  “Where are you going?”

 

Rey whirls.  “It looks like I am going nowhere.  I need some space.  I’m leaving for Coruscant tonight and I have some work to do first.” 

 

“But what do I tell the council?”

 

“Tell them I said no.” Rey makes to leave again. 

 

“Don’t walk away!” Finn calls after her.  “We’re not done yet.  Don’t walk away--"

 

Rey half turns, wondering a moment whether Finn is talking about her walking away from the argument, walking away from the Resistance, or walking away from him and the future he wants for them together.  Because right now, Rey feels ready to flee it all. 

 

Fight or flight is an instinctive response and Rey of Jakku has been known to run from conflict before.  On Jakku, she ran from physical altercations.  But now, she tends to flee from emotional drama.  She fled after the unsettling vision when she touched the lightsaber on Takodano.  She fled the disappointing Luke Skywalker on Ahch-To.  She fled Kylo the morning after on the _Finalizer_.  And now, she wants nothing more than to flee Finn and the Resistance.   To leave her confusion and problems behind.  Suddenly the Dantooine base full of people feels stifling to the loner girl who roamed the empty desert for years. 

 

Rey picks up her pace.

 

“Rey, wait!”   That’s a tone that she has never heard before from Finn.  It stops Rey in her tracks. 

 

Finn closes the distance between them fast but behind him Rey notices those two men from the mess hall following.  Yes, those are definitely Kylo’s men.  One meets her eyes and nods. 

 

Finn is oblivious. “What did you mean when you said you think we want different things?   What are you trying to say?”

 

“I don’t know,” Rey groans.  She has no wish to continue this conversation any further.  “Just stop pressuring me, okay?  Back off!”

 

“This is just about the mission, right?”

 

“Yeah, sure.  Look, I need some space.”

 

“Alright,” Finn relents.  “Listen, I’ll be here when you get back.”  

 

“Yeah, okay.” 

 

Finn looks as troubled as Rey feels right now.   He’s suddenly awkward as he tells her, “Take care of yourself.”

 

She looks away and mumbles, “Yeah . . . you too.”

 

Two hours later, Rey has her stuff together and her datapad under her arm as she heads alone for the pokey shuttle she flies to and from Coruscant.  The rebel fleet now has a few other small transports she could use, but Rey prefers to fly the stolen First Order shuttle that attracts minimal attention when she hails the _Finalizer_ and descends to the landing platform for the state-sponsored holonet channel.  

This ship blends in and meets expectations.  No one is curious about who is onboard.

 

Rey is dragging over a fuel hose to top off shuttle’s tanks before takeoff when a man appears at her side.  “Let me help you with that,” he offers. Rey recognizes him as one of the two men watching her in the mess hall earlier. 

 

She says nothing.  She just watches silently as the man hefts the heavy hose and hooks it up. 

 

“Going to Coruscant for the holonet shows?” he asks casually. 

 

“Yes,” Rey answers simply. 

 

“How come you never take any of your helpers with you?”

 

“This is dangerous,” Rey replies.  “One of these days, I’m going to say too much and I will get arrested live on-air on the holonet.”  She thinks a moment.  “Actually, I’ll be lucky if I just get arrested.  Treason carries a death sentence.”

 

The man nods.  “Not for you, my lady.  He’ll just send you into exile again.”

 

Rey looks at the man coolly and says nothing. 

 

“All set,” he announces as he detaches the hose.  “You’ve got a full tank.  Here,” he slips Rey a datafile.  “Your brother says hello.”

 

Rey waits until she’s safely in hyperspace before she opens the datafile.  It doesn’t contain a hologram video message like the last message Kylo sent.   This message is far more discrete.  There are no names and no pictures to connect it to the First Order.  The text is deliberately vague.  _Meet me at the castle_ , it reads.  _It’s my birthday_. Then it gives a date four days from now.  

 

Rey pauses.  Wondering.  Is now the time to choose between the rebels and the Empire?   Between a righteous war and an imperfect, but maybe livable peace?  And, like it or not, between Finn and Kylo?  Staring long and hard at the message, Rey decides to let herself cool down before she decides.  Because right now, she is raring to throw herself headfirst into Kylo’s cause and maybe even Kylo’s arms. 

 

She flies two days to Coruscant for her regularly scheduled holonet appearance.  Then she lifts off and circles the planet in orbit a few times.  She’s deciding.  But all the while, Rey knows that she is only delaying the inevitable.  She was always going to go to Vader’s Castle.  She will talk to Kylo and decide what to do next.  Feeling conflicted as ever, Rey sets course for Mustafar.   To the one person who knows all of her secrets and all of her lies.  And hopefully, some solutions too.


	32. Chapter 32

Mustafar feels just as murky and Dark as Rey remembers.  It’s like a haze of sadness descends on her mind as the shuttle lowers to the landing pad.  It’s hard to describe the mental feel of this volcanic world. It is not pulsating with rage, more like profoundly depressed.  It’s like failure combined with hopelessness and resignation.  Like wisdom earned the hard way and learned too late.  Rey gathers her wits about her.  It takes effort, for the existential dread of this place is something to behold.   If there is a place in the universe that is the opposite of Ahch-To, this is it.

 

No one else is here this time.   Kylo’s handsome black command shuttle is the only other craft parked at the castle.   That’s a bit of surprise.  But maybe everyone else came with him from the _Finalizer_ , Rey supposes.  Who does Emperor Ren invite to his birthday party?  Maybe his knights?  Some officers?  Does Kylo even have friends?  Rey wonders as she remembers him alone on the night of his de facto coronation.  And how exactly is Kylo planning to explain her appearance?  She’s the enemy spokeswoman, after all.

 

Rey is expected.   That old wraith of a man Vanee greets her by bowing low over his cane.  “Welcome, Lady Rey,” he intones with a solemnity that surprises her.  Now, she has a bad feeling about this party.  Whatever is afoot, it doesn’t seem fun.

 

“Is anyone else here?” she asks, looking about and seeing only guards. “Just him,” the caretaker answers. Rey’s eyes widen.  So this isn’t a birthday party after all.  Unless it’s a private party for two.  But given Vanee’s especially grave demeanor, Rey doesn't think she will be joining a celebration.  It’s more like she’s arrived for a wake.   Together they process at an inching gait to the castle entrance.  This time, Vanee doesn’t object to her keeping the saber clipped to her waist.  Only once Vanee ushers her past the two praetorians flanking the gate does he speak again.   “I’m glad you came,” the grandfatherly old man pats at her supporting arm.  “Maybe you can help.”

 

Help?  Yes, this is definitely not a party.  Rey is a little afraid now to ask what’s wrong.  “Where is he?”

 

“Trying to forget his burdens.  This way, please.”  

 

Old Vanee conducts her deep into the castle into what are clearly private areas.  Everything appears very luxurious, if a bit spare.  This castle has none of the lavish splendor of Snoke’s red and gold throne room. And that seems fitting since the castle’s original Sith Master would have cared more for power than for possessions. 

 

Rey had been expecting to arrive to a happy occasion with other people.  But instead, she finds Kylo alone.  He is facing away as she and Vanee enter a large living room.  Kylo stands still.  A tall, dark silhouette against one of the many panoramic windows that overlook the boiling hellscape of Mustafar.   

 

Rey wrinkles her nose as she recognizes the distinctive cloying smell that wafts in the room.  She turns to old Vanee and raises her eyebrows in a silent question.  Vanee responds with a disapproving look followed by a slight ‘what can you do?’ shrug.  

 

“The Lady Rey has arrived, my Master.”  Vanee is formal, as is his custom.  Even with the Emperor’s back turned, the ancient servant slowly bows low.

 

Kylo doesn’t turn.  “Thank you, Vanee.  You are dismissed.”

 

“Yes, Master.”   The castle caretaker shoots Rey a sympathetic look and whispers, “Stay with him.  Anniversaries are hard for him.”   Then, the old man departs.  

 

Kylo still doesn’t turn.  He just lifts an ungloved hand to his lips and takes a long drag on his cigarette.  Then he blows a cloud of smoke.  “I wondered if that was you.  I thought maybe I was too stoned and hallucinating you in the Force.”

 

“You smoke spice.”  It’s a statement, not a question.  Rey’s tone is laced with reproach.  

 

If Kylo notices, he doesn’t let on.  “Not often,” he replies, still staring out the window.  He looks both fascinated and zoned out. “Once, maybe twice a year. It’s not a habit.”

 

“I could be a habit.  That stuff is very addictive no matter what they say,” Rey observes.  “It will rot your brain and ruin—“

 

“I know.”   Kylo takes another long drag.  

 

“I saw a lot of spice on Jakku,” she informs him.  “You shouldn’t touch that stuff.”

 

“It helps to relax me,” he says as she approaches.  “You’re not the only one feeling pressured these days.”  He holds out the spice joint to her in a silent offer.  Rey accepts it, tosses it to the floor, and grinds it out with the toe of her boot.  

 

He frowns.  “I just lit that.  It was my last one.”

 

“Good.  How many have you smoked?”

 

“That was my third.  I think.”

 

Wow, that’s a lot.  “All spice does is line the pockets of the Pikes and prey on the unfortunate,” Rey announces, sounding very much the Jedi.  

 

“Yes,” he agrees.  And damn, Kylo looks very high.  Miserable too.  Looking at him, Rey wonders why she is here.  She doesn’t want to see this.

 

“Well, er . . . happy birthday,” she offers lamely.

 

His reply is a bit delayed.  “Yeah . . . thanks.”

 

She asks him plainly now.  Rey’s default social demeanor is direct.  “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“It’s not nothing.”

 

“Everything, then?  Well, just the usual stuff,” he amends.  “You know, the galaxy and the Force . . .”  His voice trails off because that apparently sums it up.  He’s the Emperor now and every responsibility is his.

 

Looking at him now, Rey wonders about the kid who woke to his uncle’s Dark rampage.  What had Ben Solo been like as a young man?  Who was he before Luke and before Snoke?  Before he became a man in a mask with the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders and the blood of billions on his hands?   Rey knows Kylo never set out to become this, but here he is all the same.

 

“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” Kylo says quietly.  And to her ears, it sounds as if he is trying to convince himself. 

 

That hopeful tone makes compassion well up in her.  Rey reaches to take his hand.  They stand there together looking out at the cracking and popping lava river scene.  “It will be alright,” Rey tells Kylo what she told herself over and over again in bleak moments on Jakku.  “It will be alright.  You’ll get through it.”  Frowning now at the Mustafar landscape, Rey adds, “It’s this place.  It would get anyone down.”  

 

“No, it’s not.   It’s this date.  My birthday always gets me down.”

 

She squeezes his hand.  “Does it get you down to grow older?  Did you find any wrinkles today?” she teases, hoping to lighten the mood.  

 

“I’m thirty-one,” he replies dryly.  “That’s not old.” 

 

“Then what’s wrong?  Tell me.”  

 

“I hate my birthday.”

 

“Yeah?  Why?”

 

“It was my birthday the day that Luke snapped.  It sort of overshadows things.”

 

“Oh.”  Ooooh.  Now, it’s beginning to make sense.

 

“That was the day I lost control over my life.  Nothing was ever the same after that.”  Kylo draws in a ragged breath and runs a hand through his messy hair.  He looks a little crazed.  Wild and loose.  More mad scientist than conquering warrior just now.  And even super stoned, this guy manages to be intense.

 

“I’m sorry,” Rey offers.   That sentiment seems woefully inadequate.  But it’s sincere.  And remembering the fateful day when she found a droid in the desert, Rey can kind of relate.  

 

“What did Nestor tell you?”

 

“Not much.  Just that Luke killed the women and girls in their sleep and then came for the rest.  But you woke up and fought him so the others could escape.”

 

Kylo nods.  “That’s basically it.   Did Nestor tell you his sister was among the dead?”

 

“No. He didn’t.  That’s awful.”

 

“It’s why he reacted the way he did when he saw you light Luke’s sword.”  Kylo reminisces a bit now.  “I had such a crush on that girl.  Ramona died but Nestor survived.”

 

“Thanks to you.”

 

Kylo shakes his head no.  “Not really.”  Does he want to talk about this?  Rey isn’t sure, but probably so since Kylo keeps speaking.  She doesn’t want to press him, but people say talking things out is supposed to help.  Rey doesn’t know—she’s never tried it much herself. 

 

“I didn’t know what I was doing,” he confides.  “I was desperate.  I just wanted to live. I wasn’t a hero, Rey.  I was saving myself more than I was saving the rest.  It was survival not bravery, the way I remember it.”

 

Does that motivation make him any less a hero?  Rey isn’t sure.  But she can relate.  “That’s how it was for me in the woods on the Starkiller,” Rey recalls.  “I wasn’t even thinking, I was just swinging at you.”

 

“That’s what it feels like when you let the Force flow through you to control your actions.  You are merely the conduit then.  I’ll never forget the look on my uncle’s face.  Luke was shocked.  I don’t think he thought I had it in me.  I was a terrible Jedi student.”  Kylo smirks and for a moment seems more like his usual self.  He shrugs.  “I’m a late bloomer, I guess.”

 

“You’re thirty-one and you rule the galaxy,” Rey points out.

 

“Vader did it in his twenties.”

 

“He had Sidious to help.”

 

“I had Snoke.”

 

“How did you find Snoke?” Rey asks.  She’s always wondered this.  

 

“Snoke found me.  He used to like to project himself in the Force.  I thought he was a ghost for a bit.  He would show up now and then when I was alone.  Mostly, he encouraged me.  He was very critical of my uncle for reasons I better understand now.”

 

“What did Snoke tell you?” Rey wants to know.

 

“To ignore most of my training. I was doing that anyway at the time.”

 

“Did Luke know?”

 

“He found out one day.   He saw me talking to Snoke in the Force like he caught you and I talking when we touched hands.”

 

“Did Luke blow up a hut?” Rey jokes. 

 

Kylo doesn’t laugh.  “No.  It was weird.  I got the impression they knew each other although my uncle denied it at the time.  Luke mostly stood there while Snoke berated his teaching and blamed him for Vader’s death.  It didn’t go over well.”

 

“I can imagine.”

 

“Luke thought I was being tempted by the Dark Side of the Force.”

 

“Weren’t you?”

 

“I suppose, in a way.  Snoke wanted me to learn the Dark and the Light.  As a Chosen One, he wanted me to use both sides of the Force.   Since there was no one left to teach me Darkness, he stepped up.   Snoke had been waiting for me for years by then.  He used to say he was watching over me from afar.”

 

“I can easily see Snoke as a predator,” Rey decides.

 

Kylo disagrees.  “It wasn’t like that.  For the most part, Snoke helped.  Luke knew I was talking to him but either he didn’t care or he couldn’t stop it.  Snoke was one of those open secrets no one talks about.  Looking back, it doesn’t make a lot of sense.  But my parents and Luke knew about him for sure.”

 

“Your knight said you all fled to Snoke for protection after Luke er . . .”

 

“Killed everyone else?  Yes.  When we showed up, Snoke did what he always does.   The big show of dominance to read your memories.  He did the same to you in the throne room.”

 

“I recall.”  Rey makes a face.  That had been excruciating.  Just thinking about it makes her shudder.

 

“Snoke took us all on as students and I was the Apprentice.  Suddenly, I had a new name and a new Master.  And I was the bad guy to everyone in my former life.  I gave everything I had to the Dark Side in that moment.  The rest is history, I guess,” Kylo finishes glumly.

 

“How long ago was this?”

 

“Eleven years.  I was about your age.  Nestor was twenty-four.  Percy was the youngest at eight.  That kid knelt to pledge to Snoke with a sword in one hand and the stuffed bear he slept with in the other.   He was terrified.  We all were.”  

 

“So you all went to the Dark Side just like that?”  Rey blinks at the abruptness.

 

“We didn’t think we had any other choice,” Kylo admits.  “It felt right, too.  What I did at the temple that night . . . I didn’t know how to do any of that.  It was the Force taking over. Working through me to save us all.  The Force was with me that night.  I have trusted in the Force ever since.”  Stoned, oddly talkative Kylo looks down and stares deeply into her eyes.  He whispers softly, “Don’t fight the Force, Rey.  Let it help you.  Trust in the Force.”

 

He’s got that look in his eye that Rey remembers from the _Finalizer_.  That look that means he’s about to kiss her.  Kylo reaches for her and Rey shies away.  “Kylo, don’t—“

 

“Ben.  My name is Ben,” he corrects.  “I am Ben Skywalker Organa Solo.  Ren is a title.  Kylo is an alias.  Call me Ben,” he commands, ironically sounding very Kylo Ren in the moment.

 

Rey nods.  “Ben—“

 

“I am a Skywalker.   I am named for the Jedi who tried to kill my Sith grandfather and led my uncle astray.   Everything about me—my name, my family, my Force—bears witness to the conflicts that have shaped the galaxy long before me.  Rey, it ends now.  I want peace.  Far more than you will ever know.   Peace in the Force and peace in the galaxy.   Peace for us too.”  He grabs for her now and this time he succeeds.  “I wish you could believe that,” he rasps, as he shakes her a little emphatically.  “I want you to trust me.”

 

“Ben, let go.“   She squirms at the intensity of his gaze and the firmness of his grip.  Rey didn’t come here to get manhandled.  “Let me go.”

 

“There is much fear in you.  I know.  It’s the same for me.  I have tried on different creeds and none seem to fit.  And now, I’m just making it up as I go along.  A little Jedi, a little Sith, a little Luke, a little Snoke, a little me thrown in too.  You think you’re winging it?  Well, I’m winging it too.  I’m the Emperor of the galaxy and the Master of the Force and I don’t know what I’m doing.   I’m afraid too.”

 

It's a rather startling confession of insecurity.   Rey blinks.  Ben has her attention now.

 

“Do you remember what you saw in my mind on the Starkiller—that I was afraid I would never be as strong as Darth Vader?  You were almost right.  It’s more that I’m afraid that I will be Darth Vader all over again.  That I will rule an Empire that will fall.  That I will never get to balance the Force.  That I will live my days alone.  Snoke wanted a new Vader but I don’t want to be Vader!  Vader did great things but he had a terrible life.” 

 

He suddenly realizes that he is yelling in her face.  Ben releases her and steps back.  “I’m sorry,” he mumbles.  “I’m—I’m high.  I’m raving, I know.  It’s just that no one in my family ever turns out well.  We do big things but we never manage to hang on to happiness for long.  So here I am,” he throws his hands up in self-mockery as his truth turns brutally honest.  “I’m the one in charge but I am fucking clueless and scared.”

 

Looking up, Rey stammers out, “But I was coming here hoping you would tell me what to do.   I wanted your help.”  But instead of the usual commanding Kylo, she finds the hot mess Ben Solo instead.  This guy is no help to her. “The rebels aren’t going for moderation.  This thing with Hux is just the beginning,” she wails.  Rey feels defeated now as she admits, “You’re not going to like this, but I refused to lead the mission.  I don’t do assassinations.  Deal with it.  I told the Resistance to deal with it too.”

 

“I know,” he quietly approves.  “I never thought you would do it.  You are the Light, Rey.  I’m counting on that.”

 

“Everyone there is angry and disappointed in me,” she gripes.  She’s feeling very dejected and lost in her situation these days.  “I am out of step with the majority.  I am more and more marginalized on the council.”

 

“They don’t understand the larger objective,” he commiserates.  “I have the same problem on my end.  In this case, you mostly have to lead by example.  And if they won’t come willingly, in the end I may have to kill the extremists on both sides,” he concludes.  “I don’t want to, but I will.  One way or another, I will have peace,” he grimly vows.

 

“I feel like I am failing everyone,” Rey confesses miserably.   “I’m betraying Finn, Rose, and the rest of the Resistance to you.  And I’m failing you in the goal of moderating things.  Every week I’m on the holonet dressed up and talking in circles.  And for what?  None of it seems to be working.”

 

“Change takes time,” he counsels.  It’s as much encouragement for himself as for her.

 

“I don’t have time.  I can’t do this much longer.  I feel so conflicted.  It’s tearing me apart to lie to so many people.  I worry I will screw up and someone will find out.”

 

“Then stop lying to yourself and join me.”  Ben gives her a pointed look.

 

“But—” she protests automatically.

 

He overrides her.  “There are no perfect people!  There are no perfect lives.  There are no perfect choices.  Everything is a compromise.  Accept that and life will get a whole lot easier.”  He runs a hand through his messy hair and grouses, “What the Hell do I need to say to get through to you, Rey? You,” he accuses, “are a very confounding woman!”

 

“So you want me to settle for you and the First Order?” she puts it plainly.  And that came out wrong as Ben visibly winces. 

 

But he takes it on the chin.  “I have never pretended to be anything but flawed.  But I am trying to make things better.”  And now the effect of the drug is showing again as morose Ben admits ruefully, “Nothing will ever get better for me personally, but I can make things better for others.”  His voice brims with emotion as he laments, “I am damned by virtue of my birth.  I am cursed to be a Skywalker, torn apart.”

 

It’s true, Rey understands.  For Ben is a Chosen One, infected more than most with the imperfections of life.  Born of a line descended from the Force itself and thus by nature morally flawed in the traditional sense.  Inclined to fluctuate to extremes in a constant counterbalancing push for the middle.  For some, Ben Solo is weak and unfocused, lacking in the backbone to force his will and dominate others.  He has too much of his father’s heart in him.  His grandfather’s heart, too.  For others, Kylo Ren is intolerably Dark, inherently depraved, intrinsically evil.  Here is the prodigal son born in error, raised to hate, and irredeemably lost.  Right?  Right??  Wrong.  For this man’s original sin is the essence of redemption for us all.  For in Ben Solo’s conflicted soul is the larger conflict of the universe.  He is all of us in some fashion or other, Rey realizes, whether we admit it or not.  For aren’t we all wretched in our shortcomings but striving to do better?   Ben Solo lives in a post-moral world, and Rey is starting to see its merits. 

 

Do not pretend to be shocked, oh so shocked by the nihilism of a copycat school shooter.  Do not marvel at the hopelessness of the suicide.  Do not pretend to be mystified at the motivations of the terrorist.  Do not feel bewildered at the brutality of a murderer or the sly manipulations of an abuser.  Do not shake your head at the addict or lecture the bully.  There is no mystery there.  For there are malicious, vengeful, violent, possessive, self-destructive, and aggressive urges within us all, Rey knows.  And if we are unflinchingly honest, we might see within ourselves a version of those tormented Dark souls who succumb.  Pretend those people are far removed from your own experience and reinforce your own goodness and sanity.  Go ahead.  Keep yourself safe not only from those who commit such acts but also from those parts of yourself that are like them.  But know that we all have the capacity to be the monster Kylo Ren in some fashion. 

 

Staring at the young upstart Emperor brought low today, Rey is overwhelmed by the pathos of it all.   She gets it now.  Really gets it.

 

For when you put aside those defenses and recognize them for the artificial constructs they are, there is enlightenment.  It’s so simple and so obvious and yet so challenging too:  no one is all good or all bad, but some ever-changing mixture of the two.  And here’s the twist, in pursuit of the good, bad things are done.  And moreover, the bad guys are capable of doing good.  That moral relativism isn’t an excuse for anything goes.  But rather, a more accurate depiction of the nuanced universe at large.  So embrace some moral humility and connect with the Darkness in others and in yourself. Not to glory in it, but to understand it and learn to put it in perspective.  This, Rey realizes, is balance.  For at its core, balance is empathy.   

 

Luke Skywalker got close, very close that day on the Death Star but he didn’t realize it for decades.  The act of understanding his estranged father and wanting to connect with him was the key, not the destruction of the Empire and the Sith.  The lesson was to accept Darkness, not to try in vain to defeat it.  Prime Jedi Snoke knew this from long ago, Rey guesses.  But Ben Solo had to live this drama to learn it for himself.  And she had to get to know a monster in a mask and to witness the Darker aspects of the Resistance to realize it too.  For the monster wasn’t as bad as she supposed and neither were the heroes as good as she hoped.

 

All Rey can think now is that Ben never wanted any of this, but he could not avoid it in the end.  Did that boy who fled a burning temple in the night have any inkling what he would become?  That he would be the one to unify the Force and bring it back to its first principles?  That in his hurting soul would be the insight that his inner conflict was the rule and not the exception?  How ironic that in Ben’s halting attempts to face his torment, he made the greatest breakthrough of all.  Generation after generation of Jedi and Sith had failed or refused to accept this truth.  But the lackluster Padawan and unpredictable Apprentice had.  It had been much the same as Ben’s heroics that night at the temple, Rey thinks.  For all this wisdom of the Force was largely the result of his desperate self-preservation.  He is the accidental iconoclast, for sure.

 

Could this be what it means to be an instrument of the cosmic Force?  That what helps Ben Solo helps us all?

 

Suddenly, Rey knows what she has to do.  “How can I help?  I want to help.”  She hates to see him like this.  So glassy eyed and maudlin in his drug-induced chill.  It’s the antithesis of the commanding, often raging, Kylo Ren.  A man with a terse tongue and a sharp, strategic mind.  Not this floundering, wandering, rambling guy.  Ben is struggling, she sees, under the weight of his responsibilities.   And really, anyone would under the circumstances.

 

“Stay with me,” he rasps.  “I just have to get through this day.  It’s almost over now anyway.”

 

“Okay.  I’m here,” she nods.

 

“You’ve seen me weak before,” he explains even as he cringes to say the words.  She knows he talking about the night Leia Organa died.  About the night he was sobbing in her arms.  “You’ve seen me weak before so I knew you could help.  I knew I was safe with you.”  His eyes dart to hers looking pitifully hopeful.

 

Rey takes the cue.  “I’m not leaving.”  She walks forward to envelope him in her arms for a hug.  They stand there a long moment together intertwined.  It feels good.  When they step back, he leads them to a nearby couch where they both flop down. 

 

Now what, Rey thinks.  This has not gone the way she expected.

 

But Ben already has moved on.  “Enough about me.  Tell me about Jakku,” he requests in an abrupt change of topic.  “I want to know what haunts you.  I know about your parents.  I want to know the rest.”

 

“What?”  Oh, no.  She’s not about to join this misery-loves-company pity party.  Rey doesn’t talk much about her feelings.  She prefers to suppress them, thank you.  “There’s nothing to tell,” she gives him the brush off.  “You’ve probably seen all the highlights in my mind.”

 

Ben deflects her point.  “I was skimming intel for the droid.  The rest was curiosity.  Tell me.  I want to know.”

 

“No.”  Jakku dredges up every negative emotion Rey has and works hard to suppress.  Sadness, shame, regret, frustration, loneliness, anger, and despair.  It is Darkness at its very core.  Rey knows it’s there even if she does her best to ignore it.  Most days, she succeeds.  So, she stiffens at Ben’s insistence. “I don’t talk about myself.”

 

“You don’t have to talk.  Show me,” he requests.

 

“W-What??  Hey!”  Is he thinking what she thinks he’s thinking?  Ben has that outstretched hand which instantly has her edging away.  She remembers what happens next.  “N-Nooo . . .”

 

“Show me.  Let me in,” he persists as he yanks her closer with the Force.   She’s practically in Ben’s lap as he reaches both hands to her temples and leans in. 

 

“Get off!”  When did this conversation suddenly become about her?   Rey would rather face down all Snoke’s Praetorian guards by herself than talk about Jakku.  She prefers to keep her hurts to herself.  “Get off!”  Rey gives Ben a hard push.

 

But not hard enough.  She should have used the Force because Ben doesn’t budge.  “I won’t hurt you,” he practically coos.   Stoned Ben is a strange mix of beseeching vulnerability, she’s learning.  “Trust me,” he presses.  “I just want to know you.  All of you.  Even the things you hide.”

 

Rey looks away as she complains dryly, “You’re the one who wants to let the past die, remember?”

 

That cools his zeal.  “You can’t kill the past,” Ben answers quietly.  “Trust me, I’ve tried.”  And something in the choked, defeated way he says this strikes a chord with Rey. 

 

“Ben,” she sighs, hoping to talk him down

 

“Jakku will always be with you.  That’s why I want to know.”

 

Still, she hesitates.

 

“You’re never going to volunteer this.  That’s why I’m pushing now.”  With his dark eyes dilated and wild with spice, Ben tells her, “We are so much alike.  It’s been each of us against the world alone for so long.  It’s different circumstances, but it’s the same mindset.  So let me see, Rey.  I promise you I will understand.  I will not judge.”

 

“Maybe some other ti—OH!”  Rey flinches as she feels him jump deep into her mind.  “Get out of my head!” she growls as instinctively she begins to fight.  And panic, too.

 

He ignores this and gathers her closer still.  “Just breathe.  Breathe and adjust to it,” he soothes, stroking her back as he holds her in a vice grip.  “Relax into the connection.  We’ve done this before.  You know it won’t hurt if you don’t fight.”

 

“I never said—”

 

“Let go, Rey.  I’m not hurting you, am I?”

 

“No.”  No, he’s not.  But this feels strange and threatening like she remembers.

 

“Good.  You take the lead.  Guide me back to your memories.  Show me where you have been.”

 

“How do I—”

 

“Just think back.  Show me anything in any order.  You’re in charge.”

 

“Uh . . . “  How did he get herself in this position with this man?  Ben is unpredictable enough when he’s sober.  But apparently as adamant as usual when he is stoned.  “Oh, alright,” she decides.  “But I resent this.”

 

“I know.  I’m in your mind.  I can see how ticked you are.  Now, show me something.”

 

With a sharp glare his way, Rey begins by showing Ben a little urchin girl, dirty and malnourished.   She runs wild in the Niima Outpost with no one to look after her.  From a very young age, waif Rey is crawling into small spaces on smuggler ships to do repairs and wedging herself into tight areas on old wrecks to pull scrap.  Rey can’t remember a time when she didn't have a wrench in her hand.   Even at five years old, she has to earn her keep.  No one gets portions from Unkar Plutt for free.

 

When she is old enough, Rey keeps asking for answers she never receives.  Who is she?   Where is her family?   Why is she here?  It’s not so much a conspiracy of silence as it is indifference and a general reluctance to speak of the past.  For on this lawless, junkyard world, life is bleak and everyone’s past is a story they would rather forget.  On Jakku, there is no yesterday.  There is no tomorrow.  There is only today.  It makes people reckless, aggressive, and cruel.  Here there is no safety net, there are no social boundaries, and there is no rule of law.  Justice comes out of the end of a blaster or it doesn’t come at all. 

 

“You’re so tough,” Ben praises softly.  “Not all guys like that in a girl, but I do.  I admire that about you.  You are resilient.  I wish I could cope as well as you do.”

 

At twelve, Rey has a slang vocabulary that would make a spacer blush and the mechanical skills to fix a hyperdrive all by herself.  She has an informal education that is wholly self-taught along with an excellent memory and a natural aptitude for languages.  She is fierce with her staff and uses it often.   By now, Rey has already killed with it once in self-defense.  She refuses to feel bad about that.  And while she is skinny and sunburnt, young Rey is beginning to garner male attention.  Increasingly, Rey doesn’t like the way Unkar Plutt looks at her.  So she sets out on her own and claims the wreckage of an old Imperial AT-AT for her home. 

 

Slowly, Rey makes it livable with repurposed scrap and hand fashioned crafts.  Rey’s entire life is a makeshift, make do world of compromises and work arounds.  She has never once owned anything new.  She is creative in her scavenging, with the ability to see the potential in almost everything.  She rigs an old flight training simulator stolen from a wreck and teaches herself to fly.  She creates from scratch a zippy landspeeder that is a patchwork of salvage.  She coaxes a decades old Imperial datapad found in a wreck to work.  It gets her on the holonet and that is a revelation of sorts.

 

Sure, the holonet is full of escapism but it’s more than that for Rey.  It’s her window into life outside Jakku and her teacher for basic social norms.  Dazzled young Rey accepts everything she sees on the holonet as gospel truth.  She wants to be ready for when her family comes back, so she consciously mimics her role models on the screen.  It’s how she picks up her incongruous Coruscant accent and how she learns Core World idioms and basic table manners.  Young Rey watches the shows with happy endings over and over again.  Underlying it all is the fervent hope that her family will return and she will receive a happy ending herself.

 

“There is a happy ending for you, Rey.  If you let me, will give you anything you desire.”  Rey hears Ben’s promise in her ears and in her mind even as she is lost in the past.

 

From age twelve on, Rey functions completely as an adult.  It’s a solitary, quiet life of living hand to mouth.  She does whatever she can, whenever she can to survive.  When criminals arrive at the Niima Outpost with stolen ships, Rey finds work helping to strip, repaint, and disguise them.  Rey learns all the tricks of the trade to fool suspicious docking cops.  She also performs ship repairs and maintenance for smugglers passing through.  She even works for Plutt reconditioning the stolen  _Falcon_  now and then. 

 

But mostly, Rey scavenges the wrecks for parts to trade for food.  It is dangerous work.  There are violent encounters with rival scavengers who stalk Rey hoping to steal her find.  There are deadly sandstorms and sinking fields and poisonous desert critters of all kinds.  There is decades old, unstable ordinance lying about that can explode without warning.  Some of the larger wrecks still have fuel leaks that can ignite in the heat.  And then there are the many deep cuts and scrapes, smashed fingers and bruises from wandering the crumbling battle wreckage.  The wounds go untreated and sometimes fester from the inevitable coating of sand.  Most leave scars. 

 

There are many, many ways to die on Jakku.  But what Rey fears most is starvation.  Jakku has a barter economy and the de facto currency is food.  Food is Rey’s constant concern for never are her portions plentiful.  By the time Rey is a teen, she has come close to starvation three times.  Each time, in desperation, Rey considers all her options, even some of the more humiliating and unsavory ones.  But always, just before she is forced into prostitution or violent crime, her luck turns and she finds a meal.  Rey is grateful for what she perceives as a stroke of good fortune.  But she is far from lucky and besides, there’s no such thing as luck.  There is only the Force.   And throughout all this suffering, the Force is with Rey of Jakku.

 

“You were the Light amid so much Darkness.  The unknown desert priestess of the Force.  I wish I had known.”

 

Young Rey doesn’t know it, but her intrinsic Light shines through.  For the lack of education, the life of petty property crimes, the near-feral upbringing, her abandonment, her physical suffering—none of these things can steal Rey’s hope.  Childishly, she clings to the hope that one day someone from her past will walk into her life with apologies and an explanation.  Then she will forgive them and live happily reunited with her family.  It is a galling self-deception by an otherwise very astute girl.  But the thought that this is the best her life will ever be is soul-crushing to Rey.   Hope becomes a coping mechanism she clings to stubbornly.

 

All Rey’s self-delusion about her lost family is a double-edged sword.  It is her motivation in her darkest hours and her reason for self-improvement for a future yet to come.  But it is also her justification to stay on Jakku.  She’s so afraid to leave even though she knows that she should.  And but for a lost droid in the desert, Rey would still be in her AT-AT.  Lonely, abandoned, and waiting for someone who will never come.  Rey feels a fool now for having stayed on Jakku.  That’s why Ben’s revelation in the throne room that she knew all along her parents were dead had been so devastating.  For no one had lied to Rey.  She had lied to herself.

 

“I’m sorry.  My family let me down, too.  But Jakku was better than being with Luke.  Had you been there, you’d have been killed too.”

 

“It wasn’t all bad,” she mumbles.

 

“Show me.”

 

Now Rey shows Ben the best of Jakku.  These are the simple pleasures the lonely scavenger girl enjoyed.  The sense of adventure tinged with a little danger as she explored the shipwrecks.  The last moments of purple-grey daylight before sunset.  The magical feeling that comes with a rare desert rain.   Once, on a freakishly cold evening, Rey even thinks she saw snow.  But she can’t be sure.  She was very young then and her recollection is a bit of murky.  It might have been a dream of the Starkiller.  A lot of her past is hazy at best.  Rey now knows that is because some of the worst has been repressed. She’s not even sure how old she is.  Rey just knows what Unkar Plutt told her years ago.  She can’t remember her exact birthday, just what season of the year it is.  

 

“You can share my birthday,” Kylo suggests.  “At least one of us would be happy about it.”  And now, he shifts gears.  “Tell me about Luke.  Show me Luke.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I want to know what happened to my uncle in the end.”

 

So Rey shows him the grouchy Jedi Master she had apparently interrupted in yet another suicide attempt.  Luke says nothing as he accepts the Skywalker saber and then flippantly tosses it aside.  He is hostile and curt to the confused Rey.  Leia Organa had not prepared her for this.  Rey digs in her heels and soon it becomes a contest of wills.  Rey dutifully rattles off her call to arms again and again hoping to recruit Skywalker to the Resistance.  But the Jedi Master keeps refusing outright. 

 

Rey shows Ben her final confrontation with Luke.  Is it true?  Did you create Kylo Ren?  She’s swinging a stick and then lighting a sword against the legendary Jedi Master.  Because this girl always reflexively reaches to violence when threatened.  Her disillusionment with Luke threatens everything Rey believes in that moment.   It is an incredibly foolish move but older, wiser Skywalker doesn’t take the bait.  Instead, he tells her to leave.  Rey then calmly informs him that Ben Solo is their last hope.  It’s a throwaway parting shot, but it’s also a devastating statement of truth.

 

“You knew it even then!”  Ben sounds excited at this.  “You hadn’t processed your insight fully.  But you knew, Rey.   You knew Luke had failed and the Chosen One was me.”

 

Looking back on that moment, Rey agrees.  “I know . . . somehow, I’ve always known.  That vision when I first touched the saber was all about you.  From the very beginning, the Force was connecting me to you.   I thought it was warning me,” she stammers.  “But it wasn’t . . . “ She looks to Ben with fresh eyes now.  “It wasn’t warning me, was it?”

 

“I knew you were out there,” Ben reveals.  “I knew the Force would send you to me. But as it happened in real time I wasn’t sure.”

 

“You knew?”  Rey is confused.  “Knew what?”

 

“I knew that you existed.  I didn’t know where or how.  Rey, if I had known you were on Jakku I would have rescued you.”

 

“I don’t understand.  You knew about me?”

 

“Here, let me show you.” And now, Ben is the one sharing long ago, painful memories.

 

In the days after the temple massacre, Rey sees young Ben Solo programming a series of risky hyperspace jumps into the Unknown Regions.  It’s a blind hope to locate the reclusive Snoke.  It works.  The five surviving Padawans, Ben Solo and Nestor Flick, two grown human men Rey doesn’t recognize, and a young boy, present themselves as exiles to the Dark Master.  The grown men start to do the talking, but Snoke silences them with a blast of lightning.  His attention is all for the grim-faced, gawky Ben who hangs back. 

 

Welcome young Skywalker, I have been expecting you.  I have waited a long time for this day.  The gargoyle-faced Prime Jedi steps forward to survey his visitors.  Where is the girl?  Ancient Snoke is displeased.  There is supposed to be a girl.  Luke Skywalker killed the women and girls first, Ben delivers the bad news.  We are all that remain.  Snoke grunts and scowls.  Then Skywalker will die for that, he vows.  Good, young Ben wholeheartedly agrees.  Then he states his wishes plainly:   I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Sith like my grandfather.  Luke Skywalker means nothing to me now.  Old Snoke nods at this.  I will complete your training.  Your destiny lies with me, young Skywalker.  But not as a Sith.

 

It turns out the girl Snoke foresaw isn’t dead.  The girl wasn’t one of the students at the training temple.  The girl is an abandoned child as ignorant of love and kindness as she is of the Force.   Hidden on a remote wasteland world. She remains safely anonymous until the time is right. And then, yet again a lost droid in the desert is found by an unsuspecting youth who will be called to greatness.  When the First Order officer reports the news up the chain of command, Kylo Ren is instantly suspicious.  What girl?  He knows the ways of the Force, how it cycles and repeats.  Could this scavenger be the girl who is the catalyst to balance the Force?  Could she be the awakening he felt?

 

He chases the droid and captures the girl.  The prisoner is nothing like Snoke has given him to expect.  But still, he wonders.  Could this be her?  Is she the one? And so, rather than have his troopers stun Rey and drag her off, he puts her to sleep gently and carries her off himself.  He will treat her like the Force princess bride she might be.  Kylo even waits vigil at the side of her torture chair for her to wake.  He starts gently—all talk and no pain—until she resists him.  This girl is strong with the Force but untrained.  Either he is going to kill her or he is beginning to like her. Yes, this bright-eyed scavenger who growls and bares her teeth at him might one day be his match.

 

When he reports to his Master even Snoke is intrigued.  If what you say about this girl is true, bring her to me.  Then Rey pulls the sword from the snow and yes, she is the one.  She has to be the one.  Here is the girl Snoke foretold, the one in the vision, the ally, the consort, and the helpmate to the Chosen One.  Only it’s all wrong.  She is the enemy, not a friend.  And she knows nothing of the Force.   She wants to kill him and topple his nascent Empire too.  It’s all fucked up.   Typical Skywalker stuff.

 

She is nothing to anyone but him.  To him, she is everything.  Snoke knows it too.   When Snoke has Rey under his power awaiting execution, Kylo knows what to do.  That moment was about choosing the future over the past.  About rebelling against all the tired old tropes of the Force.  Kylo kills his Master and saves the girl.  He fulfills his destiny.  Is it a Sith power grab or is he the Jedi hero?  It’s both.  For he is the Chosen One, equal parts Light and Dark.

 

But the girl doesn’t fall into his arms.  She doesn’t rush to his side.  That too, goes all wrong.  Rey grabs for the sword and it is a contest of power until the saber splits and Rey is hurt.  The Force could not have illustrated it better than that moment:  he and Rey are evenly matched.  They are balanced in their own right.  Poised, according to legend, to balance the Force.  But Rey didn’t see it that way.  That’s why Ben has been chasing this woman and chasing her Light ever since.  Blithely ignoring the advice of Snoke’s Force ghost to just kill her and move on.

 

“Oh . . . I had no idea,” Rey sputters out. 

 

Ben fervently nods.  “We are each other’s destiny.  That wasn’t just a line.  I wasn’t making that up.  All along our fate is each other, Rey.  Don’t you see?”

 

Yeah, she kind of does.  And knowing this full version of events makes Rey feel vindicated now.  “I was right about you.  I see it now.”  Rey is vastly relieved that she had pegged Ben Solo/Kylo Ren correctly all along.  Because she had felt so certain of herself when she stormed off Ahch-To right into Snoke’s throne room.  “My instincts were right!  You are the good guy.”  Rey is beaming at him now.  “It was just different than I thought,” she finishes awkwardly.  Different and far more complicated than she had ever imagined.

 

Because first she thought Kylo Ren was the villain, then she thought he was the victim and maybe the anti-hero, but now she sees he has been the hero all along.  Not a pristine hero in a white hat with clean hands but a pragmatic man who stalwartly muddles through others’ messes he has to clean up.  He acts and reacts in the moment, trying to make the best of his situation.  His skepticism of the Jedi ideals makes sense in context of his uncle’s hubris.  And the massacre at the temple wasn’t even him.  His wartime atrocities were brutal and it can’t all be blamed on Snoke, especially Crait.    But time at the Resistance has taught Rey that even good people can make harsh choices in time of war.   She doesn’t agree with all of Ben’s actions, but she understands them better now.  Plus, Rey of Jakku has done a few things she isn’t proud of.  And now, Ben knows that as well. 

 

But the point is that Ben Solo at his core is a Skywalker with a wide streak of altruism even if his means are Dark.  And this might be the crux of his conflicted soul.  For through it all, he clings to hope of peace and order for the galaxy and he wants nothing more than to balance the Force.  And who can fault those goals?  He admits that he’s in it for himself.  But he’s in it for others, too.  If this man can succeed, everyone might just win in the end. 

 

Ben is back on his favorite theme now:  “We are destiny.  Stop holding out on me!” he complains.  “I need your help.  I can’t go on alone.”  He is miserable as he whines, “It’s too hard.”

 

Rey nods.  “You’re not alone,” she assures him.

 

The comment sets him off.  “You say that and then you walk away!” he accuses.  “When are you going to join me?  What more do I have to do?  Join me, Rey!” he rumbles, sounding extremely frustrated.

 

Rey reaches to throw her arms around him.  Her reply is muffled into his chest.  But Ben is still in her mind so he hears it loud and clear:  “Yes.”


	33. Chapter 33

Kylo lights another spice joint and inhales.  How long has he been staring at the lava river?  It could be hours, it could be minutes.  It doesn’t matter.  It calms him as he broods. 

 

Days like today, he has fantasies of running away from it all.  Of he and Rey disappearing to Ahch-To or some other remote place to study the Force in seclusion.  He can turn the First Order over to Nestor Ren and Army Hux and wash his hands of his responsibilities.  It’s a tempting thought.  But the tradition of Masters withdrawing from public life needs to end.  It serves no one.  For reverence of the Force ought to be a part of everyday life, he firmly believes. 

 

The church belongs among the people, consumed with their concerns, focused on their needs.  For life creates the Force and the Force nurtures life.  They are intrinsically intertwined and should not be artificially separated.  In creating a cult with spired temples, the Jedi only served to remove the Force from the lives of everyday people.  The Force became something reserved for a select few to use and to believe.  For most others, it was a superfluous superstition.  All that will change in time with Emperor Ren.  For the Force is the rock upon which he will build his Empire.  Neither the powers of Darkness nor of Light will prevail against it.  For this time, the Empire will endure.  Somehow, he will find some semblance of balance and stability for himself, for the Force, and for the galaxy at large. 

 

He simply has to.  He has no other choice.

 

Days like today remind him of the consequences of failure.  Of how his mother and her Rebellion cronies tore down the old Empire and then floundered when they tried to build the Republic anew.  Of how his uncle struggled with his demon Darkness and ultimately succumbed, slinking away from his burning, corpse-ridden temple into exile.  Of how his grandfather survived amputations and immolation to rule an Empire that would fall moments after he finally rose up to shake off his Sith Master.  The Skywalkers are a dramatic, ambitious bunch.  Each in their own way came close to success.  But they put their faith in the wrong ideas or in the wrong people and ultimately were led astray.  So what makes him think he will be the one to succeed?   Whether it is hubris or desperation, Kylo is nothing if not determined.  He will probably go down in flames like the rest.  But at least he will have tried. 

 

It would be easier if Rey were at his side.  Kylo takes another long drag on his cigarette as his mouth twists in a grimace.  What’s it going to take to convince that girl?   He doesn’t want to wait for destiny to intervene because fate can be harsh.   Plus, he wants Rey to affirmatively choose him. 

 

He understands her wariness.  He’s no regular guy.  If he were, he would be the guy people would warn her about.  The guy who will drag her down and involve her in things that will ruin her life.  If Rey had a family, he’d be the guy her father would meet at the door with a double barrel blaster with the safety lock off.  Get away from my daughter and don’t come back.  He’s that kind of guy.  Hell, old Luke Skywalker didn’t even like Rey and he blew up a hut when he caught them touching hands.  Yeah . . . he’s trouble and he knows it.  But misery loves company.  That’s why he made another overture to Rey.

 

Kylo inhales more spice just as Vanee’s voice announces there is a ship approaching. 

 

“It’s her.”   

 

“Then pull yourself together, Master,” the old man reproves as only he dares.  “This is no way to greet a lady.  Let alone your lady.”

 

Kylo ignores this advice.   Ancient old Vanee has the formal manners of several generations ago.   From bygone days when the galaxy looked comparatively shiny and new and life was far more civilized.  It was a time when the mistress of this castle would have been a queen and a senator.  A lovely, mannered, and tactful woman who might sweep into the room with a rustle of trailing silk and a waft of perfume.  But that was a different era.  Now, the lady of this castle is an uneducated scavenger from a backwater planet who can swear in Hutt.  Rey is considerably less rough around the edges when she puts on her holonet pundit act.  But her default setting is still far more brusque and combative than most.  And if Rey has any pretentions, Kylo hasn’t observed them.  She is not a woman who puts on airs. 

 

It’s a sign of the times, he thinks.  For society both shapes the prevailing culture and, in turn, is shaped by it.  And the culture now is coarse, cynical, and often downright rude.  Strangers come to fisticuffs over casual daily annoyances.  The holonet is full of anonymous haters shouting accusations and spreading shocking clickbait as fake news.  The veneer of respectability and honesty that used to characterize common business dealings and social interactions has long since slipped away.  Decency and civility are out of fashion these days.  So are restraint and modesty.

 

Kylo’s not surprised.  And he is as much to blame as anyone.  For a certain innocence is lost to war.  Trust in institutions and leaders erodes as the death toll rises and the chaos persists. Even in the months of relative stability following Crait, the major changes to the galactic economy have rearranged the status quo.  Citizens across the galaxy hold their breath as they wait for what’s next.  And that’s a problem.  Because in uncertain times like these, people are afraid to make commitments.  They don’t get a loan to start a business or go back to school.  They don’t propose to their girlfriend and make plans for a family.   They don’t buy that new speeder they have their eye on or purchase that first home.   They just exist and persist, with as little investment in tomorrow as possible. 

 

But whatever.  Enough about that because she’s here.  Rey.  He is distracted from his stream of consciousness deep musings by Rey.  She arrives and she is like a beacon in the Force.   Here on isolated, uninhabited Mustafar there are few living things.   This isn’t like his flagship with fifty thousand souls surrounding him or Coruscant with billions of inhabitants.   Here there are just old Vanee, a few praetorians and some stormtroopers who swelter in heavy armor outside on the landing pad.  Until Rey arrives to light up his mind. 

 

Kylo throws his head back, closes his eyes, and wallows in the mental feel of her Force imprint.   Gods, how he loves all that Light.   She’s in his castle.  Approaching closer.   Closer still.  Suddenly, the anticipation is killing him.   His pulse quickens and his drugged mind even seems to clear a little.

 

Vanee reappears to announce, “The Lady Rey has arrived, my Master.” 

 

When he turns around, Rey has changed out of her Resistance news pundit outfit with the heavy makeup and severe hair.  She looks like her normal fresh-faced self in nondescript casual clothes.   He’s a little ashamed that she finds him like this, but she’s seen worse, he figures.  He knew when his spies slipped her the invitation that she would find him in some version of his current wrecked state.  When life comes crashing down on him once a year, Kylo knows to expect this.  

 

The drug is a crutch he only resorts to if things are very bad and he can’t turn off his mind.  When his head races with to do lists and ideas and worries and fears.  When his mind’s eye repeatedly flashes up images he would rather forget like a strobe light in the night.   His Force-assisted, hyper attuned senses and memory tend to make matters worse.   Plus, Kylo has a general tendency to obsess and to fret.  Thankfully, the oblivion of the drug dulls all this.  It pulls a gauzy blanket of comfort over him.  It mutes all the self-doubt and recriminations, too.  Those are pointless anyway, since it’s way too late to turn back now. 

 

Does Rey understand?   He thinks she does.  For Rey too is caught up in a life not of her own choosing.  This girl has only known terrible hardship and war.  Try as he might to take her away from all that, she keeps resisting.  But she also keeps coming back.  Thank the Force for that.  Even without the Force bond, they have maintained a connection. 

 

Rey holds his hand as he struggles through his drugged haze to speak coherently of the past.   He hates these memories but it unburdens him to speak about them.  The temple massacre is far from the worst carnage he has seen.   It’s far from the worst carnage he’s done.  But it was Luke Skywalker’s carnage and that makes it different.  That night displayed very clearly to his younger self that he could never succeed as a Jedi and there was no point in trying.  Because if Luke Skywalker couldn’t do it, no one could.  Certainly not himself.  Instead, he has become everything his uncle feared.  Snoke wanted a new Vader and he got one.  But Kylo wants to be so much more.  He wants to end the cycle of civil war and find a lasting peace that will enable him to balance the Force.  It’s the only way out of this mess for himself and for the galaxy at large.  But damn . . . days like this it is so hard. 

 

And now, his angel Rey is promising to stay with him.  Does she know how much it helps just to hear that promise?  Because, usually, she’s the one running away.   Now, Kylo wants to talk about anything but himself.  “Tell me about Jakku.  I want to know.”  She, of course, doesn’t want to tell.  No problem.  He’ll just read her mind.

 

Jakku is worse than he imagined.  Seeing Rey’s subsistence living and emotional deprivation makes him flinch.  He hates that her loser parents consigned her to this.  When he sobers up he’s going to send a knight to execute the Crolute Unkar Plutt.  Still, Kylo is glad that Rey shared her past with him.  Jakku helps to put all Rey’s rejection in perspective.  His scavenger girl is like a feral pet who lacked socialization at critical times in her life.  He guesses she will always be slow to warm up to people and distrustful in her mindset.  Those postures were habits learned young that kept her alive. 

 

Next, Rey shows him Luke on Ahch-To.  He’s a wreck.  That night at the temple must finally have made his uncle undeniably aware of his mental instability.   As a solution, the legendary Jedi Master cut himself off from the Force.  No wonder he and Snoke couldn’t find him all those years.  But seeing the husk of a man his once dashing uncle had become is not gratifying.  It’s more like terrifying.  For how the mighty have fallen.  And if Kylo is not careful, he too may descend to that ignominy.  It’s a cautionary tale that reminds him once again of what is at stake:  his sanity, the Force, the galaxy.  No pressure.  No pressure at all.  And now, he wishes Rey hadn’t put out his last joint.  Because he’s feeling anxious all over again now.  Time for more spice.

 

Instead, he gets more Rey.  She’s hugging him now and that helps.  And then, she says yes.  And, wait—what??

 

“Yes.”

 

Kylo is loitering in her mind still so he knows she means it.  But yes to what?  Rey pulls back and he pulls back and they stare at one another. 

 

He takes a deep breath and summons his focus.  “Do you know what you’re signing up for?” Kylo is almost afraid to ask.  Clarifying this point might just kill the deal, he knows. 

 

Rey answers solemnly, “To help you rule the galaxy.”

 

He nods.

 

“For you to teach me the Force.”

 

He nods some more. 

 

“And for us.”

 

“For us,” Kylo repeats, searching her lovely face.  Wondering if Rey’s idea of ‘us’ is the same as his.

 

“Yes, for us to be together.”  Rey’s face flushes bright red as she stammers, “That is, if you . . . uh . . . still . . . uh . . . ”   She stops talking and looks away.  But Kylo sees the complete thought in her mind.  _If you still want me._

 

Does he still want her?   Is she crazy?  Of course, he wants her.  He’s been panting for this girl for far too long, watching her holonet appearances over and over in the privacy of his quarters with the sound turned down.  Fantasizing that she is speaking for his side and not against it.  They have been arm’s length since that torrid kiss here at the castle.  Separated by conflict and distrust.  Has that suddenly ended?  Kylo suspects not.  But he’ll take whatever he can get.  Especially when she’s so sweetly and sincerely offering herself to him.  Because this could be good . . . very good.  His night is about to improve exponentially. 

 

Rey is looking at him expectantly now.   He needs to say something.  Something good.  And fast.  And, fuck, why the Hell did he smoke so much?   This is the moment he’s been waiting for and he’s too high to think straight, let alone to enjoy it.   

 

But before he can speak, his paranoia sets in.  Because what about the traitor?   What about the Resistance?   What about the First Order who thinks she’s his sister?   What about her role as the enemy spokeswoman?   There’s a lot to figure out but he’s in no shape to discuss any of that now.  So, Kylo skips right to the punchline as he fumbles for Rey’s hands.  The spice has lowered his inhibitions.  That means he goes for it.  All of it. 

 

His words come out in a slurred, hopeful rush.  “I will love you if you let me.  And I want you to love me back.”

 

“Love,” Rey whispers.  Like it’s something she’s half-afraid of.

 

“Yes.  Love,” he declares.  And should he be going down on one knee?  He worries that if he does, he will never get back up.   And rolling about on the floor would pretty much cap off the indignity of tonight, he thinks.  Vanee will never let him live that down.  So, Kylo keeps to his feet and doubles down on the ardor.  “I want us to love one another,” he rasps, staring deep into her eyes.

 

Rey nods slowly.   “O-Okay.  We can try that.  Is that it?”

 

Is that it??   That’s everything, he thinks.  But lonely Rey doesn’t yet know it.  Still, Kylo dutifully considers a moment.   He’s processing slowly thanks to the spice.  “The knights swear loyalty to me and to the Force,” he thinks out loud.  “Snoke demanded that.”

 

“Loyalty?  What does that mean exactly?” Rey asks.

 

“That mostly means obedience.  They do what I say, when I say it, and they do not question why.”

 

Rey levels him a look.  “I will love and honor you, but I will not obey.”

 

Yeah, he figured as much.  “That’s fine,” he instantly caves. He’ll pretty much do anything for this woman.  And this is more in keeping with an alliance than a Master-type relationship anyhow.  Darkness is equal to the Light, not supreme.  And now is as good a time as any to get to the punchline, he decides.  Kylo broaches the subject head on.  “I want a different sort of commitment from you.”

 

“Like what?” Rey’s eyes narrow with suspicion.   She’s thinking he’s about to ask her to be his Apprentice.

 

But that’s not it.  Kylo squeezes her hands to encourage her.  “You will not be a Knight of Ren.  You will not be my Apprentice.  You will be my wife.”

 

“Oh.  Er . . . what?”  Rey blinks.  Then, she cocks her head at him and accuses, “You’re high!  You’re stoned out of your mind if you think I’m going to marry you!  It’s way too soon for that.”

 

That’s not the reaction he was hoping for.  But Kylo perseveres nonetheless.  “We will be Light and Dark united to rule.   That’s the vision Snoke had centuries ago.   The Chosen One has a helpmate to balance him personally.  She’s the consort to rule the galaxy, too.”

 

“Oh.”

 

The look she’s giving him is very skeptical.  So, he tries to explain.  “My grandfather married a queen and a Senator.  Vader planned to overthrow Sidious and rule with my grandmother at his side.  Padme Amidala didn’t have the Force but she was good and kind and very much the Light.  But she turned him down and then Vader was terribly injured and incapable of killing his Master.  He lost his chance.”

 

Rey says nothing.  She just nods and looks scared.  Rey always looks a bit scared when he talks about his family lore.

 

But she needs to know this since it will be her family too.  So Kylo walks it forward another generation.  “Luke Skywalker never married.  He was a traditional celibate Jedi.  But his twin my mother founded the New Republic.  For a while, Snoke thought maybe Luke and my mother might be the duo to rule.  As siblings, not as mates.  But that didn’t work out.   And now things fall to me . . . and to you,” he adds hopefully.  “We are destined for one another.” Kylo now says the words plainly.  “Will you be my Empress, Rey?”  And, damn, he should not be asking this when he’s high on spice.  It ruins the whole moment.  Currently, he’s squinting at Rey through bloodshot eyes and stifling a yawn.  “Be my Empress and my wife,” he urges, hoping he appears more handsome prince and less junkie as he says this.

 

Clearly, that sort of official role is not what Rey has been anticipating.  Because she squeaks, “E-Empress?  Empress??   You never said anything about that—“

 

“You will be perfect.  Just as you are.  Rey,” he cajoles, “Let me take care of you.”

 

“I can handle myself,” she bristles reflexively as she pulls away and crosses her arms.  She’s very skittish suddenly.  Any minute now, she’s going to run out on him again.  “I can take of myself,” she repeats, louder this time.

 

“I know.  But you wouldn’t have to do it on your own anymore.   We would take care of each other,” Kylo gushes.  And damn, he sounds as sappy as a greeting card.  But it’s a proposal so it’s supposed to be sort of saccharine.

 

Rey being Rey, she turns him down flat.  “No.  I’m too young to get married.”

 

“It’s legal.”  Hell, he can make it legal if it’s not.   He’s the Emperor, after all.  Some women might even consider him a catch.  But not the scavenger girl who knows he comes with big strings attached.  Rey has seen the worst of him.  Can she be persuaded to hang around to see the best of him too?  He glowers at her and whines, “Why not?  Give me a reason.”

 

“Uhmmmm . . .  isn’t this a bit sudden?   We barely know each other,” Rey points out as she nervously shifts her weight.

 

“We know all about each other,” he counters.   Plus, they’ve slept together already so they’ve checked that box.  And wait, is this because he’s not good in bed?  Because they can work on that.  She just needs to give him another chance.  He’ll make the honeymoon amazing.  He’s been reading the holonet for tips.  “We know all we need to know,” he firmly contends.  He does, at least.

 

“No, we don’t,” she scoffs.

 

“Well, what do you want to know?” Kylo demands, instantly defensive and belligerent.  But that might be the spice.   “You know all my family secrets.  You’ve seen me kill my Master.  So . . . what else?”

 

“Show me the night at the temple,” Rey requests.  “I want to know what’s driven you to smoke spice tonight.”

 

And, whoops, turnaround is fair play.   Now, he’s the one reluctant and defensive.  Kylo hesitates briefly.  But he needs a commitment.  He’s a commitment type of guy.   That’s how these things work for Force users.  You don’t switch sides without being all in.  Anakin Skywalker knelt to Lord Sidious and was sent to the temple to confirm his loyalty by killing Jedi.  Kylo himself showed up as a refugee to Snoke and forever broke with his past.   So, from the outset, Kylo wants Rey to have skin in the game.  To have a reason to make things work.  So, if it takes dredging up uncomfortable memories to convince her, he will.  Kylo decides that he will consider this a crash course in intimacy. 

 

“Oh, alright,” he sighs petulantly.  “Here’s goes.”  With effort, he concentrates to sharpen their lingering mental connection and starts thinking back.

 

He shows Rey a skinny, younger Ben Solo barefoot and wearing a rumpled slept-in tunic as he desperately tries to evade Luke Skywalker’s green blade.  Luke here looks much younger and more fit than his Ahch-To days.  He’s a formidable man still in his prime.

 

The fight is a mismatch on multiple levels.  Ben towers over his uncle with a reach many inches longer.   But the Jedi Master swings with grace and precision.  He’s schooled in the classic Jedi style, with controlled movements and intricate footwork patterns and saber passes.  Lackluster Padawan Ben has none of this finesse. He slashes and hacks like he is wielding a broadsword.  Ben is also far outclassed in his knowledge of the Force.   The first time Ben Solo sees Force lightning, it is hurled at him by his own uncle.  The boy gapes in shock.  He’s heard of this but never seen it before.   At times, it’s almost as if Skywalker is toying with him as he hurtles objects that Ben must deflect with his sword because he doesn’t have the skills to cast them aside with the Force.  As the battle wears on, desperation is written plainly on young Ben’s face.  Fear too. 

 

That fear leads to anger as Luke nearly gets his man twice.  There is no doubt that Master Skywalker is swinging to kill. And now, all that surging anger leads to hate.  Young Ben lets it flow through him and accidentally digs deep into the Dark Side.   It’s instinctive.  Not a choice for evil, but a choice to survive. 

 

With the Force as his ally, the battle suddenly becomes a fair fight.  The blue sword meets the green sword again and again in a flashing, buzzing, clashing contest of Dark might.  Watching this aggrieved combat, frozen in the Force as helpless bystanders, are the surviving Jedi students.   Their fate depends on Ben Solo’s fate tonight. 

 

Yellow eyed Luke Skywalker is raving mad as he fights, telling his nephew that he will end it all tonight. There is no point in this, the Jedi Master contends.  For I was everyone’s last hope and I failed!   My father failed, I failed, so the burden falls to you.  To loser you!   To spoiled, lazy, immature, no talent you!   Snoke has already turned your heart, I know it!   So, I’m ending you tonight for the good of everyone.  I’m ending all of you!  Snoke won’t get the chance to try again with anyone else.  Soon, we will all be one with the Force and the Jedi Order will be history. 

 

Ben remains silent through the tirade. This boy has no cocky swagger or sarcastic trash talk.  He is concentrating hard to stay alive and wasting no effort on words.  His long face is pale and frightened.  Bruised and bloodied too from a Force push that sent him hard into a wall.  He knows he is tiring and flailing, increasingly sloppy as the fight wears on.  He’s winged now too by a glancing blow to his left arm.  So focusing deep on what he hopes will be an especially hard Force push, Ben Solo lets loose a shockwave in the Force.  It’s a trick not seen since the days of the Sith Empire.  In its aftermath, the other students are free of the Force paralysis and the entire temple complex is in ruins.  Skywalker is buried under the rubble of an exploded building.  Still alive but unconscious. 

 

Ben Solo stands amid it all, shocked and amazed at what he has done.  And fearful, very fearful of the consequences.  For he has just proven his uncle right:  he has fallen to the Dark Side.   Now, the Jedi Master will feel especially justified in killing him. 

 

As the survivors climb to their shaky feet, Ben assumes command.  Suddenly, the kid no one likes who keeps to himself has everyone’s respect.  “Get the girls and the staff.  We’re leaving before he wakes up.”

 

But the women and girls are dead.  Executed in their sleep.  The few staff members are missing or found dead in the wreckage.  So the five remaining students flee, stealing the Jedi Academy’s small transport.  Nestor wants to go to the police.  Ben vetoes this.  “The police can’t help.  Only one person I know can stop Skywalker.  There’s only one person who intimidates him.  We’ll be safe if we can find him.”  And that’s how the original Knights of Ren flee to Snoke.  

 

“What do you know about this guy?”

 

“He knows the Force and he’s more powerful than Luke.”

 

“Can we trust him?”

 

“We have no choice.  But if you want to hide on your own, you can.  I’m doing this and you can decide for yourself if you want to come along.”

 

The survivors discuss the pros and cons, and everyone sides with Ben.  He is a young man making life altering, history changing, Force impacting decisions without much thought.  He’s acting and reacting mostly on impulse and his gut.  Trusting in the Force that managed to wake him up in the nick of time.  Days later, Ben Solo has a new name, a new sword, a new uniform, and a new cause.  The Padawan has become the Apprentice just as Luke Skywalker feared. 

 

The newly minted Kylo Ren tells himself not to look back.  But, of course, he does.  He can’t help himself.   He is conflicted like that.  And it all happened so fast. 

 

“Oh, Ben.”  It’s Rey’s voice, dragging him back to the present for a few seconds.  But then, he reverts to the past.  He might as well show her all of it now. 

 

After that night at the temple, he is an outsider to his own world.  Kylo watches his Senator mother make speeches warning of the growing threat of the First Order.  In a strange twist of fate, Leia Organa resigns from the Senate to lead the Resistance.   And now, his mother too is his sworn enemy and not just his uncle.  For what began years ago as a fringe political cause for the remnants of the Empire has become a rapidly expanding militant extremist group funded almost exclusively by wily old Snoke.  His Master has chosen the cause somewhat haphazardly.  It is a convenient means to gain power and Snoke generally agrees with its values.  Once we rule the galaxy, we will decide what to do, old Snoke plots.  Expediency rules the day and that’s why the plan for conquering the Republic begins and ends with Starkiller Base.

 

Does his family even know he is alive?   Do they know the identity of the masked First Order Dark Side warrior Kylo Ren?   Yes, they do.  But they have washed their hands of him.  Do they know that he wasn’t the aggressor at the temple?  Kylo can’t be sure.  And over time, whether anyone knows the truth of that night ceases to matter.  Kylo tells himself to build a new future and to ignore the past.  So what if he’s called the Jedi Killer?  It means people think twice before they fuck with him.

 

“I don’t know if your mother knew the truth of Luke,” Rey frets.  “I don’t think she did.  But she wouldn’t have believed you anyway,” Rey admits sadly.  “She thought the worst of you.”

 

“I know,” he answers glumly.

 

Being the Apprentice is far different from being a Jedi student.  Snoke doesn’t tolerate any attitude or slacking off.  He enforces strict obedience with liberal doses of Force lightning.  But while all that Dark Side training toughens his body and his mind, it never succeeds in hardening his heart.   Kylo is a Skywalker, ruled by his emotions like the rest of his storied clan.  That makes him impatient, quick to anger, righteously ambitious, and secretly compassionate too.  Snoke ridicules him for having too much of his father’s heart in him, but truth be told his Sith grandfather had that same heart too. That’s how things went awry in the second Death Star throne room thirty years ago.  Sentiment has long been the weak spot of the Skywalkers.

 

Snoke harps again and again that balance is the key.  He lectures his Apprentice to be centered and balanced in his psyche whenever he wields the Force, lest he be consumed by Darkness.  We are not Sith, Snoke hisses.  Power is the means not the objective itself.  Moreover, Snoke is fully aware that his Apprentice is conflicted to his core.  In time, Kylo will understand that conflict is the ultimate goal.  That Snoke wants him to be torn between the Light and the Dark, and to learn to wield both sides of the Force.  For only then will he have the skills to balance the Force. 

 

It is an awesome responsibility.  And though the Dark prince of the First Order answers only to Snoke, the Apprentice is kept on a very short leash.  He mostly rambles across the galaxy seeking clues to his uncle’s whereabouts while he does the occasional military mission to keep up his fighting and piloting skills.  Kylo Ren and his knights exist separate and apart from the military chain of command and the First Order’s considerable political and commercial endeavors.  In a class by himself, the much feared and largely disliked and mistrusted Kylo Ren is very much alone.  He fills his day with duty and his nights with meditation.  Trying to find a sense of balance for himself. 

 

For Kylo knows that he is prone to instability.  To violent tantrums and depressive episodes.  He blames this on the Force since he has seen a version of this all before in his uncle.   Of all the worries Kylo Ren frets about, what he fears most is ending up like Luke Skywalker.  And so, at times, he goes overboard embracing Darkness to compensate when, truthfully, what he needs is more Light.  He feels the call to the Light again and again.  But no more so than in the aftermath of the Force awakening in Rey.  That’s no coincidence, he knows.   And then, a flunkey reports to him about a girl on Jakku and the rest is history. 

 

He's sweating now from the effort of the mental connection.  All that spice has fully taken effect and Kylo is zonked.  He retreats from Rey’s mind and wipes at his glassy eyes.  Suddenly, he feels a bit dizzy.  But maybe that’s the aftereffect of all that stomach churning honesty.

 

Rey frowns at up him.  She’s concerned.  “Hey,” she says reaching up to cup his cheek with her hand.  “That’s enough talking for now.  You need to sleep it off.”

 

Kylo blinks at her, trying to focus.  It’s true.  He’s crashing fast.  “Yeah . . . you’re right.”

 

“Come, let’s get you to bed,” she softly suggests.

 

“You said you’d stay with me,” he complains.  “You can’t leave me now.”  Not now that he has just shared the Darkest corners of his soul. Plus, he’s irritated with himself because he sees his hope for romance fading fast.  Why the fuck did he smoke so much knowing Rey might arrive?   There’s no way he can perform in his current state.   He’s wasting a perfectly good opportunity and with Rey those don’t come often. 

 

“I’ll stay,” she soothes, patting his arm in the least sexy gesture ever.  Yep, Rey is here to be his nursemaid and save Vanee the trouble.

 

“Does that mean you’ll sleep with me?” Kylo bargains shamelessly.  He feels he needs to assert himself after revealing so much weakness and fear.

 

Rey looks him over and shrugs.  “Yeah, I guess.  You might need someone around tonight given how bad you are.”

 

“Does that mean you’ll marry me?” he presses his luck.

 

It earns him a glare.  “I’ll think about it.  Where’s your bedroom?” 

 

“Down the hall on the left,” he answers as he starts to stagger that direction.  As she follows, he argues sternly, “You should marry me if we’re going to sleep together.”

 

Rey snorts.  “That’s very old school of you.  Who knew Kylo Ren was such a prude?” she chuckles.  “Do you need some help?”

 

“No.”  A man has his pride, after all.  Then:  “Ouch!”  He stumbles into the wall.  What is that wall doing in the way?  Rey is giggling at him now and he chooses to ignore it.  “I’m respectable.  I’m the Emperor,” he reminds her.  Kylo breezes over the irony of that statement in his current condition. 

 

Rey declines to call him on it.  Instead, she looks away and confesses softly, “I’m scavenger scum from Jakku.”

 

Ah, now he sees the problem.  “No one needs to know that.”  He’s fine with lying—he’s a Skywalker, after all.  Lies are practically a family tradition, like amputations and Death Stars.  And, whoops, there is that pesky wall again.

 

“You didn’t seem this high when we were talking before,” Rey remarks.  She’s troubled by his complete lack of motor skills. “How much spice did you smoke again?”

 

“Either too much or not enough.”  He stumbles again as they finally reach his bedroom.  It opens with his handprint on the lock.  The gesture causes him to nearly fall across the threshold but he rights himself.   “Now, don’t go away, okay?” he admonishes as he grips the doorframe to steady himself.  Kylo makes a last-ditch effort to salvage the situation.  He’s got Rey in his bedroom, after all.  It’s time to make his move.  “I’m just going to rest a moment.  And then we are getting busy.  Do you hear me?  You are my consort and we are going to . . . er . . . consort.”

 

“Whatever.  Sleep it off, Ben,” she chuckles.

 

Her levity annoys him.  “If I wake up and you’re gone, I’m going to exile you again.  Do you understand?”  He’s half serious.  “It’ll be nothing but fish on Ahch-To for years, I promise!”

 

“Spice makes you angry,” she observes without enthusiasm.  “Are you an angry drunk too?”

 

“I’m an angry guy,” he proclaims as he falls face first onto his bed.

 

“The whole galaxy knows that,” Rey retorts as she rolls him over and starts yanking off his boots.  She’s none to gentle about the task.  Rey is literally putting him to bed now.  Even tucking him in.  “Now, go to sleep.  I promise I’ll stay,” she says with evident pity.

 

“This is very wifey of you,” he muses softly.

 

It’s the wrong thing to say.  “Oh, shut up.”  She’s fumbling around now under the blanket at his waist. And wait, maybe he will get some action after all.  She’s approaching the target.  Just a little to the left, Rey, he thinks. 

 

But no such luck. She’s aiming for something else entirely.  “Got ‘em,” she breathes as she drags out the two swords he wears clipped to his belt.  “Can’t have you roll over, activate one of these, and Darth Maul yourself,” she decides.

 

He agrees.  Kylo smirks and slurs, “Got to protect the Skywalker family jewels.  Darth Maul lived, you know.  He became the robo-Sith of the underworld.”

 

“More machine than man seems to be a thing with you Dark Side men,” Rey observes dryly.

 

“Not me,” he leers.  “I’m all here for you, babe.  Come see.”  He reaches to yank her down on top of him, but she easily eludes him.

 

“None of that,” she tells him primly.  But he notes the little half smile on her face.  It’s a sexy little smile, he thinks.

 

It’s the encouragement he needs just now.  He sits up on his elbows, lowers his chin, and gives her his deepest voice.  “This is Vader’s bed, you know.”  Best line ever, he thinks.  But Rey snorts.  He’s sort of affronted at that.  Dejected, he slumps back down. 

 

It’s a struggle, but he manages to keep his eyes open as he watches Rey skirt the end of the bed and plop down on the other side.  She’s yanking her own boots off now.  She finishes the task and lays her own saber on the bedside table.  Then she lays down on the other side of the bed and rolls to face him.  “Go to sleep.  It’s not happening,” she preempts him.  And does she have to sound so triumphant when she says that?   Here’s hoping she turns down FN-2187 with equal glee.

 

“You smell nice,” he blurts out loud for no reason at all. 

 

“I smell a lot better than when I was on Jakku.”

 

“I’m going to like having a wife who smells nice and takes off my boots,” he says thoughtfully.  His eyes are closed now.  They are too heavy to keep open.

 

“I haven’t said yes.”

 

“You will.  It’s destiny,” he says with drawn out flourish and a goofy grin.

 

Rey laughs out loud.  Like a serious hearty guffaw.  He takes offense.  “Don’t diss the Force,” he warns.  “My ally is the Force and a powerful ally it is.”

 

“It’s a much better ally than spice,” Rey snickers between hees and haws.  “Do you propose to all the girls you sleep with?” she wants to know.

 

He thinks a moment.  “Every single one so far.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

“Yeah.  Yeah, it is.”

 

“How many fiancées do you have?”

 

“Just you.  I’m a one-woman guy.”    

 

They fall silent a moment.  Or maybe he falls asleep, he’s not sure.  But when he rouses, Kylo cracks open one eye.  “You still there?”  He gropes a hand over blindly in the dark.   Someone turned out the lights.

 

“Still here,” Rey answers drowsily.  Then she yawns and rolls away.

 

“Good.”

 

Five minutes later he squints in her direction and asks again.  “You still there?”

 

“Go to sleep.”

 

He reaches one long arm across and hauls Rey closer to him.  “It’s better like this,” he mumbles into her hair as he snuggles up close. 

 

“Go to sleep,” she orders but Rey doesn’t squirm away.

 

“Yes, dear,” he smirks.  And that’s the last thing he remembers until morning.


	34. Chapter 34

Rey wakes to Ben snuggled up close.  He’s got his head on the pillow over hers and she is tucked up under his chin.  “Good morning,” he rumbles. 

 

“You’re awake,” Rey realizes as she shifts slightly in his arms.  Did they sleep like this all night?  Surely not, she thinks.  But it feels good.  It’s like being in a warm cocoon.  Desert girl Rey usually gets cold at night when sleeping in climate-controlled environments.  But not last night.  “How long have you been awake?” she mumbles. 

 

“A few minutes.”

 

“Are you sober now?”

 

“Yeah.  Yeah, I am.”

 

“Good.  Look, next time you get down, find me and we’ll handle it.   I’ll help you through it.  Don’t reach for spice.  I don’t want you to smoke that stuff.”  She hates that he smokes that stuff.

 

“It’s a deal.  I will reach for you and not for spice.”  Ben now strokes one hand down her side languidly.  Rey can’t help it.  She shivers at his touch.   It feels good.

 

“This is nice.  I like waking up next to you.”  His voice is husky and a bit hoarse.  He’s probably super thirsty from the spice, she thinks.  Usually, people sweat out the drug and end up dehydrated.  It’s why more than one addict ended up dead on parched Jakku. 

 

Ben nuzzles at her neck now.  “This is how I plan to start and end every day.  With just you and I.”

 

“Yeah?  I . . .  uh . . .   Well, about last night—“ she stammers, wondering how to begin.

 

“Shhhh.  This is perfect.  Don’t ruin it,” he chides.

 

“But—“

 

“I know we have a lot to figure out.  But just feel this a moment.  Be in the moment, Rey.  Feel the living Force.  Can you feel it?”

 

“What am I feeling?”  Rey is confused.

 

“Close your eyes.”   She does.  “Stretch out your feelings.  Feel me in the Force.   Feel yourself too. Feel how we are distinct but connected.  Can you feel it?”

 

“I think so.”

 

“All life is connected by the Force.  It surrounds us and penetrates us.  It binds the universe together.”  Ben pulls her closer into his body as one of his legs settles possessively over hers.  He keeps speaking of the Force as his hand starts to wander again.  It’s not threatening, it’s nice.  If Ben plans to teach her the Force in bed, Rey decides, she’s all in.

 

“Snoke used to say that when Dark meets Light there is always a spark.  Sometimes, it means conflict.  Sometimes, it means attraction. But it always means change.  Dark meets Light for a reason, Snoke always said.”

 

“I hated that guy,” Rey gripes.  Snoke nearly killed her. 

 

Ben gives a throaty chuckle. “He wasn’t your biggest fan.” Still, Ben judges, “Snoke was wise.  I learned a lot from him.”

 

“I hated that guy.”

 

“I killed him for you,” Ben practically coos into her ear.  “I’ll kill anyone who threatens my wife.” 

 

Revenge has to be the strangest love promise ever, Rey thinks.  But maybe that’s typical for a Dark Side guy.  Well, whatever.  All that scariness is part of why she’s turning Ben down.  Enough of this preamble, she’s ready to deliver the bad news and get it over with. 

 

“Look, I don’t do commitments,” Rey begins.   “I will work with you.  I will be with you.  But that’s all for now.”  She says this as firmly as she can, ignoring the doubts tugging at her heart.  Because truth be told, she is far from certain about this decision. 

 

“Scared?” Ben says gently. 

 

“No!  Well, maybe a little.   It’s a big deal.” 

 

A big fucking deal, actually.  Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly.  Rey had lain awake last night listening to Ben’s heavy breathing while she thought things through.  She has had lots of time to consider what it means to join Ben’s cause and to accept his teaching.  He started making those overtures back on the Starkiller Base.  But she hadn’t seen last night’s marriage proposal coming.  It had shocked her and reflexively she had said no.  But the more she thought about it, the less certain she was of her refusal.  In the end, being an Empress had pretty much killed it, though.   That sounds like a terrible job.  Like having to be her fancy holonet pundit self day in, day out.  Being camera ready with carefully composed answers to anything and everything at all times.  No thanks, Rey had decided.  That sort of high profile, high pressure life thoroughly intimidates her. 

 

But if it were just she and Ben without all the pressure of a war, the Force, and a public role?  Well, then she might have taken the risk and said yes.  So, for now her plan is to say no to marriage but yes to Ben.  She’s hoping they can settle into a private relationship without any labels and commitments.  She can play a behind the scenes role that no one notices.  Hopefully, she can sell this idea to Ben now that he’s sober.

 

Predictably, he’s not giving up.  He tries to reassure her.  “I’m not your family.  I won’t abandon you.”

 

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”  Ben is a constant in her life, it seems, whether she wants it or not.

 

“Then, tell me.”

 

“Don’t you ever take no for an answer?” she complains, feeling pressured and put on the spot.   

 

“I’m older than you.  I’ve made more big choices in life.  Trust me when I tell you that no one is ever completely sure of any decision.  Take a chance on me,” he whispers as he reaches to stroke her side again.  His hand leisurely trails down her arm, traces her waist, and follows the subtle curve of her hip.  They are both fully clothed, but Ben’s touch feels very intimate.  It’s got Rey wanting more.  “I know we could make each other happy,” he purrs into her ear.

 

Rey wiggles and shifts in Ben’s arms to face him.  Yep, he smells like sweat and spice.  But it’s not bad.  He’s so close now.  His face is inches from hers.  The scar she gave him is barely recognizable now, even up close.   Rey is glad for that. 

 

“Tell me,” he urges again as he strokes at her hair. 

 

“Look, maybe after the war . . . ” she dodges the question.

 

“The war ended at Crait.”  He drops a kiss on her forehead.  And now on her nose.  He heads for her lips next.

 

Rey pulls back.  It’s not that she’s not interested.  But she wants to be clear where things stand between them before they get all confused with sex.  So resolutely, she sticks to her guns.  But it still comes out sort of wishy-washy.  “Perhaps after we’ve been together a few years and we know it will last . . . ”

 

“You said you would join me,” he reminds her as his lips find her throat.  He speaks into her neck.  “This is how it’s done.  You give everything to me as your Master.”

 

Oh, that feels so good.  Ben nuzzling her neck is a very effective diversion.  But, with effort, Rey stays focused on the topic at hand.  “Before you said I could choose the terms,” she points out.

 

“Did I say that?  That was stupid of me.”  He aims for her lips again.

 

Rey turns her head.  “Cut that out, Ben.  I want to talk first and agree on things.”

 

He frowns.  But he takes the hint and halts his seduction.  “I’m listening,” he prompts.  “Why won’t you marry me?”

 

Defensive Rey now abruptly changes the topic.  “You don’t look so good.  Are you sure you’re alright?  How do you feel?”

 

“You’re not going to answer me, are you?”

 

Rey props herself on an elbow.  “You answer me first.  How do you feel?”

 

With a sigh, Kylo rolls over on his back and answers, “Hungover.  My head is killing me.  Don’t talk so loudly.”

 

“Thirsty?”

 

“Yes.  But otherwise, much better.” 

 

“Good.”  That’s a big relief.  Rey had hated to see Ben brought so low last night.  Hidden away in his ancestral castle on his birthday smoking spice alone to cope.  Ben needs help, she sees clearly.  He knows it too.  For even the mighty Kylo Ren, the Emperor of the known universe, has self-doubts and fears.  Beneath the mask, despite the magical Force, and notwithstanding the intimidating persona and position, he is achingly human.  Vulnerable and isolated, too.

 

We are not meant to be alone, Rey knows from experience.  Some of us need more space than others.  Some of us crave attention or have a stronger instinct to nurture.  But we all need people.  For every loner is lonely whether they will admit it or not.  And there are social butterflies who can feel alone even when standing in the midst of a crowd of friends.  Because it’s not the number of people you have that counts.  It’s the intimacy of those connections.  We all need to share our lives with others while feeling safe and secure. 

 

Belonging is harder than it looks, for the barriers that separate us are real.  The insecurities, the awkwardness, the attitudes.  The distinctions of class, culture, and experience matter, too.  Plus, circumstances seem to conspire to keep some people alone.  Rey is one of those people.  She sees that Ben is one as well.  And now that together they have found a common cause and a true sense of understanding, Rey knows that she should double down on this relationship for both of their sakes.  This could be good.  Really good.  But it’s hard because her natural instinct is to run away.  Rey would admit it to no one, but closeness and commitment scare her.  A lot.

 

Ben slants her an expectant look.  “Well?  Why are you telling me no?  Tell me what you’re worried about.”

 

Rey furrows her brow and looks away.  “Do we have to talk about this?”

 

“You’re not going to answer me, are you?” he accuses again.  “Give me a reason.”

 

“I don’t know what to say.”

 

“How about ‘yes’?”

 

“How about ‘not yet’?” she counters.   She resents Ben badgering her.  “Look, aren’t you supposed to be in love to get married?” Rey grouses. This feels like a merger or a peace treaty.  It has zero romance.  But maybe that’s her own fault since she rebuffed Ben’s moves last night and earlier.  “I always thought I would love my husband,” she says grumpily.  “And he would love me back.  What’s the point of marriage without love?”  She’s not in this to be an Empress. 

 

“We will love each other,” Ben says with absolute certainty.

 

“How can you know?  What if we don’t?”

 

“We will.  It’s dest—“

 

“Don’t say it!” she throws up a hand and cuts him off.  “I get the point.  Ben, this is just too soon.  I’m not ready for this yet.”

 

“Not yet?”  He sighs and rubs at his eyes as he sits up.  “I guess that’s as good as I’ll get.”  He scowls petulantly over at her.  “I had the perfect wedding present for you.”

 

Present?  Rey has never once received a present.  She’s intrigued.  “A new lightsaber?” she guesses.  She feels weird using Skywalker’s sword knowing more fully what happened at the temple.  Seeing Ben so vulnerable beside her in bed last night, she understood how cowardly it had been for Luke to attack his students in their sleep.  Poor Ben.  What a betrayal that must have been.  It’s years later and the boy who was betrayed by Luke has in turn betrayed Snoke.  Maybe because the transgressions done to you are often the ones you learn best to do to others. 

 

“I could use a new sword,” Rey says hopefully.

 

“It’s not a sword.  It was better than that.”

 

“A ship!” she guesses.  “Something fast and sleek.”  Not like her pokey stolen shuttle or the clunky old _Falcon_ that was falling apart.

 

“Nope.”  Petty, rejected Ben looks to be enjoying her befuddlement now.  “You would have loved it,” he says smugly.

 

That prompts her to arch an eyebrow at him.  “If you are building me my very own Death Star, then we were definitely heading for divorce.”

 

“It’s not Starkiller 2.0,” Ben retorts.  Then he smirks.  “You know, most women would be thinking of jewelry, but you’re thinking weapons and spacecraft.  That’s proof you’re the girl for me,” he crows.  He’s serious, too.

 

“A wedding present for an Empress,” Rey muses aloud.  “Was it a crown?” she asks dubiously.

 

“No.”

 

“Good.  Because I would hate that.”  Rey thinks some more.  “Was it a fancy palace?”

 

“No.  But you’d get that too.  I’m building one on Coruscant.”  He looks a bit sheepish about it.  “It seemed like the thing to do.”

 

“Okay, I give up. What was it?” Rey asks.

 

“Do you really want to know?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“A Senate.”

 

Rey’s face lights up and she sits up.  Did she hear right?  “Whoa—a Senate?  You’re willing to give on the Senate??   You never told me that!   Wow, that’s big.”   Rey is floored.  She’s also confused.  “But you told me to lay off on calling for a Senate.”

 

“That’s because it’s very problematic for me politically.  But I’ve come around to see your point of view.  I started laying the groundwork for it a while back with Hux’s First Order Council.  I am testing the waters a bit.  Seeing how far I can push it.”

 

That’s very Ben, Rey thinks.  Kylo Ren is far less fascist than many in the First Order perceive even if no one knows it but a select few.  He’s more pragmatic than anything. 

 

Rey starts thinking aloud through all the repercussions of this development.  “If you allow a Senate along with the civil rights you granted, then we’d get the best, most important parts of the Old Republic back!”

 

“Yes,” he agrees, wincing slightly at her raised voice. 

 

And, whoops, she belatedly remembers that his head hurts.   “Sorry,” she mumbles, red faced.  “I forgot.”

 

Ben openly scowls at her now.  “I would have given you a Senate as a wedding gift.  But since you would rather be my enemy girlfriend under my repressive totalitarian regime, I suppose that’s fine too.  But don’t complain you didn’t get your chance to do your part for the rebel cause,” he glares.

 

What??  “This has nothing to do with us getting married!” she accuses hotly.  “You planned to allow this Senate all along!”  She’s back to thinking through the consequences now as she breathlessly exclaims, “A Senate!   Ben, if we got a Senate, the Resistance might disband.”

 

“That’s the general idea,” he says dryly.

 

Rey’s mind is racing as she perceives his underlying strategy. “This is like the stormtrooper thing, isn’t it?  You are beating us to the punch on the big issues.  You’re making us irrelevant!”

 

“Correct.  A Senate means that the Resistance could be a political minority party and not an underground revolutionary group.”  Ben sighs as he pokes gingerly at his throbbing temples and continues to explain.   “I’m trying to find a way to permit dissent.  The old Empire didn’t do that.  In its later years, Palpatine disbanded the Senate and all that did was push his more moderate critics into the camp of the Rebellion.  Since there was no mechanism for reform, they opted for revolution.”

 

“So you’re going to do the same thing in reverse?” Rey surmises.

 

“I hope so.  I’d rather keep an eye on my opposition as they give speeches against me in a public forum than have them plot in secret on Dantooine.”  Ben lifts his red rimmed, bloodshot eyes to hers.  “Rey, there will always be violent extremists on both sides.  But I want to keep them on the margins where they belong.  Where they are frowned upon by reasonable people.”

 

Rey nods.  She’s getting more and more excited as he keeps talking.  “I can help you with this!  I can talk up the Senate as our main goal in the rebel council and publicly on the holonet.  To sort of prime things beforehand.  That way when you announce the Senate, it will be perceived by our guys as a win.”  Her enthusiasm gives way to skepticism now.  “Wait—will this be a real democratically elected Senate?  Or will this be a puppet legislature you control?”

 

He shrugs.  “Probably a little of both.  Very few people know about this since it’s so politically sensitive.  We haven’t worked out the details yet.  But I can be flexible.”

 

“Okay.”

 

He slants her a glance and raises an eyebrow.  “So . . . is that a yes?”

 

“It’s a yes to the Senate.”

 

Ben shoots her a look.  “It’s a package deal.  Marriage to me and the Senate.  It’s a wedding present, remember?”

 

“Marriage . . . “  Rey repeats the words and swallows hard.

 

He sees her indecision and presses his leverage.  “Rey, a Senate could mean real peace.  Lasting peace.  We both want that.  You said it yourself:  the key is to combine the best of the Empire and the best of the Republic.”

 

He’s right.  And now, Rey is completely flummoxed.  Last night, she had lain awake listing out all the reasons why it was crazy for them to get married.  But that was before Ben had thrown a Senate into the mix.  It's the ultimate sweetener to the deal.  A game changing counteroffer if there ever was one.  For this is clear evidence of Ben’s sincere desire for reform.  Plus, it dramatically advances her cause and could end the conflict.  Rey is suddenly very torn.  She really wants to say yes, but she feels expertly manipulated.  This move is very Kylo Ren.  It feels less like a proposal and more like an ultimatum.

 

“Say yes and save the galaxy with me, babe,” he goads her, laying on the guilt.  It would be a ridiculously grandiose statement coming from anyone but Ben.  Saving the galaxy is the family business for the Chosen Ones.  But whereas the uncle wanted to end it all in a violent fit of nihilism, the nephew wants to embrace the conflict between Light and Dark.  To find the elusive balance long foretold. To usher in a new era of peace.  Is that even possible?  Ben Solo thinks so.  And that gives pause to Rey’s doubts.  Because if there’s one thing history teaches, it’s never bet against a Skywalker. 

 

Ben is silent now.  Looking at her with intensity.  Waiting for her reply.

 

And, damn.  Now, she really ought to say yes.  But Rey hesitates.  What to do?  What to do?  On Jakku in situations like this, Rey had gone with her gut.  She goes with it now, too. 

 

“Okay, then.  Yes.  I will marry you,” she decides as she glares at Ben.  She’s resentful that he has manipulated her.  Somehow, this feels like she is haggling with Unkar Plutt.  But what does she expect?  She’s marrying a guy who once exiled her on a whim.

 

For his part, Ben looks a little shocked.  Like he didn’t think his ploy would work, but he’s pleased it did.  He recovers fast and starts to grin.  It’s a rare smile from Kylo Ren.  “Excellent.”  He lunges for her across the bed.  “The honeymoon starts now.  No more talking.  My head hurts.”

 

But Rey is having none of it.  “Get off!”  She eludes him as she rolls away.  “I need to get going.  They will be missing me by now.”  Rey had come here disenchanted with the Resistance.  Even thinking of leaving them for good.  And so, spending the night here didn’t concern her much.  But things are different now that Rey needs to continue her rebel leadership role and stay in the council’s good graces.  She can’t afford to attract suspicion on her whereabouts.   “Where are my boots?  I thought I left them beside the bed—"

 

As Ben realizes what she’s doing, he explodes.  “You’re not leaving!” 

 

Rey finds her boots and yanks them on.  “Of course, I’m leaving.  I want to go back to base and start working on a strategy for this.  I think I can lay the groundwork over time to make the Senate announcement feel like a natural resolution for things.”  Rey’s mind is full of ideas already.  She has really taken to her media spokeswoman role.  It has a steep learning curve, but she’s gotten the hang of it now.

 

“Your place is with me,” Ben hisses.  “The deal was for marriage!  For you and I committed together forever!”

 

“But I am the face of the Resistance,” Rey points out.

 

“Not anymore.”

 

Boots on, Rey leaps to her feet and plants her hands on her hips.  “If I leave the Resistance, I’m no good to you.  It’s my role on the inside and my relationship with the other rebel leaders that matters.  Ben, if I’m just another face on your staff, you lose all that.  And then, I will have nothing to add.”

 

He dismisses this concern.  “You know how the traitor and the other crazies think.  That’s useful intel for us.”  Ben is on his feet now too, thundering at her from across the bed.

 

“I only know that because I am among them,” Rey points out.   “Living as one of them.  It gives me a finger on their pulse.”

 

“Yeah?”  Ben calls her out.  “Last night, you were complaining that they don’t listening to you.”

 

It’s true.  Rey concedes, “They don’t listen to me on military matters.  But they do on other things, especially political and media matters.  Ben, I could really help you on the inside.”   This is so obvious.  Why can’t Ben see it?

 

Because he’s got other priorities, that’s why.  “I thought you decided to be with me.”  He gives her a hurt, reproachful stare.  That stare when he lowers his chin and works his jaw and looks down his nose at her.  It’s the Dark prince at his most petulant and foreboding.  That look always makes Rey want to squirm.

 

But not today.  “I am deciding to be with you,” Rey grinds out.  “I just agreed to marry you.  Isn’t that what you want?”

 

“But this Senate is more important than me?  Is that it??”

 

“Peace is important,” she declares.  “Look, when are you announcing this Senate?”

 

“Not right away.  I need to let the dust settle a bit.  I’m not popular with many in the First Order right now.  I have the same problem you do, Rey.  I’m trying to get my hardliners to come my direction.  I can act unilaterally, but I don’t want to.  I don’t want to play into their hands.  The Old Empire did that with the Republic.  They cracked down on dissent and ending up creating more of it.”

 

“So months?” Rey guesses. 

 

“I was thinking more like a year.”

 

“Oh.”  A year is a long time.  A lot can happen in a year.  But it’s doable, she supposes.  “Well, I guess we will do the long-distance thing—”

 

“No!”  Ben is back to roaring again.  He gestures to the rumpled bed they have just slept in.  “I want this!  I want us to have a life together.  Not my spies slipping you datafiles with vague messages and hyperspace coordinates.”

 

Rey digs in her heels.  “I’m key to all of this and you know it!  Because if I can get on the holonet to praise your decision and announce that the Resistance cause is standing down to work within the system, I can be a unifying influence.”

 

“Maybe,” he admits.  “But not all of your guys are going to go for this.  You know that, right?”

 

“Yeah.  Yeah, I do.  But a lot of people on Dantooine might side with me.  And billions of Republic sympathizers watching at home might side with me as well.  Those are the people you are really looking to sway, right?  Because the Resistance can’t topple your Empire as is.  But if those people joined us, we might.  That’s what happened with the Rebellion.  Once average ordinary people supported it, the Empire was doomed.”

 

“Right.  It’s why I granted back civil rights and freed the stormtroopers.  To appease the Republic citizens by adopting some of their values.”

 

“Well, I speak to those people,” Rey contends.  “Our entire media strategy is aimed at my being calm and reasonable to debunk the impression that we are terrorists.  So those armchair Republic supporters will be convinced.  Ben, you really should use my role in this.  I can help you.”

 

“But what about us?  It will be a year, maybe more,” he whines.

 

“Look, I need to go back to Dantooine if only for Finn.  I’m going to have to explain myself to Finn.”

 

It’s the wrong thing to say.  Ben looks alarmed at the prospect.  He growls, “No, you don’t.”

 

“Yes, I do!  He’s my friend.  He still thinks that he and I . . .   Well, I want to let him down easy.” 

 

“If you tell him about us, he’ll kill you,” Ben warns.  “He’ll know you are a traitor to his cause and he’ll figure out that you cheated on him too.”

 

“I’m not stupid!” Rey retorts.  “But if I don’t say something, I’ll feel like I’m stringing him along.  That’s not fair to him.”  Or to Rose, she thinks.  Maybe now Rose will get her chance with Finn.

 

“He might turn on you.  You said yourself that he loves you.”

 

“He won’t hurt me.  Finn is not like that.  He’s not like . . . you,” Rey finishes awkwardly.  Because she has no doubt that if the shoe was on the other foot, Ben would light his sword and come for her.  She has no illusions about the Dark Side warrior she’s marrying.  She’ll lose her head if she cheats on Ben.

 

He frowns at her choice of words.  “I’d feel better if you just disappeared on him and showed up at my side as Empress.”

 

“That would be cruel.”

 

“So what?  The truth hurts sometimes.  You know that better than most.  He’s going to find out eventually.  Telling the traitor feel good lies now won’t save him from the truth later on.”

 

“Don’t call Finn that.”

 

“Why not?  He is a traitor.  And now you’re the girl who is a traitor to the traitor with his old boss.”  As he summarizes the situation, Ben gets more upset.  “Why does everything in my life have to be political?” he rants.  “I have a fight with my uncle and I switch sides in the Force.  I want to marry my girlfriend but she’s on the opposite side of a war.  Why the fuck is everything so complicated for me??”

 

Rey takes a deep breath and tries to employ the calm and collected demeanor she uses on the holonet.  She walks over to where Ben is pacing with shoulders heaving.  She starts bargaining now.  “Fine, I won’t tell Finn.  But I’m still going back.  I want to do this, Ben.  Hey,” she reaches for his hand to halt his anxious movements.  “Peace is what will hold the galaxy together.  It might hold us together, too.  My going back to the Resistance might ensure our future in the end.”

 

He searches her eyes with concern. “Do you really want to do it this way?  It’s very dangerous.”

 

“Not really.  It’s no more dangerous than before.  We’ll meet like this again.  I’m constantly going to and from Coruscant.  That will be my cover to explain my absences to see you.”

 

“So we have to bring peace to the galaxy before you’ll marry me?  This is some sort of engagement, is that it?”  Ben looks deflated.  This clearly isn’t what he had in mind.  “I wanted us to build a future together.  To live together and be together.  But now this Senate is a hurdle to that?”

 

Rey wants to find a way to make this work.  She grew up bargaining in a barter economy on Jakku, so she makes Ben a counteroffer.   She decides a show of good faith on her part is in order now. 

 

With a deep breath, Rey says, “No.  We don’t have to wait for the Senate announcement.  I’ll marry you now.”

 

Ben blinks.  She has surprised him.  “Here?  Now?  Like this?”

 

“No.  I’m in Coruscant next week again.  Meet me there.  We’ll do it then.  Are all those fancy clothes of mine still on the _Finalizer_?  I’ll wear that white dress from your coronation night.  That will do for a wedding dress.”

 

“That stuff’s all here.  Vanee shipped it back.”

 

“Even better.  I’ll take it with me,” Rey decides.  Then, she starts formulating a plan.  “Can you find a church and a priest?  Or maybe a judge?  Just someplace small and quiet where we can slip in and slip out.  Then, you can erase the memory afterwards, right?”

 

That suggestion doesn’t go over well.  Ben bristles, “I am a priest.  Our church is the Force.  I am the religious authority here.  Well, the civil authority too,” he decides.

 

“Great.  Then we will marry ourselves and no one has to know.  Do we need witnesses?” she asks. 

 

“You’re saying you want a secret marriage?” he wants to confirm.  “The Emperor and the Empress will be on opposite sides of a war?” His skepticism is obvious.

 

“It has to be secret for me to stay with the Resistance.”  She can tell Ben isn’t going for it.  He opens his mouth to object again but she cuts him off.  She improvises, “Your grandparents did it.  This is very Vader, don’t you think?”

 

Apparently, not.  “My grandmother was not a Separatist!  They hid the marriage because Vader was a Jedi back then.  They were on the same side the whole time.”

 

“So are we,” Rey proclaims.  “We are on the side of peace.  When the time is right, we will announce it to the galaxy.”

 

“And until then, we’ll sneak around?”

 

“Think of it as romantic,” she suggests, trying to be positive about this admittedly hairbrained scheme.  Rey considers further and gives it her best media spin.  “It’s noble too.  We are lovers kept apart by duty.”

 

Ben looks as unenthused as ever, but he entertains the idea some.  “This could work,” he begrudgingly admits.  “It’s basically another version of what we’re doing now, except with the goal of a Senate and a formal commitment between us.”

 

Seeing she’s making headway, Rey instantly agrees.  “That’s right!  We’re just taking things to the next level.  The risks with the Resistance are still the same.  I’m just adding the risk of marriage too.”  She cocks her head at Ben and asks, “What happens if it doesn’t work out?  Can you divorce an Emperor?”

 

“No.”

 

“Well, it’s a secret marriage so no will know, so maybe we just go our separate ways?” she posits.

 

“No.”  Ben is very serious now.  “We will not be my parents,” he vows.  “We are going to stay together and be there for each other no matter what the future brings.  If we do this, you have to be all-in,” he warns her.  “There is no divorce.  ‘Til death do us part, Rey.”

 

That phrasing is a bit off-putting considering this is Kylo Ren.  She tells him so.  “That’s a little scary coming from a Skywalker, you know.”

 

Ben is coming around now.  “And another thing--we’re not doing this on Coruscant with some pretender priest at some underground Church of the Force chapel.  If we’re doing this, we’re doing it on Ahch-To.”

 

“At the first Jedi Temple?”

 

“It’s my temple now.”

 

“Oh.  Okay, if that’s what you want.  The little lizard ladies will love it,” Rey thinks aloud.  “And I could swing that trip easily.  I’ll tell the truth about where I’m going and tell everyone it’s Jedi stuff.  They all love Luke Skywalker at the Resistance and they know where he lived.”

 

“What are you going to tell them about your delay now?” Ben asks.

 

“I don’t know.  I’ll think of something.”

 

“Well, think fast.  Grab your sword.  I’ll get the dress.  You’re leaving now.”  As Ben says this, he is yanking on his own boots and grabbing for his swords.  He’s out the door and down the hall so fast that Rey is racing to catch up.

 

“Wait—does this mean we’re doing this?” she hollers after him down the corridor.  She catches up to Ben in what must be a guest bedroom.  He’s standing before an open closet door rifling through a rack of her old dresses.  She ignores this, so taken is she by the room. 

 

“It’s so beautiful,” she says aloud in a hushed voice as she looks at the simple, pretty room decorated mostly in white with flower petals strewn across the bed.  It’s a lovely effect.  The room looks like it has been prepared for a princess on her wedding night.  Or maybe it’s a bower where a goddess might sleep.

 

“What?”  Ben looks back over his shoulder.  He follows her eyes and reddens slightly.  “Oh, that.  Vanee knew you might be coming.  That’s his doing.  The old guy can be over the top.”  Then Ben turns back to the rack of clothes.

 

“It’s beautiful,” Rey repeats.  “Just beautiful.  I once found a flower on Jakku.  It was a weed, really.  It must have come from a seed stuck to an off-worlder’s shoe.  But it grew and bloomed before it died.  I kept the pot I put it in afterwards.  I gave it water when I had some to spare.  But it never regrew.”

 

“Found it!”  Ben has the ivory silk dress from the _Finalizer_ in his hands.  “Do you need anything else to go with this?” he asks. 

 

“Yeah, hold on.”  Rey grabs the matching shoes and a few of the fancy underthings she once wore, figuring she should look the complete part on her wedding day.  She eyes the deactivated small grooming droid on the closet floor. 

 

Seeing the direction of her gaze, Ben grabs it.  “Here, let’s use this.”  Ben snatches up a travel bag someone must have used to transport her things.  Together, they stuff her belongings in.  “Good.  Come on.”  Ben grabs the bag in one hand and her in the other.  He starts heading through the castle for the exit.  “You need to get going so no one becomes suspicious.”

 

“So, we’re really doing this?” she asks breathlessly.

 

“Yes, I’m convinced.  We’ll get married in secret and you can go back to the Resistance and plot for a Senate.  If all goes well, we will announce you as the Empress then.”

 

“How are you going to explain me?”

 

“We’ll think of something.  We’ve got a year to figure it out.”

 

Vanee comes upon them as they race through the halls.  “Breakfast is served, Master,” he formally intones with a bow.

 

“Not today.  She’s leaving now,” Ben replies as they breeze by.

 

“Thanks anyway, Vanee,” Rey calls back to the castle caretaker.  “And thanks for the flowers too.”

 

“Be sure to erase the flight history on your navicomputer,” Ben instructs as they exit the castle.  Then he turns to one of the praetorians flanking the door and orders, “Get in that shuttle and warm it up.”  As the guard hurries to do his Emperor’s bidding, Kylo drops the travel bag and turns to her.  He takes her hands in his.  They both ignore the remaining guard within earshot and the dozen stormtroopers watching. 

 

“When are we meeting?” Ben demands.

 

Rey does the math in her head.  “Seven standard days from now.  I’ll meet you there after I leave the studio on Coruscant.”

 

“You’re sure?”

 

Rey gulps and nods.  There’s no turning back now.  This is her plan he’s agreeing to after all.  “Yes.  I’m sure.  Are you?”

 

“Yes.”  Ben nods to her approvingly, “It’s a good plan.  Let’s do this.  Let’s take destiny into our own hands.”

 

That sounds good to her.  This is happening fast, very fast.  But Rey feels empowered now.  Like this union is an affirmative choice she’s making and not some predetermined fate she must submit to.   Plus, she and Ben are each compromising in this.  That matters a lot to Rey.  She’s not about to let Kylo Ren walk all over her.   She plans to be his equal regardless of whether she ends up calling him Master.

 

Off to the side, Rey hears the whine of ion engines starting up.  She glances over at the shuttle and then back at Ben.  The hot breeze off the lava river lifts his cape as they stand together sweating in the oppressive heat.  Emperor Ren might be in uniform, but he is a rumpled, uncombed, unwashed, red-eyed, slept-in mess smelling of spice, probably just like herself.  But to Rey’s eyes in this moment, he is the most handsome man in the universe.  The most inspiring one, too.  Not for his position or presumable wealth, and not for his heritage or his Force.  And despite his very real failings and excesses.  That legendary temper.  The depressive tendencies.  The unpredictable violence.  Rey can see all that clear-eyed and look past it to the stubborn hopefulness beneath.  For this is an imperfect man trying to make the galaxy a more perfect place.  He has been Light, he has been Dark, and now he is searching for something in-between.  How foolish of her to think that she would be the one to save Ben Solo in Snoke’s throne room.  This man is Hell-bent on saving himself and the rest of the galaxy too.   He’s part zealot, part madman, and part dreamer.  But all Skywalker.  And now, she’s going to be a Skywalker too. 

 

This marriage is either the best decision she has ever made or the worst mistake of her life.  Only time will tell. 

 

Ben would say it’s unavoidable either way because it’s destiny.  But independent, self-reliant Rey has never been a fatalist.  She credits herself with her accomplishments and her failures too.  So once again, Rey takes charge of things.  Staring up at the First Order’s Dark prince, his black hair and black cape whipping in the blazing hot wind, she pulls him down for an equally searing kiss.   Because for all the bizarre intimacy they have shared since last night—the revelations of their respective pasts and Ben’s revelations about his plans for the future—they have neglected to do this.   In all the arguments about values and ideas, and amid all the haggling over marriage and a Senate, somehow passion took a backseat.  Because thanks to the spice, the bickering, and her hasty exit, there simply wasn’t time.   So Rey makes time now.  It just seems wrong to commit to marriage like it’s a political alliance and nothing more.  The girl who obsessively watched happily-ever-after shows on the holonet needs this kiss to seal the deal.

 

Thank you Force, Rey thinks as Ben’s strong arms crush her to his body.  Because if Ben Solo truly is her destiny, then destiny looks good.  From the very beginning, they have had a wary, awkward attraction to one another.  It was something Rey didn’t fully comprehend at first.  She chalked it up to her longtime loneliness and extremely limited experience with men.  But over time and with understanding, the pull of this man has only grown.  The more she knows Ben, the more he draws her in.  Plus, his neediness is endearing.  And so, whether he’s morose in a spice stupor or making goofy passes at her last night, Ben has her attention.  And she’d be lying if she didn’t admit that the sight of him makes her pulse quicken.  If nothing else, being Mrs. Ben guarantees that Rey will never be bored.  And the Empress part?  Well, she’ll figure that out when the time comes.  She has at least a year.

 

Her stolen shuttle is more than warmed up by the time they part.  She’s panting and he’s panting too.  “Maybe you don’t have to leave so fast,” Ben decides.  “Let’s go back inside.”

 

Rey shakes her head.  “We’re going to get caught if people get suspicious and start snooping around.  You were right that I need to go.”   The praetorian now exits the idling shuttle to resume his post at the door.  There’s no reason for further delay.  “I should go,” Rey announces as she lingers anyway.

 

“It’s always going to be like this, isn’t it?   With you sneaking around and running off.”  Ben looks at her bleakly.  “Today is the first and last day you will wake up in my arms, isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah, probably.  For now,” Rey admits. 

 

“I already hate this!” Ben rasps as his face hardens.  Then he rages, “I wish you had never left my flagship!”

 

“Hey,” Rey reaches to cup his cheek and talk him down.  She can already see his shoulders starting to heave.  “Your grandparents lived this way for years.  We can do it for a few months.”  Ben doesn’t answer.  He just makes a frustrated face and looks away.   They have prolonged this enough, Rey thinks.  “May the Force be with you,” she bids him goodbye as she picks up the travel bag and heads fast for the shuttle ramp. 

 

She makes it only partway to the ship before Ben catches her hand and whirls her into his arms.  And now he is kissing her like there is no tomorrow.  Like this moment is all there will ever be for them.   The desperation behind Ben’s passion makes this abandoned, orphaned girl feel so wanted.  And by a handsome Skywalker prince, no less.  It’s like a girlhood dream come true.  Gods help her, because if Ben suggests again they go back inside then Rey is saying yes. 

 

But he doesn’t.  The kiss ends and he clasps her tight, bending his head to whisper into her ear.  His words betray how much he knows her. “Don’t second guess this after you’re gone.  You won’t regret it.  I promise I won’t fail you like others have.”

 

Then he lets her go.  Rey watches out the cockpit window as the shuttle lifts off and Ben becomes a fast-shrinking figure in black until he is a tiny speck that slips from view.  She’s through the shieldgate and into space immediately.  Then, Rey plots her course to Dantooine.  She busies herself thinking over what to tell Finn and the others about her delayed return.  But her thoughts keep wandering back to Ben and to the magic of his kiss.  This is reckless and crazy, but somehow it feels right.  The Force just might be with them in this, Rey hopes.


	35. Chapter 35

It’s the wee hours of the morning when Rey returns to base.  Even pushing the shuttle’s engines as fast as she can, she’s still a good thirty-six hours later than expected.  Rey parks the ship in its usual spot and waves to the overnight ground crew.  She’s hoping to sneak into her room undetected.  But then, she catches sight of a familiar figure sprawled out in a chair but still amazingly upright given he is fast asleep and snoring. 

 

It’s Finn.  He has been waiting for her. 

 

“Hey,” Rey says softly as she gently jostles his arm.  “Finn, wake up.  It’s me.”

 

“Huh?”  Her loyal friend startles as he wakes, blinking up at her.  Recognition brings a relieved grin to his face.  “Rey!  You’re back!  Are you okay??”

 

“Yeah,” she smiles down at him.  “Sorry to wake you, but I figured you were waiting up for me.”

 

“I couldn’t sleep until I knew you were safe,” Finn reveals as he jumps to his feet.  He excitedly envelopes Rey in a bear hug.  “You’re back,” Finn breathes into her hair as he clasps her tight.   “I was—we were—worried. I wondered if—“

 

“Here I am,” Rey assures him, squeezing back.  “Safe and sound.” 

 

Finn pulls her closer still.  “Oh, I needed this good news,” he exhales.  “I really needed this.  You don’t know how much I needed you to come back.”  It’s the first inkling that things have gone badly during her absence.

 

“I’m here.  I’m fine.”

 

“What time is it?” Finn pulls back to look at his watch.  “You’re a day and a half late.  Where were you?  Rey, we were so worried.  We feared the worst.  Rose waited up with me all last night, but tonight she had to get some sleep.”  Looking Rey over critically before he is satisfied that she is truly okay, Finn asks again, “Where were you?”

 

“I took the long way back,” Rey improvises.  She has decided to be vague rather than to lie outright. “I needed time to think.  Finn, after how things were when I left-- ”

 

“Yes, I know,” he cuts her off.  “That made it worse, actually.  I feared you had been captured or killed and we had parted on bad terms.  But we’re good now, right?” He searches her face for reassurance.  “Now that you’re back, we’re okay??”

 

What does she say to that?  Rey settles on “Yes.”

 

Her friend exhales and again looks very relieved.  Now, Rey gets another bear hug.  And then her astute friend says softly, “Look, next time you need some space, I can give it to you here.  You don’t have to crisscross the galaxy to avoid me for a few days.”

 

Oh Finn, Rey thinks guiltily as she stares into his chocolate eyes, if you only knew . . .

 

“I get it--Jakku means you need time alone some days.  I can give you that whenever you want,” he promises.  It’s so endearingly said that Rey feels absolutely wretched now.  She has never wanted to hurt Finn.  But that feels inevitable now as her deceptions deepen in a very personal way.

 

Rey takes a deep breath and then the apologies and excuses start pouring out.  “I’m sorry I upset you.  I didn’t mean to alarm anyone.  It’s just that the shuttle has First Order communications equipment that would potentially compromise any message I sent you, even if it was encrypted.”

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Finn.”

 

“It’s fine.  Just don’t do it again, okay?”  Finn wipes at his sleepy eyes.  “You really spooked me.  I didn’t know if you were dead, or captured, or had just left me . . . er . . . us . . . the Resistance, I mean . . . ”

 

Alarmed at that slip of the tongue, Rey awkwardly shifts her weight and offers, “Well, here I am.  I’m back.”  She looks around at the surprisingly empty landing platform.  It looks like nearly half the X-wings are gone.  “Is there a mission going on right now?” she asks.

 

“Was a mission,” he answers.  And from the expression on the Resistance general’s face, she’s hit a nerve.  Rey’s prior argument with Finn now essentially resumes.  Only it’s less heated and far more grim. “We did the Hux ambush while you were gone.  We saw an opportunity and we took it.”  Finn sighs heavily and nods behind her to the fighters that remain.  “This is what’s left.”

 

Rey turns and starts counting.  “Oh.”

 

“We lost ten of the twelve ships in the ambush squadron.  We’ve got fourteen fighters total left.”

 

“Did you get him?”

 

“No.  Hux got away.”

 

“What happened?” Rey turns back to Finn.  “Was the intel bad?   Was it a trap?”

 

The young general explains, “We got him as planned with just the two TIEs for protection and no reinforcements.  But this is the damage their three ships did.   Hux’s shuttle didn’t flee, it fought.  It might not be a match for the speed of our ships, but their pilot had tactics to compensate for that.”  Finn frowns.  “Those guys are good.  The shuttle and its two fighter escorts fought defensively as a unit while it was a free-for-all on our side.  We were completely outclassed,” Finn summarizes unhappily.

 

“Oh.”  Rey gives an involuntary glance over her shoulder to all the empty space where Resistance X-wings used to park.  “Their three slower ships took out ten of ours?”  Is she understanding right?

 

“We’re green, Rey.  Their guys are battle tested and we’re amateurs working out the kinks.”

 

“Oh.”  What else is there to say?

 

“Everyone is pretty upset about the mission.”  The way Finn says this tells Rey it is a massive understatement.  “People are taking it really hard.  We had high hopes,” he says sadly, “but they didn’t turn out.”

 

“Are you going to make a speech?” Rey asks.  General Finn addresses the troops every now and then.  He’s actually very good at it, too.  Leadership comes naturally to gregarious, extraverted Finn.

 

“Yeah, I think now would be a good time for that. I’m going to give it a few days so everyone is not so raw.”  Finn grimaces.  “We’ve taken a few casualties before, but never so many in one mission.  And the loss of the ships . . . the anticipation behind the mission . . .   Well, this is a major setback.”

 

Yes, she agrees.   “I’m very sorry for the loss of life,” Rey says softly. 

 

Finn nods, “Yeah, we all are.  I’d feel better if we had taken a few of them with us,” he gripes.  And now, the young general gives her a sheepish look.  “I was . . . uh . . . a little glad at first that you were late getting back.  There was a lot of shouting in the council meeting yesterday after the debriefing.”

 

Rey raises her eyebrows at this.  She’s instantly defensive.   “Oh, so I am to blame for this?”

 

“Of course not!”

 

Rey purses her lips and nods knowingly.  “Does everyone see it that same way?”

 

“No,” Finn begrudgingly admits. 

 

Irritated Rey vents her frustration.  Her voice rises and she doesn’t care if she is overheard by the overnight crew.  “The council needs a strategy other than ‘send in the Jedi’!  The old Resistance thought Luke Skywalker was the answer.  That he could go out and face down the whole First Order with a laser sword and everything would work out fine because he was the legendary Jedi.  It didn’t work out that way and everybody knows it.”  Rey is exasperated.  “We have to stop looking for some magical warrior to appear on the scene and save our skins.”

 

“This isn’t your fault.”

 

“Damn right, it’s not!”  Rey looks again at all the empty space behind her and her face hardens.  “We have untrained, untested troops and we are hopelessly outgunned.  Finn, we’ve got to readjust our goals to be more realistic about the position we are in.”

 

“Keep your voice down!” Finn hisses, looking around.  “No one’s in the mood for ‘I told you so’ right now.  And, please don’t tell anyone what you said about giving up because the war is lost.  That’s not helpful advice.”  He glares at her.

 

Rey doesn’t want to rub salt in anyone’s wounds, but she wishes the council would stop doubling down on its mistakes.  Sometimes the truth is hard to hear but you still need to hear it anyway.  She looks her friend in the eye.  “Finn, there are some problems you cannot solve by jumping in an X-wing and blowing something up.  We need to learn that and play to our strengths.”

 

“Yeah?  What are those?” he challenges.

 

“Our ideas and our values.  Those didn’t disappear with Hosnia.  The Republic was far more than just that one system.  We need to carry on those values and carve out a place for them in the Empire.”

 

“So, if you can’t beat them, join them?  Is that it?”  Finn frowns and shakes his head at her.  “Rey, the First Order doesn’t want our input.  They’re looking to slaughter us like on Crait.”

 

“If that’s true, then why are they putting me on their state controlled holonet channel almost every week?” Rey counters.

 

“Are you suggesting that we do more of your holonet stuff?  You really think after Starkiller Base there is a political solution here?”

 

“Yes.”  

 

Finn sets her straight.  “No one wants to hear that.  Especially from the Jedi who refuses to fight in combat.”

 

“Fighting isn’t our best option right now,” she maintains, eyeing him resentfully.  “You know, before the Clone Wars the Jedi didn’t fight wars.  They were keepers of the peace.  Historically, the Jedi sought nonviolent ways to resolve conflicts.  Even Luke Skywalker didn’t actually fight at Crait.  He was a projection in the Force the whole time.”

 

“Look, everyone agrees we need to rethink our tactics.  But not along the lines you are thinking.”

 

“Yeah?  Like what?” she demands.

 

“Like softer targets.”  Finn gestures to the ship Rey arrived on.  “We have this shuttle that will get us into a few places unnoticed.  We should use it.”

 

“Bad idea,” Rey judges.  “It’s very slow.”

 

“Could we retrofit the engines?”

 

“Maybe.   Why?”

 

“We’re thinking that shuttle could sneak our guys into secure areas where we can do some damage.  Lay some bombs.   Stuff like that to harass the enemy.”

 

Rey raises an eyebrow.  “So we really are terrorists now?  Blowing things up and killing people just to get attention rather than to achieve a strategic objective?”   She sighs with disappointment.  Finn is such a good person.  He truly is.  But he’s going down a path she can’t follow with his insistence on violence.  “Count me out.  Goodnight, Finn.”  She’s ending this conversation now before it becomes a full-fledged argument.

 

“Where are you going?” Finn calls after her.

 

“It’s late.  I want to take a shower and go to bed.”  As an afterthought, she stops and turns back to Finn. “Thank you for waiting up for me.”  She means it sincerely, but the words come out a bit churlish to her ears. 

 

Finn doesn’t take offense.  “We’ll talk more tomorrow.  We’re both a bit tired.  Breakfast?” he solicits.

 

“Yeah, sure.  Come knock on my door when you’re ready to go.” 

 

“Okay.”

 

Things around base get back to their usual patterns the next day.  Rey is closeted with her media team while Finn is busy with military planning and strategizing.  They see each other nightly at dinner with Rose in what is partly a mutual daily debriefing and partly a meal shared between good friends.   After dinner, Rey either works some more or just enjoys some solitude.  The Dantooine base can feel oppressive sometimes with all the people.  And these days, more than ever Rey feels a bit removed from her Resistance brethren.   She might want the same things as her colleagues, but she does not share their tactics.   

 

That’s because Rey has come to understand the First Order’s position more and more.  Representing the Resistance on the holonet has been a crash course in galactic politics.  On Jakku, Rey had only followed the newsfeeds from afar.  She had been mostly turned off by the self-important pundits who talk over each other and constantly interrupt with zingers and snark.  But now, it’s her job.  The experience has given Rey a real appreciation for the dynamics of the conflict and the complexity of the issues.  Even as Emperor, Kylo has people to appease on his side.  

 

It's going to be very hard to establish a lasting peace, Rey fears.  There’s no way to make everyone happy all of the time.  And there are those people, like Finn, who are so bitter and so captive to their own perspective that they are incapable of compromise.  They would rather see the Empire fail and the galaxy dissolve once more into civil war than see the Empire succeed.  Quite simply, they want to be proven right even if it costs a lot of lives. 

 

She wonders sometimes if Finn’s background as a stormtrooper is what causes this attitude.  He was brainwashed as a child to groupthink for an extreme cause.  Finn broke free of all that First Order dogma when he defected on Jakku.  But the residual mode of thinking remains even if the cause has changed: he’s a zealot with a different agenda now.  And that thought is depressing because it reveals just how firmly the past leaves its mark.  It makes Rey wonder how many vestiges of Jakku remain within her that she isn’t cognizant of.  Like Ben, Rey might want the past to die, but she’s uncomfortably aware that it will always be with her. 

 

One legacy of Jakku is that Rey isn’t someone who stands on principle a lot.  She’s pragmatic by nature because high-minded values were a luxury she did not have on Jakku.  Everything was a negotiation and a compromise on her home world with its barter economy.  That meant that nothing was ever an ideal resolution.  Rey was always settling one way or another.  Usually, she was accepting less for her scrap than she wanted so she could live another day.  It was never an option to issue an ultimatum or to walk away.  Rey long ago learned to accept certain limitations to get by.  She approaches reforming the First Order with the same mindset:  she’ll get what she can and be happy with it so long as it’s livable.  

 

Rey worries that Finn may never come around to understanding her perspective.  She fears that he will never be convinced to moderate his stance against the First Order.  And, with a heavy heart, Rey knows there is no way Finn will ever understand her relationship to his enemy Kylo Ren.  He will be devastated when he finds out.  She didn’t set out to hurt Finn, but it seems unavoidable now. 

 

Still, she has to be true to herself, Rey repeats like a mantra.  There are no good choices here, but she’s choosing the best option for everyone.  She is choosing peace.   If she succeeds, then this is so much bigger than just herself.  And if Finn hates her when all is said and done?  Well, that is a sacrifice she might have to make.  Sometimes you have to give up something to gain something.  It’s another lesson she learned on Jakku. 

 

Caught up as she is in her work, Rey makes time for one important preparation for her marriage:   she gets a birth control shot.  She figures the last thing she needs right now is the complication of an unplanned pregnancy.  That will blow her cover here for sure.  Maybe she ought to consult Ben about this decision, but Rey takes matters into her own hands.   She’s unilaterally vetoing a baby. The time just isn’t right.  But maybe years from now after there is peace and she and Ben have settled into a happy, seasoned marriage perhaps she will reconsider. 

 

The single medic droid and supervising physician who constitute the entire Resistance infirmary staff are very professional when Rey drops in.  Rey gets what she wants no questions asked and goes right back to work.  She thinks nothing more of it until Rose drops by later that morning when Rey is alone. 

 

“You okay?  I saw you coming out of the infirmary this morning,” Rose says a little too casually.  “Everything alright?”  She’s fishing for information.

 

“Yeah.  I’m fine.  Just . . . uh . . . some girl stuff.  You know . . . ”  Rey leaves things vague.  She definitely doesn’t want to talk about this.

 

Rose sighs and gives her a frank look.  “You’re not pregnant, are you?” her friend blurts out.  Coming from sweet tempered, earnest Rose, this is an uncharacteristically catty remark.

 

“What?  No!”  Rey blinks and instantly becomes defensive. “What makes you think that?”

 

 “Well, it would explain why you refused to lead the Hux mission, for one thing,” Rose points out.

 

“I had other reasons for that and you know it!” 

 

Rey glares at her friend.  Rose sits on the rebel council.  Rose has been present for all of the internal debates.   And she and Rose are constant companions at nightly meals with Finn as they rehash all of the issues currently facing the Resistance.   Rose knows how she feels about the Hux mission and why.  But this sudden hostility isn’t about the Hux mission, Rey knows.  This is about Finn.  Rose and Finn work very closely together and are the best of friends.  Yet Finn is still oblivious to Rose’s personal interest in him.  The reason is clear:  Finn can’t see any woman other than Rey.

 

It is a very, very awkward position to be in.  Especially now.  Rey knows she needs to tread carefully.

 

Poor Rose looks so downtrodden.  “Rey, I wish you would have been honest with me from the beginning.  You said Finn was just a friend.”

 

“He is.”

 

“Oh, come on,” Rose complains. “The whole base knows you’re sleeping with him!  You’re in his room late at night all the time!”

 

“Just talking! It’s mostly about work.  And you’re in there with us half the time,” Rey accuses.  “You know nothing is going on between us.”

 

“The whole base saw that kiss.”

 

Rey makes a face at the memory of that very public salute months ago.  Rose and others have evidently extrapolated from it.  “Look, Finn was going off to war.  It put an urgency to the situation.  But nothing has happened since then.  Rose, I told Finn I don’t want a relationship now.”

 

“I see the way he looks at you.  Everyone sees it.  He was so concerned when you were late getting back that he stayed up for two days straight waiting on you.“  Rose’s voice trails off.  Normally cheery Rose is dejected and resigned.  “It’s so clear he loves you.”

 

“And I love him back,” Rey announces.  “But as a friend.”

 

“It’s not fair of you to string him on.”

 

“I know,” Rey admits softly.

 

“Then stop!” Rose demands. “Rey, none of us is promised tomorrow.  At any moment, the First Order could find us and attack and we’ll all be dead.  Look around you—you know what we’re up against.  We’ll be lucky if any of us lives.  We are all fighting for a tomorrow we may never see.”  Rose looks like she might cry now.  “He’s so hung up on a future with you that he can’t see that I could make him happy today.”

 

“What is it you want me to do?” Rey asks plainly.  “I’ve told Finn that I don’t want a relationship right now.  I’m not standing in your way.   Go make your move, Rose!  Tell him how you feel and maybe that will change things.”

 

“I’m afraid to do that,” Rose confesses miserably.  “My sister is dead, my parents are dead.  Rey, you and Finn and the Resistance are all that I’ve got left!  I don’t want to screw this up.”  She looks away and gulps.  “I don’t want to be alone out on my own.”

 

“I understand.  More than you know,” Rey whispers.

 

Rose is babbling now.   She gets like this whenever she’s nervous.  Her words are coming fast as she literally wrings her hands.  “This isn’t your fault.  I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t be blaming you.  I’m just jealous.  That’s all.”

 

“It’s okay,” Rey says softly.  “Rose, it’s okay.”

 

“Thanks for understanding.”  Embarrassed Rose looks like she wants to slink away fast.  “And thanks for letting me vent.  I . . . er . . . won’t do it again.  Sorry if I offended you.”

 

“We’re all a little stressed right now,” Rey nods as flustered, red-faced Rose flees the room.

 

Watching her go, Rey knows that, like Finn, Rose will feel utterly betrayed when she learns about her and Kylo Ren.   For not only has Rey compromised her cause and her trust, Rey will have stood in between Rose and her beloved Finn while married to their sworn enemy the whole time.  She has lied in a way that has very harsh personal consequences for Rose and Finn. 

 

Still, she has to be true to herself.  This marriage is for a Senate and for peace, Rey tells herself.   And not just because she has hot fever dreams of making love to Ben again.  But even she doubts her own motives.  That’s a problem because Rey’s self-interest in this upcoming marriage increases her guilt. Because what if she gets her happily-ever-after as the Empress and everyone else ends up betrayed, unhappy, and maybe even imprisoned in the end?  How could Rey live with herself then?

 

In the wake of the failed Hux mission, the Resistance is on edge and plagued with infighting and blame.  That means it’s time for their leadership to step up with a unified front.  It does.  On the day Rey leaves for Coruscant, General Finn gives a heartfelt, solemn speech.  It’s grim and determined tone perfectly captures the mood around base.  Rey hangs around to stand side by side for the address with the rest of the rebel council.  It’s an important show of commitment and support.  Especially now.

 

“You give a good speech,” Rey commends Finn afterwards as he finds her directly.  Finn is a good speaker with lots of innate charisma. Plus, he is always sincere and that resonates strongly with the other volunteers.  As a hero of the Starkiller battle, this stormtrooper defector has plenty of fighting cred.  Everyone at the Resistance respects and admires him.   Rey can’t help but feel a little envious at times.  Lately, she has noticed more than a few dirty looks directed her way.

 

“Do you think it will help?” Finn asks anxiously.  It’s clear the young general has taken this recent defeat very hard. 

 

Rey smiles encouragingly. “I think General Organa would be proud.”  It’s true.  All Finn’s talk of hope in the face of long odds was Leia Organa’s favorite theme.  Thinking back, Rey finds it galling that Ben’s mother had hope for every lost cause but her own son.  But people are like that, she knows.  We all have blind spots where our own behaviors and attitudes are concerned.  It’s so much easier to see perceive the failings of others than it is to admit to our own.

 

Finn looks at her knapsack on her shoulder and datapad in her hand and perceives her plans.  “Leaving now?”

 

“Yeah.   I’m a little late already.  But I didn’t want to go without hearing your speech.”  Rey looks around and sees others waiting nearby to speak with the general.  “I’ll let you get back to things,” she offers.  “I just wanted to tell you that—"

 

Finn doesn’t let her finish.  Instead, he puts a friendly arm over Rey’s shoulder and heads for the landing platform.  “Come on.  I’ll walk you to the ship.  Don’t stay away so long this time, okay?” 

 

That’s the opening she is looking for.  “Actually, I will be away a little longer this time.   I’m not coming straight back.”

 

“Jakku?” Finn guesses.

 

“No.  Ahch-To.”

 

“Where Luke Skywalker hid?”

 

“Yes.  I’m hoping there is something on the island that can help me.   Finn, I’ve been so busy with the media stuff that I have neglected the Force.  I still want to become a Jedi if I can.”

 

“How long will you be gone?”

 

“A few extra days.  I’m not sure.”   She stops walking and turns to her friend.  “This is important to me.”  She looks Finn in the eye and tells a vague version of the truth.  “I’m hoping that a trip to the first Jedi temple will make a difference.  I think the secret to finding peace and balance might be there.”

 

He nods.  “Skywalker thought it was there, I guess.  Have you had another vision?”

 

“No.  It’s more like a hunch.  It’s hard to explain,” she says sheepishly in an outright evasion.  “Can you tell the council for me?  I’m going to miss the next meeting.”

 

“Okay.  I understand.   I hope you find what you’re looking for.”  They resume walking to the landing platform to where the shuttle is parked.  “I’ll be waiting for you when you get back.”  As they say their goodbyes, Finn goes in for a hug and plants a chaste peck on her cheek.  “Be careful.  Come back to me.”

 

“Sure.”  Rey smiles warmly at her friend.  They might disagree on a lot of topics, but they are still friends.  There’s a lesson here, Rey thinks, about tolerance and dissent.  About how not everyone in life has to look like you, think like you, or act like you in order for you to get along with them.  Even admire and love them.

 

“Godspeed, Rebel,” the young general gives her a jaunty salute and a grin before he walks off back to the others.

 

When Rey turns back around, she sees the undercover First Order guy who works the ground crew fueling up her ship.  He gives her a subtle nod.  With him is a young volunteer Rey doesn’t recognize wearing a mechanic’s coveralls and a toolbelt.  The younger man addresses Rey, “The ship checks out.  We did some standard maintenance yesterday.  She’ll be grounded for upgrades once you get back.  You’ll have to take another ship for your next trip.  This one is scheduled to be retrofitted once we scrounge up the parts.”

 

Yes, Rey knows.  She nods.

 

“I noticed that the navicomputer on this ship has been wiped,” the mechanic says.  “That’s unusual.”  He looks to her and raises an eyebrow in a silent question. 

 

Rey plays it cool. “Yes.”

 

“It’s completely blank.  There’s no record of where this shuttle has been.  Ever.”

 

“Yes.  That’s intentional,” Rey explains.

 

“Yeah?  I didn’t think you could do that.  Not permanently, at least.”

 

“I take this ship to Coruscant and back.  I can’t have the First Order pulling a data dump and seeing the jump coordinates for our base,” Rey explains.

 

“Yeah, that makes sense,” the mechanic agrees.  He gives her an appraising look. “You must be really good.  You completely covered your tracks.”

 

The ground crew spy doing the fueling now meets Rey’s eyes.  He shifts his grip on the fuel hose and now his right hand is close to the holstered blaster at his side.

 

Rey just shrugs and tries to diffuse the situation.  “I used to scrub and disguise stolen ships on Jakku.  I know a lot of tricks to fool docking cops and used-ship purchasers.”

 

“That’s so?  I wouldn’t have guessed that of a Jedi,” the young man says.  She can’t tell if he’s appalled or impressed.

 

But Rey nonetheless reveals, “I was a mechanic and a scavenger growing up.”   

 

“Huh,” the guy grunts.  “I wouldn’t have guessed that either.  Well, good.  Then maybe you can give us a hand with the engine upgrade when you get back.  That’s complicated work.”

 

“Sure, I’ll lend a hand,” Rey agrees, anxious to be gone.  She calls over to the man doing the refueling.  “Just about done?”

 

“Yes.  In a minute, you can start warming up,” the spy replies gruffly.

 

As she waits, the mechanic starts making conversation.  “You know, there’s still a bunch of First Order stuff on board.  Did you see it?”

 

“Yeah?” Rey remarks absently.  “Find anything useful?”

 

“Not really.  But someone left some luggage.  I opened it.”

 

Yikes!  Rey’s senses are now on alert as she thinks of the bag she took from Mustafar that is still stashed onboard. 

 

The mechanic heads back into the shuttle.  He emerges moments later with Rey’s black travel bag in his hand.  In her haste, she hadn't noticed the First Order medallion insignia emblazoned on one side.  Seeing it makes Rey want to cringe, but thanks to Jakku she keeps her blank poker face. 

 

“Looks like someone snuck his girlfriend onboard this shuttle once,” the mechanic smirks.  “Look what I found,” he tells Rey as he reaches into the bag to yank out the lacy underthings stashed inside with her dress and shoes.  The mechanic holds up the lingerie between two fingers and swings it. “Are these your size?” he jokes.  It’s not a serious question, but Rey freezes all the same.  She blushes too.

 

“Hey, Raj, maybe we signed up for the wrong team,” the mechanic calls to the ground crew spy who is finishing the refueling.  “Looks like those First Order guys see some action besides combat action.”

 

The spy just shrugs it off. “There’s probably all sorts of stuff left onboard.”

 

“Right,” Rey chimes in fast.  “Who cares about their stuff?”

 

“Wait until I tell the other guys about this,” the mechanic snorts.  Then, he reaches into the bag and pulls out Rey’s ivory dress.  Can he tell that dress is Coruscant couture?   It’s not something a girl buys off the rack.  Rey is getting more and more concerned.  But thankfully, the mechanic seems oblivious to the exclusivity of the expensive garment.  “Guess the girlfriend went home naked,” he grins.  “There’s a whole outfit in here, even the shoes.”

 

That’s the dress Rey is photographed wearing on the holonet with Kylo on his coronation night.  No one needs to see that dress and possibly connect it to her.  Feeling like she’s running out of options, Rey reluctantly summons the Force and fixes her attention on the mechanic.  She freezes him and waves a hand before his eyes as she coats her voice with heavy suggestion, “You never saw that bag or anything in it,” Rey intones as she reaches to take back the dress and the bag.  “You will never snoop around this ship again,” Rey adds for good measure.  “There is nothing here to concern you. Now, move along,” she commands.  “Move along.”

 

The ground crew spy watches silently off to the side.

 

When Rey releases the weak-minded mechanic, he dutifully and cheerfully takes his leave, wishing Rey a good trip.  He’s whistling as he saunters off.   Completely unaware of what has just occurred. 

 

Rey and the ground crew spy exchange looks. 

 

“I’ll take care of him,” the spy tells her under his breath.

 

“It’s Raj, right?” Rey asks. 

 

“Yes, my lady,” the man nods, still watching the mechanic leave. 

 

“Raj, I think he’s fine,” Rey mutters, not liking the grim look on the spy’s face.

 

Raj disagrees. “Why take the risk?”

 

“Because I don’t want him harmed,” she says quietly but firmly.

 

Her command is blithely ignored.  “With all due respect, Lady,” the spy tells her plainly, “I answer to your brother, not to you.  He wants no risks.  My job is to button up loose ends.  That one is a loose end.”

 

“He has already been dealt with,” Rey objects.

 

“He clearly has a big mouth.  That’s a problem.  Let me do my job.”

 

“I want no part in this,” Rey hisses as she stuffs the dress and lingerie back in the bag.  “Don’t hurt him!” she glares.

 

Raj does not continue the argument.  “You’re refueled.  Have a good trip,” he tells Rey succinctly. 

 

“But--“

 

“Have a good trip, my lady.”

 

Frustrated and more aware than ever of the danger of her situation, Rey boards the shuttle and takes off.  She’s going to have to be very careful about anything that could possibly connect her to the First Order or moments like this will reoccur.  And then more loose ends will have to be buttoned up.   Feeling terribly conflicted and guilty about the mess of deception she has created here at the Resistance and also more than a little relieved, Rey sets course for Coruscant.  She tells herself that this is for the best.  That all this subterfuge will promote peace in the end. 

 

This isn’t going to be easy, she realizes.  This scheme she and Ben have hatched is not just hurting people she cares about like Finn and Rose.  It’s also hurting strangers like that mechanic guy.  Rey swallows hard.  Ben Solo, you had better come through on all your promises, she thinks.  You had better be worth all of this. 

 


	36. Chapter 36

Where is she??

 

Is she coming?   She has to be coming.  Rey was late to Coruscant but she left on schedule and, as usual, the _Finalizer_ tracked her shuttle through hyperspace upon her departure.  Her ship was clearly heading in this trajectory.  But, where is she?   And what’s taking so long? 

 

Kylo frets and paces some more. 

 

He arrived hours ago.  And, yes, he was a bit early but he wanted things to be ready.  First, Kylo had to be received by the solemn flock of lizard ladies who serve as caretakers for the temple.  They greeted him with the same pomp and circumstance as before.   This time, Kylo brought along from Mustafar old Threepio to act as an interpreter.  His mother’s antique protocol droid can interpret the caretakers’ alien tongue far better than Kylo can understand their tortured, heavily accented Basic. 

 

When the droid heard about the assignment, he insisted on bringing along his old counterpart, Luke’s R2 unit.  Artoo loves weddings, Threepio had whined.  Artoo and I were at your grandparents’ wedding, the prissy old droid revealed, but I got my memory wiped and can’t remember.  No one ever thinks to wipe the mind of an R2 unit, he bemoaned.  And then, Kylo had to bring along Artoo even though the troublesome astromech outright refused to yield up any family secrets on grounds he had promised his old master Anakin Skywalker never to reveal the past.  Whatever.  Threepio is useful, at least.  And the two droids are the closest thing to family that Kylo has left.  They’re certainly as disapproving and annoying as family.  They can be the ‘something old’ at the wedding, Kylo decides.

 

For ‘something new,’ he has brought Rey a lightsaber from Vader’s collection on Mustafar.  It’s not one of the many swords Vader kept as trophies from Jedi hunted down in the Purge.  It’s a doubled bladed red lightsaber staff of the mode used by Darth Maul.  It’s perfect for Rey who wielded a staff on Jakku.  Even better, this is a rare training blade, not a lethal saber.  It causes bruises, welts, and moderate burns only.  If Rey likes it and becomes proficient, he decides, she can construct her own full stength saberstaff using crystals from among the swords at his castle.    

 

The ‘something borrowed’ is Luke Skywalker’s old hut that the excited lizard ladies have decorated with garlands of braided grass for the occasion.  It’s a bit rustic, but Kylo takes more than a little glee in spending his wedding night in his Jedi Master uncle’s old quarters.  Will Luke be watching in the Force?  Kylo certainly hopes so.  Now that Skywalker is dead, all his fetishized Jedi dogma is dead too.  Because to Hell with all that.  He and Rey will be doing things differently.  This wedding is the just the beginning. 

 

The ‘something blue’ is the small kyber crystal pendant necklace Kylo has tucked into his pocket to present to Rey.  She can’t wear his ring, of course, but she can wear this.  Crystal necklaces were something of a pilgrim’s talisman during the Old Republic days.  A quiet token of faith in the Force.  Rey’s crystal is blue to represent the Light Side.  He will wear a matching version in red.  If Rey’s necklace attracts any attention, she can explain its Old Republic symbolism that fits with her Resistance allegiance.  No one will be any wiser that it stands as a proxy for a wedding ring.

 

But where is she?  Is she coming?  Kylo looks over at an underling who speaks up even before Kylo can ask again.  “No sign of an incoming ship, Sir.“  And damn, that’s not the answer he was hoping to hear. 

 

“Oh, dear.  Oh, dear,” Threepio remarks loudly.  And now, Kylo is sorely tempted to push that doddering old droid off the side of the island with the Force.

 

To calm his nerves, Kylo concentrates again on the rapture of Ahch-To.  The mental feel of this windswept island is like a balm to his mind.  Its intrinsic balance gently soothes his consciousness.  Yes, this is the perfect place for he and Rey to marry.  There is no stately cathedral, no ornate hall, half so beautiful as this sacred place and the promise of balance it holds.  

 

As far as weddings go, this will be a very sparse affair.  Kylo’s only concession to frivolity is to scatter flower petals Vanee gave him in the interior of the small temple alcove.  She liked my flowers.  Give her more flowers, the old guy had argued as he pressed the box of flower petals and a small matching posy into Kylo’s hands.  Surprise her in a good way this time, Vanee counseled.  What’s that supposed to mean, Kylo asked feeling miffed.  But enigmatic Vanee had declined to answer.

 

“Incoming ship, Sir.  Estimated time to landing seven minutes.”

 

Thank the Force.  Kylo is vastly relieved and it shows.  He’s not fooling anyone when he responds with a surly, “Fine.  Track her.”

 

“Wonderful!” old Threepio exclaims and, for once, Kylo agrees with his sentiments.  But that little electronic hater R2 unit lets loose a series of static and beeps that sounds suspiciously sarcastic. 

 

What follows are the longest seven minutes of his life.  But suddenly, she is here.  Rey expertly settles her shuttle down on the small, uneven grassy plain next to his ship high atop Luke Skywalker’s island.  As soon as the shuttle’s ramp fully extends, Rey flies down it.  And stops in her tracks.   She stares at the two praetorians and six troopers who stand behind him.  It’s less than his usual security retinue, but perhaps it appears to Rey that she has arrived to be arrested and not married.  

 

The droids recognize her immediately.  Artoo gives a friendly whistle and Threepio exclaims, “Mistress Rey!  The bride is Mistress Rey??  How . . . unexpected.” For his part, he stares.  Kylo has forgotten how lovely Rey is when she makes an effort.  Here she is fresh and girlishly pretty in her ivory dress.  Her hair is worn loose in waves but pulled back from her forehead. Gone is the habitual heavy camera-ready makeup she wears for holonet appearances. Today, Rey wears only subtle cosmetics.  She looks like who she is.  A young bride nervous as she meets her bridegroom on her wedding day.  Except the bridegroom is the galactic Emperor and this is a hasty, secret marriage that might get her killed. He wants to tell Rey that she is beautiful.  That he is so very, very glad that she is here.  That he has been counting the days, no counting the hours, since she left him on Mustafar.  But they have an audience.  So, being a bit nervous himself, Kylo defaults to his usual imperious, petulant nature.   


“You’re late,” he calls out.

 

“Did you worry?”

 

“Yes,” he snaps.  “And you know it.”

 

That exchange changes the mood instantly.  Rey resumes walking forward with her usual swagger.  She’s got her cool eyed Jakku scavenger thing going on now.  She’s sexy when she’s macho like this, he thinks, even if it’s an incongruous match with her current appearance.  Seeing how quickly she morphs in and out of her Jakku bluster reminds of himself.  Of how putting on the mask and act of Kylo Ren disguises his own insecurities.  For all their differences, he and Rey are a lot alike.

 

Rey shoots him a peeved look.  “This shuttle is slow.  You know that.  Next time, we should steal something faster.”  Rey eyes his security escort without enthusiasm.  “I see you brought your buddies.  Are these my bridesmaids?” she asks dryly.

 

“I brought my lawyer too.”  Kylo motions over to the stiff looking man in a First Order officer uniform holding a datapad.  “He can catch the bouquet,” Kylo smirks.  This guy probably papers up arms deals and surrender documents in some cubicle somewhere.  No doubt he was terrified when he learned of this unusual assignment.  It’s way outside this guy’s area of expertise, but who cares?  It’s just a formality for the Imperial archives.  “Get to it,” Kylo orders the man gruffly. 

 

“Just a few questions, Miss, so we can adequately protect his Excellency’s interests and handle any marital property transfers.”  The lawyer starts poking at his datapad.  “I will walk you through them.  Please answer as fully and accurately as possible.  I will also walk you through the broad terms of the marital agreement.”

 

Rey looks to him and Kylo nods.  “This won’t take long.”

 

“Okay,” she agrees.

 

“Full name?”

 

“Rey. R-E-Y.”

 

“No surname?”

 

“I can’t remember it,” she says weakly. 

 

Kylo speaks up.  “Rey was orphaned very young.” He says this in quelling tones to kill any further questions about her shady family background.

 

“Birthdate?”

 

Rey gives his birthday from last week.  She really did adopt it for her own.  And that sort of makes him want to smile at the inside joke.  But he doesn’t.   There’s too many people around for him to smile.

 

“Home world?  Coruscant, I presume?”

 

“Jakku,” Rey corrects.  “Don’t let the accent fool you,” she cracks a sheepish smile. 

 

“Jakku, as in the Battle of Jakku?”  The lawyer raises an eyebrow and does not hide his automatic disdain.

 

Rey bristles and raises her chin a little in response.  “Yes, Jakku in the Western Reaches of the Rim.”  In other words, the poorest and least developed area of the galaxy.  If there is a bright spot that is the center of the universe, Rey is from the world that it’s farthest from.  “It’s a desert planet that is mostly a hideout for smugglers,” Rey says with a tight smile.  “It’s very exclusive.  Only the very best criminals come from Jakku.”

 

Kylo snorts.

 

The lawyer looks taken aback.  “Current occupation?” he croaks out.

 

“Resistance fighter.”  Rey relishes this disclosure because the lawyer clearly has pissed her off. 

 

The man blinks and pales.  “R-Resistance??  Excellency, are you aware of this?”

 

Kylo nods.  “I like to keep my friends close and my enemies closer.”  He turns back to Rey.  “How about we go with ‘scavenger’ to keep things respectable?”

 

“Mechanic,” Rey quickly corrects him. “I’m a skilled mechanic,” she says defensively and Kylo nods at the lawyer to allow the change. 

 

“Mechanic, then,” the lawyer repeats, looking slightly bewildered at what he’s learning.  “Any prior marriages?”

 

“No.”

 

“Other serious relationships?”

 

“No.”

 

“Children?”

 

“No.”

 

“Debts?”

 

Rey considers a moment.  “I gave back the _Falcon_.  But maybe Unkar Plutt might think I owe him something.  I’m not sure.”

 

“It doesn’t matter.  He’s dead now,” Kylo reveals. 

 

“Dead?  How?”

 

“Percy Ren.   That’s how.”

 

Rey’s eyes widen.  “Oh.”

 

“He had it coming.”

 

“Then there are no debts to be settled,” the lawyer concludes.  He inputs that information in his datapad and resumes his questions.  “Any past criminal activity?  Any brushes with the law?” the man asks.  “Sorry, my lady, but I have to ask.  We need to know in advance if you have skeletons that will come out of the closet when this marriage is publicly announced.  That way, we can clean them up first to preempt any scandal.”

 

It’s a stupid comment given the completely scandalous nature of the bride.  There’s no way the entire First Order won’t howl with outrage when their Empress is finally revealed.  Rey knows it, too.  “I was a First Order prisoner on the Starkiller Base.   And then again on Snoke’s ship,” Rey thinks out loud. “For my Resistance activities,” she explains with a little shrug. 

 

“Er . . . anything of a less political nature?”

 

“I did mechanical work for spice smugglers and ship strippers on Jakku.  Disguising stolen spacecraft and forging docking permits and deleting cargo manifests.  Stuff like that,” Rey answers matter of fact.  “It was either that or starve.” 

 

The lawyer nods slowly.  “Anything else?” he asks.

 

“I did steal the _Falcon_ from Unkar Plutt.  But he stole it from the Irving Boys who stole it from Ducain—“

 

“Who stole it from my father,” Kylo interrupts.  “Han Solo is dead and so is my mother.  So the _Falcon_ is mine.  You were stealing from me,” he reasons.  “And I decline to press charges, so you are absolved.”

 

“Oh.  Okay.  Good.”  Rey favors the lawyer with an impish little smile.  She’s super kissable when she does that, Kylo decides.  And now, this lawyer can’t hurry up enough.  Kylo is ready for the honeymoon to start.

 

“As you wish, Excellency,” the skeptical looking lawyer retreats.  “Education?  What degrees do you have?”

 

“I never went to school.”

 

“Oh.”  The lawyer turns alarmed eyes to Kylo and now Rey shifts her stance and grows red. 

 

“I’m not stupid.  I’m self-taught,“ she mumbles.

 

“Would you consider yourself to be functionally literate, then?  Can you read and write?” the lawyer asks with undisguised condescension.

 

“Yes,” Rey responds stiffly.  “I read just fine.”  She looks to Kylo with consternation all over her face.  “Tell them!” she hisses. “I can read and write just fine!”

 

Kylo interrupts, “She’s from Jakku.  There are no schools on Jakku.  Wrap this up,” he complains.  “Her background is as sketchy as mine.”  Rey is growing equal parts annoyed and diminished by the moment, Kylo sees.  The last thing he needs is for this guy to scare Rey away.   It’s not often Kylo sees her appear self-conscious.  It tells him she’s very uncomfortable.

 

Thankfully, Rey regains her sassy moxy in record time.  “Any associations with dubious persons?” the lawyer continues.

 

“You mean other than my sketchy Emperor husband?” Rey blithely replies. 

 

Kylo smirks. Atta-girl.

 

The lawyer just sighs.  “Yes, Miss.”

 

“Pretty much everyone on Jakku is on the run.  If they aren’t dubious already, they will be soon.”  Rey thinks a moment and then adds, “Does Luke Skywalker count?  I hung out with him a bit until he threw me out.  And what about the Resistance?   Because I’m living with the Resistance now.”

 

“That’s fine.  Nothing new there,” Kylo intervenes to move things along.  The less said about all that, the better.

 

“Yes, Sir,” the lawyer takes the hint.  “Marriage to his Excellency will convey the title of Empress upon you.  Specifically, you will be Her Serene Excellency, the Empress of the Second Empire, Guardian of the Unknown Regions, and Defender of the Faith.”

 

“Don’t roll your eyes,” Kylo instructs but it’s too late.

 

“Wow, that’s a mouthful,” Rey laughs nervously. 

 

“And so wrong.  There is nothing serene about you,” Kylo points out.  “Nothing at all.  In fact, this might be the first time you’ve met me without pulling your weapon.”

 

“Yes, I am your docile rebel wife now,” Rey retorts with maximum sarcasm.   “And here I thought I was going to be Rey, the Supreme Leaderette.”

 

Kylo snorts.  Behind him, one of the troopers succumbs to an unconvincing coughing fit.

 

“This is a lifelong commitment you are agreeing to,” the lawyer says in a stern tone that strongly reminds Kylo of preachy old Luke Skywalker.  “There is no possibility of divorce.  If irreconcilable differences occur, then his Excellency agrees to permit you to live apart in the manner to which you have become accustomed.”

 

He does?  Well, okay.  Whatever.  Kylo now interprets for bemused Rey.  “That means I won’t send you back to an AT- AT on Jakku.”

 

“It sounds more like you’re going to exile me to a fancy palace somewhere.”

 

He nods.  “Basically.”

 

Rey cocks her head, raises an eyebrow, and observes coolly, “But really, you’re going to kill me.  That’s the ‘til death do us part’ solution, right?”

 

“I love how you get me,” Kylo responds.  He means it.

 

Rey chuckles.

 

The lawyer looks aghast.  But he recovers quickly.  “Any children born to you will be wards of the state.  In all circumstances, Emperor Ren retains full custody of any offspring.”

 

“Oh,” Rey says in a small voice.  “Umm . . . oh.”  She is troubled.

 

“I can’t have you and some Force strong kids of ours planning a coup,” Kylo reasons as if this sort of thing happens in every family.  When, really, it only happens in his family.  “Every time Skywalker kids separate from their parents, a civil war occurs.  So any heirs to the Empire stay with me.”

 

Rey now whirls on him as she finds her voice.  She drops the posturing and sarcasm immediately.  “I would never abandon my own child!”  She looks stricken.  Her tone drops to a vehement, choked whisper as she waves a finger under his nose and declares, “I would never walk away l-like . . . like--”

 

“Rey,” he steps forward to put his hands on her upper arms.  “I know that,” he tells her softly.  “I know that.  And this way, you will never abandon me either,” he admits.  “It’s a very neat solution.”

 

“But I don’t even know if I want kids,” she blurts out, staring up at him.  “We’ve never talked about that.  It’s too soon for that.”

 

“Kids can be as far off as you want.  It’s enough for me to have you,” he answers truthfully.

 

“Yeah, okay,” she breathes, staring up at him.  And now, suddenly Rey looks around to become aware of their audience again.  The moment of intimate candor between them ends.  He drops his hands and she moves away and they are back to being the bickering odd couple mésalliance for whom it’s a wonder they can be in the same room let alone married to one another. 

 

An awkward moment of silence ensues.

 

The lawyer breaks it.  “Now that’s settled, you will be transferring all of your possessions to his Excellency upon marriage.  Can we list the highlights of your assets?”

 

“Assets?” Rey repeats blankly.

 

“Yes.  Let’s start with real property.  Do you own a home or a long-term lease on an apartment?  Things like that.”

 

“I was a squatter in battle wreckage.   Does that count?”

 

“No.  Any stocks or bonds?  Investments in private companies or partnerships?”

 

“No.  I don’t own any credits except what Nestor Ren gave me.  And I spent some of that already.” 

 

“Do you own any spacecraft or other vehicles?”

 

“No.  This was stolen from Snoke’s ship.”  Rey gestures to the shuttle she arrived on.  “But I made my own speeder once out of salvage.” 

 

“We can omit that.  Anything else of value that you can think of?”

 

Rey turns back to Kylo and thinks aloud.  “I already gave you the sacred Jedi texts.  Those are valuable.  Other than that, all I own are a few clothes and Luke Skywalker’s sword.”

 

“That makes it easy then,” the lawyer decides.  “Just a few more perfunctory items left now.   Are you related to his Excellency by blood in any manner?”

 

“I don’t think so.  But I don’t really know who my family are, so I guess it’s a theoretical possibility,” Rey admits. 

 

“With the Skywalkers, you never can tell,” Kylo smirks.

 

Rey turns to the lawyer now.  “He told everyone on the _Finalizer_ that I was his sister but that’s not true.  But a lot of people think that still.”

 

“O-Okay,” the attorney nods.  “Not his sister.  Got it.  Are you of sound mind and body and prepared to discharge your duties as wife and Empress to the best of your abilities?”

 

Rey’s eyes narrow.  “What does that mean exactly?”

 

Kylo inserts himself.  “She only has one duty and that’s to make me happy.”

 

Rey’s mask of bravado again slips.  “I will try to make you happy,” she promises softly.

 

And, really, that’s all he needs to hears.  “Are we done here?” Kylo complains to the lawyer.  “This is taking too long.  Just show her where to sign.”

 

The lawyer complies and now Rey balks.  “There is a lot here,” she observes as she scrolls through the lengthy datafile.  “Shouldn’t I read this?  Maybe I should have a lawyer?”

 

“Why?” Kylo asks.  “You don’t get to change anything.”

 

“Did you read it?” Rey asks.

 

“No.  Why bother?  It’s a formality to put in the archives.”

 

“You have archives?”

 

“Yes.”  That answer comes out slightly indignant.  “My Empire—our Empire—will be built to last.”  Kylo turns back to the lawyer and impatiently gets to the point.  “Look, she’s nobody.  She comes from nothing.  She is nothing.  But not to me.  To me, she’s everything.  Sent to me by the Force itself.  Put that in your paperwork.  Now, where do we sign?”

 

“Here, Excellency,” the lawyer leaps to comply.   Rey signs too.

 

“There.  Done,” Kylo decrees.  “You are dismissed.  All of you.  Get on the shuttle with the rest of the crew.  If you or anyone else gets off before I get back, I will kill you.   Got it?   I am not to be disturbed.  That means even if the Resistance succeeds in assassinating Hux.”

 

“We tried that.  It didn’t work,” Rey gripes.

 

“Too bad,” Kylo gripes back.  Then he grabs for Rey’s hand and calls Vanee’s little bouquet to him with the Force.  Enough of this legal preamble.  “Here.”  He stuffs the flowers into her hand.  “Come on,” he propels Rey forward.  “Let’s go get married for real.”

 

Kylo tugs Rey away from the ships, the droids, the guards, and the disapproving lawyer.  He’s moving fast and she gathers up her long skirt to keep her footing.  Soon they are running hand in hand up from the small grassy plain where they have landed.  It’s a scramble past the collection of stone huts up to the high point where the first Jedi temple sits.  The zany lizard ladies actually cheer as they fly by.

 

It feels rebellious and daring.  Uncharacteristically carefree, too.  Like an ordinary guy and his girl who are joyously happy on their wedding day and not beset with the troubles of the galaxy.

 

Their behavior is way beneath the dignity of this already very haphazard, ad hoc occasion.  No doubt a proper wedding for an Emperor should be a grand, stately affair with crowds of well-wishers and important guests.  There should be posed photographs and press releases and an official reception to attend.  In all likelihood, it would be a stiff pageant that Rey would hate regardless of the fact that it would blow her cover.  At the very least, the bride ought to be wearing a new dress and have a few attendants, Kylo thinks.  But instead, today there will only be he and Rey making improvised promises in a rundown temple on an out of the way world that the galaxy long ago forgot.  It’s a shoddy, rushed sort of thing, but neither he nor Rey cares.  The only people who matter are here and the setting is perfect.  So, this paltry excuse for a ceremony will have to suffice. 

 

He is breathless and she is breathless as they stop on the threshold of the temple alcove.  And, oh, how beautiful Rey is in this moment as she laughs girlishly at their madcap dash.  Her hair is streaming, her cheeks are pink from the exertion, and her eyes are bright and full of life.  She looks happy and relaxed now that they are finally alone and no one’s asking questions.  

 

Kylo stares, wanting to memorize this moment.  Wondering if this is the version of Rey who Snoke saw in his long-ago vision.  The girl is full of Light and hope, was all his old Master had foretold.  You will know she is the one, Snoke had counseled.  You will know.

 

It took some twists and turns but it worked out in the end. The Force found a way because destiny cannot be outmaneuvered.  Rey is the one.  From the very beginning, she was the one.  Of this, Kylo has no doubts.  The Force has been trying to get them together since before the Starkiller.   Arranging for her to find the droid, and then his father and later even his mother.  Rey found the lightsaber and then Kylo found her.  That went badly but the Force opened the bond to connect them even when they were apart.  Then, Rey found Luke and came back to him.  That went badly too but the Force made sure he woke first in the ruined throne room.  They were together making slow progress on the _Finalizer_ until she fled.  Again and again, the Force intervened with connections of all kinds—visions, lightsabers, family members, the bond.  Pushing incessantly for their paths to cross and sparks to fly.  

 

It was all for this moment, he suspects. 

 

They stand there facing one another, still holding hands.  Her beautiful long white dress is tossed by the wind and his black cape lifts high with the breeze.  They are Light and Dark, a prince of the blood and his orphaned pauper girlfriend, the Emperor of the galaxy and his most public enemy.  They have fought one another, disappointed each other, and each confounded themselves in the process.  And yet, here they are.  

 

On so many levels, this should not be happening. Not here, not now, not ever.  Their differences are too great, their obstacles too many, their relationship too new and shaky at best.  This will never work.  Except it might.  Because for all the challenges, they share a common cause and an indomitable hope to see it through.  And so what if they’re not in love?  Love doesn’t conquer all.  Legions of dead and disappointed lovers can attest to that.  And this jaded, cynical child of divorce and his abandoned girl know better than to put their faith in love.  But hope?   Hope might not let them down.   It’s worth a try, he thinks.  For if Rebellions are built on hope, then Empires might be built on hope too.   

 

“Ready?” he asks.

 

“Yes,” Rey replies firmly. 

 

Suddenly, Kylo senses the eddies and flows of the Force around them both.   He can feel the subtle charge in the air.  The meaningful change that is about to happen.  He closes his eyes to experience the moment. To remember it forever.   Yes . . . this is destiny at work.   What they do now will matter.  

 

They step inside into the temple’s gloom.  It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust.  In the meantime, Rey has wandered over to gaze at the mosaic catch basin on the floor.  “I can’t believe I never noticed that was Snoke,” she marvels aloud. 

 

“He was a lot younger and a lot prettier then,” Kylo observes as he comes to stand beside her.

 

In the wake of his Master’s death and the revelations about Snoke’s past and purpose, Kylo has come to see the Prime Jedi anew.  Snoke was no saint, but he had a few good qualities.  And after waiting a thousand generations for his chance to reform the Force, it’s no wonder Snoke got a little impatient and used the Starkiller. The Prime Jedi is dead, long live the Prime Jedi.  It falls to Kylo now to make all those deaths worth it.  The setup is complete.  Now, he can’t blow it. Thankfully, Rey is here to help with that.  Kylo reaches to tuck an arm around her. 

 

“Luke must have known,” Rey speaks her thoughts aloud. “Your father said he went looking for the first Jedi temple.  Luke must have suspected back then that Snoke was an ancient Jedi.  Imagine his surprise when he came here and found this.”

 

“This temple is not about Snoke.  It’s about balance.  If my uncle hadn’t have cut himself off from the Force, he would have realized that.  This place was full of answers but Luke just didn’t ask the right questions.”

 

“They were answers Luke couldn’t accept,” Rey says softly.  She looks to Kylo now.  “Everything Luke Skywalker learned and taught was wrong.  He knew that.  He must have known that after the night at the temple.”

 

Kylo voices now his lingering regret.  “He never came for me.  He never came for any of us.  Luke let us go without a fight.  We probably never even needed the protection of Snoke.  But we didn’t know that at the time.”  Kylo sighs.  “I gave everything to the Dark Side for a fear that never was real.”

 

Rey looks very serious now. The laughing, beaming girl is gone.  “Luke was a pawn and he realized it too late.  He was a broken man when I found him.  I guess he should have joined Vader after all.”

 

Kylo shakes his head.  “He would never have done that.  My uncle had plenty of compassion.  He was full of good intentions.  But he chose to die on Bespin rather than join his father.  But he survived thanks to my mother.  Rey, Luke didn’t have your ability to step outside of his own simplistic moral notions.”  This is the key insight that untrained, uneducated, lowly Rey hit upon instinctively.

 

“Jakku gave that to me.  That whole world is pretty much amoral.  Jakku probably needs some morality and a lot more compassion,” she judges. 

 

He agrees.  “That’s what we will give the galaxy.  Law and order, tempered by understanding.”

 

“Do you think we can do it?”

 

“We can try.” 

 

Rey nods solemnly at this realistic assessment.  His girl is not one for rose-colored glasses.  “So how exactly do we get married?”

 

“There is no tradition of marriage for the Jedi.”

 

“No attachments?”

 

“Correct.  But the Sith married by exchanging promises in a temple.”

 

“Like we are doing?”

 

“Yes, except without the moonlight, blood, and sex on the altar.”

 

Rey meets his eyes and giggles.  “That sounds very Sith.”

 

“It was.  But I figured we would keep it simple.” Kylo gives a little sheepish shrug.  “We’re making everything else up as we go along.  Why not this too?”

 

Rey nods. “I like that.  Let’s do it.”

 

“Okay.”   Kylo takes a deep breath and joins his hands with hers after she puts down the bouquet. “Then, will you marry me?  Will you be my wife and rule the galaxy and balance the Force with me?”

 

“I will,” Rey answers.

 

“Will you be faithful to me?  Will you try to love me?”  He bites his lip and adds, “Will you accept me as I am?”

 

“I will.”

 

Kylo exhales a breath he didn’t know he was holding.  “That’s good enough for me.  Now, your turn.  Just say what matters to you.   There’s no wrong way to do this.”

 

“Alright.  Then will you marry me?   Will you be my husband and seek peace with me?   Will you try to make things better?”

 

“I will.”   He’s never meant anything more in his life.

 

“Will you be faithful to me?   Will you try to love me?  And will you accept me with all my faults as well?”

 

“I will.”

 

“That’s it, I guess.”  Rey visibly relaxes.  She’s back to smiling now. 

 

“Then, may the Force be with us, now and forever.  We are married,” he decides.  “Together in life for as long as we both shall live.  And together forever in the Force.”

 

“Together,” she repeats.

 

“Yes, together.  You are not alone, Rey.  You will never be alone again.  We will always have each other.  No matter what happens, in life and in the Force, we are connected.”

 

“I like that,” she whispers. “I think I need that.”

 

He does too.  He and Rey are not fragile people.  They are young, supple, and strong.  They bend but do not break.  But they have been persevering too long alone.  If they can get this far on their own independently, what can they accomplish together?   Only time will tell.  But it will be great things, he vows. 

 

But first things first, it’s time to kiss his bride.  They have so little time together.  Kylo refuses to waste a moment. 

 

“Mrs. Solo, I’m about to kiss you,” he warns.

 

“That’s Empress to you,” Rey playfully grins back.  “The Serene Excellent Empress, Guardian of the Faith and the Unknown Regions.”

 

“No, that’s not it,” he chuckles as he goes in for a deep, lasting kiss.  “Her Serene Excellency,” he rasps out between further kisses.  “Empress of the Second Empire, Guardian of the Unknown Regions, and Defender of the Faith.”

 

“Mmmmmm,” Rey purrs in reply.  “I think I prefer Mrs. Solo.”

 

And now, Kylo needs to get Rey into that hut before he resorts to hiking up her skirt and laying her back on the meditation rock.  And, actually, that’s not a bad idea for another time.  But not tonight.  So, he grabs for Rey’s hand and marches her double time back down the island.   

 

“Luke lived here.”  She immediately recognizes their destination. 

 

It isn’t the most luxurious or romantic spot for a honeymoon, but it’s the only stone hut with an actual door for privacy.  Plus, Kylo will be damned if he will spend his wedding night on a too short bunk on Rey’s stolen shuttle with his whole crew parked next door.  This will have to do.  But as they stand together in the quiet dimness of the Jedi Master’s hut, both of them staring at the ascetic comforts that mainly consist of a small bed, it is suddenly awkward.  Very awkward.   

 

“That door looks like it was repurposed from a ship,” Rey says to make conversation.  But she’s still glancing uncomfortably at the bed and avoiding eye contact.  

 

“A ship that crashed,” Kylo observes offhand.  “Look at that dent.”

 

“The dent came from Chewie,” Rey answers.  “He pushed the door in when Luke wouldn’t come out.”   She sighs and looks to him.  “I guess Chewie died at Crait?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I liked Chewbacca.”

 

“So did I.”  

 

It’s even more awkward now.  

 

“They’re all dead,” he says slowly.  “The past is as gone as it will ever be.”

 

“Which is not at all,” Rey provides the unhappy punchline.  

 

“I know.  The past lives on.   I’m here in my uncle’s hut at Snoke’s temple.  You’re wearing the dress you once punked me in dressed as my mother.  Those droids by the ship originally belonged to my grandparents.”   The past is the great antagonist of his life.  It’s why Kylo is desperate to escape it, even though he knows it is a futile hope.  He runs a hand through his wild, windswept hair and sighs as he yanks his sabers from his belt to place them on the small table.  

 

Watching this, Rey takes a deep, fortifying breath.  “Today is about the future, not the past.”  She looks to him with worried eyes and outright pleads, “Let’s not rehash the past. There is nothing there for us but pain.  I married you to move on from all that.  For myself and for the galaxy.”   And now it is Rey’s turn to look frustrated.  She makes a face and confesses, “I want to be more than Jakku.  More than a list of embarrassing answers to your lawyer’s questions.”

 

“I hate that guy.”

 

“He was just doing his job.  Don’t kill him like you did Unkar Plutt.”

 

“I won’t.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

The enormity of what they have done is clearly sinking in for Rey.  “I worry that you are going to regret making me your Empress.  But I guess this is not the first time a conflict has been resolved with a marriage pact.”

 

Marriage pact.  She’s making this wedding sound more like a strategic alliance than a love match.  And maybe that’s somewhat accurate, but Kylo wants to avoid that empty, business-like characterization. He’d much rather recapture the sense of forbidden elopement they had when they exchanged promises in the temple mere minutes ago. But it’s hard because the context of their union keeps encroaching on their joy.   

 

But here, in private, surely it should be about just them?   About just a guy and a girl who are newlyweds?   For this marriage represents a bold risk for more than just peace.  Here is his chance for personal happiness sent to him by the Force.   Kylo is full of desire for Rey’s body, desire for Rey’s love, and desire for Rey’s Light.  He’s a man woefully deprived of sex and needy for intimacy.  Rey promises all of that.  

 

So Kylo gets right to the point.  “This will be a marriage in every way,” he tells her.  They have never spoken about sex explicitly but surely she expects that, right?   

 

She does.  Rey lifts shy, nervous eyes to his.  “Yes, I know.”

 

He steps forward to take her in his arms for a simple hug.  “We will figure this out together like we are figuring out all the rest,” he promises with more hope than confidence. For like with his other ambitions, Kylo is making things up as he goes along.  But thanks to all the late-night fantasies and random daydreams he has had of this woman, Kylo has had time to reconsider his bedroom moves.  He thinks he has hit upon the perfect solution.  So as Rey stands there comfortable in his arms, he jumps fully into her mind.  

 

She flinches and Kylo hears her sharp intake of breath. Abruptly, she steps back and her hands come up.  Her face screws up in a scowl.  "Wait!” she is shaking her head as if she might shake him out of her consciousness.   But, of course, she can’t.  "I never said you could—"

 

He pulls her back to him and silences her with a kiss.  "Shhhh," he soothes.  “Relax. I don’t want to see the past.  I only want to share right now with you." He keeps kissing her, holding her, willing her to calm down.  He is gentle, but relentless. "This will make it easier. It will make it better." It will make it honest, too. Kylo wants Rey to know his sincerity, to know how much tonight means to him.  Trust is a big deal for this girl.  

 

And then, when she finally drops all mental resistance, he opens his mind fully to hers. Now it is his turn to gasp. He can't help himself—he groans with pleasure at the feel of Rey in his mind. This is the connection the Force bond had teased and he had a taste of at Mustafar.  And this time, he’s not stoned.  He feels what she feels, she knows what he knows. Her nervous excitement is his too. His rising passion is felt by her. This is how they will come together—they will join their bodies and their minds. No other woman can give this to him.  For in all the galaxy, only Rey is his peer. 

 

Off slips the pretty white dress to puddle at Rey’s feet on the floor.  His cape falls next to it and now his tunic and belt add to the growing pile.  He dispatches his clothes with nearly Force assisted speed.  That’s how much he wants to feel his bare skin against hers.  Still, ‘don’t rush, don’t rush’ plays over again and again in his mind.  He wants to make this good for Rey.   But, damn, how he wants his elusive desert girl. His hands roam freely now. He couldn’t keep them to himself if he tried.  

 

“You’re cold,” he murmurs into her neck as she shivers against him.  But she’s not cold.  She is shuddering with passion that is building fast within her too.  And that’s all the encouragement he needs to take things to the next level.  Soon he is laying Rey back on Skywalker’s cot to more fully explore her body.   His lips find her breasts to lavish them with attention.  Things progress lower from there.  

 

Rey is remarkably passive, like he remembers from before.  She not unwilling so much as inexperienced.  Afraid to do something wrong.  As uncertain about her own body as she is about his. So like on the _Finalizer_ , she lays back for him to ravish her.   And, well, okay.  Here goes.  Time to deploy all that information gleaned from the holonet.  At least if he’s doing this wrong, she not experienced enough to know.  

 

Rey is so young, so untouched by anyone but him, and now she will be completely his.  The Darkness in him thrills to that sense of possession and mastery.  He loves that they are each other’s one and only.  His Empress is chaste unto him forever and always.  Rey moans now.  And, oh yes, she likes that.  She really likes that.  

 

‘Don’t rush, don’t rush.’  He forces himself to slow down. To hold off as long as he can before he gratifies himself.  But she’s picking up her enthusiasm now.  Reaching down to sink fingers deep into the roots of his hair as she quakes and moans.  She trembling beneath the onslaught of his greedy mouth buried between her thighs.  And can she hurry up?   He’s so hard it hurts.  As soon as she is gasping and crying out, he repositions to ram himself home.  

 

“No pain?”  He chokes the words out belatedly.  Because, oh gods, did he hurt her?

 

“Not this time,” she pants.  Her eyes are still glazed over from her own brush with oblivion.  She almost looks entranced.

 

“Good.”

 

My turn now, he thinks.  And oh, this is even better than he remembers.  Millions of neurons are firing in his brain with an overload of pleasure.  She is so warm, so slick, so tight, so everything.  He cannot describe this bliss in words. He’s got one hand under her knee now to raise it high and bury himself to the hilt.  Again and again, he sheathes himself in a lusting, thrusting frenzy of pleasure unleashed.  It’s a hot, sweaty race to the finish as Kylo lets go of all inhibitions to embrace the moment fully.  With eyes squeezed shut and his leonine head thrown back, Kylo spends himself completely.   He collapses down on Rey.    

 

When he catches his breath, he pulls back to look down on her.   “Oh, Rey, I’m sorry I was so rough,” he stammers out.  “I couldn’t help myself.”  Self-control has never been his strong suit.

 

“It’s okay,” she soothes.  “I just didn’t know it could be like that.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“So good.  Thank you.”  Rey pulls him down for a lingering kiss. 

 

And now, he’s never felt more the hero.

 

Like everything else, sex has a learning curve.  It takes time to learn your body and your partner’s body.  To realize what turns them on and off.  And also, to get the practicalities of the timing, the positions, and the foreplay right.  Given the luxury of a real honeymoon he’s sure they could work it all out, but they only have tonight.  Still, Kylo commits himself to practicing two more times before they are both exhausted.  And who knew that the very best part would be when they fall asleep in each other’s arms?  He drifts off feeling sated, sweaty, and very happily married.

 

In the morning at dawn, they wake naked and entangled in bed.  “I need to go,” Rey whispers regretfully into his chest.  She looks up and sees his expression and frowns.  “Don’t look at me like that.  You know I need to go.”

 

“I know.  So do I,” he concedes.  The galaxy won’t run itself. 

 

“I wish it could be like this forever,” Rey sighs, nestling contentedly into his arms. “You and I and no responsibilities.  No lies.  No politics.  No war.”

 

It’s a tempting thought, but completely unrealistic.  “I’m not a guy who walks away, Rey.  I’m not Han Solo or Luke Skywalker.”  He strokes her hair gently as he delivers the bad news.  “My life will always be some version of this.  I have learned by now that I cannot avoid it.”   He’s a Skywalker and no matter how he might chafe against fate, fate always wins.  So he has resolved to work with fate and not against it.  The Force is with him and he will be with the Force. “I may fail, but at least I will hang around to try.”   Like his mother and his grandfather, he will be in the game until the end.   He’s no quitter.

 

Rey lifts her head to smile up at him.  “I know that.   That’s why I’m here.  Because you don’t walk away from problems.  Or people.  I need that.”

 

“I know.  When will I see you again?”

 

“I’m in Coruscant every week.”

 

He thinks a moment.  “We’ll change the broadcast schedule to keep you there longer.  Overnight, for sure,” he decides. 

 

“I’d settle for just a few hours.”

 

So would he, to tell the truth.  He’ll take all he can get of Rey.  “One day, we will live together openly as husband and wife.   We will be together and have nothing to hide,” he vows. 

 

“So . . . ten more minutes?”

 

“Sure.  But then we have to go.”

 

As they are dressing, Kylo remembers the pendants stashed in his pocket.  He encircles the blue one around Rey’s neck.  She stands on tiptoe and he stoops so she can fasten the red one around him.  They will wear the matching crystals since they cannot proclaim their marriage publicly with rings.  “Tell anyone who asks that it’s a Jedi trinket you found with Luke’s things,” he advises.  Rey nods. 

 

All too soon they are back at their respective ships.  Rey ducks inside her shuttle to remove her fancy, now rumpled dress.  She replaces it with her usual nondescript tunic, culottes, and boots.  She’s got her saber back at her waist, a blaster strapped to her hip, and her Resistance uniform jacket with the old rebel starbird insignia thrown about her shoulders. 

 

She hands him the travel bag with her white dress and shoes.  “Take it.  Others will be using this shuttle and they might find it.  No loose ends,” she warns.

 

Kylo nods.  And now, the time to part has come.  “This isn’t goodbye,” he begins.

 

She cuts him off. “I know.  Nothing is ending.  This is a beginning.”

 

He nods and the conversation turns stark.  “You know where to go if you get into trouble?”

 

“The castle.”

 

“Have you got the coordinates memorized?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good.  I don’t care who you have to kill to get there.  Vanee will give you safe haven.  No questions asked.”

 

“I understand.”

 

“As Empress, you are accountable only to me.  Do whatever you need to do to survive. Just like on Jakku.”

 

“I understand.”

 

“Your mission is peace.  But I don’t want peace without you.  So stay alive no matter the cost.  If we fail, we fail.”

 

Rey steps forward and lays her palms against his surcoated chest. “You be careful, too.  They went for Hux last week.  Someday, they may come for you.”

 

“Bring it on,” he smirks.  “So long as they don’t send you.”

 

She pulls him down now for a passionate kiss.  Heedless of their onlookers, Kylo fully participates.  “May the Force be with you,” he blesses her before dropping one last salute on her forehead. 

 

“And also with you,” Rey responds solemnly. Then she flies up the shuttle ramp.

 

“Wait!” he stops her.  He almost forgot.  Kylo calls the saberstaff to his hand with the Force from inside his ship.  “Catch!” he lobs it straight at Rey.

 

“Ooooooo!” she reacts just how he hoped as she twirls the deactivated hilt.  “Is this what I think it is?”  Her eyes light up.

 

“Yes.  Well, go on.  Turn it on,” he calls.

 

She activates the weapon and it leaps to life.  “Red??  Oh, come on!”

 

“It’s a practice sword.  It stings but doesn’t maim.  Master it and you can have any color crystal you like.”

 

“Practice sword??  I don’t need a---”

 

“Yes, you do.  This way you won’t lose a limb before I see you next,” he smirks.  “Think of it as a wedding gift until I can give you what you really want.”  He won’t dare speak the word Senate out loud.

 

“Maybe it should be red on one end and blue on the other?” Rey suggests.  “To match your swords?”

 

“Whatever you want.  Now, go.  You’re late.”

 

“Thank you.  I love it.”  Rey deactivates the staff.   “Goodbye, Ben.”

 

“Don’t forget to wipe the navicomputer,” he calls.

 

“I will.”  Rey gives him one last grin, then she hikes up the ramp and takes off.  He lingers to watch with a rare smile on his face, for once ignoring all the astounded eyes that watch. 

 

END OF PART THREE

 

More to come—stay tuned.


	37. Chapter 37--Story Notes to Part Three

Hello and thanks for reading. Yes, there is more to this fic. I just have to figure it out. This story was supposed to head in a different direction. I may still do that plot, I’m not sure. Writing this story feels a lot like writing Ghosts of the Past because it also took turns I did not contemplate. But Ghosts turned out to be my best story in some ways, so there’s hope. Usually, this sort of meandering is a sign that I need to stop writing and think a bit. So, we are pausing here for now.

Part One ends with Rey fleeing and our lovers apart. Part Two ends with Rey coming back to hatch a plan with Kylo, but our lovers ultimately going their separate ways. They are loose allies but not a couple. And now, Part Three ends with a wedding and then Reylo parting again. This time, they are both allies and lovers. It is slow, steady progress towards Star Wars Camelot, in fits and starts.

The Last Jedi left Kylo and Rey very far apart. I have no idea what Episode 9 will bring, but these two have a lot of distance between them to bridge if a romantic relationship is to occur. I had that in mind as I wrote this story. What would it take for these two characters to stay true to themselves but also find common ground? And how do you do that without one character being right and the other being wrong? Here, Kylo is the bad guy who is right about a lot of things. Rey is the good girl who is wrong about the Force and the future. I like this set up because it confuses things enough to make them interesting. Throw the fallen hero Luke Skywalker into the mix and now things are very muddy.

What makes a villain? Is it bad choices? Bad intent? Is Finn the bad guy in this fic? He certainly doesn’t think so and neither does Rey. I think Finn’s attitudes and actions in this fic fit squarely within the canon version of the Rebellion/Resistance. Assassination of apex characters isn’t new to Star Wars. The extra incentive to blow up Death Star 2 in ROTJ is that the Emperor is there to die too and Mon Mothma is thrilled.

Is Kylo the bad guy? My Kylo never sees himself as the villain, even when he is one. In this story, Kylo is not the good guy, but he’s the hero. His moral conflict is the centerpiece of the sequel trilogy and he is far more the hero than Rey is, in my opinion. And fittingly so, since he’s the Skywalker. Personally, I love the idea of the sequel trilogy subverting the nice neat morality play of the original trilogy. So, Supreme Leader Ren for the win! Bring it on! Yeah . . . I know that’s not gonna happen. That’s why I’m writing this subversive stuff.

Mr. Blue and I have been watching the Netflix series Troy, Fall of a City. It’s loosely based on the Iliad and it’s full of unevenly developed characters and hit and miss writing. But putting that aside, it’s full of classical heroes. These men—and they are all men—are very different from our usual storybook “good guys” and also different from the Tony Soprano type antiheroes who are all over television these days thanks to Breaking Bad and other series. Here’s the point: classical heroes have no moral underpinning. They are all exalted figures—Princes of Troy, favorites of the gods, men of standing and power by virtue of birthright. Their challenges usually have no clear answer. They don’t really make a Shakespearean “bad choice” from which everything unravels. They are torn between individual desires (Paris for Helen) and obligations to their subjects. They are constrained by alliances and sometimes reluctant in their duty (Odysseus and Achilles). Their path is wandering at times but meaningful from start to finish (Odysseus and Aeneas). They take part in major events at which there are a variety of winners and losers. But even if you are the winner, things might not end well (Agamemnon!). These men are tangled with one another and with the gods, often to disastrous results not of their own making (see poor pawn Paris). They act with free will and yet fate always wins the day. If you recall your Homer, you will know that the whole Trojan War is because the gods are fucking with people who are only able to make true independent decisions at the margins. A deus ex machina plot device indeed!

Poor Skywalker sap Kylo is stuck in this classical hero role too. The difference is that he knows it. He is the Force’s favorite. But that doesn’t mean his life is easy or good. Sometimes it’s best to be beneath the gods’ notice, eh? Poor Rey thought that for years on Jakku until the Force intervenes and now she is caught up in the story of the Skywalkers too. Most of Part 3 is about Rey coming to grips with that fact and attempting to exert some control and agency over the situation. She craves free will. But, of course, her will is only so free. She is a means for the Force to manipulate Kylo. For Kylo ends up repeatedly chasing Rey, trying to please her to some extent. It lures him towards the Light and towards the balance that is the Force’s goal. Frankly, I love Kylo in his classical hero guise. I think that’s the only way he will wind up a hero in Episode 9 without some sappy “second chance at the Light” offer from Rey.

And what about Luke Skywalker? Is Luke the bad guy? Or the victim? Maybe he’s both. Luke is such a tragic guy in my head canon. Lied to by both Yoda and Kenobi and given an impossible task. Half trained at best. He finds his father and Anakin dies in his arms. Luke’s story is very bleak and extreme. It’s a lot like his father’s and his nephew’s stories. Rey’s too. Being the hero with the Force pretty much sucks, as far as I can tell.

Luke is a Chosen One and I figured we needed to see him veer both Light and Dark. The idea that being caught between Light and Dark can make someone unstable runs throughout my fics. See this rambling conversation between Rey and the now forty-something Emperor Ren (who’s sitting before Vader’s mask, still looking for answers after all these years) from Chapter 32 of The Chosen One:

 

 

>   
>  “I spent most of my early life being torn apart between warring sides of my family,” he says without preamble. “Torn between the pull to Darkness and the call to the Light. Veering first one direction and then another.”
> 
>   
>  “Kylo.” Rey sounds very worried. “Are you okay?”
> 
>   
>  He doesn’t answer.
> 
>   
>  “Vader was the same way. My uncle said that when he first met his father he could sense the conflict within him. That he could sense his father's vulnerability to the Light. My uncle said that gave him the hope that Vader could be redeemed.”
> 
>   
>  “Master Luke told me the same thing,” Rey reveals softly.
> 
>   
>  “Luke Skywalker was wrong. Vader wasn't redeemed.” These words come out adamant. For this is the key issue his uncle had gotten terribly wrong. “My grandfather died in the Light before he could be tempted again by the Dark Side. Vader would never have remained permanently in the Light. But my uncle refused to admit that. Because to do so would have meant to admit to the variability in himself.”
> 
>   
>  Kylo finally turns in his chair to face her. He raises vulnerable eyes to Rey now. His expression must alarm her. “Oh, Kylo—” She takes a step closer. Then stops.
> 
> “It never ends,” he confesses softly. He needs Rey to understand this if only for their son’s sake. “I give in to the Dark and I am called to the Light. But even my uncle who was so committed to the Light was tempted by Darkness. The Force is a fluid continuum. And we Skywalkers exist somewhere in the middle. All our lives we exist in temptation one way or the other. My grandfather started in the Light, fell into Darkness, and then returned to die in the Light. I too have been both Light and Dark. And my uncle . . . well, Luke Skywalker had far more Dark tendencies than he cared to admit.”

  
So the twist in Son of Darkness is that Luke becomes the murderer at the temple that fateful night. Han and Leia worried that their son would become Vader. But they missed the risk that he might become Luke. Because in each of us—but especially in the Skywalkers—resides the potential for Darkness. Kylo says this outright to Rey a few times in Part One.

Bad guy Luke is not a new idea for me. Right before The Last Jedi came out, I wrote a short story about Rey on Ahch-To based on Episode 8 internet rumors entitled Meeting the Master. I intended it to be a full story and not just one chapter, but then the movie came out and it was not what I expected in both good and bad ways and I never went back to that fic. But a few key ideas from that little story have stuck with me and found their way into Son of Darkness: Luke as the unstable bad guy who righteously thinks he’s the good guy, Kylo as the hero trying to save Rey from Luke, Kylo as the Chosen One trying to fix the mess left behind by his mother and his uncle, and the Knights of Ren as former students of Luke. Son of Darkness is essentially what Meeting the Master was intended to be. Eventually, that story should probably come down since those ideas and themes will have been dealt with in this fic.

I took The Last Jedi’s plot twist with Luke and amplified it. I also tried to explain it. In my story, Luke’s attack on Ben Solo is something closer to a mercy killing in Luke’s mind. He’s trying to save his nephew from becoming another version of himself (or his father) and ruining the galaxy in the process.

Making Luke extra-Dark is all a guise to make Kylo Ren the true hero (and not the anti-hero) of the story. Because what if we the audience are all Rey struggling to come to terms with Kylo’s actions and his evolving world view? What if what we think we know about the Force is mostly wrong? The Last Jedi showed us that Luke is not what Rey expected. What if Kylo isn’t what she expects either—and not in a bad way, but in a good way? This is a bit of a twist on the whole redemption plot resolution. We’ve already seen a reboot of the ROTJ throne room scene in The Last Jedi. The genius of Episode 8 for me is the moment when Kylo turns Rey (and the Light) down. He refuses to do the Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader redemption. That seemed so fresh and so true to Kylo’s character for me. What if Kylo Ren redeems himself and not in the way we have seen before? What if redemption isn’t turning to the Light but finding balance?

Sorry to any Reylo fans who want a lovey-dovey domesticated Light Side Kylo Ren. I’m never going to write that. Kylo might be the good guy, but he’s not the nice guy. (Finn is the nice guy type.) I also want to keep Kylo’s slightly maverick spirit. He’s a guy with a chip on his shoulder. He feels misunderstood and underestimated in his own mind. He’s angry and resentful but that’s not all he is. Kylo is so much more. (Shades of Darth Malgus of DARKER here.) Kylo feels like such a modern hero because he is so complex. The whole point of his character is to defy the Light/Dark dichotomy the original trilogy set up. More and more, I want to see Kylo transcend all that in the end. How ironic would it be for Empire-loving, seemingly backward looking Kylo Ren to turn out to be the true revolutionary in the series? What if conflicted Kylo truly is the change agent the galaxy has been waiting for?

Anyone who reads my stuff knows that I like complicated characters who defy easy summation. People are so much more complicated than the labels we put on ourselves. But those labels are powerful. Star Wars began as a myth making exercise, so I understand the reason people reach for archetypes to understand its conflicts. But understanding the relationships in Star Wars purely through the lens of abuser/victim, hero/villain etc. is very limited. It’s also usually wrong. Because guess what? Some people with abusive tendencies were victims once. Maybe even complicit ones. And heroes are not always good through and through. We are all many things, both good and bad, and that is a running theme of this fic.

A lot of readers seemed very impatient with Rey. That surprised me a lot. Here’s a nineteen-year-old orphan with very little life experience who ends up at the epicenter of a galactic civil war. She’s got the Force and a stout heart and a survivor’s skills going for her, but not much else. Is it shocking that she doesn’t immediately know what she wants out of life? I sure didn’t at nineteen. Is it surprising that she is unable to commit to Kylo and accept all that he is offering to her? I don’t think so. She’s watched Kylo do some awful things, she’s fought him personally, and a lot of what she thinks she knows about him is rather incomplete at the beginning of this tale. As Kylo’s personal story (and Luke’s backstory) unfold in this fic, Rey is confronted by some uncomfortable truths. Plus, Kylo’s goals and Snoke’s ostensible First Order goals turn out to be somewhat different as well. Kylo is not who Rey thinks he is, but it takes her awhile to figure that out. Rey is coming of age in this story, finding her way and questioning her assumed allegiances. Pushing aside the easy answers and fairytale stories to discover the true complexities of life.

  
Kylo is the just the latest in a series of things that have surprised and confused Rey because they are not what they seem. Luke Skywalker in The Last Jedi is the first such confounding moment for her. Luke is very different from what Rey expects and she learns even more disappointing things about Luke as this tale goes on. The Force itself is not what Rey wants it to be either. It takes her a long time to come to accept Kylo’s point of view that the Force should not be understood as Light/Dark, Good/Evil. When we see Rey in the throne room trying to redeem Kylo to the Good Side, she’s got it all wrong. Redemption is not reverting to one extreme or another, it’s finding a middle ground. Kylo has a much more sophisticated view of things, and he has learned these truths the hard way. Namely, from seeing the excesses and failings of the Light Side and the Dark Side traditions firsthand with his uncle and with Snoke.

  
I wish Disney would write Rey more as a character and less as a role model. I feel like she is set up to be some allegorical touchstone for modern girls. And that’s a bit of a letdown. Can we please let go of the ‘perfect girl’ trope? It’s a trap for women to believe they must always say and do the right things and handle every situation with aplomb all while looking attractive and smiling. Strong male characters confront obstacles and changes in themselves, in others, and in the world around them. They make mistakes and move on. It makes them compelling and admirable. So . . . why can’t Rey be similarly fleshed out? Why can’t she be weak at times (morally or physically or emotionally) too? Does she have to be such a Mary Sue? Save me from the ‘strong woman’ character that is everywhere but in real life.

About the Force bond: In my mind, the Force only independently intervenes when our lovers are estranged. It’s a bit of a matchmaker in The Last Jedi and it triggers again in this fic when Rey is in exile. But when Kylo and Rey are talking independently, there’s no need for the Force to open the bond. Readers of my fics know that I’m not a huge fan of the Force bond plot device. It has to be used sparingly. But I like the idea that the bond is unpredictable and uncontrollable by either Rey or Kylo—like the cosmic Force itself. Whether the Force opens the bond or sends Rey a vision, it always does so for a reason. The universe is a rational place even if its rules are not fully knowable to our characters.

I have written a few Reylo weddings. My best is You Need a Teacher Chapters 11 (the civil ceremony) and 12 (the Sith ritual over Endor). But there’s a silly wedding on Chandrila in His Padawan Chapter 11 when Rey has no idea that the Ben Solo she’s marrying is actually Kylo Ren. And there’s a Fulcrum Chapter 20 wedding with Stockholm Syndrome Rey. Snoke marries our Reylo lovers in Immune to the Light to keep things respectable (Rey is pregnant). It’s not Reylo, but the best ever Dark Side wedding is Chapter 5 of Fifth Wife when Snoke seduces an unsuspecting Jedi and decides to marry her on the spot, willing or not (#metoo is not a Sith thing, naturally). Note to girls everywhere: run away if you see yellow eyes!

My Dark Side boys never have commitment issues. They are all-in when it comes to sex and marriage. It’s a running trope in my stories that when one of my bad boys gets the heroine into bed, he’s instantly proposing. Kylo, Snoke, Sidious—they all do it. Bed a Sith and you’re likely to end up married. It’s a Dark Side possessive, obsessive control thing.

That’s enough rambling. There is more to come once I dream it up. Stay tuned and thanks for reading.


	38. Chapter 38

Secret newlywed Rey returns from Ahch-To to the Dantooine base, hoping to slink unnoticed to her room to shower and change and morph back into her Resistance mindset.  But that plan goes awry immediately when she runs smack into Finn in the hallway leading from the landing pad.  He’s with Rose, of course.  

 

“Oh, good.  You’re back.”  Finn smothers her in a great big hug.  “How was Skywalker’s island?  Still dreary and cold?”

 

“Windy, too.”  Rey plays it cool even though she is panicking a little inside.  But outwardly, she smiles and nods.  Nothing has changed, she tells herself, as far as Finn and Rose are concerned.  Although, everything has changed for her.

 

“Find anything helpful?” Rose asks.

 

“Yes.  This.” Rey displays the saber staff and activates its blades.   They spring to life with a distinctive double snap-hiss and a flash of red.

 

Finn leaps back at the sight of the menacing weapon.  He doesn’t know it’s a relatively harmless training version.  He is taken aback.  “Damn!  Hey, warn me before you do that again,” he complains loudly.  And belatedly Rey realizes that this saber might be a bit unnerving for Finn after his severe injury by a similar looking sword at the hands of Kylo Ren.

 

Chastised Rey blushes at her insensitivity.  She stammers, “Oh, sorry.  I forgot about your back.”

 

“I wish I could,” Finn grouses.  He shoots her a reproachful look.  “It’s sore all the time still.”

 

Rose glares at Rey.  “Turn it off!” she says sharply.

 

Embarrassed Rey does as she is told. 

 

Rose frowns at the new weapon. “What was Skywalker doing with that?”

 

“I have no idea,” Rey shrugs off the lie.  The sword came from Ben, of course, and not from Luke.   But no one needs to know that.  “Since I used to fight with a staff on Jakku, I thought I might give this a try.”

 

Finn looks dubious.  “Just make sure that you don’t cut your arm off with that thing.  It looks pretty lethal.”

 

“It’s not,” Rey hastens to explain.  “It’s a training sword.   It doesn’t cut.”

 

“Yeah, okay.  If you say so,” Finn looks askance at this claim. 

 

Rose intervenes to change the topic now.  “That necklace is pretty.  Is that new?”  Rose notices everything.  It’s partly what makes her an effective administrator for the base.  Rose is very detail oriented.   

 

Rey reaches up to finger the blue pendant necklace from Ben.  She lies again.  “I found this with Skywalker’s things.  It’s a kyber crystal.”

 

Finn looks perplexed.  “Didn’t those things power the Death Star?  I know they were used in the Starkiller Base.”

 

“Yes,” Rey affirms.  “But they also power lightsabers.  These crystals are attuned to the Force.  In the Old Republic days, people wore them as jewelry to show their faith.  I guess that’s why Luke had one.”

 

“At least it’s Good Side blue,” Finn approves, “unlike that scary new sword.  You look very Sith wielding that, Rey.”

 

And now it’s her turn to change the topic fast.  Rey would rather talk about anything other than Ahch-To right now.  “What’s new around here?” she asks, trying hard to sound casual.

 

Rose speaks up, “There’s good news.  We scored on those black market hyperdrives.  It’s all new tech, very fast.   It’s good you’re back with the shuttle.  We’re going to retrofit it and several other stolen ships this week.”

 

“For terror raids?” Rey raises an eyebrow.

 

“For stealth,” Finn corrects her firmly.  “Once all our First Order ships are updated, we’ll be able to get in and out of a target without anyone being able to catch us.  These new hyperdrives can outrun even the latest advanced TIE types.”

 

“What about shielding?   My shuttle is not shielded for combat,” Rey points out.

 

“I’m working on that,” Rose answers.  “I’ve got feelers out for some weaponry upgrades too. We may be able to mount both proton torpedoes and laser cannons on most of the stolen ships.  We want both offensive and defensive upgrades for the stealth fleet.”

 

“Nice,” Rey comments.  She’s impressed.  Rey will feel a lot better flying the shuttle if it has more combat capability.  A faster hyperdive plus new shielding plus some firepower will make it a much safer ride.  And, it will have the bonus of cutting time off her Coruscant commute.  “What are the targets?”  She’s curious about what’s really motivating all of this.

 

“We’re still discussing that,” Rose responds.  “For sure, we’ll be hitting some supply depots here in the Rim to steal coaxium and weapons.  But everyone wants another shot at Hux.  We’re thinking we might be able to use your shuttle to get past the security perimeter on Coruscant.  Then, we could get the general where he works at the First Order’s temporary headquarters.  You know--plant a bomb or something like that.”

 

“Don’t say it,” Finn preempts Rey’s automatic objection.  “We know how you feel about assassinations.”

 

Rey makes a face.  She is angered at both the attitude and the underlying response.  Doubling down on the failed assassination strategy seems like a bad idea for lots of reasons.  But Finn is missing the relevant point for Rey.  “If you start sneaking around on Coruscant to kill people using the shuttle I fly to the studio, then you’re going to get me tossed off the airwaves fast.  The First Order won’t tolerate me showing up if they think it might be a ruse for a terror raid.  And who could blame them?” Rey retorts.

 

“We’re not terrorists!” Rose snaps back.  “Stop saying that!  We are freedom fighters for the galaxy,” she sniffs.

 

Finn looks equally indignant.  “Look, Rey, the priority now is to get a military victory.  Not your political stuff.”  Rey fumes silently at this, but Finn doesn’t seem to notice.  He continues, “We’re going to need your help to get the ships retrofitted fast.  The ground crew here is not as technically adept as we’d like.  Hey, Raj,” Finn interrupts himself to stop the undercover First Order praetorian who is walking by.  No  doubt, accidentally on purpose, too.  “Raj, do you know Rey?  Rey, this is Raj Florey, the ground crew chief.”

 

The spy snaps to attention and salutes General Finn.  Old habits from the First Order must die hard, Rey thinks to herself. 

 

“We’ve met,” the man answers with a poker face as he nods to Rey.  “I fuel her up. Welcome back to base,” he tells Rey with a respectful nod.

 

Finn now explains, “Only Raj and a few other techs here have the skills for the hyperdrive work.  We need all the hands we can get.  Rey, can we count on you to pitch in?”

 

She nods. “Sure.  Hyperdrives are hard work.”

 

“Dangerous work too, I’m afraid,” Rose says with regret. “While you were gone, we lost someone in an accidental electrocution.  The guy was working on a ship.”

 

“Oh, no.   That’s awful,” Rey reacts.  “What a terrible accident.” Then she looks to Raj speculatively as suspicion suddenly dawns.  Was this an accident?  She wonders. 

 

Oblivious Finn tells the tale.  “He was our best mechanic.  Well, really, he was our only full-time mechanic.  A young guy named Tull from the Mid Rim.”

 

“Was that the guy I met as I left?“ Rey turns accusing eyes on Raj.

 

The spy merely nods.  “Yes.  It was.”

 

“How sad,” Rey says through gritted teeth.  “Such an unnecessary death.” 

 

“Absolutely,” Rose affirms as chief administrator of the base.  “We did an investigation and it was a totally preventable death.  We were all saddened by his loss.  Listen, I know you’re busy with your own work, but can you help out Raj and the rest of the ground crew?  They could benefit from your expertise.  Finn says you did lots of this sort of work back on Jakku.”

 

“Sure,” Rey says with another unnoticed glare Raj’s way.  “I can help ensure that no one else gets electrocuted, too.”

 

By-the-book Rose nods at this. “Safety first,” she chimes in.  Thankfully, Rose isn’t picking up on any of the deeper undercurrents to the conversation. 

 

“Make it your priority for the next few days, will you?” Finn requests.  “Give us as much time as you can.  We want these ships ready ASAP so we can seize the next opportunity to do a raid.”

 

“I have my regular holonet appearance coming up,” Rey reminds him.  “That takes a lot of prep.  Plus, I’ve been gone an extra day so I need to spend some time with my team.”

 

“Your priority is the ships,” Finn instructs.  “The politics can wait until we get a military victory under our belt.”  Finn must sense Rey balking again because he invokes the authority of the entire leadership team.  “The council wants you to focus on the ships for now,” he says in his general’s voice of command that invites no argument. 

 

Rarely does Finn pull rank.  It gets Rey’s attention.  And rather than bicker further, Rey decides to agree and then divide her time as she sees fit when Finn and Rose aren’t looking over her shoulder.  “Yeah, okay,” she ostensibly backs down.  The retrofit work now becomes the latest matter for which Rey has an undisclosed agenda.  But, of course, the zenith of her deception is her days old marriage to the enemy leader Kylo Ren.  Even as Rey is standing here now talking, she has yet to shower away one wild night of honeymooning with her Emperor husband. 

 

A secret is a tricky thing, especially when it’s a guilty secret.  It weighs on you, Rey soon learns.  She has long been concerned about her growing web of lies to the Resistance.  As the months have passed and Rey has become increasingly complicit with Ben, her concern has mushroomed.  But, as always, Rey rationalizes her deceit on grounds that her goal is peace.  Her actions are excusable because her goal is noble. 

 

And, yes, Rey is well aware that her ends are justifying her means, but this is the best option available.  Because if she leaves the Resistance to go out on her own, Rey not only concedes the cause of moderate reform but she loses her platform to connect with trillions of Republic sympathizers who watch her on the holonet.  Those people are not diehards on the Dantooine base, but in many ways they matter much more due to their sheer numbers.  Rey has come to realize that her holonet appearances are her only means to appeal to the largely apolitical former Republic citizens.  These people agree with her values but they are too fearful, too apathetic, too busy, or just too tired of war to act.  But thanks to her weekly stint on the First Order newsfeed broadcast, Rey has become the default voice of their conscience.  The former Republic citizens, she suspects, are the silent, disenfranchised majority of the Empire.  They are where the moderate middle ground lies.  The opportunity to speak to this audience is worth a few falsehoods, she thinks. 

 

But now that her loose alliance with Ben has become formalized into both a conspiracy and a marriage, she can no longer defend her actions on grounds that she has a foot in both camps.  It makes Rey feel like a complete fraud.  She’s not at all who the Resistance believes her to be.  Her personal and political allegiance is to their enemy and her objectives are no longer their goals.  From the beginning when she met Finn and Rose on Jakku, Rey had misgivings about their plan to restart the war.  But those concerns have now ripened into a clear schism.   Only no one is the wiser.  And that is a nerve-wracking, conscience-crippling, unsustainable situation. 

 

The dishonesty of her life grates on Rey.  But she sees no other solution. 

 

Troubled Rey does what she always does when she is upset:  she retreats.  That’s why Finn’s request to help retrofit the stolen ships turns out to be a blessing in disguise.  The mechanical work soothes Rey.  It also gives her a good reason not to hang out with Finn and Rose at night.  Maybe, Rey reasons, her absence will give a chance for them to grow closer.  That might make her inevitable ‘we’re just friends and by the way I’m married to Kylo Ren’ conversation with Finn a little less harsh, she hopes.

 

Late the next evening when Rey is hard at work under a shuttle in greasy coveralls and a toolbelt, Raj the ground crew chief wanders over to appraise her work.  The spy ostensibly starts handing her tools as he speaks under his breath.  “So . . . you really are a mechanic?  That’s not just a cover story?”

 

Rey nods.  “Mechanics is my thing, not politics.  Fixing ships is easy work.  Fixing the galaxy is not.”  Technology comes easy to Rey, but people are much harder.  You always know when you are winning with tools.  With people---well, not so much.

 

The spy is impressed by what he sees.  “You’ve done more work in the past hour than those other two guys managed on their entire shift.”

 

It’s true.  Rey is not only a great mechanic, she’s also fast.  Because back at the Niima Outpost, the fugitive customers were always pressed for time and you only had daylight hours to work.  “I have a lot of experience on this sort of thing,” Rey explains.   “I used to work odd jobs for smugglers on Jakku.  I have retrofitted quite a few ships in my day.”

 

“Jakku as in the Battle of Jakku?”  Raj reacts to her home world like everyone reacts.  With disdain.

 

She feels her face flush, but Rey brushes off her automatic shame.  She has decided to own her story.  That uncomfortable interview with Ben’s lawyer on Ahch-To had really bothered her afterwards.  Jakku will always be with her.  The past doesn’t die, she knows.  But Rey has decided to accept her past for what it is.  She might be the unacknowledged Empress of the Empire, but she is also a throwaway orphan from Jakku.  She refuses to feel ashamed of her background any longer.  Her family circumstances are beyond her control.  So, Rey turns to Raj and answers, “Yep.  I scavenged the battle wreckage for salvage to sell.  My prior career was as a junk trader.” 

 

Raj looks dumbfounded at this news.  He says nothing.

 

“Hey, hand me the hydrospanner, will you?  The big one, not the little one,” Rey instructs.

 

Raj complies and finally finds his voice.  He wonders aloud, “How did Senator Organa’s daughter end up scavenging on Jakku?  Or did Han Solo have custody of you as a child?”  Raj, like the rest of the galaxy, now knows the truth of Kylo Ren’s heritage.  When Rey doesn’t immediately answer, Raj keeps firing questions.  “And where did you get that Core world accent?  You sound posh, my lady.  Rimmers have flat accents usually.  I mean, aren’t you some sort of princess or something?”

 

“It’s a very complicated story,” Rey admits as she evades his questions.  “I’m not even sure of all the reasons why my life is the way it is.  But everyone who knows the answers is dead.”

 

“Ren doesn’t know?” he whispers.  Raj is clearly intrigued.

 

“Even he doesn’t know,” Rey sighs.  “I’ll probably never know all the details of what happened.”  She looks away.  “I’m not even sure they matter now anyway.”

 

“They were hiding you there, weren’t they?  Because of what happened with Ren and Skywalker at the Jedi temple, right?” Raj guesses.

 

Rey grabs for another tool.  She is silent a moment while the spy looks to her expectantly.  “I wasn’t hidden on Jakku,” she reveals slowly.  “I was abandoned there to fend for myself.  Sold to the local junk boss for labor when I was about five years old.”  Those are hard words to say but Rey gets them out. 

 

“Sold?  You were a slave?”  Now the spy is very confused.  “But you’re supposed to be the daughter of a princess,” he hisses under his breath.

 

“I was more like an indentured servant than a slave,” Rey continues matter of fact.  “I was child labor in exchange for food.  It lasted until I was twelve and I went out on my own.”   Rey nods over at Raj.  “Hand me that three-eighths wrench, will you?  This bolt is jammed.”

 

The spy hands over the tool as he assesses Rey silently.  “You’re not really his sister, are you?” he whispers.

 

Rey debates whether to answer or not.  But honesty feels good right now since she feels so trapped by lies.  And this guy is here to protect her.  So, Rey hazards the truth.  She looks Raj the ground crew chief and undercover First Order praetorian in the eye.  “He tells people that to protect me.  He needed a way to explain my presence after Crait.”

 

“So the rumors that the Emperor was seen kissing his sister on the _Finalizer_ aren’t true?”

 

“Are you asking about the kissing part or the sister part?” Rey answers tartly.    She looks askance at Raj’s gossipy boldness, suddenly regretting how much she has already said.

 

The man backs down.  “Forgive me, my lady, if I offend you.  It’s just that you are supposed to be his sister but you don’t act like it.  And if you weren’t raised in the Republic and the Resistance by Leia Organa, then it doesn’t really add up why you would be here now.”

 

“Who do you think I am?” she challenges.

 

“I don’t know.  His girlfriend?” Raj guesses.  “Maybe a friend?”

 

Rey looks him in the eye again.  “No.  I’m his wife.”  There.  She said it out loud.  It helps.  Her secret feels a little less ripe now. 

 

“You’re Ren’s wife?” the man stammers in a hushed tone.  “You’re the Empress?” For the second time, he is dumbfounded.

 

 “Yes.” She gives Raj a pointed look.  “The Empress is a scavenger from Jakku.  It’s a big secret, obviously.  But there are those who know.  Now, you know too.”

 

“And General Finn?”

 

Is Raj referring to that very public kiss from months back?  Probably.  “The general is just a friend.  My husband—” Rey says the word out loud for the very first time—“knows all about Finn.”  And now, Rey decides that it is time for Raj to be honest with her.  “What really happened to that mechanic guy?  How did he die?”

 

“He had an accident and got zapped.  It killed him instantly.”

 

“Was it truly an accident or did you plan that accident?” Rey asks bluntly.  “Did you kill him?”

 

“It was an accident,” Raj answers again.  “That loose end tied up itself.”   The Force tells Rey that he is telling the truth.  And that is a relief.  Rey doesn’t need anyone else dying to keep her secrets.  Her conscience is heavy enough as is. 

 

“That guy was a lousy mechanic,” the spy complains.  “I’m a lousy mechanic myself so I know one when I see one.  He was awful.  We’ll need to check all his old work before anyone flies the ships he worked on.”

 

“Great,” Rey complains.  “As if I don’t have enough to do.” 

 

“You’ll have to take one of the older transports for your trip to Coruscant this week.  We won’t be ready with the retrofit on your usual shuttle for another week.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” she sighs.  

 

But a week of late evenings spent alone working on the stolen ships gives Rey time to think.  Mostly, she thinks about Ben.  It’s a bit unexpected how much she longs for her new husband.  Ben intrudes on her thoughts often during the day.   What is he doing now?  Is he missing her?  Does he think about her?  For the first time, Rey truly regrets ending the Force bond.  Because being lightyears away from Ben without any safe method of communication has her alternatively doubting herself and doubting him.  Theirs is not a typical marriage that kicks off a new phase of a longstanding relationship.   They married on the basis of a few secret meetings and a handful of weeks on the _Finalizer._   So rather than solidifying where things stand between them, in some ways this marriage has formalized a lot of future expectations.

 

She might not be in love with Ben, but Rey is certainly in lust with him.  That quickly becomes apparent.  As usual, Rey has the official newsfeed playing in the background of the conference room where she and her media team work.   Rey is used to hearing mention of Kylo Ren all the time.  But now, those random references jar Rey out of her concentration.  And suddenly, she’s remembering being wrapped in the strong arms of her warrior husband who has the physique of a demigod.  She’s recalling the intenseness of his gaze as he held her hands and spoke his vows while the Force swirled around them.  Rey falls asleep to thoughts of their night together on Ahch-To and wakes to the still unfamiliar feel of his pendant about her neck.  Her next trip to Coruscant can’t come soon enough. 

 

And so, despite all her confusion, Rey feels fully committed to this hasty, secret marriage.  That feels surprisingly good, not scary like she thought.  Perhaps all the months of skepticism leading up to their union have made the ultimate resolution a bit of a relief.  Rey has chosen a side and chosen Ben.  He, in turn, has chosen her and chosen peace.  That shared sense of purpose feels encouraging.  Marriage turns out to be unexpectedly empowering.  For never before in Rey’s life has she committed to someone who committed to her in return. 

 

It is a fundamental shift that assuages a deep fear—that even though she left Jakku, Rey might forever be alone.  That fear, she knows, is a large part of why she has been less than completely discouraging to Finn.  If she is honest with herself, Rey will admit that her friend has always been a bit of a backup plan.  Selfish though it was, Rey had been unwilling to face the future on her own.  But that is no longer a risk.  Now, she has Ben. 

 

The days tick by slowly but finally, she’s back in Coruscant.  Rey is a bit distracted during her holonet appearance because now more than ever her thoughts keep wandering to Ben.  Will she see him?   She has to see him.  She needs to see him, if only to reaffirm that Ben is as committed to their future as she feels now.  When she’s finally done on set, Rey hurries back to the landing pad.  She’s moving so fast that Nestor Ren and her stormtrooper escorts race to catch up. 

 

As she takes her leave and flies up the shuttle ramp with anticipation, Rey discovers that her wish is fulfilled.  Ben stands hidden just inside.  And damn, he looks good.  Tall and imposing as usual in his Knight of Ren surcoat with two swords at his hip.  But without his mask.  Ben never wears the mask around her.  

 

“Hello, Rey.”   He looks a little anxious.  Has he been anticipating this too?  Ben runs a palm through his wild hair and that’s a telltale gesture he’s unsure of himself.  

 

It’s endearing and encouraging to her.  “Ben.”  Rey flies into his open arms and lifts her face for his kiss.  And, oh, the comfort that the feel of his arms around her brings.   “I missed you,” she murmurs into his lips.  “I missed you so much.”   

 

He reaches over to retract the boarding ramp to give them privacy.  “I missed you more,” he breathes out.  “You have no idea how much I . . .”  Ben never finishes his thought.  For they quickly become preoccupied with another passionate kiss.  He seems just as hungry for her as she is for him.

 

When finally they come up for air, Rey pulls back.  “How long do you have?”

 

Ben wears an intense expression and his eyes bore into hers.   He has never looked more the dashing Dark prince.  It is very seductive.  “I’m already late for a meeting.  But I couldn’t let you leave without seeing you,” he rasps. 

 

“Ten minutes?” Rey shamelessly pleads.  She needs more of him.  More of his kiss too. “Can you spare ten minutes?”

 

“More like five,” Ben gripes.  But he’s thinking what she’s thinking, only taking it to the next level because he’s aggressive like that.  “We need to make this quick.  Got any bunks in this old clunker?”

 

“In the back.”  Her eyes widen as she takes his meaning.  He’s got more than a make out session in mind.  “You mean you want to . . .??  Here?  Now?” she squeaks.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Can we do that?”   

 

“We’re married.  Lead the way.”

 

“O-Okay,” Rey agrees with a mischievous, if slightly shocked grin.  But, yeah, she’s up for this.  She boldly grabs Ben’s hand and tugs him back, feeling just as daring as when they ran up to the temple hand in hand on Ahch-To.

 

“This isn’t your usual shuttle.”  Ben looks around as they dash for the bunks.  “How old is this ship?  It looks like it fought in the Clone Wars.  Got any battle droids in here?”

 

“Very funny.  Actually, it’s in pretty good shape.  This ship’s got it where it counts.  I made a lot of special modifications myself when I retrofitted her.  And I’ve just about fixed all the bugs.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“She can make point eight past lightspeed.”

 

“I don’t care how fast she is.  I only care how fast I can get you out of those clothes.” Ben stops now and yanks back on their clasped hands.  Now, he is the one tugging her.  “Forget the bunk.”  

 

“But you said—ooooh . . . ”  Impatient Ben drowns her with his kiss as his hands roam lower to hike up her skirt.   He backs her up against the exterior wall of the shuttle and his intentions quickly become clear. 

 

“Here?  Like this?”  Rey’s eyes are huge and she’s blinking fast.  She looks to Ben for reassurance as he fumbles for her panties.  Inexperienced Ben has no finesse as a lover, and frankly Rey likes that.  But his gloved hands feel great down there, she has to admit.   “Against the wall?”   How does that work exactly?  She’s about to find out.

 

“Yes.  Now.   I need you now,” Ben growls into her neck.  

 

That’s everything Rey wants to hear.  She takes matters into her own hands.  “Let me do it.” Rey makes short work of her panties as he unzips.  Next, come some goofy, terribly awkward contortions as Rey stands on tiptoe and Ben crouches down.  It culminates in Rey bumping her head on his long chin. 

 

“Oww!  You’re too short—“

 

“No, you’re too tall—“

 

“Let me handle this.”  And, Ben being Ben, he automatically resorts to the Force.  Rey’s feet leave the ground and she is magically held aloft.   

 

Rey looks down, snorts, and starts giggling.  “Master Skywalker would not approve.”

 

“My uncle was wrong about a lot of things,” Ben mutters as he repositions them both.  “This is just one of them.”  Then, he thrusts his body in with plenty of gusto and an involuntary groan.  They are eye to eye now.  Pleasure is written all over his features, she sees.

 

Rey knows just how he feels.  She gasps and then sighs at the hot, hard, throbbing feel of him inside.  It fulfills some primal need within her.  Rey can’t get enough.  

 

Ben takes over as she wraps her legs around his waist and braces her arms against the wall.   What follows is no slow romantic seduction in Luke Skywalker’s hut.  This is a hard fuck against the wall of her ancient shuttle.  It is fast, furtive lust fulfilled.  They don’t even bother merging their minds.  There’s no time for that.  Merging their bodies is the urgent focus now.  

 

“Rey . . . “  Ben’s eyes are shut as he expels her name.  “Rey . . .”  She thrills to the sound.  For she loves this.  She absolutely, quite unexpectedly, loves this no frills, to-the-point sex. 

 

Rey didn’t know how much she needed this reunion after the frustrating week she has spent back at the Resistance, chafing at her increasingly divergent mindset from the rest.  So Ben’s body plunging deeply into hers, the scrape of her back against the wall, and the helpless abandon of being held aloft in the Force for sex, all combine for the ultimate stress release.  When it’s all over, Rey clings tightly to Ben as he smothers her in his arms.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry—“ he pants out apologies.  “That was too rough.  I just—“

 

“Don’t be sorry,” she interrupts.  “I wanted that.   I want you.”  Rey pulls him closer still, wanting to bask in the afterglow and nix the explanations.   “This is all we can do for now.”

 

“It’s not enough,” he complains bitterly. “I need more.”   Ben cups her face with his hands.  His voice is a beseeching whine mixed with his usual air of command.  He’s needy but still very much in charge.  “Stay with me tonight.  Make up some excuse—“

 

“I can’t.  It’s too risky.  Someone will see us.”  And she has to get back on time to base for once.  Rey can’t afford to attract suspicion.  Plus, doesn’t Ben have to be somewhere soon?

 

This stolen interlude has reassured her but it seems to have made things worse for Ben.  “It’s been only a week and I hate this,” he rants as he shifts to hug her close, pressing her face into his chest with his hand.  “I don’t just want this.   I want time with you.   I want to be with you.”

 

“I know,” she instantly agrees. “I want us to be together too.”  A week apart has hammered that point home to Rey.  But this is all they will ever have for the time being.  At most, she fears, they will get a quickie each week in her shuttle.  And this too is risky if they make it a habit.  Someone is bound to notice.  Unfortunately, there’s no way she can arrive at the _Finalizer_ without attracting attention.  There are those who will remember Kylo Ren’s sister and she is very recognizable now from the holonet, especially dressed like this.

 

“Let’s take my shuttle up alone,” he improvises.  “I’ll think of a reason—“

 

“There’s no time.”  She shakes her head and counteroffers, “I’m here next week for the whole day.  I’m scheduled on the morning show and later on the nightly recap.  But I’m free in between.”

 

“I know.  In between, you are mine, Empress,” Ben growls as he captures her mouth again for a kiss. 

 

“But how—“

 

“I will make a plan.  Leave it to me.  All you have to do is show up.”

 

Rey nods but warns, “Just don’t make me pretend to be your sister again.  That was weird.”

 

“Tell me about it,” he smirks and they both laugh.  It serves to lighten the mood.

 

“Look at you.”  Rey starts straightening Ben’s clothes and wiping away her heavy makeup that has smeared onto his face.  “Hold still while I make you presentable.   We can’t have everyone thinking you are the playboy Emperor.”

 

“No one will see. I wear a mask.  Besides, I’m yours alone,” he whispers in that husky tone that sounds so sincere.  “But I like it when you fuss over me,” he admits.  “No one’s ever done that.”

 

She catches his eye now and they smile in unison. “It’s probably good we don’t live together.  The Empire would fall apart because this is all we would ever do day-in, day-out,” Rey teases.  

 

“I could get used to that,” Ben replies in all seriousness.  “I could get very used to that.”

 

“There.  You’re good,” Rey decides as she surveys her handiwork.  “Where’s your mask?”

 

“By the ramp.”

 

“Okay.  Same time, same place next week?” she asks lightly.  Suddenly, Rey is hiding how much this quick reunion and abrupt parting hurt.  Neither of them wants this, but they don’t have a choice.

 

“Yes,” Ben confirms.  “Next week will be better, I promise.”

 

He’s still apologizing.  Rey cuts him off.  “Hush.  I’ll take what I can get.”  She’s a scavenger survivor who has never had an abundance of anything in her life.  She’s used to settling for less than she wants.  In some ways, this is more of the same.

 

Rey follows closely on Ben’s heels to watch him collect his mask and deploy the shuttle ramp.  “May the Force be with you,” he blesses her with one last kiss.  Then, Ben jams on his helmet and stomps off down the ramp.  He’s off to rule the Empire that she is at least ostensibly trying to overthrow.  As usual, Rey thinks, things are very complicated between them.


	39. Chapter 39

This is going to be a fun meeting, Kylo thinks grimly as he stomps into the room and eyes its occupants coldly.  “At ease.”  He waves the three late middle-aged men back into their chairs from their rigid stance at formal military attention.  Then Kylo plunks down his heavy helmet and seats himself.  This is a meeting best taken face to face, he thinks.

 

Kylo glowers for a long moment in silence.   

 

He sits across from the trio of conspirators who lead the First Order’s deep state.   These men head the covert opposition within his own government.  Stoking discontent and fueling doubts about his leadership of the fledgling Second Empire.  If the First Order develops a fifth column, these men will orchestrate it.  Snoke kept them in check, but his demise and the First Order’s victory have them emboldened.  Now, these three have even more incentive to seize power and, they mistakenly believe, an increased chance of success.  For young, untested Emperor Ren, in their erroneous opinion, poses a minimal threat.  These men ought to be rivals, except they are too wily to be caught in that trap.  They long ago realized that they are stronger together as a pact. 

 

To a man, the members of this triumvirate are true believers in the stated ideals of the First Order.  Snoke paid lip service to all that, but his Master’s goal was power and Snoke was both pragmatic and impatient about achieving it.  In the over thirty years since the fall of the original Empire, Snoke used the cause of its rebirth to his advantage, manipulating its cast of would-be leaders while simultaneously funding them with a blank check.  His old Master coalesced the remaining Imperial elites, pitting them against one another, and sitting back to enjoy watching the fallout.  It was a chess game for Snoke.  He delighted in choosing and discarding favorites.  Little by little, he winnowed the ranks of the Imperial veterans down to a select group of experienced power players.  These men are the survivors of that process and they are very, very good. 

 

They are among the few seasoned grey hairs amid the predominantly young and untested First Order officer corps.  For the ranks of Snoke’s army from General Hux on down are young.  You’d be hard pressed to find more than a handful of officers over age fifty.  This is no accident, of course.  The youngsters were born and bred to tales of the glory of the old Empire.  They were raised on the zealous promise of its return.  Not coincidentally, they were reared on a slavish devotion to their savior Snoke himself.   Naturally, these young, hungry careerists were capable of anything that their beloved Supreme Leader asked.  Without question, of course.

 

That’s one of the little-known facts of his old Master:  Snoke was far less cruel than most in the Republic believe.  Snoke was too smart to be cruel to his own supporters.  If anything, some in leadership of the First Order wanted his old Master to be more of a tyrant.  With the Sith sadist Palpatine as their role model, they wanted a despot.  But vain Snoke didn’t want to rule by fear.  Instead, he wanted to be admired.

 

Snoke mostly gave his supporters what they wanted.  He created a political and military movement replete with all the touchstones everyone expected.  He was the regal, reclusive Dark Side mastermind with the extra-military, mysterious masked Apprentice.  He built the planet-killing super weapon Starkiller Base and he had the balls to use it.  He funded a massive army of technologically advanced Imperial-era weapons, from TIE fighters to AT-AT walkers to star destroyers.  He vilified the Empire-toppling Jedi Master Luke Skywalker to continue the decades old Jedi Purge.  He even managed to resurrect the old Rebellion as his opposition, with Leia Organa, Admiral Ackbar, and other bygone heroes as his foes.   Yes, under Snoke, everything old was new again.  The Empire was ascendant and its glorious return was right around the corner.

 

Victory came swiftly at Crait but the aftermath looked nothing like what the three men now sitting across from Kylo expected.  When the dust settled, the Starkiller was lost, the Supreme Leader was dead, the _Supremacy_ was crippled, and its attendant fleet decimated.  And standing at the helm of the First Order was the thirty-year-old heir apparent, the very unpopular Dark Apprentice Kylo Ren.

 

He is the grandson of Darth Vader but the son of General Leia Organa.   He is trained in the Dark arts by Snoke but he was once a pupil of Luke Skywalker.  He is known to be contemptuous of General Hux and others in the military high command.  Instead, he prefers his personal posse of Force wielding knights who look to some like a newfangled Jedi Order.  Add in the fact that petulant Kylo is prone to violent tantrums and frequently resorts to snippy sarcasm.  He is known to be both capricious and vindictive.  And, always, he is impatient.  All in all, Emperor Ren is very unsatisfactory.  His politics are suspect, his heritage cuts both ways, and his unpredictable leadership style leaves a lot to be desired.  No, this is definitely not how these three powerful Imperial veterans—the undisputed founding fathers of the First Order--anticipated things would turn out. 

 

“If this is victory,” their ringleader was overheard to remark on more than one occasion, “then I would hate to see defeat.”

 

These men, along with the ultra-conservative militant fascist fringe of the First Order that they represent, are increasingly disgruntled as his new regime continues to move towards the middle in small but important ways.  Plus Kylo, unlike Snoke, won’t at least give lip service to these men’s pet causes.  As a result, the staunch hardliners are feeling marginalized and disrespected.  No doubt, this means that they are plotting.  It’s what guys like this do best.  It’s how they resurrected the lost cause of the Empire in the first place.   

 

Leaning back in his chair, Kylo now has second thoughts about whether his new palace needs a throne room after all.  Kylo has never been one for the overt trappings of power just like he eschews the orthodoxies of the Force and conventional political allegiances.  But for meetings like this, he sees the advantage of projecting ultimate authority.  Especially when he’s half the age of the men he’s about to dress done. 

 

“Excellency,” the oldest of the three speaks first before he is spoken to.  He’s bold like that, with gravitas in spades.  He knows it, too.  This man adopts a grandfatherly condescension that pays scant respect to Kylo’s position as Emperor.  His faux affability grates.  “Son”—Kylo grits his teeth at this particular form of address—"why did you let that sister of yours out of exile?   You permit her safe passage out of Coruscant to and from the hidden rebel base.  You give her a platform to spout her Republican values.  How is this permitted?  She is far too popular on the holonet these days,” the man sniffs. 

 

Kylo shuts that topic down.  “We’re not here to talk about her.  We’re here to talk about your lackluster support for the First Order council.”

 

“We don’t need Hux’s council,” another of the trio of haters speaks up.  It’s the sneaky one this time. “We do not need consensus to govern.”

 

“Yes, we do,” Kylo informs the men bluntly.  “Unless you want to occupy the Core systems indefinitely, then we need buy-in from the developed Republic worlds or we will not succeed.” 

 

The bold grandfatherly one raises an eyebrow at this assessment.  He announces coolly, “We won the war.  We will rule the galaxy on our terms.”

 

That attitude will provoke another Rebellion, Kylo thinks.  He glares across the table.  “I won the war.”  He puts hard emphasis on the first-person pronoun.  “Now, I need to rule wisely or I will risk provoking another civil war.  The goal is to bring order to the galaxy,” Kylo reminds everyone, harping on a theme he hopes will resonate with these diehards.  “To keep control and to maintain peace, I will tolerate some dissent and I will solicit the input from the local systems.   The council is a key part of that strategy.” 

 

“That traitor sister of yours is calling for a Senate again.   She did it again just this week.  She calls it a democratically elected version of Hux’s council, but we all know what that means.”  It’s the bold one again complaining some more about Rey.  The man sits back and folds his arms.  “If you don’t want to kill her, fine.  Just get her off the official state broadcast.  That’s all we ask.  Muzzle that woman before she causes real damage.”

 

“Leave her out of this,” Kylo growls.  “She is doing exactly what I want.”

 

“Yes, so we have heard,” the sneaky one observes without enthusiasm.  “Hux says she’s supposedly an agent of ours but you’re getting played, Excellency.  Her rhetoric might be polite but it is one step removed from inciting armed revolt.  Her agenda is not our agenda,” the man asserts.  “She is a young, pretty, and pleasant mouthpiece for the Republic.  And she’s gaining converts fast.”

 

“Her agenda is my agenda and she is doing exactly what I have asked her to do.  She is onboard with me.  You need to get onboard with me too.”  Kylo now brings the conversation back around to his preferred topic.  Enough about Rey.  “Stop impeding Hux’s authority by ignoring his council,” Kylo hisses.  “That council will keep the peace in the long run.”

 

“What is this strategy really about?”  The bold one is through dissembling.  As a conspirator himself, he’s always looking for conspiracies.  The man is incapable of taking anything at face value.  His mind just doesn’t work that way.

 

“This strategy will promote lasting peace,” Kylo contends.  “We will never maintain the Empire as a police state.”  Nor does he want to.

 

Naturally, his audience disagrees.  Police states are their favorite thing.  It prompts the third one to speak up.  He’s the quiet one who speaks in terse quotable soundbites.  “Fear will keep the local systems in line,” he decrees to a chorus of nods. 

 

“Maybe for a time,” Kylo concedes, “but it will ultimately drive them to rebel.  And then we will be refighting the same civil war yet again.  Have we learned nothing from the failed policies of our predecessor?” he gripes.

 

Dissing the old Empire makes the triumvirate sitting across from him bristle.   This is heresy to their ears and they are visibly outraged.  “When I served under your grandfather and Moff Tarkin,” the bold one starts to pontificate and Kylo fights the urge to roll his eyes, “I learned the power of fear.  Mark my words, son, fear is a reliable motivator.”

 

“Fear is not a pragmatic solution,” Kylo grinds out.  “We lost the Starkiller Base.  Without the leverage of a super weapon, we will need to occupy all troublesome systems or risk losing them to the rebels.  We currently lack the manpower for such a strategy.”

 

“Liberating the stormtroopers certainly saw to that,” the sneaky one points out.  “That was a very successful program which should never have been abandoned.”

 

“It was not abandoned.  It was scaled back,” Kylo corrects.  “I don’t want to finance a large army during peace time.  It’s unnecessary and expensive.”  Plus, the trooper program is a flashpoint with many former Republic citizens who view it as suspiciously close to a clone army, only with kidnapped slave children.  It is very unpopular in the Core worlds. 

 

“The trooper program . . . the terrorist sister back from exile . . . this so-called First Order Council . . . where is all this heading?”  With that testy preamble, the bold one now asks point blank, “Are the rumors true?  Do you want a Senate?”

 

Three pairs of timeworn eyes appraise him carefully as they await his answer.  Telling the truth will be like flinging down a gauntlet at these men’s feet.  But Kylo has never been a liar about things that matter and he refuses to take refuge in weasel words.  So, he nods, “Yes.  In time.  Once order is restored and the Empire is firmly established.”

 

This disclosure has the predictable reaction.  The sneaky one shoots to his feet.  “We did not wait thirty years to destroy the Republic only to rebuild it!   Have you lost your mind, Ren?”

 

Kylo resists the urge to match the man’s tone and volume.   It takes effort, but he swallows his rising Dark temper.   These three foes think him immature as it is.  So in this fight, at least, he will be the calm one.  “We are rebuilding the Empire and giving it a little of the look and feel of the Republic.”

 

“That’s appeasing our vanquished enemy!” the sneaky one proclaims.

 

“No.  It is assimilating the best ideas of our opponent in order to neutralize their threat.”

 

“Snoke would never have allowed this!”  The quiet one now defies his reputation.  That’s how incensed he is.  Usually, he’s the type to sit silently in a meeting, preferring to do his complaining behind Kylo’s back.  But the man doubles down on his condemnation now as he waves a finger from across the table.  “Leader Snoke would never have allowed this!”

 

“I am Snoke now.”

 

The bold one now asks the ultimate question.  His eyes narrow as he demands, “It’s true that you and your secret sister killed the Leader, isn't it?  That’s why you entertain her Republic talk now—that’s why you let her out of exile--because you owe her!  You weren’t strong enough to kill Snoke on your own but with your renegade Skywalker sister, you managed it.  Didn’t you?”

 

A tense silence settles in the conference room.

 

This accusation is not unanticipated, but Kylo sidesteps it.  He might admit to planning a Senate but he can never admit to killing Snoke.  Leader Snoke was beloved and revered by his followers.  His martyrdom by the suicidal Resistance admiral who blew a hole through the _Supremacy_ while jumping to lightspeed is a narrative that Kylo needs to maintain.  So he chooses his words carefully, answering in the manner he thinks his grandfather might have answered his own critics.   

 

The Dark prince of the First Order now lowers his chin and issues a firm and curt warning:  “I will let nothing stand in my way.  I killed the Republic and the Resistance to get this far.  If need be, I will clean house within the First Order as well.”  Kylo stares menacingly across the table, his eyes moving slowly down the line from one man to the next.  “I will not tolerate disloyalty.  You recall how the Leader dealt with disloyalty?  Well, I am Snoke now.”

 

The sneaky one who had lost it over the Senate is reckless now as he sneers, “You’re just a child in a mask pretending to be your grandfather.”

 

Again, Kylo feels his Dark temper rising.  But he resolves to keep his cool.   An Emperor cannot be goaded by his underlings, he reminds himself.  And name calling is downright juvenile.  He will not respond in kind.  Gritting his teeth as he taking the high road, Kylo rasps, “Careful, Admiral.  I am not known for my patience.”

 

“I knew Darth Vader.  I served under Darth Vader,” the sneaky one is on his soapbox now.  “You, Kylo Ren—Ben Skywalker—Solo--whoever you really are--you are no Darth Vader.”

 

That’s going farther than Kylo can tolerate.  The foolish admiral was warned.  Seething Kylo now has to follow through on his threat.  He clenches his gloved fist and the sneaky one begins to gasp and choke.  It is very gratifying.  He’ll show these three that he is every bit as determined as his fearsome Sith grandsire.  The sneaky admiral heaves and claws at his neck but the effort is useless against the Force choke.  Kylo outright smiles now.  It’s been a while since he killed anyone and, damn, it feels good.  He has missed this rush of Dark power.  Yes, this is an excellent start to his day.

 

“Do not underestimate me.   The Force is with me,” Kylo hisses. 

 

But, of course, his audience looks at him blankly.  These men put their faith in the threat of the First Order armies.  They championed that technological terror Starkiller Base.  They are small minded zealots who fail to see the larger picture.  The ebbs and flows of Dark and Light are beyond their ken.  They think in terms of warfare and politics in a vacuum, failing to see those conflicts as part of a larger drama that is only marginally within their control.  These fools are entirely ignorant of their own hubris, Kylo knows.

 

Choking the life out of the sneaky one does, however, have the desired effect.  The other two look horrified as Kylo’s victim gives one last gasp and slumps face first to the table with a cringe inducing thud.  He is dead. 

 

Example made.  Lesson learned, Kylo hopes.

 

He sits back in his chair to listen to the now ostensibly chastised pair who remain.  Then, Kylo summons General Hux to witness for himself his colleagues’ newfound enthusiasm for the First Order council.  Kylo also wants Hux to see the corpse lying face down on the table.  These days, Emperor Ren uses violence sparingly.  But he uses it for the maximum effect.  Satisfied for now, Kylo takes his leave. 

 

He knows full well that this little episode has not eradicated the problem.  Making an example out of one of his enemies today is a risky move.  But hopefully, it will deter others from questioning his legitimacy and motives.  Only time will tell.  Kylo knows he has to be careful here lest he crackdown too hard and provoke a rebellion from within his own ranks. 

 

The logical aggressor for a coup d’etat is really Hux.  Army Hux has the requisite public name recognition and deep support within the Order to actually rule.  So, all in all, Kylo is grateful for this divisive council that pits Hux’s self-interest against the cause of Kylo’s most powerful internal detractors.  But it is a tricky thing to build up Hux to placate him but avoid raising his ambitions.  This is the sort of deft gamesmanship that old Snoke excelled at.  Kylo now wishes he had paid more attention to his late Master’s instruction in these matters. 

 

But, truthfully, Kylo has neither the time nor the patience to play internal politics with these guys.  His solution--should they become a real threat--is more direct.  In the first hours after the Battle of Crait, Kylo had closeted himself with Nestor Ren to draw up two proscription lists.  The short list numbers ten men—well, nine men now.  It includes the zealots he confronted today.  The larger list comprises about thirty names.  It includes junior officers and non-military figures in sympathy with the ringleaders.  In the event that a coup becomes a real possibility, Kylo will activate the knights to apprehend those on the lists.  For unlike the elite stormtroopers, the knights’ first loyalty is to the Chosen One.  The Ren are ruthlessly loyal to him alone, making them the perfect means to neutralize any homegrown threat.   Hopefully, it won’t come to that.  But Kylo makes a note to inform the knights that they might need to make a move soon.  This long simmering conflict may become ripe. 

 

He is bothered by his enemies’ interest in Rey.   It’s not surprising, but it is troubling.  Kylo decides that he will ask Rey to give him back the tracker Nestor Ren gave her to wear.  He doesn’t want his enemies somehow using it to kidnap her for leverage.  The last thing he needs is Rey falling into the hands of his First Order rivals.  She will be fine without the tracker.  Rey is a resourceful girl and the Force is with her.  But still . . . for perhaps the first time ever, Kylo is glad that Rey is living among her terrorist friends.  The Resistance might be the safest place for her right now.

 

The good news is that Rey arrives back at Coruscant today.   Full of anticipation, Kylo heads down to the surface to sneak aboard her shuttle.   When finally she appears, flying up the ramp into his arms, Kylo breathes a long and deep sigh of relief.  He buries his face in her hair, inhaling its clean scent as he holds her close.  For a moment, all feels right with the universe. The conflicts that rage around him, the threats from within and from without, the bitter distrust that is the legacy of war . . . they all recede.  It’s just he and Rey together at last, if only for a few fleeting hours.

 

When he has thoroughly kissed his wife, Kylo produces a large black bag and turns it over, dumping out a suit of white armor.  “Put this on.” 

 

“What’s this?” Rey blinks.

 

“What it looks like.  Put it on.  This is how you are sneaking aboard the _Finalizer_.  You’re in my security detail now.”

 

“Oh, how ironic,” she laughs.  “Do I get a gun too?”

 

“Naturally.  Get dressed.”

 

She does.  It’s awkward to stuff up her long skirt into the stormtrooper armor.  She mostly bunches it around her waist and chest but that’s helpful to bulk up her lean frame and fill out the suit.  When she’s finished, she looks reasonably correct.  “Too bad the traitor can’t see you now,” he approves.  “Each your heart out, FN-2187,” Kylo crows.

 

Rey frowns at him.  “Am I a little short for a stormtrooper?”

 

“Not since we decided to allow female troopers a few years back.”

 

“Oh, okay.  Good.”   

 

He hands her the regulation heavy blaster and instructs, “Stay behind me.  My troopers follow, they never lead.” 

 

“Got it.”

 

“Got it, Sir,” he smirks.  This is going to be fun.

 

“Next time we play dress up, I want to be promoted to a praetorian,” Rey informs him as they exit her shuttle and cross the landing platform to where another nondescript First Order transport awaits to take them back to his flagship.  He nixes his command shuttle for his rendezvous with Rey.  It’s too recognizable.  “I want to wear a flashy red suit,” she pouts some more.

 

“Those flashy red suits attract attention.  You want to blend in.”

 

“I like those flashy red suits.”

 

“Praetorians are all men.  You’re a little short for a praetorian, Rey.”

 

“Oh.  Well, darn.”

 

Inside the shuttle, they rejoin the rest of his security detail and Rey wisely shuts up.  Five minutes later, they land in the giant, very busy _Finalizer_ hangar bay and disembark.  Rey brings up the rear as the sixth member of his usual squad of troopers.  Kylo typically ditches his security when he’s on his flagship.  The ship is a far more secure area than any place on Coruscant.  So, as is his custom, he dismisses his retinue _._ All except Rey, of course.

 

“You there.  Come with me,” he orders.  Rey dutifully falls into step behind him as he stomps off for the elevators.  Typically, his returning shuttle would be met by his staff but not today.  Kylo has cleared his schedule for the next several hours and dispatched his aides on any number of tasks to occupy them for the time being.  Hopefully, that means he can turn off his comlink and ignore his datapad.  He wants uninterrupted time with Rey.

 

But first, he has to smuggle her into his quarters.  But so far, so good.  Luckily, no one is looking at Rey.  They’re all looking at him.  Kylo Ren has never been the anonymous type.  Certainly, he is not anonymous now.  As he strides through the crowded hangar bay into an adjacent corridor, the crew parts to admit their leader to pass.  The troopers and techs milling about snap to attention.  All the officers salute.  It is his due as the reigning Emperor of the galaxy and the commander-in-chief of the First Order military, but Kylo pays it no heed. 

 

He commandeers the next arriving elevator and he and Rey step inside to privacy.  It’s a good thing, too.  Because when the door slides shut and no one can see, Rey barrels straight into the wall.

 

Kylo can’t help it.  He snickers.

 

Clumsy Rey rights herself and gripes, “I can’t see a thing in this helmet.”

 

His lip is twitching now.  But Kylo keeps a straight face behind his mask as he sagely intones, “Your eyes can deceive you.  Don’t trust them.”

 

“Use the Force?”  She sounds skeptical.

 

“Yes.  Remember, a Jedi can feel the Force flowing through him.”

 

“I don’t feel the Force.  All I feel right now is hot.  This armor is hot.”

 

“I’ll get you out of it soon enough,” he smirks.  

 

They exit the elevator and start progressing up to the senior commanders’ quarters.  To get there, they traverse a series of hallways that are increasingly secure.  The crowd here has thinned out dramatically.  No one who does not have reason to be in these areas is allowed.  That means they cannot be overhead.

 

“It’s too bad you don’t know the way or I would let you lead upfront,” he confides.  “I bet you look adorable swinging your hips in that armor.”  

 

“I swing my hips?”

 

“All women do a little when they walk.  You can always spot the girl troopers that way.”

 

“Oh.  Do you always ogle your female subordinates?”

 

“Jealous?”

 

“No . . . yes.”

 

“I’m a guy,” he explains.  “Of course, I notice.  Besides, I wear a mask.  No one knows where I’m looking.”

 

“You wear the mask less and less these days,” she observes.  “You know, everyone is aware your heritage now.  There’s nothing to keep a secret anymore.”

 

“It’s my brand.  The mask is who the galaxy knows as Kylo Ren.  Well, the sword too,” he amends.

 

“You’re much more than that mask.   Revealing your face to the public might help people see you differently,” she suggests.

 

But he sees only the downside.  “They’ll all see how much I look like my family.”  It’s true. The crooked smile he got from his father, the cheekbones he received from his mother, the jutting brows, long face and distinctive height comes courtesy of his grandfather, and the dark eyes and pouty lips he has from his grandmother.   But the Force?   Well, that makes him a true Skywalker.   And Ben Solo inherited the Force in spades.

 

“Looking like your family might help with your Republic citizens,” Rey muses thoughtfully.  “You should really consider ditching that helmet.”  She looks around.  “Hey, I recognize where we are now.”

 

“Good.  Because we’re here.”  They slip inside his quarters, he locks the door with the Force, and off come both of their helmets.  They start shedding weapons, armor, and clothing between kisses.  It piles on the floor in a heap.

 

“When one day we are together, I want to be able to do this without you taking off a mask,” Rey whispers into his lips. 

 

“I’ll think about it.  Now, get the rest of that off,” he commands impatiently.

 

“Yes, Sir.”  Rey offers a cheeky salute.  She does this topless but still wearing her trooper gear from waist down.  It’s so ridiculous that he has to laugh.  Then, he throws her over his shoulder and heads for the bedroom.

 

They get right down to business.  When they are through, Rey rolls off him with a contented sigh.  They lie on their backs next to one another in his bed to enjoy the afterglow.  Still panting Rey marvels aloud, “It’s a good thing I’m flexible.  Where did you learn that?”  When he doesn’t divulge, Rey snuggles up on his chest.  “Come on.  Tell me.  Because that was sort of inventive, don’t you think?”

 

“It wasn’t from another woman, if that’s what you’re wondering.”  He would never be unfaithful to his Rey.  Especially now that they are married.

 

“Ooooo, then from where?” Rey is really intrigued now.

 

"The holonet," he mumbles.  He can feel his face blushing red so he frowns.

 

"You watch holonet porn?" Rey squeaks and sits up.

 

How did they get on this topic? "I didn't say that."

 

"You do!" she accuses.

 

"Doesn't everyone?"

 

"No!"

 

He chuckles sheepishly.  "Every guy does."

 

“Don’t tell me any more.  I don’t want to know.”

 

“Care to see what else I’ve learned?” he leers.

 

Rey giggles.  But she accepts: “You’re on!” 

 

Kylo immediately gets back to work.  He has so much pent up desire for this woman that he can’t get enough.  He spends the next few minutes just exploring her body.  She has an innie and not an outie for her bellybutton.  It's adorable, he thinks.  How has he never noticed that before?  Probably because they have had so little time together.  If they were a normal couple, he would know these things along with all the other small details of her life.  Because while their sex is amazing, he wants some intimacy too.  He wants to share all the everyday meaningless nothings that become the glue of life when you live with someone. 

 

He gets his wish, if only for a few hours today.  Because when their bodies are once again sated, they just hold one another and talk.  “How’s the terrorism going?” he asks offhand.

 

“Don’t joke about that,” Rey chides as she snuggles closer.

 

“I’m not.   I’m asking.”   Pillow talk for them is violence and politics, of course.   He’s already talked her ear off about all about his First Order woes.  Now, it’s time to hear her stuff.   Kylo urges, “Complain away, Rey.  Let me hear it all.”

 

Rey sighs into his chest.  “They are planning to try again for Hux.  They haven’t given up their strategy of scoring a big kill.”

 

Kylo raises his head.  “Should I be offended I’m not first on their list?”

 

“You are,” she admits.  “But I refused.  And since they think I’m the only person who can kill you, you get a pass for now.”

 

“It’s true,” he murmurs, stroking her hair.  “Only you can slay me, babe.”

 

“I could never kill you,” she sighs in response. 

 

The comment tickles him.  The whole situation tickles him.  This is so damn Skywalker of them.  Family on opposite sides of the Force and a war.  Nothing ever changes, it seems.  Kylo sits up, straddles Rey, and leans forward to start kissing her neck. “Say it again,” he commands.

 

She writhes beneath him.  “Stop talking,” she chides.  “You talk too much.”

 

“Go on.  Say it,” he commands.  “Say it or there’s no round three.”

 

“I could never kill you.”  Her words come out very husky and sexy.  She raises a hand to stroke at his cheek.  “I could never kill you, Ben,” she promises as she looks deep into his eyes.

 

“I know,” he responds with equal sincerity.  “The Force wants us together, not apart.  When do you have to be back?  How much time to we have?”

 

“Four more hours tops.”

 

“That’s all?  I need more.”

 

“I need time to prepare.  Plus, I’m going to have get back in the hair and makeup chair after this.  You have really messed me up.”

 

He snickers and proceeds to mess her up some more.


	40. Chapter 40

Finn has an early meeting so it’s just Rey and Rose at breakfast this morning.  And that gives Rey a chance to pick her friend’s brain.  “Hey, can I ask you something?   It’s for my work.”

 

“Sure.  Go ahead,” Rose nods before she takes another sip of caf.  “Fire away.”

 

“Yeah, okay.  I went back to watch those videos we recorded months ago about why we fight.  You did one of those, remember?  It was great.  Your story is powerful.  It was a touching tribute to your family.”

 

Rose nods solemnly and repeats the gist of what she said in her taped interview.  “I want justice for Paige and for my parents.”

 

“You deserve justice,” Rey wholeheartedly agrees.  “But what does justice look like to you?  What would satisfy you?” 

 

Rey wants to drill down past the rhetoric of the Resistance.  She wants to find out on an individual personal level—not a political level—what it might take to establish peace.  Because she can’t help feeling like the reflexive tribalism of ‘us’ versus ‘them’ is what’s impeding any real breakthrough between the sides.    Lately, her appearances on the holonet feel like they follow a tit-for-tat script of points and counterpoints with her First Order counterpart.  They aren’t having a conversation so much as exchanging rote statements of position.  Rey worries that viewers will grow tired of how meaningless it seems and simply tune out.  And then, what’s the point in what she’s doing?  You cannot persuade your enemy if they will not listen.

 

The First Order actually allows more freedom of the press than many people realize.  But the culture of fear that follows in their wake tends to have a chilling effect without them even trying.  But still, there are holonet news outlets that have a Republican slant.  Rey occasionally appears on them.  Ironically, they can be just as one-sided as the First Order newsfeed.  It’s a problem, Rey thinks.  For on the whole, the postwar mood of rampant bitterness and distrust has led many citizens to become proudly insular.  They pick and choose their media to hear the viewpoints they support and blithely ignore the rest.  It is the antithesis of democratic public debate.  Each side promotes its views in a media echo chamber that reinforces their own perceptions.  As a result, the major holonet news outlets are less like forums for the exchange of ideas and more like flash mobs of partisans.

 

Trying to cut through all of that noise is hard.  And even Rey—who prides herself on her on-camera unflappable cool—can get frustrated with the pithy zingers that pass for discussion.  When the smug moderator tells her three times in one segment that ‘wars have consequences,’ Rey smiles tightly as she informs him, ‘I look forward to the day when I can tell you that elections have consequences.’  Afterwards, the producer immediately cuts to a break. 

 

Moments like that shake Rey’s commitment to her political goals.   She is starting to doubt whether the galaxy is ready for a true democracy again.  Democracy requires compromise and respect for the minority, both of which are currently in short supply.  More and more, Rey is convinced that Kylo’s hybrid approach with a centralized government and some form of legislature is for the best.  For now, at least. 

 

But before any legislature can function, there must be peace.  That’s why Rey is focused on what it will take for the individuals in the Resistance to lay down their arms.  It’s why she wants to know what justice means to Rose Tico. 

 

Rose doesn’t need to think it over.  She has an answer on the tip of her tongue:  “The First Order needs to pay for their crimes.”

 

“Pay how?”

 

Rose looks befuddled.  Like she has never contemplated this before.  She begins to mull it over.  “I’m not sure.  What do you have in mind?”  She looks to Rey.

 

So Rey starts spouting off options. “Is this an eye for an eye?   Does someone need to die?  Because that’s how it would work on Jakku.”

 

“No, not necessarily.  But someone needs to be held responsible.  The First Order must atone.”  Rose is firm on this.

 

“So some First Order official needs to be tried and imprisoned?” Rey suggests.

 

“Maybe.” Rose looks uncertain.

 

“That won’t bring your family back,” Rey says softly.

 

“No.  But it would show that they mattered. I guess I feel like someone should acknowledge that their lives mattered,” Rose says looking miserable.  “Paige died fighting in the Resistance, so she at least assumed the risk.  But my parents were just innocent people living out their lives.  They had no political convictions or military affiliation.  They were noncombatants for sure.”

 

“They were like the people on Hosnia,” Rey nods.

 

“Yes.   Rey, the First Order plundered our world and then shelled our people.  We were a resource to exploit and guinea pigs to slaughter.   I don’t want that to happen to other worlds and other people.”  This is a hard topic and it’s raising painful memories, Rey sees.  But stalwart Rose keeps talking even as her eyes fill with unshed tears.  “I guess it matters more to me that it doesn’t happen again than that someone goes to jail.   That’s why I am fighting to overthrow the Empire.”

 

“Would anything short of revolution satisfy you?” Rey prods.

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like that the First Order agrees not to do those things again?”

 

Rose shakes her head no.  “I wouldn’t trust them.  Their promises mean nothing.  We have no way to police or enforce them.  They would be convenient words, that’s all.” 

 

“Would it matter if the First Order accepted responsibility and publicly apologized?” Rey proposes.

 

“They’d never do that.  They never admit to half of the genocide they’ve done.  The only reason they admitted to Hosnia is because they were so proud of the Starkiller Base.” 

 

“What if there was a democratically elected Senate like in the original days of the old Empire?  Would that change things?  Would it give you more faith that the First Order would honor its promises?”

 

“No,” Rose answers flatly.  “Not so long as that killer Kylo Ren is still in charge.”  Rose looks wary now.  “Rey, what’s this all about?”

 

“I’m just trying to figure out our objective if we can’t overthrow them.”  Rey levels with her friend.  “I want to see if there is a path to victory for us if the First Order is still around.”

 

“You still want to work within their system, don’t you?”  Rose frowns.  “Finn says you have basically given up our cause.”  When Rey doesn’t immediately deny it, her friend asks pointedly, “Why are you even here, Rey, if you refuse to fight?”

 

“I’m not refusing to fight.  I just don’t like how we are fighting now.”  Rey is defensive, and it shows.  They’ve had this conversation before, just not in as blunt terms.   “I prefer to fight with words than with my sword.”

 

“A lot of good that’s doing us,” Rose complains.   They are longstanding friends who can speak plainly with one another.  Rose is honest about her feelings now.   “You’re our Jedi.  Let someone else be the talking head on the holonet.  You’re needed with the troops.  I don’t understand why you can’t see that.”

 

No one at the Resistance seems to understand why Rey is hesitant to join Finn’s army.  So she tries again to explain.  “Back on Jakku I grew up scavenging in the battle wreckage.  There were lots of bodies in those ships.  Imperial casualties mostly, but rebels too.”  Rey looks down now as she stirs her cup of caf and silently recalls the vivid horrors she has seen from the last galactic civil war.  “I have seen the cost of war firsthand in a way few people have.”  Rey looks across to her valiant friend and acknowledges, “You’ve experienced that, too.  The difference is that seeing the cost of war has made me less inclined to fight.  I’m not big on war as a solution to problems.  It’s not that I think we should tolerate evil and injustice.  It’s that I worry that war solves very little in the end.  It feels like war just leads to more war.  And then, more people suffer and die.”

 

Is she making any sense?  Rose just sits considering her speech in silence.  It’s clear from her expression that Rose doesn’t like what she hears.  So, Rey tries again.  “Can you see no acceptable outcome other than complete victory by us?”

 

Rose is silent another long moment.  Then, she takes a deep breath and says in a choked voice, “I can accept that my family is dead.  I can accept that more people will need to die before we overthrow the First Order.  Maybe even me.  Maybe you.  Maybe Finn.  I can even accept that we might lose in the end.  But I cannot accept living under the shadow of the First Order without fighting to make things better.  I’m sorry, but that’s how I feel.” 

 

“So peace only comes with our victory?” Rey summarizes.  “Is that it?”

 

“There is no peace without justice,” Rose vows.  “And there will be no justice so long as the First Order and its Empire live.”  Rose leans forward across the table to make her point.  “Rey, I’ve lost too much in this fight to give up now.”

 

And maybe that’s the true gulf between them, Rey thinks.  For she herself never really had anyone close to lose in this war.  But she has Ben to gain with peace. 

 

“Overthrowing the Empire is why I’m here,” Rose tells her flatly.  “That’s why all of us are here.  Except you, I guess.”  She shoots Rey a resentful look.  “Do you just want to be a holonet celebrity?  Is that it?”

 

“No!”  Rey scowls at hearing her work dissed.  “I hate that you even said that,” she snipes back at her friend.  “You sound like the rest of the council.  None of you value what I am doing!  I’m not in this for myself and you know that!”  Rey is indignant.  She’s giving up a life with Ben to stay here and work for peace.  Conversations like this make that a tradeoff Rey is increasingly having second thoughts about.

 

“Keep your voice down,” Rose hisses as she looks around.  “You’re making a scene.  Rey, you’re unpopular enough as is.  And I don’t want people gossiping about dissention in our ranks.  There’s always the possibility that there are spies around still.”

 

Rey is angry.  “Does the council just want me to leave?  Is that it?”

 

“No!  Rey, that’s not it at all!  Don’t talk like that!  If you left, it would spook everyone.  You’re our Jedi, remember?  You’re supposed to be on the good side with us.”

 

“Yeah, I guess . . . “

 

“Look,” Rose chides, “all of us have doubts sometimes.  It’s okay to feel like that.  But it would help if you wouldn’t talk about your doubts so much.  It’s bad for morale.  Just stick to the script on the holonet, okay?  The council thinks you’re getting out in front of them a bit.  You’re sounding a little too conciliatory these days.   It’s like you want to negotiate and not fight.”

 

“The council hasn’t told me that,” Rey bristles.  Not officially, at least.

 

“They will,” Rose reveals. 

 

After that disheartening conversation, Rey boards her shuttle for Coruscant.  With the new faster hyperdrive installed, even with the lingering glitches and bugs, she still arrives in nearly half her prior travel time.  That means thirty hours later, Rey is back in Ben’s arms. 

 

Her stormtrooper disguise lies in a trail that begins just inside the door to his quarters.  Intermingled with her things are Ben’s clothes.  First her helmet and his helmet along with their small weapons stash, then some armor and his cape, belt and surcoat further into the room, followed by more armor and his tunic.  At the entrance to the bedroom are two discarded pairs of boots and his pants.  Her holonet pundit outfit is in a puddle next to the bed.  Her panties and bra and his underclothes are lost somewhere in the tangled sheets.   She’ll be hunting for them later but not yet.  Just now, Rey is lolling in Ben’s arms. 

 

“I think you like all this sneaking around,” she accuses playfully as he nuzzles at her throat.

 

Ben doesn’t deny it.  “Seeing you once a week gives me something to look forward to.”

 

Rey laughs.  “Does that mean I am going to be boring to you when we’re finally together?”

 

Her remark provokes a rare smile from Ben.  “Rey, you are many things.  But you are never boring.  And I couldn’t give you a boring life if I tried,” he adds as an afterthought.

 

Something about the way he says this hits home.  For when—if—she is ever the Empress, things will change completely in ways Rey longs for and also in ways she fears.  Rey pushes the fears aside.  She focuses instead on her longing for them to be together.  “I think I hate this.  I want more than this.”  She settles back and is serious now. 

 

“I thought that was my line,” Ben smirks.  He’s always the one complaining about their current living arrangements. 

 

“Well, you’re right,” Rey agrees belatedly.  “This is hard for me.  Really hard for me,” she confesses grumpily.    “A few hours once a week--it’s like we’re lovers and not married.  I want us to be together.  I miss you.”  More and more, as the weeks go by, Rey feels like an unhappy outsider at the Resistance. These stolen hours with Ben are the bright spot in her life.  Their fragile young marriage has come to mean a great deal to her in a very short time.  For only with Ben can Rey truly be herself.  She’s surrounded by people back at base, but terribly lonely all the same.

 

Ben sits up.  He is serious now too.  He nods and meets her eyes.  “So stay.  Don’t go back.  Stay and be mine full time starting today.”  She sits up now as he grabs for her hands and grips them tightly.  “It will be you and me together like we want.  We’ll think of some way to explain it—"

 

“I can’t!” she shuts him down.   “Don’t ask me to do that.” Rey shoots Ben a reproachful look.  “It’s far too tempting.”  Far, far too tempting.  But she is living a life of lies for a reason—for peace.  And Rey is not ready to give up on peace just yet.   She won’t make a selfish choice and leave Finn, Rose, and the rest of the galaxy adrift when she is in a unique position to influence things. 

 

“Rey—”

 

“I can’t.”  She shakes her head with true regret and rubs at her temples.  “I just need a break from all the drama back at base. That’s all.  It’s stifling,” she grumbles.

 

“I know what you mean.  I have plenty of drama here myself.”   Ben lays back a moment to think.   “Meet me on Ahch-To again.  We’ll continue the honeymoon,” he suggests.

 

She’s reluctant.  “It’s cold there.  Plus, it’s too long a trip.  I will waste too much time traveling and there won’t be enough time with you.  Besides, my shuttle keeps acting up.  We retrofitted it and now it’s got all sorts of issues.  I need to work on it.”

 

“So we’ll take my ship.  Come on,” he cajoles. “Let’s honeymoon.”

 

“Ben, I want us to be together in real life.   And not just . . . er . . . this.“  She gestures at their nakedness.

 

Ben looks up at her with those intense bedroom eyes of his.  “I thought you liked this.  In fact, I know you like this,“ he teases as he reaches to fondle her breast.

 

“I do!”  She blushes, reflexively batting his hand away.  “But I want more than just . . . er . . . this . . .”

 

He smirks, enjoying her embarrassment.  “The word is sex, Rey,” he informs her.

 

“Yeah, right.  The point is that I want to be bored with you.  To hang around and talk about nothing with you.  I want to binge watch crappy holonet shows and go flying together.  I want to eat meals with you.  I want you to teach me tricks in the Force.  You never teach me about the Force anymore . . .”  Rey stops.  She’s rambling now.

 

“If you want, we can do those things.”  Ben gives a sheepish shrug.   “I just don’t like to waste time when we could be doing this.” 

 

“I know, but you’re great when you talk about the Force,” she whines.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.  You are so compelling, so dreamy eyed, so . . . you.”

 

“Dreamy eyed?”  Ben bristles at the description.  “That doesn’t sound like me.   That doesn’t sound like me at all.”  He shoots her a sideways look.

 

“It is you.  And I love it.  Oh,” she groans, “Who am I kidding?  This isn’t about the Force.  It’s just . . . I hate this.  I spent so much time on Jakku alone.  Convinced that I would always be alone.  And then you came along and you’re . . . you’re you and I . . . I d-don’t want to lose you . . .”  She’s rambling again.  Sounding ridiculous and feeling anxious.  Suddenly, she’s close to tears and Rey doesn’t even know why.

 

“Hey.”  Ben pulls her down into his arms.  “Hey,” he soothes.  “It will be alright.  I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“I don’t want to go back, but I have to go back,” she wails as her voice cracks and her eyes overspill with emotion.  And this is not like her.  Rey is not a girl who cries.  Except with this man, it seems.  For something about Ben Solo has always brought out strong emotions in her.

 

“What’s bothering you?   Is it the traitor?”

 

“Don’t call him that.”

 

“Tell me what the problem is,” Ben persists.  “I want to help.”

 

“You can’t help.”

 

“Try me.”

 

Rey sighs as she wipes at her eyes.  “It’s nothing new.  They keep harping on me to kill you. That’s all.”  The Resistance wants her to kill her secret Emperor husband.   Rey says this casually because that’s how bizarre her life is right now.  She is torn apart between two sides of a war, caught between conflicting personal and political loyalties.  Plus, her web of lies feels like it is choking her.  The low-grade stress of months of deceit is overwhelming now that Rey feels her chances of success slipping away.

 

“Tell me,” he urges.  “Tell me all of it.” 

 

Ben nods encouragingly to her and so she starts speaking in halting words.  “They w-whisper that I am af-fraid. That I am a coward.”  She spits out the word with resentment. 

 

“You are none of those things—you are the bravest woman I know.“

 

“They say that I am no Jedi since I r-refuse to fight.  I know they t-think that I have l-let them down.”

 

Ben continues his cheerleading, “That’s not true.”

 

“It is true!  I will let them down in the end!”  Her tears brim over again as Rey gives voice to her fears.  “Ben, I am drowning in lies!   I am betraying people who trust and believe in me!  And for what?”

 

“For peace,” he says firmly.  “Peace is not cowardly.”

 

“But I am a coward!” she wails.  “It’s true what they say!  Oh, Ben, I am so afraid that I will be found out.  Already, I have made a few missteps.”

 

“Rey, it’s fine,“ he soothes.  “Don’t cry.”

 

But it’s too late.  Because when deeply repressed emotion bubbles up in stoic people, it doesn’t dribble out.  It tends to explode.  And now, Rey is weeping and sniffling and choking words out.  “I am so afraid that in the end I will fail.  I am losing my credibility with the council.  Don’t you see?  I will never sway them to compromise if they do not respect me.”  She pauses to wipe at her runny nose and dripping eyes.   “I feel like I am taking risks and telling lies for nothing because it will all make no difference in the end.  I will fail myself and fail you . . . I will fail the g-galaxy.  And then maybe a full-scale war will start up again.  And all my friends will end up dead .  . .”

 

Ben sits listening to all of this.  When she finally comes up for air, he tells her calmly, “If the Resistance will not moderate, then so be it.  It was always a bold play.  If we fail, we fail.”  He is stroking her hair now.  The repetitive gesture and his measured words are helping, but Rey is still far from regaining her composure.  “Stay here today and don’t go back.  Your home is with me now.”

 

“And then what?   You kill them all and call it peace?” she demands.  Because what is the endgame here if she fails?

 

“Rey—“  Ben’s voice holds a warning tone that she ignores.

 

“Then, it’s Crait all over again, right?” she accuses hotly as the tears flow freely again.  “I can't let that happen.  Don’t you dare, Ben!  Don’t you dare!” she rails.

 

“Why not?”

 

Is that a serious question?  It is.  “Because the rebels are good people who do not deserve to die!  There’s been enough killing, don’t you think?”

 

“No one deserves to die for an idea.  But that’s how it works.  Rey, most wars are not right versus wrong.  They are conflicts between competing truths.  Neither side is necessarily at fault.  But one side inevitably wins.”  Ben shrugs with a deep cynicism she understands but doesn’t like.  “In most wars, there are heroes on both sides.  Villains, too,” he points out.

 

“This isn’t making me feel any better,” Rey gripes.

 

He smirks over at her.  “Never fear, you’re on the winning side.  Any time you want, you can join me here for good.   You don’t have to continue doing this,” he tells her softly.  “It’s okay to give up.”

 

“But I want to do this.  I’m not ready to give up.  It’s just not going so well,” she admits.  Rey is deeply discouraged and not hiding it now.  “They don’t respect me.  That’s the problem.”

 

Ben thinks a long moment before he suggests, “Then tell them you will kill me.”

 

“What??”  Rey bolts up from his arms and glares down at him.  “No!  Ben, no!  How will that help anything?” she demands.

 

“Some of the First Order hardliners don’t respect me.  So I choked one awhile back.  It got everyone’s attention fast,” he reasons as only he can.

 

Rey scowls at him.  “That’s not how things work at the Resistance.”

 

“Sure, it is.  You need to prove your rebel cred?  You can do that by trying to killing me.  We’ll just pretend.”

 

“Pretend?  That sounds risky.”  She slants him a skeptical glance.  “How does this plan work?”

 

“It’s simple.  You show up to kill me.  We fight and make it look good.  The Resistance terrorists are happy and respect you again.”

 

Rey’s eyes narrow.  “How does this fight end?”

 

“I win, of course.”

 

“Naturally,” she responds with maximum sarcasm.

 

He sits up now too, looking boyishly mischievous.  “That’s the best part.  I capture you.  Take you prisoner and chain you to my bed for a few days.  And then, you escape and go back to the Resistance with lots of Jedi girl cred.  Once again, you have escaped the clutches of evil Kylo Ren!” he sneers theatrically.

 

“That might actually work,” Rey considers. 

 

“Think of it as a vacation.”

 

“I’ve never had a vacation.”

 

“Neither have I.”

 

“It sounds nice.”

 

“It will be perfect.   Let’s do it.   Tell the traitor you’ll kill me.   We’ll be bored and binge watch and do whatever you want during your captivity.  I’ll get you a TIE pilot uniform and we’ll go flying.”

 

“Yeah, right.”  Rey flashes a knowing look.  “I know you.  We’re never getting out of bed, are we?”

 

“Maybe to eat,” he says impishly.  “Or to shower.  We haven’t tried the shower yet,” he suggests with a gleam in his eye.  “You let me get you dirty.  Next, I want to get you clean,” he leers.

 

She thinks it over as she muses aloud.  “A staycation on your star destroyer . . . that could be fun.”

 

“I need some fun.  There’s not enough fun in my life.  Nothing is fun these days other than you.”

 

“It’s risky, though.  What if things go wrong?”

 

“What’s the worst that can happen?”

 

“One of us loses a limb.”

 

“That won’t happen,” he dismisses her concern outright. “I’ll let you meditate with Vader’s mask,” he offers.  Ben thinks this is a serious inducement, of course.

 

“No, thanks.”  That mask creeps her out.

 

“Maybe we could work on reactivating the bond.  Perhaps if we did it together, it might work.”

 

“Yeah, I’d like that.  I never should have shut down the bond,” she laments.

 

“I had it coming,” Ben admits.  “That exile stunt was pretty low but I was pissed.  Come on.  Let’s do this.  Don’t overthink it.”

 

“Okay.  Then, yes,” Rey agrees.  “Should I bring my training sword to kill you?” she wonders aloud.

 

“Nah,” he scoffs.  “Bring the real thing.  It will make it exciting.  Like a rematch from the Starkiller woods.”

 

“It’s a fake fight, remember?”

 

“No one will know that,” he points out.  “Okay, so how soon do you show up to kill me?”  He flashes a downright devilish grin.  “Make it soon because I can’t wait.”

 

“What are you doing this time next week?” Rey grins back.


	41. Chapter 41

He’s been hanging around his flagship bridge all morning doing basically nothing waiting for Rey to arrive to assassinate him.  What’s taking so long?  He’s never been a patient guy, but today the anticipation is killing him.  Finally, he overhears word of the arrival of her shuttle from the communications officer on duty.  Rey’s shuttle has exited lightspeed into a restricted military orbit above Coruscant.  It’s business as usual for her weekly holonet appearance.  Except this time, her ship requests refueling.  Is that how this is going to go down?   Well, okay then.  Bring it on.   Bring her aboard, Kylo intervenes to order as casually as he can when a nervous flunkey approaches to consult the captain on duty. 

 

“But Sir, that ship is carrying your . . . er . . . the Resistance spokeswoman,” the captain objects.  “She is the enemy come to criticize us on the holonet.  Let the rebels pay for her supplies,” the man says with a sniff. 

 

“Fuel her up and send her off,” Kylo decrees with breezy magnanimity.  Then, he stalks off.

 

He decides to make this safe and easy for Rey.  So rather than continue skulking and pacing on the bridge, he marches to the hangar bay.  He takes his praetorians and troopers with him to keep up appearances.  This needs to look like Emperor Ren is taking a routine trip down to the surface to the First Order headquarters.  He wants his meeting with Rey to look accidental on his part.

 

Rey’s transport has just landed when he walks up.  Kylo stands with arms crossed off to the side observing as personnel immediately refuel the ship.  The ramp lowers and Rey walks down.  She is wearing the black breastplate of an elite Death Trooper’s armor.  Where the Hell did she get that?  It’s an incongruous look with her rebel uniform underneath. 

 

“Sir?” The praetorian at his left speaks up.  “Isn’t that—“

 

“Yes, it is.  Took her long enough.  You and everyone else stand down while we fight.”

 

“F-Fight, Sir?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Rey’s companions now rush down the ramp behind her.  They are all sporting some version of the same ragtag makeshift armor.  What a shabby little operation the Resistance is now, Kylo thinks.  Things have really gone downhill since his mother died.  It’s like the Resistance bought its gear at the First Order army surplus half off because the war is over.

 

He watches as the swarm of Resistance fighters behind Rey take everyone by surprise.  Now, she looks like some Clone Wars era Jedi general leading her troops.  And wait—does that make him Dooku?  He hopes not.  That guy was dull and old.  And besides, Kylo thinks, he may be Dark but he is no Sith.

 

Immediately, the hangar bay erupts in a fierce firefight.  The rebels break off into two groups.  One group heads for the racks of standard TIEs that are kept primed and ready at all times for takeoff.  Their goal appears to be stealing ships. The other group of rebels starts taking up positions behind supply crates to lay cover fire.  It’s a bold but stupid plan, Kylo thinks.  There are much easier places to steal equipment and supplies.  But Kylo knows that this location was chosen purely for access to him.   All in all, he thinks, the hangar bay is a convenient spot.  His bed in his quarters is just an elevator ride and a few corridors away. 

 

But where the Hell is Rey going?  Can’t she see him?  Evidently not.  Is she planning to storm the bridge?   He wouldn’t put it past her as he sees Rey stalk off purposely.  Since he can’t exactly wave his arms and beckon her over for a friendly sparring match, Kylo bellows “YOU!” 

 

It gets her attention fast.

 

Rey whirls and looks terribly relieved.  Like she’s about to rush into his arms instead of run him through with her sword.  And that’s all wrong.  She’s supposed to be righteous and pissed.  Here to kill him as the Jedi heroine of the Resistance.  She’s holding her saber but hasn’t even lit it yet.  What is she waiting for??

 

“Sir, we need to get you out of here.”  The lead praetorian is getting nervous.  He and the rest of Kylo’s security detail have pulled their weapons and formed a tight perimeter around him.

 

“Here she comes. Let her do her thing,” Kylo responds calmly.  He’s relieved to see Rey finally light her saber.  She needs to be prepared to parry some of that incoming fire from his men.  Thankfully, as usual, his stormtroopers have terrible aim.

 

“But Sir!  She’s brandishing a weapon and she’s here with—“

 

“She always does that.  You got a wife, Praetorian?”

 

“A girlfriend.”

 

“Do you two ever fight?”

 

“Not with swords.”

 

“Who wins?”

 

“She does,” the man admits.  “I always give in.”   The praetorian awkwardly explains, “I can’t stand to see her cry.”

 

“Man up next time,” Kylo advises brutally.  “Watch and learn how to handle a pissed off woman,” he boasts.  For Kylo refuses to appear pussy whipped even in a pretend fight.  Besides, the goal of all of this is for him to win.  “Stay out of this,” he orders his guards.  “It’s a domestic dispute.  I will resolve it.”

 

With those instructions, Kylo strides forward to meet his faux foe.   “So we meet again, Jedi,” he says loudly with a ridiculous amount of villainous glee.  

 

Rey blinks at this opening salvo.  “Uh, hi.  How do we do this?” she leans forward to ask in a furtive stage whisper.  

 

“Hold on.”  Kylo raises a gloved hand and freezes the hail of incoming blaster bolts aimed at Rey.  Her eyes widen at this impressive move and he can’t help but smirk behind his mask.  Feeling like a full Dark Side stud, Kylo announces in stentorian tones to the entire hangar bay, “Stand down all of you!  She is mine!   No one interferes or they will meet my sword next.”

 

“Okay,” Rey breathes and nods.  “So that’s how we do this.”

 

“What about the others?” his lead trooper calls out.

 

Glancing around, Kylo spies the traitor among the rebels.  “Let them go.  She is the prize,” he decrees.   Is he scoring points with Rey for sparing her friends who have stormed his ship?  He should be.  For he would dearly love to murder that enemy general once and for all.

 

Everyone, including the rebels, now stand down to watch the main event showdown of Emperor Ren versus Rebel Rey.  Many think this is brother versus sister.  A select few know this is husband versus wife.  But everyone knows it’s high drama.  All of a sudden, you could hear a pin drop in the ordinarily bustling hangar bay.  Oh yeah, Kylo thinks.  This is going to be great. 

 

Kylo reaches for his own weapons now.  His iconic red crossguard sword lights in his right hand with the familiar double snap hiss.  Lord Vader’s blue blade lights in his left hand with a deeply satisfying purr.  And with an audience this large, Kylo can’t resist a little showmanship. He executes a flashy two-handed spin to maximize his intimidation.  He summons the Force and feels the rush of adrenaline that comes with the anticipation of combat.  And also . . . the anticipation of Rey.

 

For her part, Rey stands and gapes.  She visibly swallows.  Then, she hisses sotto voce, “Wait—who said you could have two?”

 

“All’s fair in love and—“

 

“You get one!” she orders.  “One sword!  One sword only!”

 

“Scared?” he goads. 

 

“Yes!  It’s like I’m fighting General Grievous instead of Kylo Ren.”

 

Grievous?  Really?  That guy didn’t even have the Force.  But Kylo will let that crack slide.  Feeling magnanimous again, he deigns, “As you wish.”   On a whim, Kylo chooses the blue blade and deactivates the red one.  

 

Apparently, that doesn’t please her either.  Rey cocks her head.  “That sword looks really weird in your hand.  Like really weird.  Everyone is staring.”

 

He nods over at her green blade.  “It’s Anakin Skywalker’s sword versus Luke Skywalker’s sword.  It’s seems fitting.”

 

She’s stumped.  “Why?” 

 

“Because you’re a Skywalker now too.”   He’s full-on grinning behind his mask as he says this.

 

“Solo.  I’m a Solo,” she corrects under her breath.

 

“Whatever.  Let’s do this.  Come at me, babe.  Let me have it.”

 

She does and their pretend battle begins.  It’s all basic cursory swings at the outset.  Kylo lets Rey lead and merely defends.  Her ponytail swings as she lunges, he notices.  It makes him smile.  Soon her hair will be loose and falling soft and lush about his chest. 

 

His mind more on sex than on the duel, Kylo urges, “Give me the battlecry again.  That was hot.”

 

“What?”  Rey makes another pass that he easily deflects.

 

“That battlecry from the throne room.  Give it to me again.  Loved it.  Now, be careful on that right feint.  Do that sloppy again and I’ll make a real Skywalker out of you and you’ll lose that lovely right hand.”

 

“Don’t you dare!” she snaps.

 

“I won’t.  I like that hand.  I especially like that hand on me.  On my—“

 

“Hush!  Someone is going to overhear,” she jabs at him.  He leaps back lazily.  “Everyone is watching.”

 

“Yes, it’s perfect, isn’t it?  Time for some trash talk.  Ladies first,” he invites gallantly with a flourish of his sword.  

 

“Uh what?”  She’s not following.   Because, of course, Rey doesn’t know much Jedi-Sith protocol.  She doesn’t know how duels are traditionally conducted.  Trash talk is half the fight.

 

So Kylo helpfully prompts her, “You know—‘Do not underestimate my . . .‘“

 

“Right.  Got it.” Rey doesn’t miss a beat.  “Do not underestimate my power,” she growls. 

 

It’s all wrong.  “Louder.  No one can hear,” he instructs.

 

“DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE MY POWER!” she shouts.  And damn, she’s a natural at talking smack.  She’s got the attitude and the stance down.  It must be Jakku.  But, come to think of it, Rey is pretty much a natural at everything.  It’s kind of annoying at times, to be honest.

 

“Come at me from the left again,” he instructs, bellowing, “THE FORCE IS STRONG WITH YOU,” for effect as he brandishes his grandfather’s sword. 

 

“Stop with the spins,” Rey complains. “They are distracting.”

 

“That’s the point.  They look cool, too.  I’ll teach you some later.”  He keeps defending himself

as she hacks away.  Rey has even less finesse with a sword than he does.  They are a good match stylistically, he thinks.  Kylo can barely keep a straight face as he now intones, “SKYWALKER HAS TAUGHT YOU WELL.”

 

“No, he didn’t,” she gripes.  

 

“They don’t know that,” he gestures to their audience. “Lunge deep and extend all the way.  Try it again. Yes.  Good.”  He has forgotten how graceful and lithe Rey is.  She moves beautifully with a sword in her hand.

 

Rey starts in on the trash talk again.  She’s cheeky about it, too.  Goading him like they are back in Snoke’s throne room and she’s here to save his soul.   Only they know the inside joke.  “I FEEL THE CONFLICT WITHIN YOU.  LET GO OF YOUR HATE.”

 

“THERE IS NO CONFLICT,” he booms back from behind the mask.  He’s doing his best Vader imitation now.

 

“Stop it!” Rey hisses back.  “You’re going to make me laugh.”

 

“This is why I wear a mask.  So I can laugh at people and they won’t know.   Okay, I go right.  You go left.  Who taught you how to fight?”

 

“No one.   I need a teacher, remember?”

 

“Right.  I love that you’re my Padawan.  We were so good together in the throne room.  I bet we could do a battle trance if we got in each other’s heads.”  The very idea excites him.  “We should really try that some time.”

 

“What’s a battle trance?”

 

“Two fight as one with the help of the Force.   We would merge minds for violence just like we merge minds for—“

 

“Don’t say it!” Rey is red faced now and it’s not from the exertion.  It’s adorable, he thinks, how bashful his jaded scavenger girl is about sex.  Thankfully, she’s only prudish when it comes to talking about sex, not doing it.

 

“Okay, how about this instead:  YOUR DESTINY LIES WITH ME,” he crows.  He’s chewing the scenery now.  “GIVE YOURSELF TO THE DAAARK SIDE.”

 

“Stop enjoying this.  Seriously.  Stop,” Rey complains.  “We are going to get busted when I laugh out loud.”

 

“I can’t help it.  This is fun.  Can we do this every week?” 

 

“No!”  

 

“YOU DO NOT YET REALIZE YOUR IMPORTANCE.  YOU’VE ONLY BEGUN TO DISCOVER YOUR POW-AH—”

 

“Stop.  Really.  Stop it.”  She really does look ready to laugh.

 

But, as usual, he keeps going.  He’s never one to back down. “JOIN ME AND I WILL COMPLETE YOUR TRAINING.  WITH OUR COMBINED STRENGTH, WE CAN END THIS DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT AND BRING ORDER TO THE GALAXY.”  This is the best foreplay ever, Kylo thinks.  He’s grinning like a fool as he swings.   He will be forever grateful that the Force sent him this woman in the Takodano woods.

 

Rey shoots him a truly pained look now.

 

“What??  You started this.  And we have to make it look good,” he defends.  Then, he continues undeterred.  “I HAVE FORESEEN IT.  REY, IT IS YOUR DESTINY.” 

 

“If you tell me next that you are my father, I am going to strike you down for real,” she warns.  “You’re going to feel my Force, asshole.”

 

“Brother, Rey.  Most of these people think I’m your brother.  But you’re right—I missed the big punchline.  Here goes.”  He lowers his sword and extends his hand invitingly as he intones, “JOIN ME, AND TOGETHER WE CAN RULE THE GALAXY.”

 

And, as if on cue, the traitor general pops up to holler from afar, “Don’t do it, Rey!”

 

The ridiculous of this situation is getting to him.  Kylo is outright chuckling now.  But he gestures again and adds, “Please,” just to give it his own fresh spin.

 

Rey steps back and lowers her sword to glare at him.  She’s making an expression that betrays how hard she’s trying not to laugh.   “Er . . . “ Rey looks confused on how to reply.  And, really, that’s just perfect. 

 

“Well, go on.  Answer me,” Kylo prompts.  “Do the Luke Skywalker thing.  They’re all expecting that.”

 

She nods.  Then, with somewhat halfhearted enthusiasm and maximum irony, Rey chokes out, “I’LL NEVER JOIN YOU!”

 

“That’s my girl,” he approves with a smirk.  Because if they only knew . . .

 

Damn, this is fun.  Snoke would have guffawed at the utter ridiculousness of it all.  He’s crossing swords in a pretend battle with his pretend enemy wife in order to bolster her revolutionary cred to promote the cause of peace.   All while the lovesick traitor general looks on.  Really, this is bizarrely perfect.  One day, he’ll be telling their grandchildren about this.  And, that’s a happy thought.  Marriage is great, he decides.  Because things like this never happened before Rey appeared on the scene.   His intensity meets her determination and drama inevitably ensues.   The very best part is yet to come.  Because oh, the things he plans to do to his Jedi prisoner girl.  Kylo laid awake last night anticipating their reunion.  This excitement, romance, and fun are just what has been missing in his life.

 

And so, feeling very Dark Emperor Ren, he leers as he gives another showy twirl with his sword.  “THERE IS NO ESCAPE.  DON’T MAKE ME DESTROY YOU.”

 

It’s a good line but she’s not even listening.  Rey is looking behind him at his guards.  “Is that your normal security detail?”

 

“Yes.  Half those guys were with me at Ahch-To.  They know you’re the missus.  They think this is a lover’s tiff.”

 

She groans.  Then she stabs at him.  Viciously. 

 

“Nice jab.   Do it again.  Yes, good.   IMPRESSIVE.  MOST IMPRESSIVE.”

 

“YOU’LL FIND I’M FULL OF SURPRISES,” she answers through gritted teeth. 

 

 But two can play at the aggressive routine.  He answers in kind.

 

“Hey!”  Rey leaps back and looks down in shock at the slightly melted slash mark across her chest armor plate.   “Watch it!”

 

He is unrepentant. “I have to make it look real.  Has this gone on long enough?”

 

“Yes.”  She looks down at her singed armor and agrees again.  “Yes, it has.  How do we end it?”   

 

“Trip and drop your sword as you deactivate it,” he suggests.  

 

Rey shoots him a look of derision.  “Nah.  Not gonna happen.  I’m better than that.”

 

“Okay, then how about you throw down your sword and declare that you won’t fight me?”

 

“Why would I do that?” she scoffs.

 

“It’s what Luke Skywalker would do.”

 

“Yeah, right.  Well, I might not start fights but I don’t walk away from them,” she blusters.  It’s very Jakku.  “Plus, the only actual Jedi here is you,” she points out.

 

“Okay.  Then how about I throw you and you drop your sword?”

 

Rey considers.  “Okay.  Just not as hard as when you threw me into that tree.  You knocked me out and I hurt for a week.”

 

“Your job is to turn off your sword.  Let me handle the rest.”

 

“Er . . . how?”

 

“Trust me.”

 

“I knew you were going to say that,” she grumbles.

 

“Here goes.  Make it look good.  Come at me hard and fast from the left on my mark.  Three . . . two . . . one . . . now!”

 

Rey takes the cue.  With a brief moment of concentration, he picks her up and throws her clear across the hangar bay with the Force.  Rey is a flailing, screeching, arcing human missile.  He waits until she turns off her sword to steal her consciousness with the Force.  Then, he lands her gently out of sight behind some storage crates.

 

“ALL TOO EASY,” he announces his triumph to the cheers of his men.  Then, he calls Rey’s sword to his hand with the Force and stalks to where she has fallen.

 

“Rey!”  It’s the traitor watching.  Screaming her name in anguish like he had on Takodano.  That guy is so predictable.  But he might just be the best part of this whole charade.  Because the traitor looks distraught and angry in the moment.  Damn, it feels good to torment that fool.  The traitor probably thinks he’s going to torture and kill Rey.  It’s too bad FN-2187 doesn’t know he’s going to fuck her instead. 

 

As Kylo stomps over towards where Rey lays, the firefight around him resumes in full force.  He’s got two praetorians and a couple of troopers with him to lay cover fire.  Because, of course, everyone is aiming for him.  But no matter.  He needs the practice deflecting blaster bolts with his sword. 

 

When they come upon the apparently knocked out but really slumbering Rey, the lead trooper offers to help.  “Sir, shall we take her down to detention?  Or do you want her to go to the medibay first?  She looks hurt.”  No one is sure how to handle the violent, murderous secret Empress.

 

Kylo waves them away.  “She’s fine. She escaped detention on the Starkiller.  Even from restraints in an interrogation chair.  I will deal with her myself,” he announces as he reaches down to heft her up and over his shoulder.  It won’t do to carry her off bridal style this time.

 

As Kylo strides across the hangar bay with Rey hanging down his back, the rebels are piling fast into their decoy ship.   They are very outnumbered and outgunned, and their assassination attempt has clearly failed.   A full retreat is in order.  Still, the last one up the ramp is the traitor general himself.  He’s hollering to Rey that he will come back for her.   

 

And that melodrama makes it perfect, Kylo thinks.  No one watching will suspect this is a ruse because the rebels themselves clearly believe it.  Kylo curtly dismisses his praetorians and troopers with a spring in his step.  It won’t be long now before they’re alone together in bed.  

 

Halfway to his quarters, Rey wakes up and stirs on his shoulder.  “Why am I upside down?” she mumbles.  

 

“Because you are unconscious and I am carrying you off to my lair,” he answers.

 

“Your lair?  Where is that exactly?” Rey starts wiggling in his grip.  

 

He takes that opportunity to slap her on the ass. “Quiet, prisoner, or I will give you some more Force sleep.”

 

“For the record, I am not—”  Rey never finishes that sentence.

 

When they are behind closed doors in his quarters, Kylo lays Rey on his bed.  Then he strips off his helmet and his gloves as he contemplates his sleeping wife.  How lucky he is to have found this woman.  Rey is his personal change agent.  She appeared on the scene and spurred him to kill Snoke.  And now her insistence on peaceful reforms has got him chasing the Light as a means to win her and bring unity.  Rey is either his greatest weakness or his greatest strength, maybe both.  One thing’s for sure, the Force knew what it was doing when it sent him Rey.  He simply cannot resist her lure.  And that’s fitting, since she is the princess of the Light long foretold to be his consort for balance.  

 

Kylo summons the Force as he leans forward now to kiss Rey awake to full consciousness.  “I’ve always wanted to do that,” he whispers to his confused girl.  

 

“Ben,” she breathes out as she looks up with complete trust.  “Where am I?”  Rey sits up on her elbows and looks around.  

 

“Look familiar?  It’s home, sweet home in my quarters on the _Finalizer_.”  Before she can ask, he volunteers, “Your rebel friends escaped, including the traitor.  No casualties on either side this time.  You are the only prisoner.”

 

“Good.”  She smiles her relief up at him.  Then, she lowers her chin and raises her eyes and asks huskily, “Is this the part where you tell me you can take whatever you want?”  

 

“Yes.  Yes, it is.”   He loves it when she flirts with him.  Rey is as awkward about flirting as he is, and that makes it comfortable.  In social skills, they are a well matched, remedial pair.  He plays along now, rumbling, “Surrender to me, prisoner.”

 

“Gladly.”  Rey opens her arms and lowers her mental defenses as she lifts her face for his kiss.  And, yes, this is perfect.  “How long can I hold you captive?” he asks as he slips a hand beneath the waistband of her pants.  

 

“Mmmm,” Rey moans.  “As long as you do that.”

 

For the next four days, in between a few crucial meetings that he cannot miss, he and Rey hide together to hang out.  It’s low key and easy, which is a bit of a surprise given that they are both so intense.  But it’s good.  Really good.  He and Rey can talk for hours or they can be comfortable in silence.  Just having her around at night next to him on the couch is nice.  She watches the newsfeeds for her work while he plods through messages on his datapad for his own job.  Oddly enough, when they sporadically discuss the day’s news developments, he and Rey tend to agree more than they disagree.   They come at the issues from differing viewpoints, but often they can find common ground.

 

It’s not all work.  Twice Kylo dresses Rey up in a TIE pilot’s uniform and takes her dogfighting in a rough and tumble no-holds-barred space brawl.  They use harmless tracer fire in lieu of laser canons but otherwise, it’s the real deal.  He takes Rey out the first time.  Next, she gets the kill.  Kylo wishes there were time for a best-out-of-three rematch because it is so much fun.  Rey has Force-assisted reflexes and nerves of steel in the cockpit.  It’s invigorating to fly with her.  For in this too, Rey is his equal apparently.

 

Rey is definitely his equal in the Force, untrained though she is.  She really does want to learn.  But in the absence of any particular ideology to pass on, Kylo isn’t sure what to teach her beyond more combat tricks.  Ironically, after all those years of study first as Jedi and then a neo-Sith, Kylo is less certain now than ever about the Force.  That probably makes him a terrible teacher, but at least he freely admits what he doesn’t know.  Together with Rey and the knights, Kylo hopes to one day coalesce around some new ideas to teach going forward.  But until then, he is mostly in skeptic mode. 

 

As a result, he and Rey end up meditating together as he speaks aloud his insights about what he has been taught.  About how the Light is different from, but similar to, the Dark.  The means to connect with the Force should not be the determining factor, he argues long and hard.  Emotions are not the enemy like the Jedi thought.  Yes, you can wield Darkness in anger.  But Darkness also requires a degree of emotional remoteness, he explains.  At its core, Darkness lacks empathy.  And that detached indifference is strangely Jedi, he warns.  In the end, what separated the Jedi from the Sith was more their goals and their means than their knowledge.  So why even bother making value judgements on how someone connects with the Force? 

 

And this leads to a theme Kylo has been noodling on more and more:  that the Force is the Force.  That the distinction of Light versus Dark might cease to have meaning now that the Jedi and the Sith traditions are gone. Maybe the first step towards balance, he posits, is to dispense with the whole idea that there are two opposing sides of the Force that are perpetually in conflict.   Rey listens and cross examines him.   She’s his devil’s advocate who gives him plenty of food for thought.  

 

Strangely enough, actual food turns out to be the only awkward topic they face.  That first night, he orders dinner for them both.  He’s barely begun his first few bites before he looks over and sees Rey has nearly finished hers. 

 

“You should have told me earlier that you were hungry,” he scolds her gently with a smile.  “We could have eaten earlier.”

 

She looks embarrassed and says nothing.  And that’s the first clue that Rey has a lot of trauma from her years of near starvation which she hasn’t put behind her yet.  Kylo bites his tongue to keep from asking whether she’s marking his wall somewhere.  Did she hide this from him during those weeks she lived on the _Finalizer_ after Crait?  Maybe.  Rey was far less comfortable with him back then during those nightly dinners.  It’s possible she was putting on an act.

 

The next morning, Kylo watches Rey surreptitiously fold up the leftovers from breakfast in a napkin and stash them in a drawer.  She does the same with water he notices.  He says nothing.  But after lunch that day, Kylo folds up his uneaten dinner roll in a napkin and hands it over to Rey. 

 

She colors instantly. “I have some food issues,” she starts to explain.  “I like to keep some extra on hand.  It helps me.  Back on Jakku—“

 

He cuts her off. “Rey,” he looks her in the eye.  “It’s okay.  Do whatever makes you feel secure.  But know that you will never be hungry again.”   And with that noble speech, he potentially consigns himself to a lifetime of funky smelling food stashes that will bring bugs.  But whatever.  He can deal with that.  She’s worth it. 

 

“Yeah, okay,” she mumbles as she pockets the little bundle of bread.  “I’m sorry, it’s just—“

 

“You don’t have to explain.”

 

“But I want to.  I’m trying to get past Jakku.”  Rey looks awkward and embarrassed as she says this.  Her face is flushed with shame.  Kylo can tell her again and again that he doesn’t care where she’s from.  But the truth is that Rey cares and that’s what matters most.

 

“It’s okay,” he repeats softly.  “Do what you need to do.”

 

“Yeah.  Alright.”

 

He orders up a case full of water and a bunch of ration kits.  “For peace of mind,” he tells Rey when the service droid arrives with the goods.   Together, they stash the water and ration kits in his closet and Rey looks visibly relieved.  She stops hoarding fresh food after that. 

 

“Your food issues are nothing compared to my anger issues,” he tells her when later on she brings the topic up again to explain.  “I have a temper.  You saw me kill my—“

 

“I remember.  Look, that is the past.”  Clearly, Rey doesn’t want to talk about this. 

 

But he needs to.  He wants Rey to understand why so she will understand him better.  He’s not the bad guy in all of this.  “Rey, I spent years training for Darkness.  Anger is my quickest pathway to power and when I get angry—“

 

“I know.  The whole galaxy knows you have a temper.”  She’s says this matter of fact, without judgement.  Because Rey accepts him as is.

 

“I’m trying to control it better.  To use my anger less. But there are some people who get under my skin and I get so . . . so . . . “  His voice trails off.  “I just want you to understand,” he tells her.

 

“Well, I don’t,” she admits.  “You said you didn't hate Han Solo.  Why did you kill him?”

 

Kylo sighs and looks away.  “I didn’t hate him.”  Far from it, actually.

 

“So he was the enemy on the Starkiller?  Was that it?”  Rey’s tone isn’t accusing, it’s curious.  “He was your father, Ben.  Even if he let you down.”  And there lies the disconnect between them.  If Rey’s loser parents showed up alive tomorrow, Rey would probably forgive them instantly and happily move on.  But that’s not how he would react.  Kylo holds a grudge.  And, in this case, he has reason to. 

 

“I didn’t kill him because he was the enemy.  I killed him because he was my father.   It wasn’t political.  It was personal.”  She should know this.  But damn, it’s hard to talk about out loud.  “Han Solo disappointed me.  Over and over again.   Most of my memories of Han Solo are of him leaving.  I guess that’s why I don’t do well with people leaving me.”  Rejection is always difficult, but it’s especially difficult for him.  “Losing people is very hard for me,” he struggles to explain.

 

Rey nods.  “I remember what the walls in here looked like when your mother was dying.”

 

“Yeah.  That was hard too.”  He is quiet for a long moment before he admits, “I regretted killing my father afterwards.”

 

“You did?”

 

“Yeah, I did.  But Snoke wanted it and I was so angry.  I thought killing Han Solo would help.  But it didn’t take away those feelings.” He sighs.  “If anything, it made them worse.”  Because afterwards he was both angry and guilty instead of just angry like before.  It’s why he declined to kill his mother at Crait and let her die a natural death.  He wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

 

“You can’t kill the past, Ben,” Rey tells him gently.

 

“I know.  But I wish I could change it.  I wish so many things were different.  I wish Han Solo were different. My mother, too.  Maybe if Han Solo had stayed around my mother wouldn’t have sent me to Luke.  And then, we could have been a normal, happy family.” 

 

Kylo can feel his emotions rising as he lays it all bare.  “I blame my parents for sending me to Luke.  I didn’t want to go.  I never wanted to be a Jedi.  But they didn’t care.  When I told them my uncle was unstable, they didn’t believe me.  I ran away a few times and they dragged me back to Luke.  Then I woke one night to Luke’s sword over my head.  I couldn’t go home after that because they would side with Luke again.  So I ran to Snoke and to the Dark Side.  The rest is history, I guess.”  He’s choked up now as he admits, “I blame Han Solo.  Because where was my fucking father to protect me from all that?  He was off scamming people in business deals, cheating on my mother, and racing flashy ships.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Rey murmurs.  Her face shows how much she means it.  “I liked Han Solo, but I didn’t know him the way you did.”

 

And just listen to him whining about his parents to this orphan girl who had nobody.  For surely bad parents are better than no parents at all?  But now that he is opening up, Kylo wants to keep unburdening himself.  “I grow attached to people.  It’s why I could never be a Jedi.  My uncle kept telling me to keep people at a distance and look to the Force but I needed people.  I wanted attachments.  I needed more attachments in my life.”

 

Lonely Rey gets it immediately.  “Everyone wants to love and be loved.”

 

“Yes,” he instantly agrees. “Rey, I needed my family far more than they needed me.  My father left for the last time when I was a little kid.  Later, my mother dumped me on my uncle and left.  That’s why I don't handle people leaving me well.”  How can he explain this?  It’s like he’s ten again and crying himself to sleep at his uncle’s Jedi Academy once again because he’s consigned to a life he doesn’t want by parents who say they care but mostly ignore him.  That was decades ago and a lot has happened since then.  But part of him will always feel like that inconvenient, problem child.  Because something of our self-image is always frozen in childhood insecurities even if as adults we have long since grown past them. 

 

Kylo is uncomfortable now as he confesses, “That’s why I acted the way I did when you left me after my mother died.”

 

“You exiled me,” she says bluntly.  Resentfully.

 

He owns up to his mistake.  “I destroyed a lot of stuff with my sword then, too.  You should have seen the walls in here after you left.”  Kylo tries to explain, “I have to let that emotion out. If I don’t, then it controls me.  Darkness can consume you, Rey.  It’s hard to describe the feeling . . . it’s like Darkness takes over . . . rage can overwhelm reason in the moment.”   Kylo sucks up his pride now. “Exiling you was a big mistake.  I wasn’t thinking when I did that.”

 

“Because you were hurting?” she guesses.

 

“Yes.”

 

And now, it’s her turn to explain.  “I was scared, Ben.  That’s why I ran from you.  It was too soon for us to go to bed.  And it was my first time—”

 

“Mine too.”

 

“I know.  But I didn’t know then what your intentions were.  And I didn’t trust you yet.  I’m sorry for hurting you.  But I tend to run from things when I get upset.  I need to be alone when that happens to process things.”

 

He absolves her and apologizes himself.  “I’m sorry I acted the way I did.  Never run from me again.  Please,” he begs.

 

“I won’t.  You know I only leave you now because I have to,” Rey says with true regret.

 

That conversation reassures him greatly.  It shows him how far he and Rey have come from those first few missteps.  Really, their first several interactions went all wrong.  Given their history, it’s amazing they have gotten this far so fast.  No, it’s not amazing.  It’s the Force, he knows.

 

There are people whose default orientation is conflict.  They go looking for fights.  They manipulate and poke and prod until they get what they want.  And then, they thrive on the adrenaline and excitement of the drama that follows.   Maybe even revel in the ultimate reconciliation with their opponent.  For it reaffirms their relationship and relative power balance.  When all is resolved, these people walk away invigorated while everyone else stews unsettled in the aftermath.  These people never understand the damage they do.  They are genuinely perplexed as to why others can’t move on as easily as they do.   They are reckless with their words and emotions.   They think ‘sorry’ cures all sins.

 

Kylo Ren is not one of those people.  He frets.  He obsesses.  He fights and refights confrontations in his head long after the fact.  Brooding and looking for an opportunity to exact payback.  He too will lash out, but he is purposeful in his violent venting.  It is a necessary release and not a way of life.  The galaxy might be surprised to hear it, but Kylo Ren craves peace.  He has been trapped in the middle of ideological conflicts for so long, that all he wants is a respite.  He has spent years at war with his family and with himself, torn apart between conflicting and shifting loyalties.  More than anything, Kylo wants to move past all that. 

 

With Rey at his side, it feels doable now.  For if he and Rey can move on from their ugly, violent past to find mutual respect and caring, then surely the galaxy as a whole can find a semblance of stability as well.  Kylo likes to think that he and Rey are more than just representatives of their respective sides, but that they are emblematic of the larger conflict as well.   That their secret marriage is a precursor for peace in his sprawling Empire. 

 

Four days, lots of sex, several missed meetings, and many unread and unanswered messages later, he and Rey go at it one last time.  The stolen bliss of togetherness is over and soon they will part.  He’ll get Rey to the hangar bay in a stormtrooper uniform and from there she can steal a ship.  It’s time to say their goodbyes in private now. 

 

Rey is anxious this time, and that’s not like her.  But maybe it’s the fake duel weighing on her mind.  “I can’t lose you,” she says in a rushed and hushed voice as she lays on his chest. “However the war ends, I can’t lose you.”

 

“The war is already over.  The Empire has won. Your rebel faction is all that’s left.”  He hugs her closer.  “It’s you and me. We are the future.  Someday soon, we will be together for real.”

 

“I’m falling in love with you,” Rey now blurts out into his chest.  She sounds sort of terrified about it, too. “I didn’t think I could, but—“

 

“Good.   That’s how it’s supposed to be.” He strokes her back now and confesses, “I fell hard for you a long time ago.”

 

“Really?”  She twists in his arms. “When?”  

 

Is she doubting him?  She seems suspicious.  But maybe after the years she spent foolishly waiting for her parents, Rey can’t bear to delude herself again.  Kylo wants her to know that this is mutual.  Never again will she be disappointed by a one-sided love.  

 

He pulls her back down as he reveals, “I have been drawn to you from the beginning.  Wondering if you were the one.  But I think I fell in love with you on the _Supremacy_.  When you marched up to Snoke and warned him not to underestimate me.”  After that moment, there was no way he was letting his Master kill Rey.

 

“That’s not romantic at all,” she scoffs.  

 

“Yes, it is.  You believed in me.  Enough to take an enormous risk.  That was an act of love,” he says softly, “even if it was misguided.   You were my champion.  I will be your champion in return,” he promises.  For this is the radical heresy of their union:  this time, Dark and Light will work together, allied against all who would stand in their way. 

 

But rather than be reassured, Rey gets back to fretting.  For his girl doubts.  Oh, how she doubts.  “I don’t want to lose you.  I don’t want to lose this.  But when it all comes out, everyone we know will be against us,” she worries.  “On both sides.”

 

His abandoned, orphaned girl has known so little happiness in her life.  Never has she had security either.  Naturally, she fears their newfound, illicit contentment will disappear fast.  Plus, his girl has major trust issues.  So Kylo tries to have patience with her misgivings.  “Have faith,” he counsels. “The Force is with us.   That’s what counts.   I saw it when we touched hands in the Force.  In the end, you stand with me.  We win, Rey.  Together, we win.” 

 

He’s counting on it just like he’s counting on her.


	42. Chapter 42

Rey arrives back to the Dantooine base in a snazzy First Order command shuttle.  She trots down its ramp to the ecstatic cheers of her amazed and excited Resistance brethren.  Here she is, out of the blue, returned home safe and sound.  She has stared down Kylo Ren, escaped First Order custody, and stolen General Hux’s shuttle in the process.  Everyone laughs at her cheeky daring and high-fives her as she walks by. 

 

No one is happier to see her than Finn.  The young general envelopes her in a bear hug that lifts her feet from the ground and crushes her ribs.  “Rey! You’re safe!”  His exuberance is equal parts heartwarming and guilt inducing.  For Rey is hardly the Resistance heroine everyone believes her to be.  But she has to play the role convincingly nonetheless.  “When I saw Ren carry you off, I thought for sure you were gone,” Finn tells her with naked vulnerability shining in his eyes.  “I just knew I would never see you again . . .” His voice trails off, choked with emotion.

 

“I’m alright.  I’m back.  It’s fine,” Rey replies softly.  She’s uncomfortably aware of the large audience of well-wishers looking on at their embrace.

 

“You’re sure?  You’re sure you’re alright?” Anxious Finn is still looking at her like he’s seen a ghost.  Like he can’t quite believe his eyes.  “We were coming back from you.  We had a raid planned and lots of volunteers to come for you."

 

Yes, she figured that.  Four days was the maximum Rey could hazard being away before Finn made good on his promise to come back for a rescue attempt.  He’s so loyal, like that.  Rey never doubted he would return.  “I’m fine,” Rey says emphatically as Finn keeps looking her over for signs of injury.  “If Jakku couldn’t kill me, then the First Order can’t either,” Rey tries to make light of the situation as she swallows the enormous lump of guilt that is stuck in her throat.

 

She is immediately presented to the rebel council for debriefing to tell the tale of her imprisonment and subsequent escape.  Everyone is concerned that she may have compromised the Resistance.  Rey attempts to put the fears to rest.   _He never even asked me any questions.  He lectured me instead._ Rey now spins an elaborate tale of Kylo Ren attempting to seduce her to the Dark Side.  He was never going to kill me, she maintains.  He wants an ally.  That all hangs together with the conversation during their duel which everyone had overheard, so it’s oddly believable that Kylo Ren wanted her for his new Apprentice.

 

_I think he knew better than to try to invade my mind again after what happened on the Starkiller Base._   _Mostly, Ren complained about Luke Skywalker.  He’s obsessed with Luke even though he’s dead._ Then, Rey drones on and on with details of her conversations with Kylo Ren about the nature of the Force.  This part makes the rebel councilmembers’ eyes glaze over with its esoteric nature. _He kept making offers for me to join him.  I declined, of course.  He had plenty of opportunity to kill me or hurt me, but I was treated well.  No torture.  Just some mind games and attempts at intimidation.  Nothing I couldn’t handle._

 

Rey sticks to the basic facts when it comes to her escape.   _I used a Jedi mind trick on a stormtrooper like last time.   Then I borrowed his uniform as a disguise.  The escape was easier than the Starkiller because I know my way around the basic star destroyer layout thanks to Jakku.  I walked into the hangar bay and no one knew it was me._ Her audience likes that tactic since disguises, decoys, and subterfuge are the Resistance’s latest strategy.  _I stole Hux’s shuttle because I knew it would have all the necessary security codes pre-programmed in already.  It was sitting there primed for takeoff and I couldn’t resist.  Plus, I figured that people would think twice before they stopped it or fired on it.  I was gone before they even realized I wasn't Hux_.  

 

She paints a picture of Kylo Ren the Force zealot who wants to lure her to his side with the promise of peace.  And, all things considered, that’s not too far from the truth.  _He kept saying that he is not Snoke.  That he is not responsible for the Starkiller destroying Hosnia.  Ren says he will be far more tolerant than people think. That he wants to combine the best of the Old Empire with the best of the Old Republic.  He wants us to lay down arms and give his ideas a chance._ This is why he facilitates you on the holonet, a council member reasons aloud.  He wants to gain your trust.  Well, I’m not backing down, Rey contends.  I’ll be back on the holonet in two days’ time as usual.  Do you think that’s wise, alarmed Rose asks.  And now, Rey who has bristled for months at the label ‘coward’ whispered behind her back, can’t resist some bravado.  Playing to her audience who view her now with a newfound respect, Rey vows, “I refuse to be silenced by the First Order.”

 

Rose looks askance at this decision.  Finn glowers at her.  But Rey is undeterred. 

 

After several hours and a lot of questions, the council is satisfied with her story and impressed with her bravery.  Ben was right—this duel has given her lots of credibility with her peers.  No one doubts her commitment to the cause now.  In fact, her improbable safe return becomes a mood lifter for the entire base.  It is a bright spot in an otherwise disappointing track record of combat missions.  Humble, very guilty Rey ducks as much of the adulation as she can, hoping it will wear off quickly and she can get back her usual work.  

 

But Finn and Rose have plenty to say about that.  As far as they are concerned, Rey’s holonet pundit career is over.  So when days later Rey is preparing to leave for her next scheduled Coruscant appearance, Finn intercepts her.  He is adamant.  “You can’t go!  It’s suicide!”

 

Hardly, Rey thinks, but Finn of course doesn’t know this.  He thinks her duel with Kylo Ren and her imprisonment were real. 

 

“You will be shot out of the sky!” Her friend is agitated and getting worked up fast. “Did the council approve this?”

 

Rey keeps her cool.  “You were there when I told the council I’m going back.  And with all the retrofits, this shuttle is pretty quick now.”  She shrugs.  “You know I can hold my own in a ship.”

 

“Not against an entire fleet of TIE fighters!” Finn retorts hotly.  “What the Hell are you thinking going back to Coruscant?  Ren is going to want revenge!  This is twice you have escaped him.  You're not going to get a third chance.”

 

There is no real danger, but Finn doesn’t know that.  Still, rather than be touched by his concern, Rey is annoyed.  Because, as usual, her media work gets short shrift around base.  Many view her efforts as all fluff and talk, and a poor choice for the sole Jedi in the Resistance.   Taking on Kylo Ren in a duel has earned her lots of cred, but it seems to have increased the grumbling.  Because now that people have seen her swing her sword, escape captivity, and steal an Imperial command shuttle, they know what an asset she could be on a combat raid.  If anything, her pretend fight with Ben seems to have backfired.

 

It makes Rey a bit indignant.  She sighs.  “Finn, this is my work.  It’s important and it matters to me.  How is the risk of my going back to Coruscant any different from you going back into combat?”

 

“How is this—?“  Finn is exasperated that she doesn’t understand.  “Rey, we don’t fly where the enemy expects us, when the enemy expects us, in the ship the enemy knows to look for!  That’s how it’s different!  This is foolish!  You’re smarter than this!”

 

Rey takes a deep breath.  “He had a chance to kill me.  Several, actually.  He didn’t do it.  And he has let me appear on the holonet for months now without arresting me.  Don’t think that was accidental.”

 

“That was before you set out to kill him,” Finn points out.

 

“Assassination was your idea, remember?  You were the one who pushed me into that.”  Rey shoots Finn a resentful look.  “Who knows?  Maybe if you’re right and Kylo Ren shows up to arrest me at the studio, I will beat him this time.”

 

Her flippant response doesn’t convince Finn.  “I don’t like this.  It’s too risky.  You have no backup.”

 

“I’m not doing anything I haven’t done for weeks now,” Rey argues back.  “You and the council might not think these holonet appearances matter, but I do.”

 

Finn makes a face. “It’s just that you water down our stuff too much,” he complains.  It’s a familiar theme.  The council has taken Rey to task twice already complaining that she isn’t defiant enough on the holonet.   That she is too agreeable.  They want a strident firebrand, not a peacemaker.  Rey had listened politely to their criticism and then ignored it.  Her agenda is to promote peace and understanding, not to stir the pot. 

 

She now reminds Finn, “Being moderate has been my strategy all along.  It’s how we will get the Republic citizens to be sympathetic to our cause.  The goal is to expose the First Order as the extremists, remember?  Not ourselves, Finn.”

 

Her friend now returns to the real issue at hand.  “Can’t we just release a recording of you to the holonet?   Do you have to do this in-person?  Maybe you should let a few weeks go by before you decide to return.  You know—to let Ren cool down.” 

 

Rey disagrees.  “A recording is not the same.  I need to be there on set with the other guests, holding my own in the debate.  Releasing one-sided statements to the holonet is far less effective.  No one is going to bother to click on that stuff.”

 

“It’s safer.”

 

“Maybe.  But I’m not willing to give up the platform that I have.   Not until they take it away.”

 

Finn clearly senses he is losing the battle.  “Rose said you were determined to do this.”

 

Rey scowls at the mention of Rose.  “Don’t send her to me to argue on your behalf again.  Don’t put Rose in the middle like that.”

 

“She’s not in the middle.  Rose thinks this is too risky as well.”  Finn has run out of arguments now, so he resorts to a more personal appeal.  He walks up close and pleads, “Rey, hey, do this for me, will you?   Stay for me.”  His frown shows all of his frustration now.  “Just days ago, I thought I lost you forever.  You don’t know how much that scared me.”

 

She pauses.  Finn is so earnest in this moment.  For all his militant leadership, this man has so much heart.  He cares deeply for people just like he cares deeply for his cause.  At his core, Finn is completely sincere and honest.  It makes Rey feel like an utter fraud. There is simply no way that she can keep up this ruse without deeply hurting Finn.  Rey has known that fact for months now, but moments like this really twist the knife in her heart. 

 

She’s not the bad guy in all of this, but Finn is unlikely to ever see her side.  Rey is starting to understand now how Ben can consider himself the good guy and yet do terrible things in furtherance of his goals.  Because, as Rey is discovering, when good intentions justify bad acts it becomes a very slippery slope.  How soon, she wonders miserably, before she herself becomes a version of Kylo Ren?  For the problem with eschewing the bright line rules of Dark and Light is that you can become lost without a moral compass to guide you.  And surely, that is not balance . . . right?

 

Seeing her hesitation, Finn presses his case.  “Look, I know none of us is promised tomorrow, but let’s not take foolish risks. I still want those two kids and a boring life in the Mid Rim.”  He flashes a sheepish smile.  “Rey, I need you to stay alive for that.”

 

She looks away.  The love shining in Finn’s eyes makes her breath catch in her throat.  She’s seen that look before in another man’s eyes.  In a pair of soulful dark eyes that blaze out from beneath a fringe of tousled hair.   Finn doesn’t know it, but he has had a rival all along.  And that rival has won her heart.  Flustered Rey now grumbles, “We’re never going to be that.  Finn, there is no happily ever after for us—“

 

“Don’t say that.”

 

But she has to say it.  For her own conscience, at least.  “There will be no ‘us’ together in the Mid Rim after the war.  You know that.”  Rey is looking away, feeling miserable in her guilt but too afraid to say much more.  “You know that,” she whispers again hoarsely.

 

“No, no I don’t,” he bristles.  “Rey, don’t think like that—“

 

Now is the moment to fess up to her secret.  Or, at the very least, to tell Finn that there is someone else.  Maybe even some guy back on Jakku who is the impediment to the rosy future Finn envisions.  But Rey chickens out.  She takes refuge in paranoia instead.  “Look, don’t think that the Empire doesn’t know where we are!  I double and triple jump each time on my way back to avoid their hyperspace tracking and I always look for a homing beacon before I lift off, but you know that the First Order has found a way to trace me or another of our ships.  They must have some general idea of where we are.   And one of these days, when Kylo Ren gets impatient with his peace idea, the Empire is going to show up here and kill us all.  Two star destroyers and a dreadnought will emerge out of hyperspace into this system and take us out like at D’qar.”

 

“What are you saying?”  Finn’s eyes narrow.

 

“I’m saying that we can’t win, Finn!   I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s true.  We can’t win!   All we can do is to try to improve the Empire because we will never overthrow it.  Ren must be open to some reforms because he allows the Resistance to persist and he keeps letting me show up on Coruscant.  We should take advantage of that!  He told me he is trying to moderate the First Order.  Maybe we should try meeting him in the middle,” she suggests.

 

“Is this more of what you told the council?  About how Ren wants peace?  Because I’m not buying it either.  Rey, you’re just getting used as a political pawn to bait his loyalists.  Or, maybe Ren is trying to drive a wedge between you and the rest of us.  Don’t believe his lies--”

 

“I do believe them!  I’m going to Coruscant today because I believe them.  And maybe when I come back unharmed, you will believe them too.”  Rey takes a deep breath and says, “Goodbye, Finn. May the Force be with you.”

 

“Rey—Rey, wait!” he calls after her as she heads for the shuttle ramp.  “Wait!”

 

She turns.  “Yes?”

 

“I love you.  I want you to know that,” Finn confesses softly.  “When the duel went badly, all I could think was that you might die without knowing that I love you.”  Finn looks so hopeful now.  Is he waiting for her to respond? 

 

“I love you too,” she answers honestly.  She loves Finn just not in the way he wants her to love him back.  But Finn doesn’t know that, and so her sincere statement is another quasi-lie.  In fact, it might just be the worst lie of all.  Conscience-stricken Rey just wants to flee as soon as the words leave her lips.  “I’m leaving now,” she mutters red faced before Finn can step forward and move in for a goodbye kiss. 

 

But, as usual, the young general’s ardor remains arm’s length.  He has continued to respect her wishes to defer the physical romance for the time being.  So instead, Finn nods solemnly.  “You must do what you feel is right, of course.”  But his face reveals his severe misgivings.

 

Not wanting to risk more conversation, Rey rushes aboard and lifts off for Coruscant.  She wants to get away from Finn and the rest of her troubles back at Dantooine as fast as possible.

 

It’s no surprise that the holonet newsfeeds do not report the rebel raid and attempt on the Emperor’s life. But there can be no doubt that word of the duel has spread like wildfire through the fifty thousand crewmen of the _Finalizer_ and, from there, likely around the whole First Order.  Sure enough, when Rey lands uneventfully on Coruscant Nestor Ren is there the usual escort of troopers plus a few extras.

 

“To what do I owe this honor?” Rey looks pointedly over at the new guards before she turns back to the Second Knight. 

 

“Crossing swords with the Emperor and outing yourself as Force-sensitive earns you more oversight,” the big man responds affably.

 

“Does this mean you are here to arrest me?”  Rey says this almost hopefully because another vacation sounds good right now.   She’s in no mood to return to Dantooine tonight.

 

“No, Lady Rey.  We’re here to protect you in case anyone wants to take matters into their own hands.  That was quite a stunt you and your rebel friends pulled.”  Nestor Ren winks at her.  “Wish I had been there to see it myself.”

 

From there, everything proceeds normally on Coruscant as if nothing had occurred.  And that means two hours later, she is back in Ben’s arms on his flagship. 

 

He is laughing as they relive the silly duel.  “I can’t believe we got away with that,” Rey says as she shakes her head.  And given Finn’s reaction upon her return, lately she has been wishing that fake fight had never taken place.  Because the whole charade might have resulted in no physical casualties but it did damage all the same.  Rey is not one who toys with others’ emotions.  The political duplicity she could handle.  But this very personal deceit makes her feel awful.  Finn’s ‘I love you’ has weighed heavily on her mind since she left. 

 

Ben, of course, doesn’t see the problem.  He only sees their self-interest.  Plus, deception is an everyday occurrence for a man who wears a mask and lived a life of lies for many years.  And, Rey has to admit that those four days alone together were very special and very needed for them both.  Finally, it feels like their marriage is held together by more than just sex and a mutual desire for peace.  Now, it truly feels like they are a young, married couple who are enjoying each other’s company and making plans together.  Except when they talk of the future it’s not paying off student loans, saving for a house, and whether to have a baby.  Instead, its talk of a Senate, ruling the galaxy, and the true nature of the Force.  But maybe that’s fitting, Rey thinks wryly, since they are the latest generation of Skywalkers.

 

Ben is particularly enthusiastic today.  “Wait until the galaxy finds out you’re mine.  You and I break every rule.  Surprise!” he smirks, “the Empress is the enemy.”

 

It’s true.  They are an epic deception.  And it’s not just to the Resistance.  The truth is going to surprise a lot of people, and not in a good way.  

 

“The Empress is from Jakku.  A lot of people are not going to like that,” Rey sighs.  Jakku is more than a backwater planet in the Rim.  It’s a known haven for drug smugglers that’s most famous as the site of the fall of the original Empire.   That’s not exactly going to endear her to the First Order law and order types. 

 

“Jakku is the least of the things that are controversial about you,” Ben observes.  And he’s right.

 

“How are we going to explain this?   Seriously, how will we ever make people understand?”

 

Ben has an answer for that.  “We are star-crossed lovers from opposite sides of the Force and a war who lived a lie for the cause of peace.  People will eat it up.”  

 

She raises an eyebrow at this assessment. 

 

“Well, some of them will,” he grumbles defensively.

 

“You’re such a romantic,” Rey accuses with a smile.

 

“Am not!”

 

“Are too.  I love that about you.”  Rey snuggles deeper into his side.  “You are a visionary man.  Few people know that about you.  Remaking the Force.  Seeking peace.  It’s too bad the galaxy doesn’t know you like I know you.  You’re so full of big dreams and bold ideas.  It’s romantic.”

 

“Are you going to harp on me again about the mask?” he bristles. 

 

“Yep.  You are too handsome to hide your face.”

 

Ben snorts at this.  “It’s true what they say—love is blind,” he quips.

 

“I’m serious,” Rey protests.  “Maybe you remove the mask when you reveal me.  Make it a gesture for transparency.   Here we are.  The young conquering Emperor and his enemy Rim bride.  Love us or hate us, it’s who we are.”

 

“Everyone seemed to take the news about my family pretty well,” Ben reasons.  “Maybe this will be no different.”

 

“Oh, it’s very different,” Rey counters.

 

“How so?”

 

“For one thing, the big reveal about your parents happened after they were dead.  After Crait.  There was no concern that you had conflicting loyalties.”  Rey points out the obvious now.   “I’m alive and I’m the face of the Resistance.  That will be cause for concern for all of your loyalists.”

 

“The Republic citizens will love it.” 

 

“Maybe,” she considers. “But I’m not so sure.  The problem with admitting to a lie is that afterwards no one trusts that you are telling the truth.  I might look more like an opportunist than a principled woman who wants peace.”  The press loves to vilify women in the public eye, she has learned.  Everyone will be impugning her motives where Ben is concerned, she is sure.  So whatever their strategy will be for her big reveal, it had better be very well thought out and flexible in the face of criticism.

 

“And me?” he asks. 

 

“Maybe I seduced you?” she thinks aloud.  “Maybe you are smitten and not thinking straight?”

 

“Oh, I’m smitten,” he grins over at her. 

 

She grins back. “Me too.” 

 

Rey thinks some more. “I guess neither of us are who people expect us to be.  You’re not as First Order as people think.”

 

He gives her a pointed look.  “I am First Order, Rey.  Just not as fascist as some want.”

 

She nods. “Like I am Resistance but not as revolutionary as the rebel council wants.”

 

She goes back to musing about their ultimate reveal. “The Emperor is from the most famous family of the Rebellion.  I probably ought to be First Order since I’m a Rimmer from an undeveloped world.  Our politics are backwards, Ben.  We should trade places.”

 

He chuckles.  “I like that we defy expectations. We transcend the conventional wisdom.  We mix things up.  And that’s how we’re meeting in the middle.  Like I hope the galaxy will,” he adds as an afterthought.  “Maybe we can encourage people to look past the easy labels the media uses to sum people up.  I’d be very happy to be done with all this identity politics.  Rim versus Core, alien versus human, First Order versus Republic, male versus female . . . whatever the distinctions and demographics—in the end, viewing allegiances through those conflicts is limiting for everyone.” 

 

And there Ben goes again being an iconoclast.  Coming from another man in a different position, statements like that sound foolishly naïve.  But when a maverick Skywalker talks of change, somehow it sounds like prophecy.  Because one and all, the members of his clan are each in their own way harbingers of change.  And they fight very hard for their ambitions even if they don’t always succeed.

 

For her part, Rey is a little less optimistic.  She’s still discouraged about how things are progressing on her end.  “There is a lot of anger out there.  A lot of anger.”

 

Ben shrugs. “I understand anger.”

 

“A lot of it is justified.”  

 

He makes a face and agrees. “Hosnia was a bit much.”

 

“You should disavow super weapons,” she suggests.   “You’re the prince of Alderaan, after all.”

 

“My guys won’t like that.  It will tie our hands.”

 

“Nevertheless, you should do it.  It would be a gesture of goodwill to show your sincerity about avoiding the excesses of the past,” Rey argues her position.

 

He nods.  “I’ll think about it.”

 

“You need to build trust with the Republic citizens,” she contends.

 

“I also need to shore up my base.  Otherwise, I’ll be choking more hardliners and putting down a coup.  Baby steps, Rey.  Baby steps,” he cautions.  “We can’t force this or it could blow up in our face.  And that will force me to takes steps you won’t like.”

 

She sighs. “It’s going to be longer than a year before we get a Senate isn’t it?”

 

Ben makes a face as he concedes, “Realistically, yes.  Your guys are dug in.  My guys are dug in too.”

 

“And there’s no hope that both sides could ever sit down together to discuss peace directly?”

 

“No,” Ben answers flatly.  “We won the war and I cannot appear to negotiate with terrorists.”

 

Yes, she knows.  “So what’s next on your end?”

 

“I’ll be highlighting Hux’s First Order Council more and more and giving it real authority.”

 

“But its members are appointed party loyalists who are not democratically elected,” she complains.

 

“Not democratically elected yet,” he corrects.  Then he cautions again, “Patience, Rey.  Baby steps.”

 

“So . . . more than a year . . .  That sounds so far from now.”  Rey is discouraged. 

 

Ben is defensive.  “Look, I could resolve things the way that Vader ended the Clone Wars by slaughtering the leaders on both sides.  But I don’t want to do that.  I want to arrive at peace as a natural evolution.  That will help ensure that the peace will last.”

 

Rey agrees.  “There has been enough killing,” she speaks as the Light.

 

He agrees too, but he gets there with ruthless, detached Dark logic instead. “Killing is counterproductive.  It will only entrench the bitterness and increase the divide.  I want a more effective, lasting strategy.”

 

“How did the peace of the Old Republic last so long?” Rey wonders aloud.  “It was something like three thousand years without a major war, right?”

 

“Right.”  He thinks a long moment before he speaks.  “Back then, everyone had a stake in making it succeed.  Plus, for years the Republic had strong institutions that worked.  There was plenty of conflict but people got in the habit of resolving things and peace became the status quo.  There was a culture of cooperation built from repeated successes,” he relates.  “It worked century after century until the Sith-engineered Separatist Crisis.”

 

“No one at the Resistance feels vested in peace,” she judges.  “No one is ready to believe you want peace.”

 

“I know.  That’s the legacy of Crait.  Plus, my guys are still gloating over their win.  It won’t be a year, Rey,” he underscores his earlier point.  “Maybe two years is more realistic.”

 

Trying to look on the bright side, Rey muses, “I suppose more time just gives us more time to decide how to explain us.”  She lays her head on his bare shoulder as she asks, “Do you think anyone will really accept me as Empress?”

 

“The people will love you when they get to know you.   Besides, the only person you have to please is me.  And I’m smitten, remember?”  Ben drops a kiss on her forehead for emphasis.

 

“I just don’t want to get through all this successfully and end up with a Senate and peace but have the whole galaxy hate me.  Or look down on me,” Rey confesses in a small voice.  “Right now, the whole First Order hates me. But what if afterwards, the Resistance hates me too?”  Her fretting doesn’t stop there.  It moves to more mundane matters.  “I suppose I’ll have to wear a dress all the time.  An Empress has to be fancy.  Probably a Jakku Empress especially.”  Rey’s crash course in media savvy as the spokeswoman for the Resistance has her more than a little spooked about her official role as Mrs. Ben Solo.

 

“Shhhh,” he chides, “don’t let your insecurities control you.    We have a year or more to figure this out, remember?  And you can wear whatever you want.  I won’t care.”

 

“A year or more,” she sighs.  That means more lies and more danger.  More partings and more longing.  More time spent living separate lives between fleeting, stolen moments.  At the outset, her idea to work for peace from their respective sides seemed so doable.  But the realities of the complex political landscape have her discouraged.  And the added complication of their long-distance marriage has her frustrated.  Rey wishes they could be a normal couple.  If only, she thinks, that boring life with two kids in the Mid Rim were her and Ben.  But who is she kidding?  She married a Skywalker.  There is no such thing as a boring life now.

 

“The time will pass before we know it,” he tries to cheer her up.  “Someday, we’ll look back on all this and reminisce about the good old days when I snuck you into my quarters to make love all afternoon.”

 

“You really think so?” she asks hopefully.

 

“I know so,” he declares staunchly.  “This will make for a great story.  Just you wait.”

 


	43. Chapter 43

Change—good or bad—often happens when you least expect it.  It’s an average, uneventful day full of routine.  And then, the unexpected happens and life changes.  From then on, nothing is the same.  That is Rey’s experience today on Coruscant.  It’s her fourth trip back since her pretend assassination attempt on Kylo Ren.  Finn and Rose’s fears about her recapture have proven to be unfounded.  So, it’s business as usual for Rey as she lands her shuttle and disembarks onto the empty parking platform adjacent to the offices of the First Order official news channel. 

 

She is met not by the Second Knight of Ren and his troopers but by a random ground crew tech on the landing platform. 

 

“Oh, hello.”  Rey looks around.  “Where’s Nestor?” 

 

“He’s running late,” the man answers.  “He just left the _Finalizer_ headed here.  He left instructions for you to wait in your ship with the shields up and the engines idling until he arrives.  You landed sooner than he thought and he figured he would be here by now,” the tech explains.

 

Rey looks around at the empty landing platform and up at the buildings that surround it.  There’s no sign of anyone. “I’ll just go on ahead,” she decides.

 

“Lady,” the man shows her his palms to forestall her.  “His instructions were clear and they are for your own protection.  You’re gonna get me in trouble if you disobey,” the tech complains.

 

“Look, Nestor Ren isn’t the only one who is late.  I’m late too.”  If Rey doesn’t get inside soon, she will miss her opportunity to appear.  You can’t join a broadcast partway through. 

 

“But, Lady—”

 

“I will take responsibility for my own safety,” Rey announces, sounding a little annoyed as she barrels past the tech.  Rey has been looking after herself on her own since she was a small child.  Plus, there’s no sign of any danger.  What’s the big deal?

 

She’s in the building, breezing through the security, and plopping down in the hair and makeup chair as fast as she can.  You’re late, the frowning producer tells her.  You’re on in five minutes, so be ready.  A production assistant pins on Rey’s microphone and stuffs the earpiece in as someone else jabs at her face with makeup brushes.  Minutes later, Rey is on set sitting around a brightly lit conference table with the two usual guest analysts as the intro music blares and the moderator begins.   

 

The first segment focuses on the expanded role of General Hux’s First Order Council.   What does this mean for the future?  The moderator solicits the panelists’ views.   Rey, of course, chimes in with a call for the Council to expand to include all systems, and not just the major systems.  She also wants at least a portion of its membership to be democratically elected.  Rey knows better than to say the word ‘Senate’ out loud on-air.   She stops just short of using the term, dancing around it with euphemisms that don’t fool anyone. 

 

After a short break, the second segment begins.  The new topic is trade.  Emperor Ren’s radical changes to dismantle longstanding business monopolies and to disallow private ownership of hyperspace lanes have rewritten the landscape of the galactic economy.  It’s being done through a complicated set of incentives and levies, making taxation of trade routes to outlying systems an issue for the first time since the Separatist Crisis of the Clone Wars.   But it all boils down to this:  no longer will the Rim worlds be held captive to cartels that control trade routes to the Core. The Core-friendly, capitalist New Republic tolerated these arrangements, justifying them on grounds that they favored the most citizens.  But with the new regime, the pendulum has swung the other way and quite a few Core oligarchs and conglomerates are on the losing side. 

 

Rey is the only person at the table who knows that the Resistance is now quietly soliciting funding from among those disgruntled business leaders.  Because wherever there is self-interest in opposing the First Order, there are credits to support the Resistance.  Rose Tico has at least one covert rendezvous a week in free space to accept laundered credits from yet another Core business leader.  Of course, those same business leaders publicly proclaim their cooperation and support for the First Order.  That’s how the game is played by big business:  they have a foot in both camps.  It ensures that they cannot lose. 

 

So as Rey listens to the First Order guy on her right drone on about ‘Core privilege’ and the victimization of the Rim, she understands the sentiment.  But she also understands that refashioning the galactic economy is yet another powerplay.  Yes, Kylo Ren is dismantling the entrenched business interests of the Core to redistribute wealth to his Rim supporters. Yes, he is redressing generations of exploitative policies that disfavored development of far-flung systems.  But he’s also humbling any would-be rivals, making sure that there is no uber-wealthy Snoke figure sitting on the sidelines ready to fund his opposition with a blank check.  For in all their private discussions about democracy, Ben has expressed deep misgivings about the role of credits in democracy.  One man, one vote sounds so appealing, he complains, until you realize that one rich man with a lot of credits can buy a lot of votes.  Or worse, he warns, they can buy an entire candidate.

 

I don’t want to replicate the corruption of the Old Republic Senate, Ben contends time and again during their few moments of weekly pillow talk.  That means a lot of factors have to come into play before he will agree to announce a Senate.  The mood of the First Order elite is just one of them.  The rest of his reforms have to take effect, from his economic reforms to his restrictions on ownership of holonet media sources.  If I’m going to do democracy, he tells her, I’m going to do it right.  I want to make it fair. And Rey can’t really argue with that goal.

 

The moderator now turns to Rey for her thoughts on the issues when suddenly there are sounds of a scuffle nearby.  It’s distracting.  Both Rey and the other panelists break concentration a second to look around.  And that’s when Rey hears the sound of muffled blasterfire.  Her eyes grow wide as her sixth sense of danger is pricked.  It is the Force, of course.  Ben’s often-repeated words echo through her mind now.  _If you sense danger, there is danger.  The Force never lies._   But they are live on-air before billions on the holonet and Rey can’t exactly hurdle the table and head for the exit.  Can she?  Seconds later, there is it again—more blasterfire.  Everyone is on their feet now, Rey included.  The moderator starts calling for a commercial break as the producer who hovers nearby does the same thing.  But simultaneously, an armed man bursts through the doorway and onto the set. 

 

His blaster is raised and aimed squarely at Rey.

 

She and everyone else puts their hands up in immediate surrender.

 

“Keep that camera rolling,” the attacker growls.  “Are you still broadcasting?”

 

The camera droid answers affirmatively.

 

“Good.  Everybody out,” the man orders gruffly.  “Except you, Lady,” he tells Rey.  “You Rebel scum!”

 

Now, the Force is screaming danger.  Deadly, unpredictable danger.  Rey’s mind races as her adrenaline and her survival skills kick in.  And where the Hell are Nestor Ren and his troopers?  The big knight is usually just off-set standing guard.  Suddenly, Rey’s suspicions are pricked that this is an inside job.  Could it be a coincidence that this all goes down when her security detail is nowhere to be found?  Well, whatever.  Rey isn’t about to wait to be rescued.  As seems always to be the case, Rey rescues herself.  She might not be armed with a weapon, but she is armed with the Force. 

 

Rey tosses her attacker into the nearest wall with a hard Force-push as she makes a dash for the open door.   She gets there just in time to crash into the armed man’s co-conspirator.  It’s a brief scuffle before the taller, heavier man gets her in a headlock with a blaster to her temple.  That’s when Rey stops resisting and goes limp.  She’s hoping to slip from his grip but this man is apparently anticipating the tactic.  Instead he drags her back to the empty table she had just been sitting at to display her seated before the cameras.  Meanwhile, the other attacker has picked himself off the floor and joined his friend. 

 

What follows is a long and rambling diatribe denouncing her, the Resistance, and the New Republic in between eulogies for the dead on Starkiller Base, for dearly departed Supreme Leader Snoke, and for the Old Empire.  It’s a lot of buzzwords and catch phrases that don’t make a lot of sense but it is impassioned and punctuated by bruising jabs to her temple with the blaster barrel.  

 

Rey winces as she sits silently, her mind racing for a way out of this situation.  She had worried that her colleagues at the Resistance might be a deadly threat if her secrets were to be revealed.  But somehow, Rey had eschewed worrying about a threat from within the First Order.  Her relationship to Ben had lulled her into forgetting about that risk.  She had worried more about the political fallout from being exposed as the Empress than she had about her own safety.  But the threat is real.  Here it is with a loaded gun to her head. 

 

Frantically, Rey searches for a way to rescue herself.  She can’t possibly freeze a blaster bolt from point blank range.   Choking this guy with the Force might provoke him to pull the trigger.  Throwing him with the Force might do the same and there’s no guarantee he will drop his weapon in the process.  Plus, his friend is standing nearby and he’s got a gun too.  She might escape one attacker only to get drilled with a shot to the chest by the other man.  So, running out of options and terrified that the rambling man will take the shot, Rey settles on freezing him with the Force.  There she sits, concentrating intently, blinking fast, and breathing hard before the cameras with her neck in a vice grip and her attacker frozen with his blaster to her temple. 

 

No one watching knows he’s paralyzed in the Force.  They all think he is summoning the nerve to fire. 

 

“Go on, take the shot!” his companion complains.  “Kill her!”  When his accomplice appears to continue to hesitate, the man howls, “Step aside!   If you won’t do it, I will!”

 

And now, his back to the camera, the accomplice raises his own blaster to aim for Rey.  But it’s not a clean shot with the frozen man’s headlock stance.  “Step aside!  Move!” the accomplice orders.  “Move, or I’ll shoot you both!”

 

Rey realizes she has another problem now.   Can she freeze and hold two men in the Force at once?   Rey decides not to take the risk.  Staring hard at the second man, she concentrates her fear and anger at the situation.  She focuses on her outrage and digs deep in the Force. She did this once with Hux.  Can she do it again?  Yes, she can.  For the Force never fails Rey of Jakku when she needs it most.  The second man now begins to choke.  Raising his hands to his throat, he drops the gun.  The cocked blaster with the safety off discharges as it hits the ground. Luckily, the random shot hits the far wall and not Rey.  The choking man staggers around before the cameras before he falls to his knees.

 

The show host must be standing down the hallway in relative safety.  But apparently, he is watching in real time with everyone else on the holonet.  And, he’s still wearing a live microphone.  The familiar voice breathes out in disbelief, “She’s got the Force!  Gods, is Rey a Jedi?  Rey is a secret Jedi!”  No one can see the speaker, but his voice carries along with the rest of the livefeed. 

 

Rey doesn’t respond.  She can’t waste the concentration for fear the frozen man will free himself and fire.  Her eyes are closed now as she blocks out everything but the Force.   She feels the life of the second man slip away as he heaves and gasps on the floor.  Rey refuses to feel bad about that.  He was the aggressor and he had threatened deadly force.  This is no different than the time she killed in self-defense on Jakku.  She had been fifteen years old back then and wracked with guilt.  But not this time.  This time, Rey is glad she has killed.  For this man is not only a threat to her, he and the violent extremists he represents are a clear impediment to peace.  For some, no doubt he dies martyred for his cause.  But Rey is hoping that most people will see this man for the would-be cold blooded murderer he was. 

 

The cameras keep playing through it all, as the onset droids zoom in and zoom out with wide shots and closeups just as if they were covering the usual program.  It’s bizarre. 

 

The first man is still holding a gun to her head.  Private security now rushes in and they are trying to talk the man down.  But, of course, he cannot answer or comply with their requests.   Rey refuses to risk releasing him and the security guards are hesitant to shoot him for fear he will shoot her.  Plus, everyone is very aware that this is being live broadcast on the holonet.  It creates a stand-off.  No one knows what to do and all fear making the wrong decision. 

 

Rey speaks up through gritted teeth.  “He is frozen in the Force.  Set your blasters to stun and shoot him!  Shoot him and this will all be over!”

 

But the security guards aren’t sure who the bad guy is in this situation.  As one guard adjusts his blaster to stun and raises it to fire, his companion objects, “She is Jedi!  You should shoot her.  She is an enemy of the state!”  Clearly, there is no chain of command here.   These men don’t know what to do.

 

Rey reaches out a hand.  “Then give me your blaster and I’ll stun him.”   Rey doesn’t trust her power to steal away a blaster with the Force.  She won’t risk the chance that her attacker will get loose enough to pull the trigger.   And if she tries and fails a Force grab for the gun, it might be seen as an act of aggression by the two bumbling security guards.

 

“Maybe we should arrest them both,” the first security guard thinks aloud.   

 

“Yeah, okay,” the other man goes along.  “Let’s do that.”

 

Frustrated Rey agrees, “Fine.  Arrest me.  I will submit to Emperor Ren’s justice.  But stun this guy first, will you?”

 

“Who are you?” one of the security guards asks bluntly.  

 

“I am the spokesperson for the Resistance.”

 

“We know that.  Who are you really?” he persists.

 

“I’m nobody.” 

 

“You just choked a man to death with the Force!  We all saw that--you’re not nobody!”

 

Rey really wants to avoid this conversation being broadcast to the galaxy at large, but if answering questions will gain these guys’ trust and get them to stun her attacker, she’ll play along.  “I am a scavenger from Jakku.”    

 

“Yeah?  Where’d you get that Coruscant accent?”

 

“I copied it from people I watched on the holonet.  I had never been to Coruscant before I came here to do this.”

 

“Huh.  Where did you get the Force?”

 

“I was born with it.  You don’t have to be a Skywalker to have the Force.  You can be anyone.  Few of us can control the Force but we all have it,” Rey says calmly. 

 

“How did you get to the Resistance?”

 

Rey is getting annoyed now.  Because what is this—an interview segment?  She has carefully avoided disclosing any personal information on-air in any of her holonet appearances.  She is a private person and she wants to keep the focus on her message and not on herself.  But it looks like that is no longer an option.  So, she answers truthfully, “I found a droid in the desert with a map to Luke Skywalker.  That’s how got to the Resistance.” 

 

The mention of the famous Jedi Master confirms everyone’s worst fears.  “You are a Jedi!” the first security guard accuses.  He hollers offset, “Someone get the First Order over here NOW!”

 

Yes, please, Rey thinks.  Someone get the First Order here now.  She sighs and responds calmly, “Do not fear the Force.  The Force creates us, it sustains us, it binds the universe together.”  And, please, Rey begs the cosmos in general, let the Force be with her today. 

 

“That’s enough Jedi talk,” the first security guard tells her as he brandishes his weapon in her face and not her attacker’s.  “Hokey Republic religions have no place in the Empire.”  Apparently, spouting leftist politics is one thing, but on-air Force talk crosses a line.  It’s incredibly frustrating that Rey finds herself to be considered the threat and not the victim in this situation.

 

Now thoroughly annoyed, Rey glares at the unhelpful security guards and tries the Jedi mind trick.  “Do not fear the Force,” she snaps.  “And do not fear me.   Now, hand me the blaster so I can get this guy off of me.” 

 

The guards refuse. They might not be smart but they are not weak minded.  And they won’t dare give the Jedi woman a gun. 

 

There is a commotion from nearby and the security guards nod to one another, looking relieved.  “They’re coming.  They’re here.”

 

Please, Rey thinks, please let this be the regular First Order and not more of these extremist crazies come to kill her.  Into the studio marches a pair of troopers but fast on the heels, elbowing his soldiers out of the way is Emperor Ren himself.  Everyone gapes.  Even without the mask, there is no mistaking who the man is holding the red sword. 

 

Where did Ben come from?  And how did he get here so quickly?  Rey knows the answer.  Ben was coming to the surface to lurk in her ship, waiting for her holonet appearance to end so they could sneak away together again.  That was convenient.  But what took him so damn long? 

 

The camera keeps focused on Rey held fast by her frozen assailant as Ben summarily executes him.  In the process, Ben pushes Rey away to protect her from his lethal blade.  She sprawls forward face first onto the table and then jumps up and away to her feet as she backs up warily.  

 

Emperor Ren stands irate, his young face officially revealed to the masses for the first time as his iconic sword crackles and spits.  He hisses at his small audience in the studio as well as those watching on the holonet.  “This,” Ben points to the body on the floor as he brandishes his sword, “This will be the fate of all who plot to disturb the peace of my Empire.  The violence ends now!” he bellows.  “Whether the extremists come from within the First Order or from your terrorist rebel friends,” he warns with a glance over at Rey, “the consequence will be the same.”  Facing squarely into the camera, Ben snarls, “The war is over!   We will discuss our differences rather than fight them out.  Murder in the name of political change ends now!  Today, I condemned the man who came to murder her,” he gestures to Rey.  “But I also condemn her rebel friends who tried to assassinate General Hux a few months back.  No one,” he vows, “gets to restart the war.”

 

There is a long silence as this impromptu, exasperated speech sinks in.  No one dares to speak. 

 

“Enough people have died,” Ben decrees through gritted teeth and a tight jaw. His features are contorted from the intensity of his conviction.   “It is time to move on from war to peace.  If I have to kill everyone who opposes my peace, I will.  But I will have peace!” he roars.

 

The big knight Nestor Ren now bursts into the room out of breath to report from off camera, “They had two speeders waiting nearby.  One must have been a decoy.  We got them both.  No further hostiles have been detected but we have the building surrounded.  We’re sweeping it now.”

 

Ben nods.  “Good.  Shoot to kill.”

 

“Sir, the rebel spokeswoman is Jedi,” a security guard speaks up.  “We saw her use the Force magic.”

 

“I know that,” Ben snaps back.  “And I don’t care.  Because even though she’s wrong about a great many things, she is working from her Republic perspective to bridge differences with the First Order.”  He scowls and reproves, “She is here with my blessing to speak the Resistance point of view.  You can learn from your enemies if they are worthy opponents.  And if you listen closely enough, you might find a few things we can all agree upon.”

 

“But she’s a rebel Jedi,” the man whispers back.  He’s not being disrespectful to his Emperor.  He’s confused.  “Why should we tolerate her?” he wonders aloud.

 

“Because the Empire is full of different people from different species and different cultures.  Not everyone is going to think and look and act like you,” Ben says brutally.  “Get used to it!  This isn’t Sheev Palpatine’s repressive Empire, it is my Empire and it’s going to be different.  It will be better.”  And then, Emperor Ren drops a bombshell:  “I will combine the best of the Old Empire with the best of the Old Republic.  I will keep peace and order,” he vows, “and in time, there will be more freedom.  But there will be no more civil war!”

 

This is not a rousing political speech, it’s a disgusted vent session.  And it has everyone taken aback.  Because no one but Rey and a few in the inner circle are expecting this sentiment from Snoke’s former chief henchman Kylo Ren.

 

Ben turns to Rey.  “Are you alright?” he whispers under his breath.  The cameras catch his lip movements but not the sounds.

 

Rey nods silently. 

 

Ben looks down to the man he executed.  “You should have snapped his wrist with the Force like you snapped the other guy’s neck.”

 

“You can do that?” Rey whispers.

 

Ben nods. “I’ll teach you some time.”

 

He turns back to their onlookers and the camera.  “I will deal with those who are responsible for this attack.  You know who you are,” he says menacingly.  Then he turns to Rey.  “Get on your ship and get out of here.  But I expect you back next week.  This gig is not up.  We’re not done yet.   If today reveals anything, it’s that we have a long way to go before everyone understands peaceful dissent.  Tell your rebel friends, my patience has limits,” he growls.  “I will deal harshly with them if they disturb my peace.  They can be a political opposition, but I will not allow them to lead an armed revolt.  Tell them no more assassination attempts!”

 

Ben looks to her expectantly and, remembering their audience, Rey bows her head respectfully.  “Yes, Your Eminence,” she stammers out awkwardly.

 

Ben corrects her with an undisguised smirk. “Excellency.”

 

“Right,” Rey blushes.  Then she blurts out, “Thank you for saving me.”

 

Ben nods.  Emperor Ren must decide that’s enough of a public show because now he barks, “Turn that camera off!”  The camera droid complies but apparently that’s not reassurance enough for Ben.  With neat slashes of his sword, he destroys all the recording and broadcasting equipment in the room.  It falls to the floor in heaps of smoldering metal and wires after the furious display of Dark temper.

 

Satisfied, Ben turns to Nestor and speaks low and fast.  “Alert the knights.  Execute on both lists immediately.  Activate some praetorians if you have to, but make it quick and clean.”

 

“Yes, Master.”

 

“I want the short list alive.  Deal with the rest as you see fit.  But I want every man on both lists accounted for.”

 

“Yes, Master.”

 

Ben now produces a comlink and growls into it to an underling.  “Assemble the high command on my ship.”

 

“Hux might run,” Nestor warns softly.

 

“He won’t.  He will recognize this for what it is.  Hux will want to be the beneficiary of this.  Now, get going and may the Force be with you.”

 

“And also with you, Master.”  Nestor Ren hastily takes his leave.

 

Lost in all this, but sensing the strong undercurrent of extreme danger and imminent change, Rey speaks up.  “What’s happening?”

 

Ben turns back to her.  “Do you have a weapon?  Where’s your sword?”

 

“Back at the ship. I never wear it on air.  I didn’t want to look militant.  Or Jedi,” she adds.

 

“Then here.”  Ben hands over the blue Skywalker saber that hangs at his hip.  “Let’s go.  I’ll escort you to your ship.  My shuttle will take off with yours and fly sentry until you make the jump to hyperspace.  Rey, you need to get away from the First Order until the dust settles.  This could get ugly for a few days.”

 

“What’s happening?” she asks again.

 

He doesn’t answer.  “Come on.”  Rey is still confused as Ben beckons to the troopers and propels her past the very curious onlookers who now have no doubt that the Emperor and the Resistance spokeswoman are not strangers. 

 

“What’s going on?” Rey demands again. 

 

Ben answers when they make it to the adjacent landing pad and stand together at the ramp of her shuttle.  “I’m consolidating power.  That on-air murder plot has set things in motion.  I can’t stop this now, I have to act,” he says.  Then he repeats softly, “Rey, I have to act.  This is a gamechanger.” 

 

“I don’t understand.  Those two guys are dead.”

 

“Yes, but the extreme viewpoint they represent is not.  Rey, I just announced a vision for the future that is unacceptable to some in my camp.  I need to deal with those guys.  Because if they are bold enough to do this, then they are bold enough to challenge me directly.”

 

“You’re going to kill them,” Rey breathes out.

 

“Yes,” he says without remorse.  “Being in the middle means you get hit from both sides, Rey.  And today, the real threat to us comes from the First Order.” His face hardens.  “For now, trust no one in the First Order but me and my knights, got it?”

 

“Got it.  Nestor wasn’t here when I arrived,” she tells him.  “None of my usual security was here.”

 

“I know.  Nestor is loyal but those he relied upon were not.  He was delayed on a pretext and informed that your shuttle was going to be an hour late.  These two guys here today did not act alone.”  Ben looks her over and asks again, “Are you okay?  You look okay.”

 

“I’m fine.”  She offers back the blue saber now.  “Here.  Take it.  Mine is in the shuttle.”

 

He refuses.  “Keep it.  The Force wanted you to have it all along.  The safest place for you right now is at the Resistance.  Get there and stay there.  But be back next week, understand?  I just need a few days to lock this down.  Then, I want business as usual going forward.”

 

“And if this doesn’t work?” she worries aloud.

 

“It will,” he says grimly.  He looks her in the eye now as he tells her, “I’m doing this for us and for the galaxy.  This is not how I wanted things to unfold.  You know that.”

 

Yes, she does.  “Be careful,” she urges, suddenly feeling very anxious on his behalf.  “Be careful, Ben.”

 

He brushes off her concern.  “The Force is with me.  I’ll be fine.  Now, get out of here.  Give me one less thing to worry about, Rey.”

 

“Yeah, okay,” she nods.  Then, she impulsively kisses his cheek before she runs up the ramp.

 


	44. chapter 44

Kylo is livid.  His patience is at its limit.  And within him, Darkness is rising. 

 

Watching Rey on the holonet with a blaster to her temple is a terrifying moment of clarity for him.  With absolute certainty, Kylo knows it is time to make his move to end the conflict.  The strategy of waiting for both sides to meet in the middle has failed.  If anything, the two sides have moved farther apart if today is any indication.   Rey has been despairing of her progress with the Resistance for many weeks now.  And today’s attempt to assassinate his pretend sister reveals how little progress Kylo has made with his homegrown extremists.  Time for Plan B, he thinks grimly.   

 

And, fuck.  This is not how he thought this day would go. 

 

His heart had been in his throat the whole time during the standoff with Rey.  But Kylo couldn’t let on for fear of exposing their relationship.  In the immediate aftermath, he had wanted to take Rey in his arms, comfort her, and kiss her senseless.  But he knew he couldn’t do that.  Rey wouldn’t want to be outed as Empress that way.  She’s nervous enough about her reveal already.  And besides, acknowledging their relationship will only endanger Rey more.  Until Kylo takes out the First Order fringe elements, he refuses to go public about his Jedi Resistance wife.

 

Rey is safe for now but his troubles remain at a crisis point.  For he has just publicly declared his moderate vision for the future.  He has told the entire galaxy that he intends to combine the best of the Old Republic with the best of the Old Empire.  It’s a de facto concession that Hosnia was a mistake, and it only compounds the tragedy.   Plus, his public admission to the fallibility of the Imperial system is an outright betrayal of cherished First Order principles.  Today’s news will cause mass confusion among the chattering classes and the economic markets, but that he can deal with in time.   The real problem is that his actions will create uproar amid the First Order.  

 

If the hardliners had any lingering doubts about his intentions, there can be no confusion now.  If there wasn’t already a coup d’etat in the planning, today will surely provoke one.  Kylo knows that he has to get ahead of that issue with a decisive show of force.  He has to move to neutralize all who might seek to oppose his will or challenge his authority.  That means people on his own side need to die.  Swiftly.  

 

This isn’t his preferred solution and this isn’t his ideal timing, but he has to move immediately.  A lot is at stake.  Whether or not his high-ranking hardliners had a hand in the attack on Rey doesn’t really matter.  Even if those two crazies acted alone—and Kylo strongly suspects they did not but he doesn’t yet have proof—then their boldness will surely encourage disgruntled copycats.  For that’s how these things work.  Once someone crosses a line in such a public fashion, it can become the new normal.  It sets a benchmark for others to meet or succeed.  Rash acts like today only encourage future bold attacks.

 

And worse, they can stoke dormant conflicts.  That’s a secret Kylo learned from the early days of the First Order’s campaign against the New Republic.  For once you disturb the peace in small, but meaningful ways, it can become a trend.  Like a low-grade infection that takes hold and refuses all cures.  Snoke’s initial aggression was met with a largely tolerant response.  Everyone in power roundly condemned what they termed isolated acts of fascist extremists who did not represent the Republic as a whole.  But while there was no one to praise the violence, there were plenty who sympathized with the sentiments of the perpetrators.  The message took hold even if the messengers initially did not.  You let things simmer, Kylo knows from experience.  And then, all you need is a flashpoint to set things off.   Some act that brings to the forefront the larger underlying sleeping conflict.   An event that resonates much farther than its literal effects.   Context, he knows, is everything in politics.  So his goal today is to end this before it begins.

 

It’s all in how you deal with these things, Kylo knows.  This is not a time for public hand wringing and inspirational speeches about the future.  There will come a time for that.  Right now, he needs to act.  To consolidate his power and shore up his flank.  Things have been set in motion today that will change the course of history.  

 

It will also change things for him and Rey.  Because once his covert First Order foes are dealt with, he will need to manage his overt enemies at the Resistance. He cannot kill his own while letting the rebels off the hook.  To do so, coming on the heels of his statements about the Old Republic, will look like he has abandoned his cause.  And while he is happy to dispense with his homegrown hardliner opposition, he has no desire to alienate his base.  The rank and file of the First Order will need to be appeased and reassured.   He will throw them a bone by ending the Resistance once and for all.  Those guys on Dantooine have been living on borrowed time since Crait, he reasons.  

 

Rey isn’t going to like it.   But she knows the situation better than anyone.  Emperor Ren needs to look evenhanded when it comes to quelling extremism.   

 

Once Rey’s shuttle is safely away, Kylo returns to his flagship to address his high command.  Hux is here, Kylo sees as he stomps into the conference room.  In fact, all but the two men who are on the proscription list are assembled and waiting despite the short notice.  No doubt everyone leapt to respond to his summons out of pure curiosity.  The Emperor’s unmasked, public rant has no doubt gone viral by now.

 

But Kylo has no intention of addressing what just happened on the surface.  He knows better than to try to reassure these guys with words.  He will do it with deeds.  He is a man of action, after all. 

 

“At ease,” he orders his commanders as he seats himself and yanks off his helmet.  Then, he gets right down to business.  “Where are we on the attack plan for the rebel base?” Kylo barks without preamble.  He is more terse than usual today.  Rattled and very impatient.

 

Hux answers calmly, “The plan is simple.  We will stage a two-level blockade with perimeters around both the planet Dantooine and the Dantooine system itself.  That way if any rebel ships manage to get off-world, we will have two chances to intercept them.  The local hyperspace lane will be closed.  Any random jump to lightspeed will be very risky as a result.”

 

“And the rebel base?”

 

“It is a contained target in an unoccupied area.  It’s located mostly above ground.  A few shots from an orbital autocannon can obliterate it.  We can send in ground troops in the aftermath to finish off anyone left alive.”

 

“No quarter,” Kylo growls.

 

“With pleasure, your Excellency,” General Hux purrs.  “They won’t escape us this time,” he boasts to the concurring nods of his peers.

 

“One escapes,” Kylo corrects him. “When she is next here on Coruscant, I will give the order for the operation to proceed.  Until then, you can amass the fleet in a staging area nearby Dantooine.”

 

General Hux is never slow on the uptake.  He raises an eyebrow.  “And when can we next expect your sister to arrive?”

 

“In one standard weeks’ time.  When she is here in my physical presence, I will give the order to move against the Resistance.  Not before,” Kylo orders.

 

“Naturally,” Hux agrees in a tone that borders suspiciously on sarcasm.  “We cannot risk that Lady Ren will warn her traitor rebel friends of our plans.”

 

“Leave Rey to me,” Kylo snarls back.  “I will deal with her personally.  She is not to be harmed.”

 

“Very well, Sir.”  Hux clearly relishes the task of finishing off the Resistance.  His ugly, sly smile reveals his anticipation.

 

A young admiral at the other end of the table speaks up now.  “Why the delay?  Can we not extract Lady Ren in advance?”

 

“The timetable is a week,” Kylo reiterates in a tone that does not invite debate.  He wants time to deal with his homegrown opponents first.

 

“And what about our embedded assets at the base?” the admiral asks.

 

There are five praetorians who have infiltrated the Resistance base, as well as several other intel officers stationed onsite.  Pulling them out in advance might reveal them as spies and thereby runs the risk of tipping off the rebels.  That’s a chance Kylo refuses to take.  He wants this operation quick and clean.  So, he decides, “They die.  We cannot lose the element of surprise.  If the Resistance starts evacuating, some rebels will inevitably slip away.  It will be D’qar all over again,” Kylo complains. 

 

General Hux concurs, adding gravely, “Their sacrifice will be honored.” 

 

Whatever.  Those men are a regrettable, but necessary cost of war.  Kylo moves on.  Turning now to his redheaded nemesis, Kylo grants him the coveted command.  “You’re in charge of the operation, Hux.”  He wants Hux as an ally and he wants to give his most famous general a very public win at Dantooine.  Army Hux is very popular among the First Order rank and file, and Kylo plans to use that for his own advantage.  Hell, he might even let Hux give a victory speech if it will endear Emperor Ren to the more conservative elements of his base.

 

True to form, Hux starts speechifying on the spot.  “Moving decisively against the enemy will be well-received,” he begins.  “It will be a day long remembered.  We have seen the end of the Republic.  We will soon see an end to the Resistance.”  Everyone in the room dutifully nods their agreement with this sentiment.  Then, Hux concludes with a statement that is part sucking up, part veiled criticism, and all smarmy Hux:  “Your forbearance has been merciful, Excellency, but this reckoning is long overdue.”

 

“Agreed.”  Gazing around the room at his top military commanders, Kylo announces grimly, “I intend to move decisively against all enemies of the regime.   No one who plots to break the peace of my Empire will live.  Come, General,” Kylo grabs his helmet and beckons to Hux.  “There is something I want you to see.”

 

Kylo is too savvy to have his knights bring the captured First Order fringe leaders aboard the _Finalizer_. Instead, they are corralled in an abandoned warehouse in the seedy, industrial sector of Coruscant.  Rounding the suspects up has proven to be an efficient task.  Most were working at the temporary First Order headquarters on Coruscant or on one of the command ships in the Core.  A few were at his Tatooine outpost capital.  But, having known to anticipate the need to round them up, Kylo had a knight stationed in the close vicinity.  That means a mere four hours after he gave his own version of Order 66, the vast majority of the condemned men have been apprehended.

 

The forty-odd captured men now stand in handcuffs surrounded by a circle of stormtroopers while a Knight of Ren guards each exit with his saber drawn.  Nestor Ren is in command as Kylo and General Hux walk in.  It’s sort of gratifying to see the cold death glares Hux receives as he walks in at Kylo’s side.  The condemned all assume that Hux is complicit in this operation or, at the very least, he is the beneficiary of it.  But Hux will prosper because he is astute enough to perceive where things are heading.  It’s not that Army Hux has no principles, but that his self-interest trumps his principles every time. 

 

“Good work,” Kylo commends the First Knight. 

 

There will have to be a cover story for the loss of these men, for they are far from anonymous. The few lower level officers will be listed as killed in action in the coming final battle against the Resistance.  The handful of non-military men will meet with a random accident.  But the high ranking ones will officially be killed by the Resistance in a staged bombing to occur in the coming days on Coruscant.  That terror attack will provide the public impetus for Kylo to move decisively against the Resistance.  He did, after all, publicly warn them to stop the violence and assassination attempts.  He plans to ostensibly follow through on that threat. 

 

Each and every man in this room will be enshrined in the pantheon of First Order heroes.  Their widows and orphans will be well taken care of and resoundingly thanked for their loved one’s sacrifice.  The public at large will be none the wiser that Kylo has cleaned house.   But General Hux and others in the upper echelon of command will know the truth:  that Emperor Ren has used his internal foes as a pretext to eradicate his external foes, with the unspoken message that anyone who sets themselves up in opposition to him risks a similar death.  And, truthfully, this is a tactic the prisoners standing before him ought to appreciate.  These wily, devious men were known to throw a few of their own under the bus from time to time.   What comes around, goes around, Kylo thinks with a satisfied smirk.

 

Slowly, he walks a perimeter around the condemned men.  He looks them up and down in silence.  What had his enemies hoped to gain by Rey’s murder today?  Had they just wanted to take her out?  They knew that Kylo and his supposed sister were strong enough together to kill Snoke and defeat Snoke’s guards.  That makes him and Rey a very formidable combined threat.  So, these men knew that to wrest control of the First Order from him, they would have to kill them both.  No doubt, they planned to take him and Rey out one at a time.  As a private citizen, Rey is the far easier target.  They couldn’t get her on the Dantooine base, so they decided to get her on Coruscant. 

 

And, well, if the attack on Rey was simply an attempt to trigger Kylo to expose his true agenda, it worked.  And that’s why Kylo wants an effective, but measured response.   It’s tempting to overreach in this moment.  But if he goes crazy killing his own supporters, he will look weak.  He could end up provoking a coup attempt rather than quashing one.   Plus, Kylo knows that he is unpopular.  He doesn’t need to make it worse by overkill.  Hopefully, only these men will have to die.   Kylo has never desired to be a tyrant.  But in this, as in everything else, he will do what he must.  That is the responsibility of being the Chosen One.  For the galaxy is depending on him to make the hard choices to do the right thing.

 

Kylo has finished circling the group now.  He counts the prisoners and comes up six short.  “Who’s missing?” he asks Nestor.

 

“Five confirmed kills.  One as yet unaccounted for.”

 

“Who’s on him?”

 

“Hassan.”

 

“Good.”  Hassan Ren always gets his man.   He is not the Third Knight of Ren for nothing.  Hassan might be introverted and soft spoken, but that guy is as lethal as they come.

 

The bold arch-conservative general Kylo confronted in private now speaks for the group of his loyal likeminded lieutenants.  The old general outranks everyone else plus he is a founding father of the First Order.  “We had nothing to do with the attack on the Resistance spokeswoman,” the general asserts.  

 

The Force tells Kylo that answer is probably a lie.  But he doesn’t bother debating the point.  Instead, Kylo hisses, “That might be true.  If it is, what you really mean is you're sorry you didn't think of that stunt first.”

 

“We had nothing to do with it!  Those men acted unilaterally,” the general contends.

 

His quieter crony standing next to him speaks up now, too.  He and the bold general are the two men who had watched Kylo choke their colleague to death a few months ago.  They were warned, Kylo thinks.  This time, the quiet guy strikes a conciliatory tone.  “We would never make an attempt on your sister’s life.  You made it clear long ago that she was yours to deal with alone.   We are loyal, Excellency.”

 

All the others around the quiet guy fervently nod their agreement.  Kylo ignores it.

 

And now the bold general won’t let up.  “What game are you playing with your rebel sister?   She arrives to kill you and you spare her.   Then you show up to save her today.  What’s your angle in all of this?” 

 

Kylo resists the temptation to reveal the shocking truth.  Instead, he schools the condemned on history.  “Rey is a Skywalker.”  By marriage, at least.  “Your mistake was in betting against a Skywalker.  The Force is with us, so we always win.”

 

“Don’t try to frighten us with your sorcerer’s ways—” the bold one snaps.

 

His crony co-conspirator chimes in as well.  Apparently, he has abandoned his attempt at placating because he sneers, “The Force wasn’t with Luke Skywalker or Leia Organa at Crait.”

 

“A Skywalker always wins,” Kylo responds with supreme confidence.  “And Skywalker is my middle name.”  With that, Kylo lights his sword. 

 

It is very gratifying to watch the bold, mouthy general and his crony flinch.

 

“I’ve been looking forward to this,” Kylo says with anticipation.   It’s true.  Destroying the holonet studio in the immediate aftermath of the attack on Rey had barely taken the edge off his rage.  But this afternoon’s work should do nicely, Kylo decides.  He will punish these men for daring to strike at Rey and for terrifying him during those long moments when he did not know if she would live or die.  No one gets to threaten his wife and live to tell of it.  So while today is a political reckoning for a powerplay lost, mostly it is a personal reckoning with an irate newlywed husband who nearly watched his wife die.

 

“We had nothing to do with it!” the bold one sputters out.

 

“I don't care.  It doesn't matter,” Kylo dismisses their denials out of hand.  “If you didn't attack her today, you would have done so eventually.  Leader Snoke had uses for you, but I do not,” Kylo decides. He smirks.  “With the war over, I suddenly find that I have a surplus of senior officers.”

 

The bold one dispenses with his denials now. “You have let your personal feelings for your sister impede your judgement!   That woman is dangerous!  She cannot be trusted!”

 

“She is the future,” Kylo replies as he twirls his sword to warm up his grip.  “I am the future.  You, General, are the past.”

 

Predictably, the crusty, outspoken general is not going quietly.  He loves to grandstand and his imminent death means he has nothing left to lose.  “You are not worthy to rule!” the older man hollers.  “Snoke would never have betrayed our values like you did today!”

 

“Snoke is dead.” 

 

“You Skywalkers destroyed the first Empire and now you're going to destroy this one!  Mark my words, you usurper, you will fail in the end!” the general rages.  “The galaxy will fall apart once again!”

 

Kylo can’t resist a little sarcasm.  He drawls, “I will think of you, General, when I announce my Senate.”  He raises his sword to hover its tip right beneath the man’s chin.  “You are not the first to die for democracy,” Kylo smirks. 

 

Even with a sword at his throat, the Imperial veteran still has plenty of reckless courage left.  “The moment I learned you were Leia Organa’s kid, I feared it would come to this.  You really are your mother's son, aren't you?” he accuses with bitter contempt. 

 

“Yes.  Yes, I am,” Kylo answers. “My grandmother was a member of the Old Republic Senate.  My mother was a member of the Imperial Senate.  Democracy is in my blood, just like the Force and the Empire.  All of it is my birthright and my destiny, and I will let no one stand in my way.”

 

With that parting shot, Kylo lops off the offensive general’s head.  That violence is just the beginning.  Kylo now cuts a swathe through the assembled conspirators.  With efficient strokes he fells them one by one with mortal strokes.  The few who attempt to run are taken down by shots from the stormtrooper guards. For there is no escape from the determined slaughter of Kylo Ren.  And, truth be told, he enjoys this bloodlust.  For in this moment, he is Dark.  Oh, so Dark.

 

This mass murder, Kylo tells himself as he swings, is like the Starkiller.  It is a necessary evil.  Killing these guys solves a problem for him and it promotes peace.  It consolidates his rule and it sends a powerful message to his other detractors.  Defy the Chosen One and there will be Hell to pay.  For he will have peace, even if it means he has to kill each and every one of his enemies to achieve it.  His means might be Dark but his goal is balance.  Rey's Light will keep him in check, Kylo knows.  He’s depending on that.  For her role cannot be underestimated in all of this.  Kylo doesn’t trust himself to rule the galaxy all on his own.

 

And that’s why there is nothing he won’t do to keep Rey safe.  He will burn down the galaxy if need be to safeguard his wife.  He needs her, the galaxy needs her, the Force needs her.  Rey is worth these lives today.   He is Rey’s champion and today he is her avenger, too.  He will stand by her in all things, come what may.

 

In less than two minutes, all the prisoners are dead.  The aftermath is a grisly scene.  Hux wrinkles his face in distaste.  He’s probably never seen this much blood.  Brilliant strategist and oily suck-up Army Hux is a textbook academic general who rarely appears on the frontlines.  He looks ashen faced just now.

 

“Do I need to make an example out of you too, General?” Kylo asks softly with his sword still lit. 

 

“No, Excellency,” Hux immediately replies. 

 

“Good.  I’m glad we understand one another,” Kylo nods.  He extinguishes his sword.  “General, I am placing my trust in you.  First, you will destroy the Resistance.  But when the time comes, you will be my Senate Chancellor,” Kylo informs Hux before he stalks out. 

 


	45. Chapter 45

“Welcome home,” Finn breathes into Rey’s ear as he envelopes her in a rib-crushing hug.  As usual, he is the first person to greet her.  Rey has arrived back at the Resistance to another jubilant, if somewhat befuddled homecoming. “I thought we had lost you there again.  You’re killing me lately,” Finn chides as he pulls back to look her over.  “Stop doing that, alright?  Enough with the drama.  I almost had a heart attack this time.” Rey nods fervently in response and Finn clasps her to him in another hug.  “I’m so glad you’re safe.  When Ren walked in, I didn’t know what would happen.”

 

“Hey, I want a hug too,” Rose butts in. “Rey, you sure get yourself in and out of the craziest situations.”  Rose says this beaming ear to ear as she too goes in for a hearty embrace. 

 

“I’m a survivor, remember?” Like the rest of her bad experiences, Rey has tucked yesterday away in a corner of her mind and buried it deep.  Repressed Rey of Jakku never makes introspection a habit when it comes to close calls.  She does what she always does:  she survives and moves forward.   

 

“Who knew you were so good with the Vader choke?” Finn laughs.  “Remind me to never make you mad, Rey.”

 

“That guy had it coming,” Rose tells her in all seriousness. “I’m glad you killed him.  Now, don’t you feel bad about that,” she sternly instructs Rey, revealing just how well Rose knows her with that comment.  “It was self-defense and he was the enemy.  He had it coming,” she repeats.

 

“If you weren’t famous before, you sure are now,” Finn remarks.  “The whole galaxy watched that clip to see Kylo Ren do his thing unmasked.  What is it with that guy and you?” her friend complains.  “That was weird.  Really weird.  You two seemed more like friends than enemies.”

 

Rey doesn’t respond.  Now that all the hugging is done with Finn and Rose, Rey’s small Resistance media team takes their turn.  They swarm around Rey for their own chance to welcome her home.  The last in line is Lydia, the professorial second-in-command on the media team, who, as usual, is all business.  Lydia begins briefing Rey on the latest. 

 

“The holonet has been blowing up.  The haters and trolls are out in full force.”

 

Rey shrugs.  “I can imagine. I looked a bit on the flight back.  I stopped reading pretty quickly.”  It is deeply discouraging to her how cynical and jaded the response to Ben’s actions has been.  Emperor Ren’s angry, blunt lecture on peace has been completely overshadowed by his swordplay.  The graphic on-camera killing of her attacker has become an instant viral holonet meme.  Everyone is focused on what they saw, and not what they heard.  The message of violence got through, but the message of peace did not.

 

“Here are the highlights,” Lydia hands over her ever present datapad. 

 

Rey skims and swipes through the open file, narrating a bit as she reads.  A lot of the ugliness focuses on herself.  “Nasty woman . . . Force whore . . . Jedi murderess . . . feckless cunt?  Wow.  That’s vicious.  Points for creativity on that one, I guess.”  Rey hands back the datapad.  She’s seen enough.  With a sigh, she complains, “This is what the public discourse has become.  Vulgar and meanspirited.”  And where women are concerned, disarmingly personal, too.  Rey turns back to her assembled team members to instruct, “We take the high road, as usual.  Let’s not stoop to the level of these haters when we respond.”

 

“Emperor Ren is getting it worse than you,” her assistant informs her.  “He’s really pissed off his base. They are howling,” Lydia says gleefully.

 

Rey makes a face.  “That’s not a good thing for us.”

 

“Why not?  Let him get some blowback for once.  Look at this headline from the Rim:  ‘Emperor Skywalker Sells Out’  Ha!  I love it.   We and those fringe First Order guys finally agree on something--we both hate Kylo Ren.”

 

Everyone laughs at this but Rey.

 

She responds sharply. “The guys who tried to kill me are not our friends and we would agree on nothing with them!   Do not get caught up in this tit-for-tat media storm.  It achieves nothing in the end if we appear to represent a fringe of our own.”  Consternation is written all over Rey’s face.  “Crap like that might just endanger what little free press we have left.  So, let’s not add to the holonet white noise.  Okay?” 

 

Rey looks around at the small group of volunteer professors, journalists, and university students who comprise the Resistance media team.  These hardworking, committed Resistance supporters are all far more educated and credentialed than she is, but some of them seem to lack the common sense to see the big picture.  Too often, they get caught up in being reactionary.  Today, unfortunately, is a good example. 

 

“Everyone is missing the point of what happened:  we have convinced Emperor Ren to adopt some of the Old Republic ideals.  That is the story here.  Got it?  Our job is to point out all the ways in which we want this new Empire to look like the Republic.  Be positive and supportive with substantive suggestions and not just reactions to the haters and trolls.  And please,” Rey complains, “try to keep the focus off me.  Enough about me already.” 

 

Rose reappears at her shoulder now.  “Rey, the council is waiting.  They want to debrief you personally.”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Rey agrees and follows her and Finn to a conference room where a rebel council meeting is already in progress.

 

Behind closed doors, the council turns out to be just as perplexed as everyone else about what happened on Coruscant.  Only they have a considerable dose of paranoia, too.

 

“Why did Ren do that?  Why did he save you?” Finn wonders aloud.  “What game is he playing?”

 

“Maybe he means what he says.  Maybe he wants the killing to end,” Rey suggests.  Only Ben would kill a guy and then announce that the killing needs to stop.  It’s one more bizarre contradiction of the complicated Kylo Ren.

 

Like everyone else on the council, General Finn is very skeptical.  “The First Order is full of doublespeak and lies.  Ren has an agenda.  Ren always has an agenda.  But what is it?”

 

“Isn’t it obvious what he’s doing?” Rey responds.  “He’s distancing himself from the First Order extremists and moving towards the middle.  Towards us.  His actions and his words show it.” 

 

“He could have let them kill you first before he intervened,” someone points out.   “But instead, he saved you.  That means something.”

 

“He was making a point.  I am a moderate voice for reform and I was worth saving.” Rey thinks aloud now, “I guess Ren wants to be the good guy.”

 

“You gotta be kidding me!”  Finn scoffs at this.  “He’s Kylo Ren.  He’s the bad guy.  Everyone knows that except for him, I guess.”

 

“I think he means what he says,” Rey stubbornly maintains.  “I think Kylo Ren wants peace.”

 

“He did give on civil liberties,” a woman’s voice from across the room speaks up to remind everyone.  It’s the councilmember from Chandrila.

 

“Yes!” Rey seizes on this.  “And don’t forget the stormtrooper program and the other reforms, too.  He’s slowly been moving away from Snoke’s hardline fascism.  And now, he’s talking about combining the Republic and the Empire.  That’s a huge win for us.”

 

“If you believe it,” the Mon Calamari councilmember remarks dryly.

 

“I believe him,” Rey responds.

 

“Of course, you do.  He saved you.  That’s probably why he did it—so you would believe him and he could manipulate us through you.”  This comes from Rose.

 

The others pile on now.  “Ren saved her because he wants to lure her to his side,” another councilmember argues.  “Remember all that Force stuff she told us about her captivity?  Ren wants her as an ally.  For all we know, that whole on-air attack yesterday was staged.”

 

Someone else agrees.  “You can’t trust Kylo Ren.  You can’t take anything that guy says or does at face value.”

 

“Kylo Ren is right,” Rey speaks up again.

 

“What?” Finn screws up his face at her. 

 

“Ren is right and we should help him.  We should help refashion the First Order into the best of the old Republic and the best of the old Empire, just like he said.  We can create a unified galaxy with more freedom and self-determination, but less disorder, corruption, and crime.” 

 

“That doesn’t sound like a democratic republic,” Rose observes without enthusiasm.

 

“Maybe it could be an Empire with a Senate?” Rey suggests hopefully.  “You know—as sort of a compromise between the First Order regime and the Republic?”

 

“And what’s our role in this scenario?” Finn wants to know.

 

“Ren said he would accept us as a political opposition.  We should take him up on that offer and lay down our arms for now.  You know—as a ceasefire of sorts.  We could see where it goes,” Rey cajoles.  She needs the council to give peace a chance.

 

But it’s a non-starter.  The room immediately erupts in vehement discord.  Everyone starts talking at once.

 

“See!  He’s manipulating us through Rey—”

 

“We will not be complicit with the First Order!”

 

“This is just a ploy to get us to give up.”

 

“I’m not laying down arms!  Those guys destroyed my homeworld!”

 

Rey calmly waits it all out.  When everyone has finished venting long and hard, she suggests again, “We should take this opportunity to work with Ren.”

 

A chorus of groans follows.  Finn looks exasperated now.  “No one wants to do that.  We just finished discussing that.”

 

“Well, listen again!” Rey snaps.  “We can’t beat Ren and we all know it!  We should be joining him instead.  He made that offer publicly on the holonet for the whole galaxy to see.  This is an opportunity!” she contends.  “We might not get another.”

 

“Don’t be a fool!  That wasn’t an olive branch,” the guy from Sullust complains.  “Ren gave no quarter at Crait—have you forgotten?   As soon as we lay down arms, we will be led to our own executions.”

 

Finn looks concerned now.  “Did he get inside your head?  Did he brainwash you, Rey?”  It’s a serious question.

 

“No!” Rey retorts defensively.  “All of you know that I want reform instead of revolution.  I’ve been on the record for months wanting a strategy of nonviolent change.  My allegiance is to peace,” she declares.  “And it sounds like Ren wants peace too.”

 

“Well, my allegiance is to the Republic . . . to democracy,” someone retorts.  “That’s why we’re fighting.”

 

“Emperor Ren is evil,” Finn states flatly.  “Rey, can’t you see that?”

 

Rey shakes her head to disagree.  “No.  After yesterday, I don’t see that.  Because from my point of view, we are becoming the evil ones!  These terror raids that do nothing but spread destruction and death to create fear are evil!   How are we any different from that guy who held a gun to my head on the holonet?” she demands.

 

“You think we’re evil?” Rose breathes out.  “You really think that?”  She looks flabbergasted.

 

Other councilmembers are similarly offended.  A few just look annoyed.

 

For his part, Finn is incensed.  “I know that I am not evil and no one in this room is evil either.”  The rebel general’s face is a thundercloud.  “Rey, I worry that you have allowed this Dark lord to twist your mind until . . . until now you have become the very thing you swore to destroy.  Can you hear yourself?  You’re Ren’s apologist now.  You sound like you’re ready to join up with the First Order and you know better than that—”

 

“Don’t lecture me, Finn,” Rey interrupts.  “I see through the lies you and the rest here tell yourselves.  The lies that with enough hope we will prevail.  That we can build a coalition of systems like the old Rebellion did.  That in time, the people at large will rise up with us in our revolution.  None of that is going to happen.  Face facts!  Especially since Kylo Ren is unmasked on the holonet attempting to triangulate on all the issues.”  She’s losing patience herself now.  Frustrated that there is no compromise in the rebels.  Because apparently, nothing short of a repeat of the Battle of Endor will suffice.  Pragmatic Rey can’t wrap her head around that position and she’s through trying. 

 

The silence that follows tells Rey that she has gone too far. 

 

“If that’s what you believe, then why are you here, Rey?” the guy from Sullust asks pointedly.

 

Suddenly, there is a loud knock on the door.  It’s Lydia from the media team.  “Sorry to interrupt, but you need to turn on the holonet.  There is something you need to see.”

 

“What’s going on?” Finn asks as Rey darts over to activate the screen on the wall of the conference room. 

 

“Which newsfeed?” Rey calls over.

 

“Any of the major ones.   They’re all carrying the story live.”

 

The large screen on the wall flickers to life.  It shows a scene of destruction on Coruscant. It is the aftermath of a powerful bomb. 

 

“Hey, that looks like—“ Finn begins.

 

“It is,” Lydia confirms. “A bomb exploded at the First Order military headquarters on Coruscant about thirty minutes ago.  I thought you should know,” she says before she excuses herself out.

 

The council members fall silent to listen to the coverage.   The news hosts on the official First Order newsfeed express shock and dismay as the camera pans over a swarm of first responders combing through the wreckage while medic droids and medical capsules standby.  Details are still emerging.   The race to account for missing personnel and to locate the injured and the dead is happening real time.  But one thing is clear—there is considerable loss of life. 

 

“We didn't do that,” Rey breathes out as she stares at the scene of carnage.  “Did we do that?” She now turns accusing eyes on Finn. “Please tell me we didn't do that.”

 

“We didn't do that,” the young general confirms.

 

“We should claim credit for it though,” Rose speaks up.

 

“Absolutely not!” Rey whirls on her friend.

 

“Why not?” Rose is confused.

 

“Because this is what Ren warned us not to do,” Rey retorts. “You heard what he said yesterday—he wants no more violence.”

 

“Well, someone didn’t get that message,” Finn observes.  “Or, if they did, they didn’t like it.”

 

The holonet channel they are watching now switches to a split screen showing the bomb site scene on one side and the First Order spokesman at a podium on the other side.  A press conference begins.  The spokesman resoundingly condemns the cowardly attack and starts listing off the names of notable casualties in the blast.  There are a lot of important officers confirmed dead.  Apparently, there had been a big meeting of the First Order high command taking place when the bomb went off.   Everyone is assured, however, that Emperor Ren is fine.

 

“This is big.  Listen to those names.   Those last two guys are huge in the First Order,” Finn remarks. 

 

“We should claim credit for this,” Rose persists. 

 

“No!” Rey objects again. “We are not terrorists!   If we claim credit for this, we will lose our credibility to pose as a legitimate political opposition.”

 

“We only wish we were this good,” Finn says, his eyes still fixed on the screen.  “Who did this?  We should find out who did this and sign them up.”

 

“If we claim credit, it will look like a rejection of Ren’s public call for peace.  You’ll be giving him a reason to kill us all,” Rey contends.

 

“That’s nothing new.  They have been trying to finish us off since Crait,” Rose argues back.  “And we have been looking to score a big kill.  Looks like someone else beat us to it.  So . . . let’s pretend it was us.”  

 

“I like that thinking,” Finn seconds Rose’s suggestion. 

 

Rey looks around at the nods of agreement from the others and realizes hers is a lost cause.  The Resistance does not want to meet Kylo Ren in the political middle.  Instead, they want to double down on their strategy of terror.

 

Rose now adds, “A splashy move like this could really help with fundraising.  More credits mean more ships and munitions,” she reminds everyone. 

 

That clinches it for General Finn. “Rey, put together a statement accepting responsibility by us.  The council will review it and approve it before it is released.”

 

Again, she objects.  “Don’t do this, Finn.  At least, not yet.  Wait for all the details of this bombing to emerge first.”   If Rey can’t change Finn’s mind, then she will argue for delay. 

 

But he brushes aside her suggestion. “No.  We need to claim credit immediately for it to be believable.  It needs to look like this is a planned statement we have been waiting to release once we are certain it was a success.  If we wait, whoever really did this will claim credit first.”

 

Again, as Rey looks around, the group all concur except her.  It’s more evidence that she doesn’t belong. 

 

Rey looks again at the list of names of notable dead First Order leaders scrolling in a loop across the bottom of the screen.  She recognizes quite a few names.  And that’s when it hits her—no one will be claiming credit for this bomb.  This bomb was set at the behest of Kylo Ren.  This is how he killed the hardliners on his side.  By planting a bomb and hoping to blame it on the Resistance to keep his own hands clean.  He’s using the Resistance as a pretext to kill his own men.

 

Rey swallows hard.  She hadn't expected this.  Does this mean Ben wants the Resistance to claim credit for the bombing?  Surely not. Because if the Resistance looks like terrorists then Ben will look weak if he negotiates with them.  And that has Rey worried now that the Resistance is being set up.    

 

Ben wouldn’t do that. 

 

Would he do that?

 

No, he wouldn’t.  Not without discussing it with her first.  He knows how important the Resistance is to her.  Ben has tolerated the Resistance since Crait.  But is this why?  So he could use them in this fashion?  Are the more paranoid and cynical rebel leaders correct and Rey is being manipulated?  Has she been wrong to trust Ben?  It’s a very unsettling thought.  Rey unconsciously reaches up to finger at the kyber pendant that hangs around her neck. 

 

“Maybe we don’t need to claim credit,” wary Rey now suggests.  “Everyone will assume that we did this whether we claim credit or not.” 

 

“If we didn’t do this, then who did?” a voice from across the room asks. 

 

“We did this.  That’s the official line now,” Finn decides.  “Rey, go write up the statement, will you?”

 

“No.”

 

“What?”

 

“No,” Rey repeats.  “I won’t do it.  I’m sorry, Finn.”

 

The general looks her in the eye.  “That’s an order, Rey.  Your objection is noted and overruled.”

 

“Then I’m disobeying orders,” Rey digs in her heels.   “Because I think you’re making a mistake.”

 

“If that’s what you believe, then why are you here, Rey?” It’s the guy from Sullust asking again.

 

It’s a home question that she has asked herself more times than Rey likes to admit.  Why is she here?  She answers with the reason she repeatedly tells herself.  “Because we are strongest together.  Because we agree on the same values and truths, even if we have differences on style and strategy.”  And because for months she has believed that the best way to moderate the Resistance is from within.  But now, she’s losing faith.

 

“I don’t think we have the same goals any longer,” the Sullustan councilmember persists. 

 

It’s true.  That Rey doesn’t automatically object to his words is a telling moment to some on the council.  Now, a voice speaks up with a motion to vote to remove Rey as a member.  It is immediately seconded. 

 

“Hey—wait a minute,” Finn attempts to refocus the group on the issues at hand.  But everyone in the room knows Finn has a personal conflict of interest when it comes to Rey’s role in the Resistance.   In the face of that, Finn backs down and lets the motion proceed.  It carries when put to a vote. 

 

This conflict has been brewing for many months.  Slowly, Rey has become an outsider among her own kind.  When all the procedural matters are concluded, Rey is deemed a valued and trusted colleague but will no longer serve on the council.  She’s out of step with the prevailing leadership and her appeasing views have become an impediment, she is told.  Rey may continue her work on media relations so long as her efforts do not contradict the council’s positions.  She is also sternly reprimanded for her insubordination.

 

Rey listens mutely to these proceedings, trying hard not to squirm under Finn’s reproachful glower and Rose’s repeated worried looks.  An uncomfortable silence falls after Rey is asked to leave the room.  She’s not a councilmember any longer, so she cannot remain present to participate.  Rey nods her acceptance of this request.  Looking around the room sadly at the frustrated and annoyed faces of the group, Rey cannot help but say a few parting words.  Feeling very humbled all of sudden, she admits, “I have failed you.  I think I have failed myself too.”  But most of all, she has failed Ben in this.  He trusted her to influence the Resistance and she could not deliver on her promises after all.  It is a bitter personal and political defeat.

 

Feeling dejected, Rey returns to her quarters to be alone.  If she were a girl who cries, she would probably be crying now.  But she’s far too repressed for tears over the rebel council.  Instead, she does what she always does when she is upset.  She shuts down and retreats into herself and her thoughts.  And . . . she gathers her meager belongs as she makes plans to leave.

 

There’s no need to mull her decision over.  Rey has already been questioning her commitment to the Resistance for months now.  And, truthfully, her decision feels a bit anticlimactic.  Like it is inevitable. For better or for worse, Rey signed up with Team Kylo when they held hands and spoke promises to one another months ago on Ahch-To.

 

Perhaps her leaving the Resistance will promote peace in the end, Rey muses.  Maybe if she approaches Finn and the rebel council as an official emissary from the Emperor, they will listen to her.  Maybe if she has the imprimatur of authority as Empress, she will have the standing to act as a bridge builder and peacemaker.  Everyone here at the Resistance will be shocked when the truth comes out.  But surely, she has earned some goodwill and they will come around in time?  And now that the First Order hardliners have been taken out, perhaps Ben will have more flexibility to move farther towards the Resistance point of view.  She and Ben will have to reassess after some time passes and the political fallout settles.

 

It’s an inconvenient fact that the Resistance is claiming credit for the Coruscant bombing, but maybe that can be rescinded somehow.  Or, alternatively, there can be a public apology and the Resistance can disavow violence.  There have to be ways to rehabilitate the image of the Resistance and move it away from terror.  There is a lot to think about.  But Rey will have time to brainstorm a new strategy during her day long flight to Coruscant.

 

But first, she has a couple of uncomfortable exit interviews ahead of her.  An hour later, the council meeting has concluded and the Resistance statement claiming credit for the Coruscant bombing is public on the holonet.  That’s when Rey heads first to the small office that is the nerve center of the Resistance media team.  She tells her colleagues goodbye and provides no explanation.  They’ll figure it out, she decides.  Plus, Rey doesn’t want to stoke discontent on her way out the door.  Next, Rey drops in on Rose for a somewhat terse parting.  I’m sorry it came to this, Rose tells her. I’m going to miss you.  A lot.  I didn’t want this to happen.   Rey nods.  Rose and Finn were the only ones to vote against her expulsion from the rebel council. 

 

Then, Rey heads for Finn’s office.  Luckily, she catches him alone.  Finn’s eyes flit over the small bag of belongings Rey has thrown over her shoulder.  The bag contains a couple of changes of clothes, a datapad, her lightsaber staff and the two Skywalker sabers, and a small set of tools she scavenged from the _Falcon_.  “You’re leaving,” Finn concludes in a hoarse, slightly horrified voice.  He sighs.  “I feared this would happen.” 

 

“I came to say goodbye.”   Rey shifts her feet.  This is uncomfortable.  She wants nothing more than to flee in this moment, but she doggedly stays put.  She owes this to Finn.  “I just spoke to Rose.  She already knows.  So does my team.”

 

“You’re leaving me.  After all we’ve been through together, you’re leaving me.”  Finn looks stricken as he says the words. 

 

It’s tempting to deny his assertion.  To focus this parting on their political differences and pretend this isn’t personal as well.  But Rey has misled this man enough.  “Yes,” she answers simply.   Rey takes a deep breath.  “I don’t belong here.  I don’t want the same things as the rest of you.  I guess I’ve known that for a long time but I didn’t fully realize it until today.”

 

“This is more than just leaving the Resistance.  You’re giving up on us being together too.”  Finn’s voice has an edge to it.  He sounds angry and that’s understandable. 

 

Rey tries to be honest.  “We don’t want the same things either.  I’m not who you want me to be.  Rose is,” Rey says bluntly.  “I hope you realize that in time.   She’s perfect for you.”

 

The not-so-subtle suggestion doesn’t go over well.  “Rose?”  Finn screws up his face.  “Rose is just a friend—“

 

“She could be more than a friend, if you let her,” Rey overrides him softly.

 

“She can’t be you,” Finn retorts.  He’s confused and upset and it shows.  “Why are you doing this?”

 

Rey doesn’t want to get into a blame game or a long explanation that will be filled with more lies.  So, she focuses on work matters.  “My team can handle all my stuff.  I suggest you pick either Seth or Lydia as your new spokesperson.  They have different styles, but either would be good.”

 

“Why are you doing this?” Finn demands again.  “You don’t need to leave just because you are off the council.  That doesn’t have to change anything between us.”

 

Rey keeps rattling on about trivial matters in lieu of an answer.  “I’ll ask Raj to run me into the local spaceport on Dantooine. I’ll get a transport from there.”

 

“With what money?  How are you going to pay for a transport ticket?”  

 

“I’ve got some credits.”  She lies, “I found them in the _Falcon_ before I gave it back to Plutt.  It’ll be enough.”

 

“You’re not going back to Jakku, are you?” Finn says worriedly.  “Rey, don’t go back home.  There’s nothing for you there.”

 

“I’m going to Coruscant,” she answers truthfully.  “I’m going to try to start a new life.”

 

He’s surprised at her answer.  “That’s a pricey place to live for a girl who only has loose change she found in the seat cushions of an old ship.”

 

“Yeah, well, it’s the bright center of the universe, right?” she awkwardly jokes. 

 

“You’re not going to tell me why you’re leaving, are you?” he complains.

 

“I already did.”

 

Finn stands from behind his desk and crosses the room to approach her.  “You don’t love me, do you?” he says in a choked, accusing voice.  “If you loved me, you wouldn’t leave me.”

 

His eyes are filled with emotion and now hers are too.  Suddenly, Rey is blinking back hot tears.  This conversation is going even worse than she imagined it would.  Finn is her first and best friend.  She owes him so much.  And there is a great deal about this man to admire.  For though they do not see eye to eye on all things, Rey knows Finn to be an intelligent, loyal, and committed man.  He is a natural leader who has inspired many with his courage.  Rey knows the former stormtrooper FN-2187 to be a very, very good man.  That’s why lying to him for months has been so hard.  It’s while leaving him now hurts. 

 

“I do love you,” Rey answers as a wayward tear slips out.  “But I love you as a friend.  I can’t love you the way you want me to.  I thought I could.”  At least, at first, she did.  It wasn’t all a ruse.  “But I can’t.   I’m sorry, Finn.”

 

“Is this because of our differences on politics?”

 

Rey keeps talking now, wanting to get the words out before she loses her composure completely.  “You deserve someone who loves you the way you want to be loved.”

 

“Is this because you’re off the council?  Because that will blow over in time.”

 

“You deserve someone better than me,” Rey continues as her voice cracks.  Because, truly, Finn deserves a woman who will be honest with him.  And, for a myriad of good reasons, she is not that person.     

 

“Rey, we can’t let little things like the council ruin our happiness in the long term.”

 

Finn isn’t getting it.  So, Rey tries to explain it another way.  The words come out almost involuntarily.  “There is someone else.”

 

“Someone else?” Finn is surprised.  Taken aback.  He hadn’t been expecting that answer. “Here?  On base?”  He steps forward looking equally indignant and confused.  “Who?” he demands.

 

“It’s a guy on Coruscant.  I met him when I started going there to appear on the holonet.” Rey stretches the truth as she frowns and looks down.

 

Finn nods slowly.  “So, he’s not one of us?”

 

“No.  He’s not.”  Definitely not. 

 

Finn turns away a moment and sucks in a breath.  And then: “FUCK!”  Finn kicks savagely at his desk and the contents on top leap and slide.  The outburst is more Ben Solo than General Finn and that speaks volumes about how much Rey has hurt her friend.  Finn feels betrayed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”  he rasps, squinting at her in disapproval.  “I can’t believe you cheated on me!”

 

She and Finn were never together, but he apparently doesn’t see it that way.  Feeling more miserable by the moment, Rey chokes out, “I didn’t want to hurt you.  Finn, I never meant to hurt you.”  This answer, at least, is true.  But she knows that she has been very reckless with her friend’s emotions.

 

Finn shoots her a cold look of reproof.  “Do you love this guy?”

 

She winces.  “Finn—“

 

“Do you love him??   Because I think I have a right to know.”  The handsome young general glares at her.  “You owe me that at least,” he snaps

 

Yes, she does.  So, Rey answers truthfully.  “Yeah, I think I love him.”

 

“You think??” Finn echoes with uncharacteristic sarcasm.  “Is this guy even worthy of you?   Would I like him?”

 

“Yes,” Rey lies again.  “I think you would.”

 

“I think I fucking hate him!” Finn lashes out.  And this too, is true.  Finn sucks in a breath and then exhales loudly.  He looks as rattled as Rey feels herself.

 

“I want you to know that this isn’t about what happened today with the council,” Rey lies some more.  “This is about that guy who put a gun to my head.  That scared me.  It really scared me.  And it put things in perspective.  It helped me to decide what I want.”

 

“And you don’t want to be here or to be with me.   You want to be with this other guy on Coruscant,” Finn summarizes bluntly.

 

She nods.  “I never meant to hurt you.”  Rey’s cheeks feel hot and copious tears run down her face.  “I never meant to hurt you,” she whispers aloud. 

 

“Yeah, well, you did.   Who is this guy?   Does he know you have the Force?”

 

“He knows everything.”

 

Finn’s eyes narrow. “He knows where we are?”

 

“Yes.  But I trust him.  He’s known for months where I go back to each week.”

 

“Yeah?  Is he going to sell us out once you have left?” Finn challenges.

 

“No!”

 

Finn turns away now and she sees him wipe at his own eyes.  Again, he gives his desk a sharp kick of frustration.  “Will I ever see you again?” he mutters without turning around.

 

Yes, when she reemerges as the Empress who will approach the Resistance for peace.  But Rey can’t let onto that just now.  So, she improvises, “I hope so . . . I don’t know.  He might not like it.   He’s . . . uh . . . the jealous type.” 

 

“He sounds like an insecure jerk.”

 

“He’s not.  He’s just sort of intense.  He’s misunderstood by a lot of people.”

 

Finn turns and gives her a skeptical look.  “He sounds like a jerk.”

 

“Look, he wants me out of the Resistance.  This is a dangerous life.  Yesterday proved that.”

 

“This guy didn't want you to go into combat, did he?   He’s why you kept insisting on doing your media stuff instead fighting, right?” Finn reasons.  “Those holonet appearances were how you snuck away to see your boyfriend behind my back.”

 

“Yeah.  In part,” she admits.

 

“So you’re giving up your goals and dreams for some guy?   That doesn’t sound like you, Rey.”  Finn’s criticism is biting. 

 

“No. That’s not it,” she bristles.  His comment touches a nerve.  Rey is equal parts defensive and righteous now.  “My goal is peace.  And I don’t think that’s your goal around here.   Plus, I don’t think there is anything wrong with choosing love for your path in life.  I never had love before.  You know that!  And now that I have found it, I want it to work.  I think I deserve that after how I lived on Jakku.  Don’t begrudge me that!” she gripes. 

 

“So, you’re going to live together?  Is that it?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And he doesn’t think that’s risky given you’re a famous fugitive from the First Order?”

 

“He knows all about that.  He knows all about my background on Jakku and my history with the Resistance and he still wants me.”  Rey wipes at her teary cheeks.  Her eyes keep darting to the door because she can’t wait to flee.  “He knows I’m no one.  And he doesn’t care.”

 

“Is he rich?   Is that it?”

 

“This isn’t about credits.”

 

“That’s a yes.”  Finn scowls.  “I guess I can’t compete with that.  A penniless fugitive stormtrooper without a real name can’t compete with some Coruscant media exec or whoever he is.”

 

“Finn, don't be like that—“

 

“How else do you want me to be?” he explodes.  “This is not what I wanted and you know it, Rey!”   Finn shakes his head and swears under his breath.  “I knew we had grown apart lately but I never expected this. I would never have expected this from you of all people.”

 

Rey feels terrible.  She wants this confrontation over with for both of their sakes.  This goodbye is spiraling downhill fast.  It’s making things worse.  “I’m going to go now.”

 

“Rey, wait—”

 

“Look, I’m sorry!” she wails out her misery.  “I’m sorry for hurting you.  I am sorry for misleading you.  I am sorry for leaving you.  I am sorry for this war and for what it does to people.”  And especially for the things it has made her do.  From lying to Finn and the others, to choking that guy yesterday, to being responsible for that First Order spy’s death here months ago.  The worst part is that it all feels so pointless since Rey has failed in her goal of bringing peace by working from within the Resistance. 

 

Finn makes an attempt now to salvage the situation so they don’t part on such bad terms.  “I hope this guy makes you happy,” he mutters begrudgingly.

 

She nods.  “He will.”

 

“He better.  Because if he doesn’t, I want you to come back to me.  Understand?”

 

“Finn—“

 

“I mean it, Rey.  I will always be here for you.”

 

“Okay.”  She swallows hard.  “Thank you.”  Rey heads for the door now. 

 

Finn stops her with a hand on her arm.  “Save your credits and take the usual shuttle instead.  That way you won’t get picked up by the local cops.  There might be extra security on Coruscant now after the bombing and your face is all over the holonet.  You’ll never make it through the main spaceport.”

 

“Good point.”  Rey hadn’t even thought of that.  She’s not exactly anonymous anymore, especially after yesterday.

 

“Ditch the shuttle at the studio on Coruscant,” Finn instructs.  “That ship is way too hot now given it’s so well known to the First Order.  We need to get rid of it anyway.”

 

“Yeah, okay.  Thanks.  I’ll take it.”

 

Finn sighs and releases her arm.  For a moment, it looks like he might go in for a hug.  But instead he takes a step back.  Stiffly, he tells her, “May the Force be with you.”

 

Rey nods sadly.  “Godspeed rebel,” she responds with a weak, forced smile. 

 

Rey heads directly for the landing platform and the shuttle.  Raj the ground crew chief comes right over.  “Going somewhere?” he asks easily.

 

“W-What?  Oh, hi.”  Rey flushes.  She’s embarrassed to be caught crying. “Fuel me up, will you?” Rey says this gruffly as she nervously tucks her hair behind her ear while she furtively wipes her cheek.

 

“Sure thing.”  Raj hefts the big fuel hose over and hooks it up.  “Tough day?” he asks gently.

 

“Better than yesterday,” she grumbles.  “At least no one tried to kill me.  I’m going to Coruscant, so fill it all the way up.”

 

“Will do.  You see the news about the bombing?” Raj asks casually.

 

“We didn’t do that.”

 

He meets her eyes.  “I know.  You sure you want to head back to Coruscant so soon?”

 

She levels with the spy.  “I’m getting out of here, Raj.  For good.  So you and anyone else here whose job it is to protect me can jump ship.”

 

“Lady,” he replies under his breath, “Skip Coruscant.  Go to Mustafar to the old guy.  It’s safer right now.  Let things die down a bit.”

 

Ben had said he needed a few days.  Well, three days is all he gets, Rey decides.  She is unwilling to stay on Dantooine any longer.  “I hate that creepy castle,” she tells Raj.  “I’d rather be on the flagship.”

 

“Lady, I’m old enough to have seen stuff like this go down before with Snoke.  I know what that bombing means.”  Raj leans in closely, “Trust no one but him and the Ren.”

 

She nods.  “That’s what he told me.”

 

“Then listen better next time,” Raj chides.  “You shouldn’t be trusting me now.  Not to fuel up your ship. Not to know where you are heading.  No one means no one, got it?  Trust no one,” he repeats again.

 

“Got it.”

 

“Good.”  Raj winks at her now.  “Now, don’t fret about me.  You’re in luck and I’m trustworthy.   You’re safe with me.”

 

Rey exhales. “Good.” 

 

He’s finished fueling the ship now.  “Be careful, my lady.  Between you and the boss, you have a lot of enemies.” 

 

It’s good advice, Rey thinks as she starts warming up the shuttle.  It’s been a long, strange, winding journey from shooting at Kylo Ren in the woods to being saved by him in Snoke’s throne room and then again yesterday live on the holonet.   But as improbable as it has been, it feels right.  It feels like truth.  And truth is something Rey wants more of in her life.  Suddenly, she can’t wait to get back to Coruscant and to Ben.  With his help, she can figure out this Empress thing and plot a new strategy for peace.  Then, together they will bring the balance he keeps promising.

 

But nothing seems to go easily these days.  Rey is three hours into her flight when her shuttle abruptly drops out of light speed.  Was she interdicted?  A quick scan of the vicinity shows no ships around.  This must be a mechanical problem. 

 

With a sigh, Rey heads back to the hyperdrive access panel to take a look.  The ships that she and the Resistance ground crew retrofitted are full of small mistakes.  The mechanics at the Dantooine base were just not up to the task of such complicated work in record time.  All of the retrofitted ships seem to have small bugs and quirks as a result.  But this shuttle seemed in better shape than the others.  Until now.  Her tools are limited, but it looks like equipment failure rather than a retrofit mistake.  That means it’s not something Rey can fix on her own in space. 

 

She is stranded. 

 

Radioing for help is not a good solution since she has been warned not to trust anyone in the First Order.  And, she can’t make contact with the rebels on Dantooine from this distance without risking a security breach.  The security risk is ostensibly to the Resistance, but it’s really to her.  The First Order already knows where the rebel base is even if the rebels don’t realize it.  But the First Order doesn’t know where Rey is and that she is a sitting duck stranded in deep space.  Mindful of Ben’s and Raj’s warnings, Rey plans to keep it that way.   So, as usual, survivor Rey will need to save herself. 

 

Where is she?   Rey heads for the cockpit to start poking through the navigational charts and assessing her fuel reserve.  It’s about a ten-day flight to Takodana using her sublight engines.  That’s doable.  She has the fuel and enough food and water to last the duration.  She can take a sponge bath in the sink.  And at Maz’s castle, she can hire a ship or bargain for parts.  Plus, the castle is a familiar haunt with no First Order allegiance.  That will work, Rey decides, as she sets course for a long, boring, brooding ride to the Mid Rim. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	46. chapter 46

Where is she?   Kylo is anxious, very anxious when Rey’s shuttle does not emerge from hyperspace for her next weekly holonet appearance.  Is she delayed?   Coruscant is a high traffic area and the hyperspace lanes that serve it can be congested.  But there is nothing out of the ordinary today.  Plus, Rey usually re-enters normal space in the First Order’s secure planetary perimeter reserved for military transports.  That allows her to bypass most of the usual Coruscant backup.  So, this is odd.  Very odd.  

 

As the minutes tick by into hours and Rey misses her appearance altogether, Kylo can feel himself starting to panic.  He reaches out to his spies at the Resistance who confirm that Rey left in her usual transport heading for Coruscant.  They have no knowledge of any delay or mechanical difficulty on their end.  Worst still, Rey left days early.  Meaning she should have been here several days ago.  And that reveals that Rey is not just late.  She is missing.

 

Kylo promptly orders search parties on all nonstop hyperspace routes between Dantooine and Coruscant.  He adds in Mustafar too once one of the praetorians at the base reports that he urged Rey to head there instead.  Kylo does some searching himself in the Force.  He spends hours in meditation attempting to contact Rey, but to no avail.  There are no leads of any kind.

 

The hours become a day.  The day becomes multiple days.  And still, no Rey.  

 

Where is she?

 

If he had not taken away Rey’s tracker, he would know.  If she had not ended the Force bond, he would know.  If he had not warned Rey not to trust anyone other than himself and the knights, he would know because surely she would seek to contact him.   Kylo places orders to assist Rey no questions asked at all First Order facilities and ships.  But Rey doesn’t know that.  She probably thinks she has to hide from the First Order still.

 

He told Rey to remain at the Resistance until she was due back on Coruscant.  Why did she leave early?  His spies report that Rey was kicked out of the rebel council meeting and then left an hour later.  She gave no official explanation to her colleagues.  She spoke only to the traitor general and her friend Rose before she left in tears.  Clearly, something had gone wrong and upset her.  But what?

 

In the absence of information, worried Kylo starts to imagine worst case scenarios.  Rey has been interdicted out of hyperspace in a trap laid by more First Order extremists.  She is at their mercy and maybe even already dead.  Or Rey was in one of those rare but always deadly hyperspace collisions that leave no trace.  Rey and her poorly shielded ship were obliterated in a freak accident and he will never know for sure.  Kylo frets and obsesses and works himself into a despondent state.   And that’s when the really insidious fears come to the surface.

 

A voice in his head nags that Rey has once again left him.  She has disappeared into anonymity somewhere in the galaxy.  That attempt on her life last week scared her and her inability to get traction among her Resistance peers for peace has her discouraged.  So his survivor girl decided to Hell with all that.  She has ditched him and the deadly conflicts and power plays that surround him in exchange for a normal life.  Would she do that?  Would she leave him?  She wouldn’t do that . . . he hopes.

 

But almost a week has gone by now and there is no sign of Rey. 

 

Meanwhile, General Hux keeps bothering him about the Dantooine operation.  The First Order has an entire fleet standing by waiting to implement the blockade and to obliterate the hidden rebel base.  The general keeps pestering him until Kylo finally fesses up that Rey is missing.  There will be no move against the Resistance until he has found his pretend sister Empress.  The fleet will stand down until she is safely located.  Kylo will not take the chance that Rey will head back to Dantooine for whatever reason and be killed in the crossfire of his final battle.  And so, mostly to get the annoying Hux off his back, Kylo orders him to go write a victory speech about the end of the loathsome Resistance or something equally as bombastic.  It does the trick.  Hux disappears to work on his oratory and stops complaining. 

 

But while Hux is happy, Kylo is not.  His self-doubts and uncertainty about Rey are crippling.  So he waits for word of his Empress while standing long hours on the bridge, brooding and fretting as he watches the slow progress of his flagship in orbit around Coruscant.  Kylo stands there with his hands clasped behind his back and his mask on.  Contemplating the capital world of his Empire that he wants to rule with Rey.

 

For this is the bright center of the universe, the home of the galaxy’s elites.  Coruscant is the playground of the educated, the cosmopolitan, the competitive, and the famous.   Here on this storied world live the one percent who set the trends, make the news, and close the deals.   Even its notoriously seedy underworld is an improvement over how the rest of the galaxy lives.  And while Coruscant is an outlier of wealth and luxury, it is like many of the other Core worlds.  Stable, secure, reasonably well run, with high functioning civic, business, and charitable institutions.  The Core has a social safety net that ensures the poorest of the poor have a standard of living many elsewhere only dream about.  As a result, the First Order supporters here are very few.  These are staunch Republic worlds.

 

Move away from the prestigious Core and you find the Mid Rim, the bulk of the galaxy.  It is home to a mix of species, but mainly these are human worlds.  The Mid Rim is solidly middle class.  Its economies are based on skilled manufacturing and service industry jobs that are too sophisticated for droids.  These citizens gawk at the lifestyles of the Core and look down on the slaves and outlaws of the Rim.  Here prices are affordable, jobs are plentiful, and people are mostly content.   The institutions of government function and are largely trusted.  There is far more apathy than anger and political unrest.  And so, the First Order never took hold here in any meaningful way.  

 

The galaxy’s Rim is where the First Order arose.  These are the impoverished, undeveloped, mostly forgotten worlds where the empty promises of the New Republic cut deep.   They serve primarily as a source of raw materials and cheap labor for the Core.  They are also havens from criminals of all types.  As a result, these are worlds where rampant lawlessness had citizens poised to welcome a message of law and order.  These are also worlds where many of the exiled Imperial elites took up residence.  The combination of those embittered and aggrieved men, the abject poverty of the ordinary citizens, and the open checkbook of a mysterious Dark Master named Snoke gave birth to an anti-Establishment, anti-Core, populist reform movement dubbed the First Order.  These people had nothing to lose and everything to gain.  And the cushy, complacent Core worlds never saw it coming.  Little did they know that the fringe group they dismissed as nostalgic Imperial wannabes had the Starkiller Base up their sleeve.

 

In the wake of the quick, brutally decisive war that followed, the galaxy is still very much torn apart.  That, more than anything, is what stands in the way of Kylo announcing a Senate.  Quite frankly, he doesn’t want his Senate to fail like the New Republic did.  And right now, that’s what he worries is likely to happen.  There is just too much division and not enough unity, Kylo judges.

 

It’s not that he’s against democracy per se.  It works well for many individual systems.  But it is not the right overarching form of government for a galaxy so large with diverse species, differing interests, and wide ranging, sometimes conflicting, values.  People need some basic level of shared ideals for them to respect one another enough to compromise.  For without compromise, democracy won’t work.  It gets mired in infighting and inaction and nothing ever gets done.  Maybe somewhere there is some shining city on a hill where people have civic virtues, they prize tolerance, and they share enough commonalities in language, religion, and economics to find common ground.  But it doesn’t exist in his Empire.  At least, not yet.

 

The Core and most of the Mid Rim worlds live in a comparatively privileged bubble and they don’t realize how bad things are on the Rim.  Because when everyone you talk to holds the same opinions as you do and the holonet newsfeeds you watch share the same elitist, condescending slant, you never get exposed to opposing views.   As a result, the pro-Republic citizens seem incapable of understanding that there are good people who perceive the First Order’s goals as common sense.   They can’t comprehend how what they view as fascist threats, many Rim dwellers welcome as refreshing straight talk.  In a galaxy full of complicated problems and shades of grey, there are many who welcome the simple pragmatic solutions and black-or-white dichotomy of the First Order.   Are all those people hateful, violent types?   Kylo doesn’t think so.

 

But his First Order supporters are part of the problem too.  They are gleefully ready for payback after suffering through thirty years of the New Republic.  Mostly, they are impatient for change and intemperate and imprecise in their rhetoric.   Aside from the Imperial exiles, these people are rarely sophisticated or slick.  Few are educated and cultured, but they are all passionate.  And while some truly are deplorable, most are not the white hoods and pitchforks crowd.  These people want to make things better and they have their own ideas about how.  Winning the war gave them power and they are glorying in it now.  The contemptuous ones now get to show contempt.  The problem is that these guys don’t know what they don’t know, and they are unwilling to be taught.  In their own way, the First Order supporters can be just as arrogant and narrow minded as their Republic opponents.

 

And therein lies the fundamental problem for announcing a Senate.   Because the idyllic democracy the Resistance seeks depends on the ability of the Empire’s citizens to listen to opposing views and find areas of compromise.  Few people seem prepared to do that on either side.  And perhaps so soon in the wake of the war, that’s understandable.   But Kylo promised Rey a Senate as a wedding present.  He damn well plans to deliver.

 

But where is she?  Kylo is starting to despair.  So, tired of feeling hopeless and helpless, Kylo summons his high command.  Change of plans for the Resistance operation, he orders.   It will now be a ground assault.   He will lead the troops himself.  

 

Eight hours later, the First Order is in complete control of the Dantooine rebel base. The sixty or so survivors of the invasion are all assembled and standing handcuffed in a large group.  They are surrounded by troopers with orders to shoot-to-kill.  At the forefront of the unlucky rebel prisoners stand its leaders, including the defiant looking traitor general himself.  

 

Kylo smiles grimly as he removes his mask and tosses it aside.   He has been looking forward to this confrontation for a long time.  Plus, hopefully FN-2187 will have information about Rey’s whereabouts.  Yes, this is just what he needs, Kylo thinks.  Negative emotions have been boiling in him for days, fueling his power.  His Darkness is surging inside.  Finally, he gets his outlet.  He will vent his fears on the Resistance.  And especially, on their upstart stormtrooper general who dared to romance his Rey. 

 

The traitor talks first and that’s annoying.  “How did you find us?” the rebel general demands.  

 

“I knew where you were all along,” Kylo calmly reveals.  “From before you set up shop here.  From back when you were trolling for secondhand weapons in the Rim.”  He scans the crowd of prisoners and recognizes a few faces still undercover.  “Praetorians.  Intel officers,” he calls to the embedded First Order spies, beckoning them forward.   “Assemble.”

 

Eight men lower their hands and walk forward to stand at rigid military attention in a line before their Emperor. 

 

“Well done,” Kylo commends his men.  “The Empire owes you a debt of gratitude for your bravery and cunning.”  The men respond with the First Order salute as the stone-faced rebel captives look on.  Kylo nods his acknowledgment.  “Dismissed for debriefing,” he orders the spies.  Then he turns back to FN-2187.  

 

“How’s your back, trooper?” he smirks. 

 

“Better than your Starkiller,” the traitor answers back. 

 

“The weapon served its purpose,” Kylo snaps.  “The Republic is gone.  The Resistance will soon be gone too.”

 

The enemy general keeps his cool as he plays the martyr.  His mother must have loved this guy, Kylo thinks.  For the traitor looks downright dashing now as he lifts his belligerent chin and warns, “You can’t win.  If you strike us down, more will take our place.  You will never rule the galaxy with fear and hate.”

 

The traitor sounds like he is just warming up for a long rant, so Kylo cuts him off.  “Spare me the speech.  I’m not here to learn about liberty or to discuss politics.  You and the rest of your rebel friends are doomed.  Your cause is lost.  It was lost at Crait.”  Kylo looks the traitor over with much satisfaction.  “There is no escape.  Rey can’t save you now.”

 

At the mention of Rey’s name, the small woman standing next to the rebel general exchanges glances with him.  This must be Rose, Kylo thinks.  

 

“Rey?   You’ve got Rey?” the trembling woman says in a hoarse whisper.

 

“Don't hurt her!” bellows the traitor.  Suddenly, all his brash posturing melts away.

 

“She l-left us,” the woman stammers frantically.  “She’s n-not one of us.  Rey is not your enemy!   She just wants to live her life now—“  Anxious Rose stops herself, looking warily at the traitor who is giving her dirty looks meant to shut her up. 

 

“Go on,” Kylo prompts Rose. 

 

But the woman’s mouth is firmly shut.  Clearly, she already thinks she has said too much.

 

“Go on.  Where is she?” Kylo demands angrily.  This woman knows more but isn’t sharing.   “Where is Rey?” he roars.

 

Rose begins babbling again as she processes the situation in real time.  “You don’t have her?  No, you don’t have her.  Rey got away.  She’s okay—"

 

“Where is she?” Kylo hisses.

 

The renegade stormtrooper shuts his friend up fast.  “Don’t tell this guy anything, Rose.  Rey would never betray us.  We will not betray her.”

 

“You cannot stop me,” Kylo warns his foe.  “I can take whatever I want.  You ought to know better, Traitor.”   To illustrate his point, Kylo raises his gloved hand and rips hard and fast into the stormtrooper’s mind. 

 

Instantly, General Finn begins screaming. 

 

Rose panics.  “No!   No, please stop!   Please!”

 

“If you want this to stop, start talking,” Kylo tells her.  “Where is she?   Where is Rey?” he growls.   

 

When Rose hesitates, Kylo concentrates and clenches his outstretched hand into a fist.  The traitor starts shuddering and screaming louder now.

 

It opens Rose’s mouth fast.  “Rey is gone.  She left days ago.  She got really upset and left.”

 

“Go on,” Kylo prompts. 

 

Rose’s eyes keep darting between himself and the traitor as she hurries to explain, “Rey never wanted the war to resume . . . all along, she thought it was a mistake . . . we knew she had misgivings . . .   Rey didn’t want to fight.  We had to push her into trying to kill you . . . her heart wasn’t in it.   I think things came to a head after that guy tried to kill her on the holonet.    When she came back, she argued with the council and got kicked off.  Then, she quit the Resistance and left.”

 

Finn is really screaming now.  Blood is starting to seep from his nostrils as his body shakes. 

 

“Keep talking,” Kylo orders.  “Where did she go?”

 

“She left to meet her boyfriend on Coruscant.”

 

“Her boyfriend?”   Kylo smirks.   The smirk becomes a twisted smile that becomes a chuckle and then an all-out evil laugh that Snoke would approve of.

 

That has everyone noticeably uncomfortable.  Especially his own men. Emperor Ren does not laugh.  Ever. 

 

Kylo releases his hold on the traitor’s mind.  The stormtrooper general slumps to his knees, panting and holding his head as he wipes blood from his nose and chin. 

 

“Boyfriend,” Kylo repeats with slow satisfaction.  “She told you she has a boyfriend.” 

 

“There’s some guy on Coruscant.  She left us for him.”  Rose’s eyes keep darting to the traitor who is still in distress. “We don’t know who the guy is.  There’s nothing else we can tell you,” she says frantically.  “You know everything!” Rose wails, clearly fearful that the traitor’s torment will begin again. 

 

“Yes, I do know everything,” Kylo proclaims smugly.  “Far more than you.”  He lowers to a crouch now to be on the same level as FN-2187.  Kylo wants to relish this moment for all the satisfaction it brings.  “Rey doesn’t have a boyfriend on Coruscant, she has a husband.”  Kylo reaches inside his tunic collar to pull out his kyber crystal pendant.  It’s the matching counterpart to Rey’s necklace. 

 

Looking down, Rose understands immediately as her eyes fixate on the distinctive, unusual charm.  “Oh, G-Gods—“ she gasps.  “That looks like—“

 

“It is,” Kylo confirms.

 

“No!” The traitor shakes his head and growls.  “No!”

 

“Rey is mine,” Kylo purrs, observing the traitor’s reaction closely to savor it.  “All along, she has been mine.  She’s my wife.”

 

“Your wife!” Rose yelps loudly.

 

“N-no—“  The traitor refuses to believe it.

 

“She was mine before she ever rejoined the Resistance.”

 

The traitor shakes his head.  “That’s a lie!   We found her on Jakku.”

 

“She lived on my star destroyer for weeks after Crait.”  Kylo leans in to reveal in a low voice for only the traitor to hear. “While you were looking for allies in the Rim to respond to my mother’s distress call, Rey was fucking me on my ship.”

 

“YOU LIE!”

 

Kylo smiles at this outburst.  General Finn is very distressed.  Utterly betrayed.  Like he once had betrayed the First Order.  It’s always the cheats who are indignant when they are cheated on.  It’s the liars who trust others to their own chagrin.  The criminals who are shocked to become victims themselves.  People never learn, Kylo thinks.   What comes around, goes around.  Some call it karma, but Kylo knows it is the Force.

 

He can’t resist sharing a few details to twist the knife as he stretches the truth to fit his aims.  “She played you the whole time.  Sneaking away to see me when she was in Coruscant.  Meeting me at my castle.  At Luke’s island.  She’s been my agent in the Resistance the whole time.  On your rebel council, no less.”

 

“That’s not true!   That’s impossible!”  The traitor still resists the bitter truth but, from the horrified look on her face, Rose believes it.

 

“She wanted to moderate you zealots,” Kylo explains.  “To get you to stop the violence.  She convinced me to let her work for peace from the inside because you knew her.  You trusted her.  She was your Jedi.   But all the time . . . she was mine.   Working for me.  Watched over by my spies.”

 

“Why would she do that?” stricken Rose gulps. 

 

Kylo rises to his feet as he answers, “Because she wants peace.  Like I do.  And she mistakenly believed that you crazies would come around.”

 

“It’s all a lie!” the traitor stubbornly refuses to face facts.  “Rey would never join you.  She fought you!  I was there!”

 

Kylo nods.  “That was fun.  Thanks for pushing her to do that. That fight was all pretend.  We planned it in advance.  She spent four days with me afterwards but she wasn’t in a prison cell.  Far from it.”  Kylo smirks at the distressed man at his feet.  “It was a second honeymoon.”

 

“Rey’s holonet appearances.  That stunt last week.  I did everything I could to get you rebels to move off your terrorist tactics.  Rey kept trying to move you towards the middle.”  He shrugs.  “It might have saved your skins.  But it’s too late now.  The far right First Order leadership is gone,” he crows.  “Now, it’s time to dispense with the far left Resistance.   The middle is where the future lies.”

 

“I hate her for this!” Rose lashes out as she succumbs to tears.  “Like I hate you!”

 

“Don’t blame Rey.  It was unavoidable.  It was her destiny.  Rey and I are going to rule the galaxy and balance the Force.”

 

“I don’t even know what that means,” Rose mutters and sniffs.

 

“It means that I am the Dark Side Emperor and she is my Light Side Empress, and together we will create a balance between the First Order and the Republic.  Along the way, both the Jedi and the Sith had to die. All extremes will fall away now and disappear into history.  All who will not yield to progress will die,” Kylo decrees. 

 

“You can’t kill your way to peace.”  The traitor looks up and finally finds his voice. 

 

“Watch me, Trooper.  Watch me do it.”

 

“You lie!  Rey would never agree to this!” the traitor says with conviction.  “And if she did, you’ll never win!”

 

“I already have,” Kylo retorts.  “I have the galaxy and I have the girl.  Your girl,” he sneers triumphantly.  “You fool!”

 

The traitor now hangs his head.  FN-2187 has run the gamut of emotions from anger to disbelief, to doubt, and now to sadness. Ever the selfless hero, his sadness is not for himself or his lost cause.  It is for Rey. 

 

“She said she thinks she loves you,” he says in a dull, flat voice as he looks away.  “She loves a monster like you.  I don’t know how you did it, or what she sees in you, but Rey deserves better than you.”

 

Fuck, that shouldn’t sting, but it does.  He might be Emperor of the galaxy, but Kylo knows he is full of insecurities.  Being reminded of them goads him to lift his chin and crow, “The Force is with us, Traitor.  Rey and I are destiny.”  Top that, you loser trooper, Kylo thinks.

 

The traitor simply looks him in the eye and answers, “Fuck you and your Force!”

 

That blasphemy cannot be tolerated, Kylo decides.  No one disrespects the Force to his face.  And this has gone on long enough.  “You’re the one who’s fucked,” Kylo responds as his sword leaps into his hand to ignite.

 

Kylo calls over his shoulder now, “Get a camera droid over here. I want this on tape for all to see.”  The traitor’s execution is personal, but it is political, too.  And given all the conservative outcry following his holonet rant, Kylo needs to make sure this moment gets maximum publicity to pander to his base.   Emperor Ren hasn’t lost his mind and jumped ship to the Republic side.  See?   Here he is killing the rebel general on his knees. 

 

“This,” Kylo declares his vengeance, self-serving lie though it is, “This is for killing Leader Snoke, our visionary statesman whose legacy I will ensure.”  With a slashing upward streak of his red blade, the sneering traitor general is dead. 

 

“Finn!  Nooooo!” Rose cries out her anguish.

 

More annoyed by her pain than gloating over it, Kylo vents his burgeoning Darkness some more.  With one spinning swing, he ends Rose too. 

 

As gratifying as it is to end the Resistance today, Kylo is still no closer to locating Rey.  But at least he has ended his militant opposition.  He has brought peace to the galaxy the way his grandfather ended the Clone Wars—by eliminating the leaders on both sides.   Emperor Ren now stands the ultimate winner, unopposed. 

 

But he still needs Rey to pull this off.  Where the Hell is Rey?  He needs his Empress of the Light.

 

“What of the other prisoners, Excellency?” General Hux approaches to ask. 

 

“No quarter,” Kylo decides.  If this invasion had yielded the location of Rey, he might have had an appetite for mercy.   But instead, as planned, vengeance rules the day.   “Wipe them out.  All of them,” he orders grimly.

 

“Yes, Sir.”

 

As Hux barks orders to organize firing squads like at Crait, Kylo walks over to where Nestor Ren stands on the perimeter of the action alongside the Third Knight Hassan Ren.  His knights rarely interfere with military matters, even when they are present.  It’s partly why they are mysterious figures.  No one is quite sure what they do and why.

 

“Find her,” Kylo orders quietly.  For seldom does he bark at his knights.  Kylo respects them too much to treat them like underlings.  They are the closest Kylo has to equals, although Force-blind Hux over there wouldn’t see it that way.  “Get the others and find Rey.”

 

“Yes, Master,” the two men reply in unison. 

 

Kylo nods his acknowledgement.  But his expression must show how disappointed and troubled he is.

 

“We’ll find her, don’t worry,” Nestor meets Kylo’s eyes.  The knights know how important Rey is to him and to the future.  “Ben, wherever she is, she is alive or we all would have felt the disturbance in the Force from her passing.  We’ll find her or she’ll turn up soon on her own.   She was headed to you when she left.”

 

Even tempered, level headed Nestor always says the right thing to talk him down.  Feeling heartened somewhat by this encouragement, Kylo dismisses his two knights.  “Go, and do the work of the Force.”   

 

Kylo decides to take that direction himself.  He will trust in the Force to make things right.  For if he and Rey truly are each other’s destiny, then it’s only a matter of time before she reappears.  Only a fool fights destiny, Snoke had taught him long ago.  The decrepit old gargoyle had wagged a clawed finger at Kylo and warned that no man, no matter how powerful, is the equal of the Force.   Whatever the Force wants, the Force gets in the end, even if it’s in a roundabout way. 

 

And so, the humbled young Emperor offers up to the Force yet another silent prayer for Rey’s safe return.  _Bring Rey back to me and together we will do your will.  Give the Light back to this son of Darkness who seeks balance._   For Kylo Ren is no doubting Luke Skywalker.  He will keep the faith even if his uncle did not.  Kylo will not abandon the Force and, in return, the Force will not abandon him.  He’s a Skywalker, after all.  He’s the latest in the line of the Chosen Ones, the family born to be instruments of the Force, even if they are hampered by their own failings and stubborn free will.  But with a little help from the Force, hopefully this generation will get it right. 

 

 


	47. Chapter 47

The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.  So Rey has opted for Maz Kanata’s cantina on Takodana as her destination even though its proprietress isn't her biggest fan.  It’s a pragmatic decision.  Maz’s castle is a place where Rey can park a beat up, stolen military shuttle and no one will blink an eye.  She can walk in conspicuously armed—even with a distinctive lightsaber—and onlookers will merely note it and go back to their own business.  This is a pro-Republic hangout, to the extent its patrons have political views.  And that means there is a low risk of running into any First Order types here.  The cantina will be a one stop shop, too.  Rey can bargain for hyperdrive parts and get a hot meal. 

 

Other systems were closer than Takodana.  But Rey might raise eyebrows when she arrives at the local spaceport in a First Order ship and walks down the ramp in a Resistance uniform.  Plus, she’s worried about how personally recognizable she has become.  So, Rey defaults to a strategy she learned on Jakku:  she doesn’t go looking for new trouble.  She sticks to the trouble she knows.  She needs to get her ship fixed and get to Coruscant ASAP.  Ben will be worried because she missed her holonet appearance days ago. 

 

When Rey arrives at her destination, she exhales a sigh of relief.  It has taken a day longer than she initially estimated to get here and her fuel had been running dangerously low.   But finally, she is safe.  It feels good.  Rey trots down the ramp onto the grassy field that serves as a parking lot.  The sight of all the lush local greenery is a delight to her eyes after so many days of boring, black space.  Rey breathes in fresh, unrecycled air and luxuriates in the feel of natural gravity.  Things are looking up now, and it brings a smile to Rey’s face. 

 

She hasn’t been to Maz’s castle cantina for many months since she stopped tagging along with Rose on procurement missions and began doing her media gig.  The place looks almost completely rebuilt now, Rey judges as she marches through the grand entrance festooned with flags.  There are pennants flying in homage to many worlds and to several notable crime syndicates, from the Hutts, to Crimson Dawn, to the Pikes.  There are even New Republic and Resistance banners flying high to show that all are welcome here.  Conspicuously absent are the standards of the Empire and the First Order, but that’s no surprise.  Maz’s democratic, come-one, come-all attitudes are well known.  And that’s why Rey makes sure to wear her Resistance uniform jacket over some fresh clothes as she walks in. 

 

She’s got Luke Skywalker’s sword tucked in one pocket of her jacket and the sword she had found here at the castle hanging at her hip.  No one walks into this place without at least one visible weapon and a self-assured strut.  Rey is no exception.

 

It’s crowded today.  Despite the Empire’s new crackdown on smuggling and drugs, business must still be good.  As usual, there are more aliens here than humans.  It reminds Rey of Jakku.  The music is playing in the background and the dozens of covert conversations going on create a low buzz.  Is Rose here by chance?  Rey looks around and doesn’t see her.  She doesn’t see Maz either.  She must be in the back. 

 

General Hux is live on the big holonet screen playing behind the bar.  The sound is turned down but the captions are on.  Rey glances up and reads a few lines to get the gist.  The First Order’s famous general is castigating the Resistance . . . again.  It’s his favorite theme.  Rey instantly tunes him out.  She’s been avoiding the holonet news since she left Dantooine.  Now that she’s left the Resistance, it’s no longer Rey’s job to keep a constant watch over all the major newsfeeds.  Rey has been working the round-the-clock news cycle for months now and she’s burnt out.  Glancing up again at Hux on the screen, Rey feels so over it all. 

 

One of Maz’s bartenders greets her as she walks up.  “You look like you could use a drink,” says the grizzled looking Rodian as he wipes her a clean place with his towel and removes the dishes from the prior patron. 

 

“Huh?”  Does she really look that bad?   She must.  She’s been moping for days now, alone and licking her wounds from her exit from the Resistance.  And actually, it feels good to re-emerge to life again.   For while Rey craves alone time when she is upset, she knows it’s not good for her to be alone too long.   Prolonged solitude brings back all the insecurities and fears of Jakku.  Rey is self-aware enough to know that she needs to get past them.  But she’s not really sure how. 

 

“How did you know?” she asks the Rodian.  She’s curious what about her looks desperate.

 

“Your jacket,” the bartender guy replies cryptically.  Then he pours her something frothy and orange and slides it over.  “Here.  Have one on the house.”

 

“Yeah, thanks.”   Does this guy recognize her from the holonet or something?   Or does he just share Maz’s Resistance sympathies?  Rey isn’t much for alcohol, but she is hungry.  “Can I get something to eat?” she asks as she climbs on the barstool.

 

“Sure thing,” the Rodian replies.  He tosses a menu in front of Rey.  Then he gestures up at the screen behind him and offers, “Hey, I can turn that off if you want.”

 

“Ummm . . . what?”  She’s not following because she’s got her nose in the menu.

 

“They’re playing it over and over again.  If you want, I can turn it off,” the alien offers again.

 

“What’s playing over and over again?” Rey looks up at the screen.  Then, she drops the menu.  “Oh,” she says softly. 

 

For what else is there to say?  Rey stares at the screen, aghast by what it shows.  The montage of firing squads performing mass executions looks like old footage from the aftermath of the Battle of Crait.  Except it’s not.  The location identifier on the screen reads ‘Earlier today on Dantooine.’  Below on the crawl line, the warning ‘Graphic Images—Viewer Discretion Advised’ flashes up repeatedly.

 

“Oh,” Rey says again. 

 

She can’t look away.  Not when the camera shows Ben pacing the perimeter of the rebel prisoners with his lit sword.  Not when the footage shows faces she recognizes fall dead to the ground.  Not when the camera zooms in to show Ben personally confront Finn and Rose.

 

Rey knows what’s coming next.  And still, she cannot look away.

 

“You didn’t know.”  The bartender says this in a voice of apology.  “I can see you didn’t know.”

 

“No, I didn’t,” Rey replies.  “I can’t believe . . . ”   Her voice trails off.  She never finishes the thought. Because it feels like a punch to the gut as she watches Ben’s sword flash up at Finn.  Then, down on Rose.  After that, he continues down the line of the other rebel council members standing at the forefront of a large group of prisoners.  These men and women Kylo Ren chooses to martyr himself. The rank and file Resistance members he leaves to the efficient slaughter of General Hux’s stormtroopers.

 

“Everyone is gone,” Rey whispers in disbelief as the screen shows a wide shot of dead bodies.  Rey is trembling now.  Her emotions churn as she processes the enormity of what has occurred.  One thought—a selfish thought—rises to the forefront of her turmoil:  she is alone now.  It’s as if her worst fears from Jakku have come true because everyone she knows other than Ben is dead.  And he and his supporters were the ones responsible for killing them.   From Han Solo and Chewbacca, to Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa, to Finn and Rose.  They are all gone thanks for Kylo Ren.

 

She wants to cry, she wants to scream, she wants to run away back to her ship and pretend she doesn’t know what she knows.  She wants to curl up in a ball like in her AT-AT on Jakku and just be numb to the world.  Orphaned, near feral Rey has never learned to let herself fully experience strong emotions.  Usually, she runs away and shuts down to cope.  It why she hadn’t much minded the over ten-day trip here from Dantooine.  It had given her time to work through her guilt and regret over the Resistance and Finn.  But she emerges finally and discovers this??  It’s too much.  Way too much.

 

“They’re all g-gone . . .” she whispers again.

 

“All but you, I’m afraid,” the old Rodian says with regret.  “I’m sorry for your loss.”

 

“When did this happen?”

 

“Overnight local time,” the bartender answers.  Then, he suggests, “You had better take that jacket off.  It will make you a target.  They’ll be hunting anyone who got away.  You can bet the First Order is placing bounties for any survivors.”

 

But Rey doesn’t have to go far to meet danger.  For as she sits trying to wrap her head around what has happened and what it means for her, Rey hears the distinctive sound of a lightsaber igniting. 

 

Nothing else sounds like that.  Rey stands and whirls to face the danger.  It is from a surprising source.  Diminutive old Maz Kanata in her huge old-fashioned eyeglasses brandishes a laser sword.  The blade is an unexpected shade of yellow.  Maz holds it with a grim confidence that shows she knows how to use it, and use it well.

 

“You’ve got a lot of nerve coming here after what you pulled,” the tavernkeeper proclaims loudly.  “Stay back, everyone,” she calls to the crowd.  “This is just between us.”  Then Maz sinks into a ready stance and lifts her weapon for attack.

 

Rey automatically reaches for the blue Skywalker sword hanging at her waist.  She wore it figuring Maz would recognize it. 

 

She does.  “So he gave it back, eh?  Last time I saw that weapon was swinging at Kylo Ren’s waist.”

 

Rey ignores the question.  Instead, she lights her own sword and takes a deep breath.  She’s terribly rattled from the news of Dantooine and it’s hard to quiet her mind and find the Force like Ben has taught her.  “I didn’t come here for trouble,” Rey begins, hoping to talk Maz down.  “I came to get my ship fixed and refueled.  That’s all.”

 

The little proprietress answers by swinging.  Rey leaps back and does her best to defend.  A crowded bar is not an ideal place for a swordfight. 

 

"You betrayed them, didn't you?” Maz accuses.  “I knew you would.  When I saw those pictures of you and Ren together, I knew you would become his Apprentice."

 

Rey doesn’t answer because she’s concentrating too hard.  Rey has only ever fought Ben and Snoke’s guards and none of those guys fought like Maz does now.  She is small and quick.  She swings with efficient motions and practiced precise patterns that Rey cannot hope to emulate.  Rey just does what she always does—she hacks away with the same basic swinging, sweeping, and jabbing moves she employed with her staff on Jakku.  It has none of the finesse of Maz and it shows.

 

“I warned you that I would hold you to account if you betrayed the Resistance!”  It’s obvious that this is no sparring match.  Maz Kanata is swinging to kill.  Desperate Rey just tries to stay alive.  Thankfully, none of the onlookers seems inclined to interfere in the fight.  This is like a brawl on Jakku, Rey realizes.  Everyone watches with keen interest but no one wants to get involved.

 

"Who are you?" Rey demands.   “Who are you really?” 

 

Maz doesn’t answer.  She keeps driving Rey back towards the wall despite Rey’s best efforts.  With the Force, Rey now starts heaving crockery and furniture at her attacker.  She’s trying to throw Maz off her stride and even things up.

 

It doesn’t work.  The ancient little woman easily bats the objects away.  She also easily resists Rey’s attempts to Force push her.  That keeps the fight focused on swordplay where Rey is sorely lacking and completely self-trained.  Luckily, Rey has fast reflexes and a lot of experience fighting from growing up on Jakku.  It helps to offset her technical weaknesses.

 

“You’re going to pay for betraying the Resistance!” Maz promises.

 

“Who are you?” Rey demands again.  “I have a right to know who’s killing me.”

 

The appeal to fairness works.  The tavernkeeper reveals proudly, "I am Maz Kanata, once a Jedi Knight of the Old Republic."

 

"You're a Jedi??"  Rey blinks.  Then she very nearly loses her arm dodging an upward swing from little Maz.

 

“I was a Jedi,” Maz answers.  “I was Padawan to Grandmaster Yoda, and Master to Plo Koon and others through the years."

 

Those names mean nothing to Rey, but she’s certain from the way Maz says them that she is supposed to be impressed.  "That's why you had Luke's saber," Rey instinctively knows.  “Luke gave it to you.  You were keeping it for him.   He knew you were a Jedi--that’s why he trusted you.”

 

"Yes,” Maz allows.  “Luke got the saber back years ago from his friend Calrissian.  Luke used that sword on and off for years before he left it with me one day."

 

“Why?” Rey demands.  Darting to the right, she nearly trips over a stray bottle on the floor.  Rey regains her footing just in time to leap back from the yellow sword.  This is hard, she thinks.  Very hard. 

 

But not for Maz.  Even at her advanced age, this Jedi has lost none of her skill.  She is barely panting as she explains, "Luke knew everything that was to come.  He foresaw it all in the Force.  After that, he didn't trust himself with that sword.  He had a vision of himself using it to kill younglings like his father before him.  Skywalker feared that sword was cursed.”

 

"Cursed?”  Rey is confused.  “Are the Skywalkers cursed?  I thought they were the Chosen Ones.”

 

“That prophecy is a hoax perpetuated by Snoke,” her attacker scoffs.  “Luke even came to doubt it himself.”

 

Rey is tiring fast and thoroughly outmatched.  All that raw talent Luke Skywalker had seen in her doesn’t seem to help against the lethal grace of the little Maz.  And Rey is so thoroughly rattled by her recent experiences that she struggles to concentrate.  But doggedly, Rey perseveres.  If she can survive Jakku, she can survive this.

 

“So you’re saying that Luke knew what he would become?" Rey speaks her thoughts aloud.  “He knew he was unstable like his students thought—"

 

"Visions are glimpses into the cosmic Force that we should not see.  Inevitably, they lead you astray.  Just like they did Luke,” Maz contends.

 

Led him astray?  “I don’t understand,” Rey pants out.  She is lost in all of this.

 

“Luke didn't foresee himself fall to the Dark Side.  It was his nephew who would be seduced by Snoke.  It must have been his nephew in the vision killing younglings.  That’s why leaving the sword with me didn't stop Ben Solo's killing spree.  Giving me the sword for safekeeping was a useless gesture in the end.”

 

Rey is more confused now.  "But Luke killed the Jedi at the temple.  Luke killed the youngling girls and the women in their sleep.  He didn’t need Vader’s sword, he used his own green one,” she points out.

 

"You're wrong!” Maz retorts.  “Luke was no killer.  Whoever told you that told you a lie!  Who told you that?”

 

“Ben Solo.” 

 

“Well then, consider the source.”

 

“I believe him.”

 

“Then you’re a fool!  Never trust a Sith, Rey.  They will betray you in the end,” Maz warns.  It’s a comment that hits very close to home after seeing what happened on Dantooine.

 

But while Rey is still not certain what happened at the rebel base, she is certain of a few things concerning her husband.  “He’s not a Sith!” Rey defends.  “Ben wants to bring balance!”

 

Maz dismisses this.  “Snoke’s theories about balance were just a justification for him to use the Dark Side.  The Prime Jedi lost his way thousands of years ago, Rey.  He fell into Darkness and wallowed in it.  He didn’t just want to learn the Force, he wanted to control it.  To be the Force.  Truly, that man was the ultimate Sith.  That he called himself a Jedi did not make it true,” Maz sniffs.

 

“Snoke is dead,” Rey reminds her.

 

“Yes, good riddance.  Let me guess: his Apprentice killed him.  That’s always how it’s done with the Sith.”

 

“He’s not a Sith!” Rey contends again.

 

Maz does not take kindly to her defense of Ben.  And, evidently, she is very disappointed in Rey.  “The Skywalker sword stayed with me for years safely locked away until it called to you.  To you!  A girl full of the Force on the run from the First Order. You had the droid with the map to the exiled Luke Skywalker. I knew you were something special when you walked in with Han and Chewie.”  Old Maz vents her frustrations now.  “I was certain you would be the one we needed.  That the Force had sent you to help us.  You stupid girl, you were supposed to destroy that Sith, not join him!”

 

“He’s not a Sith!”  How many times does Rey have to say this?  But clearly, this ancient Jedi woman cannot conceive of a Dark Side user who doesn’t follow the usual religion.

 

“We all saw him carry you off in his arms.  I knew then that he would seduce you.  The Sith are fools for power and gluttons for sex.  And he clearly wasn’t treating you like a prisoner.”

 

"He's not a Sith!"

 

“Who are you to him?” Maz demands as her sword streaks a yellow blur.  “He gives you the family sword.  You help him betray the Resistance. Why?  State your allegiance!”

 

Is she asking about Dantooine?  Rey denies any involvement.  “I had nothing to do with what happened at the base!  I didn’t know he would do that!”  Rey leaps back and nearly loses her footing again.

 

“Then you are a naïve girl.  A trusting fool.  He killed his father, he killed his mother, he killed his uncle, he killed his Master.  How long, Rey, until he kills you?” Maz plants seeds of doubt.  “Perhaps soon, eh?  Now that he has used you to locate and destroy the Resistance, your utility may be through.”

 

“You’re wrong.”  At least Rey thinks Maz is wrong.  She really hopes Maz is wrong.  But part of her worries that Maz is right and she too has been manipulated by Ben.

 

Maz comes at Rey again from the left and it’s too fast.  Swaying to avoid the yellow sword tip, Rey crashes hard into a table.  She rights herself just in time to leap back out of range.  She is careening now without any real balance.   Sure enough, she goes down, crashing over a chair in the process.  It dislodges her sword from her grip.  The saber rolls away out of reach.

 

Rey skitters back and grabs for her weapon with the Force.  But she’s not fast enough.  Rey finds herself staring at the yellow saber posed at her throat.

 

“You are beaten!  Now, answer me truthfully.  What are you to Ren?” Maz demands.  “Are you his Apprentice?  Are you one of his knights?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then, what are you?  Are you his lover?” Maz sneers as she moves the threatening blade closer.

 

Rey sighs as she admits unhappily, “I’m his wife.”  For better or for worse, she is married to Kylo Ren. 

 

“Wife??” Maz hisses.  “You fool!  There are no happy endings on the Dark Side!”  And thinking now of the images she saw of Dantooine, Rey fears Maz is right.

 

The tavernkeeper looks resigned and purposeful now as she repositions her weapon.  “I will not allow the oppression of the Sith to continue.  Rey, I am doing this for your own good.  For the good of us all!”

 

Seeing the killing blow coming, Rey makes a last desperate grab in the Force for her saber.  The Force comes through.  The blue Skywalker blade flies into her grip in a blur to ignite just in time to block Maz’s stroke.

 

“NO!” An unfamiliar man’s voice yells from across the room.  “Stop!” 

 

Rey ignores the intervener.   The yellow blade locks with the blue blade now.  It is a contest of strength in the Force as Maz leans into her dominant position above Rey sprawled on the floor.  The two swords emit sparks as they clash.  Rey struggles to keep her focus.  As always, she is determined to survive. 

 

This time, Rey has a stranger for her champion.  “Let her go, Jedi, and I will spare you!” the man’s voice yells now.  Rey instinctively looks towards the sound for a quick glance but she can’t place the speaker.  “Let her go and I will spare you!” the voice offers again.

 

“You’re next, kid!” Maz snaps back. 

 

Again, Rey scans the crowd quickly.  That means her head is turned as a flashing red blur spins end over end in a deadly arc.  It finds its mark.  The third saber neatly cleaves Maz Kanata in two and then deactivates as it bounces hard off a table.  It returns to its user’s hand with the help of the Force. 

 

Never slow on the uptake, Rey rolls away to safety and leaps to her feet.  She raises her own sword as she assesses the new threat.

 

It’s a ruddy faced, slightly built young man with a shock of red hair.  He’s about her age, if that, Rey judges.  He’s wearing nondescript clothes and he like everyone else at the cantina has a blaster strapped to his side.  None of that is remarkable.  But the lightsaber hilt in his left hand is. 

 

Rey watches the youth walk over to inspect his handiwork.  He moves with an easy swagger far beyond his years.  Looking satisfied down at the gruesome corpse, the kid announces grimly, “Meet the Force, Jedi.”

 

"Thanks,” Rey reacts warily.  She keeps her own sword lit and ready for defense.  She knows from Jakku that the enemy of your enemy is not always your friend. 

 

The stranger nods and passes judgement.  "That heathen was a relic of the past.  Master Snoke tolerated her.  But Master Ben will not."  He frowns now at Rey’s sword.  “Put away your weapon.  I mean you no harm, my lady.”

 

Rey keeps her saber lit.  She’s no fool.  “Who are you?” she demands.  If this is one of Ben’s knights, he is out of uniform.

 

“Percival,” the kid responds.  “We met at Mustafar awhile back.  Well, sort of met,” he backtracks.  “I was there, you were there.”

 

“You’re a knight?” 

 

“Yes.  Sir Percival Ren, Seventh Knight of Ren.”  

 

Percival . . . this must be the one Ben calls Percy, Rey thinks.  Standing before her now is the grown-up version of the young boy who had knelt to swear allegiance to Snoke with a teddy bear in his hand.  Looking at the smoking mess of the cantina proprietress on the floor, Rey thinks this guy’s teddy bear days are long gone.  He might look young, but he casts an experienced eye around the room.  He tells Rey under his breath, “Let’s get out of here before this place becomes a full-fledged bar fight.”

 

Looking around at the crowded bar, Rey sees that many of the patrons are on their feet with blasters drawn.  Rey perceives for the first time the precariousness of their situation.   Only their ancient, intimidating weapons and the vicious fight have kept the onlookers from taking a shot in retaliation for Maz’s death.  

 

“Yeah,” Rey breathes out, still panting from the exertion of the fight and the adrenaline of the close call.  “I think it’s time to leave.”

 

“You go first, I’ll cover you,” Percy instructs.  “My ship is outside.  The yellow one.”  Rey nods and starts heading for the exit.  Once they are both outside the castle, they break into a run side-by-side.

 

“Which one?” she hollers.  There are two yellow ships.

 

“Over there.   In the third row,” Percy hollers back.  It’s a small commercial transport that has seen better days.  Hopefully, it flies better than it looks. 

 

They are up the ramp and into the cockpit fast.  Percy begins a quick, cold start on the engines as patrons emerge from the cantina to watch them leave.  A few random blaster shots bounce off the ship’s shielded hull as the repulsor-lifts activate and the craft lurches to break gravity. 

 

“Strap yourself in,” Percy commands.  “I’ll get us up and we’ll jump to lightspeed.  She’s fast.  We’ll get away.”

 

“No.”  Rey is not about to be a passive bystander in this escape.  “You fly.  I’ll do the jump.”  She starts poking at the navicomputer searching for coordinates for Coruscant.  For once, Rey is running towards an ugly emotional confrontation and not away from one.   But Ben Solo owes her an explanation and it had better be a good one. 

 

Luckily, no one appears to pursue them beyond those couple of mostly symbolic blaster shots.  By the time Percy gets them into orbit, Rey has programmed the jump to rendezvous with the _Finalizer_ in military airspace above Coruscant.  “Punch it!” she impatiently orders and the knight complies. 

 

As the inky black of space gives way to the undulating blue waves of hyperspace, Rey exhales a sigh of relief.  They are safe.  Rey turns now to the young knight at her side and again says, “Thanks.”  She means it sincerely.  But it comes out very curt in the stress of the moment.

 

He takes it as criticism.  “I would have intervened earlier but I worried I would break your concentration.  No one’s trained you on how to use that saber, have they?”

 

She shoots him a look.

 

“Hey, I just mean that you have way more Force than you have skills.” 

 

“Luke refused to train me.”

 

“That was good thing, trust me.”  Percy does his own assessment now.  His eyes search her troubled face.  He mistakes Rey’s emotional distress for physical injury.  “You’re hurt.” 

 

“I’m fine,” she snaps.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

He nods slowly.  “Good.  We’ve been looking for you.   When you didn’t show up at the studio on Coruscant, the Master got spooked.”

 

Rey looks away.  She doesn’t want to talk about Ben.  She doesn’t want to talk about anything with this guy.  So, she keeps her explanation short.  “My ship was disabled.  I got here on sublight engines.”

 

When she doesn’t elaborate, Percy decides, “The Force was with you.”

 

“Maybe.  But today, you were with me.”  Realizing how annoyed and ungrateful her tone is, Rey tries again, “Thanks for the save.”  She’d be dead if it weren’t for this guy.

 

The knight shrugs it off.  “Just doing my job.  The Ren have your back, my Lady.  We are loyal to you as we are to him.”

 

“Call me Rey.”  

 

“Got it,” he nods.  Percy settles back in his chair now and explains, “It was coincidence that I found you.  I’ve been watching Maz Kanata for months trying to figure her out.   We knew she was Force sensitive and Nestor suspected she was trained.  It was too coincidental when she turned up with Vader’s sword.”  Percy’s eyes dart to where the sword in question sticks out of Rey’s jacket.  “I see the Master gave it back to you.”

 

“Yeah.”  The less said about Ben the better right now.

 

Percy pulls Maz’s saber out from his tunic.  He must have taken it during their hasty exit.  He examines the smaller-than-average weapon thoughtfully.  “This is some old school stuff here,” he remarks as he hands the sword hilt to Rey for a look.  “You don’t see one of these every day.”

 

“What does the yellow mean?”

 

“Back in the day, the crystal colors usually indicated a Jedi’s role in the Order.  She must have been a temple guard in her youth.  They protected the Jedi archives and temples throughout the galaxy. They were also the internal Jedi enforcers.  The Order policed and disciplined themselves.”

 

“I’ve never heard of a yellow sword.”

 

“That’s probably because the temple guards were among the first to die in the Purge.  They were the first line of defense against the clones.  We think most of them became martyrs to give others time to escape Order 66.”  Percy thinks aloud now, “Maz Kanata was probably the last Jedi alive to have survived the Purge.” 

 

Whatever.  Rey really isn’t into the lore of the Force.  And she doesn’t want to talk about the distant past.  She’s worried about the here and now.  Rey hands back the weapon.  “Is Ben through killing people?” she demands.  “Tell me what’s really going on.”

 

Percy punts.  “I’ll let the Master fill you in when we arrive.”

 

But Rey refuses to be put off.  “Tell me what’s happening.”

 

The young knight must see her belligerent resolve because he backs down.  “Okay.  Those guys who tried to kill you on-air were a tipping point.  The Master lost patience after that.”  Percy shoots her a meaningful look.  “He’s not a patient guy.”

 

“He told me he was going to round up the extremists in the First Order and kill them.”

 

“He did.”

 

“In the bombing?”

 

“Officially, yes.  They died elsewhere first.”

 

“And when the Resistance claimed credit for the bombing, he had the excuse he needed to invade Dantooine?”

 

“Yes.  Although he would have done that anyway.”

 

“Because he can’t kill his own guys and let his stated enemies live?”

 

“Yes.”  Percy looks impressed.  “You figured it all out.”

 

“That wasn’t the plan!” Rey snaps.  Her voice is rising in pitch and volume as she takes out her frustration and grief on Percival Ren.  “Those were my friends he killed!  He knew that.   He even let that awful Hux guy crow about it as a great victory!”  Rey shakes her head.  “I can’t believe he did that . . . ”

 

Percy Ren remains even tempered in the face of her emotional outburst.  “Friends and foes are different when you’re a Skywalker.”  He says this gently and with a calm wisdom far beyond his years.  And while Rey of Jakku has seen a lot of bad shit in her young years, but it’s almost creepy how accepting this kid is about mass murder.

 

Rey shoots him a sideways look.  “I guess you think this is a good thing since you’re First Order?  You think the Resistance got what it deserved?”

 

Percy gives a non-answer.  “I’m a knight.  My loyalty is to my Master and to the Force.  We are above politics.”

 

“Yeah?  Well, I’m not!” Rey snaps.  “Those were my friends.  They did not deserve to die.”

 

Again, Percy Ren sounds gratingly wise and annoyingly chill.  “Dantooine was about power, not about justice.”

 

“Yeah?  Well, justice matters to me!”

 

He nods his approval.  “That’s your job, my Lady.  You’re his consort, right?   The lady of the Light who will help balance the Force.”

 

Rey’s narrows her eyes.  Then she rolls them.  All this prophecy stuff is cloying.  Plus, she resents the implications of his words.  “This is not my fault!”

 

“I’m not saying it is,” Percy answers.  “I’m saying that we’re all counting on you to balance his Darkness.”  He looks Rey over anew.  “You two are a lot alike actually.”

 

“It’s not my job to save Ben Solo,” she retorts.  “He can damn well man up and control himself better!  There are quite a few people I would like to murder, but you don’t see me doing that.”  Rey is appalled at the orgy of violence she witnessed on those newsfeed clips.  And if that was just the highlight reel, there must have been a great deal more.  What she saw looked like vintage First Order tactics.  Like nothing has changed even though the so-called First Order extremists are dead.  But maybe the problem is that the extremist in charge giving the orders is still the same Kylo Ren.

 

“The Force can be harsh.  Life is not fair,” Sir Percy says softly.  But Rey doesn’t need anyone to tell her that.  “Lady,” he begins again.   

 

She cuts him off.  “I want to be alone.  Leave me alone,” she orders as she stands to her feet.

 

Rey heads for the back of the small transport to find a spot to sit with her datapad.  And there for hours she watches and reads all about what happened on Dantooine.  From the facts of the invasion, to the varying reactions from around the galaxy, to the published text of General Hux’s speech.   Rey immerses herself in the awfulness of what transpired.

 

Everyone seems to accept that what happened at Dantooine was payback for the supposed Resistance bombing of the First Order headquarters on Coruscant.  Conventional wisdom holds that Emperor Ren had warned everyone that the violence had to end.  That this was a personal issue for which the young Emperor took a very public stand.  And so, when his wishes were ignored, his hand was forced.  He had to act.

 

Dantooine solidifies Kylo Ren’s image as a strongman leader.  But it adds a new and unexpected twist—that he is a reluctant despot.  For even among the pro-Republic press, people seem to agree that, at least in this case, the Resistance had it coming.  They were warned and only a fool defies Kylo Ren.  Perhaps there is some pragmatic wisdom there, Rey thinks.  But mostly, she detects what she has suspected all along—that even the pro-Republic worlds have little appetite for more war.  They might agree with the Resistance ideals, but they were never going to support its revolutionary goals.  Probably for fear of being the next Hosnia.  In this, Rey is proven right that there is more widespread willingness to reform the Imperial system than to overthrow it.  And that means the brutal actions today on Dantooine are met with wagging fingers and chiding words rather than with widespread condemnation.  All in all, the objections Rey reads are fairly tepid. 

 

The First Order viewpoint welcomes the slaughter, of course, and they cheer General Hux’s rousing speech.  Emperor Ren is now firmly back in the conservatives’ good graces after that questionable internet rant about peace.  After Dantooine, no one worries that Kylo Ren is about to reestablish the Republic.

 

Ironically, the murderer-in-chief Kylo Ren comes out looking better than ever.  For here is a man who wants to be a benevolent statesman, but he will spill blood if he is forced.  Because Kylo Ren will do what it takes to hold the galaxy together.  Too many have died on both sides to let things devolve into another civil war.  Yes, Rey judges, Dantooine is a political home run.  Ben even gets points for publicly doing his own dirty work and leading his own invasion.  The repeated comparisons to Darth Vader must surely please him, Rey thinks sourly.

 

This whole set-up turns out to be a political master stroke that correctly reads the prevailing mood of the galaxy.  The sequence of events is key.  The Emperor’s public on-air rant, followed by the Coruscant bombing, and then the invasion of the rebel base, establish a clear cause-and-effect timeline that everyone understands and believes.  All except Rey, that is.  For she knows the events are a very effective manipulation.  Seeing how Ben has maneuvered both sides has Rey fearing that she too is part of the ruse. 

 

Has she been fooled?

 

Has she been used?

 

It feels like she has.  Because Rey never signed up for this.  She thought they each were working to bridge the differences between their respective sides.  All along, the goal was peace, not slaughter.  Rey had known Ben’s intentions for the First Order hardliners.  She had not objected.  But that was because she thought it appropriate to defer to Ben on how to handle his internal enemies.  It didn't mean she was acquiescing to the same treatment for the Resistance.   And maybe that is why Ben never discussed any of this with her.  He knew she would argue against it, so Ben decided to beg forgiveness rather than ask permission. 

 

Well, Rey seethes, if he thinks that’s what ruling the galaxy together entails, then Ben is going to get a rude awakening.  Because Rey refuses to be railroaded like this.  She won’t be a party to these sorts of tactics. 

 

Moreover, Ben knows that what he did today was more than just political. It was deeply personal.  He knew how important Finn and Rose were to her.  He knew that but for their chance meeting, Rey would be back scavenging on Jakku having fled Ben’s exile.  Finn and Rose, for all their faults, were good people and they did not deserve their violent deaths.  At least, Rey consoles herself as she watches the clips over and over, her friends died instantly. 

 

Rey’s datapad is wet with tears by the time she has seen enough.  She stands now and heads for the cockpit.

 

“I was just going to check on you,” Percy tells her as he half turns in his pilot’s seat.  He takes in Rey’s expression, puffy eyes, and tearstained face.  “You alright, Lady?”

 

“Rey, my name is Rey,” she corrects sharply.  “I’m not your Lady.”

 

“Sorry.  I mean no disrespect.”

 

Rey ignores this apology.  “How long until we arrive?” she barks.

 

“About three hours,” Percy replies, glancing over at the navicomputer.  “Maybe a little less.”

 

Rey follows his eyes.  “Is this the fastest this bucket of bolts can go?  I thought you said this ship was fast.”

 

He nods.  “She is.”

 

“Then prove it.  Melt the fucking hyperdrive if you have to, but get me there.  Fast!” she orders, suddenly sounding very Kylo Ren.

 

“Okay, okay,” the knights switches to placating mode.  “I received word back from the Master.  He is very relieved that you are found.  You know the Master—he frets about these things.”

 

“He might not be so relieved when we get there,” Rey blusters.  She itching to confront Ben.  She is angry.  So, so angry about what he has done.  This was never how things were supposed to unfold.

 

Percy regards her with overt sympathy now.  “Look, the Master has a hard job and not everyone is going to like what he does.  Or even understand why he does it,” Percy adds.  “But it’s for the good in the long run.  Have faith,” he counsels.

 

“Stay out of this,” Rey growls.  She’s annoyed at the suggestion that anything a magical demigod Skywalker does is somehow okay because they know better than the rest of us little people pawns.  Just because the Force is with Ben doesn’t mean anything he does is right.  Rey is starting to think that, if Percy is any indication, then the Knights of Ren are Ben’s cult of personality.

 

“The Master needs our support,” young Percy tries again.  “Lady, he’s not like Luke.  The Master isn’t going to crack under the pressure of being the Chosen One.”

 

“This isn't about the Force!” Rey rages. 

 

“Yes, it is,” Percy responds with true piety.  “The Force is life, and life is the Force, my lady.”

 

“I’m not your lady!”  How many times does she have to tell this guy that?

 

Her comment confuses him.  “Well, you are the Empress, right?”

 

“We’ll see about that,” Rey retorts ominously as she stalks back to the rear of the ship.

 


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are worried about triggers, read the note at the end of the chapter first.

Rey is safe. Percy found her at that sketchy pirate queen’s hangout on Takodana. Of all the cantinas in all the systems in all the galaxy, she walks into Percy’s stakeout on Maz Kanata. What are the odds? But Kylo knows it isn’t luck, it’s the Force. Once again, it brings him and Rey back together again.

Percy’s first message is short and to the point. “The Empress is found and unharmed. The Old Republic Jedi Maz Kanata is dead. En route to Coruscant now.” The second message sent a few hours later is a warning. “Head’s up, Ben. Maybe she’s always this way, but she seems really ticked.”

Yeah, he knew that would be the case. But Rey needs to face up to the failure her strategy has been. The Resistance was not going to moderate from within. And once Kylo had been forced to move against the internal hardliners, he knew it meant he would have to move against the Resistance too. That was the political reality of the situation. He might have absolute power as Emperor of the galaxy, but that doesn’t mean he gets to do anything he wants. Far from it, actually. 

Hopefully, Rey will come around to seeing the upside of the current situation. They can be together from here on out. There is no need to sneak around or fear deadly repercussions from being discovered. Now, Rey can plot her public reveal as Empress with his media types. Kylo plans to let her do that any way she wants and in her own time. He has no wish to pressure Rey further. And if she needs to lick her wounds and grieve her friends first, that’s fine too. He will give her the space she needs. It will be enough that she is here and they are together. 

Kylo didn’t plan it this way, but suddenly it feels like his dreams are coming true. Like the Force is at work as destiny unfolds in important ways. Fate never occurs and when you expect it, he knows. Its nature is to be mysterious and capricious. That why a crazed vigilante who holds a gun to Rey’s head provokes him to publicly reveal his true plans for the future. That sets off Kylo’s vengeance against the First Order hardliners that he covers up with a bombing he gets to blame on the Resistance. Now, the rebels are finally gone and there are no more impediments between him and Rey. The year timeframe for the Senate probably still stands, but it’s no longer a reason to live apart from his wife. 

As the stress of the past two weeks falls away at the news of Rey’s imminent homecoming, Kylo starts to put it all in perspective. 

This is good. Really good, he thinks. 

This is where the fun begins. Now, they can begin their life together properly. With no more silly disguises and sneaking around. With no more separations devoid of all communication between rushed reunions. Instead, he will fall asleep next to Rey and kiss her awake in the morning. And when they are apart, he will know what she is doing and where. When he gets lonely during her absence, he can simply call her up on the comlink. It will be normal. Or as close to normal as you get for a Skywalker Emperor and his Jakku Empress. How did his grandparents live like this for years? Kylo could barely stand a few months. Good riddance to all that.

Kylo presents himself in the busy Finalizer hangar bay to meet the incoming ship. Percy comes down the transport ramp first, hefting his duffle bag and wearing cheap, bedraggled clothes from his time incognito on Takodana. No one is fooled by the young kid in civilian attire flying the crappy ship with faded corporate markings. Because bouncing on Percy’s hip is his distinctive lightsaber. The Seventh Knight drops his bag and takes a knee in the traditional Dark Side gesture of obeisance. “Master,” he bows his head.

“Rise, Percival,” Kylo matches his knight’s grave tone and demeanor. But he flashes a rare smile as the youngest knight stands to his feet. “Well done. I am indebted to you.”

Percy smiles back. Then he regains his sober posture. “I do your bidding, Master. Lady Rey says she is unharmed, but perhaps you can convince her to get scanned at the infirmary. The fight was pretty vicious.”

The lady in question walks down the ramp. Or rather, limps. In the hours en route to Coruscant, the aches and pains of Rey’s rough and tumble brawl with Maz have set in. Rey is moving stiffly and Kylo notices the singe marks on the shoulder of her Resistance jacket. The fight with the secret Jedi on Takodana was clearly a close thing. 

Kylo walks forward to greet her. “Rey,” he begins, moving in for an embrace despite all their onlookers. 

But she shies away. “Don’t.”

He looks her over critically. Waves of pain radiate off Rey in the Force. “You’re hurt. Come, let’s get you checked out.”

Percy is nodding furiously at this, no doubt hoping to move them to a more private place. “You really ought to go for a quick scan and some bacta patches,” he encourages Rey. “You’ll feel much better.”

“I’m fine!” Rey hisses out the universal reply all women use when they are upset and unwilling to acknowledge it. Kylo remembers his mother saying that. Yep . . . she’s pissed.

“Okay,” he says softly. “Let me dismiss these guys and we’ll talk in my quarters.” Kylo walks back to Percy. “Nestor’s here. Go find him and debrief.” 

“Yes, Master.”

Then Kylo turns to his praetorians and troopers. He’s about to send them away when he hears the sound of a saber igniting. 

He whirls. 

It’s Rey holding the blue Skywalker sword. The sword that contains the crystal that they split but he mended. And really? Really?? They are back to Rey pulling a sword on him every time they meet? He thought they were past all this posturing drama.

Kylo exchanges glances with Percy who gives him a helpless ‘I told you so’ look. The praetorians behind Percy don’t even bother to brandish their weapons, Kylo notices. These are the same guys who watched his pretend fight with Rey weeks ago. They know that she is the missus and he won’t want them to interfere with this latest juicy domestic disturbance. 

Kylo sighs as he regards Rey. “You have my attention,” he says quietly. “There is no need for a weapon.”

“We talk here. Now,” Rey bargains. 

Feeling magnanimous, Kylo nods his agreement. “As you wish.” He’s determined not to get drawn into an argument with Rey. He’d prefer she vented in private but he won’t argue about the location. Here is fine. 

“Why?” she asks, keeping her sword lit but held down. Holding the weapon must be a crutch that helps Rey feel powerful. Brandishing her staff must have helped the puny scavenger look and feel more menacing on Jakku. “Why did you invade Dantooine without consulting me?” Rey demands.

“There was no time to discuss it in committee. I needed to act swiftly and decisively.”

“You murdered the entire Resistance!” 

Kylo accepts the blame coolly. “Those were enemy combatants who took up arms against my government and plotted to overthrow me. I gave them no quarter like I gave no quarter at Crait.” He looks her in the eye. “Rey, every person there knew the risks.”

“We were working towards peace. Peace was the goal, not slaughter!” she rages. Rey shoots him a look of contempt. “You’re not a leader, you’re a butcher!”

That comment gets under his skin. It makes him defensive. “There was no compromise in the traitor! You know that. You sat on the rebel council! How many times did you bemoan that they wouldn’t listen to you? That they were hellbent on their strategy of terrorism? The Resistance had to go just like the extremists on my side had to go.” And fuck, did he just say that last bit out loud in the hangar bay? He did. Well, whatever. Everyone was bound to figure it out anyway. 

“Killing everyone was never the plan!” she hisses. “We were supposed to sway their hearts and minds. We were going to bring peace through unity, not through more violence,” she wails. Then she glares up at him and jeers. “Are you sure you’re not a Sith? Because this move was very Darth Ren!”

Kylo takes a deep breath. Don't get mad, he tells himself. Let her vent. Let her take out her grief and anger on you. 

He strives to sound calm and reasonable. "I didn't do this to hurt you. I did it because I had to. There was no easy solution to this problem." She knows that. He tried it Rey’s way and now it was time for his solution. 

Rey just glowers at him and raises an eyebrow silently. 

So, he tries again. “You know that this was not my preferred way to deal with the Resistance. But it’s over and done with.” She is too emotionally invested in the situation to be objective. Because what was he supposed to do? Imprison his enemies in an attempt to rehabilitate them? Not gonna happen. You can't pull the crap FN-2187 did and expect a slap on the wrist.

Kylo steps closer now, deliberately ignoring when Rey takes two automatic steps back and then a third for good measure. “Take the time you need to mourn your friends. But accept it and move on. You and I have a lot of work to do.” They have an Empire to build and the Force to balance. 

Rey lifts her sword now and points it at him. Staring him down over its buzzing blade, she accuses, “You used me! You took advantage of the situation and turned it to serve your goals. Those crazy guys who tried to kill me were a very convenient excuse for you to clean house of all of your enemies.” 

He does not deny it. Instead, he goes on the offensive about the sword. “Turn that off! I will not fight you, Rey. Now, let’s talk this out in private.” Not the hangar bay where all work has stopped as everyone watches the juicy drama between the Emperor and his pretend rebel sister. No doubt everyone is hoping for a repeat of their faux fight since Rey has her sword lit. “Come,” he offers his hand. 

“Oh, no, I’m not going to your quarters. If you think I’m going to sleep with you—“

“You’re from Jakku!” he overrides her. “Stop pretending you don’t know all about violence. You’re not squeamish and you understand a show of force. So let’s drop all this whining about your rebel friends.” And wait, that came out wrong. But really, those guys had been living on borrowed time since Crait. 

“I needed more time! I thought I had more time! But then you swooped in to kill everyone!”

“You had already given up,” he points out. “The rebels kicked you off their council and you left them. So stop pretending that you were still trying to influence them when the operation went down.”

“I was coming here to talk strategy with you!” she argues back. “I thought we could decide our next move together. But you unilaterally decided to invade.”

“I am the Emperor! I can unilaterally decide anything,” he proclaims. 

“That,” she hisses, “is not the attitude that will bring unity or peace!”

“The Force is with me.” He says this like a warning. And, in a way it is, for the Force can be a wrathful god. “I am becoming more powerful than anyone has ever dreamed of, and I'm doing it for you. To protect you! I can’t have us living apart on opposite sides of the war with everyone thinking you are my foe. Those two crazies at the studio were just the beginning, Rey. With the Resistance gone now, there is no reason we can’t live together.”

“No,” she shakes her head and narrows her eyes. “You don’t get to blame this on me. You didn’t do this to protect me. You did it for yourself. To placate your conservative base after you killed the hardliners.”

Kylo sidesteps that argument. The less said openly about that, the better. “We will rule the galaxy and rule the Force, just like we planned. There will be no one to stop us now.”

“Because you have killed them all!”

“Oh, don’t fool yourself,” he condescends. “There are many more enemies out there. I showed remarkable forbearance, Rey. I killed less than two hundred at the Resistance and maybe fifty in all here. That’s a paltry sum next to Snoke’s death toll at Hosnia. So don’t accuse me of slaughter!” That butcher comment had stung. “I did what I had to do and I would do it again.”

“I hate that you are proud of this!” she sneers. 

He’s getting drawn into this fight despite his best intentions. So Kylo tries to take things down a notch. “Now, we can rule from the middle. We can make things the way we want them to be. This is an opportunity, Rey.”

“Did you tell Finn?” she chokes out. 

“He died honorably.”

“He died on his knees!” she wails. And now, the tears start to fall. “Did you rip into his head? I saw the blood coming from his nose.”

Do they really have to get into these details? With a sigh, Kylo recounts, “He was executed by the Emperor himself. That’s more than FN-2187 would have merited as an AWOL turncoat. If Phasma was still around, she would have hung him.”

“Did you tell him that we are married?” Rey asks anxiously. 

“Yes.”

“So he died thinking that I betrayed him??” Fresh tears are flowing now. 

“You did betray him,” Kylo states the brutal truth. 

“But I did it for peace! He didn’t know that.” Rey looks so stricken now. “I did it for peace . . . ”

All the crew within earshot are hanging on their every word. Does Rey even realize she has just outed herself as the Empress and not his crazy revolutionary sister? 

“I told him the truth. And the truth hurts some times.”

“He didn’t deserve that.” She sniffs and wipes at her eyes with her free hand. “Why did you do that? You made it even worse for him!”

And, yeah, it’s true that he had enjoyed twisting the knife in the traitor’s heart. FN-2187 had that dashing heroic streak like Luke Skywalker and Han Solo had in their youth. All that proud, charismatic confidence had grated on Kylo because he’s never had that himself. And so, Kylo wanted to take the traitor down a peg before he died. To strike a blow for the awkward, unsure, intense, quiet types everywhere. It had been personal with the traitor for more reasons than just Rey. Kylo would never admit it, but he was incessantly jealous of that guy.

“I hate you for telling him we are married!”

She hates him? That’s just her anger and grief talking, he knows. But it frustrates him. Rey needs to let the past die, including Finn and the rest of the Resistance. “Let go! Stop hanging on! He’s dead. Don’t make him into some tragedy like you did your parents.” And wait, that may have been a little harsh. 

“I know some of the worst of you, but I never thought you would go this far.”

“This whole ruse was your idea! Did you forget that? Finn and Rose don’t get a pardon for leading an armed revolt because they are friends with the Empress. Cronyism isn’t how my Empire works. This isn’t the corrupt Old Republic. Things will be transparent and fair under my rule.”

“Those are bold goals for a man who just faked the deaths of his right-wing political opponents.”

He lowers his chin and grits his teeth to keep from getting more worked up. He tamps down his anger again as he feels his shoulders heaving. That’s never a good sign. 

“I will do what I must,” he vows. “All along, I have told you and everyone else that I refuse to let the galaxy fall back into civil war. We have a chance now to bolster the middle. To unify the galaxy around common values. We need a moderate, middle class majority and a safe and secure Empire. You’ll see—that’s how we will balance things.” 

“Killing people on both sides is not balance!”

For a change, she’s the emotional mess and he’s the detached one sizing things up strategically. And that helps Kylo keep up the strangle hold on his temper now. “In a way, this is no different from ending the Jedi and the Sith. Now turn the sword off, Rey. We are allies, not enemies. We are destiny.”

She scoffs at this. “Destiny does not mean you get to do what you want and I will sit passively by your side. I’m not your little woman to smile and nod for the cameras while you decide things.”

“That’s not what I want, and you know it,” he complains. Rey isn’t the sweet, accommodating type. Far from it. She’s more like the challenging, high-maintenance-but-thinks-she’s-no-maintenance type. But whatever, she’s perfect for him and the Force agrees. 

But enough with the sword already. “Turn that off. I don’t want every disagreement with you involve a sword. If you and I can’t argue without killing each other, then how can we expect the galaxy to do so?”

“You knew I didn’t want this and you did it anyway. You didn’t give me enough time!” she whines. 

“I was prepared to give you a year, remember? But those crazies in the holonet studio changed things. Come, we can talk more in private. We’ve given everyone enough of a show. Come cry it out on my shoulder, Rey.”

“You say all the right things but you don’t do them in practice. You say you want balance but you’re as Dark as you ever were, Kylo.”

“Don’t call me that—”

“Why? It’s who you are!” she accuses. “You might not realize it, but I do now. I was a fool to think otherwise. I feel the good in you, I really do. I even see it when we are together. But maybe it’s only reserved for me and a handful of others. You’re Light with a select few and Dark with everyone else. That’s not balance.” 

Her voice is bitter and resigned in a way that suddenly has him worried this more than just a loud row in public. His Force attuned senses are now on alert and that’s never a good thing. So, he tries again to be conciliatory.  
“You’re upset. When you calm down, we can talk some more.”

“Stop doing that!”

“Doing what?”

“Acting like I’m a child or a hysterical woman! Stop marginalizing how I feel and what I say!”

She is a hysterical woman right now. Ranting and raving with a sword in her hand and tears running down her cheeks. “Fine.” He holds out his hand. “Come. You can yell at me more in private. I’ll listen to all of it, I promise.”

She shakes her head. “It was always going to end like this wasn’t it?”

“We knew your plan to moderate the Resistance was a long shot. You gave it a good try, Rey.”

“I’m not talking about the Resistance!” she snaps back, very annoyed. “You haven’t listened to anything I’ve said.”

“What?”

“I’m talking about us!”

“Us? What?” What the fuck?

”It’s over.” Rey reaches into her shirt collar and fishes out her blue kyber pendant. She gives it a hard yank. And then a second. On the third try, the chain gives way and breaks. Collecting the little trinket in her hand she lobs it at his feet. “Here. Take it back,” she says with awful finality. “In fact, take this too.” Rey deactivates the blue Skywalker sword and tosses it down as well. “It belongs to you. You’re the Skywalker, not me. Not anymore.”

Kylo is aghast. He stares open mouthed. He hadn’t expected that. 

The Force is swirling around them both now. Its invisible currents are running high with a dangerous undertow riptide. Warning him. Warning her. For they can sense the power that binds the universe together in a way few others can. And right now, it is portending danger and imminent change. It’s a feeling like no other. It creates butterflies in his stomach and causes his hands tremble. For make the wrong choice now and destiny rearranges itself to spite him. And then, he’s forever fucked. The Force can be fickle with its favorites.

Frozen in the moment, all Kylo can think is that he can’t let her go. The Force put them together and they don’t get to break up. Not now. Not ever. 

Percy Ren who, like everyone else has stood by as a silent bystander, now speaks up. “Master,” he intercedes. “Let me take her to Mustafar for a few days—“

“No!” she objects. “I hate your creepy castle. It feels weird in the Force and I won’t be your prisoner wife!”

What? Prisoner? He doesn’t want that. He never wanted that. Where is she getting this stuff?

“Your place is here. With me!” he decrees, sounding very much the irate husband despot. But then he ruins it by adding, “Please.”

“If you think I’m going to be complicit with more of your manipulations, you’re a fool, Kylo—“

“Don’t call me that!” When she rolls her eyes in response, he finally loses it. “Don't you turn against me!” he warns. “Don’t take this too far.”

“I didn’t sign up for this. I won’t be a part of this. You can rule the galaxy. You can rule the Force. But you’re going to rule it alone. You’ll be just like Vader now, for sure,” she gloats and it’s ugly. Very ugly. And not at all like Rey. 

He’s a speechless for a moment, in fact. Rey must be done now because she turns and trudges stiffly and slowly towards the transport ramp. She must be planning to steal Percy’s ship and make a run for it. 

“Where are you going?”

Rey doesn’t stop her slow progress as she calls over her shoulder, “Wherever the Hell I want. Wherever there are free people who value life and justice.”

“Don’t you dare walk out on me!” He’s feeling panicky now as the Force buffets his mind. He should do something to stop her. But what? “We’re not done yet. This isn’t over—“

“It is for me.”

Fuck! Is she doing this? She’s really doing this. She’s leaving him. “We are on the brink of greatness!” he hollers out his extreme consternation now. He’s through sucking up his anger. He gives it full vent. “We almost have it all and this is how you act? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised because this is so you,” he rants. His voice drips with sarcasm. “Running away again, like always. Should I send a shuttle to pick you up at your AT-AT in a few days when you have cooled off? Maybe a few days of being a hobo trashpicker again will do you some good. Maybe then you’ll recognize what an opportunity it is to be my Empress, you scavenger bitch!”

“Fuck you, Kylo.”

“That’s not my name,” he growls. “And this is very childish of you,” he points out, ignoring the fact that he is the one name calling now. 

And what is he supposed to do? This is like some slow-motion speeder wreck video as he watches Rey’s painful looking movements. She’s at the bottom of the ramp. Seconds from now, she’ll be inside and taking off. Maybe gone from him forever like he feared for these past ten days. It all had a happy ending, he thought until now. But just the thought of living the rest of his life like he has these past days has him frantic. 

“Stop! You don’t get to leave me!” Kylo freezes her in the Force. It’s the only thing he can think of doing in the moment. 

But she breaks out easily and doggedly starts heading up the ramp. 

“Rey, I’m warning you to stop. Stop now.” He freezes her again and digs in. Hard. 

But again, she breaks out. She’s at the top of the ramp and reaching to retract it and close the hatch when he decides to scare her straight. He summons the Force and reaches out a hand and chokes her. Just a little.  
It stalls her progress as she stumbles. 

He starts forward to intercept her. She’s resisting now. And, mindful of how easily she evaded his Force freeze, Kylo clamps down especially hard. 

Rey is gasping as she half staggers, half tumbles down the ramp back into the hangar bay.

“Let her go. Master, let her go!” It’s Percy sounding very alarmed. 

But Kylo isn’t giving up. For once in this confrontation, he has the upper hand and he wants to make his point. He’s not about to be held hostage by the emotional whims of this woman’s tears. That’s no way to govern an Empire. You think through problems and make rational decisions and try to apply standards evenly so people understand. The terrorist hardliners die and the Resistance hardliners die. The message is that extremism and violence will not be tolerated on either side. What’s so wrong about that? 

“Let her go! We need her! Master, you need her!” Percy argues loudly. “Stop or you’ll kill her!”

Nah. Her eyes aren’t bulging. The eyes always bulge right before his victim dies. Still, he doesn’t want to overplay his hand. She is his wife after all, even if right now she’s a bitchy train wreck. “Had enough, Rey?” Kylo gibes. Apparently, not. She’s still fighting him in the Force. 

“Let go—she’s dying!” Percy has given up all pretense of a respectful, deferential tone. He outright hollers now, “Don’t be like Luke and squander your chance! This is a mistake! Powerful Darkness needs powerful Light!”

Kylo feels Rey give up resisting. Yes, that’s enough. He’s proven his point. He instantly releases her. 

Rey collapses. She slumps in a sprawl without catching herself. He watches as she falls hard.

His face a scowl, Kylo stalks the few paces over to crouch beside her. “Babe, don’t do that again. I never want to hurt you.” He rolls Rey over and shakes her slightly. “Hey, let’s go. I’ll help you up.”

Rey’s eyes are closed. Fuck. She’s unconscious. He overdid it. A lot. 

Percy has run up. He looks down. “Oh, no.”

Fuck. She’s dead. He should have known better. This is Rey the determined survivor. Of course, she had resisted him until the end. With his heart in his throat, Kylo spits out the awful truth. “She’s dead.”

“No. She’s alive. I felt it.” Percy’s worried eyes meet his. “But just barely.”

Fuck. “What have I done?” Kylo rasps.

As he looks down in horror, the Seventh Knight takes charge. “Get a medical capsule. We need to get her to the medics fast.” Those orders kick off a flurry of activity that gets Rey to the nearby infirmary. Fortunately, on a warship the medics are just off the main hangar bay to attend to incoming battle casualties. Rey is recognized thanks to all the time she spent here at his mother’s bedside. The staff calls her Lady Ren and that’s probably the right honorific, but for a different reason than they perceive. 

An hour later, Kylo stands outside the treatment room where Rey lays unconscious on a table while surgical droids inject bacta directly into the two fractured vertebrae in her neck. The size of the needle is not for the squeamish. Kylo watches silently from the adjacent room observing through a large window. 

He screwed up. Big time. Can they come back from this? He doesn’t know. Probably not. Rey was mad enough to leave him over the rebels. But add nearly killing her into the mix and their future looks bleak. His last-ditch effort to keep Rey with him will have the ironic effect of driving her away. 

Percy stands beside him, still in his grubby civilian garb. The kid feels responsible for Rey, Kylo knows. He shouldn’t. But he does. Earnest Percy always wants to do the right thing. He’s a fixer by nature, taking it upon himself to right the wrongs of the universe. In a different time, he would have made a heroic Jedi Knight for he is the most Light of the Ren. That has very little to do with his youth, for Percy is experienced in war. It’s just who the kid is. 

Into the silent, tense room walks Nestor Ren. “Hux said I’d find you here. Is she okay?” The First Knight glances through the window at Rey. She’s wearing a white medical gown that reveals a lightsaber burn on her shoulder where Maz Kanata landed a glancing blow. There is a similar blister mark on the back of Rey’s hand. Those wounds are easily healed and superficial. They are also far less lurid than the mass of blue-purple bruises around her throat. Luckily, Rey’s eyelids are closed to hide where the whites of her eyes are now blood red from blood vessels that had burst during his Force choke. 

The surgical droid now produces another long needle to insert into Rey’s neck. Nestor makes a cringing face as he asks again, “Is she okay?”

When Kylo doesn’t respond, Percy speaks up. “She’ll be fine in a few days. She’s got a broken neck.”

Nestor’s eyes widen. “Ouch. Little Maz Kanata did that? Must’ve been some Force push.” Nestor turns to Percy. “Who started the fight?”

“Maz did. She accused Rey of betraying the Resistance. Old Maz was Jedi until the end. Slaying Sith, or so she thought.”

Nestor nods. “Did you take care of her or did Rey get the kill?”

“I got her.”

Nestor grunts his approval. “That old dame lived way past her time.” He glances through the window again. “Poor Rey. Looks like Maz really worked her over. Rey has had a bad couple of weeks now with people trying to kill her. But at least she’s safe. No one will harm her here.”

Kylo declines to comment.

Nestor claps Percy on the back. “Nice work, kid. Looks like you saved her life.”

“He did,” Kylo speaks up. Twice, actually.

The surgical droids are done now. The supervising medic officer now exits the treatment room to make her report. “Sir, the procedure was a success. We will keep her sedated while the bacta takes effect. The cracked vertebrae are our main concern, although there is very low risk for paralysis. The superficial burns will heal with a bacta patch. She also has a lot of bruising on her torso and her neck that will fade in a few days. The bruised rib should heal completely as well. But if we do not see fast recovery progress, we may suggest a bacta bath. Luckily, the patient appears to have no permanent brain damage from lack of oxygen.”

Kylo nods silently. 

“It is fortunate that she was here for immediate treatment where the asphyxiation occurred. Otherwise, she might not have survived. Rest assured, Sir, your sister will make a full recovery in about five days’ time.”

Kylo nods again and the medic excuses herself.

Nestor turns back to peer through the window at Rey. “The injury occurred here. So Maz Kanata didn’t do this,” he observes. “Or not all of it,” he corrects himself. The First Knight now turns to face Kylo. “Who did this, Master?” he asks quietly. 

Percy shakes his head to warn Nestor off the topic but the big knight ignores him. Nestor wants an answer. “Who did this, Ben? Who choked her?”

“I did.”

“Why?” Nestor quietly persists. The full force of Snoke’s blue lightning has nothing on the reproachful expression the Second Knight wears now. Kylo might be the Master of the Knights of Ren, but his right-hand man is calling him to account nonetheless. 

Why did he choke Rey? Because she was leaving him. Again. It was hard enough to handle Rey running out on him the first time. But today had been so much worse. He and Rey mean a lot more to each other now than they did after those few weeks after Crait. Kyo had pushed hard for their marriage commitment as a failsafe against what happened today. But still . . . Rey had wanted to leave again. Because after all that they have been through together, and after all that they have shared, the dead traitor and the rest of her rebel friends mean more to Rey than her husband does. 

It is humiliating. Humbling too. She really let him down. And then . . . he let them both down by how he handled it. His means are always a bit too Dark, he knows. Kylo is so used to violence that it is an impulse he gives into almost automatically when strong emotion is involved. And, really, that’s the only answer he can give to explain things.

“I was angry. She confronted me over Dantooine and we had words,” he tells Nestor.

“So you decided to choke her?”

“Rey did pull a sword,” Percy offers up a lame excuse when Kylo has no reply. “She lit the sword but then threw it down.”

“And he choked her anyway?”

Kylo looks away. Percy frowns and mumbles, “Yes.” 

“Well, that was a dumbass move,” Nestor informs him bluntly as Percy nervously shifts his weight. “She’s the Empress and your wife. You don’t get to kill her. I don’t care how mad she makes you.”

“Drop it,” Percy inserts himself, glancing warily at Kylo. “The Master feels bad enough. There’s no need to pile on.”

The big knight disagrees. “We have not worked this hard and come this close to achieving it all for Ben to throw it away because he gets pissed! Enough people have died already. We owe it to the galaxy and all those lost souls to get it right!” Nestor wags a finger at him angrily. “You kill Rey and you can kiss balance goodbye.”

“Nestor—“

“No! He needs to hear this. This isn’t just about you, Ben. You kill her or drive her away and you Skywalkers blow it again for another generation. And then, the rest of us suffer. The Force sent her to you for a reason! To push back on you as the champion of the Light. She’s supposed to give you grief now and then when you get too Sith—that’s her job. So stop thinking you can kill her when she argues back. She’s playing the role she’s supposed to play. And you, as the Chosen One, ought to know that.”

“That’s enough,“ Percy tries again. 

Nestor ignores him. “Careful, Ben. You lose her and it will be your undoing. It will all fall apart, mark my words. The Force will strike back at you if you veer too Dark. It will intervene to create a new path back to balance that bypasses you. And then, you and the rest of us are fucked!” Nestor is fuming now. “You know the history better than anyone! The Force deserted your grandfather and his Empire fell prey to the next generation. Then, it deserted Luke and your mother when they bungled things. If the Force deserts you, what happens next? Besides another dead Skywalker in the history books, I mean.”

“Your point is made,” Percy rebukes Nestor. “If the Master still wanted to kill Rey, we wouldn’t be standing here discussing this now. Look, it was a mistake. We’re moving on now.”

“Are we?” Nestor raises an eyebrow at him.

“Yes. Are you done?” Kylo folds his arms over his chest. 

“Yes, Master.” Nestor reverts to his usual deference now. “Did you listen?” 

“Yes.”

“Good. Because I’m going to give Rey a version of that speech too when she wakes up.” 

“Tough love might be a lost cause,” Kylo sighs. “She’s leaving me now for sure.” The words come out as awkward and embarrassing as he fears.

Nestor is having none of it. “So, fix it. Be prepared to grovel, Ben. Like when Snoke was mad at you.” He tries to lighten the mood now. “Hey, at least there won’t be lighting involved with Rey.”

“I don’t know,” Percy thinks aloud. “You didn’t see her earlier. Rey is fully capable of lightning and she has no fear.”

It’s true. Kylo reminisces now in a subdued voice, “She’s never been afraid of me. She always says what she thinks.” First as enemies, then as friends, later as lovers, he and Rey have always been honest with one another. Sometimes brutally so. 

“That’s the way it should be,” Nestor points out. “As your consort, she’s supposed to be your equal in the Force. She ought to be a strong influence on you.”

Kylo nods to this wisdom. But it’s a little too late.

Nestor now makes a tactical withdrawal. He leans down to grab for Percy’s duffel bag of belongings. “Come on, kid. Let’s go commandeer you some quarters. You’re out of uniform in this spit and polish joint. If Hux sees you, he’ll howl. Plus, I want to hear all about that fight with Maz.” Nestor nods to him. “We’re here if you need us, Master.” Then, the two knights leave him alone to brood. They know him well.

Everything Nestor said is correct, as usual. The muscle bound Second Knight might appear physically intimidating but Nestor’s best talent is his brain. He is very insightful. And rarely is Nestor as confrontational as he was tonight. That in itself makes an impression on Kylo.

Situations like this, he knows, are the drama of being a Skywalker. His is a clan in which every family squabble leads to crossed swords and civil war. For the personal is always political for the Chosen Ones. Light or Dark, Jedi or Sith . . . their bad choices, their broken relationships, and their character flaws shape history. Yes, he and Rey are an ordinary couple on some basic level. Just another man and woman trying to love one another against a backdrop of constant conflict and rapid change. But they are also instruments of the Force, archetypes of Light and Dark, and leaders for a new Empire. Nestor is right that they have to get their shit together for the greater good. No less than the galaxy itself hangs in the balance. 

But, truthfully, when Kylo goes groveling to Rey tomorrow it won’t be about the galaxy or the Force. It will be about what he wants and needs as a person. It’s frustrating how little that matters when you’re a Skywalker. He never set out to rule the galaxy but it inevitably happened anyway. Years later, Ben Solo, the accidental Emperor, is arguably the most successful Skywalker of all at least on paper. But the Empire . . . the Force . . . it’s not enough. Not without Rey. And truthfully, that’s why he had panicked earlier and choked her. Because suddenly Kylo had feared that he would be alone and he would fail. He would live out a bleak future combining the lonely suffering of Anakin Skywalker with the squandered promise of Luke Skywalker. He would come the closest of any Chosen One to balancing the Force. But then, he would crater and the chance would be lost.

Maybe he has already cratered. Maybe today choking Rey means his chance is lost. Only time will tell. 

He hadn’t meant to kill her. He just wanted to scare her. To make his point with actions because words had failed him. He couldn’t bear to be rejected by the girl he loves. He couldn’t face someone he trusts walking out on him again. He had warned Rey about that. But she did it anyway. 

He looks over at Rey laying bruised and sedated on the gurney in the next room. He hates that he did that to her. This is not the joyful reunion he had been expecting. He had been so relieved and excited when Percy’s first message came through. “I’m sorry, Rey,” he says the words aloud even though she cannot hear. He hopes she believes him tomorrow when she’s awake. “I’m sorry.” He’s never meant anything more in his whole life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is violence in this chapter, but nothing too graphic. I've definitely written worse. But heads up for ugly words and ugly deeds, so read at your own risk. Not all relationships are healthy. And sometimes even healthy relationships have their moments.


	49. Chapter 49

Rey wakes up alone in the _Finalizer_ infirmary in the small private room where she spent so many hours sitting with the dying Leia Organa.  Instantly, she knows where she is.  But why is she here? 

 

Oh, yes.  She remembers.  Rey instinctively reaches for her throat.  She can’t feel it.  Her whole throat is numb and covered by a neck brace.  She must be injured.  And, from the terrifying memory of what happened, she’s not surprised.

 

There are voices nearby.  Raised voices arguing about her.  One is Ben.  The other is familiar, but in her groggy, still-drugged state Rey can’t immediately place it.

 

“Don’t go in there.  It’s only going to scare her.”

 

“Step aside.“

 

“Don’t make it worse, Master.”

 

“Step aside.”

 

“Let the medics talk to her first.  Let them at least explain her injuries.”

 

“Step aside.”

 

Ben.  Ben is here.  Her mind registers the threat.  Instinctively, Rey starts looking around for an escape route.  There’s only one way in and out of the small room.  Still . . . if she catches Ben off guard, maybe she can slip past him.  But can she run?   Rey gingerly sits up.  Everything hurts.  Badly.  But adrenaline kicks in and Rey does her best to ignore the pain.   For some extra help, she summons the Force.  

 

It’s a mistake because the men outside both sense it. 

 

“She’s awake.”

 

“No, wait—“

 

Ben bursts into the room.  On his heels are Nestor Ren and two nervous First Order medics.  But all Rey can see is Ben looming over her. 

 

“Rey,” he breathes out her name and stares.     

 

Frozen with fear, she stares back.  “Ben,” she mouths his name.  No sound comes out.

 

He steps forward and it breaks the moment.  Rey immediately skitters off the gurney she’s sitting on and nearly falls to her knees.   Clinging hard to the gurney, she groans and determinedly pulls herself up.

 

“She shouldn’t be walking.  If she falls it could jostle the fractures.  They’re still healing,” a medic warns. 

 

“Rey,” Ben tries again.  He’s got his hands up and palms raised as he speaks.  “Rey, you are safe and no one’s going to hurt you.”

 

She doesn’t believe that.  She doesn’t believe anything Ben says.   Panting with her effort, Rey lurches a few steps towards the door.  The man and woman in medical scrubs attempt to intervene to support her but Rey pushes them back hard with the Force.   

 

Ignoring this, Ben holds her gaze.  “Let them help you.  You need help.  You are safe and you will be fine but you need to heal.”

 

The medics are picking themselves off the floor now.  Rey’s eyes dart towards them.  But she knows the real threat here is Ben.  Rey doesn’t dare take her focus off Ben.  “Get away from me!”  The words come out a hoarse, croaking whisper.  Rey can’t speak normally.  Her throat is too injured still.   

 

Ben keeps creeping towards her with hands raised, trying to talk her down. “You’re safe.  No one will harm you.”

 

She lets him get closer.  And then closer still.  Then she summons the Force and hurls Ben and the big knight behind him hard into the wall.  Clutching her side as she struggles to keep her balance, Rey staggers through the doorway out into the main infirmary.   

 

She is Rey of Jakku and she doesn’t give up.  The desert couldn’t kill her and neither will Kylo Ren. 

 

In the main infirmary, everyone stops work to look up and stare.  Rey vaguely recognizes a few faces as she careens past.  She hears Ben calling her name.  Telling her she’s going to hurt herself.  But she’s not stopping.  Not for him.  Not for anything. 

 

“Catch her,” Rey hears Ben order just before everything goes black. 

 

When Rey next wakes, her small treatment room is crowded with people.  A quick scan reveals no Ben.  That’s a big relief.   But the nervous female officer who once helped outfit her as Kylo Ren’s pretend sister is here.  So is Raj the praetorian spy from the Resistance, only he’s wearing a First Order captain’s uniform.  Vanee, the old guy from Vader’s castle, sits in a chair leaning on a cane.  Standing in the corner is Percy Ren looking like a Dark priest of the Force in his formal vicar’s robe uniform as a Knight of Ren.  Nestor Ren who she knows from her weekly holonet appearances is here too.  So is a medic she doesn’t know.

 

Rey blinks.  Apparently, someone thought it was a good idea to assemble everyone left alive who she knows in the universe, not counting Ben Solo and her rival scavengers on Jakku.   As Rey looks at the concerned, rather forced looking smiles staring back at her, she closes her eyes.  “Go away.  All of you.”

 

The room empties other than Nestor Ren and the medic who calmly explains her injuries and their current state of healing.  When the medic asks if Rey has any questions, Rey wants to know how soon she can leave. 

 

“You are safe here, my lady,” Nestor quickly inserts himself.

 

“The FUCK I am,” Rey retorts, causing the medic to blink at her tone and choice of words.  “I’m not waiting around here for him to try and kill me again.”

 

“You are safe.”

 

“Liar!”

 

“Leave us,” the knight orders the medic.   And now it’s just Rey and Ben’s second-in-command.  Apparently, she is delegated to him.  And, truly, that is a relief.   She has no desire to see Ben ever again.

 

“How do you feel?” Nestor asks gently. 

 

“Fine,” she lies.

 

“You’re looking better,” the knight appraises slowly.  “A lot better.”

 

“Does that mean I shouldn’t look in a mirror yet?”

 

“It means you are looking better,” Nestor answers diplomatically.  Rey takes that comment to mean she looked worse before but she just looks bad now.   But whatever.  The medic said she would completely heal in a few days’ time.

 

Nestor looks her squarely in the eye now and speaks quietly.  “Rey, if the Master wanted you dead, you’d be dead.  So, trust me when I tell you that you are safe.”

 

“Can someone take this collar off?”  She pulls at the uncomfortable neck brace. 

 

“Maybe.  I’ll ask.”

 

“Ask now,” Rey prompts him curtly.  So, Nestor dutifully finds the medic who denies the request.  One more day, she is told.   

 

“Great.” Annoyed, uncomfortable, and heartsick, Rey sighs heavily.  She eyes Nestor without enthusiasm. “So, you get to babysit me here now?” she asks.  Rey is used to this knight being her official escort and bodyguard at the holonet studio. 

 

Affable Nestor just shrugs. “It’s a good gig.”  He doesn’t react to her testy demeanor.  Instead, the mild-mannered knight starts talking in that deceptively easygoing way of his.  “What you tried with the Resistance was brave.  I admire that you tried to move the rebels towards the middle.”

 

“I failed.”

 

“I also admire that you talked Ben into letting you try that strategy.  That was a feat of its own.”

 

“Yeah, well it didn’t work,” she grumbles.  “You saw how it ended.”

 

The big knight with the buzzcut crosses his massive arms and observes, “If the Master is quick with his sword these days, that’s thanks to Snoke.”

 

Rey shoots Nestor a look.  Is he here to be Ben’s apologist?  Is he playing the good cop to Ben’s bad cop routine?  If so, she’s not falling for it.  “Snoke is dead.   Ben thinks for himself now.”  Blaming Snoke is like blaming Luke Skywalker.  It’s a cop out. 

 

Nestor Ren cocks his head at her thoughtfully.  “You know, you remind me a lot of my sister.  She looked nothing like you but she felt a lot like you do in the Force.  Full of Light.  Full of determination.  She had an idealism that wasn’t going to fade with time.”

 

Is he belittling her?  Rey is defensive suddenly.  She’s the survivor from Jakku who weighs her options, decides, and moves on.  Her whole life has been a series of work arounds, compromises, and disappointments.  There has been nothing ideal about it.  Rey shoots the knight a dirty look.  “I’m no idealist,” she bristles. 

 

“Yes, you are. Very much so.  We’re all supposed to be idealistic in our youth.  I was idealistic once too.  You’re going stay that way, I think.”  Nestor says this like it’s a compliment for her and a regret for him.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”  He smiles as he observes, “You’re too stubborn to change.”

 

“You might be right about that,” she responds dryly.  “So what made you lose your idealism?” she challenges Nestor.  “Age?”  What is this guy—mid-thirties?   Rey can’t tell.  She’s bad at guessing ages because everyone looks older than they should on Jakku.  “Or was it war?”

 

Nestor thinks a moment.  “Age might have played a role, but mostly it was Snoke and the war.”  The knight looks both sheepish and wistful now.  “Life turned out differently than I expected.  I signed up for the Jedi and I became a Ren.  I got recruited by the Light Side and I ended up serving two Masters of Darkness.”  He makes a rueful face.  “Rey, if my sister were still around she would be appalled by the things I have done.  I’m kind of appalled by some of them, too,” he admits.

 

“Ben isn’t,” Rey observes sourly. “He's every bit the monster I first thought he was.”

 

“Yes, he is.”’ Nestor surprises her with this honest answer.  “Rey, they were all monsters.  Anakin Skywalker murdered millions and that's not counting Alderaan.  Along the way, he betrayed everyone who trusted him.  The Republic, the Jedi, his wife, later even Sidious.  Luke Skywalker had a pretty high body count too when you count the Death Stars.  But at least those were enemy combatants.  Not like his trusting students who he executed in their sleep.”  The knight gives Rey a frank look.  “Ben is just following in the family tradition of ambition and murder.  The collateral damage of his clan is amazing.”

 

“And you accept this?” Rey challenges, failing to keep the judgment from her tone.  “You’re the Second Knight, right?”

 

“Ben is doing what he feels is right.  He doesn't really have as much choice as he thinks he does.  He is an instrument of the Force.  That absolves him a bit.  Rey, I've known him as long as anyone left alive.  He's not a bad guy.  Not at all.  But he is driven to do bad things.   We all are.”  Nestor shrugs and looks reflective.  “Ordinary people cheat on their spouse or cheat on their taxes.  But if you’re a Skywalker, your bad deeds are Death Stars and Starkillers.  Everything about that family is extreme and bold.  Some people want to run a company or run a government, but the Skywalkers want to rule the galaxy.  They just don’t accept limits like the rest of us.  They want it all.”

 

Rey looks away.  She’s unimpressed by all this Force and destiny stuff. 

 

“Force users like us are an aberration.  We are freaks of nature who should not exist.  No more so than the Skywalkers.  Part God, part man.  They want to be our overlords but they have just as many failings as the rest of us.  It’s a dangerous combination,” Nestor is blunt.  “It makes them capable of anything.  Good or bad.”

 

Yes, she knows.  But Rey is unwilling to be another victim on Ben’s long list.  “I can't forgive him.  Not for Dantooine.  Not for choking me.”  Rey glares at the knight.  “Do not ask me to forgive him.”

 

“You don't have to forgive him.   You just have to move on.”

 

“Is that what you do when he makes you do things you don’t like—you move on?”

 

Nestor nods and cautions, “It's better to side with a Skywalker than against one.”

 

She raises an eyebrow at these questionable ethics.  “So, this is a pragmatic choice?”

 

“I’m not an idealist, remember?” Nestor must think that answer sounds too glib because he explains, “Look, I believe in Ben Solo.  Maybe more than Ben believes in himself.  You have to understand that he never wanted any of this.   He’s as much as victim of circumstance as you are in many ways.   Caught up in a life he didn’t choose, stuck in the middle of conflicts he didn’t start, trying to forge a new path while everyone else wants to default to the same stuff.  Someone has to lead.  It might as well be him.  He’s a big improvement over Snoke.  And you wouldn’t like any of the other alternatives.”

 

“Stop making excuses for him.”

 

“I won’t excuse him choking you.  That was wrong,” Nestor says flatly.  “I told him so.”

 

“And yet, you want me to move on,” Rey complains. “I’m supposed to move on and do what exactly?”

 

“Spread the Light.  Be the Light.  We all need more Light.”   Nestor gives her more straight talk.  “You have a purpose in all of this.  The Force awakened you for a reason.  You are meant to have an influence on events.  You don’t have to stop working for peace and democratic reforms just because the rebels are gone.”

 

“I was the rebel spokesperson.  There are no rebels now,” she points out.  “No one will listen to what I have to say.”

 

He disagrees.  “Everyone will listen to you.  You’re something far more interesting than the rebel spokesperson.  You’re the Empress.”

 

Rey scowls.  “I want a divorce.”

 

“That’s not an option, and you know it.”  Nestor levels her a serious look.  “Do not tell Ben you want a divorce.  He won’t take that well.”

 

“I’m still leaving him,” she announces.  “He’ll have to choke me again because I’m leaving.”  There is no way she is remaining here with Ben.

 

“Look, I know you want to run.  It’s understandable in the circumstances.  But it’s the wrong thing to do.”

 

“Staying here is not an option,” she grinds out.  And if this guy tells her it’s the will of the Force that she should submit to being Ben Solo’s battered wife, she going to make a mad dash for the hangar bay right now.

 

“The way I see it, you have three choices.  You can stay here and make peace with Ben.  You can go to Mustafar with Vanee and then decide what to do--”

 

“I hate that creepy castle,” she interrupts.

 

“Or, you can go to Tatooine.”

 

“Where’s that?”

 

“The Rim.  It’s the Skywalker homeworld.”

 

“No, thanks.”  She’s had enough Skywalker influence in her life already.

 

“Hear me out.  It’s a desert planet, like Jakku.  Birthplace of Darth Vader and home to Luke Skywalker.  For years, it was run by the Hutts.  It’s an ugly, semi-developed world that for sentimental reasons Ben chose as the co-capital of the Empire along with Coruscant.”

 

“What would I do there?” Rey demands.

 

“Whatever you want, provided you live in the new palace as the Empress.”

 

“Is this a glorified prison?”

 

“No.  You would be free to come and go as you please.”

 

“Is this exile?”

 

Nestor puts a more positive spin on it.  “Think of it as a separation.  If you two can’t live together, maybe you can live apart.  Ben never goes to Tatooine.  He hates the Rim and he hates sand.  He won’t come around.”

 

“So here, Vader’s castle, or Tatooine?   How about a fourth choice,” Rey suggests tartly.  “I disappear and live my own life how I want, where I want, and with who I want.”

 

Nestor shakes his head and gives her a sympathetic look.  “I’m sorry, but you can’t do that.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Well, for practical reasons, you’re pretty famous now.  People are bound to notice you.”

 

“So, I change my hair and dress differently,” she thinks aloud. 

 

Nestor shoots this idea down.  “Ben will never allow it.  He would hunt you down.  And then the Empire would suffer for it.  He needs to be focused on ruling, Rey, not chasing you.”

 

“I don’t care about the Empire,” she gripes.

 

“Yes, you do,” Nestor cajoles.  “If you didn’t care about making things better, you wouldn’t have risked so much for peace.  You wouldn’t have been on the holonet talking about reforms every week.”

 

He’s right.  But the Empire isn’t Rey’s first priority.  “I might care about the Empire,” she allows, “but I care about myself more.”  She’s a survivor to her core.  There are limits to what Rey will sacrifice for any cause.

 

“The galaxy needs the Light.  Now more so than ever.”

 

“The Resistance was trying to uphold the Light,” she points out, “until Ben came in and killed everyone.  What’s to stop him from doing that again?” Rey is annoyed at being pressured to be the foil to Ben in the Force.  As far as she concerned, her public service days are over.  All those hopes and dreams of making a difference died with Ben’s Force choke. 

 

“I just want to disappear,” she confesses.  She desperately wants to be alone to process all that has occurred.  But instead, she wakes up to a roomful of people and now Nestor Ren guilting her.

 

“Rey, the Force will never let you completely disappear.  That Force bond will open again and Ben will have us knights one step behind you wherever you go.  You’ll never get to move on.  Especially with another guy.  It would be like putting a target on some poor schmuck’s head.”

 

“So you’re saying I’m trapped?”  This conversation is suddenly making her even more anxious. 

 

Nestor must see this because he softens his tone.  “I’m saying you should grab as much distance and autonomy as you can and make the most of it.  Make a new life as the Empress in the Rim.  Make a difference with your life.”

 

Rey eyes the knight steadily.  This guy is Ben’s Second Knight and Rey is certain that he is Ben’s emissary in this.  “Did he send you here to tell me this?  Why are you urging me to do this?” 

 

“Rey, if you and Ben destroy one another, everyone loses. The Empire could fall in the aftermath or split in a power struggle.  The Force will never balance then.  And that means all the deaths on both sides, including your friends and my sister, will be for nothing.”  Nestor Ren looks very determined now.  “I do not want all this bloodshed to be in vain.  If there is no progress, then there is no purpose to it all.” 

 

It’s a good argument, but Rey is not convinced.  “So I’m supposed to sacrifice my life for the greater good, is that it?”

 

“You were prepared to do that as a rebel, weren’t you?” he challenges. 

 

The point hits home.  Rey squirms a bit now and colors.  “I don’t think I’m cut out to be an Empress.”

 

“Why not?  I think you would make a splendid Empress.”

 

She shoots him a look.  “I’m from Jakku, remember?”

 

“Jakku makes you interesting.  Your background will help others self-identify with you.”

 

“What’s this really about?”

 

“There’s no secret agenda.  I want what Ben wants:  to preserve order and balance the Force.  None of that will happen without the Light alive and well in the Empire.  Be the Empress and fight for the Light, Rey.”

 

“You guys are fools for the Force,” miserable Rey jeers. 

 

“Yes,” he agrees.  “We are.  Because it’s true.  All of it.   Please, think it over.  I’ll help you in any way I can,” he offers.

 

“So you’re saying I will never get away from him no matter what I do?” Rey demands, feeling more and more trapped.  There are worse things than being an Empress in pseudo-exile in the Rim.  But it sure doesn’t sound appealing.  Because it means she will always be connected to Ben, especially since Nestor thinks she should be his self-appointed public scold.

 

“Think it over.  But think fast.”

 

“How long do I have?”

 

“Maybe five minutes until the Master shows up.”

 

Wait--what?  “Ben’s coming here?” she asks anxiously.  She stands to her feet and looks to the door.  She’s suddenly afraid and it shows.

 

“Yes.  I told the medics to wait twenty minutes until they informed him you were awake.  Here.  Take this.”  Nestor produces his lightsaber and hands it to her.  “Maybe it will help you feel safer when you’re alone with him.  But try not to kill him, okay?   The Force won’t like that.”

 

“Don’t tempt me.”  Her voice is acid.

 

Nestor ignores it.  He starts issuing instructions.  “Be demanding, Rey.  Tell him what you want.  You’ll get it today.  The Master is very remorseful for how he treated you.”

 

Whatever.  Rey doesn’t believe that.  But she declines to comment and gladly accepts Nestor’s sword.  Just holding a weapon makes her feel more secure.

 

“Good luck,” Nestor tells her sincerely.  “I’ll be waiting outside with the others he wanted here.”

 

Sure enough, minutes later Ben tromps in the room.  The first thing Rey notices is that he has no weapon.  His helmet is off, his hands are bare of gloves, and his lightsaber is missing.  Is that supposed to make her feel better?  It doesn’t.  Ben hadn’t needed a weapon other than the Force to choke her. 

 

“Rey.”  His eyes linger on Nestor’s lightsaber she clutches as she sits on the gurney.  Rey conspicuously keeps her thumb on the ignition switch.  “How are you feeling?” he asks.

 

“Fine,” she replies, staring off into the corner of the room.

 

“I’m sorry—"

 

She cuts him off.  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

Rey looks down.  Or as far down as she can with the bulky neck brace on.  She can’t bear to even look at Ben.  Because then he might see how afraid she is.  How lost she feels.  How alone.  She has been dreading this moment ever since she woke up again.  But here it is and she is determined to get through it.  She tells herself it’s like the hard days on Jakku when she was grateful to make yet another mark on the wall.   Because sometimes it’s enough just to survive.  But survival is what she does best and if the desert couldn’t kill her than neither will Kylo Ren.

 

He is stammering and sputtering out words now.  On the defensive.  “Rey, I lost my cool and I’m so sorry—“

 

“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” she wails.  She cringes at how shrill she sounds.  How upset and on the verge of tears. 

 

“Okay,” he instantly backs down.  “I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

 

That will be never, but whatever.  She just has to get through this now.  Remembering Nestor’s advice, Rey goes on the offensive.  “I want to leave.  I want to leave now.”

 

“But you’re not healed,” he protests.

 

“Then send a medic droid with me.”

 

“Alright,” he immediately caves.  “Vanee is here.  He can take you to the castle—“

 

“No!  Not there.  I hate that place.”  She refuses to be stuck in a castle on a volcano surrounded by a planetary security shield gate.  As far as she’s concerned, Mustafar is basically a cushy prison surrounded by a blockade. 

 

“Okay, then you can stay in your old quarters here on the ship.  I won’t bother you, Rey.  I promise you.”

 

“I want to leave!” she hisses.   Finally, she forces herself to meet his eyes.  The thought crosses her mind that he looks as bad as she feels.  “It’s over.  We’re over.”  Even the words come out with an awful finality.

 

Ben immediately starts protesting.  “You promised to rule with me.  To balance the Force.   I need you,” he whines.  She knows it for a self-serving lie.  For no man who needs her would attempt to murder her.  “Rey?”

 

She looks away and her name hangs in the air a long moment.  

 

He starts in again.  “You promised to love me.  You said you would accept my Darkness!  I need you to help me!”

 

Me, me, me.  It’s a crescendo of his wants and needs.  He’s the one sounding shrill now, Rey thinks.  “I don’t want to talk about this.”

 

“Rey, I’m sorry.  You don’t know how sorry I am--”

 

She’s in no mood to hear this.  She feels misled and manipulated enough.  “I can’t be with a man who tries to murder me.  I refuse to be your battered wife!  I was a fool to ever trust you in the first place.”  She eyes him coldly.  “I won’t make that mistake again.”

 

She thinks now of all the things this man and his cause have taken from her since that fateful night she found a lost droid in the desert.  Once, Rey thought she had found something even more precious to offset those sacrifices.  For this attention starved orphan had gloried in their new marriage and burgeoning love.  But it was all a lie.  Because you don’t kill someone you love.  You can be angry with them.  Maybe even hurt them.  But you don’t seek to destroy them.  Why would you do that?  Because then, you would destroy your love too. 

 

Rey had lived despite Ben’s best efforts.  No surprise there.  She always lives.  Survival is what she does best.  It was their love that had died in that Force choke.  And no amount of ‘I’m sorry’ will ever bring that back.  Because love is at its core a deep trust.  And Rey will never trust Ben again.  She’s no fool. 

 

“How many times do I have to say that I’m sorry??  I made a mistake.”

 

“No!   That was not a mistake.  A mistake is when you make an error.  This was much more than that.” 

 

“I know.”  Ben sighs out his resignation.  “I know.”  Then he shoots her a hard look.  “There is no divorce option.  You are my Empress until the day you die,” Ben announces.   But even he realizes it’s the wrong choice of words.  He cringes and tries again.  “Rey, we have to work this out,” he softens his tone.

 

“I’m not working anything out!”  She glares at him.  “It’s over.  Get that through your head!” she hisses.  But she makes sure to keep her thumb on the activation switch of Nestor’s lightsaber.

 

Looking at Ben now, Rey wonders how she could have been such a sucker.  She knew this man was a monster.  But she was so desperate and needy that she looked past his character.  This man has betrayed everyone who ever cared for him, everyone who ever helped him.  From his parents, to his uncle, to his First Order buddies, to Snoke.  She shouldn’t be surprised that he betrayed her too.  Betrayal is apparently what the Skywalkers do best, although killing people seems to be a close second.  But all the same, some part of Rey is utterly devastated by that Force choke. 

 

But, as usual, she pushes it down and buries it deep to avoid confronting those emotions. This will be like the close call in the holonet studio.  She will declare victory and move forward.  Whatever doesn’t kill her makes her stronger.

 

“Where do we go from here?” he asks hoarsely.  It’s weird to see Ben looking this unsure of himself.   Rejection has him off his stride.  Feeling sorry for himself because he screwed up, probably.  Rey watches as he runs a hand through his wild hair, a telltale sign that Ben is really rattled.  “What’s next?” he demands. 

 

“I just woke up a few minutes ago,” she grinds out.  Rey is resentful that first Nestor and now Ben are rushing her like this.   Pressuring her to make major life decisions when she has yet to have any time alone.  You don’t decide this kind of stuff in real time.  Rey feels very put on the spot.

 

“You leave me and now what?” Ben demands, looking distressed.  His shoulders are heaving as he starts pacing back and forth rapidly in the small room.  “What’s next, Rey?” he repeats hotly.  When she doesn’t immediately answer, he hollers, “ANSWER ME!”

 

His attitude of outrage floors her.  He feels wronged?  He thinks he’s the victim??  Seeing this kindles a defiance deep within Rey.  It is the same spirit that kept her fighting through intermittent bouts of starvation and dehydration, and through unending days and nights of utter solitude.  Because you don’t just endure Jakku by being physically tough.  It takes mental grit too.  And Rey has mental grit in spades.  For she has a survivor’s heart, an indomitable will to prevail against all odds.  Ben would chalk it up to the Force but Rey wants more credit for herself.  The Force might have been with her all those years but she mostly helped herself.  That valiant self-reliant spirit surfaces now . . . and roars.  

 

Nestor Ren’s pep talk combines with her determination and Rey’s mind is suddenly made up.   She will fight on for the Resistance goals even if her friends are gone.  She owes it to the memory of Finn and Rose and all the rest.  She will be the Empress for them.  She will use her position to get all the reforms she can.  And she damn well plans to get a Senate, too.  And if Ben gets tired of her nagging and kills her, then at least her life will have meant something.  Hopefully, she will leave a legacy of freedom behind.  

 

And so, Rey takes a deep breath and decides, “I’m going to the Rim to Tatooine.  I will act as Empress from there.”

 

He blinks.  “Tatooine?”  Ben stops pacing.  His eyes narrow as he shakes his head.  “The Empress lives in Coruscant.  She lives with me in Coruscant or at the castle on Mustafar.”   Ben squints at her now.  “Tatooine?”  His eyes find the saber in her hands and understanding dawns.  “Is this Nestor’s idea?”

 

“I’m going to the Rim to Tatooine,” she repeats.  “The Emperor lives in the Core capital.  The Empress lives in the Rim capital.”  In His and Hers palaces many lightyears and many time zones apart.

 

“This is Nestor’s idea, isn’t it?” he rages.  “This has that meddling Nestor Flick written all over it!”

 

“I’m going to the Rim to Tatooine.”

 

“You want separate lives?”

 

She nods, thoroughly irritated that no part of ‘it’s over and I’m leaving you’ has sunk in yet.  So, she spells it out explicitly.  “This is over in every way that matters.  It is a marriage in name only.  I don’t want to see you.  I don’t want to hear from you.  I don’t want to be with you.”

 

That harsh message gets through.  Ben’s eyes narrow as he digests this news.  She can’t decide if he looks hurt or livid in response.   But his face is as dark as his Force.  “This isn’t a marriage in name only!  It’s a divorce in every way that matters!”

 

“Yes,” she confirms.  And feeling like it might soften the blow, she adds, “If you want to find someone new to be with, that’s fine with me.”

 

He blinks at this.  Then he hauls off and punches the wall.  Hard.  And then a second time.  And a third.  His knuckles are split and bleeding when he stops.  Ben’s rage at least temporarily is spent.  He turns back to Rey and pins her with his eyes.  “I don't want anyone else.”  And maybe that’s supposed to be some twisted love promise, but it sounds like a threat to Rey’s ears. 

 

Seeing his reaction, she quickly drops that point and gets back to the big picture.  “I’m going to the Rim to Tatooine.”  She says the words like a mantra.  She can feel herself trembling having witnessed his latest violence.  She can’t help it—she fears the next punch may be aimed at her.  But Rey stands her ground and clutches her borrowed lightsaber.  Remembering Nestor Ren’s sales pitch, she repeats it to Ben.  “We will rule as allies.  For the benefit of the Empire and the Force.  We can still help others even if we are not together anymore.”

 

“So this is it?  This is what you and Nestor cooked up?”  His nostrils are flaring and his eyes flashing at her.

 

“Yes.  We will rule this Empire together, like we planned.”  Staring back at Ben, Rey informs him coldly, “I’m not letting you rule on your own.  I don’t trust your judgment and too many people have died for you to screw it up.  I have sacrificed too much for peace as it is.  I won’t walk away now.”  Rey says this brash speech with more confidence than she truly feels.  But she draws on her Jakku bluster to grab as much power as she can.  Nestor is probably right that she has as much leverage now as she’ll ever have.

 

Ben’s shoulders start heaving once more as he clenches and unclenches his fists.  He looks ready to explode again.  Rey watches nervously as he masters his temper.  Ben visibly swallows and looks away.  “Okay,” he breathes out finally.  “If that’s what you want.”

 

This isn’t what she wants.  But she’s realizing fast that Nestor’s idea is the best way to salvage something for herself.  For if she cannot have the love and the family she has always longed for, then she will at least contribute something positive to the galaxy.  Plus, suddenly slinking away quietly to anonymity feels like letting Ben win.  She’ll be damned if she does that.

 

Rey watches Ben shoot her a hangdog, reproachful glare and it thoroughly pisses her off.  Seeing his petulance gives her increased resolve.  Rey decides that she will do more than simply survive on Tatooine.  She plans to thrive.   She will be the Light in action, daring the Darkness to put her out.

 

“We’re done here,” she cuts off this very uncomfortable conversation.  Sounding very much the Empress of the galaxy, Rey orders her loser husband, “Get out.”

 

END OF PART FOUR

Next up:  ruling the galaxy together from separate perspectives and separate beds

 

 


	50. Chapter 50  Story notes to part 4

I have a few short thoughts to provide context for Part 4.  This portion of the story is very plot driven for the most part.

 

I have written Kylo Ren/ Ben Solo quite a few times and in different ways.   I never quite get it right.  Lately, I want Kylo to be a deep and multilayered character.  He’s a thinking man, no mere brute.  He’s equal parts angry and sad, but also righteous and committed.  He has been all things politically and in the Force, and so he sort of ends up being nothing in the end.  He has no ideology or traditional allegiance.  It’s not that he’s adrift so much as that he rejects the alternatives presented.  I think this is very Anakin of him—watch the end of Episode 3 again and see that Anakin wants to make the rules.  His grandson ends up in that position in this story.  It’s an enormous responsibility. 

 

I really wanted this Kylo to have a backstory (and a continuing personality) that wants to make the right choice in the circumstance, even if it’s not the Light choice.   And that’s a key distinction.  Kylo is the hero but he’s not the good guy.  His decision to flee to Snoke is reasoned and understandable in the circumstances.  Just like his decision to kill Snoke is reasoned in the moment.  Kylo might appear like he shoots from the hip and relies on his gut, but it’s nowhere near as erratic as it may seem.  Basically, I want to give this guy more credit. 

 

Kylo never sets out to become Emperor but he ends up there all the same.  His meandering path to power gives him a deep reverence for the Force and destiny.  For Kylo has been unable to avoid his destiny as a Chosen One and, as a result, he has opted to surrender to the will of the Force rather than fight it.  But, of course, his own free will keeps getting in the way, especially with Rey.  Like Anakin, Kylo can be his own worst enemy.  And he knows it.   He proves that when he pulls an Anakin and chokes his wife. 

 

In _Ghosts of the Past_ , Kylo and Rey keep getting separated because of the war and when they finally get together, it’s the conflict of the war that tears them apart. (I had to write _The Chosen One_ to get them back together).  Like in _Fulcrum_ , the war is a protagonist of sorts in _Ghosts_ , undercutting and upending the plans of our hero and heroine time and again.  I didn’t want to write that same fic again.  So while the First Order/Resistance conflict is a backdrop for the characters in this story, it doesn’t control or define their relationship in the same way.   This time around, the impediment to Reylo is not the Force or the war, it’s themselves.  Because, you know: “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.”

 

These two have the ultimate in long distance relationships—they are separated by a war and by lightyears.  But still, they give it a go, reliving the Anakin-Padme secret marriage.  It’s a stressful situation for a young, rushed marriage even without the added pressures of bringing peace to the galaxy and balancing the Force.  Now, I’m not one to think that young love or new love is necessarily doomed.  Mr. Blue and I had dated exactly 13 months before we got married (we were engaged at six months in).   But I recognize that I was very immature at the time and could have handled a lot of conflicts better in retrospect.  Take it from the old married gal—time makes a good relationship deepen and evolve in important ways.  That’s what people mean when they say that marriage only gets better over time.   But even good relationships have their shaky moments, especially at the outset.   And sometimes, those issues are the result of our own insecurities.  If you’re not careful, insecurities and anxieties can control your life.  That voice in your head can be the biggest hater of all.

 

And here’s the tricky part:  even if you are aware of your issues, they can still control you.  Kylo and Rey each confess their biggest shortcoming to one another.  Kylo confesses his rage.  Rey confesses her reflexive habit to run.  Neither of them can handle emotional turmoil in a healthy way.  He acts out, she retreats into herself.  It’s a moment of trust and true intimacy when each appears to accept the other’s weaknesses.  Everything is good, right?  Wrong.  Because when the war comes to a moment of political and personal crisis, each reverts to type. 

 

These two fall apart not because they are found out or betrayed.  They fall apart each thinking they are making the right choices.  And when those choices conflict, they can’t handle it.  She reacts the way she always reacts to drama—she pulls back and runs away.  He reacts the way he always reacts to disappointment—with violence.   They each know that about themselves but they can’t stop those long ingrained habits.  The conflict about how to deal with the Resistance is foreseeable—it’s been brewing for a while.  Their reactions are foreseeable too.  But that doesn’t help.  Because knowing what is coming and how you might react isn’t always enough to change your behavior.  Self-awareness doesn’t mean you can change yourself.   Rey sees Kylo killing her friends and it takes her already considerable guilt to a new level and it undermines her trust in Kylo.  Kylo, in turn, sees Rey run from him once again and sees happiness slipping away.  They manage to hurt each other in particularly painful ways.  We end Part 4 back where we started from in Part 1.  Kylo is angry and feeling emotionally abandoned and rejected.  Rey is distrustful and justifiably afraid of Kylo’s violence.  She’s seen it turned on Han Solo, on the Resistance at Crait and Dantooine, and now on herself.

 

So . . . the choking bit.  Yes, there were other ways to resolve that fight in the hangar bay.  But that was the solution Kylo hit upon because he’s Kylo.  Violence is his default solution for most things.  He knows this fight is coming, he tries to keep his cool, but Rey pushes all his buttons and he loses it.  Kylo can’t handle losing Rey and chokes her and in the end . . . he loses Rey.  He’s the neo-Anakin making Anakin’s bad choices all over again.  And, actually, I think this choking is far less surprising/jarring than Anakin’s choking of Padme.  That always strikes me as coming out of the blue somewhat.  Maybe if the movie had shown Anakin and Padme having real problems and underlying resentments, it would have more continuity with the rest of the story. 

 

Fear of loss/the need for attachments is Anakin’s big motivation for the Dark Side in the prequels. He is a man who cannot live without attachments. He loses his mother in episode 1 and then again in episode 2.  He replaces his mom with the overtly Oedipal figure Padme who mothers him in episode 1 and marries him in episode 2.  Everywhere in the prequels, Anakin is looking for father figures (in Qui-Gon, in Obi-Wan, in Palpatine) and desperate for mother figures (Padme, who is an expectant mother herself at the end).  In this story, Kylo is not a Jedi, but attachments are still very problematic for him. His distant mother and absent father have him primed for issues long before his Jedi Master uncle turns on him.  Then Rey comes along and Kylo falls hard and fast. She’s everything Kylo wants plus she fulfills his prophecy.  And so, losing her has the added risk of losing his cherished balance.  Nothing like a little extra pressure on your relationship courtesy of the Force.  

 

My Dark Side men are always possessive.  This Kylo is actually a lot less possessive and controlling than the Sith Kylo versions I have written.  He’s not locking Rey in a cell or a castle or wanting to make her immortal in the Force.  But that aspect of his character remains.  My Dark Side men, for all their toxic masculinity, have no commitment issues.  Quite the opposite actually.  It’s Rey who has the commitment and trust issues.  Old School, patriarchal Kylo is always more than ready to put a ring on it. 

 

Choking Rey will have major repercussions for our lovers and for the galaxy.  That act, together with what happened with the rebels, pretty much kills the relationship.  It will exacerbate Rey’s trust issues.  It will haunt Kylo.  More on that to come.

 

I have written Rey the would-be peacemaker a few times.  She and Nestor negotiate and fail to end the war twice in _Ghosts_ \--the first time it fails due to the rebels and the second time it fails mostly due to Kylo losing his cool.  It all culminates in Kylo’s slaughter of the negotiators and the bloody siege of Coruscant.  That tale has a protracted ground war in wake of the loss of Starkiller Base.  Rey tries for peace again in _Tied of a String_.  That story has Kylo killing his internal First Order detractors much like in this tale.  Again, Kylo thinks he is solidifying his rule by eliminating his enemies until, of course . . . Hux and Snoke.   The problem with killing your way to peace is that you might not kill all your enemies, you can create new enemies, and you almost certainly create more bitterness and hate.  More on that to come.

 

Nestor Ren and the Knights of Ren are back in this fic.  Nestor is in a lot of my stories as Kylo’s second in command.  This is the first story where he has the Force.  Usually, he is the smart, committed everyman of the First Order.  He’s also a relatively normal guy even if he’s living an extraordinary life.  Nestor always plays a tempering influence on Kylo (except maybe in _Fulcrum 2_ when he approaches Kylo to help him plot to kill Snoke).  In _Ghosts_ and _The Chosen One_ , Nestor is basically the only person in the galaxy who can talk sense into despot Kylo. (“Hold my beer, Kylo” from _Ghosts_ is probably my favorite Nestor line ever.)  Nestor is loyal and trustworthy.  He’s usually the go-between for our Reylo lovers.  At times trying to get them together and at times deliberately separating them.  We all should have a cool-headed, meddlesome friend like Nestor.  He is a fully developed character in the _Ghosts/Chosen One_ stories.  Not sure yet how Nestor will evolve here.    

 

So, a word for new readers who are shocked/disappointed/frustrated with the ending of Part 4—stay tuned.  The push-pull of Reylo is what makes it interesting.  These two are never going to see eye to eye on everything.  Their lives and personalities are too extreme.  I think this conflict is what makes Reylo so compelling for me to write.  We live in a world with conflict and hate everywhere.  It’s a big deal to bridge differences on an individual level and, especially, on a societal level.   In short, this is hard stuff to accomplish in real life.  It rarely has nice, neat endings.   This is how I write.  It’s Star Wars for adults, and that means readers who understand tradeoffs and compromise, who can see the good in bad characters and the bad in good characters.  I don’t write for shock value.  I don’t write gratuitous sex or violence.  But I also don’t write morality tales or perfect heroes and heroines.  Life is messy.  My amateur fan fiction is too.

 

One of the things I love about the Skywalkers is how they blend the public and the private.  The decisions these people make in their personal lives have galactic ramifications.  The stakes are high.  But Kylo and Rey, each in their own way, are going to try to rise to the occasion.  Rey is an optimist at her core, as Nestor correctly identifies.  Kylo is an optimist too.  They both want to make things better, even if they come at the solutions from different angles.  And therein lies Part 5.  Up next:   Ruling the galaxy together from separate perspectives and separate beds.   Here comes the Reylo power couple who are not a couple.   Readers, Rey is not Padme.  She’s not going anywhere and she refuses to fade into the background.  And that’s what Kylo at least thinks he wants . . .

 


	51. Chapter 51

The official Imperial residence on Tatooine is not much of a palace.  It’s mostly administrative offices with a throne room, some reception rooms, and a few modest living quarters tacked on back by the landing pad.  Ben had never planned on spending any time here and it shows.  But it’s perfect for Rey.  The massive Coruscant Imperial palace complex still partly under construction may have room after ornate room, but on Tatooine things are understated.  The Rim palace is far from casual, but as far as head of state residences go, it is comparatively lackluster.  And that’s how Rey likes it.  It suits her fine. 

 

But surprise!  Before Rey’s transport even touches down at her new home, Ben announces her as the Empress.  The press release is short and to the point.  Emperor Ren has an Empress who is taking up residence on Tatooine.   She is a Rimmer from humble Jakku who wishes to live among her own kind. 

 

That’s not the controversial part that sparks all the hate.  The juicy bombshell announcement is that the Empress is the former Resistance spokeswoman from the holonet.  The one Kylo Ren saved from execution live on-air.  Yes, Emperor Ren is married to his supposed enemy.  She had bravely been working to rehabilitate the Resistance cause from within.  Hoping to lead them from being a militant fringe group into becoming a political minority party.  But alas, that strategy failed.  So, the loyal Empress broke ties with the Resistance and returned home to her mate.  Even she knew that the Coruscant bombing was the last straw.  The rebels were irredeemable at that point.  Clearly, they needed to go.

 

The Empress is the sole survivor of the Resistance cause now.  But make no mistake, she has been loyal to her Imperial Dark lord all along.  The First Order produces those pictures from Ben’s victory celebration to prove it.  There is smiling Rey hand and hand with her husband.  She’s wearing Old Republic hair buns and a white dress to channel the original rebel princess, her late mother-in-law Leia Organa.  But the joke was on the Resistance all along.  For their mouthpiece to the galaxy was Kylo Ren’s secret wife.

 

It’s all so unexpected.  So preposterous.  But it’s largely the truth.

 

That polite but firm young woman on the holonet with the severe hair and the corporate clothes was a spy.  The duplicity of it all gets swept under the rug.  For the official version of events is very romantic.  When the First Order spokesman convenes a special press conference to address the topic of the Empress, he repeatedly stresses how the newlyweds conspired to live apart for the good of the galaxy.  Masquerading as star crossed lovers on opposite sides of a war while meeting in secret each week on Coruscant.  The Empress grew up destitute amid the wreckage of the last civil war, the man explains.  She is fundamentally committed to peace and order.  It was her idea to work from within the Resistance to moderate their stance.  She tried time and time again, but to no avail.  Those extremist zealots finally kicked her out.  The Empress was very, very disappointed about that, the man adds with feigned regret.   We all owe our plucky Empress a debt of gratitude for being so brave. 

 

Now, Kylo Ren’s sudden appearance to save his secret wife held hostage live on the holonet makes sense.  So do his wife’s Force skills.  For, of course, a magical strongman Skywalker scion like Kylo Ren would choose a woman well versed in the ancient religion herself. 

 

The story gets downright saccharine as the First Order spokesman keeps embellishing it.  The Emperor met his Empress while she was searching for the Jedi Luke Skywalker.  Kylo Ren tried to dissuade her from making the mistake of seeking the infamous Jedi Master out.  But the Empress, being a curious and strong-willed woman, persevered.  She found Skywalker in exile.  Luckily, the murderous Empire-toppling Jedi sent her away.  He caught the young couple communing through the magic Force and turned on her.  Thankfully, the Empress wised up and fled to Snoke.  In fact, the Empress was there on the _Supremacy_ when the Resistance attacked.  Snoke had just given his blessing to the young lovers to marry when he died. 

 

The Empress was gravely injured in the attack on the _Supremacy_.  The spokesman produces Rey’s medical records to prove it.   For the sake of discretion, he explains, the betrothed young couple lived as brother and sister on the First Order flagship.  It being so soon after revered Leader Snoke’s death, they thought it inappropriate to marry.  The family-oriented Empress even sat by the dying Leia Organa’s bedside for weeks.  The spokesman produces the old picture of Rey and Kylo standing hand in hand in the _Finalizer_ infirmary to support this claim.  It was during those first weeks after Crait that the young couple came up with the idea to have Rey infiltrate the Resistance.  Their goal was to unify the galaxy with no further bloodshed, if possible.

 

Watching en route to Tatooine, Rey gapes at the rambling press conference.  She marvels at the depiction of herself.  According to the First Order, the new Empress is full of very politically useful contradictions.  She is soft hearted despite the harsh circumstances of her background.  She loves freedom but she loves order too.  She values efficient government but she understands the need for civil liberties.  She lived among the rebels but she is married to Kylo Ren and supports the First Order.  She might be an orphan from Jakku but she has a Core World accent.  There is something for everyone to like and identify with in the newly announced Empress.  Ben has effectively woven the truth with his own self-serving spin.

 

The only thing he left out, Rey thinks sourly, is the part where he almost choked her to death.  This love story does not have a happy ending, she knows.

 

Rey is not slow on the uptake.  She recognizes Ben’s move for what it is:  a not-so-subtle means to entrap her as the Empress.  Ben has released enough pictures taken from security footage on the _Finalizer_ and at the First Order holonet studio to make her very recognizable, if she wasn’t already.   Rey is instantly a very public figure.  There’s no way she could run away from this Empress gig now. 

 

It ups the ante a lot.   There’s no backing out now. 

 

Swallowing her panic, Rey starts strategizing.  She knows her weakness is loneliness, so she enlists people to join her on Tatooine straightaway.  She begins by coaxing old Vanee to join her from Mustafar.  After checking first with Ben, the old guy shows up.  He has Luke Skywalker’s beat up astromech R2 unit and Leia Organa’s ancient protocol droid in tow.  Vanee turns out to be an inspired choice.  Darth Vader’s castle caretaker knows a thing or two about running an official residence.  He immediately takes charge of Rey’s Tatooine household.  The existing staff members quickly fall in line.

 

Rey next summons her old producer at the First Order holonet studio to handle the media.  Rey’s newfound celebrity has created a holonet firestorm.  Rey knows the fever pitch will die down in time, but she also knows that going forward she will want to control her own press.  She’s not letting that stuffy First Order spokesman get the jump on her again.  This Empress is media savvy and knows that her public image will be a useful tool.

 

Rey calls upon Captain Raj to be her chief of staff.  With Ben’s permission, he agrees.  Raj turns out to be a Rimmer himself from a neighboring world to Tatooine. He is more than happy to relocate to Rey’s far-flung outpost palace.  I don’t know anything about politics, Raj confesses to Rey, but I will learn.  You know who’s who in the First Order, Rey points out, and you know how the First Order works.  That’s very valuable information that Rey knows she will need.

 

Without any alternative options, Rey next contacts the major lady from Ben’s staff who had helped to outfit her as Kylo Ren’s sister long ago.  Will she be Rey’s personal assistant?   The poor woman doesn’t really get a choice.  Ben puts her on a shuttle and tells her she is being reassigned. The major arrives at Tatooine looking very resigned.   I am a loyal member of the First Order, she declares.  I have no Resistance sympathies.  Those rebels got what they deserved.  Rey nods at this plain speaking.  She attempts to reassure the nervous major who looks as if she fears being choked on the spot.  I need someone who will be honest with me when they speak the opposing viewpoint, Rey replies.  But if at any time you become uncomfortable with what we do here in the Rim, you are free to return to his Excellency’s staff.  Mollified somewhat, the wary major agrees. 

 

Rey keeps up her poaching.  She encourages everyone she hires to identify colleagues who they think might be willing to join her outpost on Tatooine.  Rey doesn’t know enough about the First Order to know who to choose herself and she wants a small group of colleagues who are happy to be here and not feeling shifted away from the primary locus of power.  Ben, for his part, raises no objections about losing his personnel.  No doubt because he figures having his loyalists on Tatooine is a passive form of oversight.

 

The key person in all of this turns out to be Vanee.  His influence extends way past household management.  Vanee is an erudite old campaigner from the reign of Emperor Palpatine.  The wizened little man has an experienced and strategic mind.  You don’t get to be Lord Vader’s personal assistant without having good political instincts.   In his slow, sly way, old Vanee sits around the kitchen table drinking caf with Raj and Rey while making suggestions for how to grab influence. 

 

You must ostensibly appear to be working within the Master’s policies, Vanee counsels.  My old Master was careful to never be in conflict with his Emperor even if Palpatine might not have blessed all of Lord Vader’s activities, Vanee confides.  It’s good advice for everyone involved.  Rey is no fool.  She sees what Vanee is doing. Vanee is Ben’s man and Rey knows it.  Vanee wants to help Rey but he also wants her to stay firmly in his Master’s camp.  And, all in all, Rey sees the advantages of this strategy.  She’s not looking for more conflict with Ben.  If she wants to keep him out of her life, she needs to avoid doing things that will provoke him to step in. 

 

After a shoestring staff is assembled, Rey kicks off her public role with an official tour of the major Rim worlds.  It’s part public relations campaign to introduce the Empress to the galaxy at large and it’s part behind-closed-doors listening opportunity with local Rim leaders.  As Rey moves from system to system, she solicits answers to a few basic questions:   What are the challenges facing your world?   What do you need to achieve your goals?   What would make the biggest improvement in the daily life of your average citizen? 

 

When Rey’s month-long tour of the Rim concludes, she has seen more hospitals and factories and met more people than she ever thought possible.  The Rim worlds, for all their differing species, varied cultures and disparate states of development, have much in common.  They all suffer from persistent poverty, lack of basic infrastructure, prevalent crime, and inadequate education.  These issues are very different from the problems that plague the Republic-friendly Core.  Out here in the Rim, life is hard, opportunities are limited, and a social safety net does not exist.  Naturally, the law and order, pro-development First Order message resonates strongly.   The Rim worlds, especially the Outer Rim, are the First Order’s power base. 

 

That means it’s an odd fit for Rey.

 

These people do not know what to make of Kylo Ren’s Resistance sympathizer wife.  Rey’s reception is always polite but rarely warm.  The Rim governments are as standoffish with her as Rey herself is with all the strangers.  But that is a style many in these worlds understand.   Rey’s innate directness and lack of flowery speech fits her audience.  So does her tendency to eschew luxury and formal ceremony.  And so, in important ways, Rey makes subtle inroads winning over her audience.  One thing is for certain, the Empress is no Core glamour girl figurehead.  She might have questionable First Order bona fides, but she has a bio that gives her lots of Rim cred.   She’s one of them, even if the Rim citizens are in no rush to embrace her as such.  It helps that Rey makes no attempt at a charm offensive.  There is nothing slick about the Empress that comes off as disingenuous. 

 

After her listening tour, Rey gloms onto General Hux’s First Order Council.  She takes it upon herself to form an unofficial subcommittee of its Rim members.  Summon them, Vanee advises.  Subjects come to the Empress and not the other way around.  Raj concurs, and Rey opens her palace to thirty Rim world officials.  They all crowd into a large conference room, curious about what’s coming next.  Then Rey appears and starts taking charge. 

 

From the outset, Rey’s approach has all the hallmarks of democracy. The members of her Rim committee might be appointed by the regime, but they make decisions by majority rule.  Rey dispenses with the supermajority requirements that plagued the rebel council.  Mindful of the infighting and factions that arose within the Resistance, Rey presides over an agenda aimed at making positive change fast.   She wants the Rim worlds to work together and to pool their resources to achieve it. 

 

From Coruscant, Rey invites a bunch of First Order policy advisors who arrive with lengthy white papers and economic development plans full of bullet point lists.   The Rim committee reviews the advice and supplements, amends, and omits things based on real world experience.  Then they adopt a basic plan with modest, achievable goals.  The way Rey sees it, the Rim has long been ignored and underfunded.  Even if this new plan doesn’t accomplish everything—and it won’t—it will still be a big improvement.  She’s not aiming for perfection and she recognizes her limitations.  So do all the Rim officials she’s dealing with.  Rey’s no nonsense, pragmatic style earns her a begrudging respect. 

 

It also helps that Rey asks for, and receives, a hefty budget from Coruscant.  The emissary from the Emperor who presents the funds warns sternly that graft will not be tolerated.  His Excellency will personally execute anyone in this room who absconds with public funds, the man dutifully relates.  None of the peoples’ hard-earned tax dollars will be used to grease the palms of the Hutts, the Pikes, Crimson Dawn, or any other of the Rim’s notorious crime syndicates. 

 

That’s pretty unrealistic, Rey knows.  So once the Imperial accountant departs, she turns to the group.  “Take that to mean ‘don’t get caught’, not ‘don’t do it,’” she advises.  “Bribe who you need to bribe, but drive a hard bargain and keep detailed records of what you pay.  I want to see a full accounting of where this money goes.”  Rey is a worldly woman.  She’s fine with some graft in the name of getting things done, so long as there is no self-dealing.  “These bribes go one-way,” she cautions.  “We pay.  No one pays you.  And don’t think you can pocket some funds and tell me you paid off the Hutts because I fully intend to ask the Hutts how much they got from us.  If their number doesn’t square with your number, then we will all have a meeting with the Emperor to discuss the missing funds.”

 

The message gets through.  The Empress wants results but she knows how things work out here in the Rim.  She’s committed enough to improving things that she’s willing to bend the rules a little, too.  It reinforces the impression that Rey is a serious reformer. 

 

The First Order administration on Coruscant looks over her shoulder and demands reports from Rey’s staff of helpers.  But their oversight is mainly information flow.  Otherwise, the Core bureaucrats are hands off.  Ben lets her do her thing without intervention.  If General Hux is up in arms about Rey usurping his turf with her Rim committee, she never hears about it. 

 

In fact, dealings with Coruscant are so arm’s length that Rey never directly interacts with Ben. When necessary, her staff talks to his staff.  Issues are always resolved without the personal involvement of the Emperor and Empress.  That makes it easy for Rey to put Ben out of her mind for work matters. 

 

Rey makes a habit of deliberately referring Ben by his title and never his name.  And never does she reference their relationship as a married couple.  Ben is always ‘the Emperor’ and never ‘my husband.’   That formality does not go unnoticed, for it is very much at odds with the casual demeanor of the Empress who asks people to call her Rey.  But everyone takes the hint and follows suit, except Vanee who can’t shake the long-ingrained habit of calling Ben ‘the Master.’  It’s a Sith thing, the old guy explains sheepishly and Rey can’t help but laugh.

 

Of course, Rey sees Ben on the holonet regularly.  Young Emperor Ren is mostly unmasked these days.  He has taken her suggestion to lose the helmet and show his face to the public.  Only in military settings does he wear the mask now.  But still, Ben is very aloof.  He doesn’t give interviews or press conferences.  The longest speech he has ever given is probably five sentences.   Ben has people to do that.   He has people to do everything.  There are many intentional barriers and gatekeepers between the public and Kylo Ren.  As a result, the news coverage typically shows the Emperor arriving or departing from somewhere on a landing pad.  Ben moves with his characteristic tromping stride.  His cape tosses in the breeze, his longish hair is in his face, and his dark knight’s robes whip about him. 

 

Watching the video feed now and then, Rey’s heart skips a beat.  She feels a pang of nostalgia.  For she remembers what it felt like to run into his arms.  To kiss that long, angular face.  To bask in the security of being precious to the most powerful man alive.  It was a long way from a downed AT-AT on Jakku.  And, really, she should have known that it was too good to be true.  It wouldn’t last.  Rey feels stupid for not having seen that sooner.

 

She has sufficient distance from Dantooine now to see that the rebels were not going to compromise. Not without being forced to the table to cut a deal.  And with Ben unwilling to negotiate with terrorists, there was no hope of a peaceful agreement.  Rey will even privately concede there were probably a lot of rebel volunteers who would rather be martyred than agree to surrender terms.  Of all the possible outcomes, what happened at Dantooine was not all that surprising in the end.  But still, Rey hates that no quarter was given.  She wants the galaxy to move past violence as the default solution to disputes. 

 

But Ben isn’t ready for that.  Not in his public life or his personal life.  He had proved that when first he killed the rebels and then he nearly choked her to death.  Ben might be committed to peace, but his means are not peaceful.  And that is a big disconnect with Rey’s point of view.  It is ultimately the reason for their spectacular breakup. 

 

Was the Force wrong about them?  Or was Ben wrong about the Force?

 

Lately, Rey thinks that Ben misunderstood destiny.  Maybe the current state of affairs has been fate’s intention all along.  For despite their bitter estrangement, Rey is still Ben’s consort hard at work in the Rim to rule the galaxy.  Perhaps this is how it was always meant to be, and the Force wants their relationship to be a political alliance and not a true marriage.  Maybe this is how Light and Dark coexist side by side in action.  Could this current situation be true balance?  Perhaps their goal always should have been mutual respect and not personal happiness. 

 

Did they aim for too much?   Rey wonders. 

 

Still, she can’t shake the feeling that the Force has indeed had a hand in all of this.  Rey has come a long way from being a desert scavenger.  Looking back, she can see how the unique experiences she has lived have prepared her for her new Empress role.  Subsistence living on Jakku gave Rey a real-world appreciation of the problems that plague the Rim.  She understands poverty on a very personal level.  She’s seen firsthand the workings of local crime bosses and the inefficiencies of barter economies.  She knows what it feels like to be exploited and trapped in your circumstances.  She also knows that desperation and hopelessness can lead people to make irrational and self-destructive decisions.  Because if there is no bright future to look forward to, then there is only today.  And that means a spice joint looks appealing because at least for a time it will take your troubles away.  Rey also knows a universal truth that exists in all species and across all cultures:  that the ones who suffer the most in hard times and difficult circumstances are always women and children. 

 

But her preparation for being the Empress is more than Jakku.  Her time with the rebels has influenced Rey in important ways too.  Those months spent working night and day on Resistance policy positions for her spokesperson role were an intellectual crash course in the galaxy’s current challenges.  They made Rey very fluent in the problems of the day and the various proposed solutions.  She’s also comfortable slipping into a public role thanks to her holonet appearances.  Rey has the measured speech and quiet, polite style down.  It easily adapts to her Empress role.  Plus, as a media veteran, Rey has grown used to criticism in the press.  She knows not to take the inevitable hate personally. 

 

It’s true that the role of Empress had once intimidated her.  Rey’s solution is to ignore all those aspects of being Kylo Ren’s wife that dismay her—the social niceties and grand occasions, the constant scrutiny of her personal appearance, the need to show up places to look and act pretty and pleasant.  None of that is applicable to her very substance driven public role.  Maybe if she and Ben were living a glittery life together as a young, golden couple in Coruscant, she would feel those pressures.  Then, the tabloids would watch her waistline constantly to speculate over whether there is an Imperial heir on the way.  She’d be hounded by the press like an A-list celebrity, with her outfits critiqued and her every move recorded.  But none of that applies to her life on Tatooine.  After the first few months, all but the serious press abandons covering her.  The do-gooder Empress is just a little too prosaic and dull to be a clickbait human interest story.

 

In fact, Kylo Ren’s rebel Empress is pretty much the opposite of chic.  Rey focuses attention on her causes and not on herself.  She bows to convention and cultivates a polished, consistent appearance that is ladylike but far from luxurious.  Rey owns six dresses that she repeats over and over.  All in all, her look is more spare and dignified than fashionable.  And that’s appropriate out here in the Rim where people are starving.  Rey refuses to swoop around in jewels and silks to parade herself before people who are struggling.  It may be a ‘look at me’ vain, competitive world in the Core, but not out here in the Rim.  And if the Core press ridicules her as looking boring, bland, and even a bit Jedi, then so what?   That sort of scorn only increases her stature out here.  “We Rimmers are used to the Core looking down on us,” Rey says pointedly in response to a reporter’s question.  “I wear their ridicule as a badge of honor,” she sniffs.  Rare candid moments like that endear Rey little by little to her skeptical local audience. 

 

It’s empowering to work to empower other people, Rey learns.  And though she never imagined herself in this setting, being the Empress fulfills her . . . mostly.  It helps Rey to believe that there was a purpose to her time with Ben.  It was all leading up to this.  Their destinies were indeed intrinsically linked, just not in the way they understood.  Indeed, all of it mattered in the end:   Jakku, Luke, the Resistance, Ben.  Those combined experiences have all brought Rey to this point.  Is it the Force at work?  Rey decides it doesn’t matter.  For whether she controls her fate or whether fate controls her, she will do her best to promote the Light.  She owes it to Finn and to Rose, to Han and to Chewie, and to General Organa and Master Luke.

 

But if being Empress is the consolation prize for losing Ben, it’s still on the whole a little dissatisfying.  For you can tell yourself that a job is your calling in life.  That what you do matters and completely fulfills you.  And it may, for a time and in some ways.  But it is no substitute for love.  Love is the ultimate experience in life.  Frustrating, enthralling, disappointing, enraging though it is.  Love is all things at different times and in different ways.  And confounding though it may be, love is life affirming and hopeful like nothing else.  It is the Light in action within ourselves. 

 

And few people crave love more than perpetually lonely Rey of Jakku.  She is full of Light with no one to share it with.  Rey knows she needs someone to love.  But she’s through with romantic love.  She and Ben were a passion that dared too much, moved too fast, and crashed hard.  Rey doesn’t trust herself to choose another man.  And finding another man seems ill-advised.  For though they are separated, Rey doubts that Ben would take well to being replaced.  Whoever she chose for a lover would be a dead man walking.  Rey refuses to set someone—and herself—up for tragedy.  Plus, there’s the issue that Ben Solo is a hard act to follow.  For were he not revealed to be an abusive Dark Side murderer, she and Ben might be perfectly happy together now. 

 

But that’s over.  So lately, Rey has been thinking about other forms of love.  She has toyed with the idea of taking home one of the orphan children she meets.  But she never commits to that plan.  It remains an idea in the back of her mind.  Maybe someday, when she is a bit less busy, she will adopt a child.  There’s no rush.

 

But that thought gets triggered when Nestor Ren next drops in unannounced at the Tatooine palace.  Nestor does this every so often.  It’s a not so subtle way to check up on her, and they both know it.  This time, Nestor has a young, dark-haired boy with him.  The child can’t be more than ten.  He’s dressed neatly in all black with matching buzzcut hair to Nestor. 

 

The knight begins as usual with a manufactured explanation.  “We were heading back from Ahch-To, so I thought I would drop in, your Excellency.”

 

Riiiight.  Tatooine is nowhere near the hyperspace jump routes from Ahch-To to Coruscant.  But whatever.  Rey plays along.  “You went to the temple?”  She smiles down at the boy now.  “And who is this?”

 

“This is Pell.  Go on,” Nestor prods the boy.

 

“My lady,” the kid drops to one knee and then bounces back up.  “You are the Light,” Pell blurts out looking from Rey to Nestor for confirmation. “Right?”

 

“Yes,” Nestor inserts himself.  “Pell was identified as Force sensitive while he was in the stormtrooper program,” the knight explains for Rey’s benefit.  Then, he turns to the child.  “Just like at the temple, powerful Light balances powerful Darkness,” Nestor instructs the boy.  “The Empress has great strength in the Force.   She has far more Light than Dark leanings.”

 

Pell looks to Rey and asks, “Is that why you are the Master’s wife?”

 

“I am the Empress,” Rey answers diplomatically.  She frowns at Nestor. “Can Pell not be returned to his parents?” 

 

“Force sensitive children are wards of the state, just like during Snoke’s rule,” Nestor informs her.

 

“It’s okay,” the boy speaks up.  “This is way better than being a slave.”

 

“You’re a slave?” Rey blinks.

 

“I’m a person and my name is Pell,” the boy informs her with clear annoyance.  The kid ignores the knight’s look of disapproval at his tone.

 

“It’s okay,” Rey forestalls Nestor’s reprimand.  She tells the boy, “I was once a scavenger myself.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Rey looks questioning to Nestor.  It prompts the knight to explain, “Pell was sold to the First Order not long after Crait by a falthier breeder who needed to raise cash.”

 

“Who takes care of you now?” Rey asks the boy.

 

“I am fostering him,” Nestor answers.  “Pell wanted to meet the Empress after I told him about Ahch-To.”

 

Rey smiles down at the boy and confides more of her past.  “Did Sir Nestor tell you that I was exiled there for a bit?”

 

“No.  What for?” The boy’s eyes narrow.

 

“For making the Master mad,” Nestor answers bluntly.  “Never make the Master mad,” the knight imparts wisdom everyone in the galaxy knows about Kylo Ren.

 

“Is that why she’s exiled here on Tatooine now?” the artless boy asks.

 

“This time I exiled myself,” Rey chuckles.  She leans over and explains, “The Master made me mad and I left.”

 

“How are you, my lady?” Nestor quickly changes the topic.

 

She shrugs.  “Busy.”

 

“I know that.  But how are you?” Nestor persists.

 

“I’m great,” she answers with her camera-ready smile.

 

Nestor levels her a look.  “He’s going to ask me, you know.”

 

“I’m great and I’m keeping busy,” Rey answers with that same canned smile.

 

Nestor lets it go.  “Okay.  Is there anything you need?”

 

“No.”

 

“Will you reconsider training?”

 

“No.”  She shakes her head.  “The time isn’t right.  I’m far too busy with the Rim reforms.”

 

Nestor gives her a stern, reproachful look.  “You must make time for the Force.  It matters more than politics.”

 

Whatever.  “The time isn’t right,” she brushes off his concern. 

 

Nestor persists.  “Will you tell me when the time is right?”

 

“I promise.”

 

Still looking dissatisfied, Nestor excuses himself.  He and Pell take their leave.  Rey watches them thoughtfully as they exit.  In the large, slightly echoing chamber, it’s impossible not to hear the boy loudly ask, “Why doesn’t she want to learn the Force?  You said all Force users must learn to practice our religion.”

 

“The Empress is a special case.   The Master grants her a dispensation.”

 

“Why?”

 

“She doesn’t trust us.  She doesn’t trust the Force.”

 

“Why?  That’s stupid.”

 

“The Force calls to everyone at some point in their life.  Not everyone heeds the call.”

 

“That’s stupid.  Was she really a scavenger?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“That’s almost as bad as a slave.”

 

“Darth Vader was a slave.  Pell, it’s not who you are born, it’s who you become . . .”

 

After that, Rey can’t hear any more.  Then, Raj walks up to remind her that they have a meeting starting in five minutes down the hall.  Rey moves on.  It’s another busy day.

 

Nestor’s former slave boy ward isn’t the only person curious about Rey’s past.  Every now and then, she gets asked about her time with the Resistance.  Rey never contradicts the official explanation.  She always says the same vague but very true statement: “I cannot change the past.  I can only work for a better future.”

 

Those are words to live by for Rey.  For the past is everywhere to confront her.  It’s in the unnervingly familiar expressions on the young faces who populate the orphanages she visits.  It’s in the quiet stillness of the desert nights on Tatooine that remind her of Jakku.  It’s in the nightly official newsfeed showing Emperor Ren stalking off somewhere looked determined.  Rey just swallows hard and keeps going.  She’s moving on.  It’s what she always does.

 

Still, there are days that are hard.  Days when she worries about the futility of her efforts.  Days when she second guesses her decisions or rethinks her positions.  Days when she says or does the wrong thing.  This Empress job is hard.  It’s lonely too.  For no matter how many faces she interacts with during the day, she ends up by herself each evening.  Her routine is the same.  Rey takes a shower to wash away the day.  She eats a little.  Then, she meditates a few minutes, finding the Force like first Luke and then Ben taught her.  It calms her, centers her, relaxes her.  It prepares her for the dreams of the island she knows lie ahead.

 

Back during her Jakku days, the recurrent dreams of the island had been enticing.  Rey had seen a rocky green landscape surrounded by life sustaining water.   The island had seemed like a paradise compared to Jakku.  It beckoned to her, offering safety and comfort.  Maybe even the promise of security.  Those were her primary motivators in her desert days.

 

Things are far more complicated now.  Maybe that’s why Rey has different dreams of the island since coming to Tatooine.  They are dreams of a lightning strike that burns down the gnarled old tree that once held the sacred Jedi texts.  Dreams of water splashing like tears into the catch basin with the mosaic of Snoke.  Dreams of the Dark Side cave with the mirrors that reflect just her over and over again.  Dreams of being cold and alone living in exile in Luke Skywalker’s abandoned hut.  These unsettling images prey on her worst fears.  That she will be alone, afraid, and lost.  Burdened with a power that she cannot control and beset by responsibilities she cannot fulfill on her own.   

 

These dreams are the past, Rey tells herself when yet again she wakes up in a cold sweat.  There is nothing to fear here because all those scenarios have already come to pass.   She has confronted them already and moved on.  But somehow that knowledge is not reassuring.  Because these dreams feel less like old repressed stress and more like a warning.  It’s like the Force refuses to let the past die.

 

Dejected, Rey walks to the balcony off her bedroom and throws open the doors to walk out into the Tatooine night.  She stares out bleakly and wonders what Ben is dreaming of tonight.  Does he ever wish things could be different between them?  She does.  But it’s too late now.

 


	52. Chapter 52

“Rey.”

 

Kylo breathes her name out more than says it.  And his choice of words alone speaks volumes.  For there are few people left alive other than him, his knights, and Vanee who know Rey by her given name.  Formal protocol demands she be referred to by her title anyway.  Rey is the Empress and on the rare occasions he must refer to her, Kylo uses this same formulation.  It makes her a bit of an abstraction.  A phantom woman halfway across the galaxy who he sees on newsfeeds and never meets.  She might as well be a stranger.  But somehow, now that she’s standing in the doorway there is nothing impersonal about this meeting.  And so, of course, her given name slips from his lips.

 

“Rey.”  He says it again as he panics inside.  He hadn’t been expecting this.  His heart is racing but he outwardly projects calm.

 

Kylo and everyone else in the conference room now stand to show their respect.   That outpost on Tatooine Rey calls a palace might be regrettably lax on the social niceties, but this is Coruscant.  In his palace, tradition is observed and protocol matters.  Here amid the cultural and political vanguard, Emperor Ren keeps up appearances.  Just like he keeps up the appearance of a cordial, mutually beneficial marriage. 

 

No one is fooled, of course.  The whole galaxy knows that the Emperor and Empress are estranged.  They are never seen together and they live lightyears apart.  This was a political alliance all along, most pundits agree.  After all, Emperor Ren initially told everyone she was his sister, clearly signaling the absence of romance.  But others disagree, pointing to those long ago leaked pictures of him and Rey hand in hand.  He should never have leaked those pictures.  They haunt him now for Kylo cannot look at them without confronting what he lost. 

 

Was it asking too much to get both the girl and the galaxy?   Maybe so, he thinks.  But he cannot blame their breakup on the Force.  The fault lies squarely with him.  He had hoped that in time Rey would come to forgive him.  She had forgiven his other faults and excesses before.  But not this time.  This time, he went too far.  The two years of their separation have not mended their relationship in the slightest.  They are distant, speaking only through go-betweens and the occasional arm’s length formal memorandum. 

 

But here she is now.  Standing mere meters away from him.  Staring him down. 

 

Kylo swallows hard.

 

So does she, he sees.

 

“The Jelucan System needs immediate humanitarian relief,” Rey abruptly announces.  “It’s a mining system and your tariff reforms have caused widespread mine closings because prices have fallen.  A third of the native population has been out of work for nearly a year.”

 

Huh?  What now?  Kylo blinks.  He knows he should say something commanding and important.  Like how the major changes to the galactic economy are short term pain but long term gain.  That these temporary dislocations of workers will sort themselves out in time.  But instead, Kylo nods and half mumbles, “Yeah, okay.  That’s fine.”   And before he can stop himself, he adds, “Whatever you want.”

 

Fuck.  He makes a face despite himself.  And is she going to say thank you?  She doesn’t.  Rey just nods and sweeps from the room as if millions of credits handed over on a whim were her due. 

 

To compound the cringeworthy episode, Kylo can’t help himself and calls after her, “Wait!”   And this too isn’t commanding.  Even to his ears it sounds beseeching and pathetic.  “Wait!”

 

Rey stops and half turns.  “Was there something more, your Excellency?” she asks with glacial dignity.  She regards him as something akin to bantha fodder. 

 

And that kills his willingness to humiliate himself more. “No,” he backs down and Rey continues on her way.  She throws one final parting shot over her shoulder:  “You still owe me a Senate, Kylo Ren.”

 

All in all, the entire interaction takes less than a minute from start to finish.  But he obsesses over it for days afterwards.  Well, it might be more like weeks.  Mostly, Kylo wonders—and hopes—that Rey will reprise her surprise appearance.  But he worries too over Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber she held tight in her hand the whole time.  Kylo had been so intent on her face that his mind didn’t register the weapon until he watched her march out, swinging it in her hand.

 

Had Rey actually been afraid of him?  Or had that been more of her Jakku posturing?  Kylo can’t decide.

 

And did she look good in person?   He can’t remember.  She caught him completely off guard.  He thinks she looked like she does on the holonet:  pokerfaced and stern.

 

Rey doesn’t return.  Kylo goes back to obsessively watching her from afar.  These days, Rey is the Light in action, busy fast tracking the construction of schools and hospitals, forming inter-system economic councils and free trade zones, and supervising the distribution of social services and charitable aid.  The Rim is where that sort of community innovation and infrastructure is needed most.  It’s also where credits go the farthest and do the most good.  It costs a tenth of what it costs to build a school on Tatooine versus Coruscant, and so Kylo puts no real budget limit on Rey’s efforts.  His only request is that she builds a small chapel in each of her good works.  He wants his citizens to see the relevance of the Force in their everyday lives.

 

His Empress is at first befuddling to the Rim dwellers and then beloved.   For while the quiet, somewhat severe looking young woman has none of the flash his subjects expect, she understands and empathizes with their plight on a deeply personal level.  No one has the gravitas to speak on the struggles of the downtrodden on developing worlds like his Jakku scavenger wife.  The Empress never talks about her own past and the press is instructed never to raise it.  But her biography is open knowledge.  Rather than earn her contempt, among the Rim citizens it engenders as certain pride.  She is one of us, they think. 

 

In public, Rey has a grave dignity.  It is not unfriendly, just unapproachable.  His girl will always be a bit remote in her manner.  But people remember the holonet Resistance spokeswoman who was polite but firm and never argumentative.  It is a style rarely seen in public life where political spouses are typically all toothy smiles, stylish clothes, and enthusiastic quotes for the media.   In the ‘look at me’ competitive culture of strivers here on Coruscant, Rey sticks out for her absolute indifference to vanity.  And that makes sense.  For the Empress has nothing to prove to anyone. 

 

At her Tatooine palace, the Empress receives dignitaries dressed in stately formal robes.  But they are made of light colored woven bedouin fabrics common among desert dwellers.  It’s Rey dressed in a nicer version of the desert rags he first met her wearing.   That the Empress manages to sweep into a room looking elegant in a caftan made of peasant homespun will never cease to amaze him.  Maybe the dress is so excellently cut that it manages to be chic despite its conspicuous humility. Or maybe it’s just Rey who is naturally dignified no matter what she wears.  Her quiet poise puts others to shame for trying too hard.  This is her style:  authentic to herself with a few concessions to her elevated station.  Rey manages to meet expectations for acting like a queen while simultaneously being a woman of the people. 

 

The Empress is all substance.  But that doesn’t save her from receiving a disconcerting amount of holonet attention, even here in the Core.  Kylo, of course, follows it all slavishly.  As always, the media tends to make famous women into two dimensional figures.  People alternatively project upon Rey their need for inspiration or their anger and maybe even some guilt.   The Empress becomes a touchstone for a person’s experience in life and in the war—good or bad.   She endures it all with grace and a very grave dignity that is surprising for one so young.  And, over time, even among her detractors, a begrudging respect emerges.  It is a great irony that his unsmiling Empress who eschews fluffy interviews and avoids all showy outings is so beloved.  And by the mostly First Order aligned power base in the Rim, too. 

 

Rey has turned out to be everything Kylo hoped she would be as his Empress.  Except she’s his in name only.

 

She is the queen of the galaxy’s deplorables.  The compassionate heroine to those huddled masses yearning to breathe free.  The champion for all those hardscrabble Rim citizens who cling to their guns and traditions much to the disdain of the urban sophisticates of the Core.  She is the anti-intellectual, blunt speaking, peasant born Empress.  She has a ‘can do’ spirit and a roll-up-your-sleeves-and-get-to-work boosterism that inspires.  Most everyone living outside the Core of the galaxy applauds her for it.  She is one of the few local types who made it good. 

 

Whether by accident or by intent, Rey simply sidesteps everyone’s expectations of what a First Lady of the Empire should be.  She doesn’t wave at adoring crowds and appear at fancy parties.  She doesn’t wear expensive clothes and sports no jewelry.  She has never once appeared as a prop by his side, giving the traditional adoring looks of a public wife.  It is a masterful move because it means that Rey can’t fail to meet expectations.  She doesn’t even try.  Instead, she changes everyone’s expectations entirely. 

 

Kylo makes sure to capitalize on her growing popularity.  He instructs his regime to regularly laud the Empress.  Once a month, he himself praises her publicly.  Not that she ever acknowledges it.

 

And then one day, just like that, Rey appears again unannounced.  Kylo is sitting in his weekly military briefing with his top brass when the door opens and Rey stands on the threshold.  The interaction that follows has all the warmth of a prisoner exchange.

 

“Emperor Ren.”  Rey nods coolly at him.

 

“Empress.”  He stands to his feet and nods back.  He’s determined to make a better showing this time.  Especially in front of this particular audience.   It’s all alpha males in uniforms.

 

But did he not stand fast enough for her liking?  Rey raises an eyebrow.  “Am I interrupting something?”

 

“Of course.  But by all means, go ahead.”   Kylo strives to appear magnanimous and thoroughly in control.  But is anyone seeing how rattled he is?  He certainly hopes not.  But, damn, he’s sweating now.  His heart is pounding in his chest.

 

“Lothal needs a maternity hospital,” Rey announces.  “It has a rapidly growing population and the current facility cannot serve the public need.  Quite a few war veterans and former troopers have settled on Lothal due to the large military academy and training base located on-world.”

 

Kylo waves a hand dismissively.  “Have your people talk to my staff about that.”

 

“They did.  The request was denied.  So was the request for reconsideration.  That’s why I’m here.”  Rey’s eyes sweep around the room at the assembled military high command.  “These young, growing families are mainly your former soldiers, gentlemen,” she says pointedly.

 

“On what grounds was the request denied?” Kylo asks, doing his best to sound utterly bored.  He can posture too.

 

“Lothal has exceeded its budgetary infrastructure allotment for the year.” 

 

“Then raise private funds,” he denies her request.

 

“Lothal is very poor.  It is among the lowest quartile of per capita annual income in the Empire.  There are no wealthy, philanthropic citizens to be had on Lothal,” she persists.  “Private funds are not an option.”

 

“Next, are you going to tell me that Tatooine needs a new spaceport?”  Kylo crosses his arms and complains.  He’s doing it mostly to look tough.  He really doesn’t care about hospitals in the Rim.  Kylo cocks his head at Rey and challenges, “Is this going to happen every month?”

 

She stiffens at his push-back.  She raises her chin.  “It might.”  Glancing around the room at the sea of uniforms, she adds, “Perhaps instead of increasing the military budget you could shift some funds to the Rim.”

 

“That’s not happening,” he shoots her down flat. 

 

“Then you can expect to see me regularly going forward.”  Rey makes this sound like a threat.  She’s holding Luke’s lightsaber again, he finally notices.  The sight of her hand trembling slightly as it holds the sword reminds him of why it has come to this, with he and Rey barking at one another about official business across a crowded room. 

 

Kylo relents.  “Fine.  Build the hospital.  But I’m not paying for all of your pet projects.  This is the exception, not the rule.  Go find a way to pay for this sort of thing without public funds.  I don’t need you interrupting me to beg for credits.” 

 

It’s a foolish thing to say because Rey takes him up on his suggestion.  And just like that, Kylo loses the last of his leverage over Rey.  Now there are no more reasons for her to barge in every so often to beam her Light on him.  She still comes to Coruscant, but she meets with other people now.   Because a few months later Rey announces a new invitation-only charitable foundation for Core mogul types to join.  The select few approached to become members have the privilege of donating a few million credits towards worthy causes in the Rim.  In return, foundation members receive a lot of public accolades, the goodwill of the Empress, and entrée into a private cocktail reception at the Coruscant palace. 

 

Rey has neatly worked around him, Kylo sees.  He’s been outflanked.

 

And damn, he always gets her wrong.  He can always be trusted to do or say the wrong thing where Rey is concerned.  Determined to reverse that track record, Kylo surprises them both when he nonchalantly drops by her foundation’s inaugural cocktail reception.  He tells himself that doing so will only raise the stature of her little scheme and encourage more wealthy donors to sign up.  That helps to supplement his budget and helps his subjects in the Rim.  It’s a win-win.  But really, Kylo only shows up to see Rey. 

 

That night, she greets him perfunctorily and thereafter keeps her physical distance at all times.   Though they are in the same room, there are always a minimum of ten meters between them.   Even after the last guest has left, Rey hides behind a veil of formal politeness that cultivates an air of ceremony.   It’s annoying.  She addresses him as ‘Excellency’ and ‘Emperor’ when he tries to speak privately.  It’s as if she is addressing him in a letter, rather than having a conversation.  What few words they exchange are a stilted, awkward discourse.  

 

After a few terse minutes, he gives up.  She wins.  Kylo trudges back to his quarters to brood.

 

She used to run into his open arms.  She used to reach up and pull him down for lusty kisses.  She used to tease him playfully in bed and then talk for an hour afterward curled up in his arms naked.  They both counted the days until her next Coruscant holonet appearance.   In those few stolen hours when they would sneak away each week, he and Rey talked about all their plans for the future.  It was as much personal as it was political.  Everything from how many kids bedrooms to put in their palace to whether there should be proportional representation in the Senate.  She knew his insecurities, he knew her worst fears.  He tolerated all of her Jakku quirks and she looked the other way at his temper tantrums.  Each trying hard to be understanding because they recognized that they needed some allowance for themselves.  For truthfully, they both have somewhat extreme tendencies. 

 

But all that incipient love, all that secret intimacy, and all that delicious hot sex is gone.   In the wake of their spectacular breakup, there is . . . nothing. 

 

To cope, Kylo throws himself into his work.  Burying his mind in facts and figures, in proposals and reports, in meetings and official audiences.  Kylo immerses himself in the mundane nuts and bolts of his Empire.  He makes the trains run on time and viciously cracks down on crime.  He keeps focused on small, achievable things as he waits for his major reforms to take effect. Kylo justifies it as wanting to avoid doing too much, too fast.  But the truth is that Kylo despairs of the bigger picture of balancing the Force. 

 

Rey is off spreading the Light in the Rim but he needs her in Coruscant with him.  Nestor cheerleads for him regularly, as do his other knights.  But it doesn’t help.  Kylo feels himself dipping deeper into despondency.  He never wanted this job, but he has it and he wants to do it well.  But in the wake of losing Rey, he doubts he can.  His confidence is severely shaken. 

 

The self-doubt is as much about him personally as it is about the Force.  Because he found the girl promised to him by prophecy and he screwed it up.  What kind of stupid move is that?   His reflex to lash out with violence he understands.  But the underlying self-destruction he does not.  He ruined everything for himself.  He gave in to Darkness in the worst way, heedless of the consequences. 

 

If Snoke were around, Kylo would still be smoking from all his Force lightning.  His old Master would be livid.  Raging that Kylo had been unbalanced in the moment like some newbie Sith Apprentice.  Snoke had preached long and hard that you control Darkness, you don’t let it control you.  Because Darkness can consume you and ruin it all.  That’s ultimately why Sidious had a deformed face and why Vader lived in a suit.  Snoke lectured repeatedly that Darkness is the means and not the goal.  Because if you allow yourself get swept away into the shadow side of the Force, it will corrupt your mind and ruin your body.  You could end up a raging, snarling brutish beast like Maul.  Darkness is dangerous, old Snoke had warned in his gravelly voice.  Only the strongest of men can truly master it as a tool.  And those who try but fail pay a horrible price.

 

Was choking Rey his Luke Skywalker moment?   Kylo worries it was.   And that means he’s not up to the task of balancing the Force.  He’s too unstable himself.  Kylo knew all along that he needed Rey to pull it off.  But he hurt her anyway.  What a fool he had been. 

 

After he choked Rey, Kylo didn’t bother to argue or put up a fight about her leaving him.   He knew what he had done.  And there is no undoing it.  No amount of sorry can make it better.

 

So . . . two years later, he is still stuck in that same place.  He is alone.  Beset by regrets, in a deep depression, and going through the motions most of the time.

 

Off and on, he daydreams through scenarios of showing up on Tatooine to beg for forgiveness.  But Rey won’t want to hear it.  And freezing her in the Force to make her listen is precisely the wrong tactic.  Manhandling Rey is what got him into this situation in the first place.  So while Kylo might fantasize about storming his desert palace to reclaim his lost love in a forcible seduction, he would never actually do such a thing.  Those thoughts are just his aggressive feelings combined with his repressed sexual urges and his broken heart.  They are an outlet of sorts.  A Dark, passionate fairytale happy ending he thinks about as he lies in bed.

 

The loneliness and stress have taken their toll.  He looks like Hell.  Nestor even told him so this week.  And then, the Second Knight started in on the same old refrain.  Trust in the Force, Nestor always urges.  If the Force wants you and Rey back together, then it will happen eventually.  It’s good advice, but two years in Kylo finds it hard to maintain optimism.  This is when faith matters most, Nestor persists.  You are being tested, the big knight contends. 

 

I was tested, Kylo mopes.  I was tested and I failed.  And now, I’m afraid.  He finally admits this aloud.  Looking up man to man at his oldest ally, he admits it all.  I’m afraid that it’s too late.  That I have failed you.  Like Luke failed us. 

 

I’m not afraid and don’t you be afraid, Nestor answers as he claps him on his slumped shoulder.  I fear nothing.  All is as the Force wills it.  The Second Knight shoots him a look of reproach.  You know that better than any of us.

 

Yes, he does.  He’s a Skywalker, after all.

 

It’s another long, lonely night.  Kylo is keyed up and can’t sleep, so he reaches for the Force.  He sits before his grandfather’s mask in meditation, hoping for guidance.  What does he do now?  How will he ever find balance?   As usual, the Force refuses to yield up its secrets.  Demoralized Kylo drags himself to bed. 

 

He knows what’s coming next.  Here come his recurrent dreams of fear and regret.  They are dreams of Rey cold, hungry, and alone in exile on Ahch-To.  Dreams of her held fast by a crazed killer with a blaster to her temple.  Dreams of himself waking rejected to an empty bed the morning after his mother died.  Dreams of him choking Rey so hard that her neck breaks in two places.  These unsettling images prey on his worst fears.  That he will forever be alone thanks to his own actions.  Unable to find the personal happiness he needs and incapable of balancing the Force.  And then, he will be miserable and let everyone down.

 

These dreams are the past, Kylo tells himself when yet again he wakes up in a cold sweat.  There is nothing to fear here because all those scenarios have already come to pass.  He has confronted them and moved on.  But somehow that knowledge is not reassuring.  Because these dreams feel less like unresolved post-traumatic stress and more like a warning.  It’s like the Force refuses to let the past die.

 

Dejected, Kylo walks to the balcony off his bedroom and throws open the doors to walk out into the crisp Coruscant night.  He stares out bleakly and wonders what Rey is dreaming of tonight.  Does she ever wish things could be different between them?  He does.  But it’s too late now.


	53. Chapter 53

Raj may still be honing his political instincts and media savvy, but when it comes to palace gossip from Coruscant, he is a virtuoso.  Raj knows the complete list of high ranking First Order military commanders and civilian officials from his pre-praetorian days.  Because for years before Raj was a second-string Snoke guard, he was just a regular bodyguard assigned to protect a wide array of notables.  From those days, Raj also knows most of the other security guards, all of whom are now stationed at Coruscant.  So when Raj really wants to know what’s going on in Kylo Ren’s palace, he calls up his old buddies to check in.  These men know all the comings and goings of the First Order elites and they hang in corners of crowded meeting rooms as silent witnesses to power.  From one of them, Raj randomly finds out about Emperor Ren’s plans for a new Senate. 

 

It’s big news.  And not the good news Rey might expect.

 

Raj bursts into her office on one of the few afternoons Rey is not scheduled for an appearance or a meeting.  “Hux is the new Senate Chancellor,” her breathless chief of staff blurts out. 

 

“What?”  Rey puts down her datapad.  “You’re kidding me.”

 

“It’s true.  Hux convened a meeting of his posse last week to talk about his new post.  He’s been put in charge of designing a Senate from scratch.”

 

“No!” Outraged Rey shoots to her feet.  “Hux?   Armitage Hux is designing the Senate??”

 

“He’s already assembled a working group for the project.  They are meeting bi-weekly for the next few months.  It’s top secret stuff even at the palace.  But I’ve got buddies guarding guys on the team, so we’ll get some leaks.”

 

Rey’s eyes narrow.  She wants more than just leaks.  “How close are they to announcing a Senate?”

 

“They haven’t even met yet.   Months, I would assume,” Raj guesses.  “But who knows?”

 

“When do they meet next?”

 

“Tomorrow.”

 

“Tomorrow?” Rey echoes, her mind racing.  “Tomorrow when?”

 

“Afternoon local time, I think.  I’ll check.”

 

Rey does the math on the time zones and the flight time in her head.  “If it’s afternoon, then we can still make it.  Go check the timing and pack a bag, Raj.  We leave in half an hour,” Rey decides.  She’ll be damned if she will allow her Senate to be hijacked by Mr. Starkiller himself, General Hux. 

 

The next day, afternoon Coruscant local time, the Empress sweeps down the hallways of her official residence hoping not to get lost.  Thankfully, Raj has the details down and together they march into the right conference room just as General Hux is calling the meeting to order.  The timing is perfect to maximize the drama of the moment.

 

Hux looks up in surprise.  Then he eyes her a long moment.  But he dutifully stands to his feet like all the other occupants in the room.   “Your Excellency.  A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one.”  Hux smiles like an oily courtier to a Hutt.  

 

Rey inclines her head.  “General.”

 

“Are you perchance lost?  Never fear, we will get you where you need to be.”  Hux beckons to an aide and starts throwing shade.  “Escort our Empress to her destination.  She is so seldom here in Coruscant, she does not know her way around.”

 

“I believe I am in the right place,” Rey counters coolly.  “This is the meeting on the Senate, is it not?”

 

“We’re calling it a legislature,” the general replies smoothly.  “Had you been invited, you would have known that.”

 

Rey responds by seating herself opposite Hux at the open chair at the far end of the long table.  Then she gives a regal wave to invite the roomful of standing men and women back into their chairs. 

 

Hux remains standing at the far end of the room.  His eyes flit past Rey to focus on Raj standing sentry at her shoulder.  “I see you brought your rebel praetorian with you.”

 

“The captain is my chief of staff.   He, like myself, was undercover with the Resistance.  He is loyal to the Emperor, as am I.”

 

“First, there is a rebel stormtrooper general.  Now, there is a rebel praetorian captain.  Everyone who gets near you falls victim to democracy.”   Hux says this like it’s some contagious disease.  “Even our esteemed Emperor has been known to waver from time to time.”

 

“Which is why we are here today, is it not?” Rey counters.  “For democracy.”

 

The general stubbornly remains standing.  He purses his lips.  Hux clearly is not pleased to have his meeting hijacked.  “Can you not busy yourself liberating the Rim?   Don’t you have widows and orphans to be helping on Rakata Prime or something?”

 

“Jakku, Army,” a colonel Rey doesn’t recognize corrects Hux.  “She’s from Jakku.”

 

“I stand corrected,” Hux nods to his crony.  “Forgive me, but all those wretched Rim systems run together for me.  I can’t tell one hellhole from the next.”

 

Rey just favors her adversary with a tight smile.  Scornful comments like Hux’s make the chip on her Jakku-born shoulder get bigger.  For the arrogant general, like so many others from Imperial exile families, is very Core in his mindset.  The First Order elites might have lived among the Rimmers, but they don’t consider themselves from the Rim.  All in all, they feel relieved and vindicated to be back in charge of Coruscant.  Now, the officers of the First Order finally have fancy surroundings that match their fancy accents.

 

The cause of the Rim was a convenient means to an end for Snoke.  A populist rallying cry that suckered many thousands into signing up for service or handing their children over as stormtroopers.  The rhetoric of the regime still pays lip service to their original supporters, but Rey knows that her work is far from a priority.  The Rim was used, Rey knows.  Just like she was. 

 

That makes it particularly annoying to hear the same attitudes of the disdainful Core worlds come out of the mouths of men wearing black uniforms.  The Rim is not an angry backward monolith, Rey knows.  The working class of the Rim are far more diverse than the Core believes.  Far more tolerant of alien cultures and much more egalitarian and self-reliant too.  But in this room, the people Rey champions are considered uneducated cretins from flyover systems.  And she, as the self-exiled Resistance-loving Jakku Empress, is equally worthy of contempt.  Everyone knows she is out of favor with his Excellency.  So much so that apparently there’s no risk in openly mocking her in her own palace. 

 

It makes Rey inwardly seethe. 

 

All along, the downtrodden citizens in the Rim should have been Resistance supporters.  But the contradictions and outright lies of politics mean that the rhetoric rarely matches the deeds.  This is why the poor will always be with us, Rey thinks cynically.  Because no matter who is in power, the people who lack influence and means always get fucked.

 

“Take a seat, General, and let’s begin,” Rey says in her most Empress-y tone.  She’s done with the bickering and name calling.   

 

The handsome, redheaded general dutifully sits, but the turf battle continues.  Hux wags a finger at Rey from the other end of the table.  “I will tolerate your meddling in the Rim.   I will not tolerate your meddling here.   But since you are present, you may observe for today,” he informs Rey dismissively. 

 

But she has no intention of being seen but not heard.  Rey didn’t fly all night from Tatooine to sit quietly with her hands in her lap.  “This is my Senate,” she hisses.  “The Emperor promised me a Senate years ago.  Now, be so kind as to brief me on where things currently stand on my Senate.” 

 

“I am the Chancellor of the legislature.”  Hux puts his emphasis on the first person.

 

Rey doesn’t back down.  She’s a fighter thanks to Jakku.  These days, she’s still fighting even as Empress. “General, putting a fascist like you in charge of democracy is like asking the fox to guard the hen house.”

 

“Stop calling it democracy,” Hux snaps.  “We are not recreating the Republic here.  You and your rebel friends lost the war.  The legislature will be an advisory council to the Emperor, nothing more.  It is merely the next iteration of the existing First Order Council.   This legislature serves the First Order.”

 

“I can see my input is sorely needed,” Rey announces.  Then, she schools Hux on the basics.  “The Senate serves the people.  Democracy is about the will of the people.”  Rey leans forward now in her chair.  “Tell me, General, have you ever worked in the context of a truly collaborative body?  Or have you only ever operated according to a chain of command?”  When Hux doesn’t immediately answer, Rey keeps going.  “I thought so.  I have learned a few things from the rebel council and from our experience in the Rim Committee.  You could benefit from my experience.”

 

“Oh, by all means, bog us down.  Democracy deferred is democracy denied,” Hux responds breezily and several in his roomful of cronies chuckle.

 

“Don’t be so smug,” Rey retorts.  “There is one chance to get this right.  We can announce some refinements as we go, but if we launch a Senate structure that fails, everyone loses.”

 

“Fine.  Enough.”  Hux scowls openly at her.  “Let’s get to work.”

 

The lengthy meeting that follows maintains the same snippy atmosphere, although the discussion is largely substantive.  There is a lot to resolve about the Senate, from how its members are selected, to what powers the body has, to how its decisions are made.  Each big picture issue has a host of individual related items to decide.  Plus, all of it has a political angle.  Give too much power to the Core and the First Order risks losing control.  But ignore the Core at your peril.  All in all, there is much to consider.  This is a very big project.

 

When they are done for the day, Hux adjourns the meeting and then marches out of the room with his subordinates trailing after him.  That just leaves Rey and Raj.

 

“That could have gone better,” Rey sighs as she flops back into her chair.  She’s feeling dejected and depleted from three hours on the hot seat sparring with Hux and his yes-men. 

 

“Why does Hux hate you so much?” Raj wants to know.

 

“I choked him with the Force years ago,” Rey admits.  “But he hated me even before then.  I think he hates everything I stand for and believe in.  Hux is the worst possible choice as Senate Chancellor.”  She is glum as she pokes at her temples.  Stressful meetings like this give her a headache.  “I think every meeting with him is going to be as bad as this one.”

 

“Maybe you should spend more time here on Coruscant.   Perhaps if you were here more often, they would be more respectful,” Raj suggests.  He is clearly feeling dissed on Rey’s behalf.

 

“It wouldn’t matter.”

 

“I’m surprised Ren lets his people treat you like that.”

 

“I doubt he knows.  And if he does, he probably wouldn’t care.”  Rey shrugs and pretends like it doesn’t bother her.  And whatever.  Hux isn't the first arrogant asshole she’s dealt with.   “I can handle myself.”

 

“Yes,” Raj nods, “You sure can.   But you shouldn’t have to.”  Looking around the now empty room he recalls, “You know, years ago I guarded Hux’s father a time or two.  If you can believe it, he was worse than his son.   Hux Senior was an arrogant moofmilker if there ever was one.  But I guess they all are.  You pretty much have to be a narcissistic prick to get to these levels of power.” 

 

“Ren is not,” she volunteers softly. 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“He’s not in it for himself.”   Ben has that redeeming quality at least.  He’s in it for the Force.  She’s in it to help others.  Neither of them has vainglory as their motivation.  But most everyone surrounding them does.

 

“Let’s get out of here, Empress,” Raj suggests.   She nods and he picks up his comlink and informs the shuttle pilot to prepare for takeoff. 

 

They get lost twice on the way back to the landing pad.  It’s a bit embarrassing to have to ask for directions in your own palace, but Rey brazens through it.  Finally, she and Raj hit upon the right corridor and exit into the coolness of Coruscant’s early evening.  Front and center in the prime spot on the landing pad, Rey’s shuttle sits fully warmed up and waiting with the ramp deployed.  And next to it, newly landed based on the decrescendo of its ion engines, is a very familiar, slightly battle scarred black command shuttle.

 

It seems that Emperor Ren has returned home for the day. 

 

Great, just great, Rey thinks.  As if this day hasn’t been bad enough.  And sure enough, Ben stalks down the ramp followed by a pack of uniformed aides.  He sees her and stops in his tracks.  The breeze lifts his cape and tosses the hem of his robes.  It makes him look altogether too dashing.  Ben is far more handsome in person than on the holonet.  She has forgotten how magnetic his presence feels.

 

She probably ought to just ignore him and leave, but on a whim Rey marches right up to Ben.   After today’s frustrating meeting, Rey is more irate than ever about the situation.  She is not impulsive by nature, but somehow Ben seems to bring out that trait in her.  Rey casts away her fears about her violent, estranged husband and confronts him.

 

Raj stops a few discrete paces back and so does Ben’s entourage.  But anyone can hear the gist of the conversation as Rey loudly demands without preamble, “Why did you put Hux in charge of the Senate?”  

 

“Rey,” Ben breathes out her name in response.  “Are you leaving?  Did I miss you?  Was there an event today?”  The words come out in a rush.

 

Rey ignores his surprise and omits an explanation. “Well?” she prods.  “Why Hux?”  Why not me, she thinks to herself.  That Senate was for me.  It was supposed to be a wedding present. 

 

Ben shrugs and answers flippantly. “Hux could use a little democracy.”  Then, Ben reverts to talking about her.  He is looking Rey over intently.   “How are you?  It’s good to see you.”

 

Really?  Well, whatever.  Rey stays focused on her point. “Hux is a terrible choice.”  Her voice is raised and sharp.  It causes a ripple of looks from the group standing behind Ben. 

 

Ben must not want a scene in full public view on the landing pad.   He steps forward to tell her quietly, “Come inside.  We can talk in private there.   And we’re not calling it a Senate.  It’s a legislature.”

 

Rey stands her ground. “Hux is a terrible choice!   He fired the Starkiller at the New Republic.”  The optics are terrible, Rey thinks.  

 

“He is the perfect choice,” Kylo counters calmly.  “Putting Hux at the helm keeps the connection to the council he already runs and makes the legislature acceptable to the First Order loyalists.”

 

“Why is that still necessary?   Your diehards aren’t complaining about what I’m doing in the Rim.  We basically have our own Senate out there,” Rey points out.

 

“I know.  You’re helping pave the way for this.  But your work alone doesn’t mean that there will be widespread support for a Senate.  Especially if it’s called a Senate.  Come, walk apart with me.”  Ben determinedly conducts her away from their helpers and handlers who are listening in. 

 

Rey balks at his attempt at hand holding to lead her away, but she dutifully follows Ben a distance apart from the others.  Once they are far enough away with their backs turned, Rey starts in again.  She’s angry enough now that she drops the usual chilly formal politeness she uses with Ben.  Rey doesn’t mince words.  “I’m not letting Hux screw this up!  You owe me a Senate!”

 

Understanding dawns.  “That’s why you are here today?  To storm Hux’s meeting?”

 

“Yes.”  She is unapologetic. 

 

Ben’s face splits in a rare grin.  “I’m sorry I missed that.  Well, poke your nose in all you want.  But Hux stays in charge.  I need to keep him busy with some skin in the game.  It will keep him loyal.”

 

“Worried about a coup?” Rey challenges. 

 

Ben frowns at this plain speaking out in the open.  “I’m acting prudently in the context of the political realities.”  He shoots her a look.  “You can understand that.  I’m keeping the peace.”

 

“That is my Senate!” Rey hisses, feeling betrayed.  “I married you for that Senate!” she rages.  It comes out a little too loudly and her voice carries.  Rey glances over at their respective aides-de-camp cooling their heels and knows that she has been overheard.  

 

Ben scowls at her. “Keep your voice down.”

 

“You owe me this!   I’ve been waiting years for this!”

 

“Look, Rey, it can’t be you at the helm of the legislature.  That’s not good politics.”

 

“Fine.  But Hux??  Really, Ben.”  It’s like a slap in the face.  Rey shakes her head.  Suddenly, she feels like she might cry right here, right now on the palace landing pad.  Because it’s been a bad day and this is about a Senate but it’s also about so much more. “You really are a disappointment,” she chokes out.  “Nothing you promised me was sincere.  N-Nothing . . . ”

 

Ben shoots her a hurt look.   Then another.  “Don’t say that,” he grinds out.  “Not much of this Empire is turning out like I wanted either.  It’s hard.   Really hard.   But I am doing my best.”

 

Oh, please, she thinks.  “Don’t whine.  It ill becomes the Emperor of the known universe.”

 

Ben stares at her long and hard.  His expression is upset.  Suddenly, he looks like he wants to cry too.  “Rey, I wish . . . ”   He doesn’t finish his sentence.  He just stands there looking miserable.  Then, the moment passes and Ben recovers fast.  “Come inside.”   This time it’s an order, not an invitation.  “Come inside and yell at me and say everything you want to say.”

 

Wary Rey’s eyes widen.  She shakes her head.  “This is about the Senate.  There’s nothing else to talk about between us.”  Rey has no desire to dredge up the painful past.  Especially not today.

 

“It’s been over two years and we have never talked about it.   We never talk about anything.”

 

“And we’re not going to,” she informs him curtly.  “There’s nothing to say.”  And that’s a lie because there is everything to say.  But that’s a conversation she doesn’t want to have. 

 

But Ben won’t let it go.  “Rey, I’m sorry!  I never should have—”

 

“Stop.  Just stop!”  She has the courage to confront Ben over the Senate or on behalf of her Rim citizens, but she cannot confront him over their personal relationship.   There’s no point to that discussion. They can’t change the past.  Plus, all the disappointment and anger it dredges up just overwhelms her.  It undercuts her hard-won confidence.

 

“Alright.”   Ben instantly backs down.  Looking resigned and resentful, he makes a face and looks away.  “You win.  You always win.  I won’t fight you.”

 

It doesn’t feel like she’s winning.  Not at all, Rey thinks.  It feels like it has felt for years now:   like she is coping and making the best of a bad situation she cannot make better.   She has salvaged all the power she can and found a way to give her life meaning.  It’s not what she wanted, but it’s enough.  

 

Rey looks down and then away.  Anywhere but Ben’s intense dark eyes that bore into her.  Always, Rey is tense and very uncomfortable in his presence.   She can count on one hand the number of times they have met since he choked her.  Their meetings are fraught with heartbreak still.   

 

There is just so much left unsaid.  So much pain unresolved.  Rey can feel the Force cracking and popping around them.  It only adds to the anxiety of this chance meeting.   Belatedly, she wishes she had just boarded her shuttle and left.  This was a battle she should not have picked.

 

“You’re doing amazing things in the Rim,” Ben says offhand now.  It’s an awkward compliment followed by an admission.  “You’re far better at this governing thing than I am.  Maybe you should give me some pointers sometime.”

 

“I should go.”  Rey starts walking away.  

 

“Stay just a minute.  Please.” 

 

Something about his uncharacteristically pleading tone stops her and Rey half turns.  

 

“Stay and tell me about the meeting.  Give me your ideas for the Senate.”

 

“I’ll have Raj send a memo.”

 

“I want to hear it from you. Tell me about the meeting.  Tell me about you, too.”

 

“I’m great.”  She’s as great as she can possibly be given she’s alone and miserable.  “I’m great.”  Rey repeats herself with the same determined confidence.  Because maybe if she says it enough, she will start to believe it.  

 

“Yeah, I can see that,” he says softly.  And was that comment sincere or was that sarcasm? Rey isn’t sure.  Is he seeing through her bluster?  Does he know how hard this is for her?

 

Maybe she’s supposed to ask about him now.  That would be the polite thing to do.  But Rey just wants to get out of here before she says or does something she will regret.  Her strategy when she encounters Ben is always to keep it as brief as possible. 

 

“I dream of you.”

 

Oh, fuck.  Rey feels herself momentarily crumple and she raises her hands to her face.  Because she can’t do this.  Not now.  Now ever.  

 

“It’s like you haunt me.”

 

And wait—suddenly, she’s the bad guy now?  “Well, I’m great.”  It comes out very defensively.  “I’m great and I’m leaving.”  She starts walking away again.  

 

He calls after her.  “Hux is meeting every two weeks on the legislature.   Come back in two weeks.”

 

Rey doesn’t reply although she full intends to return.  She’s not giving up her Senate without a fight.

 

And now, suddenly Ben is at her side matching her stride for stride.  He’s giving chase now and it feels threatening.  

 

“Rey—“ he persists.

 

Desperate for any topic other than them, Rey blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.  “How is Pell?  The slave boy Nestor takes care of.”

 

“He’s fine.  He lives here on Coruscant with Nestor’s family.”   Ben stops and she stops too. “Why?” he demands, watching her closely.   He looks almost paranoid as he asks, “Why are you asking about Pell?  What’s so special about Pell?”

 

“Nestor has a family?”   She’s surprised.  

 

Ben nods. “He’s got a wife and three kids.  None of them are Force sensitive.  It doesn’t always pass on.”

 

“Oh.  I didn’t know knights could marry.”  That had never occurred to Rey but maybe it’s obvious since she and Ben are married.  “So, the boy has a home?” 

 

“Yes.  That kid is the son Nestor always wanted.”  Ben stares at her.  He looks worried.  “Why do you ask?”

 

“Nestor dropped by with the boy a few months ago. I just wondered about him.  That’s all. I wanted him to have a home.”  Rey feels sheepish now.  She’s embarrassed to appear lonely to Ben.  

 

“We will take care of him,” Ben assures her.  “We always take care of our own.   Pell will be raised in the Force and properly trained when he is old enough.”

 

“Okay.  Well, good.  Are there more like him?”

 

“Not that we’ve found.  Force sensitivity is very rare.  At the height of the Old Republic, there were only ten thousand Jedi knights among many trillions of citizens.  And that was back when the Jedi Order had a systematic way to search for Force strong children.  Thanks to Snoke vilifying Luke Skywalker and what happened at the temple, no one voluntarily comes forward as Force sensitive anymore.”

 

She nods.  That makes sense.  “Well, when you next find an orphan child with the Force, send them to me.”

 

“No.”

 

No?  Her eyes shoot to his and Ben explains, “Rey, you have never been properly trained yourself.  Any new padawans must be raised in our religion as a believer.”

 

She is annoyed and it shows.  “So I’m not pious enough for you?”

 

“No.  You’re not.”

 

“Because I don't have blind faith in you as our messiah?” she goads.

 

“This isn’t about me.  Our faith is in the Force.”  Ben sighs and looks away.   “What’s this all about, Rey?   Why are you so interested in this boy?  Tell me.  I want to know.”

 

“I just wanted him to have a home, that’s all.   I should be going.”   

 

This time as she walks off, he doesn’t follow.  “Come back in two weeks,” he calls after her.

 

She doesn’t reply.

 

“And send me that memo.”


	54. Chapter 54

_I’m great._

 

That was a lie and they both knew it.  Rey isn’t great.  She’s busy and working hard, doing and saying all the right things.  But she’s not great. 

 

He knows because his intel guys embedded in her palace staff describe a deceptively high-strung woman who spends her days off doing unnecessary maintenance on the small fleet of First Order vehicles on Tatooine.  Don’t offer to help or she will bite your head off.  The Empress prefers to do things for herself.  And besides, it’s not really about completing the task.  It’s how the former scavenger mechanic relaxes.

 

Rey is a homebody who locks herself in her suite when the day is done.   She talks to Vanee and to that unimpressive praetorian she hired who she places way too much trust in.  But other than that, Rey keeps to herself.  Vanee prodded his mother’s droids into befriending her but Rey keeps Threepio and Artoo at arm’s length, like she does everyone else.  It worries Kylo.  At least, he consoles himself, Rey isn't making marks on the wall.  But if she starts, he’s prepared to do an intervention. 

 

From afar, he keeps close tabs on his estranged wife.  Kylo knows what Rey watches on the holonet (all the major newsfeeds and a rotation of sappy romances where love conquers all and good triumphs over evil), he knows what she eats (mostly protein and occasional junk food, never vegetables), he knows what she reads on her datapad (an alarming number of articles about his late mother), and even what she hoards (she’s moved on from food and water to power cells and fuel now too).  He knows that when Rey is upset she wanders the Tatooine Dune Sea alone on a speeder bike.  It’s always after she returns from her rare visits to Coruscant and often after she returns from the most impoverished worlds.  Those activities brush too close to things in her past, and so Rey returns to the desert where she first learned to repress her emotions.

 

All in all, Rey lives a life full of service to others with little in the way of diversion.  Truthfully, it’s a lot like looking at a mirror of his own lackluster existence.  It’s not bad per se.   But it’s not good either.  And it’s certainly not great like Rey pretends. 

 

Vanee sends him fretful messages from time to time.  Vader’s old staffer worries that Rey is not adequately protected when she travels to visit other systems.  But Rey refuses the extra security detail he sent, so Kylo lets it go without comment.  She can take the risk if she wants.  Vanee also worries when Rey diverges too far from the party line coming out of Coruscant.  But Kylo lets those moments slide.  He explains them away to his irate politicos as differences in style and emphasis rather than substance.  Still, no one is fooled that the outspoken Empress is fully on board with the First Order.  Rey will always be a bit more freedom loving and charitable than his regime likes.  But whatever.  She’s doing a thankless job cleaning up the Rim and she’s doing a bang-up job of it.  So what if she has a bleeding heart and a sharp tongue when it comes to war refugees and starving children?  There’s not enough kindness and social justice in his Empire as it is.  Kylo is reluctant to dim her Light.  This is what the Force wants Rey to do, he knows. 

 

Nestor stops by Tatooine every chance he gets like a meddlesome aunt.  He keeps urging Rey to look to the Force for happiness and fulfillment.  Then, the Second Knight returns to Coruscant to nag at Kylo to patch things up with Rey by seeking balance.  As usual, Nestor thinks the Force is the answer to every problem.  Both his teachers Luke Skywalker and Snoke would be proud to hear that.  And, Kylo doesn’t disagree with this assessment.  But until now, Kylo has preferred to sit back and let the Force handle things.  And that has resulted in this tense, cold war standoff between he and Rey.

 

He’d be lying if he said that doubts have not seeped in.  Kylo worries from time to time that he should let go of Rey and move on.  But that feels like a betrayal of the Force.  Like if he gives up on Rey, he’s giving up on the future and on balance.  Besides, Kylo knows he is not good at moving on.  He can tell himself to let go but that’s much harder than it sounds.  And, well, he doesn’t let go of feelings easily.  Truthfully, he’s never managed to do it.  He couldn’t stop needing his father who rejected him and that’s why Kylo ignited a lightsaber through his chest.  He couldn’t let go of his anger at his uncle’s betrayal and that’s why Kylo hunted him obsessively across the galaxy.  He couldn’t let go of his desire to please his distant mother and that’s why Kylo allowed her to linger for weeks on the _Finalizer_. 

 

Rey is right:  the past doesn’t die.  Especially not the pain of the past.  You just have to accept it and move on.  But that’s really hard when there’s no new rebound girl waiting in the wings.   If he were an ordinary man, he would just swipe right and get himself a new lover.  Hell, he’s the Emperor.  He could have an orgy of hot girls in his bed tonight if he wanted.  But that won’t help.  Kylo doesn’t want just any girl.  He wants the one the Force picked out for him.  And besides, he and Rey are still married and he’s not a cheater. 

 

To compound matters, it’s all a package deal.  Rey is his consort to rule his Empire and balance the Force.  Lose her and he might just lose it all.  Some days, that’s actually a pretty tempting thought.  But Kylo knows better than to run away like his uncle did.   Skywalkers never get to stay obscure for long.   You don’t get to choose your career path when you’re the Chosen One.  So despite daydreams of rusticating on a moisture farm somewhere, Kylo is resigned to fulfill his destiny or die trying. 

 

And that’s why over two years later, he and Rey are each firmly anchored in the past.  He’s unwilling to move on.  She’s unable to move on.  They are each stuck and miserable.  Time to be stuck and miserable together, Kylo decides.  Two years is enough time apart on opposite sides of the galaxy.   Plus, if Nestor is right about his mysterious Padawan learner Pell, then the Force might be losing patience with him and Rey. 

 

He has decided that the Senate project is how he will regain Rey’s trust.  She has seen the worst of his Darkness. Now, he will show her some Light.  Every two weeks, he will get a chance to see her.  He’ll take it a day at a time and see where things lead.  With the Force on his side—and he desperately hopes the Force is still on his side—he can’t lose.

 

And so, Kylo counts the days and then the hours until Rey touches down on Coruscant for the next Senate meeting with Hux.   The anticipation is exciting.  For the first time in years, Kylo thinks things might improve for him and Rey.  He has a lot of groveling to do, he knows.  And first, he has to convince Rey to listen to him.  But still . . . he has hope.   May the Force be with them, he prays. 

 

When Rey arrives at the palace, Kylo resists the urge to meet her on the landing platform.  Instead, he watches from afar as his erstwhile wife disembarks into the cool, breezy morning.   She wears a long, black hooded cloak that looks like she borrowed it from Vanee’s closet.  It’s positively Sith with the hood pulled low like that.  But then, the wind whips it back and reveals Rey underneath.  As usual, she has her hair in that severe center parted style with two low buns.  It looks like a combination of his mother’s iconic hairdo and Rey’s functional trio of knots from Jakku.  It’s a very neat, oddly demure look.  Pretty in a severe way that photographs well.

 

When Rey makes trips to Coruscant, she eschews her normal Rim wear.  Here she looks like a Core Empress in expensive fabrics in dark, imposing hues.  Today, she has donned scarlet red.   And he likes that.  He likes that a lot.  Black and red.  It’s very First Order and that’s no accident, he suspects.  Rey is here sporting his colors as she prepares to spend the day in a conference room subverting his fascist regime by plotting democracy.  He likes the duplicitous underhandedness of that symbolism.  Yes, that Sith cloak really is a nice touch. 

 

Kylo spends his morning on business, cooling his heels until the last moment when he plans to swoop in to disarm Rey, Hux, and their roomful of colleagues.  The day drags on until finally it is time.  Kylo casually saunters into the meeting as if he hadn’t planned this disruption all along.

 

As he surveys the room, everyone rises to their feet.  The military types present stand at rigid attention.  The civilians just look scared.

 

General Hux speaks up.  “Excellency, welcome.   We were not expecting you.  Only er . . . her.”  Hux nods towards Rey. 

 

His Empress stands wearing an expression Kylo recognizes from the holonet.  It’s pleasantly fake.  And look, she’s got his uncle’s lightsaber tucked discretely into her hand.  It didn’t take much for her to reach for that, Kylo sees. 

 

But whatever.  He ignores it.  Kylo remains standing in the doorway as he waves everyone back into their seats.  “Carry on, General.  I merely wish to look in on the rebirth of democracy.”

 

“We beat you to that in the Rim,” Rey announces dryly. 

 

Everyone exchanges covert glances.  Then as a group they put their heads down and suddenly busy themselves in their datapads.  Everyone is afraid to get caught in the crossfire, apparently.

 

Is it going to be that kind of meeting?  Well, bring it on, Kylo thinks happily.  At least he and Rey are in the same room and she hasn’t lit that sword yet.  He considers that progress.

 

Doing his best to sound magnanimous and non-threatening, Kylo publicly commends Rey.  “Empress, you are doing admirable work in the Rim systems.  Your committee is a model for us to emulate, which is why you are here as our resident expert on democracy.”  He slants a smirk over her direction.   “You are the last of the Resistance, are you not?”

 

It’s the wrong thing to say.  Rey replies acidly, “Thanks to you and the General here.”

 

Hux looks sort of triumphant at that comment. 

 

Kylo’s mouth settles into a thin line.  This is going downhill fast.  “The galaxy has moved on, Empress.  So should you,” he tells Rey rather pointedly.   Then, he crosses his arms.  “Let’s resume.   Don’t waste my time.”

 

“We were just wrapping up, Excellency,” Hux reports.

 

Oh, damn.  He waited too long.  Well, no matter.  Nothing ends until the Emperor says it ends.  So, Kylo stalls.  “What did you accomplish?” he asks Rey.

 

Obnoxious Hux answers for her.  “We accomplished a lot of debate, but we resolved nothing.  The Empress feels it important that all systems have at least one representative in the legislature.  It will make it a massive body like during the Old Republic days.  Unwieldy and inefficient,” he sniffs.

 

“Democracy itself is inefficient, General,” Rey retorts.  She looks and sounds annoyed.

 

Their audience just puts their heads down even lower, Kylo notices.

 

And now, he understands why Rey is so snippy.  She and Hux have probably been trading barbs for hours now.    Well, good.  This is the opening he needs.  He’ll score some points with Rey by taking her side against Hux.

 

“The Empress is correct,” Kylo nods to Rey and starts sucking up.  “Democracy is inefficient.  But luckily, I will be around to be decisive when the legislature is not.  General, what is your proposed structure?”

 

“It’s more of a representational democracy.  The regions elect representatives at large across the systems.  We will have a legislature that is two hundred members at its maximum.”

 

Rey objects, “That will disenfranchise the smaller, poorer systems.”

 

“Not necessarily,” Hux digs in.

 

“It will,” Rey persists.

 

“Make it two legislatures then,” Kylo suggests.  “Make one body comprised of representatives from all the systems.  One system, one vote.   And then have that body elect representatives to a much smaller body.”

 

“Two legislatures?   That’s a lot of democracy,” Hux observes with marked lack of enthusiasm. 

 

“I find I miss democracy these days,” Kylo drawls, smirking straight at Rey.  “Give the large legislature a few things to do, but keep most of the responsibility with the small one.”

 

Hux and Rey both consider this. 

 

“It’s gives us both what we want,” Rey reasons aloud. 

 

“It adds another layer of process to the whole thing,” Hux contends.  “That makes it even less efficient.”

 

“It’s a compromise.  That is the essence of democracy, is it not?” Kylo asserts.  “Plus, it gives you even more to oversee, General.”

 

Hux quickly nods, “I see the wisdom of the proposal, Excellency.”

 

“I knew you would.  Anything else I can resolve?”  Kylo looks around the room with raised eyebrows. 

 

Hux’s righthand man speaks up.  “The Empress would like a written constitution for the legislature.   She wants to make clear its rights and obligations vis-à-vis you.”

 

“By all means,” Kylo agrees breezily.  “Write one that says that I will delegate tasks to the legislature as and when appropriate in my sole discretion.”

 

“That’s not what I had in mind,” Rey grinds out.

 

“It’s all you are going to get.  This is an Empire, not a Republic.  The Imperial Senate worked the same way,” Kylo reminds her.  Sucking up only goes so far.  He’s not about to bleed power to please Rey.  “In time, if the legislature proves to be effective, then I will consider broadening its authority.  But first, I want to see results.” 

 

“Where does my Rim Committee fit into all of this?” Rey challenges.

 

Oh, good.  Here’s the sidebar conversation he needs to get Rey alone.  “Come,” he beckons to her from across the room and smiles.  “We will discuss it privately.  We are done here, are we not?”

 

Hux apparently thinks he is going to be in on this discussion, but Kylo dismisses him.  “General, we will inform you of the decision.”   Three’s a crowd after all.  He’s been angling all along to get Rey to himself.   Kylo nods to Rey’s assistant as well and the praetorian correctly takes that as his cue to wait outside.  Everyone files out.  It’s just Rey and him in the large conference room now.

 

When the door shuts behind the last person, Kylo reassures Rey, “Nothing we do here affects what you’re doing in the Rim in any way.  Unless you want it to, of course.”  He smiles at her again.   This is very smiley for him.  Is she noticing?  He’s doing his best to be non-threatening and that’s, well, hard.  “I meant what I said earlier.  Rey, you are doing amazing work in the Rim.  You have helped a lot of people.  Hux could never accomplish what you have managed in two years.” 

 

It’s true.  His best general has many talents but empathy is not one of them.  Hux would probably show up in the Rim to lecture the poor for being stupid and lazy, and then tell the aliens that life isn’t fair and not everyone gets to be human.   ‘Suck it up, losers’ would be his main message.  Unlike Rey, who manages to combine compassion with inspiration and pragmatism. 

 

“You have made a real difference in peoples’ lives,” Kylo says with sincerity.  He’s hoping to please her with his praise, but Rey just looks away.  So much for flattery.  Kylo reverts to the topic at hand.  “Is a two-house legislature acceptable?” he asks.  “Because now is your chance to tell me no.  This is your Senate, Rey, even if Hux is the figurehead.”

 

“No, I like it,” she concedes after thinking a moment.  “It’s a good solution.  Several of the Core systems have local governments structured that way.  The suggestion came up earlier in the meeting but Hux wouldn’t allow it.  He tends to dominate,” she complains.

 

“That’s why you’re here,” Kylo smiles at her again, doing his best to appear charming.  Is it working?  He can’t tell.  “Hux can’t dominate you,” he goads.  “No one can dominate my Empress.  Not even me,” he teases.  He’s trying to keep things light.

 

She doesn’t respond.  Instead, Rey walks back across the room to collect her black cloak.  “I should probably get back . . . ”  She’s got her cloak in one hand and her sword in the other, ready to go.  He needs to slow her down or he will blow this chance. 

 

Kylo moves to block her exit.  “What’s your hurry?  Tell me all about the Rim.  Catch me up on things.”  She can’t walk out on him now.  Suddenly, he is anxious.

 

Rey looks up.  “Don’t you read the reports?”

 

“Tell me what’s not in the reports.  Tell me how you are doing.  You were upset when we last spoke.”

 

She is testy and defensive now.  “I told you.  I’m great.  Busy, but great.”

 

“Yeah.  I can see that.  I’m uh . . . busy too.”  But not great.  Nothing about his life is great right now.

 

His eyes find Luke’s saber in her hand.  “I hate that you are afraid of me,” he says softly before he thinks better of it.

 

“I’m not afraid of you.”  She shoots him a hard look. 

 

“Riiight.”  Yikes.  He gets off that topic fast.  “Good.  Well, sit a moment,” he invites.

 

“I need to go . . . “

 

He seats himself now and looks to her expectantly.

 

“Oh, fine.”  She sits now too.

 

Yikes, this is so awkward.  And it’s demoralizing because he remembers things being so natural and easy between them.  But that’s what he’s aiming for again.  So, Kylo inhales a deep breath and tells Rey, “If we are going to rule the galaxy together, we should be able to talk with one another.”

 

“I’m listening,” Rey says in a tone that indicates she isn’t listening.  She’s humoring him instead.  Look at her drumming her fingers and bouncing her leg impatiently.  She can’t wait to be gone.

 

But gamely, he persists.  He tries first to appeal to her practicality.  “If you are going to be the Vader to my Sidious, then we should be on speaking terms at least.”

 

Rey blinks.  “Vader?  You think I’m Vader?”

 

“It was a compliment.”

 

“Oh.”  Rey is unimpressed.  Apparently, she’s not flattered by the comparison.  But his girl has never fully appreciated his grandfather’s tragic majesty.  If Rey has a flaw, it’s her lack of love for Vader.  Well, and her stubbornness too.  “Vader?  Really??”  She squints at him.

 

“Well, you’re uh . . . not burned and wearing a suit and all . . . and uh you’re a lot shorter and prettier . . . “  Kylo realizes that he’s digging a hole and he shuts up fast.   He can feel his face flush red as she peers at him indignantly.

 

“Vader??  Really??” 

 

Kylo scowls and shifts his weight in the chair he sprawls in.  “Maybe it’s not the best analogy—"

 

“So my exit strategy is to throw you down a reactor shaft, is that it?”  Rey raises an eyebrow at him.

 

Yikes.  Now it’s his turn to cringe.  “Please don’t do that.   Then we will never balance the Force.”

 

“The Force.  This is about the Force?”

 

Of course.  He nods, “Yes.  And it’s about the good of the galaxy.”  Kylo starts laying on the guilt now.  He knows that the Force is not a persuasive argument for Rey.  So, he appeals to her sense of compassion. “Too many people have suffered and died for my family through the years.  I want that to end.  And I need your help to do that.”

 

She eyes him suspiciously.  “What do you really want from me?  Spell it out, Ben.  Because I’ve heard this pitch about saving the galaxy and balancing the Force a time or two before.”

 

Okay, here goes.  Kylo takes a deep breath and proclaims, “I want us to be friends.”  Not really.  But he’s starting small.  Baby steps, he tells himself as his eyes dart to the saber in her hands.  Definitely baby steps.

 

“Friends.  You want us to be friends,” Rey repeats his words like perhaps she has misunderstood.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Are you forgetting that you tried to kill me?”  Rey’s voice has an ugly edge to it now.

 

Kylo again shifts in his seat.  “I said I was sorry—”

 

“I didn’t survive on Jakku by forgiving and forgetting,” she snaps.  “Why the Hell should I do that for you?”

 

“Oh, what’s the big deal?” he complains defensively.   “The first thing you did when I met you was to shoot at me.”

 

“You were hunting me.  You took me prisoner.  You tortured me!”

 

He’s offended by her version of events.  “I did not torture you!  I was very gentle when I got into your mind.  It could have been a lot worse, Rey—”

 

“Then you threw me into a tree!”

 

“You tried to shoot me again, remember?  You even tried to shoot me through the Force the first time the bond opened.”  Kylo slants her a look of reproach.  “You’re pretty trigger happy.”  His girl shoots first.  And, actually he likes that about Rey.  But he omits that inconvenient fact just now.  Instead, Kylo grabs for the moral high ground.  “Time and again, I forgave your violence because I knew you didn’t mean it.”

 

“Actually, I meant it every time,” Rey informs him coldly. 

 

Ouch.  Ignoring that remark, Kylo presses his case.  “I saw the Light in you.  I recognized the potential in us.  Things got off on the wrong foot at first.  I never should have treated you like the enemy.  You never should have feared me—”

 

“I’m not afraid of you.  I’ve never been afraid of you,” she interrupts.  That’s as much as lie as ‘I’m great’ but he lets it go.

 

“I kept reaching out to you.  You were swinging a sword at me even as I was offering to teach you.”  Really, he has been the peacemaker between them all along, Kylo thinks.

 

Rey is not in the mood for peace.  “I should have known then what a murderous snake you were!”

 

He cocks his head and complains, “It’s always fight or flight with you.  And I get it—it’s Jakku.  But violence was your default reaction to me—”

 

“Now, that is the pot calling the kettle—”

 

“I had faith that in time you would come to see that we want the same things, even if we come at problems from different perspectives.  And, you did.  In time, we got past all that.  It was good, so good, Rey,” he tells her.  He’s searching her eyes for any glint of encouragement now.  “Let’s not throw that away.  We can get past . . . er . . .”  Kylo stumbles over how to describe it.

 

“Past you breaking my neck with the Force?” Rey finishes for him. 

 

“Er . . .yes.”

 

She glares at him.

 

Kylo meets her gaze and refuses to back down.  “Come get inside my head,” he offers.  “See what I was thinking—“

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

“It does!”  If she can just see that moment from his perspective, perhaps it will help her understand his mistake.  He’s not trying to excuse it, just to explain it.  She won’t let him do it with words, so maybe he can do it with the Force.  “Rey, I never meant to—“

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

“It does to me,” he retorts.  “And it does to all those people who died in the war on both sides.  Because they will have died in vain if their sacrifice is for nothing.  Look, if you and I can’t get along than how can we expect the galaxy to get along too?”

 

She just looks away.  Her expression is miserable.

 

He lowers his voice and calms his rising temper.  “All I’m asking is that we be friends.”

 

Her eyes narrow with suspicion.  “What does that mean exactly?”

 

“That means we can have a conversation without it becoming a shouting match.”

 

“What else?”

 

He thinks a moment.  “That means we are colleagues who collaborate and exchange ideas on our work.”

 

“What else?”

 

He thinks again.  “That means you don’t pull a weapon on me every time you get angry.  We talk through our differences, not fight them out.”

 

“That’s not what I remember you doing on the _Finalizer_ when I tried to leave.”

 

“I was wrong,” he grinds out.  “I made a terrible mistake and I ruined everything and I accept that.  I have suffered for that!” he gripes openly now.  “I’m not asking to resume our marriage.  All I’m asking is that we put aside our personal grievances for the good of the Force and the betterment of the galaxy.”  Can she see how sincere he is?  “I just want to be friends.  That’s all.”

 

“I’ll think about it.”

 

Her snippy tone gets him frustrated.  He grits his teeth and grovels some more.  “I am sorry for what I did.  I can say that again and again and you won’t believe me, I know.  But it’s true.”  The Force knows the truth at least.  He’s got that going for him at least.

 

“Saying sorry doesn’t change what you did!” she lashes out.  “I trusted you!” Rey wails.  Her face crumples as that stern, pissed off façade she’s been putting up melts away fast.  There is a lot of pain lurking right below the surface.  Scratch at it, and it shows.  “I loved you!  I was such a fool.  Your mother was right.  I should have run far, far away from you.”  Rey wipes at her eyes now.  “Look, I don’t want to talk about this.” 

 

As usual, she makes her accusations and then shuts the conversation down without giving him chance for a rebuttal.  And that’s doubly frustrating for a Dark Sider like himself.  He has trained for years to experience and release his emotions.  He emotes and he feels.   It hones his powers and balms his Dark soul.  It also makes it very hard to relate to Rey’s stunted emotions.  She’s so repressed she would have made a terrific old school Jedi.

 

“I’m sorry I let you down.”  Kylo bites his lip before he confesses aloud, “I let myself down too.” 

 

“Yeah, you did,” she piles on.  “Choking me wasn’t like our fight on the Starkiller.   It wasn’t like you kidnapping me.  Those things happened before we were together.  Before I trusted you and loved you,” she half-whispers.  “It was supposed to be different once we were married . . . at least I thought it was . . . “

 

A long moment of silence falls between them.  It’s punctuated by Rey’s loud sniffs as she tries to contain her tears.  It’s hard to watch all that pain rolling down her cheeks, but he knows he deserves it.  Kylo is very ashamed of how he acted with Rey.  And shame is the one emotion a Dark prince rarely feels.  Anger, hurt, sadness—yes.  But shame?  Well, shame isn’t really on the Dark Side agenda. 

 

But seeing Rey miserable like this is progress in a way for her too.  Rey needs to feel these emotions and they need to confront their conflict.  This conversation is long overdue, he thinks.  They just need to hash it out.

 

“I can’t change the past.  But I want to salvage what we can.”   Kylo keeps trying to bring her around to moving forward together with him.  “I think it will help heal us both to be friends,” he suggests hopefully.

 

“I don’t know if I can take that risk,” Rey tells him and he can feel the honesty of her words through the Force.  “This is not a healthy relationship for me.  I think I need less of you in my life and not more.”

 

What?  “Oh, come on!  When have either of us had healthy relationships?” he challenges.

 

She thinks a moment.  “Finn.  Finn was healthy.”

 

“You lied to him and strung him along.”  Rey has no rejoinder to that response.  She just wipes at her eyes again.

 

“Rey, we’ve both got issues.  Big issues,” he tells her as gently as he can.  They were each damaged before they even met. Then, he and Rey proceeded to damage each other even more.  That wasn’t the plan, but it happened.  And now, they need to find a way past it. 

 

“We are not normal people from normal backgrounds.  We do not lead normal lives and we do not get to make the same choices that normal people get to make for themselves.   We are instruments of the Force—”

 

“Don’t start,” she brushes him off.

 

But he persists.  “We are instruments of the Force and that means we are blessed with special abilities and burdened by outsize responsibilities.  It’s not just about what we want in life.”

 

That comment provokes a reaction.  “When has my life ever been about what I want?” Rey hisses at him.  “I am the fucking Empress and I still have very little control over my life!  I have Hux and his cronies sneering openly at me!  I have you thinking you can abuse me and I’ll still be your friend!”  Her resentment is cutting as she declares, “I deserve better than you!”

 

“You’re right,” he replies evenly.  “But I’m who you get.  And I’m only asking to be friends.  Just think about it,” he urges.  He won’t pressure her for an answer now.  “We can talk some more when you’re back next week.”

 

“I’m back in two weeks,” she corrects.

 

“No.  Next week.  I want to fast track this project.   The working group will meet weekly now,” he decides on the spot.  He makes a mental note to tell Hux about that.  “I want you to be here each week.  Rey, you have a perspective that no one else in this room has.  I want you to be an active participant.  Give Hux all the pushback you want.”  When they eventually announce the legislature, Rey’s involvement and endorsement will help win over his Rim citizens.  His Empress has sway and her popularity is a tool he can use.

 

“Yeah, okay,” Rey agrees.   When it comes to the Senate, Rey always agrees.  It’s his best angle and Kylo plans to milk it for all it’s worth.  “I’ll be back next week.”

 

“Good.”  He smiles encouragingly at her. 

 

“What if we try this friends idea and it doesn’t work?” she wants to know.  “What then?”

 

“Then we go back to this, I guess.”  Kylo hastens to add, “But I think it will work.  We were good together, Rey.  We can get that back again if we try.”

 

“Even if I want to try, I don’t even know where to begin,” she sighs. 

 

“I’ll start,” he offers, sensing that he has made some headway.  At the very least, today’s confrontation has cleared the air a bit.  Kylo tries to sound casual now as he asks, “Tell me about Vanee.  I haven’t seen that old guy in ages. How is he?”

 

“He’s working too hard for someone as old as he is,” Rey admits.  “But he resists all attempts to cut back on his work hours.  I think Vanee enjoys being back in the thick of things,” she explains.   “He pokes his nose into everything.   How are the knights?” she asks, making her own half-hearted attempt at conversation. 

 

And this is good.  Rey is starting to visibly relax some as they talk about neutral topics.  Truthfully, neither of them is good at small talk and it shows.   There are no easy conversations between aggrieved husband and wife Force users who rule the galaxy in between personal meltdowns. 

 

“The knights?  They are everywhere these days as my eyes and ears.” 

 

She nods at this.  “Nestor dropped in last week.”

 

“Yeah?”  Kylo pretends not to know this.

 

“He didn’t have the boy with him.”  Rey looks to him questioningly.  “I thought you said Pell was Nestor’s Padawan.”

 

“He is.  But the kid goes to school.  He needs to get a real education in more than just the Force.”  Snoke had faulted Luke Skywalker’s training temple for its tendency to focus more on Jedi training than actual education.  Kylo agrees.  Aping the Old Jedi Order’s insular ways was a mistake.  “Once he’s old enough, we’ll train him.  Pell’s midichlorian numbers aren’t impressive but I think that kid will end up the Eighth Knight.  He bears watching.”  For lots of reasons.

 

“Pell’s a cute kid.”

 

Before Kylo can stop himself, he blurts out what’s keeping him up at night these days.  “Nestor thinks he might be a child of the Force.”

 

That gets her attention.  Rey stops drumming her fingers and sits up.  “Really?”

 

“Yes.”  Kylo is watching Rey’s reaction closely.  He’s been dying to get her thoughts on this.  In some ways, this issue might be more important than the Senate.  “Pell can’t remember his parents.  Nestor tracked down his last owner and the guy says he owned Pell’s mom too.  Apparently, she claimed there was no father for her kid.”

 

Rey is skeptical. “She wouldn’t be the first pregnant woman to lie about paternity.  Remember, she was a slave.  She might have been attacked and been afraid to tell.”

 

That reflexive cynical doubt is very Rey of Jakku, Kylo thinks.  He levels her a pointed look, critical of her lack of vision.  “Another slave woman conceived a child with no father and no one believed her.  She was my great-grandmother and that child was Anakin Skywalker.  So when a slave boy with Force sensitivity surfaces in the Rim without a father, it bears watching.”

 

The immediate reaction Kylo had to Nestor’s news was that Pell is his replacement born courtesy of the Force.  That this young anonymous slave boy is Plan B if Kylo himself fails as the Chosen One.   Pell’s midichlorinan count might be lackluster but that’s no true measure of the Force.  Besides, that might just be a way for the Force to throw him off.  To lull Kylo into a false sense of security to protect the kid while he grows.  For all he knows, young Pell could have an awakening later on to reveal his true potential.  

 

Rey is insightful, as always.  She gets right to the crux of the matter.  “You think this boy is a new Skywalker?”

 

“He might be.  Nestor is going to raise him and train him and we’ll see.” 

 

Rey’s eyes widen at his nonchalant response on a matter potentially so huge.  “Has the Force abandoned you for him?” she whispers.

 

“Not yet.”  At least, Kylo hopes not.  “But it might.   Or maybe it’s planning to at some point.”  He doesn’t know what the future holds.

 

Predictably, Rey’s sympathy isn't for him.  “That poor kid.”

 

Kylo shrugs.  Where’s the sympathy for him as the current struggling Chosen One?  She used to commiserate with him.  But now, when he needs her support the most, Rey is indifferent.  It rankles.  Hurts, too.

 

“Pell will be fine.  The Flicks are a great place for him to land.  I bet my grandfather would have loved growing up in a normal family instead of the Jedi.”  Half of the Skywalker drama has nothing to do with the Force, Kylo knows.  It’s from absent mothers and missing or dying father figures combined with lots of conflict and trauma.   The homegrown, self-inflicted dysfunction of his clan cannot be discounted.

 

“Is Pell’s mother still alive?” Rey’s asks. 

 

“If she is, we haven’t found her.  I have no idea if she is Force sensitive either.”

 

“Oh.  That was going to be my next question.”

 

“Whoever she is, wherever she is, she was a slave.  And that makes her especially hard to find.  She was listed as a capital asset on her owner’s ledger.  Rey, there wasn’t even a name.  She was sold and resold several times over.  Then, the trail went quiet after I freed the slaves a few years ago.”

 

“I’m glad you did that,” Rey commends him softly.  It’s the first nice thing she’s said today.  “I’m glad you did that even if it meant adding to the poor in the Rim.”

 

Kylo nods his agreement.  “No one should own another sentient being.   Human or not.  Tell me,” he’s been dying to ask this next question.  “Why did you want to take Pell in?”  Kylo is worried that Rey’s motivation was not her own, but the Force.  Because with a Light Side user as powerful as Rey, there are no coincidences and whims.  And so, Kylo is almost afraid to ask, but he does.  “Have you had visions about Pell?  Have you seen his future?”  He sputters the next words out:  “Have you seen our future?” 

 

“No,” Rey answers to his great relief.  “I haven’t had any visions.  I just wanted to give an orphan a home, that’s all.” 

 

Kylo can hear the truth in her words.  It calms his fear that the Force has been prompting Rey to somehow train Pell to rise against him.  But in the wake of that paranoia, a new suspicion dawns.  Fascinated Kylo forges ahead before he can think to shut his mouth.  “Rey, do you want a kid?   Is that why you are interested in Pell?”

 

Rey is suddenly red-faced.  She stammers out, “I told you.  I just wanted to give an orphan a home.”  She looks embarrassed and uncomfortable now.  It tells Kylo there is more to this.

 

“Do you want a kid?” he asks again. 

 

 “No!”  Rey’s eyes grow wide. 

 

Then, he recklessly offers, “Look, we can have a baby if you want a kid.”  And, whoops, that might have been the wrong thing to say to the estranged wife he says he wants as a friend.  Instantly, he backtracks.  “That came out wrong—“

 

Fuming, defensive Rey leaps to her feet and glares at him.  “I didn’t want that boy to be alone like I am—“  She immediately corrects herself, “I mean alone like I was growing up.  That’s all.”  She glares at him again.  “That’s all!   Don’t read anything else into it.  This isn’t your fucking Force playing games!”

 

“Don’t speak of the Force like that.”  Kylo understands that she’s mad, but there’s no call for language like that.  “Do not take the Force in vain,” he instructs sternly as he wags a finger at her.

 

Rey rolls her eyes.  “Are you done?  Because I’m leaving now.”

 

“Okay.”  He doesn’t protest.  He watches in silence as Rey throws Vanee’s cloak over her shoulders and pulls the hood down to hide her tearstained face.  Kylo wants to comfort her.  To take her in his arms and let her cry it out on his shoulder.  But he knows that won’t be well received.  “I’ll see you next week,” he awkwardly calls at Rey’s back as she sweeps from the room. 

 

And that could have gone better.  But, all in all, he’s satisfied.   Things are looking up . . . sort of. 


	55. Chapter 55

Friends.  Ben wants to be friends. 

 

She was not friends with Unkar Plutt.  She was not friends with her rival scavengers.  And none of them ever tried to kill her.   So why should she be friends with Ben?

 

It’s for the good of the galaxy, he tells her.  For the Force.  Well, that’s not the most compelling argument because the Force is what got her into this mess in the first place.  Besides, you don’t have to be friends to work together.  She’s working with Hux now.  He’s definitely not her friend. 

 

Friends.  It sounds so benign but it could mean anything from a casual acquaintance to a lifelong confidante.  So where on the friend zone spectrum does Ben expect them to land?  Surely, he’s not thinking friends with benefits.  Right??  And putting aside the issue of whether she should do this, can she do this?  Can you really be friends with an ex?   Or are you setting yourself up for more heartache?  Rey worries she is.

 

She was friends with Finn and it was never romantic on her part even if Finn made occasional halfhearted overtures.  Finn was a buddy and a cheerleader, a sounding board and an advisor.  That relationship never had the spark of sex appeal.  Their chemistry was real, but it was purely platonic on her part.  Not once did Rey find herself disarmed by Finn’s kissable lips when they bickered about Resistance politics.  Never did intimate thoughts crowd her mind when Rey needed to think straight.  But they do with Ben.  All the time.

 

From the very beginning, she and Ben have had a strange, subtle charge to their interactions.  It is a secret subtext that at first terrified Rey, then horrified Rey, and finally drew her in.  Like a moth to the flame, Ben Solo had been irresistible when finally they were together behind closed doors.  And while Rey’s head tells her that abusive bastard is a mistake she knows not to repeat, Rey would be lying if she said she hasn’t thought about it once or twice. 

 

And how pathetic is that?  How desperate?  How utterly lacking in self-respect?  What kind of girl lusts after a guy who tried to kill her?  It is uncomfortable even to have those thoughts.  It’s sort of humiliating, too.  But still . . . they persist.  And that’s why she and Ben will never be friends.  Rey will never look at Ben and consider him like Finn.  

 

Plus, if they do this friend things, she’s going to get drawn back in.  And then, she will get hurt.  Maybe it will be physically again.  Perhaps Ben will finally succeed in killing her.  Or maybe she will just get her heart broken a second time.  But nothing good will come of this friends idea, she’s sure.  Rey is a survivor and she knows better than to repeat the same mistake.

 

Ben never hid who he was, Rey thinks unhappily.  She just thought that he would be different with her.

 

Her mind is made up even before she’s an hour into lightspeed on her way back to Tatooine.  She and Ben cannot be friends.  Rey will tell him that when she next returns to Coruscant.

 

She needs to get a droid or a dog or something.  A safe, loyal companion who will neither challenge her nor hurt her.  A cheerful friend who will make no demands and will wait patiently for her to return home, always happy to see her.  Yes, that will be the cure for her chronic loneliness.  Rey decides that she will be friends with that broken down R2 unit that Vanee keeps around.  When she gets back to Tatooine, Rey summons the droid straightaway. 

 

Artoo Detoo is an old school astromech droid from the decades prior to when BB units came about.  He’s a relic of a bygone age, but that doesn’t trouble Rey.  From Jakku, she’s learned to appreciate old things.  They can be rehabilitated and reconditioned and be good as new, except with a few quirks to make them interesting.  That’s the mindset with which Rey approaches rehabbing little Artoo. 

 

Each night, Rey spends an hour cleaning him up.  Artoo is long overdue for routine maintenance and a big reboot.  While the droid cycles through its decades long memory to archive files and refresh its internal motivator, Rey does a manual overhaul.  She scrapes away the carbon scoring that seems to exist all throughout the antique droid.  Then she rewires bits and pieces of corroded circuitry in his rusty innards.  This R2 unit has seen a lot of action through the years, she suspects.  More than once, this droid has gotten fried by a blaster bolt or an electric shock, she suspects.

 

It is tedious work that sometimes produces random data glitches.  Rey has seen star maps and datafiles suddenly pop up.  She’s even watched a few hologram messages from some guy named Bail to his daughter he calls affectionately calls Lay-Lay.  Rey is poking around tonight again when she triggers more old hologram video.  This time it isn’t a pre-recorded message, it’s just some everyday randomness that somehow was retained instead of deleted.  It startles her.

 

“Artoo, stay with the ship.”  The command comes from a tall, lanky man with longish hair who reminds Rey of Ben.  It’s something about the set of his shoulders as he walks.  The man is recorded from the back moving away so Rey can’t see his face.  Who is he?  Rey doesn’t know and she doesn’t care.  She goes back to work scraping away carbon scoring and ignores the old data flutter.  Until, that is, the recording picks up a man’s voice calling “General Skywalker—“ just before it ends. 

 

Huh, Rey thinks.  She wonders a moment.  Then, she keeps poking away at that same corroded module.

 

“Artoo, stay with the ship.”  The same command plays again this time in garbled audio.  In this version, the droid’s memory reveals an old recording that can only be a very young Luke Skywalker.  The Jedi gives a friendly smile to the droid to soften the command.  He’s dressed in all black with a very familiar  lightsaber bouncing at his hip.  Rey sits back on her heels now, suddenly very interested.  This is the version of the Jedi Master she expected to find on Ahch-To but didn’t.  But unfortunately, if there is more to this recording, it is lost along with the youthful heroism of Luke Skywalker. 

 

Somewhat unsettled now, Rey gets back to work again.  Sure enough, she soon triggers yet another glitch.

 

“Artoo, stay with the ship.”  This time it’s a child’s high-pitched voice that is clearly imitating an adult he knows.  The video shows a way too up-close face of a kid that must have been peering open mouthed into the droid’s electronic eye.  When the kid rears back, Rey’s breath catches in her throat.  With those ears and that nose and that hair, this kid can only be Ben Solo.  “Artoo, stay with the ship,” little Ben says as he smiles and walks away in a clear imitation of his Uncle Luke.  Ben has a toy spaceship zooming in his hands.  The recording is fuzzy but it looks like an X-wing and that is very ironic.  “Red 5 standing by,” he pipes up happily.  The recording fragment dissolves into static just as a man off-camera loudly complains, “Look, I never signed up for all this domesticity, okay?  You married the wrong guy if you wanted that . . .”

 

Both fascinated and puzzled by what she has seen, Rey asks the R2 unit, “Have you never had a mind wipe?”

 

The droid’s response is loud, long, and profane. 

 

It lightens the moment considerably.  Rey laughs out loud.  “Artoo, I think we’re going to get along,” she decides. 

 

The forthright droid now tells her in no uncertain terms that he will not tolerate a restraining bolt or a mind wipe. 

 

“Okay,” Rey shrugs.  Because who is she to erase all this Skywalker family history?  “Maybe I should send you to Ben,” she thinks aloud.  “That way you can continue the tradition of serving the family.”

 

The droid’s response is especially profane now.

 

Rey blinks and laughs again.  “Where did you learn that language?” She’s wondering if it was from the salty smuggler Han Solo.  But the droid’s response unexpectedly translates as ‘from the clones.’  And, wow, that’s an old reference.  “How many Skywalkers have you served?” Rey wants to know.

 

The droid answers that he served the general and the senator.  Then, he served their daughter the princess and later their son Master Luke.

 

“And Ben Solo?” Rey asks, wondering about this latest generation. 

 

Artoo responds emphatically that he will not serve Kylo Ren.

 

Rey is taken aback.  “But you served Darth Vader,” she says softly.  “Right?”  That was the General Skywalker in the recording fragment earlier, she suspects. 

 

The droid lets out a long, fast jumble of electronic beeps and whistles followed by a trill.  Rey doesn’t get it word for word, but she gets the gist.  “You’re saying that Anakin Skywalker was a good man who made mistakes,” she summarizes her translation. 

 

The droid coos its agreement. 

 

“That’s a bold statement.”  But Rey considers a moment.  “You know, Artoo, that line could describe all of the Skywalkers.  Maybe all of the rest of us, too.”

 

Again, the droid coos its agreement.  Apparently, this droid’s decades of service have made it a keen observer of human nature.

 

“The difference is that the Skywalkers make mistakes and everyone suffers,” Rey thinks aloud.  That family’s drama creates wars and alters the course of history.  The Chosen Ones have outsize impacts on the galaxy.  Their body count is very high.  Truthfully, Rey cannot feel too manipulated by Ben for in the end, he has been manipulated too.  He is as much a pawn of the Force as she is.  And, in some ways, the most powerful man in the galaxy is the most powerless of all.

 

Artoo makes another singsong comment in droidspeak. 

 

It prompts Rey to shake her head and frown.  “Am not,” she reacts.  “I’m only a Skywalker by marriage.  Don’t lump me in with the rest of them,” she retorts.  Irritated, she tells the robot to power down.  Maybe she should get a dog after all, Rey thinks as she shoots the old droid a dirty look.

 

The coming days are busy.  Before she knows it, Rey is back at the Corsucant palace walking with Raj into the conference room for the meeting with Hux and his cronies.  Except Hux is not at the head of the table this time.  Ben is. 

 

“Oh.  It’s you,” she says in surprise.

 

“Empress.” Ben stands and everyone else stands too.  It looks like she and Raj are the last to arrive and they have kept everyone waiting.

 

“Sorry, we’re late,” Rey apologizes, a little embarrassed now.  Hyperspace travel time is always a bit of a guestimation, but today her shuttle had lagged behind a large convoy of First Order vehicles.  Being the Empress arriving in the shabby shuttle she and Vanee took from the _Finalizer_ two years ago doesn’t seem to command anyone’s respect.  Rey had to wait her turn like everyone else in military airspace. 

 

“Here, at my right hand where you belong,” Ben showily waves her and Raj toward the two open seats next to him.  Not wanting to make a fuss, Rey complies.  It puts her directly across from General Hux sitting at Ben’s left.  Hux eyes her hostilely but says nothing.

 

The general’s mood does not improve when it becomes clear that Emperor Ren intends to throw out the previously circulated meeting agenda.  Ben wants to discuss a topic he feels surprisingly strongly about: free and fair elections.  He wants his Senate to be free of corruption of all kinds, including political maneuvering to ensure election of First Order loyalists.  And that begins a long discussion on the role of the free press in elections and concerns about campaign finance.

 

Hux repeatedly warns that the First Order could lose voting control if such liberties are permitted.  Ben is unconcerned.  The legislature has no true power, Emperor Ren reminds everyone. It can be completely controlled by my opposition and it won’t matter.  Hux disagrees.  He thinks open dissent is the first step towards armed rebellion.  Ben thinks otherwise.  He argues that permitting dissent will prevent rebellion.  Had Palpatine not disbanded the Imperial Senate, the old Empire might still be around today, he contends.  Hux defers to his leader but his pinched face says it all.  By the time the meeting adjourns, angry Hux storms out. 

 

Rey watches him go. “He’s mad.”

 

Ben is unconcerned. “What does he care if we have free elections?  Hux doesn’t have to get elected.   He will be appointed Chancellor.”

 

“Hux is a true believer in fascism,” Rey observes. 

 

“Hux is true believer in Hux,” Ben responds dryly.  Then he dismisses everyone else from the room and they are alone. 

 

Here comes another awkward personal conversation, Rey knows.  She’s been psyching herself up for this since she left for Coruscant.  But now that the time has come, she’s not certain how to begin.  And her determination to be cool and calm is fast deserting her.  Rey’s eyes find the door.  She’d much prefer to leave like Hux, but she knows that’s not an option.

 

Ben looks her over thoughtfully.  “I like you in red.  That dress suits you.”

 

“Um . . . thanks.” And, great.  Now she’s slightly flustered and embarrassed in addition to her nervousness.  Rey is not good at taking compliments.  She’s more accustomed to scorn.  Compliments throw her off her game.  Especially compliments from Ben.

 

“Have you thought about—” he begins.

 

Rey speaks over him, “Look, we can’t be—”

 

Then, they both stop.  It’s especially awkward now. 

 

“Go ahead,” Ben offers.

 

“No, you first,” Rey urges.

 

“Okay.  So . . . are we friends?”  Ben gets right to the point.

 

Rey takes a deep breath.  Never one to sugarcoat things, she is direct.  “No.” 

 

The instant look of disappointment that crosses Ben’s face is unmistakable.   She has hurt him with her blunt rejection.  It’s an uncomfortable feeling.

 

“No?” Ben echoes hoarsely.  Then, he shoots to his feet and walks a few paces away.  He stands at the window looking out at the spectacular view of Upper Level Coruscant.  Rey watches as his gloved hands clench and unclench into fists.  Finally, Ben masters his temper and his broad shoulders slump.  “I knew you wouldn’t go for it . . . “ he says after a moment.  He’s still facing away. 

 

His reaction robs Rey of the strident vehemence she has pent up.  She was prepared for a fight.  Ready to make accusations.  Primed for conflict.  So, it is disarming when Ben presents her with quiet resignation.  Sadness radiates from him through the Force and suddenly, she’s inexplicably sad too.  There is no glory in this moment.  He has lost and she has lost as well.

 

Rey tries to be honest.  “Ben, I can’t be friends with you.  I don’t think that would be good for either of us.  I know it would confuse things for me.”

 

“Confuse things how?” he rasps.  He’s still facing away.  Can he not even bear to look at her? 

 

“I don’t think I can be your friend unless I can forgive you.  And I cannot forgive what you did.”

 

“Choking you?” he asks.  “Or is this about the rebels on Dantooine?”

 

“Choking me,” she responds.  But really, what she cannot forgive is Ben breaking her heart.  She finally finds a person to love and he betrays her.  Like her parents betrayed her years ago.  A fundamental trust between her and Ben has been broken and Rey cannot get past that.

 

“Well, it was just a thought.  I knew you wouldn’t go for it,” Ben says again, and Rey can hear him trying to convince himself. 

 

“I’m sorry.”  And why is she apologizing to him now?  Rey doesn’t know.  But it feels like she should. 

 

“You’re the Light.  You’re supposed to forgive.  You’re supposed to see the good in all my conflict.” Ben runs a hand through his hair.  It musses up his meticulously combed locks.   He whirls now to confront her.  “When did you stop seeing the Light in me?” he demands.  His long face is all hard angles, intense eyes, and slashing brows.  This is Ben as his most Kylo Ren.  “When did you give up on me?” he chokes out.

 

“You know when,” she answers quietly.  “I’m sorry, but this is the way it has to be.  The Light is no pushover.  We are not people you can mistreat and expect to keep around.  There is nothing weak about my side of the Force.  The Light can be just as formidable as the Dark.”

 

“Powerful Darkness needs powerful Light,” he warns.  “This is how we balance each other.  This is how we will balance the Force.”  He blinks at her, suddenly looking so vulnerable.  “I need you, Rey.  I can’t do this without you.  You know that.”

 

“Maybe we can find balance in the end,” she leaves some hope open.  “But our personal relationship is over.  It’s been over for a long time now.”

 

“I know we live separate lives, but why can’t we at least be friends?” he whines. “I need a friend.”  Ben cringes immediately after he says this, as if the words have accidentally slipped out.  But his admission is a disarming because Rey knows she needs a friend too.

 

“We can be colleagues,” Rey counteroffers a consolation prize. 

 

“Colleagues?” he squints at her. 

 

“Yes.  Like we were today.  We can work together for the good of the galaxy and for the good of the Force.”

 

“How is that different us from being friends?” he wants to know.  He looks confused.

 

“It’s professional, not personal,” she explains.  “We’re like allies for a common cause . . . and that’s it.”

 

He nods like he’s reluctantly coming around to her view.  “So . . . will you help me still?” he asks hopefully. 

 

“Yes.”

 

“And you will trust me?” 

 

“I will help you.” 

 

“You don’t trust me.”  Ben scowls at her answer and sneers back, “Where’s the sword, Rey?  Did you forget the sword today?”

 

Yep, there’s the petulant Kylo Ren she remembers.  Rey reaches into her discarded cloak to produce Luke’s lightsaber from the pocket hidden among the folds.  She silently plunks it on the table.

 

“You brought the sword,” he says without enthusiasm.  And, really, where does Ben get off complaining about her bringing a weapon?  He himself never goes anywhere without his own saber.  And he’s got a pair of praetorians and a full squad of stormtroopers following him everywhere.  She has none of those protections. 

 

“I don’t carry it just for you,” she says awkwardly.  And, wait—that came out wrong, even if it is true.

 

“I hate that you are afraid of me,” he grinds out.  “I fucking hate that!” he roars and it makes her flinch.

 

Blame yourself, Rey thinks silently.  But she dutifully blusters, “I’m not afraid of you.”  It comes out like the halfhearted lie that it is.

 

Ben steps closer now.  Stalwart Rey stands her ground and refuses to take a step back.  Ben is looming over her as he vows, “I will never harm you again.  Ever.  I promise.”

 

She makes no reply.

 

“I know you don’t trust me, but tell me you believe me.  In this, at least.”

 

“I believe you mean what you say,” Rey counters quietly.  “But I don’t believe that you can follow through on it.” 

 

That’s not the answer he’s looking for.  “What are you saying?” Ben demands. 

 

“I’m saying that I believe you don’t want to hurt me.  But I also believe that you might not be able to stop yourself if you get angry again.  We push each other’s buttons, Ben.  You know that.”  No one can hurt you like someone who loves you, Rey now knows.

 

And in the past few days, she has thought more about those recordings in Leia Organa’s old droid.  Rey now fears Ben is just the latest example of a well-intentioned Skywalker gone awry.  He’s a good man who makes bad choices.  A leader who wants to do the right thing but who makes mistakes.  Terrible, impulsive mistakes that he later truly regrets but cannot undo.  Like Darth Vader before him.  And like Luke Skywalker too.  She thinks too of Leia Organa on her death bed confessing her mistakes and telling Rey she had done her best with her son and with the galaxy, even if in the end she failed.  These Skywalker heroes have big dreams and grand schemes but they are achingly human and full of flaws.  And that’s before you factor in the family dysfunction and the Force.

 

Rey has always known that Ben is conflicted.  As the Chosen One, he has equal capacity for good and bad.  Ben vacillates somewhere in the middle until something triggers him to careen to one extreme, usually Dark.  When she first met Ben, all Rey saw was his Darkness.  But then, she saw his Light.  Slowly, she came to understand his personal and political desire for order, for stability, for peace, and ultimately . . . for balance.  She wants that too.  And now, she sees how necessary it is.  For both the galaxy and its Chosen One Emperor teeter precariously, as liable to swing to the Dark as they are to the Light.  She now fears that Ben is as personally unstable as the galaxy is right now.  For when she had tried to walk away, he had become unhinged, nearly choking her to death.

 

All along, Ben has claimed that they are destiny.  That the Force wants them together.  But is this what it means to be the consort to the Chosen One?  To submit to being his punching bag now and then for the good of the Force?  Well, Rey refuses.  Because no matter how contrite Ben is now, she doesn’t trust him not to betray her again.  For like every other Skywalker gone before, Ben is dangerous.  Very, very dangerous. 

 

But he is seductive as well.  Ben’s vision of a peaceful realm, of a mix of Dark and Light, of a government that is a little Republic and some Empire too, sounds so appealing.  And he himself is so personally appealing too.  Glancing up, Rey sees that a lock of hair has fallen across his bleak face.  Her hands are itching to brush it back.  She hates to see pain reflected in his dark eyes.  It makes her want to comfort him.  Yes, she thinks, they cannot be friends.  She could never resist him as friends.  Because she’s lonely and wistful enough now that the right glance will become a soft touch and then a kiss.  And then that kiss will ruin ‘just friends’ and before she knows it she will be naked with her legs spread.  And while that’s a fantasy she might indulge in now and then, that’s not how this relationship should proceed in real life.  She refuses to be Kylo Ren’s battered wife, even if it’s the will of the Force.

 

“You don’t trust me not to do it again?” he summarizes and she nods.  He looks dismayed a moment before he recovers and offers, “Will you at least take the blue sword back?  The Force meant it for you.  And Luke’s sword is all wrong in your hands.”

 

The family lore of the Force doesn’t impress Rey.  She doesn’t attach meaning to these things like Ben does.  “What does it matter which sword I use?”

 

“Because Luke almost killed me with that one.”

 

“I nearly killed you with the blue one on the Starkiller,” she points out.

 

“But you didn’t.  Luke would have killed me with the green one if he had the chance.  Rey, you had the chance and you didn’t.  What stopped you then?”

 

They have never spoken about this.  Rey is caught off guard.  “The planet was collapsing.  I wanted to live.  I survive, remember?  I just ran.”

 

“It would have taken just a second to finish me off.  Why didn’t you do it?” Ben persists.

 

She looks away.  “I don’t know . . . I guess I didn’t want to kill you . . .  why are we talking about this?” she complains.  Just thinking of that awful duel in the woods makes her skin crawl.

 

“That mercy in you was the Force at work.  Your forbearance was the Light.  The Starkiller duel was a sham for both of us—a conflict that didn’t need to exist.  So, the Force stopped it.”  The Force.  With Ben, it’s always the Force.  He keeps going.  “Rey, I didn’t want to kill you in that duel either.  I have never wanted to kill you.  Not then and not on the _Finalize_ r after Dantooine.  You have to believe that,” he chokes out.

 

Is this heading for another apology and an invitation to get in his mind?  Well, Rey is having none of that.  Doesn’t he realize?  Apologies don’t matter now.  “Don’t start, Ben.  Please don’t start in on that again.”

 

“Alright,” he backs down.  “So . . . we are colleagues.  I guess I can accept that,” he says as if he is talking himself into it.

 

“Colleagues,” she nods her agreement.  “Peers.”

 

“Peers.”  Ben seems to like that word better.  “Rey, you are my only possible peer.”  He gives her a sad smile instead of his usual sardonic smirk.  “Okay, so we’re colleagues and peers.  We talk about work, right?”

 

She shrugs.  “I guess.  But I’m all talked out on elections for today.”  Are they done?  Can she leave now?  This is so uncomfortable that Rey really wants to leave. 

 

She’s about to head for the door when Ben blurts out, “Your approval ratings are outpacing mine.  Did you see?”

 

Oh.  So, it’s time for a little shop talk between colleagues now?  It’s much preferable to conversations about them. Rey goes with it.  “Really?  I don’t pay much attention to the polling data.  It gets me down.”

 

“Yeah, I can relate.  All the pain of my economic reforms has set in, but not the benefits yet.  At least not uniformly.  Some worlds are prospering but a lot of worlds are not.  It’s killing my approval numbers.”

 

Rey can’t help it.  She smirks.  “It’s a good thing the Empire isn’t a true democracy.  You’d never get elected.”

 

Ben actually cracks a smile at this.  “So true.”  Then, his long face is glum again.  “Did you see our spokesman put his foot in his mouth about Hosnia and Alderaan yesterday?  The press is having a field day with that gaffe.  There are a lot of calls to fire that guy but on the whole, I think he’s pretty good.  Palpatine comparisons aside,” Ben says dryly. 

 

Rey shrugs.  “Whatever.  It’s the outrage of the week.  It will blow over.  You shouldn’t read that stuff, Ben.  It will only get you down.  It comes and goes.  Next week, the press will move onto something else.  Very little of it sticks.”

 

“I don’t really read it.  I just skim the highlights.  I want to know the gist.”  He sighs and runs his hand through his hair again.  “The problem is that lately the gist is always the same.  Everyone hates me.” 

 

“Yeah, you’re not real popular,” Rey agrees.   And looking at Ben’s woebegone expression she realizes the old saying is true and it is lonely at the top.   There’s nothing easy about being the young Emperor of the galaxy.

 

“The thing is that people are picking the wrong battles,” Ben complains.   “And there is no nuance to the conversation. It’s a lot of loaded labels and hate.  People love to hate me,” he sighs.

 

Rey thinks of all her dead rebel friends who loved to hate Kylo Ren.  From Finn, to Rose, to all the rest who felt so passionate about politics.  They died at Dantooine but they would have killed Ben had they had the chance. “A lot of people feel aggrieved and powerless,” she tells Ben.  “You don’t have to be a rebel to want change, you know.  But there is not a legitimate place to express dissent.  Giving the people a Senate will help.  I’m glad that you are fast tracking it.”

 

And okay, this feels good, Rey thinks.   This conversation is a little like before when she had been unafraid to talk about anything with Ben.  They had that honesty going for them at least. 

 

“I’d hoped to have the legislature announced by now,” he admits.  “But in the fallout after the Coruscant bombing, I had less wiggle room than I liked.”  He looks to her now.  “What you are doing with the Rim Committee is helping pave the way for this.  Your success out there is winning over the First Order types who are most averse to democracy.”

 

“Not all of them.  There are way too many holonet memes out there with that guy who held me hostage actually pulling the trigger,” she gripes.

 

He slants her a glance.  “I thought you said you didn’t look at that stuff.”

 

“I don’t.  Not really.  But it can be hard to avoid.” Rey herself sighs now.  “This job is a lot harder than I thought it would be.”

 

“You’ll never please everyone, Rey.  Don’t try.”

 

“I know.” And now, she confesses, “I thought the hard part about being Empress would be all my insecurities. I thought that helping people would be the easy part.  But none of it is easy.  It’s a lot easier to be a critic than it is to actually solve problems.   And it’s a lot easier to determine good solutions than it is to implement them.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Ben commiserates. 

 

“Why did we want to do this again?” she half-jokes.

 

He grunts.  “I didn’t, remember?  You were the reformer type.   This is giving me a new respect for my mother.   For what she tried to do with the New Republic.” 

 

“And for Luke?” Rey asks, thinking of that old recording in Artoo.

 

“No.   That guy fucked up time and again.  He should taken Vader up on his offer at Bespin.” 

 

“That was never going to happen.” 

 

Ben shakes his head.  “Sometimes, you have to make the hard choices for the good of everyone.”

 

“Luke thought he did make the hard choice,” Rey points out.

 

“Yeah, probably.  Kenobi brainwashed that guy.  The old Jedi Order was dead but its ideas lived on another generation with Luke.  It just prolonged the pain,” Ben gripes. 

 

And that leads Rey to ask, “Do you think what you’re doing with the Empire is right?”

 

Ben takes a long moment before he answers.  “I hope so.  But those comparisons to Palpatine bother me.  Sidious did it all for himself.  He was a Sith who craved power.  I’m not doing this for myself.  I’m doing this for the Force.   Rey, the Force will not forsake us, if we keep the faith.”

 

“I hope you’re right.”  She’s not so sure. 

 

“I know I’m right.  I believe in the Force.  You should learn more about the Force.”

 

Rey brushes him off.  “I get enough of that from Nestor.  I don’t have time to learn the Force.”  She shoots Ben an impatient look.  “I can’t clean up the Rim, help design the Senate, and learn the Force all at once.  It’s just not a priority right now.  Maybe later when things settle down.”

 

“Faith is not an optional part of life,” Ben corrects her.  “You should make time for the Force.”

 

As always, these pious platitudes annoy her.  “My faith in the Force is in my actions.  Not in lightsaber tricks or in long lost dogma Snoke taught you.”  This is a point of contention for Rey.  “You don’t have to be Force sensitive to be the Light in action, you know.  Ordinary people matter too and there are a lot more of them than there are us.  The Force is not just for Skywalkers.”

 

“I know.  Someday, I want the Force to be relevant in all people’s lives again.  The Force belongs to everyone.”   Ben means this sincerely, she knows.  In his own way, he’s as much a proselytizer as Nestor Ren. 

 

“Well, I don’t have time to learn the Light because I am too busy trying to be the Light.  So you and Nestor need to back off nagging me to train.” 

 

“Alright.”  Ben beckons her over to the window now.  “Come, I want you to see something.”

 

Rey looks out at busy Upper Level Coruscant.  “What I am looking at?” she asks.  All she sees is the crowded traffic lanes of the Empire’s capital.

 

“Not up there.  Down on the landing pad.  The ship.  The one parked next to mine.”

 

Rey looks down on a new gleaming bright white shuttle.  It is a First Order military command shuttle with a flashy paint job that will have to be redone once a year.  “Nice,” she judges, “But impractical.  What general is flying that around?  Ben, you might need to upgrade now.  That ship makes yours look scratch-and-dent.”  And it makes her thoroughly-used-before-she-got-it basic officer shuttle look ready for the Jakku junkyard.

 

“It’s yours,” Ben tells her. 

 

“Really?”  Wait—what?

 

“Yes.  It’s for you.  You could use a new ship.”

 

Rey takes another look now.  That ship is gorgeous.  Is it really hers?  “Wow.  Did I just bust your annual procurement budget?”

 

“That cost me the equivalent of forty mass produced TIEs,” he admits.   

 

Oh.  Rey starts sizing up the ship’s defenses now.  “Is that a small ventral cannon off the back?”

 

“Yes.  It’s got heavy shielding.  All the latest weaponry.  And, she makes point nine past lightspeed.”

 

“No!” 

 

“Yes.”  He smiles at her enthusiasm.  “That ship has the fastest hyperdrive currently available.  She’s fast enough for you, Rey.  You can outrun everything in the sky.”

 

“Wow,” Rey breathes out again.  She looks to Ben and suddenly worries, “What’s it for?”  Because surely there are strings attached to a lavish gift like this.

 

Ben shrugs.  “It’s for being my hardworking Empress cleaning up the Rim.  For being my colleague and peer.”

 

“Yeah?”  Rey slants him a glance.  “What do I get if I agree to be your friend?”

 

“Your very own star destroyer.”  Ben doesn’t miss a beat.

 

“Really?  Because I’m tempted.”

 

He smirks and then explains, “Since you don’t travel with a fighter escort, I want you to have a safe, reliable ship.  Your current shuttle was getting a little old.”

 

She nods.  It’s true.  “Wow.  Thank you.  That ship looks amazing.”  She presses her nose up against the window glass for a closer look.  Then a thought occurs to her and she turns around.  “Was this Nestor’s idea?”

 

Ben is sheepish.  “Does it show?”

 

“Yeah.  This looks like him meddling.” 

 

Ben comes clean.  “Nestor told me it was time for the grand gesture.  He told me to give you whatever you want.  And I figured you weren’t the jewelry type and you needed a new ride so . . . here you go.”

 

“What else did Nestor say?”  She’s curious.

 

“He said I suck at groveling.   That I was supposed to be the one crying last week, not you.”

 

“You do suck at groveling,” she agrees. 

 

They both turn back to look at the ship.  “Thank you, Nestor Ren,” Rey breathes.  “Maybe I like that guy after all.”

 

“You can always trade up,” Ben offers.

 

“Yeah?  To that star destroyer?”

 

“I’ll even let you have the _Supremacy_ now that it’s fixed.”

 

“What does a girl have to do to get that?” she wonders aloud.

 

Ben looks her in the eye.  “For that, you have to come home and be my wife.”

 

Is he serious?  He might be serious.  “Not a chance,” Rey scoffs.

 

“I didn’t think so,” Ben replies. “But it was worth a try.”

 

“Okay, well, I’m leaving now so I can go try out my new ship,” Rey decides.  “Time to go joyriding over Coruscant.”

 

“Wait until you see the interior.  It’s sweet,” he promises.

 

Rey grins.  “Well, I’m off then.”  She grabs for her cloak and her saber and heads for the door.  “Thanks again for the ship.”

 

“See you next week,” he calls after her. 

 

 


	56. chapter 56

These are self-absorbed times and Coruscant is an especially self-absorbed world.  It has long needed a sacred space like this, Kylo judges as he paces around.   He notes with satisfaction the construction progress.   There is scaffolding everywhere and giant tarps protect the mosaic floors, but Kylo can look past those temporary eyesores to perceive the beauty of this grand work-in-progress.  His temple is nearly complete.  It will be a majestic monument to the Force. 

 

It is long overdue, Kylo firmly believes.

 

For prosperity has an ugly underside.  Too much can make you unhappy.  It can feed a general sense of personal malaise.  That’s why lottery winners often watch their lives unwind in the wake of their good fortune.   It’s why holonet celebrities get hooked on spice and go through everything from marriages to real estate in record time.   Because extreme affluence means that material comforts cease to provide satisfaction. 

 

Paradoxically, all that stuff which the Coruscanti and others strive for can become a source of stress unto itself.  Managing the effects of abundance is a full-time job for some.  Only in Core worlds do people buy droids to curate their overstuffed closets.  Only amid the Haves of the galaxy do people hire trainers for punishing workouts and go on harsh diets where denial becomes a virtue. 

 

The culture of avarice, the relentless focus on the self, the incessant competitiveness to establish hierarchies—these are concepts learned young and lived for a lifetime.  But these habits do not empower, they pressure.  And so, the Coruscant elite, long the galaxy’s ruling class, are uniformly insecure.  Their youth look for validation in the number of likes they get on their holonet posts.   Their adults practice an elaborate chess match of corporate advancement, private school admissions, and conspicuous consumption.   They aspire to vague concepts of mindfulness and wellness, to being impactful and woke, and a host of other silly abstractions to fill the emptiness inside.  

 

Want to feel good about yourself?  Want to feel grounded and more centered?  Look outside yourself.  Check your privilege and find the Force, Kylo thinks. 

 

If he accomplishes nothing in his Empire, if he fails to balance the Force, Kylo Ren will do this:  he will bring the Force back into the public sphere where it belongs as a vibrant and necessary aspect of everyday life.  Soon, this temple’s steps will become a pedestrian meeting place.  Its large adjacent square and public garden will teem with people.  But for now, the half-finished construction site is empty.   All the workers are shooed away for the Emperor’s weekly inspection.  

 

He is alone still.  Nestor is late.  Kylo keeps pacing.

 

He knows that the prayer-shaming Core worlds will laugh behind closed doors at his temple.  Those dismissive heathens miss the point of religion altogether.  They are waiting for God while God has been waiting for them.  They complain that the Force doesn’t intervene but they refuse to see that the Force wants their collaboration and respect first.  God’s kingdom is here.  The Force is everywhere.  But only insofar as you accept it and live it.

 

That’s why his temple will be open to everyone.  This won’t be a Jedi temple with guards who keep out all but the initiates.  Kylo wants no more gatekeepers to the Force.  All are welcome here.  Believers and non-believers alike.   For even those who refuse to accept the Force are part of it all the same.

 

This will be an oasis of peace where a person can be alone with their thoughts.  Where you can quiet your mind and let go of your conscious self.  A place to find the Force amid the hustle and bustle of his capital world Coruscant.  Here you can take the first steps into a larger world.

 

His detractors complain about the outlay of funds for this stately edifice and the smaller chapels he is erecting elsewhere.  Few here in the Core understand why he wants to honor the ancient, hokey religion that was discredited generations ago.  Why bother, they think.  Some go farther than that and allege that his affinity for the Force is just a means to worship his own magical power and his famously freakish family.  But they’re wrong. 

 

This isn’t about him.  It has never been about him.  If it were, Kylo thinks ruefully, surely he would be a man fulfilled by his achievements.  But his own contentment has never been the focus of his life.  Duty is the destiny of the Skywalkers, never happiness.  Their personal lives are mostly tragedies brought about by their own hubris and bad choices.  And after his experience with Rey, Kylo now considers himself to have followed in the family tradition.

 

His family is full of cautionary tales, but the most important lesson is this:  lose the Force and you lose your way.  You have to stand for something fundamental, otherwise you will fail.   Both Republics ultimately fell without their Jedi, and the Old Empire fell without its Sith.  His Empire won’t make that same mistake.  It will be intrinsically bound with the Force.

 

Fast, heavy footsteps sound now.   They break his reverie.  It’s Nestor Ren come to kneel his formal obeisance. 

 

“What is thy bidding, my Master?”

 

“Arise,” Kylo orders his friend.  “Did you find her?”

 

“She’s dead.  Pell’s mother died over a year ago.”

 

“That’s what I feared.”  Kylo sighs.  Because damn, that’s not good news.  “We’ll never know the truth now.”

 

Nestor raises serious eyes to him.  The naked fear reflected in them is very human.  The Second Knight knows how these things usually proceed.  “What do you want to do now?” he asks.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Master, he could be a very great risk—“

 

“Raise the boy.  Train the boy.  We will let the Force decide the future.”

 

“Are you sure?  Because if you are going to act, you should do it now.”

 

Kylo looks away, unwilling to acknowledge his Dark temptation to this man in particular.  But Nestor Flick knows him well enough to guess.  His friend knows all about how power works.  He also knows what Kylo is capable of.

 

And so, Nestor speaks up.  “Master, that boy has been in my household for over two years now.  You know that I am loyal and I will do what I must.  But you will destroy my family and my marriage if you drag this out.  Ben, my wife loves Pell.  So do I.”  Nestor inhales a resigned breath.  “In the absence of conclusive proof, you should probably assume he is a child of the Force.”

 

Kylo shakes his head.  “I’m not killing innocent younglings to keep a grip on power.”  He shoots the Second Knight a sharp look of reproach.  “I’m not Luke.  I’m not a Sith either, for that matter.  We will train the boy.  He will develop as the Force wills it.”

 

Nestor nods but still looks wary.  “That’s big of you, Master.”

 

“I’m not in this for myself.”  Truthfully, losing his spot as top dog of the Force might be a bit of a relief.   “Heaven help that kid if he’s been born to depose me as the new Chosen One.”  That’s not a fate Kylo would wish on anyone.

 

“We won’t let that happen, Master,” Nestor loyally rallies to his side.  “All the knights will stand for you.”

 

“No,” Kylo orders, “if that comes to pass, you will stay out of it.  Nestor, if the Force deserts me for Pell, then you stand with Pell.  Do you understand?  I will accept the will of the Force in this and you should too.”

 

“Yes, Master.”

 

“We Skywalkers have had our chance.  I wouldn’t blame the Force for deciding that three generations are enough.”  That kid was born ten years ago and Rey was awakened three years ago.  What is the Force up to?  Kylo wishes he knew.  But the Force does not reveal its secrets in advance.  You must watch them unfold.

 

He and Nestor now walk the unfinished temple in silence together.  Nestor’s news and their conversation have them both thoughtful and subdued.  The atmosphere is glum.

 

Will this cathedral be a symbol of unity and faith, or a monument to more Skywalker hubris?  Kylo hopes the former.  Because like all his clan, he is a romantic dreamer.   Determined to do big things while refusing to admit to the futility of it all.  Sure, he has plenty of cynicism, but that won’t keep him from trying to promote change.  To fashion a path forward that will redress the mistakes of the past.  His Empire will be built to last and not be a twenty-year wonder.  His legacy in the Force will be a radical break from the extremes of the old traditions.  And in the end, Kylo Ren will have built something that mattered and set things on a new course.  He will be the strongman statesman the galaxy has been waiting for.  And if this is all just a precursor to set things up for little Pell Flick, then fine.  Kylo will play his part. 

 

He refuses to fear losing power to a Force-strong successor.  For if there is a lesson from choking Rey, it is that fear of loss is a trap.  In the end, you always end up losing anyway.  His grandfather confronted that very same test and lost as well.  In hindsight, Kylo sees how in a different set of circumstances he had made the same foolish choice.   The old Jedi maxim he learned as a child comes to mind now.   _Let go_.  Let go and do not attempt to control too much.  In some things, you must surrender to the will of the Force. 

 

That’s why he’s counting on the Force to bring Rey back to him.  With a little help from himself, of course.  And if not?  Well, then Kylo will know the destiny of Pell Flick.

 

“Did Rey like the ship?” Nestor speaks up now, moving on to less serious topics.

 

Kylo nods.  “She loved it.”  Rey was last seen joyriding in her new shuttle doing figure 8s and barrel rolls in restricted airspace over Coruscant.   No doubt the radar technicians were amused about that.  Kylo himself was utterly charmed by Rey’s unabashed delight at the gift.  It makes him want to give her more gifts just to see her happiness.

 

“What’s she doing here anyway?” Nestor asks.

 

“She’s organizing the new legislature with Hux.”

 

“Really?”  Nestor grins at this news.  “Politics does indeed make strange bedfellows.”

 

It’s true.  “She and Hux bicker for a day every week and then return to do it again.”

 

“Who wins?”

 

“I win,” Kylo smirks.  “It gets Rey here for a few hours once a week.”  Kylo has an angle for everything, as usual.  

 

Nestor nods his approval at this guile.  “How’s Hux taking all this democracy?”

 

“He’s sitting pretty.  He will be my unelected Chancellor.”

 

Nestor is serious again now.  “Keep an eye on him, Master.”

 

This is a conversation he and Nestor have rehearsed several times already.  Nestor is always looking for threats to the regime.  Snoke taught him well.  But lately, Kylo is worried less about external threats and more about himself crumbling from within.  Because the Skywalkers don’t often lose.  They tend to crater at critical moments.  And so, he shrugs off Nestor’s warning.  “Hux and I understand each other.  He doesn’t like me.  I don’t like him.  But we have a mutually beneficial relationship nonetheless.” Kylo uses Hux to placate his conservative base and Hux prospers.  It’s a win-win.

 

Nestor muses aloud.  “He’s sitting pretty right now.  A war hero.  Soon to be Chancellor.  The last of the hardliners still in power.”

 

Kylo shrugs.  “Rey doesn’t like it, but Hux is the logical choice.”

 

“Only because you killed the rest.  You removed all of his rivals and cleared his path to power.”  Nestor fixes Kylo with a hard, warning look.  “Be careful that Hux does not get aspirations.”

 

“If he does, he is expendable.  Rey can be my Chancellor.”  She’d like that.  It might be a better gift than the new ship, Kylo thinks.

 

“So Rey is his rival these days?”  Nestor’s mind is working furiously.

 

“In a way, perhaps.”

 

“Careful there too, Ben.  Even if she refuses to train, Rey is a powerful Force-user.  Do not underestimate her.”

 

Kylo scoffs at more fearmongering.  “There’s no risk that Rey will join up with Hux to move against me.”

 

“Politics makes strange bedfellows.”

 

“Rey is never going to team up with Hux.  That risk is negligible.  She can barely stand to be in the same room with that guy and the feeling appears to be mutual.”  Kylo moves off this topic now.  In this setting, his mind is on the Force.  “Sir Nestor, I want you to be the dean of this temple.   You will be head of the church.”

 

Nestor looks shocked at this suggestion, then disapproving.  “That should be your role, Master.”

 

“I have enough on my plate.  I can lead the state but you will lead the state religion.”  Plus, Kylo won’t make the mistake the Sith made in vesting so much knowledge and responsibility in too few people.  If Pell does grow up to overthrow him, then Kylo wants all the resources that the knights and Snoke have collected over the years to remain here at his disposal.  That kid will need all the help he can get.

 

Nestor looks askance at him, but dutifully agrees.  “As you wish, Master.”

 

“The people can worship their individual Gods as they see fit, but officially the God of my Empire is the Force,” he thinks aloud.   “We will not conduct an inquisition.  I want no more martyrs for religion.  Our emphasis is unity.  On the universal role of the Force.”  Whatever people’s preferred religion and choice of God, it’s all the Force in the end. 

 

Nestor nods at his wisdom.  “Are we founding a new Jedi Order?”

 

“I don’t know what we’re doing,” Kylo answers honestly.  “I wish I did.”  Is his Empire a theocracy?   Maybe in some ways.  But the public is not ready to accept that yet.  “I don’t know what we’re doing,” Kylo laments again.

 

“Then we will wait for the Force to enlighten us,” Nestor decides in a pious punt if there ever was one.

 

Together they wander through a series of rooms adjacent to the large central sanctuary.  “I want the relics and the knowledge of the Force preserved here.  All of it, from all of the perspectives and sources.  Sith, Jedi, and the rest.  There is truth in those artifacts, even if there are lies intermingled too.  Posterity needs this.”  Kylo refuses to preside over a Dark Age of the Force.  This temple and the collective experience of his knights are an attempt at enlightenment.

 

Nestor sees where he is heading.  “Master, to pass on what we have learned, we need to find a way to identify Force sensitives in our midst.”

 

Yes, he knows.  “That will be hard.  After the Purge, after Luke . . . few will voluntarily come forward now.  Don’t forget that everyone thinks that what Luke did at the temple was me.  Stepping forward as a Force user will be perceived as volunteering for your own execution,” Kylo gripes.

 

“There is Rey,” Nestor points out.  “She’s a very public Force user and you didn’t kill her.”

 

Kylo makes a face and Nestor flushes at his choice of words.   “Er . . . sorry, Ben.”

 

He overlooks the unfortunate turn of phrase.  “No school.  I don’t want to steal children from their parents to indoctrinate them into a cult.  I don’t want to train children other than Pell and any other Force-strong children born to the knights.  Pell is a special case given his circumstances,” Kylo decides.

 

“Then how will we pass on the Force?  There won’t be enough of us, Ben.  Only three of us knights have kids and none of them is sensitive.”

 

“It doesn’t matter.  The Force will find a way.  It always does.”  Even if that means conceiving children out of midichlorians and awakening orphan desert scavengers to their latent power.  “The Force should be a calling, not a life sentence to public service based on your blood count. I want adults capable of making a reasoned choice to step forward to join us.“

 

“And if they do not?  What about Force users who refuse?” Nestor’s mind is always attuned to look for threats.

 

But Kylo refuses to revert to old thinking that promotes conflict.  “I don’t want to perpetuate the Jedi mindset where we fear other Force users who we cannot control.  The Jedi’s mistake was in trying to exert too much control.”  Looking around at his unfinished temple, Kylo feels a surge of faith.  It is liberating.  Empowering, too.  “The Force is my ally,” he solemnly declares to his longtime friend. “I fear no one in the Force.  Not Pell and not some other person out there we don’t know about.”

 

“Yes, Master.  All is as the Force wills.”

 

“Enough conflict surrounds us.  I don’t want to create an expectation of conflict among Force users.  There will be no compulsion to train just because you are Force sensitive.   It will be acceptable to decline.”

 

Nestor looks worried but raises no objection.  “And those we do train?”

 

“We will have to figure out their roles. But I want them out in the community living normal lives as servants of the Empire and the Force.  Just like with us, attachment will be permissible.   Marriage, children, family—it’s all okay.  I want to tamp down on the extreme nature of our lives.  All the old Jedi asceticism has to go.  It impedes our understanding of normal people.  How can we relate to people who are nothing like us?” Kylo complains.  Force users especially could benefit from more balance in their personal lives.  That’s certainly true for himself, Kylo thinks mournfully.

 

He keeps rambling in his real-time brainstorm of ideas.  “Very few we train will get a sword, Nestor.  I want our mindset to be less on conflict and more on unity.   There are many ways to serve the Force that do not involve combat.  We should be primarily concerned with knowledge and unity.  Putting everyone through saber practice obscures that message.”

 

“Understood.  What are we teaching?”

 

“Balance.”  That’s the key, Kylo firmly believes. 

 

“How?”

 

Kylo sighs heavily.  “I wish I knew.”  For himself and for the galaxy, he has to figure out the ultimate riddle.  He’s Emperor priest of the Force, the galaxy’s reigning philosopher king.  He should know what he’s doing.  But he doesn’t. 

 

“Rey could help,” Nestor thinks aloud.  “But she refuses to train.”

 

“I know.  You need to back off on asking.  It’s ticking her off.  If we’re not careful, we will push her away.”

 

“Yes, Master.”

 

It bothers Kylo that Rey is still what she has always been in the Force—an untrained but incredibly talented novice.  But rather than harangue her about training, Kylo lets it go.  Like so much of the conflict between them, it feels irreconcilable.  He has simply given up offering to teach her.

So, she does her own thing.  Rey’s version of the Force is intuitive and thoughtful.  There is nothing practiced or methodical about it.  Like Rey’s life on Jakku, it is very ad hoc and in the moment.  It is the furthest thing from the years of training Kylo has from Luke and from Snoke.  But if it works for her, who is he to judge?  It’s not like Kylo knows what he’s doing with the Force currently.

He must look very beleaguered because Nestor claps him on the back.  “Don’t worry, Ben.  Balance is your destiny.  We’ll get there in the end.” 

 

The Second Knight walks over to survey an abstract mosaic mural on the wall.  “It’s looking good around here.  All that’s missing is a spooky Sith cauldron to give it some atmosphere,” he jokes.

 

“We have one of those,” Kylo smirks.  “We can keep it in the reliquary and have a Sith séance now and then to impress the locals.”

 

“Got a Force tree too?”

 

“Those will be outside in the garden,” Kylo nods.

 

“I like it.  So, where’s the big mosaic of you sitting with a lightsaber balanced in the Force looking all Prime Jedi like?”

 

Kylo makes a face at this suggestion.  He’s no puppet dictator painting his smiling visage on the sides of buildings and erecting statues of himself.  Palpatine did a little of that and it was cheesy as Hell.  Besides, Kylo doesn’t want his Empire to be a cult of personality.  That’s far too limiting.  He wants to build a safe and secure society that will outlast its founder.  It’s not about collecting power for himself.  Kylo shoots Nestor a reproachful look.  “This temple isn’t about any one person. It’s definitely not about me.”

 

“Some Darksider you are, Master,” Nestor teases good naturedly.  “The first lesson of being a Sith is that it’s all about you.”

 

“The first lesson of being a Sith is that it’s all about power,” Kylo corrects.

 

“Nah, the first lesson is probably to kill your Sith Master,” Nestor reconsiders.

 

And that reminds him.  “That ‘kill or be killed’ stuff needs to end.  Even the Jedi thought in terms of absolutes.  If you weren’t with the Jedi, you were their enemy.  I’m through with all that.”  

 

Nestor raises an eyebrow at this bold statement.

 

Defensive Kylo squirms a bit before his friend’s silent scrutiny.  “Look, I may have won the war that way, but I don’t want to continue that strategy going forward.”

 

“So . . . ‘do as I say, not as I do’?”

 

Kylo shrugs.  “I’m fine to be a bit of a hypocrite in politics.  Just not in the Force.”  He thinks of all the fallout from the events surrounding Dantooine.  He should have handled that better, but live and learn.  “We can all do better.  Even me.”

 

He and Nestor are finished pacing around.  They are back in the main sanctuary now.  “Have you shown Rey this?” the big knight asks. 

 

“Not yet.”

 

Nestor starts in on his nagging now. “She should be involved in all important things about the Force.  Ben, she can’t influence you if you won’t let her.  Rey is more than just a means for you to virtue signal.  She’s your consort.  Stop treating her as your Light Side character witness in the Rim who will launder our sins with her good works.  Get her views on how to pass on the Force.”

 

It’s good advice.  But he and Rey can barely manage to be in the same room together right now.  “These things take time.”

 

“That slick ship didn’t get you back in her good graces?”

 

“I’m not really sure,” Kylo admits.  “But I’m going to have dinner with her tonight.”

 

“Really?” 

 

“I’m going to try.”  The worst she can say is no, right?

 

“So, it’s date night in the palace?”  Nestor leans in man-to-man.  “Go get her, Master.  It’s the will of the Force.”

 

Ugh.  Kylo shoots the Second Knight a look.  “Don’t make me destroy you.”

 

Nestor throws his head back and laughs.  But then, he nods encouragingly.  “Dinner is good.  That’s real progress.”

 

“It’s not a date.”  When Nestor looks confused, he explains stiffly, “Rey and I are friends.  Not close friends, but friends.”

 

“You’re friends?  You’re in the friend zone?  Oh, man, that’s not good.”

 

“Well, we’re friends but she won’t admit to it.  Not yet.”   But last week, Rey spoke to him for a whole ten minutes without screaming, crying, or lighting her sword.  That has to count for something.  If the universe divides into friend or foe, that’s a friend.  And it’s something he can build on.  So, if Rey wants to call them colleagues instead of friends, that’s fine by him.

 

Nestor doesn’t see it the same way.  “Don’t do it, Ben.  You can be friends with a girl you want to sleep with but you can’t be friends with a girl you used to sleep with.  It never works.  It will just confuse your expectations and hers.”

 

“Yeah?”  He shoots his friend an annoyed look. “How did you get so wise about these things?”  Does his skeptical sarcasm show?  He certainly hopes so. 

 

But, as usual, affable Nestor lets it roll off his back.  “While you were busy getting Snoke trained in your twenties, I was chasing girls out of uniform and mind tricking them into kisses.”

 

Bullshit.  “You’ve been married ten years or more.”

 

“I wasn’t always married,” Nestor boasts.  “I was a love ‘em and leave ‘em no attachments type for a bit.”

 

Kylo snorts.  “Like for five minutes.”

 

“Hey, I had my heyday.”

 

“I never had a heyday,” Kylo sighs. 

 

“Nah, but you didn’t need it.  The Force sent you a girl.  You didn’t have to sit through a lot of bad first dates.”

 

Kylo makes a face as he remembers aloud. “I kidnapped Rey and put her in a torture chair on our first date.”

 

The comment is not meant to be funny, but again Nestor laughs out loud.  “Were you trying to scare her into bed?   That’s some Dark Side kink,” Nestor grins.  “Did you have your mask on the whole time?”

 

Actually, he took the mask off right away for Rey.  “I didn’t know she was the one,” Kylo grinds out defensively.  He suspected, but he wasn’t sure.  And Rey had the droid and she was hostile and she was with Han Solo.  How was he supposed to know this enemy girl was supposed to be his great love and legendary ally?   The Force sure hasn’t made this easy. 

 

“Well, good luck tonight.”

 

“Thanks,” Kylo grumbles.  He’s going to need it.


	57. Chapter 57

“Oh. There you are,” Rey greets him without ceremony as Kylo walks into the fast emptying conference room. “We just finished,” she states the obvious.

“Carry on,” Kylo waives impatiently to everyone still around who has dropped to one knee in obligatory respect for their Emperor. Kylo can’t be bothered with all that right now. He’s anxious to get Rey alone. 

He looks her over appreciatively. Rey is in her Coruscant finery today. Like everything she wears, it’s a little severe and mostly unadorned. And that makes it very Rey. There is nothing intentionally conspicuous about her, although everywhere she goes all eyes are on her. Being Empress hasn’t changed Rey a bit. In fact, it’s actually made her more of her true self. She has really grown into this role, he thinks.

“How’s the new shuttle?” Kylo begins with easy small talk to warm her up. “Have you worked out the kinks? Did you take a wrench to it yet?” Knowing Rey, she’s been tinkering away most nights. 

As intended, his comment prompts her to thank him again. “Ben, that ship is amazing. It is so fast. I don’t know how to thank you.”

He can think of a lot of ways that she can than him, but Kylo bites his tongue. He plays it cool, as planned. Trying to sound casual and offhand, he explains, “Well, I missed your birthday for two years running. I was overdue to get you something nice.”

“That ship is pretty extravagant,” she worries aloud.

“You’re the Empress. I can’t buy you a gift card for the holonet. Besides, you needed a new ship. That old crate you were flying had a hundred thousand lightyears on it even before it became yours.” He glances over at Rey’s praetorian chief of staff who’s still in the room listening silently. Three is a crowd, but Kylo doesn’t want to dismiss the guy outright since this is all ostensibly about work.

“What did I miss? Anything interesting?” Kylo pivots to his pretext for being here.

Rey is in a good mood and it shows. Apparently, today’s meeting had less rancor than usual. “We made a lot of progress,” Rey says, sounding upbeat. “There was a lot more consensus than we expected.”

“That’s good,” he nods to keep her talking. “I want to hear all about it. You can brief me over dinner,” he suggests, trying hard to sound as if this is no big deal. 

It doesn’t play that way. Rey looks taken aback by his suggestion and her face says it all. But before she can turn him down, Kylo resumes talking. “We’ll talk about today’s meeting and some other work ideas we need to discuss.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea . . . ” Rey shifts her weight and looks uncertain. Her chief of staff guy looks a little spooked as well at this command performance. And what’s he worried about? He’s not being invited.

Kylo tries to downplay the idea some more. “It’s a working dinner. Two leaders discussing their common cause. That’s all. Nothing else. Think of it like a meeting with food . . . and uh . . .” his eyes dart to the former praetorian, “ . . . no other people.” Kylo shuts up now. He sounds ridiculous. 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea . . . “ Rey repeats.

“We are colleagues, are we not? We should consult with one another directly from time to time. It’s more efficient. It won’t take long and then you can be on your way.” When Rey says nothing, he cajoles, “Now that you’ve got the new shuttle, you can make up the delay on the way back. You won’t even notice the time you lost.”

Mention of the gift must seal the deal because Rey relents, “Yeah, ok.” And does he look as relieved as he feels? Kylo puts on his very best poker face. 

Rey thinks aloud, “I can stay for maybe an hour. But first, Raj and I need to debrief here a bit and I need to make some calls and check my messages.”

“Of course,” he deigns majestically. “Duty calls.” And then, not to be outdone, Kylo concludes with, “I’m busy. Very busy. I’ve got lots of stuff piling up too. Let me attend to some of that first so I can give my full attention to you.” Does that sound busy enough? Like he is barely squeezing in time for her? Not like he has been plotting this for days now?

It must. Rey nods. “How long do you need?”

“An hour should do it.”

“Yeah, ok. Where should I meet you?”

“The private dining room. Ask a guard, they’ll show you there.”

She nods. “Alright.”

Kylo nods and stomps off to find the housekeeper to tell her it’s a go. The Coruscant palace housekeeper is fine but she’s no Vanee. But she has one hour to produce something edible off the list of things Rey eats at Tatooine or she’s fired. Plus, she needs to find some flowers. Rey likes flowers. 

The housekeeper comes through. One hour later, Kylo is waiting when a palace guard shows Rey into the private dining room. If it’s awkward that the Empress clearly has never been to the private living areas of her own house, no one lets on. 

“Here you go, your Excellency.”

“Thank you.”

Rey looks nervous. She has ditched the datapad and comlink, he sees, but kept the sword. Thankfully, she has also ditched that praetorian she keeps around too. It’s just him and Rey having dinner alone for the first time in two years. 

Kylo has his hair combed and his face washed and he even spritzed on some cologne. Women like a guy who smells nice, right? Plus, he’s sweating now so he probably needs it. This feels like those first few awkward dinners together back in his quarters on the Finalizer after Crait. Back when they were enemies and near strangers. They’ve come full circle again. 

And what is he doing? He should be offering her a seat. Kylo uses his best Crown Prince of Alderaan manners and pulls out her chair. This time, Rey has the social polish and ease of an Empress. She gracefully sinks down. There is no awkwardness left in her for situations like this. And that reveals how they have not come full circle. Not really. Because both he and Rey are different people now, even if the setting feels the same. 

Still, tonight has the same undercurrent of excitement and risk that Kylo remembers from their first few encounters. Back when they bickered over the Force bond and back when Rey was his pretend sister. She was as likely to kill him as she was to kiss him in those days. It kept him on his toes. They had danced around each other. Posturing in between revealing moments of candor. Each teasing the other with the promise of real understanding. The difference is that back then Kylo felt certain of the outcome because he knew the Force was with him. It gave him the confidence he needed to pursue her. But these days, he’s less certain. But here goes. He will trust in the Force and do his best to give destiny a little nudge.

It takes effort, but Kylo pointedly ignores the lightsaber Rey sets on the table beside her spoon. 

Instead, Kylo seats himself and says a silent prayer to the Force that he not fuck this up. Then, he waves to the serving droids who busy themselves at the table. And is she noticing the flowers? There are lots of pretty flowers. Really, his dour housekeeper has outdone herself.

“I hope you can find something here you like,” Kylo pretends that he doesn’t know what Rey eats on Tatooine. The table is laden with her favorite choices.

She just nods. “Of course. I’m not picky about food.” And that’s true. Rey’s palate has widened considerably since the immediate aftermath of Jakku. “I’m easy,” she says with a small smile. She believes this, of course. But it’s the furthest thing from the truth. His Empress is the high maintenance type who thinks she’s no maintenance, and that’s a very tricky thing. 

Rey still looks nervous as she pushes food around her plate, so he starts with a safe topic. “Tell me about the Rim.”

That gets her talking. Rey is very engaging and animated as she speaks of her work. Clearly, Rey enjoys being Empress even if it is a hard slog on some days. She oddly reminds him of his mother, but not in a bad way. It’s mostly Rey’s monologue of issues and accomplishments with a few questions here and there from him. He hears about how the Rim Committee is working well but there is a tendency for the largest and loudest of the systems to get all the attention. And while Rey agrees that the systems with the biggest populations should be the focus, she’s concerned about the worst of the Rim too. 

“The minority needs more protection, is that it?” he clarifies.

“Yeah. Probably. Even from some Rimmers you hear ugly attitudes. Like that it’s your fault you are poor because you choose to live on that world or you don’t try hard enough. A lot of people in the Outer Rim don’t have the ability to change their circumstances. It’s a lot blaming the victims,” she laments. 

“Some of those people don’t have the skills to succeed. They will never be self-sufficient,” Kylo observes.

“I know. But that should be our goal,” Rey contends. “Maybe they will never lift themselves out of poverty but their children will make it. It’s why we are building so many schools.”

“I’m all for schools.” He knows how self-conscious Rey is about her lack of formal education. A lot of his Empress’ life story motivates her efforts, he knows. “Just make sure you are teaching things beyond what droid labor can do. At this pace, some of those worlds will reach developed status quickly. I don’t want huge swaths of the population out of work in a decade or two when mechanized labor moves in.”

Rey starts lowering his expectations. “Some worlds are heading that way fast, but most aren’t. Don’t get your hopes up. The Rim won’t look like the Core anytime soon.”

Yes, he knows. And that brings up the issue of resettlement. It’s the political hot potato topic few in the pro-Rim First Order want to talk about. But Kylo goes there. “Some of those worlds probably never should have been settled. They were just a resource grab by the Separatists years ago. We might need to cut our losses on those worlds and abandon them.” When Rey scowls at him, he persists, “That way, we can focus our efforts on fewer problems on fewer systems.”

“Well, there are people there now. Look, Jakku probably shouldn’t have been settled. But it was settled because the Hutts came looking to make a quick buck on battle salvage. When the Hutts moved on, some people stayed. There are other worlds with similar stories. The Old Republic or the Separatists gave some corporation a concession to mine the natural resources or whatever the planet had to offer. And those corporations weren’t interested in development. They just wanted to make credits. The concession is long gone, but people remain behind. Ben, unless the Empire is prepared to pay to resettle all of the citizens of those worlds, we need to help those populations.”

“It’s probably cheaper and better in the long run to resettle people.” That’s certainly the prevailing view among the Core systems whose citizens would rather not waste credits in the Rim. There’s no point in colonizing every vacant system capable of sustaining life, or so the conventional reasoning goes.

His Rim Empress sees it differently. “A lot of people have ties to their home worlds. They won’t want to leave,” Rey warns.

“Would you have resettled if you had the chance?” he asks. 

Rey answers immediately. “No. Jakku was my home. I thought my parents were coming back, remember?” 

He nods, but gives her some straight talk. “Rey, I’m willing to clean up the Rim but I’m not willing to pour lots of credits into places like Jakku. Your committee needs to set priorities and at least make a show of resettlement for some of the least developed worlds.”

“I understand.” Yes, he knew she would. Rey is very much a realist. Her desire for reform is always grounded in pragmatism. It’s a terrific combination. “I actually agree,” she tells him. “You’re saying that we need to make some hard choices?”

“Yes. That’s the message I want you to take back to the Rim Committee. I would prefer that you led the charge on the resettlement issue personally. It will play better than having me step in from the Core to do it.” Rey has the goodwill and respect of her peers to help her float the best resettlement options. Plus, he doesn’t want to swoop in from Coruscant to undercut her. Neither of he nor Rey is ideologically pure, but they get more done on many issues than their predecessors did. It’s probably because they both have a bias for action rather than talk. 

“Okay. I understand.” She sighs and gives him a frank look. “Cleaning up the Rim is going to take a long time. Generations probably. And lots and lots of credits.”

Yes, he knows. It’s a thankless task, too. “Coruscant wasn’t built in a day,” he encourages her.

Rey levels him a look. “Tatooine isn’t Coruscant.” 

“Maybe someday,” he tells her, thinking of two men from Tatooine who forever changed history. Kylo doesn’t want to write off whole sectors of the galaxy. That feels like a mistake. And, while he himself might be the privileged prince of Alderaan, he knows what to means to be underestimated. 

Looking at Rey now, Kylo feels so proud of her. He would say that, but she might find it condescending. But still . . . it is no small thing to go from squatting in an AT-AT on Jakku to being the second most powerful person in the galaxy. That she did this all entirely self-taught in the Force and in her education is nothing short of amazing. He might be the accidental Emperor, but she is a very improbable Empress. Still, the Force knew what it was doing when it chose Rey. Kylo always said that he wanted her for a peer, but now that he sees her truly acting as his equal, he couldn’t be more pleased. If only, she would learn the Force and develop her talents. There might be no limits to what Rey could do. 

But now that Rey has her marching orders, she’s ready to move on. “Enough about the Rim. Tell me what’s happening here in the Core. I don’t even follow the Core news much.” Kylo knows that’s a fib, but he ignores it. Now, he launches into his own monologue.

He tells Rey about his woefully low approval ratings in the wake of his economic reforms. The First Order is remaking the galactic economy from scratch and that means the cushy positions many of the Core worlds have long enjoyed are coming to an end. All in all, the Mid Rim systems are the big winners amid all the upheaval. Kylo also tells Rey about the options he is going to present for the Hosnian refugees. The off-world survivors of the Starkiller attack want reparations and a home world of their own, but Kylo wants to treat them like the Empire treated the Alderaan survivors and simply encourage them to assimilate elsewhere. 

“If we’re going to be kicking people off their still existing home worlds in the Rim to resettle them, why should the Hosnians get a better deal?” Rim girl that she is, Rey is always on the look-out for Core world bias. 

“Guilt. That’s why,” he answers. 

And that brings up one of Rey’s old favorite topics he hasn’t heard in a long while. “Maybe you ought to consider disavowing super weapons after all.”

“Are we back to that again? This is like old times,” Kylo smiles happily. This is good. Rey is considerably more relaxed now than when they started. If she is afraid of him, it doesn’t show. “Death Stars are not my thing, you know that. But I’m not taking them off the table. Rey, I’m a ‘peace through strength’ kind of guy.” He is the strongman who will do what it takes to keep the galaxy together. Kylo needs the threat of potential superweapons out there, even if he would decline to use them.

She counters, “Well, I’m a ‘peace through understanding’ kind of gal.”

He leans forward across the table. “I like that about you.” How’s that for some political flirting? He’s pretty pleased with himself now. 

Next, Kylo complains some more about the Core press. The free press can’t figure him out. It’s over two years after his rise to power, and they are still writing stories analyzing how he got to this position. Who supports this guy?? And why?? They think he’s an undeserving opportunist, a narcissistic political lightweight, a brash man who blithely upends all conventional wisdom and doesn’t care. Depending on your point of view, he either stole the galaxy from the New Republic or from Snoke. He is a polarizing figure who evokes strong opinions. You either love him or hate him. And, thanks to his family background, his Force, and his rebel wife, he is a conspiracy theorist’s dream. Here he is, genuinely trying to make the galaxy great again, but everyone wants to impugn his motives. The fake news out there always gets him wrong. It’s dispiriting, he gripes. 

She can relate, Rey tells him. All that hate can be hard to ignore. 

“I’ll be your cheerleader when you need one,” he promises. “Call me up to vent about work any time you want.”

“Careful, I might take you up on that offer,” Rey warns. And is she serious? He can’t tell. He is. 

“Hey, we’re peers, right?” He doubles down on her preferred label. 

She nods but looks troubled. "This is really hard and it requires people to be patient and flexible, and that’s asking a lot sometimes. Especially when people are so angry. Ben, I understand what you did at Crait and at Dantooine better now. I don’t approve, but I understand it. There’s enough obstructionists as it is. Finn and the others would never have gone along with what I’m doing." 

"It’s not a perfect world, Rey. I don’t always make the right decisions." 

"Yes, I know." She shoots him a look. And maybe he deserves that. 

He elaborates on his mea culpa now. "I wish I had done a lot of things differently. But I’m not sure anything would have ended up different in the end. What you and I are trying to do is very hard. It won't be fair in all instances. There will be winners and losers. But in the long run, in the aggregate, I hope everyone wins." 

“You’re always going to be a little Darker than I want, aren’t you?” she complains softly.

“Yes. But I want you to push back on me.”

“Good. Because I intend to.”

“Good.” He sits back in his chair he sprawls in and hooks an elbow over the arm. Seeing her this comfortable around him has him at ease too. He hasn’t had this much fun in a long time. “You know, I always imagined us doing this. Being a power couple. Talking shop for a bit over dinner.” He smiles again as he says this. This is going so well. 

And, whoops. He went too far. Rey puts her fork down and meets his eyes. “We’re not a couple. Not really.”

“The galaxy doesn’t know that.” 

“They do. Everyone knows.” Everyone but him, he supposes. He’s the galaxy most prominent incel even though he’s married. If Rey knew half of the randy, raunchy fantasies he’s had about her, she’d probably run from the room. “It’s no secret we live apart,” she continues.

Kylo sighs. “You’re right. But not all truths have to be acknowledged.” 

“That doesn’t make them any less true,” she answers back. And now, the conversation gets personal. 

“Did you ever find someone else?” Rey asks a little too casually. 

“No!” And wait—that came out a little quickly.

“It’s okay to admit it,” she says softly. “We haven’t been together for years now. It’s okay if you find a . . . friend,” she finishes awkwardly. “I won’t be upset.” 

She’s looking at him expectantly. And, fuck, he needs to choose his words carefully here. Kylo looks her in the eye. “Rey, there haven’t been any other women.” She looks surprised by this and now he’s defensive. “I mean, I thought about it. But I decided against it. I could have though.” He’s the Emperor. He could have any woman he wants. Well, he can have any woman except the one he wants. 

He slants his eyes over at Rey. “Did you find someone new?” He knows the answer but he wants to ask to see her reaction. 

“Me? No! I wouldn’t do that to some poor guy. You’d just kill him, right?”

Right. But Kylo pretends to be a nice guy. Girls like that. He thinks. “I wouldn’t kill him if he made you happy.” And wait, did that sound like he is encouraging her to cheat on him? Because he’s not. 

“Are we ever going to get divorced?” she whispers. 

“No.” Light and Dark are intrinsically paired, and so are they. Even if its only in this fashion, he needs Rey in his life. “You are an excellent Empress.” Kylo can’t tell her that enough. Then he reminds her, “I told you on Ahch-To there was no divorce.” 

“I remember. I just wondered if you had reconsidered. That’s all.”

Not a chance. “I’m not going to change my mind. The Force brought us together. The Force wants us together.”

“Could the Force have been wrong?” she asks plainly. 

“No.” He is certain of this. “The fault is in ourselves, not in the Force.” He thinks a long moment before he confesses, “I think I needed you to love me without conditions.” He’s never had that before. His father walked away, his uncle turned on him, and his mother washed her hands of him. All because he disappointed them in one fashion or another. 

His honesty seems to annoy Rey. “No one really does that, don’t kid yourself. There are limits to everyone’s love. And you tried to kill me. That’s not an easy thing to forgive,” she points out.

“That was the Darkness in me,” he admits. “The fear. The need to possess.”

“Maybe that was just the Skywalker you,” she retorts. “You do realize that you are asking me to forgive what Luke did to you, right?”

Oh. He’s never thought of it that way. But it’s not the same situation. Not at all. “Luke feared me and what I represented. I just didn’t want to lose you, Rey. It’s different.” When she frowns, he presses his case. “You used to see the best in me, but now you only see the worst. You never really loved me, did you? You never actually told me you loved me . . .” He stops there before he confesses his nagging fear that he is simply not lovable. Because if she couldn’t love him, then no one can.

Rey is quiet a long moment before she admits in that very direct way of hers, “I did love you. You broke my heart.”

“Oh.”

Oddly enough, this isn’t an argument between them. It’s more like a mutual lament. He’s resigned and she’s subdued. All the heat has gone out of their conflict. Only the regret seems to remain. Is it progress that they can speak of these hurts aloud to one another in civil tones? He’s not sure. He worries it might be better if Rey were hysterical again. But then, this is Rey. She’s not exactly in touch with her feelings. She is no ordinary girl. 

Their exchanges must come as close as Rey is willing to get to discussing blame. She changes the topic immediately. His girl hasn’t changed. She still flees from her emotions every chance she gets. She’s so damned repressed.

“This room is very fancy,” she observes as she looks around. 

It’s a total non-sequitur, but he takes the not-so-subtle cue to move on. He shrugs. “I never eat in here. I always eat in my room,” he says sheepishly. 

“Me too. This place is so big that I get lost when I come here. I always have to ask the guards where to go.”

“It is large,” he agrees. “Too large. Especially the private quarters. Do you want a tour?” he offers. She’s never seen how it turned out even though they talked a lot about the palace in the planning stages. He’s on his feet now asking, “Are you through? Come on. Let me show you.”

“Sure.” She tosses down her napkin and stands. “Why not?” She takes the offer to move the focus off them. And he’s fine with it. The longer he can drag this dinner out, the better. Lately, he’s sensing that every interaction seems to rachet down their tension. 

Still, he notices she takes her sword. 

Kylo takes her through the rambling private areas of his palace. To his training room where he spars with his knights to keep his skills up. To his office with the library next door. “It’s way too big for just me. Really, I live in about four rooms,” he admits as they wander. 

“It is grand. So much bigger than the palace on Tatooine. What’s in here?” Rey pokes her head into a bedroom. Unlike the empty rooms set aside for a future nursery and bedrooms for kids, this room is fully furnished. It has an adjoining door that, of course, Rey barges through. And that’s how she accidentally marches into his bedroom. There’s no hiding it. It still has the clothes he wore working out this morning strewn on the floor. 

Rey stops short. “Oh, sorry.” She makes a beeline out the adjoining door back into what was supposed to be her room. 

Kylo can’t help himself. He chuckles. “Don’t pretend you haven’t seen my mess before. Some things never change, Rey.”

“Separate bedrooms,” she surmises as she looks around. “You built us separate bedrooms.” 

Now Kylo is the uncomfortable one. He runs a hand through his carefully combed hair. “Yeah, I thought you might prefer that in case you ever wanted to come back,” he explains as he feels his face flush. He should shut up but he keeps talking. “Or if you wanted to stay for the night on one of your trips,” he says awkwardly. 

Kylo feels a bit humiliated now. He looks away. 

She looks away too. 

But he goes ahead and says it. “You are always welcome here. This is your home, too. If you ever want to stay the night, you can. I won’t bother you.”

“I should go,” Rey yelps quickly. 

He doesn’t object. “Okay, I’ll walk you out.”

“Raj and the others are waiting for me on the shuttle,” she informs him somewhat hostilely.

“Okay.”

Together, they walk through the palace back to the landing pad. Kylo can’t help but notice the double takes the staff does as he and his Empress walk together through the halls. The two praetorians behind them put a chill on any more private conversation. He and Rey talk mostly about her new ship. She loves it like he knew she would. It gets worse when as soon as the Emperor and Empress step outside into the Coruscant night on the landing pad, they are surrounded by security. It’s especially awkward now. But as they approach the shuttle ramp, Kylo goes for it. 

“Let’s do this again some time.” Does that sound too desperate? Like he’s pleading for a date? “There’s a lot I want to get your thoughts on, Rey. Especially when it comes to the Force. We should meet to discuss matters regularly.” There, that should sound sufficiently business-like. He hopes.

Rey remains silent. She shows him her elegant, aloof profile. Her body and face are far less sinewy and starved looking now thanks to years of regular meals. The slight softness looks good on her. Rey truly is beautiful, he thinks.

“It doesn’t have to be over dinner,” he offers now. “Have Raj send my assistant your schedule and we’ll get something set up.”

She stops walking now and looks away. “I guess this is what we are now.”

Kylo tries, but he can’t quite keep the edge from his tone. “This is what you said you wanted.” 

“I know,” she agrees.

And does she not want this anymore? This woman is so confounding, Kylo thinks. Well, tough shit if she doesn’t like it like this. Because if he doesn’t get to be happy, then she doesn’t either. But he doesn’t want to end tonight on a rough note. For as tense as this is again now, it is massive progress. “Thank you for being the Empress,” he says. “I’m grateful for your help. You’re doing a great job.” He can’t say this enough.

Rey just sighs. “We were supposed to do this together.”

“This is what you said you wanted,” he grinds out again. He’s annoyed now and so is she. He tries to salvage things by being positive. “This is good. I like this. At least, let me show you my new temple next week.”

“Yeah. Okay.” She nods noncommittally. “Goodbye, Ben. Thanks for dinner.” Then she marches into her fancy, ultra-fast shuttle and flies away. 

Kylo stands there to watch her depart. He lingers longer still watching where her ship disappears into the Coruscant night sky. Then, suddenly, he becomes aware of all the eyes watching him watching her leave. Does he look pathetic? Kylo worries that he does. And that causes him to stomp back inside, light his sword, and destroy a wall.


	58. chapter 58

When Ben’s assistant suggests a short afternoon meeting at the new temple site, Rey leaps at the offer.  Once her weekly meeting with Hux concludes, she wanders over to the busy construction site full of artisans hard at work.  Casting her eyes around to take it all in, Rey thinks this bright and beautiful place a good choice for a setting.

 

She doesn’t want another dinner in that empty, echoing palace Ben haunts alone.  That had been very unsettling.  Seeing all those vacant bedrooms had been like a punch to the gut.  It brought up memories of Ben joking that twins run in the family so they had better design a few extra rooms.  At the time, Rey had been enthusiastic about planning for the family she always wanted.  Someday, when the war was over and the galaxy was sorted out, she would be ready to start filling those rooms with the next generation of Skywalkers.  And then, she would heal the emptiness of her orphan Jakku upbringing and Ben would heal his own sense of abandonment by his parents.  She would be the mom she always needed and he would be the dad who stays around to parent.  They would get it right and everyone would be happy.  All the Skywalker drama would end with them. 

 

It didn’t work out like they planned.  Last week had brought home that point in an unmistakable way.  Dinner with Ben had left Rey very sad.

 

It is discouraging to see that Ben rambles around an overly large, vacant palace like his grandfather must have wandered around his empty lava castle.  The parallels are hard to miss.  Rey thinks too of exiled Luke Skywalker tromping around his cold, bleak island.  One and all, the Skywalker men seem to end up alone.  And, of all the potential outcomes, this is the one that touches Rey the most.  She fears this for herself and she doesn’t want it for Ben. 

 

Because for all her disappointment in Ben, Rey doesn’t hate him.  And Ben doesn’t want her dead.  He has had plenty of opportunity to harm her, but that’s clearly not his aim.  Rey carries her saber around now out of habit mostly.  She doesn’t actually fear Ben anymore.  If anything, she’s afraid for him and not for herself.   As they interact more and more, she sees how alone he is.  Like her, Ben doesn’t seem to have much in the way of balance in his personal life.  As far as she can tell, it’s all work, work, work.

 

“My lady!”  Wandering lost in her thoughts, Rey startles a young boy.  He leaps to his feet and then drops to one knee beside the overturned bucket he’s been perched on.  The kid has big brown eyes and close-cropped hair.  He’s wearing a rumpled school uniform and nervously twiddling a small lightsaber in his hands.  It’s a dead giveaway.  “Pell, right?” she smiles. 

 

“Yes, my lady.”

 

She waves away the ceremony and the boy stands.  “Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” she asks gently. 

 

The boy colors.  “Yeah, I am,” he admits.  “This is Tom.”  Pell gestures to the workman he’s been watching who now stands with his head respectfully bowed. “He’s an artist.  He lets me watch him some afternoons.”

 

“Hello, Tom.”  Rey inclines her head.  “I didn’t mean to interrupt your work.”

 

“Leave us.” Ten-year-old Pell dismisses Tom with a tone of command that is way beyond his years.  Apparently, this little Padawan has the curt Knight of Ren arrogance down.

 

Unsure whether to be amused or alarmed, Rey says nothing.  She just nods as the man takes up his paints and leaves to work on another section of the temple.  Then she looks expectantly to Pell. 

 

But whatever the boy wishes to say deserts him in the moment.  So, Rey starts talking.  She gestures to the saber in his hand.  “Nestor gave you a sword?”

 

“It’s from the Master.  It’s a training sword.”

 

“He gave me one of those.  I lost it along with a ship I left behind on Takodana,” she recalls aloud.  

 

Pell is all ears now.  “Was that when Sir Percy killed the last Jedi?”

 

“Yes.  Sir Percy saved my life that day.”  Rey reaches into the pocket of the cloak she wears over her formal day dress.  She pulls out her own sword to show it to Pell. 

 

His eyes grow large.  “That’s a real one,” he breathes out.

 

“Oh, yes.  It belonged to Luke Skywalker.”  Rey offers over her saber.  “Go ahead, light it up.  But be careful.  It’s almost as long as you are tall.”

 

The boy nods solemnly.  With great care, he extends his arm fully outstretched and ignites the lightsaber.  At the resulting flash of green, Pell’s face splits with a grin. “Cool!”

 

His boyish enthusiasm prompts a grin from Rey, too. 

 

“What was he like?” Pell asks fascinated as he takes a few practice swings.  It makes the weapon buzz and hum.   Everyone in the temple has now stopped work to watch her and Pell.

 

“Skywalker?”  Rey thinks a moment before she answers.  “He was grumpy and beaten.  Angry at himself and at the Force.  He was not happy that I found him.  He sent me away and I was glad to go.”

 

The boy nods.  “My dad says it’s hard to be the Chosen One.”

 

“He’s right.  It is.”  

 

Pell deactivates the sword and hands it back for Rey to slip into her pocket.  “Thanks.  My dad never lets me touch his.”

 

“Why aren’t you in school?” Rey asks again.  “Tell me the truth.”

 

Reluctantly, the boy divulges, “I’m behind, Lady.  I never went to school until recently.  I have tutors to help but I’m on level with the little kids.  I didn’t mind at first.  Honest, I didn’t.  But the other kids make fun of me now.”  Pell’s face flushes bright red as he says this.  He’s looking down now.  “They all say I’m stupid.”

 

Rey knows all about being made fun of.  She’s been an outcast from a young age.  She looks Pell in the eye. “Are you stupid?” she asks.

 

The boy bristles.  “No.”

 

“Then pay them no heed.”

 

“That’s what my Mom says.”

 

“She’s right,” Rey endorses this view.  “I wish I had gone to school,” she muses aloud. “I never had the chance.  I guess that’s why I build so many schools in the Rim now.  I don’t want other children to grow up without an education like I did.”

 

“So you really were a scavenger?” the boy asks.

 

“Yes.”   

 

He looks at her hopefully. “That’s almost as bad as being a slave, isn’t it?”

 

She thinks a moment and nods yes. “But at least, I was free. I had that going for me.”

 

Her answer must break the ice because Pell opens up.   “Lady, can I ask you a question?”

 

“Sure.  Go ahead.”

 

“When did you know you had the Force?”

 

“I didn’t know.  I had an awakening.  It’s unusual. Most people are born Force sensitive and stay that way all their life.”

 

Pell nods. “I always knew I had the Force.  I could see things before they happened.  I could think things into my hand.”

 

“I never did any of that.  Not until I needed it desperately.  The Force never deserts me when I need it most.”  At least, not yet, she thinks.

 

“Did you even know about the Force?”

 

“A little.  There was a Church of the Force village on Jakku.  They were nice people. They mostly kept to themselves.  And I knew the same old stories that everyone knows about the Jedi and the Sith.”

 

Pell leans in as if confiding a secret.  “My dad says that I’d be dead if the Master was a Sith.”

 

Rey leans in to admit softly.  “I’d probably be dead too.  Good thing he’s not.”

 

“My dad says he’s not as Dark as he pretends to be.”

 

“Oh?”  Rey raises an eyebrow.  “I don’t know.  I’ve seen him pretty Dark.”

 

Pell pipes up with more wisdom from Nestor Ren.  “My dad says you’re not as Light as you pretend to be.”

 

Rey shrugs.  “Your dad might be right about that.”

 

“He’s not my real dad.  I never had a real dad. I had a real mom though.  She’s dead now.”   Pell’s lower lip begins trembling.  But he keeps speaking in a way that tells Rey it is a relief to talk about it.  “We just found out.  My dad has been looking for her for forever.  He promised to buy her when he found her.  Then, my mom and I could be together.  But . . . she’s dead.  She died in a fire that swept through the factory she worked at.”

 

Looking down at this stoic orphan kid, Rey just wants to give him a hug.  Rey really hopes Nestor Flick’s wife—whoever she is—gives this boy a lot of hugs.   “I’m sorry,” Rey tells Pell. “I know how you feel. It’s hard not to have a mom.  My mother is dead too.”

 

“Yeah?  What happened to her?”

 

“I don’t know.  I have no memory of my mother.”

 

Now it’s Pell’s turn to sympathize.  “I’m sorry.”

 

Rey shrugs with an indifference that is wholly feigned. “I’m not so sure it’s bad.  My parents sold me when I was about four. Maybe younger, I’m not sure.   It’s all a little hazy.”   Truthfully, she’s not sure how much of what she remembers is true versus wishful thinking.  But Rey no longer dwells on thoughts of her parents.  The revelation that they were nobodies is something she could handle.  But the truth that they voluntarily gave her up is a pain that will never heal.  Rey mostly avoids thinking of it. 

 

“They sold you?  Like you were a slave like me?” Pell asks.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why didn’t they want you?” the boy asks artlessly 

 

“I don’t know.”  She will never know.  And perhaps that’s for the best.

 

“My mom wanted me.  But I was sold away anyway.”

 

The matter of fact way the kid says this makes Rey ache for him.  “You have the Flick family now.  And you’re free,” she tries to emphasize the positive.

 

“Yeah, it’s good.  I even have sisters now.  That’s cool.  Most days, at least.”

 

Rey smiles encouragingly, hoping that this traumatized boy finds all the acceptance, stability, and love he has long been denied.  “Everyone needs a family.   But family doesn’t have to be someone you are related to.  It just needs to be someone you love who loves you back.”

 

“Is that how your family is?  Is it a new family like mine?”

 

Rey shakes her head no.  “I never got a new mom and dad.  I was on my own when I was a child.”

 

“But you have the Master now, right?”

 

How does she answer that?  Rey just nods. “Right.”

 

That seems to satisfy Pell.  He looks around. “I like this place.  I come here a lot.  I can easily find the Force here.”

 

Rey casts her eyes around, too.  Everything looks very grand and very pretty, but she’s unimpressed.  All this pomp and circumstance strikes her as hollow because it isn’t how she connects with the Force.  She decides to tell Pell that.  “The Force isn’t in fancy temples like this.  This place is like a museum,” she sniffs.  

 

“You don’t like it,” he accuses.

 

“It’s fine, I guess. But I don’t look for the Force in objects and places.  I look for it in people.  You should come with me sometime and I will show you the Force the way I see it.”

 

“The Light?”

 

“Yes.  Pell, you were a slave. I don’t have to tell you that this is a life full of pain and loss, with cruelty and injustice.”

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

“Well, next time you see that for yourself, look for people’s response to it.  That’s where you will find the Force.  Because I have seen a starving person divide their portion with another who is hungry.  I have seen a thirsty person helped by strangers who did not have enough water for themselves.”

 

“On Jakku?  Dad says you’re from Jakku.”

 

“Yes, but the Light is everywhere.  In schools, in prisons, in ghettos, in hospitals.  Wherever there is life, there is Light.  There are those who will bless someone who is scorned. It might be silent, but it’s there. And when someone is sick, there are those looking to give care.  There are people like Sir Nestor who will make room for an orphan.  Others make room for those driven from their homes. I’ve seen a lot of war refugees in the past few years.” Rey now thinks of a friend long gone.  “I have seen a person run towards danger when others might flee.  They reached out a saving hand to an absolute stranger.  It was an impulse to care when all instinct should have been self-preservation.”

 

“Who did that?”

 

“His name was Finn.  Pell, that is the Force at work.  It is a confounding galaxy we live in.  It doesn’t always make sense and it can be very unfair.  But small everyday miracles of compassion and selfless kindness still exist.  Those moments are the very best of us.”  Rey stops, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed by her grand speech.  She’s a little sheepish now.  But who knows what this kid is learning from the knights.  He probably needs a little Light.  Looking around at the splendor of the temple, Rey gripes, “You can’t capture those moments in mosaics and stone. You have to bear witness to them out in the world.  Someday, Pell, I will show you the Light in action. Once you see it, you will want to be it, too.”

 

The kid doesn’t mince words.  “Wow.  You really hate this temple.”

 

“No. Not really.  But this temple is very Ben. He threw out all the old orthodoxies and now he’s desperate to found a new one.”

 

“You don’t think balance is true?” the boy challenges like she’s speaking heresy.

 

“I hope it’s true.  For all our sakes.”  She means this sincerely.

 

“So if you are the Light, then where is the Darkness in you?  My dad says you have plenty of Darkness you try and hide.”

 

That question hits home.  Rey plainly admits, “I have fear and I have anger.”   Lots of fear and lots of anger.  It’s from her parents, from Jakku, and from Ben.  “But I try not to use them.   I want to be better than that.”

 

“Oh.   My dad said Luke Skywalker tried to do that, but it didn’t work.  He went crazy trying to live only in the Light.”  The boy frowns at her now.  “What are you doing here, Lady?  Have you come to pray?  I’ll meditate with you, if you want,” he offers hopefully.

 

“I’m meeting Ben.  He’s late.  He should be here any moment.”

 

“The Emperor is coming here?”  The boy’s eyes widen.  No doubt he’s thinking that he’s about to get busted by someone who counts. 

 

Rey stifles a laugh.  “You had best get back to school, Pell,” she counsels, “before you get caught.” 

 

“Yeah, okay.  Nice to see you, Lady.”  Pell is about to take his leave when fast, heavy boots sound from behind them in the nave of Ben’s great basilica. 

 

“Oh, no,” Pell groans.  “Too late.”

 

Rey whirls.  Many meters away, at the far end of the building ascending the temple steps with determination is Kylo Ren himself. He is flanked by his usual cohort of praetorians and troopers.  It’s an imposing sight.  Rey watches with sudden, inexplicable fascination.  She can’t tear her eyes away.

 

All the craftsmen in the cathedral now stop work to show their Emperor a respect that they had not shown her.  Unlike the softie Empress, no one dares to annoy the notoriously violent Kylo Ren. 

 

Rey blinks.  Then, she sways, instinctively reaching out a hand to Pell to steady herself.  What is happening?

 

The footsteps are closer now.  Faster, too.  Kylo and his men keep marching forward.

 

“My lady?”  Pell is concerned.  

 

Rey feels the sudden pressure at her ears and in her throat.  From experience, she knows what’s coming next.  This is what it felt like when she touched the lightsaber at Maz’s cantina.  This is how she felt just before she crumpled during her stare off at Vader’s castle with Ben and his knights.

 

“REY!” she hears her name bellowed as the footsteps break into a run. 

 

She struggles pointlessly for a moment and then her mind floods with the Force.  You can’t fight the Force.  Rey swoons as she succumbs.

 

_Time wraps back on itself now to the final days of the Old Republic.  In a storied temple long razed that once stood not far from here, a young man in a dark cloak ascends the steps with an army at his back.  He came to the temple as a child seeking knowledge.  He was refused initially.  His future is too clouded, they said.  They were right._

_This slave boy is neither Dark nor Light.  For the Chosen Ones are as fickle as the Force they come from.  Deadly in their changeable allegiances.  You think they are on your side until you are falling down a reactor shaft.  Or until you wake up with their lit saber over your head._

_That child learned everything he could from his teachers and then he slaughtered them one by one.  The Sith are on the rise.  It is time for the Jedi to end._

_“These are the first steps . . . ” a voice Rey doesn’t recognize voice says.  The voice is right.  In hindsight, it is clear that this is when the great reformation began.  But it falls to others in subsequent generations to finish what the angry young man started when he flipped Sith._

_And then, the vision shifts and another man in a dark cloak marches up steep steps into a different temple. This man is world weary and alone.  He is a Jedi like his father before him.  He is the reigning priest of the Force.  But he has lost his religion now.  He is here hoping to find it again._

_Here is where it all began.  Here is where the answers lie, he hopes.  He has struggled so long under the weight of his responsibilities, half-trained at best himself.  Always ever seeking answers for how to contain the Darkness within.  The promise of youth has given way to the measured success of middle age.  This sad hero has long since given up on his idealistic crusade.   Now, he just wants to know why._

_This man taught his students everything he knew and then he began to slaughter them one by one.  For the good of the galaxy, he will destroy it all.  The Sith are long gone—he took care of that.  Now it is time for the Jedi to end._

_“The Force will be with you always.”  It sounds more like a threat than a promise.  For there is no escaping the destiny of a Chosen One.  Cut yourself off from the Force and it will send a new protege to find you and hand you back your saber._

_The vision shifts a third time. The setting is the same but this time yet another man in a dark cloak springs up the temple steps.  He is smiling as he runs hand in hand with a woman in white.  He hasn’t come here to kill or to mourn.  He is seeking the Force’s favor.  Of all in his clan, this iconoclast son is ironically the most reverent._

_He is mostly Dark and the girl is mostly Light.  In prior times, this would be strictly forbidden.  But they don’t care because there is no one left to stop them.  They are not here for an ending, but for a beginning.  It has all come full circle back to the basic core principles that no one remembers and they must rediscover._

_The Sith are gone.  The Jedi are gone.  The schism that led to legendary conflict has been resolved.  What is there left to fight about?  Plenty, apparently.  But what the Force has joined together, it will let nothing tear asunder.  It will protect them from all external threats.  But, alas, it cannot protect them from themselves._

 

“Rey.”

 

It’s Ben’s voice husky and close, just above her ear.  Is it time to wake up?   She’s not ready to go.  She keeps her eyes closed and pulls Ben closer into the hug.  She knows she has to go back to the Resistance base, but she doesn’t want to leave.  Not yet.  “Five more minutes,” she mumbles into his chest. 

 

But Ben quietly insists.  “Rey, what did you see?”

 

What?  Huh?   Rey drags open her eyes.   Reality hits.  She’s not lying in bed naked with Ben on the _Finalizer_.  He’s on his knees and she’s sprawled all over him held fast in his arms.  Her face is smashed into his surcoat.  Her fancy Coruscant outfit puddles on the dusty floor.  Young Pell Flick peers down at her looking equal parts afraid and transfixed.

 

“What happened?   Should we get a medic?”

 

“She’s fine.  That was the Force at work.  The Empress is very strong with the Force.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“What did you see?”  This question is directed to her.   

 

Rey pulls back to begin to make sense of what the Force has shown her.   Visions are a jolt to the brain and a rush to the spirit.  Like a lightning strike of distilled knowledge you have to unpack.  They are far less literal and linear than people assume.  It’s as much intuition as it is images.  “The Force is with us,” she pants out.  She’s certain of this. 

 

Ben looks to Pell and then to her.  “Us?”

 

“With you and me.”

 

Ben’s soulful dark eyes bore into hers.  “Are you sure?  What did you see?”

 

“Us.  Vader.  Luke.  In temples like this.”

 

“I don’t understand,” Pell says.

 

“Go on.”

 

“The Force is with us,” she pants out again.  Now Rey begins a stream of babble as she pours out reactions to the vision.  “Vader burned down the temple to try to erase what it meant.  It didn’t work.  He couldn’t erase half of himself any more than he could erase half of the galaxy.   That’s why he and his Empire fell.”

 

Ben nods, staring at her intently.  “Go on,” he prompts.

 

“Luke went searching for the temple and didn’t like what he found.  The temple was the entire island, not the tree or the alcove.  And it is as much Dark as it is Light.  Luke decided it was meaningless.  He cut himself off from the Force.  None of it mattered anymore.”

 

“Go on.”

 

Is this making any sense?  Rey keeps downloading all the insight she has just received.  “But you—“  Rey looks around at the majestic edifice that is a work-in-progress.  “You are building a temple.  After it all burned down.  After it was all exposed for a lie.  You want to build it back again.  To create anew what you and your family helped to tear down.” 

 

He nods. 

 

“Vader wanted to control the Force, Luke wanted to ignore the Force.  But you—you want to serve the Force.   I think . . . ”  Rey is struggling to get the words out, concentrating hard.  “Vader lusted for power, and he lost everything for it.  Luke wanted knowledge, but he learned the truth of the Force too late.  And you—you seek peace.  But you will kill to achieve it and kill to keep it . . . ”

 

“You got all that from a vision?” Pell wonders aloud.  

 

Rey tears her eyes from Ben to address the gaping boy.  “It’s images and feelings mostly.  You see the shape of things, but they are solid and clear in your mind.  It’s hard to explain.  It’s a lot to take in.”

 

Ben now intercedes with some teaching of his own.  “Visions are rare.  Some of us have them more than others.  But beware knowledge of the future, Pell.  It can be a heavy burden to know what is to come.  It can tempt you to change it.  That is always a mistake,” he firmly instructs.  Ben turns back to her.  “How did it end?”

 

She thinks a moment. “With you and me standing hand in hand.”

 

That makes him smile.  It transforms his face and floods his expression with relief.  “It’s like I told you years ago.  You will stand with me, Rey.”  Ben rises to his feet now and then bends to offer her a hand up in a courtly gesture. 

 

Rey hesitates a moment.  Why?  She’s not sure.  For just moments ago she was prostrate in Ben’s arms.  So Rey clasps his outstretched hand and accepts help to stand.  She starts shaking out her skirts and brushing the dust from them. 

 

“What does it all mean?”  Pell wants to know.   “Why does the Force send visions?”

 

“The Force intervenes when we lose our way and it wants to steer us back,” Ben intones.  “There is always a reason when the Force gives you a peek into its plan.”

 

“It’s a warning, isn't it?”  Rey says softly.  She’s done tidying her clothes.

 

“Yes.”  Ben’s eyes find Pell again.  He doesn’t look happy that the boy is present.  “What are you doing here, kid?  Shouldn’t you be in school?”

 

“Yes, Master,” the contrite boy stammers and hangs his head.  “I should be.”

 

“Nestor is going to give you lightning for this if he finds out,” Ben says flatly.

 

Rey is alarmed at this prospect.  “Ben!“ she objects.

 

“But I won’t,” he continues.  “You have learned something valuable here today.  You have witnessed the Force at work.”

 

“Yes, Master.  I’ll get back to class now, Master.”

 

“No.  Blow it off,” Ben unexpectedly decrees.  He looks thoughtfully down at the boy’s training saber clutched in his anxious hands.  “Sir Percy is at the palace in my training room probably still licking his wounds from our sparring match.  Go find Percy and tell him I sent you for some lightsaber training.  Get him to show you that reverse lunge of his.  It’s a good trick.”

 

“Really?”  The boy’s face lights up.

 

“Yes.  You are dismissed, Padawan.”

 

“Wow, okay.”  Excited Pell bends a knee and then bobs up again.  Then he sprints for the door. “Byyyyyye, Master,” he calls over his shoulder and Rey can’t help but smile at this formal yet casual exit.

 

“What was he doing here?”  Ben asks as he watches the boy leave.  Ben looks troubled.  “That kid should be in school.”

 

“I worry he comes here all the time.  He knew one of the artists by name.”  Ben scowls harder at this information, so Rey tries to explain, “Pell says he is behind in school and stuck back with the younger kids.  He’s self-conscious about it.”

 

“He’s plenty bright.  He will catch up in time, but not if he skips class.  Ten is awfully young for truancy,” Ben judges.  And that may be true in the Core worlds, but slave boys in the Rim grow up fast, Rey knows.  Ten might as well be fifteen for a boy like Pell. 

 

Ben turns his attention back to her now.  Looking her over critically, he asks, “How are you?   Are you alright?”

 

“Yes, I think so.  I sure didn’t expect that to happen.”  Rey is just now getting her equilibrium back.  Or as much as she can given Ben’s nearness.  Something about this man is always distracting. 

 

“Do you have visions often?”

 

“No.  This is only the third time ever.”

 

Her tone makes him chuckle.  “It must be extra meaningful then when the Force knocks you over.”

 

“So it would seem,” she nods.  “Thanks for catching me.”

 

“Well, it’s good to know that my temple has the Force after all.”  Ben considers her again.  “You changed your hair.  It looks nice.”

 

Rey raises a self-conscious hand to pat at the single braided bun at the nape of her neck.  “I need to cut it.  It’s so long now that it’s getting hard to pin up even for a droid.”

 

“Don’t cut it.  It’s pretty like this.  It reminds me of my mother.  She had long hair too.”  He shifts gears now.  “How was the meeting?”

 

“Efficient,” she reports.  “It’s weird.  It’s almost like Hux has given up the fight.  He basically gave me what I wanted on all of the quorum standards and procedural workings of the legislature.”  She is puzzled by this.  “I’m not sure why.”

 

“Hux always falls in line.”

 

“It’s good, I guess.”  Rey stifles a yawn.  The Senate meeting was first thing in the morning this week and not in the afternoon as usual.  Rey flew all night to get here. 

 

“Still on Tatooine time?”

 

“Yes.  Hux had the bright idea to move our sessions to the morning,” she gripes.

 

“Then come in the night before and stay here at the palace.  I won’t bother you.”

 

“Maybe,” she equivocates.  Thankfully, Ben doesn’t press the point.

 

Instead, he gestures around now at his grand temple.  “So, what do you think?”

 

Rey has seen enough infrastructure construction budgets by now to imagine how much this costs.  Ben’s temple could buy a lot of schools and hospitals in the Rim, she suspects.  But she withholds her criticism.  “I like the color scheme,” she approves.  “Black, white and grey.   Very symbolic.  I’m glad it’s not First Order red.”

 

“The Force is larger than any political movement.  It’s larger than us.  We are merely its temporary leaders.  Our job is to keep the faith and pass it on.”

 

“When will it be finished?” Rey asks, as they begin to walk the enormous space together.  Now that all that vision stuff is done and Pell is gone, they are having a normal conversation.  It feels good.

 

“The target completion date was last week, but we had delays.  The interior should be finished in a few months.  But the garden outside will take years to mature.”

 

“I like the garden,” desert girl Rey pipes up. 

 

“I hoped you would.”  He slants a half-smirk, half-smile at her.  And still, after all that’s happened, that expression makes her heart skip a beat.  Ben will never be conventionally handsome, but he is disarmingly attractive all the same.  There is a magnetic pull to this man. 

 

“I put Nestor in charge of all of it.  He will be my bishop of the Force.”

 

“He’s a good choice,” Rey approves, thinking of the low key but still very committed knight.

 

“If I had half the faith of Nestor Flick,” Ben judges, “then I would already have balanced the Force.”

 

“How do you think people will receive this temple?” Rey asks.

 

“Most will laugh at it.  But I’m fine with that.  Some will probably think it’s a means to atone.” He shrugs. “Maybe it is.  I want people to look not at my sins, but on the faith of my church.  The Force sets a standard I cannot live up to.  But I try.”

 

“You didn’t try with me.”  The bitter words come out before she can stop them.  Rey instantly cringes.  “Sorry.  That came out wrong.” 

 

Ben stops walking and shoots her a hurt look.  He’s quietly indignant.  And that’s how a hushed public  argument begins. “Actually, I did try,” he contends.  “I tried really hard.  I let you live with my enemies who plotted to kill me—”

 

“I was trying to moderate them from within.  That was a plan we agreed upon.”

 

“Every time you got hostile and whipped out your sword, I was the one to deescalate the situation.”  Ben fixes her with a hard look.  “Don’t pretend you don’t resort to violence easily, because I will know it for a lie.”

 

“You’re hardly one to talk.”

 

Ben keeps going.  “Against my better judgement, I let you ignore your talent.  I have been very patient with your refusal to train.  You could be so much more in the Force,” he complains.

 

Whatever.  “Don’t start, Ben.”

 

But apparently, he’s just warming up.  “I give you free rein in the Rim to make decisions on everything from hyperspace lanes to social services.  You rule half the galaxy with little or no oversight and input.  Hux would kill for that kind of power.”

 

Rey objects to this characterization of her leadership.  “The Rim Committee of your First Order appointees rules the Rim,” she snaps.  “It’s not just me deciding things.  We work as a committee and the majority prevails.”

 

He is fuming now.  Wagging a finger under her nose.  “Even when you were my enemy, I never treated you like a normal prisoner.  I killed my Master for you.”

 

“You did that for yourself as much as for me,” she points out.  And she knows she is right.  He’s admitted it before. 

 

“I slipped up once . . . spectacularly,” he admits through gritted teeth.   “But don’t pretend that I didn’t try to make you happy and give you what you want.  I know what it’s like not to have choices, and so I wanted to give you as many of them as I could.  I wanted to persuade you to my side.  I wanted you to see my point of view.” 

 

Rey sighs in exasperation.  “I’m not looking for a fight—”

 

“Neither am I,” he retorts.  “But I refuse to let you paint me as the bad guy in all things.  We rushed into marriage—I’ll agree to that.  I wanted a commitment so you wouldn’t leave me.  You wanted a Senate to prove my good intentions.  It was a bit of a quid pro quo, I admit.  But only at first.  It wasn’t an arrangement the whole time.  It became real, Rey.  We were a real couple.  At least it was for me.”  He shoots her a reproachful look.

 

“It was a mistake.”  She looks away.   She doesn’t want to talk about this.  Especially in front of all of these witnesses.

 

“Well, it’s forever now.  And that’s not just me saying it, that’s the Force insisting on it.”

 

When she doesn’t respond, Ben gets in her face.  He looks her in the eye and pleads softly, “Rey, be careful of setting yourself up in opposition to destiny.   Destiny always wins.  Trust me, I know this.” She is about to lecture him on free will and not breaking people’s necks when you get angry, when Ben continues sternly, “That vision was no accident.”

 

Yes, she knows.  It was the Force.  It’s always the Force.  If next Ben says that choking her is not his fault, it’s the Force’s fault, Rey is going to scream.  On the holonet shows, when someone says ‘we are destiny’ it’s a romantic declaration.  But when a Skywalker tells you that, it’s a curse.  It means you are wrapped up in all their fatalist drama. 

 

Ben’s voice is intense and harsh now. “The Force doesn’t care what you want.   It has never cared what I want either.  It was the same with Luke.  He didn’t set out to be a broken man hiding on an island, but that’s how things ended up.  Careful, Rey, lest you too become an impediment to the will of the Force.  Because it will cast you aside the same way it did Luke.”

 

“So, what am I supposed to do?” she gripes, one hand on her hip as she peers up at him. 

 

“Come back to me.  Try again with me.”

 

She shoots him a sharp glance before pacing away a few steps.  She’s instinctively got her hand reaching for the pocket in her cloak with her sword.  “I don’t trust you,” she mutters.

 

“I know.  But trust in the Force to make it right.  Trust in the Force to protect you if you cannot trust in me.”

 

The Force is what got her into this mess in the first place. Rey has had enough Force for today, thank you.  She sighs and turns to face him.  “It’s over, Ben.  It’s been over for years.”  And, oh, how it hurts to say those words out loud.  It makes her think of empty bedrooms for children that will never be.  Of long nights alone with only a sarcastic astromech droid to keep her company. 

 

And does he think she’s being stubborn?  Because she’s not.  She’s just terrified to risk her life and her heart with Ben again.  And that’s why she might show the galaxy her Light, but to Ben Solo she is Dark.

 

“It’s not over.   There’s only one way this is over.”

 

“One of us dies?”

 

That’s a flippant comment but he gives it a serious reply.  “Yes.”

 

Rey swallows hard and grits her teeth.  They have two dozen or more workers, troopers, and praetorians standing off to the side pretending not to eavesdrop.  This is neither the time nor the place to air their personal grievances.  But damn, it’s tempting to start shrieking at Ben again. 

 

She’s tired of lectures about the Force.  She’s tired of warnings about destiny.  Rey has been powerless her whole life.  First, she was an orphan scavenger on a destitute wasteland world.   Then, she was a rebel on the run, imprisoned but able to break out.  Now, she’s an Empress but she still doesn’t get to decide her fate.  It is frustrating.  She has the power to help others change their lives but not the power to change her own.  And what does it mean for the champion of galactic democracy not to be free herself?

 

Her face must portray all of her chagrin and consternation because Ben looks so understanding.  For all the heat of his words, her husband doesn’t look at all angry.  Instead, he’s looking at her now with the same knowing empathy she had looked at Pell with only minutes ago.  “I understand how it feels, Rey.  I know better than anyone how it feels.  It’s like you’re trapped.”  He steps forward and reaches for her hands now.  Holds them and squeezes them to encourage her.  “My fate will be the same as yours.  We’re in this together for better or for worse.  It’s not fair and I know it’s not what you want.  But that’s how it is.   We are instruments of the cosmic Force.”

 

He tugs her forward and now he has his arms around her and her head tucked up under his chin.   She shouldn’t be letting him do this.  But there’s nothing threatening about Ben right now.  He is comforting.  Oddly resigned and sad, too.   The Force pulsates around them and for a moment, Rey fears another vision is coming on.  But the feeling passes.  Maybe it was just the intensity of the moment and the surge of strong emotions Ben’s presence always summons to the surface.  Inexplicably, she wants to cry. 

 

“Come home to me.  We will make peace with each other and with the Force.  You name the terms.   Anything you want.”

 

“I can’t do this,” she whispers into his chest.  She will lose all respect for herself if she goes back to Ben.  Only a few weeks ago he was asking to be friends.  She turned him down and now he’s asking to get back together?

 

“You are being tested,” he tells her.  “We both are.”   Then he releases her and steps back.  “Just think about it.  It was good before and it can be good again.  Let’s make the best of this.  Let’s choose happiness.”

 

“Do I have a choice?” she asks sullenly.    

 

“Maybe not from the perspective of the Force,” he admits.  “But you will always have a choice with me.”

 


	59. chapter 59

Never take your eye off the generals, Snoke taught him.  Grumbling administrators might undercut you.   Ambitious political types may try to undermine you.  Trouble making academics like to foster sedition.  But the generals are the only ones who have the ability to organize a successful coup.  No one ever got ousted by the clerks from accounts payable, his Master warned.

 

It’s with that wisdom in mind that Kylo presents himself in person on the _Finalizer_ for each and every security briefing with the First Order high command.  Hux is present purely as a formality now since he no longer has an active command post.  But the rest are a dour looking bunch.  None of these men is very far into middle age, but they all have the same perpetually irritated look of leaders who lack patience.  That’s somewhat ironic since several of these men have only advanced to this level thanks to the staged bombing on Coruscant years ago which cleaned house of their superiors.  They should be thanking him for the opportunity it presented.  But they’re not.  It’s a widely known but unacknowledged fact that Kylo Ren was behind that bombing.  In its wake, there is a general suspicion of his motives.  But so far, the bombing has proven to be an effective deterrent.   Infighting and disloyalty are at an all-time low.

 

He has a different problem now.  With the war over and the Resistance gone, his military lacks a foe.   That gives his high command far too much time on their hands conducting routine patrols and boring training exercises.  Looking for something to occupy them, Kylo puts the military to work hunting down pirates in hyperspace lanes and capturing smugglers.  To make things interesting, Kylo announces that he will honor the existing New Republic bounties posted for the most notorious of the criminals.  The officer corps of each ship gets to split any bounty they earn.  It isn’t much in the way of actual credits, but there is plenty of glory to be had in the bragging rights.  Kylo specifies only one rule: no disintegrations.

 

Now, over a year into that program, it has been an unqualified success.  For the first time in history, even the Rim hyperspace lanes are clear of bandits.   It’s a great development for the galactic trade economy.  But his top brass in the Imperial Navy are getting bored with acting as a police force.  Plus, the ground forces of the Imperial Army have been mostly left out of the action.  Quite simply, Kylo needs to find something productive for his military to do.  Keeping the peace is a bit dull. 

 

What he really wants to do is scale back on his military spending to direct personnel and resources into civilian endeavors.  But in the proud tradition of the Imperial exile elites who populate the vast majority of the First Order officer corps, careers outside the military are less than desirable.  Add to it the fact that these guys have been long accustomed to Snoke writing them a blank check, and the concept that the Empire might significantly cut back its forces is unthinkable.  Military might—and the demonstrated will to use it—is a core value of the First Order. 

 

And that’s why yet again Kylo is here showing his face at a briefing.  He nods his approval to the news that the overwhelming majority of stormtroopers up for reenlistment have signed back on.  After the initial wave of troopers resigned their posts, most have stayed on.   It’s the only life they know, the pay is good, and the danger has lessened since it is peace time.  His generals are justifiably proud of the esprit de corp this evidences, but all Kylo can think is that those stormtroopers are more mouths to feed.  At this rate, he may need to offer buyout packages to encourage his trooper loyalists to settle in the Core.  Most of the retired troopers went back to the Rim where the cost of living is cheap and they will live among likeminded brethren.  And, actually, Kylo would much prefer that First Order veterans settle in the Core to begin to infiltrate the culture of the Republic worlds. 

 

Next, Kylo listens to a discussion about developing a mobile version of Starkiller Base.  It’s nothing he hasn’t heard before.  Kylo tries not to look bored. 

 

“Another Death Star?” he complains when the twenty-minute presentation concludes. 

 

Oh no, they assure him.  This would be an entirely new and different weapon. 

 

“It drains the power of the sun to focus it with kyber crystals into an interstellar weapon?   That’s Death Star 4.  What’s the twist on this one?”

 

It’s even bigger and more powerful, Kylo hears. 

 

He fights the urge to roll his eyes. “Why do I need one that can kill two systems at once?   Isn’t killing one system sufficient?”

 

It would be an effective deterrent, he is told. 

 

“Against what?   Is there a Resistance I don't know about?   We already have an orbital auto-cannon that can take out a rebel base from space.  Unless we have a rebellion that aligns whole systems to its cause, what good will taking out an entire system—or two entire systems—be?”

 

Someone spouts the cliché that ‘fear will keep the local systems in line.’   It’s a maxim from the original Empire days.  And as far as Kylo is concerned, this is old thinking.  He sees things differently.  The most effective deterrent to rebellion is a well-run galaxy with a thriving economy where everyone prospers.  When people have a future they don’t want to lose, they will think twice before they throw their life away as a rebel.  He’ll give enough civil liberties and sufficient democracy to avoid a purely authoritarian regime.  It won’t make everyone happy, but it should be good enough to keep the peace.  And so, yet again Emperor Ren puts on a show of seriously considering the latest superweapon proposal before he declines it. 

 

Kylo turns to Hux.  “For now, you and Tarkin will keep your positions on the short list of planet killers.”

 

“You are not a fan of superweapons, are you Excellency?” Hux challenges coolly.  “There is not an idea yet that you have endorsed to even the development phase.”

 

“Hosnia and Alderaan were enough,” Kylo draws the line there.  “Besides, all the technological terrors you have pitched me are a version of the same old thing.  They are uninspired and every last one of them has an oscillator or a trench that leads to the main reactor.  Have we learned nothing?” he demands, looking around the room.  “And let me guess—you want to store the plans at Scarif.”

 

“Leader Snoke would have greenlighted several of these proposals,” Hux counters quietly. 

 

“Leader Snoke was preparing for a war that was to come.  That war is over.  We won, General.   The time for those sorts of weapons has passed.”

 

“We won in large part thanks to Starkiller Base,” Hux won’t let the point go.

 

A voice from the other end of the table speaks up now.  It’s the senior most admiral of the fleet.  “With all due respect, Excellency, somedays it doesn’t feel like we won.   Hux here is going to head a Senate.  What did we strike Hosnia for if we were going to elect our own Senate?   We should have just taken over the Republic from within at the ballot box if that was the plan.”

 

“We tried that, remember?  It failed.”  The First Order began as a political fringe group before Snoke championed its cause and armed it to the teeth.  Annoyed Kylo lays his sarcasm on thick.  “It’s a funny thing, but voters rarely want to elect fascists in a democracy.”  Then, he downplays the Senate dismissively.  “Don’t get worked up over this new legislature.  It’s mostly for show.   And Hux here is in charge.  No one thinks he’s another Chancellor Valorum.”

 

Hux nods genially at this endorsement.  “Palpatine.  I’m Chancellor Palpatine.”

 

In his dreams, Kylo thinks.  But seeing the roomful of Hux cronies chuckle over this quip, Kylo resists the temptation to let loose the put down that’s on this lips.  Army Hux is well liked and having him at the helm of the legislature makes it palatable to this crowd. 

 

“When will the Senate be announced?” the admiral asks casually.  It’s clear he’s fishing.  No doubt he’s heard rumors.  His palace leaks like a sieve, Kylo knows. 

 

So he tells it like it is.  “I’d prefer it were yesterday.  It’s taken too long already.”

 

The admiral nods and quickly exchanges glances with those around him.  Yes, clearly the legislature is a topic of concern, Kylo sees.  “This Senate has been in the works all along, has it not?   Its building is very nearly complete, I hear.   That is what that giant palace annex is in fact, right?”

 

Kylo nods.  “The legislature will keep the peace far better than any of your Death Star reiterations.  If you have complaints about how it is run, you can address them to the Chancellor here.   He’s in charge of my sham Senate.”

 

The admiral’s eyes narrow.  “I thought perhaps I might address them to the Empress.  She is running the show, yes?   She’s a veritable Leia Organa for the Rim.”

 

Kylo scowls at the not-so-subtle reference to his mother.  But he’s is no fool.  Kylo turns to Hux.  “Are you letting Rey walk all over you?”  It is gratifying to see Hux flush red before his peers.  “Keep her in line, will you?  I gave her the Rim to experiment with.  It keeps her busy.  But the real legislature is entrusted to you.  Don’t screw it up.”

 

“Yes, Excellency,” Hux grinds out. 

 

The bold admiral keeps pressing.  “She’s raised the issue of resettlement.   She wants to give away our territory and decrease our votes in this new Senate.”

 

Is that what this is about?   Resettlement?  That’s an issue these guys need to be reasonable about.  “Most of those worlds were colonized purely as a resource grab by the Separatists.  I fail to see why a system that has a population less than a hundred thousand should merit a representative with an equal vote to Coruscant.  We won’t need those votes to keep control of the legislature, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

 

“That’s what you think now,” the admiral warns.  “Democracy is dangerous.  We can’t trust the people to rule the galaxy.  They’ve made a mess of it twice before.”

 

“Never fear, Admiral, you aren’t trusting the people to rule.  This an Empire, not a republic.   You are trusting me.”  All who gain power are afraid to lose it, Kylo knows.  No doubt that explains some of his military commanders’ sudden interest in the legislature, he thinks cynically.  It all bears watching.  He makes a mental note to send a knight aboard that skeptical admiral’s ship.  “Are we through here?”

 

The meeting is adjourned.  As Kylo exits, he notices that Hux looks particularly smug.  Kylo’s sense of danger is momentarily pricked.  He regularly senses ill will from Hux.  That’s sort of a given.  But this gives him pause.  Intrigued, Kylo beckons to Hux.  “Walk with me,” he orders, “and report.”

 

“Yes, Excellency.”  Hux dutifully launches into a description of all the progress made on the new legislature.   The internal rules and procedures are mostly in place as well as a timetable for the election process.  It will be a full year from announcement of the legislature until its inaugural convocation.  There must be time for free and fair elections, Hux explains. 

 

The general goes on and on praising Rey’s many contributions, explaining how her personal experience has greatly shaped the internal debate for the better.  That’s an awful lot of praise coming from pompous Hux.  That guy never likes to share the limelight.  In fact, everything Hux says is what Hux thinks he wants to hear.  It all rings true in the Force, though.  Hux is giving Rey what she wants.  In the process, Hux is creating a Senate that will be an anathema to the more conservative elements of the First Order.  No doubt the general is intending to blame it all on Rey.   And rightfully so. 

 

Kylo doesn’t believe for one moment that his old adversary has a newfound love of democracy.   But his intentions are far from clear.  Is this a ploy to stir up trouble with the conservatives?   Does Hux see this as a means to drive a wedge between the Emperor and Empress?  Or is this a strategy to give the legislature real teeth in the long run that will maximize Hux’s role in the Empire?  Is he thinking he will play the Mas Amedda role?  Has Hux figured out that power will increasingly be shifting away from the military?   Hux bears watching too, Kylo decides.  Perhaps Nestor was right.

 

Kylo now moves on to his next meeting.  His day is jam packed, as always.  He shifts from one topic to the next in a constant state of information overload.   Today begins with a military briefing before Kylo spends an hour being updated on the state of his key economic reforms. Next, he listens to an analysis on ways to unify the galactic economy further.  It’s a lot of talk about mandating Basic as the everyone’s primary language and making currencies other than credits illegal.  The economists also want to promote standardization among the legal systems of local systems, and Kylo has no objection to that.  He could care less about the sovereignty of individual systems and lawyers bore him. 

 

Next, it’s on to a long meeting making recommendations for how to deal with organized crime in the galaxy.  All his efforts to stamp out piracy and smuggling have hurt business for the major crime families and gangs.  From the Hutts, to the Pikes, to Crimson Dawn, and Black Sun, the criminal elements are up in arms.  Several have approached the First Order through back channels seeking to cut a deal to protect their turf.  It’s a thorny problem with lots of downside, as far as Kylo can tell.  Plus, it irks him to no end that several of these overtures include blatant name drops of Han Solo, as if that will curry favor with Emperor Ren. 

 

After that, Kylo holds his weekly com call with his knights.  It’s a bit like a Jedi High Council meeting of old.  Everyone reports on their assignments and he sends Percy Ren to look over the shoulder of that recalcitrant admiral.   Then, it’s off to the next thing.  There is no rest for the weary.  For efficiency, Kylo conducts his entire day on the _Finalizer_.  He won’t waste travel time to and from the palace except when necessary.   Plus, he likes to keep a regular, conspicuous presence on his flagship in orbit over Coruscant.  He even makes time to stand on the bridge for a bit like in days gone by.  He is determined to be a visible, accessible leader, unlike reclusive Snoke and paranoid old Palpatine.

 

And that means it’s late when Kylo’s shuttle lands back at the palace.  He’s engrossed in his datapad poking through his messages when he senses a subtle flavor in the Force.  “Rey.”  He says her name aloud in surprise, garnering curious looks from his aides.  And sure enough, as he marches down his shuttle ramp, Kylo sees the flashy white ship parked next to his.  Kylo is back to being closely attuned to Rey’s presence the way he used to be during the war.   She can’t sneak up on him now.

 

Intrigued, he sets off into his palace with a spring in his step.  Has Rey come in early for her weekly meeting like he suggested?   Could she be here because she plans to accept his request to come home?  Or is she here to tell him off in private late at night when she knows she will get his full attention?  With Rey, you never know.  All bets are off.  Every time Kylo tries to predict what Rey will do, he gets her wrong.  So, he has stopped trying.  One thing is for certain, his wife is never boring.

 

Kylo psyches himself up as he makes the long walk from the landing pad to the private quarters of his palace.  He’s ready for anything when he bursts in the door, expecting to find Rey waiting for him.  Except there’s no Rey.  It’s just the housekeeper waiting up as usual. 

 

That’s very disappointing.

 

The housekeeper is a rather pedantic woman.  Each night, she insists on going through the same list of questions before she is dismissed.  Does his Excellency want dinner?  No, he ate on the _Finalizer_.  Does his Excellency require any assistance?  No.  Does his Excellency have any instructions for her?  No.  Just one question:  where is the Empress?   In her room, the housekeeper replies.  She arrived a few hours ago in anticipation of a meeting tomorrow morning.  It would be helpful, the clearly annoyed housekeeper states, if in the future the Empress informed me of her arrival in advance.  That way I could prepare things properly.  Kylo commiserates.  You knew before I did, he points out.  Lady Ren has a mind of her own, he says a bit proudly.  Kylo knows full well that his Empress is two things his rigid housekeeper cannot stand:  she is casual and spontaneous.  If Rey does decide to move in, this woman is definitely fired. 

 

Once the housekeeper is gone, Kylo stomps off down the hall.  And . . . oh.  He can’t help but feel disappointed and a bit rejected when he discovers that the door to Rey’s bedroom is closed.  Should he knock?  Would that be intrusive?  He doesn’t want to risk coming off as threatening.   But he’s dying to see Rey and find out why she’s here.  Still, he resists.

 

Kylo stomps off to his own bedroom.  Once inside, he starts making lots of noise to make certain Rey hears he’s back.  He’s got the holonet running full blast on the late-night newsfeed recap as he takes a quick shower to freshen up.  Kylo makes sure to leave the bedroom door open as a silent invitation for Rey to wander in.  But minutes later he is showered clean, barefoot in sleep pants, and Rey still hasn’t taken the cue. 

 

Is she shy about wandering into his bedroom?  Rey had looked super spooked when that happened by accident during his impromptu tour.  So, to make it easy for her, Kylo grabs his sword—he always takes his sword—and heads for the balcony off the hallway that connects their two rooms.   He’ll just hang out there a few minutes taking in the Coruscant night.  It’s sort of neutral territory, he tells himself.  And that should make it easy for Rey to wander out to casually say hello.

 

Five minutes becomes ten minutes and still no Rey.  Kylo is bored and anxious now.  What is she waiting for?  And then, it occurs to him.  Could Rey be asleep?  Kylo concentrates a moment and blatantly nudges at her mind.  Yes, she’s asleep.  Well, damn.  That’s a letdown.  In fact, he’s crushed.  So much for his midnight intervention with his wayward wife.

 

Kylo sighs as he turns to contemplate the closed door to her room.  On a whim, he waves his hand and, with a little help from the Force, the door slides open a few inches.  Kylo peeks in. 

 

He stares a long moment.  There she is, his sleeping beauty.  She’s so close and yet so far.  The curtains are only half pulled, so Rey’s room is still dimly lit.  He can easily see her lying nestled on her side.   Her hair is mussed and spread about her pillow.  It’s so much longer than he remembers, but that’s what two years can do.  The peaceful, lovely sight arrests him.  How he longs for his estranged wife. 

 

Worried he will wake her, and suddenly feeling like a stalker, Kylo ducks away to his own bedroom.  But half an hour later, he is wide awake with his datapad in his hands staring at his overflowing inbox.  He’s too distracted to work and too keyed up to sleep.  Rey’s presence has him off his game and out of his routine.  And that’s how he finds himself wandering into the hallway to once again peek into Rey’s room.  Concerned that she will wake and freak out, Kylo waves his hand and gives her some light Force sleep.  That ought to keep her slumbering peacefully so he can look his fill. 

 

He likes doing this.  He’s done it before.  The first time, he had waited until Rey awoke on Starkiller Base.  Watching her, wondering about her.  Who is this girl dressed in rags who shot at him?  Is she the one?  He remembers being so excited to find out.  Kylo plotted an interrogation strategy designed to scare her but impress her while he waited.  It didn’t work.  He was the one scared and impressed when it was all over.  Rey was the one strapped to the torture chair but she had the upper hand.  Kylo had watched and fretted again in the infirmary after Crait, only by that time he knew without a doubt that Rey was meant for him.   Their strange, inexplicable attraction could only be the Force at work.  Here was the Light Side girl who would help him rule an Empire and bring balance to the Force.  Rey was worth killing Snoke.  She definitely had the upper hand now and she kept it even through exile and a long stint at the Resistance.  Kylo knew it—he was whipped.  But he didn’t care.   He was blissfully happy like never before.  Then, Kylo was back in that same infirmary after Dantooine.  This time, he had been watching full of regret and fear.  He had erased in an instant all the love and trust he had earned from Rey with a Force choke.   Like a fool, he had panicked and ruined everything.  When Rey finally awoke, she had been terrified of him.  And that leads him to this moment over two years later.  Again, he’s watching Rey sleep.  The circumstances are different but the issue is the same: from the very beginning, through it all, he has been drawn to Rey like he is drawn to the Light. 

 

And Rey is drawn to Darkness.  His Empress is moved to compassion, looking to inspire, and merciful in response to transgressions . . . for every sinner but him.  For with the exception of that hug in the temple, Rey has been unrelenting in her emotional and physical distance.  Like Leia Organa before her, Rey withholds her love.  Kylo wonders now if this is the point of them—that through Rey, the Force lures him to revere and chase the Light.   He and Rey are both instruments of the Force, destined to play intrinsic roles in each other’s lives for the good of the universe.  But not, unfortunately, for the fulfillment of their souls.  For to be a favorite of the Force means to have a life of significance.  But not necessarily a life of happiness, it seems. 

 

Is this creepy?  He hopes it’s not creepy.  Still . . . Rey wouldn’t like this, he suspects.  But he’s not harming her.  And she is the one who showed up at his place unannounced without explanation.   Plus, it’s not like they are complete strangers.  She’s his wife.  Emboldened by the Force sleep, Kylo enters her room now.  He moves to gaze down on her face relaxed in sleep.  She’s breathing slowly and rhythmically.  It calms him just to hear it.  Lost as she is in slumber, Kylo can safely reach down to stroke at her cheek.   As expected, she doesn’t stir. 

 

Oh, Rey, he thinks, I would do anything to change the past.   Give me another chance.

 

On a reckless whim, Kylo now pulls back the sheets and slips into bed beside her.  Rey is oblivious as he slides one arm under her and reaches around with the other to pull her close.  He buries his face in her neck, inhaling the remnants of yesterday’s perfume as her hair envelopes him. Just for a few minutes, he wants to relive what it was like to have a deep connection to this woman. This is crossing a lot of boundaries but he’s not going to take advantage of her.  He’d never do that.  He just wants to snuggle up close so he will feel a little less alone tonight.  Less rejected. 

 

Still, this surreptitious physical closeness isn’t enough.  It is a poor substitute for her love.  Kylo wants a real marriage and all the comforts it brings.  A listening ear, a willing body, and a smile to greet him home at the end of the day.  For there will never be enough comfort and acceptance for this long beleaguered Skywalker prince who disappointed everyone on his way to becoming the accidental Emperor.  Just like there will never be enough love and security to fill the void left by Jakku in his scavenger girl.  Because there are things you just don’t get over.  Those hurts mark your soul and become a part of who you are.  You spend your whole life managing them.   Looking for people to cure them or to prop you up so you can deal with them. 

 

Try as you might to deny what you need in life, those needs always come out in one way or another.  If you’re one of the lucky few, you find a healthy, productive way to fulfill those deficits.  You transcend your shortcomings and evolve past your weaknesses.  That’s the goal, at least.  But if you’re like most of us, you stumble around making compromises and occasionally veering into self-destruction to get your emotional fix. This is the humbling truth of self-awareness.    Even if you know what’s best for you in life, it can be very hard to obtain it.  But once you find it, even if it’s from a toxic source, it can be very hard to quit.  That’s often why people languish in unhealthy relationships.  Rarely are they actually trapped by their partner or their circumstances.  Usually, they are trapped by themselves. 

 

And that’s where he is now. Trapped in love with the girl who refuses to even be his friend, wanting the woman who runs from him to stay, lonely for the introvert, loner who withholds the attention he craves.  Rey is capable of being everything he needs if she will only try.  And maybe tomorrow she will tell him that she’s ready to try again.  He can only hope she will.  But for now, Kylo will pretend that this is the _Finalizer_ or Luke’s hut.  That Rey knows he is here and wants this.  That Rey loves him and their future is bright. 

 

He’ll be gone before she wakes.  With her normal sleep plus the Force sleep, Rey will need a little nudge of his power to wake up.  And by that time, he will be safely next door and she will be none the wiser.   Contented Kylo congratulates himself on his crafty plan and promptly falls into a deep sleep.  His last conscious thought is that he ought to get Rey’s version of what’s going on with Hux.


	60. chapter 60

Rey dreams of the island.  Of being cold and alone.  It’s a dream she’s had before many times. She’s exiled again with nothing to live off but mushy fish and mossy rainwater.  To make matters worse, the lizard ladies have taken their aversion to a whole new level.  They shun her now.  Rey is not exactly sure why, but in their mangled Basic they tell her that she is flouting the will of the Force, whatever that means.  Rey feels helpless and hopeless, like back during her worst days on Jakku.  To make matters worse, Force ghost Luke Skywalker keeps showing up to scare her.  The Jedi Master apologizes again and again for having turned her away and driven her to Snoke and Kylo Ren.   He’s prepared to teach her now, if she wants.  But Rey is having none of that.  It’s too little, too late.  She’s so over the Force.

 

The dream continues along those lines.  It’s the same old thing.  Rey’s sleep is fitful and restless until she finally jolts awake.  Her heart is racing as she blinks back to reality.   “It was just a dream.”  Rey says the words aloud to comfort herself as she sits up on the side of the bed.  She hugs her arms to her torso and rocks back and forth like she did as a child in an imitation of a parent’s hug.  She’s not on Ahch-To, she’s in Coruscant.  She’s in the palace in her Empress bedroom and she needs to get some sleep because she has a big meeting with Hux tomorrow morning.   Rey shakes off the mental fog of the scary dream and swallows hard.  She can’t let her fears control her.  Jakku is the past and so is Ahch-To.

 

And that’s when she becomes aware that she is not alone.  Someone is softly snoring behind her. 

 

Rey whirls. 

 

From Jakku, she learned to treat all surprises and every interloper as a potential threat.  So as she sizes up the situation real-time, her hand flies out to summon her lightsaber from where it lies on the bedside table.  It ignites in a loud snap-hiss and a flash of green.

 

That wakes her visitor.  He hurls himself out of bed as he casts out his hand for a sword that lies on the bedside table closest to him.  It ignites with a double snap and a flash of red.  It all happens in the blink of an eye.  Just as Rey recognizes him, she is thrown hard against the far wall with the Force.  Her sword loosens from her grip and deactivates.  She herself falls in a heap to the floor with the wind knocked out of her.

 

Ben.   She recognizes her attacker but can’t say his name.  She can’t say anything as she struggles to inhale a breath. 

 

Ben, of course, has none of these issues.  He’s gaping at her in the dim light.  “What the FUCK?  Are you trying to kill me?  Do you still want to kill me?”

 

Kill him?   She didn’t try to kill him.  He attacked her.  But Rey can’t form words yet so she just shakes her head and gasps while he vents. 

 

“Don’t you EVER light that sword over me asleep!   It’s like my fucking uncle all over again!   I almost killed you!   Don’t you ever do that again!”  His eyes are wide and his expression is livid.

 

“B-Ben—“ she pants out his name.

 

“Are you okay?” Ben asks now as he stomps to loom over her.  His own sword is lit and crackling still.  He’s shirtless and barefoot in sleep pants.  His chest heaving with adrenaline and vehemence.  Outrage is writ large across his features.

 

He turns off his sword and tosses it on the bed before he leans down to grab her hand and yank her up.  He looks her over for injuries.  Satisfied that she’s okay, he starts to shake her shoulders roughly.  “What the Hell were you thinking??  I could have killed you!”  He scowls as he releases her.

 

Rey is panting still but she has her voice back now.  She shoves him back hard, annoyed that somehow this is her fault.  “What am I doing??  What are you doing?  What the Hell are you doing in my bedroom?  In my bed!”

 

Ben looks to be coming down now just as her own anger is rising.  She’s ready for a confrontation, even if she is suddenly very aware that she’s wearing sensible cotton panties and an old t-shirt and nothing else.  She’s out of uniform as the cold, formidable Empress.  The fancy, stiff clothes she wears around Coruscant are chosen to give her dignity and distance from this man in particular.  She really misses them right now.

 

“I-I . . . ”  For once, Ben is at a loss for words. 

 

Sensing he’s on the defensive, Rey goes on attack.  “You said you would leave me alone if I stayed here!” she accuses.  “What kind of creepy stalker shit is this?”

 

“I-I . . .”  He still has no explanation.  He just works his jaw like he always does when he’s uncomfortable.  She watches him rake a hand through his wild bed head.

 

“Well?”  Rey has to work to keep her eyes pinned on Ben’s.  They keep wanting to wander down to his bare chest.  Was Ben always this well-built?  Her memory was good but it wasn’t this good.  Maybe she’s just been alone too long, Rey thinks.  And that thought depresses her.  When Ben still doesn’t volunteer a reason, she regally points to the door and orders, “Get out!” 

 

He complies in silence, collecting his sword before he goes.  Ben always sleeps with his weapon within easy reach.    Rey remembers that from before.  She frowns as she watches him leave, noting that his shoulders are slumped.

 

Frustrated by his lack of explanation, Rey paces a minute or two alone in her room before she storms after him.  She finds Ben out on the balcony right outside her door.  He is facing away slumped over the railing.  He has his face in his hands.  His shoulders are shuddering.

 

Is he?  He is.  Ben is crying.

 

Oh.

 

The sight stops her cold.  The mighty Kylo Ren is not easily humbled.  In all the times they talked about his parents, his uncle, Snoke, even the massacre at Jedi temple, never once has Ben shown emotion like this.   She’s seen him angry, she’s seen him cold, she’s seen him sad.  But she has never seen this.   It takes the heat out of her anger fast. 

 

“Ben?” she walks up beside him.  When he doesn’t respond, she lays a hand gingerly on his back.  “Ben?”

 

“I almost killed you—“ he groans out.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“If you had resisted that Force push, I would have swung and taken your head off—“

 

“I’m fine.  I was just surprised.”

 

“So was I!”  Ben furiously wipes at his eyes before he stands up to face her.  “Fuck, Rey, I nearly killed you!” he rages.  He is distraught, with red, watery eyes and a suspiciously trembling lower lip.  “I said I would never hurt you again—I never ever meant to hurt you . . . “  He shakes his head and looks away as he swipes a hand across his face again.  “FUCK!” he explodes.

 

“I’m fine. There’s no harm done.”  Suddenly, their roles have shifted and Rey is the one talking him down and making the explanations.  “You scared me, that’s all.”  She shrugs it off awkwardly. 

 

He glances over at her.  “That was a hard push.  Are you alright?” 

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she lies as she rubs a little at her right shoulder.  She’s going to have a bruise there for sure.  Her neck feels a bit wrenched too.  “I’ll just be a little sore tomorrow, that’s all.”

 

Ben must sense the lie.  He slaps the balcony railing and kicks at it savagely.  “I’m such a fuck up!  I can’t do anything right with you . . .“

 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Rey soothes as she steps up to stand beside him looking out.  They are both silent a long moment.  After the swords and the screaming, now the mood is subdued. 

 

“What were you doing in there anyway?” Rey asks quietly. 

 

He doesn’t answer.  Ben just stares bleakly out at Coruscant.  His expression is Dark with self-recrimination like the Force that swirls around them both.  “I almost killed you . . . again.”

 

“I said I’m fine,” she sighs.  “Let it go, will you?  I’m fine.”  Now, she’s staring glumly out at the cityscape, too.  “We’re such a mess,” Rey speaks her thoughts out loud after another long pause.  “I used to think that we brought out the best in each other, but now I think we bring out the worst.  The Force really made a mistake with us.”

 

That provokes a reaction.  “No.  Don’t blame the Force, blame us.  Mostly me.”

 

“You really scared me.  What were you doing in there?” Rey asks again.  She still wants an answer.

 

“Look, I’m . . . I'm lonely, okay? I miss you.”  Ben starts to vent now, too.  “It was never supposed to be like this.  We promised each other we would never be alone.  And yet, here we are.  Alone on separate worlds in separate palaces.  Even when you’re here, we’re alone in separate bedrooms,” he laments.  She opens her mouth to speak, but he overrides her angrily. “Don’t deny it, Rey!  Because I know how alone you are.”

 

It’s true.  She doesn’t dispute it.  But she levels him a look.  “That doesn’t mean you get to crawl in bed with me.”

 

He is defensive instantly.  “I wasn’t going to do anything.  I swear it!  I just wanted to feel closer to you.”

 

“That’s a lame answer.  I wake up with a stranger in bed next to me—“

 

“I’m your husband!  I asked you to come back home to me and you did!”

 

“Well, you scared me.  I wasn’t expecting that.”  She shoots him a reproachful look.  “You said you wouldn’t bother me if I stayed here.” 

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry for that.  I’m sorry for everything,” he sighs, sounding so dejected.  It’s the furthest thing from the legendary cocksure arrogance of Kylo Ren.  Ben seems so . . . diminished.  She hates seeing him like this.  “I’m more sorry than you will ever know,” he laments.

 

“I do know,” she counters, but it doesn’t let him off the hook.  Rey doesn’t mince words.  “That was a dumbass reckless thing to do even if you didn’t mean to scare me.  How did you think I was going to react?”  She shoots him a dirty look.  “Choking me was a dumbass reckless thing to do too and breaking my neck was just as foreseeable.”  But Rey makes an apology of her own now.  “I didn’t mean to freak you out with Luke’s sword.   I’m sorry.  I didn’t have time to think.  I just acted.  You know me . . . I always light my sword.” 

 

“You were doing what you always do.  I should have known that would happen.  But I didn’t think you would wake up. I gave you some Force sleep,” he confesses.

 

“You did what??”  She’s not happy to hear this news.  “Seriously, Ben?”

 

He runs a hand through his hair again and shoots her a glare.  “I wasn’t going to rape you.  I just wanted to be sure I didn’t scare you.   But it didn’t work.  You woke up.”

 

“I’m on Tatooine time,” she retorts.  “Plus, I had a bad dream. I have bad dreams a lot.”

 

That piques his curiosity.  No doubt he thinks it’s the Force.  “What do you dream about?”

 

“It’s not important.”

 

“Tell me.”  When she doesn’t immediately answer, he divulges, “I dream of you.  Of hurting you.  Of other people hurting you.  It’s like the Force is pissed that I didn’t protect you enough.  From myself and from others.”

 

Yep, he goes straight to the Force, as usual.  Now, he’s not going to let up until she answers.  So, Rey reveals, “I dream of Luke’s island.”

 

“Of our wedding?” he asks eagerly.

 

“No.  Of being alone.  I dream of loneliness.   It’s like a warning sometimes.”   She shakes her head.  “Look, I’m lonely too.  This isn’t how I wanted things to be either.”

 

“You’re lonely.  I’m lonely.  Let’s be lonely together,” he offers a little sheepishly.

 

Rey sighs at this logic.   “It’s not that simple.”

 

“It can be.” 

 

She shakes her head and shivers in the night air.  It’s cold out here barefoot in panties and a thin t-shirt.

 

“Cold?”

 

“Yeah. I’m used to Tatooine nights.  It gets cool in the desert but not like this.”

 

“Then go inside.  Go back to sleep.”

 

She grunts at this suggestion.  “I’m wide awake now.”  There’s not a chance she’s going to get back to sleep anytime soon.

 

“Yeah.  Me too.”

 

This feels weirdly very them, Rey thinks.  This isn’t the first time things have progressed between them from swords to screaming to tears to quiet conversation.  Everything about their relationship is prone to extremes.  The highs and lows, the long distance, the war, politics, and the Force as interlopers.  Nothing about them is normal.   Sometimes, it feels so easy.  Other times, it’s so hard.  But it’s always complicated.  Very complicated.

 

But Ben doesn’t see it that way.  He repeats his pitch from earlier now.  “How about it, Rey?  Let’s be lonely together.” And Rey can’t help it—she smiles a little ruefully.   Ben might have choked her for leaving him, but some small part of her thrills to be chased by him still.  It fulfills a deep need in her to be wanted by someone, even if he’s the toxic Dark Side Emperor Ren.  Though, she would never admit it.

 

“Look, don't ruin this—this thing we have going on now—“

 

“What thing?”

 

“This vibe.  We can work together. Enjoy each other’s company—“

 

“You enjoy my company?”

 

“It’s for the good of the galaxy.  I’m willing to look past you trying to kill me for the betterment of everyone.”

 

“Does this mean you forgive me?” he asks hopefully.

 

“No!”

 

“Why not?”

 

“You tried to kill me!”  Things had been so good before they went so wrong.  Rey had not seen that Force choke coming even if perhaps she should have.  For what they say is true—love is blind.

 

Ben has recovered from his initial remorseful sadness and now he’s indignant.  “You show the galaxy your Light but you show me only Darkness.  Where is all that Light Side forgiveness?   You have compassion for every common criminal in the Rim but not for me,” he grouses.

 

Really?  “You are far more of a monster than most of them are.”

 

“It’s true,” he snaps back.  “And I never hid that from you.”

 

“I know.”  This is the crux of her heartbreak.  Turning to Ben, she admits, “I knew what you were capable of and I loved you anyway.   I guess I thought you would be different with me.”

 

“I wish I had been,” he fumes.  And is he angry with her?  With himself?  She can’t tell.  Maybe that’s because anger is Kylo Ren’s default setting most days. “So why are you here anyway?” he asks.

 

Rey shrugs.  “It was convenient.  I thought I would take you up on your offer and see if we could get along better.  The Force doesn’t seem to like us living apart.”  That vision in the temple had unsettled Rey more and more as she thought through it.

 

Ben’s eyes light up.  “You came back to try again?”

 

“I came back to see if we could be friends.”  And why is he looking so shocked?  It was his idea a few weeks ago.  She’s willing to give it a try.  He should be happy about this.

 

Ben is watching her very carefully now.  Like he’s suspicious. “Friends how?”

 

“You know . . . friends.  Like normal friends.”

 

He nods slowly.  “Does this mean you’re okay that I killed the rebels?   Is it just killing you that's the issue still?”

 

What is this—some sort of bizarre negotiation?  Only they have conversations like this.  “You are impossible!” Rey throws up her hands in frustration.  “Look, Ben, we’re not getting back together.  We are a bad match.  Regardless of what the Force thinks, I’m not the right girl for you.”

 

“How so?”  That comment has him flummoxed.  He’s looking at her like she’s speaking blasphemy.  Any minute now, he’s going to start spouting off about destiny.

 

Well, destiny aside, she and Ben just aren’t that compatible.  “You need more attention than I can give you,” she observes.

 

He makes a face and accuses back, “You can be a little aloof.  A lot aloof.   Cold.”

 

She shrugs and explains it in one word: “Jakku.”  Then, she muses, “I need a dependable, nice guy.   Someone a little less into their religious megalomania.   Someone I can trust.” 

 

“I’m not a nice guy.”  He says this a little proudly.  “I am definitely not a nice guy.” 

 

Rey rolls her eyes.  “Everyone knows that.”

 

“You need a father figure,” he decides.  “Someone to indulge you like some daddy’s girl.”

 

“Maybe. That’s not you.”

 

He keeps going with his assessment.  “Yeah, you want some beta-male type who will tolerate your drama.”

 

Really?  She cocks her head at Ben.  “Oh, so I’m the drama queen?  Are you sure about that?”

 

“Yes, yes I am.”  Apparently, he’s a bit indignant about it, too.  “You’re the one always pulling swords and running away.”

 

“I’m the violent one??”  Is he hearing himself?

 

“I never pretended to be some teddy bear.  I’m Kylo Ren.  What did you expect?”

 

The truth comes out before she can stop it.  “I never saw you as Kylo Ren once I heard the truth about Luke.  You will always be Ben to me.”  And, damn, if she doesn’t get a little choked up saying that. 

 

“Rey—” He steps closer and reaches for her. 

 

But she eludes him and turns back to lean over the balcony.   Rey remembers that hug in the temple.  Hugs from Ben are dangerous, no matter how comforting they are.  She doesn’t trust herself around this man.  She needs to keep her distance even if Ben keeps crossing boundary after boundary.  Rey takes a deep breath.  “I want us to find a way to coexist amicably.  I want to be friends.”

 

“Okay,” he accepts.

 

And now they are back to standing side by side hanging over the balcony together, staring out.  The silence between them hangs heavy until Rey breaks it.  She feels like she should say something.  Anything.   Because friends talk to each other.  Right now, this feels like an argument that ended in the silent treatment.

 

“You can see the temple from here, right?  Over there.”  She points into the darkness.  “Isn’t that it?”

 

“Yes,” Ben confirms.  “It will be easier to see once it’s fully lit up at night.  Luke always talked about rebuilding the Jedi temple on Coruscant.  I wonder what my uncle would think of my temple.”

 

“He’d hate it,” Rey says bluntly.   “Luke Skywalker had a very different idea about balance than you do.”

 

Ben looks forlorn now.  Like he always does when he speaks of his dead uncle.  “I never learned what Luke thought.  Balance wasn’t a concept he talked much about when I was his student.  What did he tell you?” he asks.

 

“Well, he admitted that powerful Darkness balanced powerful Light.  But I doubt he accepted your ideas that Dark and Light can live within the same person.  I think he thought of Darkness as a temptation from without and not from within.  Darkness wasn’t really necessary or desirable in any instance for Luke.  I think he simply thought of Darkness as a fact of life that had to be tolerated and dealt with.”

 

“That sounds like him.”

 

Rey thinks back to the meager guidance she received from the Jedi Master.  “He faulted me for being drawn to Darkness.”

 

“I remember.”

 

“Did Snoke fault you for being called to the Light?”

 

“Sometimes.  When he thought it was impeding my connection to Darkness or when it weakened my resolve.”

 

“So, what about now?  Are you still called to the Light?”

 

He turns his head and looks her in the eye.  “Can’t you tell?”

 

She blushes and suddenly looks down, caught off guard.  But looking to keep the conversation going, she keeps talking.  “Someday historians are going to write a lot of books about you.  And they are going to get you wrong.  Everyone gets you wrong.”   The mighty Kylo Ren is every bit as brutal as his deeds suggest, but his motives are mostly fear and a sense of responsibility.   He conquers for the Force, not for himself.  Few people understand that.  He might be on the Dark Side, but he is no Sith.

 

Ben glances over at her.  “You are the one they will write books about.  The enigma Empress.  Your past is unknown except for your sketchy connections to the Resistance.”

 

“Jakku.  I will be known for Jakku.”

 

“You are so much more than Jakku.”

 

“Do you think so?”  It’s an honest question.  “Because a lot of days my life feels like another version of Jakku.   I’m still fighting, but it’s for different things.”  And she’s still alone.  Not in the total isolation she lived before, but still without a family.  She doesn’t even belong in her own fancy palace she gets lost in.  She’s as rootless now as she has always been, even if she has a lot more security and control over her life.  “I’m embracing Jakku now.  I can’t run from it anyway.”

 

 “Yeah?  When are you going to embrace me and stop running from me?” he goads.

 

“You’re obsessed,” she accuses. “You know that about yourself, right?”

 

He doesn’t deny it.  “Yes.”

 

“Well, stop it!  It’s annoying and creepy.”

 

He shoots her a look.  “Obsessions don’t work like that.”

 

“I told you it’s fine if you find someone else,” she says softly.

 

The comment angers him.  “I don’t want anyone else!   I want you!”

 

“Because of the Force?” she raises an eyebrow. 

 

“Because of you.”

 

Oh, please.  “You would never have given me a second a look if it weren’t for the Force and the stories of the Chosen One’s girlfriend.”

 

“If it weren’t for the Force, you would still be on Jakku,” he points out.  “Our paths would never have crossed in the first place.  Rey, the Force shapes our lives so we can shape the future.”

 

“Maybe I want to shape my life for myself,” she counters. 

 

He shakes his head in disgust.  “You just don’t get it do you?”

 

“Don’t start with that destiny business,” she sighs. 

 

And now, there is another long, pensive silence.  This time Ben breaks it.  “What is it that you want, Rey?”

 

She squints at him.  “Is this a trick question?”

 

“No.  It’s a real question.”

 

She thinks a moment.  “I want you to announce the Senate and—“

 

“No!   That’s not it.  Put the politics aside.   How do you want to live your life?” 

 

“I want to help people.”

 

“You’re still not getting this.  What do you want for yourself?  For you personally.  Not for the galaxy.”

“Oh.”   He’s looking at her expectantly now and Rey gauges how truthful she should be.   Should she tell him she still wants a family?

 

“Tell me.”

 

Rey chickens out.  She sticks to her script.  “I want us to try to be friends.”   And then, if someday she can trust him and they are getting along, who knows where friends might lead?  But that’s a long way off. 

 

“Friends.”  He mulls this over a moment.  “First you were my enemy, then you were my sister, then you were my lover, then you were my wife.  Lately, you’ve been my colleague but now you want to be my friend?  Did I get it right?”

 

“Yes.  But a friend who’s like a sister,” she hurries to point out.  They are not friends with benefits if that’s what he’s angling for.

 

“We’re back to being brother and sister again? Now, you are really confusing me,” he smirks.  “Such a cruel mistress you are,” Ben chuckles and shakes his head.  He’s his usual cocky self again, she sees.  And actually, that's kind of a relief.  She doesn’t like seeing Ben hurting and vulnerable.  He’s at his best when he is confident, not defensive.  “I guess the honeymoon is over.” 

 

It’s the middle of the night and Rey is both physically and emotionally exhausted now.  All this talking about feelings is hard for her. “Goodnight,” Rey announces as she stifles a yawn.  “I’m going to bed.”

 

Ben doesn’t miss a beat.  “Where’s my goodnight kiss?” he leers.  And yep, Ben is definitely back to being his normal provoking self. 

 

“In your dreams.”  Rey heads towards her open bedroom door. 

 

Ben catches her trailing hand and yanks her back. “You could use a good kiss,” he tells her huskily. 

 

And is he doing what she thinks he’s doing?   Yes, he is.  “Don’t.” Rey puts a hand up to forestall him as Ben’s lips loom close overhead.  “Don’t.  I mean it,” she warns.

 

He ignores her.  Ben quickly closes the distance between them and claims her mouth.  This is not a soft, chaste kiss.  This kiss is greedy and unapologetic.  A little desperate in its passion. She has unwittingly unleashed all the pent-up lust of years of celibacy.  They have always had a kinetic physical chemistry.  Tonight, one kiss threatens to ignite a dormant passion that once blazed hot. 

 

For a moment, Rey permits the liberty.  Even revels in it.  Kissing Ben Solo is like relapsing after being two years sober.  Rey knows she shouldn’t be doing this, but suddenly she’s ready to lose all her inhibitions.   Rey is far more weak for this man than she cares to admit.  Ben’s kiss could easily persuade where his words have not.  She needs to stop this before things get out of hand.

 

So Rey breaks the kiss and shoves him back hard.  “Don’t!” Rey warns as she pants in the aftermath.  “This will only complicate things.  We’re just friends.”

 

Ben stares her down.  His heaving chest and intense eyes reveal that he’s just as worked up as she feels right now. “When are you going to stop lying to yourself?  When are you going to stop declaring these arbitrary rules and categories?” he rasps.

 

“We’re just friends.   Nothing more.”  She is firm.

 

His eyes narrow and his chin sets, but he backs down.  “Alright.  Have it your way.”   He eyes her resentfully.  “You win.  You always win,” he grumbles. 

 

“Oh, stop!” she scoffs.  His attitude annoys her.  “Don’t pretend you’re not going to lose your mind if we go to bed tonight and then tomorrow I get on my shuttle for Tatooine.  Are you going to choke me on the landing pad this time?   Ben, I can’t take any more of your drama.   Get this through your head:  we’re just friends.”

 

Maybe that came out a bit harsh because Ben looks hurt now.  Very rejected.  “You made your point the first time,” he gripes.  He’s back to looking discouraged and a little pathetic now.  “Stop piling on.  I get it.”

 

Seeing his reaction, she relents.  “I’m sorry.  But that’s the way it has to be.” 

 

“I said okay,” he retorts belligerently. Once again, he runs a hand through his mussed hair and looks away.  He’s very rattled.  “I will respect your wishes.  It won’t happen again.”

 

And damn, that hangdog expression of his just melts her heart.   Angry Ben, she’s used to.  But sad, pathetic Ben strikes a chord that resonates with her own longtime loneliness.

 

Rey makes a snap decision now.  “Well, come on then.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m going back to bed,” Rey informs him. “If you want to sleep in there with me, you can. You might as well now, I guess.  But keep your hands to yourself or I’m lighting my sword again.  Got it?”

 

He brightens.  “Yeah, okay.”

 

“I’m serious.  No kisses.  No sex.   Can you do that?   Because don’t come in here if you’re going to try anything.” 

 

“I understand,” he nods, looking suitably chastised. 

 

They climb into her bed together.  He’s as wary looking as she is.   Clearly, Ben is worried she’s going to object to something he does and throw him out.   They end up laying apart on opposite sides of the bed with the sheets tucked high to their chins.  Both of them staring up into the darkness.  Is he as wide awake as she is?  Rey wonders.  This might have been a terrible idea.  It feels very awkward.

 

“Thanks for letting me do this,” Ben says softly.   

 

“You’re on my side.  I always used to sleep on the left-hand side of the bed in your quarters.  This feels wrong.”

 

“Okay.  Let’s switch.”

 

They do. 

 

“That’s better.”

 

“I mean it.   Thanks for letting me do this,” Ben repeats. 

 

“I’m trusting you.  Don’t make me regret this.”

 

“I won’t.  You know that we’re back where we started earlier tonight, right?”

 

“This time, you have my permission,” Rey points out the critical difference. 

 

“This is what we’re supposed to do,” he says softly.  “To push back on each other in conflict until we reach an accord.”

 

“If that’s the case, then we are much better at it for work than for our personal lives,” she sighs. 

 

“Why are you letting me do this?” he wants to know.  He’s asking like he wants her to confide a secret.

 

“I don’t like to see you cry.”

 

“I wasn’t crying!   I don’t cry,” he yelps and sits up.

 

Yeah, right.  “Go to sleep.”

 

He settles back down.  “This is nice.   This is all I wanted in the first place, Rey.”

 

“Okay.  Go to sleep.”  She’s never going to sleep at this rate.  She will spend tomorrow yawning all day after five cups of caf.  Because lying beside Ben now, all she can think of is that torrid kiss.  And is Ben going to assume that he gets to do this every night she’s here?  Yep, this was a terrible idea.  She has set a very bad precedent.

 

Rey starts to toss and turn, but can’t get comfortable.  “Give me some Force sleep, will you?” she asks.  “I’m wide awake.”

 

“Come closer.”

 

She rolls over and they are nose to nose.  “No funny business, understand?  I’m trusting you.”  If she wakes up naked under Ben after this Force sleep, she’s going to kill him. 

 

“I promise.”  

 

She senses Ben summon his power.  He strokes her forehead softly and that’s the last thing Rey remembers until morning when she wakes up.   Ben’s head is on her pillow and she’s drooling on his shoulder.  And that’s kind of embarrassingly gross.  They would have laughed about it back in the day when they were comfortable with each other. But now, she just mumbles “sorry” and wipes it up furtively with her hand.  But at least she doesn’t dream of the island this time and Luke Skywalker’s dream Force-ghost doesn’t even bother making an appearance.   And oddly enough, despite all last night’s drama, it’s the best sleep Rey has had in a long, long time. 

 

 


	61. Chapter 61

Kylo wakes first and then invokes his power to wake Rey. He’s fearful that the morning will be awkward, but it’s not.  Rey plays it cool and he plays it cool, and they go their separate ways to shower and dress. She emerges from her room in that scarlet red dress he likes just as Kylo is downing his last gulp of caf before he dashes out the door.  As usual, his day starts early.   Emperor Ren is a busy man.

 

He sets his cup down and collects his datapad.   “I’m dropping in to kick off your meeting today,” he informs her.  “I’ll see you then.”  Hux’s assistant sent an obnoxious message earlier confirming that Kylo would attend today’s meeting.  And normally, he would blow it off—Hux and Rey don’t need his oversight—but Kylo wants to build on this new opportunity with Rey.  “The housekeeper is around here somewhere,” he tells her, glancing around.  “She might be in the kitchen.”

 

Rey nods.  “We met last night when I arrived.”

 

“She’ll get you some breakfast.  The caf is over there,” Kylo nods to the credenza with the pot of strong black caf he favors.  “Ask her for anything you want.  Make yourself at home.  Well, this is your home,” he amends a little awkwardly.

 

But if she notices, Rey doesn’t let on.  Instead, she smiles.  “Caf is good.  I never eat breakfast.”

 

“Right.  I forgot.”  Rey eats one real meal a day still, usually dinner.  It’s a holdover from her Jakku days. 

 

Rey pours herself a cup of caf and looks up.  “Am I keeping you?   Sorry to crash your routine like this.”

 

He won’t complain.  He likes waking up to Rey.  “I like having you here.   You should come more often,” he urges softly.

 

Rey doesn’t respond to that.  Instead, she talks work.  “Hux sent around a revised agenda.  Did you see?   He wants to talk resettlement and how it affects the Senate makeup.  That will make for some fireworks for sure.”

 

Kylo nods.  He knows where things are going.  “He’s trying to stir up trouble. Let’s give him a united front.”

 

“Okay,” Rey nods and smiles.  “I like that plan.”

 

This easy rapport feels good.  Kylo smiles back.  It’s a little like old times, he thinks.

 

The housekeeper who has just presented herself looks dumbfounded after she witnesses this exchange.  Then, she acts like she has seen something she shouldn’t have.

 

It makes Rey giggle.  It’s a sound Kylo hasn't heard in a long, long time.  It makes him chuckle and grin in response.

 

And now, his straight-laced housekeeper looks really spooked.  It occurs to Kylo that he might be a bit gruff and formal with the woman if the very sight of him smiling and having a casual conversation elicits such a reaction.   But he needs to leave now or he’ll be late.  Enough of this dawdling.  Duty calls.  “See you in about an hour,” he tells Rey. 

 

“Will the Empress be staying tonight?” the housekeeper asks rather loudly as Kylo heads for the door.  The question is directed at him despite the fact that Rey is standing right here. He turns and raises a questioning eyebrow at Rey. 

 

“I’m leaving after the meeting concludes,” she answers.  Yes, it’s like he thought.  Rey is heading back as planned.  He must look disappointed because she softens the blow somewhat.  “I’ll be back next week though.  I’ll come in early again.”

 

“Good,” he approves.  And now, he’s flashing that goofy grin again, heedless of what his dour housekeeper thinks.

 

Kylo spends the next hour with Nestor discussing his concerns about Hux and the hostile mood at the senior command meeting yesterday.  Nestor is on to something, Kylo fears.  He puts the Second Knight in charge of ferreting out what’s going on.   There is no man in the Empire who Kylo trusts more than Nestor Flick.   Plus, Nestor isn’t squeamish about these things.  Nestor had been waiting for Kylo back on the _Finalizer_ in the immediate aftermath of Crait.  He, like the other knights, had sensed the demise of both Luke and Snoke in the Force.  His friend hadn’t known the details of what happened but he knew what it meant.  There was a new Master and he was the Chosen One, and Nestor’s job was to help him consolidate power ASAP.  Years later, Nestor and the knights are still on the task.  Committed as always to him and to the Force.  If we need to draw up a new proscription list, then so be it.  But Hux has a lot to lose if he tries anything, Kylo judges.   He could just be grumbling, so don’t alienate him while you investigate, Kylo instructs.   All things considered, he would much prefer General Hux alive as an ally than dead as an enemy.  

 

The meeting with Nestor runs long and inevitably wanders into matters of the Force.  Kylo has his friend walk with him to his next meeting as they continue the religious discussion while marching through the palace hallways.  

 

“Don’t keep her waiting,” Nestor gives him a covert wink as they reach the conference room where Rey, Hux, and the rest of the Senate working group are assembled.

 

Kylo nods and takes his leave.  He strides fast into the room, nodding at Rey before he takes the chair at the head of the table.  “Let’s get started,” he decrees as he waves everyone back into their seats. 

 

Hux looks especially smug today, Kylo sees.   It’s irksome.

 

Rey doesn’t immediately sit back down like the rest and that gets Kylo’s attention.   She remains standing and looks troubled.  Kylo and everyone else watch as Rey wanders over to the large panoramic window.   She’s staring out at the palace landing pad below, as if looking for something.  Her obvious unease has Kylo on his feet now, too.

 

“What is it?” He slides up next to Rey to mutter in her ear.

 

She talks low, too.  “I don’t know.  But something feels wrong.  Do you sense anything?”

 

Maybe he does, or maybe he’s just feeding off her clear anxiety.  But now, Kylo too feels that strange foreboding sensation in the Force when something is off.   It signals danger, he knows.   And since the Force never lies, the danger must be real. 

 

“Don’t be afraid.  I feel it too,” he assures her under his breath.  “But do not fear.  The Force is with us.”   Then Kylo’s sword leaps into his hand and ignites with its distinctive double crack and buzz.  Everyone in the room startles at the sight and sound except Rey.  She meets his eyes and nods.

 

His sword with its cracked crystal doesn’t hum so much as spit and crackle.  The blue Skywalker sword with the crystal he and Rey broke does the same thing now too.  An old school Jedi or Sith would turn their nose up at his swords that show such wear.  But like everything else about this Chosen One, his swords are imperfect.   Perfection isn’t the goal, for he eschews the absolutism of the old Force traditions.  Instead, Kylo is blindly groping for balance and making it up as he goes along.   If need be, he will save the galaxy by faith alone.  Besides, a cracked crystal means nothing as far as he is concerned.  His sword kills just fine.  Kylo flexes his grip now to warm it up.  Yes . . . he definitely senses danger now.  Imminent, life threatening danger.

 

“What’s going on?” Hux shoots to his feet.

 

Kylo ignores him.  “Where is your weapon?” he addresses Rey.  She is already retrieving it from the pocket of her elegant cape she has discarded over the back of her chair.   Rey lights it and now it’s his turn to nod approval.  She inhales a deep breath and Kylo can see the relief in her face that holding a weapon brings.

 

“What’s going on?” Hux demands again.  The general’s hand is on his own sidearm now, Kylo notes. 

 

Kylo waves the double doors to the conference room open with the Force just as blaster fire sounds in the hallway.  Kylo pokes his head out to see Nestor Ren’s red sword twirling as he singlehandedly takes on five praetorians at a short distance down the hall.  “Ben,” Nestor shouts without looking, “lt’s a trap!  Get out of here!”

 

Rey is fast on his heels, so when Kylo whirls they are inches apart.  He spares a split second to hiss a quick order to her under his breath, “Kill Hux and anyone else in this room who makes an aggressive move.”   The room is full of analysts and politico types.  Kylo doubts any of them knows how to shoot straight.  Hux is the one to worry about. 

 

The two praetorians outside the door ostensibly standing guard now draw their weapons and charge for their Emperor.  Kylo steps forward to meet them and waves the doors shut behind him.   Rey can hold her own against Hux, and Kylo has no plans to let any more assailants into that room.

 

As Kylo joins the battle, his mind races.  This must why Hux’s assistant was so concerned whether he would attend the meeting today.  They were hoping to get him and Rey in the same room together so they could strike.  Hux won’t make the same mistake that the other hardliners did years ago when they tried to kill Rey alone live on the holonet.  Hux surely must know he gets one chance at this. 

 

But it’s a good chance since somehow the general has enlisted the praetorian guards to his cause.  Praetorians are exceedingly well trained, worthy opponents.  They hail from the military ranks, so perhaps that makes them natural allies for Hux.   But who knows what the general has promised them.  The guards fight with their personal choice of weapon, some of them exotic.  And though they are not Force sensitives, as a general rule praetorians are taught to resist many common Force tricks.  Snoke was taking no chances that Luke Skywalker might appear unannounced to attack him.  That means he and Nestor have their work cut out for them today.   Unlike troopers, you can’t just freeze these guys and cut them down.

 

Three of the five praetorians attacking Nestor down the hall suddenly abandon that fight and head for him.  Yes, he is clearly the target, Kylo sees.  Loyal Nestor immediately gives chase and charges to his aid.  “I got suspicious when I saw so many of them in the hall as I was leaving,” the big knight pants out.  “Then I realized you were both in the same room.”   Nestor’s sword is a red blur that Kylo senses more than sees.  The First and Second Knight of Ren are fighting back to back in a classic defensive posture.  “They weren’t expecting me to be here clearly.  I spooked them and accidentally sprung the trap.”

 

“Rey is inside still,” Kylo hollers back as he dodges the swing of a Force pike. But he strikes true and gets his man even as Nestor fells yet another guard.  That’s three down, four to go.  That’s a lot more doable, Kylo knows.  But still, there is nothing easy about this.  He’s working hard to stay on his feet.  Kylo knows that a well-placed kick that sends him down could be the end of him. 

 

“Watch your left!”  Nestor is holding his own, of course.  His friend is probably a better swordsman than he is, Kylo knows, but he himself has far more Force.  And that’s an edge Kylo starts to use. He zaps one opponent with a jolt of Force lightning.  It knocks the man to his knees and Nestor delivers the coup de gras.  They repeat the move and now there are just two praetorians left.  One has an electrified whip that doesn’t throw well in such close quarters.  The other wields a stabbing short sword and defensive shield for hand-to-hand close combat.  He’ll be the tougher opponent.  But it’s one-on-one now, and Kylo likes those odds. 

 

Nestor has other ideas.  “I’ve got this!” he yells. “Get Rey and get out of here!”  When Kylo doesn’t respond.  Nestor urges, “GO!”

 

Kylo takes him up on that offer.  He waves open the conference room doors behind them and marches in.  Where is Rey?  Kylo takes in the scene at a glance.  Rey has Hux frozen in the Force in the act of raising and aiming his blaster.  Raj, Rey’s ex-praetorian turned chief of staff, has the rest of the meeting attendees corralled against the wall as he holds them at gun point.  There are two bodies on the floor with blaster wounds.  Kylo doesn’t know what happened there and he doesn’t care. 

 

His eyes narrow on Rey.  “I told you to kill him!”  Kylo is displeased as he stares down frozen Hux.  He wants the general dead immediately so that any co-conspirators left in the room or elsewhere will stand down.  Rey starts sputtering about a right to a trial and he ignores it.   Kylo approaches Hux to pluck the blaster from his grip.  Then he slashes his sword to take the general’s arm off at the elbow.  That move destroys Rey’s concentration and she releases her hold.  As the general howls in pain and sinks to his knees, Kylo shoots him with his own blaster and snarls at Rey, “Next time, follow my orders.  Now come on, let’s get out of here.” 

 

Next, Kylo orders to Raj who is holding the rest of the room off, “Stun them.  All of them.  Then, come with me.”  He tosses Hux’s blaster into Raj’s left hand.  “Some of your old buddies have turned traitor.   If you want to live, do as I say.”

 

“Yes, Sir,” Raj immediately speaks up.  Then he sets for stun and starts firing both his weapons in rapid succession.

 

Kylo’s attention is back on Rey.  “I’m getting you to a ship.  Take off and stay in space until I contact you personally.  Don’t land anywhere until this situation is resolved.   Don’t trust anyone.  Understand?”

 

“Yes,” Rey answers breathlessly   For once, she seems to be listening.

 

Raj is done stunning the others now and presents himself.  But before Kylo can explain their escape route, a blaster shot ricochets from the hallway into the room.  It nails one of the unconscious politico types in the head.  

 

Beside him, Rey gulps at the grisly scene.  And if she thinks that’s bad, wait until she sees the bodies outside the doorway.  There are pieces of red armor everywhere. 

 

“Ben, we’re gonna have company!” Nestor hollers loudly now from outside in the hallway.

 

“Oh, no,” Kylo groans in unison with Rey. 

 

Raj is the first to peek outside.  “Troopers incoming on the left!”

 

“And on the right!” Nestor adds as he thrusts his sword true and takes down the last of the praetorians.  But as the big knight wrenches his sword free of the body, he gets hit squarely in the back by an incoming trooper’s blaster bolt.

 

“Fuck!” Kylo groans as his friends staggers back into the room.

 

“It’s not bad,” Nestor pants through the pain.  But to belie his words, he sinks to his knees.

 

“Let me see,” Kylo orders, but he is pushed away. 

 

“Get out there or we’re all dead in minute,” Nestor tells him bluntly.  As usual, the Second Knight sizes up the situation with blunt accuracy. 

 

Nodding at this wisdom, Kylo steps back.  “Hang on, and we’ll make this quick.  We’ll get help.”

 

“GO!” Nestor groans.  And now more blaster fire rings out.  Both escape routes are cut off.  In moments, they will be surrounded. 

 

Kylo nods and turns to Raj.  Rey’s aide is basically the only person other than injured Nestor who is clearly on their team.  “Use the door as cover and lay down as much fire as you can.  Shoot anything but a knight.  Presume everyone else is hostile!”

 

“Yes, Sir!”  Raj gets down to business and that forestalls any troopers storming the room for now at least. 

 

Kylo turns to Rey now.  “Come on!”  He propels her out into the hallway as he gives instructions.  “You take the right side, I’ll take the left.  We’ll stay back to back.  Don’t worry about me, just defend yourself.”   A blaster bolt goes whizzing past his arm.  And now his head.  And, yikes, that looks like at least three squads of troopers following behind these first couple men.  Plus, who knows how many others there are who he can’t see.  This isn’t going to be easy when they all start firing.

 

“The Force is with us,” Kylo says for both of their benefit.

 

“Okay,” Rey yells backfrom his side.  But Kylo lacks confidence in this plan.   Rey has only held a lightsaber in a duel and in a melee with Snoke’s guards.   That’s not the same as combat with troopers wielding blasters.  Rey can freeze their fire but not this many at once.  She has no experience deflecting blaster bolts and it’s not as easy as it looks.   Fuck, what to do now?   The Force is with them and the Force can work miracles.  But they can’t hold these guys off forever, Kylo knows.  So in a leap of faith, Kylo freezes every blaster bolt he sees and whirls to Rey.  “Trust me,” he says gruffly as he snakes a hand behind her neck to wrench her face to his.  It’s not for a kiss.  It’s for their foreheads to briefly touch as he jumps fully into her mind.

 

“What??” she yelps.

 

_We’ll do this together.  I want to know what you thinking and doing at all times._ They can’t afford to miscommunicate in this.

 

“What??” Rey yelps aloud again, thoroughly distracted by the voice in her head and his mind in hers. 

 

_We used to do this in bed.  Let’s do it with our clothes on._

 

_Get out!  We don’t have time for this!_

Rey is reacting still and not thinking.  “Calm down!” he orders aloud.  “Focus and starting swinging!”   He has no time for her objections just now. 

 

_We will do this together.  Like in Snoke’s throne room.  We were good together then. Now, get in the zone, find the Force, and fight.  Here they come._   _Who knows how many of these guys will keep coming at us._

 

Another two blaster bolts zing past closely and that ends Rey’s objections.  He and Rey are back to back with swords in hand, bobbing and weaving and swinging in an elaborate dance with death.  He’s defending himself and simultaneously protecting Rey.  She likewise does the same for him with some help from Raj. 

 

Kylo freezes every blaster bolt he sees.  He deflects the rest with his sword.  Behind him, Rey starts doing the same.  It quickly creates a thicket of plasma energy bolts buzzing at chest level across the hallway between them and their attackers.  It becomes a barrier of sorts that the troopers must awkwardly duck under to advance.  And while that’s helpful, at this rate, it will become a standoff fast.  The last thing Kylo wants is to become cornered because time is not on his side and who knows what Hux has planned.  The young general was not Snoke’s chief strategist for nothing.  This revolt has probably been meticulously planned for weeks with three or more back-up scenarios in place.  In all likelihood, Hux was just looking for an opportunity to strike.

 

So, Kylo starts improvising.  If he can freeze blaster bolts, then he can control them.  And if he can control them, then they can be reversed.  Is Rey getting this?   He hopes so. He can feel her mind in his.  He senses her survivor’s spirit has kicked in.  His girl won't go down without a fight. 

 

With a moment of intense concentration, Kylo reverses the suspended blaster fire on his side of the hallway, sending the deadly energy bolts back at the shooters.  No one was expecting that.  In one move, he has decimated his opponents. Now, there are only a handful left.  But in his concentration, he lets a couple of blaster rounds through.  One grazes his left shoulder slightly.   The other nails Raj from behind in the leg.  The tough praetorian goes down hard but drags himself to prop against the wall.  From there, Raj keeps firing his two-handed barrage in defense of Rey. 

 

_Did you see that?  Can you do that?_

 

_I’ll try._

 

Kylo is racing down the hall, deflecting incoming fire back at the few troopers who are left. 

 

_I’ll get these four and then I’m coming to help.   You can do this, Rey.  Think those bolts back to where they came from._

 

Rey is as much a mimic in the Force, as she is in everything else.  It’s how she learns, Kylo knows.  The girl with no schooling watched other mechanics and scavengers to learn her trade.  She took things apart and put them back together again to master them.  Young Rey also copied the accent, vocabulary, and manners of aspirational figures she watched on the holonet.  That’s how she earned her near perfect Coruscant inflection.  And once she met Kylo using the Force against her, Rey used it right back at him.  Her Force skills are like all her talents.  They are improvised and cribbed from others who learned the right way with years of proper tutelage.  But Rey skips past all that.  She has an intuitive, ad hoc approach that is quintessentially her.  For there is little that is contrived or planned about Rey.   She is nimble and reactionary still after so many years living hand to mouth.

 

So while it takes her two false starts and some serious effort, Rey starts reversing the suspended shots. Not simultaneously en masse like he had, but in large clumps.  It’s not pretty, but it is effective.  By now, he’s done taking out the troopers on his side, so he joins Rey to slash through the rest on her side with quick efficiency. 

 

But are there more troopers coming?   Footsteps are running their way fast from the right. 

 

“Get behind me!” he orders to Rey.   “Raj and I will hold them off while you run for the landing pad.  Take any ship but yours and mine!”  It occurs to him now that Hux may well have sabotaged their ships in the event his ambush plan went awry. 

 

“I’m not leaving you,” Rey pants.

 

“One of us needs to get out of here alive.”  He needs to get help for Nestor, too.

 

“I didn’t leave you with Snoke’s guards and I won’t leave you now,” Rey vows with grim determination.  

 

And really?   Now she decides to stay?  Kylo loves the sentiment, but now is neither the time nor the place.

 

“I said go!”  Kylo is annoyed.  Why won’t this woman ever do what he wants?   Why did the Force have to send him a girl who was so independent?  It’s damned inconvenient at times.

 

“Here they come!” Raj yelps from their feet as he starts pumping off rounds. 

 

His blaster fire never gets far.  Instead, it hangs suspended in the air.  And that’s a telltale sign that the incoming men are friends, not foes. 

 

“Hold your fire!” Kylo bellows.  And sure enough, when the newcomers appear, it is Hassan and Quentin Ren, the Third and Fourth Knights. 

 

“Nestor buzzed us on the comlink,” breathless Hassan explains. 

 

Kylo nods.  “He’s hit.  He’s inside.  Raj needs help as well.”  He gestures to Rey’s aide who is propped awkwardly with his mangled leg outstretched at an awkward angle.  And looking down at the white-faced man now, Kylo grimaces.  That’s an awful lot of blood from that leg wound.

 

“A medic is on the way now.  We’re here to get you to safety, Master,” Hassan reports. 

 

“You’re late,” Rey intervenes.  “We saved ourselves.”   Then she bends to attend to Raj.  “This needs a tourniquet,” she judges.  “The shot looks like it may have partially hit an artery.  Hang on, Raj.”

 

While everyone else stands there waiting, Rey does what she does best.  She improvises, marching to pull a utility belt off a dead trooper.  She yanks out the grappling hook and cable.   Seconds later, Rey has its cord snaked about Raj’s injured leg.  She is tying it tight as the man groans. 

 

“Help me!” Rey orders.  “He’ll bleed out!”  Through their still merged minds, Kylo can sense Rey’s distress.  Quentin bends to help her tie the cord tight.   Hassan stands over the trio on the ground with a lit lightsaber.  Satisfied, Kylo heads back into the conference room to see to Nestor.

 

One glance tells him the Second Knight is in bad shape.  Kylo now sees that the blaster shot to Nestor’s back went completely through his body.  His friend sprawls clutching at the gaping exit wound in his side where blood steadily seeps out into a sticky puddle. 

 

Fuck, Kylo thinks as he drops to his knees.  This isn't good.  And no tourniquet is going to stop this blood loss.  Nestor’s face has an unnaturally pale hue.  He’s been steadily bleeding during the whole fight presumably. 

 

“Where the fuck are those medics?”  Kylo roars as he starts applying pressure to the wound. The big knight groans in pain.  “I know this hurts but it will save you.”

 

“It’s too late,” Nestor gasps out. 

 

“Hang on, we’re getting help.”

 

“It’s too late,” Nestor’s voice is just a whisper.  He’s fading fast and starting to tremble.

 

“Save your strength,” Kylo yelps.  He’s getting more alarmed by the moment.  This isn’t happening.  This can’t be happening.  He starts to panic.

 

But Nestor is calm.  “I remember what Luke taught us long ago . . . about how a Jedi prepared to die can transform . . . ”

 

“N-No—“ Horrified Kylo groans and shakes his head.

 

“I’m not afraid to die . . . ”

 

“N-No—“  Kylo is blinking back hot tears now.  He grasps for Nestor’s shaking free hand to clutch it.

 

“Ben, we’ve got him tied.  He should be . . . oh . . . “  It’s Hassan’s voice from behind him.  “Oh.”

 

But if the Second Knight sees his other colleagues, he doesn’t reveal it.  He keeps his blue eyes steadily focused on Kylo.  “Mourn me not.  Rejoice for I have—“

 

“Shut up and hang on!”  Kylo refuses to let this happen.  “Don’t you dare die on me!” He throws his head around wildly and snarls, “Where is that medic?”

 

Nestor nods slightly.  His voice is just a whisper but his lips smile a little.  “I’m going to haunt you until you balance the Force—“

 

“You’re not haunting anyone yet,” Kylo retorts.  “Hassan, where is that fucking medic?  We need him NOW!”

 

And then his dying friend spouts wisdom they both learned decades back from a man they had once revered as a hero.  “No one is ever truly gone.”

 

“I need you.”  Kylo’s voice cracks as he says this truth.  No one gives advise like meddling big brother Nestor Flick.  He has been a constant in Kylo’s life since age ten. 

 

“Lean on Rey . . . that’s why she’s here . . . ”

 

Two medics burst in the room now and try to shoo Kylo away from the patient, but he resists.  Because as the medics cut away at Nestor’s clothing to expose the flash burn wound, it’s clearly mortal.  Bacta is not going to fix this and it’s too late for immediate risky lifesaving surgery.  Nestor knows it too.  The lead medic now meets Kylo’s eyes and nods slowly as he and his colleague step back. 

 

Kylo is back on his knees in an instant, leaning in close to hear his friend’s last words.  “Train my boy.  Love my boy.  Take care of Cesi and the girls.”

 

“I will.  I promise,” Kylo says solemnly.  “I will teach Pell everything I know.”  He won’t shortchange the kid because he’s a potential future threat.  He meant what he told Nestor in the temple weeks ago—he will trust in the Force for the future, including his own. 

 

Nestor nods imperceptibly at this assurance.  “I died with a sword in my hand . . . like we always said we wanted . . . “  Nestor’s lips are trembling now and his whole body starts to shake.  He’s in shock and he’s seizing.  But still, the knight grits his teeth and gives his final encouragement in halting gasps.  “You can do it, Ben . . . the Force makes no mistakes.  Find bal-lance . . . pass on . . . what you have . . . learned . . .“

 

“I will.  I promise.”

 

The seizure sets in now.   The Second Knight shudders violently for several seconds.  And then, his body relaxes and slumps.  His friend becomes one with the Force he so reveres. 

 

“N-Nooo . . .” Kylo groans out as he feels his Nestor slip away.

 

Just like with his mother, there will be no body to bury.  Mere mortals live ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  But the select few live Force to Force.  Nestor Flick’s body now becomes increasingly transparent until it briefly shimmers and is gone.  On the floor before Kylo lies Nestor’s empty Knight of Ren uniform and his sword.  The essence of his longtime friend is gone.  It has returned to the Force from whence it came thanks to the technique passed on by his once loved, then hated Jedi Master.

 

Kylo sits back on his heels watching, numb to all but the subtle shift in the cosmos that heralds this very personal loss.  The adrenaline of combat has receded.  In its wake, there is a nothingness.

 

Nestor Flick lived for the Force and died for the Force.  Until the end, he protected the Chosen One who was like a screwup kid brother to him.  Kylo knows that all of his knights have his back, but none so much as this man. The Second Knight affirmed when he was right and told him to his face when he was wrong.  Nestor was a straight shooter if there ever was one.  But he could be crafty and strategic when called for.  Mostly, he was a steadying hand for his highly volatile Master.  Nestor’s imposing physique belied the man’s inherent easygoing nature.  Only two topics ever got Nestor worked up: Luke Skywalker and the Force.  He had strong views on those matters, but everything else was negotiable.

 

Damn, Kylo thinks as he stares blankly, this hurts.  This is as bad as his mother.  And way worse than Han Solo.

 

Blind and deaf to all but his own personal pain, Kylo doesn’t see Hassan and Quentin hovering over him defensively with swords lit.  He doesn’t see Rey standing off to the side watching warily.  The medics are confused but Rey shushes them immediately.  She’s seen this before.  She orders them out to attend to Raj. 

 

And still, Kylo sits there staring.  Nestor had been with him since childhood as a witness to the truth of his life’s drama.  Nestor knew of his parents’ indifference and his uncle’s instability.  He knew what happened that night at the temple and why Kylo sought out the Dark Side and trained with Snoke.  Nestor was the best first lieutenant a man could have, but his most important role was as cheerleader to the Chosen One.  Because for all Nestor Flick’s tough love lectures, the Second Knight believed in him.  He shared a vision of the future Kylo himself is not certain he will ever attain.  But rather than berate him as Snoke did, Nestor encouraged him.  Looking down at the empty robes of his disappeared friend, all Kylo can think is that there is no one left to believe in him.  Not the way steadfast Nestor Flick had believed in him.   

 

“May the Force be with you,” Kylo chokes out.  He had been ashamed of his tears before Rey last night, but he cares not who sees him crying now.   This emotion will not be repressed.  It is too strong and must come out.  He is a Skywalker.  His clan are always ruled by their emotions. 

 

_Ben, I’m sorry_. 

 

It’s Rey.  She’s still in his mind.  He has forgotten that their consciousness is intertwined.  That’s how effortless it feels.  Glancing her way, Kylo see that, yes, she knows exactly what he feels and how deeply it goes.  Embarrassed and resentful for her interloping, he thrusts her from his mind. 

 

She doesn’t resist him.  She just blesses his fallen friend too.  “May the Force be with him,” Rey says softly. 

 

Kylo stands and suddenly becomes fully aware of his surroundings.  Of the stunned bodies on the floor and the dead ones, too.  Of the char marks on the walls from deflected blaster bolts.  Of the praetorian gasping in pain and in obvious distress as the medics work on him. 

 

“You’re hurt,” Rey says worriedly and, truthfully, until now Kylo has been mostly unaware of the blaster hit high on his left shoulder. 

 

It’s nothing,” he breathes out.  Kylo looks Rey over blankly.   She doesn’t seem to be injured but there is a scorched hole in the skirt of her dress.   “Are you alright?  What’s that on your leg?”

 

“The shot got my skirt but not me,” Rey explains.  “I’m fine.”

 

Hassan has moved to stand over a body.  Frowning, he calls over, “What do we do about Hux?  He’s still alive.”

 

Hux is alive?  Not for long, Kylo thinks grimly.  He follows Rey over to where the darling of the First Order lays missing half of his right arm and bleeding from Kylo’s haphazard blaster shot to the gut.  The handsome general’s face is a sneer even in excruciating pain.  If there was ever any doubt that Hux was behind this assassination attempt, the mutinous general immediately banishes those concerns.  One thing is for certain, Hux does not lack conviction. 

 

“Ren,” the fallen general pants through his pain, “You betrayed us all!   First Snoke, then the rest of us!  You and your Resistance bitch betrayed us all!  You were as much a mole as she was.”

 

“Was this about the Senate?” Rey asks bluntly.  “About resettlement?”

 

Hux ignores the question.  He keeps spitting vitriol at his Emperor.  “You are nothing!   You stand for nothing but yourself!  And you assumed the rest of us were just as malleable in our loyalties.  You insult me when you think to buy me off with a Chancellorship.  As if I would ever preside over a Senate.”

 

These words ring true in the Force.  Belatedly, Kylo sees that Hux was less about self-interest than his cause.  The hero of Starkiller Base was no opportunist after all.  This son of a founding father of the First Order was the last man standing for his cause.  Once, he had thought the First Order to be victorious, but then Kylo Ren had taken over and turned victory into defeat.  So, Hux had bided his time to strike and seize power.   Today, he gambled and lost.

 

“You Skywalkers are always t-traitors.  You always turn on your own kind,” Hux manages through gritted teeth.   “Vader turned on the Jedi and the Republic.  Then he brought down the Empire for his son.   You turned on the Jedi and the New Republic.  Now you are the traitor who kills Snoke and takes down the First Order from within.  You have no honor!” Hux accuses with cold contempt.  “Your only cause is yourself.”

 

“No,” affronted Kylo answers with deadly calm and absolute conviction. “My cause is the Force.”  His shoulders are heaving now and his fists clench and unclench.  He is indignant at this charge.

 

Hux is undeterred and has nothing left to lose.  “You don’t frighten me with your sorcerer’s ways—"

 

Kylo overrides this blasphemy with a torrent of Dark lightning.  “Feel my Force!” he roars his vengeance and vindication out loudly.  Darkness pours out of him now with a focused intensity he hasn’t used since he met Luke Skywalker’s Force projection at Crait.  Hux immediately writhes on the ground in excruciating pain.  It is very satisfying.  This is cathartic overkill just like ordering every gun to fire on his old Jedi Master.   But the excess feels so good.   He wants Hux to die a torturous death for Nestor Flick.  And for daring to question the motives of the Chosen One.

 

Hell hath no fury like an angry Skywalker.  Years of long practice have honed Kylo’s skill at channeling emotion into power, and so he now unloads his turmoil into the Force.  The lightning that spews from his fingertips is the manifestation of the passion and the pain of Ben Solo.  It is lethal in a single dose. 

 

Bubbling up and pouring out now is his fresh grief for the loss of Nestor, his confusion over the death of his disappointing mother, and his dissatisfaction for the murder of his deadbeat dad Han Solo.  There are even fleeting moments of regret that Master Snoke is no longer around to guide him.  Here also are an avalanche of self-doubts, mixed with Kylo’s longstanding fears of inadequacy and unworthiness.  These are his most private, most sensitive concerns that Rey had peeked into on the Starkiller:  how afraid he is that someday he will self-destruct like his uncle had.  And how afraid he is that he will never be as strong as Darth Vader.  It doesn’t stop there.  For overlying all of this churning rage are Kylo’s deep regret over choking Rey, his nagging concerns for the meaning of young Pell Flick, and his unspeakable fear that his Empire and his personal struggles will be futile in the end.  And then some other damned fool will take up the idealistic crusade —maybe Pell or perhaps some other anonymous kid yet to be born— and they will inherit the mantle of the Chosen One.   This is his deepest, Darkest fear:  that the Force he loves so much will desert him in the end.  That he will lose his faith like he has already lost his family and lost Rey’s love.

 

It is all so overwhelming.  In the moment, Kylo is profoundly unbalanced.  His mind is buried deep in the oblivion of all-consuming, nihilist Darkness.  He is heedless of all but his own pain.  This is vengeful Sith territory and it is extreme.   Worse still, it spirals and feeds on itself.  Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.  Hux suffers in his death throes like the lost souls on Hosnia suffered. Like the rebels with no quarter on Crait and Dantooine suffered.  Like Han Solo and Luke Skywalker suffered.  Like Rey suffered with a broken neck.  But here is the secret few know:  that fallen Ben Solo suffers too.  For if sin is the state of suffering, then he might just suffer the most.  Because as everyone knows, the sins of Kylo Ren are legendary.  That he feels driven to these actions, sometimes powerless to prevent them, even fated to commit them, makes it worse.  Far better to be the remorseless demon Sith whose only God is power than to be the Chosen One who knows right from wrong even if he sometimes chooses to ignore it.  For the defining characteristic of Ben Solo is his conflicted soul.  He might be Dark, but the Light still beckons.  And with it, comes soul crushing guilt. 

 

This is the true torment of his existence.  The Force empowers him to do what must be done.  But it also gives him the conscience to want those acts to better things in the long run.  Kylo wants the death and destruction he has caused not to be in vain.  A Sith would be content to rule it all like he does now.  But the Chosen One wants to rule not for himself but for others.  Like all Skywalkers, he has a wide streak of altruism.  What everyone misunderstands is that it is not a contradiction to his Darkness, it is an explanation for it.

 

“Master, that’s enough,” Hassan Ren speaks up.  Kylo’s ears don’t even register this comment from the Third Knight. 

 

When he doesn’t let up and Hux is a smoking, melted grotesque heap on the floor, Hassan intervenes more forcefully. “Ben, that’s enough!”

 

But still, he does not relent.  Fresh tears streak down Kylo’s face as he wallows in self-pity.  It only fuels his Darkness further.  How long has this been going on?  Kylo couldn’t say for certain.  He is caught in the paradoxical agony and ecstasy of Darkness.  It hurts so good.  You both endure it and enjoy it. 

 

The fit of rage lasts until he feels arms encircle him from behind.  A body embraces him and leans into him.  Holding him tight.   It’s Rey.  Of course, it’s Rey.  He closes his eyes in relief.

 

“Oh, Ben,” she tells him softly, “don’t do this to yourself.  Let go of your hate.”

 

But he can’t.  He even says so.  “I can’t stop.”

 

“You can.”  She says this not in a chiding manner but as a statement of support.  “Come back.   This is not the solution,” she pleads.

 

She’s right, he knows.  Snoke taught him long ago that Darkness is a tool and not the goal.  And so, he heeds the call to the Light.  Pulling him back to the center.  He has to put his pain in perspective, he knows. 

 

Rey has ducked under his outstretched arm and now she embraces him from the front.  It’s a bear hug of compassion that she will not let him resist.   Rey pulls him back from the precipice.  Slowly, he lowers his arms and the lightning ceases.  His hands find her body and he holds back tightly now too.   Kylo clings to the one person who can always get through to him.  She is his beacon of Light sent to him by the Force.  Though they seem to be in constant conflict, Rey still very much influences him.

 

“It’s okay,” Rey soothes.  She says it again and again.  Talking him down.  Holding him close.  It takes a long time for him to regain his equilibrium.  It is a struggle, but he manages.  There is work yet to be done.  He has no time for his sorrows. 

 

In the aftermath, Rey steps back and Kylo stands alone tear streaked and sweating.  All eyes in the room are on him, including some of the meeting participants who by now have recovered from their stun shots.   Seeing this, wary Rey takes charge.  “No one will ever speak of this,” she decrees in a quietly ominous tone.  Her thoroughly intimidated audience just nods.

 

“Where is Raj?” Kylo rasps, suddenly worried about Rey’s aide.  “Did he live?”

 

She answers yes.  “The medics took him away in a capsule.  He might lose his leg.  They’re not sure.”

 

Kylo has his composure fully back now.  He’s focused and already thinking through the next steps.  He turns to the two knights in attendance and starts issuing orders. “Get the others.  Round up every praetorian guard, current or former other than Raj, and get me Hux’s complete staff.  Bring them all to the warehouse on the surface.”   If he has to, he will slaughter a bunch of hardliners again. 

 

“Master, one of us should stay with you,” Quentin Ren says softly. 

 

“No,” he rejects this idea.  “We’re down a man as is, and there is no time to lose.  Be alert,” he warns.  “Word of this has surely gotten out already.  And Hux would make contingency plans.”

 

“Master, you should flee until we get the situation locked down,” Quentin tries again. 

 

“No.”  He refuses to be ousted from his own palace.  He will be the victor today.  Kylo dismisses his knights.  “Go and may the Force be with us.”

 

Next, Kylo summons his own staff with his comlink and heads for a conference room that isn’t full of bodies and smelling of blood and burnt flesh.  He has Rey firmly in one hand and Nestor’s sword in the other. 

 

“Wait--where are we going?” Rey demands as she looks back over her shoulder at the room full of live and dead people behind them.

 

“We have a Senate to announce.”

 

“W-What??  Now??”

 

“Yes, now.”  Hux’s plot will not deter him.  If anything, Kylo is more determined than ever to drag the First Order towards the center.  He refuses to be bullied by his own fascist supporters.  He is in charge and he’s going to act like it.  Kylo will get this Senate out in the open to make the issue ripe.  And then, anyone else who wants to come for him can. 

 

“Are you sure?” Rey asks in a tone that indicates that she is not. 

 

“Yes,” Kylo answers firmly.  “You’re my chancellor now.”


	62. Chapter 62

Things happen fast after General Hux’s failed coup attempt. Ben summons his official spokesman and his advisors to a conference room across the hall from the carnage. There Rey, Ben, his advisors, plus a few members of the original Senate working group hammer out a tersely worded public statement. It announces the new legislature and calls for free and fair elections. Ben wisely gives up pretending it’s anything other than a Senate and just calls it a Senate like everyone else. In a surprise move, Rey is appointed the unelected, non-voting Chancellor. This decision is made in light of the Empress’ success acting in a similar capacity for the Rim Committee. The official statement further explains that the Empress is stepping in to fill the position originally intended for General Hux who died tragically today when a disgruntled veteran stormed a meeting at the palace to execute the hero general in a murder-suicide. The rest of the statement is a grandiose eulogy for Armitage Hux, citing his many contributions to the First Order. 

Rey raises an eyebrow at this duplicitous move since Emperor Ren is known to insist on transparency. But Ben is adamant that there is no point in exposing Hux as the ringleader of a plot. It could stir up more trouble and it makes him look weak, Ben reasons. So he leans into a big lie to save face for everyone, dead Hux included. In a fit of magnanimity, the Emperor even grants the fallen general a state funeral. 

Once the public statement is finished and a set of talking points are agreed, they are done. But Rey stays by Ben’s side through it all, even standing off camera in the back of the room when the official spokesman records his announcement for immediate release on all newsfeeds. 

“The fallout from this is going to be epic,” Ben judges grimly. “This is going to appear like it comes out of nowhere for many people.”

The First Order’s lead media guru speaks up at Rey’s side. “Excellency, we will be briefing all our usual surrogates on the topic immediately. We’ll get them on the holonet in a few hours talking up our message. They will speak about the success of limited democracy in the Rim to give the Senate some context. Never fear, Sir, we’ll take it from here.” The media guy keeps trying to be upbeat, perhaps because his Emperor and Empress are both very subdued. 

Today’s announcement ought to be a triumphant moment, Rey thinks, but there is no triumph in today. This feels more like defeat than victory.

Ben turns to her now. “You’re good live on the holonet. Will you agree to be interviewed about the Senate? There will be lots of questions about you and your track record in the Rim.”

Rey nods, “Okay.” She will do her part to foster democracy for the Empire. This is a big step, and she needs to help ensure it’s not a misstep. Ben is right that this announcement will befuddle many people. Others will be incensed.

Ben now issues orders to his media lead, “Get the usual pundits out today with our spin. Hold the Empress back for a big exclusive once the initial reaction dies down in a week or two. We will use her sparingly.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Ben turns back to Rey now and shifts topics. “I’d prefer if you stayed here at the palace until I deal with Hux’s co-conspirators.” Rey recognizes the softly phrased order. She meets Ben’s eyes and he continues, “At most, it will delay you a day or two. Until all loose ends are dealt with, there is a danger. I’d feel better if you were here.”

Rey doesn’t argue. Ben has been holding up admirably given what transpired this morning personally and professionally. She doesn’t want to add to his worries. “I’ll work from the private quarters today,” she agrees. 

Ben nods. “Thank you.” Then runs a hand through his hair. He looks away and works his jaw. These mannerisms, like the waves of pain radiating off Ben through the Force, betray how rattled he is even if Emperor Ren appears outwardly calm. “I promised you a Senate,” he mutters. “But this wasn’t how I thought it would play out.”

He’s thinking of Nestor, she knows. Rey sees the shadow cross his strained features. Trying to be supportive and light, she gives a little rueful smile. “Yeah, well . . . better late than never.”

“I hope you’re right,” Ben answers with a solemnity that verges on foreboding. That disconcerting comment earns him some looks, Rey notices. It’s not often that Emperor Ren appears anything less than completely decisive. It’s another clue to how much he is off his stride. “Walk with me?” This comes out more request than command. Again, it’s very unlike him.

“Sure.” 

Rey accompanies Ben to the palace landing platform. They don’t talk, but it’s a comfortable silence. Ben just wants company right now, she senses. 

Percy Ren is waiting for his Master with an idling shuttle and his sword hilt in his hand. The Seventh Knight too looks very grim. Sir Percy nods to her as Ben barks out, “Did you get him?” 

“Yes, Master. He’s guilty. So were the admiral’s three direct reports. But that’s as far as it went.”

Ben digests this news. “What’s the status on the rest?”

Percy Ren reports, “We’ve got fifteen identified and captured so far. Hassan is doing the interrogations to get the names. Most were here on Coruscant or en route once Hux gave the go-ahead signal early this morning.”

“Hux would have plenty of allies in the Rim,” Ben decides. “He would move fast to secure the secondary capital on Tatooine. There must be others we don’t know about yet.”

“Yes, Master.” The red headed knight still appears more boy than man, but he speaks with a calm self-assurance. With their formal vicar’s robes and ancient weapons at their side, all the knights have this same gravitas, Rey has noticed. These men are one part warrior, one part priest, and one part prince.

“Lady, you can’t go home,” Percy gives her a pointed look. “You know that, right?”

“She’s here until we put down this rebellion,” Ben answers for her. There is no equivocation in his tone now. He is very firm. Unlike the Senate, when it comes to retribution, Ben is back to being his usual commanding self.

Rey speaks up now. She looks from one man to the other. “You’re going to kill them all, aren’t you? This is just like what you did with that staged bombing years ago.”

“Yes,” Ben confirms. He is unapologetic. “This is a high stakes game, Rey. These guys knew the risks. I didn’t show the Resistance mercy when they sought to overthrow me. I will not grant the traitors in my midst mercy either.”

Young Percy Ren states it less harshly, but he is no less determined. “We owe Nestor justice. Lady, rest assured that there will be no doubt of the dead men’s guilt. What we do today protects you as much as it protects the rest of us.”

Rey takes a deep breath. “I understand.”

“Keep your weapon on you at all times,” Ben instructs her. “If you sense danger, there is danger. So trust in the Force and be ready to act. This isn’t over yet.”

“Shouldn’t she come with us?” Percy asks. “Wouldn’t that be safest?”

“No. I want someone with authority here at the palace who I trust.” Ben shakes his head at Rey to deter her. “You don’t want to see this anyway.”

Yes, she’s sure she doesn’t. Rey saw enough Dark fury in Ben this morning to last a lifetime. So, she nods. “Okay.”

Ben wags a gloved finger in her face now. “You are accountable only to me. I don’t care who you kill or what you do if you are threatened,” he grants her carte blanche for violence. 

“Okay.”

Ben keeps going, and his voice is increasingly vehement. “Your only goal is to stay alive. Call me or any knight for help but be careful about trusting anyone else until we have cleaned house. Keep in the family quarters for now. That’s the most secure place in my Empire.” 

It feels a bit like Ben is yelling in her face, but Rey knows that his anger is for others today. So, she doesn’t react to it. She calmly replies, “I understand.”

“May the Force be with you, Lady,” Sir Percy blesses her as the men prepare to take their leave.

“And also with you,” Rey makes the formal reply.

For his part, surly Kylo mutters, “I hate this day.”

Rey agrees. Percy clearly commiserates as well, but he puts it in perspective. “Master, we are doing the work of the Force. Nestor did his part,” the youngest knight says resolutely. “Now, we shall do ours.” With that statement of purpose, the two men depart to do the dirty work of putting down the coup.

It’s barely noon, Rey realizes, when she enters the private quarters of the palace. But already it feels like this day has gone on forever. So much has happened so fast. Rey turns down the offer of food and heads for a long hot shower. She wants to wash the ozone smell of blaster fire away and to take off her scorch marked dress. Like Ben, she hates this day. And . . . it’s not over yet. 

An hour later, Rey is dressed in the only other clean dress she brought with her. It’s not one of the few fancy Coruscant gowns she owns. It’s one of her plain desert caftans she brought along for the flight home. The basic woven dress is her trademark Rim style, but it earns a sideways look from the housekeeper when Rey emerges from her suite. Rey ignores this reaction as she settles down in the large living area of the family quarters. She positions herself in front of the holonet screen to watch the response to the Senate announcement while she awaits an update on Raj. All Rey knows is that her aide is in stable condition and undergoing surgery to repair his leg. But that information is from two hours ago.

Rey calls Vanee to tell him the news so he can alert Raj’s family. Vanee knows all about the coup attempt already. The old Sith retainer tells her not to come home just yet. Vanee is imminently expecting a shuttle to land with some aides sent by General Hux. Get out of there! Alarmed Rey is adamant. Not to worry, the sly onetime aide to Lord Vader says. The Master sent one of his knights who has a faster ship. Sir Quentin Ren and I look forward to welcoming our new guests, old Vanee practically cackles. Mollified only slightly, Rey instructs Vanee not to take any chances.

The hours drag on and on. The housekeeper wanders in now and then to check on her. But Rey just wants to be left alone. She always needs her space when she is upset. But the solicitous housekeeper doesn’t know that because the Empress is a stranger. So, she keeps finding excuses to wander by. It’s annoying. 

As predicted, the initial reaction to the Senate news is mixed. The Left is cheering, the Right is booing, but most average people just seem underwhelmed and nonplussed. It’s like the citizenry just shrugs. And perhaps that makes sense since the galaxy has had a Senate in some form or another for millennia now, barring a few years at the end of the Old Empire and a few years now at the beginning of the New Empire. In a twist of irony, everyone seems far more interested in the shocking death of General Hux. The young general has been a familiar face on the holonet for years in his role as chief orator of the First Order. You loved him for his fervent rhetoric and his commitment to his ideals, or you hated him for his extremist views and hate speech. It all depends on your point of view. But with Hux--unlike the Senate--everyone has an opinion. 

The bright spot in all of this is that Raj’s surgery is a success. He will keep his leg, albeit with a new metal rod for a portion of the bone. But with some time to heal and some rehabilitation, the medics expect Raj to regain all his normal leg function. Rey is very relieved for her friend. She sends this good news on to Vanee to share with Raj’s family. She also sends it on to Ben’s datapad. He could use some cheering up, she knows. She can only imagine how awful his afternoon has gone.

Night falls on Coruscant. And still, Rey waits aimlessly. Watching the holonet and wondering what’s going on down on Coruscant’s surface and back on Tatooine. How deep had Hux’s conspiracy gone? And what does it mean for Ben going forward? Rey doesn’t know. But she worries for Ben far more than she worries for herself.

Unsettling though it is, today isn’t Rey’s first close brush with death. Jakku entailed deadly risks on a distressingly regular basis. So when she ended up strapped to a torture chair at the mercy of a handsome man who hid behind a mask, it wasn’t the first time Rey had been caught in a tight spot. It wasn’t long before Rey had found herself on her knees for execution in Snoke’s throne room. Weeks later, she was back at the Resistance trapped in a web of lies. That had led to a duel with a Jedi-in-hiding and an attempted murder by her own husband. All in all, Rey has survived a lot for a girl of twenty-two. And so, in some ways, today’s coup attempt is just more of the same. Rey copes with it the way she always does. She is grateful that she survived, and she moves on. Rey knows better than to dwell on these things. 

Ben is not going to move on as easily, she knows. If Ben was lonely before Nestor’s death, he certainly will be now. Rey felt in his mind just how devastated he was by the loss of his friend. Nestor Ren didn’t mean much to Rey, but he clearly meant a great deal to Ben. Nestor played a role in her husband’s life that Rey can’t really relate to. Rey doesn’t know what it means to lose a beloved parent or a trusted friend or a longtime colleague. She has never been close to anyone for very long. She knew Han Solo for days, she knew Leia Organa for weeks, and she knew Finn and Rose for barely a year. Looking back in hindsight, it’s almost like the Force—with a little help from Ben--was making sure that Rey didn’t get a chance to escape her destiny by getting too close to anyone but him. In fact, Rey realizes, Ben is the longest relationship of any kind in her life. He is the constant in her life after Jakku. Their paths have long been intertwined. First by the war, then by marriage, and now by their positions. 

Ben must be getting in her head, Rey gripes to herself. Because now he’s got her seeing the invisible hand of the Force at work. Did Hux die in order to get her into the role of Chancellor? Because now Rey will definitely be around Coruscant more often now to work with Ben. Did Nestor Flick die so that she would feel sympathy for Ben? Because now Rey feels incredibly guilty about leaving for Tatooine. Did the Force engineer today’s coup attempt to make sure the Senate was announced immediately? Because finally Ben has come through on that wedding present. Today the galaxy took a big step towards balance. Have she and Ben done the same on a personal basis? Did the Force endorse her ‘just friends’ idea today or intervene to reject it? Rey isn’t sure. But all this Force conspiracy stuff flies in the face of her independent nature. As always, Rey balks at the idea that she doesn’t control her own life. And that makes her want to make her own decisions. It gets her thinking . . . 

She must doze off on the couch late at night because Rey rouses in time to catch out of the corner of her eye the figure of Emperor Ren striding past. Ben must have come in and headed straight for his room. The housekeeper hears him too because she presents herself. Rey can hear snatches of the terse conversation from down the hall as Ben refuses dinner and dismisses her. He doesn’t want to be disturbed he orders harshly and then stomps away.

That exchange deters Rey from seeking Ben out. Feeling like an interloper, Rey just sits up and stares at the holonet again. But an hour later, curiosity gets the better of Rey. She wants to know what happened and she’s curious about how Ben is doing. Rey figures she will disappear if he doesn’t want company. 

She wanders around until she finds him in his office. Ben sprawls in a chair behind his giant desk littered with datapads and datafiles. He looks fresh from a shower with still wet hair. He’s barefoot and clad in a black t-shirt and pants. When Rey knocks tentatively, he looks up and nods for her to enter. Then, he sits up and places the object he’s been fiddling with on the desk before him. 

Rey recognizes it as Nestor Ren’s sword. 

Ben stares at the saber glumly as he reports, “We’re still tracking down five men, but we have their names. They might have told others, so the list could broaden some. But I doubt it. The ones who are left are all lower level guys.” Ben states the facts in rapid, dispassionate succession. It’s like all emotion has been drained out of him. But the Force tells her that is a front. For underneath this matter of fact recitation, Ben Solo is boiling. Rey can feel the pitch and roll of the Force churning about him.

Ben is still focused on the saber as he continues, “The praetorians were mostly in Hux’s camp. Of all thirty, only four were on the outside. They weren’t happy with what we did to Snoke and his guards. Hux exploited that. Those men all had strong leanings towards the military leadership anyway. It was a natural fit. But Hux was a smart guy to recognize it.”

“So, they are all dead now?” she surmises quietly. 

He nods. “All but the four.”

“What happens to them?”

“They were promoted for their loyalty. They will help recruit and train the new praetorians.”

“Where are they now?”

“Two are outside our door. Quint took the other two with him to Tatooine,” Ben answers.

“So things are fine back home?” Rey asks, thinking of old Vanee. “The staff on Tatooine are all okay?” Her voice betrays her anxiety.

It gets Ben’s attention. Finally, he looks up from the saber he dwells on. “Yes. The danger has mostly passed. The few we are hunting are on the run. They are not a credible threat acting on their own.”

Rey’s shoulders visibly relax with relief. “Good. It’s over then,” she concludes.

Ben doesn’t answer. He’s back to fiddling with Nestor’s sword again, she sees.

“It’s been a long day,” Rey observes softly. She’s watching Ben closely, trying to figure out if he wants her to leave or not. She can’t tell. If this were her, she would want to be alone to brood.

But Ben answers so he must be alright with the conversation. “I would have been back earlier,” he tells her, “but I spent an hour with Lady Flick.”

“Oh.” Rey has never met the woman. “How is she?” Rey feels like she should ask this.

Ben’s answer is honest. “She’s a mess. The kids are a mess.” The way he says this tells Rey it was a very uncomfortable emotional scene.

“I guess that’s understandable. How are you?” Rey asks bluntly.

Ben meets her eyes again. “I’m a mess, too.” 

Ben places the sword back on the desk. “This is not how I thought this day would go,” he says, shaking his head as he reaches for the bacta patch that is lying on his desk. He tears it open and then rolls up his left sleeve to expose his shoulder. It reveals the flash burn graze of an errant blaster bolt. Rey belatedly remembers now that Ben had been hit in the crossfire this morning.

“You want some help with that?” she offers lamely. Rey can’t soothe the pain of his friend’s loss but she can help with this.

“Yeah, okay.”

Rey approaches to slip behind the desk. Her face is concerned as she examines the injury. “This isn’t deep but it looks like it hurts.”

“It’s nothing.”

She gently pats on the bandage. “Well, there you go.”

“Thanks.” 

She lingers over him a moment, studying his face. With her finger she lightly traces what little is left of the mark from their duel in the woods. “I’m sorry for this,” she whispers. 

He looks away and dismisses her concern. “It’s almost gone now. I don’t even notice it anymore.”

“I see it,” she confesses. “I wish I hadn’t done that. But in the moment, I felt like I had no choice. I suppose that’s a little like how you felt after Dantooine,” she references the choking incident obliquely. 

He just nods. “We’ve both managed to hurt each other,” he shrugs. “It’s in the past now . . . for me.”

This is an awkward topic, so Rey gets off it quickly as she retreats back across the room. “The holonet is all Hux,” she observes.

“I saw.” Ben must think she’s being critical of his decision to lie about the coup because he informs her, “I’m going to attend that funeral. It would be good if you did too.”

She’s not a political pawn and she’s not a hypocrite. There’s no way she’s going to listen to grandiose eulogies about Starkiller Hux. “I’m not going,” Rey states flatly.

Ben doesn’t press. And now, it’s his turn to change the topic. Placing Nestor’s sword back on his desk again, Ben says softly, “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

Of all the meaningful things that have happened today—the death of Hux, the betrayal by the praetorian guard, the announcement of the Senate, and her appointment as Chancellor—Rey knows that the death of Nestor Flick overshadows it all. Something tells her that this date will become like Ben’s birthday. It will be an anniversary that he will mark each year by reaching for spice and trying to forget. Ben’s long face is a mask of pain now. Rey aches for him.

“There wasn’t anything you could have done,” she responds quietly. 

“I can’t believe he’s gone,” Kylo repeats in a tone of disbelief. “He warned me about Hux more than once. Like a fool, I refused to see the truth. I was convinced that I had Hux figured out. I was wrong.”

“Don’t blame yourself,” Rey chides. “Blame Hux.” Rey of Jakku is no soldier but she is long accustomed to death. She has an unsentimental, matter of fact perspective on the topic. “Nestor died with a sword in his hand, loyal to the end. He died for the Chosen One. That’s what he would have wanted,” she judges. But it comes out a little harsh. She’s not the most sensitive girl.

Ben nods sadly at her words. “He was a cunning warrior and a good friend.”

“You should give Pell that sword when he’s old enough to have it,” Rey suggests. “He will want it.”

“Nestor would want him to have it,” Ben agrees. “If that kid grows up to be half the man Nestor was, then he’ll be lucky.” 

Ben’s face crumples now. Rey sees him rapidly blink back tears. She takes a step forward just as he shoots to his feet. Ben stalks across the room to stare out the window. He’s hiding tears, Rey knows. He did the same thing last night. And should she go? Rey worries again that she should leave.

She tries again to be comforting. “I know he meant a lot to you. I’m very sorry he’s gone.”

“And now you’re as good as gone, aren’t you?” Ben furtively wipes at his eyes and turns around to face her. He’s frowning at her with silent disapproval. “He’s gone. You’ll soon be gone. Everyone leaves me.”

Rey takes a deep breath. “I’m not leaving tonight.” It comes out a little defensive and stiff.

He shoots her a look and turns back to the window. “Good. It will take another day to finish the investigation and then you can be on your way. You can rethink your position on Hux’s funeral while you’re here.”

“I’m not going to that funeral. And I’m not leaving.”

He turns around again at these words. “What?” 

“I came back thinking I would be more present here on Coruscant as the Empress. I thought perhaps it might be good for both of us if we could salvage something. You know . . . be friends.”

“Yes, you told me.”

“But I don’t think we can be friends. I thought we could but last night proved me wrong.”

“You mean—“

“That kiss. Ben, we can’t be friends. I know where that will lead.”

“Back to Tatooine,” he finishes dryly. “Do we have to talk about this now?” he complains bitterly. “I’m not in the mood for this. Not tonight.”

But she keeps talking. All the pretty words Rey has planned in advance escape her mind in the moment. She begins nervously babbling. “We’re a good team. You’re right about that. And it’s good for the galaxy and the Force. I don’t know if it will be good for us. But I guess all we can do is try, right?”

“What are you saying?” He’s lost in her words. “Spit it out, Rey,” he tells her, sounding annoyed.

“I’m not leaving. I’m going to stay.”

Kylo nods. “Yes, I got that part. I got the part about not being friends. So . . . what are you calling us now? What’s our current label?”

He’s not understanding what she’s saying. “I’m calling us husband and wife,” Rey tries to state it plainly. “Emperor and Empress.”

He blinks at her in confusion. Then, he scowls in frustration. It makes Rey feel like she is kicking him when he’s down. “I want to try again,” Rey stammers out. She’s getting frustrated now, too. They keep talking past one another. “I want to try again, if you still want to try again,” she grinds out. “I want us to be together.” 

That gets through. Ben’s eyes narrow with suspicion. “Are you sure?”

“No,” she admits. “No, I’m not sure at all.” Rey’s words rush out in a torrent. “I’m probably not the right girl for you. I can’t give you all the attention that you need. You need the nurturing, motherly type that will dote on you and stand by her man and that’s not me. That will never be me.”

“Rey—“

“And you’re the wrong guy for me. I’m independent and you’re needy in ways I’m not good at. You can be controlling, too. Even when you aren’t choking me, you can be a real asshole sometimes.”

“Rey—“

“Our politics aligns a little, but not much. And I think we view the Force very differently. I don’t think I will ever be much for organized religion the way you are. That’s just not me. I’m not much for institutions. The Force is a lot more personal for me. It’s about people”

“Rey—“

“So this could be a huge mistake. We could end up killing each other this time. Or, we could just make each other miserable and wish we could kill each other.” She pauses a moment to think. “Yeah, that last one is probably the way it will turn out.”

She finishes rambling now and stares at him expectantly. “So?”

Ben considers a long moment. “Is this because Nestor is dead? Because you feel sorry for me? Because you think I’m pathetic??” 

“A little,” she admits brutally. 

“At least you’re honest,” he remarks as he shoots her a cold look. “And what else is motivating this offer?”

Rey feels put on the spot. She’s uncomfortable now as she shifts her weight and searches for the right words. This is the perfect time for her to declare that she loves him. But she doesn’t. In typical Rey fashion, she is blunt. “Ben Solo, it’s hard to live with you, but it’s hard to live without you. And if you’re going to sleep in my bed anyway, then we might as well do this. You know . . . be lonely together like you suggested.”

It’s not the most romantic of speeches, but it is very sincere. Suddenly, Rey herself feels close to tears. Her face is hot. She’s not good with words and she’s never been much for grand declarations of sentiment. Can he see how uncomfortable this is for her? “I miss you,” the words escape her lips. “I miss us. Us the way we used to be.”

So it’s up to Ben to get to the heart of the matter. “I still love you,” he confesses. “I never stopped loving you. You know that, right?”

She nods. “I know.” Somehow, she’s always known.

He takes fast steps to face her now. “Forget the Force. Forget the politics. All I need to know is whether you will try to love me again.” His eyes search hers. “Can you do that with all that has happened? Because I don’t want a marriage of convenience for you that means something different for me.”

Rey swallows hard and answers, “I will try. But no murdering me again, got it?”

He nods.

“I mean it—you get a second chance but not third.”

“I learned my lesson.”

“Good. Then, we’re good.” Rey reverts to her haggling language from Jakku. “It’s a deal,” she decides. “Let’s do this.”

He nods slowly now, looking wary. “Alright. Let’s do this,” he breathes out.

“Uhm . . .” Rey isn’t sure what happens next. “Well, that’s settled then . . .” Her voice trails off awkwardly. But feeling like she should say something as Ben looms over her, Rey declares, “I guess we’re back together.” It comes out a little too brightly and too forced.

But apparently, that’s all he needs to hear. “Thank you,” he rasps. His dark eyes are boring into hers. He has never looked more vulnerable. “Thank you. I needed this. You don’t know how much I want this.” And then he abruptly tugs Rey down the hall to his bedroom. 

“What?? Now, Ben??” He shuts the door behind them and she whirls. “Now??”

“Yes, now,” he tells her as he dives for her mouth for a repeat of last night’s torrid kiss. When they finally come up for air, Ben assures her, “Nestor would approve.”

“Really?” She’s skeptical.

“Absolutely.”

“What about your shoulder?”

“It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Stop talking and kiss me.”

She does. And somehow this private reconciliation seems very life affirming in the context of a day filled with violent death. Today, a lot of things ended but two very important things began anew. The announcement of the Senate ushers in a new era for the galaxy, and her decision to stay marks a fresh start for them too. Few saw the Senate coming, and Rey herself didn’t see their reconciliation coming. But sometimes life changes fast. Usually it changes for the worse, but occasionally it changes for the better, too. 

He will rule the galaxy from his Imperial throne. She will preside over the Senate, acting as a public and private check on the Chosen One lest he lapse into tyranny. There is a lot to do, but together they will muddle through, Rey plans. With Hux gone, there is no one to stop them. And with Ben’s abiding faith and her grit, nothing feels impossible if they put their minds to it. Even somehow, someday maybe even balancing the Force. Whatever that means.

“I told you we are destiny,” Ben murmurs as he pulls her closer to him in bed. The rush of passion is through and they are content in the afterglow, lolling in each other’s arms. This is a reunion years in the making.

“That wasn’t destiny,” Rey pokes him. “That was you and I making a decision about our future. This was free will.”

“Go ahead and tell yourself that,” Ben answers smugly. “But I know the truth. The Force is with us.” 

THE END


	63. Chapter 63 End Notes

Hello and thanks for reading.  Here are some thoughts on this story to give some context. 

 

In this fic, I see Kylo as the more passive of the two lovers.  He basically lets Rey do what she wants on her terms all the time.  That doesn’t mean he doesn’t get angry about it.  But by and large, she controls the relationship.   Choking aside, Kylo is pretty passive even if he is her consistent pursuer.  I kind of like the idea of the mighty Kylo Ren being knocked off his stride by Rey.   That’s what she’s supposed to do in her role as consort--she challenges him.  But it doesn’t make for easy romance. 

 

I like having the characters’ personality traits at odds with their archetypes.  Kylo might be the Dark warrior but he is usually the conciliator vis a vis Rey.  She is the Light, but she’s not exactly approachable or forgiving in all things.  Rey is always the first one to light her sword and escalate the situation.  This is the characters’ life experience showing, not their Force.  Rey is scarred and distrustful from Jakku.  Kylo has only known conflict his whole life and he wants peace.  It’s also another aspect of the drive for balance within my characters.   These quirks might look like contradictions, but they are not.   

 

In this story, Kylo is fantastically flawed—and so is Rey.  For her part, Rey doesn’t know how to relate to people.  She sees most situations through the prism of Jakku, which is to say that she can be very antagonistic.  She constantly worries about her power in relationship to any situation.  That’s why she needs a weapon (her Jakku staff at first, then a lightsaber) in her hand.  It’s a holdover from days when no one took her seriously and everyone was a threat.  Rather ironically, there is not much compromise in Rey (or in her rebel friends for that matter). 

 

Rey also has real problems feeling emotions.  She quite literally runs away from emotional turmoil.  She can’t really handle it.  And that’s understandable because she’s never seen healthy relationships in her life.  But it’s an awkward fit with very emo-Kylo Ren.   He needs more from Rey than she can give.  He coaxes her into situations she needs to experience. 

 

Rey is pretty aggressive in the movies.  She starts pounding on Finn because BB8 thinks he stole Poe’s jacket.  Would you do this in real life?  Probably not.  Rey pounds Luke Skywalker with her staff and then lights a sword on him.  Again, it’s on behalf of someone else (this time Ben Solo) and there is no threat to her personal safety.  Seriously, Rey goes overboard very quickly.  She is the aggressor who escalates this situation.  I know this is all a plot device to demonstrate Rey’s fighting skill and make sure we all know that she’s a Strong Female Character.  But flip the gender and make the violence deadly force and you’ve got Kylo Ren.  Rey can be just as violent as he is.  She doesn’t see it that way, of course.  And that’s why in this tale Rey is always holding a weapon and lighting a sword.  She even chokes Hux.  All along, Rey demonstrates a lot of the same violent tendencies she faults Kylo for.  She definitely has a double standard.

 

After the choking incident, Kylo basically lets Rey live her life and gives her wide latitude---he very much sets her free hoping she will come back to him.  And . . . she doesn’t.  It takes some intervention from the Force and the new Senate to get Rey back around him again.   This version of Kylo is actually a lot less controlling than my Sith versions.  Sith Kylo can be a beast.  Contrast this Kylo with the _Fulcrum_ Kylo who beats up runaway Rey when she returns to him from the Resistance.  Or _The Chosen One_ ’s heartbroken Sith who locks runaway Rey in the basement but keeps coming by for late night chats because he just can’t stay away.  Sith Kylo is a man who succumbs to Darkness again and again even as he is drawn to the Light.  To love a Sith is a dangerous, toxic relationship where you usually lose.  There is a whole running theme in those stories about the doomed fate of being a Sith wife.   In _Son of Darkness_ , Kylo has mostly ceded control to the Force, hoping that somehow, some way the Force will bring Rey back to him. 

 

Politics is what separates our lovers in the beginning of this tale.  Once that gets resolved, their problem is themselves.   These are two very different people.  What do they have in common besides loneliness and the Force?  Their desire to do good and their extreme tendencies.  For different reasons, both Rey and Kylo are iconoclasts of the Force.  He wants to throw out the dogma of the past.  She doesn’t even bother to learn it, and relies on instinct instead.  Kylo turns out to be using the First Order to gain power.  He doesn’t believe most of their rhetoric and he’s not really looking to recreate the old Empire.  He wants better than that, and he betrays his supporters to get there.  Similarly, Rey likes the Resistance/Republic ideals but she isn’t ever a true believer in their cause.  Like Kylo, she betrays her supporters thinking she’s aiming for something better in the long run.   They both push for the middle, but they are duplicitous about it.   These two are a wily pair.

 

I love the idea of Kylo and the knights being on some sort of Force jihad.    Kylo is quite literally finishing what his grandfather started.   Anakin destroyed the Jedi and then destroyed the Sith.  But thanks to that manipulative lying Kenobi, Luke and Leia set out to rebuild the Jedi Order and the Republic.  If only Vader had lived to tell them a different version of the Jedi and the Republic as a counterpoint to Kenobi’s rose-colored glasses.   All was not right with either institution—thank you Clone Wars for showing just how fucked up, entrenched, and contradictory the Old Republic Jedi were.  Ahsoka sees it.  Anakin sees it.  So do other Jedi.  But they are powerless to change it.  Then along comes poor Luke who doesn’t know any better.  Of course, Luke fails.   It’s a spectacular failure in my version of the story, and it leaves Ben Solo adrift and on the run. 

 

Kylo says he’ll burn it all down, and he does.  Kylo destroys the Republic, beats the Resistance, and then starts to systematically undermine the First Order.   The Sith are gone, the Jedi are gone, and God the Force is on his side.  Kylo is the latest Skywalker prophet sent to save us all.  That twisted, strangely selfless altruism is the big hook of this version of Kylo.  I’ve written the Kylo Ren character lots of different ways.  But this version is sort of Martin Luther meets Napoleon meets Jesus.

 

If Dark is eternal and Light is eternal and neither can win, then what is the point of the fight?  If it’s a vicious cycle, then how can you end it?   That’s up for Kylo and Rey to figure out.  Can they do it?  It won’t be easy.  These two are going to continue to fight and hurt each other even as they love each other.   The push-pull of Reylo is their thing.  Conflict is the essence of their relationship, so you know it’s not going to be easy.  When the story ends, Kylo and Rey don’t have the answers.  They only have each other.  

 

I like that ending.  It’s how real life happiness works.  You commit to someone and you commit to some shared goals for the future and you hope for the best.  But there are no guarantees.  You plan to rely on each other and help each other.  Still, only time will tell if your life challenges will tear you apart or bring you together.  These Reylo lovers rush into something akin to an arranged marriage but they end up in a real marriage by the end.

 

This isn’t the first time I have written a Reylo marriage on the rocks.  In many ways, Part 5 is another version of the entire tale _Fulcrum 2_ , where our lovers are separated by a huge betrayal.   In that story, Kylo slowly comes to grips with what it means to be Snoke’s Apprentice and Rey comes to grips with the monstrous man she has married who loves her so completely that at the end of _Fulcrum_ he is driven to a horrific act.  (FWIW, I myself can’t read the end of _Fulcrum_ without bawling.)  Love on the Dark Side is intrinsically linked to tragedy, or as one often repeated theme of _Fulcrum_ goes:  “there are no happy endings on the Dark Side.”   But that doesn’t mean there isn’t reconciliation and love after all the drama.

 

Readers seemed to be in a big hurry to get Rey and Kylo back together in this fic.  I wasn’t.  I really wanted Rey to grow into her role as Empress and become an independent person with views on the Force and politics of her very own—i.e. not derivative of what Kylo has taught her.  This was important because I wanted to truly write Rey as an equal to Kylo.

 

I have written Rey the Empress several times now.   In the _Fulcrum_ stories, Snoke and Kylo rule the galaxy together and Rey is mostly interested in her family and children.  She’s made peace with the First Order politics in those tales, but she never quite adopts it for her own.  She’s more apolitical than anything.  She wants love and a family, and Kylo gives it to her.   All the way through the _Fulcrum_ tales, Rey’s loyalty is primarily for Kylo alone.   She shows up in fancy dresses as a prop now and then, but she is behind the scenes in a very traditional role.  It’s a critical role, however.  Because Rey keeps Kylo sane and grounded and he is lost without her.  She is the power behind the power.   But, as _Fulcrum 2_ makes very clear—Rey herself has no independent power.  The Dark Side patriarchy reigns and her role is as helpmate to the Sith, Force healer extraordinaire, and mother to little Skywalkers.  Snoke’s resurrected wife speaks the line that is the underlying conflict of that entire tale:  “there are no choices but [Snoke’s] choices.”

 

In _Ghosts/Chosen One_ , Rey sees all the drama with toxic Kylo and wises up.  She runs from being Empress.   But Kylo catches up with her years later and it’s ugly, especially since there is a kid involved.  Rey ends up the disgruntled Empress, more figurehead than anything.  She’s a tool for Kylo to manipulate the public and his political enemies.  Empress Rey is on board with this so she can hang around to help her very troubled teenage son who has more Force than brains, plenty of Skywalker patricidal leanings, and ambitions to be the next Darth Bane.  Ruling the galaxy isn’t really on Rey’s agenda.  She’s a mom.  Plus, the galaxy has a longtime acting First Lady in the incomparable Cesi Flick.  (Cesi fans, sorry I couldn’t manage to shoehorn her into this fic.  The snooty, effortlessly chic, and only superficially superficial Cesi is so much fun to write as a foil to Rey).

 

This time around, things are different.  In _Son of Darkness_ , Empress Rey is a true equal and peer.  Think the difference between Michelle Obama versus Angela Merkel.  Both are modern women with power and influence, but Merkel is the serious power player far more akin to Leia Organa in stature.  I deliberately omitted a baby from this tale to keep Rey’s focus on her work.  That plot device is a game changer in a fic just like it is in real life.  In this story, Rey wants a baby but she is by no means baby crazy.  Desire for a child to love was never going to be a motivator for her to reconcile with Kylo.  Rey has things to do for the galaxy before settles into motherhood.  And she and Kylo need a more solid relationship.  But this Rey is still very much looking for someone to love and be loved by. 

 

Fear of being alone is a big motivator for both lovers in this fic.  I think loneliness is the scourge of modern life.  For as interconnected as we are these days, a lot of those relationships are superficial.  Most Facebook friends are not all real friends.  Carefully curated social media accounts portray versions of ourselves that are not real.  Worse still, those venues can feed insecurities that isolate people further.  Plus, these days you don’t have to leave your house to shop or to get food or pretty much anything.  You can be a hermit, if you want.  That level of convenience has drawbacks.  This on-demand world with customizable everything can make us too choosy.  Too rigid.  Too intolerant to change or opposition.  You get used to having everything on your own terms.  You want people to be like that too. 

 

Anyhow, true long-term loneliness is something to justifiably fear.  It’s not emotionally or physically healthy to lack intimacy in your life.   Beware because in the span of about five years, basically everyone who is going to get married gets married.   Then, they start having kids.  If you are not in that same phase of life for whatever reason, you get a bit left behind.   I now know way too people who have never married and are not in a relationship.  There is real loneliness there.  So beware the FOBO mindset because it can get you firmly in FOMO territory later on.  Too many people I know attempted to create their lives and then go looking for a partner to slot into that vision.  No one wanted to ‘settle’ so to speak.  But relationships aren’t about finding the perfect person to fill the empty spot, they are about finding a person you can grow together with.   ‘Flawless’ doesn’t exist in real life and it never exists in my stories.  I reject it entirely as a goal.  My characters, like myself, are always looking for someone to embrace and accept them for who they are, with all their flaws and shortcomings.  

 

If there is an underlying theme of all my stories (Reylo and non-Reylo), it is characters striving to transcend their circumstances.  Sometimes it’s a slave or scavenger or other outsider who ultimately rises even though people might disdain them (Rey, Anakin, Eleena, Pell, Lord Malgus), or maybe a Force user who breaks free of the traditional teaching to question and evolve it anew (the Jedi Shan Damask, Ben Solo, Snoke, Lord Malgus), or perhaps an ordinary person without the Force who rises to heights of power they would never have dreamed of aspiring to (Chancellor Nestor Flick in _Ghosts/The Chosen One_ , Eleena Daru the accountant who becomes the warrior sidekick to a Sith), or often the Apprentice trying to shake off his overbearing master (Anakin, Kylo, Sidious).  Again and again, the struggle is for my characters to be more than the limits and expectations placed upon them.  But those circumstances leave their mark.  That’s why my characters can be crippled or humbled by their self-doubts and insecurities—see poor Rey forever scarred by Jakku, or Snoke’s former slave wife Pilar who can’t stop wearing a version of her slave collar even if it’s now made of diamonds.  My characters don’t always succeed in their struggle or if they do, they pay a heavy price—see Kylo in _Fulcrum 2_ and Malgus in _Darker_.  But sometimes they do in spectacular fashion.

 

This tale is not canon.  It’s fan fiction.  So don’t stress over it.   I hold a mirror up to Star Wars and often see the converse of what you’re supposed to see.  Is it subversive?  Maybe sometimes.  But I prefer to think of it as ‘from a certain point of view . . . ‘  The real world works like that too.  Your perspective colors everything.  Who you are and what you’ve seen and done shapes your attitudes on many things.   It’s why we will never be a society devoid of race, class, and gender.  Because the differences between us matter and they cannot be swept aside with generalizations and platitudes.   I just read a Wall Street Journal article on the failure of massive EU spending to unify the continent.  Throwing money at the problem isn’t the answer, apparently, because people want to cling to their differences on a large scale.  Those differences are part of a cultural identity that people want to retain.   Those differences are also the challenge to finding common ground and understanding.   Tolerance seems in short supply these days.  It’s like the internet trolls are winning, because their invective has poisoned everything.  People are so angry.  It’s dispiriting. 

 

Some of that frustration found its way into this fic.  But there is far less politics in _Son of Darkness_ than in stories like _Immune to the Light_.  There’s less sex here than in other tales, less violence too.  All in all, this story is pretty tame for me.   I’m too close to it now to judge its success.  I have written a lot of Reylo.  Each story has a different take on the lovers, even if there are common themes.  Some stories succeed more than others.  A few stories I would prefer to forget.  _Ghosts of the Past/The Chosen One_ are still hands down the very best of my catalog.  Seriously, _Ghosts_ is on a different level than pretty much anything I have written, even with the Sith kitty bit from Snoke.

 

This story grew out of _Tied on a String_ , specifically the epilogue in which Kylo learns what he knows all along—that you cannot thwart your destiny.  (The epilogue to _Tied on a String_ completely changes the meaning of that story.  It’s more like an optional ending than an epilogue.)   That same ‘destiny wins’ theme became the mindset of this version of Kylo.  This Kylo is a man who’s trying to fulfill his destiny instead of raging against it.  He knows what Anakin and Luke did not:  that he is far more of a tool than an independent actor.   Kylo accepts this completely.  Rey kinda, sorta gets there. 

 

I think I’m done with Reylo for the foreseeable future.  I feel like I have written all I need to say about Reylo.  And, frankly, I want more mature characters to write.  Look, maybe Kylo is the Star Wars version of Alexander, but thirty is far too young to be ruling the galaxy.  And Rey at nineteen has very little life experience outside of Jakku and no sophistication or education.  That’s not a recipe for success in the real world. But hey, it’s Star Wars.   Maturity is apparently unnecessary to the plot.  Or maybe, it impedes it.  I’m not sure.  Leia Organa as a Senator at age 20 and her teenage mother queen making decisions during the Invasion of Naboo are ridiculous, too.  So, there’s canon precedent for all this silliness.

 

The problem is that characters so inexperienced and immature are rarely very interesting to me unless they are in extraordinary situations like Kylo and Rey.  Hear me out young ones, since I’m pushing mid-life now.  Being nineteen—Heck, maybe even being thirty these days—is still very much about potential.  And, quite frankly, I have fallen out of love with potential.  I care less about what people might become and more for what people actually do become.  I’m also getting bored with writing about young people who have enormous unearned power and outsize influence.  I want to write people with skin in the game and a lot to lose.   They are still striving for things but there are boundaries and limitations and obstacles that are not of their own making.  That is the real world for most people.  Our choices are finite, our decisions have ramifications.   There might be second chances but they must be earned.  Do you want to know when you get interesting as a person?  It’s when you have committed to a person or to a path or to a cause and suddenly there is real jeopardy if you fail.  When there are people depending on you and lives and futures and institutions hang in the balance.   You can’t be a tragic hero at age 30.  Seriously, you have to be at least age 40.  Anyone who crashes and burns before that is just a failure--not a tragic failure.  There is a difference between unrealized potential and squandered potential.  One is commonplace and the other is Shakespearean in its pathos.

 

I’m also over this ‘balance of the Force’ business.  Bring on the Sith!  Where are my Dark Side anti-heroes with all their toxic masculinity and masterclass level sarcasm and shade?  They make no apologies for who they are and what they want.  Force lightning is just the beginning of their neat tricks.  These men have evil swagger in spades and the wardrobe of black armor, helmets, and capes to do it justice.  The worst thing that can happen is not that they die, but that they die irrelevant.  They are a competitive bunch, you see.  Glory in the Force and glory in battle are all the bragging rights that matter.  So, I’m thinking I will turn to some old school Sith tales next.  Malgus, of course, but maybe Bane too.  Perhaps Revan.  Something pre-prequels for sure and, as always, from the Dark point of view.

 

Next up, I will finish DARKER.  For the record, the ending (you all know the ending, right?) will NOT be a rehash of Kylo choking Rey in this fic.  The truth of Darth Malgus and his beloved will not be the legend that gets handed down.  Lord Malgus is the master strategist of the Sith Empire and he’s no fool.  He knows he has a stake in everyone thinking he is a ruthless betrayer.  But that will not be the truth of the matter.  The Old Republic and the Jedi might be Lord Malgus’ stated enemies, but that ambitious _novus homo_ with a chip on his shoulder and amazing Force has many on his own side rooting for him to fail.  FYI, I may take the existing chapters of DARKER down to edit and rewrite them a bit—I’m not sure.  But you may see that fic disappear and come back.  So, for my handful of readers who enjoy more than just Reylo, stay tuned for more.


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